Patreon Preview #365: Who Wants to be a JPCillionaire?

Summary

Hey Riddle Riddle – Patreon Preview #365: Who Wants to be a JPCillionaire?

Release Date: March 6, 2026
Hosts: Adal Rifai, Erin Keif, John Patrick Coan (JPC)
Theme: Playful Game Show Parody with improv, trivia, and banter

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Episode Overview

In this Patreon preview episode, the Hey Riddle Riddle crew transforms their recording into a spirited parody of "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire," with JPC as the quizmaster and Adal and Erin vying in a battle of wits. The show’s signature whimsy and offbeat improv energy persist throughout, as the hosts riff on game show lore, test each other with rapid-fire trivia, and veer into frequent comedic tangents.

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Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. Setting the Stage: Millionaire Memories & Game Structure (00:53 – 06:50)

• JPC plays the "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?" theme and asks what memories it evokes, establishing the episode’s twist—he’s crafted his own version: “Who Wants to be a JPCillionaire?” (01:06)
• Game rules explained:
  • Play is individual, not cooperative.
  • Lifelines: Phone a Friend (restricted to the other studio guest), Ask the Audience (Casey), and a still-to-be-detailed third lifeline.
  • Real prizes of monetary value are at stake, but the grand prize is secret unless reached (01:38).
  • Walk-away value and milestone thresholds mimic the classic format.
• Reference to Millionaire lore:
  • JPC quizzes the hosts about John Carpenter (the first U.S. Millionaire winner and his famous phone call), leading to quick-fire banter.
  • Quote:
    JPC: "Do you know what John Carpenter's Million Dollar question was? ... He uses his phone, a friend, the first lifeline he's used the entire show, to call his dad and tell him, Dad, I don't actually need your help. I know the answer. I just wanted you to watch me win a million dollars." (03:27)
• Discussion on game show trivia osmosis:
  • The hosts realize some knowledge comes from having watched shows like Millionaire or Slumdog Millionaire.
    • Aaron: "It's Slumdog Millionaire. But it's just you watching other trivia shows and that's why you ended up knowing all the answers." (04:27)
• A brief history of "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" (UK origins, American adaptation, celebrity specials, and hosts). (04:48)

2. Banter Breaks: Tangents & Running Gags (06:51–11:27)

• Goofy improv about hair stress & wigs:
  • JPC launches a side-bit about being so frazzled over business finances he pulled out his hair, creating a slapstick scenario about wearing JPC wigs (07:15).
  • The team riff on this, leading to in-character gags and adlibbed product pitches.
• Car shopping sketch:
  • JPC pretends he tried to buy a car at the grocery store, sparking more wordplay.
  • Adol quips about using the "Cargurus app" and jokes about the "Rutlemobile" requiring riddles instead of gas (11:27).
• Movie prize gag:
  • An extended fake-out about the game’s grand prize possibly being the film "Gran Torino," or an Oscar-winning F1 tape, with mock reluctance from Erin to play.
    • Aaron: "I don't want to play." (12:18)
    • JPC: "What if you get a copy of...Oscar award winning F1?" (12:20)

3. Fastest Finger: The Warm-Up Question (11:33–14:31)

• JPC announces the first challenge, "Fastest Finger":
  • The trivia question: “Put the following architects in order according to the year of their births, starting with the earliest…” with a list of legendary architects. (12:40)
  • Tension and confusion play out as the hosts try to remember names and dates.
  • Outcome:
    • Aaron guesses incorrectly.
    • Adol nails it: “D, A, C, B.”
    • JPC, surprised: "Aaron, you got it exactly wrong. Adol, you got it exactly correct. It is D, A, C, B." (14:06)
    • Aaron, incredulous: "Seriously? He got it exactly..." (14:10)
    • Adol: "Just—I know three of the architects and just going off what I know of them..." (14:15)

4. Ephemeral Prizes & Further Goofs (14:31–14:48)

• Adol is mock-awarded a copy of "Gran Torino" for his victory (“Get off my lawn.” – Adol, channeling Eastwood).
• The group continues with playful sound cues and game show effects.

5. Game Start Teaser & Paywall (14:56–Ep End)

• JPC cues up for the official start ("Are you ready to play?"), but before they can launch into the first main-tier question, the episode pivots to a Patreon plug.
• Patreon Call to Action: Listeners are urged to subscribe at patreon.com/heyriddleriddle to hear the full bonus episode, featuring the rest of the JPCillionaire game.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• JPC, on Millionaire’s American host:
  "Yes. Regis Philpin. Goodbye." (05:31)
• Adol, on prize expectations:
  “Aaron, grand prize. Talk about movies. I think the winner gets a copy of Gran Torino.” (12:18)
• Aaron’s exasperated joke:
  "I don't want to play. Same." (12:18)
• Game banter—improv asides:
  • Adol: “Get off my lawn.” (after ‘winning’ Gran Torino, 14:31)
• Adol’s victory method:
  "Just—I know three of the architects and just going off what I know of them, trying to place them in order." (14:15)
• Aaron, in awe:
  "Wow. Oh, I'm blown away." (14:22)

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Key Timestamps

• 00:53 — Game intro and rules
• 03:27 — John Carpenter Millionaire lore
• 04:27 — Slumdog Millionaire trivia osmosis joke
• 11:27 — Start of Fastest Finger (prize banter)
• 12:40 — Fastest Finger question delivered
• 14:06 — Adol answers correctly
• 14:31 — Gran Torino joke/prize awarded
• 14:56 — JPC cues the official game start, Patreon wall

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Tone & Style

• Playful & irreverent: The hosts never take the trivia too seriously, punctuating gameplay with improvisational humor and meta-commentary.
• Nostalgic & self-referential: Fond recollections of classic game shows blend with modern, sardonic takes.
• Inclusive & collaborative: Despite the “competition,” the team chemistry and inviting banter remain front-and-center.

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Summary

This episode of Hey Riddle Riddle delivers a lighthearted but cleverly-constructed parody of "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire." Through trivia, fictional prizes, and their trademark improvisational humor, the hosts craft a playful experience blending genuine trivia challenge with comedic subversion. The episode concludes just as the real game begins—leaving listeners eager for the full story on Patreon.

Transcript

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[Aaron]

n

[JPC]

I'm going to play something for you guys and I want you to tell me what it makes you think of.

[Aaron]

Who wants to be who wants to be a millionaire?

[JPC]

Adole and erie shy ho. Well, yes. Yeah. But before it was ever that. Are you ready to play the JPC version of who wants to be a millionaire?

[Aaron]

The JPC version? Never.

[Adol]

Here's what I'll say. Jpc. I would love to play who wants to be a millionaire, but I need to know if a million dollars is really at stake. And if not, what is at stake?

[Aaron]

Great question.

[JPC]

I will say that everything that is at stake here is an actual prize with actual monetary value. And the more you climb in this game, the more you have a chance of winning the grand prize, which I will only announce if you get to it. Now, just like who wants to be a millionaire, you guys are going to go person at a time. You have three lifelines that you can use and you do get walk away value. So if you decide to walk away, you get the last prize that you obtained. And there are also still the thresholds where you will get the the bar once you cross it.

[Aaron]

And are we working together?

[JPC]

No, Aaron, unfortunately, you're not working together, but you have a phone, a friend. Now your phone, a friend must be the other person who's in the room. No one can use Google or any search engine.

[Aaron]

Or Casey.

[JPC]

No, you can't use Casey for that because Casey's gonna be asking the audience. So we have to differentiate between these lifelines.

[Adol]

Can I use for my very first question, can I use my phone a friend lifeline to call Aaron and say, I just wanted to call and let you know I just want a million dollars.

[JPC]

So it's interesting because what we're going to be doing here is we're going to be. The only way that I was able to get real. Who Wants to be a Millionaire Questions is to go with people that made it all the way to the $1 million prize. And I think the first guy to ever win the prize. Does anyone know that man's name is dad, right? Yeah.

[Aaron]

He called his dad and did what Adol just did.

[JPC]

Yes, but you know his name. Nimbo, Jerry the Crumble, the Crimble. Adol. You are so close with Jerry Bruckheimer.

[Adol]

Are you kidding me?

[JPC]

Because his name is John Carpenter.

[Adol]

Oh, so like, I'm a genius.

[JPC]

He did have. He did have, like a famous person's name.

[Adol]

Can I join Mensah by doing whatever that was?

[JPC]

Sure. Do you know what John Carpenter's Million Dollar question was? The one. If you don't know the story, you can watch it on YouTube. But he uses his phone, a friend, the first lifeline he's used the entire show to call his dad and tell him, dad, I don't actually need your help. I know the answer. I just wanted to you to watch me win a million dollars.

[Aaron]

It was about a president.

[JPC]

It was about a president. The question was, which of these US Presidents appeared on the television series Laugh in Lyndon Johnson?

[Aaron]

Nixon.

[JPC]

Richard Nixon, Jimmy Carter or Gerald Ford?

[Aaron]

Nixon.

[JPC]

Adol, do you know Jimmy Carter?

[Adol]

I was Gerald Ford.

[JPC]

It was Nixon. Aaron. Got it.

[Adol]

Oh, I am not a cook.

[JPC]

Yeah. Cause Nixon, he popped out and he did like the. He did like the fingers or that was from the Simpsons. But either way, I feel like that was.

[Aaron]

We don't do a lick of research on this show. Huh.

[JPC]

That was also one that I know, but I'm like, do I know it just because that guy got it? Is that why I know it? Like, because that question became so famous?

[Aaron]

Maybe.

[JPC]

Who's to say, Aaron? We are.

[Aaron]

It's Slumdog Millionaire. But it's just you watching other trivia shows and that's why you ended up knowing all the answers.

[JPC]

Yeah. The flashbacks.

[Adol]

Are you just watching game shows? That's amazing.

[JPC]

If you guys are familiar with. If anyone out there is not familiar with who Wants to Be a Millionaire? It was a game show that ran from in like, oh, the late 90s, early 2000s.

[Aaron]

I think it was early 2000s.

[JPC]

Maybe early 2000s. Definitely in the early 2000s. Still is kind of going. I think the. Well, Jimmy Kimmel does like celebrity who Wants to Be a Millionaire? Or he did it a few years ago maybe, but it was all with celebrities. And it Was all for charity type of thing. And the questions were easier because it's, you know, they want the charities to win some money or whatever. Yeah. But I don't think the show proper is on anymore. And the show was an export from England. It was originally on in the UK for in like the 90s or the late 90s, I think. And then they brought it over to Americanize it, basically because the host was

[Adol]

that very British, very stern. Yes, lady.

[JPC]

Yes. Regis Philpin. Goodbye.

[Aaron]

Awesome. Okay, that was awesome. I hope someone at home laughed at that as well, because that was a lot of fun.

[JPC]

I hope everyone's just laughing constantly. The person whose game one of you is gonna be playing is a person named Stephanie Girardi who made it all the way to the million dollar question. I do not believe she went for it. I think she walked away with 500,000. And this was in February of 2000.

[Adol]

Can I ask how many questions if one of us happens basically all the way to a million dollar question, how many questions is that?

[JPC]

15. It is 15 questions in total. Great.

[Aaron]

And if we don't make it to the end, will you tell us what the prize was if we don't win?

[JPC]

No. We'll do the thing on who Wants to be a Millionaire? I don't know if you remember this, but since they would get a new person coming up and some people wouldn't make it the whole time, the episode would call time and then they'd be like, they'll come back next time on who Wants to be a Millionaire? So we'll have to do a part two where just one of you has to come back and then we spend the rest of the episode talking about tombstone or whatever. But the way that they got into it was they would have pre selected people who were like, potentially could come up to the chair and they have something called the fastest finger question. And a person would have to, like, hit a little button. Yeah, I know, Aaron, I know. It was 2000 at a different time. It was pre 9 11. Fingering was allowed to be fast.

[Aaron]

Ew.

[JPC]

Adel. Aaron, what do you think of my new hair? Before you ask, before you ask. Yes, I did pull every piece of hair from my head because I was so stressed out about business, finances.

[Adol]

Yeah, buddy. That looks stressful.

[Aaron]

I love my new JPC wig. Thank you for this.

[JPC]

And the best part, it was super painful to do because I used my hands and fingers.

[Aaron]

Wow.

[Adol]

Should have used found. Right, Erin? Should have used found.

[Aaron]

You should have used found. Saved you from all the stress.

[JPC]

Oh, I Should have used Found. Found makes it easy for small business owners to put all of their finances in one place. Instead of a bank account here, Quickbooks there, tax invoicing apps stacked on top. Instead, I should have just used Found. Found eliminates the clutter by giving you one platform that handles it all. Banking, bookkeeping, invoices and taxes. No more paying for multiple subscriptions and dealing with clunky, outdated apps. Why did I not use Foundation?

[Adol]

And that's the thing JPC is. They've made it so easy. They've even automated things like tracking expenses, finding write offs, and budgeting for tax time. You can even send your invoices for free and pay your contractors. Everything, all from one app.

[Aaron]

They make it easy to regain control of your business finances so you can get back to doing what you love. Jpc. Like making wigs.

[JPC]

Well, I am going to be doing a lot of making wigs now because I'm going to have to open up a new small business line that sells GPC hair wigs. And people would buy them. So I can't even joke about making them because people would buy them. But I will use Found. And I will not stress out about having to use multiple different platforms to do everything that I need to do to run our business. We use Found. And I think that you should, too. So take back control of your business today. Open a Found account for [e-mail] that's f o u n d dot com. Found is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services are provided by lead bank member fdic. Join the hundreds of thousands who've already streamlined their finances with Found.

[Adol]

Oh, Aaron, look. The hair's in the shape of a backwards hat. I'm jpz. Look, I'm jpz.

[JPC]

Whoa.

[Aaron]

I love it.

[JPC]

I wish I had my hair back.

[Aaron]

Smells awful, though.

[JPC]

Come on, adult Aaron. I am so fed up with car shopping, I must be doing something wrong. Cause I'll go to the grocery store, I'll buy, you know, some bananas, some apples, a little bit of spinach, and I'll get to the checkout and I'll say, also, I'd like to buy a car. And they say, well, no, not here. And I go, not here. Then where?

[Adol]

Jpc, you big.

[JPC]

Tell me what I did. Because what I. What I think I did is right. So what did I do?

[Adol]

You don't go to a store to buy a car, okay? You use Cargurus app, the new dealership mode. And it's like having a personal cheat sheet in your pocket right there on the lot with you. You can instantly compare the car in front of you to similar options, see deal ratings and price history, and estimate your final price. That's right, jpc. It's everything you need at your fingertips so you can feel confident you're getting the best deal. And some store workers not going to make fun of you for asking for it at checkout.

[Aaron]

With more than 4 million listings, CarGurus has the biggest selection of cars. So it's easier than ever to find the right car at the right deal. And you don't even have to buy a banana.

[JPC]

Well, I want to buy the banana. Oh, please tell me Cargurus will sell me a banana. You know what?

[Aaron]

No.

[JPC]

I think what I'll do from now on is I'll get my fruit at the fruit store and I'll get my cars by using Cargurus. You can even use Cargurus Discover, a new search feature where you can look for vehicles based on the way you think, using your own words. No more being boxed in by filters. Whether you want great gas mileage for a road trip or extra trunk space for all of those bananas, simply type it in and Cargurus Discover will give you real shoppable listings that match. It's the smarter way to find the car that fits your life and the the insane amount of bananas that you buy at the store. Because bananas are going up, up, up, baby. And they never go bad.

[Adol]

And I use the Cargurus app to buy us yanks off sheet a riddle mobile.

[Aaron]

Ooh la lu lah Lou loo loo.

[Adol]

It's no wonder Cargurus is the number one most visited car shopping site according to SimilarWeb's estimated traffic data.

[JPC]

Buy or sell your next car today with [e-mail] Go to CarGurus.com to make sure your big deal is the best deal. That's Cargurus. C A R G u r u s.com cargurus.com okay, so it looks like

[Adol]

the Rutlemobile doesn't take gas. We have to answer riddles to make it good.

[JPC]

Let's just leave it banana space. Oh, yeah, it's mostly for show. We're going to have you say your own name. Chime in with your own name when you know the answer. And then I'll give you the question and the answers and you say your own name. And that'll be whoever gets fastest. And whoever gets it right first will get to play first. Okay, so here's your quick question.

[Adol]

Yes, I don't think I Want to play? If I'm correct about something, which is Aaron, I'm pretty sure I heard JPC say you're playing for a grand prize. I didn't hear a D. So Aaron, grand prize. Talk about movies. I think the winner gets a copy of Gran Torino.

[Aaron]

I don't want to play same.

[JPC]

What if you get a copy of. What if you get a copy of Oscar award winning F1?

[Aaron]

I yield my time.

[Adol]

Fuck. You already won an Oscar.

[JPC]

Have you guys seen is Gran Torino? That's the Clint Eastwood one, right?

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[JPC]

I have not seen his later era movies at all.

[Aaron]

We don't have to. No one's gonna make us.

[JPC]

And no one's going to make us

[Adol]

yelled at that empty chair.

[Aaron]

Oh God.

[JPC]

Mr. Obama.

[Aaron]

Back when politics was stressful but also a little bit fun.

[JPC]

Put the following architects in order according to the year of their births, starting with the earliest. Okay, so buzzing if you think you know it.

[Adol]

This is the first question.

[JPC]

This is the fastest.

[Adol]

This is the one to choose. That's right.

[JPC]

This is the one to fastest finger. Okay, so Frank Gehry, Frank Lloyd Wright. Hold on, hold on. Indigo Jones. IM Pei. Gustav Eiffel and Leon Baptista.

[Aaron]

Can I write these down?

[Adol]

Pass.

[JPC]

Let me see.

[Aaron]

Can I. Indigo Jones.

[JPC]

Can I copy? Let me try, let me try. Yeah.

[Aaron]

Okay.

[JPC]

Aaron, Aaron, go ahead.

[Aaron]

And then what's the order from oldest to newest?

[JPC]

From year of their birth, starting with the earliest.

[Aaron]

Okay, I'm going in. Inigo Jones. I am PI. Gustav Eifl and then Leon Albert.

[Adol]

So abcd.

[Aaron]

Yeah, I'm gonna go abcd.

[JPC]

Okay. Adol. Do you want a chance to steal Adol? Okay, please.

[Adol]

I'm gonna go

[Aaron]

and you can't answer what I answered.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adol]

D, A, C, B.

[JPC]

Aaron, you got it exactly wrong. Adel, you got it exactly correct. It is D, A, C, B.

[Aaron]

Seriously? He got it exactly.

[JPC]

I don't know how he did that.

[Aaron]

How did you know that?

[Adol]

Just I know three of the architects and just going off of what I know of them, trying to place them in order.

[Aaron]

Wow. Oh, I'm blown away.

[JPC]

But that's how fast this finger works. It's not who gets it fastest. You deserve it.

[Aaron]

Fastest and correct copy of Gran Torino.

[JPC]

No.

[Adol]

Get off my lawn.

[JPC]

Adel, are you ready to play? Are you ready to play?

[Aaron]

Oh. Jbc. Do it again.

[JPC]

Okay, hold on, hold on. That was also. That was just the.

[Aaron]

Are you ready to play? Who wants to. Who wants to be a millionaire?

[JPC]

Millionaire. Millionaire. Make your way to the chair.

[Adol]

Trips breaks nose.

[JPC]

Okay, we have a runner up. Rattle. So that's that. What's this one? Oh, yeah, we'll get to that one that way.

[Adol]

Oh, I haven't heard that in like 20 years.

[JPC]

We'll get to that.

[Adol]

I love that stage.

[JPC]

I remember I pulled that one. Okay, Adol, here you go. Here's your first question. Your first question for this tier. 1, 2, 3, 4. Hate Riddle. Riddle's clue crew, listen to the rest of the episode now by starting your free 7 day trial at patreon.com heyriddleriddle.