D (2:58)

It's a living.

B (3:00)

Oh, is that the dog?

C (3:02)

Yes. We taught one of them to speak and it's been a problem. A real problem.

B (3:07)

Wow. Well, dealer's choice. I would love to hear you play your favorite song to play.

C (3:13)

Yes. Why don't we play the Kink's Lola?

B (3:21)

Whenever you're ready.

C (3:23)

Just a nice standard dogs. Are you ready?

D (3:29)

It's just one dog, right?

C (3:33)

Yes. That was a task.

B (3:35)

It looks like the rest of the machine is made out of dog parts, though, right? Like one living dog.

C (3:41)

Yes.

D (3:42)

What the fuck?

C (3:43)

Here we go. And the one and a two.

D (3:47)

Kill me. Kill me. I am most of a dog. Kill me.

C (3:55)

Come back to us. Come back to us.

B (3:56)

Oh, of course.

D (3:57)

We're not ready.

B (3:58)

We're not ready. I'll come back to you in a little bit. And then also joining us today, my sidekick, as always, my butler, Wensley Brassington. Wensley.

D (4:11)

Hello, Aaron, it's me. I'm sorry. The name that I'm supposed to go.

B (4:17)

By is Wensley Brassington.

D (4:20)

Wensley Brassington.

B (4:21)

And that's jpc. Please, just fucking care. Okay, you said.

D (4:25)

I just. I just. I just wanted to make sure that everything that I'm doing is part of the court order. Okay, but it is. It is part of the court order.

B (4:32)

Because you, the judge, is for you to. Not the court order. Excuse me, Excuse me.

D (4:38)

Excuse me.

B (4:38)

Excuse me. Hold on, hold on.

D (4:41)

I'm watching a video on my phone.

B (4:43)

Stop.

D (4:44)

You. Well, you called me midway through the video.

B (4:47)

I didn't. I'm not talking.

D (4:48)

I'm watching.

C (4:49)

Here's the top 10 worst growing injuries in NFL history.

B (4:52)

JPC.

D (4:53)

I fucking. I hate ads. Hold on, hold on. I have to watch an ad.

C (4:55)

Number 10.

B (4:57)

What's that an ad for? Groin injuries.

D (4:59)

Yeah, and it's NFL groin injuries, too.

B (5:01)

Ugh. Ugh.

D (5:03)

I think that they'd have way worse injuries in the NFL than groins. Specifically gbc.

B (5:07)

Part of the court order. The judge said that you had to make it seem like you were here because of friendship, not because you broke the law. Okay, you're not even supposed to bring up the court order. You're supposed to make it seem like you were supporting me as a friend. You flew across the country or you flew across the Atlantic Ocean as a friend, and now you're here as a friend.

D (5:26)

Okay, I'm here as a friend. Okay. Yeah. Okay.

B (5:28)

And yeah, you had to be handcuffed on the plane, right? Yeah, of course. And, yeah, you made a huge scene because they didn't give you two desserts.

D (5:36)

Everyone else got one. Why shouldn't I get Two, I'm more special.

B (5:39)

That doesn't make any sense.

D (5:40)

What does it. Fine. Hey, I'm here.

B (5:43)

You are?

D (5:43)

Do I have to do a voice? Did the judge say Winsley Billington or did the judge say have to do a voice?

B (5:48)

Wensley Brassington.

C (5:50)

Sorry, I'm the solicitor on set here.

D (5:52)

What the fuck? Let's just use this guy.

C (5:54)

No, I'm the solicitor representing the judge in his verdict. You do.

B (6:00)

Wait, do you have to wear a powdered wig? Do people who work for judges have to wear powdered wigs, too?

C (6:06)

What do you mean, powdered wig?

B (6:08)

Never mind. Yikes.

D (6:10)

Yikes. Judge Reinhold, assistant, has to wear a powdered wig. That would be fucking awful.

B (6:14)

Just his hair. Marco. You guys have to say Polo so I can find you.

D (6:21)

Oh, I'm sorry, Aaron. I thought you were looking for your friend Marco. Why were you crying before if you were just playing Marco Polo?

B (6:26)

Well, I miss my friend Marco, but now I want to play Marco Polo to cheer myself up.

D (6:30)

Oh, okay.

B (6:31)

Marco Polo. Found you. I found you.

C (6:35)

Oh, Found you. Found Marco. Just like. Found is a business banking platform that lets you effortlessly track expenses, manage invoices and prepare for taxes. You can even set aside money for different business goals. I'm sure you and Marcus would open up a business. Marcus control spending with different.

B (6:51)

You would have loved this.

D (6:52)

Oh yeah, she also didn't. Didn't find him, you know, because he's still. He's still missing. But Aaron, you know what's not missing is all of the great features that Found offers. Oh, and by the way, other small businesses are loving Found too. This Found user said Found is going to save me so much headache. It makes everything so much easier. Expenses, income, profits, taxes, invoices even. And found has 30,000 five star reviews just like this. None of them, it looks like, are from Marco. But yeah, he is still missing. He is still missing.

A (7:24)

Dang.

D (7:25)

We use Found for. Hey, Riddle Riddle. It is a really great service. It makes my life so much easier. I appreciate that Found has invoicing which allows me to easily create and send professional invoices. Keep all of my financial activities in one place. And the invoicing is the most annoying part of the thing that I do. So it is really nice to have Found.

B (7:45)

Losing Marco is the most annoying part about what I do. So open a Found account for free@found.com f o u n d.com found is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services are provided by Piermont Bank Member fdic. Don't put this one off. Join Thousands of small business owners who have streamlined their finances with found Marco. Per.

C (8:09)

Polo.

B (8:10)

Polo. Marco. Oh, Aaron. Marco.

D (8:16)

Okay, it's a puppet. I'm out of here. It's a puppet.

B (8:21)

The sun has gone to bed, and so must I. I miss my Helix Sleep mattress. Good night. Do, do, do, do, do.

D (8:39)

Wait. Can we do this? Aaron, can we do this?

B (8:40)

What?

D (8:41)

I mean, this. Could we do this?

B (8:43)

Oh, probably not.

D (8:44)

Yeah.

B (8:44)

Okay, cool. Well, guys, I really wanted an excuse to talk about my Helix mattress. I love it so much. I have the midnight luxe. I've had it for years. It's the best mattress I've ever had. And anytime someone comes over and dog sits for Lou, they compliment my mattress and say, what is that glorious, glorious mattress? And I say, it's Helix Sleep, baby.

C (9:02)

I have the same midnight luxe. It's the most comfortable mattress I've ever owned. I used to have back pain when I woke up in the morning. My back pain is gone also. All four? Yes. Four of my cats sleep on my bed every night, which they didn't used to do when I didn't have a Helix. So thank you, Helix.

B (9:20)

I am tired. Gonna sleep on Helix. Can we do this?

D (9:24)

All right, Aaron, we can't. We can't go down this road again. We cannot go down this road again. But Helix Sleep can go down this road as many times as it wants because it's the best mattress that I have ever owned. And if you want to get one for yourself, and guess what, dear listener, you freaking can. All you have to do is go to helixsleep.com riddle for the Labor Day sale extended. That is a 25% off site wide. That's helixsleep.com riddle For 25% off site wide. Make sure you enter our show name after checkout so they know that we.

B (9:55)

Sent you helixsleep.com riddle helixsleep.com riddle Wait. Why? We can't do this.

D (10:05)

Excuse me. I'm Mr. DMCA, and I want to say I approve.

B (10:13)

Yay. Can we do that?

D (10:15)

I don't think so.

C (10:16)

Wait. Run, dmca, run.

B (10:21)

As I said. Sorry, you were saying?

C (10:24)

The judge insists that you must attempt a voice. You don't have to nail it, but attempting one is what his verdict was.

B (10:32)

So I'll try this again. Here is my butler, Wensley Brassington.

D (10:37)

Prim and proper. Prim and proper. Ma', am. What could I do for you?

B (10:42)

Stop watching the groin videos. Stop.

D (10:45)

Ad. I'm trying to get to my vi. They used to have skip a button that would Let you skip the ads, but they took the button away.

B (10:54)

What video are you even trying to watch?

D (10:56)

It's a groin injury ice skating video.

B (10:58)

Oh, my God. Thank you, Wensley. I will take an Earl Grey tea with a little bit of milk and one sugar, please.

D (11:08)

The fuck is that? How the fuck. How the fuck am I supposed to do that?

B (11:11)

Don't make me tea. It's Aaron on the side of tea. Okay, take Aaron on the side of tea.

D (11:15)

Figure it out.

B (11:16)

It's easy. It's tea. What do you mean you'll figure it out?

D (11:19)

I guess I'll figure it out. I don't know what more you could want from me.

B (11:22)

It can't be any more complicated than your dumb little espressos that you drink while we were recording.

C (11:28)

Sorry to partake in again as the solicitor here court ordered. A lot of UK residents find side of tea a little grating on the ears. Aaron with a spot of tea might be a little more conducive to.

B (11:43)

Yeah, but then the title doesn't make any sense anymore.

C (11:46)

Okay, you're the American.

B (11:48)

Yeah? Yeah. Fix your hair. Why is there so much powder in your hair? Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter.

D (11:58)

Erin, I hate to cut in, but I'm here in the field and waiting for my segment. It's Nathan Brass here with the brass report.

B (12:09)

Ah, Nathan with the brass report. We're gonna go to Nathan in the field with the brass report. Nathan, what is it like out there?

D (12:17)

Well, it's a bell tower. I'm in another one of England's mini bell towers. And in this one, the bells are brass.

B (12:27)

Right. So we have a guy who goes out in the field to find things that are made of brass.

D (12:33)

Bells.

B (12:35)

Bells, specifically. That are made of brass.

D (12:38)

Yes, bells that are made of brass. And my name's Nathan.

B (12:42)

Nathan what?

D (12:43)

Nathan Brass.

B (12:44)

Nathan Brass. What is. How big is that bell?

D (12:48)

I'm getting married this weekend.

B (12:50)

That's not what I asked.

D (12:53)

Ask me her name.

B (12:54)

No, I want to know how big the bell is, Aaron.

D (12:57)

Ask me her name.

B (12:58)

How big is the bell?

D (12:59)

Jennifer Bells.

B (13:02)

Are you just with her because of her name?

D (13:04)

No.

B (13:06)

How big is the bell?

D (13:08)

Ask me if we're going to hyphenate our names when we get married.

B (13:12)

Aaron, is it gonna be Nathan?

D (13:16)

Brass bells.

B (13:17)

You do bells? Brass.

D (13:19)

Fuck. Ah, shit. That would flow so much better. Fuck.

B (13:27)

How big is the bell, Nathan?

D (13:30)

I don't know. I don't have a tape measure.

B (13:34)

Okay, well, we're gonna come back to you in a minute.

D (13:36)

Well, how am I gonna get a tape measure up here at the bell towers. No way. I'm gonna get a tape measure in a minute.

B (13:42)

In the meantime we are going to Nigel Puttyfoot with the weather. Nigel, you are out there with an all weather umbrella. Tell us a little bit what we can expect from the weather today, Nigel.

C (13:54)

Well, it is coming down pretty hard and sideways is what I can glean from being outside. At the moment the all weather umbrella is doing nothing. I am soaked. Tip to taint. A lot of the cabs seem to be going up to the curb into the puddles to seemingly splash me on purpose. A lot of people seem to be taking shelter under awnings of shops and stores. It's rain. I mean, I don't know what else. It's rain.

B (14:27)

I know. And Nigel, you do get a little sour when we go to you for weather because it's the same thing every day.

C (14:32)

It's just, I mean it's rain. I don't know why we allot three minutes for this. It's rain.

B (14:38)

And Nigel, how many inches of rain, sorry millimeters of rain do you think we're gonna get today?

D (14:46)

1, 2, 3, 4.

B (14:47)

Hate riddle.

D (14:48)

Riddles. Clu Crew listen to the rest of the episode now by starting your free 7 day trial at patreon.com heyriddle riddle.