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Sean
This is an iHeart podcast.
Richie
Guaranteed Human.
Hayes
Amazon Health AI presents Painful Thoughts.
Danielle Fishel
Why did I search the Internet for
Sean
answers to my cold sore problem?
Hayes
Now I'm stuck down a rabbit hole
Sean
filled with images of alarmingly graphic sores in various stages of ooze.
Richie
I can clear my search history, but
Sean
I can never unsee that.
Hayes
Don't go down the rabbit hole. Amazon Health AI gets you the right care fast. Healthcare just got less painful.
Danielle Fishel
This is Danielle Fishel from POD meets World. Back to school. Shopping used to be so simple. And then my kids developed opinions. Apparently not just any shoe will do. Luckily, Famous Footwear makes that part easy because they carry all the brands they actually want, like Nike, Adidas, New Balance, Jordan and more. Everyone gets the shoes they want. I get great prices. And we can cross one more thing off the back to school list. That's a parenting win in my book. Right now, it's Bogo. Buy one pair, get one half off at Famous Footwear. Shop in store to get $10 to spend this fall. Some exclusions apply. Plus join famous rewards to get their best benefits, including free shipping.
Sean
Clickly click. You're looking well. As are you.
Richie
What?
Sean
Okay. Of course, but I told you.
Hayes
Thanks.
Sean
I, I, I told you what it would be. And thankfully, I think we've done this enough times that we're ready for it. Don't take it personal. Don't take it personal.
Danielle Fishel
It's fine.
Sean
It's not, it's, it's not personal with her. And what we've learned is it's always business, that the collaboration here. And I think we found there is something special when we put these ingredients together. There is a delicious stew to be made. But we had come to it with a misunderstanding that part of these creative partnerships, right. Is that there's a friendly, emotional element. And that's just not always the case with everyone. And just eyes open knowing that when Hayes and I work together, it's like we actually, like, love each other. Like, we are in love and we love each other. And so there's a joy in that, that it's like, is it a business? Yeah, I guess we get a little bit of dough for making the show, like, I guess that's, you know, part of it. That's not really why we do it. And then sometimes you encounter people cliquely, for instance, where that doesn't have to be a piece of it, that there's this warmth or joy in the process of making something. Right.
Richie
Yeah, I mean, I, I think that.
Hayes
No, you go now. No, go, go.
Richie
No, I mean I think that we creatively, we mesh like that is like you can't. The work that we have done together isn't.
Sean
I almost wish that wasn't the case. But it's undeniable.
Richie
It's undeniable. And I think that when we do try to add the personal element, that's when things go south.
Hayes
Well, this is part of. This is part of. I don't want to say the problem. And I, I'm a solutions guy. I always want to be coming with like of course. Here's how we, you know, I don't. We don't need to talk about the problem.
Sean
If I'm living in the problem, I'm not talking about the solution. All I want to do is in a practical way.
Richie
Yeah.
Sean
Figure out how to get where we need to go from here.
Hayes
I will tolerate anything, anything for the work, for the product. On the other side. Once that is in front of people, everything else is gone. Right. It doesn't need to be doing a show with someone I am in love
Sean
with to that happens to be the scenario that we're in.
Hayes
Doesn't have to be that to also have output and input every single week. Doesn't need to be.
Sean
That doesn't have to be.
Hayes
I do want to point out that while I agree with you, we have mesh creatively. The ideas are fucking the most like premium, like choice cuts, like Kobe beef, like the most beautiful marble round. And that makes it that much more frustrating that I do just want to point out. We have not made a movie. Not a single thing has come out of this partnership.
Sean
Not a frame has been shot to date. Which makes what we've created no less impressive.
Richie
Yeah.
Sean
But it is difficult, yes, to
Hayes
share,
Sean
you know, some of the Kobe beef that has been generated when. And I'm gonna say you when you have failed to produce anything or do anything.
Hayes
Even turn the camera on.
Sean
Even turn the camera on.
Richie
I feel like the last time we were together we did talk about not using you language. And I want to point out that I feel you language has been used and that immediately puts me on the defensive. I'm not going to say who did it. I'm just talking about my own feelings here.
Hayes
Okay. But that's coming from. Okay. I honestly don't even know how to say this without doing the thing I
Sean
was supposed to do. I know, I know, I know. And I ran into it a little effort as well.
Hayes
Not using that language is coming from the person who needs to be talked about in a critical way to do that.
Sean
One of us in this room has not delivered on the promise of you
Richie
feel the collaboration in the room has not delivered.
Hayes
So that's why telling him what he feels is allowed.
Richie
I'm just helping him. I'm just helping him because it just
Hayes
seems like he doesn't want to figure out what's allowed. Apparently making a movie is not allowed.
Sean
Yes. That we know can't happen unless someone in the room. And it's not me, it's not Hayes, and it sure as fuck ain't. Richie does something with a camera to show everyone the genius ideas that we've
Hayes
been coming up with.
Sean
And we've had so much good stuff, the characters that we've created.
Richie
Yeah.
Hayes
I do want to point out that as time passes, as it tends to do, beef doesn't. You can age it, you can dry age it.
Sean
This is getting wet aged.
Hayes
It has to be in exactly the right conditions. And this beef is very wet.
Sean
It's starting to get wet aged.
Richie
Yeah.
Hayes
And the concept of, for example, a lot of the original premise of Love and Santa was kind of built around this idea of a swimply, which was a pool sharing app that was very, very popular when we first started doing
Sean
this, the time that we introduced it, 2022, that app was extremely relevant to the cultural conversation that was happening. Because of the unexpected delays in the physical production of the film, the country has moved on a little bit from swimpli. And I'm wondering actually if that element needs to be updated or removed. And we cannot remove it without replacing it with something.
Richie
Yes. And I do have something.
Sean
I agree with that. Okay.
Richie
When the other people at this table called me and asked me to come in, I had been waiting for this call. Cause again, the Kobe beef that I understand is getting wet, it's not soaked, but is getting there. So I did sort of line something up. A new sponsor who I think is going to help us bring Love and Santa to the screen. And it is shrimply. So it is sort of like a shrimp sharing site where you like, you go to places and you can get.
Sean
Site meaning website.
Richie
Well, app.
Danielle Fishel
App.
Richie
I'm sorry. Okay, sorry. It's an app and it's.
Hayes
Does it have a terrestrial landing page as well?
Richie
It's in beta right now. Like it will by the time. Like we need. They're sort of like we are sort of launching the film with Bet them.
Sean
But I think you want to drive people to the app at this point. I mean, even the. Even the landing page should just be.
Hayes
You don't want it to Be so easy to use that nobody is using the app.
Richie
Exactly. Exactly.
Hayes
Any of, like, location tracking and stuff. You can't have that with.
Sean
Yeah, you just can't farm the data in the same way without getting people to actually directly subscribe.
Hayes
Okay, Shrimply.
Sean
Okay, Shrimply.
Hayes
So we have a little bit of a surf and turf thing going on.
Richie
Exactly. Okay.
Sean
We have the beef, and then we have now the shrimp.
Hayes
And this is being used primarily by event caterers.
Richie
It's anyone who. It's the app, basically. You go on the app. It is always. You have to set the location sharing to always.
Hayes
Yes, always. Of course.
Richie
And it's basically anytime you are like, you want to. Like, you're like, I'm kind of hungry. I want, like, a snack. And then it shows you anywhere around you that I'm just.
Sean
I'm helping shrimp. I'm me. I'm craving shrimp. I want shrimp right now. Yes, I do. I do.
Hayes
What exactly? In your version of the world, Sean,
Richie
you don't have to do anything. You have the app always on. You get immediately.
Hayes
I have too many shrimp. I cannot eat all this shrimp. Yes, I do. What exactly?
Richie
Well, I mean, it depends on what you need. Like, okay, you have too much shrimp.
Hayes
Need somebody to eat my shrimp.
Sean
I'm me. I'm hungry. I want shrimp. My tummy's so crumbly. I want shrimp. I need it now.
Hayes
My tummy hurts.
Sean
The store's closed.
Hayes
I had too many shrimp. I cannot eat anymore.
Sean
I do what exactly?
Richie
Okay, so you have your. The app is location always sharing and notifications always on. So you are feeling so grumble, like, so hungry. And then notification. Oh, these are all the places that have shrimp near me.
Sean
This exists.
Hayes
It's in beta.
Richie
It's in beta. Yeah. And then you are. I have too much shrimp. What am I gonna do? You send an alert. It sends the alert to everyone around you. Shrimp this guy.
Sean
I have to have push notifications on always.
Richie
Yes.
Sean
And ask app2track. Is there a Please track?
Richie
Yeah.
Hayes
Is there a bidding process?
Richie
I mean, I guess it depends on how. How many people are after your shrimp.
Hayes
Okay.
Richie
Because if you get this influx of people coming to you to come get your shrimp, like, they've gotten the notifications.
Sean
He's cheating off the shrimp.
Richie
It becomes that. Yes.
Sean
Quite a little bidness.
Richie
But then you can do, like, a buy it now, right, Hayes?
Sean
You hear what I say?
Hayes
Bid. Mm.
Richie
You would do a buy it now, the bidness model. I do think he heard it.
Sean
And you.
Richie
I heard it as well. Yes. I Heard it as well.
Sean
Richie, have you heard what I said?
Hayes
I did.
Sean
Business model.
Hayes
And I do what
Richie
you sell your shrimp to. So Sean is hungy. You sell your shrimp to Sean.
Hayes
Okay.
Richie
Sean buys your shrimp.
Sean
Don't point at me.
Richie
Richie and Sean show up at the same time, then we're in business.
Sean
Oh, so we don't know until we're outside the house where the shrimp are whether or not we have actually won the auction for the shrimp.
Richie
The shrimp is not guaranteed. No. If there's a ship.
Sean
So I get a push notification, I drive to the shrimp location. Then depending on how many other people are there, I, I guess from my car, enter an aggressive bidding war in order to be the winner of the shrimp by the time the shrimp opportunity.
Richie
Yeah, but you got.
Hayes
But you said if they show up at the same time, that's the only when the.
Richie
Yes.
Hayes
Because the location's being tracked. And so that automatically.
Richie
Yeah.
Hayes
Triggers the bidding protocol.
Richie
Yeah. But you can set a buy it now number.
Hayes
Okay.
Richie
So Sean, when you get that notification, you see the buy it now, you can buy the shrimp and then that you. You've secured the shrimp at that.
Hayes
And maybe like, that can be broken out where it's like selling. I can sell them in tranches.
Richie
Yes, yes, yes. It's up to you.
Hayes
Wants 300, 400 shrimp, then that's not
Sean
going to be enough. I'm me, I'm hungry for shrimp. I need way more than that at the point that I'm using this app that I've asked to track, and I'm. And I'm going with a big fat wallet, ready to bid. It's cash only. Yeah, of course.
Richie
Yeah.
Sean
So, you know, I'm getting involved in this and I'm bidding against Richie. We're battling each other. I gotta have all the shrimp. I gotta know that I'm not gonna get undercut on some other section of shrimp.
Hayes
Now, if I'm shrimply, and this is no business of mine, but if it's cash only, I would expect that shrimply, the traditional model, would be taking a cut of the proceeds, some piece of the transaction. Unless it's. Is this a subscription based service?
Richie
Yeah.
Hayes
So you pay a monthly fee just to have access to. To the resource to know where the shrimp is available?
Richie
Yes.
Sean
And is there a vetting process where only certain people are even going to be approved to have the privilege of being on shrimply?
Richie
Yes, it is very similar to Raya in that way.
Hayes
Okay.
Sean
Oh, that's interesting. So it's very exclusive, very elite membership on Shrimply.
Richie
There are also lots of ads. Lots of ads.
Hayes
Because they don't have the other funding stream.
Richie
That's how it makes me save you money.
Hayes
Now I get it. Of course. I'm so stupid. If they were taking a cut of the sales, people could show up for the shrimp and then they could just be like, hey, let's just do this. Let's take this off the app.
Richie
Yeah.
Hayes
You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, why are we paying.
Richie
We're each paying a cut of this.
Hayes
Like, let's just work this out between us. You got the cash, I got the shrimp.
Sean
A lot of it seems to be honor system.
Hayes
Right. Unless by the time you get in the car, even by the time you get ready to post these shrimp, the transaction's already been made. I, like, I, I've, I've, I've paid my month already. And so shrimply, like, you know, that's all gravy for them.
Sean
Exactly.
Hayes
Could be good to put on the shrimp.
Sean
Yeah, yeah. And this is something where I can just imagine rocket money having to cancel people's shrimp. Please. Because as I think about, I'm subscribing to this. And what will the monthly subscription cost for Premium membership?
Richie
Premium. 99.99.
Sean
99.99 per month, I think. And is there a yearly model as well?
Richie
And it does cost more to pay more per annual. Okay, but you do get.
Sean
But it's just a convenience. But it's just the convenience. So I'm thinking, let's say. So let's say I got the yearly.
Richie
Which is going to be 169.
Sean
Yeah. So then it's going to be like back of the napkin Math.
Hayes
Wait, it's 99.99amonth and 169.99 per year.
Sean
No, you're saying it's 169.9 per month? Yeah, I'll make for the 70s.
Danielle Fishel
Yeah.
Sean
Like, okay, that's like $17 million. Okay. So it's like, you know, roughly. Roughly $2,000 a year.
Richie
It is easier to drink just for
Sean
the, just for the, just for the privilege to be allowed to bid on the shrimp, which can obviously get into the stratosphere if you have someone like Richie also craving shrimp at the same time. I don't think I'm going to use that more than eight or nine times
Hayes
a day.
Sean
I just don't see it. I don't see it coming up that often that I'm going to be entering these bidding wars double digit times per day. I just don't see It. Which is fine. But I do think that's where Rocket Money possibly could be a partner for us in this where when the bottom falls out of Shrimply because the elite, a tier membership like us is realizing, like we didn't need to do the yearly. We're only using this eight, maybe nine times a day.
Hayes
What I do see is people connecting with each other, strangers. And so like you mentioned, Raya, I honestly think. And there's like the smell of the shrimp. Is there? Yes. Like the area.
Sean
Extremely erotic.
Richie
Yeah.
Hayes
And so I really do see, I
Sean
think an erotic scent.
Hayes
I see what Shrimp Lee is doing and I think they could almost make their nut every year just on licensing the stories, which I assume they do own people's stories from how they connected on Trim Lake.
Sean
If we could partner. Yes. And now we're coming full circle right back to producing some piece of filmed content. Ideally with the camera on this time.
Richie
Yeah.
Sean
That we are doing sort of a modern romance, you know, anthology. Love, Dating, you know, today, current, all the crazy. Because people do all kinds of shit.
Richie
Oh yeah.
Sean
I mean, when I was a kid growing up, you didn't do all this stuff. What you saw was one person meeting fucking another person and that was it. But now what happens is there's dozens of people, robots, animals, plants, all this stuff. There's no rules anymore. I mean, it's disgusting. And with the shrimp involved, where they're putting it, I mean, I think the
Hayes
world's most powerful Afromandesiac thrown into the mix.
Danielle Fishel
Yeah.
Hayes
Are you kidding me? Hundreds of them.
Richie
Sometimes thousands.
Hayes
Oh, my God. God.
Sean
Yeah, yeah.
Hayes
So I could really see this putting rocket booster shoes on. Love and Santa. Kevin had a note. Kevin, other room. The call of the other room. Just a minute with this man. What could possibly be in that other room?
Richie
Does he have two doors behind?
Sean
I can't picture the layout. Yes. You see behind him there's a door on each side of the room, but
Hayes
the other room is on both sides. So he has easiest possible access no matter where he is.
Sean
But one side is guarded by a demon who can only tell the truth, and the other is guarded by a demon who can only lie. And so even Kevin being able to get out of one of the doors is like this whole process for him. What's up, Clea?
Richie
Not much. How you doing?
Sean
Good to see you.
Richie
Good to see you as well.
Hayes
And this is the.
Sean
The.
Hayes
The dessert before the nasty medicine that he has, which is. He does have a. No, he had a suggestion. Yeah. About love and Santa. That he would like to share.
Sean
I don't think it necessarily fights what we've been talking about.
Hayes
No, no, no, no, no.
Sean
Oh, well, actually it does.
Hayes
Yes.
Richie
Okay.
Hayes
Five words. Young love and young Santa.
Richie
I feel like this fits in perfectly,
Sean
really, with the hypersexual, incredibly erotic sort of territory that we've wanted to explore that you think making everyone much younger is going to help.
Hayes
He wants to do. I think what, Kevin, are you thinking
Richie
like a young Sheldon? Cuz that is too young.
Hayes
I. I have not asked. I don't want to, like, probe this too far with Kevin. I wonder if we could split the difference and find like an off campus type scenario that that would be ideal.
Sean
I think Kevin is saying they shouldn't be that young for Pennsylvania, which I think because he has moved. He. His sort of standard, like what is normal has warped in some way. And I don't know if it's older or younger. I assume it is younger.
Richie
Okay.
Sean
And I just.
Hayes
It is.
Sean
I just don't want to engage with that at all with him.
Hayes
He moved to Pennsylvania. Get this. He moved to Pennsylvania because he thought that that was where the characters from Hotel Transylvania went to school. Kevin, are you hearing this?
Richie
Yeah.
Sean
Yeah.
Richie
Where in Pennsylvania?
Hayes
Pittsburgh. Do you see the hat?
Richie
Maybe I do now. Mm. I like Pennsylvania. Or Pittsburgh. Pennsylvania.
Danielle Fishel
Come visit.
Hayes
I got an extra room friend.
Sean
That's the same room.
Hayes
He's gonna be in there a lot.
Sean
It's the same room.
Hayes
It's that door. Yeah.
Sean
And you can lock one door, but the other one doesn't lock. It's. It's not good. I would not go use that room.
Hayes
Are you. Have you. You ever done a cup of coffee on any of these. These shows about the young people and they're sort of touching on each other, sort of doing frottage, horniness, and they're
Sean
all sneaking around, tricking. These people are pretending to be dating because they really want to be dating these other people. And these other people are being tricked by that. And then the people who are pretending are falling in love.
Richie
No, I haven't. But it doesn't. No, it doesn't mean that.
Sean
It doesn't help us.
Richie
I can't.
Sean
Well, it means you haven't.
Richie
It means I haven't. Yes, but it means that I am maybe.
Hayes
Can you do a show called High School?
Richie
Yeah, but we're not going that far.
Hayes
The producers of the show watching, like, thanks.
Sean
Well, we're not going that young. But what were they doing on that show? What were they doing on that show?
Richie
They were being in high school. And they were being. But not telling people that that was happening and then liking each other. But then it was complicated.
Sean
Well, this actually reminds me of something that I had as an idea and was not related to Kevin's side of it. But, you know, we did just celebrate America's 250th birthday. There's an air of patriotism. We have a habit of not giving ourselves enough Runway with these holiday movies we've been doing where we are always playing catch up. So we have a full year essentially from today. I think Santa should be in there. I think Santa could be young. I think love should be a part of it. Gunkle Sam.
Richie
Mm.
Sean
Gunkle Sam, Is this feeling right. Relevant right now?
Richie
So this would be for America's 251st birthday?
Hayes
Yes.
Richie
Which I think there will be the same amount of sort of fanfare.
Sean
Maybe he's waiting 250. 50 years to come out. Or, you know, I don't know exactly, but it's like with your experience with high school, that actually could be relevant. Certainly wasn't relevant to what we were talking about before. So I'm now helping, I think.
Hayes
Okay. You never see him with an Aunt Samantha. He's a confirmed bachelor type. He's got that bird that he. This is like a companion for him.
Sean
Yeah. It's an African grey.
Hayes
Yeah.
Sean
I mean, they live forever too. So it's like, you know, think of
Richie
the secrets that African Greywood's kind of spilled as well.
Sean
That's interesting.
Hayes
Telling everyone that the people on the show were being gay, even though they literally didn't want.
Sean
Explicitly were hiding it on the show.
Hayes
They told everyone what. And the producers are like, wow,
Richie
she
Hayes
acts like the show didn't happen. Now she's telling everyone that the people on it are being gay.
Sean
This could be a chance maybe to be more of an ally to Gunkle Sam than you were perhaps to some of the characters on the high school show.
Hayes
Gunkle. Gunkle Sam. Young Santa's Gunkle. Right. Is that like. Do we not overcomplicate this? Well.
Sean
And they both have beards.
Hayes
Yeah. They both have white hair.
Sean
And perhaps they both have beards.
Richie
I mean. Cause Santa, as we know, has a beard. But he is. He is. So does he have the beard as a young man? So. Yes.
Hayes
Yeah, yeah.
Sean
His beard is still Santa. We still need to recognize him as Santa.
Hayes
Yeah. And he should be roughly the same height.
Richie
And does Uncle Sam. Excuse me, Gunkle Sam. Also have the beard?
Sean
Yes.
Richie
Okay. So we're talking about literal and metaphor
Sean
beards for both of them.
Richie
Okay, can we talk more about the beard characters? The metaphorical beard characters? Like how are you? And is it that Gun said you
Sean
never see him without Samantha. But, but, but maybe there is. So that, that, that implies that he doesn't have a beard.
Hayes
Maybe he has a friend who like
Sean
maybe there plus one, you know, perpetually. And it's sort of, you know, just to avoid any questions. And, and, and, and maybe. And. Sometimes it feels so good to connect with you guys.
Richie
I know.
Hayes
Here's the.
Sean
Why today? Uncle Sam's losing the beard. Oh, Uncle Sam is losing the beard. Clean shaven.
Hayes
That one. Okay. And okay. Juniper. Juniper is actually a guy.
Sean
She met someone. She met someone and this arrangement isn't
Hayes
working for her anymore. Right.
Richie
Wow.
Sean
So now Uncle Sam is out there.
Hayes
Yeah.
Sean
Right. And this is where we bring in. Right. Some of this modern dating stuff we've been talking about. Some of this shrimply stuff we've been talking about.
Hayes
Right.
Richie
Yeah.
Hayes
Yes.
Sean
Gunkle. Sam is getting out there. Maybe a Roger Dodger thing with young Santa.
Hayes
Yeah. Yeah. He's giving young Santa directions on how to woo ladies. But he doesn't know.
Sean
Yes. Doesn't really have those tools.
Hayes
Right.
Sean
And he's deciding. Jesus Christ, I'm 251 years old. How long am I gonna wait to really seek my own contentment and happiness and explore my sexuality? Possibly through a shrimp based sharing app.
Richie
Yeah.
Sean
That is tracking my location.
Hayes
You ever see Roger Dodger?
Richie
No.
Hayes
Campbell Scott? The Soup Man?
Sean
Young Jesse Eisenberg.
Richie
No.
Sean
Heisenberg. No Jesse Heisenberg.
Richie
So, okay, so in this movie Santa is also closeted.
Sean
And maybe so I don't have it yet. But it's like. And I don't have an impression. But it's, it's something where it's like, well, I am actually the one who knocks.
Hayes
That's really good. I was trying to think of something that rhyme with nox. That's really good. And he says he doesn't have it. Yeah.
Sean
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Richie
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Sean
help make it happen with experience beyond Switch and get $100 back plus $650 in value in built in plan benefits. That's $750 in your first year guaranteed.
Richie
And honestly that hundred dollars back, I'm putting it towards the zipline now.
Sean
That's how you do summer.
Richie
Exactly. Best switch I ever made.
Sean
This is just one reason to join T Mobile this summer. There are 250 reasons. Find yours. Savings based on the value of benefits included with experience beyond like entertainment and one year of AAA classic and dashpass on us. Benefits may require activation. C plan for details get 100 via virtual prepaid MasterCard with eligible ported no cash access and expires in six months. Issued by Sunrise bank and a member FDIC.
Danielle Fishel
Allow eight weeks this is Danielle Fishel from Pod Meets World. Summer is winding down and you know what that means. Back to school shopping. But don't worry. This year I'm here to help with Famous Footwear. They make it easy to get great shoes at great prices with brands like Jordan, Nike, Adidas, Birkenstock, New Balance, Skechers and more. They have what your kids want without breaking the bank. Which, considering how fast these kids grow, is important. You don't want to waste money on sneakers they'll constantly outgrow. And let's be honest here, these kids have specific style requests you must fulfill. Famous Footwear has the massive selection to make sure those standards are met and with 800 stores, a famous Footwear is always nearby. Right now it's bogo. Buy one pair, get one half off at Famous Footwear. Shop in store to get $10 to spend this fall. Some exclusions apply. Plus join famous rewards to get their best benefits, including free shipping.
Sean
Hey everyone, it's Kal Penn. I'm the host of Irsay the Audible and I Heart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast, I am sitting down with Ray Porter, the narrator of Andy Weir's audiobook project, Hail Mary Massive Sci fi adventure about survival and science and what happens when you wake up alone, very far from Earth.
Hayes
I really had to make a decision because I caught myself getting that frog in my throat and starting to get teary as I'm narrating some of these sections. And it's like, okay, yo, yo, yo, is this indulgent? And I really thought about it.
Danielle Fishel
I was like, no.
Hayes
At this point, it would kind of be betraying the trust the author and the listener have in telling this story if I don't go through it. But there's places in this book that deeply, emotionally affected me and I left it on the mic. That's great because it served the story. People will say like, oh my God, I cried at the end. It's like, yeah, dude, me too.
Sean
Listen to Irsay the Audible and iHeart audiobook club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, it's Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. Now, I was looking for fun ways to tell you that Mint's offer of unlimited premium wireless for $15 a month is back. So I thought it would be fun if we made $15 bills, but it turns out that's very illegal. So there goes my big idea for the commercial. Give it a try@mintmobile.com Switch upfront payment
Richie
of $45 for three months, $90 for six months or $180 for a 12 month plan. Required $15 per month equivalent to taxes and fees. Extra initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes. Me slow when network is busy.
Danielle Fishel
See terms
Sean
Hollywood handbook.
Hayes
You said Santa's gay too.
Richie
No, I'm asking because you're saying if they both have beards and they have beards, that implies. But is Santa's beard more about covering up that he is Santa? Cause he's not like more of a Clark.
Sean
Yeah, I maybe shouldn't have said that.
Richie
You shouldn't have said that because I feel really confused now.
Sean
I shouldn't have said that.
Richie
Can you just. Because we are vibing so hard. I know, and I just want to ask.
Sean
The movie is just opening up for me.
Hayes
I do like your idea that he needs a beard type character to prevent people from knowing that he is married to Mrs. Claus, which would reveal that he is Santa.
Richie
So she is still Mrs. Claus in the movie.
Hayes
Yeah.
Richie
And he has a different name.
Hayes
His name is Santa, but maybe his last name is different.
Sean
Okay, he's not Santa Claus. Right.
Hayes
Because he's not revealing that he's married to Mrs. Claus.
Richie
Right.
Hayes
Which would of course, he could be Santa Cruz, everyone. Santa Cruz. Like, like Tom Cruise.
Sean
Like Tom Cruise. Yeah, he's. He's like Tom Cruise's, you know, cousin or something. I guess William Mapother is already Tom Cruise's cousin.
Richie
Yeah.
Sean
Ethan from Lost.
Hayes
Yeah.
Sean
Well, he could have more than one cousin. I mean, that doesn't break the reality, does it?
Richie
I don't know. For me, I actually did make a movie with William MacArthur. We played husband and wife. So I don't know if I'm gonna
Sean
be able to separate that.
Richie
Yeah, I just don't think I'm gonna be able to separate that.
Sean
Well, what if we cast him as Santa Cruz? Yeah, I mean, is that good casting then for Santa Cruz? For young Santa Cruz, we get William Mapother.
Richie
Could we do Santa Monica and maybe then Monica Lewinsky. Monica Lewinsky. Or I was thinking.
Hayes
Wait, you want to cast Monica Lewinsky as Santa Claus?
Richie
Well, I was actually thinking of Courtney Cox.
Hayes
You want to cast Courtney Cox as. Oh, You want her character from the show called Friends.
Richie
Yeah, the Friends.
Sean
Wouldn't hurt to be connected to that IP, by the way.
Hayes
2b.
Sean
Young people are actually watching these older sitcoms. They actually are watching that. You know, it's like, is the sitcom dead or are we just not making anything like Friends anymore? Because they're watching this.
Richie
Yes.
Sean
So what happened? They don't want these short episodes. They want big episodes.
Hayes
But then we give them adults and
Sean
what do they say? And then we hand deliver. No. Yes. We give them overcompensated.
Hayes
We didn't want that. We give them over.
Richie
No.
Sean
No, thank you. I'm not hungry.
Hayes
Eat it.
Richie
It's.
Sean
Finish your supper.
Richie
It is true. I. I admit that it is.
Sean
How many shows with O and Theal do you want? You said you let go and theal. Well, here's a whole damn Owen meal, and all of a sudden you're not hungry? I'm sorry. This generation. I'm sorry. Make me fucking sick. Go ahead. Yeah. It makes me wonder why we're making anything. Well, no, it makes me wonder why we're making anything.
Richie
Okay.
Hayes
And we're not. No, we haven't.
Sean
And we haven't. And we haven't. Maybe you were right. I didn't mean you. Maybe someone in this room was right to not literally do anything at all.
Richie
I don't know. I know that. I don't think Courtney Cox is right for the part, but for Santa Monica.
Hayes
But we should cast her.
Richie
But I do think it would be interesting. Yeah, it would definitely. Like, nobody's gonna suspect that she's sad.
Hayes
She's completely wrong. Yeah. But we should do it.
Sean
We gotta put her in the show then. Yeah, Right.
Richie
Cause then it kind of maybe becomes like a backdoor pilot for The Friends Part 2.
Hayes
Right. Or maybe just do the old one again. Are you allowed to do that? Say this was a backdoor pilot, and then the old one was your idea, and then when they put it on tv, it was your idea. Now, are you allowed to do that?
Richie
I don't think you're not allowed to do it.
Hayes
So we found it.
Sean
We got to do that. If you're allowed to do that at all. We got.
Hayes
Can we say we found that we did it before and we just found it right now?
Richie
Yeah. Yeah. I feel like.
Hayes
And that would explain why we hadn't done anything in so long is because we did this before. Saying we did it before.
Richie
Yeah.
Hayes
And we use, like, an old camera.
Sean
The old camera covers the tracks.
Hayes
Do you have an old camera?
Sean
How old is your camera?
Richie
I mean, at least 30 years.
Danielle Fishel
Old.
Sean
That feels like Kevin goes, ew.
Richie
Too old.
Sean
Stop it.
Richie
I don't know. That show just did so well and people are still watching it and I just.
Sean
They are.
Richie
And I feel like it's an easier. Like, I. I know that Shrimp Lee would feel more comfortable with something that was guaranteed to be.
Sean
Well, we do have to collaborate with our partners.
Hayes
He's uncle Sam. The 250th has just happened. Not as many people showed up as he thought. That big.
Sean
To the bash.
Hayes
To the bash. Now he's sitting on literally enough shrimp to fill Fort Knox.
Richie
Yes.
Sean
And he's calling Sea World.
Hayes
Yeah.
Sean
He's calling up SeaWorld saying, Can you take any of these shrimp off my hands? I know you got some big ass fish over there. They're not taking his call.
Hayes
And so a shrimply, I mean, this is like where they send a sales rep. You know, this is not like, you know, they have a whole client management process for whales like this. Talking about SeaWorld.
Sean
No, really think about that. SeaWorld whales.
Hayes
This is, this is the Gunkle Sam account. This is blackfish.
Sean
Gunkle Sam. Right.
Hayes
Mm.
Sean
Damn.
Hayes
Orca. This is where, you know, you gotta take shrimply out of Betta real quick. Also a kind of fish. They have it at the store. A betta fish.
Sean
Another name for a fish. Don't play koi fish.
Richie
Can we stop carping on this and just like get to the other part of what you were saying?
Hayes
Okay. The guy young Santa works for, Shrimply, he's the sales rep. Oh, my gosh.
Sean
Oh, yes. And it's like we're sending you to handle our most important account, but he's a young guy.
Hayes
He's just out of.
Sean
It's, it's, it's, it's.
Richie
Yeah.
Sean
And been training under this veteran. And it's like you're finally, you know.
Hayes
Yeah.
Sean
You're going to be given the range
Hayes
to be the veteran.
Sean
So nice if we can get the Superman for that. Campbell Scott's the veteran at the shrimp Lee Co. Who's, you know, now tasked with training up this young pup. Santa Cruz producer hat. Maybe it's William Mapother.
Hayes
Santa Monica. Santa Monica.
Sean
Santa Monica.
Hayes
Yeah, we did, I think. And it's Courtney Cox and it's Courteney Cox, even though she's wrong for it completely.
Sean
I was not. I was thinking about something else during some of the Santa Monica discussion, and I didn't really hear a lot of that. Which, by the way, is part of our process too. That can be so nice to make sure everyone's on the same page by just someone ignores some of it. And then we all have a nice chance to recap when they're talking about an old version of it several minutes later.
Richie
Okay.
Hayes
She could say Santa Monica, I am the one who locks.
Sean
Uh huh.
Hayes
Like fish.
Sean
Yeah.
Hayes
I'm the one who locks. Do they sell other other. They just.
Sean
Does Shrimply have locks? Yeah, that's salmon. Yeah, that's not gonna be.
Hayes
Yeah, but there's always gonna be. There's never gonna be any leftover locks from these events. Like that stuff goes.
Richie
Yeah.
Sean
People are throwing it in their purse if it's not finished, you know, they're. They're not leaving that.
Hayes
And it keeps like, we don't need to do anything with that. The shrimp. You gotta, like, you gotta get that out the door.
Sean
No quickness. It's not.
Hayes
Yeah.
Sean
It's not gonna have the same shelf life built in. There's a fantastic ticking clock forcing the audience to feel the stakes. I mean, this is. This is Die Hard.
Hayes
Or is. I mean, like, I went straight to. I'm trying to get our characters together as quickly as possible.
Richie
Yes, of course.
Hayes
Like, that's what people are gonna be doing.
Sean
I think people will forgive a little bit of extra shoe leather at the top of the film if we actually force these great characters into situations where they can bounce off each other and create these wonderful dynamics. That feels kind of like hanging out with your actual friends.
Hayes
Right.
Sean
It's that time in your life when your friends are your family and one of your friends is Uncle Sam and one of your friends is young Santa Monica.
Hayes
Young Santa Monica shows up, meets Uncle Sam. She's gotta land the plane on this account for Shrimply. But pretty soon she realizes that what she is actually, she's not just connecting Gunkle Sam with someone to buy his shrimp. She is playing sort of a serial de Berger act type character where she is trying to find Gunkle Sam, a man.
Sean
Tis cupic.
Richie
Would it be the soup man?
Hayes
Yes.
Sean
Oh, yes.
Hayes
Yes.
Sean
We're using every part of the buffalo. Isn't that beautiful?
Richie
It's beautiful.
Hayes
Yes.
Sean
Bravo, Clickly. It was staring us right in the face. The soup man and Gunko Sam and the suit man's jaded. Yeah. He's seen everything under the sun, handling these big shrimp accounts. And I think at first he and Gunkle Sam, they're butt necks, right?
Richie
Oh, yeah.
Sean
But then later they're button heads together so they can make out their butt and heads. Yeah, they're butt and heads.
Hayes
King of mushroom. I mean, that's just what.
Richie
Who do you see as kind of suit? Who do you see as Gunkle Sam?
Hayes
I mean, it would have to be someone pretty old.
Sean
I think it would be helpful. We're saying that they're 251 at this point, or 250, but I do want to invite an audience that can stay with us through the sequels and stuff. So I don't want to go too crazy.
Hayes
Campbell is gotta be in his mid-70s at this point. Minimum. Right.
Sean
Here's an interesting question. Should they be American or should they be British, as they were here for sort of the conception of this country? And so should there be a little hint of that? A little bit of, you know, a little bit of a whisper of some of that old world European culture?
Hayes
Do you have someone I know. Whenever you have an idea like this, it's because you have.
Sean
When I ask a question, there's usually an answer that I. Who do you have? What are you up to? Simon Cowell.
Richie
Yes.
Danielle Fishel
Perfect.
Sean
I mean, is it Simon Cowell? His face.
Hayes
Love Simon.
Sean
Love Simon.
Richie
Love.
Hayes
And Simon love his face.
Sean
His face does not betray his age.
Hayes
And yugs hat. And love Simon.
Sean
So the fact that we can cast someone who is on the older side, probably similar age to the suitman, we could do.
Hayes
But that they read young, read very young, we could do. Honestly, an aged up, call me by your name type thing with the gap between what Simon Cowell is presenting looks like. Yes. And Campbell Scott. And Simon is Timothy. And Campbell is ideally not Army Hammer like.
Richie
But yeah. Wait. Simon is Gunkle. The suit man is.
Sean
Go ahead.
Richie
The hell is like showing Santa the ropes.
Sean
He's the old. He's like, you know, headed for retirement from the. From the Shrimpley Company.
Richie
It's his last week at the. At the company. Yep.
Sean
He's. All he's got to do is pass off this one major account. Young whiz kid Courtney Cox.
Richie
Courtney Cox.
Hayes
And then she ultimately sets him up with Gunkle Sam, and then he is showing Guncle Sam the ropes.
Richie
Which ropes?
Hayes
Please don't ask me that.
Richie
We'll figure that out. I feel like we can figure that out on the day.
Sean
Bye. Hollywood Handbook. Hey, everyone, it's Kalpen. I'm inviting you to join the best sounding book club you've ever heard with my podcast, Hearsay, the Audible, and Iheart Audiobook Club. Every episode, I nerd out with amazing guests and dive into the best new audiobooks available on Audible. It's the book club for your ears. Listen to Earsay, the Audible and iHeart audiobook club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcast. Across America, money is being abandoned. By taking a few seconds to check Lyft before your next ride, you can give money a better home inside your wallet. Save the money. Check Lift some so called SUVs feel more like toys. You need a real vehicle that'll handle real life. A real SUV like the all new 2027 Kia Seltos with its best in class interior room. It'll make the others feel like toys. Check out the new 2027 Kia Seltos X line. It's real world ready Kia Movement that inspires limited inventory Available Comparison based on publicly available data regarding Cargo Room and 2026 entry All Wheel Drive CUVs as of May 2026 entry All Wheel drive CUV class as defined by Kia Segmentation Honey, Felipe sent another photo from Argentina.
Hayes
How?
Sean
With T Mobile of course. Mira, he's video calling us. Hola Familia. Did you get my photos? We did.
Richie
They're so pretty.
Sean
Here to share every moment with T Mobile. Enjoy data roaming at no extra charge in 21 Latin American countries. Switch now on the TLife app or t mobile.com koniktaty qualifying plan required. Not for extended international use. You must reset in the US and primary usage must occur on our network. Visit t mobile.com this is an iHeart podcast.
Richie
Guaranteed human.
Podcast: Hollywood Handbook (iHeartPodcasts)
Episode Air Date: July 28, 2026
Guests: Clea DuVall (as “Richie”)
Theme: Navigating Creative Partnerships, Pitching Absurd Movie Ideas, and Satirizing Hollywood Development
In this episode, hosts Sean and Hayes are joined by longtime creative partner and friend Clea DuVall for a chaotic, satirical deep-dive into the inner workings (and spectacular failings) of their collaborative process. The show begins as a tongue-in-cheek exploration of why some creative partnerships never quite make anything—despite all the “Kobe beef” ideas on the table. Their ongoing, never-produced film "Love and Santa" becomes a running bit and focal point for riffing on Hollywood’s endless development cycle, trending apps, sponsorships, and the artifice of the industry. Throughout the episode, the group brainstorms increasingly bizarre pivots for their “film,” involving shrimp-sharing apps, erotic elves, and a dream team of miscast, mismatched actors.
(08:03–18:23)
(18:58–28:33)
(34:06–49:53)
(39:54–43:53)
| Timestamp | Segment | Content | |-----------|--------------------------------------------|-----------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:20 | Creative partnership begins | Sean & Hayes discuss work vs. friendship, intro Clea | | 04:48 | “Kobe beef” ideas, but nothing produced | Frustration with non-results | | 07:57 | Ageing beef / creative ideas | Ongoing staleness of unused ideas | | 08:56 | Richie’s “Shrimply” pitch | App world-building, shrimp synergy | | 17:07 | Shrimply’s insane pricing breakdown | $99/month for a beta shrimp app | | 19:28 | Shrimp app eroticism, licensing | “The world’s most powerful Afromandesiac … hundreds of them” | | 22:00 | Producer “note”—Young Love/Young Santa | Pivot to youth, referencing “Young Sheldon” | | 26:06 | “Gunkle Sam” as new movie concept | Celebrating America’s 251st birthday with a queer twist | | 34:06 | “Santa Cruz,” alternative Santas | Discussion of names/identities | | 39:54 | Hollywood reboot logic | “We did this before, just found it again… covers the tracks” | | 41:00 | Shrimp excess, SeaWorld | Escalating the ridiculousness | | 46:09 | “Using every part of the buffalo” | Embracing the full absurdity of the brainstorming process | | 48:22 | Simon Cowell/“Call Me By Your Name” riff | Satirizing casting, age gaps, and industry madness |
The episode is a masterclass in comedic meta-satire—Hollywood Handbook’s hallmark. The hosts and guest bounce between self-deprecation, absurdity, and industry-insider parody, with a warm undercurrent of genuine camaraderie despite poking fun at their own failings as collaborators. The tone is irreverent, deadpan, and often circular, folding on itself to create escalating jokes that lampoon both their efforts and the broader industry’s self-important development cycles.
Their unhinged “Shrimply” world-building and running “Kobe beef” conceit serve both as inside jokes and as sharp take-downs of the entertainment machine—where nothing ever gets made, notes spiral projects out to sea, and all trends are absurdly monetized.
You don’t need to know the show’s lore to follow the fun:
Listen for:
Endnote: This is Hollywood development hell, reflected, refracted, and lovingly skewered.