Hey Riddle Riddle Patreon Preview #362: Summer on Scorn Mountain

Date: February 13, 2026
Hosts: Adal Rifai, Erin Keif, John Patrick Coan
Network: Headgum

Episode Overview

This episode of Hey Riddle Riddle offers a comedic and improvisational exploration of camp jobs, fire watch stations, and awkward summer experiences, all wrapped in the podcast’s signature riffing, banter, and character-driven sketches. The crew dabbles in parody ads, fictional interviews, and absurd situations, focusing on the experience of "a first summer on Scorn Mountain." Riddle-solving takes a back seat to the cast’s comedic storytelling.

Key Segments & Insights

1. Mock Ads & Banter (00:00–04:27)

• Hosts Describing Mattress Preferences:
  The episode humorously opens with spoof ad-read banter about Helix Sleep Mattresses, with each host riffing on the supposed benefits, the “Helix Sleep Quiz,” and the quirks of sharing a mattress as a conjoined riddle entity.
• Memorable Quote:
  • “Our bodies have molded into one riddle being—it hurts." – Adal (00:35)
• Absurd Ad Characters:
  • Introduction of "Helix Hamlinkin" and playful improv around mattress satisfaction (02:25).
• Comedic Movie Recommendation:
  Adal raves about the mockumentary "Nirvana, the Band, the Show, the Movie" (03:04), calling it "so fucking good," and the rest riff on press quotes, plot, and whether it’s a must-see.
  • Highlight Quote:
    • "When the twists come in this movie, your jaw will hit the floor in a good way—in a way that makes you say, I have to clean up my jaw now." – Adal (03:13)

2. Improv Sketch: The Scorn Mountain Fire Tower (04:27–11:09)

• Premise:
  A new summer fire watch employee (played by Erin/JPC) meets a grizzled Scorn Mountain veteran (Adal) who explains the job, outlines "do’s and don’ts" (mostly don'ts), and deals with ridiculous questions from the rookie.
• Key Dialogue:
  • On fighting fires:
    • “Under no circumstances do you try to go fight it.” – Adal, dead-serious, shutting down the newbie’s enthusiasm (05:07)
  • On amenities:
    • “There's no TV. You don’t even have electricity up here.” – Adal (06:19)
    • “I brought a battery-operated Sony Vizio…a 62 inch.” – JPC/Erin, bizarrely
  • On supplies and "bear box":
    • “You’ll get your weekly ration dump in the bear box…your food, your nettles, and your, you know, your whatnot.” – Adal (07:08)
• Bear Safety & Isolation Bits:
  • “There are more bear deaths than fire deaths on Scorn Mountain every year.” – Adal (08:45)
  • “Isn’t it smarter for me to leave food out so that my cabin is surrounded by bears?…Can you imagine what a fortress this would be?” – JPC/Erin (09:02)
• Absurd Accumulation:
  The newbie reveals they’ve brought “all these guns…and all this porn” for the summer, mistaking the fire tower for a lawless vacation spot (09:15–09:35).
• Where are you from?:
  • “I thought you were a townie.” —“Nope. I am from San Diego. Spongy grass…”—leads into invented localisms, ‘scornborn’ as the nickname for locals (10:11–10:45).
• Notable Comic Exchanges:
  • On years of service—
    “I’ve been up here for 41 seasons.” – Adal (11:02)
    “What are you, LeBron James?” – JPC/Erin (11:07)

3. Mock Ads Interlude: Cargurus (11:15–13:36)

• The cast lampoons buying a car at a grocery store and runs through the features of the Cargurus app with their characteristic offbeat analogies.
• Quote:
  "It's the smarter way to find the car that fits your life, and the insane amount of bananas you buy at the store." – Adal (12:53)
• The Riddle Mobile requires riddles instead of gas to operate (13:31).

4. Space, Aliens & Rocket Money (13:42–15:50)

• Stargazing & Pleiadian War:
  JPC/Erin wonders about the night sky, leading to improv about aliens, the Pleiadians, and a fictional war—the conversation rapidly tangles into a Rocket Money ad riff (13:44–14:37).
• The hosts parodically relate financial saving tips to preparing for “the war with the Pleiadians.”
• Quote:
  "You’re going to want to save as much money as possible so you and your family can start to buy rocket spaceship parts.” – Erin (14:54)

5. Mrs. Animals Education Sketch (15:55–18:59)

• Premise:
  A teacher, Mrs. Animals (Erin), gives a lesson on owls, but gets pulled into morbid digressions by students (Adal, JPC).
• Standout Quotes:
  • “Oh, I have! Two summers ago, I broke my leg and watched out my parents’ back window with binoculars…saw my neighbor murder his wife.” – Adal (16:41)
  • “He ate her.” – Erin, taking the story in a morbid direction (17:24)
• Recurrent Gag:
  The students keep referencing the teacher’s tan line where her wedding ring used to be, a nod to the show’s running bits (18:43).
• Meta-Commentary:
  “We're contractually obligated to ask that question in every episode where an adult talks to a child or vice versa.” – Adal (18:47)

6. Patreon Call to Action & Outro (19:01–19:16)

• Listeners are prompted to subscribe for the full episode at Patreon.

Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• On the Helix Mattress:
  “Our bodies have molded into one riddle being—it hurts.”
  —Adal (00:35)
• On movie plot twists:
  “When the twists come in this movie, your jaw will hit the floor.”
  —Adal (03:13)
• Fire watch instructions:
  “Under no circumstances do you try to go fight it.”
  —Adal (05:07)
• On safety:
  "There are more bear deaths than fire deaths on Scorn Mountain every year."
  —Adal (08:45)
• Existential realization:
  “I brought all these guns. Colin said you can basically do whatever you want up here. So I brought all these guns. I brought all this porn.”
  —JPC/Erin (09:17)
• Townie status:
  “Nope. I am from a little place called San Diego. Spongy grass.”
  —JPC/Erin (10:18)
• Car buying logic:
  “It’s the smarter way to find the car that fits your life, and the insane amount of bananas you buy at the store.”
  —Adal (12:53)
• Alien war budgeting advice:
  “Save as much money as possible so you and your family can start to buy rocket spaceship parts.”
  —Erin (14:54)
• Classroom murder reveal:
  “Saw my neighbor murder his wife.”
  —Adal (16:41)
• Meta-sketch:
  “We're contractually obligated to ask that question in every episode where an adult talks to a child or vice versa.”
  —Adal (18:47)

Conclusion

This Patreon preview is a perfect showcase of Hey Riddle Riddle’s irreverent, improv-heavy style, blending fictional summer job scenarios, deadpan safety advice, and escalating absurdity with their signature inside jokes and recurring meta-bits. Riddles are sparse; the episode pivots instead towards memorable characters, ridiculous scenarios, and banter that would especially reward longtime fans of the show.