Hey Riddle Riddle – Patreon Preview #370: Penguin Baseball Draft Season Three

Guests: Janet Varney & Casey Toney
Date: April 10, 2026
Main Theme:
This episode is a whimsical and improvisational roundtable where the Hey Riddle Riddle crew embarks on their third annual Penguin Baseball Draft. The twist this year is the addition of mythical creatures, courtesy of (allegedly) opening a mystical portal. Joined by Janet Varney and Casey Toney, the group invents and drafts teams featuring mythological beings as mascots, revealing their team choices in a blend of riddle references, zany banter, and comedic world-building.

Main Segments & Key Discussion Points

1. Launching the Myths: This Year's Draft Twist

Timestamp: 02:11 – 03:18

• The draft introduces mythical creatures into the baseball league, thanks to a fictional portal opened by "Flipper Tech."
• The tone is playful, making light of their lore: “We have mythical creatures this year. That’s right. We’ve opened a portal. Or at least the company that we founded opened a portal.” – Aaron (03:13)
• Multiple jokes about the dubious legality and strange corporate setup behind the portal.

2. Janet's Team Reveal: The Santa Fe Sphinxes

Timestamp: 04:01 – 06:27

• Janet excitedly announces her team: the Santa Fe Sphinxes.
• She highlights Santa Fe’s “mystery, wonder, and attractive southwestern colors” as inspiration.
• Notably, she chooses the Sphinx for its affinity with riddles, fitting the spirit of the podcast:

  “There is one mythical creature that is well known for being a fan of riddles, puzzles, lateral thinking, and that is...the sphinx.” – Janet (05:38)

• Hilarious sidetracking as the group jokes about being “kicked out of the league if the owners start to fight,” eating mythical creatures, and the legal ramifications of hunting “allegedly.”

3. Mascot Details & Running Gags

Timestamp: 06:28 – 07:10

• JPC jokes about the Sphinx’s gorgeous hair.

  “Some of the most gorgeous hair I’ve ever seen on a penguin league baseball [player]...Have I ever seen one with hair?” – JPC (06:27)

• Tangent about penguins in musical wigs and an idea for a future musical-themed draft.

4. Casey’s Canadian Innovation: The Saskatchewan Sasquatches

Timestamp: 15:56 – 19:58

• Casey reveals the second Canadian team, the Saskatchewan Sasquatches (formerly the Ottawa Uroboros).
• The mascot is a jovial, big-footed Bigfoot, so large his toes burst through his baseball shoes.
• Casey spins a comic backstory about Bigfoot auditioning under a pseudonym (“Big Toe”) to evade fame.

  “He needed the right opportunity to shine...he wanted to, like, kind of make it on his own...he, like, didn’t even use his real last name.” – Casey (16:42)

• Discussion about the team's home city (deciding on Saskatoon), and comic speculation about other Canadian locales (like Moose Jaw and Flynn Flan).
• Extended riffing on the Sasquatch as a breakfast cereal mascot.

5. League Lore, Locations & Mascot Antics

Timestamp: 18:13 – 19:56

• Banter about Canada, with JPC joking:

  “I think I speak for JPC and I when I say I don’t think old people should be allowed to vote now.” – Riddle (18:13, tongue-in-cheek political aside)

• Playful mapping of league geography, mascot backstories, and potential for additional teams (e.g., the Manitoba Wendigos).

6. Teasing the Actual Draft

Timestamp: 21:14 – 21:23

• The group transitions to beginning the actual draft, but the full process is reserved for Patreon listeners (“Clue Crew”).

  “I think we can start the draft. I don’t know if we’ll finish the draft.” – Aaron (21:20)

• High-energy outro riffing, “One, two, three, four, Hey Riddle Riddle’s Clue Crew! Listen to the rest of the episode now by starting your free 7-day trial at patreon.com/heyriddleriddle.”

Notable Quotes & Moments

• Janet (On her team):
  “Could there be a more perfect mythical creature for a Hey Riddle Riddle group of raggle-taggle friends?” (05:08)

• Casey (On the Sasquatch mascot):
  “He’s a real jovial soul. And it turns out the only reason he was in hiding all these years was he just...needed the right opportunity to shine.” (16:44)

• JPC (On mascot design):
  “Your sphinx, by the way, gorgeous hair. Some of the most gorgeous hair that I’ve ever seen...” (06:27)

• Janet & group (On cereal mascots):
  “I want to eat whatever this cereal [is]. He’s going to get a lot of contracts.” – Janet (19:40)

• On choosing Saskatoon:
  JPC: “Could they play in Saskatoon?”
  Casey: “They play in Saskatoon. Yes.” (18:56–19:01)

Episode Structure & Flow

• 00:00–01:33: Advertisements & intros (skipped for summary)
• 01:42–03:18: Banter, grounding premise (mythical creature draft)
• 04:01–07:10: Janet’s team reveal and mascot banter
• 15:56–21:23: Casey’s team reveal, Canadian jokes, extended mascot lore, league geography, and transition to the draft
• 21:39+ Outro and promos (skipped)

Summary Takeaways

• The episode delivers on its premise: a silly, highly improvised sports draft steeped in fictional lore, riddle humor, and inside jokes.
• Janet Varney and Casey Toney bring inventive team concepts: Sphinxes and Sasquatches, both uniquely fitting the playful tone of the show.
• The format blends comedic storytelling, character-driven riffs, and mock seriousness about league logistics and mascot histories.
• The draft process itself is teased but reserved for the Patreon subscribers.

For New Listeners

If you haven’t heard the episode, expect fast-paced group improv, references to both classic riddles and pop culture, and a creative, absurdist approach to inventing a sports league. The real “game” is the cast’s chemistry and comic imagination, not the riddles themselves.