Patreon Preview #340: The Cryptid Hunters

Summary

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Hey Riddle Riddle – Patreon Preview #340: The Cryptid Hunters

Release Date: September 12, 2025
Hosts/Characters:

• Adal Rifai (as Chris "Donkey Fornia" Crumbs)
• Erin Keif (as Nova Kane)
• John Patrick Coan (as Tusk Rutger)

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Overview

In this Patreon preview, the Hey Riddle Riddle crew dives deep into the world of cryptozoology, improv-style. The episode transforms the trio into "the legendary Cryptid Hunters" on assignment in the Everglades, seeking the elusive "BBL"—the Big Bug Lizard, an apex predator in their mythos. The gang's banter, character backstories, and playful skewering of cryptid lore sets the stage for a riddle-filled, comedic adventure, punctuated by riffs on classic legends, pop culture, and each other.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Character Introductions & Team Dynamics

• The group introduces themselves as a tongue-in-cheek, dysfunctional cryptid hunting crew:
  • Chris "Donkey Fornia" Crumbs (Adal): The confident leader and namesake (donkey + California), focused on branding.
  • Nova Kane (Erin): "The young gun," living in her cryptid-hunting father’s shadow, sporting a vest and many tattoos, emotionally invested due to her father's legacy.
  • Tusk Rutger (JPC): The supposed "grizzled vet" with a dubious military background—served one day in the National Guard but kicked out for taking flash photos; claims a "purple heart (condition)."

Memorable Quote:

"I was disgrace to military."
— Tusk Rutger (01:26)

Notable Banter:

• Ongoing riff regarding Tusk's supposed military accolades and the real meaning behind his "purple heart" (01:44–02:07).
• Nova’s dad, “Citizen Kane,” and the play on his death and mysterious final words, referencing the movie Citizen Kane ("His last word was rosebud, which he scrawled on a leaf." – 03:41).

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2. Mission Brief: The Hunt for the BBL (Big Bug Lizard)

• The crew is in the Everglades searching for the legendary BBL, described with feverish detail—combining bug and lizard traits, highly venomous and poisonous, and shrouded in Everglades mystery.

Key Details:

• The BBL both injects venom and is poisonous if eaten (04:33–04:48).
• The BBL purportedly “has magma and lava as well,” spoofing science misunderstandings (04:48–05:00).
• Riff on cryptid knowledge vs. alien knowledge:

  "We know more about aliens than we do the BBL." — Tusk (05:00)

Comic Moment:

• Side tangent about meeting a polite, endearing alien who tidies up after himself and brings a veggie tray (05:15–06:04).

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3. Backstory & Lore of the BBL

• Donkey Fornia narrates local and quasi-historical legends about the BBL, referencing explorers like Magellan and Cortez and the Fountain of Youth. The BBL is supposedly both a blessing (eternal life) and a curse (eternal death).

Notable Quotes:

"The locals had long held a legend that there was something in these swamps that gives eternal life, but it was protected by a creature that could bring eternal death."
— Donkey Fornia (07:07)

• Comedic confusion over what “eternal death” means, quickly realizing it’s just “regular death” (07:25–07:26).

Fun Character Play:

• Nova wonders if the BBL has a girlfriend; the team speculates if the BBL is the last of its kind, joking about how cryptids are always solitary—with a humorous aside about Bigfoot, the Loch Ness monster, and Chupacabra being lone anomalies (08:24–09:34).

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4. Cryptid Gender, Family Structures & Pop Culture Tangent

• Donkey Fornia posits a (jokingly) academic theory that cryptid families follow “super traditional family structures,” with female cryptids staying home—leading to a Sex and the City riff.

• Joke highlight:

  “Well, unless you watch Sex and the City, in which case you'll see four.” — Nova Kane (09:34)
  “That's what HBO isn't telling you. Four women are chupacabras.” — Tusk Rutger (09:41)

• Samantha is described as the “goat of suckers”—more double entendre than zoological fact (09:57).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the BBL’s Biological Makeup:

  “This thing has arms. This thing has wings.” — Donkey Fornia (07:57)
  “It has exoskeleton, intro skeleton.” — Tusk Rutger (08:03)

• Running Gag:

  “It drinks Topo Chico.” — Both (08:10–08:11)

• Pop Culture Crossover:

  “Remember every time I was eating, that was a goat.” — Tusk Rutger, referring to Sex and the City (09:47)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:47 – Introduction of the Cryptid Hunters and the Everglades mission
• 01:26 – Tusk Rutger’s “military” background explained
• 02:22 – Setting up the quest for the BBL and Nova’s personal stake
• 03:41 – Citizen Kane “rosebud” joke and the theme of legacy
• 04:33–05:00 – BBL’s unique and dangerous biology
• 05:15–06:04 – The humble alien digression—good-natured extraterrestrial
• 06:41–07:55 – Lore and pseudo-history of the BBL
• 08:24–09:34 – On cryptids being unique, solitary creatures
• 09:34–09:59 – Sex and the City/Chupacabra crossover jokes

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Episode Flow & Tone

• High-energy improv, blending absurd cryptid mythmaking with sharp, fast-paced banter.
• Playful deconstruction of cryptid tropes and conventions.
• Frequent pop culture references and running gags—Sex and the City, Citizen Kane, military faux pas.
• Characters frequently blur the line between genuine dedication and knowing mockery.

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For the Uninitiated

This episode offers a zany, character-driven sendup of cryptid-hunting TV shows, peppered with whip-smart jokes and affectionate lampooning of myth, legend, and the team’s own fictional personas. If you’re looking for puzzles or riddles, it’s light here—but heavy on the laughs and absurd storytelling.

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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Hey, everybody, this is Chris Donkey Fornia. Crumbs coming to you from the Everglades. I'm here with the team and we are, of course, on another one of our famous Cryptid hunts. Guys, get in here. Introduce yourselves.

[C]

What's up? I'm Nova Kane. I'm sort of the young gun around here. Obviously my dad famous in this field, just trying to follow in his footsteps.

[D]

Yeah, and it's Cha Boy Tusk Rutger. I'm sort of the grizzled vet. Former military in that, I guess.

[C]

I was disgrace to military.

[D]

I was in the National Guard for one day. I got kicked out for taking pictures during the video they played us, but sleeveless, shirtless.

[B]

Specifically for using flash. Right. Because it was. Videos were allowed, but you just couldn't use flash.

[D]

Vids and pics were allowed. No flash. I felt like the lighting wasn't great. I used flash and I was dishonorably discharged. Still got a purple heart.

[C]

I'm wearing. I'm wearing a vest and I have a ton of tattoos.

[B]

The doctor said you. I'm sorry? The doctor said you had the purple. A purple heart condition.

[D]

Okay, you got me. I have a purple heart condition. It's not a metal, it is a hindrance. I have, they said years to live, which is not great. That's how my dad died at the young age of 87.

[B]

Tusk. It's always good to have you here, brother Nova. Always good to bring you along. And me, Donkey Fornia, the one who put it all together. And we are here in the Everglades, hunting another Cryptid for all of you out there in Cryptid land. That's right. We are here chasing down the legendary bbl, of course, the big Bug Lizard. But, you know, for those that know, they know. We call it the bbl.

[D]

We call it the bbl. And it's one of the more evasive cryptids you can find. The Everglades are a wonderful condition to hide in. You have marshy, swampy waters. You have tall grass. There's also. There's so many nooks and crannies.

[B]

Hot, wet, above the water, under the water.

[C]

Obviously, this is personal for me. My dad, Citizen Kane, died trying to find the bbl. Sort of his life's work.

[B]

Hey, Nova. He didn't die trying to find the bbl. That's how he lived.

[D]

Wow.

[C]

Thank you. That means.

[D]

But didn't he die looking for it?

[B]

Yeah, sorry.

[D]

Didn't he die?

[C]

Yeah, I guess technically, yeah. But I think he was trying to. It's fine.

[B]

What I was trying to do was frame it.

[D]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[B]

So, like. Yeah. But no, he. Yeah, he did.

[D]

His last word was rosebud, which he scrawled on a leaf.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Do you think that that's relevant? We're gonna keep that in mind when we're looking for the bbl. He sort of left behind some clues. And the last thing I said, I.

[B]

Think it was probably because his name was Citizen Kane.

[D]

Yeah. Probably just the tip of the hat to the movie.

[C]

Yeah. I don't know. He. The last thing he said to me was, I think I'm going to find it today. I'm getting close. If I die, someone stopped me from finding it.

[B]

So wait, he said, if I die, someone stopped me from finding it. Not somebody stopped me. I'll. The mask.

[C]

He said it. He said it like Jim Carrey in.

[D]

The Mask, but somebody stop me like that.

[C]

Yeah, he said it just like that. Suspicious.

[B]

Well, I mean, we're out here taking our life into our own hands, but we are trained, seasoned professionals. The bbl, it's venomous. It's also poisonous, so it ejects venom. And if you bite into it, there's poison in there.

[D]

Two different things.

[B]

So it's two different things. It's like magma and lava. It's one of the. And it's got magma and lava as well. I think it's one of the most dangerous apex predators in all of cryptozoology.

[D]

Yeah. We know more about aliens than we do the bbo.

[B]

It's crazy that as a species, humans, we know more about the humble alien than we do the bbl, which lives here on our planet in the Everglades.

[D]

And ever since we found that humble alien at the crash site, I Feel like, what a sweetheart.

[C]

Like, oh, my God, he was so sweet. He was like, oh, my God, no, my ship's not even that impressive. You guys, though, like, the stuff you've. The art you've made on Earth, like, that was so sweet.

[B]

We were like, we found an alien and he was all, who, me?

[C]

Yeah, he did sort of like the Shirley Temple. Like, who me? Little O me?

[B]

He cleaned up the whole crash site.

[D]

He cleaned up the whole crash site. And he goes, I don't want to be a problem. And he also, he brought. He brought a veggie tray from his home planet because he was like, I never come to another planet empty handed. That's just rude. So I feel like the humble alien. We thought about trying to catch him, but technically not a cryptid. Also just a sweetheart, so we're not going to trouble him.

[B]

Yeah, a total sweetheart. Capable of speech.

[C]

And Donkey, can you talk a little bit about.

[B]

It's Donkey Fornia. Sorry, yeah, Just. Yeah, just use my whole cryptozoology name, like, because what we said was for branding. For branding.

[C]

That was sort of like a fun nickname. What if I call you Donk?

[B]

Well, it's Donkey Fornia.

[D]

That's like calling Cryptid hunters cunts.

[B]

Yeah, it's the place I was conceived, plus the first animal that bit me. It's like important for, like.

[C]

All right, well, we're shooting this on film and we'll have to keep this in.

[D]

So what ratio?

[B]

What race am I?

[C]

70?

[B]

What?

[C]

Donkey Fournia, can you talk a little bit about the history of the bbl? Like, obviously people for hundreds of years have claimed sightings and stuff, but, like, tell us a little bit about the background.

[B]

The BBL goes back into the 15th century when I want to say Magellan or possibly Cortez, was in this part of the world searching for something called the Fountain of Youth. You see?

[C]

Fountain of Youth.

[D]

Fountain of Youth.

[B]

Holy shit, that was cool. Keep. Yeah, do that. Definitely keep doing that. Locals had long held a legend that there was something in these swamps that gives eternal life, but it was protected by a creature that could bring eternal death.

[C]

Eternal death.

[B]

Now, yes, it's just regular death. Yeah, yeah. All death is all that is. Well, there is. But anyway, the creature was very, very deadly. Now, the BBL is, of course, a big bug lizard. Now, I know what you're thinking. How can a lizard be a bug? And how can a bug be a big donk?

[C]

How can a lizard be a bug?

[B]

A lizard can be a bug if it's both.

[D]

Mmm, Fascinating.

[B]

This thing has arms. This thing has wings.

[D]

It has exoskeleton intro skeleton.

[B]

Both Indochinos.

[D]

It drinks Topo. Chico.

[B]

Topo. Chico. This thing's got almost everything. Antennae, pincers, cold blood.

[C]

A girlfriend, we assume.

[B]

Unless this thing is eternal because there's no proof that it's reproducing. It could be the only one that actually exists out here in this swamp.

[D]

The last of its kind.

[C]

And that's pretty common in our field. We don't have a family of Bigfoot. Big feet, if you will. We have one Bigfoot. We don't have a family of Loch Ness monsters. We have a Loch Ness monster.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

We thought there was, you know, a bevy of chupacabras, but it was just one Chupacabra.

[B]

People ask, how could this be? Are these creatures, you know, unkillable? Do they live forever? That may be the case. The guess. It's anyone's guess. There's research, of course, in the field. The theory that most cryptozoologists work with is that these creatures have super traditional family structures in that the wife most often stays home, where the male would go out and forage and gather. So. So we'll never see like a female Chupacabra because they're at home.

[C]

Well, unless you watch Sex and the City, in which case you'll see four.

[D]

That's what HBO isn't telling you. Four women are chupacabras.

[C]

Think back.

[D]

Remember every time I was eating, that was a goat.

[B]

Now, chupacabras are goat suckers. And I know one of them. That was definitely a goat sucker. Samantha.

[D]

Samantha was the goat of suckers.

[B]

Of sucker. Of suckers. Of suckers.

[D]

Could have taught a class on it.

[B]

1, 2, 3, 4. Hey, Riddle. Riddle's Clue crew. Listen to the rest of the episode now by starting your free 7 day trial at patreon.com heyriddle Riddle.

[E]

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