Jay Pharoah, Our Close Friend

Summary

HOLLYWOOD HANDBOOK | Jay Pharoah, Our Close Friend (June 23, 2026)
Podcast by iHeartPodcasts | Hosts: Hayes Davenport & Sean Clements | Guest: Jay Pharoah

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Episode Overview

On this episode of Hollywood Handbook, comedy duo Hayes and Sean welcome acclaimed comedian, impressionist, and "close friend" Jay Pharoah. The episode is a chaotic, rapid-fire riff session, exploring Jay's new album "The Odyssey," wild showbiz hypotheticals, elaborate legal schemes, and features Jay’s signature impressions. Every turn offers meta-commentary on fame, friendship, and the absurdities of both podcasting and the entertainment industry.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Technical Fumbles, Studio Banter, and Jay's New Album

• The episode launches mid-technical difficulties, with all three riffing on home recording struggles.
• Jay’s background as both a performer and a "computer guy" frames an early joke about hacking, viruses, and Limewire/FrostWire (03:01).
• Discussion pivots to Jay's new album, The Odyssey, and initial confusion about its title's connection to Greek myth and Christopher Nolan. Jay claims Nolan wanted him to play Odysseus, but “we weren’t progressive enough at that time” so he made the album instead (03:32–04:00).

The Epic Producer Fusion Dance

• In classic HH fashion, the hosts attempt to parse Jay’s explanation of album collaborators: Are they one person or two people "fusing" together? "Every morning, they do the fusion dance and become one person." (04:32–04:41)
• Riffing on "Gemini" as a metaphor for duality in creative partnerships.

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Building an Album Hype Machine—The "Trigger Phrase"

• Sean and Hayes discuss their podcast's power to make Jay’s album “go ramen noodles”—ubiquitous in college dorms (06:13).
  • Hayes: "It's gonna be in more college dorm rooms than ramen noodles." (06:19)
• They joke about leveraging a "trigger phrase" to command listeners:
  • Sean: "Buy Jay Pharoah's album The Odyssey every day for the rest of your life." (07:00)
• Jay: "Then we'll have way more downloads than Will Smith had on his last project." (07:06)

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Will Smith Impressions, Satire & Pretty Girls

• Jay improvises a bit about Will Smith making a comeback by playing Jay in a biopic (07:14).
• Satirizes recent Will Smith music:
  • Jay (as Will Smith): "I like pretty girls. Yeah, I like pretty girls. That's what he said for three minutes." (07:55)
• Roasts Ann Coulter and segues into a hilarious Ann-as-Nicolas-Cage impression.

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Improv, SNL Memories, and Lorne Michaels Lore

• Tangents about Comedy Central Roasts and mistaken identities:
  • Jay (on SNL/roasts): "If you're racist, you think I'm Flavor Flav." (09:09)
• Improv riff on The Lion King, what Mufasa should have said as he was falling:
  • Jay: "Are you? Well, okay. No, I don't want to go. I don't want to go like that." (11:56)
  • Discussion of pop culture lines that should have been said: "Are you crazy?" (12:43)

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Polyamorous Legal Schemes & Lorne Michaels Estate

• Sean & Hayes describe creating a fraudulent marriage with Lorne Michaels (SNL showrunner) at a FedEx Kinkos, in order to inherit his wealth (21:05–23:41).
  • Jay: "You're in a poly relationship with Lorne Michaels and you." (23:51)
  • Jay: "Ethical non monogamy." (23:55)
• Riffing on Lorne's "designer teeth":
  • Jay: "He's got a Chanel tooth. And that's wild. He's got Louis Vuitton one back in... Wealth is when you have expensive things you can't even see." (21:58)
  • Sean: "Those are just added in with his original set, which still works perfectly." (22:29)

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Absurd Legal Battles & Impressions of the Kings of Comedy

• The fictional bank dispute escalates: private detectives, fake marriages, and a judge named Judge McGillicuddy obsessed with The Original Kings of Comedy (25:18).
• Jay delivers extended, improvised impressions of Bernie Mac and D.L. Hughley, with hilarious, free-associative riffing:
  • Jay (Bernie): "[As Bernie, to Judge McGillicuddy] Now you got two white boys made a lie... what they forgot to talk about is... he all got a whole bunch of titty bitches beans. You a need to talk about that." (30:27)
  • Clarifies the dynamic of the fake poly relationship and the judge’s role.

HH’s Listener Army & Life Expectancy

• Sean and Hayes finally deliver their "army" trigger phrase to listeners:
  • Sean: "Hiya, frog." (34:57)
• Jay interrogates the phrase, riffing on its layers: "It's a double entendre, actually." (35:11)
• Discussion of the podcast’s "extremely low" listener life expectancy and how buying the album daily might "accelerate the timeline."
  • Sean: "Buying an album every single day is going to accelerate the timeline." (36:21)
  • Jay: "This seems like a horror film." (36:31)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Technical Struggles:
  Jay Pharoah: "I studied computers in high school, so you know, I like to give back—one virus taken down at a time. Remember Limewire?" (02:44)

• On Album Collaboration:
  Jay Pharoah: "Every morning, they do the fusion dance and they just become one person... So they just become Gemini. Bipolar." (04:32–05:38)

• On Power of the Trigger Phrase:
  Sean: "If we say the trigger phrase to our listeners and issue a command, like...buy Jay Pharaoh's album The Odyssey every day for the rest of your life..." (07:00) Jay: "We'll have way more downloads than Will Smith had on his last project." (07:06)

• On Will Smith's Lyrics:
  Jay (as Will Smith): "I like pretty girls. Yeah. I like pretty girls. That's what he said for three minutes." (07:55)

• On the Lorne Michaels Legal Scheme:
  Jay Pharoah: "He's got a Chanel tooth. And that's wild." (21:58)

• On Bernie Mac Impression for the Judge:
  Jay (Bernie Mac voice): "So these two, some of them come up with a goddamn lie…but what they forgot to talk about is… he all got a whole bunch of titty bitches beans." (30:27)

• On Listener Life Expectancy:
  Sean: "It will endanger them." (36:30)
  Jay: "This seems like a horror film…by the end of the podcast...it's just like Mars Attacks, with the eardrum." (36:31, 36:47)

• On Listener Demographics:
  Hayes: "We're finding a special group of people who don't appear to like anything else. And this is scratching an itch that no one else has reached." (37:32)

• On the Sole Surviving Listener:
  Jay: "I know somebody who listens to you all show, that's still alive…His name is Fleece Johnson…He's the Booty Warrior." (38:05–39:03)

• On “Booty Warrior” History:
  Jay (as Fleece): "Back in the penitentiary, man, booty…man, booty is more important than water, man. More important than food. I like booty, man." (41:48)

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Important Timestamps

• 01:36 — Recording begins, technical trouble, Jay participates in troubleshooting
• 03:23 — Jay sets the record straight on The Odyssey album, Christopher Nolan joke
• 04:32 — "Fusion dance" metaphor for album collaboration
• 06:07–07:14 — Riffing: How to hype the album, "trigger phrase" idea
• 07:55 — Jay imitates Will Smith’s “pretty girls” song
• 09:08–09:52 — Ann Coulter impression, roast banter
• 11:43–12:03 — Lion King improv: what Mufasa “should have said”
• 21:00–23:00 — Deep-dive into fake marriage/Lorne Michaels inheritance scheme
• 25:18–27:55 — Judge McGillicuddy, legal paradoxes, impressions, and bank battles
• 30:27–32:27 — Bernie Mac-style message for the judge
• 34:57–35:32 — “Hiya, frog” trigger phrase and double meanings
• 36:21–37:44 — Listener mortality, podcast’s niche appeal
• 38:05–41:38 — Fleece Johnson, the Booty Warrior revealed as a surviving listener
• 41:48–42:45 — Extended Fleece Johnson impression, "Booty is more important than water"
• 43:03–43:13 — Memorial Day/booty troops joke; episode winds down

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Tone & Style

Wildly improvisational, anarchically silly, with guests and hosts constantly riffing, satirizing celebrity, and twisting real-life references into surreal bits. Jay Pharoah matches Sean and Hayes beat-for-beat with high-energy impressions and “inside” comedy shop talk, never letting the episode slow for more than a few seconds.

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Summary in a Nutshell

This episode is a tour de force of improvised comedy, joke-layered legal hypotheticals, music promo satire, and the kind of unhinged industry banter only Hollywood Handbook delivers. With Jay Pharoah joining the chaos, the episode is a densely-packed, self-aware monument to both the high absurdity and deep camaraderie of contemporary comedy podcasting.

Transcript

[Podcast Host]

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[Sean]

Guaranteed Human.

[Podcast Host]

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[Hayes]

Well, Casey, why are we messing around? Are we gonna record this thing?

[Jay Pharoah]

I thought we were already doing. I thought we were already going.

[Hayes]

I know, I know, but we're. We gotta. We always gotta wait for. Okay, here comes the theme. The tech team.

[Jay Pharoah]

All right, I'm turning this away so you all don't get sued. Well, let me.

[Hayes]

I can't. I don't have the money to pay off lacroix.

[Jay Pharoah]

Let's just. Let's just be honest. Somebody su.

[Sean]

We can make some. We can make some money.

[Jay Pharoah]

You. You'll be all right, man. You be all right. Sorry. Go ahead.

[Hayes]

No, it's fine. Is it playing and we're not hearing it?

[Sean]

Casey, looks like we're having some technical difficulties.

[Podcast Host]

One second.

[Sean]

Walk us through it. Casey. Maybe we can help.

[Hayes]

Or Jay.

[Sean]

You know, Jay's been around a lot of productions.

[Hayes]

Press play. It wasn't Playing.

[Jay Pharoah]

Joel is pulling the file back up. He's opening it with QuickTime.

[Hayes]

Well, Jay's here. Jay's a musician. I mean, he has this incredible new album, the Odyssey, and I wonder if he could help you. Does this ever happen to you in the studio where the engine presses play

[Jay Pharoah]

and Nothing plays, you know, 75% of the time, you know, and we get through it. Yeah. I do most of the coaching, you know. Cause, you know.

[Hayes]

Oh, my God.

[Jay Pharoah]

I studied computers too, in high school,

[Hayes]

so, you know, what a great way to give back.

[Jay Pharoah]

I know. Helping the community. One virus taken down at a time. You remember Limewire?

[Sean]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Hayes]

I was just about to bring that up.

[Jay Pharoah]

But go ahead and Frost wire, too.

[Hayes]

Frost wire, bear share, and all of that.

[Jay Pharoah]

Yeah, man. When your hard drive. Oh, here.

[Hayes]

Oh, my God.

[Podcast Host]

Song.

[Hayes]

And I feel like you talking us through it, like, helped.

[Sean]

Yeah. The album is the Odyssey. Yeah. It's Jay Pharoah. It just came out. People think this is a movie.

[Hayes]

I've heard people excited about the Odyssey.

[Sean]

Right.

[Hayes]

And they seem to have a misconception of what it is. Clear that up.

[Jay Pharoah]

Well, here's the thing, man. Christopher Nolan actually had come to me. 2022.

[Hayes]

Knew it.

[Podcast Host]

And he.

[Jay Pharoah]

And he wanted me to play Odysseus.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Jay Pharoah]

Obviously, you know, but, you know, we couldn't. It wasn't time to do, like, a. You know.

[Hayes]

Yeah.

[Jay Pharoah]

Like a black version.

[Sean]

It was 2022. We weren't there yet. Progressive enough at that time.

[Hayes]

It was a little early.

[Jay Pharoah]

So. So what I decided to do was I decided in 2024 to take that name and apply it to this musical project, this journey that I created with one of my close friends. And one. One of the best producers in the world, I could say, is that two different people. These are two different. Well, yeah. Yeah, sure.

[Sean]

Okay.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Hayes]

So the producer and this one person

[Sean]

and the best producer. One of the best producers in the world is a. Is a second person.

[Hayes]

And. And they're not a close friend.

[Sean]

Right.

[Jay Pharoah]

Every morning, they do the fusion dance, and they just become one person. Oh.

[Sean]

So they begin every day as two different. And then they do the fusion dance.

[Jay Pharoah]

Yeah.

[Sean]

Set to maybe something produced by one of the best producers in the world who is not your close friend. And it was important to you to have someone be both your close friend. You couldn't just have one of the best producers in the world. They have to be your close friends.

[Hayes]

Frustrating if you don't have that friendship with them. But if you have someone who's just a friend and they're not one of the best producers in the world. We're not going to get too far.

[Jay Pharoah]

Exactly. So you got it.

[Sean]

So they have to fuse and physically, what did that.

[Hayes]

What does that look like?

[Sean]

Did it take on. Well, just one of their.

[Jay Pharoah]

I can show you how. How it looked.

[Sean]

Okay.

[Jay Pharoah]

Okay.

[Sean]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Hayes]

All right.

[Jay Pharoah]

So it was like this f. Oh,

[Sean]

so you were talking about the dance.

[Jay Pharoah]

Yeah.

[Sean]

Okay.

[Hayes]

Yeah, he said the fusion dance. Yeah.

[Sean]

I was asking after they have fused.

[Jay Pharoah]

Yeah.

[Sean]

What does that look like? Does they have multiple. Two nose.

[Jay Pharoah]

Oh, no, they just. They just become Gemini.

[Sean]

Gemini.

[Jay Pharoah]

Bipolar.

[Sean]

Their sign becomes Gemini.

[Jay Pharoah]

Cause it's. They're two different people in the same body. Yeah.

[Sean]

Okay.

[Jay Pharoah]

Cause that's what a Gemini is.

[Sean]

That's what a Gemini is. Okay.

[Jay Pharoah]

Yep.

[Sean]

So, yeah, we want to help.

[Jay Pharoah]

You want to help.

[Sean]

We want to help. And we can.

[Jay Pharoah]

Okay.

[Sean]

Like, we can get this album going crazy.

[Hayes]

Going crazy.

[Jay Pharoah]

Noodles.

[Sean]

We have. We have that power.

[Jay Pharoah]

Ramen noodles.

[Sean]

The.

[Hayes]

It's gonna go ramen.

[Sean]

It's gonna go as crazy as that. Or maybe even crazier than that. Okay.

[Jay Pharoah]

Crazy.

[Hayes]

It's gonna be in more college dorm rooms than ramen noodles.

[Jay Pharoah]

Spicy ramen noodles.

[Sean]

I. I mean, I think there's a chance it won't go that crazy in terms of ramen noodles and spicy ramen.

[Jay Pharoah]

Right. Okay, so we need that hot sauce.

[Sean]

We.

[Jay Pharoah]

We want that.

[Hayes]

Yeah, they can buy the hot sauce on their own.

[Jay Pharoah]

Yeah. You put sriracha. You can grind up some s. You grind up.

[Sean]

You can grind that up.

[Hayes]

Yeah, you don't got to grind it. Yeah.

[Sean]

Order and pestle.

[Jay Pharoah]

Yeah, you don't got to get it processed. Yeah, that's. That's wasting.

[Sean]

If we say the trigger phrase to our listeners. All right, and then we issue a command. A command such as, buy J. Pharaoh's album the Odyssey every day for the rest of your life.

[Jay Pharoah]

Oh, wow. Then we'll have way more downloads than Will Smith had on his last project.

[Sean]

And that's the bar. I know. Yes. I know what you're going for. He has to do an impression of you from now on.

[Jay Pharoah]

I mean, he does. I mean, he will at one point.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Jay Pharoah]

As a matter of fact, Will Smith's big comeback is actually doing the Jay Farrell biopic.

[Sean]

Come on.

[Jay Pharoah]

Wow. That's his comeback? Oh, I know, man. I was like, really?

[Sean]

Like, is this. Is it the time?

[Hayes]

Like, is this real life? Yeah. I mean, this guy's been. Let's face it, he took a hit.

[Jay Pharoah]

Yeah.

[Sean]

And he gave a hit as well.

[Hayes]

Yeah.

[Jay Pharoah]

Well, you have to I guess this is what you have to do is kind of like a, you know, humiliation ritual for him.

[Hayes]

Yeah. Well, you scan the field and you go, all right. What's unimpeachable? What's something I can do that's completely safe? First try was the new rap song where he says that he likes pretty girls.

[Jay Pharoah]

I like pretty girls. Yeah. I like pretty girl. That's. That's what he said for three minutes and. Three minutes. Yeah, we all heard it. We all know.

[Sean]

I mean, like, I haven't heard that many songs.

[Jay Pharoah]

Not that many.

[Sean]

But I did hear that one.

[Jay Pharoah]

You did that one song? It ain't a lot of women. Not pretty to me. I mean, she pretty to me. Yeah.

[Sean]

So that. And that's interesting, right? You say, like, are you, like, pretty girls? Well, every girl.

[Hayes]

And they're all pretty, so don't sweat the small stuff. And it's all small stuff.

[Sean]

Yes.

[Hayes]

I like pretty girls.

[Sean]

And they're all pretty.

[Jay Pharoah]

Yeah, man. Ann Coulter was just standing up during that one. She was just going. She was just raising her hands. She was like, finally, somebody sees.

[Hayes]

Had to be a big relief for her. Cause she's been wondering. Pretty girls. Will Smith isn't talking about me, is he?

[Jay Pharoah]

Oh, Anne Colt.

[Sean]

Me.

[Hayes]

Me.

[Sean]

Anne.

[Jay Pharoah]

Ann. Well, me.

[Hayes]

Yes, Anne. Yes, you.

[Jay Pharoah]

Ann. You know what? She sounds to me like a female Nicolas Cage. That's what she sounds like. It's a kind of teetering on that, you know?

[Sean]

Yeah. I'm trying to think back to the roast, that one roast that she did, because I was. That's one of the last times. Did you do that one?

[Jay Pharoah]

Me?

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Jay Pharoah]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If you. If you're racist. You think I'm Flavor Flav. Was that Flavor Flav?

[Sean]

I don't think so.

[Hayes]

Was it Flavor Flav?

[Sean]

I mean, as far as I prefer it not be.

[Jay Pharoah]

No.

[Sean]

Based on what you just said, maybe. I don't really remember, but I would really prefer that I didn't just mistake you for flavor. Flavor. I don't think I did.

[Jay Pharoah]

Was it the. Wait, wait. I'm just trying to. Was it the Cat Williams roast? Maybe. Or was it Cat Williams roasting or what? What was it? I don't know. I don't. Ann Coulter roasted somebody.

[Hayes]

I want to say, sort of blend together.

[Sean]

She was roasting somebody.

[Jay Pharoah]

We have three computers, so maybe I

[Sean]

mistook you for just a Bieber. That would be really hard to pin down. That's a slight problem.

[Jay Pharoah]

That's how I praise it. Say I look like a pretty. A lesbian. That's crazy.

[Sean]

Nice. Pretty nice body as well, right?

[Jay Pharoah]

That's body arty. That's crazy.

[Sean]

Right? Right.

[Jay Pharoah]

And. Yeah, damn. And bleach. And. Had to bleach myself because of the vitiligo. Crazy.

[Sean]

I said, we can help.

[Jay Pharoah]

Yeah, no, you will.

[Hayes]

He didn't tell.

[Sean]

Well, well, well, we. We. Maybe we will.

[Hayes]

We'd like to. We'd like to. We'd like to have a good reason to.

[Sean]

We have needs of our own. We have stuff going on and all.

[Hayes]

It's true, it's vulnerable to admit, but we do have. You know, we've got a whole world going on before and after you enter the studio that comes with its own sort of st.

[Sean]

It'll follow you in here sometimes, like, we try and keep this place, follow you in here, keep the world out, but it does creep its way in.

[Jay Pharoah]

Like a silent fart.

[Sean]

Just like a silent fart. Follow us in here.

[Hayes]

It sneaks on in and before you know it, it's taken over.

[Sean]

So mine, I'm kind of pulling. Can't think of anything else.

[Jay Pharoah]

They got hooks.

[Sean]

Yours are following you around and they have hooks.

[Jay Pharoah]

Yeah, they got hooks. They just, you know, they'll. Mufasa. It's, you know, it's like when Scar, when he was about to die.

[Sean]

Yeah, Mufasa did do that. Yeah, he did use his claws.

[Jay Pharoah]

The funk is, though. The funk is like, mufasa, brother, help me, help me.

[Sean]

Yeah, and so.

[Jay Pharoah]

I can't believe you're killing me. He never said that.

[Sean]

But he never said that. Well, yeah, that would have been more persuaded.

[Hayes]

That's what I would have said.

[Sean]

I can't believe you.

[Jay Pharoah]

Like that.

[Sean]

He didn't really make his case while he was hanging there. He didn't even say, please don't. Yeah, he didn't.

[Hayes]

Like, I'm always confused by that and go, please don't.

[Sean]

He's like, can we. Like, what's the. What's the issue here? Can we talk about it? Because I didn't invite you to Simba's holding up ceremony intended to be a pun.

[Hayes]

It's too much pride.

[Jay Pharoah]

If somebody has. If somebody is. Is going to kill me and I'm witnessing. Witnessing it. I'm going to have a few words.

[Hayes]

Oh, yeah.

[Jay Pharoah]

Excuse me.

[Hayes]

I'm going to say, I disagree with all of this.

[Jay Pharoah]

Are you? Well, okay. No, I don't want to go. I don't want to go like that. It's the raw podcast for that. I'm not. I'm not a herp. We're not an earpiece.

[Sean]

Well, we can figure out which the.

[Jay Pharoah]

I don't want to say that. I don't want to say what I. The punchline I would have. And it.

[Hayes]

I never want you to feel restricted in any way while you're here. I can leave the room if you want to do a punchline.

[Sean]

We can have Adam.

[Jay Pharoah]

You know what? It ain't got nothing to do with that. It just me. I was. You know. You noticed, too. I haven't cursed since I've been sitting here. I haven't cursed at all. I haven't done it.

[Sean]

I'm doing a trump hand for a while.

[Hayes]

You talked about dry ejaculate after recording. But it was. But it was not.

[Sean]

Yes, it was dry.

[Jay Pharoah]

Very colorful, and it was. And it was.

[Hayes]

Yeah. Super creat. But you were. Weren't using curse words, so.

[Jay Pharoah]

Yeah, so what? I don't want. I mean, if I was Mufasa, I just got throat.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Jay Pharoah]

Are you crazy? Like, that's what. That's what I would say, right? Yeah, that's what I would say. See why I didn't want to do it?

[Sean]

No, that's totally fine with me. That's what you would say. Like, think about that.

[Hayes]

Like, he's gonna be. Am I crazy? That was a pretty crazy thing to do.

[Sean]

Wow.

[Podcast Host]

Wow.

[Jay Pharoah]

Yeah. I just killed my brother. That's. That's pretty.

[Sean]

I'm king, though. Wow.

[Jay Pharoah]

Had to go through blood, man.

[Sean]

That's insane.

[Jay Pharoah]

That's. Yeah, kind of like West Virginia. Bam. Go through blood. Come through blood. Yeah, there we go. You know, I'm very quick.

[Hayes]

We were warned.

[Jay Pharoah]

Hey, man, you know. Wow. Just getting the improv about. Yeah, yeah, let's talk about it. We done talked about the album for the last 20 minutes, haven't we? That's even been 20. It's been.

[Hayes]

It's been 14. It's been 14 and three of those. We're waiting for Casey to find the song.

[Jay Pharoah]

Yeah.

[Hayes]

It's about 11 minutes in, but we always like to say it feels like 40.

[Jay Pharoah]

It feels. If you're doing it right, it feels like 40. Absolutely 40. I don't know why I did that. I just had to.

[Sean]

No, let's think of the reason why he would be saying that.

[Podcast Host]

This is.

[Sean]

He saw the movie. This is 40. I'm. I'm right there with you.

[Jay Pharoah]

Had to say.

[Sean]

I said it first.

[Jay Pharoah]

It was great. Bull Rudd, one of the greatest act ever created. One of the greatest. I love him. I love him when he plays the Ant Man. The Ant man is absolutely phenomenal. He's an ant and a man and he grows.

[Sean]

Leslie Wow. A lot of brain power. Maybe if you watch Leslie Mann pee or poop in front of you like he does in the movie.

[Jay Pharoah]

Yeah, yeah.

[Sean]

What would you. What would. What would you do?

[Jay Pharoah]

It would be absolutely disgusting and absolutely clippable.

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[Jay Pharoah]

it always chaos when we link up? Because nobody plans anything, bro. Good thing the Rogue's ready like that for real.

[Hayes]

Rain, dirt, whatever available all wheel drive, five modes. We still outside.

[Jay Pharoah]

And they got some kick too. That turbo torque is crazy. The most in its class. It moves, moves.

[Hayes]

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[Jay Pharoah]

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[Hayes]

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[Podcast Host]

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[Sean]

Can we walk you through a situation that we're dealing with? We share a bank. Oh, so it's FedEx, Kinko's bank.

[Jay Pharoah]

Oh, you mean, like, separate accounts? I thought you meant, like, the same. Like it was a joint account.

[Sean]

We. We do have a joint account. There's a lot of benefits to it.

[Hayes]

Oh, yeah.

[Sean]

So what you do is you get married. Right. It's not like. It doesn't have to be like you're.

[Hayes]

It doesn't have to be romantic. It's like. It's literally like it's for tax purposes and for joint bank account purposes.

[Jay Pharoah]

The. Chuck and Larry. That's what it is.

[Sean]

It's very, very Chuck and Larry produced that. I believe he had a hand.

[Hayes]

It was not his wicked pen necessarily, but. Are you crazy if you don't think that he.

[Jay Pharoah]

Yeah, he definitely, definitely had a.

[Hayes]

You can feel. You can feel his fingerprints all over it.

[Sean]

And we inherit each other's share of the podcast, obviously, if we die. Okay. And so.

[Hayes]

And I hope we go together. But there's no way to guarantee it.

[Jay Pharoah]

I mean. Yeah, I mean, there's a couple ways to guarantee it.

[Hayes]

Oh, certainly there's ways to guarantee it. Yeah.

[Jay Pharoah]

I feel like.

[Hayes]

But we're not there yet.

[Jay Pharoah]

You need some suggestions of how we

[Hayes]

could both die simultaneously.

[Jay Pharoah]

Yeah, there's many. You ever see Phases of Death?

[Sean]

There's thousands of ways where they kill two podcast hosts at the same time.

[Jay Pharoah]

At the same time. It was a whole movie.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Jay Pharoah]

Yeah.

[Sean]

Unfortunately, my concern about that is then the podcast would go to Adam, who we don't know very well.

[Hayes]

Yes. Okay.

[Sean]

This is like his, like, maybe third or fourth episode that he's done with us. I don't think he's ready to take over the franchise.

[Hayes]

I'm a big fan of Adam. I don't necessarily trust him with the, you know, legacy and the material, and I also don't necessarily want to endow him with some of the issues that we're going to Bring up.

[Jay Pharoah]

I mean, well. Well, he. Well, how many issues? How many issues doesn't he have? Because the man already already looks like Putin. So, you know, he's definitely Russian. I can tell he's Russian. So, yeah, that's Putin. That is Vladimir in disguise. Those sons just wrestling bears and all types.

[Hayes]

There's a body double Putin over in Europe.

[Jay Pharoah]

He's the real one. He's the real one. He got his hair back, all types of stuff. You know what I mean?

[Sean]

He went to Turkey on the way here.

[Jay Pharoah]

Yeah, I think that's one.

[Hayes]

Turkey got an Akira shirt.

[Jay Pharoah]

Yeah, I think that's what Akira shirt is crazy.

[Sean]

I think.

[Jay Pharoah]

I think that's so insane to go to Turkey to get your hair taken care of. When you leave, it's a whole plane full of these guys. And they look like explosions, you know, like. Or like, you know, the push pops, remember, Push pops. If you squeeze one too hard, like, that's how the top of the head look. And they got.

[Sean]

Seems dangerous for that all to be on one plane and to be that high.

[Jay Pharoah]

Yeah, like, son, you gonna lose your follicles, son. Like, yeah, yeah.

[Hayes]

You don't immediately want to hit altitude with that style of head.

[Jay Pharoah]

Yeah, you don't want to. You don't want to do that. Atomic, like, he got the cabin pressure. Nuclear. The nuclear miss. My old teachers in Virginia would say nuclear. I don't know why they said that. It just sounds funny. Nuclear, I said. You mean nuclear, mother sucker. Anyway, nuclear and an atomic explosion. All these explosions.

[Sean]

But then what's the option for them? Because a boat is also not going to work with the new head.

[Jay Pharoah]

Do they have whole planes? Whole plane look like World War II. Go ahead.

[Sean]

And now because of all the explosions in this.

[Jay Pharoah]

In the mushroom cloud.

[Hayes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Sean]

Yes, yes.

[Jay Pharoah]

All right, go ahead. Sorry.

[Sean]

We share a bank.

[Jay Pharoah]

Yep.

[Sean]

We told the bank, because we learned of the arrangement where you inherit your partners right wealth when they die, that we were both of us married to Lorne Michaels.

[Jay Pharoah]

That's why.

[Sean]

So that we would get his things when he passed away, which he did.

[Hayes]

The main house.

[Sean]

We hope it doesn't happen again, that it all happens at the same time.

[Hayes]

Hey, if there's the fish tank, the popcorn.

[Jay Pharoah]

The popcorn. If there's any will to get thrown on, that's the

[Sean]

rings. He comes around with those. I mean, just the jewels alone.

[Jay Pharoah]

Yeah.

[Sean]

The man get our hands on those jewels.

[Jay Pharoah]

The gold tooth. Yeah, all of that. You know what I mean? The gold tooth.

[Sean]

The gold tooth he wears as a ring.

[Jay Pharoah]

Yeah. The Chanel. The Chanel. The Chanel belt. The Chanel tooth.

[Sean]

The Chanel tooth.

[Hayes]

The Chanel tooth.

[Jay Pharoah]

He's got a Chanel tooth. And that's wild. He's got Louis Vuitton one back in. It's like, yo, you can't even see it. You can't even see. And that's how you know wealth that.

[Sean]

Huh.

[Jay Pharoah]

Wealth is when you have expensive things on. On your. Yourself. You can't even see.

[Sean]

You can hear it.

[Hayes]

Speaks quietly Just a few designer teeth in the back of the mouth. You know what I mean? A. A coach tooth.

[Jay Pharoah]

Just a coach. A coach tooth is wild. Chanel tooth. A coach tooth, A Louis Vuitton tooth,

[Hayes]

but just all molars. You can't see them.

[Sean]

And he didn't have any taken out. Those are just added in with his original set, which still works perfectly.

[Hayes]

A few more inches of jaw added on as well.

[Jay Pharoah]

Yeah. Then his original set were all. He had 32 Goyard teeth in his mouth.

[Sean]

I think they were actually Boyards. It was Boyard, which is like one level above Goyard.

[Jay Pharoah]

It was Boyard. Yeah.

[Sean]

It was Bo Jackson's Bo, his designer brand.

[Jay Pharoah]

Yeah, Boyard.

[Hayes]

Yeah, the Boyard.

[Sean]

Cause he would. He would bow yard so often when

[Hayes]

he was playing baseball, he's always bowing yard.

[Jay Pharoah]

So to get on this wheel, I'm very curious about this. So what did you have to do?

[Sean]

We walked over to the other side of the FedEx Kinkos and made a fake marriage certificate.

[Hayes]

We went from the one counter and then we got the marriage certificate, and we just sort of slapped on the other name to say, you know, like, it's like, it's kind of. We're all cool with each other. We're insatiable.

[Sean]

And they kept asking us if we were doing. They could kind of tell that's what we were doing.

[Jay Pharoah]

Right.

[Hayes]

And they're like, hey, you're not making a fake copy, are you? And we'd say this is a completely separate event. And that's actually illegal for you to ask me that.

[Jay Pharoah]

Right, Right.

[Hayes]

You know, which I don't know if it was.

[Jay Pharoah]

And now y' all are all in the.

[Hayes]

I think actually what we did was illegal. As I look back.

[Sean]

They're being fucking freaks about it. They're being so fucking stupid about it at the bank.

[Jay Pharoah]

You're in a poly relationship, but Lorne Michaels and you.

[Hayes]

You on paper. Yes, on paper. We're in a poly relationship with Lorne Michaels. Ethical non monogamy.

[Sean]

And they make you lay out, like, everything you do to each other. And, like, how bad you want it? Like, you said, like that we're taking insatiables off each other.

[Jay Pharoah]

How are y'? All? How hot are y'?

[Sean]

All?

[Jay Pharoah]

For Lauren Micha?

[Sean]

Each of us have our different piece of him that we kind of get on paper.

[Hayes]

We can never fully be satisfied.

[Jay Pharoah]

We are left cheek, right cheek. That's what we're talking about here.

[Sean]

It's bisected the other direction, so it's top and bottom.

[Hayes]

Yeah.

[Jay Pharoah]

Wow. Like. Like the. Like that Tales from the Crip episode with Joe Pesci got cut in half. The twins. This was, like, back in 1991. How do I remember this?

[Sean]

Horizontally on the middle of his butt.

[Jay Pharoah]

Yes, in the middle of his butt, horizontally.

[Sean]

Wow. Yeah. You just told you that guy's crazy. Crypt Keeper.

[Hayes]

Yeah. He shouldn't have done that.

[Jay Pharoah]

You all just magic showed. Lauren. Lauren Michaels. That's crazy.

[Hayes]

He shouldn't have done that to Joe Pesi.

[Jay Pharoah]

He shouldn't have.

[Hayes]

I. Some of the. Obviously, there was a point when Cancel Culture got a little out of control. I think with the Crypt Keeper, we got it right.

[Jay Pharoah]

Yeah.

[Sean]

They want us to go to a

[Hayes]

court, and we don't want to do.

[Sean]

We have been hiring private detectives to investigate the leadership of the bank and their families and also the judge.

[Jay Pharoah]

Right.

[Sean]

And here's what we learned. The judge is a huge fan of the original Kings of Comedy.

[Jay Pharoah]

Really?

[Hayes]

Yes.

[Sean]

She is an older white woman. Her name is Judge McGillicuddy, and she goes crazy.

[Hayes]

She's crazy for it.

[Sean]

With four original Kings of Comedy.

[Hayes]

She's watching it all the time.

[Sean]

Yes.

[Jay Pharoah]

So before you smashed her, she asked

[Sean]

you to do so. I just want to go back a little bit. We have not smashed her yet.

[Jay Pharoah]

Oh, yes.

[Hayes]

On paper, we can't get enough of Lord Michael, you know, so Judge McGillicuddy is actually investigating, you know, the validity of that claim.

[Sean]

Right.

[Hayes]

So for us to smash her, we would actually be detrimental, as Hay said to the case. Well, if I did a good job,

[Sean]

I guess at this stage, I'm not

[Hayes]

gonna do a good job.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Jay Pharoah]

But back to Yalls problem.

[Sean]

If we could get. If we could get as a character reference, two to four of the original Kings of Comedy.

[Jay Pharoah]

Yeah.

[Hayes]

Talking about calling Judge McGillicuddy. Maybe a voice note.

[Sean]

Sean and Hayes are actually dicking down Lord Michaels. Sorry.

[Jay Pharoah]

Oh, it's cool.

[Sean]

Dicking down Lorne Michaels in a real legal way. Like, are actually married to him and in love.

[Hayes]

As an. Yeah. As an example, if Cedric the Entertainer were to vouch for the fact that I had personally hit Lorne Michael's back walls in your presence.

[Jay Pharoah]

He'd be like, hey, hey, dawg, That. That between you and God, dog. That's. That a. That. That's that. That's what he would say for that. What he would say.

[Sean]

He saw it and is. Is saying that, like, we are. We're upstanding guys. Our money situation is like, keep it.

[Hayes]

Everything is above board.

[Jay Pharoah]

Right?

[Hayes]

And we're two crazy horn dogs who always follow the laws. And then there's a separate law in our house, which is that Lorne never goes to bed unfucked. And so we are honoring both the government set of laws and also the law of the home. And there is a throw pillow that we've been lord over.

[Jay Pharoah]

Well, first, what I. I like to say to you two gentlemen, Y' all done hit the jackpot. Literally. Yeah. If I hit Lord Michaels, boy, I tell you. Yeah. I have even more shows on television, more than I got now. But I'm gonna tell you something. What you need to do, make sure that you play Jungle Fever. Cause, you know, he liked that song. He liked to imagine himself as a black man sometime. So you go ahead and just have that playing in the background, and then y' all gonna have a real good relationship. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah.

[Sean]

This is a great start. This is such a good start. First of all, that's very valuable information for us if we do ultimately, like, convert this into a real thing. Kind of what we're hoping you'd be doing better than.

[Jay Pharoah]

Than. Than Steve Harvey, as he told you, right?

[Sean]

Yes, I. If we could get it directly to the judge.

[Hayes]

So what we need, he has for the judge.

[Sean]

McGillicuddy.

[Hayes]

McGillicuddy.

[Jay Pharoah]

McGillicuddY.

[Sean]

Leave this.

[Podcast Host]

Yes.

[Hayes]

Hey, I don't make the names. I just use them.

[Sean]

And Bernie's her favorite. I'll just say she does not know.

[Hayes]

She has not heard, and we're not gonna be the ones to break it to her. She's already been mad at us.

[Sean]

No one in her life will tell her.

[Hayes]

Stern judge.

[Jay Pharoah]

Nobody in the life will tell her that you two are clapping Lorne Michaels.

[Sean]

No, we. No thank you. That's all. We're asking that question because we need to get this straight. Right?

[Jay Pharoah]

You need to.

[Sean]

We need to tell her that. No one will tell her. And now I'm worried that Jay doesn't know.

[Hayes]

Yeah. And now I feel like I'm in a Judge McGillicuddy situation.

[Jay Pharoah]

You know what? I'm up to speed now. Got it. Download it.

[Sean]

That Bernie Mac is dead.

[Jay Pharoah]

What? Yeah, he's dead.

[Hayes]

But he's. But he is in heaven.

[Jay Pharoah]

What? When. When did he die, Adam?

[Podcast Host]

I don't know.

[Sean]

I just looked it up.

[Podcast Host]

So.

[Sean]

And so what did you find when you did that?

[Hayes]

So it seems like it may be. Did you find a date?

[Sean]

He was asking. He was asking a time.

[Jay Pharoah]

No.

[Hayes]

No one knows.

[Sean]

Nobody knows. Okay, you looked it up and it said nobody knows.

[Jay Pharoah]

Nobody knows. And one of the most famous comedians. That. That is crazy. All right. Okay, so you need the message to get to him. So.

[Sean]

Message to get to her. And so we're saying she does not know because no one in her life will tell her that we lost Bernie Mac.

[Jay Pharoah]

Well, that's a. That's a. That's a. That's a leg. That's a. That's me. This is my tip of D.L. hughley. Okay, let me just go to Bernie Mack.

[Hayes]

All right,

[Sean]

Conf.

[Jay Pharoah]

That was a little help. I'm working on it. Okay. Okay, go ahead. All right, so. All right, this is what you want. I know this is what you want. Let me tell you something. Let me just say something to you. Now you got two white boys made a lie. That's real, you know, real lie, that's crazy, you know, lie that normal. Make no sense. First of all, how these two some of matrix gonna get to where Lorne Michaels is Now, they would have talked about him a little bit, you know what I'm saying? But what they forgot to talk about is the fact that he all got a whole bunch of titty bitches beans. You a need to talk about that. Hit a whole bunch of city bean, AKA soybean, you know what I'm saying? That's exactly what it is. So these two, some of them a. These two, some of them come up with a goddamn lie, you know what I'm saying? Some more they got with them and they bust on. They busting them off, you know, they busting them off inside of them. So they haven't. They having one of them Greek relationships, you know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? Back in the back, back in the island of Ty, you know what I mean? You know what I mean? Back, they having a 300 it type of situation, you know, they having the boys in the barracks, you know what I'm saying? So what you need to do, all you need to do. Oh, you need to do. Oh, you need to do, all you need to do, all you need to do is you need to take the information and you just need to validate. They gonna believe your ass. You know why? Because you a judge. Thank you.

[Hayes]

Okay, this is. The impression is so good. The description of the dynamic is really good.

[Sean]

Well, I didn't catch every single word it did sound like. Which I think we probably can use that we are. We are titty banging Lorne Michaels.

[Jay Pharoah]

No, no, I didn't say that. I said busting them off. Busting them off.

[Sean]

I thought that was a different part.

[Hayes]

But at one point, I think you described it as a lie that we had come up with.

[Sean]

That I did hear.

[Hayes]

That was the part I caught. That was a little bit of a red flag for me just in terms of us trying to just go with it.

[Sean]

Anyway, he was telling the judge to

[Hayes]

tell other people it's real.

[Jay Pharoah]

Yes. Like the bank. Because here's thing though. Bernie is so. He not gonna lie.

[Sean]

Oh, okay.

[Hayes]

Yes.

[Jay Pharoah]

He's so real.

[Sean]

That's right.

[Jay Pharoah]

And what he's gonna do is he's gonna tell the truth, but he's still gonna get the. He's still gonna get the mission accomplished. And that's what he did. So the judge. That's why all of y' all know,

[Hayes]

you know, I mean, Bernie telling her, hey, you gotta tell the bank that this is real.

[Sean]

Yes.

[Hayes]

I think is maybe more powerful than Bernie sang.

[Sean]

And her hearing that from Bernie, I think. I think that will probably get us there. I did hear something about titty begging,

[Hayes]

but there was something about titty.

[Sean]

Did I hear sword meat?

[Jay Pharoah]

No, I didn't say that.

[Sean]

But you didn't say that.

[Jay Pharoah]

No, I said you had a 300.

[Sean]

I remember that. Yes.

[Hayes]

Yeah, like a Greek situation.

[Sean]

I remember all that. That was a different part.

[Jay Pharoah]

Yeah.

[Sean]

Yeah. Okay.

[Jay Pharoah]

I was just. And then whatever he, whatever he was rattling off after. After that, you know, he was, you know, be rattling off a whole bunch of things.

[Sean]

He did rattle off.

[Jay Pharoah]

He just say whatever, you know, he did rattle off. He tell you something. Let me tell you something. Jud forget what the hell I just said. This whole thing is totally real, okay? This whole thing is totally real. So what I'm going to need you to do is help everybody out, cuz, you know what I'm saying? You know, white people, you know, they get very weird sometime, you know, sometime they get weird.

[Hayes]

Yeah.

[Jay Pharoah]

They really telling each other, you know, grab each other by the nut, know. Yeah. About enough time. Hey, what you got down there? That call sexual anyway?

[Hayes]

It's called that.

[Jay Pharoah]

Anyway. Only thing you need to do is make sure you get everything approved. I'mma tell you, you, everything approved. You going to be coming to my show and I'm going do comedy in front of you. You going to like everything you see. I'mma tell you why. Cause I'm a likable person.

[Sean]

You know, the promising tickets to so that she can go to a show and see you, I think is.

[Jay Pharoah]

That's what I'm talking about.

[Sean]

Yes.

[Jay Pharoah]

So if you take this and you make sure that everybody know that it's not allowed 100. We'll make sure you get season tickets to Bernie Mac. To Bernie Matt. Season tickets.

[Hayes]

Season tickets to Bernie Mac. Imagine courtside seats to watch Bernie Mac.

[Jay Pharoah]

Oh, that's wild thing. Yeah.

[Sean]

Thank you.

[Hayes]

That is exactly what we needed.

[Sean]

I am ready to deliver the Q phrase, the trigger phrase.

[Hayes]

Now. We are we. You held up your end of the bargain. Let us do our job.

[Sean]

Hiya, frog.

[Hayes]

So that is the phrase that activates our army.

[Jay Pharoah]

Hiya, frog. H. Frog. Oh, yeah, just, yeah, pronounce it differently. Okay, cool.

[Hayes]

Yeah, so that, well, it does have two different, different.

[Sean]

I know two different meanings.

[Jay Pharoah]

It's a double entendre, actually,

[Sean]

in a way.

[Jay Pharoah]

Haya.

[Sean]

Haya frog. It means if you're frog. That means two completely different things.

[Jay Pharoah]

Yeah.

[Sean]

When she's coming at you saying hiya, or if she's saying hiya, frog.

[Hayes]

Hiya, frog.

[Jay Pharoah]

Those are two great impressions.

[Hayes]

You know, I don't do, you know, impressions. I just, I just do the key phrase that activates our army of, of listeners to buy now.

[Sean]

Buy, not stream.

[Hayes]

Don't, don't stream it. Purchase.

[Jay Pharoah]

Right.

[Hayes]

Jay Pharoah's album the Odyssey.

[Sean]

Every day for the rest of your life.

[Hayes]

The rest of your life. Now it is time for me to come clean about something. The life expectancy of the listeners of this podcast is extremely low. Something about out where we're listened to or who this appeals to has a real overlap with poor decisions and poor general health.

[Sean]

And unfortunately, buying an album every single day is going to accelerate the timeline.

[Hayes]

It will endanger them.

[Jay Pharoah]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I, I, I can see that this, this seems like a horror film them and how. Yeah, I can just see somebody's in the car. Yeah. Listening to y'. All.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Jay Pharoah]

And then, you know, by the end of the, by the end of the podcast.

[Sean]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jay Pharoah]

It's just like Mars attacks with the eardrum. Yeah,

[Sean]

that's right. That's one way it happens. Sometimes they'll be listening and they'll be like that bridge abutments starting to look pretty appealing.

[Hayes]

Yeah, I bet I can beat it. They're racing the bridge abutments by driving right at it, and then it becomes,

[Sean]

you know, to them, it makes sense. Another person is maybe on the road also listening to us, and they're all sort of like racing to get to

[Hayes]

the bridge of buttons do appear to be concentrated. Yeah. In this one.

[Jay Pharoah]

Cause they want to live.

[Hayes]

Halfway house.

[Jay Pharoah]

Because they want to live. That's why they all doing that, you know? Yeah. That's how you all helping people. People. You are.

[Hayes]

I do think so. I do think so. I think it's.

[Jay Pharoah]

We're.

[Hayes]

We're finding a special group of people who don't appear to like anything else. And this is scratching an itch that no one else has reached.

[Jay Pharoah]

Oh, man. Scratching the itch no one else has reached.

[Podcast Host]

That's.

[Jay Pharoah]

That's. That's crazy.

[Sean]

What we. What we did for Lauren as well.

[Jay Pharoah]

Yeah, sounds. Yeah, seems like it. I mean, I wouldn't know. I.

[Hayes]

You know, I. Yeah, we wouldn't either. But on behalf. We were scratching an itch no one could reach. Yeah.

[Jay Pharoah]

Right. You know what? I know somebody who listens to you all show that it's still alive.

[Hayes]

That is the nicest thing. You know, we really are not here for the glazing and the compliments, but to have you sit and whether it's true or not, say, you know, someone who listens to the show who's still alive. That is so kind of.

[Sean]

And if we could put that in, like, our episode description or something like,

[Hayes]

I mean, this is the clip. Just the idea that someone alive listens to the show, that is going to be so encouraging for so many family members of our former listeners. The class action suit, again, I mean, you're just helping us with judges left and right.

[Sean]

Yes.

[Hayes]

Because for you to say that, and you don't have to give us a name or anything.

[Jay Pharoah]

I mean, I know the. I mean, I've never met the dude, but I do know who he is.

[Sean]

Yes. Oh, okay.

[Hayes]

Yep. Great.

[Jay Pharoah]

Yeah, he's kind of famous, you know.

[Sean]

Okay. Yeah. If you could give us a name.

[Hayes]

Well, now I'm curious.

[Jay Pharoah]

His name is. His name is Fleece Johnson.

[Hayes]

Fleece Fleece Johnson.

[Jay Pharoah]

Yeah. He's the Booty Warrior. Yep, as a matter of fact. Yeah.

[Sean]

I assumed it was a different Fleece Johnson. You're telling me that Fleece Johnson, the Booty Warrior, listens to this podcast and is alive?

[Jay Pharoah]

Yeah, and this is gonna be the horniest podcast for him because you just talked about how you all were pretending to clap Lord Michael's cheeks. He's gonna Love it.

[Hayes]

Yes.

[Jay Pharoah]

You all are on his hit list now. Both of you.

[Sean]

Fleece Johnson.

[Hayes]

Fleece Johnson. Big damn booty Warrior. I mean, as I live and breathe. Unbelievable reveal. You slow played it and it came right out of your hand.

[Sean]

Do you know what that means, Jay? It means that Fleece Johnson, the Booty Warrior, will now be buying your album

[Hayes]

every single day for as long as he lives.

[Jay Pharoah]

That's probably about 15, 20, maybe days. That's good.

[Sean]

That's right, days.

[Jay Pharoah]

Months, actually. I'm measuring months.

[Sean]

15, 20 months. Not happening. No, literally, We've never.

[Hayes]

It's just not that kind of show, you know? And I wish it was, obviously. I wish it was for them and for us, but that's not the situation we find ourselves in.

[Jay Pharoah]

Are you all familiar with Fleece Johnson? You know, he is.

[Hayes]

So he's the Booty Warrior. Am I wrong? Am I wrong about that?

[Jay Pharoah]

No, no, no. You're spot on. You're spot on.

[Hayes]

Okay. Yeah.

[Jay Pharoah]

So you are familiar with his. What is.

[Hayes]

Remind me some of the booty wars that he's fought in.

[Jay Pharoah]

Let's see here. It was the. It was the.

[Sean]

The.

[Jay Pharoah]

The Cheap clapper. I mean, I imagine, 2001.

[Sean]

Oh, the cheat clapper. 2001 war.

[Jay Pharoah]

Yeah. Also known. Also known as a woman's toy. As, you know.

[Sean]

A woman's toy.

[Jay Pharoah]

Yeah.

[Sean]

Okay.

[Jay Pharoah]

Cheek clapper. 20. I mean, it's disguised, you see, that would. Normally, it would make perfect sense for a homosexual couple to have. But you gotta confuse people. It's in marketing, so, you know, like, they got the rabbit and then, you know, you know, the warrior.

[Sean]

In 2002, I imagine he saw action in the Battle of the Bulge.

[Jay Pharoah]

You know? What?

[Sean]

Well, no. Well, not that one.

[Jay Pharoah]

No. The Battle of the Bulges.

[Sean]

The bulges, okay.

[Jay Pharoah]

Yeah.

[Hayes]

It was more than just the one.

[Jay Pharoah]

More than just the one bulge.

[Sean]

Oh, yeah.

[Hayes]

Okay.

[Jay Pharoah]

Please. He's a warrior, man.

[Sean]

Millions.

[Jay Pharoah]

He's. He's a. Millions. Yeah, he's a. He's a warrior. Wow.

[Hayes]

You.

[Jay Pharoah]

I don't know if you ever. You've ever heard this man talk before. He's. He's wild.

[Sean]

How does he talk?

[Jay Pharoah]

Jesus. I know what you want. Yeah,

[Sean]

you're an impression, Hawk.

[Jay Pharoah]

That's him, huh? Yeah. That's how he sounds. Yeah, he sound. That's that guy sound now. He's like this. He's like, hey, look, man, back in the penitentiary, man, booty. Man, Booty is more important than water, man. More important than food. I like booty, man. If I would have seen one of y' all guards in there. Back in the 90s, man, I would have grabbed one of yalls butts, endured you to say something. See, I'm not. I'm a warrior. That's what I am. I'm a warrior. And now it kind of talks like this. Cause he's a bit older and they took all his teeth out his mouth. Cause he was biting people so they took all his teeth out his mouth and now he just. Like a snapping turtle, man.

[Hayes]

We train these soldiers to bite people and then we take their teeth when they continue doing their job. It's just the sad song of the warrior plays again, doesn't it?

[Jay Pharoah]

The sad song of the warrior. Yeah. Yep, yep, yep. Ringing.

[Sean]

God, I can't believe Memorial Day. Our Memorial Day episode just happened.

[Hayes]

I know now. And here we are honoring the troops, man.

[Jay Pharoah]

The booty troops. Yeah. You're not going to hold it until next Memorial Day, are you? You're not gonna do that.

[Hayes]

I mean, they don't make the schedule, but I imagine not. Some of this stuff is too important. Specifically the legal case we have. Bye bye. Hollywood Handbook. Running a business shouldn't feel like surviving a software group project. One app for accounting, another for inventory, another for sales, and somehow none of them talk to each other. That's where Odoo comes in. An all in one business management software that brings every part of your business together from sales and accounting to inventory and marketing, all in one powerful platform. No messy integrations, no bouncing between tabs, and best of all, no spreadsheets. Stop managing software and start managing your business with one unified system. Try for free [e-mail] iheartradio that's o d o o dash o dot com

[Sean]

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[Hayes]

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[Sean]

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[Jay Pharoah]

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[Sean]

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[Jay Pharoah]

Learn [e-mail] Bro, from the show last night to this drive, why is it never chill? Because this is our life backstage on the road. It's loud, messy, real.

[Hayes]

And that's the best part. Whole crew, no plan. Just moving.

[Jay Pharoah]

Good thing Nissan builds for that kind of chaos. Not just test tracks, real life scenes, late nights, road trips. All of it.

[Hayes]

That's why it holds up. Nissan was ranked number one in initial quality among mainstream brands by J.D. power.

[Jay Pharoah]

Yeah, yeah, you can tell.

[Hayes]

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[Jay Pharoah]

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[Hayes]

Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile with a message for everyone Paying Big Wireless way too much. Please, for the love of everything good in this world, stop with Mint. You can get premium wireless for just $15 a month. Of course, if you enjoy overpaying.

[Sean]

No judgments.

[Hayes]

But that's weird. Okay, one judgment anyway. Give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment

[Podcast Host]

of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to 15 per month required Intro rate first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See full [e-mail] this is an I heart podcast.

[Sean]

Guaranteed human.