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Janet
Hacks is back for its fifth and final season. And so is the Hacks podcast. Join the Hacks creators and showrunners Lucia Aniello, Paul W. Downs and Jen Statsky as they unpack the Emmy winning comedy series on each episode, hear stories from the set, what goes on in the writers room, and how these beloved characters close out their final season. Watch Hacks streaming exclusively on HBO Max and listen to the Hacks podcast on HBO Max or watch wherever you get your podcasts.
Adel
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Casey
Excellent. And no need for account.
Aaron
Casey, were you gonna say something? No. Everybody ready? The inflection of the last two things you said, Casey, made it sound like you're gonna say something. I mean, I.
Casey
Like I was.
Janet
He also took a giant breath like he said no.
JPC
And he's like stroking his.
Aaron
He's like, no, no.
Casey
I was thinking about saying something and I decided against it. So.
Aaron
No.
JPC
Say it.
Janet
Oh, controversial.
Casey
No, I truly had. I had nothing of value to say.
Riddle
We get kicked out of the league if the owners start to fight. So everyone just take it easy.
Janet
Take it easy.
Aaron
Take it easy. Let's get through this draft without any scratches or scrapes. And of course, we all know that's going to be hard to do because we have mythical creatures this year. That's right. We've opened a portal. Or at least the company that we founded opened a portal.
Riddle
Allegedly.
Aaron
Allegedly. I want to say Flipper Tech.
Riddle
Yep. Or something. Allegedly.
JPC
Not that we even know the name. It's all licensed to the Caimans, so nobody's going to jail.
Casey
And this is while we were all in Aruba hunting humans. Jenna and I were allegedly.
Janet
Wait, wait, wait, wait, Casey.
Casey
Oh, no, we're not supposed to mention that. Okay, cut it, Casey. Cut that.
Janet
I say it was Aruba.
Casey
We don't want to blow up our
Aaron
spot hunting people or shooting humans or whatever.
Riddle
Allegedly.
JPC
Whatever.
Aaron
But now we are chock a block with mythical creatures on this earthly plane. So what else to do but simply draft them and force them to play baseball? Force them is the strong term.
JPC
Yeah, because it's.
Riddle
Encourage them, pay them.
Janet
If ever there was a group I would be nervous about forcing to do anything. I think when I hear mythical creatures, that just gives me pause, that's all.
JPC
Oh, gives me pause. Maybe a clue into what kind of mythical creatures.
Aaron
Pause.
JPC
And whatever. We don't draft, we eat.
Riddle
I mean, I've been eating a feast for the ages. I cannot wait. I am hungry.
Janet
You've been what? You've been eating. You've been eating.
Aaron
Simply must, Janet.
JPC
Oh, chimera is delectable snacking.
Aaron
The basilisk is beautiful.
Riddle
To die for.
Aaron
Why don't you go ahead? Let's go around and say our teams that we will be heading up coaching, owning this year. And Janet, why don't you start us off and let us know what team you have.
Janet
Well, thank you so much. So great to be here today to talk about non penguin baseball this year. I'm very excited. Now I had to do a little looking around. Not to be confused with hunting, humans and Aruba legend. I did a little looking around. I wanted to expand my horizons a little bit this year. I poked around. What I have always thought about the beautiful state of New Mexico and specifically the beautiful city of Santa Fe is that it is a place that is not only beautiful to the eye, but beautiful to the heart, the mind. And it's full of mystery, it's full of wonder, it's full of very specific, attractive southwestern colors. And I discovered that there was an opportunity to open up a new team. That's not anything anyone has ever seen
Aaron
opening up a team in Santa Fe.
Janet
Nothing anyone would ever say or has said but my mythical creature. And I'm kind of sad that you started me off because I feel bad for the rest of you because could there be a more perfect mythical creature for a. Hey, riddle, riddle. Group of raggle taggle friends.
Riddle
Raggletaggle.
Aaron
Well, hold on, hold on. There's a new player on the draft list.
JPC
Allegedly. Allegedly.
Janet
But there is one mythical creature that is well known for being a fan of riddles, puzzles, lateral thinking, and that is vampire. The sphinx.
JPC
No.
Adel
Gpc.
Riddle
No.
Janet
You stepped all over. All over my announcement. I should have thought better than I was about to say it.
Riddle
Our announcement's all over your shoe now.
Adel
Jpc.
JPC
I thought we guessed the show.
Aaron
Tracking it into the house.
Janet
The Santa Fe Sphinxes. This is a mythical creature that dates back to both Grecian ancient Greece and Egyptian times. This is a very fascinating, fascinating, fierce, yet fun creature. And I'm so happy to have the Santa Fe sphinxes in my corner.
JPC
Can I just say, your sphinx, by the way, gorgeous hair. Some of the most gorgeous hair that I've ever seen on a penguin league baseball. Have I ever seen one with hair? Now I'm going back to see how much hair we had.
Aaron
I would love to see a penguin in sort of a hairspray the musical type wig. What is that called?
Riddle
Okay, May of the putting penguins in musicals. Draft starts next month. Keep an eye out for that.
Janet
May.
JPC
May people be so bad. Hey, Adel. Aaron, I am freaking out. Okay? So I just got an email from. Do you guys know Casey, the editor of the show or whatever?
Aaron
Oh, yeah, Sleepo.
JPC
Yeah, Sleep. Oh, my God.
Riddle
Thanks.
JPC
So, you know, I got an email from him that says he hasn't been paid in seven years. And. Yeah, I'm kind of wondering. And I know that I'm in charge of all that, but, like, between, like, expenses and like, income and what's going on with the business, it just, like, it's just too much for me, you know?
Casey
Well, let's.
Aaron
Let's make it easy. Let's just use foundation. Found eliminates the clutter by giving you one platform that handles it all. Paying Sleepo Dealing with Found Dracula, who's sort of a Dracula that uses Found banking, bookkeeping, et cetera. No more paying for multiple subscriptions and dealing with clunky, outdated apps.
Riddle
Found identified the tasks that create the most hassle for small businesses. Things like categorizing expenses, preparing for taxes, managing invoices, budgeting, waking up Sleepo. And they built an app that does it all directly from your business to checking account.
JPC
Found is reimagining what business banking should be by putting your bookkeeping, invoicing, and tax tools directly into your business checking account. Plus, they have this vampire named Found Dracula. And that guy, he knows what he's doing.
Aaron
No, guys, we don't have to. We don't have to keep talking about him.
JPC
Found makes it easy to regain control of your business finances so you can get back to doing what you love. I personally, now that I'm using Found, my life is so much easier. I don't have to juggle multiple apps. I don't have to go chasing receipts. I don't dread tax season anymore. I have a Dracula that will suck the blood. I want to say out of an editor who is asking to be paid.
Riddle
You want to say?
JPC
I want to say.
Aaron
So take back control of your business. Today, open a Found account for free@found.com. that's f o u n d dot com. Found is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services are provided by lead bank member fdic. Join the hundreds of thousands who've already streamlined the their finances with Found. You're getting sleep.
Riddle
O.
JPC
Okay, guys, I'm getting an email from the brand. They say they never authorized Found Dracula.
Aaron
Oh, sorry. Yeah, I'm not official. I'm just the Dracula who uses Found.
JPC
I could swear that they wanted us to use.
Riddle
You could have sworn that they were desperate for us to do this.
Aaron
I'm from Bank Transfer. I'm from Bank Transylvania. I'm from Milwaukee.
JPC
Finally, I've crossed through fields and I have climbed through mountains. And here I am at the great temple to ask the master. Excuse me. Excuse me.
Aaron
Yes.
JPC
Oh, how do I. What do I. How do I. Where do I go to buy a car? How do I buy a car?
Aaron
Oh, you've come to the right place. For we are the car gurus.
JPC
Yeah. And I kind of came all this way, but then I heard that actually it's a website. And I could just go to the website.
Riddle
Yeah. JPC. With CarGurus Discover, you can skip the filter to describe what you're looking for in your own words. Simply type what you want and Cargurus Discover instantly surfaces real listings that match your exact needs. It's so easy. You don't have to go on this long journey while you're buying a new car.
JPC
Yeah, and honestly, I could have used, like, the car to go on the journey because I walked most of this way and it was like, yikes on roads. So it's like roads where, you know, I should have had car.
Riddle
Scary.
Aaron
It's no wonder. Cargurus is the number one most visited car shopping site according to SimilarWeb's estimated traffic data. Have you brought a offering?
JPC
Uh, yeah. I mean, I have an offering and I'm also looking that dealership mode on Cargurus app puts you in control. You can compare side by side, check pricing and estimate your Final cost so you can navigate the dealership with confidence. And with more than 4 million listings, CarGurus has the biggest selection of cars. So it's easier than ever to find the right car and the right deal. I honestly, I feel like walking all this way was kind of a waste. Mama.
Aaron
No, mama. Not a waste. Mama. Buy or sell your next car today with cargurus@cargurus.com. go to cargurus.com to make sure your big deal is the best deal. That's C-A R G U R U S.comCarGurus.com Mama and Casey, I know I
JPC
never do this, but I'm gonna need a clip of Adel saying no mama. Carguru Mama.
Riddle
Yeah, I would like one, too, for personal use.
Aaron
Mamas for all.
Riddle
Sorry, I'm just looking at myself in the mirror, you guys.
Janet
I don't.
Riddle
I don't think I really like my clothes right now. I think I need a spring refresh.
Aaron
Oh, Aaron, what kind of stuff are you looking for?
Riddle
Stylish, timeless pieces. Maybe a raincoat and a cashmere sweater that's transitional from winter to spring.
JPC
Oh, Aaron, I would not wear a cashmere sweater over a raincoat. It's going to get absolutely ruined if there's rain. I'm putting it together. That's not what she meant. Okay, Aaron, have you heard about quince? Quince makes high quality everyday essentials using premium materials like 100% European linen.
Riddle
And.
JPC
And they're insanely soft flit activewear fabric. They have linen pants and shirts that are lightweight, breathable, and comfortable. Basically the perfect layer for spring. The pants strike the right balance between laid back and refined. So you look put together without trying too hard. Aaron, is that what you're going for?
Riddle
Uh, yeah.
JPC
Okay.
Aaron
Well, Aaron, also. You silly goose, the best part about quints is that their prices are 50 to 60% less than similar brands. How you're screaming at me. Aaron, please stop screaming. How quints works directly with ethical factories and cuts out the middlemen. So you're paying for quality, not brand markup. Everything is designed to last, and it makes getting dressed easy.
Riddle
I have a purse from Quint's that I have. People stop me when I'm walking around LA to ask me where I get it because it looks very expensive, but it's not. It's going to, like, last me years and years. I also have a ring from there that I love. They've got home stuff that's timeless and awesome. Incredible rugs, curtains.
Aaron
They've got baby stuff they've got baby stuff. Awesome baby stuff that I purchased. That's very cute.
JPC
So why don't you do yourself a favor and refresh your wardrobe with quince. Go to quince.com riddle for free shipping and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. Go to Q-U-I-N c-e.com riddle for free shipping, and 365 day returns. Quince.com riddle Aaron, you're wearing your purse.
Aaron
You should actually. You're pulling it off.
Riddle
And I look incredible.
Casey
Hey, Aaron. Hey.
Aaron
Gpc. Can you guys help me figure something out?
JPC
Oh, sure.
Janet
Always.
Aaron
I have this charge. I pull up my bank account here. I have this chart that says JPC tax $5,000. It's like a monthly deduction.
Riddle
Oh, I. Yes. No, no. I go to your Rocket Money app and have them cancel that for you.
Aaron
Thank God.
Riddle
We signed up for the free trial like three, three months ago and then we forgot about it. And I noticed it. I got like a ping from Rocket Money in my email and they let me know that I had been paying for.
JPC
Lost another one to Rocket Money. Oh, man. Yeah. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Unless you're me with the GPC tax and then your savings are dwindling. With Rocket Money, you can do automatic transaction categorization across your accounts, plus customizable categories and tags to reveal spending patterns and add context. Also, if you have like in a big event coming up, like something that. Like a wedding or some monumental expense, it helps you plan and save for something like that.
Riddle
The app consolidates checking, savings, loans and investments into a single dashboard to give users a clear view of their financial picture. I've been using Rocket Money for years and years, way before they were ever a sponsor. And I love how easy it is to read and how enthusiastic intuitive it is.
Aaron
Yeah, I love Rocket Money. But Aaron, I do hate that voice. Was that jpc? It sounded like a Rumpelstiltskin type voice. Did you hear that?
Riddle
Yeah.
JPC
No. So that's just like. That's a voice alert I have on my phone every time someone unsubscribes to the JPC text. I don't know where it's from or how to turn it off.
Riddle
Oh, that's kind of scary. We'll deal with that later.
JPC
Yeah.
Aaron
Well, let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join@RocketMoney.com Riddle that's RocketMoney.com Riddle RocketMoney.com Riddle Riddle.
JPC
Lost another one to rocket money.
Riddle
Yeah. That's not even coming from your phone.
JPC
Yeah, I don't know. Is that coming from inside of our heads?
Aaron
Maybe.
JPC
Yeah, like heaven, maybe.
Riddle
Yoix Blakes.
JPC
Casey, you also have a team. Well, hold on.
Riddle
Is this our first Canadian team?
Adel
This is.
JPC
This is our first Canadian team. Welcome, Canada. What's that noise? What's that noise, Eric?
Riddle
It's just mm. Can't it girl mm anymore, Aaron.
Casey
Well, you better get. You better have MMs in the chamber. Cause you're about to meet our second Canadian team in one year. The Saskatchewan Sasquatches.
Aaron
A Canadian embarrassment of riches is.
Janet
Look at this, buddy.
Casey
Formerly the Ottawa Uroboros, but once we integrated them into the league, made a little change. Yes, this is the Saskatchewan. Jesus Christ.
Aaron
This is the Saskatchewan.
JPC
You did this.
Riddle
You did this and you did this.
Casey
Okay, to be fair, I said it as a joke. And then Janet said it was really funny. And so I was like, well, I got it. I gotta do it. And of course, the mascot is a Sasquatch. But not just any Sasquatch. The big man himself. The Bigfoot. You can see he's wearing his baseball shoes, but his feet are just too big. His toes are popping out the front, and he's got just a jolly expression. He's a real jovial soul. And it turns out the only reason he was in hiding all these years was he just. He needed the right opportunity to shine. He didn't want to be famous for fame's sake. You know, he wanted to, like, kind of make it on his own. In fact, when he auditioned to be our mascot, he, like, didn't even use his real last name. He was like, yeah, I'm big toe. Yeah, yeah, exact. Exactly. And then we found. We, you know, we kind of did a background check.
Janet
He said his name was big toe.
Casey
He said his name was big toe. And I was like, oh, that's funny. That's kind of like bigfoot, but not. He kind of went like. And he pulled out his sleeve or his collar. But yeah, he's the man. We know him. We love him. That's Bigfoot, the mascot of the Saskatchewan Sasquatches. And I think I speak for jpc and I when we say what? That we are happy to be representing what will probably be the 51st state, judging by the state of our country.
Riddle
And I think I speak for jpc and I when I say I don't think old people should be allowed to vote now.
JPC
That I agree with 100%, Casey. Now, I have a question for you. Obviously, Winnipeg, which is the largest city in Manitoba, Saskatchewan. That is the province. So do. Do the Sasquatches play in the. Are they just kind of. Do they roam around all of Saskatchewan? Is it that Saskatchewan doesn't really have a big city that you can point to?
Casey
Jpc, that is a great question. Would it surprise you to hear that I did not think about anything other than the similar sound of the name and.
JPC
Can I pitch something to you, Casey?
Casey
Yeah.
JPC
Could they play in Saskatoon?
Casey
They play in Saskatoon.
JPC
Okay.
Casey
Yes.
JPC
Okay. So just pitch.
Casey
Received and accepted and canonized. The Saskatchewan Sasquatch is live from Saskatoon.
Aaron
Saturday.
Janet
Saturday. Saturday at 7.
Casey
At 7.
JPC
Your other options are apparently Moose Jaw, Buffalo Narrows, Tisdale. Some pretty fun places in Canada.
Janet
I love this design so much. I think I didn't realize that this was also a little bit of a, in my mind, contest of who would be the best cereal mascot. But this is. I want to eat whatever this cereal.
Casey
It's a cereal.
Janet
He's going to get a lot of. Yeah, he's going to get a lot of sponsors. He's going to get a lot of contracts. I love that his feet are bursting out of his sneakers. I assume it's because he's a big. He has big feet because he's big.
Casey
They just don't make them. They don't make him that big.
Janet
It creates a real chill. Like Teva, kind of like hiking in sandals. Like this guy. Like, I've never been more sure that guys from the same country as Barenaked Ladies.
JPC
Can I. Can I pitch something?
Janet
You want to so feel good.
Casey
Your last pitch went so well. You. Absolutely.
JPC
Saskatchewan and Manitoba, they border each other. When the Sasquatches play the Wendigos. Would it make sense if we played in a kind of border town? Yeah, because there is a town on the border called Flynn Flan, and I don't know anything about Flynn Flan.
Aaron
Okay. A new player has entered the town.
Riddle
Yeah. A lot of late arrivals today.
JPC
Yeah. There's. There's Musamin and Flynn Flan. They're both kind of on the border. But I do think I'm gonna read about Flynn Fl. Now. And it appears to be a field with a sign that says Flynn Flan in it. That's awesome.
Riddle
Casey, more question really quick. How many times has your mascot seen Dave Matthews Band in concert?
Janet
If the answer is lost count.
Casey
Does it count if he joined them on stage?
Janet
Oh, it counts.
Riddle
Yeah, it counts.
Casey
Okay, then.
Riddle
0, 360. 360.
Janet
Yeah, makes sense.
Riddle
That tracks.
Casey
I mean, he toured with them for three years. Aaron, what do you want?
Riddle
That makes sense.
JPC
Now I have a question for adol.adol to throw it back to you.
Aaron
Yes.
JPC
Do you think we have time to do the draft?
Aaron
I think we can start the draft. I don't know if we'll finish the draft.
JPC
One, two, three, four. Hey, Riddle. Riddle's Clue crew. Listen to the rest of the episode now by starting your free 7 day trial at patreon.com heyriddle riddle
Riddle
hi, I am Mandy Moore.
Casey
Sterling K. Brown.
Aaron
And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast that was us now on Headgum.
Adel
Each episode we're gonna go into a
Riddle
deep dive from our show. This is us.
Aaron
That's right.
Adel
We're gonna go episode by episode. We're also gonna pepper in EP different
Riddle
guest stars and writers and casting directors.
Aaron
Are we going to cry?
JPC
Yes, a little bit.
Aaron
Are we going to laugh a lot?
JPC
A whole lot.
Casey
That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to that was us on your favorite podcast app. Or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify. New episodes every Tuesday.
Guests: Janet Varney & Casey Toney
Date: April 10, 2026
Main Theme:
This episode is a whimsical and improvisational roundtable where the Hey Riddle Riddle crew embarks on their third annual Penguin Baseball Draft. The twist this year is the addition of mythical creatures, courtesy of (allegedly) opening a mystical portal. Joined by Janet Varney and Casey Toney, the group invents and drafts teams featuring mythological beings as mascots, revealing their team choices in a blend of riddle references, zany banter, and comedic world-building.
Timestamp: 02:11 – 03:18
Timestamp: 04:01 – 06:27
“There is one mythical creature that is well known for being a fan of riddles, puzzles, lateral thinking, and that is...the sphinx.” – Janet (05:38)
Timestamp: 06:28 – 07:10
“Some of the most gorgeous hair I’ve ever seen on a penguin league baseball [player]...Have I ever seen one with hair?” – JPC (06:27)
Timestamp: 15:56 – 19:58
“He needed the right opportunity to shine...he wanted to, like, kind of make it on his own...he, like, didn’t even use his real last name.” – Casey (16:42)
Timestamp: 18:13 – 19:56
“I think I speak for JPC and I when I say I don’t think old people should be allowed to vote now.” – Riddle (18:13, tongue-in-cheek political aside)
Timestamp: 21:14 – 21:23
“I think we can start the draft. I don’t know if we’ll finish the draft.” – Aaron (21:20)
Janet (On her team):
“Could there be a more perfect mythical creature for a Hey Riddle Riddle group of raggle-taggle friends?” (05:08)
Casey (On the Sasquatch mascot):
“He’s a real jovial soul. And it turns out the only reason he was in hiding all these years was he just...needed the right opportunity to shine.” (16:44)
JPC (On mascot design):
“Your sphinx, by the way, gorgeous hair. Some of the most gorgeous hair that I’ve ever seen...” (06:27)
Janet & group (On cereal mascots):
“I want to eat whatever this cereal [is]. He’s going to get a lot of contracts.” – Janet (19:40)
On choosing Saskatoon:
JPC: “Could they play in Saskatoon?”
Casey: “They play in Saskatoon. Yes.” (18:56–19:01)
If you haven’t heard the episode, expect fast-paced group improv, references to both classic riddles and pop culture, and a creative, absurdist approach to inventing a sports league. The real “game” is the cast’s chemistry and comic imagination, not the riddles themselves.