Nick Kroll, Our Symbiotic Friend

Summary

Hollywood Handbook: "Nick Kroll, Our Symbiotic Friend"

Podcast: Hollywood Handbook
Host: iHeartPodcasts
Release Date: May 5, 2026
Guests: Nick Kroll
Duration Covered: Main content (~00:00–40:46)

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Episode Overview

In this chaotic, razor-sharp, and delightfully absurd episode of Hollywood Handbook, hosts Sean Clements and Hayes Davenport welcome comedian, writer, and actor Nick Kroll for a sprawling riff-fest across everything from viral clips and social media synergy to Hollywood’s secret economies, speculative business ideas, and the surreal realities (and virtual realities) of show business. Kroll’s signature quick wit matches the hosts in a volley of running bits—about puppy mills, VR ranches, “symbiotic” relationships, and the meta-business of being funny in Hollywood.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Virtual Reality Ranches & “Puppy Mills”

• [00:37–04:12] The show kicks off with a surreal exploration of a “virtual reality ranch” concept, riffing on the difference between VR and “meatspace.”

  • Nick Kroll: “You guys did Westworld, but life?”
  • Talk turns to what happens at this VR ranch: infinite ice cream, bottomless troughs, puppies, kitties, and—pseudo-alarmingly—discussions of “milling” puppies:
    • Nick Kroll: “So you are milling when you...so when the puppies are being...there’s a millstone and they’re pulverizing the puppies?”
    • The hosts clarify (sort of): you separate parts, you don’t “pulverize.”

• Augmented Reality vs. Virtual Reality explained with Pokémon references

  • Hayes Davenport: “Augmented reality...Visual on screen experience replicating meatspace...but injected with Pokemons.”
  • Nick asks about the Ryan Reynolds/Detective Pikachu connection, leading to tales of unruly press junkets.

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2. “Symbiotic” Show Biz—Clips, Collabs, Content Economy

• [06:07–08:14] Kroll seeks clarity on how the hosts do “clip check” before going on shows. Hayes and Sean dig into social media collaborations, the ecosystem of trading audiences, and their “symbiotic” approach:
  • Sean: “We also do see it as an opportunity...for everyone to benefit in terms of our stuff getting seen.”
  • Nick: “That’s the beauty of it. It’s a give and take, it’s collaboration, it’s symbiotic. Totally.”
  • Bit devolves into grotesque imagery of “barnacle” management, “sucking the teat,” and lamprey-like attachment.
    • Sean: “I’m sucking on your ass. But I’m cleaning stuff out of it too.”
  • They riff on the etiquette of dealing with such “embedded” managers.

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3. Nick’s Career & The “Nick at Nite” Pitch

• [09:11–10:27] The hosts pitch “Nick at Nite”—a play on the nostalgic TV block, only with Nick Kroll taking over late-night talk.
  • Sean: “We need a Trump-positive talk show hosted by Nick Kroll, stat.”
  • Nick: “Nick at Nite. It’s playing off the nostalgia...It’ll be for Paramount plus.”
  • Moves into a Byron Allen/Comics Unleashed tangent:
  • Nick: “You guys get a lot of what you do from...watching a lot of Comics Unleashed, steal from the greats.”

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4. Byron Allen & Monetizing Everything

• [10:51–14:15] The trio satirizes how Byron Allen and similar figures monetize every part of TV—audiences, talent, ad time, and local markets.
  • Hayes: “Everything is monetized.”
  • Sean: “If I need to compel you with some piece of paper to keep working with us, then I haven’t done my job correctly... my value will be far greater than the 20, 25% that I’m taking.”

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5. Vision for Nick’s Future: “Goon on the Moon”

• [14:25–16:26] Hayes delivers his vision of Nick’s five-year-plan: dead on the moon, “hands cupped around his area,” face frozen in a scream—an absurdist, “serene” image.
  • Hayes: “Dead on the surface of the moon...face frozen in a scream, but big cavities in the skull where the eyes used to be. Otherwise, very peaceful."
  • Evolves into “Goon on the Moon”—a film idea about Jim Carrey making “Man on the Moon,” which Nick would play.

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6. The Business of Collaboration

• [16:59–20:15] Outlines the “tub” of representation—room for many managers, deals, and collaboration (including the enigmatic killer “Richie Sambuca”).

  • Sean: “This guy’s a animal. He’s psychotic. Honestly, I’m gonna get cut out of the deal. I know it.”

• “Goldfish” Brain

  • Nick riffs about having “goldfish”—not brain, but “first” or “gold first place,” referencing his forgetfulness.

• Filson Shirt Sizing

  • A tangent on shirt sizing quirks, ending with:
    • Nick: “Go to Filson. Get a small that’s bigger than all of your other shirts.”

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7. “Mating Season”—Nick's Project & the Animal Bit

• [21:00–24:27] Kroll plugs his new animated show, “Mating Season,” featuring anthropomorphic animals exploring relationships in the woods (with Zach Woods, June Diane Raphael, Sabrina Jalees).
  • Nick: "It's all about animals living in the woods, dating, backwoods. Zach Woods, June Diane Rayfield, Sabrina Jaleese, Nick Kroll."
  • Satirical discussion about it being a “for profit” and not a “charity” show.

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8. Blue Jokes, Completion Rate, and Meta-Fame

• [21:16–33:53]

  • Discusses “blue” humor, George Carlin’s seven dirty words, Pete Holmes’ “modern mammals” shampoos that are “pulverized mammals,” and teas/magic mind drinks.
  • Cats are “getting too much testosterone” and running the household, while Sean’s become “the butler.”
    • Sean: “I have no testosterone. They have too much testosterone...I'm more of like a butler figure for the hot cats who are kind of just running roughshod over me."
  • The meta-concept of dying “twice” surfaces:
    • Sean: “Everyone dies twice, don't they, Nick? Well, once when you're on the surface of the moon...and then again the last time someone clicks stream on ‘Mating Season’.”

• Completion Rate Metrics

  • Nick: “I would love to just talk quickly about just getting make sure and really activating our audiences to for completion.”
  • They discuss audience metrics and how to keep subscribers engaged all the way through.

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9. Showbiz Charity, Animal Shows, and Hollywood Satire

• [29:03–34:14]
  • Joking pitch for “Show Charity” (showbiz as charity).
  • Nick critiques and reflects on voiceover in animation, discusses “Cool World”-style hybrids, references “The Aristocrats” joke, and detail how they keep the comedy “fresh.”
  • Nick: "You guys talk about the Aristocrats on here?"
  • Sean: "The last like nine or 15 minutes of every episode is us doing the Aristocrats joke."

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10. Legacy, Fame, and Cemetery Trips

• [35:01–37:27]
  • Plans for a pilgrimage to the "Earwolf Cemetery" to honor fallen comedy legends, reflecting on fame and mortality.
  • Sean: "I hope someone does it for me."
  • Nick: "Are you worried about your mortality?"

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11. “Spill the Tea” & Behind-the-Scenes Hollywood

• [37:31–39:02]
  • Nick prepares to spill a “bombshell” for their tongue-in-cheek “Make a Dish Foundation,” where celebrities cook hospital meals and gossip for sick fans.
  • Richie Sambuca is revealed to work at a leather scarf factory with Richie Sambora, reporting people to ICE so he can keep more scarves.
    • Nick: “That’s the tea: Richie Sambora reported everyone at the factory to ICE.”

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12. Final Comedy Bits & Recommendations

• [39:45–40:46]
  • Finale is a jumble of “mating animals all season long,” completion rates, and the importance of “not skipping” episodes.
  • Hayes triggers the show’s Jokey end with a non sequitur, “The Aristocrats,” and they cycle out.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [01:02] Nick Kroll: “You guys did Westworld, but life?”
• [07:28] Nick Kroll: “That’s the beauty of it. It’s a give and take, it’s a collaboration, it’s symbiotic. Totally.”
• [13:11] Nick Kroll: “Well, you love the process and you’re...not doing too much comedy yourself at this point.”
• [14:25] Hayes Davenport: “Dead on the surface of the moon...face frozen in a scream, but big cavities in the skull where the eyes used to be. Otherwise, very peaceful.”
• [21:00] Hayes Davenport: “So now they let you take another bite at the apple? Sometimes I go, oh, watch out. Something’s coming.”
• [32:15] Sean Clements: “Everyone dies twice, don’t they, Nick?”
• [36:09] Sean Clements: “Well, you said you had a bombshell when you came into the office, you said you were gonna really hit us with some major news.”
• [39:02] Nick Kroll: “That’s the tea: Richie Sambora reported everyone at the factory to ICE.”

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Important Timestamps

• 00:37–04:12 – VR Ranch, puppy/kittens, ice cream, Westworld riff
• 06:07–08:14 – Social media, clips, collaboration satire
• 09:11–10:27 – “Nick at Nite” and talk show pitches
• 10:51–14:15 – Byron Allen, Comics Unleashed, TV business
• 14:25–16:26 – Five-year plan: “dead on the moon”/film pitch
• 21:00–24:27 – “Mating Season” details, animal show
• 29:03–34:14 – Showbiz-as-charity, the “Aristocrats,” voiceover critique
• 35:01–37:27 – Cemetery homage, mortality reflection
• 37:31–39:02 – Richie Sambuca, scarf factory “tea”
• 39:45–40:46 – Final comedy bits, “completion rates,” ending

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Episode Tone & Style

The entire episode is delivered in the signature, meta-comedic, fast-joking style of Hollywood Handbook—bit-laden, knowingly absurd, and full of inside jokes about the “biz,” with Nick Kroll fitting right into the running satire. The tone veers between silly, cynical, and occasionally sweet when talking legacy and process, but always irreverent.

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In Summary

This episode is a winding, riotously funny conversation that zigzags from speculative business ideas and the machinery of “content” to animated puppy mills, animal sex, TV nostalgia, and reflections on fame. Nick Kroll and the hosts maintain a volley of riffs and comedic archeology, poking at the realities of Hollywood and the meta-culture around podcasts, clips, and “entrepreneurial” comedy. If you appreciate intricate comedic banter and surreal scenarios, this episode is a prime example of the Hollywood Handbook machine in full effect.

Transcript

[Nick Kroll]

This is an iHeart podcast.

[Hayes Davenport]

Guaranteed Human.

[Sean Clements]

Hey, guys, it's Sean from Hollywood Handbook. You heard it, now see it. Hollywood Handbook is now available with video episodes, free in the iHeart app. Watch your favorite podcasts, full episodes from start to finish, all in the free iHeart app. You can also watch lots of your other favorite podcasts like hey, Jonas, Las Culturistas, Post Run High and more. Hear the voices you know now see the moments you missed. Open the iHeartRadio app, search video podcast or search Hollywood Handbook. And tap. Watch

[Hayes Davenport]

who. My face Dirty.

[Sean Clements]

Huh?

[Hayes Davenport]

Dirt on my face.

[Nick Kroll]

I don't know.

[Hayes Davenport]

Did the ranch all day ever take you out to the ranch? No, You.

[Nick Kroll]

You've never taken me to the ranch.

[Hayes Davenport]

Oh, we are rectifying with love today.

[Sean Clements]

Okay, today we may need to cut this episode short because it's a little bit of traffic this time of day to get to the ranch, but it's wor.

[Nick Kroll]

Worth it.

[Hayes Davenport]

Yeah, it's VR. Hey, man, he's kidding. It's a virtual reality.

[Nick Kroll]

It's a. It's a virtual reality ranch. Yes, dude, you guys did Westworld, but life.

[Hayes Davenport]

So Westworld is not that.

[Nick Kroll]

It's not a ranch.

[Hayes Davenport]

It's from the west, but it's not VR. Virtual reality is a completely different concept from Westworld. People do say this. I'd appreciate if you could help get out there now that you've been educated. Now. Now that you've been educated. That casual reality, I did not want

[Sean Clements]

that to be what the episode was.

[Nick Kroll]

Sorry, but I.

[Sean Clements]

But it's. This is going to take us all

[Hayes Davenport]

the way to the end.

[Nick Kroll]

I'm really sorry to bring it up. I didn't mean to stir the. Stir the bonnet right away.

[Sean Clements]

Well, let's do it now. You start it. Explain it.

[Hayes Davenport]

Westworld takes place in meatspace, even though some of the characters, some of the personalities in the experience are cybernetic.

[Nick Kroll]

Sure.

[Hayes Davenport]

Virtual reality takes place entirely on the computer plane, the digital.

[Nick Kroll]

So it's not a helmet. Is it a helmet driven experience?

[Hayes Davenport]

It is a helmet. Thank you for understanding that. Because some people say goggles. No, no. This is a full immersion shoulder to hair helmet.

[Nick Kroll]

Lowered down like a Joan Cusack in a high school movie. Like broken.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah, that's the halo and the neck brace and everything. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. It's like that.

[Nick Kroll]

And then you're on the ranch. And what's the vibe on the ranch?

[Hayes Davenport]

There's ice cream.

[Sean Clements]

There's infinite ice cream.

[Nick Kroll]

Bottomless, bottomless troughs of ice cream.

[Sean Clements]

And I eat it. Bottomless oh, yeah, I bet you do.

[Nick Kroll]

Because that's the.

[Hayes Davenport]

Randy.

[Nick Kroll]

That's the vibe in the ranch.

[Sean Clements]

At the ranch, there's no rules.

[Hayes Davenport]

There's puppies and. And kitties. Yeah, like, that's what we're ranching for the most part.

[Nick Kroll]

You're ranching puppies and kitties. You're heard. Puppies and kitties.

[Sean Clements]

Kitties, yes.

[Nick Kroll]

So it's a puppy mill. Is that what we're talking about? Is this a puppy mill that you guys are running?

[Sean Clements]

Virtual puppy mill with ice cream.

[Hayes Davenport]

Like, it's the same as, like, a cereal mill for puppies. So it is a. It is a puppy mill in that.

[Nick Kroll]

Like a cereal mill. Oh, like. Like the. The real versions of the ancient grain of cereal.

[Hayes Davenport]

You break them down into their, like, component.

[Nick Kroll]

Yes.

[Hayes Davenport]

Parts.

[Nick Kroll]

So you are.

[Hayes Davenport]

It's virtual reality.

[Sean Clements]

But.

[Nick Kroll]

So you are milling when you. So when the puppies are being. There's a millstone and they're pulverizing the puppies.

[Hayes Davenport]

No, because that would be like. That wouldn't be as useful for. Like, you just break them down so you can separate the little, like, parts out. Like, the parts that you need. You don't want them. Like, what would you do with. Pulverize means turn to dust.

[Nick Kroll]

Yeah. You can make.

[Hayes Davenport]

I guess my question.

[Sean Clements]

I mean, it would be sludge in this case. What are you going to do with the sludge? Drink it, I guess. I guess you drink it.

[Nick Kroll]

You drink the puppies.

[Hayes Davenport]

We gotta get you. We gotta get you out here.

[Sean Clements]

You've got to get out.

[Hayes Davenport]

Gotta get out to the ranch. You gotta get out to the ranch. We take turns.

[Sean Clements]

You would love it.

[Hayes Davenport]

So you specifically would love it. Yeah, I'm using it.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah. 100.

[Nick Kroll]

Color me intrigued.

[Hayes Davenport]

Ice cream is so good. The ice cream's in the helmet and.

[Nick Kroll]

And vert. Sorry. I know, I know. We want to move on, but. And virtual reality is different than augmented reality.

[Hayes Davenport]

Augmented reality has been augmented. Yeah. Visual on screen experience replicating meatspace, the world that we move through, but injected with Pokemons. Oh, yes.

[Nick Kroll]

That's the augmented reality stuff. So it's. Right.

[Hayes Davenport]

Yes. Hitmonchan is there.

[Nick Kroll]

That's one of the Pokemon.

[Hayes Davenport]

Yeah, Hitmonlee is there.

[Nick Kroll]

Did you guys get to talk there?

[Sean Clements]

Yeah, Psyduck's there.

[Nick Kroll]

Did you guys get to talk to Ryan Reynolds when he was doing Detective Pikachu Press? Did he come through?

[Sean Clements]

Yeah. So that episode still has not released. We have a little bit of a background. That one. We are. Well, he's something of a riffman, so there's A lot of good runs in there and it's kind of picking and choosing cuz we do have to hit our target time. Yeah, yeah. And so but that one, yeah, obviously he did sit down with us and we haven't released it yet but Ryan was here and you know, a fun project and he was fun talking about it. Although we couldn't keep him corralled into just that. He hit on every topic you could imagine.

[Nick Kroll]

Yeah.

[Sean Clements]

From pissing to shitting to having sex to you know, soccer, football, you know, killing news to killing someone drinking gin, you know, and everything that he brought up it was like, oh, this he's an expert on. Oh now this he's an expert on. And it became like no, his mind holds the entire universe at once and he's just sort of funneling it down to me.

[Nick Kroll]

So yeah. So then choosing the clips has gotta be challenging.

[Sean Clements]

It's really been a slow process. Even understanding the clips for me has been a.

[Nick Kroll]

Well, so like I wanted to talk to you guys about your clips.

[Hayes Davenport]

Yeah, okay.

[Nick Kroll]

Cause I'm, you know, not super familiar at this point but with the show

[Hayes Davenport]

you'll go on, before you go on a show, you'll do a quick clip chat.

[Nick Kroll]

I'll do a quick, quick clip check,

[Hayes Davenport]

see what am I in for and what's my following it for.

[Nick Kroll]

Yeah.

[Hayes Davenport]

Will I be co posting.

[Nick Kroll]

Yes, yes. Will there be a collaboration?

[Sean Clements]

Collab would be so big for us, you know, because we, you know, we count on that to sort of break containment. Of course our audience knows us already but your audience, Nick, you check with

[Hayes Davenport]

your social media liaison.

[Nick Kroll]

Sure.

[Hayes Davenport]

To say is there an opening to.

[Nick Kroll]

No. And I've. And he. Your team, they, your team has been in, your team has been in quite regular contact about the clips and what. And collab and inviting. Inviting a collab and will Nick accept and can, you know.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah, we like to get some sort of assurance before we even find what the clip is, you know, right before

[Hayes Davenport]

we want to talk to you.

[Nick Kroll]

Yeah. And I, and I, but I respect that about you guys. You guys are really straightforward.

[Sean Clements]

We try to be above board where it's like, you know, obviously we want to promote your stuff and you got so much good stuff. But we also do see it as an opportunity for everyone to benefit in terms of our stuff getting seen.

[Nick Kroll]

Sure, sure. I mean that's the beauty of it. It's a give and take, it's a collaboration, it's symbiotic. Totally.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Nick Kroll]

Sucking the succubus of it all.

[Sean Clements]

Sucking on. Yeah. Yeah, sucking on.

[Nick Kroll]

You know, sucking on the teat.

[Sean Clements]

I'm sucking on your ass. But I'm cleaning stuff out of it too.

[Nick Kroll]

You know, like you guys are. Thank you. You guys are a couple human bar butt barnacles.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah. Lamprey.

[Nick Kroll]

What's that?

[Hayes Davenport]

Remora.

[Sean Clements]

Lamprey.

[Nick Kroll]

Uh huh. Is that kind of like in the stingray family? A tick bird. Yeah. A what?

[Sean Clements]

Little tick bird.

[Nick Kroll]

A little tick bird.

[Sean Clements]

Just park myself right up there on

[Hayes Davenport]

your ass and I'll take that rhinoceros right on top and.

[Nick Kroll]

Are you giving stuff in there? Are you just sucking out? Or are you putting stuff in the system too?

[Hayes Davenport]

We know what we're doing up there. You know what I mean? When we're feeling around up there, you know exactly, exactly what. What we're doing. Don't you wor.

[Nick Kroll]

Can I say, like, if I. If you guys embed into me, is it best to smoke you out? Is it best to scoop you out? Smoke us out.

[Sean Clements]

Hey man, I didn't know it was that kind of episode today.

[Nick Kroll]

You can smoke us out.

[Sean Clements]

Geez, 420 was a week or two ago, but I could make an exception.

[Hayes Davenport]

Nah, man.

[Nick Kroll]

No, we're having fun for real.

[Hayes Davenport]

No, don't touch us at all while it's happen. Yeah. Do not even physically.

[Nick Kroll]

Don't physically touch.

[Sean Clements]

Don't hang during that moment.

[Hayes Davenport]

Keep it pushing. Do not do anything just to let

[Sean Clements]

us go all the way through. If you pull us out when we're halfway in, you don't know what we're gonna take with us.

[Nick Kroll]

I'm okay. Good to know.

[Hayes Davenport]

Nick roll. It's time.

[Nick Kroll]

Close

[Hayes Davenport]

a roll for you.

[Nick Kroll]

Okay. A Nick roll.

[Sean Clements]

Your most challenging one yet. Yourself.

[Hayes Davenport]

Yeah, but we have to. We have to stop.

[Sean Clements]

Come on, man, you guys gotta set the table.

[Hayes Davenport]

We have to. We have to stop pretending.

[Sean Clements]

Come on.

[Hayes Davenport]

It's time for you to take over. Or jimmy Nick at night.

[Sean Clements]

Nick at night.

[Nick Kroll]

Take over. Nick at night as. No, you do both. Or I call the. I take over late night. And I do. I call Nick at night.

[Hayes Davenport]

This guy's radioactive, okay? There's no telling what he'll do next.

[Nick Kroll]

I.

[Hayes Davenport]

You got to stop it.

[Sean Clements]

He's a goddamn ticking fucking time bomb, Nick.

[Hayes Davenport]

And it's only. We're all in the blast radius. Or take us down with him.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah, he's willing to say anything. We need a trump positive talk show hosted by Nick Kroll stat.

[Nick Kroll]

Nick at night. It's playing off the nostalgia we do. It'll be for Paramount plus.

[Hayes Davenport]

Got it.

[Nick Kroll]

Because they own the underlying rights, obviously. So it's exciting to think about that collaboration.

[Sean Clements]

Oh, my God.

[Nick Kroll]

It would be really. I'm. It would be really exciting for me.

[Sean Clements]

What a superpower. It's all going to be one company soon anyway.

[Hayes Davenport]

It's all. It's this. And this is going to be a Comics Unleashed also.

[Nick Kroll]

Yeah. What we're doing is we're buying local markets and it's an interesting. This is actually what I wanted to talk to you guys about.

[Hayes Davenport]

Sticking around.

[Nick Kroll]

Here we are.

[Sean Clements]

I hate that it's. Here we are.

[Nick Kroll]

Here we are. Right.

[Hayes Davenport]

Can you.

[Nick Kroll]

But let's talk about local market purchasing of ad time. And it's.

[Hayes Davenport]

What.

[Nick Kroll]

And finally, let's talk about Byron. Let's talk about Byron Allen.

[Hayes Davenport]

Finally have the Byron card.

[Nick Kroll]

Let's talk about Byron genuinely. Can we talk about Byron the segue man? Yeah, right. Well, exactly. Now, I feel like you guys get a lot of what you do from sort of having watched a lot of

[Sean Clements]

Comics Unleashed steal from the greats.

[Hayes Davenport]

And we watch it. And how do we watch it? Like everyone else on tv. No, we are paid audience members. That is our main job. More Comics Unleashed. And so then you get to watch not only the comedy, but all the rehearsals as well.

[Nick Kroll]

Yeah, watching the. Yeah. So the element of routines over and over again.

[Sean Clements]

Oh, yes. See them explain the routine to B. The way that he introduced it the first time actually did not set up what they were going to do. And some other ways he could maybe approach it.

[Nick Kroll]

And so you guys must be super interested in how he's. He's basically just leasing the time that. That 11:30 slot on CBS is now just going to be leased out to Byron Allen. And. And he's buying up local markets and

[Hayes Davenport]

then he sells ads to products based on unspecified animals.

[Nick Kroll]

Yes. Pulverized puppies, per chance.

[Hayes Davenport]

Hey, if someone were to get into that business, puppies probably should be someone with a little experience. Right.

[Sean Clements]

I'd look the other way.

[Nick Kroll]

And that's because you have trouble making eye contact.

[Sean Clements]

I'm struggling with that my whole life.

[Nick Kroll]

Nick. We're 13 minutes in. Almost 13. We're 1330. 1330 and bam, we hit the 1330 mark.

[Sean Clements]

So, you know, with.

[Hayes Davenport]

What was that feeling?

[Sean Clements]

Like probably about 10 minutes of content.

[Nick Kroll]

Yeah, that felt a bit like about 10 minutes of content and 3 minutes of just fun for the boys.

[Sean Clements]

Some of that stuff's just for us.

[Hayes Davenport]

So we make money coming and going on this thing.

[Nick Kroll]

Really?

[Hayes Davenport]

Yes. Because also, of course, all the comics are paying to be on the show. And when we say paid audience members, mean we pay You.

[Nick Kroll]

Yes, of course. You pay to be in the audience.

[Hayes Davenport]

Of course. And so everything is monetized.

[Sean Clements]

I benefit so much. And, you know, with something like comics on. Lee, I do want to see how the sausage gets made.

[Nick Kroll]

Sure. Well, you love the process and you're. But you don't really. You're not doing too much comedy yourself at this point.

[Sean Clements]

So I have stopped. Not because I was unsuccessful, though. That didn't help. I have stopped because I've found a new passion. And that, of course, is promoting you and your brand.

[Nick Kroll]

Thank you.

[Sean Clements]

And your show.

[Nick Kroll]

Sure. You're into manage. You guys are managing now.

[Sean Clements]

I'm not asking for a percentage yet. If you like what I do, prove your worth. If you feel like. Yes, your visibility has been improved.

[Hayes Davenport]

We don't work in contracts and sign your name.

[Nick Kroll]

Don't sign this little.

[Hayes Davenport]

That's not our business.

[Sean Clements]

If I need to compel you with some piece of paper to keep working with us, then I haven't done my job correctly. I actually want you to be excited to cut me a check at the

[Hayes Davenport]

end of the day, where you go,

[Sean Clements]

well, this guy earned this because, like, my value will be far greater than the 20, 25% that I'm taking.

[Nick Kroll]

And I'm very happy with my management, my representation. Everyone says that at first, but I would love to hear where you see me in five years.

[Sean Clements]

Okay, Hayes, you want to take it away?

[Hayes Davenport]

I'm just saying what I saw. I'm just saying what I saw. Okay, you prompted me. I had a vision. Dead on the surface of the moon. Lying dead, completely undisturbed. There's no eruption, explosion, there's no wind up there.

[Sean Clements]

Eyes exploded out of your head.

[Nick Kroll]

Okay. Peacefully dead.

[Hayes Davenport]

Peacefully, peacefully dead. Decomposition, not really an issue. Gravity?

[Nick Kroll]

No gravity.

[Sean Clements]

Face frozen in a scream, sure, right.

[Hayes Davenport]

But big cavities in the skull where the eyes used to be. Otherwise, very peaceful, huh?

[Sean Clements]

Yeah.

[Nick Kroll]

Honestly, could be much worse.

[Sean Clements]

So, I mean, Serenity, the surface of the moon.

[Hayes Davenport]

I should tell. Sorry, I'm just. You did look very peaceful, but you're. You're kind of touching your.

[Nick Kroll]

I'm touching my area.

[Hayes Davenport]

Yeah.

[Nick Kroll]

So I'm screaming.

[Sean Clements]

Face frozen in his scream, kind of around it. On the moon, holding my dick, both hands cupped. Around you?

[Hayes Davenport]

No. Yeah. Just kind of like around the area.

[Sean Clements]

In the zone. Yeah.

[Nick Kroll]

Okay.

[Hayes Davenport]

You didn't get there in time is what it kind of seems like happened.

[Nick Kroll]

Ultimate. The ultimate Goon.

[Hayes Davenport]

There was time now, right?

[Sean Clements]

Goon on the moon.

[Hayes Davenport]

Goon on the Moon.

[Sean Clements]

Goon on the Moon. That was the name of what we were trying to make when something went wrong.

[Nick Kroll]

Well, that's my movie about Jim Carrey making Man on the Moon is me playing Jim Carrey making the movie.

[Hayes Davenport]

You are playing Jim Carrey making the

[Nick Kroll]

movie man on the Moon, which. Playing Andy Kaufman.

[Hayes Davenport]

You're playing Jim Carrey playing Andy Kaufman. Yes. Playing Tony Clifton, telling his manager that he doesn't. He's never seen him before.

[Nick Kroll]

Yes. So if that's what five years is.

[Hayes Davenport]

Seeing a plane and screaming because he thinks that planes weren't around in the 1970s.

[Nick Kroll]

Yeah, yeah. That's the idea.

[Hayes Davenport]

And because you didn't see the original movie.

[Nick Kroll]

I did not, but I saw. I heard people talk about the documentary about Jim Carrey making the movie. So mine is based. Our movie will be b. Our movie. If you guys are willing to engage.

[Sean Clements]

I like to think of it that way, as ours.

[Nick Kroll]

Great. Yeah. Well, if you want to be my manager, you know, get involved.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah, I would like.

[Hayes Davenport]

And he doesn't need you. Say you're happy with yours. That's. There's a lot of room in the tub.

[Sean Clements]

You know me on the.

[Hayes Davenport]

Why shove them aside.

[Nick Kroll]

Sure, sure.

[Sean Clements]

It could be a great collaboration.

[Hayes Davenport]

You got 45, like, 55 left.

[Nick Kroll]

Okay.

[Hayes Davenport]

To go around. Yeah, let's all. Let's eat.

[Nick Kroll]

You know, let's all. Yeah, let's all. Let's all come to the table.

[Sean Clements]

I'll do it, too. You're in.

[Hayes Davenport]

I'm in.

[Sean Clements]

Okay.

[Hayes Davenport]

I'll get in there too.

[Nick Kroll]

Okay.

[Sean Clements]

Richie, you want a slice of this?

[Hayes Davenport]

Yeah, count me.

[Sean Clements]

Okay, Richie's in.

[Nick Kroll]

All right, great.

[Hayes Davenport]

Richie's a killer.

[Sean Clements]

This guy's a animal. He's psychotic. Honestly, I'm gonna get cut out of the deal. I know it. I shouldn't have invited Richie because that's how cutthroat this son of a is. But while I'm there.

[Hayes Davenport]

Ooh.

[Sean Clements]

The eating's gonna.

[Nick Kroll]

Yeah, it's gonna be fun.

[Hayes Davenport]

You know what his. You know what his full name is?

[Nick Kroll]

Who?

[Hayes Davenport]

Richie. We were just so. We were just talking about Richie. So that's Richie right over there when we were saying he's a killer. He's a animal.

[Nick Kroll]

I'm sorry, I should have mentioned. I have full. Goldfish. Goldfish.

[Hayes Davenport]

Goldfish, Goldfish.

[Sean Clements]

Goldfish.

[Nick Kroll]

I have gold first.

[Hayes Davenport]

Oh, my God.

[Nick Kroll]

Different than goldfish brain.

[Hayes Davenport]

Very.

[Sean Clements]

This is. Goldfish is for us.

[Hayes Davenport]

Goldfish can at least swim.

[Nick Kroll]

Well, Goldfish. It was a. It's something. It happened to Austrian man in 1913.

[Hayes Davenport]

Sure.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah.

[Hayes Davenport]

Goldfish.

[Nick Kroll]

Yeah. Adolf goldfish.

[Hayes Davenport]

Unfortunate.

[Nick Kroll]

Yeah, at the time.

[Hayes Davenport]

I see why they call it goldfish instead of Adolf?

[Sean Clements]

Yeah.

[Hayes Davenport]

So that's rich.

[Nick Kroll]

Yeah. Who's Richie?

[Hayes Davenport]

Richie is the guy over there.

[Nick Kroll]

Oh, okay. Oh, hi.

[Hayes Davenport]

And sorry.

[Nick Kroll]

I have a gold first place.

[Hayes Davenport]

Oh, no.

[Sean Clements]

Oh, yeah.

[Hayes Davenport]

We literally. We just had.

[Sean Clements]

Well, it's proof positive. Yeah. Because if it's the conditions presented to us and it's on his shirt and

[Hayes Davenport]

his nice shirt just a tiny bit. It's not.

[Nick Kroll]

It's not a nice shirt.

[Hayes Davenport]

It's like you knew you were gonna spill.

[Sean Clements]

I think that might be a Filson.

[Nick Kroll]

I wish it were a Filson with bizarrely off sizing. Go to Filson. Get a small that's bigger than all of your other shirts. Somehow that's how it works at Filson sometimes.

[Hayes Davenport]

Really?

[Sean Clements]

Filson's a unique sizing brand.

[Nick Kroll]

Yeah.

[Hayes Davenport]

I love that.

[Nick Kroll]

Do you guys ever, like, wearing green or blue? Either of you?

[Hayes Davenport]

Either green or blue.

[Nick Kroll]

Yeah.

[Sean Clements]

Don't make me pick.

[Hayes Davenport]

He's actually wearing both today, and I'm wearing blue right now. That's so crazy that you would say that. We're actually wearing those colors right now today.

[Nick Kroll]

Well, maybe everybody brings a little something to the table.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah.

[Hayes Davenport]

His name is Richie.

[Nick Kroll]

Wait, who is this?

[Hayes Davenport]

That's Richie. His name is Richie Sambuca. Mm. Like Richie Sambora. But it's.

[Sean Clements]

But it's about.

[Hayes Davenport]

It's Sambuca. And so people think when he, like, enter. Like, when he comes to the negotiation table, people think like, party time. Richie Sambuca's here.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah.

[Hayes Davenport]

But.

[Nick Kroll]

Yeah. And is that guard Richie Throat? Can I ask, is that your maiden name?

[Hayes Davenport]

Yes, that is his maiden name.

[Nick Kroll]

Interesting. Richie Sambuca.

[Hayes Davenport]

He has kept his maiden name for business purposes.

[Nick Kroll]

Exactly.

[Sean Clements]

Speaking of maiden names, mating season.

[Nick Kroll]

Look at that.

[Hayes Davenport]

Mating season.

[Nick Kroll]

Finally.

[Sean Clements]

You know, we do have a job to do here.

[Nick Kroll]

21 minutes in.

[Hayes Davenport]

We only have. We got one shot at this.

[Nick Kroll]

Yeah.

[Sean Clements]

The way we cut it, it's gonna feel like 16 minutes.

[Hayes Davenport]

It's gonna be 16.

[Nick Kroll]

So we've cut another two from the.

[Sean Clements]

It'll feel longer. Yeah. Hey, guys, it's Sean from Hollywood Handbook. You heard it, now see it. Hollywood Handbook is now available with video episodes, free in the Iheart app. Watch your favorite podcasts, full episodes from start to finish, all. All in the free iHeart app. You can also watch lots of your other favorite podcasts, like hey Jonas, Las Culturistas, Post Run High and more. Hear the voices you know. Now see the moments you missed. Open the iHeartRadio app. Search video podcasts or search Hollywood Handbook and tap watch.

[Nick Kroll]

But mating season.

[Sean Clements]

Maiden season.

[Nick Kroll]

What the heck are you up to this time, Nick?

[Hayes Davenport]

So now let you. They let you take another bite at the apple? Sometimes I go, oh, watch out. Something's coming.

[Nick Kroll]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Hayes Davenport]

Wow.

[Sean Clements]

Blasted in the torso with a comedy cannonball on this guy.

[Nick Kroll]

It's. Some of it goes a little blue. How do you guys feel about blue stuff?

[Sean Clements]

Oh, my God.

[Hayes Davenport]

I'm actually wearing it right now.

[Sean Clements]

I'm wearing the color. And by the way, if you're talking about getting a little dirty, I love

[Hayes Davenport]

talking about that stuff.

[Nick Kroll]

Yeah.

[Sean Clements]

Oh my God.

[Nick Kroll]

Yeah.

[Hayes Davenport]

Sex. You can say whatever you want.

[Nick Kroll]

Can you? Yeah.

[Sean Clements]

Go crazy.

[Nick Kroll]

Yeah. Do you have all of George Carlin's stuff memorized?

[Sean Clements]

Obsessed. Obsessed. And I consider it. I consider it.

[Hayes Davenport]

And we will do them on here. We will do the seven words. He's going to do them right now. He's going to do all seven. We've done it before and we'll do it every episode.

[Sean Clements]

I say them. I should be allowed to say them. I should explain why it's actually good to say them. And then when I'm done with that little modern man. Little bit of modern man.

[Nick Kroll]

What about modern mammals? How do you guys feel about Pete Holmes shampoos?

[Hayes Davenport]

We never talk about it on this show.

[Sean Clements]

So Pete.

[Hayes Davenport]

We don't talk about it every episode. We don't talk about that. We don't talk about magic.

[Sean Clements]

Mind me bringing up his ads, which are they even ads. They feel so native to the content. They exist in that I can't quite tell. But that's not something we've touched on before. Just like somehow isn't hitting my algorithm. But explain it to me.

[Nick Kroll]

It's.

[Hayes Davenport]

But you can tell what I.

[Sean Clements]

Better than another guy. Somebody friend of his maybe.

[Hayes Davenport]

He's been on that since college. He's been on that tip.

[Nick Kroll]

Modern mammals.

[Hayes Davenport]

Yes.

[Sean Clements]

Really?

[Hayes Davenport]

Shampoo. That is pulverized. It's dust. You don't use it in the shower. You just put it dry.

[Nick Kroll]

Oh, it's a dry. It's like a dry shampoo. You just put it and it's pulverized Mammals.

[Hayes Davenport]

You gotta go outside.

[Nick Kroll]

You gotta do it outside.

[Hayes Davenport]

Do not do it in the house.

[Nick Kroll]

Okay?

[Hayes Davenport]

Go outside. Don't even do it on the property.

[Nick Kroll]

Really. Get off the property before you do it.

[Sean Clements]

You're gonna want a little bit of space

[Hayes Davenport]

in the public right of way in the street. Do it in the street.

[Sean Clements]

Do you need a magic mime, by the way?

[Nick Kroll]

I would love one.

[Sean Clements]

Do you know about this stuff?

[Nick Kroll]

Tell me about it. What's the deal? With magic mind.

[Sean Clements]

Green tea.

[Hayes Davenport]

Yeah,

[Nick Kroll]

that's it, basically, pretty much. Yeah. Would you drink blue tea? Because you like. I know you like green tea. Would you drink blue tea?

[Hayes Davenport]

Blue tea.

[Sean Clements]

What do you have in mind?

[Nick Kroll]

You know what I want. Would you guys drink, like, high tea? Are you guys doing a lot of testosterone right now?

[Hayes Davenport]

Drink pure tea. Yeah, just like gelatinous tea in its natural form.

[Sean Clements]

For me, what I found is that the host is rejecting

[Nick Kroll]

the tea.

[Hayes Davenport]

And it's like an elevator shaft.

[Nick Kroll]

Right.

[Hayes Davenport]

I. I have not straight falls. It doesn't want to be there.

[Sean Clements]

I have not found the correct delivery system yet. But everything so far. Yeah.

[Hayes Davenport]

Talk about having a good side.

[Nick Kroll]

Oh, my God.

[Sean Clements]

Oh, my Jesus.

[Nick Kroll]

Yeah, no, it's a thicker. It's a thicker dosage.

[Hayes Davenport]

Okay.

[Nick Kroll]

So you. But. So you can. You can do, like, an injection.

[Hayes Davenport]

An injection. Okay.

[Nick Kroll]

But it's at least the stuff that I'm. That I'm pedaling.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah, it's thicker. Okay. Well, that could be good for me. I'll try basically anything.

[Nick Kroll]

And it's my own.

[Hayes Davenport]

And it's getting all over the place.

[Nick Kroll]

It's kind of my own personal testosterone.

[Hayes Davenport]

Because cats are walking around. Yeah. Beefed up.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah. Because they're just, you know, behind me, eating it off the ground. Comes tumbling out of my asshole. My cats are.

[Nick Kroll]

And they look good or they're jacked. Are they happy? How are they doing?

[Hayes Davenport]

Their jaws got a little big. Yeah. Yeah.

[Nick Kroll]

Big old jaw.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah.

[Nick Kroll]

And they do it sort of meal plan or like, what are they doing? They just. Because they got to get their calories if they're gonna build muscle.

[Sean Clements]

Oh, yeah. No, they're. They're doing all kinds of different, like, body weight exercises.

[Nick Kroll]

Are they with each other or what's their. What's their relationship?

[Sean Clements]

They are all.

[Hayes Davenport]

Yeah. They're all with each other.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah, they're with each other. Yeah.

[Nick Kroll]

That's really beautiful.

[Hayes Davenport]

Some of the. Some of the. In some directions. It's not going super well right now.

[Nick Kroll]

How so is it. Are you having trouble with either of them or.

[Sean Clements]

I'm having trouble because I am no longer sort of in charge of the household.

[Nick Kroll]

Okay.

[Sean Clements]

I have no testosterone. They have too much testosterone.

[Hayes Davenport]

Where are you saying so I thought you understood. They're all with each other.

[Nick Kroll]

No, I get that. So I didn't want to. Because you know him better. Like, that was my feeling, what you were implying, but I wanted confirmation that you're feeling a little, like, X'd out. Like, you've been sort of boxed out a little bit. Because they're Ribbon.

[Sean Clements]

More of like a butler figure.

[Nick Kroll]

Yeah.

[Hayes Davenport]

Yeah.

[Sean Clements]

For the hot cats who are kind of just running roughshod over me.

[Nick Kroll]

Yeah.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah.

[Nick Kroll]

That's what I. I didn't want to pry, but that's sort of what I was.

[Sean Clements]

Fine. It's fine. I talk about it on the show. You know, the hot testosterone cats in

[Hayes Davenport]

my house, each other's brains. Yeah.

[Sean Clements]

They're fucking like crazy having sex.

[Hayes Davenport]

That's what I thought you meant. Like they're all.

[Nick Kroll]

Yeah. I mean, that's part of it. Like. Yeah.

[Sean Clements]

And I just got to watch. And if I even go. If I try to touch myself.

[Nick Kroll]

Yeah. They get. They get. Well, cuz they still have. You didn't declaw any of them. So they can come right at you.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah, they go ahead and swipe at me. No, no, no.

[Hayes Davenport]

Not till I. Sorry, one second.

[Nick Kroll]

Are you.

[Hayes Davenport]

He's the only person who like the text get through.

[Nick Kroll]

Sure. No, of course. That's the kind of beauty if you figure out what. Like a brick.

[Hayes Davenport]

But he wants me to say, dude gets no pussy about Sean.

[Sean Clements]

Okay.

[Hayes Davenport]

Because it's cats. He's a. Yeah. Killer.

[Nick Kroll]

I'm telling you guys. Just like a shot of Sambuca. It's sweet going in, but it burns when it gets down to the belly.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah. Yes.

[Nick Kroll]

Yeah. It stinks. But you're gonna have a heck of a time.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah. It's fun. Lose your inhibition.

[Nick Kroll]

Would you ever let Richie Sambuca be the bartender at the Ranch?

[Hayes Davenport]

That's so interesting. The bartender. Right. Now that might be an issue because he is currently a ghost in the machine. Okay, so he's not. He's not in the programming.

[Nick Kroll]

Gotcha.

[Hayes Davenport]

Right?

[Nick Kroll]

Enough said.

[Hayes Davenport]

He.

[Nick Kroll]

Enough said.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah. So Nick is done listening to what you're saying.

[Nick Kroll]

Enough said.

[Sean Clements]

You said finally.

[Hayes Davenport]

At last.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah.

[Hayes Davenport]

I can. I can die.

[Nick Kroll]

Yeah. Just ease into the end.

[Hayes Davenport]

Oh, God.

[Nick Kroll]

Eyes closed. Exploded out of your face. Thank you.

[Hayes Davenport]

Thank you.

[Nick Kroll]

Gripping yourself Screaming into oblivion on the surface of the moon.

[Hayes Davenport]

I've been waiting for this for so long.

[Sean Clements]

Enough has been said, right?

[Hayes Davenport]

Anna Konkle. I thought. When she was here. I thought we almost got to the.

[Nick Kroll]

To the end.

[Sean Clements]

We had Anna Conkle a couple weeks.

[Hayes Davenport]

Whoa. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to like.

[Sean Clements]

Whoa. It's like sometimes guests are weird about us talking about other guys. You're confident enough.

[Nick Kroll]

No, I mean, I asked about Ryan. Like, I'm. I'm pretty happy with where things are.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah.

[Hayes Davenport]

Right.

[Sean Clements]

So with good cause. Yeah.

[Nick Kroll]

Yeah. Mating season.

[Hayes Davenport]

Yeah.

[Sean Clements]

Mating season. The cats are having sex. Is some of what's happening on your show? It's animals.

[Nick Kroll]

Well, ironically. Well, you know, there. It's all about animals living in the woods, dating backwoods. Zach Woods.

[Hayes Davenport]

Wow.

[Nick Kroll]

June Diane Rayfield, Sabrina Jaleese. Nick Kroll.

[Hayes Davenport]

Got a little taste for daddy, right? Yeah. You know it's not a charity organization, right?

[Nick Kroll]

That's right. That's right. That's absolutely right.

[Hayes Davenport]

Yeah.

[Nick Kroll]

It is not a charity organization. This is a for profit enterprise. Okay.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah.

[Nick Kroll]

It's, you know, make no mistake, it's

[Sean Clements]

not called show charity.

[Hayes Davenport]

Oh,

[Nick Kroll]

that's a really beautiful idea though.

[Hayes Davenport]

Show charity would be really nice. That'd be awesome.

[Nick Kroll]

It's not a show business, it's a show charity.

[Hayes Davenport]

We're just giving it away. Yeah. And you go begging to various people to be like, can you please, please just give us money to do this? You get nothing.

[Nick Kroll]

Nothing.

[Hayes Davenport]

We're just gonna get it on tv.

[Nick Kroll]

Please, please give me an exorbitant amount of money in the human experience to

[Sean Clements]

make it worth our while, obviously to do. But a show charity organization like that

[Nick Kroll]

could really be something where any overages, you know, we donate. Yeah, anything.

[Hayes Davenport]

Anything that's left over. But like also me. We should probably put it back into the show.

[Sean Clements]

Well, I need a little taste for me.

[Hayes Davenport]

Yeah.

[Sean Clements]

Now obviously we. I mean, if you're giving money at all, you probably want that to end up on screen, at least in the

[Hayes Davenport]

pockets of the people on screen, you know, for sure. For the.

[Nick Kroll]

Right. And it's because you gotta fly him in. He's to you fly him in from Montana.

[Hayes Davenport]

Yeah, exactly.

[Nick Kroll]

But he's the best. Keith is great. He's really. I mean the voice obviously is incredibly special, but his on screen, I was

[Hayes Davenport]

going to say part's bad. But you don't like. You don't like at least like a.

[Nick Kroll]

Like as a voiceover artist. You don't like him?

[Hayes Davenport]

No, not for me.

[Nick Kroll]

Hot take.

[Hayes Davenport]

I think it's great.

[Nick Kroll]

It's like just don't feel it.

[Hayes Davenport]

Just talk.

[Nick Kroll]

I guess because I'm. I guess because I'm in it feels fake, you know, I guess because I'm. I'm sort of. I live in the animation space, mating season, et cetera. I think about voices. Like I really. When I hear a voice, I'm like, is that a voice?

[Hayes Davenport]

Yeah. I also. What's happening almost my entire life on an animated ranch. So you act like you're the only one.

[Nick Kroll]

Is it animated or is it virtual?

[Hayes Davenport]

100% cool world style.

[Sean Clements]

The puppies and kitties. Are cartoons animated? Oh, it's like the Aristocats are there basically.

[Nick Kroll]

Okay, yeah. Do you guys talk about the. The Aristocrats on here? That the joke.

[Hayes Davenport]

We say it at the end. We don't talk about it until the very end.

[Sean Clements]

We do the joke. The last like nine or 15 minutes of every episode is us doing the Aristocrat's joke. And you know, we take bits and pieces of all the. We try to always make it fresh. But we also do borrow from all of the different comedians in the documentary.

[Nick Kroll]

Who told do you guys. Ms. Gilbert.

[Hayes Davenport]

We were just.

[Sean Clements]

I don't have a chance to. Because I'm engaging with his content so often.

[Hayes Davenport]

I mean you're just engaging with this content.

[Sean Clements]

I do think that you aren't actually gone if people are still watching you. Watching and listening and thinking about the work you created.

[Nick Kroll]

I think that's kind of what is behind the concept of fame.

[Sean Clements]

Everyone dies twice, don't they, Nick?

[Nick Kroll]

How so?

[Sean Clements]

Well, once when you're on the surface of the moon, hands reaching for your area, just screaming and your eyes exploded. And then again the last time someone clicks stream on mating season, that's when you die. Once they've completed all the second time.

[Nick Kroll]

I don't know if you guys are completion rate heads but I would love to just talk quickly about just getting make sure and really activating our audiences to for completion.

[Hayes Davenport]

How many minutes do you really need?

[Sean Clements]

Yes.

[Hayes Davenport]

Well, like what are we like let's compromise.

[Sean Clements]

Give me a three day and give me a 26 day target.

[Nick Kroll]

Okay, well let's say it's on Netflix. There's like, I guess like what do we. How many subscribers on Netflix now? This is like 300 million subscribers worldwide. Something I think if we got like 296 million households watching, watching the whole thing. Well, that's the thing. There's gonna be a drop off. So like let's say at least what's

[Hayes Davenport]

the moment that we're thinking that is gonna.

[Nick Kroll]

I mean, I guess there's a moment where Sarah Silverman as a skunk expresses her anal glands all over me.

[Hayes Davenport]

Okay.

[Nick Kroll]

And we end up in a. I'm a raccoon. I'm a dirty little raccoon. And we end up in a copulatory tie. So I think there might be certain markets.

[Sean Clements]

That's inside the skunk's vagina.

[Nick Kroll]

Yes, exactly. Yeah, yeah. But it's really like. It's like it's a one night stand that doesn't end. So then.

[Sean Clements]

Well, of course to actually deal with some real intimacy because of this physical.

[Nick Kroll]

It's like we're taking animals.

[Sean Clements]

You know, inconvenience.

[Nick Kroll]

Right. Like animals, obviously, but then we're telling actually kind of human stories. We're exploring stories.

[Hayes Davenport]

We learn more about ourselves than we ever could by watching ourselves.

[Nick Kroll]

Yeah.

[Sean Clements]

Are you allowed to do that?

[Nick Kroll]

We had to get. Yeah, we had to. We had to get a couple letters. We got a special clearance. Yeah. Yeah. We got a letter from Christopher Nolan.

[Hayes Davenport]

Wow.

[Nick Kroll]

Okay.

[Sean Clements]

All right.

[Nick Kroll]

Which was.

[Sean Clements]

Chris said okay out of the dga. Yeah. He's okay with it. I'm okay with it. Yeah.

[Hayes Davenport]

Jesus. Goats and animals. Yeah. Why is it called that?

[Nick Kroll]

Dogs. Goats and Animals.

[Hayes Davenport]

Dogs, Goats and animals.

[Nick Kroll]

What's that? Oh, he's the president of dga. I'm sorry. Of dogs. Goats. Dogs.

[Sean Clements]

Goats and animals.

[Hayes Davenport]

Yeah.

[Sean Clements]

He's mad at hay. Hay shouldn't be using AI for those dogs, goats and animals on the ranch.

[Nick Kroll]

And Chris, have you guys. Wait, have. Have you guys done your Sheep Detective rewatch yet? I guess it's hard. It's not out yet. Are you guys excited for Sheep Detective?

[Sean Clements]

Sheep Detective is on my list, right ahead of number two.

[Nick Kroll]

It's pretty.

[Sean Clements]

I'm excited. Yeah. Top two, and it ain't two. No. I'm stoked. I can't believe what those sheeps are up to in the trailer.

[Nick Kroll]

At least.

[Hayes Davenport]

We were gonna go.

[Sean Clements]

Are they allowed to do that?

[Hayes Davenport]

If you wanna. Like. He mentioned Gilbert. We were gonna go to the Earwolf Cemetery after this, if you wanna.

[Nick Kroll]

Oh, yeah.

[Hayes Davenport]

Like, check out some of the places

[Nick Kroll]

that's in that sort of that we work space near Hollywood Forever Cemetery.

[Sean Clements]

We worked.

[Hayes Davenport]

Yeah, we worked.

[Nick Kroll]

We worked.

[Hayes Davenport]

And it says it's really nice.

[Sean Clements]

You.

[Hayes Davenport]

So you walk in and you hear. It's your voice saying a. Woo. Yeah, the people dead.

[Nick Kroll]

That's right.

[Hayes Davenport]

And we'll. So we'll go see Gilbert and Scott, of course.

[Nick Kroll]

And of course, like, that's really beautiful. That's really great.

[Sean Clements]

It's nice. Nice to remember that stuff.

[Hayes Davenport]

Yeah.

[Sean Clements]

I hope someone does it for me.

[Nick Kroll]

Are you worried about your mortality? Yeah, a little bit.

[Sean Clements]

Just because, like. Well, some of what's been happening with the tea not getting into my body. Like that actually can't be good.

[Nick Kroll]

No, no. If your body can't absorb that, you're

[Hayes Davenport]

supposed to have at least a little.

[Sean Clements]

You're supposed to have.

[Nick Kroll]

Yeah.

[Hayes Davenport]

And it's like they say low, not. No.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah.

[Nick Kroll]

Do you feel like you've spilled the tea?

[Hayes Davenport]

Spilling is just a different thing compared to this.

[Nick Kroll]

Are we gonna spill the tea today?

[Sean Clements]

Well, you said you had a bombshell when you came into the office, you said you were gonna really hit us with some major news.

[Nick Kroll]

Oh. I mean, if you guys wanna.

[Sean Clements]

I wouldn't mind going viral. I mean, it could be good for us.

[Nick Kroll]

Okay.

[Hayes Davenport]

We could do. We have a segment called Make a Dish foundation where you dish on.

[Nick Kroll]

Sure.

[Hayes Davenport]

Cool stories from Hollywood that could help.

[Sean Clements]

Maybe help someone who's in the hospital.

[Hayes Davenport]

Yeah, no, this is a lot of hospitalized listeners.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah.

[Nick Kroll]

Oh, really?

[Sean Clements]

That's where we're most popular.

[Nick Kroll]

You guys are playing, like, in hospital in the waiting rooms or in the actual the.

[Hayes Davenport]

Where the stuff plays on the PA at the hospital.

[Nick Kroll]

Okay.

[Sean Clements]

In the rooms where people have a coma.

[Nick Kroll]

So it's just audio, no video. Cause it's just hard.

[Hayes Davenport]

Were you gonna do something for the dish? Was there a visual component?

[Nick Kroll]

I wanted to do? Yeah. I wanted to do it. I mean, I think you can just hear it and it's fine.

[Hayes Davenport]

Okay.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah.

[Nick Kroll]

But obviously there's just something about video that helps you connect, especially to sick people.

[Hayes Davenport]

Ain't that the truth?

[Sean Clements]

Yeah. That is something that I think could be very underrated about communicating with sick people is them being able to see you, you know?

[Nick Kroll]

Yeah. Be visually. Because they're sick and they can't. They're not moving around. Like they haven't seen as many people. Exactly. So. So, um. So it's. What is the name of the show? It's Dish.

[Hayes Davenport]

Make a Dish Foundation.

[Nick Kroll]

Make a Dish. Make a Dish Foundation. So what. So I think what it is, if I understand it right, is like we go in and we cook. Easy to make hot one pot meals in a hospital room. Serve it. And then we sort of give them some. A little tea. Some hot, little spicy. Little spicy little tea. Yeah. So I would happily do that. And if you guys want me to spill the tea, I will.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Hayes Davenport]

It feels like he's gonna spill it for real. This is why we haven't had him on the show in 11 years.

[Sean Clements]

And it's. I literally have told you that Richie is insanely violent. He just made a mess in his studio. That's really bad.

[Hayes Davenport]

Like, what do you think he's doing? Like, he's not, like, doing anything else.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah, right. Why is he in here?

[Nick Kroll]

You don't mess with Richie Sambuca.

[Hayes Davenport]

You gonna come at your house? And now he's on Mike. I can't believe it. I can't believe Richie's actually talking to us on the show. God, this is awful.

[Nick Kroll]

Have you met Richie Samboro? I'm not. I go to the same, like, leather Scarf factory that he works at.

[Sean Clements]

Oh, nice.

[Nick Kroll]

Oh, he works there. It's not even where he shops. Yeah. It's just like he felt, you know, he got so into the craft of it, he just. It's like his throwing pottery.

[Hayes Davenport]

Wow.

[Nick Kroll]

That's where he just goes to kind of unwind.

[Hayes Davenport]

Leather scarves.

[Sean Clements]

Such a beautiful art form.

[Hayes Davenport]

That's it.

[Nick Kroll]

That's the tea that Richie Sambora makes. Leather scarves. Leather scarves himself. Yeah. And then reported everybody to ice.

[Hayes Davenport]

That's really the tea Richie Sambor reported everyone at the factory to ice.

[Nick Kroll]

Yeah.

[Hayes Davenport]

Oh, my God. So he would have more scarves for himself. He thinks that that's.

[Nick Kroll]

That's what he thought, but it was just like a bunch of other 80s rockers working in the factory and all

[Sean Clements]

of them also them going away. I have a feeling it's probably the kind of situation where. Probably the kind of situation where he thinks he's doing a lot of the scarf making, but there's a lot of people behind him.

[Nick Kroll]

There's a lot of. There's a lot.

[Hayes Davenport]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Nick Kroll]

He's like, oh, but he loves it.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah, yeah.

[Hayes Davenport]

Meeting Animals is on.

[Sean Clements]

Meeting Animals.

[Hayes Davenport]

Netflix all season, all season long.

[Nick Kroll]

Yeah. Mating Animals is on. Mating season. Mating season. Wait, what is it called?

[Hayes Davenport]

Mating Season.

[Nick Kroll]

Who is this, by the way?

[Sean Clements]

Mating season.

[Hayes Davenport]

Okay, so this is Richie Sambuca, First Brain.

[Nick Kroll]

Hey, how are you? Nice to meet you, man. Nice to meet you.

[Sean Clements]

Mating animals all season long.

[Nick Kroll]

Maning main Maning animals all season long.

[Sean Clements]

All season long.

[Nick Kroll]

On Peacock.

[Sean Clements]

And you can't skip it. No skipping, guys.

[Nick Kroll]

Completion rate.

[Sean Clements]

The completion rate is so important.

[Nick Kroll]

You talk to your spouse about completion rate.

[Sean Clements]

You know, we're in a bit of a no talking phase.

[Hayes Davenport]

The Aristocrats.

[Nick Kroll]

This is an I heart podcast.

[Hayes Davenport]

Guaranteed human.