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Reshma Sajani
Hi, I'm Reshma Sajani, founder of Girls who Code. Look, I'd consider myself a pretty successful adult woman. I've written books, founded two successful nonprofits, and I'm raising two incredible kids. But here's the thing. I still wake up wondering, is this it? And if the best years are yet to come, when's that going to start? Join me on My so Called Midlife, my new podcast with Lemonada Media, where we're building a playbook for navigating midlife one episode at a time. Each week, I'll chat with extraordinary guests who've transformed their midlife crisis into opportunities for growth and newfound purpose. At some point, we all ask ourselves, is there more to life? I'm here to discover how to thrive in my second act right alongside you. My so Called Midlife is out now. Wherever you get your podcasts, I'm Lupita Nyong'o. My new podcast, Mind you'd Own, is a storytelling show that navigates what it means to belong all from the African perspective. We're going beyond the headlines to dive into nuanced, intimate stories from Africans around the world. I'm so excited to bring this show to you. Listen to Mind you'd Own on Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Lemonade. This is Glenn Close. The Golgoroth alliance is proud to present Hildy the Barback and the Lake of Fire. This presentation is brought to you by Theatre of the Mind. Theatre. Theatre. Theatre of the mind. Chapter 1. The Beginning Many ages ago, there was a verdant green land named Golgorath. It was a land full of magic, legend and high adventure from time immemorial. The tales of Golgorath featured heroes who were. How do I say this? They were all dudes. But in the year 361, in the waning years of the Uluru, a new hero found her voice. She was unparalleled in her sense of integrity and justice. She was also a barback. Her name was Hildy. My name is Hildy. I am a bar back at a medieval pub with peasants galore and piss on the floor. But I long for something more. We are in peril from the evil one whose soul desires to turn my shire into a lake of fire. The men folks say they'll protect me that they would fuck up a cup of coffee. It's got to be me. I must set us all free. It's my destiny. My name is Hildy. And unfortunately there's a Lady on fire. My name is Hildy the Firework. We begin our tale in the quiet village of Merevale at the Shady Cockerel, a quaint pub that has been in Hildy's family for generations. Our hero, Hildy Hillsbury, is visited by her friends Gerd, Perta and Mirabelle. But Hildy is currently unable to enjoy their company as she's busy trying to settle an argument between two dim witted patrons of the publisher. I says that the sky is light blue. I says the sky is sky blue. It's sky blue. Gents, please unclench your moist meat paws. You know good and well there's no fighting in the pub. Also, you can't say the word of what the color is when you say what it's describing. It's like saying the frog is frog green. This is Perta, a merchant, cunning and wise. Frogs are not green. They're olive. No, they're teal. Mirabelle, can't you put a spell of forgetfulness on them or something? Sorry, mate. That's a super hard spell to execute. I've been working on it, but every time I try, something really ominous happens. This is Mirabel, an eccentric alchemist and sorceress in training. Uh, should I decimate these bags of fecal poop ink with my warhammer? Hildy, my very best friend, this is Gerd, a half giant, powerful and loyal friend to Hildy. No, Gerd, no, you should not. Thank you, but I will handle this. Hey, half giant, I'm arguing with my friend here. You women folk had best be quiet. Enter here. Oh, Judging by your breath, gentlemen, which I don't actually mean, I still am quite confident that you do evacuate your bowels through your mouth. How dare you. Winch. Oh, there we go. Winch. That's the magic word. Anyone who says it gets a pie of meat. No foot massage. No ponies. Not today. But you do get a dick punch. You get another dick punch. Do get a dick punch too. Guess what? Cause I've got a special running today where you get a third dick punch. Oh, Gerd, would you mind taking out the trash? Yeah, I'll take them out like yesterday's bags of trash. Hearing the commotion, Hildy's brother Finnick rushes in from the back office. Finnick is slow and lazy and yet was given ownership of the bar upon their parents death instead of Hildy, because, you know, patriarchy. So Hildy actually runs the bar while Finnick does whatever the hell it is that he does. Gerd. Gerd. Unhand those fine men. They're paying customers. They've been banished, Fennec. They haven't paid their bill in months, and they're fighting about colors again. I've given them each a multitude of warnings. So no or yes. I say they're not banished, and I'm the owner of the shady cockerel. Yeah, okay. Indeed you are technically the owner of the bar, Fennec, because women cannot own taverns in this insane bullshit age. Quite right. Yeah, that's what I just said. And if you say it again, you will no longer possess the penis that is currently ruining your undershorts. What? If you test me, brother, I will burn you until you're dead, and then I'm gonna bury you alive. Yeah, that doesn't make any sense. I think it does. Because first I'm gonna kill you by burning you. Then I'm gonna bring you back to life just so I can chop you up again. A little bitty mulch. Throw you the animals, have the animals eat you. Then I'm gonna have the animals shit you back out. And then I'm gonna put a nice little rope around that area. And that's gonna be the shady cockerel's new restroom. Just don't let Yannick the drunkard. Only Yannick. Only Yannick. It's gonna be his personal place to do what he does. And you know what he can do to a chamber pot. Takes the finish off. Well, after a consult with my sister. And as the proprietor of this establishment, they are banished. Gerd. Throw them out. You got it, pheasant. You know my name is Fen. Ha. Okay, that's done. I'm gonna go to my office now and. Nope, don't do the thing you do. Hey, everybody. Drinks are on me. Never a good idea. I explain it to you, then you get it and you forget, you do it again. I want people to like me. I mean, maybe you should think about trying to work on your personality then. I don't want to do that. What is a Gorlock doing in my tavern? A Gorlok is a small humanoid creature similar to a goblin, but with slightly better breath. Get behind me all as I raise my warhammer. No, no, no, no, no, wait. Lower your mighty warhammer, gird. Unless my eyes deceive me, I may know this Gorlok. And Lo Hildy did in fact know this Gorlok. And upon looking more closely, she can decipher that he is bleeding from many arrows. I am bleeding from many arrows. Mirabelle, is there a spell that can help him. No, Hildy, this poor creature is beyond my aid. Here, friend, have some potion for comfort. Yes, that tastes just terrible. Okay, so this one has got no healing qualities. It's just supposed to taste good. Well, it's awful. It's somehow bitter, yet cloyingly sweet. The finish is almost mind bogglingly terrifying. Thank you so much for that feedback. Mirabel, you gotta get a handle on your potions as I die. Sweet. Hildy, do you remember when we played together as children in the sands? Sand. Yes, the sand. Yes, yes. I was just recalling we playing as children. Yes, Sandy sand. You were my best friend. Oh, my only friend. Oh, Jesus. Sure, yeah, that's definitely. Remember that, friend. I have come to warn you. The more less are coming. Oh, Morliths. This is not good. Morliths, by the by, are ruined creatures of pure evil. They're taller than men, with claws like iron and cold black eyes. They've served the dark masters of Golgorath since before the beginning. I scout these lands and I saw them. The Mollus are at least a hundred strong. They seek the Dread Aegis. The Dread Aegis. Also known as the Armor of Doom. There are five separate pieces. The Helm of Magic, the Gauntlet of Might, the Boots of Destiny, the Sword of Power. And the Scabbard of Fate. After the elves, humans and good creatures of the ancient times banded together and defeated Gothlemore, the evil one. Ow. It still hurts so much. They hid each of the five separate pieces of the Dread Ages in five different places, strewn far and wide across Golgorath where they believed no one could find them. But now evil is rising. Someone. Someone wants to put the five pieces back together again and rule all the. I always thought that someday we'd be married. Oh, yes, yes, we both thought it so many times. I thought about that so many times. I did dream of that. I thought that too, a bunch of times. My dear friend, who I definitely, definitely remember from when we were children. Innocent, innocent, innocent. Playing on the sand with the sand. Before I die, let me hear you whisper my name. Ah, fuck. Do you not know his name? No. Do you? I know I don't know his name. Maybe a John or a. He could be a John. Could be a Luscious or Lucius. Okay, I thank you for the warning. Sleep the sleep of the gallant. Sweet, sweet Lucius. Thank you. Wait, who the fuck is Lucius? Oh, shit. Hildy, the Barbecue and the Lake of Fire is sponsored by BetterHelp. Being in a show like Hildy, the Barbecue is honestly, the greatest job in the world. I mean, what could be better than pretending to live in a faraway land where you just sword fight and drink ale all the time? I mean, I guess having a job where you actually drink ale all the time would be better. Or being a professional pie taster would be fun. Or puppy petter. Is that a job? But even when you love your job as much as I do, happiness isn't always guaranteed. And I found that often the best thing you can do to get your life back in the happiness zone is to find a good therapist. Therapy can help you work through your negative thoughts and let you regain your confidence and embrace who you really are. And finding a therapist that is right for you has never been easier. BetterHelp can connect you with qualified mental health professionals who are entirely online, and the whole experience is designed to be convenient and flexible and suited to your schedule. Visit betterhelp.com Hildy today and get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H-E-L-P.com Hildy we have two dogs in our house. We have a Betty and we have a Harper and they're both golden retrievers, but they are two very different creatures. Harper is quite handsome and he knows it. It's like living with the supermodel. He always seems to pose in the perfect light to show off his shiny coat and the wind is always gently blowing his hair so he looks majestic and regal. I don't know where the wind comes from half the time, but it just always seems to be there. Now Betty is also a very good looking dog, but she's not a show off like her brother. Betty kind of breezes into a room like she owns the place. She's maybe half the size of Harper, but she definitely calls the shots. It's like she's a member of some royal family and Harper is her gorgeous bodyguard. And while Harper is desperate for attention, Betty is pretty laid back. You know, if you want to pet her gray. If you don't want to pet her gray, she's cool. Either way, Betty and Harper definitely have our entire family wrapped around their little fingers or paws, whatever you'd say. So they have a pretty great but somehow their lives have even gotten better since they've been eating Maeve, raw food for dogs, spelled M A E V. Maeve is made with real human grade ingredients that you can name just by looking at them. Ingredients like chicken breast and kale and zucchini beans and even blueberries. I mean, frankly, I don't get blueberries as often as Betty and Harper do. Not that I'm jealous of my dogs, but, well, maybe I am. It's packed with real meat and fresh veggies and absolutely zero mysterious ingredients. Their coats are shinier and their breath is better. Way better. And I'm looking at you, Harper, because it has been kicking before this. But now that Betty and Harper have been on Maeve for a few months, it's like they're puppies again. They seem to have more energy, they're happier. They get really excited when the dog bowl hits the floor at mealtime. And getting Maeve is incredibly easy because it's delivered right to your door. No more last minute pet store run because one of us forgot to pick up a bag of kibble. I'm looking at you, Ben. Also, it's freezer to bowl, so it's always fresh and ready for Betty and Harper. And they are the two best dogs in the world, so they deserve the best dog food in the world. So make the switch to raw today. Right now, maeve is offering 20% off your first order at meetmaeve.com Hildy that's spelled M A E V. Go to meetmaeve.com HildY to receive 20% off your first order. That's Meet Maeve M E E T m a e v.com Hildy, I don't know about you, but a chic quality sweater that I can just throw on to do errands kind of makes me feel like I've got my life together. And I've taken Quince's $50, 100% Mongolian cashmere sweater out to lunch to pick up the kids on a couple of zooms. It's really become my go to kind of sweater. I know what you're thinking, Melissa. $50 for cashmere? Are you bananas? No, I'm not. Because Quince works directly with the best factories and skips the middleman. So you're getting premium quality without the premium price tag. And it's all 50 to 80% less than similar brands. They sent me and Ben some absolutely beautiful sweaters in moss green so we can match. I think he looks great. He tells me I look great. We make our kids tell us how great we look together because that's just good parenting. Get cozy in Quince's high quality wardrobe essentials. Go to quince.comhildy for free shipping on your order in. 365 day returns. That's Quince. Q U I N C E.comhildy to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.comhildy later that evening, in the center of town, the citizens of Merevale hold a meeting with the Council of the Seven Village Elders. Who are all dudes, and much to Hildy's chagrin, her idiot brother Finnick is the leader of the Council. Even though Morliths attack from time to time. As we all know, they have never attacked our village in numbers. Yet now 100 morliths are coming. For what reason, esteemed guests, we do not know. We do know they're seeking one of the pieces of the Dread Aegis. The Gorlok literally just told us that. In great specific detail. I didn't get all that. Gentlemen of the Council of the Elder 7, what say you? Wait, wait, wait, Listen. Why don't we just send Mirabel's raven out to see what they're actually up to? This way we can better plan our defenses. My Raven Wandreth is quite a fast flyer. And though she only speaks in song, she is very efficient. I speak only in song. The day is long. How can this be wrong? Honestly, that bird creeps everyone out. Mirabel. It really does. Also, also, her songs barely have any rhyme. Have you ever heard of a rhyme scheme, Raven? A, A, B B, B, A. What kind of rhyme would you like to do, gentlemen? Irregardless of my respected sister statement, I believe that we need to march forth and meet these Morl. Wait. The Gorlok said there are a hundred Morlas headed towards us. And your solution is to take seven men and ride straight at them? Oh, Hildy, Hildy, Hildy. My simple, sweet younger sister, who I love with all of my heart. You just don't get it. Sometimes as a man, you need to put on some armor, Mount your horse, you don't. And go into battle to kick some fucking ass. Men, please, please listen to me. Don't do this. We can make a better plan. At least you could take Gerd with you. She could defeat all seven of you in one battle. No. Hey. I am strong indeed, but not stupid enough to go fight a hundred more or less with these soon to be dead idiots. Panic half giant. Listen, I know we've had our differences. And I know that recently I may have threatened to kill you repeatedly. Well, you deserved it. But you're also my brother and I do love you. And if anyone's gonna kill you, it should be me. So I'm asking you, please don't go. I must. We will return in victory and Then free drinks at the shady cockerel for everyone forever. Men to battle. Finnick leads the charge of the seven brave fools as they gallop up the hillside. If only they had heeded Hildy's warning, perhaps Mirabelle's raven wandereth would have seen that the Morliths were not alone as they charged westward towards Mervale. No, they were led by a mighty Ur dragon, far from its home in Shah Ad. It is a size of 30 horses with mighty wings, razor talons and a breath of flame. The dragon sits on his rocky throne on the mountain top. In quiet repose, he gazes out into the night at his earthly realm, his eyes aglow. And you brave, bravely climb the rock face with your sword of iron and your armor gleaming to bravely face the beast. All the townsfolk look up from below and say, are you fucking stupid? Why would you ever fuck with a dragon? You can't wish having, moron. Have you never read a storybook? I'd like. It's a secret. First he's gonna bathe you in hot fire and then he's gonna swallow you whole and he's gonna shit you into a volcano. All of this could have been avoided. But you were the fool who thought he could fuck with a dragon. You are the fool who thought he could fuck with a dragon. Stupid. Stupid asshole. I have a lot of amazing women in my life. My mom, my sister, both my kids, half the cast of Hildy the Barbacker Women. And I think most of us would agree that being a woman is pretty fantastic. But getting older as a woman can be a little tricky. Of course, there's the aches and creaks that weren't there in our 20s. And it can take a second to get going in the morning. And then there's the things we don't talk about enough. Perimenopause and menopause. That's why I like having a company like Happy Mammoth sponsor our show. They are committed to helping women with the insomnia, the hot flashes, and all the other symptoms brought on by perimenopause and menopause. That's why I'm excited to try their best selling Hormone Harmony supplement, which is packed with adaptogens and herbs that support a mature woman's hormone balance. With more than 17,000 reviews singing its praises, Hormone Harmony is helping women everywhere get the support they need. For a limited time, you can get 15% off your entire first order@happymammoth.com. just use the code Hildy at checkout. Seriously why are all whiskey brands named after dudes? There's Jack, Jim, Johnny, Evan, Elmer, Elijah. Two different Georges. I think it's time we make some room at the bar for big nose Kate, don't you? Ben and I love whiskey as much as the next people, but there's only one that we loved enough to get matching neck tattoos, and that. That means love. Big nose Kate is an uncommonly delicious western whiskey whose namesake was a real outlaw on the old frontier. Fun fact. Kate is best known as Doc Holliday's crime and life partner. But she was so much more than that. Fighter, lover, successful gambler, enterpriser, Kate was a character that we should have known more about. And now we do. Her spirit lives on in this spirit, a uniquely original blend of rye and single malt that has a smooth, rich flavor that's as bold as Kate herself. Ready for your next adventure? Head over to bignosekatewhiskey.com. enter promo code Hildy and you get 20% off your first order. And don't forget to follow Kate on Instagram at bignose katewhiskey to stay in touch with her wild side. Big Nose Kate, Western whiskey. Deal me in. Big nose Kate. We love this whiskey so much. We're not just creepy fans, we're creepy investors. The dragon blows her mighty breath of flame, and the men from Merevale are instantly incinerated. Oh, no. Fennec. My brother. My older brother is dead. In the distance, we hear the sound of 100 Morlith soldiers as they crest the hillside. A sound that would chill anyone to the bone. Hey, everyone, get back to the shady cockerel. We'll bar the doors. Mirabelle, stop at your house and bring the forbidden potions. I'm not so sure about that, Hildy. My potion abilities are not yet mastered. That's exactly what I'm counting on. Bring the absolute worst potions you can find. We'll need everything you have if you want to stay alive. Okay, I get you, mate. Look, I'll be there in a jiffy. Into the cockerel. Put the kids and caregivers into the back room. No pushing or shoving, please. Can you please help me brace the door? Hildy, my very best friend. I see so many Morliths marching in such an evil manner. A large Morlith, the leader named Morlar the strong leads the charge. Leave none of them alive. We shall drink their deliciously yummy blood. Hildy, they're closed. Now what do we do for his best friend? First thing, we're gonna do is we're gonna pray to Balthazar with our left hand and then we're gonna kick a little ass with our right. Ooh, that's cool. Very best friend. That sounded really cool. Thank you. I felt good about it. I say let them come for us. They'll find that the women of this village have sharper teeth than the men. No offense to the men present, but we do need you to fight too. But you're, you know, you're not great usually. Look there, upon the bar. There are swords and shields for everyone. Not you. You know who I'm talking to. Nicholas, put it down. Aw. There were only 25 townspeople in the cockerel who were fit to draw weapons. Not enough. The Morliths enter the shady cockerel. Morlar the Strong is in the lead. He looks disgustedly at the town folk, led by Hildy and her friends. This will be easier than I thought. Just a bunch of women and a couple of really petite men. Give the word, Captain. I want to drink blood. You know what we're here for. Urgrall the Horned One seeks it. Give me what I seek and I shall kill you quickly. I can't say I love that deal more Liths. You may attack when ready. And drink the blood of numerous babies. Hildy looks at Morlar the Strong. She wonders what is he staring at? Behind the bar, Gerd is attacked and swarmed by Morlifts. Warhammer. Warhammer? Why do you say Warhammer while you kill them? Well, friend, my mom used to say it when she would kill enemies with her Warhammer families. Am I right? Gildy now wields a sword in both hands. She stabs and dodges the ever growing crowd of Morliths. Yet she notices that Morlar the Strong still isn't engaged in the fight. What's he doing? He's looking at that old scabbard we had hanging back there behind the bar forever. What's a scabbard again, best friend? The sheath with a sword. Herta, I need your speed. Don't let him grab it. Pta gracefully leaps towards the scabbard, grabbing seconds before Morlar the Strong can clutch it in his huge ugly hands. Healthy catch. Got him. You stole what is mine. Now you die. Not today, because I'm really, really fast. Perta jumps away seconds before Morlar's mighty mace can smash her head. Warhammer, Gird on your left. Gird looks to her left. And there are just two too many Morlas to fight at once. Oh no. Gerd. Thinking she has just been Given a death blow, sees that what she thought was a Morlith landing a strike to her mighty chest was really purdah underneath a Morlith. And she's just sunk a dagger into his unholy scrotum. Okay, you are now my second best friend. Hell yes. The one with the hammer is strong. My lord. Warhammer. Warhammer. Second Wave. As the rest of the Morlas heed the call for the second wave to enter the shady cockerel, they are met by a curious sight in the street outside the tavern. What is that? It's a woman. What's that on its face? It's a gas mask, mate. Mirabel steadies herself, then closes the door to the cockerel. Kill her. It's funny, really, because I was trying to create a natural facial cleanser. And what I created by accident is actually the deadliest potion known to womankind. And as much as I hate to kill so many of anything. Well, you're all unspeakably evil, so bye bye, mates. Mirabel smashes the crystals to the ground, releasing the dreadful poison into the air. Keep that door closed inside. This is seriously wicked stuff. And also, it's a really horrible exfoliator. Morlar the Strong, face me. Oh, I shall. I have the wonderful good fortune to end your life today. And Ur Gurl the Horned One shall reassemble the pieces of the Dread Aegis, and all Golgoroth shall bend to his will. Morlar. Our battle will live on in legend. The bards will sing of this clash. More hammers. Gerd strikes a mighty blow upon Morlar the Strong, smashing his head into a million pieces. Aw, Gerd. I was going to kill him. I had, like, a whole plan. Upon seeing their fierce leader killed, the rest of the Morlophs flee like rats. We've won. We won the battle. Um. Ow. Wait, what? What happened? Uh, Morlar stabbed me a little bit. Mirabel, get in here. I can't. The air outside is still poison. Luckily, you're inside with the door closed, so no poison can reach you as it dissipates into the Golgorathian atmosphere. Gerd, you're gonna be. You're gonna be okay. Per to grab the cloth off the bar. No, not that one. Plea. The clean one. Am I dying? Very best. Am I dying? Very best friend. Let me look. Let me look. Oh, thank the gods. No, but you're gonna have quite a scar. But you'll live. Especially if Mirabel can give you a potion that's worth a shit. I'm going to come inside. In 10, 9, 8. This doesn't seem like science. You're just randomly counting down from 10, saying it's safe. 3, 2, 1. And you skipped four numbers. Here I come. Mirabelle rushes into the tavern. Good. Oh, my sweet good. Just a second, mate. Let me give you some potion. I should tell you, Mirabel, that I've always loved you. My second or now third best friend. But I wish you were my first best girlfriend. Oh, well, that's lovely. Okay, confession time. I've always hoped that you'd fancied me, but you're not going to die. Okay. Here, drink this. Wait, wait, wait a minute. Wait. Are you sure that that's the right potion? Of course I am. Oh, wait. Oh, actually, no, no, don't drink that. Do not drink that. Damn it. Mirabelle always double check. We've been through this. Please. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, you're right. I know. I'm so glad that you said something, Hildy. She would have been a goner for sure if she drunk that. And then I'd be out of a new girlfriend. This one is the right one. Gerd takes a sip of potion and it tastes slightly less horrific than Mirabel's usual potions. You are so brave. Let me kiss your cheek. Mirabel does kiss Gerd's cheek. And whether it is because the potion actually has healing powers, or perhaps the kiss from a new girlfriend, color flushes back to her mighty cheeks. Wow. If I hadn't been so recently stabbed, I would call this day perfect. Thank goodness. It looks like you're gonna be okay. I have to be honest, I don't think I could handle any more surprises today. With that, footsteps approached them. Hi, Hildy. What did I miss? Fennec. You're alive. It's got to be me. I must set us all free. It's my destiny. My name is Hildy. And I'm fortunate. My name is Hildy the Far Back. Why, hello there. This is your pal, Sarah Silverman. You know, the standup comic that's not afraid of a diarrhea joke. Oh, my God, I'm so brave. I hope you're enjoying this podcast that you're listening to. I am just dropping in here to let you know about another podcast I think you'd like, and it's called the Sara Silverman Podcast. Each week, listeners from all over the world call in and they ask me for advice, or they talk about something going on in their life. Anything. Their silliest, grossest, deepest, darkest situations. And then I respond whether I'm qualified to or not. Go ahead. Search for the Sarah Silverman Podcast wherever you get your podcasts. Bye. Hey friends, It's Meghan Trainor and her big bro, Ryan Trainor and her husband Daryl Sabara. Each week on our podcast Working on It, we share behind the scenes stories and bring you into our hilarious and heartfelt conversations. And sometimes with amazing guests, we tackle everything from navigating Hollywood to mental health to Megan becoming a mother, Daryl becoming a father, and so much more. We'll get into the nitty gritty of our lives and leave no detail behind. Prepare to laugh, cry, and hopefully learn something new. Listen to new episodes out every Wednesday wherever you get your podcasts.