Patreon Preview #378: Hey Relationship Relationship 10 w/ Janet Varney

Summary

Podcast Summary: Hey Riddle Riddle – Patreon Preview #378: Hey Relationship Relationship 10 w/ Janet Varney

Release Date: June 5, 2026
Guests: Janet Varney
Hosts: Adal Rifai, Erin Keif, John Patrick Coan (JPC)
Theme: An improvisational relationship advice show with bizarre characters, absurd scenarios, and signature meta-humor.

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Episode Overview

This bonus episode, "Hey Relationship Relationship 10," features the regular Hey Riddle Riddle crew plus guest Janet Varney, blending their usual improvisational antics with a mock relationship advice format. The characters—Beverly Condolences, Felix, Plomp, and Pert—navigate wild and surreal relationship scenarios, peppered with in-jokes, emotional silliness, and non-sequiturs. The episode parodies both advice shows and soap opera tropes, lovingly lampooning themselves and each other.

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Key Discussions & Insights

1. Meta-Fictional Cold Open: The Seth Rogen Episode is "Scrapped"

Timestamps: 00:02–02:27

• The cast pretends they've just scrapped an episode featuring Seth Rogen after a disastrous recording.

• Each host dramatically "quits" the show, exiting in increasingly absurd and cinematic ways.

  • JPC's character rides a motorcycle to the moon; Erin plays "the floor is lava" and fails to get McDonald's; Janet writes emotional fanfic and dissolves into sand.

• Tone: Playfully meta, lampooning podcast mishaps and over-the-top exits.

  "I gotta be in jail in six, okay? So I don't need this shit right now." — JPC as himself (01:29)

2. Character Introductions & Format Swap: Welcome to "Hey Relationship Relationship"

Timestamps: 03:14–06:28

• Post-imaginary cancellation, the crew introduces the "Hey Relationship Relationship" show, adopting exaggerated alter-egos:

  • Beverly Condolences (Erin) – Host, slightly unhinged relationship expert.
  • Felix (JPC) – Awkward, possibly unethical therapist.
  • Plomp (Adal) – Emotionally fragile co-host.
  • Pert (Janet) – Felix's amnesiac ex-wife, new to her own supposed history.

• The improv quickly devolves into absurd, emotionally loaded, and surreal situations.

• Hosts riff on technical difficulties ("plump check!"), share mics, and riff about hot weather.

  "My name is Beverly Condolences, and I host a relationship. Relationship. I'm good enough to be here. Oh, plump, hello." — Beverly/Erin (03:16)

  "It's plumplicated. Just like my relationship status on Facebook." — Plomp/Adal (14:15)

3. Roleplay Scenarios: Amnesia, Dog Obsession, and Unethical Therapy

Timestamps: 06:28–13:06

• Felix explains that he’s tricking his amnesiac ex-wife Pert into believing they’re still married.

• Running gag: their "son" is actually a scarecrow.

• Beverly/Erin and Plomp/Adal riff on odd behaviors and relationship tropes, including wild memory loss lore, overzealous dog-parenting, and awkward greetings.

• Characters spiral into emotional confession and confusion, never breaking the absurd façade.

  "I missed the context. The sweater's so hot. Why am I wearing a sweater during the summer?" — Beverly/Erin (04:25)

  "She had accidentally elected to do a surgery that she did not know why she was doing it or how the surgery would be performed." — Felix/JPC (11:04)

  "Our son, who unfortunately was born with a rare genetic disorder where his skin is straw and he keeps birds out of the garden." — Felix/JPC (11:46)

  "I open up my journal. I start scribbling fan fiction about what the show could have been and the amazing friendship between the four of us... and then I myself dissolve into sand and blow away." — Janet (as herself, meta-exit) (02:27)

4. Emotional Absurdity: Plomp's Grief & Relationship Baggage

Timestamps: 13:06–14:41

• Plomp/Adal alludes to a lost love named Diane Keaton, prompting comically excessive but real-seeming grief.

• Each character struggles to maintain composure, flipping between laugh-crying ("plumplicated") and fragile egos.

• Beverly/Erin makes a running joke about not addressing the sadness, and asks Pert/Janet to keep things light.

• The satire is relentless; even emotional depth gets lampooned and celebrated.

  "And I'm Fedorius Blomp and I'm emotionally solid. I'm not going to bring up anything that I shouldn't bring up because we don't want to acknowledge anything sad." — Plomp/Adal (13:56)

  "Don't. Is that a laugh or a cry? Is that a laugh or a cry?" — Beverly/Erin (14:10)

5. Cliffhanger Ending & Patreon Teaser

Timestamps: 14:41–End (~14:57)

• Just as a new fake advice segment is about to start, the free preview ends with a call to action for listeners to visit Patreon for the full episode.

  "Hey, Riddle. Riddle's Clue crew. Listen to the rest of the episode now by starting your free 7 day trial at patreon.com heyriddle Riddle." — (14:41)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Absurdist Exits after Seth Rogen bit:
  "Gets onto my motorcycle, revs it hard, shoots it up into the moon." — JPC (01:33)
• Satirical Dog Parent Monologue:
  "91% of dog parents say their pup is an important member of the family. And 40% would even save their dog over a human stranger." — Beverly/Erin (06:33)
• Amnesiac Relationship Dynamic:
  "I'm kind of tricking her and convincing her that she is still my wife." — Felix/JPC (04:13)
• Fake Therapy Practice:
  "Pert and I are back to our double therapy relationship advice practice... I thought having Pert here, it might help her get her memories back if she gives some advice like we used to do." — Felix/JPC (12:28)
• Running 'plump' joke:
  "Plump, Plump, check. Plump, check, check, check. Plump, plump, plump." — Multiple speakers (03:36+)
• Meta, "canceled" show energy:
  "Maybe then. Maybe this is the last episode... This is the last fucking episode." — Adal (01:14)

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Important Segments (with Timestamps)

• 00:02–02:27 – Cold open: fake Seth Rogen episode and cast "quits"
• 03:14–06:28 – Relationship Relationship characters introduced; improv premise set
• 06:28–13:06 – Amnesia, dog obsession, fake therapy, and "scarecrow son"
• 13:06–14:41 – Plomp's Diane Keaton grief and emotional absurdity
• 14:41–14:57 – Patreon teaser: full episode available for subscribers

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Summary & Tone

This "Hey Riddle Riddle" Patreon preview epitomizes the show's improvisational, surreal, and self-referential humor. The group leans fully into absurdist character work while parodying relationship advice programs and therapy tropes. With Janet Varney's exceptional improv blending seamlessly, the ensemble delivers rapid-fire bits and emotional "depth" that's always tongue-in-cheek. Die-hard fans will enjoy both the meta-podcast riffing and the affectionate send-up of melodramatic advice shows.

The episode is recommended for those who love:

• Character-driven improv
• Satirical takes on podcasts and advice columns
• In-jokes and surreal, narrative-heavy comedy

To hear more (including actual advice bits or more riddle-adjacent mischief), listeners are encouraged to join the Clue Crew on Patreon.

Transcript

[A]

Thank you so much, Seth Rogen, for joining us today with a very special. Hey, Riddle riddle. I think that's it, Aaron, hot dogs.

[B]

Thank you so much for Seth Rogen coming in today for a fantastic. Hey, riddle riddle. I'm so sorry about all the stuff I said. I did not mean to make you cry.

[A]

Oh, I think he was laughing at him.

[B]

Cannot be a laugh.

[A]

I think he just has a weird laugh.

[B]

I don't think that's a.

[C]

Created by Emily Cardamus and Emily Naporus.

[B]

1, 2, 3, 4.

[C]

Hate riddle ritual. Okay, Seth is gone. So there's no way we released that episode, right?

[D]

Okay, can I say something real quick? Because I felt like I shouldn't talk almost that entire episode. I was like, why are you having the fourth host, Seth? And I had to share a microphone. That was so awkward. I just stood behind him the whole time. And then he brought that, that bucket of sand and a fan in, saying we could do an episode where we're improvising like we're at a windy beach. I have sand everywhere. I'm sorry. I'm not happy right now.

[A]

Okay, okay, fine. Maybe then. Maybe this is the last episode.

[C]

Dump the fucking episode.

[A]

This is the last fucking episode.

[C]

Yeah, let's do who gives a shit. I don't need this. I don't need this. I have to be in jail.

[D]

So we're not just here at the episode. The show is ending. I've caused the show to end. The show's over.

[C]

I gotta be in jail in six, okay? So I don't need this shit right now.

[A]

You have what in six hours?

[C]

I got jail in six. You know what? Fuck you guys. I'm out of here. I gotta clear my head. Gets onto my motorcycle, revs it hard,

[B]

hard, hard, hard, hard.

[C]

Shoots it up into the moon.

[A]

Stands there normally, looks at my watch, starts for the door, and then realizes there's a chain connected to my foot that was tied to JBC's buttercing.

[B]

You know what? Me too. Pretends floor is lava. Starts to believe it, starts to sweat. Jumps from one chair to another, wipes out, hits my crotch, hits my head, starts to cry, tries to play it off. Limps out of the room, tries to hail a cab. There are no cabs. Walks outside, opens umbrella, umbrella breaks, cries, shrugs, keeps walking. Tries to walk through the McDonald's drive thru. Gets denied. Tries to walk through Taco Bell Drive through. It works. I'm sadder than I've ever been. And then I shuffle off to the horizon.

[D]

Somehow stands and is able to see all of the things that Aaron just went through. Opens up a notebook, leans up against a wall, mascara tears streaking down her face. I open up my. I don't know why I put myself in the third person. That's how upset I am. I open up my journal. I start scribbling fan fiction about what the show could have been and the amazing friendship between the four of us. As I sort of slink down the side of the wall like it's like an emotional 80s music video. Everything goes to black and white. And then I myself dissolve into sand and blow away.

[A]

Pull up my stool here.

[B]

Oh, my gosh. I forgot how to do this. It has been a minute. Condolences. Condolences. My name is Beverly Condolences, and I host a relationship. Relationship. I'm good enough to be here. Oh, plump, hello.

[A]

Plump, Plump, check. Plump, check, check, check. Plump, plump, plump.

[B]

You're spiking on your mic. Plump, stop hitting it like a volleyball.

[A]

Can I. I have to toot. I have to do 10 pop filters. Every microphone I talk into, and I usually, by the end, blow through them.

[B]

All right, well, careful. These Macs seem expensive.

[C]

Hey, guys. Hey. Sorry, I'm holding the door shut right now. Pert, My ex wife is about to walk in the studio. What?

[B]

You're back together?

[A]

We are.

[B]

Congratulations.

[C]

Yes, it's awesome. But. So she was in a horrible accident. She has what? Amnesia. And I am kind of tricking her and convincing her that she is still my wife. Pert. In here. In here, honey buns.

[B]

I missed the context. I missed the. I missed the context. The sweater's so hot. Why am I wearing a sweater during the summer?

[A]

Aaron pulls down sunglasses. Aaron, baby, get with the times.

[B]

All right. Cool vibe.

[A]

It's summerish, perhaps. And you have to go to Quint's to get some lightweight, breathable quints. Wearables.

[B]

Oh, that sounds so nice. I love Quince.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Everything at quince is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. And they work directly with ethical factories and cut out the middlemen. So you're paying for quality, not brand markup.

[B]

Aaron, Quince goes way beyond clothing. They have custom upholstered sofas, ceramic cookware, premium bedding. It's the kind of brand you end up recommending to everyone for everything. I'm moving this summer and I have so many things favorited from Quints. I want curtains from. I want some of their kitchen stuff. Their rugs are unbelievable and priced so fairly. And I'm so excited that Quince exists. Perfect timing, Quince.

[A]

Thank you Gemma got a 100% European linen fit and flare midi dress from Quince that she is obsessed with. Looks great on her. And they also have stuff for babies. So we've put little crumpet in some beautiful, adorable, little breathable summertime cotton onesies.

[B]

Oh, cute.

[C]

You gotta elevate your summer wardrobe. Go to quints.com riddle for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's quince.com Q-U-I-N-C-E.com riddle for free shipping and 365 day returns.

[A]

Quince.com riddle Aaron, I'm grilling up some pants.

[B]

Yum. Wait, what?

[A]

Summer baby.

[B]

And this is Lou wearing a funny top hat. And here's a picture of Lou, and she's just laying in the sun. She's so cute. And here's Lou. Look how gray her snoot is getting. She's just so precious. I'm so obsessed with my dog.

[C]

Aaron. Aaron, you said you had something really important to talk to us about, and this is that.

[B]

Oh, yes. Yes. 91% of dog parents say their pup is an important member of the family. And 40% would even save their dog over a human stranger. Safe to say people are obsessed and I'm one of them. And that's why I gave my dog Ollie. Ollie's fresh recipes are developed by real chefs and backed by vet nutritionists. They're obsessed with making the best meals with the highest quality ingredients.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Plus, from the moment you start your subscription to Ollie, everything is tailored to your pup. The meals are perfectly portioned, and you get a puptainer and scoop for easy storing and serving. My dog spaghetti absolutely loves Ollie food. Around four o' clock every day, she starts snapping at me because it's like. I'm like, yeah, it's kind of almost dinner time, but she is so excited for dinner time since we switched to Ollie.

[A]

Oh, look, Lou's getting near the microphone. What is it, Lou?

[B]

Ollie.

[A]

Ollie.

[B]

Now, that's not her voice. I'm obsessed with her. I can tell you what her voice is. This is her voice. With Ollie, you don't just get food through their app. You can actually check on your dog's house with real vets just by uploading a picture. Their team can check up on your dog's weight, digestion, teeth, and cope you because they're obsessed with making sure your pup is as healthy as can be. And that's me, Lou, and this is my voice.

[A]

Get ready for both you and Your pup to be obsessed. Head to ollie.com riddle. Tell them all about your dog. And use code riddle to get 70% off your welcome kit when you subscribe today. Plus, they offer an obsession guarantee. If you're not completely obsessed, you'll get your money back. That's O l l I e.com riddle and enter code RIDDLE to get 70% off your first purchase box. Ollie, feed the obsession.

[C]

Isn't that right, Spaghetti? Yeah, that's right. Only dog food is good dog food.

[B]

That's her voice.

[C]

That's her voice.

[A]

That's John Travolta in a dog suit.

[C]

No, it's.

[B]

That's John Travolta.

[A]

Look at the beret.

[C]

Guys. I wish it weren't true, but it's her voice.

[B]

Hi.

[C]

Hi, Pert. Of course you remember. Well, you don't remember. Beverly and Plump, my friends and colleagues.

[B]

Hi.

[C]

Hi. How are you?

[B]

Oh.

[A]

En blompe kiss your hand.

[D]

Wow, that's. Should I kiss your hand back?

[A]

Nope.

[D]

What did people do?

[B]

Pert, I haven't seen you in forever. I'm sorry about the accident.

[D]

You look so familiar.

[B]

Yes, we used to spend a lot of time together. No. Beverly. Condolences, Beverly.

[D]

I'm so sorry. To be honest with you, I guess everyone's name is Michael. Because it seems like a saf guess. But of course your name isn't Michael. Hi, Beverly.

[B]

Why are you elbowing me, Felix? I'm doing it right.

[C]

Say your name is Michael. Just do whatever.

[B]

I'm sorry about the accident. I saw you last week because you're married to my friend.

[C]

Mm. Yes. Me, not Plum.

[D]

Oh, of course. Of course you are. Yes. No, no, I know that. We were talking about that in the car. Wow, this is so fun. Thank you so much for having. Just trying to get back out into the world a little bit and just, you know, get my feet wet.

[A]

Shame, shame, girl, shame. Because I don't know, Bird, I don't know if you know this or if you've heard the news, but since we last recorded My Love of My Life, the.

[B]

We don't have to talk about it.

[A]

Shine of my apple.

[B]

Let's not talk about it.

[C]

Wait.

[A]

The Whistle in my Wind.

[B]

We shouldn't talk about it.

[C]

I don't know what it's going to be. Oh, it's a Diane Keaton thing.

[A]

Yeah, it's a dying Diane Keaton thing.

[C]

Plomp. I am so sorry.

[A]

I can't even play Donkey Kong Bonanza anymore because every time I see dk, I think of the original dk, which is Not Donkey Kong.

[D]

But I feel weird about this. Maybe I should go. No, no, this feels weird. You're in deeply grieving. And also, I don't know what. That thing. The screen over your microphone is soaking wet. And it's not tears. Oh, that's Plumps.

[B]

That's. You'll get used to plomp. And you know what, Felix? If this didn't feel as ethical as it does, I'd have half a mind to chew you up.

[C]

Look, I got a call last week from a doctor who said Pert had been in an accident and I was accidental.

[D]

Elective surgery.

[C]

She had accidentally elected to do a surgery that she did not know why she was doing it or how the surgery would be performed.

[D]

Felix, come on. Now, while I don't remember making this appointment, apparently I went in for an eyebrow increase and something happened.

[C]

An increase?

[B]

How an increase?

[D]

Oh, and somehow, I believe you had six.

[C]

How?

[B]

Somehow.

[D]

The anesthesia Russian princess gave me memory loss. So there was accidental memory loss. But I don't want people to get the idea that something happened to me. Our whole family is intact and good to go.

[B]

Uh.

[C]

Oh.

[B]

Cause she doesn't know about.

[C]

No, no, no. She knows about our son, who unfortunately was born with a rare genetic disorder where his skin is straw and he keeps birds out of the garden.

[B]

This is the best you can.

[C]

I only had a week. I only had a week.

[B]

Plenty of time to make something else up.

[A]

Wait. Did you put a scarecrow in your yard and say it was your son?

[C]

I do not use my time wisely, okay? And I won't be. And I won't be made a fool for that.

[B]

We have to get started on that.

[C]

I did put a scarecrow in my yard.

[B]

Hold on. This is going out live, so can you just. I need everyone.

[C]

Scarecrow story.

[B]

Pert, if you're here, you're working. I don't care how many brain injuries or scarecrow sons you have.

[C]

Yes, Pert and I are back. We are back to our double therapy relationship advice practice that we've. I don't know why I said we're back. We've always worked in that practice together. And so I thought having Pert here, it might help her get her memories back if she gives some advice like we used to do. And a very near past.

[D]

Yeah, I think this will be really fun. I'm excited to learn more about what a great therapist I am. And, you know, maybe I'll have a fresh take on some things. I mean, everything will be a fresh take. Cause I frankly don't Remember what I think about anything.

[B]

Keep that hilarious back and forth for the show. Pert. You're gonna do great. In 3, 2, 1.

[A]

Mary made me miss my M&Ms.

[B]

2, 3. Welcome back to hey, Relationship Relationship. I'm Beverly. Condolences. I'm here with a woman who has a head injury. My dream come true, if you can believe it. This is Perch, the a excited wife of our dear friend Felix, missing son.

[C]

Hi, it's me, Felix, missing son. Of course I'm here as well. Happily married man. Everything's going right in my life. Things are looking bright.

[A]

And I'm Fedorius Blomp and I'm emotionally solid. I'm not going to bring up anything that I shouldn't bring up because we don't want to acknowledge anything sad.

[B]

Don't. Is that a laugh or a cry? Is that a laugh or a cry?

[D]

It's plumplicated, Hiccup.

[A]

It's plumplicated. Just like my relationship status on Facebook

[B]

being so plumplicated and plump.

[C]

How is its plumplicated going?

[A]

It got canceled. Canceled from plumplications.

[C]

Canceled in a traditional sense or canceled social media, as I hear social media sets.

[A]

Yes, in both. I released a book called Mind Plump and, uh.

[B]

Oh.

[C]

1, 2, 3, 4. Hey, Riddle. Riddle's Clue crew. Listen to the rest of the episode now by starting your free 7 day trial at patreon.com heyriddle Riddle.

[B]

Hi, I am Mandy Moore.

[A]

Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast that was us now on Headgum.

[D]

Each episode we're gonna go into a deep dive from our show.

[B]

This is us.

[A]

That's right.

[D]

We're gonna go episode by episode. We're also gonna pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors.

[A]

Are we gonna cry? Yes, a little bit. Are we gonna laugh a lot?

[C]

A whole lot.

[A]

That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to. That was us on your favorite podcast app. Or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify. New episodes every Tuesday.