01-01-26 - FULL SHOW - FRIDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD - BO

Summary

Holmberg’s Morning Sickness – Arizona

Episode: 01-01-26 – FULL SHOW – FRIDAY

Date: January 2, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness on 98 KUPD delivers its signature blend of off-the-cuff humor, irreverent pop culture commentary, and interactive radio antics. The hosts—John Holmberg, Brady Bogan, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo—roll through a packed show featuring celebrity interviews (Eugene Levy, James Cameron, Lemmy Kilmister, “Hugh Jackman”), outlandish call-ins, spirited games, and the legendary “Guadalupe Squares.” True to form, the hosts entertain by challenging social conventions, skewering the week’s news, and bantering through segments that range from interviews to community news, from rants about gender reveals to judging local pie contests.

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Key Segments & Discussions

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1. Eugene Levy Interview

(01:47–09:52)

Discussion Points:

• Classic SCTV Comedy Bits: John Holmberg’s “fanboy” tribute opens the chat; he quizzes Levy on obscure SCTV characters like Phil’s Nails and Al Peck, sparking nostalgic banter about the subtleties and challenges of physical comedy on sketch TV.
  • “Anybody who can pick out, you know, Phil's Nails from the batch of stuff we did over seven years is one of the true fans.” – Eugene Levy (03:00)
• Behind-the-Scenes on ‘Splash’ with Daryl Hannah: Holmberg reminisces about Levy’s role, joking about ‘missed opportunities’ in iconic scenes, with Levy dishing about on-set moments and his “crush” on Hannah.
  • “She spent an entire day in that tank. Got to hand it to her … not like she could get out and go to the bathroom.” – Eugene Levy (04:50)
• Favorite Films: Levy highlights ‘A Mighty Wind,’ ‘Waiting for Guffman,’ and ‘American Pie,’ crediting the semi-improvisational writing process.
  • “All the films that I did with Chris Guest…we wrote a very detailed outline…We just didn’t tell people how to say them.” – Eugene Levy (05:57)
• ‘Best in Show’ – Two Left Feet Story: The character’s physical gag was born from riffing with Christopher Guest.
  • “This guy’s kind of clumsy…he’s got two left feet. And we both at the same time kind of looked up at each other… No, no, no, we can’t go there…because it doesn’t make sense. He wouldn’t have two left feet…Because it’s not funny. It’s hilarious.” – Eugene Levy (06:33)
• ‘American Reunion’ & Cast Chaos: Levy discusses cast “going off the deep end” and returning for a new film, with tongue-in-cheek talk about his own supposed bad behavior.
  • “I go off in a way that…even the tabloids can’t write about it. They’re just going, this is too much. Nobody will believe…” – Eugene Levy (08:09)
  • Humor around Jim's Dad hooking up with Stifler’s mom.
    • “Jim’s dad got to hook up with Stifler’s mom. …I opened the door and there’s Stifler’s mom. And I’m going, that is brilliant.” – Eugene Levy (09:32)

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2. James Cameron Interview

(10:19–16:12)

Discussion Points:

• ‘Avatar’ Hype & World-Building: Cameron details the years-long process (“in a bunker for four years”), the immersive fantasy world, and the technological leap with IMAX3D.
  • “For four years, making this world…you got big flying creatures, people like to ride on them, it’s like the Swiss family IMAX3D.” – James Cameron (11:32)
• Plot Deep Dive: The hosts probe the story’s concept: avatars allow disabled humans to “enter” alien bodies on Pandora, where they experience love and cultural integration.
  • “Our guy Jake…gets to run and live and breathe as an avatar, and eventually even falls in love and integrates into the indigenous culture of this planet…” – James Cameron (12:05)
• Avatar Sex? The hosts prod for prurient details.
  • “Is there Avatar sex?” / “We dissolve very demurely at the appropriate moment.” – James Cameron (12:55)
• Cameron’s Work Ethic & Aging: Jokes about his only addiction being moviemaking, not marijuana.
  • “I don't have time for addictions other than my moviemaking addiction.” – James Cameron (13:17)
• Comparisons to Star Wars & Creating Universes: Cameron suggests ‘Avatar’ will fill a void for a new immersive world in the absence of major post-2000 sci-fi/fantasy sagas.
  • “There hasn’t been anything recently that’s new and fresh, that you can plunge into deeply.” – James Cameron (13:54)
• ‘Titanic’ for Guys: Holmberg playfully pitches an abridged “just the boat crash and Kate Winslet nude” cut.
  • “Release…Titanic where it’s just the boat crash. Put it on DVD as just that.” – John Holmberg (14:39)
  • “I want it to be called Gytanic…” – John Holmberg (15:15)

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3. Lemmy Kilmister (“Motorhead”) In-Studio Hijinks

(20:18–34:40)

Discussion Points:

• Rock Star Persona Parody: Lemmy leans into his wild legend with trademark gruffness, self-deprecating health humor, and outrageous punchlines.
  • “Why are you wearing short shorts and cowboy boots?” / “Because there’s Arizona. It’s very hot outside.” – Lemmy Kilmister (21:14)
  • “My mole eats snakes. Take that, snakes.” – Lemmy Kilmister (21:59)
• Audience Interaction & Lyric Games: Lemmy quizzes listeners on Motorhead and other classic rock lyrics, riffs on sexual and personal questions, and jokingly gives away show tickets.
  • “If you like to gamble, I tell you I'm your man / Win some, lose some, go.” (24:49)
  • Running joke about “BJ’s” vs. “Bee Gees.”
• Uncensored, Raucous Exchanges: Classic radio chaos—innuendo, banter with fans, and Motorhead ticket giveaways, blending Led Zeppelin to Queen to Kiss references.

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4. ‘Hugh Jackman’ (“X-Men” Parody) Call-In & Superhero Quiz

(34:40–44:40)

Discussion Points:

• Over-the-Top ‘Gay Wolverine’ Routine: Hugh Jackman’s flamboyantly camp persona, replete with theater/‘X-Men’ in-jokes, runs through a call-in segment.
  • “Wolverine’s new outfit has ruffles and like my knee boots...” – “Hugh Jackman” (35:42)
  • “Wolverine’s got a vagina. It was a marvelous day. Filming that there was fun.” (36:06)
• Fan Engagement: Listeners call in for superhero trivia, with hosts riffing on pop culture and bending line between superhero fact and gonzo comedy.
  • “This massive hunk of a villain had a cool vest and no shirt …fought Batman…” / “Bane. Bane is right.” (44:33)

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5. Rants & Social Commentary: Gender Reveals, Bears, & Walls

(46:45–98:58)

Discussion Points:

• Homebrew Inventions & Drone Rants: John pitches thumb-sized heat-seeking missiles for home drone takedown, blending fake engineering with real pet peeves on technology and safety.
  • “…a little smart missile about the size of your thumb…taking down kids’ stupid drones.” – John Holmberg (46:45)
• Gender Reveal Parties Skewered: Extended lampooning of gender reveals, “princess parties,” and obligatory male attendance.
  • “If you’re happy about either answer, then what’s the big reveal for?” – John Holmberg (50:00)
  • “Men need to say no to those. That’s like co-ed baby showers…No, the answer is no, you won’t go.” (52:03)
• Border Wall & Nature: Holmberg reverses his stance on southern border walls after hearing that they reduce animal crossings by 91%, arguing sarcastically that the wall’s effectiveness is finally proven if it confuses bears and deer.
  • “If the animals can’t figure out a way under and over, neither can the illegals.” – John Holmberg (88:51)
  • “Now all they did to me was just announce this. This wall is somewhat impenetrable. If a bear…can’t figure out how to get over the wall, it’s effective.” (92:13)
  • “…congratulations to those bears. You’re citizens now.” (98:58)

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6. Pie/Tasting Contest Recap

(63:03–71:28)

Discussion Points:

• Judging Philosophy: Brady Bogan is grilled over his lax judging at a pie contest; the crew insists that a real judge must be honest, critical, and publicly shame the worst entry for everyone’s improvement.
  • “Worst place is a thing. And somebody needs to know not to enter next year, or to try harder.” – John Holmberg (65:10)

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7. Brady Report – News Oddities & Social Commentary

(72:33–85:08)

Discussion Points:

• Controversial Topics: Surveys on blackface, Starbucks apron colors, and the worst Halloween candies.
• Weird News: Mom in Japan scammed by a “Russian cosmonaut” space lover; dirtiest man in Iran dies after bathing for the first time in 60 years.

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8. Email Advice: Breaking up with Pregnant Partners

(103:29–113:10)

Discussion Points:

• Listener Dilemmas: An email from “GH” threatens to break up with his pregnant girlfriend. The hosts discuss hormonal chaos (“pregnancy is a curable disease…but it lingers for at least 18-20 years”), sharing personal and darkly comedic advice.
  • “You gotta stay put for the next couple months and make this right. If she breaks up with you, that's okay, but you can't dump her at four months. You can't.” – John Holmberg (109:43)
  • “If you’re trained like Robert Fisher was, what kind of balls did that wife have to start making him think, you know, I could blow this whole thing up and leave and no one would ever know…” (112:30)

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9. Guadalupe Squares (Show’s Signature Game Segment)

(130:54–149:08; multiple segments)

Overview:

• Celebrity Impression Squares: Iconic impersonations by the hosts—Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, Ronald Reagan, Bryant Gumbel, Chris Rock, Smeagol/Gollum, “Black Lady Brady,” Tom Carvel, George W. Bush—and hilarious pop-culture crossovers.
• Player Banter: Contestants call in to pick squares and answer trivia, while the hosts riff on stereotypes, inject chaos into the game, and undermine each other's answers.
  • “This is wonderful show for me to poop on.” – Triumph the Insult Comic Dog (131:30)
• Notable Gags: Callbacks to earlier segments (bad pies), relentless teasing, and side commentary, with the game serving as a lightning round for the show’s comedic DNA.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• Eugene Levy on SCTV fans: “Anybody who can pick out Phil’s Nails from the batch of stuff we did over seven years is one of the true fans.” (03:00)
• James Cameron on creative addiction: “I don't have time for addictions other than my moviemaking addiction.” (13:17)
• Holmberg on gender reveals: “Men need to say no to those. …The answer is no, you won’t go.” (52:03)
• John Holmberg on border wall: “If the animals can’t figure out a way under and over, neither can the illegals.” (88:51)
• On breaking up with a pregnant girlfriend: “Pregnancy is a disease and it’s curable, but it lingers for at least 18–20 years.” (110:39)
• Triumph the Insult Comic Dog: “This is wonderful show for me to poop on.” (131:30)

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Key Timestamps

• 01:47 — Eugene Levy interview begins
• 10:19 — James Cameron interview starts (‘Avatar’ & ‘Titanic’ banter)
• 20:18 — Lemmy Kilmister Motorhead mayhem (rock star parody)
• 34:40 — ‘Hugh Jackman’ phones in (camp superhero Q&A)
• 46:45 — John’s invention rant, gender reveals, and anti-drone fantasy
• 63:03 — Pie contest controversy and judging etiquette
• 72:33 — Bracing news tidbits and social commentary
• 88:51 — Suitably nuts border wall animal migration discussion
• 103:29 — Listener email: “Breaking up with a pregnant girlfriend” and Robert Fisher plot
• 130:54 — Final “Guadalupe Squares”: celebrity impressions, trivia, and anarchy

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Summary/Tone

The episode is a full-force example of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness—irreverent, quick-witted, and uninhibited, mixing familiar pop culture with local Arizona flavor. The show is always ready to upend sacred cows, tackle current events with caustic wit, and engage the audience through games and interactive segments. Impression comedy, random trivia, and outrageous asides define the on-air style, while interviews with big names are played for both fandom and farce. The show retains a “radio family” feel, with regular hosts roasting each other, the news, and the quirks of Arizona life.

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For listeners new and old, this episode is a rollercoaster of genuine laughs, smartassery, and relentless energy—anchored by memorable interviews and the signature mayhem of the “Guadalupe Squares.”

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

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[Brady Bogan]

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[John Holmberg]

Hey, it's Brett Vesely and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?

[Chris]

Brett, the last thing you want to do is sell the gun to someone who can't legally own one. Tell him not to put himself at risk and come into MMP Guns where he'll get a fair offer and he can rest easy knowing it's not getting into the wrong hands.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, but what if he lives out.

[Chris]

Of state easy legalgunbuyer.com and he can do it all online. It's really that simple.

[John Holmberg]

There you have it. MMP Guns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your fire arms. Do not listen to this while driving or when full alertness is needed, the.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Rest of Holmberg's morning sickness. This is the Big Red Radio.

[John Holmberg]

Eugene Levy is online. He's Canadian, but we'll allow him on the show anyway. Are you there, sir?

[Eugene Levy]

Yes, I am there. Good morning to you, wherever there is. Good morning. How are you guys doing?

[John Holmberg]

We're doing well. You're in Phoenix right now. Just to let you know, it's beautiful. You're having a great time.

[Eugene Levy]

Fabulous.

[John Holmberg]

Wonderful.

[Eugene Levy]

I love. I love being in the desert.

[John Holmberg]

I have to ask you something right away. As a huge SCTV fan growing up, you did a character I can Never Find on YouTube, and I need the name of it. He was the salesman who did the pitches, but his arms never matched his excitement for what he was selling.

[Eugene Levy]

Yes. Phil's nails.

[John Holmberg]

Is that right? Or are you just messing with me? You're gonna send me in some sort of weird corn Google search?

[Eugene Levy]

His name was Phil, okay?

[John Holmberg]

Phil Snails.

[Eugene Levy]

And he. The first commercial I believe he did was for nails. Different kinds of nails. And he. And it's true. It was one of the oddest, toughest things I think I've ever done.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Eugene Levy]

Is doing an entire pitch and having your body language not remotely match what you're. What you're actually saying.

[John Holmberg]

I recognized it as brilliant at an early age because you can't do it. I mean, you can.

[Eugene Levy]

Holy cow. Well, let me tell you something. Anybody who can. Who can pick out, you know, Phil's nails from the batch of stuff we did over seven years.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Eugene Levy]

Is. Is one of the true fans.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no. And that was the. That show, to me, was brilliantly funny in every direction, but things like Phil's Nails was the stuff that, like, you can't mimic it. You can't copy it. That's unique. Well, what.

[Eugene Levy]

And what. What about Al Peck? Were you an Al Peck?

[John Holmberg]

I remember Al Peck. And who was the. The lady that was with Al Peck a lot? Was Alpec the one that had that. No, that was the other one, John Candy.

[Eugene Levy]

No, Alpec is the guy who sold used fruit.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. That's the guy. Who is the one that. Andrea. I can't remember her name now, but she did the.

[Eugene Levy]

Well, Andrea Martin, she played what, Edith Prickley.

[John Holmberg]

Edith Prickley was the station owner. But then you had the. The character she did in the leopard skin. Was that Heath Prickly? That was Edith Prickly. That's right. You guys are getting deep.

[Eric]

I have no idea what you're talking.

[John Holmberg]

That we only have seven or eight minutes with Eugene. And it's like moments in that when you get the hot girl in the closet in junior high and you have so many questions for it, but it's like seven minutes with Eugene Levy. But.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I've been following your career, and the one thing I was always mad about is you didn't aim the bucket higher at Daryl Hannah when you threw the water on her and splash. Because we needed the hair to be moved.

[Eugene Levy]

Wow. I had a big crush on Daryl Hannah.

[John Holmberg]

Who didn't. And then you had the rights to. How many cuts did it take before you just.

[Eugene Levy]

Yeah, but you weren't standing as close to her as I was.

[John Holmberg]

I can imagine that had to be pretty close. Yeah. And she was in her. That was a stunning time. That was a beautiful time to. At Daryl home.

[Eugene Levy]

She was. Yeah, she was. She was absolutely beautiful. It was. It was. It was kind of fun for me.

[John Holmberg]

I bet. Yeah. And how often did they come in, like, cut. We have to glue the hair back to her nipples.

[Eugene Levy]

Well, you know what? That did happen a lot.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you're lucky. You lucky.

[Eugene Levy]

She spent an entire day in that tank. In that water tank. And I got. Got to hand it to her. I mean, she's in there a lot, and it's not like she could, you know, kind of, you know, get out and go to the bathroom.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[James Cameron]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris]

She didn't prune too bad.

[Eugene Levy]

She did. No complaining.

[John Holmberg]

What's your favorite movie you've done? Besides, of course, the one you're about to pitch to us.

[Eugene Levy]

Well, I would have to. I don't know if there's a favorite, but there may be three. I loved. I loved A mighty wind. I loved waiting for guffman.

[John Holmberg]

Another great one.

[Eugene Levy]

I loved the first american pie.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And is guffman truly just an outline that you guys kind of ran with, or was there a real script?

[Eugene Levy]

Well, guffman, you know, all the films that I. That I did with Chris Guest, we. We. We wrote a very detailed outline. We. We called it kind of a script without dialogue. But we, you know, we laid out every scene. We laid out all the information, all the exposition, and even some jokes that we thought of that we put in. We just didn't tell people how to say them.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Eugene Levy]

So that's. That's really what it was. They were improvised movies with kind of a lot of the material that was provided in the script.

[John Holmberg]

And what was the. What was the inspiration for your character in best in show to have two left feet for real?

[Eugene Levy]

Well, that came out of a. A situation where we were sitting in the office, Chris and I. And. And I said something like, you know, the. Well, this guy's kind of clumsy. He's got two left feet. And we both, at the same time, kind of looked up at each other.

[John Holmberg]

He really had.

[Eugene Levy]

And I said to Chris, no, no, no, we can't go there. He's saying, why? Because it doesn't make sense. He wouldn't have two left feet. Why? Because it's not funny.

[John Holmberg]

It's hilarious.

[Eugene Levy]

Wow. And we both went nuts and fell off the couch. It was such a funny concept.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. That you were born left feet for real. That was. That was Just the subtle brilliance of those kind of things. And then of course, then you've got the, right there in your face. American pie. There's a guy having sex with a pie in the kitchen. Also hilarious. Also something you're part of. And now you've got the reunion right on top of it and everybody's back. Now this is a little touchy because you had a few of these cast members that went off the deep end for a little while.

[Eugene Levy]

Well, you know, they had, there were a couple of, a couple of cast members who, you know, were, were, were having, you know, I guess a little bit of a problem over. And you gotta listen, you know, when, when kids kind of at a young age, you know, they, they kind of taste success and they get a taste of this and get a taste of money and a taste of that. They, if they have nobody to kind of keep them in line, it's very easy to kind of, you know, fall by the wayside a little bit. But the, the good news is everybody is back. Everybody is in absolutely tip top form. Everybody, they all look great and it's really, it was really great to see them all back together.

[Chris]

Keep you accounting accounted for?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Why haven't you gone?

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Eugene Levy]

Oh, I've gone off the deep end reading the tabloids.

[John Holmberg]

I haven't. No. Are you on?

[Eugene Levy]

Oh, yeah, I go off in a big way. I, I, I go off in a way that, you know, you know, even the tabloids can't write about it. They're just going, this is too much. Nobody will believe the TV shuffle.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I did. It did say Levy strung out on heroin again. Timetable.

[Eugene Levy]

Oh, heroin is nothing. I go for the big stuff.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's, that's the kid stuff. Now I see how it works. So American Reunion is just basically these kids coming back for what, a ten year reunion?

[Eugene Levy]

Well, it is a high school, it is a high school reunion, but I've got to say, it is, it is really. I think this could be the funniest of them all. It really is a, a fantastic movie. The premise is simple, but it's brilliant. It's a high school reunion. Right, which, which kind of implies that people now have a life and they are going back to see a life that they once had. So, you know, it's, it's, you know, current relationships, hooking up with past relationships and there's, there's all kinds of, you know, kind of inherent conflict in that. But they really took every character on a nice little, nice little ride, particularly me.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Because I've seen That you.

[Eugene Levy]

They finally let me out of the house.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you get to leave the house and from the previews, and correct me if I'm wr. Reason you did this movie outside of the paycheck. You get to do it with Stifler's mom.

[Eugene Levy]

We got to. Jim's dad got to hook up with Stifler's mom. It was one of those again. When they were pitching the story to me, I thought, holy cow. I opened the door and there's Stifler's mom. And I'm going, that is brilliant.

[John Holmberg]

It's. Yeah, it's.

[Eugene Levy]

That is really brilliant. That. That is something that has got to be.

[John Holmberg]

Especially when you're the guy who gets to play around with it.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

It's the best of Homburg's morning sickness. I'm 98 KUPD.

[John Holmberg]

O God. We're still on hold for James Cameron. Ten seconds. Nine.

[Chris]

Ten seconds.

[John Holmberg]

All right. No, we'll just take. Well, I just don't want to get too far behind with him. Just stand up. It's like having a guy waiting in the hallway. Just open the door, for crying out loud. The second I hit that button, I know. I told him on Game on, there he is. Because I knew the second I'd hit the button it would be over. James Cameron. And the new movie he's got is called Avatar.

[Eric]

We just watched a trailer, looks pretty cool.

[John Holmberg]

The trailer is World of Warcrafty, but I'm an anti World of Warcraft guy. And it still looks good. Some cool looking battle scenes. He's got some ships and. And it's coming out in December. James Cameron's on the phone. Mr. Cameron, how are you?

[James Cameron]

Hey, I'm doing well. Who am I talking to?

[John Holmberg]

This, My name is John. We've got Brady and Eric and we're all ready to go and a pleasure. First of all, you're the third person I've said this to this week. You're way too big a star to be on the show. Thank you.

[James Cameron]

I'm happy to be on your show. It's good to give a shout out to Phoenix.

[John Holmberg]

And you're the third person that's answered that question that way. Quentin Tarantino, John Malkovich. And you all said, oh, no, we're happy to be here. Which I know can't possibly be true.

[James Cameron]

Well, it is, because it's good to get to talk about your stuff after having, you know, been in a bunker, basically making it for, in my case, the last four years.

[John Holmberg]

You've been hiding this Avatar thing. I want to get to that first, because I'm most curious about that. And if we have time, we'll do this stuff. But Avatar is a movie. Now, here's what I'm gonna say as a skeptic, because I know you've been in a. You've been in a hole for four years making this world, World of Warcraft, all these video games where it's fantasy life, dragons and all that stuff. There's guys like me who are scared to death of that kind of life. I fear it, and I think it's crazy. But this movie, the trailer we watched this morning, I'm like, all right, now this is the kind of dragony stuff I can get into.

[James Cameron]

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Well, they're not really dragons. They're called banshees. And when you get a good look at them, you see that they're pretty different. But, yeah, basically you got big flying creatures and you got people that like to ride on them, and it's like the Swiss family IMAX3D. I mean, am I missing something?

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. Where's the lack of fun there? But is it about people? Because what I'm getting from the trailer, what I looked at was it's people who want in this. They can become avatars and fight a battle somewhere in some mysterious place.

[James Cameron]

Sort of what it is. The avatar program is taking place on this planet called Pandora. And as an avatar, you kind of. Your mind enters an actual body, a biological body. It's not like a Matrix kind of thing. And you're really in this world. And so our guy Jake, who's confined to a wheelchair, thinks this is a pretty good deal because he gets to run and live and breathe as an avatar, and eventually he even falls in love and integrates into the indigenous culture of this planet. Because humans can't survive, they can't breathe the air on Pandora. So to be kind of a native of Pandora, you have to have to do it this way through the Avatar plan.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, the obvious.

[Chris]

Is there Avatar sex?

[John Holmberg]

Hell, yeah. Yes. Cameron wouldn't disappoint us.

[James Cameron]

We dissolve very demurely at the appropriate moment.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, so there's no avatar with your imagination Avatar nipple?

[James Cameron]

Well, there might be the occasional Avatar nipple.

[John Holmberg]

Sweet. Now, I have to ask you this because after hearing that description, I have to ask you, you know, are you addicted to pot or is it a problem in your life?

[James Cameron]

I don't have time for addictions other than my movie making. Addiction.

[John Holmberg]

Ye.

[Chris]

Four years.

[John Holmberg]

Why four years? What?

[Eric]

What's the deal?

[James Cameron]

The first year and a half, it was really two And a half years to production. First year and a half was design creating all these creatures and plants and landscapes and floating mountains and spacecraft and aircraft and, you know, we had to create the whole kind of human society of the future, and then we had to create the whole world of Pandora, and then we had to create the entire Na' Vi culture. They're the indigenous people of Pandora with their language and their dress code and their ceremony.

[Eric]

This is your Star Wars. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[James Cameron]

Well, you know, if you think about the kind of cool, immersive, persistent world that we've enjoyed over the last 30, 40 years, you've got Star Trek, you got Star wars, maybe Harry Potter, that sort of thing, but there hasn't been anything recently that's new and fresh and that you can plunge into deeply.

[John Holmberg]

Did you get that? Okay, we're fine. We're a very loose show. James Cameron, I have to ask you a question real quick, and it may be. Take me back to Titanic. Yeah, here's what we're gonna. Here's what I want to suggest to you, and I think this is a brilliant idea, and you can have all the money and just pat me on the back if you ever meet me. Release, man. Titanic, where it's just the boat crash. Put it on DVD as just that.

[Eugene Levy]

Yeah.

[James Cameron]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

And then.

[James Cameron]

And then I'll talk to Fox about that.

[John Holmberg]

The naked scene with Kate Winslet, the part about them getting on the boat, some of the cool stuff. And then the boat crashes.

[Chris]

Maybe put the part in that you're actually doing the sketching.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, exactly right. It'll. It'll just be.

[James Cameron]

It'll be an hour long and it'll be just the highlights.

[John Holmberg]

That's it.

[James Cameron]

And I want to call it 3D.

[John Holmberg]

It's Titanic sports Center.

[Chris]

And some.

[James Cameron]

Some naked outtakes of Cape.

[John Holmberg]

Perfect. I want it to be called Gaitanic. And I want this thing out just on dvd. So when. When a girl says, let's watch Titanic, I've got a. I've got a better idea.

[Eric]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Because it's, you know, it's. It's. It's a monumental film. And I'm not trying to take away your work there, but let's face it, the chicks eat that up. And they've kind of made it. So it's like. Guys are like, oh, boy, here we go. Because there's a lot of pressure you put on.

[James Cameron]

I want you to come clean right now and admit that you did cry when you saw the film.

[John Holmberg]

No, you know what?

[Chris]

I got misty. Did you get misty?

[John Holmberg]

I didn't cry. The only time I did get kind of choked up in Titanic was when you killed all those Irish. All right. They're making us rap so fast with everybody today. James Cameron. I have one other. When does Avatar come out, by the way?

[James Cameron]

It comes out December 18th, but you can see 16 minutes today if you're quick.

[John Holmberg]

16 minutes in IMAX 3D.

[James Cameron]

Yeah. We're not messing around.

[John Holmberg]

Holy cow. All right. All right. And I just have to contact imax. How do I do?

[James Cameron]

Well, it's playing. It's playing in Phoenix at whatever your big IMAX theater is.

[John Holmberg]

Holy cow.

[Chris]

Oh, wow.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, so it's not. We'll do it. All right, Mr. Cameron, they're cutting you off too, I guess. We'll talk to you later. Gitanic. Keep it in mind.

[James Cameron]

It's been awesome.

[John Holmberg]

We'll talk to you later. I can't get a pause and toss in. These people are hanging up on me after three minutes to leader. You got to talk somebody about this. I need to know his. I'm gonna get it back. Pnt.

[Brady Bogan]

All right.

[Eric]

They're big stars, John. We can't they hook us before with.

[John Holmberg]

The pos and talk? Maybe that's. But then you could get off on the wrong foot with everybody. That's not a good. It's a great closer because they love to talk about themselves. And then you're like, all right, here. What do you think?

[Chris]

And he could have some. You know, we found out a gem yesterday.

[John Holmberg]

Tarantino had the best one. Pretty Little Maids in a Row. What was the one we got yesterday? What did Jericho have? Oh, no. Andy Goss had the one bailout or whatever it was called. The Jane Fonda. It's all. You know, that movie's all about finance nuts. The guy doesn't do anything but talk about money. I needed Cameron's paws and talks. I need to know about these five minute interviews are over. Toledo. You tell them. Book me for 10 or 15 minutes.

[Brady Bogan]

Who gets the eight minutes when we get five? Because they're supposed to be for eight minutes.

[John Holmberg]

That was quick.

[Eric]

Yeah.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

That was eight.

[John Holmberg]

It was eight. They hated us.

[Chris]

That was.

[John Holmberg]

That was eight.

[Eric]

You know, I already know what it's. Pause and toss is T2 when she's working out.

[John Holmberg]

And are they still married?

[Chris]

I don't know.

[Eric]

Yeah, probably not.

[John Holmberg]

They're not.

[Chris]

She lives.

[John Holmberg]

He seemed really cool.

[Chris]

She lives in a sewer.

[John Holmberg]

Pineapple.

[Chris]

She lives in a sewer.

[Eric]

She lives a sewer with a beast.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's right. She married the beast. I forgot. I'm very Disappointed because that was going so well. And I got that jacket. Gotta talk to jock strap and the edges up there.

[Chris]

First place. Because he didn't answer the phone.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. They made us wait for, like, four minutes.

[Eric]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Gotta wrap her out, guys. Got her jock strap. And the kids are coming up here in Portland. We gotta get to them.

[Chris]

Wrap it up.

[John Holmberg]

Suck it. His phone was ringing the whole time. He was distracted.

[Eric]

Well, you went on and on about your guy.

[John Holmberg]

Gigantic has to happen, though. Let's face it. You buy guy tanning. He loved guy tanning.

[Eric]

Watch can happen at home.

[John Holmberg]

You skip. I don't want to do the work. Boom. Gytanic's right. Plus, did you hear what? Did you hear what he said he would add to Gytanic? What? The outtakes of Kate Winslet naked.

[Eric]

Okay, that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, suck it, Eric. Gytanic. 8:44. Exactly. There you go. Her walking around. Walking around for the scene.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Getting the camera, lighting right and everything else. Gytanic going down on Leo. Maybe she did that. I don't remember that part. I do like to imagine that that was outtakes in Gytanic. That might happen.

[Chris]

Or Billy Zane.

[John Holmberg]

If she's pulling chocolate and vanilla out of the machine at the same time.

[Eric]

All right, I'm calling Shenanigans because apparently.

[John Holmberg]

They hooked him with us to put.

[Eric]

Him on with John Gay and bitch.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, for crying out loud. Oh, they tape all their stuff. None of that's right.

[Eric]

They're really there.

[John Holmberg]

They're avatars. They're avatar people. It's 98 KUPD avatards. Unbelievable. Well, now you're gonna find out what he likes about the Jonas Brothers. It's 98K UPD. Unreal.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station ideas. KUPD.

[John Holmberg]

It's the holidays, and Hooters is serving up the cheer. Grab a friend and dive into the pick three. Just $10.99 per person, minimum. Two people. You get one appetizer, two entrees, and two drinks, all for just one festive price. And while you're there, snag the perfect stocking stuffer. The 2026 Hooters calendar. Packed with over $150 in coupons. Plus, when you buy $25 in Hooters gift cards, you'll get $5 in bonus bucks this season. Give the gift of wings.

[Chris]

Give the gift of Hooters.

[John Holmberg]

It's John Holmerg here from the morning sickness for lifechangealone.com having good credit is a sign you're probably good with Your finances. What if I told you you can control your home equity and do your banking inside of that? That sounds confusing, but your equity is your savings. You have earned that. If I want to completely remodel my house, I don't need a new loan. I have access to my money. The word you're looking for is freeing. Life Change alone is the way the system should be. Go to the website and check the numbers for yourself. Then you'll realize it's not mag magic, it's just math. Lifechangerlone.com the best of the Morning Sickness.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Is on the air.

[John Holmberg]

Ladies and gentlemen. One of our favorite people ever is standing in our hallways, knocking on our door. He is the lead singer of a band that should be the most popular band of all time. He is the rock stars. Rock star. He is the one that everybody says influenced them. And you only know one or two of his songs if you're familiar with him at all. Motorhead's been around for what, 50 years?

[Chris]

Roadie for Jimi Hendrix.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. He's done it all. Are you ready? Play the music. God damn it. We have to let him in.

[Eugene Levy]

Oh, there it is.

[John Holmberg]

There it is.

[James Cameron]

There it is.

[John Holmberg]

Lemme let him in, help it out.

[James Cameron]

Let him.

[John Holmberg]

Fired up. Hey, let me spin you.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Spin me around, man.

[Eugene Levy]

What are you doing?

[Eric]

Why are you wearing short shorts and cowboy boots?

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Because there's Arizona. It's very hot outside.

[Chris]

Looks good. That is a good.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Why wouldn't I wear short shorts and cowboy boots?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

It's over a billion degrees here on the sun. Did you see the blood moon last night, mates?

[Chris]

It was beautiful.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

I understand the Crips killed it.

[James Cameron]

It.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Jokes, mates. It's great to be here. Brady, how are you?

[Chris]

Good to see you.

[Eric]

How's your health?

[Lemmy Kilmister]

It's terrible.

[Eric]

I heard it was.

[John Holmberg]

I heard you were doing.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

I've got a baboon tart.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. All right.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

My dad was a great explorer and he put in a baboon's heart.

[Chris]

What do you feed in the the mall there?

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Snakes.

[Chris]

It looks like it's been eaten pretty good.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

That's right. Snakes eat molds normally, but my mole eats snakes. Take that, snakes.

[Eric]

You ever have problem shaving with that mole there, like.

[John Holmberg]

Yes. Yeah.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

So I taught the mold to shave. It actually shaves itself so I don't have to listen to that music.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's saying to me, you excited for tonight, Lemmy?

[Lemmy Kilmister]

No.

[Eric]

Here at the casino.

[John Holmberg]

Come on.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

That's why I'm not excited about the show, mate.

[Chris]

How you doing? Are you up?

[Lemmy Kilmister]

What are you talking about?

[John Holmberg]

Look at me.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

You can pinch me and touch me.

[Chris]

Money, money.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Oh, right. No, I'm way up. This song has made it so I'll always be up, never down. Let's sing with the ghoul. Are you boys ready?

[John Holmberg]

What?

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Are you guys coming to the show tonight?

[Chris]

Oh, we'll be there.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

London, you're lying.

[John Holmberg]

Flippers up. You're going.

[Eric]

Oh, yeah, you're going.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Pretty Bunny. Sure, that's the reason I'm here. She's following me around. I'm like her Grateful Dead.

[Chris]

She came out from Columbus, Ohio, to.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

See Motorhead, and then she's going to fly over to San Berdu to watch Motorhead again. It's Bunny lingus all week long.

[John Holmberg]

John Holmberg tried to be your friend. Yes, he's a good friend.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

He's outside watching my car. I love that. He's perfect. Uses his head as a shammy.

[Eric]

He befriends all the artists that come into town.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

He's good like that. He's made me an egg sandwich.

[Chris]

Oh, that's what I smelled.

[John Holmberg]

That's it.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

He's good with eggs and noodles.

[Chris]

What are you doing for Easter, Lenny?

[Lemmy Kilmister]

I'm going to hang myself on a cross, go underground for three days, then come back alive and well and no one will notice I've done it.

[Eric]

Follow Jack Daniels and you won't even be able to feel the pain.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Jesus is a baby. I've died a hundred times and come back. He did it once, he gets all the credit.

[Chris]

So you're not gonna hide any eggs for your son?

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Oh, the son.

[Chris]

Yeah, you met him a couple years ago.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

It's all news to me. I didn't know that. Is he gay?

[Chris]

No, he's not.

[John Holmberg]

Good.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

I raised him properly. Then. This boy I don't know. Nathan, are you there?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I'm here.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Hi, Nathan. How are you?

[John Holmberg]

I'm doing good. How about you, man?

[Lemmy Kilmister]

I'm great. Are you gay?

[James Cameron]

I am not.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

If you were gay, would you consider sleeping with me? Lemmy.

[Eric]

Lemmy, come on.

[John Holmberg]

Depends.

[James Cameron]

Am I giving or receiving?

[Lemmy Kilmister]

If you push back, you're gay.

[Eugene Levy]

I would be pushing back pretty hard.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

You'd be all right. And we're on, mate. You and me, tonight.

[Chris]

That sounds like a camping trip there.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Finish this lyric. If you like to gamble, I tell you I'm your man Win some, lose some, go.

[James Cameron]

It's all the same to me Nicely done, Mace.

[John Holmberg]

What's the song?

[James Cameron]

Ace of Fates. All right.

[Eric]

Two for the win or three? Two, two, all right.

[Chris]

How many have you gotten so far, Lemmy?

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Two. Congratulations.

[John Holmberg]

You're a Taffy.

[Chris]

He wins.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Hey, I win.

[Eric]

Wait a minute.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

All right, here we go. Her mind is Tiffany twisted She's got the Mercedes Benz she's got a lot of pretty, pretty boys Go.

[John Holmberg]

Crap.

[James Cameron]

She's got the Mercedes Benz oh, I know this one.

[Eugene Levy]

This one's Christine.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Sorry, I heard my own song. You're out. No. Good for you, mate. Sorry. That one was easy. It's like the easiest song ever.

[Chris]

I'm horrible with lyrics, Lemmy. I don't know if you knew that.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Are you? Let's see if Brady can get one, then you can phone a friend with Brady. Chris, are you there?

[Chris]

You're in trouble.

[James Cameron]

Yeah.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

How are you?

[John Holmberg]

Bg.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Bee Gees.

[Eric]

She loves a Bee Gees Sing me.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

A Bee Gees song. Go.

[John Holmberg]

No, I said peachy.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

I don't care what you said. I said sing me a BG song.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, good Lord.

[Chris]

I can't hit those notes.

[John Holmberg]

Notes?

[Lemmy Kilmister]

I didn't ask you to sing it.

[John Holmberg]

Well, Staying alive. Staying alive.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

That's. That's a little bit. Keep going.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I don't know any lyrics. Not for BGS.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

You're up for a BJ? No, not for the BGS. Oh, BGS. What's a BG? I only know BJ's. You're talking about that little gay Australian band, aren't you? Chris, can you hear me?

[John Holmberg]

I didn't hear that. I'm sorry.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Oh, you got to pay attention, love, or you'll end up with stuff inside you you don't want.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Lord.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

That's right.

[Eric]

I think she likes you.

[Chris]

I know she a little bit of a chemistry.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Lemmy is God. Guess who's got tickets for that. Good job, Chris.

[John Holmberg]

She laughs like a dolphin, though.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

That means she's got an extra hoe. A blowhole will be penetrated tonight at the casino. Travis, are you there?

[John Holmberg]

I'm here, brother.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Are you ready, Travis? I'm ready. What's your job?

[John Holmberg]

I install security systems.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Install security. Keep out what?

[John Holmberg]

People like you.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Is that right?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, that's right.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

He's right.

[John Holmberg]

That's true.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

All right, here we go. Good luck. See if you can get this one. The guy couldn't get her. Mind is Tiffany twisted She's got the Mercedes Benz she's got a lot of pretty, pretty boys she calls friends she calls friends it's the Eagles, isn't it, mate?

[John Holmberg]

Absolutely.

[Eric]

One more for the win.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Good luck. I'm just a poor boy Nobody loves me He's Just a poor boy from It. Poor family.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know the word.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Why did you turn into a woman there?

[John Holmberg]

For a minute I was trying to figure it.

[Eric]

Oh, there's Queen.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, come on.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Yeah, but you don't have to be one to sing it and still have a set of balls, mate.

[John Holmberg]

Couldn't you have picked a different chorus?

[Lemmy Kilmister]

What's the matter with you? You're making noises. You're not saying words.

[Chris]

Stroking.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

I'm just a poor boy Nobody loves me he's just a poor boy from a poor family.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know the words. Right there. I yelled at. Sorry. I just don't know the line.

[Eugene Levy]

Right there.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Come on, say it.

[Eric]

Say.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Say something.

[Eric]

Something.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Is it. Is the next line. Easy come, easy go Spending his life with a monstrosity Paying his dues in this cold, cold city Easy come, easy go Incorrect. Sorry, mate.

[John Holmberg]

Miserable.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

They try and they fail, don't they?

[Chris]

That might have been tough for him. Obviously was.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

What's your name?

[Eugene Levy]

Mark.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Mark, how are you today?

[John Holmberg]

I'm doing great.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Sing a little Ace of Spades. Go.

[John Holmberg]

If you like a gamble, I'll tell.

[James Cameron]

You, you win some, lose some, it's.

[John Holmberg]

All the same to me.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Look very good. I do not want you close to the stage, though.

[Eugene Levy]

All right?

[Lemmy Kilmister]

What's in your wallet?

[Eric]

Why did you just yell that?

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Because I'm sponsored by Capital One. He's just mumbling. This man's crazy.

[Eric]

You sold out to Capital One.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

What's in your wallet?

[Eric]

I can't picture you in a capital One.

[John Holmberg]

Of course you can.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Me and Alec Baldwin are very close. All right.

[John Holmberg]

No Motorhead tickets.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Good luck for Motorhead tickets, friend.

[John Holmberg]

Ready? Yes.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

And the three men I admire most, the Father, Son and the Holy Ghost. Caught the Last Train for the Coast.

[John Holmberg]

Host.

[James Cameron]

Oh, man, I don't.

[John Holmberg]

I love the Motorhead.

[James Cameron]

Time for this scene.

[John Holmberg]

Can you say it again?

[Lemmy Kilmister]

And the three men I admire most, the Father, Son and the Holy Ghost. They caught the last train for the Coast.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man. I have what.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

We started singing.

[James Cameron]

I have.

[John Holmberg]

No, I can't even have a brain fart right now.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Oh, well, I guess you're gonna have to go to the bathroom then and drain your body. Don't have a wet brain fart, you'll die.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, it will go in so along.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

By the way, I'm also Trojan Man. What's in your wallet?

[Eric]

I don't like this selling out.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Trojan Man.

[Eric]

Can't do this, Lemmy.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

If it's in your wallet, I sponsor it. Eric, what have you had? Air I sponsor air, cuz it's in your wallet. Nothing.

[John Holmberg]

This is not the Lemmy I know. Come on, what happened to you?

[Lemmy Kilmister]

I need to pay for that child I just found out about. How old is he?

[Eric]

Yeah, he's like his 20s.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

I. Oh, then backwards money.

[John Holmberg]

I'm gonna try one more, see if.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Anybody can get through this gauntlet of.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, I was calling to talk to Lemmy.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Well, you are, mate. How are you?

[John Holmberg]

How you doing, Lemmy?

[Lemmy Kilmister]

I'm doing well. Where did we meet?

[John Holmberg]

What was that?

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Where did we meet? You know me so well.

[Eugene Levy]

Elliptic Auditorium.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

The Elliptic Auditorium?

[James Cameron]

Was that with Angela, like 1986?

[Lemmy Kilmister]

In 86, you remember that? Was I alive in 86? You were unbelievable.

[Chris]

This is a good friend of yours?

[John Holmberg]

Your mate?

[Lemmy Kilmister]

You're my friend then I'm your friend. What did we do that night?

[Eugene Levy]

Oh, we drank Jack, of course.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

So it was every night since 86 has been the same?

[Eugene Levy]

Pretty much.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Great man. What's your name?

[John Holmberg]

Renee.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Renee? That's a girl's name. Did we ever hammer each other?

[Eric]

He said Ray.

[John Holmberg]

Ray.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Is it Renee or Ray?

[John Holmberg]

Go with Ray.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Can I call you Renee while we do it? Any port in a storm. Do you like the smell of Fritos and species free?

[John Holmberg]

Only in the morning.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Yeah, that's what I smell like every morning, so get used to it. When we get gay married. Are you ready? And the three men I admire most, Father, Son and Holy Ghost. They caught the last train for the coast.

[James Cameron]

The day the music dies.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Exactly right. Well done.

[John Holmberg]

One more for the winner, buddy.

[Chris]

Don McLean.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

We were very close. Being done.

[Chris]

Did a lot of acid with him, didn't you?

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Tons, man. Let's throw one of these. Get up. Everybody's gonna move their feet get down.

[James Cameron]

Get out.

[John Holmberg]

It's destroy Rock City. But listen.

[Eugene Levy]

Get up.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

He's got the song. Everybody's going to move their feet get.

[Eugene Levy]

Down, lose their feet.

[John Holmberg]

What?

[Eric]

Gonna lose their feet.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Everybody gonna lose their feet. Won't we soddy already? Why are we losing our feet, man? Who would write that? Why would Gene be doing that?

[James Cameron]

That?

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Everybody's going to move their feet Jump down.

[Eugene Levy]

Everybody's going to lose their seat Everybody's.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Going to lose their seat. Final answer.

[John Holmberg]

I'm going to go with that.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

So close though.

[Chris]

Everybody's going to pick their seats.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Why would you lose your seat?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. I'm rocking out. I'm rocking out to Lemmy tonight at.

[Eugene Levy]

Wild Horse Path, right?

[John Holmberg]

You're going. You're already going.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

You have tickets and what'd you Call for no.

[John Holmberg]

I was hoping to win tickets.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

All right, close enough.

[John Holmberg]

You win.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Hold on.

[Eric]

You're gonna give him tickets?

[Lemmy Kilmister]

I like that. He wanted to go.

[Chris]

He wants to be there.

[Eric]

Well, a lot of people want to go. We can't get them all tickets.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Larry. Everybody's gonna move their feet.

[John Holmberg]

Get down.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Not that. No, no. Every time he screams. Every time he scream get down to a Jew, they go war. It's the best of Homburg's morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

We're very excited. You have music for him right here. He's standing outside his premiere tonight here in Phoenix and all over the world. The X Men movies are out and. Oh, listen to that. Does he have his theme music, though? He's gonna get mad otherwise.

[Chris]

Yeah, not blowing him off.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, this is. He's not coming in unless you play his stuff. Ladies and gentlemen, he plays Wolverine. He is here right now, and he is right, right with us. Let's welcome the man who won 52 Tonys for playing the very gay Peter Allen. Mr. Hugh Jackman is here. Wow, look at those pants. Pardon me, I didn't hear you. I was ensconced in Peter Allen's voice. It washes out on the bench. So with piano bin. I wore my maracas. I have maracas on. I brought me maracas.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

It's great. It's great to be here.

[John Holmberg]

Everyone. How are you? Oh, my ruffles. You noticed my ruffles. Oh, Wolverine's new outfit has ruffles and, like, my knee boots. How about these knee boots over here?

[Eric]

They're supposed to be promoting X Men.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

What are you doing?

[Chris]

Your pockets are missing on the back of your pants.

[John Holmberg]

It's great to be back here in Arizona. I like seeing you boys.

[Eric]

You're so anti.

[John Holmberg]

Wolverine. You blokes are amazing. You think I see my filming it? My ass is in it. My backside, my back door, my ample bottom. It's like a little apple.

[Chris]

How'd you cover up the front side?

[John Holmberg]

I was very difficult. I put a gaffer's tape on it and taped it between my legs. Made myself a little vagina. Little gutted rabbit. It was fabulous. Wolverine's got a vagina. It was a marvelous day. Filming that there was fun. I messed up my lines on purpose so I could eat my pack pants off. Longer took a week. I got 52 phone numbers. It was great. All the crew wanted to come over and I had to have a lotion boy, keep the buttocks glowing for the screen. It was marvelous, Wolverine.

[Chris]

How's the missus?

[John Holmberg]

I understand she's doing well. We correspond through mail.

[Chris]

Wow. Because you're so busy last time I.

[John Holmberg]

Emailed us, she said thank you for paying the bills. And I said thank you for not saying a word. It's been a marvelous time. Being X Men.

[Eric]

Erica.

[John Holmberg]

You gonna go to the movies tonight? Yeah, I'm going. Ah, bring a napkin. It's a real jerker.

[Chris]

Hey, could you do me a favor? Did you take my nephew Charlie out to dinner tonight?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I've heard about that boy. Neglected by his family. Like Peter Allen. You know, it's gonna happen to him next. He's gonna wear raffley pants, dance, start learning how to play the piano rather awkwardly. What a great song this is, huh? I love Rio de Janeiro.

[Chris]

Wow, that's a high kick.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's a big kick. I can't help it. Are you going to the movie tonight too, Brady?

[Eric]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Are you gonna wear an outfit?

[Brady Bogan]

What do you have planned?

[Chris]

I have a special outfit.

[John Holmberg]

I know how good you are at planning.

[Chris]

I've been playing them for weeks.

[John Holmberg]

I bet you have confirm with yourself that you're going then I.

[Chris]

About two months ago, I'm going to this. Book it.

[John Holmberg]

Right, book it. And then today you have to text yourself to remind yourself not to make other plans. It's gonna be great. Let's go to the phones and meet some of your listeners. Hugh Jackman's on the line with you, Evan. Who's your favorite superhero, Evan? Definitely Wolverine. Of course. They gotta be Wolverine, right? Why? Tell me why you like Wolverine so much. Is it my nasty nails? It's definitely the claws. It's the claws. They come out every once in a while when I'm angry as well. Because the madamantium come out and go.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Very angry.

[John Holmberg]

You've angered Wolverine and I come after you, don't I? In this movie, my pants come down. Not looking forward to that.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Why not?

[John Holmberg]

Too exciting. This doesn't swing that way for me. Oh, it'll swing either way. It swings. I'll tell you, like a grandfather clock, it swings. Are you ready? I'm gonna. I'm gonna describe a superhero villain or just a regular superhero or an X Men or something thing. I'll describe them and you tell me who I'm talking about. All right? All right. Sounds good. Get your stuff. Get ready. All right, here we go. You know, I prefer it if we were XY Men. That way there'd be no judgment.

[Eric]

Come on.

[John Holmberg]

What do you mean, come on? Eric?

[Chris]

It's a great idea.

[John Holmberg]

I want to thank Eric for being My biggest fan I've seen. My post is still in your house. Glorious. Kind of a letdown. You're actually in front of me, though, ripping open my shirt to expose my Creepy Incredible Pictorials. All right. Sorry about that, Evan. Eric got distracted by me. All right, here we go. The description of this superhero. Villain or superhero? Two words. Big head. This guy rams his head into everything. And he sees it. He pounds that head right into it. And he could pound his head into my walls if he wanted to. And then I'd make him say his name and then call me a bitch. Juggernaut.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Juggernaut is right.

[John Holmberg]

Well done. That's one E. You could be a seaman. Yeah, I'm an X, man. You want to be my seaman?

[James Cameron]

No.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Seems like a bit of a seaman. All right. Good one. Hey. Almost got him. He's almost signed on. All right, here we go. This guy. This. This. This villain absolutely hates gays. Ironically. One of its super powers, however, is to block blow really, really hard, like a hurricane. His hatred of alternate lifestyles is apparent every time he tries to kill Superman and steal his boots and capes. Denial, party of one. Banty. No, I don't know who that one is. Sounds dirty. Banshee. No, that's not it. Sorry, mate. Sorry. We gotta let you go. Good day. Sorry you didn't get it. That's an easy one. Should be.

[Chris]

But I think he's focused on one.

[John Holmberg]

Hi, Justin. Who's your superhero of choice? Who do you like? Superman. You like Superman the most? I just like. Yeah, he's the man of Steel. That's right. He's hot as a rock. That's right. Panting in him. He's hot as a rock.

[Eric]

How am I supposed to watch the.

[John Holmberg]

Movie tonight with you acting like. I think Eric's a little distracted by Peter Allen. Give me some dark music. Like we're walking in an alley and we're about to be raped. That's a. That's the music I want. Is there a superhero called the Gobbler? The Gobbler. I'm going to rock that one. Ooh, what's he going. Goblin. Is there one called Goblin? Sure, unlock that one. Sign me up for that movie. I'd love to be part of the Goblin features. Justin, would you watch me Goblin on screen? Yeah, I bet you. You would. All right, here we go. Good luck. I'll give you the one. The last guy I got absolutely hates a gaze. One of his superpowers is to blow really, really hard, like a hurricane. His hatred of alternate lifestyles is apparent every time he tries to kill Superman and steal his boots and cape. I don't know. Can I have multiple choice? Superman's your favorite one. Yeah, but that doesn't mean I watch it. Do you know what we call. Do you know what we call hurricanes in Australia? No, I don't. We call them cockeyed Bobs. We just like saying cockeyed a lot.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Give him multiple choice.

[John Holmberg]

Multiple choice. Is it Superman, Lady Superman, Lex Luthor or Kevin Spacey?

[Eugene Levy]

Lex.

[John Holmberg]

Lex Luthor is right.

[Eric]

How did he do it? Does he really try to steal his cape and his boots?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's stuff they always cut out. The only reason he likes him so much is because of the outfit. I didn't know that. All right, here's another one. Gross. Gross. And I mean disgusting. Chunks of greenery grow on this girl like mold. And like most girls, Ivory.

[Chris]

What?

[Eric]

Ivory.

[John Holmberg]

What's that, girl? I have to let you go. I'm sorry. He's premature, Hugh. Poor little guy. Be my way. That's what I say to him. Mikey there. Hey, Hugh, how you doing? Oh, I'm fine. How are you, huh?

[Eugene Levy]

Good.

[John Holmberg]

Going to the Wolverine feature this week? You know, I may.

[James Cameron]

I may.

[John Holmberg]

It's called X Men Untied.

[Eric]

No, it's not.

[John Holmberg]

I think it is you.

[Chris]

And you have a milk mustache.

[John Holmberg]

It's untied. Days of future Past. I thought it was untied. Didn't we do that one already? Untied or united? I always confused. Use those. All right, are you ready? Here we go.

[Chris]

Grouse. Grouse.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Gross.

[John Holmberg]

Chunks of greenery grow on this girl like mold and like most girls. If you touch her, you'll get all itchy. Batman fights her a lot because he hates it too. All he needs, if you ask me, is a weed eater. Maybe a little calamine lotion. I love lotion.

[Eric]

It's not ivory, and it might be close.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, the incorrect answer is ivory. But you're onto something alphabetically.

[Eugene Levy]

Can I have multiple choice?

[John Holmberg]

I know that. Yeah. Can I have multiple choice? All right. Is it the Joker, Catwoman, Poison Ivy or Robin? Poison Ivy. Poison Ivy's right. How did he do it? Amazing. All right, good luck. This massive hunk of a villain had a cool vest and no shirt underneath. Something over his mouth as well, and I bet that was just to keep men from kissing him. He fought Batman, and if he'd have won, he'd have exploded his big bomb all over Gotham. Bane. Bane is right. Uh oh. One more for the win. All right, this one is from the X men features. She's blue, she's gray. Her suit's too tight. And I hope she dies in this movie.

[Eugene Levy]

Mystique.

[John Holmberg]

Mystique is correctly done.

[James Cameron]

Champion.

[John Holmberg]

Hold on. Easy peasy.

[Eric]

Why do you think she's gross?

[John Holmberg]

She kind of likes you. She makes me sick. I know. She fs me around and tries to kiss me and do all sorts of stuff.

[Chris]

What's wrong with that?

[John Holmberg]

She's. I'm married. Yeah. Two now. Check. Just one.

[Eric]

See, this is music I can get behind. This is the kind of stuff.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, this is.

[Eric]

You have to enter to from my own.

[John Holmberg]

This is orchestras and stuff.

[Eric]

Yeah, this is good.

[John Holmberg]

That's right.

[Eric]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. This is a music. Let's get it on. High kicks and love.

[Chris]

Plie.

[John Holmberg]

This is a Peter Allen song. Bicoastal. What? Which I am right now, if you consider the entire pacific ocean. Come on.

[Eric]

Where's Peter Allen? I don't even know who Peter Allen is.

[John Holmberg]

Ah, you need to watch my feature, mate.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.

[John Holmberg]

It's John Holmerg here from the morning sickness. And it's time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of My Home Group and Doug Hopkins dot com. Have you ever thought to yourself, I'm gonna sell my house? Of course you have. And one reason right. Another, you just didn't do it. Probably because it's a hassle when you try to make a real estate deal. What if I could say you can sell that house the day after you say the words, I want to sell my house. Doug's been at this for over 25 years, and that's why he's still on top of the Hill. TVs Doug Hopkins can handle everything. Won't move the price, or you get $5,000. What do you do? Start the process right now@doug hopkins.com or grab the phone and sing. It's John Holberg here from the morning sickness to tell you about my [e-mail] you got something you want to do in that backyar because it's just not what you want it to be. Make it beautiful. With Turf Monsters AZ.com you can turf it. You throw in a sport court. You can put pavers, lighting, pergolas, plants, fire pits. You dream it up and they can make it a reality. Turf monsters will turn your backyard into an amazing outdoor space you can use every day of the year. Check it out right now. Turf Monsters AZ.com it's the last of Homburg's morning sickness.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

I'm 98 KUPD.

[John Holmberg]

What we need to do and somebody out there can do this is invent some sort of small heat seeking missile for home use. You know, a little smart. A little smart missile about the size of your thumb, you know, and it seeks heat and some people would use it for bad, but for the most part it's just taking down kids. Stupid drones. I'll call Byron. MMP Guns. He may have something. Can't be too hard to do. Like some computer specialist should be able to do that and just build these little thumb sized heat seeking missiles to drop drones that are sitting above us.

[Chris]

And just be a hero designed for specific batteries. Then you run into.

[John Holmberg]

How about that too? Yeah, it goes in the air and then it kind of just kind of blows itself up if it misses. And then there's no chance of it coming down like a bullet and taking out some little girl eating birthday cake. These are the ideas I have have, but I'm not smart enough to ever figure out how they work. I don't know how heat seeking anything works. Somebody out there does build one.

[Chris]

They've been using them for gender reveals for years.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, they have all those things. You could take some of the gender reveal technology and use it for shooting down drones. That's true. I've seen that at like parties. It goes up 100ft and blows up a big powder blue thing. That's a good idea, Brady. Combine those technologies.

[Chris]

It's like the flack.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. At least one's useful gender reveal parties. The stupidest thing I've ever seen. Steeler game. The other night, this couple standing there going, oh, it wasn't the Steeler. It was the Steeler game. But it was at. No, it was a Raven. And they did it. They asked the pregame show that's sitting on the side of the thing to reveal. It was the Monday night game. Can you help us with the. You have the paper that will reveal where they're having a girl or a boy? Boy. They're two ugly ass Raven fans and they're making some ugly ass baby that I hope isn't our. Oh, I hope that thing's all crooked with Lamar eyes and like six fingers on each hand and 20, 25 nipples and like they'll never be able to read. Yeah, it's from Baltimore. So the chances are that would be the most attractive thing in Baltimore. Hooved babies, Little cloven hoof devil babies. But they had their Ravens gear on. So they were like, please, Scott Van Pelt read the reveal and he goes, what an Honor it is. And they're sitting there, like, waiting, and. And Scott Van Pelt opens up the. The thing, and he goes, all right, boys. And he gives the rest of the people on the panel a signal to pick up whatever color it was. Blue. Yeah. And they all picked up something blue. You're having a boy. And they're like, oh, they got excited. And I'm like, that's what I hate about gender reveals. No matter what was said next, they were going to be happy. Dude, I don't love doing. Seeing them just do more. And you are not the father. It's not. You're having. You're having a Mexican boy. Hey. Yeah. I just don't. If I only want that. It's like, you're having a girl. And they're like, ah. Then Scott Van Pelt would have to say, oh, you're not happy with that? No, we're gonna abort it now. It was boy or nothing. Boy or bust is what we say. Boy or Graham crackers and Sprite.

[Eugene Levy]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

Like, that's the only way a reveal is interesting to me. If you're happy about either answer, then what's the big reveal for? Oh, boy. Good for you. It's a girl. Oh, boy. The same reaction.

[Chris]

They do it at every home game at Miami for Tyreek Hill.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah. Every touchdown results in a child. It's on the board. Instead of the Kiss Cam, it's that touchdown is for the newborn hill. Tyreek 8. Yeah, it's just. Yeah. Kiss Cam is just all the pregnant ladies in the thing giving birth. Birth. Yeah. Gender reveal. Take that technology and use it for good by shooting down stuff. And. And as. And we as men have got to stop the gender reveal. Freight train.

[James Cameron]

I did you think it's picking up?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Well, both of us. Look, it's. It's still too much. Did my part. If. If it's. It's. The fact it happened at all was dumb and just a fleecing of friends and just stupidity. And you know what it was was the Instagram. Look at me. Like, another reason to film yourself doing a thing that nobody cares about. And they get dressed up and it's like, everybody knows. I think it's dangerous to ever announce your pregnancy, like, on Instagram and stuff like that. I think that, you know, they have those big parties where, like, we're pregnant and they lose their minds. And then a few weeks later, it's like, wasn't she pregnant? But something terrible happened.

[Chris]

Tough enough when we. You figure it out on the radio with Kirby.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris]

You know, all of a sudden it was like, you know, 12 weeks into it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, shut up. Because you never know when that thing can go sideways. The next thing now everybody knows and you got to share that deal. I'd keep that down until about month seven. I'd just be saying that my wife would bloat it, but my wife, it would not happen, not be a month 7. Either she's alone on Instagram by herself looking to reveal gender and like a new daddy or all it is is.

[Chris]

Designed for the, the gifting.

[John Holmberg]

It's. It. It's just to get more stuff. It's. It's a more. It's another princess party and dudes have to stop it cuz nobody really cares what the gender of their kid is. You might be rooting one way or the other, but you got to be happy no matter what comes out.

[Eugene Levy]

Be men.

[John Holmberg]

Be men.

[Chris]

For God's sake.

[John Holmberg]

Be men and save time. We're not doing agenda. But we have to. I found my friends doing. No you don't.

[Chris]

And all the planning. I gotta have that room ready.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you can do that.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

The doctor will tell ya.

[Chris]

Then you talk about, oh yeah, my friend, the first couple of months.

[John Holmberg]

You don't need a party to find out. He's not gonna know. Yeah, no, you don't need a party to find out what your kid is. The doctor will just flat tell you it's gonna be a boy. All right, cool. We'll go paint blue. You don't need a guy. It's anticlimactic. It has to be a celebration. Paint the, Paint the room white, some neutral color and you're fine. You know what? Paint it tan. Yeah, because in a couple years you're gonna be painting it anyway. Nobody goes into a house and sees a blue room and thinks that it looks good. Stupid gender reveal. And I feel bad for dudes who I had a friend years. It was a while ago when these things first kind of got going. When I can't go, my wife's best friend's having a gender reveal party. I'm like, why do you have to go to that? Isn't that like a girl shape showering? Because no, it's a whole couple's thing. Waste a whole. No, it's Saturday. I just say no. Men need to say no to those. That's like co ed baby showers and stuff. And it's like, no. No, the answer is no, you won't go with me. No, it's. It's dumb. We're not buying them a present. Because they made it. Look, we're all people. Everybody's been through pregnancy. No, no. It's not special. And neither are you. She really wants this. She wants free stuff. She's heaping us to death over here. We're not doing this. And in a few weeks, I gotta do another mommy shower, baby shower. And then I gotta get him a gift when it's born. Gender reveal. That's enough. That's enough. They get one present. You're a jerk. Okay, you can go. Nobody's stopping you. Why do I have to sit through it?

[Chris]

What's coming out of your money to Columbus? My mom wanted her a baby shower.

[John Holmberg]

Not a reveal, though. Showers the reveal.

[Chris]

We basically.

[John Holmberg]

You already knew it. But imagine. You didn't have to go, did you?

[Chris]

No, I sent it.

[John Holmberg]

There you go. Can you imagine flying out there to reveal it?

[Chris]

No, it wasn't revealed.

[John Holmberg]

I know. That's what I'm saying, but flying home, Then flying out there for the baby shower and flying home. Flying out there to show them the baby. Flying. This thing's costing you college tuition before it even breathes.

[Chris]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

High five. Brett, I will never.

[Chris]

You just saved yourself a couple of Vegas vacations.

[John Holmberg]

The only thing I've ever said about gender reveals that would be interesting is my plan. And I want to put that service out there. The doctor that finds out that this thing's going to be special. And you want a gender reveal. I'm throwing in my gray smoke program. For an extra hundred dollars, it'll pop up blue and then followed by some weird gray like. What's that like? Well, I'm gonna reveal something else. It's retarded. Oh, no. I know. You're not so happy about it anymore. You wanted the perfect baby. Sorry, this one's missing a limb. The little announcement smoke that comes out. It's not all, but. Wait, there's more.

[Chris]

It's a boy.

[John Holmberg]

What's the gray stuff? Come here for a second. I want to tell you. It's still boring. It's technically a boy, but go look.

[Chris]

For the codes on the book, the readings.

[John Holmberg]

Does your dice get a manual at the end? Gray means it's not gonna live. Oh, no. So, my name's John. I make baby caskets. Oh, God.

[Chris]

What's this color? It's not his.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, you don't want this baby. Trust me. This is gonna end your marriage.

[Eugene Levy]

Why?

[John Holmberg]

Trust me. Dude, we found something else. We thought the. We thought the baby looked a little different on the sonogram. And we had. Let's just say we had to. You know that thing on your iPhone where you have to pull the screen down and then lift the brightness when we looked at the sonogram, that's what we had to do to yours. What are you. What are you saying? Baby didn't show up on the initial thing. He's pretty dark in there, is all I'm saying.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

That's all.

[John Holmberg]

I'm just letting you know now. Oh, my God. And my guess is here at your gender reveal. That dude over there by the punch, you know Keon? He's a coworker. You're going to be seeing a lot of him. He did some work. You're going to see a lot of Kean. He put in the overtime. Let's just say that he gives my wife massages. Yeah, okay. Well, that's not all. Yes, he does. So anyway, you should get to know him, cuz if you plan on sticking around this relationship, he's going to definitely be part of it. Keep an eye on him, cuz when he finds out, I'm guessing you're not going to be friends with Keshawn. He's going to be in another state. It's Tyreek Hill. He's a superstar.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You should have not made your wife friends with him. He's very fertile.

[Chris]

Having lunch with Tyreek.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Very fertile. Yeah. If your wife ever says that phrase, you'd call. Call Cordell and Cordell immediately. Going to lunch with Tyreek. Is that okay? No, it's not. They're gonna come back super duper pregnant.

[Chris]

You're racing him.

[John Holmberg]

Tyreek could get. You know, I could say that, but Tyreek would get like one of those half a women just walking by him. He gets women pregnant. What's the stat? Five babies this year, five touchdowns. He tied it last week.

[Chris]

Tied it last week.

[John Holmberg]

He's had five babies. I don't know with how many moms and had to be five, right? You can't have five. You can't have two in a football season with the same girl. A gestation period.

[Chris]

Whatever happened to one that was injured at his place? What's they.

[John Holmberg]

The woman?

[Chris]

Like it was a foot race or something they were doing and she got.

[John Holmberg]

Injured and she's probably running away from him because he was going to put a baby. Five babies in one year, five touchdowns, same season. And he's happy to do it. You see him in pictures holding the new babies. How many has he got now? A lot. I mean, is he in Nick Cannon numbers yet? He's up there, yeah. Okay. But the Moms don't seem upset at all. We getting paid. Yeah. No more baby showers. No more gender reveals for men. It's a woman thing. Don't drag your husband. And it's up to you men. It's not the lady's fault. It's because you keep going. And no co bachelor party either. You'd see Bill Belichick at one of those right now. Yeah, she asked me if I'd want to go. And since I'm dating a succubus, I said yes. He's just going to look at the young pea. The.

[James Cameron]

There.

[John Holmberg]

We're off to the gender reveal party. No, I'm worried he's been. He's been brainwashed. Something bad's happening.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Mary Effing holidays from the Big Red Radio. Holmberg's morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

This segment is brought to you guys by Action Ride Shop. Now, if you're thinking about heading up north to hit the slopes for some skiing, some boarding, or if you're just gonna stay down here in the valley and do some mountain biking, Action Ride Shop is your place to be. They got all the gear and all the knowledge you're gonna need, so check them out [e-mail] or better yet, just go visit them over there on Gilbert Road and Southern. It's Action Ride Shop. The first thing he said to me, so he knows we're all feeling a little pain. But there's a couple of edits in here, so it jumps. So the time isn't exactly there. It's about two minutes. A synopsis of what we did this morning and we're not proud of it. Okay, here we are live to 3:31 in the morning on Friday, a couple hours before work gets going. And we thought we would wake our boss, Chuck, as kind of a birthday present. He's 70 something years old, that's what he says. Probably a couple hundred years old. So we're rolling up to his house and it's me, John Holmberg, Brady Bogan, Mark Randall, who put this together, and the guys with Grave Digger are behind us. We're gonna pull it in front of Chuck's house this morning, make sure they make the corner and wake them up and see what's going on. Mark's gonna go up there and ring the bell first we got to park the car. We're in Paradise Valley. Any of you ever want to move into this area? Chuck has a beautiful home for now. He's going to have to move out after this, so. Whoop, whoop. Go, go, go, go. Go. Go.

[Eric]

This neighborhood of mine.

[John Holmberg]

God, we can't have this kind of crap here.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

This is that last damn mistake you'll ever make.

[Brady Bogan]

What the hell is wrong with you guys?

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Get that goddamn thing out of here.

[Eric]

Come here, home bird.

[John Holmberg]

John, turn that damn thing off.

[Eric]

Don't record this.

[John Holmberg]

I got. I'm just beside myself. We're dead. We're dead. We're done. You're done. You're under contract, though. We're done. All right, so there it was. Monster Chuck 2004, and probably the last thing we'll ever do. Aupd. Great idea, Randall. Great idea. Well done, boys. Nice job. Oh, God. Did the radio do the truck justice, though?

[Chris]

I don't know, but did I hear the car alarms?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that was pretty loud. Such a terrible, terrible idea. I don't know what we were thinking there, boys.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.

[John Holmberg]

All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. For the complete lineups and for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com hey.

[Chris]

It'S Larry McFeely here with Wayne from AMCO.

[John Holmberg]

Wayne, it's a new year, and people.

[Chris]

Are making new resolutions like, eat healthier, save a little money.

[John Holmberg]

But what about your car? Your car needs a New Year's resolution, too. Don't ignore the warning signs that check engine light or strange noise is your car asking for help? And if we listen, you'll save money. Regular maintenance for your vehicle will prevent a lot of troubles that can surprise you and cost more later.

[Chris]

That sounds like a smart financial resolution.

[John Holmberg]

I'll say it's the Amco way. Start your year right with a car. That's right.

[Chris]

Google Amco for your nearest location. Amco double A, MCO transmissions and a whole lot more.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

The best of Hombre's Morning sickness on 98KUpD.

[John Holmberg]

It's time now for Brady to give you all the news that only Brady knows. We call this the Brady Report, brought to you by allprochade.com if you want to get on over there, go to their showroom and be careful. Any loud sounds you hear in the background, ask no questions. But you can go through everything. Talk to Robert and the guys over there about putting some shades at your place if you email them, and they'll come out to your house and they'll come up with a design that is going to make your house a knockout. Get that shade. Or a blind. Or that TV on the back patio that you can only watch at night because it's glare all day. They'll can. They'll fix that with some sort of incredibly attractive screens on your windows.

[Chris]

They can do that.

[John Holmberg]

They got everything. They can do it all. And maybe even Kevlar screens on your window from what I'm hearing about them. They've got a whole back room they can do different things with. They're awesome people doing awesome stuff, making your house better. They'll throw in a free heater if you get a motorized shade from them right about now. It's a little special around the holiday, so check it out. AllProchade.com Brady Report it good Friday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello, world.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

We've made it.

[John Holmberg]

Also, Brady, before we get to the Brady Report, people want to know, and I am curious about this as well. You're judging that stupid pie and chili contest last night. And the pie.

[Chris]

Just the pies.

[John Holmberg]

You said you tasted all the chili.

[Chris]

Chili. I know. I. I tasted three or four.

[John Holmberg]

You said 10.

[Chris]

No, 10 pies. You asked me how many pies there were. Probably 10.

[John Holmberg]

I'm gonna backtrack on that. You're lying about the chili because then you told us how you made a bowl of chili out of each scoop.

[Chris]

Initially, I thought I was going there because I've done that in the past where they did chili and pie. That's.

[John Holmberg]

Well, when. When pressed earlier, you said you had quite a lot more chili than just two or three. Anyway, you're a pie joke. Yeah. Ten pies. Yeah.

[Chris]

First place was the banana cream Nutella pie.

[John Holmberg]

Who was it?

[Chris]

Lori Welch.

[John Holmberg]

Congratulations, Lori Welch. Last place, worst pie. Name them.

[Brady Bogan]

I.

[John Holmberg]

Who was the worst pie?

[Chris]

We basically, if the pie wasn't that.

[John Holmberg]

Who's the worst good. Who's the worst?

[Chris]

I don't know. The name didn't bother.

[John Holmberg]

What was the pie? It's like what kind of pie was. There's one that could have spit it in their face. You would have.

[Chris]

One of the apple pies was an apple pie without sugar.

[John Holmberg]

Ugh. What's the point?

[Chris]

I think they. They. It just. And you don't. I don't think that was their intention.

[John Holmberg]

You know, they forgot sugar.

[Chris]

Well, it just still entered it bland.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. Just a bad pie.

[Chris]

It was bad pie.

[John Holmberg]

Who. Who made it?

[Chris]

Steve Howard.

[John Holmberg]

You know who made that pie? You're making up a name there.

[Brady Bogan]

Who.

[John Holmberg]

Who made the pie?

[Chris]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

Brady, you looked her. I really don't. I would. All people would look at that lady's Face and go. This is not an acceptable pie. Ma'. Am.

[Chris]

If I didn't like the taste of a pie, I moved on. And. And I'm not going to look at the name because I'm not. I knew I'd get that question.

[John Holmberg]

You need if you're going to judge. Last place is a thing. And somebody needs to know not to enter next year or to try harder. You're doing them a favor by telling them they were the worst.

[Chris]

You're right. But I. I honestly don't know the name there.

[John Holmberg]

You know.

[Chris]

I don't finish.

[Brady Bogan]

Judges to be critical.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. You have to. Yeah. And you're not.

[Chris]

I only took the names of the contender.

[John Holmberg]

You just. Your favorite one was all that matter.

[Chris]

3. That's bias.

[John Holmberg]

If you ask that is bias. Because you need to rank them 1 through 10. Next year or next week. Whenever you have your next pie eating contest. Contest next week. No.

[Brady Bogan]

Let's give him a shame bell.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe it'll be a shame bell if he.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, my God.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

This one.

[John Holmberg]

Shame. This one right here.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Shame.

[Chris]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Lady, that was horrible. That way you won't have to shame what's in this diarrhea. I don't want any more of it. Think you mixed up salt and sugar, toots. What is her name?

[Lemmy Kilmister]

A sinner comes before you.

[Brady Bogan]

That's right.

[John Holmberg]

And begs for forgiveness.

[Chris]

No forgiveness.

[John Holmberg]

No sugar in an apple pie. Whoever you are, lady. Who made an apple pie? That Brady walked right past worst place.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Worst place. Marzipan.

[John Holmberg]

You call that a pie?

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Gross. What place?

[John Holmberg]

I want you to know name next time.

[Chris]

How about this?

[John Holmberg]

What? You're gonna. You know it.

[Chris]

Here. I'll do an award for the worst pie.

[John Holmberg]

No. Because you'll make it cute.

[Chris]

I can't do it.

[John Holmberg]

Tell you what.

[Brady Bogan]

I'll do that coming down the road.

[John Holmberg]

Then I'll go to your stupid thing. If you have shame pie, I'll go shame. Because you'll have a real judge, not some Mamby Pamby.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

I only like good things.

[John Holmberg]

And I don't talk about the bad. Bad ones. That's not a judge. A judge goes out and goes, this one sucks.

[Chris]

No, they don't.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, they do.

[Chris]

You're asked to be critical every contest. Barbecue, whatever.

[John Holmberg]

They don't go last place.

[Chris]

They give you those prizes.

[Brady Bogan]

No, we did those wing contests.

[John Holmberg]

Last place is a thing. It needs to be.

[Brady Bogan]

And we said that. This is not hitting it.

[John Holmberg]

And then you tell people. Oh, yeah.

[Chris]

You mean like live judging it when.

[John Holmberg]

You'Re doing it last place. If you're going to judge. You have to be critical. You can't just go up there and go, I like that one and that one and that one and that's. Oh, you are all great. Right?

[Brady Bogan]

Cuz it's even more obvious when you don't pay attention.

[John Holmberg]

Three out of five.

[Chris]

I just don't want anyone to stop baking. You do want a woman. You want them to.

[John Holmberg]

Sugar free apple pie lady needs to stop baking.

[Chris]

Maybe it was a sugar free apple pie and I just miss that. It's. Well, none of them were labeled really.

[John Holmberg]

You just dive in.

[Chris]

You have to guess basically what's in it. Dutch apple.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you're the only one that'll eat anything. Like you put a fish head in it.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And you would have to.

[Chris]

You know, maybe they'll prank me next year.

[John Holmberg]

That's what I would do. I want names. I want shame Pie name shame. Apple pie with no show shame. Wow. Okay. It's like a tranny pie. It's transitioning into my poop. Oh, why don't you just serve me up a plate of diarrhea and hair? Anyway, judges are critical. They're not just happy you go through. It's a pussies contest. If you've got 10 people entered and you only pick a couple of good ones and everybody else goes, well, how did I do? Was I close last place? I won a top 10 rank.

[Chris]

They would have come up to me and asked me on their pies, but I didn't know.

[John Holmberg]

You wouldn't have said a word. Sugar pie lady came up to you. She came up to you and said what? How close was I to the top? You wouldn't have gone last place. You stand out as the worst pie. You wouldn't have done it. It was really good. We actually considered putting you in the top three. You just said it to everyone.

[Chris]

I'm sorry. Your chocolate pudding pie was not that good. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. What a terrible event. Now I'll go next year to award worst pie here.

[Chris]

All right?

[John Holmberg]

And I will. I'm not eating all of them. Homemade. Drag it through your cat hair pie. Yeah. Cats walk on counters in those houses. Old ladies that make pies for the community. Community pie. Cat lady is one in the same.

[Brady Bogan]

You're only okay with your own cat's cat hair.

[John Holmberg]

My cats don't walk around on the counters. They get knocked off the counters. You put them on the counter, they get knocked off and the counter is scrubbed clean.

[Chris]

I mean, it's not flying through the air, huh?

[John Holmberg]

I know, but that's everything. You can't control that. I can control a cat standing where the food gets served. Some old lady with her five cats. God knows what she's doing with those fingers when she's alone. I guarantee you they're in the honey.

[Chris]

They don't have room for the cats over there. Sometimes while that's five to 10 kids. Kids running around.

[John Holmberg]

I guarantee you when that regardless, she puts that pie in the oven. She puts that pie in the oven. I've got 20 minutes and the kids aren't home. Fires those fingers down into the old dreamland. And then it's a fact. That's a fact. And then she goes back and handles the pie. Bing, bing. Pie's done. And so am I. It's everything Gerald can't give me. Oh, God. I remember when I tried hot pie in college. Anyway, you keep eating community cat hair pie in. I'm. I'd go down and go, how many cats do you have at your house? 3. You're out. You're not even gonna try it? No. You have no food inspector at your place. Things covered in hair. That's not judging you, lady. You lose. Now get out. Shame. You get a real judge down there. I'm not entering next year.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

That was mean.

[John Holmberg]

Well, if you had a good pie.

[Chris]

You wouldn't hyped up the competition.

[John Holmberg]

Yep. Only good pie enterers from here on out to the two worst words in the English language. Good job. It encourages you to do nothing more. Most dangerous phrase in the English language. Good job. Terrible. Anyway, Brady, it's time for you to do something better. Learn the name of that worst pie. Go door to door today in your neighborhood. Did you make that crappy apple pie last night? Worst place. And put it on your Instagram and finally make that interesting.

[Chris]

Here it is.

[John Holmberg]

This is a lady who made that terrible pie last night. What's your name? Name. That's all you'd hear.

[Chris]

One in four Americans still think blackface makeup is okay for Halloween?

[John Holmberg]

Sure, 25%. One in four, man, 25% are still hanging on to the idea that that's not going to get him in trouble. Here's how I feel.

[Chris]

Here's the surprising thing about that, though. Older people are more likely to say it's not okay than younger people.

[John Holmberg]

I say this. Everybody's too uptight about it. It is okay. Okay. Blackface has been confused with brown makeup, but if the confusion's there, you shouldn't do it. So I think both things can be true. Is it really detrimental to society? No. But will you get in Trouble if you do it. Absolutely. So do I think it's a terrible thing like everyone else? Not really. Unless it's real blackface, which look it up, there's a difference. But I will say, if you do it, you're going to get in big trouble. So 0% should feel like it's okay. 25% can say, I think it's overblown.

[Chris]

27% of adults under 30 think it's fine, compared to 17% of seniors.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's wildly overblown. And it's stretched into all sorts of. Like when Frank Caliendo used to go on TV as Charles Barkley bronze. Charles thought it was hilarious. Like they. He approved it. And Frank always asked, do you care if I do the impression of you in the makeup? And like, absolutely not. That's how it works. It's a, it's almost a tribute. But then it started to drift into that area that anytime you put dark makeup on at all, you were making fun of somebody or you were damaging a culture. So so long as that kind of permeates through and confusion lives, it's not worth it. But do I think it's a big deal, as big as it's being made? Not really.

[Chris]

The different apron colors at Starbucks mean different things. The standard one is the green apron.

[John Holmberg]

That's the only one I don't remember. Yeah, they have, they have a black apron. Oh, that's right.

[Chris]

Is given to long time team members who have earned the coveted Coffee master designation, Coffee Commander. There's also red and orange aprons have been worn for various holidays. The rarest apron is purple. These are for the barista champions. And only 26 employees are granted that honor each year.

[John Holmberg]

What do you have to do to become one of those? Just stick around. Probably just longevity.

[Chris]

Turn out some serious.

[Brady Bogan]

Gotta be one of those foam artists.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, everybody can do that. Have you ever tried that? It's not hard. I thought it was hard until I did it once and I'm like, oh, there's the leaf. Yeah. No wonder anybody can do this. So it's like karate. You get a different belt. Yeah.

[Chris]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

It's like a bad dojo.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You put $110 in. Every two weeks the eagle fang shows up, goes. Here you can, you can be a brown and now you're fuchsia. Every week is a new belt. You haven't really done much.

[Chris]

New candy store.com released their annual list of the worst Halloween candies. And last year's number one, circus peanuts is number two this year.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no. Kidding.

[Chris]

Candy corn was number one last year. It's number two this year.

[John Holmberg]

Still number one in my heart.

[Chris]

Number one. Toledo. You nailed it. Circus peanuts.

[John Holmberg]

It's a back and forth. Yeah, those are pretty bad candy corns. I don't think I ever got circus peanuts on Halloween.

[Chris]

Me neither.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, everybody handles out. You have to hand them out in those big bags.

[Eugene Levy]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Peanut butter kisses. Number three. They're not the Reese's peanut butter cups. They're the twisty in the orange wrap wrapper.

[John Holmberg]

The Hershey's Kisses.

[Chris]

They're just a peanut butter candy.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, they're like a lot of peanut butter. Oh, I see. Old lady candy.

[Chris]

They usually come in the black or orange wrapping.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that. Oh, that waxy stuff. Oh, yeah. Those are terrible.

[Chris]

Necco wafers. Number four wax Coke bottles. Number five Smarties. Six Smarties. Yeah, those are great. Dropped two spots from last year's.

[John Holmberg]

Four Smarties are basically Sweet Pez without Tootsie Rolls. Tootsie Rolls are good. You don't want a lot of them.

[Chris]

Good and plenty.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Nothing. Black licorice.

[Chris]

Yeah, they. They were tied with black licorice.

[John Holmberg]

That stuff should be higher on the list.

[Chris]

A mom in Australia ordered a cheap Halloween decoration from Amazon. A fake dead body you cover in black plastic and you hang it from a tree upside down.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Chris]

But when it came in the mail, her 10 year old son opened it up and it was a sex doll.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, right.

[Chris]

She posted about it on Facebook.

[John Holmberg]

She got a better deal than what.

[Chris]

I asked for versus what I got. The company says they'll give her a 40% return because basically they're sending out out.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It's just dead.

[Chris]

The sex dolls. Because you cover it in black plastic, no one will know it's a sex doll.

[Brady Bogan]

And you get the bonus of still.

[John Holmberg]

Having a sex doll and you don't have to use it.

[Chris]

Here's the finished product, though. There it is. Before with the sun.

[John Holmberg]

Open it up to cruddy blow up doll. It's not even like.

[Chris]

Because he goes, the reason why we don't do that is these are. There's a ton of these. And it's cheaper to send that out and cover it up than it is.

[John Holmberg]

To make that inflatable of inflatable horse.

[Chris]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

And they're like, you know what we could do? Make these Halloween dead bodies. And actually when it's wrapped up in the tree, it looks pretty good.

[Chris]

Is that the trash bag that they sent with it?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. And the tape. That's a great. That's a great Costume.

[Chris]

Yeah, because you wrap it around the trash bag.

[Brady Bogan]

This sets a dark neighbor, though, by.

[John Holmberg]

The way, that hangs that.

[Chris]

I'm just saying. So upset about this. But that's my effect neighbor.

[John Holmberg]

That's the. That's crazy.

[Chris]

She's worried about her 10 year old son seeing the inflatable.

[John Holmberg]

What's. Yeah, I was gonna say she's really worried about the sex aspect, but she's willing to hang a dead body in a garbage bag out of her tree. And her kid can see that all day.

[Brady Bogan]

Priorities are off.

[John Holmberg]

Nudity and sex. That's gross.

[Chris]

I don't know if you've seen this story of the. The coal miner that shows up at the University of Kentucky basketball game last weekend. He came straight from work to be there with his son, was covered in coal dust.

[John Holmberg]

Blackface trouble?

[Chris]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, good.

[Chris]

But the people that had some money saw it and thought it was just amazing. Awesome. So then the University of Kentucky has offered him season tickets for being dirty people.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. Yeah, he came straight out, right? I mean, he is like top to bottom, him coal covered and people gave him things.

[Chris]

Bunch of businesses in Lexington also offered him the family free meals and hotel room when they're in town for Kentucky games.

[Brady Bogan]

Hold on.

[Chris]

This is. This is a brilliant move. Does this kid play for Kentucky? No, it's a little.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's just some guy. And by the way, he's in the front row. Yeah, he had good seats. Okay. I was gonna say these guys. So just having a job that makes you dirty, you can get season tickets.

[Chris]

Out of that and more.

[John Holmberg]

I'm just gonna pour 30 weight on myself next time I go to a son's game. What's the matter? Little inbred kid? Is that what you're seeing?

[Chris]

Thinking. You're thinking. Some branches missing.

[John Holmberg]

He hit every branch on the way down. Oh, yeah. You think he's. You think he's got the thing. He's got Kentucky. He's got a big case of Kentucky. Oh, no, there's a whole load of them. Come on. Aunt and uncles.

[Chris]

They're a tight family.

[Brady Bogan]

That's how you're judgmental.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. I see what you're seeing, especially with that daughter and those giant teeth. She's got some aunt and uncle blood in her.

[Chris]

The whole crew might be related, by the way.

[John Holmberg]

It is, actually. I think about it. That's nice. And it's not really that big an investment by the University of Kentucky because that guy's gonna die a black lung in the next year or two.

[Chris]

That's the big reason.

[John Holmberg]

It's the debaca. We'll give you a lifetime pass. They know what they're doing. This guy's not. He's way overweight. He works in a coal mine. This is.

[Chris]

Come on, what's this gonna cost?

[John Holmberg]

Maybe he gets through. One season, John Calipari comes and introduces himself. And then he drops dead.

[Chris]

Chick Fil A's introducing a three day work week.

[John Holmberg]

For you?

[Chris]

No, for Troy's. They're rolling it out. They did it in Miami.

[John Holmberg]

Me.

[Chris]

And it's basically three 13 to 14 hour shifts. And then you have four days off.

[Brady Bogan]

So you thought Brady goes to Chick.

[Chris]

Fil A enough that they would grant.

[John Holmberg]

Him a three day work week. We're gonna start paying you whatever you get paid four days a week because you are. You are our bottom line, sir. All right. Chicken. I don't care about money. Sorry, Homeburg can't make it for two of the five work days. I've got four days off a week now.

[Brady Bogan]

What do you mean, Brady? What?

[John Holmberg]

Well, I went to Chick Fil a and they made me an offer I couldn't refuse. Four free days of chicken in lieu of pay. I mean, what else do you need.

[Chris]

Money for but delicious chicken?

[Brady Bogan]

Speaking of, I ran the numbers. On the 10th of November will be roughly your 5,000th show.

[John Holmberg]

No, that's fair.

[Brady Bogan]

So I was off.

[John Holmberg]

Still a lot lot. But when you said six, that felt long.

[Brady Bogan]

And I did the numbers again. February 10th of 2027. If you're still here, that'll be your 6,000.

[John Holmberg]

Well, Brady too. He was here the whole time with me.

[Brady Bogan]

Your 6,000.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, going back to the Zone?

[Brady Bogan]

No, no, no, Yours.

[John Holmberg]

He won't be here. Oh, I see what you're saying. 2027. He's right. You're right. What were we thinking? That's a long ways off from Brady. He killed you. He did. Somewhere between here and then. When is it seven? February 10th. 2027 will be how many shows?

[Brady Bogan]

6,000.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it takes that long to do? I guess it does.

[Brady Bogan]

About four years. Yeah, a little more than four years.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, that's a lot. That seems excessive.

[Chris]

The three day work week is working out pretty good. Productivity is up, and so they're trying to roll it out in more locations. And some other businesses might be looking at this similar model.

[John Holmberg]

I think I'd rather work four days a week at 10 hours than 13 and 14 in a day. Yeah, because in that first day off, it's just you're doing nothing. You're catching up on you're dead.

[Chris]

I showed you this one yesterday, but it. It came out just after the show. The world's Dirtiest man passed away in Iran on Sunday at the age of 94. He was referred to as Amu Haji or Uncle Haji. And there are several profiles on his bizarre lifestyle. He had not bathed in more than 60 years.

[John Holmberg]

Sounds like a problem.

[Chris]

Because he believed that he could work.

[John Holmberg]

For KPD's promo squad, he believed that.

[Chris]

Soap and water would make himself sick. But a few months ago, villagers persuaded him to wash himself for the first time. And sure, shortly afterwards, he got ill.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he washed off all the protection before, though. I mean, they think he was 94. Look, the man made it. Look at him. Look at that dirt ball of a human being.

[Chris]

He avoided fresh food, opting instead for rock. Rotted porcupine. Smoked a pipe of animal excrement.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Is that a delicacy?

[John Holmberg]

Well, for him it was. Yeah, he smoked a pipe.

[Chris]

Love cigarettes.

[John Holmberg]

Look at his teeth, though. They look great. Because he's so dirty. His teeth really pop white. Unless that's like an infection on his gums.

[Chris]

Drank up to 5 liters of water a day. It was out of a large rusty can.

[Brady Bogan]

His iron.

[John Holmberg]

Yep. There's one of them porcupines on a. On a spit. And he's five, six cigarettes at a time. Oh, yeah, look at that. Look at those hands. Want to live to be 94 looking. Yeah. Gigantic hands, though.

[Chris]

That's it, Uncle Haji, we're giving you a bath.

[John Holmberg]

Why not try it out, Haji? And he's dead. Soon after they washed off all of his life.

[Brady Bogan]

Hey, you wanted the black Guinness Book of World Records.

[John Holmberg]

There it is. That's the Darkness one.

[Brady Bogan]

Somebody's gonna have to get real dirty to break that record.

[John Holmberg]

That's still too cute for my dark, macabre Guinness Book of World Record. Mine's mainly just parents taking their kids out to try to break records and things go wrong. That's pretty impressive. Oh, his beard is just.

[Brady Bogan]

That's not him, is it?

[Chris]

That's him clean.

[John Holmberg]

That's him clean, yeah. Oh, he looks great. He looks really nice. Handsome man. Got a nice sweater on. See him in the Jimmy Buffett concert, The Burning Man. He's dressed exactly the same. This is a big poll here. But dressed exactly the same in that picture as Jason Voorhees mom at the end of Friday the 13th. She had that same sweater on. She scared me more than Jason the mom. Interesting. Well, the world's dirtiest man is dead. That means there's a New dirtiest man out there somewhere. And his name is Charlie Creedle. I understand. I just got my new position. It's dirty man in the world. Come on, come on. Have it on my mind. I haven't watched since April.

[Chris]

This 65 year old woman in Japan thought she was in a long distance relationship with a guy from Russia. He was pulling a very common scam. He said he wanted to marry her and start a long life together but needed money to move there.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Chris]

The twist was claimed. He was a Russian cosmonaut living on the space station. He needed money to get back to earth.

[John Holmberg]

She deserves every ounce of what she lost. That is it. That is a great. It's almost trying to get caught like Lady, I'm lying to you. You know that, right?

[Chris]

Send him 30 grand to space.

[John Holmberg]

Just wired it into his account. Which ironically was in Jersey. I keep. I keep accounting. Jersey. I can't. That's a great one though. I cannot face that from space station. Don't have connection. You just have email? Yes. And text, but no facetime.

[Chris]

He said most of it was to cover rocket costs.

[Eugene Levy]

Sure.

[John Holmberg]

He's going back and forth. It's a big commute. You'd be blown away. Lady. About the rocket fuel has gone through moon since Ukraine war. Anyway, I need a couple bucks if you don't mind following it over to account in the. It's in orange jump. I keep a bank there. You see that is a guy who's trying to see how far he can go before the lady goes.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

I don't know about this.

[John Holmberg]

Did I tell you what I do for a living? No. I bet it's big.

[Chris]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Cosmonaut. It's the same as what you have in the miracle astronaut. Wow. I'm on the space station. You heard of this? You are? Oh my God. I can tell her anything. I'm also direct descendant of Giant Jesus. My bad. How big's your D? Very.

[Chris]

In space.

[John Holmberg]

In space. In space. It's twice the size. I have the nuts of lemur. Look it up.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.

[John Holmberg]

For 60 years, Fisher Tools has been the valley's trusted source for quality, precision and power. Family owned and operated for three generations, we're proud to be a local Tempe business offering the best tools and supplies for every construction job. With the largest selection of power tools in the valley. From Milwaukee to Makita to DeWalt, we've got everything you need to get the job done right. We're known for having everything in stock because our slogan is if we don't have it, we can't sell it. See why we've been the Valley's Go to for tools for over 60 years. Visit Fisher Tools today Install Store or.

[Brady Bogan]

[e-mail] the fight for the playoffs over the holidays is so much better than fighting with your family. It's Nick Toledo from the Morning Sickness for Underdog, the app where making picks can get you 5,000 times your money. And playing on Underdog is so easy. Just pick if your favorite players will go higher or lower on their stats. My Seahawks, in fact, are in position to secure a top playoff spot, and I use that knowledge as I make my Underdog picks on them in the coming weeks. Play along with me or with your favorite team and download the app today and use the promo code HMS to score $75 in bonus entries. When you play your first Underdog make picks win Money must be 18 +, 19 + in Alabama and Nebraska, 19 + in Colorado for some games, 21 + in Arizona, Massachusetts and Virginia and present in a state where underdog fantasy operates. Terms apply. See assets.underdogfantasy.com web playandgetterms dfs.HTML for details. Offer not valid in Maryland, Michigan, New Jersey, New York, Ohio and Pennsylvania. Concerned with your play? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit www.ncpgambling.org. in New York, call 24. 7, Hope Line at 1-877-8-HOPE NY or text HOPENY to 46736.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Show with none of the fluff, let's get started. There's more of the best of H's morning Sickness.

[John Holmberg]

I have become a fan of something I never was a fan of. I I thought it was silly. 311 oh God, no. Something functional and useful. Okay. I thought back in 2016, talk of a wall on the border was the dumbest thing in the world. Like, it won't work. It's stupid. It's. It's just. It's stupid, stupid, dumb, stupid. Well, now I have to go back. All the people that I don't like that are loud about, you know, things that we can't really control. Conservationists and people who take it way too far with Global this and Global that just said that because of that wall, border crossings by animals are down 91%. So I'm like, all right, you know, it's time for me to admit the wall work works. If the animals can't figure out a way under and over, neither can the illegals. Bears. They're worried that bears will die because they can't find water. Like, they'll just turn around. If the wall's perfect, like, if you're using this, like, 91% they say, will not be able to cross now. Bears, deer, like, and, you know, with global warming now, there won't be any water. Mexico has plenty of water. Let's not make that the thing. And what it does is basically announce that this thing really is functional and works. Like, even animals who can dig and climb a whole lot better than humans can't figure this wall out, wherever it is. So I'm all in. And if the bear is too dumb to have the vastness of Mexico and the vastness of Arizona, California, Texas, New Mexico, but can't figure out when it's thirsty to turn around the walls there just keeps pounding its head into it till it dies. That bear wasn't gonna make it anyway. They got pictures. They got videos of these bears walking up and down the wall. I can't figure out how to get well. They're just curious. The bears will do that. And, you know, there's probably something on the other side they see that the cameras don't. But there's a 91% success rate with keeping animals on their side of the wall. So I guess the animals who didn't sign up for this are like, oh, I guess I'm a Mexican bear now, or I'm an American bear now. The one thing that they did bring up, which is. Which made me go, all right. I absolutely hate everything about these arguments. They were talking about separation of the animal family. Wow. Yeah. Are we building the wall that fast? They can visit each other at the wall. They're good. I don't see a lot of family reunions on National Geographic. Like, if a mama comes cub or mama bear gets separated from her cubs because of the wall. She was doing a bad job anyway because they didn't build it that fast. If. If we had time to build.

[Chris]

Negligent mom, it is.

[John Holmberg]

I agree. If they had time to build a wall that separated a mother from her cub bears, then the mom was kind of a deadbeat in the first place. Dad bears dead beats to begin with. They're all Toledo dads. They just take off.

[Chris]

Why don't they do what they did in Florida if you're a. Along the. It's called the alligator alley. They cars were hitting the panthers. Build a bridge they put underneath because.

[John Holmberg]

You know why worked because of Mexicans. Well, they're smarter than the bears. They'll figure out how to do. Put the signs up. I still Listen to it. Well, we can go here. This is only for the bears. We should put crosswalks in for them. What the hell?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Chris]

You know, they're taking a risk. If you're.

[John Holmberg]

If you're gonna.

[Chris]

I'm gonna cross where the bears cross.

[John Holmberg]

Their answer is, is that every. I don't know what the distance was, but there's a distance, a gap between each one, and there's an opening for the animals to figure out. And we'll have those manned. Like, someone will be sitting there. And I'm like, okay, nope, just build the goddamn wall. The animals will be fine. They'll figure it out. But now all they did to me was just announce this. This wall is somewhat impenetrable. If a bear, which they tell you, can climb, like, light poles, can't figure out how to get over the wall, it's effective. And for the longest time, I'm like, the thing's stupid. It's. It's not gonna work. Evidently, it does. And it's pretty smart. Like, rats and stuff can sneak through, obviously.

[Chris]

What if you had. You know, there's like, 100% flow right now as far as crossings, and you put the wall up and it cuts it in half. Is that still working for the bear?

[John Holmberg]

That's pretty effective for the animals.

[Chris]

Oh, for anyone.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, yeah. If you're. If you're cutting anything down, it's effective. If the number.

[Chris]

I'm saying, like, if it only went.

[John Holmberg]

Down 9%, well, it's cost effective. If the arrow points down, you did something right. If that was your goal. Yeah, you know, you'd like to be more effective, But I mean, look, if 91. If they're complaining now they've separated bears and deers from their little bear and deer kids. I'm like, no, don't. You're trying to. So what. What I saw yesterday was a blatant attempt to try to make cute, fuzzy things. The reason we hate the wall, because Mexicans aren't cute and fuzzy when they're walking through the desert for days on end. You know, pictures of immigrants very rarely make you go, aw. You're usually like, oh, what if that sucks? Like, you're not looking at that as good, but a cute cub that can't make it over the fence. Remember when they. Remember when Al Gore's big sell on global warming, which prior to that movie he made, I was. Was like, all in. Like, we need to do something. Then I saw that movie, and I'm like, oh, this is a business. These guys are going to try to steal money from us. The polar bear and the cub floating apart on the ice.

[Chris]

Even Leo bought into it.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody bought into it for a minute. And then Al Gore's dumb voice of this is what we're going to start seeing more of the polar bear floating like he's on a boat through the warmer waters. Like we'd never have an island thing again. And that polar bear was out there by himself. They'll be dead by 2015. Lies. They've been lied to so often my cynicism kicks in immediately when they use cute fuzzy things because normally that works for me. I can't Even like Sarah McLaughlin commercial comes on, I turn it off. I can't do it. Those are actual functional cute things that have been diseased. And then they put them on camera to make me feel terrible. And it works.

[Chris]

It's a tougher shot now. Now if they show the polar bear floating on the piece of ice, there's usually a bloody harp seal next to him.

[John Holmberg]

Like we can't use that. And you know what the polar bears did? They'll never find food again. This is gonna be a problem forever. Then also the male polar bears won't ever find female polar puss and will lose all the baby polar bears. No you won't. They moved down into Canada. They figured it out. It's like 185ft south of here, tons of food. Cuz that's where the seals went. That's, they moved to where the food is unlike humans. So yeah, that whole inconvenient truth in two. What is it, 2005? Yeah, he was making predictions in North Dakota. The temperatures will reach 126 degrees normally by the year 2020. Nope, wrong again. Alright.

[Chris]

It's all scaretails, a lot of trophies that year.

[John Holmberg]

Everything. We won awards and Oscars. And I remember he was on Oprah and she called him Noah. You're Noah. You're our, you're, you're Noah. You're, you're, you're the hero to the animals, the world, the planet. You're gonna save us all. I don't know about that, Oprah. I just know that if you were around a polar bear, you should be careful because you look like one of the seals that they eat.

[Chris]

Crazy.

[John Holmberg]

Crazy. So I looked at that story and I'm like, well that's it for me. I've changed my mind on the border wall. I'm all for it now. Whenever the opposition use cute fuzzy things, they have thrown their last punch. That's it. That didn't Work with. I'm surprised they haven't used, like, adorable little bears for abortion. Like, every argument that starts to lose, they. They usually break out the cute, fuzzy stuff to make us go, will this make you like us? And nope, it's the opposite. They have videos of a bear running along the fence line like he's got a pee. What do I do now? I don't know. Turn the around, you dumbass. The water south of you. It's not like Mexico's dry, but if all the water's in Arizona. I've been to the border. It's not like we're just this land of a thousand lakes north of Nogales. And then the south, it's pretty much the same. If you drop me in the middle of the. I wouldn't know which side was America and which side was the states, because it looks exactly the same all the way across the border. There isn't one part of the border I look at, and I'm like, oh, clearly, that's America. And that's the. That's mega. It all is just a bunch of cactus and dirt. It looks all the same. Pretty much. South of Tucson, Mexico. And we moved that border before, remember? Yeah, the Gadsden purchase and all that. And it's all used to be Mexico and things like that. That. I don't remember us getting tons of extra water out of that deal. But now the bears can't drink water because they're too stupid. Once they find that wall, they're addicted to it. Well, then that bear should die anyway. That. That isn't anything we need to keep around. And. And what happens when we build cities? Isn't it worse to build a city that's. That displaces animals a whole lot more.

[Chris]

Than we've been doing of a long time.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. And suddenly this wall is detrimental. The future of the bear pipeline, they figure it out. Everything we build is bad for wildlife. Everything. And they kept saying the smaller animals managed to get through the fence, but the large species, like bear and deers were very impacted. They weren't. They got to a wall, and they shook it, like, when the. Did this get here? Okay, I guess we're Mexican. We got to go south now. And the little osos are like, oh, this sucks, dad. On the Goodwaters in America. I know, but they built it all. What are you gonna do now? You're a Mexican bear? So grab a knife and let's head home. Yeah, that's not so bad, is it? Huh? I like the tuba. It's dumb. And the American bears want to go to Mexico. They have the ones on the thing, the Americans that want to go south, they can't either. So congratulations to those bears. You're citizens now. It's the stupidest argument I've ever seen.

[Chris]

You see Docker hunters did what talking to deer hunters. There hasn't been. Man, it's been impossible to shoot a deer this year. They're just not out there.

[John Holmberg]

They're around. Yeah.

[Chris]

The wall is preventing them, Right.

[John Holmberg]

Well, do they deer hunt down there at the border? Because now you, I don't know, you're gonna kill the Mexican one. You're gonna, you're gonna get. Not deer we're hunting for. It's almost international trouble. I don't even understand why people get upset about. I guess, you know, again, I've always said that you put up a barrier and the ones who can get over it are the most industrious ones. We want them in America. I think it's great. You put up a 30 foot wall greased up, and you see a Mexican guy climbing down the other side, you're like, he's an American. That's a citizenship test to me. Like, wow, nice job. Everybody else is struggling. You figured out a way over it. Welcome to the States. Here's your paperwork.

[Chris]

Maybe the bears are communicating. Like, man, this bear Zona is awesome. You got to get up here.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And you know what else I thought of last night is if the wall is littered with bears that can't figure out how to get over the wall, it's going to keep the Mexicans away. The wall of bears is the most horrifying thing I've ever heard in my life. We can't even get to it. It's not so much the wall, it's all those stupid bears and they're all hungry now. Bears just walking around the wall going, well, we don't know what to do. We're just going to out hang around.

[Chris]

Other walls, leave some extra water and food over there and they can.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, gets it. Let's plant some berry trees along that wall, make it so all the bears live there. We'll make it real habitable for bears. It's the stupidest thing I've ever seen. And I'm supposed to sit back and go, that damn wall. I think I won that argument with somebody the other day when they were talking about, you can't, you can't have immigration policies that displace families. When you, when you arrest someone for being an illegal immigrant, you take them Away from your family. And my argument has been from the beginning, you arrest anybody, you take them away from their family. Yeah. I've never once thought you're talking about that separation. Just the separation of families is not an argument to me. Because if Brett started to do drugs, they're not taking the whole family to jail, just him. So you're separated from your family. That's not fair. Like, why doing something illegal got caught. Don't get caught. There's the rule, like everything in life. Don't get caught. If you get caught, then you gotta pay the bill. Pretty much it. We've been here for 30 years. All right, but doing a good job.

[Chris]

Shut up.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

My family and I have been here for 30 years.

[John Holmberg]

We're good people. I don't doubt that. Shut the F up. You're making a big stink over this. Go to Brett's people and keep it down. Don't go on the news and tell everybody you're, I'm a dreamer. Like, you're going to jail, dumbass. We got video of you now. Dream quietly. That's what dreams are supposed to be in your sleep. Shut up. I should be able to announce that I'm an American citizen. Then do it. Nobody's asking for papers if you just tell them they are. Don't get caught. If I was a politician, that'd be my thing. I'm like, look, you're all here now. Do your best. Don't shut your mouth. Pick the strawberries. Go home. Shut up. It's dumb. But the Bears, they're making a big stinger.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.

[John Holmberg]

It's John Homer here from the morning sickness to tell you about underdog. Playing on underdog is easy. Just pick whether your favorite players are going to go higher or lower on stats like point, points, rebounds, steals, and more. This week, I'm looking at the NBA. Wembanyama is going to be higher than 10 rebounds in a game. Devin Booker. I'm going higher than six assists in his next game. Download the app today and use the promo code HMS to score $75 in bonus entries when you play your first $5. That's promo code HMS. Underdog make picks win money must be 18 plus, 19 plus in Alabama, Nebraska, 19 plus in Colorado for some games, 21 plus in Arizona, Massachusetts and Virginia. And present in a state where underdog fantasy operates. Terms apply. See assets.under fantasy.com web play and getterms._dfs,_html for details. Offer not valid in Maryland, Michigan, New Jersey, New York, Ohio and Pennsylvania. Concerned with your play called 1-800-Gambler or visit www.ncpcgambling.org. in New York, call the 24.7Hope line at 1-877-8-HOPE NY or text Hope NY 467-369.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

The best of the Morning Sickness is on the air. Any of you people do any actual work? The Best of Homburg's Morning Sickness.

[John Holmberg]

Then you got this guy another one. This email came this morning, says, I just wanted you guys on my favorite show to know that if you hear about a mysterious death this weekend of a man whose girlfriend is four months pregnant, it wasn't mysterious, it's murder. My chick has gone crazy and I'm breaking up with her on Saturday. She is four months pregnant. I'm going to take care of the kid. That's not the of the end issue. I don't know what's happened to her since she's become pregnant. She has lost her mind, she's violent, she's mean, and I hate her. I will not name names because if she hears this before I dump her, she'll preemptively strike and possibly kill me. So just pay attention to the news for my sake. She's gone insane. Gh. So if there's a story on the news this weekend of a crying pregnant woman and her dead husband and the initials happen to be gh we know, we know. We're on. We're on the case.

[James Cameron]

Case.

[John Holmberg]

Thanks for the update. Stay out of this, GH Okay, Breaking up with a pregnant lady at four months isn't exactly going to make her more stable though if she's nuts and you're still there, I think this weekend might be a bad plan. I think maybe you should just start ignoring her. Leave now.

[Chris]

Well, if you hormones, you know when they're pregnant can jump around, but yeah, I think it will make matters worse.

[John Holmberg]

But if you think she's gone nuts now, this is with you still there. I think Brett's right. If you just disappear for a while but make it so she can't find you. Don't break up with her. Just don't show up anymore. Or sit there and tolerate it.

[Chris]

Then there's after the fact.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, you're gonna have to see her again. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Pardon me because I've got the cold sweats. My ex wife was mean as a.

[John Holmberg]

Snake when she was pregnant and when she wasn't.

[Brady Bogan]

Now take that and amplify diet with pregnancy hormones.

[John Holmberg]

I've heard the calls.

[Brady Bogan]

I know.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, she wasn't pregnant when she was screaming at call. I think she was barren at that. But she. She birthed out.

[Chris]

That was a good day, that call for Toledo.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. It was a bad day for Chad. Yeah, Chad was the one that. I'll never forget that. I got a call from someone else, dude. I got a voicemail from Toledo's wife and I think she. She butt dialed me and it is insane. And he sent it to me and I'm like, whoa. She was losing her mind. And I thought. And then I sent it to you and you're like, yep, that's about right. When she gave birth, she just launched out all the birthing materials too. Baby, ovaries, uterus.

[Brady Bogan]

Now imagine her uncomfortable. Can't move because she's pregnant. She's got a giant headed baby baby inside of her. Did you think you have to live with her?

[John Holmberg]

Did you think you were gonna leave? Like, did it run through? Oh, God, no.

[Brady Bogan]

She'd hunt me down.

[John Holmberg]

See, that's the thing I'm worried about. Take Toledo's advice.

[Chris]

Stay.

[John Holmberg]

Stick around through the pregnancy. Yeah.

[Chris]

Hold.

[Brady Bogan]

I can't do it.

[John Holmberg]

Get out of here, wedge.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

You're no good to us.

[John Holmberg]

Hold.

[Chris]

Stay on target.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, just exactly. Just. I. I don't think it's a good idea. Leave a pregnant lady who's already shown. Like the reason you want to leave her is because she's nuts because she's pregnant. You leaving is not going to help you.

[Chris]

Makes it worse.

[John Holmberg]

You way worse. You have to keep dealing with her.

[Brady Bogan]

You have to sympathize with the guy because this is four months in, he's got five more to go.

[John Holmberg]

Well, unless if he gets lucky and it pre mes up. Well, no, I mean, she might pre me. You can start. You still got take her to the canyon.

[Brady Bogan]

You still got four months. In that case, it could level out.

[John Holmberg]

That's true. If all things go the way they're supposed to. I mean, I'd have her in like bounce houses and jump arounds. I'd be taking her four wheeling every weekend. We're gonna get this thing shook out. I'm gonna. She's like a can of Dr. Pepper. I'm shaking that thing until it pops.

[Chris]

And getting those baby classes.

[John Holmberg]

Lamaze.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know if she's.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm gonna take her to a class. You're smoking crack.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Eugene Levy]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You don't take the crazy ones.

[Brady Bogan]

Yell at the instructions.

[John Holmberg]

I think it is the, you know, upon further review, probably not the best option to, you know, throw a little gas on the fire that's already kind of smoldering. Yeah, I wouldn't break up with the pregnant girl you got, because it's never going to go away. And then she's going to use the kid as leverage because you left while she was pregnant. Document. That's what I would say. Start documenting here. Here at month four, start documenting all the things that she's done. Crazy.

[Brady Bogan]

Unless you like. Like one of those dudes on those bad detective shows that's got a guy that can get you, you know, like, documents, new. New id, new identification, and you can just disappear. She'll find you.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, if you can go full on. Better call Saul. You need to Robert Fisher this. No, no, no, no, no. Don't take that. That's the Italian's advice.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

What?

[John Holmberg]

What are you talking about? For those who don't know, that's the suggestion would be to blow up the house and use black ops to never be found again. I'm sorry it's a gold mine in your brain, but tactically, you're not 18 years of that nightmare. No way.

[Brady Bogan]

But, Brett, how do we know Robert Fisher?

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Brett, I'm with you.

[John Holmberg]

If I could Robert Fisher, I would Robert Fisher. Several times a day. Oh, there's so many. Like, sometimes I'm just upset at the guy at qt. I'd like to, Robert Fisher, just blow the whole place up and go to the woods. But, yeah, it's. You have to have his training. There are two people that are Robert Fisher and D.B. cooper. The only ones that were pretty sure I don't have those skills. I'd get caught on Shea and McDowell, probably because I'd be like, all right, right before I disappear in the woods, I better hit the casino. They'd find me fast. So it's a good idea to blow up the house and then run, if you have those kind of skills. Otherwise, stick it out and start getting emails back and forth. Email her today and go, look, I know you're going through a lot out right now, but when you said blah, blah, and, like, details of your last crazy argument, make it so you get all her points and then she'll fire back. Like, what, Toledo's ex would do something even more loony. And now you got paperwork.

[Brady Bogan]

That's why you got a blind copy of Friends.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, and also get her to break up with you. Don't you leave. Get her to break up with you. Do something. Don't go crazy, like start hosing hookers.

[Chris]

Just start.

[Brady Bogan]

Tell her you lost your job.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's not Bad. Go get training. Screw that.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, you didn't really lose your job. Just tell her you did.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, and I'm going to spend eight hours a day looking for a new job every day, and then just go to your regular job and start collecting. I don't know. Don't leave her. Don't drag us into this either. Should have called Dr. Lynn.

[Eugene Levy]

Pal.

[John Holmberg]

Yep.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

That's.

[John Holmberg]

We've been. You know. What? For years we've been telling you to avoid this whole thing. And imagine that this lunatic's now going to raise a kid to hate you. Oh, and you gotta pay for that. Next thing you know, you're 92, you're in the bottom of the Grand Canyon with some kid that you thought you did right by, and he and his son, your grandson, are trying to kill you for your. Whatever you've done, gh, don't do it. I don't know who you are, and I don't know what it is, but I think staying. You gotta stay put for the next couple months and make this right. If she breaks up with you, that's okay, but you can't dump her at four months. You can't.

[Chris]

You know, does it help to know that there's guys, a lot of guys that have gone through that.

[John Holmberg]

That.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Oh, that.

[Chris]

It leveled. It either leveled out or just, you.

[John Holmberg]

Know, the behavior of that. You don't have to understand. Level out. It lives forever, and then you got the kid, and she's not going to be better. And what if she doesn't level out? Like, you're thinking of Pollyanna's way. What if she gets the postpartum and starts trying to murder everybody?

[Chris]

Yeah, and I. I mean, but I.

[John Holmberg]

Agree that you can't leave a pregnant. That's like breaking up with somebody who, like, gets a disease. Because pregnancy is a dis. Illness. That's why you got to go to the hospital so often. It's a disease and it's curable, but it lingers for at least 18, 20 years. But, like, if she ended up with, like, you know, I don't know, sickle cell or Ms. Or something like that, and you broke up with her for symptoms, You're a jerk. You gotta at least stick out a year after the diagnosis, because otherwise.

[Chris]

And you gotta let her know up front, you know, look, I'm gonna get. Give this a year, and after a year, I'm out of here. Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Was it Newt Gingrich?

[Chris]

I'm hanging with you.

[John Holmberg]

Newt Gingrich found out his wife had cancer and she was dying. Of it. Remember that? And then he went to the hospital with his mistress because he's like, well, he already.

[Chris]

Was that Newt or was that.

[John Holmberg]

Well, there was a couple of them. I think John Edwards did it too. Yeah, John Edwards. Newt Gingrich did it. There were a few guys who were like, that had side, side action.

[Chris]

Did Rudy.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Rudy's. He doesn't count. Yeah, I'm gonna say yes because it's horrible. So I assume Rudy Giuliani did that. If it's awful. Probably under his, under his time. Yeah. But you know, you find out that your spouse has something terrible, you can't break up four months after the diagnosis. You got to stick around at least a year. And I think the same with it with a pregnancy or Robert Fisher or Robert. Robert Fisher is an option for those of you well trained. Trained enough to Robert Fisher. I mean, we laugh, but if you had the Robert Fish, how often. If you had Robert Fisher skills, this is a really dark moment. But if you were trained like Robert Fisher was, what kind of balls did that wife have to start making him think, you know, I could blow this whole thing up and leave and no one would ever know. Like, you know, Robert Fisher had the Robert Fisher skills. Oh, yeah, if I had if, like, if, if.

[Chris]

And how long did he plan it out?

[John Holmberg]

Not long, because he was like, well, I mean, he had the skills. It was like mapped out in his brain the whole time. Like he has a bug out plan of safety before he even knew things went sideways. But if you are. If you're married to like a guy like Robert Fisher and you start getting a little bit lippy, you know the risks you're taking, this dude knows he can get away with it. Like, I can take care of, of this all day. Now it turns out he's a horrible person for having done it, but something led him to it. Not saying I condone it, but we've all thought about blowing the house up. We just thought, well. But then I don't know what a she was.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Right, right.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly what I'm saying. Like, somebody caused this. And then you said, because I thought, I'm gonna blow the whole house up and nobody's ever gonna. But then I'd think, well, I don't have the skills after that. I'm gonna end up in jail. I don't wanna. This guy was like, and I can blow the house up and no one will ever find. How many years ago was that now?

[Chris]

Like 30.

[John Holmberg]

And the dude on the news said it, we're looking for Robert Fisher. We found his truck. And they're like, what do you think of the evidence? And he goes, robert Fisher's training is so extreme that there's a good chance we're never gonna find him. That was the first day they found the truck. They're like, nah, he's gone. They knew. That means there's training out there that everyone's aware of that makes it so, oh, he's doing that thing. Thing. He's gone. He gone. There's a guy named John. I want to say John Locke, but that's a philosopher. His main may have been. John Locke disappeared after he killed his family. 27 years. Started a whole new life in. In Iowa as a pastor. Got a new wife. They're rolling around. They found him on America's Most Wanted 27 years after he slaughtered his whole. I think it was John Locke. I think that's right.

[Chris]

Is that the one? I mean, just was last year. Year. Like in the fall, there's a guy that was gone for that amount of time. There's a couple finally.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they surf. Yeah, there's a few. But John Locke was one. They found him because of a paper mache head they made on. On what they thought he looked like. Now. It was amazing. It was the first time they had those scientific forensic artists saying, here's how we think he probably aged. And one of the things are like, he'd want to hide his face. So, hey, I think I know that. Had these big hairy carry glasses. Glasses. Because the. The forensic scientist or the scientist was like, yeah, he's got guilt in his body. You can't help it, whether you're a sociopath or whatever. So he's going to want to like, have a disguise without it being disguised. So if he's wearing glasses, I bet you those got real big. So they build this little paper mache head like a kid would in fifth grade. Put these massive glasses on. And then the guy goes. And also after years and years of the guilt weighing on you, your lips will start to naturally frown on their own. And that's like a. Like. So they kind of pulled his clay lips down a little bit and then they put it up there. And John Walsh is like, all right, this is what they think he looks like. Within like an hour, somebody's calling going, that's our pastor. And they showed a picture of him. It was perfect. If you look it up online, it's. It's amazing how good they did. It's like they knew. It almost feels like they knew. And they're like, let's just pretend we built this so that that's how like, he thought he Robert Fisher. This one says, babies don't make women crazy. It just awakens the beast that was always living in them.

[Chris]

Good point.

[John Holmberg]

That is true. This guy says two days in a row of John being a complete. Worry about your own life, dip. Well, what did you just do with your email, jackass? Worry about your own life, dip. I better email in and tell him I don't like what he said. Oh, okay. What are you doing? Then go listen to something else. You stick. I'm tired of people like you. Say hi to Beth. Yeah, go say hi to Beth. Listen to someone else. John List. That's his name. Not John Locke. Was a philosopher. John List. The whole point of this show is that I got to worry about other people's lives. Although if I just sat back and said, I didn't do much yesterday. Anyway, we'll be right back. It would be pretty boring, you idiot. Because you don't have a creative bone in your body. You don't understand what this whole thing is. It's social commentary. You gotta care about other people's lives. God, I hate that guy. I don't even know who that is. I hope you die in the canyon. I hope you get Robert. I hope that guy gets Robert Fisher today. Two days in a row. You talking about other people. What do you listen for? You hard. Go away. Go away. Leave. Get out of my store. No soup for you, idiot. Anyway, some people ruin things. That's why Robert Fisher was like, I don't condone it, but I understand it. He's mad because he's trying to kill us. You know what that guy is? He's a dude that's been telling people, when my grandpa dies, I get a billion dollars. That's why he's mad. Worry about your own life. Yeah, it's because. Why don't you go get a job? That's worth it. You dick.

[Chris]

Push the button. Change channel.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's easy.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Oh, I don't like that.

[John Holmberg]

He's saying that my grandpa dies, I get his inheritance. That's what he's. That I hit a nerve with that idiot.

[Chris]

Find that station, call in and say, how many numbers you got through the 10 item minimum?

[John Holmberg]

What's the most you've ever gotten through the minimums? That fries. We'll be right back. Weather traffic, worrying about other people's lives. Are you new here? That's all we do is worry about other people's lives. And our. We tell you stories you don't like it, leave. Get out of my school. God forbid. Fisher, you're a leader. Brett, you're right. Your people are right.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station, the Best of the Morning Sickness, is on the air. Do any of you people do any actual work? The Best of Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

[John Holmberg]

Again, I apologize, Eric. We didn't. Burt doesn't shut up.

[Eric]

It's okay. I just learned a lot of different things about Russia.

[Chris]

You want to learn a language now?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, sounds great. I think. College language class. I never got that opportunity in my college Spanish class to ever go to Mexico or Spain or anyone where they even Guadalupe. We never took a field trip. We were in Mesa. We could have found Mexico real fat. We could have gone to Tucson. I'd have been happy.

[Chris]

I got five credits abroad. A two week. Did you really, Professor? Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Where'd you go?

[Chris]

Interpersonal communications. I had to keep a journal. Where of the trip. The experience of communicating with people. But where the for was England, Scotland island. Because I did it twice.

[John Holmberg]

Unbelievable. College. What a joke.

[Chris]

Italy and Greece was the second one.

[John Holmberg]

Man, that's worth it. I never got a trip.

[Chris]

It is.

[John Holmberg]

Because seven years in college and never once left the campus.

[Chris]

It's a smoking deal because they package up those trips and it's really. I mean, like that whole trip was 1500 bucks.

[John Holmberg]

Closest thing I ever got to a field trip is my buddy Steve Light to me and said that the teacher had sent out some communication that we weren't going into the classroom. And he went over to his apartment. He smoked weed. That was a. That was a trip. That was a trip. I. I didn't do it. But I was sitting there watching him smoke weed, and I'm like, well, here we go. This. We're not going to school, huh? Nah. All right.

[Chris]

The funniest part of the second one is I had graduated and the in. The professor officer calls me.

[Eric]

Loved you so much.

[Chris]

Well, he calls me and says, hey, I'm doing another trip. This one's degrees in Italy. And right now it's me and one other male student and 10 girls.

[John Holmberg]

So no one will suspect that I'm trying to finger you.

[Chris]

He liked the female students. He's like, you gotta sign up for this one.

[John Holmberg]

I'm in. So he was bringing you because he felt no threat that you would still. You were gonna try to.

[Chris]

So me and another buddy signed up.

[John Holmberg]

Was the other buddy also special? Yes.

[Eric]

So this professor is banging 10 chicks.

[John Holmberg]

You two.

[Chris]

He's like, with this. These two guys, I am in.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, we're here. Reporting for duty, sir. It's like a Benny Hill character. Ready? All right, here's your clipboard. You write down things I say and when the girl doesn't seem responsive, put a star next to it. I'll never use that line again.

[Chris]

It goes. Got it. Got a little uncomfortable. The girls would come. Hey, Professor's getting a little handsy.

[John Holmberg]

Did you try to get on one of the 10 chicks? Did you ever have anything for 10 girls? No. Not even. Not even.

[Chris]

Oh, you know, there's a couple that.

[John Holmberg]

You definitely would have, but did you try. Was there any.

[Chris]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Any spark?

[Chris]

There wasn't enough.

[Eric]

Stop saying it.

[John Holmberg]

So matter of fact, I'm so proud of it. It's almost like.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Well, there was a. I did.

[John Holmberg]

Finger of. Honey, just lie. Lie to me. Effort. Make me some humping. Make me respect you. You're the Adam Sandler of sex. You don't even try. You seem totally indifferent about my desire to like you.

[Chris]

Ask me again.

[John Holmberg]

I can't. Now I know you're lying. Now it's. Maybe you can do it. Of those 10 girls, was there any, like, sparks?

[Chris]

Yeah, there was.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. How did that. I'm.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Now.

[John Holmberg]

Now I'm pushing it. I got a follow up. Like, you know, were you. Did you date or did you guys.

[Chris]

Just nailed her on top of the leaning tower of piece?

[John Holmberg]

No, too far. Too far now. You just joked about it.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

I hooked up with a couple of br.

[Chris]

There's one that was absolutely gorgeous. There's a couple. Four out of the nine.

[John Holmberg]

Knockout.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Eric]

Did you have wild sex with any girl in college?

[John Holmberg]

Excellent question.

[Chris]

Greek God.

[John Holmberg]

Don't ignore that question. That's an excellent question.

[Eric]

Like, I was in college. I banged a girl in the middle of the softball field. And then all the lights turned on.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Eric]

And they are teamed.

[John Holmberg]

Coming.

[Eric]

Ready to play.

[John Holmberg]

Right. Well, that was a little messed up. You wouldn't have to worry about it. If it's a softball field. There's no heterosexual sex.

[Chris]

They wouldn't even recognize the schedule.

[John Holmberg]

No, I wasn't.

[Eric]

I should have paid it. It was a Friday night. I probably should have.

[John Holmberg]

All right, fans. It's. Whoa. Wow. It's bang your girlfriend on the mound night.

[Chris]

This is a softball field.

[John Holmberg]

It's a softball. I think. Think that there's an ugly short chick and. Oh, that's a guy. The hell's going on? I've never seen a man on a softball field before. Anyway, so did you ever have passionate, crazy college sex?

[Chris]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

With Brennaman Yes.

[Chris]

Did you ever have it was around the world party?

[John Holmberg]

Were you?

[Chris]

Brennan and I got hammered.

[John Holmberg]

Was there college sex with a girlfriend that was chipping away crazy or was there like that? Holy cow, that's crazy college sex.

[Chris]

I can't remember.

[Eric]

You are. You're the Berlin Wall and we just had chipping.

[Chris]

I had a good time.

[John Holmberg]

We're chipping. We're trying to get through. No one. On the other side, there's a bunch of people who have never seen the world. They've been trapped behind the wall. And Hasselhoff is entertainment here. Hasselhoff works as some type of gauge of how fun things are. We've got the Mr. Gorbachev. Tear down this Brady. We gotta get through. I gotta find it. I don't remember. You don't remember if you had wild monkey sex in college? No. Slip my mind if I did. Come on, man.

[Chris]

I didn't have wild monkey sex.

[John Holmberg]

All right? With a monkey. Whatever.

[Chris]

Tonight.

[John Holmberg]

Look, it's 20. It's less than 24 hours after a Sandler lazy fest. And now I've got you.

[Eric]

We need some action.

[John Holmberg]

So wildly indifferent on whether or not anybody respects you too. All you want is my money and that's it.

[Chris]

I guess the Bieber is tired of his monkey. Mali, the capuchin monkey was seized by customs officials. Immune.

[John Holmberg]

You don't call it capuchin anymore. Did you find a new way capuchin? Why do you say that?

[Chris]

That's how I heard them saying it on the nature channel. But I always go capuchin.

[John Holmberg]

Well, then. Then keep doing that.

[Chris]

Not anymore.

[John Holmberg]

What do you. Yeah, what do you mean you heard? No longer can you start a sentence with well, I heard. Because you're deep.

[Chris]

That's right.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Now you're like.

[Chris]

You're a Rush Limbaughty.

[John Holmberg]

I hope he gets back better like Rush did. Rush was going to go deaf in like a week and he's all better.

[Eric]

Oh, I thought you meant just like, in general better.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. And that too. Like a better broadcaster. Yeah, that would be good, too.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

From my AI network.

[Eric]

That's in the square.

[John Holmberg]

Somebody wanted orgasming Brady in the square. Brady Limbaugh has. I like Brady Limbaugh too. Come here.

[Chris]

You would think the Michael Jackson news would go away, but this story is flat out awesome. It's coming out of Britain. This is about Bubbles.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no.

[Chris]

Whatever loved Bubbles so much and he wanted so badly for Bubbles to be able to talk. He actually considered having throat surgery performed.

[John Holmberg]

On Bubbles so Bubbles could say, call the lawyers. I Want you to stop touching me. It's probably a good idea to keep the monkey quiet.

[Chris]

They perform the surgery like you said and Bubbles started talking and Michael immediately says, chimps lie.

[John Holmberg]

Hollyweird. It's beyond Hollywood, man. This is like another planet. You have so much money you can actually consider morrowing a monkey to talk to you because you've raped everyone in your life so they nobody wants anything to do with you except for the monkey that you trained to speak. Apparently.

[Eric]

After Michael died, Latoya went to visit Bubbles.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah.

[Eric]

She missed.

[John Holmberg]

Where is Bubbles? Is he in a zoo? Some zoo, yeah.

[Chris]

75, I think.

[John Holmberg]

Does Bubbles want to see the Jackson?

[Eric]

I don't know. But she was talking to him like. Like that monkey knows her or something.

[John Holmberg]

Do you miss Michael, Latoya?

[Chris]

They go pretty much into detail. He said Michael consulted with the doctors about the operation that would move Bubbles larynx further down the throat.

[John Holmberg]

So this doctor needs to be in jail because if he's willing to sit down and even listen to two seconds of that conversation, he is guilty of everything.

[Chris]

Well, Bubbles to talk.

[John Holmberg]

Can we do an operation?

[Chris]

Sure.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know any medical backing on this, but I think, I think it's just their voice boxes are too high. High in their throat. Can we scoot it down a little bit so Bubbles and I can speak to each other? Cuz I've raped everyone in my life and no one will talk to me.

[Chris]

All of a sudden Bubble goes into Bubbles goes into a fit of rage. And it's like.

[John Holmberg]

I'd like to see the reaction of Bubbles when a Jackson rolls into the zoo. Is Bubbles happy? Is Bubbles flipping out?

[Eric]

He just kind of stared at Latoya.

[John Holmberg]

Talk to him. Like him in a wig?

[Eric]

Yeah, like while she talked to him.

[John Holmberg]

Like he was a.

[James Cameron]

Right there.

[Eric]

Like a person that could answer.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe Bubbles is a person. I don't. Bubbles can talk. Well, you know, Latoya, it's been years since I've seen Michael and we had.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

A very nice relationship until he put.

[John Holmberg]

Me in this glass house.

[Chris]

Evidently Bubbles racked up some frequent flyer miles too because he said he spent thousands of dollars over several years flying Bubbles Bubbles to ape experts to see about this talking thing.

[John Holmberg]

Can it happen, Dr. Bubbles, Michael's dead. I don't care about him until that mother pays me for writing thriller. Bubbles did it. I wrote Errors. The genius behind it all. Notice that when he gave me to.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

The zoo, all of his music started to suck.

[Chris]

And pyt I. I did not write.

[John Holmberg]

PYT it was PYC Pretty young chimpanzees. I won't take credit for that.

[Eric]

Bubbles is highfalutin.

[John Holmberg]

I am a highfalutin monkey. I wrote all the good stuff.

[Chris]

He's trying to confess in all this on human nature.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Say why.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Why tell them that it's human nature.

[John Holmberg]

No one understands.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Why does he do me that way?

[John Holmberg]

I don't like living this way.

[Chris]

I'm looking at a man in the mirror.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

I don't like loving this way.

[John Holmberg]

It was Bubbles. Cry for help. He was being raped by that man. Man in the mirrors, too. I'm stopping with the man in the mirror.

[Chris]

Yep. Smooth criminal.

[John Holmberg]

Because he had no hair, he was smooth. These are all bubbles words.

[Eric]

He needs to talk.

[John Holmberg]

Let's get a voice box in that monkey. And while we're at it, let's get it in all monkeys and dogs and everything else that's cool. Like, up. Do we have that technology? Yeah, Doug just had the thing. Can that work?

[Chris]

Dogs lie.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

I know dogs.

[John Holmberg]

Library PD will tell stories. I didn't know that technology existed. And if it does, snap to it.

[Chris]

Stuff that larynx down the throat further.

[John Holmberg]

Called Jack Hannah and get one. All I'm asking for is one.

[Eric]

What animal would you put it on first?

[John Holmberg]

Gorilla. Just a random gorilla.

[Chris]

Those silverbacks I saw at the Columbus Zoo, if they. They could talk. Oh. Holy cow.

[John Holmberg]

What you looking at, huh? I'm gonna throw my at you in a minute. Okay. I should go. Yeah, you're right. You should. Yeah, you run.

[Eric]

They don't ever open their mouths.

[Chris]

Oh, they open them.

[Eric]

Like. It's not like they're, like, communicating with each other.

[John Holmberg]

There's. Well, every once in a while, I guess.

[Eric]

Whenever I'm at the zoo, they never say anything.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah, they're quiet around you.

[Chris]

Yeah, they don't want to let secrets out.

[Eric]

I had some birds fighting the other day in my backyard.

[John Holmberg]

I want to know what they were.

[Chris]

They're, like, talking to each other.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Don't say anything to him.

[Chris]

He's special.

[John Holmberg]

Really? Smoothie. There's a smooth looking. Just pick your feces. Throw some hay. Look at it.

[Chris]

Watch this.

[John Holmberg]

Look at the hay.

[Chris]

Not the melon man.

[John Holmberg]

Not the melon caddy. Won't go away. Put your finger in your butt. Put it in my butt. Oh, no.

[Eric]

There's not even whispering. I'm looking at their mouths and they're not whispering.

[John Holmberg]

Or it's out the side of his mouth. Put your finger into my butt. He'll walk away.

[Eric]

Not saying anything. They just lay there.

[John Holmberg]

They freaking hate that.

[Eric]

Oh no.

[John Holmberg]

Great, there's a crowd. Get your poop. Two snorts for butt, three snorts for poop. Really? Shut up, Smoothies.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Arizona's most powerful powerful rock radio station. It's the last of Homburg's Morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

On 98kUpD do believe that we're ready and this is going to be a heart wrenching moment. If it is in fact what we think it is for what we've done earlier this morning, potentially the last Guadalupe Squares ever. If there is no Guadalupe replay Monday, that means us. Waking Chuck up this morning at his house with Gravedigger officially ends our reign here. But it is time now for the last Guadalupe Squares. And let's welcome our host for the Last Squares. Potentially. It is creepy, Bergeron. Creepy.

[Eric]

Thank you, Johnny. It's a sad, sad day. Top left corner, starting it off. Triumph the Insult Comic dog.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Yes, yes. This is huge for me to be here for you. Humble guest. I see Storm still handling beats the crap of your little ragtag morning show. But it's okay. I keep, I keep. This is wonderful show for me to poop on.

[Eric]

Thanks a lot there. Triumph. In the top metal corner, it's a pissed off Chuck RT.

[John Holmberg]

Let's get it moving.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

We got a meeting in 25 minutes, Jack Holes.

[John Holmberg]

All right, boss. I hate each and every person in this room. You know why? Cuz my pacemaker usually goes off at 7:11 this morning. It hasn't stopped shaking. I cracked my pants five times and I wet myself. I forgot my name from 7:30 to 7:38.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

And I hate you right now.

[John Holmberg]

Get the show going. Go.

[Eric]

Top right corner, it's Ronald Reagan, the ex president.

[John Holmberg]

Leo.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

It's good to be here.

[Eric]

Good to have you, Ryan.

[John Holmberg]

Hi Andy.

[Eric]

My name is not Andy.

[Chris]

Middle.

[Eric]

It's not Andy.

[John Holmberg]

Have you introduced me yet?

[Eric]

Yeah, Ronald Reagan. Hey, middle left corner.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it's good to be here, Andy.

[Eric]

The middle left square, it's Hank Hill and Nikki Minor who is leaving. Oh, it's very sad.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. It may be your last day. But I've hired away that piece of ass Nicky Miner that comes in here every once in a while to work at my propane and propane accessory shop. Yes, I'm very excited. Quiet down employee.

[Eric]

I am talking in the middle square. It's Midway Chevrolet's Brady Bogan.

[John Holmberg]

That is right. I am Brady Bogan from Midway Chevrolet.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

I have an avalanche.

[Eric]

That's it.

[John Holmberg]

I love it.

[Eric]

By the way, in the middle right square, it's the crazy doomed president presidential candidate Howard Dean, I don't know what you're talking about.

[John Holmberg]

Crazy.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

We're gonna run over to you.

[Eric]

Did great in the debates. Bottom left corner. It's Reverend White Trash himself.

[John Holmberg]

Stridlo, that's all he's got for us.

[Eric]

Did a great job today, by the way. Bottom, middle square. It's our old buddy, Billy Bob Jeffries.

[John Holmberg]

Y' all don't know what it like to feel like me this morning.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Cause I got up here and I see Grave Digger.

[Eric]

And in the bottom right corner, he was just in town. It's G.W. bush.

[John Holmberg]

Damn, there's a bunch of losers. Are y' all from America? Because if y' all are. Oh, hey, what's going on back there? Did you see Grave Digger this morning? I didn't vote for you. That's right.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Did you see Grave Digger?

[John Holmberg]

I didn't vote for you. I can't turn this one around. Anyway. Anyway. Hey, everybody. All right, those are your squares. He's a hill.

[Chris]

Security.

[John Holmberg]

Get some security in here. And taser that mother effort. All right, those are your squares. We got contestants. Brady. Yes.

[Chris]

Crystal and John.

[John Holmberg]

Crystal Conference. And John. Crystal and John, are you there?

[Eugene Levy]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. All right. It is. It's madhouse in here. Crystal, you're a lady? I assume so. You're gonna go first. Okay. All right, pick a square. Who's in the middle square? Of course. Who's in the middle square? Midway Chevrolet's Brady Bogan. Hey, all right. She takes that.

[Eric]

Midway Chevrolet's Brady Bogan.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Hello, Crystal. It is good to be here.

[Eric]

Did a great job in the commercial.

[Chris]

Brady.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

I have an avalanche and I love it. But by the way.

[Eric]

All right, here's your question. 315 words in the 2000 Webster's Dictionary are misspelled. Is that true or false?

[John Holmberg]

Brady says on here 315 words in the Webster 20. Oh, Webster's Dictionary are miss pilled.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Are on special ad.

[Eric]

True or false, Brady?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. Every time I look at the dictionary, everything looks misspelled, so I'll say true. All right.

[Eric]

He says true. Do you agree or disagree?

[John Holmberg]

I'm gonna disagree.

[Eric]

Actually, it is true. They are misspelled to Brady. So, yeah, John gets a square. Oh, gets a square right there. Go ahead, John, pick a square.

[John Holmberg]

GW Good choice.

[Eric]

The Perez GW Bush in the bottom right hand corner.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, are you for D? Gay marriage, John? No. Sorry again, Brady. That strike two for you.

[Chris]

How about that?

[John Holmberg]

I made Brady a homo in my little joke. All right, go.

[Eric]

True or false, Prez, there's a Sundial on the Mars rover.

[John Holmberg]

Is that true or false? We're in Mars. We're opening up Walmart's 306 and 365 days in the Martian surface. We're gonna shoot people up there like this redneck that's behind me and get rid of the trash in this country. My God, they're everywhere. Mine, mine, mine. Seagulls. They're from last week, for God's sakes. I'm gonna go ahead and say that that is true. That is one of the most souped up funny car rovers I've ever seen in my life. You get one at Midway Chevrolet.

[Eric]

The President says true. Do you agree or disagree?

[John Holmberg]

I will agree.

[Eric]

That's right. It is true. All right, Crystal, you need to take Triumph the Insult Comic dog for the block.

[Chris]

Okay?

[John Holmberg]

That's what I'm gonna do.

[Eric]

All right. Welcome in. Welcome, Triumph.

[John Holmberg]

What's up, Triumph?

[Eric]

All right, Triumph. You know about. About cats, right?

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Well, you know, I banged a few, hence the name, you know, whipped. But maybe I can help you out.

[Eric]

Well, I got a good question for you then. The original name for the cat in Tom and Jerry was Jasper. Is that true or false?

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Yes, Jasper. Well, yes. You know, this, this type question is very much like trying to get head from a Lhasa apso. You pick the wrong one, you get lap full of poop. But I think Jasper. Well, yes, you know, I banged Tom once back when we made a little independent film. But I believe that is true. Yes, he says true.

[Eric]

Do you agree or disagree?

[John Holmberg]

I'm gonna have to disagree.

[Eric]

Oh, it actually.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Come and lap this dog a clean sweep.

[John Holmberg]

And the squares. John, Congratulations. John's the big winner of the final Guadalupe Squares of all time. Hold on just a second, okay?

[Eric]

Billy Bob came all the way down here from aging.

[John Holmberg]

We got a whole bunch of hillbillies here.

[Chris]

Any words of wisdom before you go, Reverend?

[John Holmberg]

Y' all drink your Jack Daniels like a good boy. Now, Reverend, can you get higher out to perform weddings? Absolutely.

[Chris]

I'll perform a wedding in any trailer.

[John Holmberg]

Park in this state.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Beautiful.

[John Holmberg]

All right, we're going to keep the information and barring our appearance here Monday or not, either way, on the website, we'll get the reverend's number up there. If you want to have a white trash wedding of your own, he's your man. He's good. If those are your Guadalupe squares, 98 KUPD.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

It's the best of Homburg's morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

We're all loaded up and ready to go, are we not? It's Time now for the Guadalupe squares. But no, this is a mini rack. Now it's 9:42. Yeah.

[Eric]

Get out.

[John Holmberg]

Blow your nose in here. Get out of here, giant. Look at that. Look at that. The boogers that are coming out of that seven foot frame of Bill Lewis.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Get out of here. That's disgusting.

[John Holmberg]

You got a hanger.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Hit me with a neck and a.

[John Holmberg]

Snot from a former NFL player. I'm an to ebay.

[Eric]

That he played for the Cardinals. That's not worth anything.

[John Holmberg]

That's true. He was a cardinal. Get the trash. Screw the ebay. I'll say it was Lawrence Taylor. We'll look for coke, we'll DNA test, but it'll be great time for the Guadalupe squares. Here's your host of the Guadalupe squares once again. It's our own Creepy E. Bergeron.

[Eric]

Thank you, Johnny. Let's meet the squares. Starting in the top left corner, it's KUPD's new movie reviewers, Schmigel and Gollum.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you for having me. Very happy to be here today. No we're not.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Yes you are.

[John Holmberg]

We're very happy to be here.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Thanks guys.

[Eric]

In the tall meadow square. I think they're in love. It's Kate Hepburn and Snoop Dogg.

[John Holmberg]

Ironically. It's very good to be here on Martin Luther King Square's day. And I've brought my black boyfriend. Cause as you know, I only enjoy the dark meat.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Miss Snoop doggy dog.

[John Holmberg]

Snoop D O double G in the his house. Just keep your mouth shut.

[Eric]

Mid hey, starting in the top right corner. It's the Martin Luther King of jingles. The wife field jeweler guy.

[John Holmberg]

Here we go. Hey everybody, what's happening?

[Chris]

I'm feeling good to be here again today. I guess we have an office building out there.

[John Holmberg]

Whole office building. Was dying to hear the Weissfield jewelers guy this morning.

[Chris]

I guess I better give it my best.

[John Holmberg]

Give it your go, Weissfield guy. Hello.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

And sing.

[Chris]

I think my nose is a little bit stuffed up.

[John Holmberg]

Stuffy wise feel guys. As good as anyone.

[Chris]

That's catching early in the morning.

[John Holmberg]

Catchy.

[Eric]

Very catchy. In the middle left square. It's the president. George W. Bush.

[John Holmberg]

It's been a long time since I've been here. It's good to be back.

[Eric]

It's great to have you.

[John Holmberg]

Been busy checking out all that action on Mars. Still looking for weapons of mass destruction. I found a couple more up there. Gals hiding them all over the place. Who knew?

[Eric]

Good job, Prez. In the middle square. She's back. Black lady Brady.

[John Holmberg]

What up mother Eff up into his house. Happy Martin Luther King Day.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Creepy.

[Eric]

Thank you, lady. In the middle right square up.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Your maserical is here.

[Eric]

Okay. In the middle right square. Who doesn't love the Finding Nemo seagulls?

[Chris]

Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine.

[John Holmberg]

Mine, mine, mine, mine.

[Eric]

I love those seagulls. The bottom left corner. It's our old buddy, Bryant Gumbel.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. I don't know why I'm here in Martin Luther King Day. Isn't that a black holiday? I don't understand why you would invite me, but it's going to be here anyway.

[Eric]

Great to have you. In the bottom, middle square cake superstar, Tom Carvel.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's good to be here.

[Eric]

Carvel cakes back and better.

[John Holmberg]

Never again a holiday special. Thanks for having me. Quick, quick one, real quick. We got a new Martin Luther King cake I can't wait to tell you about. We got a couple of really good ones. We got the Rodney King cake, We got the Martin Luther King cake. And of course, in honor of Martin Luther King, Fudgy the Whale is on special.

[Eric]

Can't wait for that. In the bottom right corner. I saw him last night. He's my hero. Chris Rock.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

I heard Eric last night. Still on my joke. You terrible man.

[Eric]

Oh, come on, Chris.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

I'm taking my joke. I don't need to know.

[Eric]

Those are your squares.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Black man get robbed by a little fat man, look like.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, come on.

[John Holmberg]

Don't need it.

[Eric]

You're terrible. Sorry, Chris.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Who's on the phone?

[John Holmberg]

Brady, Joe and.

[Chris]

And I forget.

[John Holmberg]

Lori. Good work. Brady. It's Lori.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

He's got one job to the whole damn thing.

[John Holmberg]

Stay answered and know the name.

[Chris]

I have two jobs.

[John Holmberg]

Joe and Lori. Oh, that's today.

[Eric]

He's a seagull.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. I hate you. Crimp or Joe and join. What's your name? Is she there? Yeah, I'm here. What's your name? Lori. Joe, are you there?

[Eugene Levy]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Joe and Lori. Lori, you're first. Pick a square. Middle square, that's Black Lady Brady.

[Eric]

Black Lady Brady in the middle square.

[John Holmberg]

It's been a while. How you doing, sister? Good.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Good to be here.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, hey, hey, Rog. You notice how Black Lady Brady sounds.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Like Rerun from what's Happening?

[John Holmberg]

What's up?

[Eric]

What's up there, Brady? You ready to go?

[John Holmberg]

You betcha.

[Eric]

All right. The Hells Angels got their name from the lyrics of a Black Sabbath song. Is that true or false? You know about Black Sabbath?

[Lemmy Kilmister]

You best recognize that ain't true.

[John Holmberg]

There ain't no truth to that.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Falsitude. That's a falsitude.

[Eric]

It's a falsitude.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

That's a falsitude.

[John Holmberg]

That's an I'm not liar to.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

No, he did. No, he did.

[Eric]

He. She says false is. Do you agree or disagree there, Lori?

[Eugene Levy]

I agree.

[Eric]

That's right. It is close. It's from a movie Howard Hughes did called Hell's Angel. So X gets a square. Go ahead, Joe, pick a square.

[John Holmberg]

I will take bottom.

[Eric]

Chris Rock, the bottom right hand corner, it's Chris Rock, stand up comedian extraordinaire.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Can't wait to cut back.

[John Holmberg]

The Phoenix.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

All a white people. Did you go to my show, Joe? Joe can't hear me.

[John Holmberg]

Cause I'm black.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

He don't like no black people. Don't talk to black. Is that what it is? I don't need to know.

[John Holmberg]

He ain't talking to me.

[Eric]

I guess he's racist or something. All right, what's the most common day of the week for a bank robbery there, Chris?

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Ask a black man about the bank robbery.

[John Holmberg]

What kind of racist is that?

[Eric]

It's just a question.

[John Holmberg]

Friday, everybody know.

[Eric]

All right, he says Friday. You agree or disagree?

[John Holmberg]

Gotta know, so I'll agree.

[Eric]

That's right. It is Friday. Oh, gets a square. Good job, Joe. All right, Lori, pick a stranger square.

[John Holmberg]

Right middle.

[Eric]

In the right, middle corner, it's our buddies, the Finding Nemo Seagulls. Shut up. Shut up there.

[John Holmberg]

Shut up.

[Eric]

What did Princess Diana vow to fight every day?

[John Holmberg]

She was.

[Eric]

They say mine.

[John Holmberg]

Do you agree or disagree? Disagree. I don't. I couldn't understand with all the. Mine. Mine.

[Eric]

Just they're saying mine. Do you agree or disagree?

[John Holmberg]

Mine.

[Eugene Levy]

Agree.

[Eric]

That's right. Landmines, apparently.

[Chris]

That's what.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God.

[Eric]

All right, Joe, Picket square. You can take President Bush for the block.

[John Holmberg]

Gotta go for the block.

[Eric]

All right, President G.W. bush now middle at square.

[John Holmberg]

Nice job, Joe. Who you voting for this year, Joe?

[Eugene Levy]

Hillary?

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Oh, Joe's evidently a lesbian.

[John Holmberg]

Might have to call it. The only balls I touch are when I'm golfing. You proud of us going out there to Mars?

[Lemmy Kilmister]

The moon.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we're up on the moonitude. Happy black Martin Luther King Day, Mother Effer. How are all my gangsters doing in his house?

[Eric]

I think they're doing good there, Prez. You ready for your question batch? That's some nice lingo.

[Chris]

All right, the Eiffel.

[Eric]

True or false? The eiffel Tower shrinks 6 inches every winter.

[John Holmberg]

Everything in France is 6 inches smaller than American stuff.

[James Cameron]

What the hell?

[John Holmberg]

I'M gonna say that's true. Every time something gets nasty, French people cower down. And I don't think they're building buildings are any different.

[Eric]

All right. He says true. Do you agree or disagree?

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Oh, great.

[Eric]

That's right. Cold steel. Cold makes the steel shriek. That's what it does.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. He's looking at a cat's game here. Upper left.

[Eric]

The upper left. It's Smeagol and Gollum, our new movie reviewer.

[Chris]

We'll be nice to them if they'll.

[John Holmberg]

Be nice to us. That's Meagle and Gollum. You have a movie review to do for us because you got nothing to do that. The Lord of the Rings are over. Now you both are like the new Siskel and Ebert. Yes. We have a movie movie to show you. We're going to see the movie. Did you see it along the hour to start the movie. Along Came Polly with the movie. Oh, no. Here comes Gollum. Yes.

[Chris]

The movie was wonderful.

[John Holmberg]

I love the movie. Now you. You saw along didn't love the movie. Oh, you hated the movie. Murderer.

[Chris]

Who?

[John Holmberg]

Ben Stiller. Don't listen.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Don't listen.

[John Holmberg]

Don't care. So should we see it or not?

[Eric]

Along Came Polly.

[John Holmberg]

She made. It's a pretty good movie. I like it last year.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

It's pretty good.

[Chris]

I had lots of popcorn during the movie.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, Gollum. Did you?

[Chris]

I thought it was horrible film. I didn't like the movie at all.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[James Cameron]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it's a split. One thumbs up, one thumbs down between Smeagol and Gollum.

[Eric]

All right, you crazy bastard.

[John Holmberg]

That's the official Lord of the Rings review of Along Came Polly. Now ask the question.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Go ahead, ask us his questions.

[John Holmberg]

What does a stupid fat hobbit? Ask us some other questions.

[Eric]

What does a ring have in common with Pete cummings? Announcement later on 98KUPD.

[John Holmberg]

My precious.

[Chris]

The ring.

[John Holmberg]

A perfect ring.

[Chris]

A perfect ring is in the perfect circle.

[John Holmberg]

It's a perfect circle. He says, Disagree with us. I agree.

[Eric]

She agrees.

[Chris]

That's great.

[John Holmberg]

It is a perfect circle.

[Eric]

Exits the square.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, next one wins. It's a cat's game, so pick a square.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

That was good.

[John Holmberg]

Bottom left, Joe.

[Eric]

Bottom left, Joe. You're taking Brian Gumbel?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's what he's got.

[Eric]

All right, Brian Gumbel for the win.

[John Holmberg]

I still have questions about why I'm here in Martin Luther King Day, clearly a black holiday.

[Eric]

You don't celebrate.

[Chris]

How are you doing? Good.

[John Holmberg]

Good to see you again, Brady. Brady's my brother. My home doggy.

[Brady Bogan]

We party.

[John Holmberg]

They go out. We like to play park cheesy and Chinese checkers at John's house on the weekends.

[Chris]

Chinese.

[John Holmberg]

Good old fashioned ethnic fun. Tell me, Eric, what's the question you have for me?

[Eric]

All right, Bryant, what color is the black box?

[John Holmberg]

Black box. Well, if there's one person who doesn't know anything about black box, it's me. I'll have to go ahead and say it's anything but black. There's one thing I know, it's box that's white. So I'll say white box.

[Eric]

He says white. Do you agree or disagree?

[Eugene Levy]

I disagree.

[Eric]

That's right, Joe. It's actually orange. Joe gets the win.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Joe's winner, Joe Flynn.

[John Holmberg]

Joe win.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

But it's close.

[John Holmberg]

So we're gonna give you both something. But Joe gets the big Prize of the U.S. hot Rod association ticket. You wanna go see the hot rod thing this weekend with me, Smeagol?

[Chris]

I'd love to see the hot rod.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

I would love it very much.

[John Holmberg]

No, you wouldn't. No, I would.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

I would enjoy it very much.

[John Holmberg]

Every girl I've dated is like this. Really? Yeah.

[Chris]

We don't want to eat.

[John Holmberg]

Hold on a second. Second.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Nice job.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, big thanks to Smeagol and Gollum, our movie reviewers, for coming down. And along came Polly. Smeagol was a big fan. Gollum, not so much. Who knew? There you go.

[Chris]

Don't open that door. Right there. That one.

[John Holmberg]

Mine. Mine.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Mine, mine, mine.

[John Holmberg]

Those are your Guadalupe squares.

[Lemmy Kilmister]

Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.