Patreon Preview #317: Penguin Baseball Draft Season Two w/ Janet Varney & Casey Toney

Summary

Hey Riddle Riddle Podcast Summary

Episode: Patreon Preview #317: Penguin Baseball Draft Season Two w/ Janet Varney & Casey Toney
Release Date: April 4, 2025
Hosts: Adal Rifai, Erin Keif, and John Patrick Coan
Guests: Janet Varney & Casey Toney

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The latest Patreon Preview of the Hey Riddle Riddle podcast delves into the whimsical world of Penguin Baseball League (PBL) as the hosts discuss the upcoming Season Two Draft. This episode, featuring guests Janet Varney and Casey Toney, expands on the dramatic events that transpired in the first season, introduces new characters and teams, and sets the stage for an exhilarating new season. Below is a comprehensive breakdown of the episode's key discussions and insights.

1. Recap of Season One and the Boston Waddlers' Triumph

Aaron kicks off the episode by reminiscing about the inaugural season of the Penguin Baseball League, highlighting the unique twist where penguins play baseball with eggs as balls. He proudly mentions, "Aaron's team, the Boston Waddlers, ended up winning the whole she" (00:02).

Casey confidently declares his intent to win again: "And I'm gonna win again this year. Bitch." (00:27), sparking a playful banter among the hosts about team rivalries and competitive spirit.

2. The Tragic Disappearance of Penguins

A significant portion of the discussion revolves around a "massive, tragic accident" that led to the disappearance of all penguins from the first season (00:41). The hosts clarify that the penguins "went away" rather than died, introducing an air of mystery and setting up the stakes for the new season.

Eren questions the fate of a notable penguin character, Wyldstyle the Horny Penguin, leading to an explanation that "Wild Style of the Horny Penguin was more a title than a person" (02:00). This moniker's longevity is compared to Gallagher's persona continuity, adding depth to the league's lore.

3. Expansion to All Bird Species and Legal Challenges

The hosts reveal that due to social pressure and union influences, the ownership group decided to "open it up to all birds" this season (02:34). This inclusive move sparks excitement but also legal complications, as they hint at being involved in a lawsuit without delving into specifics.

Eren elaborates on the consequences of the hypothetical lawsuit: "Not only did we lose all the Penguins, but we also each lost controlling shares in our original teams. All of our original teams now have new players" (03:15). This development introduces new dynamics, with original teams like the Boston Waddlers now under different ownership, such as Caroline Kennedy.

4. Introduction of New Owners and Teams

The episode introduces several new team owners, including notable figures like Dan Brown and Caroline Kennedy. Aaron humorously questions Dan Brown's association: "Is Dan Brown a Chicago guy?" (05:14), to which it's clarified that "Dan Brown is a citizen of the world" (05:29).

Casey adds depth to Caroline Kennedy's character, revealing her as JFK's daughter and a poet, which adds an intellectual flair to the PBL's ownership roster (05:32).

5. The Chaos with the Gen Twos and Snow Hens of Toledo

John Patrick Coan (jpc) narrates the disbandment of the Gen Twos team due to chaos involving great white sharks near the Golden Gate Bridge (06:27). This event leads to protests from the Sharks wanting to join the league, introducing potential new conflicts for Season Two.

Taylor shares an anecdote about the Snow Hens of Toledo, explaining how Wild Style ran amok, leading to her dismissal: "He was like a cum tornado. And I'll let you fill in the blanks of what that means" (08:17). This colorful description underscores the unpredictable nature of the league's characters and events.

6. Building New Teams and Expanding the League

Despite the setbacks, the hosts emphasize resilience. Eren encourages listeners with, "All that to say we all landed on our feet. We've spun up brand new teams" (08:39). The league is expanding to include nine teams, with all original owners establishing new principal ownerships, ensuring a fresh and dynamic second season.

Notable Quotes

• Casey Toney: "And I'm gonna win again this year. Bitch." (00:27)
• Eren: "They can fly, but the rules of penguin baseball are still the rules." (03:08)
• Aaron: "Do you Know another Dan Brown?" (05:16)
• Taylor: "He was like a cum tornado. And I'll let you fill in the blanks of what that means." (08:23)

7. Humor and World-Building

Throughout the episode, the hosts weave humor and intricate world-building elements, referencing fictional shows like Shark Happy Days and playful nods to real-world entities. This blend of satire and creativity keeps the conversation engaging and entertaining, showcasing the hosts' improvisational skills.

Conclusion

The Patreon Preview #317 episode of Hey Riddle Riddle sets an exciting tone for Penguin Baseball League's second season. With new teams, ownership changes, and unresolved mysteries surrounding the penguins' disappearance, listeners are left eager for more episodes detailing how these dynamics unfold. The hosts successfully blend humor, storytelling, and character development, making this preview a compelling listen for both longtime fans and newcomers alike.

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Transcript Reference:
<a name="transcript"></a>Time-stamped excerpts from the podcast transcript were used to highlight key moments and quotes throughout the summary.

Transcript

[Aaron]

Famously, last year, we started Penguin Baseball League, or the pbl. Where Penguins, on their own volition, were put on a team. They played baseball where the ball was the egg. Or the egg was the ball. Whichever way it goes. And we had a wonderful time. Aaron's team, the Boston Waddlers, ended up winning the whole she.

[Casey]

And I'm gonna win again this year. Bitch.

[Aaron]

There is something. Well, that's.

[jpc]

I think that's likely.

[Aaron]

Four need to be called bitch.

[Casey]

Double zero again. Lightning strikes twice, Eren's gonna win two years in a row.

[Aaron]

There's a massive, tragic accident. Where all the Penguins just aren't around any longer. So all the Penguins that were played in that first season. So this year we decided the five of us owners, Casey Taylor, jpc.

[Eren]

Wait, what happened? All the Penguins from the first season died?

[jpc]

Yeah.

[Casey]

Wa. I don't know about that.

[Aaron]

I never said died.

[Eren]

Oh, okay.

[Aaron]

I said they went away.

[Eren]

They said, they're gone.

[Aaron]

They went away.

[Taylor]

And we've got a discount at Penguin Burgers. At the concession stand, everybody.

[Aaron]

And that's a burger stand run by penguins.

[jpc]

I see. I see.

[Aaron]

I see.

[jpc]

I see.

[Aaron]

Serving penguin meat.

[jpc]

Okay. What a roller coaster.

[Eren]

It's not currently staffed because all the penguins are gone. Wait, hold on. Does that mean Wyldstyle the Horny Penguin is just gone?

[Casey]

No, he's still alive.

[Aaron]

He still is unkillable. Here's sort of like Gallagher.

[Taylor]

Yeah.

[Eren]

How? In what way?

[Aaron]

You know how at some point, Gallagher's brother took over and it was still Gallagher?

[jpc]

Yeah.

[Eren]

Wasn't it Gallagher ii?

[Taylor]

Did that happen?

[Aaron]

So Wild Style of the Horny Pig was more a title than a person, so.

[Casey]

Oh, God.

[Aaron]

Did the first wildstyle the Horny Penguin die? Absolutely. But it's Horty Style, the Wild Penguin or whatever.

[Casey]

Hordy Style, the Wild Penguin.

[Aaron]

Is he still around?

[Casey]

That's my first draft pick.

[Taylor]

Adding that to the list right now.

[Eren]

Is that a play on Harry Styles style?

[Aaron]

Well, here's the thing. Style.

[Casey]

The wild penguin killed me.

[Aaron]

I got confused because. I got confused because at Penguin Burger, I take my burger Horny style, which is.

[Casey]

Don't say. Don't say. You're going to get people nauseous in their cars.

[Eren]

Don't.

[Casey]

Hey, adult. Don't stay if you know.

[Eren]

You know.

[Aaron]

Well, something I will say is us five owners got together this year. And we agreed, we wanted to. And this is also because of, you know, the unions. We wanted to open it up to all birds.

[Casey]

Social pressure.

[Aaron]

Social pressure.

[Taylor]

So we're in a lawsuit, I think, canonically Right?

[Casey]

Yeah. But we're not allowed to talk about the lawsuits.

[Taylor]

Oh, we're not allowed to talk about the lawsuits.

[Aaron]

Talk about it.

[Casey]

But maybe we can get into it in one of the episodes this month. But we can't talk about it yet.

[Aaron]

Okay. Yeah, okay. Okay. But now all birds are welcome. That's exciting for pbo.

[Casey]

It's really bird from a certain children's show that is about puppets on a street. Sort of listened to. Fucked us. Yes. I listened to Pegwood baseball last year. Said, oh, why not all the birds? Something like that.

[Aaron]

Aaron. I'll say it. It's the bat from Eureka's castle. Birds are birds.

[Casey]

And that bat fucked us and sued us. And now we're fucked. And now there's birds all over this field and not penguins. And they can fly. And that sort of defeats the purpose of them slipping and sliding. It doesn't matter. I was the one.

[Eren]

They can fly, but they're not supposed to. They can fly, but the rules of penguin baseball are still the rules. They're just not supposed to. I would also like to say. And it sucks that. And we can't say it was a lawsuit, and we can't say that we lost it, and we can't say that we completely botched it. But as part of whatever hypothetical lawsuit may have happened, not only did we lose all the Penguins, but we also each lost controlling shares in our original teams. All of our original teams now have new players.

[Casey]

We don't control Cher anymore. She was sort of under our jurisdiction.

[Eren]

The ropes were too brittle for Cher. We no longer have control of our original organizations, as you guys know. It was a big blow to me. The Naptown Road warriors were really important to me. I will say, you know, I wish them luck in the upcoming season. They are now owned wholly by Reggie Miller's estate. Reggie Miller, not dead, but he just prefers to let his estate handle a lot of this stuff. He kind of like acts like he's like Weekend at Bernie's right now. So it's a bummer. But there are new teams and we have put together new teams that we all have principal ownership of.

[Casey]

Penguin based. What was My Boston Waddlers is now owned by Caroline Kennedy.

[Eren]

Oh, it's a blow.

[Aaron]

Wow.

[Eren]

Which Kennedy is she?

[Casey]

She's kind of the one that's okay. She, like, writes books of poetry.

[Eren]

That's right. Okay, who is she?

[Casey]

Which one is she?

[Aaron]

I'm gonna say that the Chicago Cool Birds are now exclusively owned and operated by Dan Brown.

[Eren]

Of the Da Vinci Code.

[jpc]

Fade.

[Aaron]

Do you Know another Dan Brown?

[Taylor]

Lots of twists in their game.

[Aaron]

A lot of twists.

[jpc]

It can't be that common a name. Dan Brown.

[Eren]

Angels and Penguins. You know what I'm saying? Is Dan Brown a Chicago guy?

[Aaron]

Dan Brown is a citizen of the world.

[Casey]

Caroline Kennedy is JFK's daughter. Great, right?

[Eren]

So she's RFK's mom.

[Casey]

No.

[jpc]

And then JFK Jr. Married someone who's also named Caroline. That's kind of weird. I guess it's not. It doesn't matter. Who cares?

[Aaron]

And Aaron, you've been working on a scene that's an impression of. It's you doing both characters and it's Lil Edie talking to Robert F. Kennedy. The current Robert F. Kennedy.

[Casey]

Yeah. Let's see. Mal said that I have to wear my scarf like this. And my mom said that. I think I know that. I think I know.

[jpc]

Yep, 100%.

[Casey]

Anyways, Penguin baseball. Doo, doo doo doo doo.

[Eren]

Janet, Casey, do you wanna come up.

[jpc]

With a story about what happened to my team?

[Casey]

Yeah.

[Eren]

Or something. I don't know. It's fun.

[Aaron]

Or Dan Brown could also own your teams.

[jpc]

The Gen Twos. They disbanded?

[Eren]

No. Wow.

[Taylor]

So they're not even in the league anymore.

[jpc]

There was so much just chaos happening with all of the great white Sharks underneath that Golden Gate Bridge. They started to question whether or not that should be a place that Penguins play baseball. And everybody went their separate ways.

[Taylor]

What sucks is those Sharks are now protesting to be in the third season of Penguin Baseball.

[jpc]

And now. Yeah, now the Sharks are protesting. Major protest. There's been threats of, like, them jumping onto the bridge.

[Aaron]

And for sharks the shark. We should say yes. For sharks jumping. The shark is jumping the bridge.

[jpc]

That's right. That's right. It's a little confusing, but it starts to make sense when you think about it a lot.

[Aaron]

If you ever watch Shark Happy Days, there's a scene where the sort of cool Finzo. I think his name is Finzy. Finzy, Finzy, Finzy. He is a shark on water skis and he jumps a bridge.

[Casey]

I like when he hits the jukebox.

[jpc]

This is too much world building for one episode. You're gonna like Fritz. It's like smoke's gonna come out of your ears that you're also building Shark Happy Days at the same time you're doing Penguin baseball draft.

[Eren]

Ten years from now, when people see someone wearing a Gen 2's like, shirt out in the wild, they'll be like, oh, the Gen Twos. Whatever happened to them? I remember them, didn't they?

[jpc]

I already put a Lot of shirts up on ebay. It's no takers. No takers at all, but give it 10 years.

[Eren]

Casey, what happened to the snow hens of Toledo?

[Taylor]

Well, so you guys, you mentioned that everybody got removed from their post because of the lawsuit. I was actually fired slightly before then.

[Eren]

Oh, I heard about that.

[Casey]

I could have hid that.

[jpc]

Yeah, I didn't. How?

[Taylor]

Brave Wild style, the horny penguin, he ran amok in Toledo.

[jpc]

That doesn't sound like him.

[Taylor]

He was like a cum tornado. And I'll let you fill in the blanks of what that means.

[Aaron]

And.

[Taylor]

And is.

[Casey]

They were just how it sounds.

[Taylor]

Yeah, pretty much how it sounds. But it smells worse than you think.

[Eren]

Also an item available at the concession stand. It's a dessert item. Ew.

[jpc]

Like a blizzard?

[Eren]

Yeah, I guess it's like a. Yeah.

[Taylor]

You could get Oreos and Reese's Pieces mixed.

[Eren]

It's kind of like that, I guess.

[Aaron]

I'm never eating a blizzard again.

[Eren]

Isn't there an ice cream plate in LA that has their own take on blizzard, but they call it a hurricane?

[jpc]

That sounds very plausible.

[Casey]

And then Ted Drews has something like that in St. Louis.

[Aaron]

Ted Drews.

[Casey]

It's an ice cream place in St. Louis. This really doesn't matter. This has nothing to do with birds or the egg being the ball or Casey being in a cum tornado or whatever the hell he's talking about.

[jpc]

We're not even talking about horny style right now.

[Eren]

So Casey got fired for that?

[Taylor]

Somehow the ownership group decided to waive my contract at that point.

[Eren]

Bastards. Absolute fucking bastards.

[Taylor]

But Wildstyle, actually he had some connections. And since we were still tight.

[jpc]

Still tight after all that, huh?

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[Eren]

Look, can't blame a dog for barking. You know what I'm saying?

[jpc]

You can't blame a tornado for coming.

[Casey]

In on that. Janet.

[Eren]

All that to say we all landed on our feet. We've spun up brand new teams. All the principal owners of brand new teams entering into the league for the first time. So that brings our grand total up to nine teams in Penguin baseball. And we're excited to do season two, the draft. One, two, three, four. Hey, Riddle. Riddle's Clue crew, Listen to the rest of the episode now by starting your free 7 day trial at patreon.com heyriddle riddle.