Scott Aukerman, Our New Business Partner

Summary

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Hollywood Handbook – "Scott Aukerman, Our New Business Partner"

Podcast: Hollywood Handbook
Host: iHeartPodcasts
Episode Air Date: May 19, 2026
Guests: Scott Aukerman (Comedy Bang Bang)
Summary by: [Your Name or “AI Podcast Summarizer”]

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Episode Overview

This Hollywood Handbook episode brings podcast legend Scott Aukerman onto the show to discuss the rumored merger between Hollywood Handbook and Comedy Bang Bang. Hayes Davenport and Sean Clements riff with Aukerman about podcasting, the "insider" nature of comedy, and the absurd reality of combining their worlds. The conversation meanders through stories about Earwolf days, tradeoffs in creative work, and the existential weirdness of their careers and collaborations.

With typical meta-humor, the hosts debate the logistics of merged shows, reflect on past bits, and test the limits of comedic self-awareness. Notable moments include playful theorizing about super-shows, discussions of touring, and plenty of in-jokes about the podcast industry and showbiz politics.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Theme Song Woes and "Gut Nuts" Bit

• [01:22] Sean, Hayes, and Scott open by jesting about the show's theme song sounding off. Scott admits he’s not familiar, joking, “I don’t listen to the show, so I’m not used to it.”
• [02:10] Sean introduces “gut nuts,” an invented food product. The group riffs on whether they're "ferments" and pokes fun at the intentionally misspelled branding and communication with quirky food companies.

2. Merger Rumors: Studios, Households, and Super Shows

• [01:54]–[05:34] Scott and the hosts discuss the Hollywood rumor mill regarding a merger between their podcasts. They escalate the bit: the shows will merge, the hosts will live in Scott’s house, and perhaps even share families.
• Hayes jokes: “They could call me around the house ‘Love, Dad’—like the old Earwolf show.” ([07:17])
• Scott reveals: “Comedy Bang Bang and Hollywood Handbook are becoming one show.” ([05:12])

3. Podcasting Community Throwbacks

• The trio reminisces about the glory days of Earwolf, poaching guests, and the faux-commune atmosphere of old podcasting.
• Scott: “I would have celebrities on, you would pester them after the show and say, hey, what if you did our show?” ([06:54])

4. Show Title Mashups

• They brainstorm a merged show name: "Comedy wood bang book.”
• The group riffs on "Hard Nation," "Love, Dad," and other classic podcast titles, often to support playful allusions to personal lives or sex jokes.
• Hayes: "The mega-podcast is all about... sharing." ([06:45])

5. Insider Comedy and Imagined Power Dynamics

• Discussion on who gets invited into the club, both literal (Scott's house/theater) and metaphorical (success in showbiz).
• Jokes about how being a white guy went from advantageous to "open season on these motherfuckers." ([16:50])
• Sean recalls being denied entry to Scott's theater by his wife, twisting it into a mock-lament about changing social hierarchies.

6. Industry Satire: Ads and ‘Shorting’ Sponsors

• Scott and Hayes joke about reading ads for companies Scott had shorted—a “producers/Major League”–style scam.
• Hayes: "You had sort of a major league or the producers type scheme. You could profit off the failures of the companies." ([10:11])

7. Movies, Lore, and Self-parody

• They riff on the film "Major League" and whether Charlie Sheen’s character is, in fact, named Charlie.
• Scott: “I do a show called Scott hasn’t Seen, which is all about movies that I haven’t seen.” ([12:37])
• The hosts tease Scott for never having seen movies—a running meta-joke.

8. Comedy Roasts, “Punching Down,” and Industry Taboos

• Extended bit about comedy roasts, insider taboos, and who "gets it" in Scott’s comedy: “I'm an equal opportunity offender. Except white in your comedy. ... There's nothing to say there.” (Scott, [16:09])
• Jokes about the shifting acceptability of certain topics and the awkwardness of today's boundaries.

9. Tour Tales, The Price of Touring, and Live Show Struggles

• Scott discusses his upcoming theater tour, joking about running it as a one-man "Riyadh Comedy Festival" and losing money every show due to gas prices. ([26:54])
• The hosts lament their own live show troubles: “We are available a lot, but the audience seems to have a lot of conflict.” (Sean, [34:58])

10. Merging, Vimeo vs. YouTube, and Three Ferns

• A long, confusing bit about moving all their content to Vimeo, debating platform choices, and directing inside jokes at producer Casey. In the process, they riff about making a "Three Ferns" show—a takeoff on Scott's "Between Two Ferns." ([45:03])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the merger:
  “Comedy Bang Bang and Hollywood Handbook are becoming one show.”
  – Scott Aukerman ([05:12])

• On show name mashups:
  “Comedy wood bang book.”
  – Sean Clements ([05:24])

• On Earwolf nostalgia:
  “I would have celebrities on. You would pester them after the show and say, ‘what if you did our show?’”
  – Scott Aukerman ([06:54])

• On showbiz privilege:
  “Is there anything worse than being a white guy? It's been open season on these motherfuckers.”
  – Sean Clements ([16:50])

• On being denied at the theater:
  “So to see an Asian woman not letting you, a white man, do something, that had to hurt. And that's part of what we're talking about with this new society.”
  – Scott Aukerman ([17:43])

• On comedy’s evolving boundaries:
  “You can't do stuff like that today... Every time I think of a joke, I go, can’t say that anymore.”
  – Sean Clements ([32:02])

• On live feedback:
  “It’s bringing back to podcasts what’s been missing... that live feel of feedback, of someone almost snoring.”
  – Scott Aukerman ([42:19], [42:25])

• On creative credit and mentorship:
  “You spotted us and ... you also have—you know—notice how I'm always ... What are you not afraid to say?”
  – Sean Clements ([39:09])

• On hypothetical arrest scenarios:
  “Who do you think will get arrested and sent to jail for like 20 years? And who do you think should get arrested because they've done something bad, but you think they won't because you think they'll get away with it? And then who would you want to be arrested even though they haven't done anything, but you'd want them to be like, go into a kangaroo court ... ?”
  – Scott Aukerman ([19:50])

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:22]–[03:20] - Theme song confusion and “gut nuts” bit
• [04:54]–[05:34] - Merger bit escalates: merging homes, shows, and lives
• [06:54]–[07:09] - Reminiscing about Earwolf’s community feel and guest poaching
• [12:37]–[13:08] - "Scott hasn't Seen" and movie ignorance meta-joke
• [16:50]–[17:43] - Discussion about privilege, social change, and personal stories
• [19:50]–[21:14] - Hypotheticals about who in comedy "should" get arrested
• [26:54]–[27:54] - Touring anecdotes and inspiration from the Riyadh Comedy Festival
• [32:02]–[32:11] - Observations on comedy's shifting boundaries
• [34:49]–[35:16] - The hosts’ live show woes
• [45:03]–[46:35] - “Three Ferns,” Between Two Ferns origins, and Chuck Klosterman confusion

---

Episode Tone & Style

As always, the tone is fast-talking, deeply ironic, and self-referential—Hollywood Handbook’s signature meta-comedy. Aukerman matches the hosts’ energy in deconstructing their own industry egos, with a nuanced blend of satire and affection for comedy’s quirks. The inclusion of running gags, surreal hypotheticals, and inside-baseball asides makes this episode both a tribute to and parody of the podcasting and comedy worlds.

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Final Notes

This episode lampoons the idea of podcast consolidation, identity, privilege, and legacy—always two jokes ahead of itself. Longtime listeners will relish the callback references and layered digs at podcast culture, while newcomers get a taste of the show’s freewheeling, deeply “inside” humor.

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End of Summary

Transcript

[Podcast Advertiser]

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[Sean Clements]

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[Sean Clements]

Have you had Scott? Gut nuts?

[Scott Aukerman]

Is this new, this theme?

[Sean Clements]

Something seems off about it. Seems different. No.

[Hayes Davenport]

Can we run it back?

[Sean Clements]

I think Casey compressed the.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm realizing what it is. I don't listen to the show, so I'm not used to it.

[Hayes Davenport]

Casey's been saying it's lossy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, what are. What are you saying? Gut nuts. What are you.

[Sean Clements]

Gut nuts. No.

[Scott Aukerman]

What are these?

[Sean Clements]

Oh, let me grab them. Let me grab them.

[Hayes Davenport]

And this will be important for if the merger does happen.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Which I've been. I've been on the horn with the people upstairs.

[Hayes Davenport]

Yeah. And my understanding is that they do not comment on rumors. That's fine.

[Sean Clements]

That's our job at the high level.

[Hayes Davenport]

Yeah.

[Sean Clements]

Hang on. I want to take the sticker off so people can't tell where I bought it.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is a food product or this is. Oh, yeah. Is it like truck nuts? I put it on a. This is gut nuts.

[Sean Clements]

So this is gut nuts, guys. These. These gut nuts were invented by SnackCident. One day when I found my sprouting nuts bubbling.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hold on, hold on. You mispronounced a word.

[Sean Clements]

That's what I thought, too. And I actually wrote a letter to the company.

[Scott Aukerman]

You did? Okay.

[Sean Clements]

They're having fun. This is from Tim, who's a philosopher at Philosophy Foods. Oh, yes, they do. No, they were. They were so nice in the letter back.

[Hayes Davenport]

Really?

[Scott Aukerman]

Did they think they were dealing with like a 5 year old mentally challenged child or.

[Sean Clements]

You know, I hate to speculate on exactly what they thought, but I know that they included a lot of stickers.

[Hayes Davenport]

Do people when they write you letters,

[Scott Aukerman]

say coloring book menu.

[Hayes Davenport]

When they write you letters, they say, here's who I think I'm dealing with.

[Scott Aukerman]

But you can get it from.

[Hayes Davenport]

Here's my assessment of you, the recipient.

[Scott Aukerman]

You can get it from the context, can't you? Wait, are these ferments?

[Sean Clements]

Gut, Nuts. Gut.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are these some of my superpowers?

[Sean Clements]

Ferments. Just ferments.

[Hayes Davenport]

Just ferments.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Me and RFK Jr. We only eat ferments.

[Hayes Davenport]

Fermentos. Can you imagine?

[Sean Clements]

Hayes, am I correct that when you

[Hayes Davenport]

leave them out there sprouting, it's an accident?

[Scott Aukerman]

Not fresh maker.

[Sean Clements]

Hayes, when you found.

[Hayes Davenport]

Hey.

[Sean Clements]

When you found your sprouting nuts bubbling, I think I believe you called the hospital.

[Hayes Davenport]

The hospital?

[Scott Aukerman]

What they say? What did they say?

[Hayes Davenport]

They said, we think we're dealing with a. A sick 5 year old who's smart.

[Sean Clements]

Smart.

[Hayes Davenport]

A little smarter than knows how to call the hospital.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Who's.

[Sean Clements]

Who's neurodivergent.

[Hayes Davenport]

Yeah.

[Sean Clements]

But that is. It's actually mentally an advantage for them.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, that's a superpower.

[Hayes Davenport]

Yeah.

[Sean Clements]

Eureka. I realized they had fermented, and so following my gut, I tasted them.

[Hayes Davenport]

If we do end up murging, my understanding is, and while the top brass doesn't comment on rumors that we will

[Scott Aukerman]

all be at your house recording in

[Hayes Davenport]

my house, this entire shop is moving to your house.

[Sean Clements]

And it's so exciting for us. We remember being under the same roof, but that it did feel a little impersonal.

[Scott Aukerman]

You guys poach my guests a lot.

[Sean Clements]

I could not take a break in.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Hayes Davenport]

Yeah.

[Sean Clements]

And the excitement I feel knowing that we'll be back working with you, that the work stuff, the studio stuff will all be there, but also that I could take a break. Maybe even take a nap in your bedroom in your marital bed.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. That's exciting to me. And I actually heard something else. It's not just the companies that are merging. The shows are merging.

[Sean Clements]

Oh, God.

[Hayes Davenport]

What?

[Scott Aukerman]

The shows themselves are merging.

[Hayes Davenport]

Scop it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, no, I'm not gonna scop. I'm gonna continue. Comedy Bang Bang and Hollywood Handbook are becoming one show.

[Hayes Davenport]

One super show.

[Sean Clements]

Comedy wood bang book.

[Hayes Davenport]

Oh, my God.

[Scott Aukerman]

Where's the holly in that comedy wood bang book? Holly house collie, where's the holly?

[Sean Clements]

You bring it with your jolly Christmas spirit. Ho ho, ho, ho ho, indeed. Scop.

[Hayes Davenport]

And so we. So that's one snap.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know Casey, is this a trick? Am I supposed to look behind my head?

[Hayes Davenport]

It's not a trick.

[Scott Aukerman]

You hit me in the back of the head with a vase.

[Hayes Davenport]

He is moving into your bathroom.

[Sean Clements]

I always struggle with the right way to say that word.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I know.

[Sean Clements]

I'm going to do you.

[Scott Aukerman]

You said it's not a silent V.

[Sean Clements]

I'm doing you now.

[Hayes Davenport]

Vase.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah, I had been saying a. But that's. But you say. Yeah, it's not a silent V. No, that is okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's a full on hard V. Right. Okay. Hard V. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Sean Clements]

Right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. No. So you guys are going to come over, be in my house, live in my house, have sex with my wife.

[Sean Clements]

I'm crying.

[Hayes Davenport]

So that's what I thought.

[Sean Clements]

I'm crying a little bit.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. What's going on?

[Hayes Davenport]

So that's what I thought you meant when you said poach your guest. I was like, that's such a strange way.

[Scott Aukerman]

And refer to that and refer to

[Sean Clements]

me sleeping with your wife.

[Scott Aukerman]

And I get what you guys have too.

[Hayes Davenport]

We all share everything. Isn't that what B got?

[Sean Clements]

A.

[Hayes Davenport]

It's supposed to be a community. Mega podcast is all about.

[Sean Clements]

It used to be back at Earwolf, an actual community, truly, where we share.

[Scott Aukerman]

I would have celebrities on. You would pester them after the show and say, hey, what if. What if you did our show?

[Sean Clements]

Camp out right outside the door and

[Scott Aukerman]

I go,

[Sean Clements]

like podcasts. Little birdie told me.

[Scott Aukerman]

And that's what it's going to be like at my house. And you'll. You'll bring your wives, you'll bring your children, and we'll just. It's kind of a commune, really special.

[Hayes Davenport]

And you know what? They'll. They could call me around the house. Love dad.

[Scott Aukerman]

Like.

[Hayes Davenport]

Like the old Earwolf show. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yeah. What was that?

[Hayes Davenport]

That was.

[Sean Clements]

It was Jeff. It was David Keck.

[Hayes Davenport]

That's right. Yes.

[Sean Clements]

It was about parenting.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes. Yes.

[Sean Clements]

Maybe the side of it we don't always discuss.

[Hayes Davenport]

It was love comma dad.

[Podcast Advertiser]

Cool.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Hayes Davenport]

And that will.

[Sean Clements]

That's what we'll call him as well. Love comma dad.

[Scott Aukerman]

Love comma dad. Any. Any punctuation in your name or.

[Sean Clements]

Oh, now, I haven't picked my name yet. I haven't picked my name yet. And I.

[Hayes Davenport]

And it has to be a show.

[Sean Clements]

Well, it's going to have to be a show.

[Hayes Davenport]

It has to be. Has to be an old, first gen, old Earwolf show. Oh, let's riff Hard nations off the table.

[Sean Clements]

I could. I could really hard nation my Name was Hard Nation.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, but I don't know your erectile dysfunction.

[Hayes Davenport]

That.

[Sean Clements]

So this is an attempt to combat that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure. Like mentally for you.

[Sean Clements]

Well, yes, if enough people are calling me Hard Nation, maybe I will internalize it and then. Yeah, perhaps my pubis region will begin to function again.

[Scott Aukerman]

Specifically your penis.

[Sean Clements]

Well, that's the main area that I'm worried about.

[Hayes Davenport]

It's a region wide issue, but the

[Sean Clements]

zone itself, I. I can just feel that some of the other stuff is not going right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you guys know what the biggest organ on your body is?

[Sean Clements]

Oh, interesting. This is the kind of brain teaser that I love.

[Hayes Davenport]

The imagination.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's your penis love. Yeah.

[Hayes Davenport]

That's the biggest organ. Now that started to make sense.

[Sean Clements]

The human peebis.

[Scott Aukerman]

If you play your cards right.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

Wow.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so just tell. Yeah, just keep that in mind.

[Sean Clements]

We could have given me 1000 guesses

[Scott Aukerman]

and you wouldn't have come up with that.

[Sean Clements]

Would not have gotten there.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Yep. Well, this is exciting, guys. I'm really happy that we're going to be working together and we're going to be. And so how do you want to break the show up? Do you want to do like half of it is me, half of it is you. Do you just want to do. Do you want to do the comedy bang bang stuff with.

[Hayes Davenport]

I would love to. I would love to know what it is.

[Sean Clements]

What is it now?

[Hayes Davenport]

What is the stuff like?

[Sean Clements]

I know what it was.

[Scott Aukerman]

Comedy bang bang.

[Hayes Davenport]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

It used to have you guys on because you'd be hanging around and I would.

[Hayes Davenport]

Yeah.

[Sean Clements]

Be there.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sorry for you guys. Yeah, yeah.

[Sean Clements]

Maybe if I let them read an ad or something, they'll go away.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure. And that was fun for a while,

[Sean Clements]

but you know, everything.

[Scott Aukerman]

There is a season if you're feeding,

[Sean Clements]

you know, bread to the geese or whatever, they're just going to keep coming back and get more aggressive. And ultimately we worked our way onto the show itself.

[Hayes Davenport]

So you would bring us on to do ads. We can say this now for companies that you had shorted in advance.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Hayes Davenport]

And by doing the advertisement, you had sort of a major league or the producers type scheme. You could profit off the failures of the. Of the companies. No, I don't think so.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, you mentioned the term short.

[Hayes Davenport]

I don't see the connection.

[Scott Aukerman]

Modern one that.

[Hayes Davenport]

I usually don't think that's an appropriate reference. And so we would do the show and to your frustration, both our stock and the company's would. Would. Would rise precipitously.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, it was because you have this whole. It's like so producers.

[Podcast Advertiser]

Good.

[Hayes Davenport]

They're a major league.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Hayes Davenport]

How do they do short in major league? They recruit.

[Scott Aukerman]

They're just a ragtag team. Oh, they're recruiting.

[Sean Clements]

They intentionally recruit the most problematic players in the league. Guys with no value so that the team will lose.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right.

[Hayes Davenport]

The actor Charlie Sheen, for example, I

[Scott Aukerman]

think he was playing a character actually in that.

[Sean Clements]

Well, he's quite a character.

[Hayes Davenport]

It's why we're all tiger blood.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're misunderstanding me. It's very common. But he was actually playing. I could look it up if you want, but he was playing someone with a different name. It might have actually been Charlie, come to think of it. What are the. If you had to bet.

[Hayes Davenport]

That's sounding to me more and more like it was the admiration. If you had the bet in the way.

[Scott Aukerman]

$2 million. If his character's name was Charlie in major league, would you bet for or against?

[Hayes Davenport]

I think let's do it. Let's see what we could.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm going to take.

[Hayes Davenport]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm going to take against.

[Hayes Davenport]

Against that. His name was Charlie. You're going to take the field.

[Sean Clements]

All the other names.

[Scott Aukerman]

It could be other name that.

[Hayes Davenport]

I think that's pretty smart.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah, I think it's safe, especially knowing the character's name.

[Hayes Davenport]

Yeah, I do know. I do as well. Yeah, we both do.

[Scott Aukerman]

What is it, guys?

[Hayes Davenport]

I believe it's Rick Wild Thing Vaughn. Yeah, Merck Wild Thing.

[Scott Aukerman]

How do you guys know this?

[Sean Clements]

We love the movies.

[Hayes Davenport]

Our thing is having seen movies, I know you are very invested in the idea that, you know, never see a movie before.

[Sean Clements]

This is Hayes and Sean have to seen.

[Scott Aukerman]

And you were on. I do a podcast. Which one is my camera? This one. This one.

[Sean Clements]

This one. So they're all going to be capturing you here. And then we will film ourselves separately later.

[Scott Aukerman]

I do a show called Scott hasn't Seen, which is all about movies that I haven't seen.

[Hayes Davenport]

With a fake guy.

[Scott Aukerman]

With the fake eye.

[Hayes Davenport]

With a fake guy.

[Scott Aukerman]

And you guys were on the first episode, is that right?

[Hayes Davenport]

It was pretty early on.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

It was one or two. And we watched Space Jam together.

[Hayes Davenport]

We watched Space Jam 2.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, it was two. Because I had seen.

[Hayes Davenport]

But you don't know. To you it's Space Jam.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, exactly. And that was fun. And then you have not returned.

[Sean Clements]

I have not.

[Scott Aukerman]

You have. That's right. What did you watch?

[Hayes Davenport]

Wow.

[Sean Clements]

We watched Empire Records.

[Hayes Davenport]

And what was the thinking there?

[Scott Aukerman]

You really liked it, right?

[Sean Clements]

As a teen.

[Hayes Davenport]

Sounds like fun.

[Sean Clements]

I loved it.

[Scott Aukerman]

But you. But Hayes, you have to understand.

[Hayes Davenport]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

You turned your back on comedy when you started doing the show. That's a joke.

[Hayes Davenport]

I turned.

[Scott Aukerman]

You decided, I'm enjoying it.

[Sean Clements]

You know what I mean, by the way? I'm part of the show, but I'm

[Hayes Davenport]

taking it on the chin, and it's

[Scott Aukerman]

like, this is like a Kevin Hart roast. It's gonna get a little offensive in here, but we're all gonna enjoy it. Okay?

[Hayes Davenport]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

You decide you didn't want to be

[Hayes Davenport]

a part of comedy. Let me freeze my face in a pained rictus.

[Scott Aukerman]

You decide, hey, I'm gonna try to make a difference in the world, which we all respected. And then you realize that's not possible. And you said, you know what? I'm just gonna get back into doing comedy again.

[Sean Clements]

You got me? Hey, I took the check. I did the comedy festival. I gotta take Kick the Hip.

[Hayes Davenport]

Who. What did you enjoy? What was your favorite.

[Scott Aukerman]

My favorite premise. Premise of Just throw.

[Hayes Davenport]

The premise from the Kevin Hart. From the Kevin Hart roach joke.

[Sean Clements]

Premise. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

So not the punchline.

[Hayes Davenport]

His size. His ubiquity.

[Sean Clements]

Well, does it have to be on Kevin?

[Hayes Davenport]

Okay.

[Sean Clements]

Does it have to be on Kevin? Because everyone took some licks there.

[Scott Aukerman]

They did, Yeah. I mean, it seemed like a lot of them were possibly not exactly heterosexual.

[Hayes Davenport]

Well, everyone was being gay.

[Sean Clements]

Well, they were saying he was being gay. They were saying Kill Tony was.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, Kill Tony. And I'm confused because I'm not, you know, I don't know the lore. You know what I mean?

[Sean Clements]

It's hard now.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's hard painting.

[Sean Clements]

Scott hasn't seen the lore.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. It's like, you know, I don't know every Wu Tang Clan affiliate. I don't know every Kill Tony person. Are they all gay?

[Hayes Davenport]

Every single. For both groups. Every single one is being gay.

[Sean Clements]

Capadonna's bi.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, cool. I heard that.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

On the DL. Or

[Sean Clements]

that. That I actually even. I don't know.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Yeah, but these. These guys in Kill Tony.

[Hayes Davenport]

He's on the disabled list for being bi.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, cool. These guys in Kill Tony. This is a group or it's a.

[Hayes Davenport]

So they brought them up.

[Scott Aukerman]

He brought them up.

[Hayes Davenport]

What?

[Scott Aukerman]

Maybe you were talking to him when you said.

[Hayes Davenport]

He was saying, well, my camera's right behind you.

[Sean Clements]

He was talking about someone.

[Scott Aukerman]

Where's my cover?

[Sean Clements]

Not being heterosexual? I was assuming it was a reference to. I only saw a handful of jokes from the show, but some of them were going at this Kill Tony fella.

[Hayes Davenport]

Right, right, right.

[Sean Clements]

And they were not saying that he was sleeping with women.

[Scott Aukerman]

They were not pulling any punches when it came to him and I, and I, you know, look, you, you guys know my, my comedy. I'm an equal opportunity offender.

[Hayes Davenport]

Offender, yes.

[Sean Clements]

Everybody gets it from you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Everyone gets it.

[Sean Clements]

Except white in your comedy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Exactly.

[Sean Clements]

Because you, you, you don't give a. You know, either side, you'll stick it anywhere. Comedy wise, both sides, you will stick it into anything.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Sean Clements]

And what you're sticking in is your razor sharp humor.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Other than for white people and for straight people. But yes, you're right, I'll do that.

[Sean Clements]

There's nothing to say there.

[Scott Aukerman]

What's funny about that?

[Sean Clements]

First of all, I think they've gotten enough of a hard time the past few years, honestly.

[Scott Aukerman]

Like the past. Since the late 60s, you know what I mean? Is there anything worse than being a white guy?

[Sean Clements]

It's been open season on these motherfuckers.

[Hayes Davenport]

I remember graduating from college at that time and thinking, here we go, you know, now I'm certainly gonna get opportunities. And you did in the workplace and

[Scott Aukerman]

you made a good living.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah, I guess.

[Hayes Davenport]

But imagine what I could have did.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Hayes Davenport]

I could have had literally everything in the world.

[Sean Clements]

Zero friction whatsoever. I could have not even had to do anything.

[Hayes Davenport]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

And now you were, as I recall your story, you started in New York, then you came out to LA and got an immediate job. In fact, the only problem that you had was my wife wouldn't let you into the theater one night.

[Sean Clements]

Well, your wife wouldn't let me into the theater prior to me moving here.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, that's right.

[Sean Clements]

I was still in New York.

[Scott Aukerman]

That was an issue.

[Hayes Davenport]

That the way you refer to sleeping with your wife is so. All these euphemisms.

[Scott Aukerman]

So to see an Asian woman not letting you, a white man, do something, that had to hurt. And that's part of what we're talking about with this new society.

[Sean Clements]

It didn't feel good. And I couldn't help but think that 60, 70 years earlier.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. You would have just breezed right into theater.

[Sean Clements]

I would have been the one deciding who comes into the theater. You know what I mean?

[Scott Aukerman]

Is that what you wanted?

[Sean Clements]

And I would have been in there. I want both jobs.

[Scott Aukerman]

The watching a show and gets in the show and getting tickets, that's fun.

[Hayes Davenport]

So you turned your back on comedy that night as well, by force.

[Sean Clements]

Oh, yeah.

[Hayes Davenport]

When you was thrown out on his rear.

[Scott Aukerman]

And then you've worked steadily since then and you have a movie coming out and Scott, the show's about you.

[Sean Clements]

I mean, you know what I mean? People listen to this, they don't want to hear what I'm doing. You got a whole big tour coming up.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure.

[Sean Clements]

This was inspired.

[Hayes Davenport]

Theater tour. We.

[Scott Aukerman]

We thought, can we just do this in one theater? Yeah, like the world's largest.

[Hayes Davenport]

Maybe one theater that moves around.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. On wheels, isn't that right? Yeah. That's probably the easiest way to do it. Put it on wheels.

[Hayes Davenport]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Sean Clements]

You're gonna roll it. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Hayes Davenport]

Tourgasm.

[Scott Aukerman]

Tourgasm. You see his new look? Dane Cook's new look?

[Sean Clements]

Yeah. He styled himself a little bit differently lately.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, it's nice. It's a little more respectable. You know what I mean?

[Sean Clements]

I don't really like to comment on people's look a lot.

[Hayes Davenport]

It's called turning 40.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. No, I just think.

[Hayes Davenport]

And it's normal.

[Scott Aukerman]

I think it's great because my father always told me, you want to look kind of normal if you ever get arrested. You don't want any tattoos anywhere below this level, on your cuffs, anywhere above your shirt collar. And Dane Cook, you know, God love him, he's been. He looks too cool most of the time. And so for him to look like he looks now, it's kind of like, yeah, great.

[Sean Clements]

Gonna be better for him when he gets arrested. Yeah, that's nice. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Who would you. Out of anyone in comedy, who would you. Who do you think will get arrested and sent to jail for like 20 years? And who do you think should get arrested because they've done something bad, but you think they won't because you think they'll get away with it? And then who would you want to be arrested even though they haven't done anything, but you'd want them to be like, go into a kangaroo court and then be thrown in jail for a long time because you just hate them. Three pronged question.

[Podcast Advertiser]

Hmm.

[Sean Clements]

Okay. So it's. We'll get arrested. We'll get arrested and we go to jail for 20 years. They did something for doing something wrong.

[Hayes Davenport]

Wrong.

[Sean Clements]

Won't get arrested. But I know they've done.

[Scott Aukerman]

But they did something that should get them arrested and they should go to jail for 20 years. But you know that because of the system. Or maybe they have, you know, they're. They're people of privilege. You know, they'll. They have high powered lawyers. They'll get off, you know, and then also, who would you want to go to prison?

[Sean Clements]

Wrongfully imprisoned. Wrongfully imprisoned despite not committing a crime.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Sean Clements]

Some sort of comedy crime, I assume.

[Hayes Davenport]

Should we just riff through some names so that we get clips where, you know, how sometimes they'll be like, they said this was gonna happen.

[Sean Clements]

This could be really nice, you know, we can look really smart a few years from now where it's like digging up this old clip. Boy, these guys.

[Scott Aukerman]

These guys knew. Boy.

[Hayes Davenport]

Yes. Yeah, so you say.

[Sean Clements]

They tried to warn us. Scott and the boys tried to warn us.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Sean Clements]

Oh, I'll start. Gene Smart.

[Hayes Davenport]

Yes.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

Who.

[Scott Aukerman]

Which

[Hayes Davenport]

I think you put in you cut. See, you can edit it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, you edited. I think in the category of didn't do anything, but I would like to see be arrested is Jeffrey Epstein.

[Sean Clements]

Epstein. We gotta get just in comedy world. You said Steve Carell from the Office. I'll go with another office guy. Blowjob Novak.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is that what the BJ stands for? I never knew that.

[Hayes Davenport]

The Epstein.

[Sean Clements]

He does.

[Hayes Davenport]

When I see him, it's like a

[Scott Aukerman]

fan not to like, you give him a blowjob.

[Sean Clements]

That's right, King.

[Scott Aukerman]

Because you're such a big fan.

[Sean Clements]

That's the implication.

[Scott Aukerman]

And he wants one.

[Hayes Davenport]

Well, I mean, that's his name. That doesn't mean he necessarily wants one.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

My name's Hayes.

[Sean Clements]

That's not. No, I. No, no.

[Scott Aukerman]

What about like old earwolf people?

[Hayes Davenport]

Do you want to expand on. Do you want to expand on the Epstein thing where you. You think. You think he deserves punishment? No, but not for the reasons that everyone said. Yeah, right.

[Scott Aukerman]

He was just annoying.

[Hayes Davenport]

Right.

[Scott Aukerman]

I think he was innocent.

[Hayes Davenport]

Yeah, right.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know, but what's annoying, you're saying. Yeah, exactly.

[Hayes Davenport]

To the feds. Like, you're so close if you just

[Scott Aukerman]

shift your focus just a little bit to the left. My point is, you guys are on top now with the merger and you don't need to play these silly games. Okay? You don't need to be coming at other comedians.

[Sean Clements]

No, I didn't want to. I feel like that's punching them down into a corner.

[Scott Aukerman]

You need to be. Look, look.

[Sean Clements]

Oh, oh.

[Scott Aukerman]

Punch up.

[Sean Clements]

Well, Adam McKay told me don't look up.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's good advice.

[Sean Clements]

And I believe you can nominate for Academy Award for doing that.

[Scott Aukerman]

I hope so.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah. You're bringing up the big short.

[Hayes Davenport]

This is the year going through the

[Sean Clements]

rest of the filmography.

[Scott Aukerman]

You think he'll be nominated this year

[Hayes Davenport]

for don't look up?

[Sean Clements]

Yep.

[Scott Aukerman]

I hope so.

[Sean Clements]

It's got to happen.

[Scott Aukerman]

They don't call it a punch down session in your little writers rooms.

[Sean Clements]

No.

[Podcast Advertiser]

You know what I mean?

[Sean Clements]

No, no. And they are getting.

[Hayes Davenport]

They are getting little, aren't they?

[Sean Clements]

Smaller and smaller. It's a very few seats.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sometimes it's just you and another guy across the table.

[Sean Clements]

Well, yeah, Hollywood handbook.

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[Sean Clements]

when we link up?

[Scott Aukerman]

Because nobody plans anything, bro. Good thing the Rogue's ready like that for real.

[Sean Clements]

Rain, dirt, whatever available all wheel drive, five modes. We still outside.

[Hayes Davenport]

And they got some kick too.

[Scott Aukerman]

That turbo torque is crazy. The most in its class. It moves, moves.

[Sean Clements]

Rogue doesn't mess around and peep the space merch on merch. Gear mics. All of it fits.

[Hayes Davenport]

Load up.

[Scott Aukerman]

We out. 2026 Nissan Rogue built for all of it.

[Sean Clements]

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[Hayes Davenport]

No judgments.

[Scott Aukerman]

But that's weird.

[Sean Clements]

Okay, one judgment anyway. Give it a try.

[Scott Aukerman]

@mintmobile.com Switch upfront payment of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per

[Podcast Advertiser]

month Required intro rate first 3 months

[Scott Aukerman]

only, then full price plan options available,

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

taxes and fees extra. See full [e-mail] the colonels cooked up

[Scott Aukerman]

a new $10 bucket of the day just for you. Monday 24 nuggets for ten dollars. Tuesday eight piece fried chicken for ten dollars. Wednesday ten wings for ten dollars. Thursday eight tenders for ten dollars. Friday, 24 nuggets for.

[Sean Clements]

Oh, you guessed it, didn't you?

[Scott Aukerman]

Ten dollars. The ten dollar bucket of the day deal every weekday only at KFC. It's finger licking goo prices and participation.

[Sean Clements]

Variable supplies. Last night available on third party ordering platforms. Tax extra.

[Podcast Advertiser]

Hollywood Handbook.

[Hayes Davenport]

You're flying across the country. You're going to all these different theaters. Must be very expensive for you to do that. But you love it. I understand that you love it, but it also must cost you. Comment. Must cost you a huge amount of money to be going to all these different places.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes. Gas being what it is, we lose money every show.

[Hayes Davenport]

Okay.

[Sean Clements]

Talk about being inspired by the Riyadh Comedy Festival and how you thought, couldn't the comedy be happening in all these other cities as well, where I'm sure there's also been some conflicting things.

[Scott Aukerman]

It was the first time that I really had heard about, oh, wait, you travel to another place and then you bring laughs to a very deserving group of people. And that brings joy into the world.

[Hayes Davenport]

Huh.

[Scott Aukerman]

Let me investigate it over here. And then I called up a theater and I was like, you've heard of the Riyadh Comedy Festival, right? And they were like, of course.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

What if we did a version of it here in the States and in Canada and UK and Ireland. Yeah. Almost the same. Less people.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know, it's me and it's me and it's me.

[Sean Clements]

And I'm doing the me odd comedy.

[Scott Aukerman]

And it's me.

[Sean Clements]

It's the me odd. And I am a bit odd.

[Hayes Davenport]

And I drive a me odd.

[Sean Clements]

That's where some of the comedy comes from. Is some of the odd behavior.

[Scott Aukerman]

Some of. Some of it. Some of it. Well, some of the rest of it is just observation.

[Hayes Davenport]

The guy sitting behind the guy who's wild and crazy. Yeah. And I'm just playing her.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are you guys seeing this?

[Sean Clements]

Am I the only one who's noticed this?

[Scott Aukerman]

Is the world crazy or am I crazy or is he crazy or some combination?

[Sean Clements]

Or are we all crazy? Cause we're all laughing about some of this stuff. Cause we're recognizing ourselves.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm glad you said this. I'm so glad you said this, because this is comedy to me is the fact that we can all sit around and be like, oh, you know what? This guy has success. And this guy gets to be in Kill Tony. And I don't get to be in Kill Tony.

[Sean Clements]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Not about that. It's about we all are fucked in the head.

[Sean Clements]

We're so crazy and it's. We're so strange. And to have an outlet for that and to have a way to have people. To have people like, to hear Us and to. And to respond to make that noise. That Ha. That ha.

[Scott Aukerman]

I love it.

[Hayes Davenport]

That.

[Scott Aukerman]

What's. What's the. Let me ask you a question. Let me ask you a question. What is the single most satisfying syllable in the English language?

[Hayes Davenport]

O.

[Sean Clements]

Is it O?

[Scott Aukerman]

You're so close.

[Hayes Davenport]

So close. Really close. I was thinking really close that it's ooh.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes. That can be ooh.

[Sean Clements]

O.

[Scott Aukerman]

Reverse O. O. That's not the reverse of O. That's the reverse of huh.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

Ah.

[Hayes Davenport]

Ho ho. Take out the O. Ho. Ah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Put in the ah. What do you get?

[Hayes Davenport]

Ho.

[Scott Aukerman]

Ha.

[Hayes Davenport]

Hollywood handbook.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is that what you guys call each other?

[Sean Clements]

Right? Ho.

[Hayes Davenport]

Ha.

[Scott Aukerman]

No Ha.

[Sean Clements]

A. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Ha ha ha. It's so fun.

[Sean Clements]

I had just said it.

[Hayes Davenport]

It.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's so fun to hear these go

[Sean Clements]

up and two pushing mine.

[Hayes Davenport]

If these were way up high, pointing down.

[Sean Clements]

I don't think they knew how tall we were going to be today.

[Scott Aukerman]

There we go.

[Sean Clements]

I don't think they knew. The. Yeah. The unbelievable medicine that it can be. The, the. The salve, the healing balm that you

[Scott Aukerman]

can receive because your life can be a shit show.

[Sean Clements]

A complete disaster. No, no, no. Honestly, I think it's necessary.

[Scott Aukerman]

Not just appropriate.

[Sean Clements]

I think it's necessary.

[Scott Aukerman]

Your life can be so bad sometimes, you know, you can be.

[Sean Clements]

It is. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

You can be. I'm trying to think of a bad situation. I'm having a hard time imagining it because my life has been so good. Let me see. You can. Let's see. I started doing comedy and my second performance, Bob Odenkirk, recruited me to work on Mr. Show. So what was.

[Hayes Davenport]

Was bad?

[Scott Aukerman]

I guess there was a year where the Mr. Show movie didn't come out exactly like what we wanted it to be. That was bad.

[Sean Clements]

I'm sorry that happened to you, Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

So I mean, something like that, you know, you can like put out a

[Sean Clements]

thank you for sharing that with us.

[Hayes Davenport]

A major, I guess imagine that happened to someone who was like 26 or something instead of 23 when it didn't happen.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I was 20. Yeah.

[Sean Clements]

Sorry, Scott.

[Hayes Davenport]

I'm sorry about that.

[Scott Aukerman]

I didn't get into comedy until my mid 20s cuz I was too busy.

[Hayes Davenport]

Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

Getting a lot of. So after I put that.

[Sean Clements]

Scott, that must have been. That must have been hard.

[Hayes Davenport]

And people say like, I'm drowning in it. Like that's literally a cry for help. Like they're supposed to rescue you from that.

[Sean Clements]

Yes. No. When someone's drowning.

[Hayes Davenport]

Throw me a dinghy. I'm certainly throwing one.

[Scott Aukerman]

I got one right here. If Anyone needs one, if you know what I'm saying. And these are the jokes we would make.

[Sean Clements]

Mine's gonna start working again soon too, as well.

[Scott Aukerman]

That was the 90s, though.

[Sean Clements]

Yep.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know, that was a different time in comedy. You could, you could do a little

[Hayes Davenport]

bit more the, oh, 90s.

[Scott Aukerman]

You can't do stuff like that today.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah, no, they really put the clamps on us. I, I, I. Every time I think of a joke, I go, can't say that anymore.

[Hayes Davenport]

But to that end, you have these observing powers and you've accumulated so much knowledge of the comedy world and you've been doing this show for a long time. And to talk about how this tour is, you're the one being all the stupid fake goofballs this time. And everyone else has to sit around and watch you do your bullshit. Cause you've had to sit through theirs.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's exactly what, what you look like. Yeah, we're doing reverse comedy Bang.

[Hayes Davenport]

This is literally what you're doing.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm, I.

[Sean Clements]

The tour, it's bang bang comedy.

[Scott Aukerman]

If you've seen Comedy Bang Bang. The, the previous tours, I come out as myself and then other comedians like Paul F. Tompkins, Lauren Lapkis, the rest, they all come out as fake people.

[Hayes Davenport]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

We said this year, let's flip it.

[Sean Clements]

They're all real.

[Scott Aukerman]

They're all just themselves.

[Hayes Davenport]

They all, they all come out at one low energy.

[Sean Clements]

Is that right?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, they're all low energy. Yeah. Beautiful and low energy. And people kind of go like, how did he fall? How did they. I mean, because it's. How did they fall into doing this when they're not even, you know, they have no training. And then you kind of take them through their whole career and go, no, no, no. You gotta understand. I started doing comedy when I was 25. And my second performance, Pap Odenkirk, came up and said, you got something? Will you work on my show? And then you take them through and you kind of make them understand, like, the history.

[Hayes Davenport]

And they say, Bob Odenkirk is nobody. And you haven't seen the movie. You don't know. You don't see movies. That's your thing.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's my thing.

[Hayes Davenport]

So you think that's insulting to you?

[Sean Clements]

Hey, hang on. He's a big influence.

[Scott Aukerman]

He was a mentor to me.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

And they're like, hold on, hold on. Stop beating the shit out of me. Yeah, he, he has a movie called Nobody. And then I'm like, I don't know.

[Sean Clements]

I hasn't seen, I hasn't seen I hasn't seen.

[Hayes Davenport]

And that happens almost every day.

[Sean Clements]

Every night, on every night.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Anyway, so it's a reverse comedy bang bang. And it's gonna be pretty. Pretty bad.

[Sean Clements]

Well, are there still tickets available? Get your tickets. Yeah, so there's tickets out there, so please do buy them.

[Scott Aukerman]

Dubai, maybe another comedy festival.

[Hayes Davenport]

Festival.

[Sean Clements]

Oh, ye. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Dubai sounds like Capadonna.

[Sean Clements]

We tried that. We did a booby comedy festival. Audience said boo. We said bye. That was the end of the festival. I'll tell you what. No, but. Joking around. But the live shows haven't been going great, Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

Your live shows.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. How? When. When do you do live shows?

[Sean Clements]

That's part of the problem.

[Hayes Davenport]

The scheduling has been very good.

[Sean Clements]

Painful. We are available a lot, but the audience seems to have a lot of conflict.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm just. Yeah. I'm surprised, honestly, Hayes, that you're here. Cause the last couple of times I've done the show, you've been on a big, giant video screen. You can't even deign to come to a show that I, you know, like, what's going on with you? Excuse me?

[Hayes Davenport]

Eric Dane passed away.

[Scott Aukerman]

The minute I said it, I was

[Sean Clements]

like, you want to see somebody get McSteemey? You disrespect that man in this house.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm so sorry. I apologize to Rebecca Gayheart. What's my camera? This.

[Hayes Davenport]

Excuse me. Please don't call her that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sorry. What is it?

[Hayes Davenport]

This isn't the Kevin Hart roast. Geez Louise.

[Scott Aukerman]

I apologize to Rebecca.

[Sean Clements]

She's Noxzema girl.

[Scott Aukerman]

I apologize. I apologize. I'm so sorry. But, yeah, it's gonna be a lot of fun. And I'm so glad to be back on this show. And, you know, you guys, how long have you been doing this?

[Sean Clements]

Yeah, I love that question. I love that question. Especially from you, Scott, because we've been doing it as long as you've allowed us to. You gave us our start. You pushed us off from shore.

[Scott Aukerman]

I did.

[Sean Clements]

And then every now and then, you circle back, you take your little speedboat and you zip back and you go, how's it going back there?

[Hayes Davenport]

And we go.

[Sean Clements]

Still working, still trying to catch up.

[Hayes Davenport]

Can I just say what a pleasure it is to share a room with someone that looks like they're auditioning for someone who just injected heroin. Our friend over here,

[Scott Aukerman]

he's in a corner holding his arm. He looks like an abscess in it.

[Hayes Davenport]

He didn't like. He doesn't have props. He doesn't have the works to tie himself off or whatever.

[Sean Clements]

No, He.

[Scott Aukerman]

He has a.

[Hayes Davenport]

He does have something. He hasn't put it in exactly the right place.

[Sean Clements]

Right. And that. But that. That can be taught. But a lot of what he's bringing, you can't teach. The two different colored socks, which are only apparent because the pants are eight inches too short. And of course, this is like the Kevin Hart stroking of the arm.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Sean Clements]

In the spot where he's like Dr.

[Scott Aukerman]

Evil without his.

[Sean Clements]

He got the jab. Mr. Bigglesworth. Remember?

[Hayes Davenport]

Because. What? Wordsworth. Mr. Bigglesworth.

[Sean Clements]

And so he has seen some stuff.

[Hayes Davenport]

Well, the show's been going on for a while.

[Scott Aukerman]

I gotta admit. I have. I mean, I was part of that franchise. So it's like, you know, it's a beloved franchise to me.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah.

[Hayes Davenport]

You know, at age 33. 31.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah. Don't age them up. 31.

[Scott Aukerman]

I was 31 when that came out. I shot it when I was 30. So, yeah.

[Sean Clements]

Bowler Hat.

[Scott Aukerman]

Didn't wear a bowler hat.

[Hayes Davenport]

As far as I have a character's name. Bowler Hat.

[Sean Clements]

Wasn't the character named Bowler Hat?

[Hayes Davenport]

No.

[Scott Aukerman]

But you know what? I went to high school with a certain gentleman from the first Austin Powers movie who wears a bowler hat.

[Hayes Davenport]

Random task.

[Scott Aukerman]

Throat. Random tasks, yeah.

[Hayes Davenport]

Wow. You went to high school with random tasks?

[Scott Aukerman]

And he ended up in jail for a very long time.

[Sean Clements]

Okay, so that's my pick then, I guess.

[Podcast Advertiser]

For who?

[Scott Aukerman]

Random task. Who didn't do anything but should have been arrested. That's interesting. Well, let me pass that on to the families of his victims.

[Sean Clements]

That's not gonna mean anything to them. They don't know who the fuck they are.

[Hayes Davenport]

And victims could be any number. Like, it could be two, and they could be from the same family. So that would just even be, what, a few more than two?

[Scott Aukerman]

Look at his Wikipedia page.

[Hayes Davenport]

Okay. Geez.

[Sean Clements]

Okay. Yeah. Well, I guess I'll be staying up late to read Random Tasks. Wikipedia page. Any other homework for me, Scott?

[Scott Aukerman]

Well. Well, I mean, quite honestly, some of my other alumnae that I went to Cypress High with. Justin Lin of the Fast and Furious.

[Hayes Davenport]

Yeah, sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

You can read his Wikipedia page. That might be fun for you.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah, that could be interesting for me. Might learn a thing or two. Might jump behind the lens.

[Scott Aukerman]

You want to direct? Do you have any aspirations to direct? Do you have any aspirations to direct? Have you ever wanted to direct? Have you ever wanted to direct? Because you have a movie coming out.

[Sean Clements]

It's got an eye for things. Eye for talent, for one thing. You spotted us and. Yeah, and you also. And you also have. You Know.

[Scott Aukerman]

You notice how I'm always. Yeah. What are you not afraid to say? Go ahead.

[Sean Clements]

You.

[Podcast Advertiser]

You.

[Sean Clements]

You've been able to identify some pretty big stars. Got their start on your own show. You may want to. You may want to use that to direct.

[Scott Aukerman]

Ben Stiller started on my show.

[Sean Clements]

Stiller. Ben Stiller.

[Scott Aukerman]

Will Ferrell started on my show. He's your boss, right?

[Hayes Davenport]

Yep.

[Sean Clements]

That's our boss here. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Hayes Davenport]

And that makes you our boss again.

[Scott Aukerman]

He and I are gonna run this new merged.

[Hayes Davenport]

His boss and IO's part of our family tree, which means that she's part of yours.

[Sean Clements]

Great.

[Scott Aukerman]

I love this. Let's combine it. Why are we doing two separate shows?

[Sean Clements]

Why are we fighting?

[Hayes Davenport]

We are so.

[Scott Aukerman]

The premises that we aren't.

[Hayes Davenport]

The premises that we aren't. So do you remember just a little bit ago, the premise is that we're doing one merged show?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes, I know the premise. Oh, okay. That's what I'm saying.

[Sean Clements]

But we don't have to be great about doing the show together. Cause it is two shows together. We don't have to do just one premise the whole episode.

[Hayes Davenport]

Yeah, okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, let's do two. I'm saying when the merger happens and it hasn't gone through yet, we're gonna do one show. It saves people time. It saves people money. I love it.

[Sean Clements]

Merger most foul.

[Scott Aukerman]

Mm. Merger by death.

[Hayes Davenport]

There's so many things.

[Sean Clements]

Merger, she wrote.

[Hayes Davenport]

There's so many. There's just so many. Merger on the Orient Express.

[Podcast Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Sean Clements]

Merger in the first.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

Yeah.

[Hayes Davenport]

How to get away with merger.

[Scott Aukerman]

Throw merger from the train.

[Hayes Davenport]

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Throw mama from the merger.

[Scott Aukerman]

Throw a merger onto Mama.

[Hayes Davenport]

Three mergers in the fountain.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's a story of a lovely merger.

[Hayes Davenport]

Now, what is that? That one? I don't know.

[Sean Clements]

That one is actually a merger.

[Scott Aukerman]

It actually was. Merger of two families and one lonely maid

[Hayes Davenport]

who's made what she before. They ever talk about that?

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't think they ever talked about that. And this is good, because this is.

[Hayes Davenport]

She was already in the house. Maybe.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. She was the house's maid.

[Sean Clements]

Right.

[Scott Aukerman]

And then they said, like. But he designed the house, didn't he? Mike Brady?

[Sean Clements]

Yeah, it was Mike's.

[Hayes Davenport]

Right? So he designed her as part of

[Scott Aukerman]

it came to life.

[Hayes Davenport]

Like Ruby Sparks.

[Scott Aukerman]

He was an architect who. Man, he looks so fucking bored.

[Hayes Davenport]

It's. No, it's. We hit his veins like pure fentanyl

[Scott Aukerman]

and so he's an ecstasy right now.

[Hayes Davenport]

Yes. This is the knot.

[Scott Aukerman]

Because this. Doing the show is such an odd combination of hearing a gentleman named Matt Apodaka laugh uproariously. Just off in. In another room. And this guy looking like. Like he's gonna kill himself the entire time that. That we're speaking. It's just. It's an odd combo.

[Sean Clements]

Well, yeah. Switch. General public's reaction to the show and then the very narrow fan base of people. Exactly. Like Matt Apodaca, who's one of a kind, for better and worse.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Sean Clements]

So it is.

[Hayes Davenport]

You know, it's.

[Sean Clements]

It's bringing back to podcasts. What's been missing from them is that live feel, you know, the live feel

[Scott Aukerman]

of feedback, of someone almost snoring.

[Sean Clements]

The 1. The beauty of the bomb. Right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Sean Clements]

That's where you're really. Toughen up.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. You guys, that happened to you at that festival, right, that Conan o' Brien was at.

[Sean Clements]

Which one? I mean, they all. You know, you guys, we bombed everywhere. Every festival there was.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Hayes Davenport]

And it turned into a great episode for us, and we wish we'd be able to replicate it, but we never bombed again.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, no.

[Sean Clements]

Sorry.

[Hayes Davenport]

That would have been so good for us to be able to do another episode, like our most successful one from that point on.

[Sean Clements]

We were.

[Hayes Davenport]

But we were unable to recreate. Wasn't bad enough that you, like, do a whole episode about it.

[Sean Clements]

We didn't do anything good enough to be a good episode like that one or bad enough.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, you guys should come on. You should come on tour with me. And now that we're merged, it is one show.

[Hayes Davenport]

The question that remains on the table is Vimeo.

[Scott Aukerman]

Vimeo.

[Hayes Davenport]

All of our shows are on Vimeo.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, I'll take it down. It's you what Take all of your shows off Vimeo.

[Hayes Davenport]

Off Vimeo?

[Scott Aukerman]

Is that what you're saying?

[Hayes Davenport]

What? Wait a minute.

[Scott Aukerman]

This mustache is adding so much to your funny faces. I have to say, this is a good move for you. Look at that. Look at that.

[Hayes Davenport]

Wow.

[Sean Clements]

And the face he's making now is very funny. He couldn't have done that with no mustache.

[Scott Aukerman]

No. Imagine you without a mustache doing that. I'd be like, this guy. He's got nothing.

[Hayes Davenport]

Let me raise an alternate proposal.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Hayes Davenport]

We stay on Vimeo, and you put all your stuff on there, too.

[Scott Aukerman]

What does that mean? It means that what is on Vimeo? What are you talking about?

[Sean Clements]

I'm with you, man. I don't know what this guy's talking about.

[Hayes Davenport]

So those cameras are Vimeo cameras. Everything we do in here, pivot to Vimeo goes online

[Scott Aukerman]

to Vimeo. Wow.

[Hayes Davenport]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Not YouTube.

[Hayes Davenport]

It's a YouTube Vimeo.

[Sean Clements]

They're Vimeo taped.

[Hayes Davenport]

They're Vimeo taped. They go. They become YouTube Vimeos.

[Sean Clements]

I don't know what. Casey must be watching a different comedy film in the booth right now.

[Hayes Davenport]

Excuse me. Sorry. Casey and I, you know, like, you guys are getting into directing. Like, we actually know what we're talking about here. So, like, he understands what I'm saying.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, yeah. Look, I'm game because whatever you guys are doing, it's obviously successful enough that we need to merge.

[Hayes Davenport]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Because you guys are the flagship show of whatever.

[Hayes Davenport]

This is starting to look that way.

[Sean Clements]

Have you thought about. Scott, have you thought about this? Three Ferns. Three Ferns.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did you say Three Ferns?

[Sean Clements]

Bethrin.

[Scott Aukerman]

Three Bethrin.

[Sean Clements]

Bethrin.

[Hayes Davenport]

Was someone in here the other day talking to us about Between Two Ferns?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Hayes Davenport]

Who?

[Scott Aukerman]

Who?

[Hayes Davenport]

Who?

[Sean Clements]

Chuck Klosterman.

[Hayes Davenport]

Yeah.

[Sean Clements]

He was asking, how does that work?

[Hayes Davenport]

He wanted to know because we said that we were involved.

[Sean Clements]

He was like, do they write that out? I said, in fact, not only do they write it out, I know exactly who writes it out.

[Hayes Davenport]

Mm.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's the Fight Club guy.

[Hayes Davenport]

No.

[Scott Aukerman]

Who is he?

[Sean Clements]

That's Chuck Baloniac. He sex drinking Cocoa Puffs?

[Scott Aukerman]

No, no, the guy. The guy who's in Fight Club.

[Hayes Davenport]

That's Chuck Norris.

[Sean Clements]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Look, I'm game. I'll tell him the whole thing.

[Sean Clements]

Okay. Let me get you guys together. Kevin, is he still on the zoom?

[Hayes Davenport]

He refused to leave. He refused to leave.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, really? Yeah.

[Hayes Davenport]

That's how desperately refused to come in in person.

[Sean Clements]

Just enjoyed it. Wants to do it again.

[Hayes Davenport]

Yep.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. To answer your question, Sean, if we were gonna do a sequel, it was gonna be called between two and then the number ferns, colon, three ferns. But no one, not enough people watched it.

[Hayes Davenport]

Between two and then the number ferns.

[Sean Clements]

The number ferns.

[Hayes Davenport]

Colon, colon.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. All of those words. Yeah.

[Hayes Davenport]

Between two and the number ferns.

[Sean Clements]

Did they know about this?

[Scott Aukerman]

Because I think that might have put

[Sean Clements]

them over the views. May not matter if we have a title like this.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's a good point. And I'd love to see you guys in between the ferns. Is that why you're asking about the ferns? Because, like, one on each side of you and then one of three ferns

[Sean Clements]

so that we're each technically between two ferns. Hayes and I are.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, I can see this. Yeah. I would love to have you guys on.

[Sean Clements]

What would you ask us if we're. If we're between them? What kind of stuff? Because I know you're going to get us and we deserve it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Hayes Davenport]

Nothing about being gay.

[Sean Clements]

Don't do that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Because.

[Sean Clements]

Just because.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are you guys gay?

[Hayes Davenport]

No. And that's why I don't want a question that is making it look like I am.

[Sean Clements]

If I was, I would say ask away.

[Hayes Davenport]

You know, if I were up there at the roast, I'd say, there's been a huge misunderstanding.

[Scott Aukerman]

I am not gay.

[Sean Clements]

I'd say. I'd say, hey, guys, nice try and all, but how can I be gay if my dick doesn't even work? So you're trying to embarrass me with this? It's not possible.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Sean Clements]

This thing doesn't do anything.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Hayes Davenport]

What show is doing the worst right

[Scott Aukerman]

now out of our combined.

[Hayes Davenport]

What? Show needs a little life support.

[Sean Clements]

Show needs the injection, I think.

[Scott Aukerman]

San Antonio, Texas, probably.

[Sean Clements]

I'm not going. I can't go there. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, you guys were proposing that you.

[Hayes Davenport]

I'm not going to go to San Antonio, Texas.

[Scott Aukerman]

I like you.

[Hayes Davenport]

I like you to watch the show. I'm not going to go to San Antonio, Texas. See you on tour.

[Scott Aukerman]

How far away will you go?

[Hayes Davenport]

What's the show that, like, needs? Like I told you.

[Scott Aukerman]

I told you the show.

[Hayes Davenport]

But, like, within reason.

[Scott Aukerman]

San Antonio is one of the closest ones we're doing and you won't even go there.

[Sean Clements]

What show's doing the worst on Comedy? Bang Bang.

[Hayes Davenport]

Well, you were gonna answer.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, I. No, I meant on our combined networks because it's.

[Hayes Davenport]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Ours. Yeah, by I.

[Scott Aukerman]

Look, you guys.

[Podcast Advertiser]

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[Sean Clements]

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[Scott Aukerman]

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[Podcast Advertiser]

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[Scott Aukerman]

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[Sean Clements]

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[Podcast Advertiser]

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[Hayes Davenport]

From the show last night to this drive. Why is it never chill?

[Scott Aukerman]

Cause this is our live backstage on the road. It's loud, messy, real.

[Sean Clements]

And that's the best part. Whole crew, no plan, just moving. Good thing Nissan builds for that kind of chaos.

[Scott Aukerman]

Not just test tracks, real life scenes, late nights, road trips, all of it.

[Sean Clements]

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[Scott Aukerman]

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[Podcast Advertiser]

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