Hey Riddle Riddle – Patreon Preview #353: Deck the Hallmark

Release Date: December 12, 2025
Hosts: Adal Rifai, Erin Keif, John Patrick Coan
Special Guest(s): Harriet
Main Theme:
A playful, improv-heavy celebration (and gentle roast) of Hallmark Christmas movies, as the crew reimagines the classics with offbeat scenes, banter, and riffs on holiday movie tropes—all while poking fun at the overabundance, formulaic plots, and questionable production values of the Hallmark holiday canon.

Episode Overview

The “Deck the Hallmark” episode dives into the world of Hallmark Christmas movies. Erin, a self-professed Hallmark fanatic, guides the team through a comedic improv exercise: the group is given actual Hallmark movie titles (some so generic or punny they’re almost parodies themselves), chooses one, and then performs a scene from somewhere within that imaginary movie. Along the way, the hosts gleefully lampoon Hallmark’s relentless output, Canadian filming locations, and the sometimes unintentional hilarity of these seasonal romances—all with their trademark quick wit and high-energy repartee.

Key Discussion Points & Comedic Improv Highlights

1. Setting the Stage: Hallmark Christmas Madness

• Erin sets up the episode theme, outlining the decades-long, overwhelming volume of Hallmark Christmas movies:
  • "They have been cranking out Christmas movies at a pace never before seen." (00:17)
  • JPC riffs immediately: "Yeah, they Krampus those out." (00:39)
• The rules: Erin reads a list of real Hallmark titles, the group chooses one, and improvises a scene that could happen anywhere in that movie’s plot.

2. Meta Jokes & In-Jokes About Hallmark

• The team jokes about the ethical consumption of (non-union) Hallmark content via improv parody:

  • JPC: "This is the only ethical way to consume the Hallmark content is to listen to us do improv scenes about the movies." (01:22)

• Cobbling together content:

  • "And we'll do this type of episode enough times to where you could cobble together 90 minutes of each title." – Aaron (01:33)

• Ongoing riffing on Canadian filming locations and union-busting:

  • Harriet: "They cobble, cobble, cobble. That is all they're doing is cobbling in a warehouse somewhere in Canada." (01:45)
  • JPC: "If you shoot in Canada in the winter, like the union virus is killed immediately." (01:58)

3. Improv Game: Choose and Perform a Hallmark Movie Scene

Setup (04:16)

• Erin: "Here are your options for actual Hallmark Christmas movie titles..."
  • Operation Christmas
  • The Christmas Cure
  • Finding Father Christmas

JPC Chooses Finding Father Christmas (05:21)

• They clarify the awkwardness of the title, with jokes about how it could be a horror/mystery.

Impromptu Improv Scene: The Hunt for Santa (05:25–10:00)

• JPC launches into a gritty, Law & Order-style monologue:
  • "The man we are hunting has a bushy white beard, a red hat and red suit with white trim... This man killed his wife." – JPC (05:25)
• Harriet jumps in as a no-nonsense agent:
  • "When we find him and we shoot him, are we trying to use him for meat?" (06:04)
• The scene morphs into a darkly comic procedural briefing at the "North Pole," with the task force assigned to bring down an immortal Santa.
• JPC spins Santa into an immortal, dangerous figure with an elaborate (and dark) mythos:
  • "Any wound that Santa suffers, he will live with until it can be healed by the natural means of time that all of us possess." (07:31)
• The team invents lore about why the agents are all irredeemable (and thus safe from Santa’s manipulation), poking fun at “the naughty list” as a concept.
• Highlights the absurd potential of Hallmark titles—what if Santa were actually a wanted fugitive?

4. Bantery Asides and Personal Jokes

• Harriet invents the "callback resignation":
  • "I think I'm done with callbacks from now on. I did my time with callbacks. I did my time with thinking." (03:03)
• “Offer only” actor jokes:
  • "Please don't offer me any roles. I don't want to be in stuff." – Harriet (03:32)
• Friendly digs about why each person might be on the "naughty list":
  • Harriet: "Mine's cause I'm a bad person. Yours is pervert stuff." (04:11)

5. Absurd Escalation: Polar Bear Interruptions and Surreal Tangents

• The “hunt for Santa” improv escalates as agents are picked off by polar bears.
  • Host Aaron: "Another polar bear dragged off an agent." (08:00)
• Deadpan delivery and quick character switches keep the scene chaotic and lively.
  • Harriet: "Sir, if you hurt our feelings and we all need to sort of take a break, could we take five?" (09:18)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Parodying Hallmark Logic
  • JPC: "Operation Christmas, which I think has to be out because there's gotta be like some sort of military industrial complex angle on that one." (04:46)
• Meta-Improvisation
  • JPC: "Santa cannot die, but he also cannot heal. Any wound that Santa suffers, he will live with until it can be healed by the natural means of time that all of us possess." (07:31)
• Callback Fatigue
  • Harriet: "I did my time with callbacks. I did my time with thinking... I'm done." (03:03)
• Offer-Only Comic Persona
  • Harriet: "Please don't offer me any roles. I don't want to be in stuff." (03:32)
• Naughty List Sarcasm
  • Host Aaron: "Let's see. I'm checking my list here... You're both on the naughty list." (03:45)
• Surreal Scene Turns
  • Host Aaron: "Oh, polar bear's got Jeffrey." (10:00)

Important Segment Timestamps

| Segment | Topic/Activity | Timestamps | |---------|---------------|------------| | Hallmark setup and premise explained | 00:17–01:22 | | Improv rules/game introduced | 01:22–02:29 | | Hallmark title selection (Finding Father Christmas) | 04:16–05:25 | | Main improv scene (Santa as fugitive) | 05:25–10:00 | | Callback/“offer only” banter | 03:03–03:39 | | Naughty list bit evolves | 03:45–04:16; 04:41–05:23 | | Surreal escalation (polar bear attacks) | 08:00–10:00 |

Tone & Style

The episode is breezy, anarchic, and relentlessly silly—true to Hey Riddle Riddle’s signature improv-driven style. The hosts lean hard into both the satire and absurdism of the Hallmark holiday movie formula, letting each other riff, escalate, and zigzag without restraint. The episode balances quick-fire jokes, meta-commentary on the entertainment industry, and pure improvisational mayhem.

Summary for New Listeners

If you’ve never listened before, this episode offers a concentrated dose of Hey Riddle Riddle’s formula: playful jabs at pop culture, over-the-top improvisation, and camaraderie among the hosts. You don’t need to know or care about Hallmark movies to enjoy their lampooning of predictable tropes and the absurdity that ensues when comedians are set loose with only a movie title to inspire them.

Listen to more bonus episodes by joining the Clue Crew at patreon.com/heyriddleriddle.