#419: 8 Year Anniversary!

Summary

Hey Riddle Riddle Episode #419: 8 Year Anniversary!

Release Date: July 29, 2026
Hosts: Adal Rifai, Erin Keif, John Patrick Coan (JPC)
Production: Headgum

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Episode Overview

The Hey Riddle Riddle crew celebrates their momentous 8th anniversary with a playful, nostalgia-tinged episode that leans heavily into self-reflection, running jokes, absurd improvisation, and a discussion of the show's evolving format. Featuring multiple new theme song contenders, meta-commentary on the podcast's structure, fanbase evolution, and plenty of tangential games, riffs, and character bits, this episode is quintessential Hey Riddle Riddle: chaotic, sincere, and often hilarious.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

"Graduation" and Eight Years of Hey Riddle Riddle

• The hosts riff on the show’s "graduation," comparing 8 years to the length of high school and college.
• Intros parody awkward graduation scenarios, local shoutouts, and slapstick misadventures.
• Adal frames the episode as a "graduation ceremony" for the podcast (02:39).
• Reflects on how listeners and hosts have changed during the show's run, including anecdotes about meeting longtime fans who grew from teens into adults alongside the podcast (03:51).

Notable Quote

“I was in the eighth grade when I started listening to you and now I’M a full grown up and I live in an apartment in the city. And you’re like, oh, I don’t know if I love all of that.” (Aaron, 03:51)

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Podcast Format Debate ("Hey" vs. "Riddle")

• Adal shares the results of a consult with their (fictional) lawyer "Bodicus Wrench," who declares the show is legally only obligated to contain two riddles, referencing the literal title "Hey Riddle Riddle" (06:10).
• The crew jokes about elongating the “Hey” in the title, reducing the riddle count, or slowly morphing the show into just chat and bits.
• Discussion about segmenting the show: first half for riffing/games, second half for (precious) riddles, due to the global “shortage of riddles.” (08:55)

Notable Quotes

"We are running out of riddles. Now, obviously, Neptune, Saturn, chock a block with riddles. But we can't drill deep enough." (Adal, 08:55)
"Our listeners can be like a boiling frog, where we just keep adding more haze and taking away riddles until we never have to do riddles again." (Aaron, 07:11)

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New Theme Song Contest

• In honor of the eighth anniversary and the show’s next “chapter,” they play three new theme song options—commissioned from longtime friend/musician Arnie Parrott—for listeners to vote on (09:34).
• Each theme is introduced by Arnie with comedic, storyline-rich voicemails about being trapped in a songwriting cave.
• Hosts react to the songs, debating the mood and tone each would set for the show (13:39, 16:26, 19:43).
• Joke about layering all themes at once, or randomizing opening themes per episode.
• Voting for the new theme opens for the anniversary month at heyriddleriddle.com/themesong (20:53).

Notable Quotes

“Do we trust [the listeners] with the fate of this high school version of hey Riddle, Riddle? ... maybe vote responsibly.” (Aaron, 11:02)
“Each of these three options is preceded by a little note by Arnie, I guess, like an explanation of the song or whatever.” (Adal, 12:30)
“You don’t know what you’re gonna get. You’re gonna get a new theme every time. I love that.” (Casey, 20:38)

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Fan Interactions and Meta-Show Bits

• Reflect on their “compact” with listeners and past experiences giving fans decision-making power (such as voting on Patreon content)—results have sometimes led to unfortunate consequences (e.g., gross Hallmark review episodes, 11:02).
• Meta, improvisational bits are frequent, including fake theme submissions ("Help, help, help, help. Well, my name is Ernie and I’m writing the theme..." 24:05) and serial bits about Arnie being lost or possibly replaced.
• Arnie’s “wellness” is joked about throughout, with mock-PSAs and fake updates about his disappearance (22:01, 23:17).

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Riddle Section & Absurd Improvisations

Riddles:

• Riddle 1: What is faster than a second? (Answer: a first) (45:17)
• Riddle 2: “If you remove the B, I’m cold air, without the C, I’m muscle. Take away my first part and I’m ancient. I can be red, but I’m usually sung. What am I?”
  • Answer: ABC (specifically, referring to 'AC', 'AB', 'BC', etc.) (54:09)

Scene Bits & Notable Improv:

• Flight with a Dead Spouse: Scene where JPC tries to fly back incognito with a dead wife (42:14).
• Olympic Podium: Host takes gold and gloats, Adal and Aaron play bitter silver/bronze (45:38).
• Tiny Murphy & Itty Bitty Andy: Ongoing bit about tiny reporters tackling “big” cases ("It was another serial killer," 60:01).
• Greek mythology riff: Fake debate over which gods are real, with deadpan delivery ("Yahweh: No way. Didn’t exist." (52:31)).
• The Olive Garden Pasta Pass/Conference: Extended riff involving Linda Rigatoni, CEO of Olive Garden (63:05).

Notable Quotes & Moments

“How spooky are we usually? Like, does that theme play? And then it starts and I’m like, I found popcorn in my pants.” (Aaron, 16:46)
“Don Cheadle’s on set, but he just came from Ocean’s 36 and is donning a British accent.” (Adal, 30:49)
“You want me to eat a spicy chip on the show. I’ll eat a fucking spicy chip. You want me to review sneakers? I’ll review goddamn sneakers. I don’t care what we do. If you want more riddles, we’ll do more riddles. I’ll do riddles till my fucking ears bleed. I don’t give a shit what we do.” (Casey, 25:55)

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Show Structure and the Future

• The hosts justify their shifting format, pitching that riddles—like dessert—are best consumed sparingly (25:09).
• Jokes about an unopened backlog of six years’ worth of riddles (25:47).
• Consider listener input for both the new show structure and possible bits/routines.
• Aaron’s celebratory rap on pasta closes the episode ("Penne pocini, a little bit of a bucatini...," 66:55).

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Important Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment | |-----------|---------------------------------------------------------| | 02:39 | Eight-year graduation ceremony riff | | 03:51 | Host reflections on personal change, longtime listeners | | 06:10 | Legal “Hey Riddle Riddle” riddle clause bit | | 09:34 | New theme song contest intro | | 13:39 | Theme song 1: "Power Ballad" reaction | | 16:26 | Theme song 2: "Spooky" reaction | | 19:43 | Theme song 3: "Gabriel/Fruit by the Foot" vibe | | 20:53 | Voting instructions and bonus theme ideas | | 42:14 | Airplane ‘scene’—smuggling a dead spouse | | 45:17 | Riddle: Faster than a second | | 54:09 | Riddle: Remove B/C clues (ABC) | | 60:01 | "Itty Bitty Andy and Tiny Murphy" detective riff | | 63:05 | Olive Garden Conference / Linda Rigatoni | | 66:55 | Closing celebratory pasta rap (Aaron) |

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Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Each of these three options is preceded by a little note by Arnie, I guess, like an explanation of the song or whatever.” (Adol, 12:30)
• “Yahweh. No way. Didn’t exist.” (Casey, 52:31)
• “Can I hit you guys with some late breaking news that just came across my desk? ... Olive Garden has announced that they are bringing back the never ending pasta pass.” (Casey, 61:02)
• “I'm gonna get the spaghetti and eat it in one sitting.” (Aaron’s rap, 67:49)

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Takeaways

• Meta, Mirthful, and Self-Referential: The episode is peak Hey Riddle Riddle—meta, indulgent, playful, and brimming with in-jokes, while still inviting listeners to shape the show’s future.
• Listener Interaction: Major changes—both theme song and show structure—are, true to HRR spirit, offered up for listener input (with heavy jokes about the dangers of crowd-sourcing).
• Show Evolution: Honest acknowledgment that both the hosts and the audience have grown and changed, and so must the show.
• Riddles as Dessert: The team agrees that a focus on fun, improvisation, and segments, with "special" space for riddles, is the direction forward.

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For New Listeners

If you’re new to Hey Riddle Riddle, this anniversary episode is a microcosm of the show—riddles are the excuse, but the real draw is the chemistry, comic detours, and affectionate chaos among the hosts. The riddles themselves comprise only a slice of the fun, as the surrounding improv, bits, and fourth-wall bending turn every episode into a unique, laugh-heavy experience.

Transcript

[Aaron]

This is a Headgun podcast.

[Arnie Parrott]

The doctor was the mother.

[Casey]

He stood on a block of ice. Both of them were goldfish. It was the cabin of an airplane. He stabbed him with an ice ray. And the horses ain't Friday.

[Adol]

Aaron Keefe, Boston, near Boston, Massachusetts. Put your tassel to the left, I think.

[Aaron]

Walking across the stage to get my little diploma. Falls, somersaults like Willy Wonka. Gets back up, falls again. This time it's bad. Limps tries to do it with a smile.

[Adol]

Dog pulls down your gown.

[Aaron]

Oh, God.

[Adol]

John Patrick Cohen these are not.

[Aaron]

I didn't shake my hand. He didn't shake my hand.

[Adol]

Indianapolis, near Indianapolis. Indianum

[Casey]

stands up, starts to walk to the stage. Gets kicked in the stomach by that Michael Jackson dancing. Robot falls to the ground, goes robot falls down next to me, starts spazzing out. Guy comes, looks at the two of us, looks at the two of us, looks at the two of us. Grabs my foot, drags me off stage.

[Adol]

Abdul Rif River.

[Aaron]

Yeah, that one.

[Adol]

Galesburg, Illinois. Takes off robot helmet after kicking JK Sushi. Stands up, give a big thumbs up. Doesn't get diploma because I didn't graduate. Just walking. Is that what they call it? Walking? Puts it up on my phone, not getting a signal, holding up my phone. Dean impatiently tapping his watch, goes to shake hands. Psych. Falls down, dog eats me. Congratulations. Congratulations. Hosts on graduating after eight years of Riddles.

[Casey]

Yeah,

[Adol]

This is the hey riddle riddle eight year graduation ceremony. We began way back in July 25th of 2018.

[Casey]

So we're grade eights next year. I mean this year, right? Next episode, we're going to Riddle High School. Things are going to be different. Oh, my God.

[Aaron]

I'm sorry.

[Casey]

We're going from being big fish to small minnows. Oh, God.

[Adol]

And if movies have taught me anything, we're going to get hazed.

[Casey]

Oh, yeah.

[Aaron]

Well, yeah.

[Casey]

Smoked out.

[Aaron]

I'm sure the hazing is going to start now. We've been haze free on this podcast for eight whole years. Hollywood Handbook on single tease or prank occurred on this show. I can I tell you what's fucked up about it being eight years.

[Casey]

Yeah.

[Aaron]

That is the length of high school and college. Right. That is a long for some people

[Casey]

can go an extra semester if they want to.

[Aaron]

Yeah. Or less or more. Whatever. But a person can change a lot between their freshman year of high school and their senior year of college.

[Casey]

Sure.

[Aaron]

And so now I'm starting to meet listeners who are like, I was in the eighth grade when I started listening to you and now I'M a full grown up and I live in an apartment in the city. And you're like, oh, I don't know if I love all of that.

[Casey]

What's the biggest way, Aaron, in the last eight years, you think you have changed hair color? Yeah, well, yeah.

[Aaron]

Yeah, well, yeah, I would say.

[Casey]

Do you. If you had, if you had to take a guess, could you tell me what your hair color was in 2018?

[Aaron]

That's hysterical. No, I assume. I think I had dark hair. I think I was going full black hair with bangs. I don't even think I was doing any dimension in it. I don't think it had even a little bit of red. I think I was simple dark hair.

[Beck Bennett]

Yeah.

[Aaron]

But it's anyone's guess. Yeah, I think it was medium length bangs. Yeah. What color were your hairs? She tried to make small talks.

[Casey]

Both of you same, but maybe slightly less gray. Probably actually a lot less gray.

[Adol]

Yeah, I definitely have way more gray and way less hair. Something I want to talk about. Speaking of big changes, you know, we graduated after eight years. Obviously we're talking about big changes happening after high school, throughout college, et cetera. I have talked to our lawyer, of course, that being they found him. I want to say Bodicus Wrench. Yes, the robot lawyer.

[Aaron]

Bodicus Wrench play an Atticus Finch. I wonder how. Where the similarities are. Does he have kids glasses?

[Adol]

Is it still scouting gem? We'll have to work on it. We'll have to workshop it. Casey put in something good here.

[Casey]

Is he putting something good here?

[Adol]

Here's what I found. And this. And feel free to poo poo this. But I have found. If we're talking about big changes, if we're talking about the show, if we're talking about what's going to happen after we graduated eight years. Because we are entering Riddle adulthood, or Riddle High, as we were. The title of our show legally is hey, Riddle, Riddle.

[Casey]

That's legally our title.

[Adol]

Our lawyer said that means legally we only have to do two riddles. Hey.

[Aaron]

Okay. Riddle, riddle, hey, Riddle, riddle.

[Adol]

And if you were to, I don't know, dissect the show and apply the title to it. The first third is the hey. Where we just kind of chat and then we have riddle sections.

[Casey]

Sometimes way more than a third, sometimes way more, sometimes over half.

[Adol]

I propose that we switch fully to the first half of the show being chatting and catching up and discussions, and the second half being riddles. Now, two riddles. We could solve this legally by calling it hey, hey, Riddle, Riddle. Or just hey, Riddle or we can keep the title as is, just to save face and money.

[Aaron]

What about hey, hey, Riddle?

[Adol]

I like that.

[Aaron]

So we could do two thirds chatting.

[Adol]

I like that, Aaron. Or we can say, hey, Riddle, Riddle,

[Aaron]

and our listeners can be like a boiling frog, where we just keep adding more haze and taking away riddles until we never have to do riddles again.

[Casey]

What if we change the name of the podcast to hey, hey, hey, and then in parentheses, not a Fat Albert podcast.

[Adol]

But then we are giving air for the most part.

[Casey]

Yeah.

[Arnie Parrott]

Okay.

[Aaron]

Yeah. All right, hold on. What if we elongate the hey, we add more vowels, and then.

[Adol]

That's what I was saying, right?

[Casey]

Yeah.

[Aaron]

But then we take maybe some. We start taking one letter away from each of the spellings of riddles, and that's another way to sort of slowly make the hay longer, carve away at the riddles.

[Adol]

I love this.

[Casey]

Here's the thing. It's hey, Riddle, Riddle. Right? That's what we've called the show. I do think that even if we keep the format the same as it has always been, if you, listener, dear listener, are listening to this show and we don't do the mandated minimum two riddles on the show, you are entitled to get your money back for that episode. Only now, podcast is free.

[Aaron]

So wait, what's the statute of limitations of this?

[Casey]

It's like a really tall, green gargoyle thing with, like, griffin arms.

[Aaron]

Okay, but if so, if someone is not up to date, how far past our recording date are they allowed to, like, file a claim?

[Casey]

Aaron, would you rather be up to date or down to fucking?

[Aaron]

I'd rather be somewhere else.

[Adol]

How do you guys. In all honesty, how do we feel about the first half being a little more casual? And maybe this leads to us bringing in segments. Maybe the first half is for, like, your animal parades, etc. We bring in things to talk about. We bring in other games, whatever that might be, and then the riddles. Because here's the thing. Much like helium, scientists have discovered we are running out of riddles. Now, obviously, Neptune, Saturn, chock a block with riddles. But we can't drill deep enough. So what do we think?

[Casey]

Adam, let me answer that prompt with a segment. So in honor of our eighth anniversary, I reached out to our friend Arnie Parrott, who has done many songs over the years for hey, Riddle, Riddle. And I said, arnie, hey, Riddle, Riddle. We want to shake stuff up. We're getting pretty long in the tooth. I want you to commission, or I want to commission you to write a brand New theme song for the next chapter of Hate Rod and Riddle. Something that we can, something that we can really use to shake up the show. And I know people love the theme song. So I said, arnie, do me a favor, give me three options so that we can have people vote on what they want the new theme song to be. And Arnie said, absolutely, I got you. And he has delivered those three options to us now. Now here's the thing. I have not listened to them. He sent them in early this morning. I have not listened to them. I think Casey may be the only one who has listened to them. But Casey, are you prepared now for us to listen to Arnie's new theme songs so that we can vote on our favor? And we do have a question from Aaron.

[Aaron]

Yeah. Erin Keefe, New York Times. I have a quick question and this, I'm saying this with all of the love in the world.

[Casey]

You just say Eastern Standard Time.

[Aaron]

Oh, Eastern Standard Time, sorry.

[Adol]

And the failing New York Times.

[Aaron]

The failing, the failing New York Times. Lying. I have a question and this is, and I'm not trying to come down on our sweet listeners, I love our Kevins and Susie's.

[Casey]

Yes.

[Aaron]

In the past when we have handed them democracy, they have mangled it with their hands. Over on our Patreon, they vote for review crew and they voted for things that have made me throw up into my sink. So do we trust them with the fate of this high school version of hey Riddle, Riddle. And I'm saying, I just want to say everyone maybe vote responsibly. Yeah, that's my overall point.

[Adol]

Aaron, was it that Hallmark Amish movie that made you do that?

[Aaron]

Yes. Oh yeah. Uh huh.

[Adol]

Not the grapes or orange soda but the Hallmark Amish movie.

[Aaron]

Yep. Oh, so you remember.

[Casey]

Look, no, I mean I don't trust them with democracy. I don't trust anybody with democracy. You know, if it were up to me, we would be living under the iron rule of a cruel God and that God's name would be jpc. But we do have a compact with the listeners. You know, it's like we put out a show that they want to listen to. They should get a say in what you know they are listening to on a week to week basis. But luckily Arnie already gave us the three options. Right. And it's Arnie. So I don't think any one of the three options is going to be like bad, you know.

[Adol]

Sure, I want to hear these.

[Casey]

So we'll play the three options for you guys now and then, and then I'LL let you know at the end how people can vote on these. Casey, are you ready?

[Adol]

Yes. And each of these three options is preceded by a little note by Arnie, I guess, like an explanation of the song or whatever.

[Casey]

Okay, Gotcha.

[Adol]

Gotcha. That won't be part of the theme, but just so you know, that's gonna play first.

[Arnie Parrott]

Hey, this is Arnie Parrott coming to you from the deep recesses of JPC's songwriting camp. He said I could. He'd send me to songwriting camp, and he drove me to a cave deep in Appalachia. I don't see anyone else for the camp. I think he said if I wrote a few themes, he'd come get me from camp. But I am, again, not seeing a lot of human activity in this cave system.

[Adol]

Keep talking. We almost got the location, so I'm

[Arnie Parrott]

just gonna crank out a few here and we'll see if any of them work good enough to get me home.

[Casey]

Okay, Casey, I'm not sure what that was, but let's not do that anymore. Let's not play any more of those. Just the theme songs.

[Adol]

We got them. We triangulated the coordinates. We got them. No, we found the kids.

[Aaron]

It looks like JPC's basement. We were right. We were right. Send the helicopter.

[Casey]

Do you ever feel stuck in the middle? Something familiar? Feeling suddenly quite different and quite strange? You're still listening to a riddle. Riddle. We're not afraid of simply changing something for the sake of change. Even if it's your most well known thing. Okay, all right. Kind of power ballad vibes on that one.

[Adol]

Yeah, it felt like almost like a Don Johnson sitcom or something. Like, I picture pop collars, I picture jacket sleeves, pushed up, Corvettes.

[Aaron]

What's the history of passive aggressive songs being hits? Is that usually something that works? Sort of passive aggressive songs?

[Adol]

I think the Patreon song works pretty well.

[Casey]

The Patreon song is that you're so vain. Carly Simon, right?

[Adol]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, also, I think this.

[Aaron]

That might be just aggressive, right?

[Casey]

Yeah, I guess.

[Adol]

Also, I forgot to mention, this song evokes a dog with sunglasses.

[Casey]

Yes, it definitely evokes a dog with sunglasses. We actually just cast a dog with sunglasses into our studio. We got a big net, like one of those 1960s cartoons. And we're going to try to get that guy.

[Adol]

That could. That could be something of. I don't know how you guys feel about bringing on a new host. Maybe they, you know, maybe they earn slightly less than we do. Dog with sunglasses. I think that might be kind of fun.

[Aaron]

Okay, Dog with sunglasses Feels a little redundant for what we already have on the show, does it not?

[Casey]

Let's not name names. Let's keep it passive aggressive. Let's not name names.

[Aaron]

But yes. Okay.

[Casey]

Wow. Okay, so that's song number one. Casey, hit us with song number two.

[Arnie Parrott]

I made a huge mistake. It's Arnie Parrott. I made a huge mistake. And I wandered deeper into the cave. I'm very lost. All I have is the laptop and the microphone JPC gave me and a bunch of synthesizers. So all I can do is make more themes. I guess at some point he has to come get me. I mean, he knows where I am.

[Casey]

Okay.

[Arnie Parrott]

Oh my God, there's a body in here.

[Casey]

Okay.

[Arnie Parrott]

Oh my God, there's a body in here.

[Casey]

Casey, just the themes, please.

[Adol]

That's it. That's our new theme. That's my. That's the best sound I've ever heard in my ears.

[Aaron]

That was so spooky.

[Casey]

If we didn't already have a Hayward Halloween theme made, I feel like. I feel like already just wrote the Halloween theme for this year.

[Adol]

Yeah, I enjoy every second of that better than the full production of Phantom of the opera.

[Aaron]

100%. My only issue with that is, is that false advertising a little bit. Because how spooky are we usually? Like, does that theme play? And then it starts and I'm like, I found popcorn in my pants. And people were like, what is the tone of this show?

[Casey]

How spooky are we usually. Aaron? That's a good question to ask from the ghost of a Victorian doll who's had all the blood drained out of her body and her porcelain skin. Oh, no.

[Aaron]

Umm. I've been shot.

[Casey]

Pretty spooky if you ask me.

[Aaron]

Oh my God.

[Adol]

And Aaron, my defenses are down. Isn't it scary if there's a popcorn pervert on the loose tossing popcorn in people's pants? Isn't that scary?

[Casey]

That's pretty scary.

[Aaron]

Yeah, I guess that is pretty scary. From two guys who are from a couple of.

[Adol]

In sort of a Midwest sensibility. Isn't that kind of scary?

[Casey]

I didn't want to say anything, but Adol keeps flashing it in front of the screen. But what's scarier than Adol with a little bandit on his hand? Adol?

[Arnie Parrott]

What?

[Aaron]

What happened?

[Adol]

Stigmata.

[Casey]

Stigmata, yeah. Maybe they don't fix that.

[Aaron]

I definitely liked that one a lot.

[Casey]

Okay, so that's theme number two. And then, Casey, when I said just play the themes, I meant whatever else Arnie has sent over. And it doesn't even matter where he is or what camp he's at. Just play the themes that he is writing for us. Okay.

[Adol]

Gotcha. Gotcha. And to be fair, Arnie did not say there's a dead body. He just said there's a body, so.

[Casey]

And it doesn't matter because that's gonna be cut, right? Cause that's not making it to.

[Adol]

Yeah.

[Casey]

Cause that's not the theme.

[Adol]

I'm just gonna play the theme now.

[Casey]

Okay. Thank you.

[Arnie Parrott]

Hi, it's Arnie Parrott. I've lost complete track of time and space. I really have no concept of where I am or how long I've been here. The body was Casey Trayla. He writes all the themes for Big Grande.

[Casey]

Yeah. Okay, that's. You don't know that.

[Arnie Parrott]

I'm sure I'm making out. I'm sure I'm making it out of here.

[Casey]

You're not a doctor, right?

[Arnie Parrott]

I did write a third theme in the desperate hopes that it might be enough, but, you know, whatever is for this guy, nothing is.

[Aaron]

Sounds like there's running water in the cave.

[Arnie Parrott]

Thanks.

[Casey]

Yeah, a lot of editorializing from Arie. Just with the themes, though, Casey, Just the themes from here on out, please.

[Adol]

Okay. I'm getting notes of Peter Gabriel. I'm getting notes of Fruit by the Foot commercials.

[Casey]

I like the homage. I felt like there were. I heard some horses named Friday in the background there too. It feels very reminiscent of the current theme.

[Aaron]

Yeah, I loved it. Yeah.

[Adol]

Okay. I think I have a solution. I have two solutions.

[Casey]

Sure.

[Adol]

Either every episode from now on, we play all four themes. And that. Hey. And that helps us solve the, you know, running out of riddles because it eats up a little bit of time. Or it's sort of a grab bag. We roll a die, a four sided die. And if those exist. And. And every time we roll it, whatever number pops up that correlates to a theme, we put that in front of the episode. So every time, it's gonna be a fun little surprise.

[Casey]

You don't know what you're gonna get. You're gonna get a new theme every time. I love that.

[Aaron]

Adol. This is why you're our leader, is because you have all the best ideas. You bring everyone's ideas together.

[Adol]

Down sees Crossing Guard Badge. Uh oh.

[Casey]

I still think that people should be able to vote for these. So I'm not gonna leave this open forever. Um, but for. For our anniversary month, for the month of August, I will. I'll have this poll up. You can go on and vote now. Haywardovirtel.com themesong and vote for which one is your favorite of the theme songs.

[Aaron]

Now there's no right in voting, right?

[Casey]

There's no right in voting.

[Aaron]

I think you should.

[Casey]

Yeah, maybe we have Reddit voting because,

[Aaron]

I mean, how fun would that be to read?

[Casey]

I think the only problem with the Reddit voting is I think most people will do that and then no one will vote.

[Aaron]

What do you also have to vot. What if it's like rank choice?

[Casey]

Okay, I will do. I'll try to do it. So I want people to pick one. But then I'll also have like a notes where you could do a write in. So if you want to suggest. And what are they writing in? Are they like. I think 99 red balloons by Goldfinger should be the.

[Aaron]

I think Salisbury Hill by Peter Gabriel

[Casey]

would be a better choice that we have to go clear the right side. Yeah.

[Aaron]

If enough people write in the same thing. We will look into it.

[Casey]

Okay.

[Adol]

Yeah, we'll look into it. We play all four themes at the same time layered on top of each other. Yeah, exactly. We just have to sit with that. Arnie, Phenomenal job. If it's. I'd be remiss to say if you or anyone you know has any information about Arnie Parrot, he has been missing for a few weeks. He was last seen in Asheville, North Carolina. Please let us know. Email us at hrrpodcastgmail.

[Aaron]

But no rush.

[Casey]

But no rush. And Arnie. Casey. Arnie's fine, right? Was there. Were there any more messages from Arnie? Cause I. Again.

[Adol]

Yeah, he sent in a fourth one. I haven't listened to this one yet.

[Casey]

Okay. Yeah, let's play it. Hey, everybody, it's me, Arnie Parrott, the guy who wrote the theme song for hey, Riddle, Riddle and a bunch of other shows. Just wanted to kind of check in and say everything's good. I'm fine. JPC's cool guy. Really, really nice, man. That's nice. Anyway, I am kind of thinking of a different direction for my life. Thinking about running away and becoming a pirate and not like a swords and swashbucklers kind of pirate. More like one of the new, you know, Captain Phillips style kinds of pirates. So anyway, if you don't hear from me, that could be fun or ever again, that's probably where I am. And it's dangerous. So, you know, draw your own conclusions.

[Kyle Mooney]

Sure.

[Casey]

But I'm fine. I'm all good. JPC's good. And see you later.

[Adol]

Hmm. I never notice how much the cadence and timbre of Arnie's voice sounds like jpc.

[Casey]

Yeah.

[Aaron]

Okay, well, he's fine.

[Casey]

But. He's fine.

[Aaron]

Great. I don't have to think about it anymore.

[Casey]

That is to bed. You can cancel all those emails about seeing him or whatever you are going to do. Or whatever.

[Adol]

Hmm.

[Aaron]

Phew. Well, I feel better. That would have been scary.

[Adol]

That would have been rough.

[Casey]

So don't Forget to vote. Heyridevirtel.com themesong this month.

[Adol]

I have the fourth theme here, actually.

[Casey]

Oh, okay. Please.

[Aaron]

Help, help, help, help. Well, my name is Ernie and I'm writing the theme. And I'm not gonna be mean. I'm gonna talk about riddles and stuff. What? Loungeless stuff? Gruff.

[Adol]

That's our new theme.

[Casey]

Oh, that's our new theme.

[Beck Bennett]

Aaron.

[Adol]

What you just wrapped is our new theme.

[Casey]

That's a really good one, Aaron. I like how it really shows it. Honestly, more than any of the other themes. It tells people what the show is gonna be about.

[Adol]

Laminate it, slap it up top.

[Casey]

A primer on what exactly is going to be.

[Aaron]

To answer your question from before. I haven't changed at all in eight years. Yeah, I'm exactly the same, but I'm frozen in amber.

[Casey]

Oh my God, that's so fun. When Casey said he had a fourth theme to play, I was like, oh, I already did a fourth one. Okay. What is this? We hadn't talked about this as a bit, but I'm so happy, so happy that Casey took some great initiative.

[Adol]

In all honesty, in all sincerity, how do we feel legit about the first half? Big. A little more casual? The riddles just again, to save riddles. To make riddles something a little more special. If you eat a 10 course dinner and it's all key lime pie, you start to hate pie.

[Aaron]

I completely agree. And I think what our. The issue we've been running into is the false promise of riddles earlier. So if we're just more honest with people and we go, hey, we're running out of riddle riddles.

[Adol]

Yes.

[Aaron]

So maybe we just take it easy on this whole.

[Adol]

Don't you guys have like six years of unopened emails with riddles?

[Casey]

Stop.

[Aaron]

Casey.

[Adol]

Casey. Sorry.

[Aaron]

Oh my God. Casey.

[Adol]

Casey. Take that out.

[Casey]

Oh my God.

[Aaron]

He's still talking.

[Casey]

We need this show. We need the show to go on 60 more years. So we can't, we can't burn all of those. We gotta slow it down. Here's the thing. I'll do whatever makes you hogs happy. You listeners out there, whatever you want. You want me to eat a spicy Chip on the show. I'll eat a fucking spicy chip. You want me to review sneakers? I'll review goddamn sneakers. I don't care what we do. If you want more riddles, we'll do more riddles. I'll do riddles till my fucking ears bleed. I don't give a shit what we do.

[Aaron]

That's the spirit. Maybe write in what you want JPC to do in that vote place.

[Casey]

Yeah, but it has to be a song. It also has to be a song title, like Kill Yourself by Macklemore or whatever. Whatever. You're gonna do Macklemore's songs.

[Kyle Mooney]

Yeah, you're right.

[Casey]

That sounds more like a Ryan Lewis joint.

[Adol]

Yeah, he's the problem in that duo. And maybe it's something we test out and see what happens.

[Casey]

Yeah.

[Adol]

And, you know, just. Just go from there. I just think there is sometimes a panic to start riddles as soon as possible because we haven't gotten to a riddle.

[Aaron]

Sometimes you're dragging your feet even now in real time.

[Adol]

Sometimes that's when we have a guest and we haven't really gotten to have as much sort of fun with them

[Casey]

as maybe we can.

[Adol]

So I'm just. I'm just saying this might help alleviate some amount of, you know, the sort of Dam Cleese dangling over our necks.

[Aaron]

It's happening right now in real time.

[Casey]

Did you not prepare riddles? Is that what's happening here, do you think? You just.

[Aaron]

He's doing the stretch motion with his hands.

[Adol]

How dare you. Can I just stop and say, how dare you? Did you know that eight years ago, the Tom Loing cave rescue happened?

[Aaron]

What happened?

[Casey]

Which one was that? Was that the one where Elon Musk called everybody, that guy a pedophile?

[Adol]

Yes.

[Casey]

God, what a time. What a simpler time.

[Adol]

Also, LeBron James joined the Lakers.

[Aaron]

What else?

[Arnie Parrott]

What else?

[Casey]

Can you believe that guy's still playing basketball?

[Adol]

He's still playing basketball.

[Casey]

Is he 44? Is he 44?

[Adol]

I think he's 43.

[Arnie Parrott]

43.

[Casey]

42.

[Adol]

43.

[Casey]

Still playing basketball.

[Adol]

Did you know, eight years ago, July 16, 12 new moons were discovered orbiting Jupiter? Maybe that's what inspired Aaron's Jupiter.

[Casey]

Could be.

[Aaron]

Did you guys want to guess what song was number one when we premiered hey There, Delilah?

[Casey]

Delilah 2018. Hey There, Delilah.

[Adol]

It had a comeback. It had a resurgence.

[Casey]

What does it do in Leap by Aaron?

[Aaron]

No.

[Casey]

Then. I don't know.

[Aaron]

It was Drake in My Feelings. Now let's look up the number one movie.

[Casey]

Oh, Drake's in My Feelings? Yes. Yes, of course.

[Adol]

Eight years ago, succession started.

[Casey]

You want to feel old?

[Adol]

Infinity War came out.

[Aaron]

That was probably the number one movie. Oh, Deadpool 2.

[Adol]

Deadpool 2. Crazy Rich Asians. What else, what else, what else?

[Casey]

Wow. Can you believe that Infinity War, that was the last Marvel movie they ever made.

[Aaron]

Can you believe that?

[Casey]

And here we are eight years later. And sometime this year, next year, there's going to be Avengers. Who gives a Shit? Like, we're really rounded out culture, aren't we? We're just, like, grinding it down to dust.

[Aaron]

That would get me back into the theater is Avengers. Who gives a Shit? I would have my butt in that seat so fast.

[Adol]

Yeah, if actors keep retiring and then they come back as mas of villains. Like, if Tom Holland goes until, let's say, 55 as Spider man, then comes back as Magneto, I'll keep watching just to be like, what's this now?

[Casey]

I would see Avengers. Who gives a shit? If it's full production, $300 million budget. They got Chris Hemsworth fully dressed as Thor, and he's just kind of wandering around being like, anybody care what Thor's doing now?

[Aaron]

A soundstage that has no cgi.

[Casey]

No cgi.

[Adol]

And he has sort of a Ray park duel Mjolnir. Like, sort of. What was Ray Park's character?

[Casey]

Darth Maul.

[Adol]

Darth Maul. Sort of a Darth Maul duel kind of thing. Just because it's all Mjolnirs.

[Casey]

You got Chris Evans. He's Captain America. He's sitting in his car trying to get into the Paramount lot or whatever. He's like, behind a long list of people. Yeah, I got to film.

[Aaron]

So funny.

[Casey]

I gotta film Avengers. Who gives a shit? Like, yeah, he's gotta wait. Cause there's like, yeah, I don't know. Some production's got a whole bunch of peacocks in there.

[Aaron]

And he goes, do you want an autograph? And the guy's like, no.

[Casey]

The guy does the thing where he looks in the backseat, like, looks at who's in the rest of the car, and he's like, I'm good, man.

[Adol]

Don Cheadle's on set, but he just came from Ocean's 36 and is donning a British accent.

[Casey]

Pun. Pun intended. On the Dawning. Huh?

[Adol]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Aaron]

$25 ticket. Let's go, everybody.

[Casey]

$25 for regular. You want to see this shit in 3D, 40x IMAX.

[Aaron]

I want to see this in digital. I don't need. I don't need this to be crisp.

[Casey]

You don't need it. You need it. You trust me. You need it. Trust me, you need it.

[Aaron]

I don't know, man. Have a good one.

[Casey]

You're going to see every pore on Sebastian Stan's ass.

[Aaron]

Okay, have a good one.

[Beck Bennett]

Yeah.

[Casey]

Sebastian Stan full n sex scene. Six minutes uncut. And I'm not talking about the scene

[Aaron]

we're playing right into Adol's hand. Adol?

[Casey]

I'm talking about Sebastian Stan's dick.

[Adol]

Oh, shoot. You know what? It's time for a break.

[Aaron]

Oh my God, he did it.

[Casey]

Oh, okay. Hey, Riddle. Riddle will be back in Avengers. Who gives a.

[Adol]

Hey everybody, Adol here. Don't panic. I'm trying not to. The three of us were at the Cook County Pie factory. I'm still here on a self guided tour, of course. And JPC and Aaron leaned over a bit too far and fell into the pie vat. So they've been baked into pies. I'm trying to run around eating through the pies to find them. No such luck so far. But I do want to let you know this is stressful, of course, but one of the most stressful things we have to deal with after a busy day of recording riddles is what are we gonna have for dinner? JPC, of course, always suggests. I've got a bone to pick with you and Aaron's all we should have a bottle of camchata. 45 minutes later, 2/3 of us are baked into pies. This all could have been avoided with Tempo. The meals are already prepared, ready in two minutes and make it a whole lot easier to eat fresh balanced meals during the week. With over 20 recipes every week made from nutrient rich ingredients, Tempo keeps things exciting and helps you stay consistent with healthy habits. And no matter your goals, there's a Tempo meal for you. Protein packed meals with over 30 grams of protein, fiber, rich calorie conscious gut Support and even GLP1 smart meals. GLP1 I guess is maybe how you pronounce it. Personally, I've recently had some favorites from Tempo including the Barbecue Pulled Pork sweet potato Skillet, the Fiesta Grilled chicken and Rice, and the most fun to say, the lean and clean Rotini Bolognese with garlicky broccoli. Yum, yum, yum. For a limited time, Tempo is offering our listeners 60% off your first box. Go to tempommials.com riddle that's tempomeals.com riddle for 60% off your first box. Tempomeals.com riddle rules and restrictions may apply. Oh oh, I bit into a pie. It's Aaron. Oh, nope, that's a blackbird Mmm, maybe. Aaron.

[Casey]

Oh, it is.

[Adol]

Erin. You're free. She just flew out the window. Classic Aaron.

[Casey]

Hey, everybody. JPC here. You know, one thing I love about summer is how easy everything feels. The days are a little more relaxed, and I find myself reaching for the same comfortable go anywhere pieces again and again. That is why I Love Quince. Quince's 100% European linen pants and shirts are breathable, easy to throw on, and the summer upgrade your rotation needs starting at just $34. I absolutely love their linen shirts. I wear my Quince linen shirts all summer long. They're light, they're breezy. It's the best feeling in the summertime. Plus, their tees are soft enough to live in all day. And the lightweight cotton sweaters are exactly what you want when the summer nights cool down. Everything at quince is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. And they work directly with ethical factories and cut out the middlemen. So you're paying for exceptional quality, not brand markup. And it's not just clothing. Quint's has home goods. They have sheets. They became a trusted favorite from everything from home to travel to everyday essentials. Plus, I played Peter Quince in Midsummer Night's Dream when I was in high school and maybe one time after that. I think I've been in it twice. So make your summer wardrobe easier. Go to quince.com riddle for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q U I n c e.com Riddle for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com Riddle actually, guys, I've said Quince so much I'm now remembering I played Bottom of the Weaver. I did not play Peter Quince and Midsummer Night's Dream in high school and one other time after that, played Bottom the Weaver twice.

[Aaron]

Hey, everybody, it's Aaron. Sometimes the universe is a very funny thing. Right before I started recording this, I got an email notification from Rocket Money, an app I've been using for so long. Way before they became a sponsor of hey Riddle Riddle, I got an email from them saying that they had successfully canceled a subscription for me that I had asked them to cancel for me because I had forgotten about it. And it's just the best feeling to know that someone is looking out for you when all these other companies are trying to be predatory and take your money right under your nose. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills. So you can grow your savings. Rocket Money is a really helpful tool for my brain because it's color coded. You can set budgets for yourself and there's categories. Everything is really intuitive and easy. You can see where your money is going and you can see going to things that you've completely forgotten about. They can help you save so much money every year just by keeping you on top of your finances. Also, I've been using the automated savings tool that they have to grow towards my goals. You can set the adjustable amounts and the frequencies and it's a set it and forget it approach. And then you go, oh my gosh, I've saved up for that thing that I wanted or that bill I wanted to pay off. It is so intuitive and I think you should give it a shot. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join RocketMoney.com Riddle that's RocketMoney.com Riddle RocketMoney.com Riddle R I D D L E thank you, Rocket Money. I appreciate it.

[Beck Bennett]

Hi, I'm Beck Bennett.

[Kyle Mooney]

I thought I was Beck Bennett.

[Beck Bennett]

No, no, no, no.

[Kyle Mooney]

Kyle Mooney.

[Beck Bennett]

Yeah, sorry about that. Exactly. No, all good. All good.

[Kyle Mooney]

Thanks, buddy.

[Beck Bennett]

Yeah. And we host the show what's our podcast here on Headgum.

[Kyle Mooney]

This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all in one website platform. You stand out and make you look like a kick ass person online, like

[Casey]

you're skateboarding through the Internet or you're

[Beck Bennett]

like you're surfing through the web.

[Kyle Mooney]

Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand and get paid all in one place.

[Beck Bennett]

I like that it's all in one place. I don't, I like that I don't have to go around, you know, like different stores or something.

[Casey]

It's just all, well, it's like, oh,

[Kyle Mooney]

do I need to go to like a, Do I need another type of website to like, find the right pictures or to like another type of website to upload?

[Beck Bennett]

You know, it's all in one place.

[Casey]

The video or the audio or like.

[Kyle Mooney]

No, I want it makes it easy. Make it easy on me, please.

[Beck Bennett]

Yes. And you can do all those things. Photos, videos, changing fonts, you know, I mean, the designs are amazing. They're catering to all your different needs. Their SEO tools, which. I know what those are. And their custom domains.

[Kyle Mooney]

Oh, let's come up with a domain right now. Let's see. I wonder if it exists.

[Beck Bennett]

Www.friends meeting friends

[Kyle Mooney]

friendsmeeting friends.com that's an

[Beck Bennett]

original thing that we came up with, friends meeting friends. Anyway, so check out squarespace.com headgum for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code HEADGUM. Save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hell, sounds easy. Anybody could do it.

[Adol]

And we are back. And wouldn't you know it, it's time to do riddles. And don't we feel a little more enthused about it?

[Casey]

Oh, yeah.

[Adol]

A little more refreshed?

[Casey]

Oh yeah. I feel fucking. I feel fucking amazing right now.

[Aaron]

I'm more tired than I've ever been. And away we go.

[Casey]

Aaron, you're what, you're. You're what, three years, three years younger than me? You're 34 something. You're in your. I'll say. You're still in your early mid-30s.

[Aaron]

Okay.

[Casey]

Can you imagine how tired you feel now knowing that it only gets worse?

[Aaron]

And does it only get worse?

[Casey]

This is the most awake and alert you'll ever feel. It's. It never. It never. It doesn't get better.

[Aaron]

That's not sustainable.

[Casey]

I know.

[Aaron]

What am I gonna do?

[Casey]

You do hit a point. And I remember this when I was like watching my own grandparents where they would like wake up at like 4:30 in the morning and then just kind of like daughter around all day and then go to bed where it's like, oh, you stop needing sleep completely. But it's not because you're like, you have so much energy. It's because the low level of energy that you have only takes like three hours of sleep to, you know, get you to that point. And then once that is. That's as full as the battery tank goes. You're just up and you're like, okay, I guess now, I guess now I'm just kind of sleepy all day until 10 o' clock at night where I can.

[Aaron]

That's genuinely so funny.

[Casey]

Go to sleep for another five.

[Adol]

There's a reason why if one older person passes away, their, their spouse usually passes away right after. Because it's like, oh, thank God. Like them.

[Aaron]

All right, that'll do it then. Woo, woo, woo. Thank God. Yikes. All right, exit stage left. All right.

[Adol]

Phew.

[Casey]

I had a great. Who was it? It was, I think it was like one of my grandparents, cousins or something like that. But you know, of their age and they were on. They were old. They were in like their, their 80s or. No, they were in their 90s. They were on vacation. Don't want to say where?

[Beck Bennett]

Israel.

[Casey]

But they were on vacation. They were like, you know the Christians that go to Israel, like those fun people, but they were on vacation and one of them died and oh, yikes. Like, in their hotel room. And then the other one, they were like the family for a while was like, oh, fuck. We have to, like, figure out how to get a body, like, back overseas with this person who's out there. So, like, okay, well, we're gonna fly out there. Someone else is gonna fly out there, like two days. And then two days later, the other one just died. That was like, perfect.

[Aaron]

Perfect.

[Beck Bennett]

Perfect.

[Aaron]

To try to get out of like a kind of logistically nightmare chore just to die. Hell yeah. Yeah.

[Casey]

And then no one had to deal with it because then everyone else was like, yeah, we have grandparents here. We can bury him here, whatever. That's totally fine.

[Aaron]

That's so funny.

[Casey]

And they wanted to be buried here anyway because let' honest. Right? So it's like, perfect.

[Aaron]

Oh, my God.

[Casey]

Brushing the hands, everybody.

[Aaron]

I would actually like to see a scene.

[Adol]

So they're buried in Israel.

[Beck Bennett]

Yeah.

[Casey]

Or somewhere over there. Who knows? Hey, back here. I'll tell you that much.

[Aaron]

I'd like to see a zine. Ada will have you be a flight attendant in jpc. You are trying to inconspicuously fly back home with your spouse's body so you don't have to pay any extra or special fees for it.

[Adol]

Excuse me, sir. I noticed that your. This spouse.

[Casey]

My wife. This is my wife.

[Adol]

Wife. Yeah, I know.

[Casey]

She's so sleepy.

[Adol]

I know. She keeps kind of falling asleep and dropping into the aisle. If she could just. If there's a way to just kind of stay put, we can't have anybody walking around.

[Casey]

Got it? Yeah. No, she'll. She'll try to stop doing that, but she was just too much to put into a middle seat. I mean, she likes the aisle seat, so that's why she's in the aisle seat. It wasn't. It wasn't a strength issue on my part or anything like that. But, yeah, we'll. We'll. And just. Just so you know, and I don't know if I report this to you or if I don't need to report it to me. The kid sitting behind me farted really bad and keeps farting really bad. So if anyone reports, like, a smell, anyone else reports a smell, it was the kid behind me who keeps farting really bad. And it's. And he's. And they're really big farts too. So that's. If there is a smell issue being reported anywhere in the plane.

[Adol]

Can I tell you, I'm not supposed to say anything, but half of the people on this flight are undercover flight attendants. And what we do is if there's something like this that's really. One of them will start kicking the back of his seat or something like that, so.

[Casey]

Got it.

[Adol]

Yeah. It's all. Flights are half full of actual paying customers and the rest are undercover agents.

[Casey]

Can I ask you a question? You don't have to answer this. Maybe if it's just a look. The guy sitting next to me on my left, that's a flight attendant, right?

[Arnie Parrott]

Mm.

[Aaron]

Hi.

[Adol]

Your wife hasn't touched her stroopwafel. That's never happened. Happened before.

[Casey]

Oh, yeah. These are disgusting. These are disgusting. And nobody. Nobody wants.

[Adol]

Something's wrong.

[Aaron]

Excuse me. This woman behind me. Thank you. I'm glad that you're over here. And I'm just overhearing what you're talking about. She's kicking my chair so much. Oh. Can you get your wife to stop kicking my chair? Sir, please. Can you wake her up and ask her to stop kicking my chair?

[Casey]

I. You know what? You never wake a sleeping woman to tell her to stop kicking.

[Aaron]

I do all the time.

[Casey]

I'm sorry.

[Aaron]

I do all the time.

[Casey]

Who. Who do you wake up?

[Aaron]

My wife.

[Casey]

I wish. Sorry.

[Aaron]

She has to sleep. She has. You feel sorry for my wife?

[Casey]

I do feel sorry for your wife.

[Aaron]

She's a beautiful woman. She's a very good woman, and she has a really.

[Casey]

She's probably a fucking flight attendant. She's probably not even your wife.

[Aaron]

Honey. Is that.

[Casey]

Ask her. Wake her up.

[Aaron]

Honey, wake up.

[Adol]

Huh?

[Aaron]

Are you a flight. No, you're not. You're not a flight attendant, right?

[Casey]

Oh, my God.

[Aaron]

Oh, my God.

[Casey]

And can I tell you something? I'm also a flight attendant, and so is my dead wife.

[Aaron]

Bada, bada.

[Adol]

Code orange. Code orange. We accidentally flew a book when the

[Aaron]

plane is all flight attendants. Me doo bee. Who serves who? Me doo doo dee dee dee dee.

[Adol]

Let's do a riddle.

[Casey]

Yeah, please.

[Aaron]

Okay.

[Adol]

What is faster than a second minute? No, first.

[Casey]

A first.

[Adol]

A first.

[Casey]

Yes, yes, yes.

[Beck Bennett]

Wow.

[Aaron]

That is a good riddle, actually.

[Casey]

Okay, one out of two done. And that was 30 seconds, so.

[Adol]

All right, so let's maybe just buy some climb.

[Casey]

Clean looksuriate.

[Aaron]

I'd like to see a scene. We are gonna be Olympians who are on the podium at the Olympics. JPC will have you be the first place winner. ADOL will have you be second. And I'll be bronze. And gpc, you're Kind of being a sore winner. You're kind of gloating that you are much faster than us.

[Casey]

Aha. You did it. You gave it a good effort, I would have to say. May I shake your hand, Silver? May I shake your hand?

[Beck Bennett]

Bronze.

[Adol]

That's not his real voice, right? He's putting on some sort of affectation.

[Aaron]

He just did the too slow handshake to me.

[Casey]

Oh, a little too slow. Much like what you did on the track. Hey, and I want to apologize for turning around and running backwards for a little while. I just wanted to get a look at the competition.

[Adol]

This motherfucker's built like gaston. Yeah, kind of sounds like him, too.

[Aaron]

Hey, man, that was in poor taste. And so is this. We're just supposed to be quiet? Put your hand on your heart.

[Casey]

Poor taste? What are you talking about? All of my dust that you are eating.

[Adol]

It was a rubber track.

[Casey]

Yes, it was a rubber track. And maybe your father should have worn a rubber so he didn't have to deal with such a slow son.

[Adol]

That was actually artificial insemination.

[Aaron]

So, yes, we would know that if you hung out with us at all.

[Adol]

At the Olympic Village, you seemingly sequestered yourself in your room.

[Aaron]

You took all the condoms, you brought them all to your room with no one else.

[Casey]

Well, if you know how to do it right, you only need one person.

[Adol]

I had to raw dog a gymnast.

[Aaron]

Was it awesome?

[Casey]

Was it awesome?

[Adol]

It was incredible. I mean, we have to get married now because she's pregnant.

[Casey]

Whoa. After one, this guy gets it.

[Aaron]

Well, he's really fast.

[Casey]

He might be slow, but his sperm.

[Aaron]

You know, man, our whole lives are very full. That's probably why we didn't get first. Like, I have a wife. I have a family. I have a career that I love and.

[Casey]

Hold on. Hold on. It's my Ferrari guy. Go for Zeus. James.

[Adol]

Wait.

[Aaron]

Wait a second.

[Adol]

Wait a minute.

[Casey]

God damn it, James.

[Adol]

Swan Head Gaston.

[Aaron]

Body lightning that you throw at us during the race.

[Adol]

Toga.

[Casey]

You caught me. You caught me. Okay.

[Aaron]

Cloud made of golden leaves. Okay, we're not. We're not still going.

[Casey]

Keep your voices down. Keep your voices down. Okay, Look, I just wanted. They call it the Olympics. I just wanted to. To feel what it would be like to compete.

[Adol]

You're a God.

[Aaron]

What are you pathetic, man?

[Adol]

The saddest I've ever heard you didn't get.

[Aaron]

You were not getting no validation.

[Casey]

It's not the saddest thing you've ever heard. Sadder than a God hanging out of the Olympic Village and just masturbating. A bunch in his room. Wait, what are you doing? James?

[Adol]

What that mean?

[Beck Bennett]

Zeus.

[Aaron]

Zeus. Where have you been?

[Casey]

Have I been not fucking around? You told me not to fuck around, so I stopped doing that.

[Aaron]

Where were you? What is that around your neck?

[Casey]

Oh, this? They give these to you for donating blood. Don't have blood. Oh, my God.

[Aaron]

You missed Dionysus's game. He was waiting for you.

[Casey]

Dionysus was waiting for me?

[Aaron]

Yeah, he.

[Casey]

Okay, he.

[Aaron]

He hit. He finally hit a ball in the game and he looked into the stands and he was looking for his dad. Zeus, I think, right?

[Casey]

Dionysus can't even stand up straight. You're telling me he hit a ball?

[Adol]

I told you, mom, he hates me.

[Casey]

I don't hate you. You're just. You're just not an ath. Oh, come on. I'm a bad guy.

[Adol]

Drinks wine, fucks a bun. Go to your wine, fucks a bunch of drinks.

[Arnie Parrott]

Wine.

[Casey]

Go to your wine. Dionysus.

[Adol]

Of course, fuck some drinks.

[Aaron]

It's really hard to convince people that Hercules isn't your favorite just cause he's a great athlete. And you wanted to be a great athlete, but instead you're just a God and a dad. So why don't you just go up and apologize to your sons whose names I don't even know if you remember?

[Casey]

I remember some of my brothers. That's pretty good. Oh, boy. Put me on the. The spot.

[Aaron]

You're drunk.

[Casey]

Dies. Just give me the wide, boy.

[Aaron]

What's my name? What's my name?

[Adol]

My nieces.

[Aaron]

What's my name?

[Casey]

Your name?

[Aaron]

Your beloved wife.

[Casey]

Easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy. I'll tell you what it's not. It's not Athena. That's.

[Aaron]

Oh, she's on your mind again, isn't she?

[Casey]

I think it's my daughter. Wow. Or is it? Or. Wow, you are bad. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

[Aaron]

Hit it.

[Casey]

Hera.

[Aaron]

Yes.

[Casey]

Okay. You know what I did?

[Aaron]

What?

[Casey]

I looked at you and I was like, she's got hair. Hair. That's how I remember.

[Aaron]

Pack a bag, please.

[Casey]

Okay. Opens bag, dumps a bunch of condoms in. I'll be at the Olympic village.

[Aaron]

And why did you run for Canada?

[Casey]

See, we don't know where Mount Olympus is. You know, it could be in Canada. They got a lot of mountains there.

[Aaron]

Isn't it in Greece?

[Adol]

Greece,

[Aaron]

huh?

[Casey]

Do you say Greece? It's not necessarily. Definitely from Greece, right?

[Adol]

Yeah, I guess we could quibble about the new.

[Aaron]

Is not going to die on any hills anymore.

[Casey]

Dionysus. On any hills. Oh, did the ancient Greeks, when they were like, the gods are from Mount Olympus. Did they, like, point to a mountain and be like, that's Mount Olympus? Or was like, Mount Olympus like some distant mountain? You know what I'm saying?

[Aaron]

Huh?

[Adol]

So you think that they were talking about Mount Olympus, like a girlfriend saying, like, you know, it's like my Mount

[Casey]

Olympus who lives in Canada.

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[Adol]

You'll never see it. You can't climb it. But then. Well, to be fair, Prometheus stole fire from the gods.

[Casey]

Yes.

[Adol]

Presumably from Mount Olympus.

[Casey]

He knew how to get there.

[Adol]

He knew how to get there.

[Aaron]

And do you think any of this is true? Do you think that these gods really existed?

[Adol]

Greek? No, Roman. Yes.

[Casey]

Yeah, unfortunately. Okay, the one that was a copy that existed. Let's do it. Let's do it on the show. Finally. Let's talk about it. What gods exist? What? Don't. Allah. Sorry, guys, that's a bust. Jesus Christ. Nope, didn't happen. It's that.

[Aaron]

It didn't happen.

[Casey]

It's the Unsolved Mysteries thing where the guy's like, that one was totally fake.

[Adol]

Your God's not real. Real.

[Aaron]

I just know that there's a couple somewhere, and one of the sides of the couple is like, you're still listening to. Hey, riddle, riddle. Huh? And they're gonna say, yeah, it's the eighth year anniversary today. And they're like, well, what were they talking about?

[Casey]

Yahweh. No way. Didn't exist.

[Aaron]

They're going through the gods. And which ones are real or not real? We are qualified. ADOL hit us with that next God. That's not real.

[Adol]

Whoever. Whoever. The whoever. Peru. What's Peru?

[Aaron]

Worship Odin. Oh, done. That's not a real God. Next. Ra. More like.

[Casey]

Nah. Quetzalcoatl. What's it. What's it got? What's it got? All. Nope. Oh, boy.

[Aaron]

And Casey, feel free to jump in at any point. I feel like there's just an absolute infinite amount of these.

[Casey]

More like Vishnu, Poseidon.

[Aaron]

Real.

[Casey]

Real. That guy's real. Don't fuck with him. He's real. Got a big spear or whatever.

[Aaron]

Oh, my God.

[Casey]

Can we do another riddle? Atle.

[Adol]

Yes. And this is one of my favorites I've ever read. If you remove the B, I'm cold air, without the C, I'm muscle. Take away my first part and I'm ancient. I can be red, but I'm usually sung. What am I?

[Casey]

Remove the B, I'm cold air.

[Adol]

If you remove the B, I'm cold air without the C, I'm Muscle. Take away my first part, and I'm ancient. I can be red, but I'm usually sung.

[Casey]

I can be red, but I'm usually sung.

[Aaron]

Hymn. Him.

[Adol]

Not a hymn.

[Casey]

It's a word. How many letters? Can you tell us how many letters we're looking for? No, it's not. It's one of those. It's like a homophone thing.

[Adol]

Kind of tough to say.

[Beck Bennett]

Okay.

[Adol]

Because it's. Yeah. I mean, it's. Yeah.

[Aaron]

I'm so sorry. Can you walk me through it again?

[Adol]

Yes. If you remove the B, I'm cold air.

[Casey]

Let's pause there.

[Adol]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Casey]

So remove the B. I'm cold air. So I was thinking, like, ac, but then it's like back bac. No jpc.

[Adol]

You are hot, hot, hot, hot, hot.

[Casey]

With back.

[Adol]

Bear with the first thing you say with ac. Yeah.

[Aaron]

Air conditioning.

[Adol]

You have that, right?

[Casey]

Interesting. Okay, so keep going.

[Adol]

Mm. Without the C, I'm muscle.

[Aaron]

B, A.

[Adol]

Take away my first part, and I'm ancient. And you have it already with what you've discovered.

[Aaron]

And it's an ABCs.

[Adol]

It's the ABC.

[Casey]

ABC.

[Adol]

I do want to see a scene.

[Casey]

Gosh. Okay, I get it.

[Adol]

An AB scene. Aaron, you are like a preschool teacher. You're getting ready. You're gearing up for Nap time for JPC, and I. You are seeing the ABCs, but you had a rough night out on the town last night, and so this is sort of a newer version because you can't quite remember how it goes.

[Aaron]

All right, everybody close your eyes. Rose up into my water bottle.

[Adol]

Should we take the barf out of the classroom?

[Aaron]

Keep your eyes closed.

[Adol]

Ms. Tinucci, should we take the barf out of the classroom?

[Aaron]

No. What barf? Huh?

[Casey]

Ms. DeNucci, should we. Should we put the sawdust on it like. Like Janitor Jim does?

[Aaron]

No, we're not gonna let Janitor Jim know about this. Cause Janitor Jim broke up with me. We were on the dance floor last night, and he decided to call it quit while we were dancing to ke doll things, if you can believe it. Whoa.

[Adol]

Ms. Denucci, does janitor Jim wear his coveralls out?

[Aaron]

Yes. Oh, yes, he does. Now, if everyone can just close your eyes, and we're gonna work on that song we've been working on all week. If you're ready for it.

[Adol]

Ooh. Ms. Tannucci, I heard a loud voice Thunk. Did you close your eyes and walk into the chalkboard?

[Aaron]

I did.

[Adol]

Thank you for your honesty.

[Aaron]

I did, Declan. I did. It hurt so bad, and I'm even more disoriented than I was before.

[Casey]

Why did you close your eyes, Ms. Tannucci? Aren't you supposed to be watching us?

[Aaron]

Yeah, I guess. I guess. But I have the spins.

[Casey]

Remember when you closed your eyes for five minutes and Jeff disappeared?

[Aaron]

Yeah, but they've got their best guys on it. They're looking for him.

[Casey]

I guess.

[Adol]

There's a weird smell in the air duct.

[Aaron]

Well, sometimes you come home and you realize that you forgot to feed your cat and you're not sure what to do with the body, and so you're trying to get in touch with the vet, and you bring the cat to school and you put it in the air duct. And then you forget about it for six weeks. And then a child smells it and reminds you. You guys are gonna learn so much about the world. Let's work on our ABCs, okay?

[Casey]

Oh, you were gonna sing us the ABCs, Mr. Ninja?

[Adol]

Sing us the ABCs.

[Aaron]

Mm. Abc. If I can leave. Texting a sub to see if she can be in my classroom as fast as she can. If I can't get her, I'll ask a man. M, N, C, B what letters did I miss?

[Adol]

We got her. We got her. Rips off mask I'm Tiny Murphy with abcdos. Tiny Reporter, Big reporting.

[Aaron]

Oh, yeah, right. Tiny Murphy. Like you're gonna catch me. Beep beep. Hey, friends.

[Adol]

Hey. I'm covering as much ground as I at Hope.

[Aaron]

Tiny Murphy. Get out of my office.

[Adol]

Give me a second.

[Aaron]

Yeah, I figured as much. You're out of breath.

[Adol]

Where's the door?

[Aaron]

Tiny Murphy? Slammed hand on desk Small mysteries. You can't handle the big stuff, Tiny.

[Adol]

Please, please, please. Chief, put me on a big case. You know, a missing politician. I don't know, a space launch.

[Casey]

So this is the sand depot. As the sand comes in and then the construction orders come in for the sand and the sand goes out. So anyway, this is what we're missing. It's one solitary grain of sand.

[Adol]

God damn it.

[Casey]

We don't know where it went. We don't really have a lot of suspects.

[Adol]

But I want. Did you know I want a Tiny Pulitzer.

[Aaron]

Sir, there's been a murder in the sand. Oh, sorry. I didn't realize you were giving a tour.

[Casey]

Murder in the sand. Oh, no. We hardly have anyone around who can do something about a murder in the sand.

[Adol]

Tugs on your shirt down here. I'm Tiny Murphy.

[Casey]

Tiny Murphy from the news, from ABC News. Tiny Murphy, call ABC News and see if they can send someone over. Thanks a lot, Tiny Murphy. It Was good of you to call. It's me.

[Aaron]

This guy's even smaller. This guy's way, way smaller than Tiny Murphy.

[Casey]

Itty Bitty Andy. And I'm here to report on the murder.

[Adol]

God. They gave the case to Itty Bitty Andy.

[Casey]

And I closed it fast. It was another serial killer.

[Aaron]

Itty Bitty Andy and Tiny Murphy Solving the mysteries all over town. Andy and Tiny Murphy, turn that frown upside down. They're solving mysteries down the block.

[Adol]

Tiny gun, tiny badge on my desk.

[Casey]

See? See?

[Adol]

We get guns and badges.

[Aaron]

Okay, well, can I do that as a Patreon episode or will you guys be mad?

[Casey]

We liked. We liked what we heard. Aaron Adel, I know we've already done more than our two riddles, correct?

[Adol]

Uh, I think so.

[Casey]

Maybe just two.

[Adol]

Maybe just two.

[Casey]

Can I hit you guys with some late breaking news that just came across my desk? Now, by the time this comes out, unfortunately, this event will already be over. But for us here in the present, it is big news. Okay, Olive Garden has announced that they are bringing back the never ending pasta pass.

[Aaron]

Did someone text this to you?

[Casey]

Oh, a couple people for $100. Olive Garden alerts for $100. You get 13 weeks of unlimited pasta at the Olive Garden. Now they only sell. It looks like the last time they sold this was in 2019, and they only sold 24,000 pasta passes. The last time they did the sale, the passes went within minutes.

[Adol]

Are you guessing too much pasta?

[Casey]

Do you think it's my year? Shut up. Hold on, hold on. Before. Before you answer my question. Shut up.

[Adol]

Too much pasta.

[Casey]

Shut.

[Adol]

As your doctor, I can't.

[Casey]

You're fired. You're fired. Okay, I recant thee. I excommunicate you, doctor.

[Adol]

You're supposed to give me two weeks.

[Aaron]

But that's fine if you're already getting texts about it. It's too late.

[Casey]

What do you mean it's too late?

[Aaron]

You haven't checked.

[Casey]

The pasta passes have not gone on sale yet.

[Aaron]

Oh, okay. When do they go on sale?

[Casey]

Well, it'll already be over by the time this episode comes out. But it is for us. It'll be on Thursday. The pasta passes go on sale. They sell out within minutes. But it's like those people that wait online for the iPhone, right? Like, I could be one of the lucky ones. $100 for 13 weeks of unlimited pasta.

[Aaron]

And you can take the pasta to go. Or do you have to order other stuff? Is it like, with purchase?

[Casey]

You cannot take the pasta to go. I bet you have to sit in the restaurant. I Bet you have to talk to the waiter. I bet you have to tip America.

[Aaron]

You're gonna go to Olive Garden enough in a month to get your hundred dollars worth. You're gonna go and sit for a full meal at Olive Garden. I don't know.

[Adol]

Get a crew. Let's get a crew together. The pasta boys. The pasta boys make a meal out of it. And I do want to say I have some late breaking news or early breaking news. I don't know how that works. At the Olive Garden conference, which I guess they do much like apple does. It sounds like they have released Kakio Peppy 3 Pro. Kakyo Pepe 3 Pro. It is thinner. It has more sauce. How's the camera wifi Camera's amazing.

[Casey]

Guys, guys, I can't believe that we can do this. But Kasey said this is possible. We take you now to the Olive Garden conference, where the CEO of Olive Garden, Linda Rigatoni, is delivering the keynote speech right now. Now, we're half. We're in the middle of it, so we're breaking you into. Halfway into Linda Rigatoni's speech.

[Aaron]

It's a me Alinda arigatoni. And the future is a panos. We are gonna make the pasta a thinner, a faster, a better thinner to compete with all of the. A Chinese pasta, because everybody wants a pasta from there. Oh, yes. A question from a crowd.

[Adol]

Peter Penne from New York. The failing New York Times. Linda Rigatoni, didn't you just recently win the gold at the Olympics for Italy?

[Aaron]

Hmm? Yeah. How dare you? I. I'm not anyone besides Linda Rigatoni. It is not a fake name.

[Adol]

Oh, okay.

[Aaron]

My name is not Peter Primavera.

[Casey]

Pasta Times. Linda Rigatoni, how do you react to the news that you are, in fact, Hera, dressed up like Linda Rigatoni to get back at your husband Zeus?

[Aaron]

Oh, a Hera. I never heard of that name.

[Adol]

Ryan Isis. Sorry. Ryan Isis from Greek times.

[Casey]

Did you say your name is Ryan Isis?

[Aaron]

You're supposed to be at home doing your homework.

[Adol]

Mom, I'm here to support you.

[Kyle Mooney]

Oh, my God.

[Casey]

I'm here to support you.

[Aaron]

I get a home freak is alive. Wait. What is Hera's thing?

[Casey]

This guy said his name's Ryan Isis. What is Hera's thing?

[Aaron]

One more riddle for the road.

[Casey]

Yeah, sure.

[Aaron]

I think Hera's thing is, like. Isn't it like, fertility or being a wife or something? I'll look it up.

[Adol]

Yeah. Her thing is getting. Her thing's getting cheated on.

[Aaron]

That's like her power Marriage, women, family.

[Adol]

Detective Vin Diesel's speech from Fast and Furious.

[Aaron]

Yeah. Marriage, women, family.

[Adol]

First you get the marriage, then you get the women, then you get the family.

[Casey]

That's like. Your dumbest friend is like.

[Beck Bennett]

Yeah.

[Casey]

Linda wants me to write my own vows. What do you got so far? Marriage, women, family.

[Adol]

Are those bullet points or. Yeah, bullet points.

[Aaron]

I can bring my gun to the ceremony, shoot three bullets in the air, show her how excited I am, goes

[Adol]

into the upstairs best man. Let's do as Aaron requested, please. And of course, on anniversaries, Aaron gets whatever she wants. Now, Aaron.

[Aaron]

Yes.

[Adol]

I could read a riddle for the road as you asked. Or if my queen permits, you could do a wrap.

[Aaron]

Wait, you can't. Oh, is this part of the hundred dollar deal? You can't take any of the riddles on the road. You have to sit down to do your riddles. Yeah, that's.

[Casey]

Finish your riddle, Finish your riddle. No boxes.

[Aaron]

Okay, I'll do one more rap, but just because it's our eight year anniversary and just because I don't know how to rhyme. But you guys have to pick what I rap about. And no one is. No one's allowed to show your face on screen while I rap. And no one's allowed to laugh.

[Adol]

Pasta, Aaron, it's got to be about pasta.

[Aaron]

Oh, no, nothing. No, nothing rhymes with any pastas. Nothing rhymes with any pastas.

[Casey]

That's not true.

[Aaron]

Um, hold on. Yeah, I got it. Penne pocini, a little bit of a bucatini, Put it down on the plate. In a couple minutes, I'm gonna get to say that I ate all the pasta. Penne, lasagna and a little bit of linguine. Gonna order with a martini. Gonna be cold with olives at the garden. What?

[Kyle Mooney]

Say when.

[Aaron]

Say when.

[Adol]

Say when.

[Aaron]

And all the girls in the crowd say, say when. Say when. Say when. And then the fellas say it. Say when. I'm not done. Say when.

[Casey]

The fellas did the same thing.

[Aaron]

Spaghetti. Say I'm a getty. The spaghetti and I'mma eat it in one sitting.

[Adol]

Hey, keep it going. Keep it. Roll it back, Casey.

[Kyle Mooney]

Roll it back.

[Casey]

I want. I want Aaron. I want a clip of Aaron saying, I'm gonna get the spaghetti and eat it at one sitting.

[Aaron]

Ziti, bucatini, and a little. I'm trying. I'm. I don't want to be meanie. I don't. I can't do this.

[Adol]

Aaron.

[Beck Bennett]

Aaron.

[Adol]

I didn't. Stop it. You naturally reached the end. That was your first full length wrap. Whoa, Aaron. You did it.

[Aaron]

Cavatappy tap in. Take a nappy after eating cavatappy. I should have said I'm gonna take a nappy after eating cavatappy. Go back in time and put in the lyric. I' ma take a nappy after eating cavatappy. Casey, please. Casey, go back in time.

[Casey]

Please.

[Aaron]

Imma get eat the spaghetti and I' ma eat it in one sitting. I'm gonna take a napi after after eating cavatappy. I'm gonna take a nappy after eating cavatappy. I' ma take a nappy after eating cavatappy.

[Casey]

New York City, you listen to me. If you're near a convenience store right now, any type of 24 hour store, go into the store right now and put your hand in the cash register for no reason. Their money is your money as of right now.

[Adol]

Now, Aaron, you've had a time turner this whole time.

[Aaron]

Rigatoni, Casey, Tony.

[Adol]

It's been a bit of a plot hole.

[Aaron]

Rigatoni, Casey, Tony. Hot dogs.

[Adol]

That's not Italian.

[Casey]

Starring Aaron Cheathing and John Patrick Cullen. Casey, Tony did the editing. Mad already. Parents in the museum day logo created by Emily Cardamus and Emily Naporus.

[Adol]

Oh, my gosh.

[Casey]

Very fun.

[Adol]

I would say one of your better raps, Aaron.

[Casey]

Yeah. Aaron.

[Adol]

Aaron.

[Beck Bennett]

That was very fun.

[Adol]

That was very fun.

[Aaron]

Not good.

[Casey]

Hey there, Bradleys and Whitfords. If you like that, you're gonna love this week's Patreon. We take you to the Prestonshire Country Club with our special guest, Damon Royster. You can listen to that in our entire back [e-mail] Heyriddle Riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your 7 day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there.

[Aaron]

That was a Headgum podcast.

[Casey]

What's up, everybody?

[Kyle Mooney]

I'm Kyle Mooney.

[Beck Bennett]

And what's up, everybody? I'm Beck Banner.

[Casey]

And man.

[Kyle Mooney]

Ooh, we got something to tell you.

[Beck Bennett]

Oh, yeah, we def.

[Casey]

Yes.

[Kyle Mooney]

It's a brand new podcast on Headgum.

[Beck Bennett]

That's right. And it's called what's our Podcast?

[Kyle Mooney]

Yep. And that's because we don't have a single idea what our podcast should be about.

[Beck Bennett]

Yeah, we don't. So we actually have guests come on and they tell us what they think our podcast should be about and then we try it.

[Casey]

Yep.

[Kyle Mooney]

Guests like Marc Maron, Jack Black, Brittany Broski, Kate Berlant, Bobby Moynihan, Meg Stalter.

[Beck Bennett]

And Tim Balls.

[Kyle Mooney]

Landon Axler, Joanie McGree. And Dender.

[Beck Bennett]

And Dender. New episodes release every Wednesday, so subscribe to what's our podcast on YouTube or

[Kyle Mooney]

any of your favorite podcast platforms. Yeah, I'm gonna go do it right now.