Reshma Sajani (0:01)

Hi, I'm Reshma Sajani, founder of Girls who Code. Look, I'd consider myself a pretty successful adult woman. I've written books, founded two successful nonprofits, and I'm raising two incredible kids. But here's the thing. I still wake up wondering, is this it? And if the best years are yet to come, when's that going to start? Join me on My so Called Midlife, my new podcast with Lemonada Media, where we're building a playbook for navigating midlife one episode at a time. Each week, I'll chat with extraordinary guests who've transformed their midlife crisis into opportunities for growth and newfound purpose. At some point, we all ask ourselves, is there more to life? I'm here to discover how to thrive in my second act, right alongside you. My so Called Midlife is out now, wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, everyone, it's David Duchovny. Do you ever feel like a failure? Trust me, I get it. Hell, I've spent my whole life almost feeling like a failure. It's appropriate, though, because on Fail Better, my new podcast with Lemonada Media, exploring the world of failure, how it holds us back, propels us forward, and ultimately shapes our lives is the whole point. Each week, I'll chat with artists, athletes, actors, and experts about how our perceived failures have actually been our biggest catalysts for growth, revelation, and even healing. Through these conversations, I hope we can learn how to embrace the opportunity of failure and fail Better together. Fail Better is out on May 7th. Wherever you get your podcasts. Lemonade. This is Glenn Close with a botched cash grab. The Golgoroth alliance is proud to present Hildi the Barback and the Lake of Fire. This presentation is brought to you by Theater the Mind. You know what? I will go slower if you pay me more. Theater, theater, theater. Over my Chapter four, the Beginning of the Middle. You should have already listened to episodes one through three, two of which were amazing and one of which was absolute drek. The wisest of you knows which one is which, but even episode two, which has thus far clearly been our pinnacle, will have its stupid ass blasted into cosmic dust by the wonderful episode that awaits you now. So, in order of greatness and utter magnitude, it would be episode four, then episode two and episodes one and three are interchangeable. However, if you listen in that order, you're not gonna know what the fuck is going on. So don't do it. My name is Hildy. I am a bar back at a medieval pub with peasants galore and piss on the floor Long for something more. We are in peril from the evil one who so desires to turn my shire into a lake of fire. The men folks say they'll protect me, but they would fuck up a cup of coffee. It's got to be me. I must set us all free. It's my destiny. My name. My name is Hilde. And unfortunately, my name is Hildy the Barbara. We take you now to Ulgraal's chambers. Dark and foreboding as ever, this is a place where even the most evil creatures fear to tread. His most loyal demonic servant, Drith, sits on a small throne, blood covering his evil face from a recent feeding as he waits for Urgrall, the horned one to return. Urgrall has promised Drith a most evil surprise. Sire. You've been gone for quite some time, almost, Evil One. I hope that the surprise you have for me is watching someone suffer in total emotional torment. Or perhaps a blood feast. But this is a wedding Wednesday. Usually blood feasts are on Thursday. What is it? I keep oiling that door and it keeps squeaking. Squeaking is squeaking? Onomatopoeia, you know? Cause the word squeak sounds like what it is. Is that anomalpia Squeaking one of those words? Sire, you're oddly quiet. If you could just let me do what I do now. Be an evil overlord and introduce you to someone very evil. I present to you Drael the Usurper. With that, Drael the Usurper walks into the room. He looks every bit as evil as Urgra, but is younger and much more handsome. He also doesn't have large horns coming out of either side of his head as Yrgral does. Adding to his handsomeness, Driel's dark eyes blaze with intelligence and chaos and frat guy energy. Who's ready to fuck some shit up, because I am. I am ready for war. Yeah? Are you ready to die, little man? Are you talking to me, usurper? I don't see any other tiny ghoulish fuckwads that I could easily impale on my halberd of infinite pain, do I? Bring it on, dick. Drael. What? This is Trith, my most trusted servant. If you would do him harm, it would harm me also. You mean if I were to hit him in the shoulder with my sword? It would hurt your shoulder? Or more of a spiritual thing? No, no, no. I do spiritually. It would hurt my feelings. Well, I would never want to do that to my uncle. What? Wait, he's your nephew? I never knew you had A nephew? Well, I was never around that much. See, when Urgraal murdered my mother and father. Oh, I've been there. My mother was murdered. I've killed a lot of people. I killed your mom. I killed his parents. No, I know. I'm not blaming you. Please, it feels like the blame game. Give me two seconds. You know, I'm not a person. Let me just process this, okay? You know, it. It comes in waves I just need to deal with. I feel almost bad about that now. I mean, it was my brother and his wife. I even set them up. It's not even a thing anymore. Uncle Urgraal. I have burned so many enemies since then. And through the haze and fog of their incessant screams, and through the constant rain of my victim's blood, I have found a sort of. Peace. Wow, that's really cool. Anyway, Drift. I went to numerous evil boarding schools, kept burning down structures, slaying scads of perceived enemies, making it with every damsel, then getting kicked out, and then burning whatever new place I wound up in. And finally, Urgral the Horned one had had enough. So much paperwork. So I sent him to live in the darkest, deepest cave of King's Hollow. That can't be so, sire. For in that cave dwells Gorwon the Gruesome. The most powerful queen of all ur dragons. That is true. My ghoulish, slightly disgusting new colleague, Uncle Urgrel, threw me into the cave with her when I was 15 years old, fully expecting for me to perish. Fully. But I fought that old evil mother dragon to a standstill. And reluctantly she began to train me and became like a mother to me. Except for all the sex. Whoa. Yep. That's so disgusting. On every level it is. But yeah, you know. Fifteen, right? So now I can ride dragons. Fire doesn't affect me in any way. I can defeat anyone, save perhaps ur girl fuckity. And also, since my mom's a dragon, I sleep on large piles of gold like a dragon. And we're done. A quick question for you, Drael. Look, I'm already bored by you. You're just so creepy and little. But go ahead. That can't be your real body, right? I mean, your body looks like an illustration of what a body is supposed to look like. I mean, Drith, it's just chiseled and I'm just. I can't stop staring at her. It's very uncomfortable. And I would just ask you to please be professional. I can't help it. Almost Malevolent One. I mean, you're the one who brought this gorgeous idiot in here. How dare you, bro? How dare you, bro. Be a specimen. I'm sorry. I call them like I see them. Just for fun. Take your pants down. Let me see. No, no, leave the pants up, Drael. No, I see the outline, by the way. Congrats. I mean, that needs a full sheath. I brought Drael Di usurper in here because you are going to lead my army, Drael. You will bring fiery death to all who oppose us. You shall be paid in the blood of your enemies, and you shall hasten the end of the world. And we will sit on golden thrones, laughing as a lake of fire coats all of Golgoroth. Yeah. Y. And now, to celebrate a blood feast. What? No, there's no blood feast today. Those are Thursday, remember? Right, of course. Well, come on, Drith. Don't look at me like that. No, no, no, you're right, Almighty One. I mean, if we had a blood feast every day, it would no longer be special. No, I can't see you this way. Why not? We're celebrating Blood feast. Yes, Blood feast. Gazing in your eyes comes as no surprise When I'm ripping off your thighs, blood beast. When you're almost dead, I twist off your head, now your body's squat and red, I feel the warmth of your love Cover me, I know you are my As I drain your spine, I hold your heart within my hands and I take a bite. Holy night, you're lying on the battlefield, Arrows pierce your rock hard chest, you, nipples are as hard as steel to watch you take your final breath, it's just what I've been missing and now my loins are hiss bloody key shake. I bite into you and I start to chew, your guts are like a rich fondue we're not going to stop, we won't need a mop cuz I won't waste a drop. Blood be oh, our love will flow tonight, Blood beast. This show is sponsored by Better Help. All right. This month, I'm all about showing a little gratitude, not just to the people in our lives who keep us sane. Shout out to my family, both on this show and in real life, but also to ourselves. It's easy to forget to cut ourselves some slack, right? We're all running around like crazy trying to keep it together. But taking care of our own mental health is one way to hit pause and say, hey, you're. You're doing all right. And that's where better help comes in. Therapy can be a way to slow down, breathe, and actually listen to what you need. I get it. Reaching out for help can feel like a big leap. But let me tell you, no one has their act together all the time. And having somebody in your corner who's not your mom or your partner or your best friend, they're all great. But sometimes a professional can really help you make sense of things. BetterHelp makes it super easy to get started. You fill out a quick questionnaire, get matched with a licensed therapist who's right for you, and you're on your way. Let the gratitude flow with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com Hildy today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H E L p.com Hildy I have to say, making a show like the Bar Back and the Lake of Fire is a lot of fun. I mean, I get to work with my husband, my friends, even my two girls, and we're all trying to make each other laugh, which is the best. I mean, that's not a bad day at the office, but it's also a lot of work. And at the end of the day when I want to unwind a little bit, I like another kind of fun mobile games. And in particular, lovetoplay.com lovetoplay.com is like having the biggest casino in the world strangely fit right into your phone. There's a huge selection of games and the best part, you don't have to play alone. You can jump in with other players or challenge your friends. Sometimes a little competition is the best way to relax. And every time you play, there are exclusive bonuses and rewards waiting for you. So tonight, while you're unwinding, take a look at www.lovetoplay.com. listeners of our show can get your first 50 spins for free using the promo code. Hildy, that's Love L O V E. The number two P-L-A-Y.com find excitement in every day with Love to play. Meanwhile, far across Golgorath, Hildy attempts to wake her party of heroes for their difficult journey ahead. Fennec. Fennec, wake up. What? What the hell? What's happening? Why was your mouth full of twigs? I think it's the work of the Dryad. Every morning my mouth is full of dirty twigs and my undergarments are full of itchy leaves and poisonous oak, which of course leaves my private parts chafed and sore. As per usual, you're the last one to arise. So after we all have a quick breakfast, we'll make our way onwards. The Centaurs left us food, maps and supplies, but there's no sign of them. My people are mercurial creatures, Perta. We centaurs follow the will of the stars, which we also use as an excuse to leave social gatherings. It's a pretty great perk. It's more than that, Otto. I have an ill feeling that I cannot explain regarding their absence. Fennec, Gird and I will head to the Land of the Giants to acquire the Boots of Destiny. Mirabel, Pyrrda and Otto will go to the Wizard's island to find the Helm of Magic. Uh, best friend? Yes, Gerd. Well, I feel like I just got a new wonderful girlfriend. And the world is also possibly gonna end very soon. And yet you're splitting us apart, Gerd. I'm sorry, but it can't be helped. Since you're half giant, I of course need you to help with giants. I'll keep you safe, my dear friend. And we have that guy in our party too. You know my name, Gerd. Oh, I meant it in very nice way for Nick, my non friend, who is mostly a bummer. I am a delight to be around. I can prove it. But I'm not going to. Now, if someone could cover my mouth while I scream in pain as I urinate in the forest, I'd appreciate it. Sure, no problem. Happy to. Fennec, Gertie, I'm going to miss you very much. I'll send Wandriff the Raven between us so that we can send each other messages. And that way, we'll never truly be apart. Now give me a good luck kiss, Gerd bird. I will kiss you now with my incredibly strong lips. It's just so itchy, Bernie and Itchy. You can do this, friend. Thank you. You are completely beefing the mood, non friend. By the gods, Fennec, can you stop making everything impossible? Can you just pee like a human? Okay, okay. Forgive us for traveling so quickly to and fro across Golgorath. But as the story picks up feverish intensity, we must follow suit. And this way, the Golgorath alliance is simply following our muse. And we humbly accept in advance all of the trophies and accolades that we are undoubtedly due to soon receive in honor of our prodigious talent and craft, especially for this episode. Honestly, we wish you'd forget episode three ever happened. Meanwhile, back at Urgoral's castle. I love maps, guys. I love. I love the look of the map. This is great. I can tell where everything is, but what I don't understand is why everything is not on fire. That's what I said. I am not going to go through all of this again. But it starts with bagels. We can't burn down Elias Bakery. Fuck bagels. Carbs are the truest form of evil, my ghoulish little buddy. You don't get a body like this through eating carbs, okay? I eat souls, motherfucker. They are carb free and it is working on you, young evil master of yummy awfulness. Are you rubbing my abdominal muscles with your weird talon thingies there, bro? If you like it, the answer is yes. And if you don't like it, what exactly don't you like about it? Because maybe I can fix it. Enough, Trith. Unclutter your mind. We are about to receive a mighty guest and she knows what you're thinking. Yes, yes, good. Kiss away, Trith. Drael, you know nothing of my plan yet, and I've told you nothing. For we are about to make a powerful ally. And she can see inside our minds if we allow her to do so. Understand, Drael and Rith. I have deceived her with the stars themselves. Sires, your visitor is here. It is Canessa, Queen of the centaurs. Hello. Most honored, dreadfully evil and dirty, yet powerful ones. I must ask a quick question. Is this how this room looks all of the time? Sorry, this is what it looks like Post blood feast. I haven't had a chance to clean up yet. Kanetta, Queen of the centaurs. I am Ural, the horned one. And here before you stands Drael, the usurper. And I guess, yes, I'm introducing myself. Hi, I'm Drith, the royal chamberlain, avid runner, and I sew my own clothes. All right, we done with the meeting yet? No offense, but this is so dull, and I would love to be at war right now. I'll come straight to the point then. I have consulted with the stars, and they have told me that there can be no victory against your combined powers. The cosmos has already written the story, and we are just reading it. Yes, it is true. I have seen the same markers in the sky. What's funny about that? Nothing I don't need. It's not for nothing at all. Oh, I get it. Do you get it? Yeah, I get it. I get it now. I got it. Yes, you get what, ghoulish one? Okay, my name is Drith, which I clearly just stated, and it's nothing. Well, the centaurs are prepared to fight alongside your forces of darkness. We are a mighty ally, as you know, and we can decisively swing the impending battle in your favor. All we ask is for you to spare our lands in the plains of Gar'ul when you acquire the Dread Aegis and set fire to the world. Uh, sure. Then the accord has been reached. But I must mention you took a long pause before you said sure. Oh, did I? I did not personally notice a long pause. There was one. Respectfully, giving the lady her space was how I read that. I cannot see inside any of your minds. You are powerful in ways of magic, but sometimes a pause like that would indicate that you are not telling the truth. Well, if I were lying, and I am indeed the lord of deceit, then the truth would be setting you free. Double negatives equal true positives. Now that does feel like you're telling the truth. Good. I'm glad it feels like that. So we have a deal? Uh, sure. Yeah. Yeah, I can do that now. See, it just happened again. What did? A long pause happened, which makes me feel like you're not telling the truth. Maybe there are very short pauses in Centaur land, but that was an entirely normal pause. I don't even know how to. A pause shorter. It's. I didn't even notice a pause. It would sound weird, right? Yeah. Yes. So be it. Please know that I am doing this not in support of your evil, but to save my people. I take no great joy in this alliance. I simply must do what I must do. Goodbye. I have to tell you fellows, when the battle is won, I'm absolutely going to burn the Plains of Gargool. Of. Of course you will. We shall drink the souls of the innocent. Let's have a blood feast to celebrate. Now, Drizz, come on, man. What? You haven't even cleaned up from the last blood feast. I know, I know. This is just from me to you, okay? You've gotta relax with the blood feast. You're right. It's becoming a problem. I am going to go have a longer talk with myself. Damn you, Drake. You are better than us. You are better than this. No, you know what? You're not. You're weak and you're frightened and you always need a treat. Keep going, Driz. I think it's helping. You're working through some stuff. Who are you? Drith. Think about it. Think about it. I'm sorry, Driel. This is. This is not who I am. Can we oil that door, please? What the fuck? Okay, I'm leaving. Okay, I'm leaving. Oh, wall this door. You know what? Oh, this door. I was in a place and you chastised. Me about the door. You didn't even think about my. You know what? I'm out of here. No, you know what? I failed. I failed you. I failed me. I failed my mom. I'm sorry. The squeak of this door, sometimes it makes me think of the sweet voice of my mother. She did have a very squeaky voice. It's one reason that I got rid of her. Murdered her. That seemed like what you'd want to say to me right at that moment. You know, now looking at, you know what? I'm out of here. I'm out of here. I have a lot of amazing women in my life. My mom, my sister, both my kids, half the cast of Hildy, the Barbacker women. And I think most of us would agree that being a woman is pretty fantastic. But getting older as a woman can be a little tricky. Of course, there's the aches and creaks that weren't there in our 20s. And it can take a second to get going in the morning. And then there's the things we don't talk about enough. Perimenopause and menopause. That's why I like having a company like Happy Mammoth sponsor our show. They are committed to helping women with the insomnia, the hot flashes, and all the other symptoms brought on by perimenopause and menopause. That's why I'm excited to try their best selling Hormone Harmony supplement, which is packed with adaptogens and herbs that support a mature woman's hormone balance. With more than 17,000 reviews singing its praises, Hormone Harmony is helping women everywhere get the support they need. For a limited time, you can get 15% off your entire first order@happymammoth.com just use the code Hildy at checkout. I don't know about you, but a chic quality sweater that I can just throw on to do errands kind of makes me feel like I've got my life together. And I've taken Quince's 50100 Mongolian cashmere sweater out to lunch to pick up the kids on a couple of zooms. It's really become my go to kind of sweater. I know what you're thinking, Melissa. $50 for cashmere? Are you bananas? No, I'm not. Because Quince works directly with the best factories and skips the middleman. So you're getting premium quality without the premium price tag. And it's all 50 to 80% less than similar brands. They sent me and Ben some absolutely beautiful sweaters in moss green so we can match. I think he looks great. He tells me I look great. We make our kids tell us how great we look together. Because that's just good parenting. Get cozy in Quince's high quality wardrobe essentials go to quince.comhildy for free shipping on your order in 365 day returns. That's Quince. Q u I n c e.comhildy to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.comhildy many long hard hours of marching later, Hildy, Finnick and Gerd approached the base of Mount Cormorant. This is truly giant country. My thighs are so itchy. I'm not sure I can go on. You can do it, Non friend. It is like someone dipped my privates in honey and showed the ants where to feed. Well, that's because that's exactly what the angry dryads did to you this morning. Fennec. We must climb. Almost there. Wait, wait. Does anyone else hear wings? Is it bats? Oh my God. Are we near death? Everyone jump off the mountain. Death is coming. Panic. The answer to almost dying is not to jump off the mountain. Those weeks you hear belong to a friend. Wandereth the raven. She's here. Hello, wandereth. Greetings. I say to you on this day as you make your way up this mountain of clay. How goes it with my girlfriend and the others? Bird friend? They are close to the Isle of Magus, yet they are still alive. Mirabelle has sent me with gifts. They number up to five. Except it's one. It is a beautiful gift that you held in your mighty talon. I'm too nervous to open it. Hildy, will you open the packaging for me? I shall, Gerd. First of all, just absolutely amazing form from Mirabel to find gift wrapping whilst on a deadly quest. So I commend her for that. This. This is a book. I'm too nervous to look upon it. What is written upon its beautiful pages, Best friend? Why, it's Mirabelle's handwriting. Oh, okay. It's incredibly erotic. Journaling, I guess you could call it. But very erotic. Oh, boy. Let me take a look at that. I'd love to check for the grammar issues, etc. No. Get away from the precious words she sent to me. Just a quick look at it. Warhammer. Gerd, no. You can't kill Fennec. As much as we'd all like to sometimes. Here's your gift back, Gerd. Okay, okay. Lo look at Wandreth. She has a strange look about her. As Though she is possessed. She is possessed, Gerd. By me. Mirabel. I can see through her eyes and speak through her. At least for a few moments, until I lose my strength. But don't worry, it doesn't hurt her at all. At least, I'm assuming it doesn't. I should really have looked that up first. Oh, I think. Losing power. Good luck to you all. Good. I love you. Did you hear that? She said she loves me. That is tremendous news indeed. Especially if we were expected to live much longer. Which we are not. But now you must go, my lovely Mirabel. Save your power and travel well. I am going to kiss Wander. Speak in the hopes that you can feel the power of my very ultra strong lips. That is incredibly not creepy. As Gerd creepily kisses Wandreth the raven right on the beak. We travel through the soul of Wandreth the raven and arrive many miles away at the edge of the Golgorathian sea. Here we find Mirabel, Purta and Otto. What happened? Can you hear what she's saying? I could, and it was all very lovely. She gave me a kiss. I don't think Wandreth loved it, but I did. That's weird, even for me. And I'm very into weird things. We don't have time for this. We have a quest to complete. If you'll remember, the helm of Magic that we need is on that island over there. Across the Golgorathian sea. It doesn't seem so far away. Perhaps we could swim for it. Or we could take one of these boats by this dock over here. Oh, absolutely. Thank you. Yeah, I don't know about that. Team. Look here. Next to the boat is a sign written in the wizard tongue. Can you read it? It says, humans swim. Humans die. Yes. We're definitely going to take the boat. Yeah, absolutely. I'm still trying to ascertain the meaning of that signage. Seems clear enough, doesn't it, mate? I mean, if you go into the water, you perish Could. There is so much mist by this island. A sign of strong magic. I never knew that magic was related to mist. Most wizards hate the way they look, so they prefer fog and low lighting. That's actually brilliant. Hark. We're almost there. What are all those shapes I see on the shoreline of the island? Otto, can you see better than I with your celestial eyes? It is bodies. Hundreds of dead bodies. Perhaps thousands. My eyes have adjusted. I see only four dead bodies. Oh. Oh, you are correct. Yeah, it's only four. I think I let my imagination get the Best of me there. Half of their bodies are laid upon the sand, yet their feet are still in the water. Huh? Humans swim. Humans die. I've got it. There's a magic in the water. Or a poisonous fish. Or poisonous magical fish. The boat is stopped 10ft from the shore. We've hit a sandbar. One of us has to get out and pull the boat ashore. Otto, you're our only hope. Perhaps you can splash down and pull the boat to the sand. Yeah, but I'm also half human. But Otto, you're a half tar. The horsey part, Otto. Oh, right. Let me start by putting in my right hoof. And I emphasize the word hoof. Wait, which one of my feet looks more horse like? I have to say the left, mate. Oh, you're right. Much more horse like. They both look the same. I'm gonna go with my. My left. You are very brave, my friend. Oh, chilly, but refreshing. You were right. I see fish. They look very poisonous. They're swimming around my left hoof. They don't know what to make of it. They must not eat horse. Okay, here goes the right hoof. Be careful, Otto. Uh oh. Oh, they're circling that right hoof. Hurry, pull us to to the shore. Oh, that was close. I'm glad you made it, friend. Your hooves do look different. Yeah, I should really get them looked at. Do you guys know a good hoovedometrist? Meanwhile, hundreds of leagues away, Hildy, Gerd and Finnick have finally arrived in the Land of the Giants. How am I so out of breath? I don't know, brother, because Gerd and I have carried you most of the way. Yeah, I think it's the altitude. 50 yards in front of our heroes looms a large castle created haphazardly from immense boulders. As they are watching, a massive door opens. What fresh hell can be lurking behind that door? Gerd, have your mighty warhammer at the ready. Warhammer? Who is that coming from behind that 50 foot high door? She seems kind of tiny, doesn't she? Too loud, Finnick. Too loud. As Hildy, Finnick and Gerd strain their eyes to see, a normal sized woman, perhaps shorter than Hildy, walks through the door and approaches them. Hey guys, what's up? Welcome to Land of the Giants. I am Jenna, this land's host and a giantess, of course. Oh, you. You're a giant? You seem to be no taller than me. Yeah, I'm only 84 years old. I'll reach my full height when I turn 450 years old or so. You get me, girl? Gert, you never told me that giants, you know, don't gain their full height until they become middle aged. That's because I don't like to think about my age, best friend. I'm a half giant, but I'm 240 years old. But you look good, girl. I cannot see any filler or anything on you if you're using it. I mean, I use it, but I'm. I'm totally cool and discreet when I do whatever it is I do. And it's just my little secret. I mean, I can't move my forehead at all. But that's just a small price to pay. You feel me? I actually don't. Yeah, I don't. Jenna, if I can say it, I don't feel you. Kind of respectfully don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Don't worry, girl, you'll get the hang of my dialect. It's. It's because I grew up on the north side of Cormoran. It's. It's more like beach culture, laid back kind of thing. And Gerd, I bet someday you will become enormous like me. If you're a half giant, I'd say you'll be what, 40 cubits? Or in your language, 60ft tall? I mean, I'll of course grow to what, 67 cubits tall, which you would call 100ft tall or so. How tall are you now? Around four cubits. What? Gerd, you're around. You're about 5, 11, right? Yes, but I'm taller and. Boo. Oh, I feel that, girl. What? What do you keep feeling? That's where I'm. I'm missing you. You are so adorable. Come on into our castle. You are actually the second visitor to our land in the last two days. A soldier arrived yesterday demanding that he meet with our warmaster. And I was like, what? Oh shit, girl. They beat us here, girl. Meanwhile, across Golgorah, Perta, Otto and Mirabel have successfully climbed out of the boat and are exploring the beautiful island of the wizards Almagus. I wonder where the wizards actually live. They might be difficult to find because much of this entire island could be an illusion, mate. Hopefully, the poisonous water was the only dangerous obstacle that we shall face before meeting the wizards. Who dare has entered the Isle of O Magus. Death. Death to them. No need to make such a fuss, sister. Our heroes look over to see an astounding sight. Few who have seen this sight have lived to tell the tale. For before them stands the ancient oracle of two, a Large humanoid being with two heads, which look to be those of children. And maybe it has four legs and four arms or two of each. Whatever you're picturing in your head is correct. Who are you? Death. Our uncle. I'm sorry, we don't understand. That's because she was just screaming. She doesn't have the patience to speak words. She does manage to mix in the word death, as she finds it packs a wallop. Death. Death. We are the Oracle of Two, the oldest and most powerful being in all of Golgoroth. Are we not wonderful? Honestly, you are amazing. Thank you. Agreed, Sister. I'm sorry. She was insulting you, and I just agreed with her. Travelers, as the youngest head of the Oracle of Two, I am tasked with speaking the harshest truth. I have never loved hearing the harshest truths, but hear them you must. Unless you answer our riddle, we shall hurl you all into the chasm of infinite suffering. You know you have to give it to them. That is an amazing name for a chasm. I don't hear a lot of chasm names, but that one's incredible. Argyle. Chasm. It's got to be me. I must set us all free. It's my destiny. My name is Hildy, and I'm fortunate in a lady of fire. My name is Hilda Barbecue. Why, hello there. This is your pal Sarah Silverman. You know, the standup comic that's not afraid of a diarrhea joke. Oh, my God, I'm so brave. I hope you're enjoying this podcast that you're listening to. I am just dropping in here to let you know about another podcast I think you'd like, and it's called the Sarah Silverman Podcast. Each week, listeners from all over the world call in, and they ask me for advice or they talk about something going on in their life. Anything. They're silly, grossest, deepest, darkest situations. And then I respond, whether I'm qualified to or not. Go ahead, search for the Sarah Silverman Podcast, wherever you get your podcasts. Bye. People love to pretend that there are simple formulas for living your best life. Now eat this and you won't get sick. Manifest it and everything will work out. But there are some things you can choose and some things you can't. And it's okay that life isn't always getting better. I'm Kate Bowler, and on Everything Happens, I speak with kind, smart, funny people about life as it really is. Beautiful, terrible, and everything in between. Let's be human together. Everything Happens is available wherever you get your podcasts.