Patreon Preview #320: Penguin Baseball League Championship Game

Summary

Hey Riddle Riddle Podcast Summary
Episode: Patreon Preview #320: Penguin Baseball League Championship Game
Release Date: April 25, 2025

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Introduction to the Championship Game

The episode kicks off with hosts Squab Euchre and Ramona Falcon setting the stage for the highly anticipated Penguin Baseball League Championship Game for season two. Squab enthusiastically describes the unique aspects of the game, highlighting the use of eggs as balls and the diverse avian participants involved throughout the season.

Notable Quote:
Squab Euchre [00:04]: “Good evening and welcome to tonight's championship game for season two of Penguin Baseball League. The ball is the egg and boy, oh boy, all birds not to shoes have been involved in this season. It's been quite exciting. Isn't that right, Ramona?”

Ramona echoes Squab’s excitement, reflecting on the past year and expressing her enthusiasm for witnessing the penguins in action. She also playfully admonishes Squab about maintaining professionalism during the broadcast.

Notable Quote:
Ramona Falcon [00:19]: “It is a beautiful day out here. The field is freezing, our box is warm, and I am so excited to see these boys playing baseball. My box is warm, though, so Squab. Don't flare it. Squab. We're at work, honey.”

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Team Overview and Key Players

Squab provides an overview of the competing teams in the championship: the New Orleans Night Owls and the Tampa Bay Shrimp Shredders. He expresses particular interest in several Night Owls players, including Squab Dillon and Egg Biggio, while also highlighting standout performers from the Shredders, such as Goose and Chicharrone.

Notable Quote:
Squab Euchre [03:53]: “We have Screech, Osama Bin Robin. Never get used to saying that name. Alex, Rod, Geese. Goose, of course, has been an absolute superstar in the game, sort of redefining how you can catch an egg.”

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Correspondence and Host Banter

Typically, the hosts are joined by their West Coast correspondent, Chip Doof. However, due to unspecified circumstances involving the band U2, Chip is present on-site rather than his usual remote location. This leads to light-hearted confusion and playful teasing among the hosts.

Notable Quote:
Chip Doof [01:56]: “Sorry, Squab. Sorry, Ramona. I appear to be on a little bit of a delay.”

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Season Highlights and Shredders' Performance

Ramona delves into the tumultuous season, particularly focusing on the Tampa Bay Shrimp Shredders' aggressive tactics that have marred the league's reputation. She comments on the heightened intensity and occasional brutality witnessed in the games, contrasting it with the Night Owls' more balanced playstyle.

Notable Quote:
Ramona Falcon [01:21]: “The Shrimp Shredders have been really getting their horrible, horrible, horrible flamingo claws into the competition. They have made some of these games unwatchable and quite frankly, nauseating to sit through.”

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Banter about 'Death Note' and Player Deaths

A humorous yet dark twist arises when Chip reveals that several Shredders players have died during the season. Squab responds by mentioning a "death note," drawing a parallel to the infamous fictional notebook, and jokingly advises Ramona to destroy his journal to avoid attracting police attention.

Notable Quote:
Squab Euchre [06:17]: “I got a new journal last night and I'm a little worried that it's a death note situation because the four players of the shooters I mentioned have just turned up dead. So I'm going to stop writing in that journal. And if the cops come, burn the journal.”

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Bird National Anthem Incident

As the game is about to commence, the hosts announce the performance of the bird national anthem by Jelly Roll. However, the performance is abruptly cut short when Jelly Roll is humorously "plucked" from the stage by a member of the audience. This leads to a mix of confusion and jest among the hosts as they reference 90s hits and poke fun at the mishap.

Notable Quote:
Ramona Falcon [08:11]: “Oh, looks like Jelly Roll is dead. A bird from the audience has been plucked out.”

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Penguin Baseball Traditions

Towards the end of the transcript, Ramona inquires about the hosts' favorite penguin baseball traditions. Squab begins to respond but is interrupted, leaving the discussion on a cliffhanger. This segment suggests an exploration of unique and endearing traditions that define penguin baseball, although the full conversation is not captured in the provided transcript.

Notable Quote:
Ramona Falcon [09:33]: “Chip, what are some of your favorite penguin baseball traditions?”

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Conclusion

The episode offers a blend of sports commentary, humorous anecdotes, and playful interactions among the hosts, all centered around the whimsical concept of a penguin baseball league. While some segments are left unresolved, the lively banter and creative storytelling provide an engaging preview for Patreon supporters.

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Note: Advertisements and non-content sections were omitted in accordance with the summary guidelines.

Transcript

[Squab Euchre]

Good evening and welcome to tonight's championship game for season two of Penguin Baseball League. The ball is the egg and boy, oh boy, all birds not to shoes have been involved in this season. It's been quite exciting. Isn't that right, Ramona?

[Ramona Falcon]

It is, Squab. I cannot believe a full year has gone by since we were calling the last Penguin baseball game. It. It is a beautiful day out here. The field is freezing, our box is warm, and I am so excited to see these boys playing baseball. My box is warm, though, so Squab. Don't flare it. Squab. We're at work, honey.

[Squab Euchre]

You're right. You're right. I'm Squab Euchre. And this is my partner, not just in crime, Ramona Falcon, the owl. And hey, it's kind of fun. The New Orleans Night Owls are in the championship game. You're an owl, Ramona. How does that feel?

[Ramona Falcon]

It feels fantastic to see that sort of representation out on the field. Yes, the Night Owls are a bunch of partiers, but I think that kind of energy is going to bring a lot of spice and fuel to this game tonight.

[Squab Euchre]

That is correct. And of course, they're facing off against the Tampa Bay Shrimp Shredders. So it's sure to be a fucked up game.

[Ramona Falcon]

Oh, yes. The. We have found out all season the Shrimp Shredders have been really getting their horrible, horrible, horrible flamingo claws into the competition. They have made some of these games unwatchable and quite frankly, nauseating to sit through.

[Squab Euchre]

And typically, we're joined by our west coast correspondent, Chip Doof. But of course, since U2 used to be involved, we figured that would be uncomfortable to have him correspond from the West Coast. So we have him here on site in between the two of us. Please welcome Chip Doof. Chip.

[Chip Doof]

Thank you. Sorry, Squab. Sorry, Ramona. I appear to be on a little bit of a delay.

[Squab Euchre]

But you're here. You're here on site with us, Chip. Chip Doof. Chip.

[Chip Doof]

That's right. I am here with you in person. I don't exactly know how this is happening.

[Squab Euchre]

It's a jet lag or something.

[Chip Doof]

It could be jet lag, obviously. I flew in early, early, early this morning from Malibu, California.

[Squab Euchre]

And boy, are your wings. Oh, you're a human. Never mind. Sorry.

[Chip Doof]

No, yes, of course, Squab. But yes, I am a human. So I couldn't make the classic joke. Or I guess I could, because humans make the joke. I guess for birds it's not a joke. Cause their wings would. Would be tired over A long distance.

[Ramona Falcon]

Chip, this is especially disorienting for me because you are sitting between us, and yet there is a delay in the audio. And also, we have not seen each other since.

[Chip Doof]

I can move if it's gonna be uncomfortable for you. Ramona, I don't wanna make. Obviously, I said it at the wedding. I'll say it here again. I'm a huge supporter of everyone moving on.

[Ramona Falcon]

You're saying that with your words, but not your actions. Chip, you are sort of doing one thing with your mouth and very other things with the stuff that you're doing.

[Chip Doof]

Let's leave. What is the courts to the courts, okay? Because alimony doesn't really owl amony in a context where you and your ex have the same job at the same salary. So it just feels like I'm being asked to pay, you know, and it doesn't.

[Ramona Falcon]

It is funny that you think we have the same salary. What? I did get promoted back in December, the same month that you and I finalized our divorce.

[Chip Doof]

Okay, well, then me paying alimony seems our lamone seems a little more. I mean, what are we doing here?

[Ramona Falcon]

I mean, tell us what players you're excited to watch out there on the pitch today.

[Squab Euchre]

Well, I think I'm most excited just in name alone to see New Orleans Night Owl star Squab Dillon come up to the plate. He's been having a hell of a season. I'm also very, very curious to see what happens with Egg Biggio of the Night Owls, as well as Paris Git Ulrich. Sort of a poor man's fawny Depp. And of course, on the Shredder side, we have. Ooh, just a lot of. A lot of nasty birds. We have Screech, Osama Bin. Osama Bin Robin. Never get used to saying that name. Alex, Rod, Geese. Goose, of course, has been an absolute superstar in the game, sort of redefining how you can catch an egg. And also Chichiron. Chicharrone. I feel like we're gonna see some very exciting plays from Chicharron this game for the Shredders.

[Chip Doof]

That's right, Squab. And I'm just getting this updated list of the Tampa Bay Shrimp Shredders roster, and it looks like the following birds are dead. Screech, Osama Bin Robin, Alex Rod, Geese, Goose, and Chicharrone.

[Ramona Falcon]

Oh, that is half the team.

[Chip Doof]

That's how they play.

[Squab Euchre]

Am I doing this? Am I doing this?

[Chip Doof]

That's how they play penguin baseball. The Shredders have had an incredible season. We can't quite say why. They're in the final because of all the fucked up shit. And I'm sorry. And obviously I bought a little bit of a delay, but if we could just BLEEP that they've been doing this season. But they're here in the finals. But it hasn't been a road without a long. I guess it would be more of a flight since it's birds, but they can't fly, so they have to walk. So it's still a road because a lot of the team has perished this season.

[Ramona Falcon]

Right. And we anticipated that there would be some chaos this season because all birds, not the shoes, were invited into the league. So we figured there'd be some bumpy roads, some things to have to iron out. We could not have anticipated the amount of blood, guts and gore that would happen at these Shrimp shredder games. But on the Night Owl side, we saw some down the middle, great Penguin baseball being played by some of these players. Obviously, Makah Culkin sort of came back with a vengeance midway through the season and sort of, I'll say it, I'll say it, became the star of the team.

[Squab Euchre]

Home plate alone is what people have been chanting also, which I.

[Ramona Falcon]

How do we feel about that chant before you sort of try to move past that so quickly?

[Squab Euchre]

We don't.

[Ramona Falcon]

I'm being told the producers are saying.

[Squab Euchre]

We have to move on. Ramona, I do want to say, and I guess there's, you know, there's no real time in a chat championship game to have sort of under the table talk, so. Ramona, I do want to say I got a new journal last night and I'm a little worried that it's a death note situation because the four players of the shooters I mentioned have just turned up dead. So I'm going to stop writing in that journal. And if the cops come, burn the journal.

[Ramona Falcon]

Of course, honey. And if you do choose to write in the journal again, do I have a name suggestion for you. And it rhymes with hip poof Chip.

[Squab Euchre]

Today's game is brought to you by Feather Butter.

[Chip Doof]

Wait, what the.

[Squab Euchre]

If your feathers are feeling a little tired and under the weather, try Feather Butter.

[Ramona Falcon]

Feather butter. You can believe it's not butter because it doesn't have the smell, consistency, or taste of butter.

[Chip Doof]

Feather butter. When you're in the mood for butter. Feather butter. Feather butter. Better feather. And I'm reading that verbatim.

[Squab Euchre]

Verbatim.

[Chip Doof]

That is what they wanted me to read. That's not a mistake. That's not a misspeak.

[Squab Euchre]

That's their copy and it looks like. Oh, it looks like it's time for the start of the game. We're going to have the bird national anthem. So let's all take off our head feathers or caps, and we will put our wings folded behind our back as we hear the bird national anthem.

[Chip Doof]

And of course, the bird national anthem this year is going to be sung by none other than Jelly Roll. Or if anyone has a bird pun on jelly roll, say it now.

[Squab Euchre]

We'll give about 20 seconds for that.

[Chip Doof]

We'll leave a few seconds for anyone to think of another bird pun. Jelly, jelly roll.

[Squab Euchre]

Jelly crow, Jelly crow. Jelly crow. Jelly, jelly, jelly.

[Ramona Falcon]

Oh, looks like Jelly Roll is dead. A bird from the audience has been plucked out.

[Chip Doof]

Ooh, poor choice.

[Ramona Falcon]

Pun intended. To sing the bird national anthem.

[Squab Euchre]

Oh, and it looks like the emergency team was about to administer cpr. But now that the anthem is being sung, they have to put down their equipment and pay homage. Sounds like the bird forgot the words. Sounds sort of like the 90s hit go ahead now. Which. I don't know if that's the actual two Princes.

[Chip Doof]

I think it's called Two Princes.

[Squab Euchre]

Two Princess is the band.

[Chip Doof]

No, the band, I think is Spin Doctors.

[Squab Euchre]

Really isn't Spin Doctor's Michael J. Fox. And he's like the mayor.

[Chip Doof]

Oh, no, you're thinking of news radio.

[Ramona Falcon]

Okay, well, that was not the national anthem. That was two princes sung by a bird whose feathers had all been plucked out.

[Chip Doof]

And just another moment as they remove a necrotizing Jelly roll from the field.

[Ramona Falcon]

Squab. Chip, what are some of your favorite penguin baseball traditions? I know some people were a little bit worried about the game changing so much, letting all birds knot the shoes in this year, but what are some of your favorite things that make penguin baseball?

[Squab Euchre]

Penguin baseball to me, and that's an excellent question. Ramona, sweetie, let me just give you a little smooch, right? Let me lean over Chip here. I would say number one.

[Chip Doof]

Thanks for asking, Ramona. Gotta be. Oh, oh, no, I'm sorry.

[Squab Euchre]

Go ahead.

[Chip Doof]

No, please. Gotta be confident in the parking lot. Okay. No. And you go. Oh, God. All of these kind words. These birds are playing a game. Listen to the rest of the episode. Now by starting your free 7 day trial at patreon.com heyriddle riddle.