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Now's the time to get red tag savings on the powerful 2026 Silverado or the adventure ready Colorado this holiday season it all comes together in a Chevrolet. Find your savings today at your Valley Chevy dealer's Red tag going on now. It's the last of Homburg's Morning sickness on 98kUpD do believe that we're ready and this is gonna be a heart wrenching moment. If it is in fact what we think it is for what we've done earlier this morning, potentially the last Guadalupe squares ever. If there is no Guadalupe replay Monday, that means us waking Chuck up this morning at his house with Gravedigger officially ends our reign here. But it is time now for the last Guadalupe squares. And let's welcome our host for the last squares. Potentially. It is creepy, Bergeron. Creepy. Thank you, Johnny. It's a sad, sad day. Top left corner, starting it off. Triumph the insult comic dog. Yes. Yes. This is huge for me to be here for you, Homburg. Yes, I see storm still handily beats the crap out of your little ragtag morning show. But it's okay. I keep, I keep this is wonderful show for me to poop on. Thanks a lot, Darren. Triumph in the top metal corner. It's a pissed off Chuck RT. Let's get it moving. We got a meeting in 25 minutes. Jack Holes. All right, boss. I hate each and every person in this room. You know why? Because my pacemaker usually goes off at 7:11 this morning. It hasn't stopped shaking. I cracked my pants five times and I wet myself. I forgot my name from 7:30 to 7:38 and I hate you right now. Get the show going. Go. Top right corner, it's Ronald Reagan, the ex president. Leo. It's good to be here. Good to have you, Ron. Hi, Andy. My name is not Andy. Middle. It's not Andy. Have you introduced me yet? Yeah. Ronald Reagan. Hey, middle left corner. We know. It's good to be here, Andy. The middle left corner, Hank Hill and Nicky Minor, who is leaving. Oh, it's very sad. That's right. It may be your last day. But I've hired away that piece of ass Nicky Miner that comes in here every once in a while to work at my propane and. Propane accessory shop. Yes, I'm very excited, Hank. Quiet down, employee. I am talking in the middle square. It's Midway Chevrolet's Brady Bogan. That is right. I am Brady Boogen from Midway Chevrolet. I have an avalanche. I love it. By the way, in the middle right square, it's the crazy doomed president. Presidential candidate Howard Dean. I don't know what you're talking about. Crazy. We're gonna run over to you. Motherfeeding me. Great. In the debates. Bottom left corner, it's Reverend White Trash himself. Stridlow. That's all he's got for us. Did a great job today, by the way. Bottom, middle square, it's our old buddy Billy Bob Jeffries. Y' all don't know like me this morning, cuz. I got up here and I see Grave Digger. And in the bottom right corner, he was just in town. It's G.W. bush. Damn, there's a bunch of losers. Are y' all from America? Because if you are, you man. Oh, hey, what's going on back there? Did you see Gravedigger this morning? I didn't vote for you. That's right. Did you see Gravedigger? I didn't vote for you. I can't turn this one around. Anyway. Anyway. Hey, yeah, everybody. All right. Those are your squares. He's a hillb. Get some security in here. And taser that mother effort. All right, those are your squares. We got contestants. Brady. Yes. Crystal and John. Crystal, conference. And John. Crystal and John, are you there? Yeah. All right. It is. It's a madhouse in here. Crystal, you're a lady? I assume so. You're gonna go first. Okay. All right, pick a square. Who's in the middle square? Of course. Who's in the middle square? Chevrolet's Brady Bogan. Hey, all right. She takes that. Midway Chevrolet's Brady Bowden. Hello, Crystal. It is good to be here. Did a great job in the commercial. Brady. I have an avalanche and I love it, by the way. All right, here's your question. 315 words in the 2000 Webster's Dictionary are misspelled. Is that true or false? Brady says on here 315 words in the Webster 20. Oh, Webster's Dictionary are Ms. Pillhead, Silverados are unspecial and true or false, Brady. I don't know. Every time I look at the dictionary everything looks misspelled. So I'll say true. All right, he says true. Do you agree or disagree? I'm gonna disagree. Actually, it is true. They are misspelled to Brady. So yeah, John gets a square O gets a square right there. Go ahead, John, pick a square. GW Good choice. The prez, GW Bush in the bottom right hand corner. Hey, are you for gay marriage, John? No. Sorry again, Brady. That strike two for you? How about that? I made Brady a homo in my little joke. All right, go. True or false, Prez? There's a sundial on the Mars rover. Is that true or false? We're in Mars. Mars. We're opening up Walmart's 306 and 365 days in the Martian surface and we're gonna shoot people up there like this redneck that's behind me and get rid of the trash in this country. My God, they're everywhere. Mine, mine, mine. Seagulls. They're from last week, for God's sakes. I'm gonna go ahead and say that that is true. That is one of the most souped up funny car rovers I've ever seen in my life. You get one at Midway Chevrolet, the president says true. Do you agree or disagree? I will agree. That's right. It is true. All right, Crystal, you need to take Triumph the insult comic dog for the block. Okay? That's what I'm gonna do. All right. Welcoming, welcome, Triumph. What's up, Triumph? Wonderful for you to have me here. Yeah, all right, Triumph. You know about, about cats, right? Well, you know, I banged a few, hence the name, you know, whipped. But be that as it may, maybe I can help you out. Well, I got a good question for you then. The original name for the cat in Tom and Jerry was Jasper. Is that true or false? Yes, Jasper. Well, yes. You know, this, this type question is very much like trying to get head from a Lhasa apso. You pick the wrong one, you get lap full. But I think Jasper. Yes, Jerry. Well, yes, you know, I banged Tom once back when we made a little independent film. But I believe that is true. Yes, he says true. Do you agree or disagree? I'M gonna have to disagree. Oh, it actually sweep. Nice job, honey. Come on. Come and lap this dog, honey. A clean sweep. And the square's John, congratulations. Jon's the big winner of the final Guadalupe squares of all time. Hold on just a second, okay? Billy Bob came all the way down here from A.J. the reverend. We got a whole bunch of hillbillies. Any words of wisdom before you go, Reverend? Y' all drink your Jack Daniels like a good boy. Now, Reverend, can you get hired out to perform weddings? Absolutely. I'll perform a wedding in any trailer park in this state. Beautiful. All right, we're gonna keep the information and barring our appearance here Monday or not, either way, on the website, we'll get the reverend's number up there. If you want to have a white trash wedding of your own, he's your man. He's good. Those are your Guadalupe squares. 98 KUPD. Merry effing holidays from the Big Red Radio. 98 KUPD. Hey, it's Brett Vesely, and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that? Brett, the last thing you want to do is sell the gun to someone who can't legally own one. Tell him not to put himself at risk and come into M and P Guns, where he'll get a fair offer and he can rest easy knowing it's not getting into the wrong hands. Okay, but what if he lives out of state? Easy. Legal gun. And he can do it all online. It's really that simple. There you have it. MMP Guns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your firearms. It's the holidays, and Hooters is serving up the cheer. Grab a friend and dive into the pick three. Just $10.99 per person, minimum. Two people. You get one appetizer, two entrees, and two drinks, all for just one festive price. And while you're there, snag the perfect stocking stuffer. The 2026 Hooters calendar. Packed with over $150 in coupons. Plus, when you buy $25 in gift cards, you'll get $5 in bonus bucks this season. Give the gift of wings. Give the gift of Hooters. Hberg's morning sickness. We're all loaded up and ready to go, are we not? It's time now for the Guadalupe squares. What? No, this isn't anywhere. Now it's 9:43. Details. Yeah, get out of here. Blow your nose in here. Get out of here, giant. Look at that. Look at that. The boogers that are coming out of that seven foot frame of Bill Lewis. Get out of here. That's disgusting. You got a hanger. Hit me with a neck and a snot from a former NFL player. I'm gonna ebay that he played for the Cardinals. That's not worth anything. That's true. He was a cardinal. Get the trash. Screw the ebay. I'll say it was Lawrence Taylor. We'll look for coke, we'll DNA test. It'll be great. Time for the Guadalupe Squares. Here's your host of the Guadalupe squares once again. It's our own Creepy E. Bergeron. Thank you, Johnny. Let's meet the squares. Starting in the top left corner, it's KUPD's new movie reviewers, Smeagol and Gollum. Thank you for having me. Very happy to be here today. No, I'm not. Yes, you are. We're very happy to be here. Yes. Thanks guys. In the town, Meadow Square. I think they're in love. It's Kate Hepburn and Snoop Dogg, ironically. It's very good to be here on Martin Luther King Square's day. And I've brought my black boyfriend. Cause as you know, I only enjoy the dark meat. Ms. Snoop Dogg. Snoop D, O, double G in the his house. Just keep your mouth shut bit. Hey, starting in the top right corner, it's the Martin Luther King of jingles. The Wise Field jeweler guy. Here we go. Hey everybody, what's happening? I'm feeling good to be here again today. I guess we have an office building out there. Whole office building. Was dying to hear the Wisefield Jewelers guy this morning. So I guess I better give it my best. Give it your go, Wisefield guy. I love the stone. It seems new. I think my nose is a little bit stuffed up. Stuffy wise feel, guys. As good as anyone else. That's catchy early in the morning. Catchy. Very catchy. In the middle left square, it's the president. George W. Bush. It's been a long time since I've been here. It's good to be back. It's great to have you. Been busy checking out all that action on Mars. Still looking for weapons of mass destruction. I found a couple more up there. Guy was hiding them all over the place. Who knew? Good job, Prez. In the middle square. She's back. Black lady Brady. What up, mother Eff up in his ass. Happy Martin Luther King day, Crappy. Thank you. Black lady in the Middle right square. Okay, sorry. In the middle right square. Who doesn't love the Finding Nemo seagulls? Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine. I love those seagulls. In the bottom left corner, it's our old buddy, Bryant Gumbel. That's right. I don't know why I'm here in Martin Luther King Day. Isn't that a black holiday? I don't understand why you would invite me, but it's gonna be here anyway. Great to have you. In the bottom, middle square cake superstar Tom Carville. Oh, it's good to be here. Carville cakes back and better. Never again a holiday special. Thanks for having me. Quick, quick one real quick. We got a new Martin Luther King cake I can't wait to tell you about. We got a couple of really good ones. We got the Rotteny King cake. We got the Martin Luther King cake. And of course, in honor of Martin Luther King, Fudgy the Whale is on special. Can't wait for that. In the bottom right corner. I saw him last night. He's my hero. Chris Rock. I heard Eric last night. Stealing all my junk. You terrible man. Oh, come on. Chris Rock. Chris taking my joke. I don't need to know. Those are your squares. Black man get robbed by a little fat man, look like alf. Oh, come on, man. Don't need it. You're terrible. Sorry, Chris. Who's on the phone? Brady, Jo and. And I forget. Lori. Good work, Brady. It's Lori. He's got one job for the whole damn thing. To answer and know the names. I have two jobs. Joe and Lori. Oh, that's today. He's a seagull. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. I hate you, creeper. Joe and what's your name? Is she there? Yeah, I'm here. What's your name? Lori. Joe, are you there? Yeah, Joe and Lori. Laurie, you're first. Pick a square. Middle square. That's Black Lady Brady. Black Lady Brady in the middle square. It's been a while. How you doing, sister? Good. Good to be here. Hey, hey, hey, Rog. You notice how Black Lady Brady sounds like Rerun from what's Happening? What's up, Eric? What's up there, Brady? You ready to go? You betcha. All right. The Hells Angels got their name from the lyrics of a Black Sabbath song. Is that true or false? You know about Black Sabbath? You're best recognized. That ain't true. There ain't no trutitude in that. Falsitude. That's a falsitude. It's a falsitude. That's a falsitude. That's an out, not liatude. No, he dead. No, he did. He. She says false. Do you agree or disagree there, Lori? I agree. That's right. It is false. It's from a movie Howard Hughes did called Hell's Angels. So X gets a square. Go ahead, Joe, pick a square. I will take bottom. Chris Rock, the bottom right hand corner. It's Chris Rock, stand up comedian extraordinaire. Can't wait to come back to Phoenix of white people. Did you go to my show, Joe? Joe can't hear me because I'm black. He don't like no black people. Don't talk to black. Is that what it is? I don't need to know. He ain't talking to me. I guess he's racist or something. All right, what's the most common day of the week for a bank robbery there, Chris? Ask a black man about the bank robbery. What kind of racist is that? It's just a question. Friday, everybody know. Alright, he says Friday. You agree or disagree? Gotta know, so I'll agree. That's right, it is Friday. O gets a square. That's payday. Good job, Joe. All right, Laurie, pick a square. Right middle. In the right middle corner. It's our buddies, the Finding Nemo Seagulls. Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine. Shut up. Shut up there. Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine. Shut up. What did Princess Diana vow to fight every day? She was mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine. They say mine. Do you agree or disagree? I don't. I couldn't understand with all the. Mine, mine. Just they're saying mine. Do you agree or disagree? Mine. Agree. That's right. Landmines, apparently. That's what. Oh, my God. All right, Joe, Picket square. You can take President Bush for the block. Mine. Gotta go for the block. All right, President G.W. bush, middle at square. Nice job, Joe. Who you voting for this year, Joe? Hillary? Oh, Joe's evidently a lesbian. Might have to call the only balls. I touch her when I'm golfing. You proud of us going out there to Mars? The moon. Yeah, we're up on the moon. Happy black Martin Luther King Day, Mother Effer. How are all my gangsters doing in the his? I think they're doing good there. Prez, you ready for your questions? That's some nice lingo. All right, true or false? The eiffel Tower shrinks 6 inches every winter. Everything in France is 6 inches smaller than American stuff. What the hell I'M gonna say that's true. Every time something gets nasty, French people cower down. And I don't think they're buildings are any different. All right. He says true. Do you agree or disagree? All agree. That's right. Cold steel. Cold makes the steel shrink. That's what it does. Wow, he's looking at a cat's game here. Upper left. The upper left. It's Smeagol and Gollum. Our new movie reviewer. Smeagol and Gollum. You have a movie review to do for us because you got nothing to do that. The Lord of the Rings are over. Now you bought both are like the new Cisco and Ebert. Yes, we have a movie. A movie to show you. We're going to see the movie. Did you see it? Along the hour of the start of the movie process. Along came Polly with the movie. Oh, no. Here comes Gollum. Yes, the movie was wonderful. I love the movie. You saw a long. You didn't love the movie? You heard of the movie Murderer? Ben Stiller. Don't listen. Don't listen. Don't care. So should we see it or not? Along came Polly. She looks a pretty good movie. I like it. I had lots of popcorn during the movie. Okay, Gollum. Did you? I thought it was horrible film. I didn't like the movie at all. Okay, well, it's a split. One thumbs up, one thumbs down between Smiggle and Gollum. All right, you crazy bastard. That's the official Lord of the Rings review of Along Came Polly. Now ask the question. Ask us the questions. What does a ring. Ask us some other questions. What does a ring have in common with Pete cummings? Announcement later on 98KUPD my precious. The ring. A perfect ring. A perfect ring is in a perfect circle. It's a perfect circle. He said says. Do you agree or disagree with. I agree. She agrees. She agrees. That's great. It is a perfect circle. Exits the square. Next one wins. It's a cat's game, so pick a square. Next one wins. That was good, Joe. Bottom left. Joe, you're taking Bryant Gumbel? Yeah, that's what he's got. All right, it's Brian Gumbel for the win. I still have questions about why I'm here in Martin Luther King Day. Clearly a black hol. You don't celebrate. How are you doing? Good. Good to see you again, Brady. Brady's my brother. My home doggy. We party. We go out. We like to play Parchees. Chinese checkers at John's house on the weekends. Chinese. Good old fashioned ethnic fun. Tell Me. Eric, what's the question you have for me? All right, Bryant, what color is the black box? Black box. Well, if there's one person who doesn't know anything about black box, it's me. I'll have to go ahead and say it's anything but black. There's one thing I know, it's box that's white, so I'll say white box. He says white. Do you agree or disagree? I disagree. That's right, Joe. It's actually orange. Joe gets the win. Joe's winner. Joe's win. Joe wins, but it's close. So we're giving you both something, but Joe gets the big Prize of the U.S. hot Rod association ticket. You want to go see the hot rod thing this weekend with me, Smeagol? I'd love to see the hot rod. I would love it very much. No, you wouldn't. No, really, I would. I would enjoy it very much. Every girl I've dated is like this. Really can't decide. What do you want to eat? I don't know. Hold on a second. Nice job. Oh, big thanks to Smeagol and Gollum, our movie reviewers, for coming out. And along came Polly. Smeagol was a big fan. Gollum, not so much. Oh, no. There you go. Don't open that door right there. That one. Mine. Mine, mine, mine, mine. Those are your Guadalupe squares. Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station. Hey, it's John Holmberg here from the morning sickness for lifechangeloan.com. having good credit is a sign you're probably good with your finances. What if I told you you can control your home equity and do your banking inside of that? That sounds confusing, but your equity is your savings. You have earned that. If I want to completely remodel my house, I don't need a new loan. I have access to my money. The word you're looking for is freeing life. Change alone is the way the system should be. Go to the website and check the numbers for yourself. Then you'll realize it's not magic, it's just math. Lifechangerloan.com It's John Holmberg here from the Morning Sickness. And it' time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of My Home Group and Doug Hopkins dot com. Have you ever thought to yourself, I'm going to sell my house? Of course you have. And one reason or another, you just didn't do it. Probably because it's a hassle when you try to make a real estate deal. What if I could say, you can sell that house the day after you say the words, I want to sell my house. Doug's been at this for over 25 years, and that's why he's still on top of the Hill. TVs Doug Hopkins can handle everything. Won't move the price or you get $5,000. What do you do? Start the process right now@doug hopkins.com or grab the phone and sing.
Date: January 2, 2026
Host: John Holmberg, with Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Station: 98KUPD | Hubbard Radio
This episode is a double-header of Holmberg's Morning Sickness' beloved "Guadalupe Squares," aired on Monster Truck day as a special Martin Luther King Jr. (MLK) Day edition. Rumored to be potentially the last live run of the segment, the crew pulls out all comedic stops with their roster of celebrity impersonation squares, sardonic trivia, and banter that teeters between irreverent and chaotic. Two distinctive rounds of Guadalupe Squares are featured, loaded with improvised humor, pop culture references, and satirical takes on politics, society, and radio itself.
Starts: 03:00
Opening Energy:
Holmberg sets the tone by acknowledging the emotional resonance:
"It's gonna be a heart wrenching moment. ... Potentially the last Guadalupe squares ever." (03:15, John Holmberg)
Chuck’s Meltdown (04:15):
Chuck explodes into complaints about his pacemaker, confusion, and the urgency to finish:
"My pacemaker usually goes off at 7:11 this morning. It hasn’t stopped shaking. I cracked my pants five times and I wet myself. I forgot my name from 7:30 to 7:38 and I hate you right now." (Chuck RT, 04:22)
Gameplay Highlights:
“[About Tom & Jerry] ...I banged Tom once back when we made a little independent film. But I believe that is true." (Triumph, 09:30)
Closing Hillbilly Wisdom (Reverend White Trash, 13:01):
“Y’all drink your Jack Daniels like a good boy.”
Meta-Anxiety:
The segment is steeped in a feeling of uncertainty about the show's future, played up for laughs and genuine nostalgia.
Starts: 16:01
Smeagol & Gollum Review (21:26):
A lampooned review of "Along Came Polly," with Smeagol loving it and Gollum hating it:
“I had lots of popcorn during the movie.” (Smeagol)
“I thought it was horrible film. I didn’t like the movie at all.” (Gollum)
MLK Day Satire:
“That’s right. I don’t know why I’m here on Martin Luther King Day. Isn’t that a black holiday? I don’t understand why you would invite me, but it’s good to be here anyway.” (Bryant Gumbel, 24:12)
Trivia and Banter:
Self-Referential & Recurring Jokes:
Game Outcomes:
Chuck RT’s Epic Rant
“My pacemaker usually goes off at 7:11 this morning. It hasn’t stopped shaking. I cracked my pants five times...” (04:22)
Chris Rock Bank Robbery Bit
“Ask a black man about the bank robbery — what kind of racist is that?! ... It’s Friday, everybody know!” (19:45)
Smeagol & Gollum’s Movie Review Split
“I had lots of popcorn during the movie.” “I thought it was horrible film. I didn’t like the movie at all.” (21:26)
Bryant Gumbel’s MLK Day Confusion
“Isn’t that a black holiday? I don’t understand why you would invite me, but it’s good to be here anyway.” (24:12)
Tom Carvel’s Bizarre Cakes
“Rotteny King cake... Fudgy the Whale is on special!” (20:30)
Bush on the Eiffel Tower
“Everything in France is 6 inches smaller than American stuff.” (22:45)
The episode is energetic, satirical, and irreverent—a typical hallmark of the Guadalupe Squares. The humor is intentionally outrageous, with each cast member adopting over-the-top celebrity personas. There’s affectionate self-mocking about radio production, listener confusion, and the chaotic structure of the show itself. Throughout, the performers riff on each other relentlessly, keeping the banter flowing and the atmosphere charged with absurdity.
If you missed the episode, these highlights will bring you up to speed on the humor, key moments, and the unique voices that made this double edition memorable.