Hildy's Happy Hour | Sarah Baker

Summary

Hildy the Barback and the Lake of Fire Episode: Hildy's Happy Hour | Sarah Baker Host/Participants: Ben Falcone, Melissa McCarthy, Steve Mallory, Sarah Baker Release Date: March 14, 2025

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Introduction and Welcome

The episode kicks off with a lighthearted and slightly chaotic introduction as Ben Falcone, Melissa McCarthy, and Steve Mallory welcome guest Sarah Baker to Hildy's Happy Hour. The hosts joke about their prolonged intros, showcasing their camaraderie and setting a relaxed, conversational tone for the episode.

Melissa McCarthy (02:15): "We've been doing that for three hours. Just the intro."

Background and Shared History

The conversation delves into the hosts' shared history, particularly their time at the Groundlings Theater in Los Angeles. They reminisce about early days, improvisational challenges, and the lingo unique to the Groundlings' Sunday Company.

Ben Falcone (03:31): "We first met at a place called the Groundlings Theater."

Sarah Baker shares her multifaceted career as an actor, highlighting her extensive work and award nominations, which impress the hosts and add depth to her character.

Ben Falcone (07:18): "You've been in so many things. You've won awards, prestigious awards, acting."

Creative Collaborations and Projects

The hosts discuss their collaborative projects, including Hildy the Barback and the Lake of Fire. They playfully quiz Sarah about her roles in their films, leading to humorous exchanges about character names and improvisations.

Ben Falcone (08:44): "Can you remember the name of your character in the films that you were in?"

Melissa McCarthy reflects on her experiences during filming, particularly her role in Super Intelligence, where improvisation led to memorable scenes.

Melissa McCarthy (12:07): "My name was Bobby Crud."

Personal Anecdotes: The Car Theft Story

A significant portion of the episode revolves around Melissa McCarthy recounting a personal experience where her vintage plum-colored 2000 Honda Civic was stolen. She narrates the initial shock, interactions with the police, and the eventual recovery of her car.

Melissa McCarthy (18:35): "Did you or did you not recently have your car stolen?"

The story unfolds with humorous and relatable details, such as the car's unusual color and the peculiar items found inside upon its recovery.

Melissa McCarthy (20:07): "It was right out in front of my house... and then we just sit there for like five minutes because your brain can't compute."

Tattoo Discussions

The conversation shifts to tattoos, where the hosts share their thoughts and personal experiences. Steve Mallory and Sarah Baker discuss their tattoo histories, while Melissa McCarthy expresses her aversion to permanent body art.

Steve Mallory (51:25): "I kept saying that, like, I was going to get one, and we would go downtown Chicago... But by the time I went to get it, I was like, oh, yeah."

Worst Date Experiences

Ben Falcone and Steve Mallory share their stories of disastrous dates before finding their partners. Melissa McCarthy adds her own humorous take on not having participated in some of the more awkward dating scenarios.

Steve Mallory (40:21): "We ordered this luxurious six-dollar chicken sandwich. And then somehow it was not going well."

Magic Wishes and Personal Reflections

In a heartfelt segment, the hosts engage in a whimsical discussion about granting wishes to their best friends. Melissa McCarthy emphasizes the importance of inner peace and contentment, while Steve Mallory dreams of a magical time window to revisit cherished moments.

Melissa McCarthy (54:34): "I think just contentment and peace and inner peace so that you're kind of unflappable with anything the world throws at you."

Closing Remarks

As the episode winds down, the hosts continue their playful banter, reflecting on past stories and expressing gratitude for their friendships. They tease future projects and maintain the episode's light and engaging atmosphere.

Ben Falcone (58:27): "This has been an amazing episode, if I may."

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Melissa McCarthy (02:15): "We've been doing that for three hours. Just the intro."
• Ben Falcone (03:31): "We first met at a place called the Groundlings Theater."
• Melissa McCarthy (08:07): "Fun fact, fun fact. I didn't think... that's how I ended up..."
• Ben Falcone (18:35): "Did you or did you not recently have your car stolen?"
• Melissa McCarthy (20:07): "It was right out in front of my house..."
• Steve Mallory (40:21): "We ordered this luxurious six-dollar chicken sandwich..."
• Melissa McCarthy (54:34): "I think just contentment and peace and inner peace..."
• Ben Falcone (58:27): "This has been an amazing episode, if I may."

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Conclusion

In this episode of Hildy's Happy Hour, the hosts and Sarah Baker offer listeners an intimate glimpse into their lives, filled with humor, personal stories, and genuine interactions. From shared histories at the Groundlings Theater to Melissa's vivid recounting of a car theft, the episode balances entertaining anecdotes with heartfelt conversations. The engaging dialogue and memorable quotes make it a must-listen for fans and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[Sarah Baker]

I'm a bit of a know it all. I love trivia facts and I interrupt a lot of conversations with the word actually. Such as. Actually, the peregrine falcon is the fastest animal on earth. Frankly, I'm unbearable. But these days, being a know it all is hard because everyone has a mobile phone. Now anyone can know that osmium is the heaviest element or that William Henry Harrison was only president for 31 days. So annoying. You know what else is annoying? Overpaying for wireless. Which is why I made the switch to Mint Mobile. Here are the facts. Mint Mobile wireless plans start at 15 bucks a month. All plans come with hot speed, 5G data and unlimited talk and text. And you can use your own phone and bring your own phone number. Since I switched to Mint Mobile, I'm saving hundreds of dollars. And actually the word dollar is taken from the German word thaler, which was a 16th century silver coin. If you like your money, Mint Mobile is for you. Shop [e-mail] Hildy that's mintmobile.com Hildy Upfront payment of $45 for a 3 month 5 gigabyte plan required equivalent to $15 a month. New customer offer for first 3 months only. Then full price plan options available, taxes and c. Mint Mobile for details.

[Sam B.]

Hey, Choice Words listeners. Sam B.

[Ben Falcone]

Here.

[Sam B.]

Guess what? We are back with a brand new season of Choice Words from Lemonada Media. Each week I'll chat with amazing guests like Kerry Washington, Laura Dern and Nick Offerman to dive into the biggest choices they've ever made. We are talking career shaping, history, changing life defining decisions. As someone who has made my own fair share of questionable choices. Hello, Bangs. I am pumped to share these funny, poignant, all too relatable stories with you. Season 2 of Choice Words is out now. Tune in wherever you get your podcasts. You won't want to miss it.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Lemonada.

[Ben Falcone]

Let'S start it over.

[Sarah Baker]

Okay.

[Ben Falcone]

Hi everybody. Welcome back to Hill.

[Steve Mallory]

Oops.

[Ben Falcone]

One more time. Here we go. Hi everybody. Welcome back to Hilda's Happy Hour.

[Melissa McCarthy]

We've been doing that for three hours. Just the intro.

[Ben Falcone]

Okay, everybody, welcome back. My name is Ben Falcone. I'm one of your hosts along with Melissa McLachkin and Steve Mallory.

[Sarah Baker]

Hi there.

[Ben Falcone]

And aren't we just the the luckiest storks flying across the world to deliver the baby that is known as we're going to say in babies, Sarah Baker. Sarah Baker the cupcake maker. Sarah Baker the cupcake maker.

[Steve Mallory]

Ben has called Sarah Baker the cupcake maker for what?

[Melissa McCarthy]

20 years? 15 years yes.

[Ben Falcone]

For a long time. Because we're. We're jumping right ahead.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Sorry.

[Ben Falcone]

But Sarah Baker.

[Steve Mallory]

Sorry, I've been in Canada.

[Ben Falcone]

Sorry. First of all, welcome to the show, Sarah.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Oh, gosh. Thank you for having me.

[Ben Falcone]

Oh, my gosh, thank you.

[Melissa McCarthy]

When you were speaking in that voice, I had to look around and see who was talking because I wasn't sure.

[Ben Falcone]

Yeah, it gets. I get a little deep on the mic because it's my favorite thing. So, Sarah Baker, you're a talented actor. You're in just everything.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Well.

[Ben Falcone]

And we should go back to. We first met at a place called the Groundlings Theater.

[Melissa McCarthy]

That's true.

[Steve Mallory]

Improv theater in Los Angeles and Melrose Boulevard.

[Ben Falcone]

Enjoy. Enjoy. And we met and I believe I was the director of the Sunday Company that you were a star in.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Well, I think it was. It was my first six, as they say in the Groundling Sunday Company lingo for six months.

[Ben Falcone]

Yep.

[Melissa McCarthy]

They're real deep into lingo.

[Ben Falcone]

Right. Because it's. There's a school at the Groundlings. And the final. You know, think when you get out of the school, you get into the Sunday Company and you do six months at a time. And you. It's really. You're writing.

[Steve Mallory]

You are writing a new show every week. It is ins. It literally should. Is almost impossible. And you're. Everyone's still working full time jobs. It is a full time job to be in Sunday company. You get $0.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Steve Mallory]

You have to buy.

[Ben Falcone]

You actually pay dollars.

[Sarah Baker]

It's illegal. This whole thing's illegal.

[Ben Falcone]

It's a Ponzi scheme.

[Melissa McCarthy]

But I had a job like Dana Powell and I used to, like, go buy snacks and drinks or something. And then that, like, defrayed some of our.

[Ben Falcone]

Sure.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Tuition.

[Ben Falcone]

I had to. I had to clean the upstairs attic.

[Steve Mallory]

I did that.

[Ben Falcone]

And that was disgusting.

[Sarah Baker]

I set up the WI fi system.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Oh.

[Sarah Baker]

That was my job.

[Ben Falcone]

Oh, yeah. Great.

[Steve Mallory]

I think I redid, like, the green room once.

[Sarah Baker]

You did.

[Ben Falcone]

So you are. You spend a lot of time in Atlanta. Is this true?

[Melissa McCarthy]

Yes. Yeah. After I graduated from college. And what was our.

[Ben Falcone]

What was our major? What college?

[Melissa McCarthy]

James Madison University. And I was a double major in theater and English.

[Ben Falcone]

Oh, fancy.

[Steve Mallory]

Where is that located?

[Melissa McCarthy]

In Harrisonburg, Virginia, About. In the Shenandoah Valley. Like two hours.

[Sarah Baker]

Oh, Shenandoah.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Thank you.

[Ben Falcone]

Can we cut off your daughter?

[Melissa McCarthy]

Okay. I just started too high was fine.

[Sarah Baker]

We. We both did great. I'll mix it.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Yeah. So it's like. It was like I grew up in the suburbs of D.C. so it was like two hours south, west of There, I think.

[Ben Falcone]

Oh, that's great.

[Steve Mallory]

What was your d. Did your parents have a DC connection? Were they government?

[Melissa McCarthy]

Yeah, my dad. Well, my parents are from Fargo, North Dakota, and I did know that. Yeah. And then they lived in Minneapolis, I think, when they first got married. And then my dad got a job working for usaid, I think. What's that? What is that?

[Ben Falcone]

The.

[Sarah Baker]

It doesn't exist.

[Ben Falcone]

It doesn't exist anymore.

[Steve Mallory]

I know. Oh, you did a shout out for what was.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Yeah, I think that was his first. And then he worked like Department of Agriculture and then he ended up at State Department. People are always like, is he a spy? And like. Pretty sure not.

[Steve Mallory]

Those aren't those exact ones that are.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Well, sometimes people do say they work for the State Department and they actually work for the CIA, but. Pretty sure Bob Baker wasn't a spy. Not positive. Pretty sure.

[Ben Falcone]

Bob Baker.

[Melissa McCarthy]

He did do a lot of traveling. I don't know, internationally.

[Ben Falcone]

Really? Oh, how often would he travel? Would he come back with like a murder bag?

[Sarah Baker]

Yeah. Was he murdering people? Did he mention any murders?

[Steve Mallory]

Did he say I murdered tape in a duffel?

[Melissa McCarthy]

He did have a bag with tons of heads in it.

[Sarah Baker]

Unrelated.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Unrelated.

[Ben Falcone]

That's from his.

[Steve Mallory]

That's agriculture job.

[Ben Falcone]

Oh, jinx.

[Melissa McCarthy]

You should get married.

[Steve Mallory]

We should.

[Ben Falcone]

Okay. So we met at the Groundlings Theater. We've now known each other for. How long would that be? I'm going to be horrified.

[Melissa McCarthy]

I started in 2008.

[Ben Falcone]

Okay. Wow.

[Melissa McCarthy]

I mean, we might have. I can't remember any. I'm so bad with, like, chronology. I mean, I probably knew you guys a little bit before that.

[Ben Falcone]

Yeah.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Just from being around the theater, but I don't know.

[Ben Falcone]

Yeah. And now you've been in so many things. You've won awards, prestigious awards, acting. You've been nominated for ensemble awards.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Oh, yeah.

[Ben Falcone]

I looked on your. What is it called? IMDb and it's six more awards than I've been nominated for.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Wow.

[Ben Falcone]

Cuz I'm still at a clean sheet. Just if anybody out there looking to.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Get on the board.

[Steve Mallory]

Minimalist. Minimalist. You want that and you want that.

[Sarah Baker]

Any BAFTAs? That's the only one that matters to me. BAFTAs.

[Melissa McCarthy]

No BAFTAs.

[Ben Falcone]

Okay, moving on.

[Melissa McCarthy]

I think you have to be in movies to be about this. I've only been in Europe.

[Ben Falcone]

Okay, well, what. What an incredible segue.

[Sarah Baker]

What an incredible him complimenting herself.

[Ben Falcone]

So glad that this segue happened. Just how I wanted it to. You have you. This is a little bit of a quiz for you.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Okay.

[Ben Falcone]

I believe. And I'm not sure. Because I should have done more research that you might have been in all of our movies, but possibly not one.

[Melissa McCarthy]

I was not in. It's not Michelle Darnell.

[Ben Falcone]

The Boss. The Boss and Steve co wrote that one. So I wonder if that might be Steve.

[Sarah Baker]

Blame my veto. Got overruled for all the rest. That was the only one. My veto is, like, not Sarah Baker. No, sir.

[Ben Falcone]

Now, here's. So here's the quiz.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Yes.

[Ben Falcone]

Can you remember the name of your character?

[Steve Mallory]

Oh.

[Ben Falcone]

In the films that you were in. Oh, so let's see. So there's. I'm gonna give you a hint. There's four films.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Tammy.

[Ben Falcone]

Okay.

[Melissa McCarthy]

That was my first.

[Ben Falcone]

Do you remember your name in Tammy?

[Melissa McCarthy]

I hadn't name.

[Ben Falcone]

You did have a name. And. And you had a name tag.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Okay, hold on.

[Ben Falcone]

I looked at it a lot because I edited.

[Melissa McCarthy]

God. Do you remember?

[Steve Mallory]

Well, I've. I've seen it recently. Oh, but Mike, then I just think of it.

[Sarah Baker]

You can watch it on Netflix. Netflix right now. Is that correct? I believe it's on Netflix right now. So that's why.

[Steve Mallory]

It's just. When we read. We did additional scene where we got into the hot tub with Sweet. Sweet.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Yes.

[Steve Mallory]

Who was like. He goes, I'm a veteran.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Oh, my God.

[Steve Mallory]

I literally was like, he improvised that. Improvised that. And then it. I was. He was wonderful.

[Melissa McCarthy]

He was such a nice man.

[Ben Falcone]

And he was. We did put him in a Speedo.

[Melissa McCarthy]

I know he is okay with. No problem with it.

[Ben Falcone]

He's cool. And that became sort of the end of the movie. I forget what you guys said, but something about.

[Melissa McCarthy]

We had improvised. Did we say something about my. That I lived in an apartment complex and I had a hot tub.

[Ben Falcone]

Yes.

[Melissa McCarthy]

While you were robbing us. We improvised that.

[Ben Falcone]

Yeah.

[Melissa McCarthy]

And you. And then you said, like, well, fingers crossed. At the end of this, we all get together in your hot tub.

[Steve Mallory]

And we actually did.

[Melissa McCarthy]

And then we did. Yeah.

[Ben Falcone]

Our version of Tammy's dream coming true was being in an apartment complex with these two in Burbank for two people. Well, it was.

[Melissa McCarthy]

We were right in the middle of some lot with like a thousand million.

[Ben Falcone]

People when you shot it.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Yes. And we're. I mean, we weren't in, like, weenies or anything.

[Ben Falcone]

It was at the Gower Studios was the additional photography, as they say. All right, so your name in that.

[Steve Mallory]

Film was 1, 2, 3.

[Ben Falcone]

Becky.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Becky. See, I would have guessed Becky was the other because I had to yell at the other young woman.

[Ben Falcone]

Yeah.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Remember?

[Steve Mallory]

Oh, yeah.

[Melissa McCarthy]

But I Now I don't remember her name.

[Ben Falcone]

Either.

[Sarah Baker]

No, I would have got that wrong. I didn't got it.

[Ben Falcone]

Okay. Since Steve would not let you be in the. In the Boss, the next film you were in of ours is a movie called Life of the Party. And you played a very bizarre character along with.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Oh yes.

[Ben Falcone]

Where they went and had a drug experience.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Fun fact, fun fact. I they for my fitting, they had normal clothes for me to wear. And then they also just happened to still have a rack out of Nat's clothes. And I said, can I wear stuff from Nats rack? That's how I ended up in like that shirt that like. I will never forget that big shirt, like stripes, polo.

[Ben Falcone]

You looked like a rugby shirt type of situation.

[Steve Mallory]

You were all wonderfully people that lived in their parents basements.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Yes.

[Steve Mallory]

It was really delicious.

[Melissa McCarthy]

And I had them straighten my hair out and I said, I asked you, can she have like really dark eyebrows? You're like, okay, but not too dark. So I had really dark and just the. I wanted my hair to look like greasy. So it did.

[Steve Mallory]

Flat.

[Ben Falcone]

Yeah, you succeeded.

[Steve Mallory]

Do you remember your name in that one?

[Melissa McCarthy]

Oh wait, did I have a weird name?

[Ben Falcone]

I believe McCarthy was this name.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Not Grendel. Was it Grendel?

[Ben Falcone]

Close.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Gildred.

[Ben Falcone]

Not Mildred Gildred.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Yes.

[Ben Falcone]

Super intelligence.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Yes. I do know my name in this one.

[Ben Falcone]

Okay.

[Melissa McCarthy]

My name was Bobby Crud.

[Sarah Baker]

That. Yeah. You had a name tag.

[Ben Falcone]

Yes, yes. In fact, I think I say, did.

[Sarah Baker]

I give you the name tag afterwards? Because I think.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Yes, you did.

[Sarah Baker]

I did.

[Melissa McCarthy]

You did.

[Sarah Baker]

I took the name tag off your custom.

[Ben Falcone]

Yes.

[Steve Mallory]

Your sweetheart.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Your forever sweetheart. Yes, exactly. But then, but then we like improvised and you asked me. Oh no, that's what it was. It said be crud. And you were like, you improvised. Like what's your name? Setting me up to be like Bobby. And I was like Belinda or whatever. I don't remember what I said, but so I don't remember what I'm credited as.

[Ben Falcone]

You were credit is for some reason is Emily, which is not accurate at all.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Oh, that's funny.

[Ben Falcone]

Thunder Force.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Wait, now was I not Emily in Thunder Force? Okay, hold on. Thunder Force. Wait, where look on Ben's face right now. Oh, that's right.

[Steve Mallory]

Yeah.

[Melissa McCarthy]

So we were in the office and then we were also in that military.

[Ben Falcone]

Wait, no, that's. You're. Now you're on super intelligence. See, we went backwards.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Oh, wait, hold on.

[Ben Falcone]

Yeah.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Wait, what are we up.

[Ben Falcone]

Thunder Force.

[Steve Mallory]

Thunder Force in the lobby. In the.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Oh, Thunder Force in the lobby. That's where I was beat up. That's where we used to be.

[Ben Falcone]

Okay, but your real name in that one was Sarah. We just called you Sarah.

[Sarah Baker]

Okay, so wait, so super intelligence.

[Melissa McCarthy]

We got super intelligence when I was Emily. Yes.

[Sarah Baker]

Emily.

[Ben Falcone]

Yes.

[Sarah Baker]

You and Jay Leigh had a friend.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Yes. And Brian Tyree Henry. Yes.

[Ben Falcone]

Now, so here's a question.

[Steve Mallory]

So wonderful human.

[Ben Falcone]

Yeah. My Brian here, he's great. As is jla.

[Sarah Baker]

This episode of Hildy's Happy Hour is brought to you by booking.com booking. Yeah. A million years ago, when I was a young man, I didn't care where I slept. I'd go visit a buddy and I'd sleep on his loveseat, even though it was two feet too short and smelled like chicken nachos. I'd go visit my sister and I'd sleep on my nephew's bed. My nephew, who I loved, but the bed always had a plastic mattress protector that sounded like you were opening a bag of potato chips every time rolled over. But now I'm a grown adult man and I need a good bed. That is why I love booking.com. when I go on a trip or vacation, I know that I'm getting a comfortable bed in a hotel or a vacation rental that is perfect for me. And by perfect, I mean king size, two pillows, cold room, extra blankets. Booking.com has that. It doesn't matter if you're a family, a business traveler, or a grown adult man. Booking.com helps you find the stay that's ridiculously right for you. Find exactly what you're booking for on booking dot com. Booking. Yeah.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Hi, I'm Emily Deschanel.

[Sam B.]

And I'm Carla Gallo. And we're here to bring you Boneheads.

[Melissa McCarthy]

The official Bones rewatch podcast. That's right. We're watching all the episodes of Bones, starting with episode one. And we are the right people to do it. I play Dr. Temperance Bradnen, and I.

[Steve Mallory]

Met Carla six, 16 years ago on set.

[Sam B.]

I played Daisy Wick.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Tune in every Wednesday to hear all our behind the scenes stories, conversations with.

[Steve Mallory]

Cast and crew, and our favorite moments.

[Sam B.]

Boneheads from Lemonada Media is out wherever.

[Melissa McCarthy]

You get your podcasts.

[Ben Falcone]

I, Ben Falcone, wrote the first episode of Hildy the Bar Back in the Lake of Fire Fire. And Steve and I wrote them all together and I wrote the good parts.

[Sarah Baker]

But Ben's. Ben's is episodes are always the best.

[Ben Falcone]

They're far. They're just so good. So much better now.

[Sarah Baker]

100% better.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Are you okay?

[Sarah Baker]

Yeah.

[Ben Falcone]

But what our listeners are this seems he's still going.

[Steve Mallory]

If you slow this down, it's like, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.

[Ben Falcone]

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.

[Steve Mallory]

And it's all saying, help me, I'm trapped.

[Ben Falcone]

But what people may not know, our listeners, numerous listeners apparently, is that I wrote Gerd for you specifically based on like a bit you used to do where usually you would say something like, you want to go ahead and leave me alone? Maybe you just get to get out of here. So I was like, I feel like that should be a half giant who is powerful and all that. So here's the question.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Ben Falcone]

How many have you other. Have you had other characters written specifically for you?

[Melissa McCarthy]

Oh, I'm sure. Wait. Oh, God. Cena. This is the stuff I need, Bobby. Because he'd be like, yeah, this thing and that thing. Oh, I know Pamela Adlon.

[Steve Mallory]

I love her.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Yeah, she's the best. She. When they were casting for Louis, which I was also on, he lived in New York. And so she came with Felicia Vasano, who's the casting director, to like, because she knew the, you know, the voice of the show and what, what they were looking for. And so she helped with the casting of that. So then when she did her own show, she. I think Pamela, don't disillusion me if this isn't true. But I think she wrote I played like a Mormon woman on her show that turned out was like. And then I was the only person that said the F word on FX twice in Louis. And then also.

[Ben Falcone]

Oh, wow. Yeah, what an interesting. Because you got so much good publicity and everything doing such a great turn on.

[Sarah Baker]

Also, you never use profanity. No, I like the fact.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Not really.

[Sarah Baker]

You're not a real profane person. No F word twice.

[Melissa McCarthy]

I know.

[Sarah Baker]

Is insane.

[Melissa McCarthy]

I know. I had to say something like really dirty in her show and won't repeat it.

[Ben Falcone]

Whoa.

[Sarah Baker]

Wow.

[Melissa McCarthy]

About a man's body part.

[Steve Mallory]

Oh, my God.

[Sarah Baker]

Hey, keep Bob Baker proud.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Oh, God. So Bob Baker podcast. Oh, I've heard of those. What are they? How do I get it on my phone?

[Steve Mallory]

You know, there's a bot, isn't there a Bob. Bob Baker marionette. Yeah, I've been to it.

[Melissa McCarthy]

I bought him a baseball cap from it.

[Steve Mallory]

Oh, my God.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Steve Mallory]

Never la, just LA history. Guys, there's Bob. Bob Baker Marionette downtown. Check it out.

[Melissa McCarthy]

And I could get more into Bob Baker or the person history too, if we want.

[Ben Falcone]

Let's go deep. Go deep or go home. All right, did you or did you not? And these are hard hitting questions I.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Can tell you're so serious.

[Ben Falcone]

Did you or did in my. My. My hands are folded in front of.

[Steve Mallory]

Me and I look like he has crocodile arms.

[Sarah Baker]

Like, crossfire right now. Let's go.

[Ben Falcone]

Did you or did you not recently have your car stolen?

[Melissa McCarthy]

I did.

[Ben Falcone]

Tell us about it.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Oh, my God. So it was right out in front of my house and we walked out. We had not left the house for some reason, but I do specifically remember they were doing work down the street. So the nosy neighbor, Mrs. Kravitz that I am, I kept looking out like, what's going on over there? Not never noticed. And finally we were leaving the house at like 3pm and Bobby was like. And I stopped to weed. I was like, gotta get rid of these weeds. And he was like, I thought you.

[Ben Falcone]

Said I stopped to weed.

[Steve Mallory]

And I was like, oh, I didn't.

[Ben Falcone]

I did not need the bathroom.

[Melissa McCarthy]

If I gotta go, I gotta go.

[Ben Falcone]

And I gotta say we.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Ben Falcone]

So you stopped to. No, I stopped.

[Melissa McCarthy]

I had a few errant weeds and I was like, I can't. And then Bobby was like, where's your car? But he moves my car for street cleaning. So I thought, well, maybe, you know, sometimes if it's crowded, then he parks on the street a little bit or whatever. I was like, maybe. Did you park it like around the corner? He's like, no, it was right here. And then we just sit there for like five minutes. Because your brain can compute. You're just. Because his car was there. There was no, like, glass. You know what I mean? It was just vanished.

[Sarah Baker]

Sarah, can you give. I'm asking for a little context here. Can you tell me about the car that was stolen? Because this is really important to me and it's my favorite thing about you, potentially.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Oh, God. Your car was a 2000 Honda Civic, color vintage plum. Oh, I told the cops that my car was plum. And he was like, I'm just going to write maroon because nobody's going to know what that is.

[Sarah Baker]

Somebody stole a 25 year old car, which. And you and I never Instagram message, but I did. And you were saying you were trying to tell me how valuable the part of your car.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Okay, you immediately slandered my car.

[Sarah Baker]

I think your car is one of my favorite things about you, that you're just like, I'm committing to a 25 car.

[Melissa McCarthy]

I'm. I am sentimental. Obviously to a fault, but also then you start to get on. I mean, at first it was just like, well, I don't care. I'm not a car person and it works. And now I'm like, I've had it for so long.

[Steve Mallory]

How long have you had it?

[Melissa McCarthy]

Since I. That was my first and only car that I bought myself a century ago. Yeah, 25 years. Not to brag, but I bought it brand new. And I remember thinking, $285 a month. Who's gonna. Who's to say I'm gonna have 285 extra dollars a month? It seemed crazy at the time.

[Sarah Baker]

And it was cheaper because of the plum color, I assume.

[Steve Mallory]

The new black. So plum is adjacent.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Yes, but. So yeah, so this was on like a Tuesday night. Like you know that it got stolen and nobody. With all the people with their ring cameras, you couldn't really see anything so on. And he, he said like, it's probably being stripped for parts occasionally. It's just, you know, some kids. Well, that was the thing, I think, cuz he didn't have a visual. The first police officer, he was also a very young guy, but he, I think he just didn't like think about 2000. That seems like the parts aren't going to be great, you know. So on like two days later on Friday, I got a call from another police officer and he was like, we found your car in Panorama City, which is like 20 minutes away. And so can you come pick it up? It's like on the street. I was like, oh, is it like drivable? He was like, yeah, I think so. It looks fine. So Bobby and the keys were in.

[Ben Falcone]

It and everything and.

[Melissa McCarthy]

No, no. Yeah, we just brought an extra key.

[Ben Falcone]

Okay.

[Melissa McCarthy]

But I was like, am I gonna be able to stick it into the thing? Because they obviously had to get it started somehow. I don't know how they do that, but yeah, but I. It was totally drivable. Okay. The only thing in there was like a couple of like fast food rappers.

[Ben Falcone]

Where from? What fast food?

[Melissa McCarthy]

I think Carl's Jr. Oh, good choice.

[Ben Falcone]

I do like a Carl's Jr. Like a famous. Somebody steals your car and gets a famous star.

[Sarah Baker]

And since it's 2020, I'm assuming some Banana Rama cassettes.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Oh my God, that's the best part too. I was like, they're probably so mad. So anyway, so we got there and he was like, is there a tape player in it? Okay, there was a. Okay, there's a CD player.

[Ben Falcone]

Okay.

[Melissa McCarthy]

But it, not the cd hasn't worked in a while. Like about three months ago it stopped working all together. I have no radio even in my. I'll put on like, I'll literally put like a YouTube song and then it just starts playing other songs. Or I'll listen to a podcast or.

[Sarah Baker]

Something, but via your phone.

[Steve Mallory]

Probably just driving around listening to Hildy.

[Ben Falcone]

No, no Bluetooth.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Oh, no, no, no, no.

[Ben Falcone]

So you're listening to just a tinny little thing of your phone in your cup holder. Okay, so.

[Melissa McCarthy]

So I. Okay, but so here's the important part. The only other thing in my car was a brand new unwrapped Blu Ray copy of the 1997 movie breakdown on the driver's seat. Like a message.

[Ben Falcone]

The movie break.

[Steve Mallory]

I don't know the movie and a Blu Ray. Which was only in practice for what, like, three months?

[Melissa McCarthy]

Yes. I thought it was a DVD at first, but I think it was a Blu Ray. And it. And so I looked, of course, and, like, looked. The whole Wikipedia entry. I'm like, what? This is clearly a message, but what does it mean?

[Ben Falcone]

What are they telling you?

[Melissa McCarthy]

And it's about. It's Kurt Russell, I think. And he and his wife, like, their car breaks out on the side of the road.

[Steve Mallory]

I've seen this.

[Melissa McCarthy]

And then, like, some truck driver. Jt. Is it JT Walsh. Who's. Yeah. So good.

[Ben Falcone]

Okay.

[Melissa McCarthy]

And he stops and is, like, in a truck and I guess seems like a nice guy. I mean, it sounds like a bad idea, but she goes in the car with him and he's gonna take her to, like, a diner. Oh, Jesus. And of course, she's kidnapped.

[Ben Falcone]

Yeah.

[Melissa McCarthy]

So then he. So then Kurt Russell was all this craziness happens for him to, like, get her back, which he does.

[Steve Mallory]

I don't remember, but was Kurt Russell in a button down, like, Chambray, but the sleeves had been ripped off.

[Ben Falcone]

That was every movie for Kurt Russell in those years. I mean, had the sleeves on.

[Melissa McCarthy]

And then when he was like, my wife's gone.

[Steve Mallory]

That's what I. Oh, my God.

[Sarah Baker]

Also, Melissa is sending a message to Ben.

[Ben Falcone]

Hey, more Chambray and less sleeves.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Steve Mallory]

So wait, do you still have the Blu Ray? Do you get to keep it?

[Sarah Baker]

And the car also?

[Melissa McCarthy]

You've got your car. Yeah, I have my car back. And. And then. Well, and then we. When we were going to visit my parents in Arizona, so when we were driving. So, like, got.

[Ben Falcone]

You drove the. You drove your car?

[Melissa McCarthy]

No, I. Because we would always. Because my car was pretty old, as we've established, so we left my. But then I had to be like, stay here. Like, we immediately left it. And then, too, when I was talking to my dad about it, he was like. I was like, yeah, you know, there. You could tell there was something in the ignition, but. But you could start it. He's like, yeah, anybody can start it. You can literally put anything in there right now, and it'll start. I was like, oh, that's not good. But it was there when we got back. Took it to the mechanic. And now. How can I get rid of it now?

[Ben Falcone]

Yeah, because. Because she came. Does she have a name or.

[Melissa McCarthy]

We usually call her Vintage Plum.

[Steve Mallory]

Oh, vp. Vp. Vp.

[Ben Falcone]

Because you're so proud of the color. Is that why?

[Melissa McCarthy]

I don't know. It just kind of stuck. It's a unique color name.

[Ben Falcone]

And does Bobby say that name too? Like, hey, where's Vintage Plum? Or he says we should.

[Melissa McCarthy]

I don't think we refer to it by name that often.

[Steve Mallory]

I think a fun fact. What. What does Bobby do? Because you don't meet many people that.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Get to say they are a poet.

[Ben Falcone]

I mean, he's a great poet.

[Steve Mallory]

He's a great poet.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Ben Falcone]

I've never been a student of his, but he's an amazing poet.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Yeah. Yeah. He's got his next book coming out in fall 2025, I think.

[Ben Falcone]

Oh, girl.

[Steve Mallory]

What's his book called? This one?

[Melissa McCarthy]

Wait, hold on. Oh, Oblivion.

[Steve Mallory]

Oblivion.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Oh, Oblivion. Oh.

[Ben Falcone]

Oh, you were. I thought you were saying, oh, oblivion.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Ben Falcone]

No, yeah, it is. Oh, Oblivion. Oh, comma, Oblivion.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Steve Mallory]

Really lovely, lovely writer. Amazing poet. And my first person I met was like, you're a poet. I just remember feeling dumb that I was like, what?

[Melissa McCarthy]

Me too. I'm like, sometimes I'll read someone. Like, I proofread for him. So, like, when. Like now, when he has a book coming out, I'll. I'll read through everything and I'll be like, good. Good job. Thumbs up on the poems. Good job on it.

[Ben Falcone]

Now, let me just ask you this not to get. Because I'm a prude, as we all know, but was it as when you first met? You're like, so you write poems? Like, were you or was he like, hey, I'm a poet? Because I think if I was a poet, I've written a couple poems, but I couldn't say I'm a poet, but I would definitely be like, hey, I'm definitely a poet.

[Melissa McCarthy]

It is, like, in the same vein of, like, want to hear me play my guitar?

[Ben Falcone]

Yeah. Was he like, he.

[Melissa McCarthy]

The very first. We were in, like, the same circle of friends, but, like, he was kind of on this end and I was on this end. So, I mean, I knew who he was. We had met, but we hadn't really talked until right before we were going to London, because that's where we got together. We did a, like, semester in London together.

[Ben Falcone]

And From James Madison. You both were students at James Man?

[Melissa McCarthy]

Yeah, same year and everything. And he. He used to, like, make up stories back then. So at the time, my parents were living in Nigeria because, as I said, my dad worked for the State Department.

[Steve Mallory]

Your dad was not doing agriculture? I'm just saying.

[Ben Falcone]

Bob Baker, farmer, he went to Nigeria for six months because he needed to take care of a situation, not overthrow Marxism.

[Sarah Baker]

That's not what he was doing.

[Melissa McCarthy]

But, like, so. So I was saying, like, oh, my parents are in. So it was weird. So my first year, my mom stayed home because she didn't want to just be like, well, you're off to college and now I'm going to Africa. So she stayed home, and my dad went for the first year, but then she went after that, and. And they were there. I think they came back during my senior year of college. So I never had any. Like, I had to, like, go to other people's houses for stuff, or if we got kicked out of the dorm for, like, a break, I'd be like, can I go to your house? Because.

[Steve Mallory]

Because my dad's a spy.

[Ben Falcone]

Because my dad's a spy and he's overthrowing the entire government of Nigeria.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Exactly. But so I said something about my parents being in Nigeria, and he was like, oh, I used to live in Africa, too. And I was like, oh, really? Where did you live? And he was like, yeah, I used to live up in the trees and, like, something. And I was, oh, brother. And I was like, instant eye roll. And he was like, oh, I can't. This. This woman doesn't like my little game. Doesn't find it amusing. Yeah. So that was.

[Steve Mallory]

And then you were like, I'll go back for more of that. That I don't like.

[Ben Falcone]

I'll take another scoop of that.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Sam and Diane, you know, it wasn't long at all. It wasn't long. Yeah. And then. Yeah. When we were in London, like, the first. In the first week, we got together.

[Sarah Baker]

Nice.

[Melissa McCarthy]

And we've been together ever since.

[Sarah Baker]

How long. Wait, how long have you guys been.

[Ben Falcone]

A long time.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Right?

[Ben Falcone]

I mean, since college.

[Melissa McCarthy]

I'm a Hollywood actress.

[Sarah Baker]

Right. So, like, six months.

[Melissa McCarthy]

How old can I plausibly be?

[Ben Falcone]

20, 29.

[Sarah Baker]

And maybe you bought your car when you were 11 so we can start.

[Melissa McCarthy]

That's right. Ye. I was 11 when I bought my cars. I'm 36 down. Oh, getting old. Oh, 40.

[Steve Mallory]

It's freaking me out.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Oh, my God.

[Steve Mallory]

The big one's coming up.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Four, zero.

[Ben Falcone]

I know. I. I knew I was getting old when I was talking to Steve or somebody. And my joke about being young was like, 38.

[Melissa McCarthy]

I know.

[Ben Falcone]

And I was like, I mean, what, you. You look like you're 38. And I was like, like, oh, my.

[Melissa McCarthy]

That's my dream is to be 38.

[Ben Falcone]

Because if you're like, yeah, if you're thinking like, oh, that's a young. You know, like, then you meet like a 21 year old and they're like, oh, my God, 38 year olds are the oldest thing I've ever seen in my life. Okay, go ahead.

[Steve Mallory]

No, you go ahead.

[Ben Falcone]

Oh, no, both of you go ahead.

[Sarah Baker]

I'll go. Let me go.

[Ben Falcone]

Probably, I think probably one of the men should speak.

[Melissa McCarthy]

That's true. I just saw an onion art. Like, not even an article, just a picture. And it was two old men sitting next to each other. And it said, old man, son. Also old man. Like, that's. Yeah, that's where we are now.

[Ben Falcone]

That's me.

[Sarah Baker]

That's where we are.

[Steve Mallory]

I remember working at a restaurant in New York City when I was, like, probably 21. And first of all, what an awful thing. But it was less about, like, he was very nice, but I just remember, like, oh, my God. Somebody that, like, bartended at a restaurant I was working at. I was like, he asked me out and I was like, my God, he's like, almost 30. And that was the thing I couldn't get my head around. Like, oh, my God, he's almost 30. And that seemed eternally old.

[Ben Falcone]

And meanwhile, you were, like, dating people your own age with vials of blood around their neck and stuff. Like, you were such a lunatic. But you're like, oh, my God, he's 29.

[Steve Mallory]

I don't know about vials of blood. Was I making out with random people in the ball pit at the Palladium, maybe? Or lime. Was it limelight or Palladium? Sometimes you just go down the slide, you end up in a ball pit, and then someone's like.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Thank you.

[Sarah Baker]

That's McCarthy biography coming out this fall.

[Steve Mallory]

Go down a slide, it'd be like, kissy, kissy. And then we'd be like, oh, we're really hitting it off. And he would say, I can't wait for you to meet my boyfriend.

[Ben Falcone]

Well, you dated a lot of gay guys, that's for sure.

[Melissa McCarthy]

I've got a time. Me too, sister.

[Steve Mallory]

I mean, I was like, was I At the last stop where people were like, okay, I wasn't sure, but now I'm definitely. One day, like, I literally went through like four people where I was like, we hit it off so well. And they were like, thank you so much. Now I am definitely gay. I'm like, wow.

[Ben Falcone]

So wait, you were also before Bobby, into.

[Melissa McCarthy]

I mean, I had this. I had a. Well, it's funny that I remember the last guy I had a crush on that was gay. I was like, oh, this is painful. This isn't funny. This is painful. They're not available to me and I'm pining after them. But yeah, my. I think my prom date, I know 100, was gay, but he was like one of my close friends too.

[Ben Falcone]

I've heard that a lot. I've heard that a lot from people like, well. And he was also my close friend, but. And it's just like, they're. Because the. And what I get from this, as a 51 year old, terrible, you know, person is I get. What I get is that guys suck so bad. Straight men, particularly young straight men, suck so bad and have historically sucked so bad that it's just like. Well, I think I'd rather be with this person who probably doesn't like me, but is nice to me. Me.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Steve Mallory]

And fun and not doing misogynistic things. Like, look at the. Yeah, just like.

[Ben Falcone]

What?

[Melissa McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Steve Mallory]

Remember, like. Yeah, we go out to restaurants and. And have like. And laugh and talk and nobody's saying weird things.

[Sarah Baker]

Yeah, it sounds pretty good to me too. I know that sounds pretty great.

[Ben Falcone]

Yeah.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Ben Falcone]

Well, who's. What's the. What's the worst date you've ever been on?

[Melissa McCarthy]

I mean, I feel like we got together in college, so I don't. I don't feel like I really dated. You know what I mean? It was more like those scenarios like hook up with some guy at a party and then you start seeing him for a while or. But I. I mean, I didn't really have any. Like, I had no, like, blind dates or anything like that.

[Ben Falcone]

One of my last dates before I met Ms. McCarthy and which.

[Steve Mallory]

Thank you to her. Thank you for setting the bar low. So I seem to.

[Ben Falcone]

And by the way, I. This is like, I. She was very nice, but we went to this and we were, you know, it was like we didn't really know each other. Because the thing is, you should. I mean, in my opinion, you know, and everybody now does it online and whatever and God bless everybody. Godspeed. Unless you don't believe in God and then Just do whatever.

[Sarah Baker]

Speed.

[Ben Falcone]

But so real disclaimer. Yeah, disclaimer. I'm not, you know, what we're not doing offending anybody, but I. So I didn't know her very well. And we go to this place, El Compadre on Sunset, which is like an old timey Mexican restaurant.

[Sarah Baker]

Get the great enchilada.

[Ben Falcone]

Delicious. A good enchilada. Great ambiance. And. But I remember. So I get there and I'm like, already nervous because I don't really know her. Like, I feel like you should be friends with someone first. And it just wasn't already. I was just like, you know, a bit of a mess.

[Melissa McCarthy]

How did you know her?

[Ben Falcone]

Through, like some sort of mutual friend. But we barely knew each other, you know, it was like one of those where I was like, okay, sure. This seems that we should. I should do this because I want. I want to, you know, meet someone. And she's seems nice and all that. And I remember getting to the table and I pull the chair out for her, and she goes, oh, my God, thank you.

[Sarah Baker]

And that was it.

[Ben Falcone]

And I was like, no problem. No problem at all. And then I sort of, you know, the menus are kind of stacked together and I push one over. Oh, my God, thank you. And I was like, so intense. Absolutely no problem. And then. So it goes. She thanks me about 10 more times before the waiter comes over and he says, you know, what would you. What would you like? And. And she goes, are your burritos beef? He goes, you know, we. We do have those. And she goes, oh. And then she. It's hard to do this on a podcast, but she started to do emotion. She goes, I would like a burrito with no beef, because beef is. And then she puts her thumb up.

[Steve Mallory]

For a second, like a thumbs up motion.

[Ben Falcone]

Thumbs up motion. And once. And you're gonna have to imagine me doing this. Thumbs up once and then thumbs up down twice. Because she goes, because beef is.

[Sarah Baker]

I love this.

[Ben Falcone]

And I was like, she's now making noises. And like. And I was like, okay, she sounds hilarious. And it's that thing where, like, you're like, listen, I'm sure you're super nice, but this is just. I. I'm not a love Matt. Just getting a little, you know, panicky because this is just. And there were lots more thank yous and lots more.

[Steve Mallory]

And then I literally want to. I don't know her name. You always said she was nice, but I do. I'm like, thank God that date went wrong. Thank God, because with all My quirks and peccadillos like, that. I came in and you were like, she seems straight up the middle. She's all right.

[Melissa McCarthy]

She's weird, but like a normal weird, I hear.

[Sarah Baker]

And I'm like, that's hot. I was. I'm into it now.

[Ben Falcone]

Steve. What's the worst or. And I don't, by the way, this. She was so nice. I feel terrible, but it's true.

[Steve Mallory]

We're in a good match.

[Ben Falcone]

We were not a good match. I was very nice.

[Sarah Baker]

The theater with a group of friends, and everyone was trying to set me up with a girl. And we went and saw Pretty Woman. Oh, I don't care how people think, how old I am, because that's. I went and saw it in the theater, and I'm like, wow, this is kind of a sexy movie. This is. This is great. And like, right after the movie, everyone's like, do you guys want to go out? She goes, I don't. I'm leaving. And I'm like, oh. Ooh. Like, obviously, we're supposed to, like, kind of be the thing. And I'm like, so somehow I made Pretty Woman not make people feel romantic.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Maybe it was too sexy. And she was like, it could have been.

[Sarah Baker]

That's probably. That's what I've been telling myself for 40.

[Steve Mallory]

She's like, I need to get you a hot tub. Right away.

[Sarah Baker]

It was me and her and then two other couples. So obviously we're, like, supposed to be there.

[Steve Mallory]

Why was she mad?

[Sarah Baker]

I, I, I don't know. Maybe the. I wasn't Richard Gear. I assume that's it. I wasn't a billionaire. I wasn't trying to destroy.

[Ben Falcone]

He's not into the Dalai Lama.

[Sarah Baker]

He's not walking in the park without his shoes on. Like, Richard Gear is. But also, she was no Julia Roberts. That's it. I'm not going to say it.

[Ben Falcone]

Okay, listen, we just weren't each other too soon much. What was your worst day?

[Steve Mallory]

Oh, God. I met someone at a rap party that seemed really interesting.

[Ben Falcone]

Oh, dear God.

[Steve Mallory]

We. There were drinks, and I was like, oh, he's an artist. Is really interesting. We made a date to go out the next week and met at my apartment. I knew, like, friends of his. We went out, and he's like, oh, we're going out. And I was like, he? Yes. I mean, I haven't made any. We were just going to go down the street. I lived in a busy area in la, and I was like, we'll just walk half a block down and go get it in the Fairfax. In the Fairfax, very close to Cantors actually, right on that block. And we went down to a place that isn't there anymore and we got in there and he's like, oh man, $6 for chicken sandwich. I can make it. It was like the, also like the happy hour menu. I, we were both broke, but I'm like, yeah, we can probably split like a six hours. I mean if I, if I go to the store and I get chicken and some bread, I can make it. I don't have to make a chicken sandwich for six hours. And I was like, yeah, but we're not at your home. We're at a restaurant on it and they're making it for. And then everything was like, oh my God, like This is like $4 for a beer. Oh my God. If I go home and I make it, I'm like, yeah, but we're not at your home. And then I had no money as broke, broke, broke. And I was like, it's fine, I'll just, I'll get it, I'll get it. Because I just wanted to stop talking about it. And so we ordered this luxurious six dollar chicken sandwich. And then somehow it was not going well. And I was like, let's wrap this up. And we were walking back down the street. I was like, well, nice to meet you, you know, nice to see you again, blah, blah, blah. And he goes, oh, I left my bag in your apartment. And I was like, oh brother. And I was like, well, I'll get it and bring it down to you. No, no, no, I'll come up, I'll get in my bag, in my bag, in my bag. So we get up there and I was like, he's getting out right away. And he's like, so I got this thing in my bag and I was like, oh God, it's like a wrench and he's gonna hit me with it. But he didn't seem dangerous, just peculiar. And then finally he was hemming and hanging. He's like this friend of mine at work gave me this thing that's in my bag. And I was like, I don't know what that means, these things, you know, I gotta work. And he's, you know, let me borrow it so it's a borrowed thing. It was like, I still don't know what you're talking about. He's like, you know, it's supposed to make things feel better. I was like, I don't know what you're talking about. He's like, it's like this Ring. And I have never had a run in with it. But I was like, are you trying to sell me in your dirty backpack you have a used cock ring? And I was like, no, thank you. And he's like, I got this thing in my bag. And that was the big upsell after a date that was not going well. There was not an ounce of romance.

[Melissa McCarthy]

I was clear that I was like.

[Ben Falcone]

Would you like to enjoy my used concrete with me?

[Melissa McCarthy]

It has gone great. Still my life.

[Steve Mallory]

If you bring that up. I would be like, oh my God.

[Melissa McCarthy]

And then I was trying to kiss you, just literally telling you.

[Steve Mallory]

I was like, I don't want to watch you scrape the bottom of your bag where there's like chiclets, old pretzel nubs and. Enough. Not even a friend, a guy at.

[Ben Falcone]

Work, by the way.

[Steve Mallory]

What's that conversation like? Like, oh, I've gotta, I gotta get a chance. Chicken out to table eight. Do you have a ring? Oh, yeah, right here in my pocket.

[Ben Falcone]

So how much did that chicken cost? Like, because I, I just love that.

[Steve Mallory]

He $6 for chicken sandwich.

[Ben Falcone]

Oh my God.

[Sarah Baker]

I want to make sure the takeaway for young men is get new rings. That's the takeaway.

[Ben Falcone]

That's the only takeaway offer. A used ring.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Don't beat around the bush. Just be like, hey, got a.

[Steve Mallory]

In my bag.

[Ben Falcone]

You good or new?

[Steve Mallory]

New.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Brand new.

[Steve Mallory]

You wanna. Right. Still in the package.

[Sarah Baker]

Still in the wrapper. Watch me unwrap it.

[Steve Mallory]

Yeah, I, I can say that was my worst date.

[Sarah Baker]

Yeah, that's everybody's birthday.

[Ben Falcone]

That is actually. It's. We've been together so long that your date gives me nightmares now. And not even like, I'm like, I want to protect her. I'm like, no, it's me. It's happened to me sometimes. I'll just say to Melissa, I got something in my bag. She's like, shut up. Stop it.

[F]

Do you ever get hit with a cringy memory of your 13 year old self out of nowhere and suddenly you're panic sweating and laughing at the same time? Don't wor. Don't worry, don't worry. We all get that. It's because being an adolescent is one of the most visceral shared experiences we have as people and we want to talk about it. Join me, Penn Badgley and my two friends Nava and Sophie on podcrushed as we interview celebrity guests about the joys and horro of being a teenager and how those moments made them who they are. Today, new episodes of podcrust Are out now. Wherever you get your podcasts.

[Sam B.]

Hi there. It's Julia Louis Dreyfus. This fall, my podcast Wiser Than Me is back for season three with even more wisdom straight from some legendary old ladies. These chickadees have a lot to teach us. Every word is a lesson in living unapologetically and focusing on the stuff that really matters. From Lemonada Media Wiser than Me, Season 3, out now. Find it wherever you get your podcast, subscribe to Lemonada Premium in the Apple Podcasts app and listen to every episode of season three A.D. free.

[Ben Falcone]

We're almost done. We're almost there. We're in the home stretch, dear listeners. You don't have to listen much longer. That's what everybody likes.

[Sarah Baker]

People are enjoying this.

[Steve Mallory]

I mean, well, do you have a tattoo?

[Melissa McCarthy]

No, I'm. I'm so cuckoo that I just. And I. No, I didn't think. I'm not a permanent. I don't like permanent things.

[Steve Mallory]

I think.

[Melissa McCarthy]

No, maybe you needed to move your car.

[Steve Mallory]

You should get your car tattoo. You should really get a tattoo of your car.

[Sarah Baker]

And I have my tattoo gun right here.

[Ben Falcone]

That's what this is all about.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Color match is gonna be real important.

[Ben Falcone]

Because it's vintage plum.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Vintage plum.

[Ben Falcone]

Our daughter. Our eldest daughter, Viv mentioned that she would like to get a tattoo with McCarthy and myself, and I don't have one. I don't have one either. And I'm Steve. I just want to know what.

[Sarah Baker]

I have a tattoo story, but it's not gonna be this. It's a. No, it's a. It's a terrible thing. I did at one point have to get radiation therapy, and so they could light up the radiation they gave me.

[Melissa McCarthy]

They tapped a little blue dot.

[Sarah Baker]

So I have little blue dots to line up a radiation gun.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Sarah Baker]

Fun story. Let's move on.

[Ben Falcone]

Where. So. But could you make the blue dots into something fun? Like make it whimsical?

[Steve Mallory]

Yeah.

[Sarah Baker]

They would look a little bit like the. Maybe like the Empire State Building. So maybe. But it would take up my whole body, so maybe I'll do that. That'd be fun, right?

[Steve Mallory]

You know, cover your entire face with. With a picture of your face.

[Ben Falcone]

Oh, I like that. I also. I would love to. If you could make the ones that you already have, that they would shine under a black light, take your shirt off at a disco, and just blow everybody's eyes.

[Sarah Baker]

I always say it's like, oh, look at my macho tattoo. And I'm like, you want to see a more Matcha tattoo? This is where they lined up the radiation gun to kill me halfway. That's the way I see it. It's not really that cool. It's not that cool. I. I wish I said a small boat. That's what I wish.

[Ben Falcone]

I'm just like a schooner.

[Sarah Baker]

It's like a small sailboat on my forearm. Oh, well, what would you get if you had it?

[Melissa McCarthy]

Well, that's. That's the thing. What. What can you honestly say you would get that you want to have and look at for the rest. Rest of your life? And literally, that makes me itch to think about.

[Ben Falcone]

Me, too. And because our daughter, again, sort of offered it up. And my dad, who's 81 and kind of a adventurous sort.

[Melissa McCarthy]

I love your dad. Speaking of poets.

[Ben Falcone]

Oh, yeah. He's. He writes a poem every day. But he says to me, and he's. He's so, like, you know, devil may care. The opposite of me. I, like, see a lot of him that I would like to do more of in my own life, but I. He says, oh, you know, as you get older, your body starts sagging.

[Melissa McCarthy]

It's true.

[Steve Mallory]

And I was like, true.

[Ben Falcone]

Oh, great advice. I mean, interesting thing right out of your mouth. It's almost like he looked at part of me that feels saggy, but. Yeah, but I was like, oh, maybe so. I don't know.

[Melissa McCarthy]

I mean, what would you get?

[Ben Falcone]

Well, it would have to be something that, you know, Melissa Mooch and I agree on. And then I'm almost like, well, should we wait for Georgie? So she. If she wanted to be in on.

[Melissa McCarthy]

It, she could do it like a symbol or like a. Some. A family, something about your name or.

[Steve Mallory]

Like a. I don't know. I had. For a role, I had hand tattoos all, like, little, tiny, fine hand tattoos all over my hands, and I love them.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Yeah, those are cool.

[Steve Mallory]

And I really. I really miss them, but it's such a hassle to cover them, like, for.

[Ben Falcone]

In our profession.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Well, you didn't have to. You wouldn't have to do it on your hand.

[Steve Mallory]

I know, but I like them on my hands.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Sarah Baker]

I think the right answer here is the Van Halen logo for your entire family. Everyone gets the Van Halen with that.

[Ben Falcone]

V and the A. I have a cautionary tale about a tattoo, which is an acquaintance of mine in college. He got a Pearl Jam tattoo. And I don't know if you know the Pearl Jam thing, but it's like a little stick man. And he got it on his sort of his. The side of his arm, and he gets it and he goes, oh, I think I don't like this. So he goes to a tattoo parlor, and he has them make it bigger, and he makes, like, a big. A bigger.

[Steve Mallory]

Bigger Sick man or new thing.

[Ben Falcone]

A new thing. A new, like, abstract thing that's now probably the size of a large apple.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Ben Falcone]

Oh, I don't like this.

[Melissa McCarthy]

What?

[Ben Falcone]

Gets another one.

[Steve Mallory]

And now.

[Ben Falcone]

And he does it, like, two or three times. And his whole arm is just this weird abstract thing. He hates the tattoo. He hates them all. He's hating them all.

[Steve Mallory]

You know how easy it would be to get a little stickman taken off now?

[Melissa McCarthy]

Oh, yeah, I know. Now they can do it so well and.

[Ben Falcone]

But they couldn't then. Yeah, but he did it. He got them all off under much pain and suffering. So I was always like, I don't know if I want a tattoo. Yeah.

[Sarah Baker]

This sounds like making, like, a spaghetti sauce. It's like, ooh, too salty. I'll add some sugar. Too sweet. More salt. Until it's just this milkshake.

[Ben Falcone]

Let me put some frozen yogurt in this thing. It's gonna work.

[Steve Mallory]

I kept thinking about one in high school, which at the time, like, nobody. Like, that was. We were in high school. Like, nobody was getting tattoos. It was not a thing. Or if it was like, you know, it was like motorcycle gangs and sailors.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Right?

[Steve Mallory]

And I was like, I'm. Because I was very punk and just wanted to be problematic. And I kept thinking, and I was always drawn.

[Melissa McCarthy]

We would have been good friends in high school.

[Steve Mallory]

It would have been wonderful.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Smoking so many times, so many clothes.

[Steve Mallory]

Oh, my God. And not really liking them, but being like, I love them, even though I do.

[Sarah Baker]

I like smelling like a baked hand.

[Steve Mallory]

But I kept. I kept saying that, like, I was going to get one, and we would go downtown Chicago, and I was like, I would draw all week and figure out what I was going to do. But then by the time we were downtown again, I was like, oh, my God. I wanted to get, like, nitzer up on my throat.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Steve Mallory]

And then knits rub is not a good band. No offense. And. But I would have had that on my neck. And then I was like, okay, I'll really think it out, and I will, like, draw for two more weeks and come up with something else. And every time it was just long enough that by the time I went to get it, I was like, oh, yeah. And I never got. I think, thank God. Can you imagine? Right? I just had a huge.

[Melissa McCarthy]

And I had, like, the misfits skull guy.

[Ben Falcone]

Oh, my God.

[Sarah Baker]

Yeah.

[Steve Mallory]

That Was one of. At one point, I was like, I'm gonna get the misfits guide.

[Sarah Baker]

I had a relative say, if you want to get a tattoo, come up with the best design. Print it up. Like, really look at it. Hang it on your fridge instead of calendar, come back 365 days later. It's like. Like, still love it. Go ahead. Yeah, but you look at it every day for a year.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Sarah Baker]

It's like, okay, now you love it.

[Melissa McCarthy]

I knew a fellow young woman years and years ago who got. That's the other thing. They're always too big or the bigger your idea. Then they're like, well, you can't do, like, that much detail in the teeny. It has to be bigger. So she got. And she wanted, like, a piece frog. So now she. I mean, I just picture her now.

[Steve Mallory]

Frog.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Yeah. So it was like. She was like, oh, like. Like the Grateful Dead. So it's like a. Like this big a frog.

[Ben Falcone]

She's making a gesture about the size of a dinner plate.

[Melissa McCarthy]

It's like a large grapefruit. Yeah, it's. And like. Like a frog with, like, some kind of hippie clothes on, like giving a peace sign. I mean, it's not the worst thing.

[Sarah Baker]

You can wear on her body.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Where is, like, in her lower. In her underwear.

[Ben Falcone]

So she's made her vagina ball. So. But she made her vagina. Vagina area, not her vagina.

[Steve Mallory]

I think, like, hip bone is where she's pointing.

[Ben Falcone]

Okay.

[Steve Mallory]

That's not where her vagina is.

[Sarah Baker]

You're confusing them.

[Melissa McCarthy]

It's hard. It's been hard.

[Steve Mallory]

Corrected.

[Melissa McCarthy]

One of them. One of them's over there.

[Ben Falcone]

Well, everybody's got a few vaginas, listeners.

[Sarah Baker]

Ben is nodding like, finally, I'm getting answers.

[Ben Falcone]

I'm getting. You'd think I could figure this out online, but I haven't been able to. Last question. Because, dear listeners, you barely have any more time that you have to spend just sticking it out, listening to this. Okay. Your character Gerd in Hildy the Bar Back in the Lake of Fire, which is coming back for a season two. Thank goodness. Your character Gerd. And it's a big hit. Apparently people really like it.

[Melissa McCarthy]

I love it.

[Ben Falcone]

Well, apparently. So anyway, your character says best friend a lot.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Yes.

[Ben Falcone]

That's sort of her thing. She says best friend, whatever. And. And Gerd lives in a world of magic. If there were one wish that you could grant to your real best friend, what would it be?

[Melissa McCarthy]

So beautiful.

[Ben Falcone]

It's a great question, Steve. Could I have some kind of vagina.

[Sarah Baker]

Was that the wrong nose?

[Ben Falcone]

That wasn't what I wanted. That's fine.

[Melissa McCarthy]

I do feel like I just confirmed that you are not my best friend because I want bad things for you. What? I mean, I think right now in today's world, we don't need to get any deeper than that. I think I. I would wish. It doesn't have to be a physical thing.

[Ben Falcone]

No. Yeah.

[Melissa McCarthy]

I think just contentment and. And peace and inner peace so that you're kind of unflappable with anything the world throws at you.

[Ben Falcone]

That's a great one.

[Steve Mallory]

And what if right now, after you said that lovely thing, we just hear your car getting jack? It just hauls ass and it's still it again. And I would be like, oh, and.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Feeny hear somebody, like, break down. Like, it's the same guys.

[Ben Falcone]

Oh, I got it. I got vintage plume again.

[Sarah Baker]

Ben, I want to know what yours is. What would your magic, magic wish be?

[Ben Falcone]

Sarah pretty much stole mine. I. I really. I think a. A joyous piece. I think I would wish. What would you wish for? Like money or something? You jerk.

[Sarah Baker]

12 apple fritters. It's always 12 apple fritters. I just love to give one of my. Not 11, because they're gonna give you a baker's dozen and I get one.

[Ben Falcone]

That's the way it is. What would you do?

[Steve Mallory]

Well, there's one really shallow one, was like, I wish I had a time machine to go back in time and buy property.

[Ben Falcone]

Now, hold on. No, no, this is. By the way, I love it. Your wishes for you. That version.

[Steve Mallory]

No, no, because then you could be like, oh, you'd go into something. Like, you'd go back 50 years when something's terrible and be like, I'm gonna wait. And then that thing. Brooklyn's gonna be amazing. And then you can, like, provide housing. Like. Yeah, I always think you could do stuff, like, amazing stuff with it instead of being so competitive. But my real thing, I would say if, like, if it's a superpower or something that you could give to somebody and all the world solved and you're not trying to, like, feed people and all the wonderful things you want to do. I would want, like a 15 minute window every day that you could have anybody you wanted at any age. So you're like, today I'm having 15 minutes with my grandmother at 18.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Oh.

[Steve Mallory]

Or my mom at six months, or my dad at 40 again. Or. And like just 15 minutes a day because you want the real one back. But I. I've always kind of obsessed about that. Concept to like, CP people at different points.

[Ben Falcone]

So you would give that to your best friend.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Think about that too. Like, or like when people have passed, like grandmas or something, you think? I always think about the time you spent with your grandma, especially a grandma, because you were a kid and you're like, playing in the lake or doing something. I'm like, oh, I wish you could get all that time later. And like, I know. You know what I mean? Like, all the time that you're like, like, go inside. Go talk to your grandma. You know?

[Steve Mallory]

I know.

[Sarah Baker]

I would like to take back my apple fritter one real quick.

[Steve Mallory]

Well, my first one was I want to buy property.

[Sarah Baker]

That's the same.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Okay, we're fine. We're fine.

[Ben Falcone]

Well, this has been an amazing episode, if I may.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Thank you so much for having me.

[Ben Falcone]

It was so much fun having you.

[Melissa McCarthy]

Here on this podcast and the other podcast.

[Ben Falcone]

Well, so on three, we'll all say, thank you very much. Sarah Baker. Sarah Baker. Understand the cupcake.

[Steve Mallory]

The cupcake.

[Melissa McCarthy]

The audience loved it.

[Ben Falcone]

This is going great.

[G]

Want more from your favorite Lemonada Media podcast? While supporting the shows that help make life suck less, subscribe to Lemonada Premium today. As a subscriber, you'll unlock exclusive bonus content like never before heard interviews, behind the scenes moments, bonus episodes, and so much more. It's easy to sign up no matter what podcast app you use on Apple. You can just click the Lemonada logo in the Apple podcast app and hit subscribe. For all other podcast apps, head to Lemonada SupportingCast FM to subscribe. That's Lemonada SupportingCast FM. Hi, I'm June Diane Rayfiel. And I'm Jessica St. Clair. And each week we are sitting down to talk all about life's twists, turns and absurdities on the Deep Dive. From exploring the depths of TikTok, which is our only news source, to navigating the complexities of grief and loss, we are just two best friends behind a mic processing life together. This podcast is all about finding the silver linings in the madness. So get ready for unfiltered conversations about motherhood, careers, pop culture, and everything in between. Here at the Deep Dive, we're all about community. We believe in the power of sharing experiences and the strength that comes from supporting one another. And we would love to have you with us. So be sure to join us every every Wednesday on the Deep Dive from Lemonada Media, wherever you get your podcasts.