01-01-26 - Full Saying Is Customer Is Always Right - Study Says Beer Goggles Is Real - Public Park Grills - Nov/Jan 2024 - BO

Summary

Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness, January 1, 2026

Episode Title: Full Saying Is Customer Is Always Right - Study Says Beer Goggles Is Real - Public Park Grills - Nov/Jan 2024
Host: John Holmberg
Co-hosts: Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Producer/Contributor: Matthia
Station: 98KUPD | Hubbard Radio
Duration: Approx. 25 min (excluding ads)

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Episode Overview

This episode dives into three major comedic topics:

• The origin and misuse of the saying "The customer is always right"
• A deep-dive into recent scientific findings about "beer goggles" and drunken attraction
• Hilarious and affectionate observations on public park grilling culture in Arizona, particularly at Granada Park

The tone throughout is irreverent, witty, loaded with personal anecdotes, and laced with friendly ribbing among the crew.

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Key Discussion Points & Moments

1. "The Customer is Always Right"—Origin, Myths, and Service Industry Nightmares

(01:11-08:42)

• Misuse of the Phrase

  • John reveals the original phrase is actually "the customer is always right in matters of taste", not universally right. It originated as a polite retail guideline regarding subjective preferences, not blanket empowerment.
  • "That is where it turned into the customers. Oh, a huge difference. Because that means you're wrong a lot as a customer, and you should be." – John (01:44)

• Stories from the Service Industry

  • John and team reminisce about difficult clientele in restaurants, emphasizing that some customers are actually wrong (if not intolerable).
  • Memorable tale of Bill Osborne, an old boss who mastered customer put-downs with biting, dry humor.
    • Notable Quote:
      “‘You have to have teeth in order for the stuff to fall off the bone.’ And she stared at him, and he just smiled like, what do you got now?” – John impersonating Bill Osborne (04:44)

• Management vs. Reality

  • John recounts a story battling with corporate over a customer trying to pay with an obviously invalid check, corporate still caving (“Give him whatever he wants”) despite the absurdity.
  • “Yeah, but you’re wrong. So you’re not a customer, you’re just a guy who’s not right.” – John (07:02)

• Practical Takeaway

  • Advise service workers: use the true phrase—“the customer is always right in matters of taste”—to push back on unruly customers.

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2. Beer Goggles: Real Science or Just Lowered Inhibitions?

(08:46-17:36)

• Review of a New Study

  • John shares a scientific finding: When drunk, people reportedly rate unattractive faces as more attractive—but attractive faces aren’t rated less attractive.
  • The crew debates the mechanics: Alcohol dulls facial asymmetry perception (a factor in attractiveness), but doesn’t improve the looks of the already good-looking.
  • “They did prove that alcohol will take the asymmetry… and put it together to where it’s like, this is what it should look like, what it doesn’t do... it doesn’t make better-looking people worse.” – John (09:09)

• Lowered Standards, Not Changed Perception

  • The hosts conclude the "beer goggles" effect is really about dropping standards and inhibitions:
    • "You're just more tolerant of things that you'd normally dismiss." – John (14:39)
    • “You still know what ugly is. You still know what pretty is. You’re just more tolerant of things you’d normally dismiss.” – John (14:39)

• Funny Analogies & Social Commentary

  • Comparing drunken hooking up to gambling: “It’s that decision, it’s like, I normally wouldn’t do this, but they ran a field experiment and... helped determine why people often experience unexpected and regretted sexual escapades when they're drinking.” – John (15:10)

• Legal—and Darker—Implications

  • John recalls learning the hard way about liability:
    • "If a girl who's drunk has sex and then changes her mind a couple days later, you raped her. That's a very real rule. So my rule was, if she's got a few pops in her, don't touch her." – John (12:38)
  • Joke about how the law doesn’t work the other way for men (much to the amusement of the crew).

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3. Public Park Grills, Community Magic, and the “Miracle Grills” of Granada Park

(17:42-25:42)

• Observations of Community Barbecues

  • John describes witnessing massive softball and cookout gatherings—particularly among Mexican families—in city parks.
  • The “Miracle Grill” myth: How a single tiny public grill seems to feed hundreds at these events, to the awe and envy of the hosts.
    • “It’s a Miracle Grill. Maybe we don’t know about it as white people, but the Mexicans have it. Just go find a Miracle Grill, call everyone, and they go to the bar…” – John (19:12)

• White BBQs vs. Mexican American BBQs

  • Good-natured contrasts: White barbecues are mayonnaise-heavy, flavorless, and boring; Mexican barbecues are communal, lively, endless in food.
  • “I’ve never been to a white barbecue and had any fun. Usually just dudes talking about weather, traffic. Yeah, white barbecues are...” – John (21:47)

• Grill Cleanliness and Foil Wars

  • Banter about using foil to cover public grills (white people), versus the “raw dog” approach (“You let the life of that grill seep into your food.” – John, 22:35).
  • Debates on hot dogs rolling off the grill, cleanliness, and the implications for fillings and hygiene.
    • “He puts the foil down. Which immediately makes me realize there’s a chance one of my fillings is going to hit some foil and I’m going to shoot to the moon and back thanks to mayonnaise. White people grilling—foil. Schmoyle.” – John (23:33)
  • Jokes about the mysterious, alcohol-fueled skills of certain park grillmasters:
    • “He somehow makes some ass kicking carne asada and pollo asado.” – Advertiser (25:13)

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• “That is where it turned into the customers. Oh, a huge difference. Because that means you're wrong a lot as a customer, and you should be.” – John (01:44)
• “‘You have to have teeth in order for the stuff to fall off the bone.’ And she stared at him, and he just smiled like, what do you got now?” – John as Bill Osborne (04:44)
• "Yeah, but you’re wrong. So you’re not a customer, you’re just a guy who’s not right." – John (07:02)
• “They did prove that alcohol will take the asymmetry… and put it together to where it’s like, this is what it should look like, what it doesn’t do... it doesn’t make better-looking people worse.” – John (09:09)
• “You're just more tolerant of things that you'd normally dismiss.” – John (14:39)
• "If a girl who's drunk has sex and then changes her mind a couple days later, you raped her. That's a very real rule. So my rule was, if she's got a few pops in her, don't touch her." – John (12:38)
• “It’s a Miracle Grill. Maybe we don’t know about it as white people, but the Mexicans have it.” – John (19:12)
• “He puts the foil down. Which immediately makes me realize there’s a chance one of my fillings is going to hit some foil and I’m going to shoot to the moon and back thanks to mayonnaise. White people grilling—foil. Schmoyle.” – John (23:33)

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Timestamps for Major Segments

| Segment | Description | Timestamp | |---------|-------------|-----------| | The Customer is (Not) Always Right | Origin, misuse, and service-industry horror stories | 01:11–08:42 | | Beer Goggles | Science, stories, and what really happens when drinking | 08:46–17:36 | | Public Park Grills | Miracle grilling, ethnic BBQ contrasts, park observations | 17:42–25:42 |

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Summary & Takeaways

• On retail and restaurants:
  The phrase "the customer is always right" is misused and misunderstood. The real version—“in matters of taste”—offers a more reasonable guideline. Service workers should feel empowered to push back against rude or entitled customers, and accept that sometimes, “the customer” is just an asshole.

• On “beer goggles”:
  Scientific evidence suggests that drunkenness increases tolerance for perceived unattractiveness rather than truly changing perception. It’s about lowered inhibitions, not altered vision (and attractive people aren’t made unattractive by booze). The real story is in regretted decisions, not drunken misperceptions of beauty.

• On BBQ culture:
  There’s a special, almost supernatural community and efficiency among Mexican American park grillers in Phoenix, able to make modest public infrastructure yield feasts for hundreds. Meanwhile, “white BBQs” get roasted for blandness, foil dependence, and subpar fun.

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This episode offers a hilarious, occasionally biting look at American service industry culture, the science of attraction under alcohol, and the culinary magic (and myth) of community grilling—all delivered in Holmberg's trademark irreverent style. It's classic Morning Sickness: smart, silly, and a little subversive.

Transcript

[Host]

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[Producer]

There's more of the best of Homur's morning sickness.

[John]

98 KUPD and the customer is always right, as they say. Which I bring up because I just read a thing. I can make everybody kind of stop that. You know how they, they. They've always said that. Brady, you worked at Porkopolis for years. The customer's always right. Everybody's heard that. Do you know that that isn't at all what the original saying was? I learned that this weekend. The customer is always right is what it turned into. Which is a stupid thing to say cuz there's a ton of times the customer's really, really wrong.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John]

Like they come in and they do some dipstick thing and they act like they deserve it. And then their, their end result is to yell at a manager. Well, you know, the customer's always right. So whenever I complain, no matter what I'm saying, you can't, you can't fight back or I'll tell your boss, like, give it. And a lot of bosses and people think that's where it ends. The original phrase was the customer is always right in matters of taste. And it was a department store saying, don't question them if they like something or it looks bad on them. Don't ever say that looks horrible. The customer is always right in matters of taste. It's theirs. Yeah. So that is where it turned into the customers. Oh, a huge difference. Because that means you're wrong a lot as a customer, and you should be. The customer isn't always right. Sometimes the customer is an asshole, and they think they're right, and they're really wrong. I've dealt with the public. I have nightmares still from working in the service industry and restaurants and hearing that.

[Matthia]

I want to talk. Brett here is the worst waiter of all time.

[John]

He did this, this, this, and this. Like, actually, man, that's how we do things.

[Matthia]

Well, I don't like that.

[John]

And, you know, the customer is always right. I'm sure Matthia deals with it. The customer's always right always comes out of the mouth of somebody you would have punched anyway. And then when they do that, you're like, I just want to light this person on fire. Anybody has a gall to say that. Usually is, but not. But now you have the ammunition to fire back. Say, actually, ma', am, that phrase is, the customer is always right in matters of taste. That's it. If you don't like the way something tastes in a restaurant, you want to say, the customer is always right. Matters to taste. I can't argue with you. This tastes like garbage. Here, I'll give you another one. But if you want a whole free meal and you're starting to scream about this, oh, customer's not always right. Use it wisely. Fight back to the idiots.

[Host]

Is that how Bill Osborne used to handle things?

[John]

The great bill Osborne? Tony Romas, 87. 94. It's on his tombstone. 1987. 1994. The great bill Osborne. No, he did not, actually. Normally, the customer would be right, but in this case, judging you by how you dressed when you left the house, you make a lot of poor decisions. That dude would dress down. A person complaining better than anyone I've ever seen in my life. One time, there was an old lady. This one just dawned on me. She came to the stand again. Bill Osborne was Gene Wilder, visually, Jack Nicholson, verbally, the strangest combination of all time. Looked very friendly. Like you're walking up to Willy Wonka, the big puffy hair, you know, tall, six, two, six, three. And he's standing there. Old lady came up and started to say something. Now the old lady had, like, some bad choppers up front. I'm standing right next to Bill.

[Matthia]

She comes up, you say, the ribs fall right off the bone. Well, they don't. This was terrible.

[John]

It was.

[Matthia]

The food was dry.

[John]

And, ma', am, I noticed that all that dry food is missing because I'm looking at a plate of bones here.

[Matthia]

Well, it doesn't mean I wasn't hungry. I choked it down.

[John]

Yes, you did. And let me tell you something else. You know, there's a certain thing we don't say on the sign because we don't have enough letters. You have to have teeth in order for the stuff to fall off the bone. And she stared at him, and he just smiled like, what do you got now?

[Matthia]

Yeah, well, you are just one of the rudest people I've ever dealt with.

[John]

You're not the first person to tell me that. What do you need? That was his big thing. What do you need?

[Matthia]

Well, I just think there should be.

[John]

Do you want a free meal out? That's what you're after. That's why you came in to eat. You were going to find something wrong. Let me knock that down. And, in fact, give you a coupon here. And then he gave her, like, a $25 gift card for next time. And as he's leaving, he goes, highly recommend you stay away from that little bowl of spearmint mints. Not good for your mouth. She just walked out like fear. But even after that, she came back, like, a week later. Very loud to know to use. They're very loud. One dude wanted to fight me once, and I gave him gift. My boss ended up giving him gift cards. Another guy at the corporate office with the customers always write, john, you don't do that. I'm like, this dude tried to write me a check with no name on it, no address, just a piece of paper that said, pay to the order of and an amount. And I'm like, I can't accept this. It's got. Because I'm offering you a form of payment. Legally, I can give you an iou and that's a form of payment. It was a party of six. It was like a. I'm like, man, come on, give me a break. I cannot. Would you take this from me if I was buying something from you? You're absolutely right. I would. Legally, that's a form of payment. And I'm like, I'm not taking this. Well, then we're gonna talk to somebody. So we're on the phone with the boss, guys losing it. He throws out the customers. Always. Right? This guy's. You know, he's embarrassing me in front of my family. And I'm like, I'm embarrassing you? You wrote a check from no bank with no name and address. I. My ass gets reamed if this thing bounces. And then. So the guy on the. My boss on the other line calls. He's Peter. His name was Peter. He was equally as goofy. He was from New Jersey and had a Texas New Jersey accent, which the strangest thing you've ever heard. And he looked like Bill Cower. And I get back on the phone and I'm like, this is what I'm dealing with, Peter. He goes, that guy's an asshole. And I'm like, he sure is Peter. And he goes, give him whatever he wants. I'm like, no, that's it. So he gets face to face with me. He's never heard of. The customer's always right. I'm like, yeah, but you're wrong. So you're not a customer. You're just a guy who's not right. The cooks were. Because they had him in my office. Cooks were watching this thing. They thought we were going to come to blows. He leaves, like, two weeks later, this dude comes back and he's got a whole bunch of gift cards in his hands. And he goes, looks like I was right, at least according to the corporate management. I'm like, fair enough. And I shook his hand and I said, I was just doing my job. I've been told this and that. That's fine. And he goes, and we're gonna have another free meal tonight. That's great. And I said, let me get you a drink. First round of. You don't even have to use your gift cards. I've got it. And trust me, the first round was satisfying. I'll just say that ball dipping. Didn't dip my balls in that one. I actually didn't. Thing I told the busboy who was less than clean. His name was Dylan. Should have been in the kitchen. He came out for a little while. So, Dylan, here's a couple drinks I need you to deliver, and I need you to take care of them for me. You got it, boss. I'm like, I don't know what he did, but Dylan was filthy, and I was just fine with it. Absolutely. The customer is not always right in matters of taste only. So arm yourself with that whenever, if you're in that industry. Especially hauling into the Christmas season where there's temporary employment and all these stores and things like that, and you got customers fighting you. Customer is always right in matters of taste. Remember to add that ending. And don't be a person who says that customer's always right. That's stupid. If you throw that bomb out, I hope you run into Bill Osborne.

[Producer]

It's the best of Homburg's Morning Sickness.

[John]

A scientific study of Beer goggles. They studied A bunch of people again. Well, no, this is like a real. Like, what does it do? And they've discovered that it changes. But there's an argument. Like, I immediately had an argument to the tv. So they say that when you drink too much, people will become more attractive. And then that's why you make the mistake of finding someone attractive when you're drunk.

[Brady]

You lower your standards.

[John]

And then the next morning you're like, oh, no, what have I done? Like, this is. She's disgusting. They say that beer and alcohol will change the asymmetry of a face, which is what is technically what makes someone attractive. Which is why I'm unattractive. I look like I've had Bell's palsy several different times and sort of recovered. Like, half of my face is shaped totally different than the other. My eyes are in the wrong spots. So that's symmetry. Your face has. Both sides are as similar as possible. That's. That tends to make you more attractive. My nose is crooked. I'm way off. I'm way off. I'm poorly built. But alcohol will fix that. They did prove that alcohol will take the asymmetry, the problems, and put it together to where it's like, this is what it should look like, what it doesn't do. And they discovered this. They have thousands of people. They get them drunk and, like, show them pictures of people, and, you know, they'd rate them beforehand and then rate them after they went up drinking. And everybody that was ugly got a little boost. What it didn't do, and this is why I don't think it's real, is it doesn't make better looking people worse.

[Host]

I was gonna say, what about these broads that filter everything? And then you get on Facebook and.

[John]

Like, oh, whoa, right. It doesn't change. Like, it. It's so you'd think it would constantly be a thing they said. It's not. It's essentially the whole study was it's still up to you to make the right decisions in life. And, you know, maybe it's attractive, maybe it's not. But know what you're doing and know that when you get drunk, you're gonna probably.

[Brady]

I mean, they say kind of lowers your judgmental standards.

[John]

Well, it just makes you more flexible when you're drunk. Your inhibitions are definitely different. And you're. You're more likely to do something you wouldn't normally do, especially because you're kind of having a good time. Your body feels relaxed, and then you lean more towards the idea of, you know, what feel Great. Right. Now humping, which drunk to that degree rarely is that good. But you know, then you start looking around.

[Brady]

Anybody tonight?

[John]

Right? Yeah. And that's the whole point. You get drunk, everybody gets a little bit better looking. Everybody's. The key to it is everybody's a little more fun when they're drunk. Because the last thing you want is somebody sober around when everybody else has had some pops because they're. Then you start to see what, what, like the boring thing. And then you move on. But they said that. And I'm like, well, if that was the case, then if it's true that beer goggles are real, then when you put them on and look at somebody who's attractive, it would change them too. It would take somebody who is symmetrical. Well, no, it would make them worse because if they're symmetrically all right already, it would start moving them the other way, wouldn't it? Like if you're, if you're scooting, you know, like eyes that aren't exactly right and your nose is crooked and it fixes that. Wouldn't it take somebody who's. Who's good and over correct and over correct. Like what if that's the case? If it's.

[Brady]

And they didn't really address that.

[John]

No, they just basically said it's only for ugly people. Beer goggles are only for ugly people. Good looking people are good looking. If you've got beer goggles or not. Well, then there's no. Then there's no beer goggles. Then it's eliminated. Then it's just your inhibitions have gone, ah, screw it. I'll take that one. Deep down, you know when you're drunk, this chick is probably a little bigger than my norm.

[Brady]

Don't care.

[Host]

And the next morning when you lift those sheets up and look and it's.

[John]

Like, oh my, what have I done? And you've got that parachute panties on the ground. And I've never done that. Thank God. I've never been.

[Brady]

I've always a crutch on that one.

[John]

Well, you blame alcohol for you just being weak. Yeah, Yeah. I have always been a strong drunk. Always. I've always had that rule that ever since my friend was accused by those two guys at the restaurant when they came in and said, we're gonna come in and talk to you a little bit about rape. What? Cause he had sex with a girl who was drunk. And then I found out the law that if a girl who's drunk has sex and then changes her mind a couple days later, you raped her. That's a very real rule. So my rule was, if she's got a few pops in her, don't touch her. She can change her mind after you're done.

[Producer]

Merry effing holidays from The Big Red Radio 98 KUPD Holmberg's Morning Sick N.

[Host]

Does that work the other way, too? Like, if you wind up taking some uggo home and then you say that she raped you.

[John]

Great question. She took advantage of the fact I was drunk. I don't think.

[Host]

Come on, Officer. Would I really do that?

[John]

Come on.

[Brady]

Look at that.

[John]

Right? And that's the one rule I've always had, is like, I hope I get a male judge. That I'd be like, come on. You think I. You think I volunteered for this? Something was going on. But the beer goggle study was very interesting because it was. It only worked on ugly people. It was only for people who were disgusting. And they're like, yeah, but they basically debunked that beer goggles are why you make the decision. Like, they're like, no, that's still you. Deep down. They found that everybody in the study was like, I knew what I was doing. Yeah, but she seemed better than she was. And I think that's more like a personality thing.

[Brady]

It was fun that night. Next morning was weird.

[John]

Yeah, we're having fun. Well, that's true, because you're. You're kind of hungover. You're sober again. Decisions are being analyzed. When you're drunk, you don't really analyze your decision.

[Host]

She offers to make you breakfast out of the trough that's in their kitchen.

[John]

And, you know, I mean, yeah, by all means, go to her place.

[Host]

Oh, yeah, you don't want to know.

[John]

When you live, take the hard home. Yeah. They said, what makes people back then.

[Brady]

You haven't changed your sheets in two months.

[John]

Yeah, that's true. Back when you were younger and doing that kind of stuff, they said that alcohol did impair face symmetry detection. It has no influence on facial attractive judgment. You still know what ugly is. You still know what pretty is. You're just more tolerant of things that you'd normally dismiss. So. So it isn't beer goggles. You still see the same thing, but you're like, eh, why not? So you do a little bit more. I'll throw it in that. What the hell? It's sort of like gambling.

[Brady]

You're either gonna win in the El Cortez.

[John]

Right? Right. You're throwing $5 on the table. You're like, Ah, screw it. 100 bucks. It's that decision, it's like, I normally wouldn't do this, but they ran a field experiment and helped determine why people often experience unexpected and regretted sexual escapades when they're drinking. And it was basically just saying it's, it has nothing to do with you finding the person attractive. It has everything to do with you just being, you know, more willing to let go, lower your standards. Well, you don't, when you're drunk, you don't analyze well, if I do this, this will happen. You don't go down.

[Brady]

Seems like it would be fun.

[John]

Your cognitive. Afterwards, your, your cognitive reasoning and all the things are like, yeah, I shouldn't, I should probably not do this because she's going to say something to me and then she might think you don't care about the repercussions, you just do. But I also think the beer goggles are. And if it's only for ugly people, then it's not a thing. Because if it only makes ugly people better looking, what does it do to better looking people? It should, it should either make them goofy looking or like, you'd wake up, you very rarely would wake up next to somebody and go, geez, she's a lot better looking than what I remember last night.

[Host]

But it could be said that it works both ways though too, because it may give you the courage to step out of your normal realm. Like, you know, the, the nine that's over there and you know, you're usually pulling a seven, you know, or whatever.

[Brady]

She has to regret the next morning.

[Host]

Yeah, exactly.

[John]

Exactly. She's got a couple pops, she's got the beer goggles on, wakes up next to John C. Reilly. Had a really good time last night. Thanks for coming by.

[Matthia]

What have I done?

[John]

You have to keep it down. Yeah, but that's for women. That. What was that movie with Seth Rogen and he knocked her up. Yeah, I forgot her name, but she was really hot. He knocked her up. Catherine Heigl, Katherine Heigl. And then they had that thing where they were going to try to make a relationship out of their beer night. Like, this is the dumbest movie I've ever watched. And my life just doesn't happen. But yeah, for women to do it. But that's the thing. A woman can just leave and a guy's like, ah, she, I banged her. That's all we can. We, we did it. And she leaves a guy. A girl, like, won't go away. Like, she can confuse that whole night for that connection for like you. It meant something and you got to Be careful with that.

[Producer]

It's the last of Homburg's morning sickness. I'm 98. KUPD.

[John]

Shalom. I did notice the Jews were having a huge Jew softball game yesterday. My.

[Host]

They invite you?

[John]

No, my friend Aaron said, what's going on at Granada Park? She comes to Steelers thing, and I'm like, oh, bowl game. Yeah. Well, I don't know if it's. I think it's weekly now, like, yesterday. Oh. Because Saturday I rode my bike and I rode by it. I'm like, man, that place is packed. And, you know, you'd hear a back make the noise to a ball. Hey, man. And then you hear, hey, man. I go to throw my things on second base. They're trying to stretch a single into a double. It only works in retail. I noticed that there was a game going on, but I was like. And so Sunday place was packed. And she said, what's going on at Granada Park? I'm like, well, it's Sunday. It's a perfect day. So there's juice off ball. That's a thing. And it's the most amazing thing I've ever watched. And then Mexican people with those tents go and use the grills, and they invite all of it. Like, there's. I've never seen. I don't know how much food you have to have those little tiny park grills. I don't know how Mexican people do it. They can make food for thousands. Yeah, it is amazing on that tiny little grill. And they all have tents. It becomes a community of little weird tents just everywhere. And the one grill that's about three by two has. It's like Jesus is making food for him.

[Brady]

Beta.

[John]

Jesus is making food.

[Brady]

Miracles happen.

[John]

It's a Miracle Grill. And maybe we don't know about it as white people, but the Mexicans have it. Just go find a Miracle Grill, call everyone, and they go to the bar. He's like, I'm glad you've all gathered. I have one piece of meat that will feed us all because of Miracle Grill. The Granada park miracle grills. There's three or four of them, and they're surrounded.

[Brady]

This looks like there's four burgers on there.

[John]

They serve 200 people, and everybody's got two burgers, one in each hand. Never run out. How come you guys can do this Miracle Grill? Your crackers are. You won't even use them? Like, no. We've never once even thought of using Miracle Grill. It feeds everyone.

[Brady]

They scoop out the water, the pond, it turns into wine.

[John]

Watch this player. Granada Park. No, it's Pinot Grigio.

[Brady]

It's the Gria.

[John]

It's unreal. Meanwhile we're like, gross. I'd never use a public grill. They figured it out. And single handedly the Mexican American population surrounding Granada park down here in Phoenix is keeping the temporary pop up tent business alive. I've never. There's thousands of them. It looks like an arts and crafts show breaks out, but it's just for Miracle Grill. Meet a Saturday, Granada Park. I'm bringing one patty. Miracle Grill will take care of us all. Hundreds and I would never go to a barbecue where I'm like a hundredth in line on that little baby grill.

[Brady]

He only has one chicken.

[John]

Doesn't matter. Miracle Grill will handle it. That's not happening.

[Host]

Zeus can feed thousand with that one chicken.

[Advertiser]

That's not happening.

[John]

What's this Miracle Grill? Miracle Grill. Everyone enjoy chicken. Crazy. But that was what was going on yesterday. The Jew softballs going highly recommend you hit Granada park on the weekends when they're not allowed to do anything. They can't touch anything. They play some softball in that gear. Open grills and then they just smell a Miracle Grill going. Like cow face. Like they cut the face off a cow and throw it on Miracle Grill. And everybody's got two, two burgers. I don't know how it happens. And like tents just start showing. One tent touches another, it makes a third. They go up like crazy.

[Advertiser]

Two tents love each other very much.

[John]

We know how to procreate with tents. We're good at it. Yeah, it's crazy. And it looks fun. Like I've never been to a white barbecue and had any fun. Usually just dudes talking about weather, traffic. Yeah, white barbecues are.

[Brady]

It's got a new policy.

[John]

More mayonnaise. For what? For the barbecue. Ew, no. Here's some flavorless stuff. Put that on top of there. Mmm. White bq. I've never been to a barbecue party. I just like a steak, that's all. I. I want to go to Miracle Grill and find out. But they never clean it. I never see anybody like scraping off the park. The city grill. There's pigeons and ducks everywhere. You know, they're feeding off of that at the end of the night.

[Brady]

Most of the time they foil it.

[John]

I think they're raw dog.

[Brady]

You have too much, too much faith in humanity.

[John]

Let me tell you this again. Half the time there's another problem with white barbecue, right?

[Advertiser]

Too much faith in human foil.

[John]

Yep. Good old fashioned barbecue doesn't have foil. You raw dog right on the flame. And you let the. The life of that grill seep into your food. But I ain't doing that on a public.

[Brady]

Not if they're doing glizzies.

[Matthia]

Doing everything.

[John]

What are you talking about? Not if they're doing glizzies. Foil your glizzy so they don't fall.

[Brady]

Sometimes between the eyes.

[Advertiser]

Brady.

[John]

Just face them the other way. You'll be fine. You know, perpendicular. They roll perpendicular ways. Right? They roll on foil, too.

[Brady]

When they try to.

[John]

You're dumb. You tell me all day. It's the stupidest argument I've ever heard in my life. I'm telling you, hot dogs roll. Not away from. How slow are you? You can't catch the hot dog before it hits the back of the grill.

[Brady]

That's a bad design.

[John]

Yeah, That's.

[Brady]

The wind kicks up.

[John]

What are you doing on top of Everest?

[Brady]

Spins them.

[John]

No. Nope. None of that happens. He got grilled. He got grill defensive.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John]

Because he's a white griller. He puts foil down.

[Advertiser]

He's a white what?

[John]

A white griller.

[Advertiser]

Oh, okay.

[John]

He puts the foil down. Which immediately makes me realize there's a chance one of my fillings is going to hit some foil and I'm going to shoot to the moon and back thanks to mayonnaise. White people grilling foil. Schmoyle. You let that grill do its life. But I'm not doing public grilling because of ducks. Geese. Goddamn. Who knows what going on.

[Host]

Homeless peeing on homeless piss.

[John]

Exactly. The life of the girl happens. Heck, yeah. You can arc it. We've seen Calvin and Hobbes.

[Advertiser]

That's true.

[John]

Anyway, so go enjoy that this weekend. We all do. Veterans Day. Nice barbecue. Miracle girl's amazing. He makes a point. Everybody using a Miracle Girl. There's a Jesus nearby. That's true. There is that.

[Advertiser]

So that's what happened to Porkopolis. Went broke on foil.

[John]

This aluminum is killing so much. Well, we lost another 400 hot dogs.

[Host]

They rolled away.

[John]

We don't know where they went. The other ones just slid through the gigantic creases. As small as your hot dog that it would slide through the grill.

[Brady]

They're not kosher.

[John]

What?

[Brady]

They're thick enough, but they. I think. I don't know why. I think they do it on the.

[John]

Who?

[Brady]

The foil. People that use them public grills put the foil on there so they're not cleaning the. They don't have to worry about cleaning the top. That's the only thing I've been able to figure out.

[John]

Why would you do that, though. If you're worried about cleanliness, you wouldn't use the grill.

[Advertiser]

Have you done a lot of observing at the public park?

[John]

Oh, he hangs around. Can I have one of those?

[Brady]

Mel?

[John]

Get out of here, cracker. You're not a recipient if you cannot have any miracle grill food.

[Advertiser]

John, you also have to consider that the guy on the grill is usually cooking everything after downing a 24 pack of Modelo. But he somehow makes. He somehow makes some ass kicking. Carne asada and pollo asado.

[John]

That's racist. He's not drunk. On a full case of Modelo.

[Matthia]

Maybe half.

[John]

And drink 24 of them. Gotta feed 150,000 people in five minutes. Impressive.

[Producer]

Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station idea.