01-02-26 - Entertainment Drill - MIX - Brady's Never Had Monkey Sex - Brady Can't Hear - Bubbles Chimp Wrote MJ's Music - 2013/2010 - BO

Summary

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Holmberg's Morning Sickness – Episode Summary

Date: January 2, 2026
Episode Title: Entertainment Drill – MIX – Brady’s Never Had Monkey Sex – Brady Can’t Hear – Bubbles Chimp Wrote MJ’s Music

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Episode Overview

This episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness brings the regular crew—John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo—together for a meandering, irreverent romp through stories of college trips, wild (or not-so-wild) sex lives, and a bizarre deep dive into rumors about Michael Jackson’s chimp, Bubbles. The tone is playful, sarcastic, and occasionally outrageous, staying true to HMS’s blend of locker-room humor and pop culture riffing.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. College Trips and Missed Opportunities (01:19–04:05)

• College Language Trips: The crew discusses the subject of language classes and the typically unfulfilled opportunity to travel abroad.

  • John laments missed opportunities (“We were in Mesa. We could have found Mexico real fast.”)
  • A co-host (likely Brady) recounts a trip for interpersonal communications credits, visiting England, Ireland, Scotland, Italy, and Greece.
  • The group laughs over the affordable nature (“that whole trip was 1500 bucks”—03:17).

• Funny Field Trip Memories: John shares how his only “field trip” involved his friend Steve lying about class being canceled so they could smoke weed instead (02:26–02:46).

2. The College Sex “Berlin Wall” - Brady’s Tame Stories (04:05–06:44)

• Chasing the ‘Wild College Sex’ Narrative:
  • John and co-hosts question Brady about wild sex in college, probing for stories of wild hookups.
  • Brady appears cagey or simply unimpressed: “There wasn't enough” (04:03).
  • John, riffing: "You're the Adam Sandler of sex. You don't even try." (04:15)
  • The group likens Brady's unwillingness/inability to recall wild times to the Berlin Wall, with John joking, “We’re chipping… No one on the other side. There’s a bunch of people who have never seen the world.” (06:11–06:12)
  • Ultimately, Brady concedes: “I didn’t have wild monkey sex.” (06:44)

Memorable Quotes

• John: “Make me respect you. You’re the Adam Sandler of sex. You don’t even try.” (04:15)
• John: "You are the Berlin Wall… we're trying to bust through.” (06:09)
• Brady: “I didn’t have wild monkey sex.” (06:44)

3. Monkey Business: Celebrity Pets and Michael Jackson’s Bubbles (07:05–11:53)

• Monkey Ownership Gone Wrong: The hosting crew riffs on Justin Bieber's pet monkey and the alleged seizure of it by customs.

  • A pronunciation debate erupts over “capuchin” (pronounced “kah-POO-chin” or “kuh-POO-shin”). (07:14–07:24)

• Michael Jackson & Bubbles Legend:

  • The real highlight is a deep, satirical dive into the tabloid rumor that Michael Jackson tried to perform surgery on Bubbles the chimp so he could talk:
    • "He actually considered having throat surgery performed [on Bubbles]." (08:25)
    • John speculates on Bubbles’s first words: “So Bubbles could say, 'Call the lawyers. I want you to stop touching me.'” (08:37)
    • They riff on the absurdity, joking Bubbles was responsible for writing 'Thriller' and other MJ hits, adopting “highfalutin” chimp personas.

Memorable Quotes

• John (satirical): “You have so much money… you can actually consider marring a monkey to talk to you because you’ve raped everyone in your life so they… nobody wants anything to do with you except for the monkey you trained to speak.” (09:01)
• Co-host (as Bubbles): “I am a highfalutin monkey. I wrote all the good stuff.” (11:17)

4. If Animals Could Talk (11:55–13:31)

• Speculating about Vocal Animals:
  • The crew asks which animal they’d add a human voice box to—John picks “Gorilla.” (12:24)
  • They imagine gorillas, birds, and other animals complaining about or mocking the hosts.
  • “Put your finger in your butt.”—A recurring bit referencing animal zoo antics (13:18–13:25).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Quote | Speaker | |-----------|---------------------------------------------------------------|-----------------| | 04:15 | “Make me respect you. You’re the Adam Sandler of sex..." | John Holmberg | | 06:09 | "You are… the Berlin Wall… we're trying to bust through.” | John Holmberg | | 06:44 | “I didn’t have wild monkey sex.” | Brady Bogen | | 09:01 | “You have so much money… you can actually consider marring a monkey to talk to you…” | John Holmberg | | 11:17 | “I am a highfalutin monkey. I wrote all the good stuff.” | Co-host (Bubbles voice) |

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Key Segments & Timestamps

• [01:19–04:05] – College trips, language classes, and field trip mishaps.
• [04:05–06:44] – Probing Brady’s college sex life (“monkey sex” gags).
• [07:05–08:24] – Celebrity monkeys, Bieber’s capuchin, and wordplay.
• [08:25–11:53] – Michael Jackson & Bubbles: surgery rumors, satirical claims of “Bubbles wrote Thriller.”
• [11:55–13:31] – If animals could talk, gorilla hypotheticals, and animal humor.

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Tone & Style

• Language: Direct, bawdy, improvisational banter.
• Humor: Sarcastic, edgy, playful.
• Dynamic: John acts as the ringleader, prodding the others for stories and riffing on their reluctance.

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For New Listeners

This episode typifies the unpredictable, joke-heavy style of HMS. The conversation spins from real-life reminiscence to full-on surreal mockery—a crowd-pleasing blend for fans of edgy, spontaneous morning radio. Expect no topic to stay serious for long, and lots of wild speculation, banter, and left turns.

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Transcript

[John Holmberg]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought.

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[Co-host or Guest 1]

The best of the morning sickness is on the air.

[Commercial Announcer]

Do any of you people do any actual work?

[Co-host or Guest 1]

The best of Holmberg's morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

Again, I apologize, Eric. We didn't. Burt doesn't shut up.

[Co-host or Guest 2]

It's okay. I just learned a lot of different things about Russia.

[John Holmberg]

You want to learn a language now? Yeah, Sounds great. I think college language class. I never got that opportunity in my life. College Spanish class. To ever go to Mexico or Spain or anywhere that even Guadalupe. We never took a field trip. We were in Mesa. We could have found Mexico real fast. We could have gone to Tucson. I'd have been happy.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

I got five credits abroad a two week. Did you really, Professor? Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Where'd you go?

[Co-host or Guest 3]

Interpersonal communications. I had to keep a journal. Where of the trip. The experience of communicating with people. But where the fir was England, Ireland. Scotland. Ireland. Because I did it twice.

[John Holmberg]

Unbelievable. College. What a joke.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

Italy and Greece was the second one.

[John Holmberg]

Man, that's worth it. I never got a trip.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

It is.

[John Holmberg]

Because seven years in college and everyone's left the campus.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

It's a smoking deal because they package up those trips and it's really. I mean, like that whole trip was 1500 bucks.

[John Holmberg]

Closest thing I ever got to a field trip is my buddy Steve lied to me and said that the teacher had sent out some communication that we weren't going into the classroom. And he went over to his apartment. He smoked weed that was a.

[Co-host or Guest 2]

That was a trip.

[John Holmberg]

That was a trip. I didn't do it. But I was sitting there watching him smoke weed, and I'm like, well, here we go.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

This.

[John Holmberg]

We're not going to school, huh?

[Co-host or Guest 3]

Nah.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

The funniest part of the second one is I had graduated, and the professor calls me.

[Co-host or Guest 2]

Loved you so much.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

Well, he calls me and says, hey, I'm doing another trip. This one's degrees in Italy. And right now it's me and one other male student and 10 girls.

[Co-host or Guest 1]

So no one will suspect that I'm.

[John Holmberg]

Trying to finger you.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

He liked the female students. He's like, you got to sign up for this one.

[John Holmberg]

I'm in.

So he was bringing you because he felt no threat that you would steal. You were.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

So me and another buddy signed up.

[John Holmberg]

Was the other buddy also special?

[Co-host or Guest 3]

Yes.

[Co-host or Guest 2]

So his professor is banging 10 chicks.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

And kept you two up with this.

[Co-host or Guest 1]

These two guys.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

I am in.

[Co-host or Guest 2]

Hey, we're here.

[John Holmberg]

Reporting for duty, sir. It's like a Benny Hill character. Ready? All right, here's your clipboard. You write down things I say, and when the girl doesn't seem responsive, put a star next to it. I'll never use that line again.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

It got. It got a little uncomfortable. The girls would come, hey, professor's getting a little handsy.

[John Holmberg]

Did you try to get on one of the 10 chicks? Did you ever have anything for 10 girls? No.

[Co-host or Guest 1]

Not even.

[John Holmberg]

Not even.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

Oh, you know, there's a couple that you definitely weren't.

[John Holmberg]

But did you try. Was there any.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Any spark?

[Co-host or Guest 3]

There wasn't enough.

[John Holmberg]

Stop saying it.

[Co-host or Guest 2]

So mad or father.

[John Holmberg]

So proud of it. It's almost like. Well, there was a. I did. Finger of honey, just lie. Lie to me.

[Co-host or Guest 2]

Give me some humping after.

[John Holmberg]

Make me respect you. You're the Adam Sandler of sex. You don't even try. You seem totally indifferent about my desire to like you.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

Ask me again.

[John Holmberg]

I can't. Now I know you're lying. Now it's.

[Co-host or Guest 2]

Maybe you can do it.

[John Holmberg]

Of those 10 girls, was there any, like, sparks?

[Co-host or Guest 3]

Yeah, there was.

[Co-host or Guest 1]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

How did that.

I'm.

[Commercial Announcer]

Now.

[John Holmberg]

Now I'm pushing it. I've got a follow up, like, you know, where you. Did you date or did you guys.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

Just nailed her on top of the Leaning Tower piece?

[John Holmberg]

No, too far. Too far. Now, you just joked about it.

[Co-host or Guest 1]

I hooked up with a couple of bras.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

There's one that was absolutely gorgeous. There's a couple. Four out of the nine or so. Yeah.

[Co-host or Guest 2]

Did you have wild sex with any girl in College.

[John Holmberg]

Excellent question.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

Greek God.

[John Holmberg]

Don't ignore that question. An excellent question.

[Co-host or Guest 2]

Like, I was in college. I banged a girl in the middle of the softball field. And then all the lights turned on.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Co-host or Guest 2]

And their team coming ready to play.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Co-host or Guest 2]

Well, that was a little messed up.

[John Holmberg]

You wouldn't have to worry about it. If it's a softball field, there's no heterosexual sex.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

They wouldn't even recognize the schedule.

[Co-host or Guest 2]

No, I wasn't. I should have paid it. It was a Friday night. I probably should.

[John Holmberg]

All right, fans. It's. Whoa. W. Wow. It's. Bang your girlfriend on the mound. Knife.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

This is a softball field.

[John Holmberg]

This is softball. I think that there's an ugly, short chick and. Oh, yeah, that's a guy. The hell's going on? I've never seen a man on a softball field before. Anyway, so did you ever have passionate, crazy college sex?

[Co-host or Guest 3]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

With Brennaman?

[Co-host or Guest 3]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Did you ever have.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

It was around the world party?

[John Holmberg]

Were you.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

Brennaman and I got hammered.

[John Holmberg]

Was there college sex with a girlfriend that was chipping away crazy or was there like that?

Holy cow.

That's crazy college sex.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

I can't remember.

[Co-host or Guest 2]

No, you are. You're the Berlin Wall.

[John Holmberg]

And we just have chipping.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

I had a good time.

[Co-host or Guest 2]

We're trying to bust through.

[John Holmberg]

We're chipping. We're trying to get through. No one. On the other side, there's a bunch of people who have never seen the world. They've been trapped behind the wall. And Hasselhoff is entertainment here. Hasselhoff works as some type of gauge of how fun things are. We've got the Mr. Gorbachev. Tear down this Brady.

[Co-host or Guest 2]

We gotta get through.

[John Holmberg]

We gotta find it. I don't remember. You don't remember if you had wild monkey sex in college? No. Slip my mind if I did. Come on, man.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

I didn't have wild monkey sex.

[John Holmberg]

All right? With a monkey whatever tonight. Look, it's 20. It's less than 24 hours after a Sandler lazy fest. And now I've got you. We need some action. So wildly indifferent on whether or not anybody respects you too. All you want is my money and that's it.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

I guess the Bieber is tired of his monkey. Mali. The capuchin monkey was seized by customs officials.

[John Holmberg]

You don't call it capuchin anymore. Did you find a new way capuchin? Why do you say that?

[Co-host or Guest 3]

That's how I heard them saying it on the Nature Channel. But I always go capuchin.

[John Holmberg]

Well, then. Then keep doing that.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

Not anymore. Personally, Capuchin.

[Co-host or Guest 1]

You can't go with that.

[John Holmberg]

What do you. Yeah, what do you mean you heard? No longer can you start a sentence with, well, I heard because you're deep.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

That's right, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Now you're like.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

You're a Russian monkey.

[John Holmberg]

I hope he gets better like Rush did. Rush was gonna go deaf in like a week and he's all better.

[Co-host or Guest 2]

Oh, I thought he meant just like, in general better.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, and that too. Like a better broadcaster. Yeah, that would be good too.

[Co-host or Guest 2]

That's in the square.

[John Holmberg]

Somebody wanted orgasming Brady in the square.

[Co-host or Guest 2]

Brady Limbaugh.

[John Holmberg]

I like Brady Limbaugh too.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

You would think the Michael Jackson news would go away, but this story is flat out awesome. It's coming out of Britain. This is about Bubbles.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

Whatever loved Bubbles so much and he wanted so badly for Bubbles to be able to talk. He actually considered having throat surgery performed.

[John Holmberg]

On Bubbles.

So Bubbles could say, call the lawyers. I want you to stop touching me. It's probably a good idea to keep the monkey quiet.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

They perform the surgery and like you said, and Bubbles started talking and Michael immediately says, chimps lie.

[Co-host or Guest 2]

Hollyweird.

[John Holmberg]

It's beyond Hollywood, man. This is like another planet.

[Co-host or Guest 1]

You have so much money, you can.

[John Holmberg]

Actually consider morrowing a monkey to talk to you because you've raped everyone in your life so they. Nobody wants anything to do with you except for the monkey that you trained to speak.

[Co-host or Guest 2]

Apparently, after Michael died, Latoya went to visit Bubbles. Oh, she missed my.

[John Holmberg]

Where is Bubbles? In a zoo.

[Co-host or Guest 2]

Some zoo.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

Bubbles is like 75. I. I think.

[John Holmberg]

Does Bubbles want to see the Jackson?

[Co-host or Guest 2]

I don't know. But she was talking to him like. Like that monkey knows her or something. Do you miss Michael, Latoya?

[Co-host or Guest 3]

They go pretty much into detail. He said Michael consulted with the doctors about the operation that would move Bubbles larynx further down the throat.

[John Holmberg]

So this doctor needs to be in jail because if he's willing to sit down and even listen to two seconds of that conversation, he is guilty of everything.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

Well, I want Bubbles to talk.

[John Holmberg]

Can we do an operation?

[Co-host or Guest 3]

Sure.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know any medical backing on this, but I think. I think it's just their voice boxes are too high in their throat. Can we scoot it down a little bit so Bubbles and I can speak to each other because I've raped everyone.

[Co-host or Guest 1]

In my life and no one will talk to me.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

All of a sudden, Bubble goes into Bubbles, goes into a fit of rage. And it's like.

[John Holmberg]

I'd like to see the reaction of Bubbles when a Jackson Rolls into the zoo. Is Bubbles happy? Is Bubbles flipping out?

[Co-host or Guest 2]

He just kind of stared at latoya while she talked to him.

[John Holmberg]

Like him in a wig?

[Co-host or Guest 2]

Yeah, like, while she talked to him. Like he was a. Right there. Like a person that could answer.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe Bubbles is a person. I don't know. Maybe Bubbles can talk.

[Co-host or Guest 1]

Well, you know, latoya, it's been years since I've seen Michael. And we had a very nice relationship until he put me in his glass house.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

Evidently, Bubbles racked up some frequent flyer miles too, because he said he spent thousands of dollars over several years flying Bubbles. Bubbles to ape experts to see about this talking thing. Can it happen?

[Co-host or Guest 1]

Dr. Bubble's. Michael's dead. I don't care about him until that mother pays me for writing Thriller.

[Co-host or Guest 2]

Bubble did it.

[John Holmberg]

He was the.

[Co-host or Guest 1]

I wrote errors, the genius behind it all. Notice that when he gave me to the zoo, all of his music started to suck.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

And PYT I. I did not write.

[Co-host or Guest 1]

PYT Was PYC Pretty young chimp. I won't take credit for that.

[Co-host or Guest 2]

Bubbles is highfalutin.

[Co-host or Guest 1]

I am a highfalutin monkey. I wrote all the good stuff.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

He's trying to confess in all this on human nature.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Co-host or Guest 1]

Say why. Why tell them that it's human nature. No one understands. Why does he do me that way? I don't like living this way.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

I'm looking at a man in the mirror.

[Co-host or Guest 1]

I don't like loving this way.

[John Holmberg]

It was Bubbles. Cry for help. He was being raped by that man. Man in the mirrors too. I'm stopping with the man in the mirror.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

Yep. Smooth criminal.

[John Holmberg]

Because he had no hair, he was smooth. These are all Bubbles words.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

He needs to talk.

[John Holmberg]

Let's get a voice box in that monkey. And while we're at it, let's get it in all monkeys and dogs and everything else that's cool.

[Co-host or Guest 2]

Like up.

[John Holmberg]

Do we have that technology?

[Co-host or Guest 1]

Yeah, Doug just had the thing.

[John Holmberg]

Can that work?

[Co-host or Guest 3]

Dogs lie.

[Co-host or Guest 1]

I know dogs.

[John Holmberg]

Hi. Brady PD Will tell stories. I didn't know that technology existed.

And if it does, snap to it.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

Stuff that larynx down the throat further.

[John Holmberg]

Call Jack Hannah and get one. All I'm asking for is one.

[Co-host or Guest 2]

What animal would you put it on first?

[John Holmberg]

Gorilla.

[Co-host or Guest 2]

Just a random gorilla.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

Those silverbacks I saw at the Columbus Zoo. If they could talk. Oh, Holy cow.

[John Holmberg]

What are you looking at, huh? I'm gonna throw my at you in a minute.

[Co-host or Guest 1]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

I should go. Yeah, you're right. You should. Yeah, you run.

[Co-host or Guest 2]

They don't ever open their mouths. Oh, they open them like it's not like they're, like, communicating with each other.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

There's.

[Co-host or Guest 2]

Well, every once in a while, I guess whenever I'm at the zoo, they never say anything.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah, they're quiet around you.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

Yeah, they don't want to let secrets out.

[Co-host or Guest 2]

I had some birds fighting the other day in my backyard. I want to know what they were.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

They're, like, talking to each other. Don't say anything to him. He's special.

[John Holmberg]

Really. Smoothie. There's the smooth looking.

[Co-host or Guest 1]

Just pick your feces. Throw some hay.

[Commercial Announcer]

Look at it.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

Watch this.

[Co-host or Guest 1]

Look at the hay.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

Not the melon, man. Not the melon.

[Co-host or Guest 1]

God, he won't go away.

[John Holmberg]

Put your finger in your butt.

[Co-host or Guest 1]

Put it in my butt.

[Co-host or Guest 2]

They're not even whispering. I'm looking at their mouth and they're not whispering.

[John Holmberg]

Or it's at the side of his mouth. Put your finger into my butt.

[Co-host or Guest 2]

He'll walk away not saying anything. They just lay there.

[Co-host or Guest 1]

They freaking hate that.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

Oh, no.

[John Holmberg]

Great, there's a crowd. Get your poop. Two snorts for butt, three snorts for poop. Really?

[Co-host or Guest 1]

Shut up. Smoothies, Smoothies. Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.

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[John Holmberg]

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