Hey Riddle Riddle: Patreon Preview #351 – Mission to Mars Draft

Host: Headgum
Main Cast: Adal Rifai (Aaron), Erin Keif, John Patrick Coan (JPC)
Date: November 28, 2025

Episode Overview

This Patreon preview episode, “Mission to Mars Draft,” playfully explores what it would take for the hosts—Adal, Erin, and JPC—to undertake a hypothetical mission to Mars. The trio brings their usual blend of absurd improv and authentic reflection to a draft competition where they each assemble their dream plan for surviving—and thriving—on the Red Planet. The episode is packed with tangents about space travel, the absurdities of billionaires, pop-culture references, and the challenges of interplanetary living, always underscored by the show’s signature irreverent humor.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Would You Go to Space?

Timestamp: 01:41–04:46

• Aaron kicks things off by asking the group if they would personally want to go to space if it became affordable and safe enough:

  • JPC shares nostalgia for “space camp” moments from Nickelodeon shows but admits he's never seriously considered actual space travel.
  • Erin brings up a profound encounter with a real astronaut, quoting her:

    “I had seen clips of it a million times, but nothing prepares you for how beautiful it is. … It looks like [Earth] glows from the inside” (02:39).

  • Erin expresses reluctance about the resources and risks of such trips:

    "I can have an appreciation for space down here … I don't want to put myself in that kind of danger" (02:39–03:19).

• The group compares commercial space travel with air travel, riffing on the idea of uncomfortable “middle seats to Mars” and mundane in-flight experiences (“watching Crazy Rich Asians and drinking ginger ale, just smelling everyone’s farts.” - 05:00).

2. Elon Musk and Billionaire Critique

Timestamp: 05:08–06:15

• Jokes abound about Elon Musk’s public obsession with Mars colonization:

  • Aaron doesn’t mince words:

    “Elon Musk … is a liar and a con man” (05:15).

  • A story is recounted where Joe Rogan insists Musk has "so much money, that guy doesn't want any more money," which Erin mocks as a misunderstanding of billionaire mentality:

    "It’s like being like, that alcoholic had a drink last night. They don’t want to drink anymore." (05:27)

• JPC quips,

  "You're talking about billionaires. But Elon is about to be a trillionaire" (06:11).

3. The Martian Reality Check

Timestamp: 11:03–11:57

• Aaron describes the realities of living on Mars versus fixing Earth:

  • “If you ask anyone … who knows anything about space travel … they will tell you, there’s no fucking way. There’s absolutely no way that any human being could, like, live on Mars or build a colony on Mars.” (11:03)
  • He points out the absurdity of making Mars habitable while neglecting Earth's preservation:

    “It would actually take more work to stop destroying the planet you live on” (11:45).

• JPC facetiously ignores reality, joking about destroying the planet while emptying "10 bottles of hairspray into a bin" (11:57).

4. Setting Up the Mars Draft

Timestamp: 12:03–14:00

• Aaron suspends disbelief for the sake of a game: the Mission to Mars Draft. The hosts must assemble the best possible team/plan for a one-way trip to Mars.

  • “We are going to focus on a future in which we can go to Mars. And not only can we go to Mars, we should go to Mars. And the two of you are going to be basically competing in this draft …” (12:03)
  • JPC jokes, referencing “The Martian,” and there’s back-and-forth over how long it takes to travel between planets:

    “Under ideal circumstances, it would take nine months to a year to get to Mars” (12:48).

• The one-way nature of the trip is established:

  "You guys are going there permanently. This is a one-way trip." (13:55)

5. The Improbability of Their Podcasting Friendship

Timestamp: 13:30–13:53

• Erin reflects on the astronomical odds that brought the three hosts together:

  “What a miracle this is, that all three of us were born at the same time. … This is crazy. The probability, math wise, that this would happen … This rocks.” (13:30)

6. Draft Competition and Judging

Timestamp: 14:00–15:06

• The draft's stakes and logistics are set:
  • A guest “Nasty Casey” will act as judge.
  • Playful banter about soundboards, AI sound drops, and personal in-jokes ensue:

    “I love having the soundboard … I’m really gonna miss a lot of [the clips]” (15:06) “Because he took his damn dirty penis out.” (Aaron, 15:44, demonstrating the show’s irreverent sense of humor)

7. Ending: The Patreon Tease

Timestamp: 15:46–End

• Aaron concludes the preview, inviting listeners to hear the full episode and draft competition by joining their Patreon:

  "Tune in maybe like another month or so and we'll have the 2025 sound all ready to go. But here's your draft … Hey Riddle Riddle's Clue crew, listen to the rest of the episode now by starting your free 7 day trial at patreon.com/heyriddleriddle."

Memorable Quotes

• Erin (on seeing Earth from space):

  "It looks like [Earth] glows from the inside." (02:39)

• Aaron (on Elon Musk):

  "The thing you have to know about him is he is a liar and a con man." (05:15)

• Erin (on billionaires):

  "It’s like being like, that alcoholic had a drink last night. They don’t want to drink anymore." (05:27)

• Aaron (on Mars vs. fixing Earth):

  "It would actually take more work to stop destroying the planet you live on than to turn a cold, dead rock into a planet you could maybe one day [live on]." (11:45)

• Erin (on podcast friendship):

  “What a miracle this is, that all three of us were born at the same time... This rocks.” (13:30)

• Aaron (on soundboard):

  "I'm really gonna miss a lot of the things that were on last year's." (15:11)

Important Timestamps

• 01:41 — Host question: Would you go to space?
• 02:39 — Erin recounts astronaut encounter
• 05:15 — Aaron’s Musk critique
• 11:03 — Mars reality check
• 12:03 — Mars Draft setup
• 13:30 — Erin reflects on improbable friendship
• 15:06 — Soundboard jokes; draft about to begin

Tone and Style

The conversation is quick-witted, self-deprecating, and thick with pop-culture references and improv energy. The trio bounces seamlessly between philosophical musings, playful banter, and bombastic sarcasm. Their chemistry and quick-fire riffing ensure that even when discussing serious topics, the overall feel remains light, irreverent, and delightfully silly.

Summary

In this preview of “Mission to Mars Draft,” Hey Riddle Riddle’s hosts use their trademark comedic chaos to examine what it would mean to leave everything behind and build a new life on Mars—with all the far-fetched logistics and existential absurdities such a mission would entail. The preview builds anticipation for the Patreon-only competition, blending genuine curiosity about space with sharp commentary and plenty of laughs.

For the full draft and hearty laughs, listeners are encouraged to join their Patreon’s Clue Crew.