#413: Hey Riddle Riddle: Season Three

Summary

Podcast Summary: Hey Riddle Riddle #413 – Hey Riddle Riddle: Season Three

Date: June 17, 2026
Hosts: Adal Rifai (A), Erin Keif (B), John Patrick Coan (JPC/C)
Main Theme:
The launch of “Season Three” of the long-running improv-meets-puzzle podcast, with the crew reflecting on their past, satirizing self-promotion, debuting ridiculous “expansion” plans (Bandcamp rap album, OnlyFans), and—true to form—going off on tangents, in-jokes, and character bits while solving riddles.

---

Season Three Kickoff: Nostalgia & Satire

[01:57–07:25]

• The episode opens with the announcement that after over 200 episodes, they are now “officially” in Season Three.

  • JPC: “It’s a momentous day because today is the start of season three of Hey Riddle Riddle.” (02:01)

• They poke fun at their loose sense of “seasons,” blaming scheduling mishaps (Adal’s baby) for delays.

• Hosts humorously question if Season Two suffered a “sophomore slump”; instead, they riff on album metaphors and self-congratulatory nonsense.

  Erin: “Pretty famously, people get flack for their second albums being bad.” (04:01)
  JPC: “We’re like The Strokes right now.” (04:07)
  Adal: “In that we’re masturbating.” (04:13)

---

Revisiting Past Characters—And Not-So-Fond Memories

[05:00–07:26]

• JPC points out that for Season Two, the other hosts briefly played recurring characters (“Pistache LaRue,” “Boingo Calhoun,” “Veronica Peppermintz,” “Nassim Harmonica”).
• Adal and Erin barely remember, underlining their “commitment” to bits and improv, with light self-mockery.
  • Adal: “I remember where my desk was in the apartment that I’m still in...” (05:00)
  • JPC: “You guys didn’t commit 100%. That’s just the facts.” (05:33)
• JPC blames himself for the failed characters, moving on with “no more lay-ons.”

---

New Season, New Gimmicks: Bandcamp & OnlyFans

A. Bandcamp Album Announcement

[07:37–14:34]

• JPC unveils a “Hey Riddle Riddle” album on Bandcamp: it’s a compilation of Erin Keif’s “best” improvised raps from the show’s history.
  • JPC: “I have created a hip hop album... all isolated vocals of Erin Keif rapping throughout the history of our show.” (08:34)
  • Erin is mortified and disbelieving: “I’m gonna jump out the window. I cannot do this.” (09:03)
• JPC insists the album is 41 minutes long, will sell for $10, and needs a rap persona for Erin: “Queen Queefleafa” or “Aaron the Scallion.”
  • The group riffs on which is worse (they’re both terrible).
  • Adal: “I think you gotta go queen.” (10:07)
  • Erin: “Aaron the Scallion is so weird, and I’m... attracted to that one but... how do I shut this whole thing down?” (10:19)
• To her horror, JPC also claims to have commissioned original beats for her, with a real Chicago hip hop producer (“Wamp” or “W amp”) making tracks for Erin’s new material.

Notable Bit: Erin’s Cease and Desist

[13:19]

• Erin improvises a call to Adal as her “lawyer,” requesting a cease-and-desist against JPC for using her voice in the album.
  • Adal (as lawyer): “I’m not fully a lawyer and I’m also not quite a doctor. But I could remove a cyst from someone who’s deceased.” (13:45)

B. Erin Freestyles on the Spot

[16:45–18:41]

• Under mild protest and much mockery, Erin does a live freestyle over a new beat, adopting the persona “Aaron the Scallion.”
• Memorable lines:
  • “My name is Aaron the Scallion, and I’m gonna send out my best battalion. That’s a bunch of soldiers to rap for me. All these short soldiers are getting older just like me.” (17:05)
  • “JPC sucks so bad. I cannot believe he became a dad.” (18:13)
• Erin’s real-time embarrassment and the connection issues (“my internet’s coming in and out, I sound like a robot... it sounds so funny”) is itself a running gag.

C. “Expanding the Brand”—OnlyFans Announcement

[19:21–22:42]

• JPC trolls again: Hey Riddle Riddle “now has an OnlyFans.” Clarifies it's not just p*rn—other comedians are on there.
  • JPC: OnlyFans is “not just a place where you can stick a flute in your pussy.” (08:16)
  • Erin: “Is that what happens? Yeah. Right. No, no. Is it a clarinet, Erin?”
• JPC’s “business plan”:
  • Adal does “Rate My Pussy”—reviewing cat pictures for $10 (not what it sounds like).
  • Erin offers “one foot” photos, or “parts of my body that are not inherently sexual, like an ankle or elbow,” behind a paywall—dressed in Victorian ghost-style attire.
  • Erin: “I will pose in more clothes than I normally wear... look like a Victorian ghost.” (23:10)
  • JPC: His OnlyFans will be “straight up lewd content,” but then immediately backpedals, continuing the bit.

---

JPC’s Demographic Riff: “Who Does the Show Appeal To?”

[25:41–29:03]

• A classic JPC monologue enumerating the most bizarre, oddly specific “listener demographics” he claims to personally appeal to—mixing parody, absurdism, and wordplay.
  • Good sample:
    JPC: “Horse whisperers, swine tasters—aka hogmeliers, three-toed sluts, armadildos, beaver-pelters, platypussy-eaters, sextuplets, sexy triplets, suck puppets, size queens, dong duchesses...” (26:05+)
• Erin and Adal challenge his “reach,” mock the idea that anyone listens for JPC rather than themselves.

---

Improv, Riddles & Scenes

Performance Review & Riddle Transition

[37:24]

• Erin mock-conducts JPC’s performance review, asking what he’s most proud of—JPC responds with a listener’s riddle.
  • Sample Riddle: “I suck on your thumb while you gouge out my eyes, then I will go and beat up ten guys.”
  • Answer: Bowling ball (38:39)

Scene: Hand (Adal) and Bowling Ball (JPC) run into each other after a “romantic” night at the bowling alley.
- JPC: “Everything else is my ass. So when you’re touching me, it’s either one of my holes or my ass.” (41:31)

---

More Riddles (with Tangents)

[43:00–66:00]

• The cast works through a series of listener riddles, many with puns or double meanings, each devolving into improv scenes, weird wordplay, or meta-commentary.
  • Riddle: “I am a letter, I am a change, I am a wing. What am I?”
    Answer: Delta (as in the Greek letter, a change in math, and a wing shape/airline).
  • Riddle: “With three letters I am in action; add another and I call upon one; all five letters transport the bacon.”
    Answer: “Bring” (as in bring home the bacon; exploring “ing,” “ring,” etc.)
  • Riddle: “Shorter than my sisters, but taller in loyalty; you can sometimes find me pressing a key.”
    Answer: Pinky (finger).

Scene: Pinky and Thumb (Erin and JPC) debate what to do on their day off, exploring the personalities of each finger. (57:07)

---

Wild Tangents & Satirical Bits

• The episode is full of ongoing running absurdities:
  • Bandcamp album and “producer drama”
  • Mock business models for their podcast
  • Elaborate, absurd demographic lists (26:05, 73:17)
  • Erin threatening to show her butthole on (fake) OnlyFans, then declaring, “I would absolutely get rid of my butthole. It does not spark any joy.” (62:44)
  • Adal references the “Wright Brothers” biography and jokes about “gay Wright brothers.”

---

Listener Voicemail Theme and Q&A: Interview Horrors

[67:19–69:07]

• Listener Ambrose sends a “Hey Riddle Riddle” themed voicemail asking for the crew’s worst interview blunders.
  • Erin: “I told Lorne Michaels we were both Scorpios—and he said, ‘Okay.’ And then I said, ‘I mean, it doesn’t matter, but we are both Scorpios.’” (67:57)
  • JPC: Has never had a bad interview; has gotten every job.
  • Adal: Remembers “dropping in” to places to ask for jobs—a lost art.
  • Erin: Shares a disastrous nanny interview where she was unknowingly suffering ovarian torsion, not a hangover, and ended up in the hospital. (70:34)

---

Notable Quotes & Moments

• JPC: “It’s not just a place where you could stick a flute in your pussy.” (08:16)
• Erin: “I’m gonna jump out the window. I cannot do this.” (09:03)
• Adal (Lawyer): “I’m not fully a lawyer and I’m also not quite a doctor. But I could remove a cyst from someone who’s deceased.” (13:45)
• Erin (rapping): “JPC sucks so bad. I cannot believe he became a dad.” (18:13)
• JPC (Demographics): “Baronesses of balls, Lotion smoothers... Comics Unleashed Fartographers (make maps out of farts).” (26:05+)

---

Key Timestamps for Segments

• [01:57] Official Season Three announcement
• [07:37] Bandcamp album for Erin’s raps revealed
• [13:19] Erin calls Adal/Lawyer for cease and desist
• [16:45] Erin’s live freestyle (“Aaron the Scallion”)
• [19:21] OnlyFans announcement bit
• [25:41] JPC’s “demographics” monologue
• [37:24] Performance review/first riddle
• [41:00–66:00] Series of riddles, scenes, tangents
• [67:19] Listener voicemail theme, interview stories

---

In Summary

Season Three launches with classic Hey Riddle Riddle energy: self-deprecation, meta-humor, and escalating bits about “expanding the brand”. While never far from a riotous tangent or in-character roast, the crew delivers improvisational takes on puzzle-solving, satirizes the performative nature of podcasting, and keeps the show’s spirit alive by rarely taking the riddles—or themselves—seriously.

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This detailed summary provides a thorough breakdown of the episode’s structure, key discussion points, standout quotes, and the natural flow of improvisational and comedic conversation among the hosts.

Transcript

[A]

This is a Headgum podcast.

[B]

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[C]

Adol.

[B]

Aaron, it is, first of all an absolutely fantastic day. I'm in a great mood. How are you guys doing?

[C]

Good. A little suspicious now.

[A]

Yeah, I was great before you said that. And now I feel fear. Like cold. Like when your bones get cold and the hair in the back of your neck stands up.

[B]

Okay. Don't necessarily know the feeling of bones getting cold. Don't have all the requisite parts to feel that specific feeling.

[C]

Do you wash your bones? Hold on. Jpc. Do you wash your bone?

[A]

Oh, my God. Ew. Do you not wash your bones?

[C]

You don't take out your bones and wash them.

[A]

Your teeth are your bones.

[B]

I've heard if you exfoliate your bones too much, they actually degrade. So my bones may be even stronger than your guys bones because I don't wash them every day.

[A]

That's a myth.

[C]

That's a myth.

[B]

That's a lot.

[A]

You wash them in milk every day. Go ahead. What were you saying? What were you saying about you having a good day and us being guys?

[B]

It's a momentous day because today is the start of season three of. Hey, Riddle, Riddle.

[C]

What the what?

[B]

Yeah, it's been about 200 episodes since season two started up. So it's season three. Isn't that great?

[A]

That. Wouldn't that have been like 213 episodes ago? I feel like you're 13 episodes late to whatever this bit is.

[B]

No, it's supposed to be 2. It was supposed to be 208, but then Adol had a baby or whatever. The schedule got a cut. We had to record a bunch ahead of time. But everybody's back. Adol, confirm that you're alive.

[C]

Here.

[A]

Present.

[B]

That could have been any number of things from my soundboard. That's not necessarily great. Let's see.

[C]

I dick like a picnic.

[A]

Don't. You can't just play. You cannot do this. We have to make A rule. You cannot just play sound clips without our consent.

[B]

And I'll clip that for later. And you're right, because that's some season two behavior. But before we get into season three, guys, I gotta just. I want to congratulate the two of you on an outstanding season two. Season two, and I'm looking at the numbers right now. Was one of our best seasons yet.

[A]

And what numbers are you quantifying that?

[B]

I'm looking at. Aaron. I'm looking at almost all the numbers.

[A]

I think you just googled numbers. This is not. What do you mean? It's our best season yet.

[B]

I'm looking at numbers one through nine. And if you can think of a number that I can't make with those numbers, then I defy you to name that number now.

[A]

0.

[B]

Fuck my shit up completely. Well, some cultures don't have a concept of zero anyway. Which cultures? Good ones. The best.

[C]

And do the voices.

[B]

Well, that's. That's the thing I want to talk to you guys about.

[A]

You don't think we had a sophomore slump for season two?

[B]

No. Season two was all gas, no breaks. It was. Like I said, it was one of our best seasons. One of our most favorited seasons.

[A]

Pretty famously, people get flack for their second albums being bad.

[C]

It works nine years on their first album and then eight months on their second. But we're like the Strokes right now.

[A]

Well, it turns out in that we're masturbating. We're stroking ourselves.

[B]

Yeah. And season three, we're finally gonna come. Unless workshop taglines. There are no bad ideas for season three.

[A]

No. That's great by me. Signed off by Aaron. We're finally gonna come.

[B]

Compliment sandwich time for you guys. Obviously, season two great success expanded our listenership massively. But you guys did not necessarily hold up your part of the bargain because I don't know if you remember, but you were both replaced for season two with new characters. This was. Hey, you should remember this. This was only four years ago. Do you guys ever remember your characters at all?

[A]

I remember where my desk was in the apartment that I'm still in. It was in the kitchen when we recorded this episode.

[B]

That's good.

[A]

And it was Pistache Larue, a horrible woman who slaps people with her glove.

[C]

And I was Boingo Calhoun, a. I want to say lizard in a two piece bathing suit. Yeah.

[A]

Cowboy hat you would buy on a bachelorette party trip. I think we nailed that.

[B]

Also, you guys were, of course, Veronica Peppermintz and Nassim Harmonica, two classic characters.

[A]

Who?

[B]

I'll be honest. You guys didn't commit to 100%. That's just the facts, okay? This is not a judgment call. That's just the facts. And honestly, I put that on me because many people don't know I was the originator of Veronica Peppermints and Nasim Harmonica. Those were characters.

[A]

But I went to go vote this week. My name was under Veronica Peppermint. So. What do you mean? I didn't commit.

[C]

And this morning I went, allah.

[B]

Well, okay, so you know what? Then it's not on you at all. It's 100% on me. And I apologize. Season three. I want to go back to what made the show great in the first place at all. Aaron and jpc, we're getting the band back together. Okay? No more lay ons. We're just gonna be just like the Strokes.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

We're just like the Strokes. We're starting from a Casablancaslate, and we are. Is that the guy from the Strokes?

[C]

Julian Casablancas.

[B]

Great. Julia. Tabula Rosa. And we are going back to what made us great in the beginning. And that's just the three of us. Our dynamic, our energy. No characters, no lay ons. But as you know. No, it's not a trap. There's no traps here. We are in season three now, and we do have to. What was the whole point of season two? A clean reset point to have fun and make friends. I don't know. Yeah, I'll give you space. What did you think it was?

[C]

Study hard. Work hard.

[B]

Study hard. Work hard.

[A]

I thought it was to sort of brainstorm on capturing new demographics.

[B]

Exactly. Expanding the market, expanding the target audience of the show so that we can bring new people in to a show that I gotta say, is very good, very funny, very entertaining, and I think people will really like, and people have been craving for these past 4ish years a jumping off point where they can start and just start a new launch into it.

[A]

I see.

[B]

All right, so since we're not doing characters this year. Aaron, perfect. You're back. Don't change the thing.

[A]

Okay, great.

[B]

We are going to start expanding in other areas. So I was thinking about it, and it's like, you know, honestly, we put up the show, we put up the podcast every week, but we don't always jump on, like, the newest technology to, like, really push, you know, the podcast out to the places that I think it could go. And we're really. Honestly, we're, you know, we're hiding our talents under a bushel basket. Which is why Aaron we as the podcast hey, Riddle Riddle. Now, certain aspects of this I'm going to delegate to the two of you. But the podcast. Hey, Riddle Riddle. We now have a band camp. Are you guys familiar with band camp

[C]

from this one time at Bandcamp?

[B]

Yeah. It's not just a place where you could stick a flute in your pussy. It's also.

[A]

Is that what happens? Yeah, Right. No, no. Is it a clarinet, Aaron?

[C]

What, you think in American Pie someone gets a flute in their pussy?

[A]

Don't do this. I'm easily tipped over. I'm easily tipped over.

[B]

Ate the pussy. Is that something? Yeah, Aaron, it's not just that. Bandcamp is a place where artists, musicians can put up albums of their work and sell them to the general public. Now, hey, Riddle Riddle has an album live on Bandcamp. The link is going to be in the description. I have created a hip hop album that is all isolated vocals of Aaron Keefe rapping throughout the history of our show.

[A]

I'm gonna jump out the window. I cannot do this.

[B]

People can buy the album for $10.

[A]

No, no. JPC. You're doing a bit.

[B]

It is, Aaron. It is 41 minutes of music. I think it's Aaron. I think it's some of your best stuff.

[C]

Now, that's what I call Aaron.

[B]

Now, Aaron, let's talk. Because I think this is great. I think this is great. Now, the one thing I haven't done, Aaron, if you're my neighbor, I'm not

[A]

really asking for help. I just hate my coworker so much.

[B]

The one thing I have not done yet, Aaron, is I have not given you a name. Because this album I believe I'm gonna call hey, Riddle Riddle. But you need a character, your rap Persona. So I'm gonna give you a choice. I've got two. You can be Queen Queefleafa or. Or you can be Aaron the Scallion. Now which one. Which one sounds better to me?

[A]

Stallion.

[B]

Yeah, Aaron. Thee, Scallion. Or.

[C]

I love that you changed stallion to stallion, but you still put the emphasis on the.

[B]

The Aaron the Scallion or Queen Keef Leafa? Which one would you rather be?

[C]

I know my choice.

[B]

Oh, what's your choice? Adol.

[C]

I think you gotta go queen.

[A]

Don't play the queen.

[B]

Fly.

[C]

I go queen. Queen. I think you gotta go quickly.

[A]

Okay, so Eren the Scallion is so weird. And I have. So I'm attracted to that one. But how do I. I'm trying to look for the button of shutting this whole thing down.

[B]

No.

[A]

Well, we don't See, a big red button.

[B]

We're cross purposes there because we can't be shutting this whole thing down because we actually need to push this whole thing out to as many people as possible. And people are gonna find this Bandcamp album, but they're gonna hear Aaron's flows and Aaron's raps and think like, I famously can't.

[A]

I famously can't. I can't rhyme. I can't rap.

[C]

Aaron, don't talk about my friend that way. You rhymed pronto with Toronto.

[A]

I think I said JJ made of hay, couldn't go to the bonfire. It's the only good poem I ever did right. I can't rhyme. I'm not getting any better at it. I only have gotten worse. You cannot put this out into the world. What if I have a kid one day and then they decide to Google me? What then?

[C]

Aaron, you're like old dirty bastard, famously named thus because he had no influences.

[B]

And isn't that true, Aaron?

[A]

I have no influences because I'm so bad at this. I never paid attention to people who are good at rapping enough, obviously, to get to take any tips or tricks from them. All you do is to. I need my lawyer.

[B]

You don't need to judge your own art. Leave that to the people that buy the album. And listen, all you need to do is worry about creating because you're creative. Let me worry about the rest of it, okay?

[A]

No.

[B]

And I will protect you from any of the negative aspects of it, believe me. Okay. I'm a record producer at this point. I am.

[C]

Whoa.

[A]

Uh huh. Sure.

[B]

I've produced a record.

[A]

Yep.

[C]

He's taking out a cigar and he's putting it in the trash. Okay. Yeah.

[B]

Still not his window. Light it.

[A]

I'm calling my lawyer. I'm calling.

[B]

The album that you have on there is great and I love it. I've listened to it. It's very fun to me.

[A]

Sorry. I'm so sorry. I am calling my lawyer. I'm just waiting for him to pick up.

[C]

Hi, this is Adel. I'm away from my phone, so please leave a message.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Okay, my lawyer is ignoring my phone calls. I will try again in a second.

[B]

But, Erin, I know that you were talking about this Aaron, about the sophomore slump, you know, season two, season three. Your next album has to be Absolute Fire. So the other thing that I done on your behalf is I have contacted a hip hop producer in Chicago. I've been scouring the Chicago hip hop subreddit. I don't know. This gentleman's Name is either Wamp or W amp. I'm not really sure which one it is, but we have been in contact. I have paid him to create some beats for you, so. Oh, I'm sorry. Adult. You taking a call?

[C]

Yeah, I had a missed call. I have to call one of my clients.

[B]

Okay, yeah, no worries.

[C]

Which just sucks because I always tell her, don't call when I'm recording. Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up.

[B]

Oh, is it on speaker? Because it would be nice to hear the ringing in that part.

[A]

Hello?

[C]

Hi, is this Aaron the Scallion?

[A]

Yes, Adol. Thank you so much for taking my call. I am looking to send in a ceased and desist to John Patrick Cohen, my co worker. I don't want him to get to use my voice or my likeness or any of the content I made on. Hey, Riddle, Riddle. To make a rap album, could you draft a cease and desist to send him and then serve him.

[C]

Okay, here's the thing is I'm not fully a lawyer and I'm also not quite a doctor. So what I could do is I could remove a cyst from someone who's deceased.

[A]

Okay. I'm going to figure. I think that will help and I'm going to call you back and I'm going to let you know that's for the best.

[C]

Thank you.

[A]

Okay, thank you.

[C]

That'll be $500.

[A]

Okay. Oh my God. I told my lawyer I loved him. I'm so embarrassed.

[B]

Wamp or W amp? Aaron, he's been very lovely. We've been working back and forth. He by the way, loves what you do because I sent him the album. I kind of explained to him the idea. He's a big fan.

[A]

So this is already really in motion.

[B]

Oh yeah. It's almost unstoppable. He has made some beats for you. So you're gonna have brand new beats custom made by a Chicago real Chicago hip hop producer.

[C]

Should we save this for the 250th parade or whatever? Aaron, are you playing that?

[A]

Yeah, I'm doing it for free though, because I just really want to hang out with all of those very cool, very fun people.

[B]

Did it like all of them cancel? All of them cancel on that? No. Yeah, it's very exciting news, Aaron. But I thought. And again, your magic, the magic of your rapping comes from freestyle. I thought that I've already given one of those files over to Casey. We're gonna load up your brand new beat and then.

[A]

Oh, so I have to rap now?

[C]

You get to rap, you get to.

[B]

Thank you, Adol. The fucking Adol gets you.

[A]

So you're not using my old raps here.

[B]

No, that's your first album. We have to also cut your second album because, you know, money doesn't sleep. Aaron, I'm not sure if you think. If you're under the impression that money sleeps. It does not.

[C]

It also doesn't grow on trees.

[A]

I'm trying to sign into my docusign to bring up the cease and desist, all right?

[B]

And as is Aaron's want Adol, we're gonna turn off our videos for this so Aaron can rap.

[A]

Oh, my God. It's happening now.

[B]

Yeah, well, there's no time to present. Hey, Aaron, just think Adam's up next. Just think Adol's up next. So what's it gonna be for him, you know?

[C]

Aaron, rhyme with docusign.

[B]

Okay, so, Aaron, whenever you're ready. Casey, go ahead and hit it.

[A]

Wait, what am I rapping about? Give me something to rap about.

[C]

Rapping. Rap about rapping.

[A]

This is the same beat.

[C]

No, it's different.

[A]

This is the same one.

[C]

This is different.

[B]

That's different.

[C]

Aaron. There's went dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. And this one goes dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.

[B]

Aaron Brown.

[A]

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

[C]

Oh, her famous catchphrase.

[A]

Hold on, guys.

[B]

Hold on, hold on, hold on. Casey, we gotta case Kasey.

[C]

Hold on, hold on. That's like her or her.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay, Casey, let's hit that track again. Let's give Aaron a second bite at the apple.

[A]

Here we go.

[B]

Go, Eric. Hold on.

[A]

Here we go. I'm waiting for. That's a game of double Dutch.

[C]

Ready?

[B]

Nope.

[A]

I'm about to put myself on the map and I'm about to rap about rap. My name is Aaron the Scallion, and I'm gonna send out my best battalion. That's a bunch of soldiers to rap for me. All these short soldiers are getting older just like me. It's been 10 years on the show. Wait, it's just been eight, though. They're just aging me faster and faster. These jerks make me so tired I'm feeling especially wired I'm drinking coffee at my desk My Internet's cutting in and out. I can't shout. I can't do anything you shout to clean. JPC is mean. Adam is nice. Oh, wait, I'm not done.

[B]

No, Aaron, that's. Oh, there we go.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

It's okay. It's okay.

[A]

No, no, no. What do you mean it's not. I'm.

[B]

It's not.

[A]

Okay. I'm not done. Keep going.

[B]

Okay, good.

[A]

And the scallion. What's up, y'? All? I love onions, and I'm about to wrap. JPC sucks so bad. I cannot believe he became a dad. And someone has to have him as a dad. That's gonna be a long, long life. And you know what? I feel bad for his wife. Mariah deserves better than that. I'm a buyer. A brand new hat. Shooba doo. Shooba. You shuba me. I'll kick your ass. I'll kick your ass so damn hard. Fuck you, man. I'm gonna make your wife fall in love with me, and we're gonna leave together. Fuck you, Aaron. The scallion,

[B]

Aaron. I think that's pretty great. I think the second album that you drop, I think is gonna be your best one.

[A]

How the bait and switch of that sounding like a different beat is so fucking funny. Also, guys, this is just the funniest possible bit for my Internet to be coming in and out, and I sound like a robot. To me, every five seconds. It sounds. I wish you guys could hear what I hear. It sounds so funny.

[B]

Well, Erin, I think that you did great. You have a lot of time to workshop kind of the specifics of what you're going for. But that's not it. I mean, that's us expanding into the world of music. But I want the show to expand even more than that.

[A]

Oh, you don't want me to do it again?

[B]

No, you don't need to. I mean, of course, over the course of season three, you'll be doing it a bunch of times, most likely. But in season two, I. You know, we had these characters in season three. It's all about outreach through platforms, which is why I have signed us up for some new platforms that are going to help expand our reach. Now, the first one. Are you guys familiar with the platform? Only fans.

[C]

No.

[A]

I wouldn't have ever heard of anything like that before. Squeaky. Squeaky. Squeaky. I don't know.

[C]

Squeaky?

[A]

Yeah, I'm unfamiliar.

[B]

Squeaky.

[A]

Squeaky.

[B]

Now, I bet. I bet you think, like most people do, big misconception that OnlyFans is a sex only website. Is a website for people who are performing sex acts to find their clientele that way. Well, guess what? You'd be. You'd be wrong. You'd be dead wrong.

[C]

What?

[B]

Did you know that there are many, many comedians on OnlyFans?

[A]

What?

[B]

Including Whitney Cummings and others.

[C]

I mean, it's in the name.

[B]

It's in the name.

[A]

I'm waking up EA Sports in my nap gonna write a rap gonna.

[B]

You keep working on that. So Hayward Overland now has an OnlyFans. Again, that link will be in the Description. Now, again, OnlyFans is a website where we can do anything that we want. We can sell any kind of services that we want.

[C]

There's a fee.

[A]

I was gonna say, if I put one. My worst foot, my uglier foot on there, can it be behind a bonus paywall on there?

[B]

Oh, it's definitely a paywall. I mean, we're trying to find people, but we're also, you know, we're trying to get a little for mommy and Daddy as well. You know, we're not doing this for free. The main show is for free. You know, but I wanted to give us the opportunity. It does not have to be, you know, solo masturbation videos or whatever. You can upload what you want to upload to this program, but I want to give you some jumping masturbation videos. So, Adol. Yeah, I was thinking for your kind of, you know, side of the OnlyFans business, it is because I'm trying to combine things that I know that you like and I know that you love and I know that you have a passion for. So your channel is going to be called Rate My Pussy. Now, this is going to be for users to submit pictures of their cats so that you can give honest reviews of what you think people's cats are and maybe even like, help them name their cats if their cats are looking for. Okay, I don't think this could possibly be.

[A]

Is there a quality control person that is going to be sifting through the pictures that misunderstand?

[B]

Ding, ding, ding. Volunteer alert. Aaron. Okay, so it sounds like Garrett's found her calling.

[C]

I'll name your pussy. Let me name your pussy.

[B]

So, yeah, so I mean, adol, you'll be doing Rate My Pussy. I assume that that's going to be a very profitable, profitable business line for us. And again, I think we should set it at something fair. $10 sounds like a good idea. People can submit those photos to you and then you can act accordingly. And again, I don't think it'll be misconstrued in any way. Okay, Aaron, sounds like you want to jump in on the One Foot One footage.

[A]

Yeah, I'll do One foot. But also, if people want to request parts of my body that are inherently not sexual, like an ankle or an

[B]

elbow part of the foot, you're gonna show foot, but no Ankle.

[A]

No, I'm gonna show. I'll show ankle.

[B]

Okay, okay.

[A]

I'll show things that would have been scandalous in, like, 1820.

[C]

Ooh.

[A]

Do you know what I mean?

[B]

Ooh.

[C]

Back of the neck.

[B]

Now foot. Aaron, you're not just showing foot, right? Give the people something. You're gonna be, like, squishing it into some, like, jelly gak.

[A]

No, you know what I will do? Gack on foot. I will pose in, like, more clothes than I normally wear. I'll be completely covered. And then people can. You can pay for those photos. Like, I will look like Victorian ghost completely covered. I will wear powder white makeup, sink my eyes even more. And so if you're into that type of thing.

[B]

And of course, for my channel, I'll be sucking and fucking and letting people fuck me and suck me into all of those things. Mine's just gonna be straight up Olivia's content.

[A]

Is it true that we have an OnlyFans? Are you pulling my leg?

[B]

It's time. We have a band camp and an OnlyFans, and those are the two big new entries into this. And of course, I'm joking. I won't be doing any of that because I. After crunching the numbers for myself, I have done nothing wrong. In fact, I have only increased our reach from season two. So there really is nothing more for me to do. Not an indictment of what you guys have done, just a cold material reality.

[C]

Now, speaking of new technologies, I do know that there's. Have you guys seen the video of that little robot dancing to Michael Jackson? And then he falls down and then he gets dragged off stage. It's the funniest video of all time.

[A]

I've not seen it.

[C]

I used to be scared of robots and that they were taking our job. And after seeing the video of a little robot dancing to Michael Jackson and falling down and not being able to work anymore, I think I like the little guys. I like the little guys.

[A]

I'm so excited to watch that video on our break.

[C]

It is the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life.

[A]

So, jpc, if hypothetically, the next time we record an. It's on a guest episode and I did a full episode with maybe no riddles. It's called the Sins of jpc. And I sort of take you to task and make you face your crimes. Sort of like putting a dog's face in their own throw up just so they know to not eat the cookies.

[B]

Can it be a play on the crimes of Grindelwald?

[A]

You don't know what that is.

[B]

No, I don't.

[A]

You don't know what that is.

[B]

And in fact I don't know what that is.

[A]

I think. I actually think you kind of have it backwards. I think Adel and I have been chugging along. We're interesting Dopamine, peppermints or whatever the fuck our name was.

[B]

No, I don't even remember.

[A]

We've been doing all the good stuff. And I would say can we revisit your list of demographics that you were trying that you said that you brought last time and I'll prove to you that you've completely lost all of them.

[B]

The demographic that I cover is male identifying and non binary People between the ages of 18 to 54 who have one, if not all of the following predilections and or perhaps versions. Mouth stuff, butt stuff, Back of the envelope stuff. Tub thumping, dry humping, wet clumping, clip. People who earnestly say that's so funny instead of laughing. Family Guy porn. Family porn for guys. Voyeurism, exhibitionism, patriotism, necromancy. Feeling fancy feeling up mannequins, Europilia, Eurovision Felia, Disney adultism. Hot wifing, Cool treating Dairy Queening, Spider worship. Saying wow. Like Owen Wilson. Rheumatoid arthritis, Perennium swiping, Doomsday prepping, tailgating Roblox Roadhead, Antique Roadshow head Treasure hunting. Renting Tom Holland's Uncharted for $1. Watching the whole thing and wishing we had that dollar back. Pickleback shots, Enjoying blowjobs, being a sexual Little Rascal and Reverse Farters. Without me, we lose all of those perverse. First of all, in season two, Aaron, not only did I not lose all of them, but I expanded our reach dramatically. And I guess if you're really challenging me, if you're calling me out on this, I have a brand new list of demographics of very specific fetish communities that I appeal to greatly. I will have you know I didn't want to have to pull this out, Aaron, but without me we would not have the following listener bases in these specific fetish communities. Horse whisperers, Swine tasters, AKA Hogmoliers, Three Toed Sluts, Armadildos, Beaver pelters, Platypussy eaters, Sextuplets, Sexy triplets, Suck puppets, Size queens, Dong duchesses, Cock countesses, Baronesses of balls, Lotion smoothers. That one's actually default to everyone. You have to turn it off in Settings. Lebanese Sisters, Geppetto Files, Wall E Girls, Mary Poppins, Boners, Captain Hookers, Comics Unleashed Fartographers People who make maps out of farts. Chasers, catchers, first base coaches, organ grinders, lollipoppers, subway sandwichers. People who mash up against each other on trains. Hornswogglers, horny swallowers, Greck and furries. Furbyfisters, hunting wives gathering, Milfs, K Cup Demon hunters, stay at home, Uncles, analgesicophants, grad students. That one's real. People living out the Plot to the Graduate, Russell Brand ambassadors, Russell Stoverstuffers and Femdom Torettos.

[C]

Yay.

[A]

I think that you're completely wrong.

[B]

Without me, Erin, we lose access to all of that.

[A]

You think that the Geppetto files are not here for adol? You're insane. You're insane. They're here for adol. It's about make yourself known in the comment.

[C]

I'm a real boy.

[B]

You don't have to. You don't have to make yourself known. Geppetophobia.

[A]

Make yourself known. Geppetophiles. We know you're out there, and we know you love adol.

[B]

Well, either way. Fuck either way.

[A]

Either way.

[B]

Look, all we know for sure, all we know is that your pedophiles are listening. That's all we know. That's all we know.

[A]

They're always listening, by the way. That's sort of part of their thing. Oh, my God. Okay, well, I don't even know what's left between your first list and this new list. Well, who do I bring to the table?

[B]

And I weeped for there were no more worlds to conquer, Aaron. That's what I'm saying. You're gonna bring a lot of people to the table with your bandcamp and your onlyfans. And that's good. And it's good for the whole podcast. It's all good. Right, Adol?

[A]

How should we do his performance review now?

[C]

Not while he's hosting the episode. I think that's when he has the most power. So I think we have to wait till he's not hosting, and that's when his powers diminish and we might be able to kill him like that witch.

[B]

Yeah, then I'll go to the west when my power's diminished.

[A]

Oh, yeah, I'll do an abridged one. Jpc, do you mind stepping into the office here with me and Adol?

[B]

Unfortunately, it is time to go on a little break. We still have advertisers, you know. Some things never change, Aaron.

[A]

So I'm gonna have security tackle you

[B]

for a little break.

[A]

We'll be back. Stop taking stuff off of people's desks and backing up after we still have

[C]

advertisers after saying japedophiles.

[B]

We have more. We even have more now. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Hey everybody, it's your old pal jpc and I want to talk to you about Squarespace, the all in one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or scaling your business, Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand and get paid all in one place. Now, I know what you're thinking. Jpc a wizard. Hit me with a stick. I have no idea what you're saying. It's all gibberish. Please explain in a way that makes me understand. Understand. Well, understand this. Squarespace has cutting edge designs. With their cutting edge design tools, anyone can build a professional online presence that perfectly fits their brand or business. You can choose from a library of professionally designed and award winning website templates. No matter where you start, your website is flexible to what you need. The intuitive drag and drop editing, beautiful styling options, unrivaled visual design effects, and more ways to list what you offer. No experience required. But I know what you're thinking. Jpc a wizard. Hit me with a stick. I don't have the ability to do that because my hands are now birds. Well, Squarespace has SEO tools get discovered fast with integrated Squarespace SEO tools, every website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions, an auto generated sitemap, and more. So you show up more often on search engines and bring in more of your ideal customers. And I know what you're thinking. I don't know who my ideal customers are because all I can talk to are squirrels and they are so sexist. Well, we can't help you with the squirrels, but what we can tell you to do is head to squarespace.com riddle for a free free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[A]

Sweater's so hot. Why am I wearing a sweater during the summer? Yeah.

[C]

Aaron pulls down sunglasses. Aaron, baby, get with the times. It's all right.

[A]

Cool vibe.

[C]

It's summer.

[A]

Ish.

[C]

Perhaps. And you have to go to Quints to get some lightweight, breathable quints. Wearables.

[A]

Oh, that sounds so nice. I love Quint's.

[B]

Yeah, everything at Quint's is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands and they work directly with ethical factories and cut out the middlemen so you're paying for quality, not brand markup. Aaron.

[A]

Quint's goes way beyond clothing. They have custom upholstered sofas, ceramic cookware, premium bedding. It's the kind of brand you end up recommending to everyone for everything. I'm moving this summer and I have so many things favorited from Quints. I. I want curtains from there. I want some of their kitchen stuff. Their rugs are unbelievable and priced so fairly. And I'm so excited that Quint exists. Perfect timing, Quince. Thank you.

[C]

Gemma got a 100% European linen fit and flare midi dress from Quince that she is obsessed with. Looks great on her. And they also have stuff for babies. So we've put little crumpet in some beautiful, adorable, little breathable summertime cotton onesies.

[A]

Cute.

[B]

You gotta elevate your summer wardrobe. Go to quints.com Riddle for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's quince.com Q U I N C E.com Riddle for free shipping and 365 day returns.

[C]

Quince.com Riddle Aaron, I'm grilling up some pants.

[A]

Yum. Wait, what?

[C]

Summer baby.

[A]

And this is Lou wearing a funny top hat. And here's a picture of Lou and she's just laying in the sun. She's so cute. And here's Lou. Look how gray her snoot is getting. She's just so precious. I'm so obsessed with my dog.

[B]

Aaron. Aaron, you said you had something really important to talk to us about and this is that.

[A]

Oh, yes. Yes. 91% of dog parents say their pup is an important member of the family. And 40% would even save their dog over a human stranger. Safe to say people are obsessed and I'm one of them. And that's why I give my dog Ollie. Ollie's fresh recipes are developed by real chefs and backed by vet nutritionists. They're obsessed with making the best meals with the highest quality ingredients. Yeah.

[B]

Plus, from the moment you start your subscription to Ollie, everything is tailored to your pup. The meals are perfectly portioned, and you get a puptainer and scoop for easy storing and serving. My dog spaghetti Absolutely loves Ollie food. Around four o' clock every day, she starts snapping at me because it's like. I'm like, yeah, it's kind of almost dinner time. But she is so excited for dinner time since we switched to Ollie.

[C]

Oh, look, Lou's getting near the microphone. What is it, Lou? Ollie. Ollie.

[A]

Now that's not her voice. I'm obsessed with her. I can tell you what her voice is. This is her voice. With Ollie, you don't just get food through their app. You can actually check on your dog's house with real vets just by uploading a picture. Their team can check up on your dog's weight, digestion, teeth and coat because they're obsessed with making sure your pup is as healthy as can be. And me, Lou. And this is my voice.

[C]

Get ready for both you and your pup to be obsessed. Head to ollie.com riddle, tell them all about your dog and use code riddle to get 70% off your welcome kit when you subscribe today. Plus, they offer an obsession guarantee. If you're not completely obsessed, you'll get your money back. That's o l l ie.com riddle and enter code RIDDLE to get 70% off your first box. Ollie, feed the obsession.

[B]

Isn't that right, spaghetti? Yeah, that's right. All the dog food is good dog food.

[A]

That's her voice.

[B]

That's her voice.

[C]

That's John Travolta in a dog suit.

[B]

No, it's.

[A]

That's John Travolta.

[C]

Look at the beret.

[B]

Guys, I wish it weren't true, but it's her voice. Hey everybody. JPC here and I want to talk to you about Rocket Money. But I couldn't do it without my two friends, Adol. What's up, Adolph and Aaron. What's going on, Aaron?

[C]

No.

[B]

Classic. Classic you guys. Anyway, Rocket Money, let's talk about it. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that is going to help you get your life together. Rocket Money can track subscriptions and has the ability to cancel unwanted ones within the app with just a few taps, saving users over 880 million in canceled subscriptions. Aaron, how does that sound? You guys don't speak Aaron's language, but to me I know that means very good. Plus, they have automatic transaction categorization across accounts, plus customizable categories and tags to reveal spending patterns. If you are saving for something big like a wedding, which I have saved for before, it can help set budgets and goals. Plus, you get personalized insights and regular reports and receive real time alerts for large transactions, upcoming bills, refunds and low balances. Plus, users who create a financial goal with Rocket money save over $70 on average within the first 30 days. Wow, Adel, $70. That sounds like a lot of money, huh? Wow. Well, you can also use their automated savings features that grow towards goals with adjustable amounts and frequencies. It's a set it and forget it approach, but don't take my word for it. You got to try it out yourself. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join RocketMoney.com Riddle that's RocketMoney.com Riddle RocketMoney.com Riddle Yes.

[C]

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

[A]

JJPC, thank you so much for coming back into break. We're in the middle of your performance review. I want to start with a little feedback from you. What accomplishments are you most proud of in the last 200 and something episodes?

[B]

Aaron, that's such a great question. Let me answer your question with a question. This is a riddle from Catra. Catra is not a listener, but their friend Aiden is a listener, and Aiden said that they should submit this riddle and then they would listen to the podcast to hear it. So that was in 2019. So hopefully they submitted this riddle and then they stuck around for seven years to hear it. Read on the show. Contra. I've assumed that this is your favorite podcast. After this, you can stop listening. This is the beginning and end of your journey. I suck on your thumb while you gouge out my eyes, and then I will go and beat up 10 guys.

[C]

I feel like. Aaron, I feel like it's gonna be something from the list, like sock puppets or Lebanese sister twins. Whatever.

[A]

Whatever the hell he was talking about. Is it like a boxing glove or

[B]

like, ooh, a boxing glove. It's not a boxing glove, but I do love that. I do love that. That's a good one. You're in a good direction.

[C]

Oh, bowling ball.

[B]

Adel, it's a bowling ball. I suck on your thumb while you gouge out my eyes. Then I will go and beat up Tim. Lance, I don't want to bowl anymore.

[A]

Yeah, Adel, you are a hand. Jpc, you are a bowling ball. And you guys had obviously, like a run in a couple nights ago, and you're seeing each other out, and jpc, you kind of think that maybe this could turn into a romance because of how intimate that was.

[C]

All right, let's just get the thumb in here in the index figure.

[B]

Oh, Whoa.

[C]

Hey.

[B]

Welcome back.

[C]

Oh, my gosh.

[B]

That was so cheesy.

[C]

£13 are you. You're £13. That's your name, right?

[B]

Keep your goddamn voice down.

[C]

Oh, sorry. Hi. Hey.

[B]

My name is Rolodex, which is the brand of bowling ball that I am. Thirteen pounds is my weight. Okay, I'm sorry.

[C]

That's I apologize.

[B]

I don't look at you and say, what? Like, I don't know, what? 180, 190, but trim.

[C]

162.

[B]

162. That's actually. Give me the toy. That's actually maybe not enough for how tall you are, but, babe, I'm gonna

[A]

get a hot dog from concessions. Can I get you anything? Like a beer or anything?

[B]

Not sentient at all. Yeah, why Sing.

[C]

Get me some. Get me some bowling. Some bowling ball, three holes, nachos. What did I say?

[A]

Oh, is this the bowling ball that you used the other night?

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Bowled that perfect game. Introduce me.

[C]

Oh, was it a perfect game? It just seemed like, oh, this is.

[B]

Who the fuck is this?

[A]

I'm Beyonce. I'm the fiance.

[C]

This is left. Right now.

[A]

This is 145 pounds. So.

[B]

Well.

[A]

Well, it was so nice meeting you. Do you. Could I get you. Oh, you probably can't drink while you're at work. I was gonna offer you.

[B]

No, I can't drink. Hey, why don't you. Why don't you give me a spin? You know, you're. I would be. I would love to. I would love to have.

[A]

Oh, too rich for my blood. I'm like an eight pound bowling ball kind of gal.

[B]

Oh, you can just roll me. You can just roll me. I promise I won't grab onto your hand and pull you into the machine and get y' all chewed up.

[C]

What the fuck?

[B]

I'm gonna go get that beer.

[A]

I'll see you guys in a second, okay? Okay.

[C]

Bye, sweetie.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

What the fuck was that?

[B]

Wow. She's cheating on you.

[C]

What?

[B]

Wow. She's cheating on you.

[C]

Okay, I need to dry off. I'm gonna hit this button here.

[B]

Oh. Oh, you know what? You're just gonna get wet as soon as you put your hand back in. There's no reason to dry.

[C]

What are you doing in there?

[B]

Are you filling up the whole thing wet?

[C]

Come on.

[B]

You're putting your fingers in my mouth? What am I doing in there? What am I doing in there?

[C]

Listen.

[B]

And only one hole's my mouth.

[C]

Listen, listen. She's looking over here. Clearly she's suspicious. I'm gonna pick you up. Not no fingers in the holes. I'm gonna do the sort of like, cradle spin thing.

[B]

Everything else is my ass. So when you're touching me, it's either one of my holes or my ass.

[C]

I mean, I better go ass.

[B]

See,

[C]

better the cradle the ass than fingers in the mouth.

[B]

Better go ass.

[C]

Am I crazy, Aaron? Right? Am I Crazy.

[A]

You're not crazy. You're not crazy. And this is what I mean about the Geppetto Files.

[B]

Be very careful. Gepetto. Geppetto Files.

[C]

Geppetto Files. And now we should legally say these are people who want to fuck Geppetto.

[B]

Yes. Pedophiles are people that want to fuck real boys. Geppetophiles are people that want to fucking Geppettos.

[A]

Yeah. Men with white mustaches that woodwork and aprons.

[B]

Old Italian woodworkers.

[A]

Yeah. Old Italian woodworkers which.

[C]

Hold on.

[B]

I'm Jiminy Cricket. And these are the Geppetto. Italy 1541.

[A]

I would watch 18 of those episodes in a hotel room, and I would love every second of it.

[B]

Laurence Fishburne is like, what are you asking me to do? Whatever. It's the history.

[A]

You heard us.

[B]

I make $180. I'll do it. I'll say whatever. Okay, this is another listener. This is a listener. Submitted riddle. I should say from Abby. Abby says, I am a letter. I am a change. I am a wing. What am I? X. Ooh, X. No, it is not a letter of the Alphabet. It is a letter of the Alphabet. Yes.

[C]

I'm a letter. I'm a wing. And what were the other ones?

[B]

I am a letter. I am a change. I am a wing. What am I

[C]

now? I was thinking X wing.

[B]

Oh, I love that. Star Wars.

[C]

And also letter of the Alphabet and change. Exchange. No, but we established this on X. What's.

[B]

It's not X. It's not X. I'm a wing. Yeah. I'm a wing.

[A]

Could it. It's not like W or E. Linda McCarthy.

[B]

No, it's not. It's not W and it's not E. It's not the wings, and it's not wings. It's not Paul McCartney's band Wings.

[A]

Is it Buffalo Wild?

[B]

Is it. Puh. A while.

[C]

I'm a wing. I'm a letter. I'm a change.

[A]

What's the third one? A change?

[B]

I am a letter, a change and a wing.

[C]

Now change. Is that like C, like, for cent.

[B]

No, it's not C. Is it, like,

[A]

a letter that they use in math to indicate that something's changing?

[B]

Okay, is it a letter that they use in math? I actually don't know if this is a letter that is used much in math, but, yes. No, I'm looking it up now, and yes, it is a letter that is used in math. Yes.

[C]

W.

[B]

You know what? You guys are not. It's not that Alphabet. You guys are in the Wrong Alphabet, I think, because you're using like the what, the 26 letter Alphabet?

[C]

Yeah. Should we be going to Ralph Macchio's ralphabet?

[B]

Oh, the ralphabet. It is a letter in the Alphabet, but it is not. I believe the Alphabet that you're thinking

[C]

of is this like alpha, bravo, echo.

[B]

It's not alpha, Bravo or theta. It's not that Alphabet. That's the phonetic Alphabet, I believe.

[C]

Yankee, hotel, foxtrot.

[B]

There may be some crossover. I'm not really super familiar with the entire phonetic Alphabet, but it's not that one.

[A]

Not the Greek Alphabet.

[B]

Well, now, Aaron, why would you say that?

[C]

Because I said Alpha.

[B]

Because it, in fact is. Oh, some of the Greshen furries would know this Alphabet. I would say furries. Greshen furries. It's the Greek Alphabet. I'll give it to you again. I am a letter. I am a change. I am a wing. What am I? Beta. I am a part of a river as well. I could say Styx, Zeta. No, it's not the Zeta part of the river. The Mississippi famously has one of these.

[C]

Damn. No.

[A]

Omega, Kappa.

[B]

You guys have. Start at the beginning. Start at the beginning.

[A]

Alpha, beta.

[C]

Alpha, beta, something, Delta, Decalon.

[A]

Delta, something, Delta,

[C]

Kappa, PI, Lambda, something, something, Omega.

[A]

And then of course, at the end it's. Well, I think actually it's Omega at the end.

[C]

Now I know my Greek bcs.

[B]

The third one is Gamma. It's alpha, beta, gamma.

[A]

Oh, that makes sense.

[B]

Those fuckers.

[A]

Does sound familiar.

[B]

Couldn't put a sea in there, those motherfuckers.

[A]

What do we need Cs for anyways? What word? What?

[B]

Floating boats. You guys got it? It's Delta. And are you familiar with a Delta wing? Apparently it's a kind of aircraft. I was not familiar with a Delta wing.

[A]

I don't know what that is.

[B]

But also Delta is an airline, so you could have been.

[C]

I am an airline and JBC is a Gamma cuck.

[A]

Write that down on your little list.

[B]

Write that down on your little list. Use that for your little comedy podcast. Feel free. Use it for your comedy podcast.

[A]

Yeah, one of your little sketches.

[B]

Thank you, Abby, for submitting that one. That was an excellent one. I want to see a quick scene. Adel and Aaron, you are going to be two, like, Air Force test pilots. You are in the new Delta plane, but neither one of you know what the fuck you're doing or how to fly it.

[C]

All right, Williams, I'll follow your lead. Go ahead and take the controls.

[A]

Co pilot. Chair. So I'm Gonna let you do your thing. I'm just here to guide you.

[C]

I'm here, of course, to lower the chair.

[A]

Sort of a mentor. I will be to your right.

[C]

Your protege.

[B]

Dumping fuel.

[C]

Oh, oh, oh.

[A]

That was on purpose, I think, right? Fuel makes the plane heavier.

[C]

Fuel back up.

[A]

Hard for something heavy to get in the sky.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Sucking fuel out of air. Shit, shit, shit, shit.

[C]

Okay, on three, we both push any button. One, two, three. Oh, we both hit the same button.

[A]

I'm. We're speed dialing your ex. Oh, God.

[B]

Speakers.

[C]

Heard it from a friend who. I like this song. Heard it from a friend who.

[A]

Okay. Oh, okay. We have the COVID over the windshield. That's why we couldn't see. That's part of it that we couldn't see.

[C]

Oh, they shouldn't put a cover with palm trees on the end inside. That's confusing.

[A]

That is confusing because we are in a tropical place. Let's see. I've flown a plane before.

[C]

Oh, then you got this.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. This should be easy. Let's see.

[C]

Okay, my.

[A]

Beep boop up. Beep boop boop. Turn on all these lights. This seems important. Hey, radio tower. Tower coming in. Tower. Tower. Houston, Houston 1. If that's where you guys are based, I'm not totally sure. Tower one, Houston.

[C]

Do planes report to Houston?

[B]

Yeah, this is Tower one, Houston. What is the stated emergency and where in space are you?

[A]

Oh, we are. We're still on the Runway, so we're on ground space.

[B]

Help you click.

[A]

Oh, damn it. They can't do that.

[C]

Call back and lie. Call back and lie.

[A]

Okay, I'm going to call back and lie.

[B]

Houston, this is Houston.

[A]

Hi. I am in space by Neptune. And I are wondering. What are you?

[B]

A Muppet in space?

[A]

No, no.

[B]

We put you up there for a reason. We do not want you coming down. Do not bring Godzilla back to this planet.

[A]

I will make sure to kill any Muppets I see up here. Sir.

[C]

What?

[A]

We are up here by Neptune and we are trying to start this Delta flight on our rocket ship. It's part of a very secret mission you might not know about. Can you Google how to fly a Delta plane?

[B]

I mean, I can Google anything.

[C]

Will you?

[A]

Will you?

[B]

Well, that's a good question. I might, but you gotta say something nice about me.

[C]

You sound like the lead singer of Ario Speedwagon.

[B]

I was.

[C]

What?

[B]

For one. For one beautiful mug.

[C]

You're telling me I'm talking to you?

[B]

I'm not John Oreo. I am Ted Speedwagon. Say this.

[C]

The owner Of Netflix?

[B]

Yes, I'm Ted Speedwagon, the owner of Netflix.

[C]

Reo Speedwagon from Peoria, Illinois.

[B]

Is that true?

[C]

Yeah, them and Richard Pryor.

[B]

Okay, speaking of prior. Prior to the show, we were doing riddles, and now we're back to it. Here's a riddle from a book with three letters. I am in action. Add another. And I call upon 1. All five letters Transport the bacon.

[A]

Hmm.

[C]

What transports the bacon?

[B]

It's a five letter word for transports the bacon.

[C]

Hmm. Three letter word is an action. Add a letter and it's what?

[B]

Three letters. I'm in action. Add another. I call upon 1. All five letters Transport the bacon.

[C]

I feel like we have to work backwards. Aaron, what transports bacon?

[A]

I know. Ham.

[B]

Ham. Does ham transport the bacon? I do want to see a scene.

[A]

Oh, no. Oh, no.

[B]

Yeah, I want to see a scene. Okay, so Aaron, Adel and I are out to dinner. It's a barbecue restaurant and you are our server. But you are a very obviously a cartoon pig and we feel very self conscious about that.

[A]

What can I get you boys?

[C]

Oh, she has a speech.

[B]

Just a check. Just a check.

[A]

Oh, you haven't even ordered yet. A doobadoo. What can I get ya? We got really good stuff today. Chef special is a pig on a spit that the chef has spit on himself. We got bacon, beans, bacon bits, Shake and bake Easy bacon oven. We make a full easy Bake Oven out of bacon. Ham, John, Ham. He'll come out and serenade you and then you can take a big old bite of his arm. Pork, spork, stork. What else? What else we got? Sorry, I'm supposed to memorize these specials, but I'm a little lug over. What can I get you?

[B]

I think the issue.

[A]

Bacon, Bloody Mary, I think.

[C]

I think the issue I'm having is that your image is on the menu with like. It's like you with an apple in your mouth and like, looks like you.

[B]

It might not be you.

[A]

It's me. It's me. Don't worry, don't worry, don't worry. Yeah, I modeled for it. I look pretty cute. I thought my wife thought I looked pretty cute before they. Yeah, they cooked her. They cooked her and they ate her.

[B]

Oh, boy. I think we'll just split the Jon Hamm thing.

[A]

Okay. Yeah, well, I'll send him a send him out scene.

[B]

See?

[A]

Is it cargo? Is it train?

[C]

Oh, that's a smart guess.

[B]

No, it is not train at all. Would you freight hazard a guess?

[A]

No.

[C]

Semis

[B]

with three letters. I'm in action. It's not like a specific action. This three letters. It's like these three letters can be like, apply to a bunch of different actions.

[C]

Okay. And no, the.

[B]

No, it's more like how you would think. Like conjugation. Like how you would not fucking somebody in prison. How you would make a verb, an action verb. Maybe this one will help you add another. And I call upon one.

[C]

Call upon another?

[B]

No, like, call upon. Like one that you would call upon. Like I call upon one door. No, we were actually doing this. Maybe earlier in the episode. There was like a lawyer bit, I believe.

[C]

Dial.

[B]

Not a bit. Something that really happened.

[C]

Dial.

[B]

Not dial, but judge. Think more like the receiving end of a dial.

[C]

Pick up, call.

[B]

What do you hear?

[C]

You dial, and then it's rings, ring, bring, ring.

[B]

Ing and ing. Ing. So it's like run becomes running, like action. Yes, it's ing, ring and bring, bring, as in transport the bacon. Bring home the bacon. Is that a phrase that you guys know?

[C]

Yes, but I wouldn't say trance.

[B]

Not. Not the. Not the easiest one to get. Yeah, no, for sure.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

There's a. I. I know for sure that there's a. A Weezer song that references bringing home the bacon. So I know that every. Every Gen X. Yes.

[C]

God damn you half bacon.

[B]

E. Girls, here's another one. It's kind of of a similar. Shorter than my sisters, but taller. In loyalty, you can sometimes find me pressing a key.

[C]

Okay, little. A little tiny piano player.

[B]

Oh, no, it's not piano player. The. The first two letters of that are correct. And I honestly thought you were gonna get it. Like, just absolutely nail it. No, not living.

[C]

Tiny.

[B]

No, not tiny.

[C]

What did I say? Piano.

[A]

Piano.

[B]

Yes. Shorter than my sisters, but taller. In loyalty, you can sometimes find me pressing a key.

[A]

Is it an instrument?

[B]

It's not an instrument, Pinky. It's pinky.

[C]

Whoa. I do want to see a sign.

[B]

Can I just say how much I love pressing a key, which is pressing a key, which you do use your pinky to press the a key with. And that is the Mavis Beak and teach us typing method.

[C]

That is outstanding.

[A]

That is brilliant.

[C]

I do want to see a scene. Aaron, you are a pinky. Well, we saw this bowling scene with a hand.

[A]

No, no, I want to see it. I'm ready.

[C]

Okay. You're a pinky. Jpc. You are a thumb. And the two of you, you just cannot find common ground while trying to decide what to do on your day off.

[A]

Hey, girl. We match. Same nail polish. Holy smokes.

[B]

We Match, Same nail polish. Holy smokes. Yes. We are on the same hand. We have been for our entire life.

[A]

Yes. Thumb.

[B]

What a great observation, Pinky.

[A]

You work so hard. You are doing so much of the heavy lifting. You're turning all those knobs all day.

[B]

Yep. Yes.

[A]

And I just want to say I really appreciate it, and I hope you have a great day off. Off.

[B]

Well, thank you.

[C]

I.

[B]

You know, I want to apologize. I came at it with some negative energy. That was maybe one of the nicer things that I've ever heard. And I. I know we don't get

[A]

a lot of time together other than when we're doing, like, sobriety tests where you have to touch your thumb to every finger, but I want you to know you're like a father figure to. To me and the other.

[B]

Well, with the same age. You ruined it. With the same age.

[A]

We see you as sort of like a grandfather type character to us. And even though we're far away from you and Palm is between us, we just care about you a lot. Okay.

[B]

You know. You know, I wanted today to be different, but it's the condescending nature, the way that you talk to me just because I have a more gravelly voice. Because I get used more often. Often.

[A]

Oh, no. We think you're so great. We are also just dancing because it's middle finger's birthday.

[B]

Fuck you.

[A]

Fuck you. Fuck you.

[C]

Fuck you.

[A]

She's wild, isn't she? Nuts. I love her.

[B]

You know what?

[A]

Crazy.

[B]

I'll say what every finger on this hand is thinking.

[A]

Hey, come on. You're drunk.

[B]

We do not need you. I'm not drunk. I'm not drunk.

[A]

What?

[B]

Someone. Someone opened a wine bottle with me, and I just. I kind of have got a little on me. But I'm not drunk.

[A]

Oh, I'm sorry.

[B]

You are a superfluous finger.

[A]

No, I'm not. I know that you're a utility, but you can't wear a pinky ring like I can. And pointer finger, obviously, is so important. She just sort of points to where we have to go. Middle finger, the wild middle child that protects us. Ring finger is the hopeless romantic. And then there's.

[B]

Nobody wears pinky rings. Pinky rings are for assholes and scumbags. Okay? If you're buying something that you think might be coke at a pool hall, you're going to the person with a pinky finger.

[A]

I'm classy. When you're drinking tea or alcohol, and to indicate that you're a class act, you put your pinky up.

[B]

No that's what assholes do. Assholes do that. No. Classy people.

[A]

Speaking of assholes, you go up an asshole or two, huh? Don't you? No, I guess that's pointer finger.

[B]

We all do that. Fuck you. We all do that scene. Yes, it is. Pinky. Congratulations, you guys got that one. I like that one a lot.

[C]

Gemma and I went to the Lyre Copper House in Chicago to see Madama Butterfly, and it was quite good. And I had never seen it, but the lead character is a US soldier or something who goes to Japan to find a wife. But his name is, like, General Pinkerton, which is why it's called Pinkerton. And I did not know that's why the album was called Pinkerton.

[B]

Yeah, it was originally supposed to be a concept album, like, space opera thing, but, yeah, it's based off of Madame Butterfly. Based off of Madame Butterfly? Yeah.

[C]

Wild.

[B]

Yeah. Which is absolutely wild. I think he wrote it. Rivers wrote that, like, his year at Harvard, because he went to Harvard for a year, but it was after the Blue Album and he was a little bit older, so it would be, like, not a massively popular, but popular enough. Like, Rick o' Kasich produced that album. So it's like, a pretty big album comes out. And then I think they put Buddy a Holly on, like, every Windows computer. Like, it came with, like, your install for Windows. And then that guy's just in your Harvard class. You're like, the fuck?

[C]

That's like when Natalie Portman went to Harvard, where it's like, is that the professional?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Hey, Derek, Is that the professional?

[A]

I'm trying to learn. I'm at Harvard.

[B]

Okay, here's your next riddle. And then I think we'll probably. We'll probably have time for. We'll see how it goes.

[A]

Five loves of five. Five loves. Five love.

[B]

The moon, Mary, the moon.

[A]

Come on. You just do it.

[B]

All right, Harvey.

[A]

A puka window.

[B]

I have half a mind to go to Washington.

[C]

There's letters from Santa.

[A]

You guys, what just happened back there? What happened to me? I blacked out.

[B]

All good stuff. A mirror image at best. A set of brothers Put gravity to the test. If you need a hint it's up your alley with the correct word Wrong won't be in the finale.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Bumper, Toes, feet.

[B]

No, Aaron. You've got your onlyfans on the mind, which is not a bad thing, but let's try to keep it relative.

[A]

I'm so mad that onlyfans thing was fake. I was about to show everyone my butthole.

[B]

I think you said it was like, whatever, non sexual.

[A]

Yeah. That's not sexual to me. Sorry. It's not.

[B]

I'll show people my butthole because it's not important to me.

[A]

It's none of my business, frankly.

[C]

It brings me no joy.

[A]

It doesn't spark joy.

[C]

Marie Kondo. That shit.

[A]

Yeah. I'll throw it in the trash.

[B]

I would absolutely get rid of my butthole. It does not spark any joy.

[C]

We should say we are selling Marie buttholes, which is the author of Tell

[A]

Them what It Is. Yeah, I would. I'd keep my butthole and I'd fold it really specifically and put it in the drawer.

[B]

I am pretty proud of how to get rid of your shit. My Marine bottle. A joke that works for no one.

[A]

Works for me.

[B]

Can you make the brutal one more time? A mirror image at best.

[A]

Okay, let's slow down. Let's show people how the sausage gets made. That makes me think of, like, two halves of a body. Like, things that are usually symmetrical but sometimes they're not.

[B]

Aaron loved that.

[A]

So, like wheels on a car or like. Am I close?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I'm thinking the right way.

[B]

You're thinking the exact right way.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. Especially that first thing that you said.

[A]

Great. Like a body.

[B]

Yeah. A set of brothers put gravity to the test.

[A]

All right. What body part puts gravity to the test? All of them. They're all being affected by gravity. Eyes, ears, hands, knees, nipples, tits.

[B]

But it's not tits. If you need a hint. It's up your alley.

[C]

Oh, boss. Butthole.

[A]

My butthole is symmetrical to my vagina. No. What would it be symmetrical to? You can't use that because Lou's barka can't use it.

[B]

Well, we have. We have.

[C]

Unfortunately, asymmetrical to my vagina.

[B]

It's worth it to have Lou Barka there. So that stays in. That stays in the episode.

[A]

Camera zooms out. Camera zooms out. More people can hear me screaming from space.

[C]

Statue of Liberty half buried in sand.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

No. God damn you, you damn dirty apes with the correct word. Wrong won't be the finale.

[C]

Wrong step, wrong trousers. Wrong.

[B]

My favorite one. And this is of. This is a set of brothers put gravity to the test. These are real life brothers that.

[A]

It's referencing Wright brothers. I'm literally reading the David McCullough Wright Brother Biograph. Whoa. That's crazy. Of course it's the Wright brothers.

[B]

You should be focusing on riddles. Aaron. You shouldn't be reading biographies right now.

[A]

Well, it's very, very good, you guys. That Wright brothers book. I'm Gonna start doing what you do with the Jack Reacher stuff is all the different, fun, creative ways that David McCullough calls them gay. Like enthusiastic lifelong bachelors, happy, lonely fellas. And you're like, okay, these were gay brothers. Let's just. They're just gay. They were just gay. And let's just relax.

[B]

It's hard to be gay in Ohio. In what, the 1930s, South Carolina, 1850s, early 20th century.

[C]

It's hard to be gay in Ohio. That's 100% a musical number.

[A]

Oh, yeah, and look out for my Wright brother's musical take to the sky. Coming nowhere.

[C]

Don't make a run to ride.

[A]

Don't write it down. Arnie. Arnie. Oh, my God.

[C]

Rhyme Wright with flight. Rhyme Kitty Hawk with. Did they talk?

[A]

Okay, here we go.

[B]

Okay. I think that's all the time that we have for riddles, but we still have things that linger on from season two. We still have. People can still send us things in the mail. We open a lot of those on our monthly live streams for the review crew tier for our patreon. So if you ever send us something and you want to see it opened live, you can watch our reactions to that. But you know what, you can also always send us a voicemail or a voicemail theme. Casey, can you hit us with a voicemail theme? And so I pick up the phone and call Lotto Rifian, Aaron Keith, and that JBC guy, and I stream from the top of my lungs, like, how to die, and I say, hey.

[A]

Hey.

[B]

I said, hey.

[A]

Riddle. Riddle.

[B]

Oh, I love it. I love. I love. I love how it ends so abruptly to get to that 32nd mark. That is from Ambrose. Ambrose writes, I have no idea if this parody has been done already, and I'm unwilling to re. Listen to everything to find out. Ambrose. That is the exact work ethic that we like to display on the show. Thank you so much for that. Hey, Riddle.

[A]

Riddle.

[B]

I am on my way to a third round interview for my dream paralegal position.

[A]

Luckily, y' all have released every single,

[B]

every single time I've had an interview

[A]

for this job, so I really think I'm gonna get it.

[B]

What is your worst interview blunder? Thank you.

[A]

Wish me good luck. Oh,

[B]

well. With the way that these voicemails get sourced, I hope that you already have that job and that you're well and away. Or a better one. Or a better one well and away to your dream paralegal career. Bad interviews, interview faux pas.

[A]

I mean, the one that comes to mind is one I've talked about multiple times where I told Lauren Michaels we were both Scorpios. And he said, okay. And then I said, I mean, it doesn't matter, but we are both Scorpios.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

I have had bad improv auditions before, but I have never had a bad interview for a position. Every time I've ever interviewed for a position, I've been offered the job.

[C]

I don't know if I've ever had a real interview. So what I would say is something I think would be fun is when they. I think a classic question is, where do you see yourself in 10 years? If you get asked that, I think it would be very fun and playful and show some amount of just like, you know, silliness and personality. If you say, where do I see myself in 10 years? You get up, you turn off the lights, and you go, I need complete silence. And then you get a big thing of water. Put your fingers in it, close your eyes, make some humming sounds, and sort of like, I don't know, Tell the future. Fire. It's fire everywhere. No cock.

[B]

Come with me live. One of the first times I ever interviewed for something. I was 17. I worked at O Charlie's, and I had gone in to see if they, like, I don't think you do this anymore. But I stopped in to ask if they had applications or if they were hiring. I had, like, a list. I had, like, a list of, like, 13 places. I was going to drive to all these places. Places and ask if they were hiring and if I could apply. And O Charlie's was the first one. It was the closest one to my house. I stopped in. I was wearing a nice shirt and, like, a tie. I stopped in. I was like, hey, do you have an application I'd love or are you hiring? I'd love to put in an application. And they were like, well, let me go get the manager. And the manager came out, and he was like, yeah, I have an application. Do you have a second to chat? And I was like, sure. And he sat down and he was like, so, like, have you ever had a job before? And I was like, no. And he was like, but. And I was like, 17? And he was like, well, what hours could you work? And I was like, I could work, like, all these days. And he was like, great. Could you start next week? Next week? And I was like, yeah, I could start next week. And then I got back in my car, and I was like, I guess I go home and play video games now. I don't do. I don't do this anymore.

[C]

And how long did you work at Charlie's?

[B]

Probably, like a year. About a year, yeah. Before I found a better job or a different job, but it was just very funny. They obviously needed someone, and they were like, yeah, this guy's wearing a tie, so how much better can we get it on Charlie?

[A]

He said he can work a few days. Why not?

[B]

He can work, and he owns one tie, so this is probably the best we're gonna do.

[A]

I just unlocked a memory of a horrible nanny interview I had in Chicago, that it was in between family because all my families would famously move to Michigan at some point. And I. It was, like, through a friend, too, and recommended me to these people. And I went and, like, when you interview for a nanny job, oftentimes they'll, like, bring you to part of their routine, and so they can see you interact with the kid at the park or at the library, which I think is really great. You actually also get to see if they're a good fit and their parenting style, all these things. And I had had two glasses of wine at a birthday party the night before, and I woke up, and I felt awful. And I was like, God, I guess I just can't drink wine anymore. I'm getting older. Hangovers are killing me. And I was getting increasingly sicker and sicker throughout the day. And by the time I got to this interview, you guys, I probably looked insane. I was sweating through my shirt and was beet red and was like, ugh. And kept kind of, like, having to turn away from them to gag. And I think they thought I was insane. And I was like, oh, I'm. I think maybe I have food poisoning. And then I was like, hey, I'm so sorry. I. Like, after, like, the hour mark, I was like, I don't know if I could run right now. Like, run after your kid. And I do think I need to go to the hospital. And I got in an Uber and I went to a hospital. I had an ovary that was turning, so it was, like, cutting.

[B]

Holy.

[A]

I was losing blood. I almost lost one of my ovaries. And it was like, a pain like I've never known before. I was in hospital for two days, but I was, like, thinking that I was just showing up a little hungover to an interview and then being a lunatic nightmare to this poor family, being like, what the hell? I did not get that job. Hot dog.

[B]

That's it. Created by Adam Refive, starring Aaron Keenan and John Patrick Cohen. Casey Tony did the editing, and Marty Parrot in the Music logo created by Emily Cardamus and Emily Naboris. 2, 3, 4, 8.

[A]

Well, the Wright brothers they taught us to fly Wilbur, Aaron.

[C]

Hey, Aaron. Hey, Aaron. Don't take the Hamilton approach Don't take

[A]

the Hamilton approach It's too late Wilbur and Orville were very bright they worked all day till they took flight well, Wright brothers couldn't get it so wrong that's why I put their story in

[B]

a song

[A]

These brothers are gay.

[B]

The demographic that I cover is male identifying and non binary People between the ages of 18 to 54 who have one, if not all of the following predilections and or perversions. Mouth stuff, butt stuff, Back of the envelope stuff, Tub thumping, dry humping, wet cloth pumping, Clist Mailia People who earnestly say that's so funny instead of laughing. Family Guy porn. Family porn for guys. Voyeurism, exhibitionism, patriotism, Necromancy, Feeling fancy, feeling up mannequins Europhilia, Eurovisionphilia, Disney adultism, Hot wifing, Cool treating Dairy Queening, Spider worship, Saying wow like Owen Wilson Rheumatoid arthritis, Perennium swiping, Doomsday prepping, tailgating, roadblocks, Roadhead, Antique Roadshow, Head treasure hunting, Renting Tom Holland's uncharted for $1 watching the whole thing and wishing we had that dollar back. Pickleback shots, enjoying blowjobs, being a sexual little Rascal and reverse farters. Horse whisperers, Swine tasters, AKA Hogmaliers, Three toed sluts, Armadildos, Beaver pelters, Platypussy eaters, sextuplets, Sexy triplets, suck puppets, size queens, dong duchesses, Cock countesses, Baronesses of balls, Lotion smoothers. That one's actually default to everyone. You have to turn it off in settings. Lebanese sisters, Geppetto Files, Wall E girls, Mary Poppins, Boners, Captain Hookers, Comics unleashed fartographers. People who make maps out of farts, Chasers, catchers, first base coaches, organ grinders, lollipoppers, subway sandwichers. People who mash up against each other on trains. Hornswogglers, Horny swallowers, Greck and furries. Furbyfisters hunting wives gathering milfs, K cup demon hunters, stay at home uncles, analgesicophants, grad students. That one's real people living out the plot to the Graduate, Russell Brand ambassadors, Russell Stoverstuffers and Femdom Torettos. Without me, we lose all of those burfers. Hey there Qs and A's. If you like that, you're gonna love this week's Patreon. It's another ch ch ch. Chatterbox. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com heyriddle riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month. Or start your 7 day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there.

[A]

That was a Headgum Podcast.

[B]

Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville.

[C]

And I'm Jeff Tremaine.

[B]

Welcome to Jackass the Podcast, a new show coming to.

[C]

That's what it is.

[B]

Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville.

[C]

And I'm Jeff Tremaine.

[B]

Welcome to Jackass the Podcast, a new show coming to Headgum soon.

[C]

Woo hoo.

[B]

Woo woo.

[C]

I've learned a Jackass movie has to be really 90 minutes. Every minute over is a minute to go.

[B]

Apparently there's only so much butthole you can take. We're gonna take you behind the scenes of our entire history. All the best bits, bats, bad behavior, and even worse decisions. All of it. Sometimes we don't make the right decisions.

[A]

Jeff.

[B]

I've noticed that every every so often with guests like Spike Jones.

[C]

I think let's commit to Jackass the podcast.

[B]

What was it gonna be called? The Jackass Podcast Podcast.

[C]

Without you, the IQ drops significantly.

[B]

Steve O. There's a strong chance that were it not for Jackass, that I would be in clown makeup right this market. Chris Pontius, that shot of your butt

[C]

just cruising up, I'm like, yeah, I got that on tv. God bless us.

[B]

Dave England. Yeah, when you come in and you're being really nice, I'm like, damn it,

[C]

something bad's gonna happen to me.

[B]

Wee man. Jeff grabbed me from the back of

[C]

the head and threw a punch.

[B]

The whole bar just stopped and wanted

[C]

to kill me, like.

[B]

And some of the crew that's been with us from the beginning. I had to share a room with this guy and I left a nice surprise in the toilet for him every time. Apparently, he hates to flush. Subscribe to Jackass the Podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Cast, or wherever the hell you get podcasts.

[C]

Our new episodes drop on June 18th. Look out for new episodes in your feed every Thursday.

[B]

Watch video episodes on YouTube and follow along with us on Instagram and TikTok @JackassThePodcast. What were we just talking about? Probably buttholes.

[A]

Hi, I am Mandy Moore.

[B]

Sterling K. Brown.

[C]

And I'm Chris Sullivan.

[B]

And we host the podcast that Was Us now on Headgum.

[A]

Each episode we're gonna go into a deep dive from our show. This is us.

[C]

That's right.

[B]

We're gonna go episode by episode.

[A]

We're also gonna pepper in episodes with different guest stars and casting directors.

[C]

Are we going to cry?

[B]

Yes, a little bit. Are we going to laugh a lot. A whole lot.

[C]

That's what I'm hoping, man.

[B]

Listen to that. Was us on your favorite podcast app. Or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify. New episodes every Tuesday.