Patreon Preview #364: Public Access 15

Summary

Hey Riddle Riddle – Patreon Preview #364: Public Access 15

Date: February 27, 2026
Hosts: Adal Rifai, Erin Keif, John Patrick Coan
Theme: Improvised public access-style shows, weird dinner parties, and family drama—with trademark absurdity and riffing.

---

Episode Overview

In this Patreon preview episode, the trio parodies public access TV, presenting two improvised segments: one on awkward dinner parties (“Keeping Company”) and another on a lonely mother’s birthday (“Back in Time for Dinner”). True to Hey Riddle Riddle form, the focus is on playful character work, comedic tangents, and riffing rather than actual riddles.

---

Segment 1: Mockumentary Movie Plug & Banter

[00:00–01:42]

• The episode opens with Adal (A) raving about the movie Nirvana the Band the Show the Movie.
  • “It is so fucking good.” (A, 01:28)
  • JPC (B) and Erin (C) join in with faux-critical praise, lampooning movie marketing hype.
  • Playful exchange about plot: “Matt and Jay accidentally travel back to the year 2008. Blah, blah, blah... your jaw will hit the floor in a good way.” (A, 00:30)

---

Segment 2: Keeping Company – Socially Awkward Dinner Parties

[02:40–09:12]

Premise

A fictional public access show with host Glenn Livner, coaching people on how to keep company and maintain successful dinner parties.

Key Characters:

• Glenn Livner (A): Host, earnestly guiding guests to act “normal.”
• Paul Calhoun (B): Socially awkward, prayer-obsessed, slightly delusional.
• Linda Messers (C): Over-shares bizarre animal facts at inappropriate times.

Highlights & Memorable Moments:

• Linda’s facts derail conversation repeatedly:
  • “Did you know that horses can’t throw up? And when they have to throw up, they die?” (C, 04:22)
  • “Butterflies are attracted to blood." (C, 06:05)
• Glenn’s exasperation at the guests’ inability to hold basic conversation.
  • “Linda, do you think the animal facts that you’re choosing to share… are appropriate for casual dinner conversation?” (A, 06:08)
• Paul brings up leprosy/Bible references and prayer compulsively.
  • “[...] global warming is a hoax, but Noah did have an ark, and he did take two of every animal. That is true, and that is a fact.” (B, 06:40)
  • “When Abraham met the Gesundheit, he had to remove his cloak to show fealty to the Government. Let us pray.” (B, 08:27)
• A failed empathy/swap exercise, where each guest tries (and fails) to act like the other:
  • “Hi, I’m Paul. Do you know that Air Bud died of cancer in 1998?” (C as Paul, 07:27)
  • “Yes, but Air Bud went up to heaven. Let us pray. I’m Linda.” (B as Linda, 07:33)
• Glenn reveals he’s court-ordered to host the show after repeatedly ending up naked at dinner parties due to “snags” on his clothes.
  • “I keep throwing dinner parties where my clothes accidentally fall off.” (A, 08:07)
• The entire bit devolves with the characters bickering, culminating with Glenn’s clothes “falling off” again as the episode ends.
  • “Oh, my Lord. It looks like the bottom of the chair was on my pants and all my clothes have fallen off. Yet again.” (A, 09:12)

---

Segment 3: Silly Banter & Fake Ad Reads

[09:19–14:01]

• Banter about car shopping, bananas, and the Cargurus app (fictionalized ad).
  • Adal: “I’ll get my fruit at the fruit store and my cars… with Cargurus.”
• Quick riff: The “Riddle Mobile” only runs when they solve riddles. “Let’s just leave it.” (C, 11:47)
• They muse about the night sky, throw in bits about UFOs and the Pleiadians, launching into a faux ad for Rocket Money.
  • “With the upcoming war with the Pleiadians on our doorstep...” (A, 12:40)
  • “Now the Pleiadians are paladin aliens, of course, and they come here wanting our—I want to say oxygen.” (B, 12:48)
  • Extended bit about secret bank accounts and financial dashboards set up to fight these aliens.

---

Segment 4: Back in Time for Dinner – A Mother's Lonely Birthday

[14:16–17:55]

Premise

“Back in Time for Dinner,” another public access-style show featuring Donna Jensen, a mother waiting in vain for her children to arrive for her 60th birthday dinner.

Key Characters:

• Donna Jensen (C): Host, surrounded by empty chairs.
• Waitstaff/Restaurant Personnel (A, B): Impatient, uncomprehending, mostly annoyed.

Highlights & Memorable Moments:

• Donna is exasperated that her children are over an hour late.
  • “It is currently 7:08. They are an hour and eight minutes late for this dinner.” (C, 14:38)
• Repeated requests for “house chardonnay but I want it to taste good,” and confusion about Chardonnay being “famously a red wine.”
  • “[...] but I want [the house chardonnay] to taste good. Also, Chardonnay is supposed to be red. It’s famously a red wine.” (C, 16:26)
• Donna defensively engages with others at the restaurant, insisting her family is coming; ultimately, she confesses:
  • “All right, fine. I'll admit it. I don't have kids. Okay, fine, I'll admit it.” (C, 17:44)
• General tone is deadpan, awkward, and a little achingly sad—underscored by absurd asides from patrons/staff.

---

Notable Quotes

• “Did you know that horses can’t throw up? And when they have to throw up, they die?” – Linda (C), 04:22
• “If you’re gonna say it, know it.” – Glenn (A), recurring line
• “I keep throwing dinner parties where my clothes accidentally fall off.” – Glenn (A), 08:07
• “With the upcoming war with the Pleiadians on our doorstep…” – Adal (A), 12:40
• “[Chardonnay] is supposed to be red. It’s famously a red wine.” – Donna (C), 16:26
• “All right, fine. I'll admit it. I don't have kids.” – Donna (C), 17:44

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00–01:42: Movie plug and opening banter
• 02:40–09:12: “Keeping Company” public access parody
• 09:19–14:01: Absurd ad riffs: Cargurus and Rocket Money (with “alien invasion” bits)
• 14:16–17:55: “Back in Time for Dinner” public access parody

---

Tone and Style

• Language: Irreverent, fast-paced, full of playful mockery and tangents.
• Humor: Surreal, character-driven, and laced with both clever absurdity and gentle pathos.
• Atmosphere: Casual, improv-heavy, and consistently self-aware.

---

Final Thoughts

This episode is a quintessential Hey Riddle Riddle Patreon preview: riddle-adjacent at best, it’s a showcase for the trio’s chemistry, improvised characters, and satirical takes on both public access TV and social awkwardness. The highlight is the ridiculousness of failed dinner parties and the ultimately poignant, if hilarious, portrait of familial (and personal) dysfunction.

Listeners are reminded: “If you don’t like riddles, don’t worry! This podcast is barely about them!”

Transcript

[A]

Adel, Aaron, I know that the two of you have been so mad that they are not putting comedy movies in theaters anymore. While do I have a shocking declaration for the two of you?

[B]

Shock me.

[C]

Shock.

[A]

Okay, shock you. Let me rub my socks on the carpet. I just saw Nirvana, the Band, the show, the Movie and it is fucking excellent.

[C]

Humming a what?

[A]

Okay, this movie is so funny. It's the first like mockumentary style film that I've seen in a while. That is. That was making me laugh out loud. Plus it's. I will not get into it, but when the twists come in this movie, your jaw will hit the floor in a good way. In a way that makes you say, I have to clean up my jaw now. But I do like that it touched the ground.

[B]

Now wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Is this the movie that Variety called? It's insane that it exists and fandom said gives no fucks. A movie you absolutely must see to believe.

[A]

Yes, you have to see this.

[C]

A comedic miracle says Sunshine State Complex. A comedic miracle.

[A]

JPC yes. So the plot of the movie is they have a plan to book a show at the Rivoli, but something goes horribly wrong and then Matt and Jay accidentally travel back to the year 2008. Blah, blah blah, blah blah blah blah. You have to watch this movie. It is only in theaters starting February 13th. Nirvana, the band, the show, the Movie. It is so fucking good.

[B]

I'm there. I'm there again.

[A]

Run, do not walk to the theaters February 13th to see Nirvana, the Band, the show, the Movie. You do not have to be familiar with the show. Just go see Nirvana, the Band, the show, the Movie. You'll get it. It's fucking great.

[D]

Goodbye, New Year, New you. This season, Ollie is here to help you embrace a slower pace. The kind where you cozy up at home with your dog tucked right beside you. After the holiday rush and all the spending, you're probably craving those quieter moments. So soft blankets, a comfy couch, and the kind of emotional reset that only happens when you're curled up with your pup. Spending intentional time with your dog isn't just comforting. It's proven to support your mood, reduce stress, and help you feel more present during the winter slowdown. If you're leaning into that slower, more intentional rhythm, Ollie can help support it with fresh human grade food, slow cooked recipes, taste tailored meal plans, and an app that lets you tap real experts whenever you need peace of mind. Visit ollie.com wondery and use code WONDERY for 60% off your first box.

[B]

JPC here are your three options. Okay, let's do it.

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

Keeping company. And Is your house killing you?

[A]

Oh, man. You know what? Obviously, I'm being pulled to. Is your house killing you? So I think I'm gonna go the less obvious route and I'm gonna. What's the second one?

[B]

Keeping company.

[A]

Keeping company. I think I'm gonna do keeping company.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

Hello, everybody. My name is Glenn Livner, and as you know, on my show, I. Keeping company. I invite guests every week who have. Oh, man. I don't want to be rude. I don't want to say problems. I'll just say issues with being at a dinner party and keeping people there for the duration of the entire dinner party. A lot of people just don't know what to talk about. So they'll say something strange or socially unacceptable or. Or weird, and people will storm up. Or sometimes physical violence will be an issue and they will get hit in the head because of something that they said at the dinner party. But that is why on my show, we are at judgment free Zone. We're just guiding people to have normal human interactions so that we can keep company. All right, today, my guests, please introduce yourselves.

[B]

My name is Paul Calhoun.

[A]

Hi, Paul. It's really nice to meet you.

[B]

Nice to meet you. First time. Long time.

[C]

And I am Linda Messers. Do you know that horses can't throw up? And when they have to throw up, they die? What?

[A]

Uh. Oh, Linda, let's not start. Let's not start with that.

[C]

My producer said that we were starting. Is the show not starting?

[A]

The show is starting, but let us pray. No, we're not gonna introduce prayer. And we're not gonna introduce prayer. Little too soon to introduce prayer. You two, I have heard, are both having dinner parties this week. Now, my producer let me know. And is this true you have never had a successful dinner party?

[B]

I have never. I had a. We'll call it a C minus soiree, but never a dinner party.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

I feel like mine have been pretty successful. Did you know that whale carcasses can explode?

[B]

Let us say. Dear God. Dear God, why are we making whales?

[A]

Hey, hey, here's a good thing, Paul. Great listening. You heard Linda say something about whales, and then you had a reaction about whales. That shows really good listening.

[B]

I guess I did.

[C]

Oh, I think I'm getting it. Hey, what do you do for a living? Do you know that armadillos can carry leprosy?

[B]

Okay, leprosy in the Bible. Jesus. Jesus killed the lepers. All right, Paul? Jesus.

[A]

No, he did to the lepers and Paul know it. What I always say is, if you're going to say it, know it. Linda, let's start in with you. You know, it seems like you know a lot of animal facts.

[C]

Not really.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Butterflies are attracted to blood.

[A]

Interesting. Now, Linda. Well, Linda, I have to ask, do you think that the animal facts that you're choosing to share in this context are appropriate for casual dinner conversation?

[C]

Oh, I guess not. I guess I could talk about more human stuff. Like, did you know that TSA missed like 96% of contraband when they got tested in 2015? Huh.

[A]

Well, yeah, that's something.

[C]

You're not catching anything.

[B]

Speaking of animals, I just wanted to say very quickly, just to have it on record that I do think global warming is a hoax, but Noah did have an ark, and he did take two of every animal. And that is true, and that is a fact.

[A]

Okay, here's a. Here's a fun character. Here's. No, Paul. Paul. Here's a fun character exercise we're going to do. Linda, you've seen Paul for a little while now. Paul, you've seen Linda for a little while now. I want you two to swap perspectives. Okay? So Paul, you're gonna do. No, Paul, I see you. Linda, you have your mouth wide open. No, no, no, no.

[C]

Swap, swap.

[A]

No, we're not swapping that. Swap, swap. I want you to pretend to be each other and try to engage each other in dinner conversation. Let's try that.

[B]

Pretend to be each other.

[A]

Yeah. So, Paul, you're pretend to be Landa. Linda, you're of kind to pretend to be Paul.

[C]

Hi, I'm Paul. Do you know that Air Bud died of cancer in 1998?

[B]

Yes, but air Bud went up to heaven. Let us pray. I'm Linda.

[A]

Okay, so what you were doing. Well, no, it's. It's really not. What you were doing was you were saying that you were the. The other person's name, but then you were continuing to talk about something that it seems like you wanted to talk about. Is that right?

[B]

Is there a famous Paul and Linda, huh?

[A]

There's Paul Lind.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Circle gets the square. Let us pray.

[C]

No, Paul, what makes you qualified to do this?

[A]

So I am court ordered to be here because I keep throwing dinner parties where my clothes accidentally fall off. It's always getting snagged on like a loose nail or a pinching the table, and then all my clothes fall off.

[B]

When Abraham met the Gesundheit, he had to remove his cloak to show fealty to the Government. Let us pray.

[C]

I think I'm gonna head out. Paul, you're weird.

[A]

I'm weird.

[C]

If Paul's weird, you're weird. Paul's awesome. Why?

[B]

Yeah, Linda's awesome. You're weird.

[C]

We get along great. See? Let's exchange.

[A]

All right.

[B]

You know what?

[A]

Another episode, another failure. Well, everyone, thanks for joining us. And as always, I'm going to get up now and walk to the other side of the room. Oh, my Lord. It looks like the bottom of the chair was on my pants and all my clothes have fallen off. Yet again.

[B]

You said, oh, my Lord, let us pray. Ah. Oh, God. Isn't awesome, Paul?

[A]

If you're gonna say it, know it. See? Adult Aaron. I am so fed up with car shopping, I must be doing something wrong. Cause I'll go to the grocery store, I'll buy, you know, some bananas, some apples, a little bit of spinach, and I'll get to the checkout and I'll say, also, I'd like to buy a car. And they say, well, no, not here. And I go, not here. Then where? Jpc, you big jpc, tell me what I did. Because what I. What I think I did is right. So what did I do?

[B]

You don't go to a store to buy a car, okay? You use Cargurus app, the new dealership mode. And it's like having a personal cheat sheet in your pocket right there on the lot with you. You can instantly compare the car in front of you to similar options, see deal ratings and price history, and estimate your final price. That's right, jpc. It's everything you need at your fingertip so you can feel confident you're getting the best deal. And some store workers not going to make fun of you for asking for it at checkout.

[C]

With more than 4 million listings, CarGurus has the biggest selection of cars. So it's easier than ever to find the right car at the right deal. And you don't even have to buy a banana.

[A]

Well, I want to buy the banana. Oh, please tell me Cargurus will sell me a banana. You know what? No. I think what I'll do from now on is I'll get my fruit at the fruit store and I'll get my cars. But by using Cargurus, you can even use Cargurus. Discover a new search feature where you can look for vehicles based on the way you think, using your own words. No more being boxed in by filters. Whether you want great gas mileage for a road trip or extra trunk space for all of those bananas. Simply type it in and Cargurus Discover will give you real shoppable listings that match. It's the smarter way to find the car that fits your life and the insane amount of bananas that you buy at the store. Because bananas are going up, up, up, baby. And they never go bad.

[B]

And I use the Cargurus app to buy us yanks off sheet a Riddle Mobile.

[C]

Ooh la lu lau lau loo.

[B]

It's no wonder Cargurus is the number one most visited car shopping site according to SimilarWeb's estimated traffic data.

[A]

Buy or sell your next car today with [e-mail]. go to cargurus.com to make sure your big deal is the best deal. That's CarGurus. C-A-R-G-U R U S.com CarGurus.com okay, so

[B]

it looks like the Riddle Mobile doesn't take gas. We have to answer riddles to make it good.

[C]

Let's just leave it.

[A]

Oh yeah, it's mostly for show.

[B]

Hey, gpc. Hey, Aaron.

[A]

What's up?

[C]

Yeah, what's up?

[B]

I was looking up at the night sky and seeing all these things shooting across the night sky, and I was wondering what all is out there in the night sky?

[C]

Well, stars.

[A]

We're at war with the Pleiadians. What?

[C]

UFOs.

[B]

Wait, the Pleiadians? Are those some sort of aliens and rockets?

[C]

Which reminds me, this weekend, you guys, I realized that I had been spending so much money on a subscription that I forgot to cancel. I did the whole free trial thing and then I forgot to cancel it,

[B]

and I've been paying for it in

[C]

a couple months, but Rocket Money reminded me. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, thank you. Please tell me that you're using Rocket Money, the personal finance app that helps you find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings.

[C]

Oh, big time, big time.

[A]

And growing your savings is more important now than ever, what with the upcoming war with the Pleiadians on our doorstep.

[B]

Now, Pleiadians are paladin aliens, of course, and they come here wanting our. I want to say oxygen. But with Rocket Money, you can set budgets and goals, get personalized insights and regular reports, and receive real time alerts for large transactions, upcoming bills, refunds, and. And low balances. Because you're gonna wanna save as much money as possible so you and your family can start to buy spaceship parts.

[A]

Plus, the app consolidates your checking, your saving, your loans and investments into a single dashboard to give Users a clear view of their financial picture. So when you're spending money from the secret checking account that your wife doesn't know that you have to fight the palladium baby is for you. It's all for you. It's for the family. You can see that from your rocketboard dashboard without getting overwhelmed that your wife is gonna find out about your secret Palladian using to fight these guys.

[C]

And if you're saving up to fight the good fight, you can do automated savings that grow towards your goals. You can adjust the amount and the frequency a set it and forget it approach. So let rocket money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join RocketMoney.com Riddle that's RocketMoney.com Riddle RocketMoney.com Riddle R I D D L E

[A]

they look just like us.

[C]

You say joyfully. They look just like us. I want to say oxygen.

[B]

Aaron. Your options are. Beauty is my business. Back in time for dinner. And mainly for women.

[C]

Back in time for dinner.

[B]

Perfect.

[C]

Please and thank you.

[A]

Please and thank you.

[C]

Hello, my name is Donna Jensen. It is my 60th birthday. All I asked is that my children came to see me. And we're on time. It is currently 7:08. They are an hour and eight minutes late for this dinner. This is on time for dinner. I am your host, Donna. Let's see if any of my kids show up and if they do, in what order? In what order will they show?

[A]

I'm sorry, did you say you're ready to order?

[C]

No, I'm not. My kids are still on the way. I will take another glass of Chardonnay though, please.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Can it be good this time?

[A]

Well, you can order the expensive Chardonnay, but if you order the house Chardonnay, it's gonna be three.

[C]

I want the house Chardonnay, but I want it to taste good.

[A]

Okay. And you will have to give up the table because this is a table for.

[C]

They're coming.

[A]

Okay? They're gonna be here if it's. If we go past the hour, we have to because there's big families waiting.

[C]

Oh, yeah. I have a big family too. I have a big family and I'm waiting for them. So we have a lot in common.

[B]

I'm so sorry. And I have a big family and we're all here, so.

[C]

Okay, great. Okay. See you later. That lady was crazy, huh?

[A]

Donna? Is it Donna?

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Would you. Would you want to join. Would you want to join another family?

[C]

I don't want to join another family. I want to wait for my dumb family. They'll be here. They always are here. They always end up showing up. I would like your house chardonnay, but I would like it to taste good. Also, Chardonnay is supposed to be red. It's famously a red wine. Why do you keep bringing me this white stuff?

[A]

Do you want a red? Chardonnay is not a. I can bring you.

[C]

Oh, my God. Do your job.

[A]

Yes. Yes.

[C]

Okay, so here's my current guess for when my kids are gonna show up. Middle kid first, then oldest, then youngest. Although they all have partners. So maybe middle's partner. Oldest. Middle oldest partner. Youngest partner youngest.

[B]

I'm sorry, am I crazy? She's holding a table for eight. This place is packed.

[C]

It's my birthday. My kids are on their way.

[A]

She made a reservation. It is for eight. Although I think it's gonna be only seven because I think it's three kids, three partners. I don't think she mentioned having a partner, but maybe she does. I don't.

[C]

I don't have a partner. And is it not a free America anymore? Our lady can't drink red wine alone at an eight person table anymore.

[A]

Please return to your table. Please stop coming up to the host stand. Please return to your table. We'll let you know when you're partying.

[B]

My phone to record. This is the saddest thing I've ever seen.

[C]

Do not record me in Obama's America. Please. 2012.

[B]

Get you're in public.

[A]

It's not 2012, ma'. Am. It's not 2012.

[C]

All right, fine. I'll admit it. I don't have kids. Okay, fine, I'll admit it.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

Is that what you wanted? Is that what you wanted? I don't have kids.

[A]

No, it's not. Would anyone here want it? 1, 2, 3, 4. Hey, Riddle. Riddle's Clue crew. Listen to the rest of the episode now by starting your free 7 day trial at patreon.com heyriddleriddle

[D]

don't you wish everything was more rewarding with Rakuten? Almost everything is. You can earn cash back on those new shoes you've been wanting. You can save on the next trip you book.

[B]

You can.

[D]

You can cash in on groceries. Just join, shop your favorite brands and save Target, Instacart, Expedia, Macy's, Sephora, cvs. The list is long. Save online, in store and at over 22,000 restaurants. And when it's time to redeem those rewards, get your money exactly how you want it. Choose PayPal, check, Bilt points, or cash out with gift cards. So go ahead. Take a trip, fill a cart, order dessert. Rakuten is a world of rewards. Join today for free. Go to rakuten.com or get the app that's r a k u t e n.