Holmberg's Morning Sickness (01-05-26): Steelers Euphoria, Venezuelan Coup Scepticism, Brady's Car Accident, and Funeral Tales

Date: January 5, 2026
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Theme: An exuberant post-holiday return revolved around Holmberg’s glee over the Steelers’ playoff-clinching win (and the Ravens’ misery), wild theories about the sudden capture of Venezuela's president, Brady’s unlucky car accident, and darkly comic reflections on funerals.

Episode Overview

This lively episode opens 2026 on a high note for John Holmberg, who’s riding a wave of uncontainable joy as his beloved Steelers knock their rivals, the Ravens, out of the NFL playoffs. The team then pivots between sports elation, international intrigue surrounding Venezuela’s regime change (“Smollett vibes”), and a cascade of personal stories, including Brady’s harrowing run-in with a rear-end collision and attending a funeral for a 90-year-old family friend.

True to form, the hosts weave sports fanaticism, dark humor, and razor-sharp banter, offering an irreverent Arizona morning show take on current events and personal hijinks.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Steelers Beat the Ravens: Pure, Unfiltered Joy

• Holmberg’s Sports Euphoria (01:16–05:16, 32:58–37:18)

  • John is in a state of near delirium from the Steelers' victory:

    “I cannot stop ejaculating. Clap alone if you feel like a room without a roof. Harbaugh’s sad, Lamar chokes... It's the only thing I care about on this planet.” (01:31)

  • Riffs on how the deepest joy comes from your sports rivals’ pain, not life milestones:

    “Birth of my first child… nothing compared to this. My first grandchild? That's just feces flying out your mouth until your sports team destroys its rival.” (02:44)

  • Holmberg mocks the Ravens’ coach and quarterback in postgame interviews, relishing their confusion and defeat.

• Sports Trivia and Records (05:16–08:14)

  • The crew laughs at the Jets’ “unbreakable” record for zero defensive interceptions all season, likening it to baseball’s legendary Cy Young win record.

The “Jussie Smollett” Venezuelan Coup Theory

• Holmberg’s Scepticism & Mob Parallels (09:05–16:26)

  • The hosts peel into the spectacle of the Venezuelan president’s removal, theorizing the whole event was staged:

    “That is the single most Jussie Smollett military act I’ve ever seen. The presidential palace opens up, no fight, they just grab the president and wife.” (09:06)
    “We just picked up more oil than Saudi Arabia’s got and more gold than the entire world. Nice job! We’re Hitlering around the world now, doing it without killing anybody.” (10:28)

  • Extended mafia analogies, comparing the operation to “witness relocation” and “Sopranos” storylines:

    “That is a superbly mob thing we just pulled off. And anybody who thinks different is fooling themselves.” (14:30)

  • Saw the regime change as prearranged and effortless, doubting the authenticity of the coup news cycle.

• Mocking American Reactions (11:45–13:13)

  • Imagine if other countries extracted an American president in the same style, joking about oblivious citizens waking up to surreal news headlines.

Brady’s Car Accident: The (Un)Lucky Streak Continues

• The Recap (19:31–24:12)

  • Brady details being rear-ended by another undocumented, uninsured driver—the third time in his Arizona tenure.

    “You’ve been hit three times by illegals…” (20:26)

  • Storytime includes police language barriers, an unexpected baby in the back seat, and the lingering fallout.

    “His car was loaded with boxes… There was a baby back there in the boxes.” (21:56)

• Humorous Fallout & Cultural Barbs

  • The group teases Brady about offering landscaping work to his assailant and imagines the family squatting at his house.
  • Running bit about Brady’s “three illegals” being like Charlie’s Angels, ready to be dispatched to cause chaos (35:22–36:22).

Funerals for 90-Year-Olds: Party or Mourning?

• Toledo’s Ohio Travelogue (27:18–31:19)
  • Story of traveling back to Ohio for the funeral of a 90-year-old family friend becomes comic fodder:

    “90-year-old funerals are the best. They’re like a wedding reception… No one misses a 90-year-old, except for maybe other 90-year-olds.” (29:00)

  • The architect deceased wasn’t permitted to have his funeral at a church he designed due to planned bluegrass music, which sparks a debate about church rules and music taste.

Cardinals Fans, the Futility of Hope & Football Woes

• Mocking Arizona Football Fandom (37:18–39:18)
  • Holmberg rebukes Cardinal fans for their loyalty, comparing them to public school teachers who complain but never quit, and likening the Cardinals to the “Jets of the West.”

    “Just quit... There’s so many other options. As long as Bidwells are there, guys are just going to keep doing this.” (38:23)

  • Advises fans to cancel season tickets and embrace watching good football elsewhere.

Irreverent Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Holmberg on Rivalry Joy:

  “When your enemies suffer, when people you don’t like fail, that’s where joy lives. Everybody lies...” (02:44)

• On the “Mob” Vibe of Venezuela’s Regime Change:

  “If that was on the Sopranos, you’d be like—man, Tony’s the boss. That’s exactly what just happened.” (17:58)

• On Funeral Etiquette:

  “If you ever get a chance to go to, like, old [person’s funeral], just crash those. They have good food. Like, everything’s fun about it.” (29:19)

• On the Steelers Win:

  “I looked at my penis last night... my urethra was tilted up, it was smiling. This is pure, full, unadulterated body joy.” (39:15)

Notable Timestamps

• 01:16–05:16: Steelers’ victory, sports euphoria, multiple hosts reliving their NFL fandom joys
• 09:05–16:26: Deep dive into the Venezuelan coup and reasons for skepticism, Smollett vibes, mafia analogies
• 19:31–24:12: Brady’s accident recap, immigrant drivers, police language mishaps, “three illegals” running joke
• 27:18–31:19: Funeral for a family friend, the upside of 90-year-old deaths, and odd church rules
• 37:18–39:18: Advice to suffering Cardinals fans, futility of hope, and biting team analysis

Tone & Personality

• Signature: Playful, irreverent, with rapid-fire banter and a heavy dose of self-deprecating and dark humor
• Energy: High, especially from Holmberg, whose Steelers-led bliss sets the morning’s raucous mood
• Cultural Edge: Jokes and perspectives are edgy, in-the-room, sometimes politically incorrect, but always aiming for the comic punch

For New Listeners

If you missed the episode and want the essentials:

• Holmberg’s in sports heaven, deliriously mocking the Ravens’ playoff loss and spinning every topic back to his Steelers
• The show lampoons the sudden and bloodless upheaval in Venezuela, likening it to a mob movie
• Brady endures another car accident saga with illegal drivers, fueling a string of sitcom-worthy immigrant gags
• Reflections on funerals turn morbidly comic, treating a nonagenarian’s send-off as a celebration rather than a loss
• No subject is sacred; everything is fodder for jokes, from politics to religion, football to funerals

“We own Venezuela. I’ve never been happier in my life. The birth of my child is stupid. I’d punt that. This is true joy.” — John Holmberg (39:15)

For full, local, and uncensored Arizona morning radio, HMS gives you the raucous ride you didn’t know your 2026 needed.