01-05-26 - FULL SHOW - MONDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Holmberg’s Morning Sickness – January 5, 2026

Episode: 01-05-26 – FULL SHOW – MONDAY

Overview: The Most Joyful Day Ever (and a Very Holmberg Return)

On this first show of 2026, John Holmberg and his crew—Brady Bogen, Brett Vesely, and Dick Toledo—return from the holiday break in jubilant moods, primarily fueled by the Ravens’ playoff exit at the hands of John’s beloved Steelers. The episode is packed with raucous NFL banter, conspiracy theories (from Venezuela coups to the moon landing), listener stories, and even some heartfelt (or not-so-heartfelt) moments about life, death, and micropenises. Buckle up for irreverence, sports joy, deep cynicism, and a wild start to the new year in classic HMS fashion.

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1. NFL Joy, Schadenfreude, and Ravens Hate

Main thread: Holmberg’s glee about the Steelers knocking the Ravens out of the playoffs.
Tone: Pure unfiltered sports fanaticism, petty joy, and anti-Ravens venom.

• [02:11] John Holmberg: “There go the Ravens out of the playoffs and I cannot stop ejaculating… Sad Harp Jackson. It’s the only thing I care about… I know what true joy is.”
• The team describes the unmatched euphoria of rival teams’ pain: “Nothing compared to this. My first grandchild? That’s just feces flying out your mouth... until your sports team destroys its rival.”
• [04:40] Jokes about “The room”—Toledo is buying Super Bowl tickets for the Steelers; Brady laments his Bengals/Ohio State woes.
• [05:41] On Lamar Jackson: “This guy’s really not very bright, is he? I threw the ball up. I like it going.”
• [09:06] Holmberg on his own TV commercial fatigue during the dull Cardinals game.
• [08:45] Side trip on “unbreakable records”: marveling at the NY Jets achieving zero interceptions for a season.

Memorable Quote:

“Nothing compared to this... when your enemies suffer. When people you don’t like fail. That’s where joy lives.”
– John Holmberg [03:31]

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2. Venezuela, World Events, and "Arranged Coups"

Topic: The U.S.-led operation ousting Venezuela’s president
Tone: Sarcastic skepticism, wit, and references to mafia movies & pop culture.

• [10:11] John Holmberg: Calls the Venezuela operation “the single most Jussie Smollet military act I’ve ever seen.”
• Analysis: Calls it a witness relocation/mob thing, not a real coup, referencing organized crime procedures and Absurdist US foreign policy
• [11:31] Brett: “Maduro’s gonna be living out in Santan Valley here in about a year.”
• Celebration: “Congratulations, U.S.A. We just picked up more oil than Saudi Arabia and more gold than the world has. I like that we’re Hitlering around the world now, but without killing anybody. That’s awesome.” [10:59]
• Fans out the hypothetical: “Imagine waking up and finding some country just flew in and took Trump and Melania away...” [12:16]
• [16:51] – Jokes about new 51st state: “Now we own Venezuela. We have 51 states. One doesn’t speak English, but we’ll get them.”
• [17:45] Brady: Venezuelan friends in Arizona are happy the old regime is gone.

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3. Brady’s Holiday Car Accident Saga

Topic: Brady's run-in with uninsured, undocumented drivers
Tone: Equal parts exhaustion, dark humor, and local Arizona realities

• Brady was rear-ended over the break by a man with a Mexican driver’s license, no insurance, a car full of boxes—and a baby.
• “That's as good as having, you know, a Quaker Oats box for a license.” [19:17]
• This is the third time he’s been hit by an undocumented/uninsured driver.
• The police needed a Spanish-speaking officer to manage the scene.
• Everyone was (finally) okay, but, as John jokes: “Brady's got, like. He's like Charlie from Charlie's Angels when it comes to illegals. He’s got three.” [35:11]
• Plenty of ribbing ensues about the possibility of Brady hiring the guy to do odd jobs.

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4. Moon Landings, Black Holes, and the Slippery Slope of YouTube Wormholes (Conspiracy Corner)

Topic: Idle-time YouTube watching turns John into a full-blown skeptic (or at least “moon-landing-curious”)
Tone: Playful, open-minded, paranoid

• John details his internet “spiral,” learning about Neil deGrasse Tyson black hole warnings, a possible “no-gravity for six seconds” day in August, and the probability of mass carnage from floating/falling.
  • [55:42] “...there’s a chance, it's pretty good chance, but not like a crazy chance, that it'll affect earth. And if in fact that happens, there’s a probability that we will lose gravity for six seconds.”
  • The team thinks through “no gravity” scenarios: raining cars, flying bears, squirrels stuck to the ceiling, and mass splatter upon re-entry.
• Holmberg gets heavily into moon-landing skepticism:
  • Details suspicious NASA tape destruction, Van Allen radiation belt, reliance on filmed TV screens as “footage.”
  • [59:26] “Now I no longer believe we went to the moon. It’s based solely on the idea that the new moon mission keeps talking about how we ‘figured out’ how to get men to the moon.”
  • The crew has fun with the idea, but John clarifies: “It doesn’t mean I want to be your friend, conspiracy loonies. I’m ashamed to feel this way.” [84:40]

Memorable Quote:

“I now no longer believe we went to the moon... if you ever see my soulmate, dodge her. She looks like she’s gonna die in childbirth.”
– John Holmberg [59:26/50:35]

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5. Aging, Funerals, and Bluegrass Bans

Topic: Brady describes a trip back to Ohio for a 90-year-old’s funeral
Tone: Earnest, then quickly irreverent

• Old-guy funerals = celebrations, not tragedies (“If it has to be, he’s gone... there’s no reason to be sad at their funeral. Everything was going to get worse. He checked out before it got crazy.” [29:27])
• Church refused to host because the family wanted bluegrass music—“It’s not like it’s the devil’s music!”
• John proposes: “Crashing 90-year-old funerals—good food, happy people.”

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6. Technology, Space, and Micro Penis World Records (Miscellaneous Chaos)

• Sidebars include:
  • Exploding gift-buying habits from John on Instagram (including “find your soulmate for $29”)
  • Fun facts about the tiniest penis ever recorded [138:08], a North Carolina man’s campaign for Guinness World Record status
  • [145:00] “If you’re 3.6 inches, you have a huge micro penis... it’s the silver lining.”

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7. Listener Interactions and Life Advice (What Would Brady Do?)

• Advice for taking your 81-year-old dad to a Bengals game—Cincinnati may be dreadful, but “you go where dad wants.”
• Opening a “comfort food” restaurant: make sure you’re ready for nonstop work; don’t pick a name so hipster nobody understands it.
• Marriage with no affection for four years—see a counselor, or (everyone jokes) “go get some fresh p*ss.”
• Classic HMS: sarcastic, crude, and honest.

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8. Cultural Rants and 2026 Observations

Mexican Music Ticketing:

• Holmberg: “If I can hear Mexican [tuba] music coming out of your car, that’s $285 fine.” [90:39]

Permanent Holiday Lights:

• John laments the take-down of Christmas decorations—“I like when houses are dressed up like prostitutes.”

Moon-landing Group Therapy:

• John: “I'm not joining your club... But my rope’s on your side now.”

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9. Notable Quotes & Moments

• Sports fanaticism: “I looked at my penis last night, right before bed... my urethra was tilted up, it was smiling. Full, unadulterated body joy!” – John Holmberg [39:08]
• Conspiracy epiphany: “Idle Hands. You get a little goofy.” – John [63:02]
• Brady’s karma: “Twice. You've been hit by two immigrants. Three, technically, but the one had insurance.” – [19:31]
• On funerals: “Nobody misses a 90-year-old except maybe other 90-year-olds.” – [29:27]
• Moon Landings: “I don't want to be in the mix of people that don't believe in the moon landing. You scare me.” – [65:09]
• On the state of Arizona sports: “As long as the Bidwells are there, guys are just going to keep doing this. They're the Jets of the West.” – [38:35]

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10. Timestamps for Key Segments

• NFL/Ravens schadenfreude: 02:11 – 07:48
• Venezuela coup analysis: 10:11 – 18:02
• Brady’s accident saga: 19:11 – 26:47
• Bluegrass-ban church funeral: 27:06 – 32:40
• Moon landing/No gravity conspiracy: 54:48 – 63:21
• Listener advice/What Would Brady Do?: 150:38 – 162:46
• Micro penis story: 138:08 – 147:13

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11. Tone & Language

This is classic HMS: irreverent, unfiltered, deeply sarcastic, and full of inside jokes about Arizona life, cultural trends, aging, relationships, and sports. They rib each other mercilessly but slip in surprisingly honest life observations among all the laughs, griping, and conspiracy detours.

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That’s a wrap: Welcome to 2026 with HMS—where your happiness is someone else’s misery, the government is always up to something, and the only thing unbreakable is the Jets’ no-interception record.

Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

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[John Holberg]

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[Brett Vesely]

Hey, it's Brett Vesely and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?

[Brady]

Brett, the last thing you want to do is sell the gun to someone who can't legally own one. Tell him not to put himself at risk and come into MMP Guns where he'll get a fair offer and he can rest easy knowing it's not getting into the wrong hands.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay, but what if he lives out of state?

[Brady]

Easy. Legalgunbuyer.com and he can do it all online.

[John Holberg]

It's really that simple.

[Brett Vesely]

There you have it. MMP GU or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your firearms.

[John Holberg]

Morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil. Sitting right here. Come on.

[Toledo]

No, no, he's not.

[John Holberg]

He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. 98 the Eve of D. Hold it. The kick is no good. It is Wide rate. And the Steelers are the champions of the North. Good morning everybody. Hello there and welcome to 2026. Is Holmberg's morning sickness. My name's John. There's Brady. There's Brett. There's Toledo. And there go the Ravens out of the playoffs. And I cannot stop ejaculating. Sad Harp Jackson. It's the only thing I care about on this planet. I don't realize it until I see it in person. And when I see it, I know what true joy is. And I got it twice this year. I have not stopped fiddling with my junk since 9. 41 last night. Outrageous. So much fun. And I don't want to hear from the trolls here to get killed by the Texans. Maybe. But you know who won't get killed by the Texans? Lamar Jackson and the Ravens. Cuz they'll be watching.

[Brady]

Play ball.

[John Holberg]

Oh my joy comes from hating them. And man, do I hate them. Sorry. Happy New Year, you guys.

[Brady]

Yes, sir.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, I didn't get this kind of joy at like New Year's Eve. Like Happy New Year, everybody. Good night. This is what happy is. This is what happy looks like. When your enemies suffer. When people you don't like fail. That's where joy lives. Everybody lies. I went through this about eight weeks ago. Birth of my first child. When I saw my daughter graduate from college. Nothing compared to this. Nothing. My first grandchild. That's just feces flying out of your.

[Brady]

Mouth.

[John Holberg]

Until your sports team destroys its rival. You had an couple weeks ago.

[Brady]

Oh yeah.

[John Holberg]

Beating the Packers. The Bears. Come on.

[Brett Vesely]

That was. That was my super bowl right there. I'm good.

[John Holberg]

Brady. Back in like 1980. You had it. The Seahawks. Look at this. Toledo's already bought tickets to the Super Bowl. This is just. It's a good room. Outside of what Brady's been through. Not even going to talk about it. We'll just ignore it. That's. But still. Poor little fella. Yeah, well, he had a rough one. He's a Bengals fan. And then Ohio State went and crapped a bet.

[Brady]

Been a year.

[John Holberg]

Yeah. And people in Michigan took that like it was the greatest thing ever. They still have it. It's just joy. Joy. Pure joy. Starting 2026. Pure joy. Do I want the Steelers to win the money? Yes, of course I do. But if they don't, I'm fine. Because yesterday it's become better to beat the Ravens than it is to do anything else. I just. It's amazing. Oh my God. And watch that sad, insanely ugly man after the game in that stupid Only he wears it hat with his little tiny half a face sticking out. Yeah, that's my opportunity, man. I can't blame no kick. How's it going to sleep at all? Great answer, Lamar. What did he say? Nobody knows. This guy's really not very bright, is he? I threw the ball up. I like it going. And then we had to tell a little Migo out. He met the kick. We always gone five, but we could have done better. I think a coach is coming back next year. I don't know, man.

[Brady]

Thanks for that. So.

[John Holberg]

Thank you. Yeah, it's. It's awesome. It's just awesome. It's great.

[Brady]

See the sack record.

[John Holberg]

So who cares? Nobody cares. Although I will say, you know Miles Garrett getting the sack record yesterday.

[Brady]

Yay.

[John Holberg]

Good for you. Your team won five games and you're. Then he's sitting there getting carried off the field. I'm like, well, I see what they care about and they just don't care about winning. The fun part of it is, you know how they have that cy like baseball. They have the unbreakable records. Like, you look at and you're like, will anyone ever touch Cy Young's 525 wins as a pitcher in baseball? Will anyone touch it? That's 25 wins a year for 25 years. It can't. How it can never be touched. Right. Joe DiMaggio's consecutive game streak, can it be touched? The jets did something that guarantees their record can never be broken. Zero interceptions in a season. You cannot break that record. They will forever be number one. Yeah. They're always the closest anyone's ever come. 2018, the 49ers had two, which I still. That's. How did you do that? Like a ball gets tipped you accidentally. People have like three in a game.

[Brady]

I guess the only. I mean, the only way will be broken is if it's two years in a row.

[John Holberg]

Still though, the single season record. Yeah. If a team. If look and you know, there's two years.

[Brady]

I guess that's the way it's broke.

[John Holberg]

The jets are on it. Maybe they can set that record because nobody's. Nobody can go two years in a row next year. So zero is like, that's the current record for. And when I. When my buddy Sharpnick last night that we're watching the Steelers game, he and man, my house went insane last night. It was crazy. Yeah. Sharpen said, you see the jets set that. I'm like, I've never thought of that. That's the only someone could potentially break Cy Young's record, which I think is the most unbreakable record in sports until now.

[Brady]

And that's all the way back to when they started passing the ball.

[John Holberg]

Like, yeah, when majority. Once they started doing stats, it's probably just the modern era, but still, once they started keeping interception. Interception statistic, every team's gotten one. It happens accidentally. I mean, last night, Hayward or Highsmith taps the ball and it bounces into TJ's arms. It's an interception. It's like, you can't. You accidentally do that. The jets didn't. And TV's Doug Hopkins is a huge jets fan, and he was trolling me last night. Cause I said, is that a real thing? He goes, yeah, they're terrible. And then he started with me. I'm like, calm down. Your team is the unbreakable wreck. And, boy, I'm sorry for everybody. Yesterday, evidently, there was zero advertising buys for the Cardinals game, because I had that on. I saw that commercial with me and Hopkins about six times. Doug. Doug only pulls up for one.

[Brett Vesely]

I was gonna say, how many freebies.

[John Holberg]

Did he get in that one? Oh, my God. I know. There were back to backs. I'm sitting at the house, and I'm like, I'm sick of this guy. It was me. Saw myself on TV too much. I don't like looking at myself in the mirror. I don't need it popping up unexpectedly. It's like somebody just jams a mirror, and you're like, God damn it. There's my big, ugly face. It's weird.

[Brett Vesely]

Surprised Doug didn't complain.

[Brady]

All right, come on.

[Brett Vesely]

There's another.

[John Holberg]

Come on. Really? He actually. We were talking. He goes. We were back to back. I'm like, I know. And then I go back inside after we're on the phone, and there I am again. I'm like, get me off of this thing. I don't even get in that commercial. What am I doing? Oh, but you know what? I don't care. It doesn't bother me. Everything's great. A war with Venezuela. Oh, wow. What war? We'll get into that in a second. I got nothing about that. That's the most we'll get into that. Now, that is the single most Jussie Smollet military act I've ever seen. I think I ever will see. Brett, to your people and everything that they've taught Trump, excellent work. Because if you. If you've ever paid attention to the witness relocation program, you just witnessed it. They had this set up months ago. You're telling me that the presidential palace Of Venezuela.

[Brady]

Who?

[John Holberg]

This dude's been screaming, come and get me, you cowards. Yeah, forever. Just open the doors and say, there's his wife. His wife's over there. He can grab her. And since when do we take wives? They're going into witness relocation. There's gonna be a fake death or something weird. They took those two. His son's missing. Oh, I wonder where he is.

[Brett Vesely]

Henry and Karen Hill went into witness protection. So come on, you know you've seen.

[John Holberg]

This before, and Trump just had to be like, we're gonna fly it. We're gonna make it look huge. Do whatever it takes. Just get me the hell out. They're going to kill me. The cartel was going to kill this guy.

[Brady]

150 planes.

[John Holberg]

He couldn't stand up to anybody because all the generals from the cartels and stuff would have shot him dead. Bullets would have flown through his head right on tv. If there was even a risk he was gonna stand up to getting caught. He agreed to all of it.

[Brady]

Heading to New York court today at noon.

[John Holberg]

Try going into your neighbor's house with the army and getting somebody out. It ain't happening. There's gonna be a fight. This dude didn't fight. This was an arrangement, and I love it. And now congratulations, US Of A. Like it, don't like it, don't care. We just picked up more oil than Saudi Arabia's got and more gold than the entire world has because that's Venezuela. Nice job. We're never gonna not have anything. I like that we're Hitlering around the world now, doing it without killing anybody. That's pretty awesome.

[Brett Vesely]

Maduro's gonna be living out in Santan Valley here in about a year.

[John Holberg]

Chandler, location. You know, my buddy Shane o', Grady, who runs Life Change Alone's, got a house way too far away. And I assume his new neighbor's gon.

[Brett Vesely]

Hello, my friend.

[Toledo]

Hola.

[John Holberg]

Wait a minute. What's going on next door? Don't call ice. I'm legit. My name is Bob Sanders. Oh, sure it is. This is my wife, Melissa. I love it. That was cool, though. I showed all this, and people in Venezuela are celebrating, so I'm gonna celebrate, too. I know, I know. We shouldn't probably do that. And if you could. If you could imagine waking up to the news that somebody just flew in and took Trump and Melania away. Huh?

[Brady]

Right. What happened?

[John Holberg]

What does that mean? Imagine being one of those oblivious people. Like, you know, sometimes you go to bed and you didn't watch the news, you didn't pay Attention to your phone or anything. And you just wake up and you're like, oh. Huh? They did what? Yeah, some country just came in and landed some planes all over, dropped a couple bombs on some places and then just stole the president.

[Brett Vesely]

Where is he?

[John Holberg]

Brooklyn.

[Brady]

Really?

[John Holberg]

Yeah. His wife's with him, too.

[Brady]

How the.

[John Holberg]

Well, how'd they do that? I don't know. We didn't fight back.

[Brett Vesely]

Hey, in Brooklyn.

[John Holberg]

Come on down. Exactly. We'll house him. Over here in Brooklyn, we got that maduro. Hey, by the way, I love your beer. That's Modelo. I don't care. It's good. Hey, Modelo's good. I like good people. You make good cocaine, you make decent beer. That was. It was an interesting time. So, yeah, so now it happened so quick. It was like 20 minutes, which I'm watching that. I'm like, anybody believes this was a surprise is the dumbest person on the planet. There's nothing about that. That didn't look like an absolute arrangement. I'm watching the news. Can you believe it? I'm like, yeah, because it was too easy. I believe that this was set up for the last two months. They negotiated how the act was going to look. We're gonna fly in like it was the beginning of Apocalypse Now. 30 helicopters. We get to drop a couple bombs on some stuff they want torn down anyway. And then we walk right in and take them out. Not one guard shot back. Not one dude put a bullet in.

[Brady]

Precision.

[John Holberg]

Nobody fought precision. You still have to walk through the door. It was all, we crashed a helicopter trying to get to bin Laden in the middle of the night. And that was. Come on. Nobody made it. No one goofed. And no one said, what's going on? No dogs started barking. Come on. Somebody had to wake up and go. The dude's in gray sweats and puts his sunglasses on. He's like, we're good. He's on the plane. He's not even wrestling with anybody. He's just like, this is a. He's in. You're right. San Tan Valley. Brett's people are taking care of this. That is a superbly mob thing we just pulled off. And anybody who thinks different is fooling themselves.

[Brett Vesely]

I was like, when Epstein committed suicide, well, you know, the guys went on break. They were, you know, in the lunchroom.

[John Holberg]

And, yeah, you have a new Jewish looking friend named Richard Davis living out there in Santana as well, and his wife, Glin. She kept it.

[Brady]

And that's interesting.

[John Holberg]

At noon, nothing's going to be interesting about this. He's Going to. He's. He'll go out and give a little fiery, a quick yell and get out of here. The. The courtroom, it'll be a little bit tense. It's not. He's not. He's nothing. This was. He's happy to be here. He's happier than I am, probably. He's away from all the trouble. That was a cool move, though. And then they started to show all the people in Caracas with their cameras. And again, the other thing. We live in a world of nothing but iPhones and cameras, even in Venezuela. And you're telling me that like, this didn't get, you know, like nothing goofy happened where somebody saw it coming with a camera and warned someone else and like, at least shoot at them? Nothing. Everybody knew the drill. And now we've got more oil and more gold than anywhere else on the planet. And no wonder we're like, we'll take care of this for a little bit. I thought it was cool. And now he's getting a little weird about Greenland again, so. And he challenged Mexico to a fight.

[Brady]

Brother in law said he goes, I wonder how the people of Greenland as they're feeling now.

[John Holberg]

Oh, yeah, well, that one, that. That would be easy.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holberg]

You could just walk in and start kicking stuff in Greenland. They're gonna surrender. But yeah, I'm not sure. I'm like, you know, temperate. Take one. I'm fine with that. But this is pretty awesome. And I know I'm gonna get emails from people about it, but I don't see. You don't understand. Today you can't bring me down. I'm fine with blowing pink. Other countries can explode. I'm fine with that. You know what? I wish. It's very close. Maybe. That's great. He's got. I think maybe that could be it. Brady, Scott, could Venezuela fight back starting in Baltimore, maybe. Two bombs. Bombs on that one. That would be. All right. We'll give up Baltimore for a Venezuela attack. Just one last thing I hear on like a tape is, oh, no, and that's Lamar running. And you get that on tape. Happy days. Anyway, nice little break. Nice little. I mean, it went fast, though. The holiday break is now over. Here we are in 2026. We have 51 states. We started with 50 in 2025. Now I got 51. One doesn't speak English, but we'll get them.

[Brett Vesely]

States that don't speak English.

[John Holberg]

Well, that's a good point. That's a strong. Not for long, Brett. Now we own Venezuela. We'll send them back to the State that they sound like, See, now we own Venezuela. So all these ice people are gonna go home. And like this, you're still in the States, just little further away than you wanted.

[Brett Vesely]

Just put them in Tucson. Be about the same thing.

[John Holberg]

That's what I should. Yeah. But still. Yeah. They're getting Tucson. They feel like it's the same as Venice.

[Brett Vesely]

They're all down there. I feel right at home.

[John Holberg]

He might take over. Good.

[Brett Vesely]

Then he can have it.

[John Holberg]

This place reminds me of home anyway. Yeah, I'm fine. That was neat, though. I watched that and I'm like, wow, this is. They're not even hiding the fact that they just. I mean, if that was on the Sopranos, you'd be like, man, Tony's the boss. That's exactly what just happened. He's took a family out. I'm not super thrilled with the idea of, you know, running around stealing presidents, but it is cool. And I'm a movie guy, and if that was in a movie, we'd all be like, awesome.

[Brady]

My sister had a source. Her. The lady that cleans her house is from Venezuela. And when that whole thing was going down, she calls a couple things. How do they feel? You know, cold. She talked to her relatives over there, and, like, they're happy.

[John Holberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Brady]

They didn't like him. They're not crazy about.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, what are you gonna do?

[Brady]

Yeah, but I'm like, that would be wild.

[John Holberg]

Your whole regime just goes away.

[Brady]

Goes away.

[John Holberg]

Yeah. And quietly. Yeah, that was. He knew he was gonna get iced. Who knows? We'll see what happens next. But our gas is going to be cheaper. And if I know this world, at least this country, if we're paying a buck 30 for gas. And keep in mind, Venezuela, when everybody was losing their minds, here was like 19 cents a gallon. And everybody's like, in Colombia and Venezuela, they paint it because they get more of it than anything. It was inevitable that we turned our noses that way and went, what are they doing different than us? Oh, they got it all. So once you start paying 19 cents a gallon, you're gonna be all right with it. Like, even. Even two bucks a gallon. Be like, all right, how'd we get this done? Oh, we had to go in and catch or something. You're welcome. I think I told you guys, vroom, vroom. Take that Tesla. Exactly. Cheaper now to do the gas. Yeah, I was pretty blown away, anyway. Pretty good. Brady got blown up himself in a car. Is it you got. What happened? He text me a little thing that basically said, you got t Boned or rear ended?

[Brady]

No, rear ended.

[John Holberg]

Rear ended. By an undocumented.

[Brady]

Yeah, he had a driver's license. Mexican driver's license.

[John Holberg]

I don't count. Yeah, that's as good as having, you know, a Quaker Oats box and whether.

[Brady]

Or not, you know, I took a picture of it.

[John Holberg]

You took him. He showed it to you and you took a picture.

[Brady]

Yeah, just to have. Because I didn't know what else to do because he doesn't. He doesn't have insurance either.

[John Holberg]

Oh, so that's twice. Yeah. You've been hit by two immigrants. Two times. Undocumented, Uninsured. Uninsured.

[Brady]

The three, technically, but the one had insurance.

[John Holberg]

You've been hit three times by illegals?

[Brady]

Yeah, when I first moved here.

[John Holberg]

No kidding.

[Brady]

At Texas Grill. Well, guy backed out of there and then.

[John Holberg]

But you were.

[Brady]

He gives me the insurance info and I called the insurance agency. Like he hasn't had a policy for two years.

[John Holberg]

Something, something. Check out Homework's Morning Sickness podcast at 98kupd.com hey, it's Larry McFeely. And what better way to kick off the new year than with a brand new Toyota from your Valley Toyota dealers.

[Brady]

New year, new goals, new Ed adventures.

[John Holberg]

And a new Toyota is the perfect.

[Brady]

Way to get you there, whether you're tackling your commute, heading out on weekend.

[John Holberg]

Road trips, or just wanting something more reliable for the year ahead. Toyota has the model to fit your.

[Brady]

Lifestyle, so make this the year you.

[John Holberg]

Drive smarter, safer and happier. Visit your Valley Toyota dealers or valleytoyotadealers.com Toyota let's go places.

[Toledo]

The NFL playoffs are set and I know my team's in. And underdog is where I'll make watching them the best way to get in on the action. It's Dick Toledo from the Morning Sickness. And playing on underdog is so easy. Just pick if your favorite players will go higher or lower on their stats. My team is on a first round bye, but I'll be pulling for Saquon Kittle and Josh Allen to all go higher on their projections. Play the playoffs with me and download the app today and use the promo code HMS to score $75 in bonus entries. When you play your first $5, that's promo code HMS Underdog Make Picks win money must be 18 + 19 + in Alabama and Nebraska, 19 + in Colorado for some games, 21+ in Arizona, Massachusetts and Virginia and present in a state where underdog fantasy operates. Terms apply. See assets under underdogfantasy.com web playand getterms_dfs_.HTML for details. Offer not valid in Maryland, Michigan, New Jersey, New York, Ohio and Pennsylvania. Concerned with your play, call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit www.ncpgambling.org in New York, call 24.7Hope line at 1-877-8-HOPE NY or text Hope NY to 467369.

[John Holberg]

Holmberg's Morning Sickness. Oh, geez.

[Brett Vesely]

Probably wasn't even his.

[John Holberg]

But Brady was a Sean Smith. Brady was a Texas girl. So when he was pulling out, like I don't care what happens next. It might seem crazy. We got that chicken fried shake. I got hit audios meal.

[Brady]

That worked out well for that guy, the state farm agent. He's like, who do you insure with? Well, I just moved here from Wisconsin. You need insurance. He became my agent.

[John Holberg]

Oh no Kid for about so good. 15 years getting crashed out by an illegal got you an insurance relationship. How about that? That's pretty great. Well, good for you. This guy hit you. Do you speak English? No, none.

[Brady]

So the first police that came to the scene was female from Gilbert.

[John Holberg]

That's not.

[Brady]

She didn't know any English or she didn't know Spanish.

[John Holberg]

I didn't speak English.

[Brady]

So she had to call another officer to come in there to interpret. I could understand a little bit because.

[John Holberg]

I was asking him translate on your phone. That apps amazing.

[Brady]

You know, I'm just talking with him, didn't get to that. But I was like, were you texting?

[John Holberg]

See, I mean, because he just smashed India.

[Brady]

But his car was loaded with boxes.

[John Holberg]

And you're thinking it's all drugs because you're a bigot and there was a baby back there in the boxes.

[Brady]

The whole thing was loaded.

[Brett Vesely]

It's trafficking.

[John Holberg]

What are you doing?

[Brady]

Baby in the box. It was just. I didn't know that for like 15 minutes. And the police officer goes over there because his wife is in the front seat or girlfriend.

[John Holberg]

Right.

[Brady]

And she's, you know, crying and sure. They finally go over to the car and like, oh, there's a baby back there. Is everything okay? You know, because they hit pretty hard.

[John Holberg]

Was it 70s baby or was it strapped up in a car seat?

[Brady]

I didn't see the baby.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, how did you know there's a baby?

[John Holberg]

Somebody just screamed out because the officer.

[Brady]

Came over because they, you know, they separated to get the stories of both crowd. I wanted to hear him his version.

[John Holberg]

Of it, but nothing.

[Brady]

He's like, we are. He will be. He's written up for not registering in Arizona. He came to Arizona.

[John Holberg]

Sure.

[Brady]

And he's he started to work. He was moving into a apartment in Chandler.

[John Holberg]

So he's kind of almost legal. He had a visa. You don't know. You don't know anything. You didn't ask any questions.

[Brady]

You can't find out.

[John Holberg]

Sure you can. Are you legal? See? Okay. He says yes. That's it. Or just. Just say ice. Should I call ICE and if he gets.

[Brady]

He's new in town.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, it's very new in town.

[Brady]

He was. Because his license was a temporary Sonoran Mexican.

[John Holberg]

It's temporary from Mexico.

[Brady]

Yeah. It was a 2012 Jeep Renegade.

[John Holberg]

I think that's what. Yeah. The little ones, right?

[Brett Vesely]

For him.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, a little. They're relatively inexpensive, you know.

[Brett Vesely]

Come on.

[John Holberg]

But for an illegal alien that's running in Brady. Sure. Sure.

[Brett Vesely]

That he offered to trim your palm trees and stuff, too.

[John Holberg]

Man. I wonder if Brady got a kind of guy gets tires for like a buck and a half.

[Brady]

He's. They're living at the place. At my place right now.

[John Holberg]

I bet they are. That's pretty great.

[Brady]

My mom is like. I feel so bad for him.

[John Holberg]

Was she in the car?

[Brady]

Yes, she was with you and Kirby.

[John Holberg]

Were. Oh, my goodness. Well, Kirby's old enough that I'm not worried about her forehead.

[Brady]

The.

[John Holberg]

On the back seat. You're in the back seat. Everything's fine. Those are cushy. Your mom's good.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holberg]

And she got jarred pretty good.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holberg]

And your car's Maybe no one done.

[Brady]

No, the. I mean, it'll need a back bumper muffler on the one side.

[John Holberg]

No, it just kind of crunched up.

[Brady]

The back end and the tailgate. Tailgate.

[John Holberg]

Oh, yeah. It's going to need a whole new gate.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Job.

[Brady]

Yeah. Well, he said he was working.

[Brett Vesely]

We can get him a job as a truck driver like the other guy that came to your house.

[John Holberg]

That's right, man.

[Brady]

Still haven't found him a job yet.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, we're working on that, man. Go get there. What happened to job placement? Come on. Brady's gonna have Maduro as his neighbor. Hey, you can call me Nicholas. You said your name was Bob. My prefer Nicholas. Okay.

[Brady]

I got no questions for you.

[John Holberg]

I like living next to Brady. He's question free all times.

[Brady]

Really nice. He gave me a gold bar.

[John Holberg]

Here's the bar of gold. Valenzuela. Do you know him? What are you talking about? Fernando? This is Venezuela and it is not Valenzuela.

[Brett Vesely]

And a box of baking soda, too.

[John Holberg]

I watched the guy they interviewed on the Internet who said he was kind of not articulate. But a little bit like, he seemed like he knew what he was talking about. He kept calling it Valenzuela. And I'm like, stop, just stop the interview with this guy. And somebody fixed that because sounds like retarded. You can't. You can't speak about the country we invaded if you keep calling it Valenzuela. Then we flew in, in Caracas, Valenzuela. It's like, no, he's off, off. He's off the news. And it was. Yeah, it's ridiculous. Anyway, that was a weird one, Brett. Did you do anything good?

[Brett Vesely]

Was Vin Scully doing that interview, by the way?

[John Holberg]

Yeah, that would have been great. What a great day to intervene in huge affairs. Maduro didn't put up a fight at all. Much like the Dodgers in 77 against the Yankees.

[Brady]

Yeah, I. Fernando, I went back to the frozen tundra this past weekend to Columbus, Ohio.

[John Holberg]

Oh, did you?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holberg]

For what?

[Brady]

Family friend. A funeral.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, geez.

[Brady]

There's spontaneous.

[John Holberg]

You had a great break.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holberg]

Mashed by Mexicans. I'm jealous. People are dying.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holberg]

And you know what? You can't bring me down, buddy, with all your negativity. I'm fine. Was the person that passed away named Lamar?

[Brady]

No.

[John Holberg]

Oh, well, it was worth a shot.

[Brady]

Handy Markwood.

[John Holberg]

What happened to him?

[Brady]

He was a friend of. Friend of the family.

[John Holberg]

One of the old guys.

[Brady]

Close friends.

[John Holberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

A year younger than my dad, which.

[John Holberg]

He's like an architect.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holberg]

You went back to his funeral?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holberg]

Just say hi to everybody or.

[Brady]

Well, yeah, we were close. We grew up together. Families were really close. And.

[John Holberg]

Felt like 90.

[Brady]

Well, my mom was out here and he kind of. He, you know, was at the tail end and he passed away while my mom was out here. And I'm like, I should probably go back for this. But then looking at tickets and stuff. Sure.

[John Holberg]

You got a lot on your plate. Right.

[Brady]

Went for it.

[John Holberg]

And it was fun going back to Ohio. Four degrees turned at 16. That's miserable. Miserable again. I don't love anybody.

[Brady]

It had a bite.

[John Holberg]

Oh, sure. A little stingy.

[Brady]

It'd been a while.

[John Holberg]

Was the funeral fun?

[Brady]

Yeah, it really was. Yeah. He.

[John Holberg]

90 year old funerals are the best band. Yeah, they're the best because everybody. Oh yeah. When 90 year olds die, they have bands and like, it's. It's like a. It's like a wedding reception. It's totally different than regular funerals.

[Brett Vesely]

Because everybody's been to an old person funeral then.

[John Holberg]

Yeah. Because they're waiting for him to die. It's like years of planning It's.

[Brady]

And you got the Soggy Bottom Boys playing. It was inspiring.

[John Holberg]

Well, it was as far as the.

[Brady]

Songs that they're doing. Is hot. Oh, boy.

[Toledo]

I.

[Brady]

And I didn't know he was. He grew up in Tennessee and then went to Princeton and the Mountain Dew guy. Architect.

[John Holberg]

And sure. But still, 90 year old funerals are the best. If you get. If you ever get a chance to go to like, old. Just crash those. They're. They're fun. They've good food. Like everything's fun about it. Like, Nobody misses a 90 year old except for like maybe other 90 year olds. Outside of that, everybody.

[Brady]

It was a celebration.

[John Holberg]

Yeah. If it has to be. He's gone. Like there. You're thrilled about it. 90. It's. It's time. And nobody ever takes that call and breaks down and screams like, no, no, no. You just have to, you know, Mr. Simpson's gone. Oh, yeah. All right. When's the service? Nobody ever has that breakdown. Like in good times when Florida lost it, when James got in the car. Nobody ever has any sort of like, oh, I can't believe this. So they just start planning a party because 90s getting it done all the way around. You know, anybody lives to be 90, there's no reason to be sad at their funeral. Everything was going to get worse. Every day was a little worse than the one before. So they checked out before it got crazy. Now I want to go to one, look them up. You know what? I used to look at the obituaries and see like the oldest person and try to check out the funeral.

[Brady]

The thing that was sad about the funeral is he designed a lot of churches and he was gonna ask to do. The family wanted to do the. The funeral at a church that he designed. And the church was like, okay. And then he said they're gonna have a bluegrass band. No, you can't have it there at the church because of the bluegrass.

[John Holberg]

Black magic. Don't know there's a bluegrass.

[Brady]

Weird. Yeah. It's not like it's the devil's music.

[John Holberg]

They just.

[Brett Vesely]

Bluegrass.

[John Holberg]

They just didn't like the guy. That's somebody playing or something.

[Brett Vesely]

I mean, or Cannibal Corpse.

[John Holberg]

And why can't you. You have that. That's true.

[Brady]

I mean, that's.

[John Holberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

You think you'd let the architect have his funeral place that he designed for the church?

[John Holberg]

Yeah. Unless they didn't like him.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holberg]

Somebody.

[Brady]

Well, they paid him. He had some churches that never paid him.

[John Holberg]

And the deal's over. At that point. They owe you nothing. If there's a royalties deal where you still. You pay a man also, you get your funeral there. That is kind of a cruddy move. But still, maybe they didn't like the design. Maybe it's like our building here. If the guy who died who designed this place.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holberg]

Came in and said, I want to be honored in this building. We're like, this place falling apart. It's 10 years old. Kidding me?

[Brett Vesely]

Toilets are already backed up.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, toilets don't work. The door frames come off. Sometimes you open a door in this building, and sometimes the whole frame comes off. Was that my fault? Yes, it is. You're not. Nobody's honoring you here. Move on. Go to one of your good buildings. But we'd tell him, I'm so sorry he's gone. But, yeah, we're busy that week, and we can't do a funeral here. This guy says, john, you have to acknowledge the higher power. Did you not see that? Last night before the game, a priest was blessing the Steelers end zone with holy water. You have to believe now. Come on. What more do you need? A little more than that. I need a little more than that. But, hey, whatever works.

[Brady]

Bring them back for next week.

[John Holberg]

Had the. Had the priest gone up and, like, poured holy water down on one of the uprights and then the one that went past, like, like sailed past, or the ball was heading towards it, and then it, like, just stopped and made a direct right that I would then be like, oh, geez, there's something. Yeah, they showed that priest chucking holy water in the end zone. And I think they've done that a few times and they've lost. So. Same as flipping a coin.

[Brett Vesely]

It's got a bottle of Dasani out there.

[John Holberg]

Whatever works. Yeah, I don't even understand how that works.

[Brady]

They lose the footage of the ones you lose.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Toledo]

You don't.

[John Holberg]

You don't show the priest doing that because it's like, you know, Pazuzu showed up or something. Oh, man, oh, man. What a start to the year. Just awesome. So worried last night, too. So right as, like, they're lining up for that kick, I'm like, I just had two and a half weeks off. I gotta figure out how to go back tomorrow miserable if this prick hits this kick. And you know what's even better, Brady? U of A. Great. Oh, I was pooping. I text somebody last night right in the word. I got, by the way, at 9:41, I got 144 text messages because it was just such an unbelievable finish to the. My phone Just went. I'm like, whoa. But I was texting Steeler friends who weren't at my house that it's been a nice run, I've enjoyed my time, and I'm gonna kill myself. This is it. I'm done. There's nothing about this that's enjoyable about life anymore. And catch was amazing by Isaiah. Like, I'm like, that's it. I just. So. I'm so. Hey. Brief or lengthy, however it's been, I've enjoyed my time with you, and it's been good, but I'm out. It's been fun. And only Steeler fans would have understood that and said, hey, John's gonna kill himself. It makes sense. They wouldn't have even been upset. But then afterwards, I rescinded all my suicide notes, and I. And my phone erupted. It was so good. And the Cardinal fans. I'm sorry, but you guys, it's. There's time. You. You. I can't imagine carnival fans have never felt this. Like, they don't feel joy ever, Ever. And they're fire everybody today. Everybody over there is getting fired, and they're just going to walk into next year with no hope, no quarterback, no nothing. And some new. New guy. Maybe John Harbaugh will come here. Oh, wouldn't that be great if I could hate him in the same city? Oh, man. And maybe you think Baltimore. Yeah. Oh, I hope so. And then maybe one of Brady's illegals will go smashing into John Harbaugh, and I'd have, like, the greatest day ever and watch him go into one of them Stephen Hawking wheelchairs. They're gonna coach the Cardinals next year. Like, they can't fire him after that. That'll be the head coach on the sideline coaching. Harbaugh's wheeling himself around because one of Brady's illegals crushed him. Brady's got, like. He's like Charlie from Charlie's Angels when it comes to illegals. He's got three.

[Brady]

Struck by lightning.

[Brett Vesely]

Damn.

[John Holberg]

Did you cuss in the car? What the.

[Brady]

Come on.

[John Holberg]

What the Going on?

[Brady]

No, it was. You're hearing the wheels screeching, and you're looking in the rearview mirror. Here he is sliding. So I take my foot off the gas. I only have about 20ft in front of the car in front of me to kind of inch up a little bit, but I don't want him to, you know, I'm hoping he doesn't hit Buddy.

[John Holberg]

He did.

[Brady]

It didn't put me into the other car in front of me, though.

[John Holberg]

It was good no, it's good you kept your foot strong on the brake. He's got all these. Did he hitch a maga? Did you immediately go, like, right wing, get him out of here kind of feeling? Did you go unreasonable? Speak America. Yeah, but did you become an unreasonable American?

[Brady]

No.

[John Holberg]

Once you realized he wasn't, I would have my. My bigotry.

[Brady]

No, but it would totally look you. It could look that way.

[John Holberg]

Oh, sure, sure. Well, it's okay, and it's reasonable because you were right. He shouldn't. Well, if he shouldn't be here, he shouldn't be here.

[Brady]

But.

[John Holberg]

Yeah. You can't help it. When you get hit by somebody, immediately hate them and their family.

[Brady]

Well, you should have insurance.

[John Holberg]

Sure.

[Brady]

That's the thing.

[John Holberg]

That's a rule. Yeah, It's a good one, too. Joshua says, john, I went to bed absolutely elated, knowing I would wake up and hear you talk about this game, and it's better than I thought. F. Lamar Jackson. If today was a wiener, Lamar would be eating it. Great day for the show to be back. Couldn't agree more. Josh. Josh Haley, if I sent you a suicide note last night, please resend it. It's fine. I'm good again. Okay. And we own Valen's Way, though, so it's an awesome day. Lamar, he's. He's crying his eyes out. And we own Valenzuela. It's the best. What a great. What a great break. Christmas. Christmas is great. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's exactly right. John Harbaugh sad. He's probably gonna get fired. Oh, could it be better? I. I may get arrested for indecent exposure today. If that happens. Like, John Harbaugh got fired up. Hey, you can't do that here. I'm like. I'm sorry. You shouldn't have said that out loud. Hey, you. Hey. This guy's jerking off at the amp. I'm sorry. News broke anyway, so. Happy New Year, all you. And we got our new Wake up song coming, too. Just seconds away from our brand new Wake up song. We'll see if it's worth a crap or not. The Thomas Jane band, right?

[Brett Vesely]

I saw them this.

[John Holberg]

Oh, you did break. Yeah. How are they?

[Brett Vesely]

They're good.

[John Holberg]

Did they play the song? No. Okay. The song playing.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, they played out.

[Brady]

Mathias Bar.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, I had a lot going on over the break. I have no idea. I have no memory of it after last night. I don't care. Everything got. Everything got washed away by last evening. It was great. Oh, and Cardinal Finch just quit. Just quit. You're like, I'm gonna start that now. I listened to another thing on the news this morning about teachers. If I actually have to buy my own supplies, that means I'm making less than $10. Who can live on that? Get another job. I've never heard a waitress complain that she's not making enough tips and not realize there's other jobs you get crap. I got $28,000 a year. What am I supposed to do with that? I don't know. Get a job making more somewhere else. Over electrical. Just quit. So I'm going to tell Cardinal fans the exact same thing I've been telling public school teachers for years. Quit. There's so many other options, and there's no hope. As long as Bidwells are there, guys are just going to keep doing this. You know who might break that zero interceptions record? To the left. To the left. They're the jets of the West.

[Brady]

Still.

[John Holberg]

No.

[Brady]

No matter what. No. They're excited. When football starts.

[John Holberg]

They're excited, but just because football's back up so they can watch good Sunday, Monday night games, they're never on it.

[Brady]

Just quit.

[John Holberg]

Today's the day. Today's the day to tell the Bidwells, I'm done. Cancel your season tickets. Go buy that YouTube package.

[Brett Vesely]

No. In the Cardinals, they'll hire the DC from the jets to come here, too. I mean, they're so stupid.

[John Holberg]

Aaron Glenn comes here. Be great. Oh, my God. I'm just.

[Brady]

The fact that they hired the ticket prices, too.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, I. I looked at my penis last night, like, right before bed. Oh, okay. Yeah. And my. I swear to you, I'm not kidding. My urethra was, like the edges of it were tilted up. It was smiling. Not kidding. I looked at her, I said, this is. This is pure, full, unadulterated body joy. My dick had a grin and there's teeth in it. Like I didn't know that. They look good. He's taking care of it. Big, toothy smile. It was beautiful. 6:21. Let's get a wake up song. We own Valenzuela. I've never been happier in my life. The birth of my child is stupid. I'd punt that. This is. This is true Joy. You give us a wake up song. 5, 8, 5, 9, 800. And we'll get this thing started off proper. It's 98 KUPD. Wake up. Hey, it's not weird.

[Brady]

It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees.

[John Holberg]

I have heard enough of this. KUPD get a jump on next summer with vrbo's early booking deals, don't wait to claim your dream summer spot, whether that includes a good porch swing or a poolside lounger. When you book early, you get the best places at the best prices. But back to the poolside loungers. With vrbo, you don't have to reserve any loungers. They're all yours. In fact, the whole private home is yours. Book with early booking deals and you can lounge around all summer long however you please. At Vervo Dot Comberg's. Morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil sitting right here.

[Brett Vesely]

Come on.

[Toledo]

No, no, he's not.

[John Holberg]

He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. 98 can evil Pete wake up. Wake up and start your day Wake up and start your day with me Jump home good morning sickness 98k u p d. Hey. Short to the point.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holberg]

You know, not the most creative thing I've ever. Yeah, let's try. You want to hear it again?

[Brett Vesely]

All right.

[John Holberg]

Yeah. I like to scream in the beginning. This is the Thomas James band with our 2026 Wake up song. And again, big shoes to fill because those chicks that had it last year were great. Let's see if they've. This is going every day, and I don't want to hear from everybody hating it. First day, everybody always. Last year, that's all I heard. Everybody hated this. Hate that. Here, let's try it again, shall we? Wake up and start your day Wake up and start your day with me Jump home good morning sickness. 98 KUPD. Walker told me I had aids. See, it's gonna. It's gonna let me have time with it. I'm gonna. I'm gonna be able to goof around with it like that. Let's talk about Sharknado. We have all our blood. I can start playing. I love that. That was my favorite moment in 25 years. Terror. Let's talk about Sharknado. Let's not. I loved. I loved every second of telling that drunken slut anyhow. All right. Thomas James Band. You know, creativity level is not exactly through the roof, but I like the transition. Yeah, we're start out right.

[Brett Vesely]

Fast and heavy.

[John Holberg]

Yeah. And we got ourselves the. You know, the name of shows in there. Katie PD's name. That's awesome. Okay. I'm not. I'm not.

[Brady]

Time to run and get coffee. Brett. In between that.

[Brett Vesely]

I know. That was the great thing about the last song. I'm like. Refill. Be right back.

[John Holberg]

Brad, you should be able to go get coffee while it played. Actually, that was a big time saver for. I looked and go, oh, geez. I gotta find that Wake up song. And give me a minute to kind of gather. This one's only 40 seconds. All right, well, there you go. Thomas James Band. They are our new Wake up song for 2026. And I know you're gonna email I Miss Miles to Nora. We all missed them. They were great. This one will be good. And plus, they left me tons of room for all my stupid little clips, stuff like that. Got all that stuff. I said that. My favorite one still. Walker told me I had aids. Haley Joel Osmond saying that. Walker, Texas Ranger told me.

[Brady]

Amazing.

[Brett Vesely]

Price is Right.

[John Holberg]

Oh, we'll throw her in the mix. He lost it. I'm looking for it. Oh, Brett makes me play this all the time. Yeah, we'll do this. All right, here's how it's gonna. Here's how it's gonna sound, Brett.

[Brett Vesely]

Ready?

[John Holberg]

Here we go. Whoops. All right, get rid of this.

[Brett Vesely]

Can't wait.

[John Holberg]

We'll do this. This is how we'll get used to this. I'll put it in a specific spot for you. Here on the Price is Right. Nicole slap. It works, actually. Yeah. Go. I gotta time it to post, but, man, I like that one a lot. I don't see. All right, we can play with this one. I like this. I'll do the loop. Missing his field goal for a couple of days. We got some. We got some clips.

[Brett Vesely]

All right.

[John Holberg]

Thank you, Thomas James fan.

[Brett Vesely]

This guy Shane just nailed it. He goes Clutch. Clutch nailed the Wake up song this morning.

[John Holberg]

Wow. That's very Clutchy. Yeah, we'll just tell people. Clutch did our Wake up song or theme. All right, there we go. Thank you, guys. Nice job. Well done. All right, we'll get used to that one, and I'll play with it, and we'll make it silly and fun. Stick around with that for the next few weeks. Next 52 of them, if you can believe it. Christmas is over. This is my least normally. But today, not so much normally. This is my least favorite day of the year because it's the day back after the holidays, and I. This is the day that makes me realize how much I love houses dressed up as prostitutes. I absolutely get used to that. Through December, seeing everybody's house dressed up like a slut, and you got stuff laying in the front yard, and there's bright lights everywhere, and. And then you drive in on the first day back, and it happens to be the fifth. This, you know, fifth of January. And you realize that this weekend everybody took off all their lights. And there's a couple stragglers that'll hang out.

[Brady]

There's a lot still.

[John Holberg]

And I, you know, you drove in today and there was no. There was no whore houses, so to speak, as I drove in. And boy, man, it was getting right before we left and any. All through the break. Everywhere I went was just crazy. People went nuts this year and I loved it. So I don't like it for any other holiday. I think the Halloween decorations look stupid.

[Brady]

Valentine's is up.

[John Holberg]

Valentine's are for lonely old women. If you decorate your house with lights for Valentine's Day, you are dumb. But I mean, put up a little thing. Put up a heart wreath or something with the tree. I know people, Valentine's trees. And they're starting that and east, you.

[Brady]

Know, a lot of the homes are getting the permanent lighting thing, so. They do.

[John Holberg]

Yeah. Well, you know, and sometimes that looks okay, but if for the most part it's, you know, and that's a prostitute, your house is a whore. When you. When you gussy it up for every single event. And you know, I like the Christmas one and it's unique and it's fun and it's sad. But this morning I wasn't sad. I just saw that there was not a lot of horrors homes. I was excited about it. It's the year of the horse. And it took me a second to hear the guy on BBC say that. Probably didn't know that he said that this year we go into the year of the. They called the fire horse because I don't think they can say that with a British accent. The year of the horse. Somewhat interested in the year of the Horse. It's the.

[Brett Vesely]

Of the holes.

[John Holberg]

That means there's never a year of the. Oh, boy, this is no good. Every single. It's like astrology every time.

[Brady]

Whatever animal you talk.

[John Holberg]

Well, yeah, but it's. It's the astrology never has. Like, you're gonna have a terrible day. Somebody's gonna take a shot at you. Everything's always like, yeah, this will happen. You're gonna. It might be a little gloomy.

[Brady]

Be careful.

[John Holberg]

Everything's gonna be careful. Don't cross the street, whatever you do. Every one of the Aries is going to get hit today over the break, I did a whole load of nothing. And I sat a lot in wormholes of videos and things. I just. I laid out. And the one that came up was the. That I was like, I'm gonna do. I Spent a lot of stupid money on products. I just. I ended up buying 40 or 50 different things just on Instagram.

[Brett Vesely]

This work cabana, Bear cabana. Where it came from the first time.

[John Holberg]

No cabana. Where was cabanaware? Came from the idea that when I was with Kevin Ray in LA and we were at a hotel lobby drinking and hanging out, and there's this party just kind of erupted in this black albino. No joke. Came by with a guy with a world championship wrestling belt. And they just sat and hung out with us. And the albino. The black albino was in a cabana outfit. And I'm like, that's.

[Brady]

That looks cool.

[John Holberg]

That's something super cozy, you know, I think I like that. I think I like the matching.

[Brett Vesely]

We had 30 pairs.

[John Holberg]

Well, I meant to order one and a whole box showed up. I accidentally ordered the whole lot. I still have them, too. And it's piled up in a corner. I wore my Steelers one a couple weeks ago, but, yeah, so I got that. The cabana. Where wasn't it. This was different. So I get on. I get on the steel.

[Brady]

And out of all the products that you bought on Instagram.

[John Holberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

How many were a miss?

[John Holberg]

I haven't gotten all of them yet.

[Brady]

Okay.

[John Holberg]

So some of them take forever. Some of them do take forever. Like, one of them that I got that I'm actually looking forward to is gonna. It's like January 18th, and I ordered first week.

[Brady]

Yeah. It's six weeks on a couple. I've got one. It's a it. And every day you get a thing. It's in Switzerland right now. Yeah, on its way.

[John Holberg]

So just for fun, one of this. One of the things that kept coming up was this lady will draw your soulmate. Like, she's like a crazy psychic or something. And she's like, I'll draw a picture of your soulmate for 29 bucks. I'm like, I got 29 bucks. It was like three in the morning. I wasn't even drunk or anything. I was just like, 29 bucks. Let's see what she comes up with. Just to laugh. Right? I'm gonna. We'll put a picture of it up. So 29 bucks. And then. And then it asked you a few questions and it asked you like your. I know. I was duped. The first question was, what's your sign? We're getting into this garbage, Leo. Like, what's your birthday? July 26th. And, like, goes on the thing and. And so. And I put in all the things. It's like, do you find Yourself to be an introvert or an extrovert. I'm like, I don't know. It depends. I'm like, that's. I'll say. I'm kind of an introverted extrovert. There's no answer for that. So I just put other. And then there was a couple others on there. So I answered it all normally. And then my soulmate showed up. And I dodged this like. Like nobody's business. Like, I don't want her to. Like, if. Now I know to avoid my soulmate if I ever see this frontier woman that they drew me. Like, she's.

[Brady]

Yuck. What is this little house?

[John Holberg]

What are you talking about? Wash your hair. Like, what are we, like, Dr. Quinn? Dr. Quinn, medicine woman. She's rugged, all right. She looks like. Like she's pretty enough if it were 1850. Like, she's gonna die during childbirth. You know that stench? Oh, God, the bush on this soulmate. Come on.

[Brady]

How does it. Is it just like that on the screen, or they. They send you a frame?

[John Holberg]

No, it's like a. No, I don't get a frame of it. It's 29 bucks. I think I can probably get extra money and hang the picture. I'm supposed to meet her in a bookstore. Like I'm ever going in a bookstore. Like, it said. Well, because I answered a couple questions.

[Brett Vesely]

Zorbas or something.

[John Holberg]

And it said I was intellectual through the little quiz they gave me. And I'm like, I don't know if that's fairly accurate or not. Like, so you. You get a kick out of this. Like, they, like, not only will I be at a bookstore, I'll be at a book signing. Not me signing them, but, like, somebody. An author that I'm a fan of.

[Brett Vesely]

Maybe Pratt's gonna put another book.

[John Holberg]

That could be. I would go to that. And maybe if she's there to dick around, like, might be my soulmate, Frontier lady. So, yeah, I get this drawing of this frontier lady, and I just start laughing. I'm like, all right, well. And her initials are RG And I'm not looking for a soul. Yeah, I'm not doing any of that. You got that covered, right? Yeah. Good. But I'm just curious what the. Like, what the psychic thought, you know, she came up with this.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holberg]

This brought here. And now I have to. I have to dodge this lady and bookstores, which has not been a problem for me my entire life. Bookstores are horrible.

[Brady]

Mom was pushing a book on me over the break, and then.

[John Holberg]

Your mom.

[Brady]

Yeah, what one Halves and have yachts. It's basically the separation that's going on right now.

[John Holberg]

So what? So which would she rather be?

[Brady]

I was with my brother. Hey, have you read this yet? No, haven't. Have yachts and Hattie. Oh, he has.

[John Holberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Brady]

He was saying, yeah, you should read that.

[John Holberg]

And he's a big fan of it.

[Brady]

Yeah, they totally. They're definitely.

[John Holberg]

Oh, see, I need to be in on separation.

[Brady]

That and my, my brother in law who does very well.

[John Holberg]

There's too many rich people is what he's saying.

[Brady]

You should be. They should pay more taxes.

[John Holberg]

He can, he can do that anytime he wants and he feels that way. Then do it.

[Brady]

He's like, they should.

[John Holberg]

Did he tell his Venezuelan maid about the book? Thank you. I'll be all right. We'll be right back.

[Brady]

Probably right.

[John Holberg]

That's the, that's the thing where I would. You can't have rich people telling you there's too many rich people.

[Brady]

I kind of told him that a little bit.

[John Holberg]

You know, you're doing fine.

[Brady]

Look, you want to, which is good, but you can't. You know, I was just making the point test. You can't say to someone, you have to do this. That's not the way the government cut a check.

[John Holberg]

If you want to pay more taxes, you get a lot of money. That's great. I will continue doing the thing where I try to pay the least amount just like everybody else. I'm going to go over.

[Brady]

This system works. More money, does that mean everything is effectively used?

[John Holberg]

I don't care about that. I just know that if it's more money from me, I'm unhappy. You figure your own lives out. I'm not worried about other people. I can, if I can make it so.

[Brady]

And I don't.

[John Holberg]

We're cruising along.

[Brady]

We're good as far as the how the money's being made. Like, we have more billionaires than we've ever had and it's separating more. Okay, I understand that.

[John Holberg]

We have more billionaires than we've ever had. There's more money in circulation and yeah, it's. There's an imbalance. Sure. If you give me a billion, I'm not going to be a hypocrite either and say if somebody said you want a billion dollars and be like, no, impossible, that I'd be jumping all over that. I can't be too mad at billionaires if in fact I would like to be one. And I would over the break. Also, I, I started diving. I got to blame Jay Ackerman from React Defense for this one because he started in talking a while ago while we were training about Neil DeGrasse Tyson stuff and I've always found him fascinating. Now if he ever shows up at a bookstore and does a signing, I may go.

[Brady]

Soulmate.

[John Holberg]

That's when I go. And then I'm going to meet that frontier lady. I'm good by Conestoga wagon in the parking lot. I shouldn't go in because if that's how she gets from. If there's a horse tied up in front of the Barnes and Noble, I probably shouldn't go in because that's my soulmate's ride. Anyway, so he starts talking about stuff and I got into these. Did you know this will screw you up? 20, 26. It's pretty much widely accepted that there's a point in space where two black holes are going to get kind of close to each other and send out some sort of. Some sort of weird. It's like putting two magnets next to the will just happen. And there's a chance, it's pretty good chance, but not like a crazy chance that it'll affect earth. And if in fact that happens, there's a. There's a probability that we will lose gravity for six seconds.

[Brett Vesely]

Seconds.

[Brady]

We could float for six seconds.

[John Holberg]

We ain't gonna float, Brady. We're gonna go away.

[Brady]

Oh, we'll drop.

[John Holberg]

No, you will, you'll float. You better be inside because they say most people will go up 30 or 40 meters in six seconds. Yeah. And all the stuff that isn't tied down, cars, all this other stuff for 30 or 40 seconds or 30 or 40 meters.

[Brady]

It's quick floating.

[John Holberg]

Then gravity comes back and you don't float down. Especially cars. It starts raining cars and stuff. Umbrellas, patio furniture, people. And they're like even, you know, in to this.

[Brady]

Floating up to the ceiling and then dropping.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, it's no fun dropping. Dropping from the ceiling. Bad idea. Bad idea. If you climb, you know what everybody's like, looks stupid. Climb up on a couch and jump off of it. If you're over 40, it's the most horrifying thing you can ever imagine doing. I was on a two step ladder the other day and I looked down like I was gonna hop off and my brain was like, you know your knees can't take. I'm like, I'm a foot and a half off the ground. Just don't risk it. I climbed down slowly like that's crazy. Get up on a couch and just jump off of it like you did when you Were a kid. Now imagine that you're stuck to the ceiling for three seconds. You're like, whoa. And then try to straighten your body out. You're not gonna go up like a lawn duck. I don't know if it's gonna happen, but that was pretty. And then so you got, like, real scientists on it, and they're like, yeah, that's probably what would happen if this thing gets as close as we think it's gonna. Like August. They're shooting for August this year. Yeah. Yeah. And so I'm like, that's silly. And I looked at, like, 10 or 12 other things, and I'm like, oh.

[Brady]

I'm tethering myself down in August.

[John Holberg]

Well, they said tie yourself to something, but they don't know when. Like, they're. They'll get a decent idea. I doubt it'll happen because we hear about this stuff all the time. But there was a bunch of, like, prominent guys going, yeah, that. That's probably a thing. Like, in August, there's a good chance we'll lose gravity. Well, that's a good kickoff to the year. Thanks, boys. Start wondering, do I want to know this? Huh?

[Brett Vesely]

And get rid of it? What do you mean, the black holes? I mean, case in the riggers up there, Like Armageddon. Yeah.

[John Holberg]

No black holes. You can't nuke a black.

[Brett Vesely]

Come on.

[John Holberg]

You know you can't. Armageddon black holes with nukes.

[Brady]

Can't counter it with a.

[John Holberg]

They can take care of it. No, no, no. And then the same guy's talking, and he said something about light speed, and I went, what? And then my brain just broke. Do you know that if we travel at light speed, we could get to the sun? And I think it was eight minutes. At light speed, you could get to the moon. You go around the earth seven times.

[Brady]

So we always put up a flashlight, pointed.

[John Holberg]

Well, I don't think that's. A flashlight would be. I mean, it's moving.

[Brady]

It's light. It would take eight minutes to.

[John Holberg]

But. Yeah, but it's not powerful enough. If you had light speed, though, you could go around the earth seven times in a second. You could get to the moon in, like, a second and a half.

[Brady]

Wow.

[John Holberg]

Here's the piercing will break your brain, but at light speed, to go from one end of our galaxy to the other 200,000 years.

[Brady]

That's the estimates right now, right?

[John Holberg]

That's pretty good estimates. And they're pretty. They're pretty. They're pretty accurate with, like. No. Yeah, I know.

[Brady]

I know.

[John Holberg]

You don't Want that to be a thing because it's not mind boggling. It's just. It's mind breaking. Like there's nothing about that. It makes you go, yeah, I get it. That's how big just our galaxy is. It explodes your brain. So I'm watching all this stuff and then I start clicking on other things. And through this little wormhole I got into. I now no longer believe we went to the moon. And it's based solely on the idea that the new moon mission that we've got with NASA.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holberg]

Keeps talking about how we figured out how to get men to the moon. The leader keeps going, we're finally going to have men on the moon and men in orbit at the same time. And I'm like, oh, you just covered that. And then he said, we think we've got a way to get through the radiation belt. Like, didn't we already do this? And I started looking at the moon landing. I went crazy over the.

[Brady]

When you pulled up. We pulled up the moon landing the one time and just saying.

[John Holberg]

So do you know who's recording it? There isn't any footage of the moon. Moon landing. Everything you see is either a recreation or it was never broadcast by NASA. NASA put it up on a wall and all the cameramen from the news channels filmed the wall. That is the moon landing through media. Fine, whatever.

[Brady]

And then when it was leaving, yo.

[John Holberg]

That little. I don't know how real that was. There's some weird stuff. But even Buzz Aldrin said most of the stuff you saw was animation. And then pictures are recreations. They, they lost all the original tapes. They destroyed all the technology. So why all of it destroyed? And so I'm like, I'm watching this. And they had a press conference with the new moon crew.

[Brady]

Well, it wasn't. I mean, basically to win the race.

[John Holberg]

Oh, sure. To break Russia. Like it was, it was an arms race for money. And like if we beat them to space, then we're going to. We'll get this. And if you notice, Russia just stopped trying to go to the moon after we got there. Well, that's broken. Never gonna do it. Nobody ever went like, you had a guy up there and it was a big deal. Nobody, maybe. And there's some stuff where people like see that the, there's some Chinese lunar thing that went past and took a picture of, you know, where we landed and there's a little module. Maybe. I'm still saying it's a maybe. But why is the new crew keep saying the one captain hits the Other guy goes, dude, we're going to the moon. Man on the moon. They're still like surprised by it. And then they had something about some belt that you're not supposed to be able to get through. Like, we think we figured out how to do that. And I'm like, we. We did this in the 60s. So now I don't believe we went to the moon anymore.

[Brett Vesely]

There it is.

[John Holberg]

That's the. Well, that's the original. Is this a cartoon? Did you just find a cartoon? I think we launched a rocket. But everything you see is filmed off of a wall. Wall that they shot it up on a screen.

[Brett Vesely]

And then there's some texture on the.

[John Holberg]

Wall and all the. All the cat. I don't know. It's gonna be like a Santa Fe finish. Maybe find that Brett. You'll be a hero. Yeah. So I got really weird over the break and started looking into this too deep. Getting real dopey about is.

[Brett Vesely]

The shots are pretty amazing. It's like Spielberg's up there getting the big.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, there's a bunch of stuff and there's stuff I just don't buy into either. But man, it. It got me, you know, I. I spent way too much. Late night stuff. It's the Van Allen radiation belts. That's what they keep saying. Thanks, Kyle. Kyle. Just to destroy anything. The film that came through, it wasn't even about that, though. They destroyed the technology coming back. Like they. We had. We wrote it down, right? Like somebody wrote down how they built all that stuff and they just destroyed it. It. It's crazy. And then there's some dude in some island just north of Canada that he's got pictures of it. And then he puts it next to the shots on the moon and he's like, it's here. They were here. And they have one base on that particular island. And it's NASA, it's theirs. And it's like way up north. You get into this stuff and you can go, I did. I went a little crazy. I went a little bit bananas With Free time, Idle Hands. You get a little goofy.

[Brady]

It is when you go back and look at the film that they have. Like, that could easily be a backdrop there.

[John Holberg]

Yeah. Oh, solve it. And then. And then everybody starts going, but what about this? And when you just start doubting it, you're like, it's all fake. Like, you just. You go crazy. I've gone crazy. I admit it. So don't tell me. Oh, you're nuts. That is the fakest thing. How did they get that?

[Brady]

That's what I'm saying. How does it.

[Brett Vesely]

And the camera follows.

[John Holberg]

Don't get me started.

[Brett Vesely]

Sound like Nash now.

[John Holberg]

I've been hanging out with that.

[Brady]

Back then, they had the technology where the camera was.

[John Holberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Remotely. They could control it.

[John Holberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

But how they send it back here then.

[John Holberg]

Right.

[Brett Vesely]

Was not like they brought the videotapes or anything.

[John Holberg]

Yeah. Filming them leaving.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holberg]

That's the least believable one. Oh, it's annoying. And I got deep into this, and it's all Jay Ackerman's fault because he's like, look into this. And those. All these space things. My algorithm changed into this, like, crazy lunatic space thing. And now I don't. I'm. Now I'm not. I'll say this. I'm not sure I believe it. Whereas before, I was pretty positive we went. But I've always said we didn't go as many times. We say. Because it wouldn't have been cost effective to just keep going. But I think we, like, we're just basically showing Russia. It was like a trip to Wisconsin. Like, we can go anytime we want. Watch this. We'll do it again this weekend. And then we shoot up to the moon like it was Vegas and. And Firebank. Like, everything's great. We can do this over and over. And they're like, how are they. What are they doing this every weekend they're up at the moon, the party, dancing and all this. And we were like, we're just up there again. Will you guys not be in? Oh, it's pretty awesome. And then we just stopped and everybody stopped and nobody wanted to go anymore. And India said, can we would like to borrow the technology? I'm like, no, Japan wanted to go. No, you don't get anything. And then there's wrecked it, and nobody can figure it out. Japan can't figure it out. That's all they do is math and electronics now.

[Brady]

We got a couple independents. They get her just shooting up there.

[John Holberg]

They just want to fire them up. And we celebrate crazy stuff. Like, you know, William Shatner was up there with Katy Perry for, like, three seconds. And everybody's like, ah, it's the greatest achievement, man. It's like, what the. We've done this a billion times, haven't we? No.

[Brett Vesely]

So I threw her out the damn space hatch singing, yeah.

[John Holberg]

Katy Perry floating around in space for a minute was pretty neat. But it's like, we haven't done any. That's not a thing. And I don't. And here's the other thing. Here's the problem. I have with bringing this up. I don't want to be in the mix of people that don't believe in the moon landing. I don't want to be with you guys. You scare me. Like, you guys. No, he's insane. Nash doesn't believe anything thing. And you hang out with them. You're like, all right. Somewhere in the middle is the truth. Like, we didn't get told the whole truth about 9 11. And we didn't get told lies 100 about. It's like something in the middle happened there. The moon landing. I'm starting to get weird about it. And I kind of like that. You know. This one says, welcome to the conspiracy club, John. We'll send your membership card in the mail. A lot of people think Stanley Kubrick did it. Why would they? What? And again, there's where my real brain comes in and goes. We'd have to have too many people in on it if Hollywood did it. But, you know.

[Brady]

And then who was it? Buzz Aldrin, who's snapping at the end.

[John Holberg]

Buzz Aldrin started to tell everybody. Here's another thing. When you get in this stuff. Buzz was on and Conan o' Brien and said, we. We were never there. And Conan's. Conan's like, what? And he goes, yeah, everything you ever saw was just animations. Like, we didn't have any technology to shoot that stuff back. So it was all animation. As we got some folks. All that. So people always say, oh, they burned up the film coming back. They knew that. Wouldn't the film have burned up going out? Yeah. Going through the same thing. So unused film would have cooked, wouldn't it, anyway, Bananas. So I started. I started getting into that and I'm like, I gotta shake out of this. I gotta stop. And that's when I had my soulmate drawn for me. That was my back to reality moment. Did you know?

[Brady]

But the space stations are real. I.

[John Holberg]

That I kind of buy because we have that.

[Brady]

That couple finally come back.

[John Holberg]

I don't know. We had to go rescue them. Like, that was just. And. And why have that story even happen? Kind of. They were up there for like an extra eight months. And.

[Brady]

Yeah. And it's international. So other people get up there, get the whole world.

[John Holberg]

And that one seems like it's time shifting. That one seems reasonable to me. Like, we can get out there. Here's another thing that breaks your brain. Do you know there are more molecules in a glass of water than there are glasses of water in the ocean? Suck on that for a second. Because everything's molecules. Yeah, yeah. You can't do it. You can't do it. You can't do it. I can't take breaks anymore. I can't take vacations. What I need to do is get out. I can't sit at home and read. It's dangerous. First off, I'm not. I'm smart enough to just read. Comprehension is the problem. And then I make up my own stuff. I know all the words. It's like singing a song in another language. I can read. And at the end, I just have to make up my own mind. And this. This brain doesn't work normally.

[Brady]

That's Shakespeare to me.

[John Holberg]

Oh, it's. Yeah, Shakespeare is hard to read this. You can read the words, though. It's like, you know, more molecules in a glass of water than there are glasses of water in the ocean.

[Brady]

It's a lot of water.

[John Holberg]

It isn't. Well, the ocean is. Yeah, but the. Think of that.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holberg]

I'm gonna throw up.

[Brett Vesely]

It's too much for the first day back.

[John Holberg]

It is a lot.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holberg]

You're not wrong.

[Brady]

It's just enough, though. No, like, I'm not gonna go. I don't know how much I'll go looking into the moon thing. I can.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, I enjoy it because I'm like, oh, this is neat. I'm not trying to. I mean, like, anything. I'm trying to make up my own. It's crazy that we went or that we didn't go.

[Brady]

That we didn't get.

[John Holberg]

I don't either. There's something. Something. Check out homework's morning sickness [e-mail] Holmberg's Morning Sickness. I do think the people who get too crazy about it are people I don't want to hang out with. Like, the last thing, like, I telling you guys on the radio is fine because I can dodge you, but for. Oh, and speaking of that, yesterday, I'm on the freeway, put out a new rule. Driving back from. I had lunch with Lovitz yesterday, two days in a row. That was a lot of love. A lot of Lovett's called me at 10:30 on Saturday night. Are you up? Are you awake? Yeah, I'm a grown man. Saturday, like a baby. It's 10:30. What are you doing? Like, what are. Start over. What do you want? I just see what you're up to. Like, we're not doing anything. It's also 10:30, so what do you need? I was talking to this girl. I'm like, oh, my God, we're teenagers. I'm on the phone with Lovitz. This is killing me. So we go to lunch yesterday and we went up by Desert Ridge. So I come back down the 51 and as I'm driving along, I'm singing and I got the top off the Bronco and I'm like, it's a beautiful day and this car. You know when a car gets next to you and like, he's got tons of room to either keep going or slow down. It's no reason to be chips. There's no reason to just go same speed. He matches my speed. So I'm like, side eyeing it, like, what's this jackass up to? And I look over and he's got a little tiny baby camera and he's taking pictures of me waving. And I'm like, no, this ends today. This is a new rule. I'm talking about him tomorrow. None of that's gonna happen again, man. Don't do that. And plus, he had a little tiny, like, spy camera. It wasn't his phone or anything. And I waved and I smiled and I'm like, what am I doing? Why am I.

[Brady]

Because I'm happy.

[John Holberg]

Before the game, I was really nervous. Yeah, it was weird. Very weird. So I got that going on. But I don't want to hang out with. With the moon landing people. But I think I might be in your camp now. But I'm not going to be noisy about it. I'm also still the guy.

[Brady]

Is there a local group, Brett?

[John Holberg]

Oh, I'm not going to meetings.

[Brady]

I'm just curious.

[John Holberg]

This is starting to go down the road where they meet at bookstores. The next thing you know, I've got a frontiersman at my house. Yeah, I'd love for you to meet my father, but he passed from consumption. Like, Jesus Christ. How old are you? I'm your soul mate. Are you still alive or what? Anyway, so that was what I did and it's. It's got me. But the moon landing things got. I don't understand why nobody and nobody in the press corps asked the leader of the new group to the moon and they're going next year or something and they're so excited. And nobody said. Did you just say, nobody's been there yet. You just said, finally, humans on the moon. And then they tried to cover it later by saying, oh, and also in high orbit. We haven't had that. At the same time, like, don't get excited about people in the moon say, we're going back to the moon. But he didn't say that. I'M not sure we've been there. And this guy says the thing. He's got all these high powered crazy telescopes. You can't get me a shot of the flag like you can buy those now. I don't know. I'm still in the maybe camp. I'm not committing 100%, but I'm pretty sure I'm, I'm. No, I like the tug of war. Little rope in the middle. Just got pulled over towards. We never went. I might be. I might. I might have gone crazy over the break. Maybe. And if we lose gravity in August, first off, I'm a little excited about it. They say that it could kill up to 60 million people. 60 million people.

[Brady]

The gravity dip. Yeah.

[John Holberg]

Seven seconds of no gravity across the planet.

[Brady]

It's six, right?

[John Holberg]

Six or seven seconds. Six or seven seconds. That's 40 meters. That was what he did say, six, seven. And I started laughing at that. But six or seven seconds, maybe that was a six, seven joke that went crazy. But they were all pretty much like, yeah, these black holes get together and this is what we think might happen. Yeah. And it makes that weird noise like you're shaking a saw.

[Brady]

What was that?

[John Holberg]

And then Brett's like, oh, my own. And he's floating up for 30 meters and then comes back down. That's a lot.

[Brady]

60 million.

[John Holberg]

60 million people are like, that's. And they're saying it with, you know, It's a good 40 to 60 million people because it's going to rain. Cars, planes.

[Brady]

Everything.

[John Holberg]

Think of that. Everything floats and then comes crashing back down.

[Brady]

Start selling tie down equipment.

[John Holberg]

I don't know what's going to happen. Bolt it down. That one day you forget. I mean, how often do you sit back and go, oh, God, here comes some wind. And umbrellas are open in the yard. You forget it's no gravity day. I hope that doesn't start. If your God starts bouncing us around like flat basketballs. I don't.

[Brett Vesely]

Man. Imagine being around Texas Grill when that happens.

[John Holberg]

All them fatties, oh my God.

[Brett Vesely]

Slamming down.

[John Holberg]

If it starts raining Texas Grill people, we're doomed. 70, 80 million in just Arizona. I don't know. It's still. The splatter factor is going to kill other states. Fat America starts floating around. If fat America starts floating around. Oh, and then they, then they said the thing about the cleanup. The like the insanity of the cleanup because like everything in the grocery store, animals. Oh, yeah. Dolph didn't even think of that. Like, the wild bears just be like, what the is this? And they'll all die. Yep. Yeah. Every squirrel in the world. Think of what the sky would look like for kind of be cool.

[Brady]

Not every squirrel, because almost all of you be in the tree trunk at the time. Can only go up so high in the tree, you know, it's not hollowed out all the way. If they're inside the nest. Internal.

[John Holberg]

Sure, I guess. A couple of lazy squirrels.

[Brady]

I mean, there might be a couple.

[John Holberg]

Of them out there.

[Brady]

Nut bears in a den.

[John Holberg]

But we can warn people.

[Brady]

But. Yeah, but the animals.

[John Holberg]

Bears. Bears in a den in August. Not a thing. There's that there. And all the salmon comes out of the water and, like, what's going on? And then they're like, wait a minute. I'm out of the water. I'm. What is going on? And then the salmon are in the air and they're still hunting. I think I got one. And then they just come smashing back down in Alaska. So Happy New Year, everybody. We got eight months. And it wasn't a prediction. It was a scientific thought. So it's an idea. And again, probably won't happen. But when you're crazy and your brain stops working and you're having some lady draw your soulmate for 30 bucks for fun, your brain stops. It shuts off. And that Instagram is just the fastest way to shut your head off. And I got a burner account just to watch videos. I don't follow anybody and don't get followed. And so I just want to watch the videos people send. And then I start scrolling. And unlike Brady, it's not cripples and breastfeeding moms. I got lunatics on mine. It's kind of neat. And I'm into, like, a couple of. I'm not going to conspiracy theorist. I still think it's crazy to think that everybody's, you know, everybody's that succinct with how to pull something off. I just don't think they can do it. I do think that thing in Venezuela is an arrangement. And Brett should know more than anybody. This is how it happens. They do the raid. It's in the Sopranos. They did the raid on Leotardo's house. And it was either you either sit with us or we can you. That's exactly what you said. He knew it was coming. And it's quiet. It's a Cuff him. Life doesn't ever go though. This one says maybe Brady gets lucky on no gravity day and a generator will land in his backyard. Hey, yeah, Bring a generator. Start floating over. And I think everybody Thinks it's going to be like a cartoon or just go straight up and straight down, but there'll still be wind and stuff and maybe more. And so then it just starts whipping around like, you know, dorothy's going to land in your yard. I got. I got to get off this computer. I'm not good at this. But this one says, brett. Brett now can throw some bodies out there with zero repercussions. Yeah, the Italians are the big winners on Zero Gravity Day because they just take all their kills and lay them in the backyard, and then they float up, smash down. I got three of my enemies landed real close together. I can't believe it. Oh, Lord Jesus. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. Yeah, this guy says, I get it, too. I did the same thing. My brain was all over the place the last few days. We get no gravity. What happens to the ocean water? There's the other thing. I don't know again. All I saw was, if it's not floating around, well, the waves could potentially go crazy. I don't know what happens.

[Brady]

The tide.

[John Holberg]

I don't know what happens. What happens to the moon?

[Brady]

It drops.

[John Holberg]

Here's another thing. If we were 18ft further away from the sun, we'd all freeze. If we were 18ft closer to the sun, we'd all burn up in, like, three seconds.

[Brady]

Come on.

[John Holberg]

Yeah. That's how perfectly placed this stupid thing is. It's crazy. And again, you're traveling at 1.3 million miles an hour right now.

[Brady]

The need for speed.

[John Holberg]

Yeah. You're feeling it. You don't feel the thing. Everything's normal. It's also normal. And that's why we can sit back and we're like, how in the world did that guy miss that kick last night? Well, that's exactly where he goes to, because I don't care, as long as the ravens aren't in anything. I hope the ravens lose gravity. Gravity and just leave, like, float out of. Float out of the atmosphere.

[Brett Vesely]

There goes Lamar.

[John Holberg]

Oh, no. Oh. The atmosphere sucks him out into space, and he lives. And because he's so ugly, even space doesn't want to kill him. And he just spins around the planet and can get your telescope out and watch scared, dumb Lamar floating around in space. Hopefully, Lamar, just for fun, the day that gravity doesn't happen, Lamar gets, like, invited over to, like, some space place and, hey, would you like to try on this new atmospheric safety suit with a helmet that has air in it for, like, 80 years?

[Toledo]

Okay.

[John Holberg]

And he puts it on, and then we have no gravity. And he floats off the Earth and he lives in space for the rest of his life, and he has to. And it's like, oh, no. And you just hear it every once in a while, floating over, oh, no. Lamar can't come back. Lost in space. Lamar Jackson. Oh, John.

[Brett Vesely]

So what you're telling me we're gonna have a real live sharknado?

[John Holberg]

Yeah, yeah. Oh, the sharks. Anything surfacey in the water comes up, too. They brought that up. Anything like, if I'm jumping out, if a whale's breaching and then the gravity stops. And then whales, but they'll go smashing back into the ocean. They're very rarely on the shore.

[Brady]

It's the only one that's not affected. Birds, if they're flying, I guess they would float for a little bit.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, they're. They're the real winners here, I think. Yeah. I don't know how they work with gravity, because I know that gravity helps them.

[Brady]

So, like, if you're in a plane, you would float inside the plane?

[John Holberg]

No, the plane would stop. Like, gravity still.

[Brady]

Yeah, it would just float. But once it would start the engines.

[John Holberg]

If the engines are still cooking.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holberg]

I don't know, but I know for a fact that, like, we have to have thrust and push and all that stuff to keep it up, because otherwise it comes. Obviously, you've seen a crash, right? Yeah. So then that goes away for six seconds of the plane just to start floating more, probably.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holberg]

Or does it go out of control because now it doesn't need the jets, so it might just start spinning. Yeah, I don't know.

[Brady]

Maybe.

[John Holberg]

Yeah. Like, we're just not fighting against anything.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holberg]

Yeah. Anyway, good luck. August. You got till August. My birthday's in July, so this might be the last.

[Brady]

My brother's gonna have a good birthday.

[John Holberg]

This might be the last football season. That's it. Cardinal fans, you might have just wasted it all. And then, no gravity. August cancels the season for next year. Of course, it would be the best thing could happen to the Cardinals. They have training camp, and they just float away and smash onto the ground. They got to start all over. Maybe they all land on Bidwell and you guys can have something better. I gotta stay away from that. That was too much time off. Way too much downtime for me. I got deep into some nonsense, like, real deep. But that's probably why I see this Venezuela thing differently than most people do, is because I'm like. I've been reading a lot, an awful lot about, like, stuff that isn't Quite there. I did, like when Trump came on, he goes, it's like the Monroe Doctrine. He told everybody in Europe to knock it off. We're doing that with the Americas. I call it the Don Road Doctrine. Oh, God. He's got his own funny name for it. Greenland, you're next. We don't even need helic helicopters for that. There's a couple of horses and maybe a wooden boat or a bass boat. Let's go up there. Where's your leader? But they care. Move, Greenlandy people. We're like 12,000 of you. Where is he? Where's the biggest house in Greenland? I'm sure that guy's in charge. And there's some dude at the top of the hill growing tulips or whatever they do there. And snap him up. And his wife.

[Brady]

They're calling every day NATO. Hey, just.

[John Holberg]

Could you help us? Like. No. They're going to take you anyway. No gravity. August. And Greenland's going to be a state too. Like Valenzuela Fernando. Yeah, I looked at that. That whole thing. Somebody emailed. How could you say no one died? I'm like, none of our guys died. I know people in Venezuela die, but they die all the time. We don't pay attention to that. So let's act like that. Craig says, stop talking about science. The earth's distance from the sun varies millions of miles constantly. Stop. No, no. But it varies differently. But that's the thing. It's on the same path. Yes. The distance from the sun is not what I was talking about. If it was 18ft closer. No matter where it is, we burn up. It's a crazy thing and. Shut up, Craig. I'm quoting Neil DeGrasse Tyson. He knows more than you. You're making a different argument. You're absolutely right. But your argument is not what I said. John, this is great.

[Brett Vesely]

We got two Brady reports today.

[John Holberg]

Loving it. Oh, I question it all now. It's going to be a couple of weeks before I kind of fall out of this pattern. But man, oh man, this whole. It's crazy. And Neil DeGrasse Tyson is someone. Just don't do it. Especially if you're kind of adult like me. Get back on porn, you know? You know, fault. This is Katie Hobbs. It's Katie Hopps fault. Because I. I used to just take my time and glad to watch some porn or something stupid. And now that I can't get on porn as easily, I don't go there because Katie Hopps wrecked it. And I get. Go turn the VPN back on. And I go, ah, who could stay hard through all this? And then my VPN sometimes just disconnects for no reason. And then that lady comes back on explaining, we can have porn in the state. We need to have a march. It's like, turn it back on. Like, who are you to say, I can't watch this? Why is that not easy to get here? And I know you just click on the VPN and fix it, but why is it even a. It used to be better. Was it not better? Better? Absolutely.

[Brady]

You're messing with some rage.

[John Holberg]

You're messing with loads of rage.

[Brady]

Loads.

[John Holberg]

Literally incels. Yeah, loads and loads. You just took away the one thing that keeps a lot of people from doing bad stuff. And you made me crazy. I don't believe in the moon landing anymore. Don't get me started on 9 11. That stuff got a little loopy too. 911, I never really buy.

[Brady]

I saw a couple of things on that.

[John Holberg]

Oh, it's just out of control. Did you know 911 the flight 93 landed in Cleveland and was reported?

[Brady]

What?

[John Holberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't even know.

[John Holberg]

I don't even go down that one.

[Brady]

Just stay the one that I didn't really.

[John Holberg]

John Nash. Exactly.

[Brady]

Is the. The disappearance of a lot of the equipment on the flight that didn't get into that hit the Pentagon.

[John Holberg]

No, there was never any of it.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holberg]

No plane parts.

[Brady]

Like, how do you remove something?

[John Holberg]

I don't want to get into it. I know.

[Brady]

That was.

[John Holberg]

It's been two weeks of me doing this garbage.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holberg]

What?

[Brady]

That is interesting.

[John Holberg]

All I need to car about is that Tyler Loop missed that kick. U of A still sucks. And the Ravens aren't in the playoffs. I need to focus. Focus on the real stuff. I'm wearing my Victory Monday shirt. And it's not because I've gone nuts, but please, moon people. It doesn't mean I want to be your friend. Conspiracy loonies. I know I'm talking crazy, but it doesn't mean I want to be in your group. I'm actually kind of ashamed that I feel this way because it's going to bring out them. Now I got to deal with those people. Like, next event we have, he's talking about the movie. Some guy's gonna show up with documents and stuff. And next thing you know, I'm like, oh, boy, these people are talking to me.

[Brett Vesely]

Everybody's sending me links now. You don't need a VPN. Go to goodsexpod.com. here's another one. Thank you, Superporn. Now Dot com.

[John Holberg]

But we shouldn't have to scramble. Point being, the government got involved somehow, right? There's legislation that said slow this down. And probably money related, that we don't understand or don't know the truth. But Katie Hobbs and her peeps okayed it. And I don't know which side was pushing for this. I'm sure the Republicans were involved in it as well, but for some reason, Arizona's. Now it's a problem.

[Brett Vesely]

When's the next election?

[John Holberg]

Yeah, when we vote these people out and run on a platform of. We know that super Nintendo of schools. Shelly Boggs, she knows some people. Get over there and get porn turned back on. I gotta go through three steps. Steps, you know, embarrassing, that is to thumb through, like VPNs and stuff like that. With your pants half off.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, it's this year. November 3rd.

[John Holberg]

That's our election. Well, we gotta bounce some people. And I know for a fact one of them would get a lot of male voters if he just said, and why is it so hard to get on porn in this state? That would be it. If you elect me, I'm to want to ice that. What's it. How's it my business what you're doing on your Internet and protecting kids? It's not our job. You do it. Your parents. If you can't keep your kid off porn. Look, it's always been. Are you over 18? It still is. If your kid's smart enough to click that, you need to, you know, go through their phone every once in a while.

[Brett Vesely]

Imagine the VPN donors for Katie Hobbs's next election, though, man.

[John Holberg]

The money's a good point. That's probably true. Anyway, happy New Year, everybody. Brett, you didn't do anything. Toledo.

[Brett Vesely]

No.

[John Holberg]

SAT and did what?

[Brett Vesely]

I did find super bowl tickets.

[John Holberg]

I'm not gonna do that. I don't even know. I don't even expect us to get out of round one. Don't care. Brady's out there bashing into Mexicans. And that was it.

[Brady]

We beat Michigan.

[John Holberg]

You beat Michigan. Was that on the break? That wasn't Thanksgiving, though. No.

[Brady]

Yeah, but that's basically, you know, you lose the playoff game against the.

[John Holberg]

Sure, sure, sure. Yeah. College is a little different, though, because now you can, you know.

[Brett Vesely]

Is that over?

[John Holberg]

You got. No, no.

[Brady]

Got the game in town here on Thursday.

[John Holberg]

Is it Thursday night? Is it Miami and Ole Miss? Yep. Yeah. All right.

[Brett Vesely]

That's on the west side. Who cares?

[John Holberg]

Well, Miami's gonna fit right in that place. Boy, that Michael Irvin's allowed to do Whatever he wants on a side of the sideline, isn't he?

[Brady]

He and Ray. Ray.

[John Holberg]

Jesus.

[Brady]

Or the white suit chewing on the.

[John Holberg]

Did he have the white suit on? Covered in blood. You got two massive criminals just standing there on the sideline and they're like, these are our finest representatives. It's Ray Lewis and Michael Irvin. Most colleges would frown on that. ASU never even talks about Barry Bonds. All that dude did was get big and hit home runs. These two. Michael Irvin, attempted murder, Ray Lewis murder.

[Brady]

We need perfect on the sidelines.

[John Holberg]

They're. Yeah. They're running all over the place. Yeah. Burfict isn't allowed back at ASU because he was kind of a dick at LA Fitness a couple times and we don't need you there's gonna drag out Scatter boo until he kills someone anyway. Let's get a wake up song, shall we? Brett? All right, Go to it.

[Brett Vesely]

Wake up song time. And we got a bunch in the list here. Mud vein happy for John.

[John Holberg]

Yes.

[Brett Vesely]

Korn got to Life Authority 0. Mexican radio for Brady's car accident the other day.

[John Holberg]

Was there tubas? Can we start 2026 by saying what no one said for the longest time? I'm going to start saying stuff that it's time. We're all thinking it and everybody's Mexicans. It should be a ticketable. I'm going to run on this this year. Election year. Porn should be easier. And it's a ticketable offense if I can hear Mexican music coming out of a car. If you're going to listen to that garbage and you're culturally. Your music's horrible. We all know it. Not the. You know, the love songs. The corresponding. The tubas. And you know which ones I'm talking about. The. The weird tuba ones. If you're listening to that with your windows down, we can write a ticket for it immediately. And that's not culturally because it could be a white person listening. But they don't. So it is a target of it. But it's awful country music. You're second. But that's gonna be a tougher sell. You can't listen to that stuff loud.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't know what's worse. Country music. You can understand how stupid it is. At least in country music.

[John Holberg]

You're like, I don't know what the.

[Brett Vesely]

Hell they're talking about.

[John Holberg]

Nobody some more chips and salsa listens to tuba solos except Mexicans and people at beer halls in September in Germany. That's the only time tubas show up and people are excited about it, you got to turn it off. And I know to all of our Mexican listeners who have tios and tias and abuelas that have that on, you're laughing because you deep down know, good Lord, we gotta stop. Not all your cultural ideas are good. I'm Swedish. IKEA sucks. It's okay to say so. I mean, they sell a lot of stuff, but their products are built for people with apartments. It's not like, in the nicest, finest home. I can admit it. The food especially sucks. It's okay to say that some of your traditions aren't great. We're starting with Mexican music. That stuff brutal, and you can like it, but at a volume that goes no higher than 10 on a modern stereo. If we can hear it outside your car, $285. It's like getting caught in the HOV lane. And police. I'm looking for you to help out on this because I know you guys don't want to deal with it. I was on the 52nd street about three days ago. Guy sitting next to me. I got my top off my car. I was decent enough to turn my. I was listening to Chicago Nice. So mine was. I turned mine to be embarrassed, so I turned it down. I don't want people to know till I'm moving through your hard habit to drink. I believe that was. I just hit the thing after. That's being without you was the one that I was like, ooh, Hit the.

[Brett Vesely]

Satera Highs and everything, too.

[John Holberg]

And then I hit the button on the steering wheel and said, play Chicago and got the whole thing. And Saturday in the park and all that.

[Brett Vesely]

That's good.

[John Holberg]

I'm like, all right, y'. All. Yeah, 26. And like, I'm into this. And that's why I pulled up at the light here, McDowell, fifth signature. And I turned it down, so a. I didn't want people to know. Yeah. Oh, man. Don't give me. Don't. Go on, play. I'm gonna do it again. Hey, sir. But then the guy pulled up next to me. Tubas, turn it down. So I think Mexican music should be a ticket. This guy says, as a frijole chucker, I agree. Give them a ticket for that nonsense. Thanks for nothing. German. Signed Hector. Yeah. See Hector. Heck, I would need to be surrounded by Mexicans who hate that music as I try to pass this bill. I've talked to a lot of your people. I don't think anybody likes it. We're gonna get you a ticket for it now, and you're just begging to get in trouble.

[Brett Vesely]

So you want to get rid of the two T's tubas and tamales or what?

[John Holberg]

I can't. I would personally get rid of tamales, but I can do that. That's the same thing as the porn. I'm not gonna ban tamales. It's not my business what you do with your own T. That's a right off the bat a phrase that pays like that's a T shirt. It's not my business what you do with your tamale. I have personally banned tamales as the worst food in the Mexican food category. Kind of like Italians. It's time to start letting you guys know Sambuca is disgusting. It's amazing and nobody likes it. It's terrible. Love it it.

[Brady]

You crave it.

[John Holberg]

French people drink a bottle of it while we're on the fr. Hey, French people, enough with the butter. We just tell them everybody what, you know, your cultures are. And by the way, those are bugs. Yeah, but we'll start with the Mexicans and I'll work down the other ones. My bigot equal opportunity. I'm gonna. I'm gonna knock them all out. Yeah, I'm gonna knock them all out. And build movie theaters for specific groups of people. I'll leave it to there. Yeah, I think we should segregate movie theater. And not because I don't like it. I. You can still go in the other one, but you know which one you're going. You're like, all right, I understand what's going to happen in here. And you can't get mad at it. Cuz really what I'm doing is protecting the people who like to talk in movie theaters from the white people that go, could you please keep it down? Because that's just going to end up in a fight. If you go into one, you got an no. And so we'll have. And not even in bad neighborhoods. Like right next to. And they should offer you that like smoking or not. I'd like to see Marty Fantastic. That's not what it's called, but would you like that in a talking or non talking? I'll go to the white one. It's truth. You got my vote. Yeah, I know we got. We had no good movies out and 18 theaters per building. You can show the same movie Marty Fantastic can show in two theaters at once, talking or non. And we all know what's going to happen. I thought we had non talking. Well, what is going on in here? Is Dave Chappelle gonna show up? This doesn't seem like the Non talking theater might surprise you. Anyway, go ahead.

[Brett Vesely]

What else we got? Back in the saddle from Aerosmith for us, our big return. Prison sex from Adorable Stained. Not again. For Lamar Bls funeral Bell. Manson's Armageddon because it's Manson's birthday. I don't know. From Ozzy. For the Cardinals fans because they have no clue.

[John Holberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Suicidal tendencies. Can't Bring Me down for Trump. And System of A Down. Violent Pornography for Katie Hobbs.

[John Holberg]

That's not bad. Can't Bring Me down is a pretty solid one. Not only for Trump, but for me. I don't care what happens today. I can't get. Can't get bothered.

[Brett Vesely]

Suicidal.

[John Holberg]

Do a little suicidal tendency. Get. But Brett will be happy. Start the year off that way. You can't bring me Down. Love it. Here's your wake up song, everybody. It's 98.

[Brady]

Hey.

[John Holberg]

It's not weird.

[Brady]

It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees.

[John Holberg]

I have heard enough of this for you. PD Holmberg's morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. Himself. He's evil. Sitting right here. Come on.

[Toledo]

No, no, he's not.

[John Holberg]

He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. I'm trying to keep up with people getting fired and stuff on in football. First one I'm seeing is maybe the Browns guys out. That could be it right now. Kevin Stefanski, he's a good pickup. If I'm him. I'm not floating over to the purgatory that is Arizona, though. I'm gonna have some options. I'm gonna take that job in New York that's gonna open up. I'm gonna take. That's the thing about the Cardinals, man. What coach is gonna want this job?

[Brady]

Gotta go college.

[John Holberg]

I'd rather. I'd rather just go. Yeah. I'd go to like, Michigan or something. I know they got a guy, but something like that. I'm saying the Cardinals, oh, they gotta dig out of college. I don't. And that never worked. College coaches that pop up in the pros, it's. They can go pro college and then back to pro. But college. I think of all the college coaches that just show up as head coaches. They get bounced out fast. The best ones, Nick Saban, Urban Meyer, Steve Spurrier, all of them pop up. And then, you know, it's rare. Usually got to be an assistant. So we'll see. But Gannon's still not fired. He will. I think so. That whole team has to be. I didn't realize this. They had 300 man positions, different people playing in different spots. 300 different variations because of injuries and stuff this year. Who played where and what. That's a lot in 18 weeks. So, I mean, they basically rebuilt two sides of their team. Their running backs, their quarterbacks had to go. The wide receivers were out. The entire line went away. And as they came in, these variations came. And you're like, man, that's. That's a ridiculous, crazy thing. So, Cardinal fans, this is what you guys start talking about on January 5th. Who's going to be the next coach and who do you draft? He started dicking around yesterday with winning the game and losing draft position, you dummies. Rams took care of that.

[Brady]

Yeah, they got.

[John Holberg]

They took the lead in the third quarter. I'm like, what are you doing? Teach Jacoby Brissette to throw with his foot. Stop trying. Are they third pick? What are they third or fourth? I don't know. Third. It's bad. But they're plugged into that slot every year.

[Toledo]

Giants won two games to get out.

[John Holberg]

Of the first spot. Dumbass. Giants started to bounce around. They don't need a quarterback, but you could have had the number one pick and traded everything back to the Raiders to move one spot to go get a quarterback from Indiana. That I don't think is going to be very good in the pros because he drops back too deep constantly. I've watched two games with him now, and I'm like, oh, that ain't gonna work in the pros. You take a shotgun snap in three steps, you're in trouble. You should. That's the whole point of the shotgun is you're already in your drop. He keeps going.

[Toledo]

People are saying he's gonna pull any Eli Manning.

[John Holberg]

I would go to Vegas and that this then what True. I just stay in college. I think you can stay in college for like 14 years now. I'm pretty sure they're allowing, though, because one guy was like, I watched a couple and then, don't give me again the conspiracies on gambling. I don't know if you saw that in the Titans game last week when the fullback came in and he. He was a lineman, but he reported as a fullback and he did that chest brush and the referee brushed his chest and the other ref brushed his chest and they scored a touchdown and they threw a flag and said he didn't report. Like, are you kidding me? Like, three different refs did the exact same thing and pointed to me. Point spread was four and a half. The touchdown would have screwed that up. They Get a field goal. It was totally different.

[Brady]

She.

[John Holberg]

So. I mean, it was. It's incredible. When you watch the tape, you're like, that ref does it back to him. And then another ref gets the signal and tells the other team. And then they flagged it. You can't have the touchdown. We didn't know you're gonna score. It's ridiculous. It was just. Yeah, it ended up being a. I think it was a point and a half correct. Like, the spread was on. The action was going one way and then the one. And I don't even saw that in those terrible bowl games. Man. Those have to go. But they had Colorado State.

[Brady]

The Duke Mayo Bowl.

[John Holberg]

Oh, the Duke Mayo. I knew you'd like the Mayo bowl here. All over the condiments. Bowls are great. And they had the, like, the. The Fresh Fighting Teens Bowl. They had a couple of names. I was like, what's this? But the Snoop Dogg, the kid that ran 92 yards for Colorado State did a little high step into the end zone and they threw a flag for taunting and pulled it back. And the guy for. Was it Buffalo? Played some terrible bowl game and he made a catch and he's running for the end zone, and he's like. It just went out of bounds, like, what? It's crazy. You start to wonder that everybody's in bed with gambling. Oh, I gotta stop reading stuff. I gotta get back to porn. I gotta get back to too much time on the old computer. Computer. Yeah. If you guys hear me say that I gotta go to a bookstore and start reading about this, just know I've lost it. It's over.

[Toledo]

And I's going to Changing hands tonight.

[John Holberg]

Here's the thing. Yeah. If it's an event, I don't want to hear from people. Go. It's just useless information. I don't. I know.

[Brady]

That's the point.

[John Holberg]

Be fun. I got an email from a guy who said, john. Well, that's not. It says, hearing you talk about how happy you are with the Ravens losing to your Steelers genuinely makes me want to get into football. I want this kind of joy. And hearing how happy. Or makes me jealous. You haven't. Yeah, exactly. His name is Carter. You haven't experienced that kind of joy until you have hate in your heart for something else. It's so true. You're dealing with it.

[Toledo]

Oh, my God.

[John Holberg]

You beat the rams and the 49ers and the 49ers while you were on Christmas break. Is there a better Christmas than that?

[Toledo]

It was awesome.

[John Holberg]

You hate them both passionately. I mean, my team wants me. The brown stupid coif. Yeah. Silly little hat of hair. That little toupee. Yeah. He's a little prick. You can see it. He'd be a toad running around there just telling you about how you eat too many carbs. And he'd be annoying. It's a great feeling. Find something to hit.

[Brady]

Hate.

[John Holberg]

And I mean passionately hate it. And when that thing stumbles, you'll find joy. You've never known birth of your first child.

[Brady]

Dumb.

[Toledo]

Alex was sitting next to me against in the Rams game.

[John Holberg]

You were happier than you were when he was born. Look, you were a lot happier that day than the day he was born. It's great that you're here. I guarantee it. Unless the woman giving birth to your first child. Child. You hate her. Yeah. And then there's like a breach and all sorts of trouble and she can't walk ever again. Like, that would be the happiest day. Like the kid wrecked her pelvis. And like the next guy can't ever feel like you'll never have feeling in your vagina again. And you get that news from the doctor, like, oh, it's the happiest day of my life. You can. You can disguise that as the birth of your child, but really it's just the hatred of the lady who birthed it. If you love your wife and you're happy and she makes a baby, you have to say that. But truth of the matter is, Toledo was a lot happier getting the number one seed and bouncing San Francisco at home in prime time than he ever was the day Alex was born. Fact, Brady. You won't even admit it, but the feeling of head to toe tingle joy when you beat Michigan and watch them.

[Brady]

Sobbing around with my little angel walking with me.

[John Holberg]

You got her with you.

[Brett Vesely]

You love her.

[John Holberg]

There's no question. Question. It's not. Saying one means the other doesn't exist. Saying there's a. The joy is better from that than it was the day she was born. Because there's a lot of stress that comes with the day she was born. That's just the beginning.

[Brady]

The day you leave the hospital. Yeah.

[John Holberg]

Oh, it's miserable.

[Brady]

You're giving us then it all.

[John Holberg]

Then it's miserable football. It just ends. Just go eat. It's done.

[Toledo]

Ah, it's great.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, it's great. High five. It's time now for Brady to give you all the news to start the year. It's called the Brady Report and it's brought to you by allprochade.com we don't have winter anymore, so the sun's always up. And if you'd like to shade that up, it's like 80 degrees again today.

[Brady]

That's what Ronnie said last night when she picked me up at the airport. She like, oh, winter's over.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, we had like three days in the 50s and we all freaked out. It's nice anyway, you can shade it up. AllProchade.com got you covered. If you want to shade something. You want to make a beautiful patio, even better. Better you got a TV on that back patio. You can get that glare off of it. Have one of those motorized shades that retracts if the weather gets silly. Then you don't have to worry about it breaking. It's perfect. All pro shades. Got you covered. Make it all shady. Allprochade.com Brady report.

[Brady]

Good Monday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello world. Hello, happy National. Thank God it's Monday day.

[John Holberg]

No.

[Brady]

What?

[John Holberg]

That's not Kill those people.

[Brady]

And National Whipped Cream Day.

[John Holberg]

Kill those people.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, they suck.

[John Holberg]

You forget that the bears lost yesterday. So and didn't move a spot right? Yeah, it ended up being all right. But still. You wanted the commander skins the lions. Yeah.

[Brady]

Got a couple of basis fun facts. The organ. Chuck Berry only had one number one hit ever. I start off with the organ.

[John Holberg]

Start again. His organ, huh?

[Brady]

No, I started into one fun fact, but I don't want to do the Chuck Berry instead had first Chuck Berry had only one hit ever. It's Mike Dingling.

[John Holberg]

Number one hit.

[Brady]

Number one ever, right? Yeah. Only one hit ever.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, that's it. Never. It's the only he got so famous. The Oregon Trail, Oregon, 1971 not Oregon.

[Brady]

The Oregon Trail computer game in 1971 is older than Pong. Yeah, Pong came out in 72. The guy that developed it was a teacher. A student teacher in Minnesota. And he developed it as a history lesson. Sadly, he died of dysentery. I'm just kidding. He's still alive.

[John Holberg]

He's on the Organ Trail. Brady's on the Organ Trail. Still getting another year close. Another month closer to taking some dead teenager's kidney and stuffing it in you.

[Toledo]

You're hoping it's a short trail.

[Brady]

The same enzyme that apples and potatoes turn brown is also responsible for tanning in humans.

[John Holberg]

Oh, no kidding. Melatonin. What is it called?

[Brady]

Tyrona Sinaz.

[John Holberg]

They named the stuff that makes you darker. Tyrona senaz.

[Brady]

For Brett Tyrosina.

[John Holberg]

I did not write the article either. It's Tyrone. That was only for you. We're off to a blazing start. We all caught like. Brett has to take a lap. Why do I have to take a lap?

[Brady]

He said it.

[John Holberg]

As a scientist, I'd like to name the thing I found here. What is it? Dr. Vesely. Hold on a second. We had a long chat about it at the Vesely house last night, and we came up with this. The stuff that makes your skin darker. What are you gonna name it? The Vesely? No, no. We've decided to call it the Tyrona Senaz. What's Sanazmi? Talks in theaters. What? Double whack. Yeah.

[Brady]

Had a little New Year's Eve Fallout Guy in Florida. Celebrated by shooting a gun off in the air. And one of the bullets went through a house, end up in the lady's pillow. Luckily, it stopped in the pillow, didn't hit her, but it went through the walls of her bedroom and her dirty pillows.

[John Holberg]

Or her real pillows.

[Brady]

It was a real. She was sleeping on it. Boom.

[John Holberg]

She was asleep. And. Oh, man. Yeah, the bullets got to land somewhere. If you're going to do that, do it on no Gravity Day. Coming up here in August. That's not a bad idea. Shoot your gun off when you're floating. What? Correct. Yes, it is. No Gravity Day. No Gravity Day. I'm going to be packing because if I'm in the air and there's like a wild coyote and we're about to land together, one of us is going down alive and one of us isn't. If you're camping in August and there's a good chance you might be. Bear starts floating around with you on no Gravity Day. It's a thing.

[Brady]

Had another thing happen over New Year's. Two guys got upset. They got arrested at a kfc. This happened in Las Vegas. They choked the worker at KFC over some gravy. Evidently didn't get it to him in time or shorted him on the gravy. So James Carter was the employee and he. The two guys arrested.

[John Holberg]

KFC doesn't have gravy. They have gravy sauce.

[Brady]

No, it's butter. It's the honey sauce.

[John Holberg]

They have honey sauce for that. Buttery spread. Buttery spread. Their gravy is gravy sauce. Have you ever seen that? They don't have butter. It's buttery spread.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't eat that.

[John Holberg]

What?

[Brett Vesely]

I haven't eaten there in a long time.

[John Holberg]

Come on. If you go the packs of butter say buttery spread because it's not butter and the honey is honey sauce. And then the big buckets in the back are gravy sauce.

[Brady]

Well, James and Gerald Carter were very upset at the gravy sauce.

[John Holberg]

It's amazing stuff.

[Brett Vesely]

Should we guess the perp?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holberg]

What? No. Let's start the year off.

[Brady]

Jesus.

[John Holberg]

Is he right, though?

[Brady]

I don't have. I don't have any pictures, but I'm gonna say.

[John Holberg]

I'm gonna guess. I'm gonna say now, where was it, though? I know.

[Brady]

It's Vegas.

[John Holberg]

In Vegas.

[Brett Vesely]

North Vegas.

[John Holberg]

Oh, yeah. Okay.

[Brady]

James and gerald. Gerald Carter, 48 and 30.

[John Holberg]

Jimmy Carter. Yeah.

[Brady]

The press.

[John Holberg]

How old was he? Jimmy Carter?

[Brady]

James was 48, and his parents named him. Gerald was 32.

[John Holberg]

Okay.

[Brady]

James, you say was, and they're charged with attempted murder.

[John Holberg]

Carter.

[Brady]

For choking the guy.

[John Holberg]

No. White people name their kids after James. Jimmy Carter.

[Brett Vesely]

Jimmy.

[John Holberg]

48 years ago. 48 years ago. Was 78. I was in the heart of the Carter administration. I'm gonna have to go ahead and.

[Brady]

Say the officer interviewed Gerald Carter, who admitted to getting into a fight, but he said his knife stayed in his pocket.

[John Holberg]

That's a different angle.

[Toledo]

Middle picture.

[John Holberg]

That's him. Okay. Brett's want to know the.

[Toledo]

Little droopy left eye there.

[John Holberg]

It's T ball.

[Toledo]

It is T ball.

[John Holberg]

Come on. Be better. Stop that incredibly infectious. Laugh at all this nonsense. This is your fault about me. Yes.

[Brett Vesely]

He's reporting it. It's not me.

[John Holberg]

Watch. We can't have one story about a guy getting mad at someone at a KFC over gravy without you going down that road.

[Brady]

I feel bad for the guy.

[John Holberg]

What? Who? The worker? Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

He missed his gravy.

[John Holberg]

No, no. Hey, look.

[Brady]

Got a guy that went through the government's official database of ER visits to find out what we got stuck up our butts last year. Huh?

[Toledo]

Didn't he do this annually?

[Brady]

Yeah, yeah. Turkey baster.

[John Holberg]

Whoa.

[Brady]

A wine stopper. Shampoo bottle.

[John Holberg]

What's a wine stopper?

[Brady]

Like you put the top on the wine.

[John Holberg]

Like you re. Cork it. Yeah. Is that what it's called?

[Brady]

Called.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, Wine stoppers.

[Toledo]

Like, they're like artsy fartsy stuff now.

[Brady]

Yeah, they can.

[John Holberg]

It is. Yeah.

[Brady]

It's like a pewterly or.

[John Holberg]

Oh, those things. Yeah, yeah.

[Brady]

Record. That's got a rubber base.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, I gotcha. It's got the. It's okay. That's called the wine stopper.

[Brady]

Nails and screws up your butt.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, we've seen lots of those videos last year. I mean, you know, a highlighter, a.

[Brady]

Baseball, pair of pliers.

[Toledo]

Nothing surprising yet.

[Brady]

Bunch of marbles.

[John Holberg]

A bunch of marbles. What this dude's doing coat hanger.

[Brady]

Oh, a sandal. A doorknob.

[John Holberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Light bulb. Vape pen.

[John Holberg]

That's an accident.

[Brady]

That's mulen.

[Brett Vesely]

That's Wheaties.

[John Holberg]

A sandal sounds.

[Toledo]

One of Brett's videos.

[Brady]

That.

[John Holberg]

That's a tough one.

[Toledo]

Guy went. Went in shoelace this.

[John Holberg]

Or someone put their foot up.

[Toledo]

Yes.

[Brady]

Two pencils.

[John Holberg]

My dad was. My dad was right. My dad's biggest fear comes true.

[Brady]

Corn cob pipe and a button nose.

[John Holberg]

Somebody. Corn cob pipe sat on frosting. Right.

[Brady]

And a bunch of uncooked pasta.

[Toledo]

Huh?

[John Holberg]

Corkscrew.

[Brett Vesely]

Al dente.

[Toledo]

Al dente.

[John Holberg]

Of course. Silly. Fusilli. Jerry, there's something. Something. Check out homework's morning sickness podcast at 98kupd.comberg's Morning Sickness.

[Brady]

You're talking about reading books. How you go into. Dive into reading when you're on.

[John Holberg]

I don't. I don't read. I dive into Internet videos.

[Brady]

YouGov just did a survey, a poll, and found that last year, 40% of Americans and didn't read a single book.

[Toledo]

I got that in 2025.

[John Holberg]

I read two. Two books. I did not read them, though. I had them read to me. Oh, I did. The audio.

[Toledo]

That counts.

[John Holberg]

Or then it's reading a book.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holberg]

Because I can still say in the book. I. Because it's every word of the book. So Christopher Hitchens read it to me. That's. Oh, yeah.

[Toledo]

His book.

[John Holberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

Was he reading it or was somebody else?

[John Holberg]

And it's very. He's.

[Toledo]

Oh, my God.

[John Holberg]

A lot of big words. Yeah. The only thing I read when I read a book is I stop it and I go, I have no idea what that is. And I have to go find that word and read it.

[Brady]

We got a former social studies teacher in Tennessee is now a world record holder. Glenda Aiken worked at the same school for 61 years and 43 days. Westmoreland High School, about an hour north of Nashville. Not something. Started in 1963, retired in 2024.

[Toledo]

Half pension.

[John Holberg]

That's the story.

[Brady]

And then the other world record.

[John Holberg]

Oh, it's a world record.

[Brady]

Yeah. The world's oldest living cat just had a big birthday. Flossy, the cat lives in England. Just turned 30 last week. She was born December 29, 1995. The oldest living cat on record was a tabby named Cream Puff, who died in Texas in 2005 at the age of 38.

[Toledo]

It's too long.

[John Holberg]

38 years. Wow. Over the break. My beautiful dog, Bus. Love him. He's awesome. Laying on the couch. It's about 11:30 at night. He bops up next to me. Me and bust us this adorable thing where he kind of looks at my arm and looks at me. Half English, half American bulldogs. So they're very expressive with their eyes. And it's funny. So I giggle and I open my arm up a little and he gets in the crook of my arm and he puts his head on my shoulder and just starts to nuzzle. It gets his head comfy and I'm like, that's adorable. So I kind of lean my head down onto him. What's up, buddy? And he in my ear. He smelled my ear and then starts to lick my ear. And I allow that. I have no problem with that. That. And then I hear this. He puked in my ear. Just a little like.

[Toledo]

And then.

[John Holberg]

And then I reached in there and like little chewed kibble and cookie. Cookie bits. And he's looking at me like, that's cool, right? I'm like, good Christ. If a human did that to me, I'd kill them. But you gave the noise. Oh, God. And then I laughed. If Toledo came up to me, I was like, hey, asshole, did you just throw up in my ear? He'd be dead. Seconds. Wouldn't even be seconds.

[Toledo]

The ear puking defense at Tactical Blast.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, I mean, for a dude, like, if I look Megan, I'm like, you're. Ooh. And I ran. She's dead. She's dead.

[Brady]

Dead.

[John Holberg]

Anybody pukes in my ear, they're dead. Dua lipa could do it, but that's it. If dul. I just want to puke in your ear. Like, well, here's my ear. I don't know what you're waiting for. She get a projectile vomiting into my ear. That's different. Anybody else dead? Automatic death.

[Brady]

National Popcorn day is coming up on the 19th of January. Cinemark is running a promo. Bring your own bucket for national. You can bring a five gallon bucket from Lowe's.

[Toledo]

Home Depot buckets.

[Brady]

Yeah. And you can fill it up for five bucks.

[John Holberg]

Well, there you go.

[Brady]

The other delicious is Mr. Bubble is celebrating National Bubble Bath day this week with new bubble bath flavored soda.

[John Holberg]

Okay.

[Brady]

They said it's kind of bubblegum scented flavor. It's cane sugar. You can buy it [e-mail]. it's 350 a can or 25 bucks for a 12 pack.

[John Holberg]

What am I filling up with? Like the 5 gallon Mr. Bubble Bucket Bubble bath.

[Brady]

Bubble bath flavored soda. Soda there. Yeah. I mean, that'll. That'll Sell out quick.

[John Holberg]

And the five gallon thing was. Gave it away. I could fill the five gallon bucket with soda again. Did I conf.

[Brady]

No, you can.

[Brett Vesely]

Popcorn.

[John Holberg]

Oh, popcorn. Okay, backwards. I thought that was to add on to that. Like, you could also use it for bubble bath stuff.

[Brady]

And that's teamed up with Lowe's. You got to get the bucket at low.

[John Holberg]

Sure, that makes sense. Oh, nothing I think about more.

[Toledo]

You could bring your own bucket.

[John Holberg]

Bucket. Well, if you have a Lowe's bucket.

[Toledo]

You can bring your.

[John Holberg]

I have Lowe's buckets. It's like the Harkins bag. Bring it back to Lowe's and they'll fill it with popcorn. Just like the movies.

[Brett Vesely]

By the way, do you ever remember to bring that back?

[John Holberg]

No. I'm a. I'm a grown man with a job. I don't need to bring a empty bag back for popcorn. Not that cheap. That's $20, Mr. Rockefeller. I'm like, right. Dirty old bucket that I'm dragging around with me. I just want you to fill my cup from home. Got a whole annual pass then that. You see those people have that faded cup?

[Toledo]

Yes.

[John Holberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

From three seasons ago.

[John Holberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Five years old.

[John Holberg]

Yeah. You haven't paid for a soda in 20 years, jackass.

[Brady]

Oh, I got the wrong one.

[John Holberg]

By the way, speaking of Brady and is a he said cane in that thing Proof? We're in a simulation and this is no longer real. The general that helped out with the Venezuela attack, General Raisin Kane. I was like, oh, that isn't. That's not a real human being. There's no way AI is in control of all this.

[Toledo]

There's your smolet for me.

[John Holberg]

Oh, the whole thing. Yeah. That dude's gonna be dead, but he's gonna be in a beautiful beach somewhere. Maduro's in, but, yeah, Raisin Kane is one of our guys. That's awesome. You got videos.

[Brady]

I do have a couple of radio.

[John Holberg]

Videos staring at me. Just.

[Toledo]

Yeah. What other videos?

[Brady]

Because I kind of have. Because I kind of forgot. First one's from.

[John Holberg]

So when you do that, just your. My. My tell on that is you're just gonna stare holes through me until I tell you what's next. I did the fun because the last.

[Toledo]

One you sent me was like an hour ago.

[John Holberg]

Did you see Staring at me like, well, do something.

[Brady]

I forgot it was time.

[John Holberg]

Okay. Yeah, that's right. This is your time to shine.

[Brady]

So this. This is a parachute drop coming in from the Armed Forces Bowl, I believe the bull game.

[John Holberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

The guy gets snagged.

[John Holberg]

Oh, he's coming into the stadium. Oh, and he hits the net for the drops. Oh, then he lands on the people. That's gonna must look like on no gravity. Hey, thank God it was a college bowl game. No, no one's there except for the 35ft.

[Brett Vesely]

That annoying broad that's doing the commentary.

[Brady]

He was able to walk away.

[John Holberg]

Yeah. Because the people broke his fall. Is he a military guy?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holberg]

You're telling me we can't get into the stadium of the bowl game. But we. Yeah, our good ones were down in Venezuela because this dude is a rookie.

[Toledo]

So it says it was a group of five parachutists from an all veteran group. They attempted to land on the field. Only three landed as planned. One parachute is reportedly landed outside the stadium.

[John Holberg]

Walk away on cars.

[Brett Vesely]

It's really suck.

[Toledo]

I mean he's dug in limu.

[John Holberg]

They landed in three out of five.

[Brady]

We'll get him at halftime.

[John Holberg]

Three out of five is bad.

[Brett Vesely]

I know.

[John Holberg]

That's what I'm saying. Those guys suck.

[Brady]

It's windy.

[John Holberg]

It was windy. Okay, here we go.

[Brady]

A little guitar music for you.

[John Holberg]

This is a pig man. What is that thing? It's a guy with no arms. Oh, his head. That's that backwards headed guy waiting. Took me a second to see him. He's. He's a backwards headed man.

[Brett Vesely]

Beaches they're going too.

[John Holberg]

He's not really playing it. He's having fun rubbing his upside down head on a guitar and they're playing Bee Gees.

[Brett Vesely]

We start to hear.

[Toledo]

Or he's being abused for clicks. You don't know.

[John Holberg]

Do you click on his page and go through all of his stuff? You just as it comes up. You have not on through there. You don't know what he's got. What is the disease that makes your head float? Float behind you upside down. There he is. Oh Jesus. This dude is disgusting. Must be a Steeler fan. Okay, who taught it to talk. Like why did you even bother with that? How.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh come on.

[John Holberg]

Come on. There's more of those guys. What's his name?

[Toledo]

Toledo. Claudio. Claudio Palestrante.

[John Holberg]

Palestrante. Claudio Palestrante. If you want a hundred thousand followers backwards headed man. Well, because he's the only one. Like Michael Jordan's the greatest of all time. There's no.

[Brady]

I've seen a couple. The only.

[John Holberg]

That's the only one.

[Brady]

Check out his shoes. Oh for Christ.

[John Holberg]

Just ended. Would somebody can trump like load up a plane and go get him too.

[Brett Vesely]

Valenzuela too.

[John Holberg]

We picked up that weird backwards headed guy too. He's in there with Madero. We don't know what to do.

[Brady]

Posting right off the bat. Not sure if people would follow. And because a couple of them. They had him by what? They had him in the ocean swimming. Like.

[John Holberg]

Oh, they threw him in the ocean trying to get. Yeah, they didn't. He wasn't. He's like a buoy. Survived first time.

[Brady]

Check it out.

[John Holberg]

Very generous with the word swimming. It was not swimming. He was trying to survive. And then somebody pulled him out.

[Toledo]

And also all these people you're talking about is you.

[Brady]

You.

[Toledo]

You're watching him.

[John Holberg]

I was gonna go to Cuba this morning and take them down, but Brady showed me a video of upside down backwards man and I have to go get him. I have to go get him. I can't. When I'm scrolling on the Internet, I can't have it.

[Brady]

I'm not sure if we've done this one before, but it's a work accident.

[John Holberg]

Factory work accident. We're in a big. A lot of spinning things. Some dude backing up shirt got caught in the spinning thing.

[Brett Vesely]

There he goes.

[John Holberg]

Oh, we're whipping him around at breakneck speeds. And that'll end him right there.

[Brett Vesely]

Liquidity pretty quick.

[John Holberg]

Yeah. Somebody hit the button fast. But it's still his shirt.

[Brady]

Loose fitting clothing and pretty much naked at the end. Why do we have clothes?

[John Holberg]

So many spinning items with nothing on them in factories all over the world. Like so many videos we see are just something spinning for the sake of spinning.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holberg]

Crying out loud, man.

[Toledo]

Do not take that job.

[John Holberg]

Kyle said, I don't want to point this out to start the year. But Brady didn't even finish the story. And Brett had started laughing right after he heard kfc. What? You can't even hear.

[Toledo]

I heard it too.

[John Holberg]

KFC in the news.

[Brady]

Let me, Brett, hand me the story.

[John Holberg]

Oh, it's a. So Brett gave you and still laughing. Oh, so he kind of knew what was. But I didn't read it.

[Brett Vesely]

Read the story. I caught the headline and passed it over.

[Brady]

But all he needs to see is kfc. You saw a fight?

[John Holberg]

Yeah. He said the word fight and kfc. Like I'm giving this. This is me. Yeah. Oh, you're an idiot. All right, you're up. All right, Bert, Kick the year off.

[Brett Vesely]

All right, we'll start off.

[John Holberg]

Been two and a half weeks since I've seen a Brett video.

[Brett Vesely]

I know. We'll start this one off. Apparently we got some video of you after the Steelers game yesterday.

[John Holberg]

Oh, it's just a guy laying on some stairs and he's just whacking. Whacking off on the stairs and smelling a shoe. He's beaten up. He just realized he's being filmed, and he put his junk back away and then put his shoe back on. He smells his own shoes.

[Brady]

Oh. Oh.

[John Holberg]

And starts to tug.

[Toledo]

Wow.

[John Holberg]

Is that real? Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't know.

[John Holberg]

You have sound on that or. No. Okay, good.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holberg]

He takes his shoe off. He starts smelling. He starts beating it, and then he notices that somebody's filming him. Of course you're. You're laying in the middle of a staircase outside in a park. Mark. That was bound to happen. You can't close your eyes.

[Brett Vesely]

And here's some fights, okay?

[John Holberg]

Oh, Jesus. Oh, there's a dude getting rocks thrown at him. Oh, Jesus. That's in some other nation where they throw rocks a lot. And they're good at it. These are big rocks getting. Okay, that's enough. That guy's getting pelted with loads of rocks. Big ones. All right, here's a lady in a wheelchair. Brett's on fire. Lady in a wheelchair. She's got a knife in her eye, and it's a big butcher knife. O my goodness. She's at the hospital. She has a big kitchen knife in her eye, and she just sitting there with her legs.

[Brady]

Gross.

[John Holberg]

Waiting for her turn.

[Brady]

What is the injury?

[John Holberg]

Yeah, why are you here tonight? Just look up for a second. Did she have to wait? Like, why is she still in the lobby? Shouldn't that be an immediate?

[Brady]

Lady closed the door on her.

[John Holberg]

We'll be right back. I got somebody with COVID All right.

[Brett Vesely]

There'S a hillbilly f around and find out.

[John Holberg]

The hillbilly with a lasso. What's he got? Yeah, he's lassoing. Something comes up, and he missed him with the lasso. Yeah. A young cow smashes him in the face with cow face. Bam. What's that called? The Mexican food? The cow face. Barbacoa. You got barbacoa.

[Brett Vesely]

And then these are all for Christmas. Since we weren't here for Christmas, they.

[John Holberg]

Wanted to give us some Christmas Christmas video.

[Brady]

Yes.

[John Holberg]

All right, here's two snowmen, one snowman, and a lady dressed as a snowman.

[Brett Vesely]

Pissed off at the snowman, kicks the.

[John Holberg]

Snowman in the chest, and. Oh, no, she's gonna tip him over. He's Jewish. Oh, it's glass. No, I guess that's all snow. This lady's just destroying someone's Jewish snowman. Oh. And then she felt that frosty got her. She ended up slipping on him and hitting her Face on the ground. Good, because the snowman had a yarmulke and a blue scarf. Scarf. She's an anti semica.

[Brett Vesely]

There's some more Christmas.

[John Holberg]

She's an anti snowmite.

[Toledo]

Oh, God.

[Brett Vesely]

There's a Grinch.

[John Holberg]

Oh, there's a big fat lady about to sit on a guy dressed as the Grinch. And her pants are off and she's dropping that huge. Oh, God. Oh, she. Oh, God. She's got a pretty face. She really does have a pretty face For a woman who's probably over £400. He usually edits us. Sorry about that. A £400 pound woman sitting on the Grinch's face. And she was pretty.

[Brett Vesely]

There's some Christmas music for you because I think we heard this on Beth's show.

[John Holberg]

Oh, guys playing a guitar dressed as Santa while a woman orally. Yeah, a woman orally pleases him. These are the balls, I guess is the song. That's pretty impressed. He's got a hammer on him too. Look at that thing. She's a foot away.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holberg]

Merry Christmas.

[Brett Vesely]

And we'll end with this. I think this is. I think this is AI. But yeah.

[John Holberg]

All right. She's got her Christmas ornaments and she's shoving them in her butt.

[Toledo]

Oh, no, it's sped up.

[John Holberg]

Sped up. She's shoving a bunch of ornaments in her butt. And that's them coming up. It's Christmas. We get it. That's it. I ever tell you guys about that time on Christmas Eve? I woke up and went out and didn't realize it for about 15 years, but I caught my mom blowing my dad. What? Yeah, they were in there.

[Toledo]

23 years you waited.

[John Holberg]

I think I've said it. I don't remember. But I remember getting up. I couldn't sleep. Rubbing my little eyes. At this point, 15.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay.

[John Holberg]

Oh, can't sleep. And I knew, you know, and they were up. It was like two in the morning. And they're in the living room. We had a little drop down living room. My dad was laying up against the stairs. And I just see his head walked up and I'm like, I can't sleep. I'm an annoying teenage boy. Wanted food. And they were still up. What are you guys doing up? And I just heard my dad go, God damn it. Ah. John, John, John, John. Like, what? And I thought he was just mad because I was up. What are you doing?

[Brady]

You got.

[John Holberg]

You got gas or something? Why? Cause you're unbuttoned. Your pants are unbuttoned. Oh, yeah, Gas. And my mom's just sitting There looking at me like, oh no. You want some meatballs? She made me a burger. I think if I remember right, she got up.

[Brett Vesely]

Dan didn't murder me.

[John Holberg]

Oh, he got up and made me some food.

[Brady]

Do you need some meat, hun?

[John Holberg]

Sure.

[Brett Vesely]

Surprised Dan didn't jam a ruler down your throat.

[John Holberg]

Just kidding. Yeah. Merry Christmas. That was very similar to a lot of the videos there. Walking in on that triggered me. There you go. There's your Brady report, everybody. And watch it go. Is that weird?

[Brady]

It's pretty cool actually. No membership fee.

[John Holberg]

I have heard enough of this. Morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil sitting right here. Come on.

[Toledo]

No, no, he's not.

[John Holberg]

He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. It's the first day back for most all of us doing our thing. I pretty much forgotten how everything works around here. This is not like riding a bike. I know where the buttons are. I did come in on the break and do a couple hours on the show on New Year's Eve with my friend Adam Ray and then had a lovely get together with Adam after the Suns game over at Copper Blues, which was a lot of fun.

[Brett Vesely]

Fun.

[John Holberg]

But Adam came in here and did a couple hours on New Year's Eve and I was shocked how many of you people had to work on New Year's Eve because driving in there was absolutely no emails exploded, did they? Yeah, yeah. It was cool. And a lot of people I think.

[Brady]

It was like a.

[John Holberg]

It's like a pop up store. Now I know how Guy Fieri feels when he puts one of his garbage restaurants just in a parking lot and people just flood it.

[Toledo]

And it's a weekly but yes, it will be up on podcast. Oh is it wasn't in it. I wasn't in the.

[John Holberg]

Don't even about it. That's work. I want to apologize also for over the break that whole 24 hours of homework thing. They keep saying my idea but I was clearly joking. That's a lot. And I want to apologize because yesterday while I watched the Cardinal game and realized that there was no local advertising sold and that commercial I'm on with Doug Hopkins ran a lot. That's too much. Me.

[Toledo]

You and your dad were having a good time.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, me and Pops Hopkins. Old Pops Hopkins. Love him. Lovely old Pops Hopkins. I went to Doug's for Christmas. He does a thing at his house. I guess his somebody used to do it. Now he took it over. But that you take a Bob Ross show off of the YouTube and you do the painting. It was kind of fun.

[Toledo]

Really?

[John Holberg]

Yeah, it was kind of neat. There were like 20 of us there. It was pretty good. It was pretty great. Went out to Doug's house.

[Toledo]

Do you do your normal like you did with the wine painting?

[John Holberg]

Well, if I don't like. Yeah. If I don't like the way it's going, I usually just black it out. Which Dina down there at the painter's lounge was always very upset because I'd be going. And I'm like, well, this is terrible.

[Brady]

She goes, that's okay.

[John Holberg]

I'm like, it isn't okay for you, maybe. Not me. So I just take black and I just make the whole thing a black. So at the end, when the class holds up their art, I'm just standing there with this weird dark murderers canvas. At Doug's, I started to paint and. And it was. Bob Ross's son was painting in this one. Bob was just talking about the stuff. And we're all going and hanging out and doing well. Megan had a good one. Aaron was there. He painted well. And there's a couple other people that did good. And then I'm going. And in the middle of making the trees, the happy little trees.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holberg]

I realized that, well, he's got it. There's no, like, ground here. And then Bob adds ground with a brush. I didn't hang half, so I tried to manufacture ground. Just so then I just painted a dick on it. And the clouds became. Merry Christmas. Yeah. I was like, screw this. And then we all posed with. Was fun, though. It was really neat.

[Toledo]

Christmas party in our neighborhood that we went to. They put up a canvas like that. And wanted everybody that came to the Christmas party just to add a little something to it. I'm like, that's a bad idea. There's going to be like nine dicks.

[John Holberg]

Wieners.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, Wieners were on it at the end, so.

[Toledo]

Not none. Because this one guy came up and painted the most beautiful cactus we'd ever seen. And nobody.

[John Holberg]

Nobody don't do anything after that.

[Brady]

Touch that.

[John Holberg]

I put a dick on it. Yeah, I'd have painted it.

[Toledo]

Apparently that happened a couple years ago.

[John Holberg]

I would have done that. I would have put boobs on the. On the beautiful cactus because I'm great.

[Toledo]

Oh, by the way, the boob and dick lasers went over really white elephant.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, the dick lasers are a great gift and they're just great to play with. I want to take one to a son's game, but I think I'd get kicked out.

[Toledo]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holberg]

But I'll try. I'm gonna hit Kevin Ray in the head with it while he's on tv.

[Brett Vesely]

Or bring it to a Mercury game.

[John Holberg]

Chambers. Yeah. And the pregame. No, Tom's too big.

[Toledo]

Okay?

[John Holberg]

He can't catch me. But if he did, I'll do. I'll give it to Kevin. And then I saw this story, which Brady brought up some Guinness World stuff. This was a thing where I kind of wondered what I would do if I had this affliction. We'll get into it. Micro penis. The official designation of micro penis. And this is going to hurt a couple guys. So if you're on the freeway right now, look out. You might get pit stopped by a dude who's about to end it. 3.6 inches is the official designation of micropenis. Erect.

[Brett Vesely]

Erect.

[Toledo]

Seen a couple of those in breath videos.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, there's a few. We'll see. 3.6 inches erect. Right. So that's not. That's bad. That's rough to be a guy with one, but you kind of probably keep that under every. He's doing the math. And his little fingers over there. That's about. Yeah, you're about. You're right. About three inches right there. Three and a half inches.

[Brady]

That's.

[John Holberg]

That's four or five. Well, that's not five.

[Toledo]

Size of a finger.

[John Holberg]

Maybe we're holding it up.

[Brady]

Yeah, there you go. Toledo's index finger here's a little too long.

[Toledo]

John, you got long fingers.

[John Holberg]

I don't really have an average hand.

[Toledo]

Get your phone out. Didn't you use to measure things with your.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, but I only know that that's 7 inches. So if I poke out of the top of it, I'm still good.

[Toledo]

Well, then half. Half your phone is three.

[John Holberg]

If I put it on top of my erection and there's still some top showing, I'm like, we're all right already. Right. That's some. Top is showing. And we're all good there. It's not three, six, but.

[Brady]

Yeah, yeah, that's about.

[John Holberg]

If your phone's about seven inches, it's about half a phone. A little more than half a phone. Yeah, it's about two.

[Toledo]

Got long fingers.

[John Holberg]

I'm a little past the Apple either way. 3.6. Right. So if you're hanging in that area, you've got the micropenis. And I. If I was 3, 5. It's like being a. Which you're not allowed to say, but under four feet is. Midget. Midget. Like, if you're four feet, you're Not. But you are, right?

[Brady]

What's the.

[Toledo]

Didn't you ask Brad this? What's the difference between a midget and a dwarf? Isn't there a designation? Isn't there a limit?

[John Holberg]

Oh, yeah. They got different hands and heads. One has goofy hands, and one has, like, human hands. Gotcha. Anyway, so I thought you said just Brett that. Why would I ever go to Brett for that? Brad Williams is who you're talking about. So if I had a 3.5 or even a 3. 7. If you're 3 7, you're not out of the woods. You're just not in the micro category. But I wouldn't probably make it.

[Toledo]

Isn't it like you want to be.

[John Holberg]

I got one of those. It's got a real small regular dick.

[Toledo]

Isn't it like you want to be.

[John Holberg]

You, you.

[Toledo]

You got there. So as long as he's not at 3 6, he's.

[John Holberg]

Well, look, the problem is 36 is bad. 3 7, 38 is not good.

[Toledo]

Right.

[John Holberg]

But they put a line on it. 36 is where micropenis kind of begins and then lessens from there. Right.

[Brett Vesely]

I think if you're 3 6, you already know. It's not like we needed the official.

[John Holberg]

Word for it, but if you're 3 7, you're not measuring.

[Brett Vesely]

You haven't hung yourself anyway, and you're not.

[John Holberg]

There's nothing hung about. So this dude in Carolina, North Carolina, realized that 3.6 inches was nothing like, nowhere near what he had erect. His was just a little bit more than an inch. Now get your fingers up and start doing that math. Right, Right. So he's so small, he's now 36 years old, that he's like, you know what? Let's make some lemonade. Calls Guinness and says, I think I have the smallest penis for a healthy man in the world.

[Brett Vesely]

Did they interview his wife with this, too?

[John Holberg]

He's not married, surprisingly. Brett.

[Brady]

That's a gutsy call.

[John Holberg]

No rings. No. Yeah, no rings. Surprisingly, the ladies who say size doesn't matter, this guy's still alone. So I think that pretty much negates that argument, because size doesn't matter. But if you're an inch erect, it matters anyway. But if I had one that was less like an inch, I think I would do this. Like, well, let's. Let's just make this fun. 3 6. You're still like, it's like an inch at an it. You would. Okay. At an inch. I think I'd have fun with it.

[Brett Vesely]

Nah.

[Toledo]

What? No. What fun?

[John Holberg]

3 6.

[Brett Vesely]

What fun you gonna have you could.

[John Holberg]

Diddle it and, like, show people.

[Toledo]

I'd get a hundred thousand followers.

[John Holberg]

I would show people. I'd walk around without, like, I can. I can do this all day. No one would play. Yeah, Nobody's ever gonna get mad at me. It's like, as long as I'm shaved, I look like a Kendall. Like, I would.

[Brady]

We can see your nipple.

[John Holberg]

Like, indecent exposure would be hilarious because it's what's indecent about it. It's actually adorable. So, yeah, so he's got this. So he's calling. He's calling. He's like, I think. And Guinness won't, like, take it. Like, they won't do it. He wears a shirt that says Big Dick Energy. He's actually making friends. His name is Michael Phillips. And he's like, look, I've had a couple relationships. I'm technically still a virgin because, well, of course there's no going in. He's just rubbing it against him.

[Brett Vesely]

He had a couple relationships with who?

[John Holberg]

Girls that were like, it doesn't matter to me. Tell them. They're like, I just don't think this is working out.

[Brady]

It's not you, it's me.

[Brett Vesely]

No, actually, it is you.

[John Holberg]

Yeah. No, it's 100% you. It's not you.

[Brett Vesely]

It's your.

[John Holberg]

It's your wiener. It's your baby wiener. So, yeah. So he's like, look, I've. I'm not going to make anybody happy with this, so I might as well just bring happiness with it. And I'm like, that's pretty good. Because I, like most people. Brett says, I think, you know, off yourself. Oh, yeah. A 3.6. It's going to lead to a lot of anger. But one inch, whole air. So you were born with a prop, a joke prop. Then one inch would be awesome. So he said, I wonder, you know.

[Brady]

If that's, you know, the penis part. What's the bag?

[Toledo]

What if it's all bag?

[Brady]

Like, yeah, it's a full size bag and you got the button.

[Toledo]

Giant bag.

[John Holberg]

And that's when it's. But he said it doesn't change much erect from, like, the size is pretty much always around an inch. That's what I do with my. Yeah. So he's out there if you want to look him up. But he said, I think the biggest misconception is if a guy has a small penis, then he just has a small penis and there may be a medical thing going on. More people need to be aware that there is a medical condition and it's called micro penis, but it's on effect. Like you don't have like any other problems. He said, I'm telling people this because it probably makes the 3.6 inch guys feel great.

[Brady]

Great.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, I got a micro penis, but I got the biggest one right.

[Toledo]

You know, I see, I see where.

[John Holberg]

You'Re, see what's going on there. If you're 3.6 inch micro penis, you have the biggest. You have a huge micro penis. So I guess that is the silver lining. So if you're driving around right now and you're like, yeah, three, five, that's a big micro penis. If you're two inches, you're like a medium micropin. That's not good.

[Toledo]

Guy says, I think the rule should be that if China or any lady with a bigger button than you.

[John Holberg]

Well, no, they can't count because some ladies do. China, that one. Not the country. Yeah, it doesn't count. They're still lady bits. He's a man, looks a man, has all the parts of a man, everything else. And I think it's good for him. I think that's nice. I think you go out and you say, hey, I'm going to make some lemonade out of this. Instead of being miserable like Brett would.

[Brett Vesely]

Be, I'm just gonna go buy him a gift card for Home Depot so he can buy some rope.

[John Holberg]

Yeah. And look, I don't think he's 36 and he's just now coming out with it. Whatever. He's been to high school. Wasn't easy. He said he had. In the middle of the thing, he said, I had a date with a girl and she wanted to see it. And I told her, look, it's remarkably small. And he said, and I took my pants off. And she laughed. And I already told her it was remarkably small and she found it hysterical. And then she stopped talking to me. So every women were really mean to him about it. I think you have to do. You have to treat it. Remember those acid tab pads like kids had? You have to lick it. If you're a woman who's like, take off your pants and let me see your micro penis, you have to finish that dude off or he's gonna kill someone.

[Toledo]

John. It begs the question, if at gunpoint your life depended on it, you had to blow one of two Wangs, would you blow the 10 incher or the one incher?

[John Holberg]

My nose is too big to blow the one inch. I'd break my nose.

[Brady]

You could do it with a nose.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, I could probably snort it. What are you doing? I told you it was going to be good. But I mean the jokes would be right. Yeah. It's only one inch was really thick. Like you could have a lot. Like the guy could have some Fun with it. 3.6 inch guys, I feel for you, but. But just know it could have been worse. And you've got the biggest micro penis in the world. Brady's mom just called Michael Phillips and says he should read have and have not have Yacht. He's in the have yacht department. Anyway, if you've got a micro penis, I apologize. I'm sorry. I'm not making fun of you. I know you're going through a lot. I'm trying to help you. At least you're not that guy at one inch or top that brutal or. Yeah. If you're a dude out there going, oh, really? You think you've got. I'd go for it. I've got the smallest penis in the world. But at least it makes you unique to a point where you can probably make money off of it.

[Toledo]

John, what are the odds that micropenis guy is also now doing dry January? He's got nothing else to live for.

[John Holberg]

Every girl he's ever been with is dry January, dry February, dry March. Just dry dry. But. Or go become a woman.

[Brett Vesely]

Maybe get a half off.

[John Holberg]

Yeah. Because the surgery's half done already. They just have to turn the bag inside out, make that shallow hole and go.

[Brady]

You probably don't have to transition.

[John Holberg]

No, the lady button's right there. Just inside out it. Either way. Just wanted to introduce you guys to Michael Phillips as we start the new year. And you think, man, my life's not going the way I want. I gotta make some change changes. Michael Phillips is 36, which by the way is 21 years longer than I thought he would last. Having read it, I'm like, well, this. What is he, like six? Because they also say they can diagnose it at birth. They know when you've got micro penis at birth. And I don't know how many doctors do that. They just let it go.

[Brett Vesely]

Imagine being that that dad and the doctor comes in and diagnoses that. What do you do?

[Brady]

Dad might have been hoping. I hope he doesn't get what I have.

[John Holberg]

Have.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, that's true too.

[John Holberg]

He still made a baby with his though, so.

[Brady]

Yeah. And that would be. Son, you still can make babies.

[John Holberg]

I did it. Yeah. If I can do it. Yeah. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say a one incher can't make babies. Sperm can't swim that far.

[Brady]

Gotta be tough.

[John Holberg]

That's got to be a tough one. Yeah, just have just. You know what? Micro penis. Guys, it's okay. You're the. You're still bigger than Michael Phillips. Not. And say it like. Say it fast so it sounds like you're bigger. Mine's bigger than Michael Phelps and people will think of the Olympian. It's good. So what I hear, that's what I hear. Phillips and Phelps, it's different. But you're bigger. I'm bigger than Michael Phelps a lot.

[Brady]

John.

[Toledo]

Women are already tough enough to deal with. Give the guy a 3 inch peen and then he's got to deal with that negativity on top of how bitchy they already are.

[Brady]

All right.

[John Holberg]

This guy's having a tough marriage.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, he is.

[John Holberg]

He's all right. Stop yelling about your wife through other women. That was a lot of projecting in that email. It's 901. We got what would Brady do? And we already discovered what we would. What would you do if you had a one incher? Would you make jokes or would you end it?

[Brady]

I don't think I'd call the Guinness World Record.

[John Holberg]

You don't think you'd make it? I think I'd make light of it. I'd have to. It has to be acknowledged that one inch.

[Toledo]

But what if the like what John said. What if the call and you find out you're just mid 1 inch. You're not close.

[John Holberg]

But that might make me feel better.

[Brett Vesely]

Better.

[John Holberg]

Really? Yeah. Because I'll be like, oh geez, this isn't as small as it could have been. I still. I don't know. I'm keeping it quiet. If it's like visible. If it's three inches, I'm like, oh, no, that's kind of one. But at one inch I might start making jokes and showing you guys. You guys gotta see this. And then you just. It would just be funny, John. Stick is so little. And then. But it would be real so it wouldn't really hurt my feelings.

[Toledo]

I'm sure it's cliche, John, but a friend once told me that in mid intercourse nurse. She told a guy to get off her because he was so small she couldn't feel anything.

[John Holberg]

She's just rude. Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

What a.

[Brady]

At least just look.

[Toledo]

Come on.

[John Holberg]

Yeah. Maybe she's a canyon. You don't know that? I mean, it works both ways. What would Brady do? Is coming up next. It's 98. It's not weird.

[Brady]

It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fee.

[John Holberg]

I have heard enough of this. You PD H's morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil. Sitting right here. Come on.

[Toledo]

No, no, he's not.

[John Holberg]

He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. 98. And we'll get him anyway. What do we care? Let it crumble around us. Right. Chunk of the building fell off again. It's. It's time now for Brady to solve all the world's problems. As the most moral man we know, that's what would Brady do? And it's brought to you by our friends at MMP Guns right there on 12th street and Indian School. Ah. As I say it.

[Brett Vesely]

What'd you do?

[John Holberg]

Byron sent me a. I totally forgot. I gotta look again. He sent me some Steeler stuff. They got in, said he'd put it aside for me. Oh, that's little. Little figurines of Franco Harris, Joe Green, Terry Bradshaw and Jack Lambert. Sold. Yeah, they're all in the package. Never been open. They're really cool. And I told them I'm in. I'll be. And I totally forgot about.

[Brady]

How old are those?

[John Holberg]

I don't know.

[Brady]

I gotta be pretty.

[John Holberg]

I mean, I might be old. They say legends on them, so they wouldn't have done that when they were new, Right? Right. Either way, they have a home. I forgot all about that. You can find stuff like that over there at Mo Money Pond. And if you go to MMP Guns, they take care of. A couple people emailed me as I'm trying to go through all the emails saying that they signed up and got. Got the. The builder classes for holidays, so. Which is really cool. And they still do that even though it's not the holidays. And now we're coming up on Byron's birthday special which is in February. And I think they're going to roll that out pretty darn soon as well. So get yourself all loaded up and ready to go for Byron's 75% off birthday sale.

[Brett Vesely]

Man.

[John Holberg]

Celebrating 250 years of the United States and Byron's birthday. But you got to ask him and then you have to know the password and we'll tell you that when he tells us. But it's coming. Lots of money.

[Brett Vesely]

Generous guy.

[John Holberg]

Very generous. Byron's an amazing guy. Amazing guy. He's over there taking care of business on you. MMP Guns, 12th street and Indian School. Kicking off the new year with all sorts of great stuff. And that just goes through the whole year. Never ends. Thank you to Mo Money Pond for Helping us out. Brady, are you ready? Ready. I have them all. I forgot as I'm so bad at this. Forgot to print them. Let me print real quick. I have them all in a of bunch.

[Brady]

You need some radio videos.

[John Holberg]

I have my what would Brady do file. Yeah, I should have just stared at you until you're like, well, are you supposed to read something? Oh, yeah, that how this works. I forgot all about that. There we go. I put him in my little. A little file over here. Are you ready? Ready says. Dear Brady, my dad is a huge fan of the Bengals. Good man. He's 81. Good. We're almost down one more Bengals fan. Tick tock, tick tock. We've never been to a game together and he's absolutely wanting to do that before he goes. I want to go, but I do not want to go to Cincinnati ever again in my life. It's where my family's from and they're all weird hillbillies. I've been one time, and it was so strange. I hated it. So I asked you, where's the best place to appease your dad's Bengal needs and make him happy? Happy. Where would you and your dad have gone, Stephen? Interesting question.

[Brady]

You mean like on a road game?

[John Holberg]

Hit a roadie with the bungles. What team do you think would be a good one to go with dad for? Would you keep it in the division?

[Brady]

I'm going. I don't know. I coming from the Midwest at the time. I would head to a warm place. Like I'd go down.

[John Holberg]

If you're playing Miami or playing Vegas.

[Brady]

Vegas.

[John Holberg]

81 year old dad might not be that much fun in Vegas. And he's. And if he's doing the whole, hey, one last game.

[Brady]

Hey.

[Brett Vesely]

He'll go to sleep early. Don't worry about it.

[John Holberg]

By the way. Don't worry about it.

[Brett Vesely]

Taking the Vegas.

[John Holberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

He'll be in bed by 4:30.

[John Holberg]

Also in August when we have no gravity for six seconds. Your old man ain't gonna make it to the next season anyway. Plus, it's pretty presumptuous. It's almost like Toledo buying tickets to the World Series because his dad's 81 and saying, we need to hit a game before I go. Dad might not make it to next year. So let's just Ticketmaster these things if the weekend arises. If they come here.

[Brady]

That'd be a good outing.

[John Holberg]

Fly him out. He probably can't fly. I don't know where he lives, though.

[Brady]

Yeah. So if. If he. Yeah, I don't know where he lives either.

[Toledo]

If he.

[Brady]

If he's around that area. I don't know. I heard Nashville is fun.

[John Holberg]

Pretty awesome town.

[Brady]

Yeah. But again, you can make a fun.

[John Holberg]

Weekend of dad's 81. Do you want to have fun like you aren't going to have natural.

[Toledo]

You're basically.

[Brady]

You're focusing on that one day with the 81 and it's going to be tailgate game.

[John Holberg]

Home hookers will blow.

[Brady]

Yeah. I don't even know if he'll rally up for that. He might.

[John Holberg]

You selfish son of a. Just go back to Cincinnati. Watch him in that awful stadium with those awful people. Skyline chili and eat that terrible food.

[Brett Vesely]

They were showing pictures.

[Toledo]

It's awful.

[John Holberg]

All those toothless. Here's what I would do. Pick a game that they're probably going to want win. I want to see some offense like the. If they play like that's not a bad idea. Nashville because they suck. The Raiders are going to suck. Pick a game the Bengals will probably jets now. I'm with you.

[Brady]

Jets.

[John Holberg]

If they're playing the jets, go to New York and enjoy the weekend. It's going to be expensive, but that's a good one.

[Toledo]

No, I think you had a. You got to give it up and go to Cincinnati.

[Brady]

You got to keep it the 81 year old definitely in mind. There's not going to be. On the traveling side.

[John Holberg]

No fun.

[Brady]

My dad was okay on 81. 85.

[John Holberg]

He's like 81 still though. You're making concessions for 81. Yeah.

[Brady]

It will take longer.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, it's a. It's.

[Toledo]

And I hate putting it this way, but it's a fast slide once they hit.

[John Holberg]

All right. That's nice. The guy just wants to go to a game with his daddy.

[Toledo]

That's what I'm saying.

[John Holberg]

Medical help. Go to it now. Bengals game now. You know they know what you mean. It's got away at least September. That's all the way to Cincinnati.

[Brady]

Get upper deck tickets.

[John Holberg]

I mean, he's used to disappointment.

[Brett Vesely]

He's a Bengals fan, so what's the difference?

[John Holberg]

You know what? Don't go with him. You're right. As a Bengals fan, he should be disappointed even in his son. He raised you a Bengal. He actually didn't raise your Bengals fan. Sounds like you got out. Otherwise you'd want to go to Cincinnati. If you're a Bengals fan, you'd want to go see your team no matter how crowded. Anyway, look, my dad called. We have to go to a Steelers game before I go. All right. I want to go to Pittsburgh My.

[Brady]

Mom still, you know, goes to one or two Buckeye games, but not as much. She used to.

[John Holberg]

She lives across the street. That's easy.

[Toledo]

By the way, our friends, the lesbian couple went to their first game in Pittsburgh last night. They were there.

[Brady]

She.

[Toledo]

Brenda's first game. She's been in Pittsburgh.

[John Holberg]

Oh, she's a fan. Okay. I thought whole life lesbian ticket.

[Toledo]

Huge fan, huge fan.

[Brady]

What a.

[John Holberg]

That's a good one to be at, man. She had to lose her mind.

[Toledo]

I think they were in that end zone where he missed the.

[John Holberg]

Oh, I swear to God, all you'd have seen was a dude. Just amounts of it would have looked like a milk explosion. If I was at that game and that kick was first off, I wouldn't have been in those terrible seats. But if I was just the shots of goo, I lost it. Oh, so happy. And right now, Lamar Jackson's. It's. It's noon in Baltimore. So he's just now waiting, picking up and he's so miserably unhappy. And Harbaugh's like pack in a bag like he might not be back.

[Toledo]

Oh, did you see the. The meme of the. The plane tracker? The Ravens plane on its way to Cancun.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, I love that too. When they showed Derrick Henry's dumb eyes walking down the sideline when he, when he missed, I'm like, oh, that's going to be a meme forever. Surprised. Derrick Henry's hilarious. You know my dad text me right after the game. Like I got 144 texts at 9:41. I had it never. And I looked in the little red dots at 144. I'm like, wow. My, My dad hits me with King Henry can take that crown and shove it up his ass. That's my dad. That was my dad's reaction to the game out of the blue. It's great. All right, Brady. Dear Brady, going to quit my job and open a restaurant in 2026. American comfort food. Meats, not barbecue though. Like a mid level steak place with hopefully amazing burgers. I don't have a name for it yet. I plan on opening up somewhere in August. I've lived my life in finance and investment. That's my world. But it's boring. And my passion is people. Name my restaurant Brady and tell me the one thing that I shouldn't do that seems normal going in but in hindsight was the death of your place. Place Harold. What's one thing you did do? And you're like man, yeah, there's always the one thing I think the.

[Brady]

The name was a little too hipster in a way.

[John Holberg]

Porkopolis. Yeah.

[Brady]

You'd get people that say, is it just pork only?

[Toledo]

Right.

[Brady]

They didn't know, you know, you had beers. If you would have gone barbecue burgers and beer or Brady's barbecue burgers or something like that.

[Toledo]

Well, it was the name of Cincinnati, wasn't it?

[Brady]

It was. I mean, the story behind it's really cool. It'.

[John Holberg]

It's catchy. But you're right. It's just like, oh, just pork. That's kind of what I thought. Like, I'm like, okay. But I knew it's a good name.

[Brady]

You keep the name. I'm always in favor of a name of like, you hear the restaurant. You know what it is, especially of a restaurant like that, that you're doing American Fair or you're doing cheeseburgers or.

[John Holberg]

Guy's name is Harold.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holberg]

Harry's Meat. It's a great sign.

[Brady]

Yeah. It's not bad. But. But you need to. I think you. You want to. Burgers are. Are big still. Sure. Now people. And it just. I think it's such a tough time opening a restaurant right now with the way things are going.

[John Holberg]

He's a finance guy. He might have something in his pocket.

[Brady]

Yeah. Make sure you're there in the food because you're a finance guy. You can definitely see.

[John Holberg]

That's what I would think you'd have said, is that if you're going to open a restaurant, it's not a hobby.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holberg]

It's too hard. You end up. You end up there. 40 hours as a hobby. You need it. You need more than 70 or 80 hours in there. My buddy Jeff, who now used to be the.

[Brady]

Whatever time you think you spend, double it. Whatever money you think you'll spend, double it. It's probably triple.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holberg]

It might be. My friend Jeff, who now works in finance, oddly enough enough, used to run a place called 10 in the Esplanade. And it was fantastic. And he closed it.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holberg]

He was doing really well. And he said I couldn't take it. I was working 80 or 90 hours a week. I was owner. I had to keep on this. He goes, the people I trust. It has to be your life.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holberg]

Yeah. Totally agree.

[Brett Vesely]

It's my wife.

[John Holberg]

She lives there. Exactly. You've got the bar and. Yeah. Your whole world is not. You go there a lot to see her.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holberg]

She's not home.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. She goes to her house, I go to mine.

[John Holberg]

Yeah. Dear Brady, 2026. We'll start the fourth year of having not even kissed my wife good night. She had a tough time with her health a while ago and now says she may be broken forever. I love her very much, but it's very bad not having this. I'm 47 years old. I figure I've only got two or three years left with my thing working. Well, that's not true. 53. It works just fine.

[Brady]

Fine.

[John Holberg]

I think 20, 26 resolution is to get more p. He said. I used to love when John said that. When did I used to say that? Enough to make it my catchphrase. Al Gore. It was Al. Was my Al Gore impression going to go out and get the puss. Got to have more puss now that I'm single. The only other person that actually liked that that much was our friend Doug Fairchild. He said to him, let's go. Guilty. Some puss. You would say it in the hallways. Anyway, this is from Joseph. Wife hasn't even. They don't even have affection enough to. Good night.

[Brady]

Yeah. That's a tough kid.

[John Holberg]

Your wiener will keep working for a while, though. You're only 47.

[Brady]

But I'll tell you, if you. You got to figure something out. Either both got a go. Go to counseling. Maybe get some help on that. Because if. If you don't rekindle that, it can turn into even just more resentment.

[John Holberg]

Sure. And you're sitting there in the countdown clock on your wiener and everything.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Or just car. Car down Cordell and just end it.

[Brady]

True.

[John Holberg]

Get rid of that broken. Go get some healthy puss. Get rid of that broken puss. Nobody likes.

[Brady]

You got to get to the point. Like, okay, well, what are we doing here?

[John Holberg]

That's what I'm doing. Life with Tipper. I got rid of my broken puss and hired up some new puss.

[Brady]

He did.

[John Holberg]

He did. He and Tipper broke up. She had a parental advisory sticker on her puss. Of course. Explicit. Yuck.

[Brady]

Did she get some of that truth money or whatever the documentary did. And.

[John Holberg]

Oh. The Inconvenient Truth. She got half of that Brady. It's cut me in half. Made me slay. Pooh birth.

[Brady]

You want a tear?

[John Holberg]

Four years of no kisses Good night even.

[Brady]

Yeah. Something's. It's definitely.

[John Holberg]

She doesn't like you.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holberg]

There's also that.

[Brady]

But then doesn't want to.

[John Holberg]

She doesn't like herself.

[Brady]

Likes the situation.

[John Holberg]

She's comfortable in the situation. Just hope you ain't going to call her out on it. Kind of like Brett's idea. Which footage down. Yeah.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

I mean, if if he's just bitching about the kisses, I mean, imagine the rest of it. Nothing.

[Toledo]

Exactly.

[John Holberg]

Yeah. Oh, geez.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, that's what I would say.

[John Holberg]

Go to hell.

[Brady]

Y. Pretty much, yeah.

[John Holberg]

Just swing the door open today and you know. Hi, honey, how are you? Go to hell. Yeah, well, I don't know. You're not a. Fix your life. Gotta get that puff now. You're making me remember it now. Just ask her. Can I get some side puss? No, this isn't fair.

[Brady]

There's some people that set up arrangements.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, the only thing that makes me nervous about that is I'm older than that guy a little bit. And he's worried that his isn't gonna be work. Should I be worried about that? You're older than me. You all right?

[Toledo]

Certain point.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holberg]

No, it's still kind of. It's not as good as it was.

[Brady]

I know mine's not function like when I'm in high school or let alone in the 50s, 30s.

[John Holberg]

It's kind of wobbly.

[Brady]

Probably cuz I can remember the time.

[John Holberg]

Stumbles a little bit, takes a little longer. Time to recoup, you know, or to start over. You were never a guy that's banging away on a second double barrel. You're a napper. You're a nap. I can see it in your eyes right now. Even talking about you're getting a little sleepy. You're a shooter. You're a one and done. There's nothing wrong with being a one and done. I'm a one and done. You get it done right the first time. Yeah. Yeah. Then you go right to sleep. It's the way it's meant to be. Ladies always try to make you feel bad for. They should be proud they knocked you out. Ever watched a boxing match where they. The victorious boxer feels bad for the dude sleeping. It's what he was supposed to do. Ladies, when a guy's like. And he's out. You did your job.

[Brett Vesely]

You did that.

[John Holberg]

Knock him out. Now you don't want Mike Tyson fights where it's 30 seconds and he's asleep, because then you're not getting the proper training. But if you're covered and he goes right to sleep, don't make him like. Brady calls it a double barrel. Man. Man. Tonight I think the best thing this guy can do is go to his wife and go, hey, you know, we haven't even kissed good night. And I'm not asking for more than that, but I want to kiss good night on the tip of my wang. And then just joke with her. Oh, you're silly.

[Brett Vesely]

All right, no kiss. How about a hug?

[John Holberg]

A mouth. A mouth. Good. Now. Now I want more. Take that. Or just get real aggressive.

[Brett Vesely]

Call Cardo and Cordo.

[John Holberg]

And call your Lawyer friend. It's 9:35. There you go. That is what Brady would do. Followed by what Brett would do, which is pretty much the end. There you go. That's what he did. And kiss your wife good night from in honor. It's not weird.

[Brady]

It's pretty cool actually. No membership fee.

[John Holberg]

I have heard enough of this. Morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil sitting right here. Come on.

[Toledo]

No, no, he's not.

[John Holberg]

He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. 98 a year ago. Me is a different person on that one. Anyway, sorry about that. A little insight to our conversation.

[Toledo]

I don't know, man. You've been trending on a certain line for a while.

[John Holberg]

It's been a year.

[Toledo]

It's been good.

[John Holberg]

It's been a year.

[Brady]

It's been good.

[John Holberg]

2026 is the year of. I'm not dealing with this. I gotta thank Chris Clark for sending over stupid little Tyler Loop. Missing that field goal and crying Tyler.

[Toledo]

Loop on a loop.

[John Holberg]

Loop on a loop. And it is so great to watch that Ravens kicker miss. But I didn't know he cried. I was celebrating. I was celebrating so hard after I watched it drift over. I didn't know until just now that he did baby cry too. He reached into his little helmet and started to rub his eyes. And then the holder knocked. Nestled his head into his bosom.

[Brady]

There are men basically saying, nice knowing you.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, but he still did it. If you ever, if you and I are ever in a situation where I am holding your head in my chest. We're gay. That's it. I got that too. But the punter and kicker for the Ravens are homosexuals on top of that. God, what a night. Oh, I'm so happy. Happy. So happy. So thank you, Chris, because I've watched that Brady went over probably 40 or 50 times already. I've just let it run. So sweet.

[Brady]

I see it.

[Toledo]

And your computer is still running on a loop, John.

[John Holberg]

It's not turning off. We're going to need a new computer. Cuz that's what. Here we go again. It might seem crazy what I'm about to say. Never in my life. And it's the best advice I can give you. Find hated your heart for something specific and watch it fail. Now you are going to get hit every once in a while with that thing succeeding. Which just makes when it's. It fails worth the time put in. Because I have never been as happy as I am after the Ravens lose. And to see him crying, that's another crying Raven. T shirts heading my way. Loop. Tears.

[Toledo]

I. I feel your joy because Adam Ray's buddy Rod Marr, who's a Seattle photographer.

[John Holberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

Just posted a bunch of these.

[John Holberg]

Just shots. Russian Purdy, Brock Birdie getting destroyed locally.

[Brady]

That's when he shattered his thumbnail.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, that was gross. Oh, so great. Yeah, I know. We all have it. That's joy. Sweet joy.

[Brady]

Sorry.

[Toledo]

Cardinals.

[Brady]

The loop.

[John Holberg]

Thank you, Arizona Wildcats, for sending that.

[Toledo]

Oh, that's right.

[John Holberg]

Pile of garbage up to the Ravens.

[Brady]

Cardinals are going to get Pete Carroll. Just.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, Pete Carroll's available. Yeah. He's fired, right? That's the only one so far. On Black Monday. Yeah, he is official.

[Toledo]

Well, him and Raheem. But Raheem was last.

[John Holberg]

He got fired last night. Yeah, the Falcons coach. Yeah, there's. There'll be seven or eight guys out by noon today, so.

[Toledo]

Oh, so in Atlanta, is. Is Matt Ryan the quarterback or the. The gm? Because they said he's involved.

[John Holberg]

I didn't hear that. Yeah, well, Troy Aikman's helping the Dolphins fire everybody, so they got that going, too. I don't know why that happened. Anyway, all right, we're gonna do the entertainment drill in a second now. Now we're late. This is your fault.

[Brady]

Oops.

[John Holberg]

You started blabbing Toledo time. See, I have to hit that button next.

[Toledo]

All right, two minutes.

[John Holberg]

Take a break. We'll come back to the entertainment drill. I'm sorry, I got a little bit half hard with it. My 53 year old thing still works, unlike that 47 and then you. Oh, yeah, and I wanted to read this about the guy whose wife ain't kissing him. It says that guy who hasn't kissed his wife in four years can kiss mine because apparently she's kissing everybody but me. Oh, boy.

[Toledo]

Is that ALS, Matt?

[John Holberg]

No, a guy named D.H. oh, he's. Jeez, he's upset.

[Toledo]

We can't start the year with that.

[John Holberg]

No als, Matt. No, I don't think he's kissing. We'll find out. I gotta find everybody else. Anyway, we'll get back to entertainment. Joe's coming up. There's something. Something. Check out homeworks Morning morning sickness [e-mail] Holmberg's Morning Sickness. Moscow. Sorry, I want to add that in there. All right, let's get to it. Sorry. I'd get that last but I don't know what I'm doing today. It's first day back. I got a lot going on.

[Toledo]

Adjustment period.

[John Holberg]

Well, no, it's the Tyler Loop thing. He's got all these emails. Some guy emailed from U of A. We can't get mad at the kicker for them. I'm sure you can. I'm not mad at anything. What does U of A have to do with it? He went there.

[Toledo]

Who are you supposed to get mad at?

[John Holberg]

It? Nothing about me is mad about this at all. Brain won't stop. I'm just gonna go home today and re watch the whole game and then I'm gonna get lube and all sorts of stuff. Ready for the fourth quarter.

[Toledo]

Are you guys on Monday night?

[John Holberg]

Yeah, we're the Monday night game. Oh wow. You know, all week to watch it.

[Toledo]

And a Sunday, Monday night playoff games and then come back on a Sunday.

[John Holberg]

It's fine. We'll get a short week out of it. It's okay. I can't believe they make them play on Monday. So that does kind of screw stuff up. Especially teams that will travel afterwards. Yeah, you know. Anyway, it's 10 o'. Clock. It's time for Brady to entertain us all with the entertainment drill. So just do it. Brady. Entertainment, me.

[Brady]

MTV music channels in the uk, Australia, France, Poland, Brazil and other countries all shut down. US still has MTV Live and MTV Classic. But that could change. Depends on what Paramount decides they're going to do.

[Toledo]

We still have MTV Live. That's still a thing.

[John Holberg]

There's a couple of. There's one that does videos all the time. Might be classic. That's class, I think.

[Brady]

MTV classes.

[John Holberg]

But there's another one that plays MTV.

[Brady]

Live, which I'm not sure like what you're saying. What's the difference?

[Toledo]

They still have VJs and all that? I don't think so.

[John Holberg]

There's one. No, it's just video.

[Toledo]

Yeah, right.

[John Holberg]

I don't remember which one I have. It's on there. It's way up high on the YouTube. Just got to keep scrolling.

[Brady]

The MTV channel isn't going anywhere. So you can still get a fill of teen moms in Jersey.

[John Holberg]

Jersey Shore.

[Toledo]

They produce a bunch of shows like on Netflix and all that. Like Schitt's Creek was an MTV Jeff joint.

[John Holberg]

Was it theirs? Yeah, they do production stuff. I don't know.

[Brady]

The Teen mom, the original Tyler Sheridan stuff always has the MTV in the beginning.

[John Holberg]

Oh, it does? Yeah. We're third generation teen moms because they had their kids when they were 15. That was 15 years ago. And now a couple of their 15 year olds got knocked up.

[Toledo]

Oh my God.

[John Holberg]

Pretty great.

[Brady]

Properties that hit the public domain after 95 year copyright maximum has been revised.

[John Holberg]

Oh.

[Brady]

So starting it started on January 1st. The comic strip character Blondie.

[John Holberg]

Everybody forgot about Blondie. But she's all yours now.

[Brady]

Pluto, who appears in nine of the new Mickey Mouse cartoons.

[John Holberg]

You can make a domain do anything you want with him.

[Brady]

Nancy Drew, the detective.

[Toledo]

Oh, Jonathan Gannon fired.

[John Holberg]

Oh, they got the Cardinals. Guy got the boot. That's about what took so long.

[Toledo]

Sorry to interrupt.

[John Holberg]

Jesus. 10 o' clock they did did that the second he walked in the door.

[Toledo]

Time just woke up. Oh, wait, wait.

[John Holberg]

What? No, no, no, no, no. Did Austin Ford go too?

[Toledo]

I didn't say.

[Brady]

Didn't say.

[Toledo]

But I'll look it up.

[Brady]

The Marx Brothers movie. Animal Crackers. Basically anything from 1930 you can't.

[John Holberg]

There's no copyright infringement at all.

[Brady]

Dick and Jane children's books.

[John Holberg]

How about that?

[Brett Vesely]

Pornhub's gonna have a field day with that.

[John Holberg]

Some of them are necessarily want to watch the Marx Brothers Bang.

[Brett Vesely]

Dick and Jane books too.

[John Holberg]

That's the best station pickle I ever.

[Brady]

Georgia on My Mind and Dream a Little Dream of Me are public domain songs. Sorry.

[Toledo]

Did you hear that?

[Brady]

Movies that turned 50.

[Toledo]

Stefanski out. Yeah, Bengals.

[John Holberg]

That's a good hire, right? Taylor Cardinals should make a move on that Stefanski. If I'm him though, I ain't coming to Arizona. I just left Cleveland. It's one terrible franchise for another.

[Brett Vesely]

Is that a half a step?

[John Holberg]

That's not a step at all. No. I don't know. I don't know.

[Brett Vesely]

The brown side step.

[John Holberg]

I hate to say it to you Cardinal fans. I think the Cardinals and Browns are.

[Brady]

Even agree movies that turn 50.

[John Holberg]

Oh my God. 76.

[Brady]

Taxi driver. Bad News Bears. That stings all the presidents.

[John Holberg]

The Omen.

[Brady]

Car wash. Now we got a girl.

[John Holberg]

Write it down. Tanner.

[Brady]

Rocky.

[John Holberg]

How you doing? I'm mad.

[Brady]

Get out of here.

[John Holberg]

Butter. Make it this my tree. Get your crack ass out. No need to make it racist. I'm ahead. Oh, that movie's great.

[Brady]

The outlaw Josie Wales.

[John Holberg]

Man.

[Brady]

King Kong.

[John Holberg]

The Jeff Bridges. They're not just Jeff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And what's her name?

[Brett Vesely]

Jessica Lane.

[John Holberg]

Jessica Lang. When she was. Yeah, before she turned into Caitlyn Jenner.

[Brady]

Assault on Precinct 13. The song remains the same.

[John Holberg]

Good ones.

[Brett Vesely]

I tried to watch that one time.

[John Holberg]

Terry was Rocky 76. Yeah, yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

God bless you.

[Toledo]

Tried to watch the Song Remains.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, it's terrible. What's that Zeppelin movie?

[John Holberg]

Oh, that's right. Oh, Jimmy Page can't even walk.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. Three hours of just dreadful.

[John Holberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

And when I saw it, they would only show at midnight.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I saw it. I saw it on cable one. No, I saw it on cable.

[John Holberg]

You're holding back on something.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't know what's worse going that or Rocky Horror Picture show at midnight.

[John Holberg]

It's like, ugh, yeah. It's the crowd.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, that's it.

[John Holberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Brett, I know you're excited about. BTS is officially making their post military service comeback.

[John Holberg]

Our first band name of the year, Wheaties and Twink. Way to go, Brett. Nice job.

[Toledo]

Took a few hours, but we got.

[John Holberg]

That's pretty good stuff, right? Day one and then Marty Supreme. What one? Like the people's choice last night. Did you watch any of that was on last night? The people's choice word. I think Marty or no Kimmel won something. Dicaprio movie won best picture.

[Toledo]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holberg]

And then Marty supreme won best actor. And then a movie called Hamlet. Ham leg. Ham something ham. The woman from that one. That. And I just realized as I even saw the nominees, I'm like, I don't know any of these.

[Toledo]

Do you hear what Netflix do if they. That when they close the sale on the HBO, they want movies to only be in theaters for 17 days and then they want to go straight. Straight to Netflix. Why would you go to a theater? Just wait 17 days?

[John Holberg]

Wanted to watch the DiCaprio one, but it's 2 hours and 45 minutes long. I can't do that.

[Brett Vesely]

Is that in the theaters or is.

[John Holberg]

That out on tv?

[Toledo]

I can't do that.

[John Holberg]

I don't know how you sit at home and stare at a movie for 2 hours and 45 minutes. There's too many things can go on. Dog has to go do something. You get up.

[Toledo]

Hold on. How much time did you spend searching NASA?

[John Holberg]

The middle of the night. But it's. I can't sit and stare at somebody else. But there was like. But nothing was a thread.

[Brady]

Gotcha.

[John Holberg]

Like everything was new. I gotta follow a story for two hours. Too long. It's way too long. And Mickey Rourke checked into a hotel this weekend with his dog. And then begging for money.

[Brady]

He's out of money.

[John Holberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

What happened to that dude, man?

[John Holberg]

My dad just evicted him through his expendable money. He just had that wrestler come back and then he was. And then he was in the Iron Man. Yeah, they gave him money. It's his fault. Anyway. I spent it all on plastic surgery, and that didn't work. No regrets, I think is the word we're looking for. That's it. We're done. Let's get the hell out of here. Larry's coming up next. Good start to the year. Let's see if we can keep this going. What did you see? We're like show 5600 or something like that total. Didn't you give us a number?

[Brady]

You gave us a number.

[Toledo]

This is 5001 according to.

[John Holberg]

Well, we hit our 5000 show. So the last day of the year was 5000.

[Toledo]

Last show on the 17th was 5000.

[John Holberg]

We ended the year, give or take.

[Toledo]

Like, I went through it five times, give or take.

[John Holberg]

Two to four shows. 5, 000 shows, a couple sick days, Something like that pops in there. Might have, but around 5,000. We just went with it.

[Toledo]

I just said from this point forward. 5001. January 5th, 2026.

[John Holberg]

Wow. All right. And if we still have gravity in August, it will be our 25th birthday. We are in our 25th season of this show.

[Brady]

Maybe that'll be the day we float.

[John Holberg]

Wouldn't it be great if this thing. If the full circle on August 27, they'd go, no more gravity. And we all just smash to the earth during the show. 25. Yeah, that would be great. That's a nice little round out for YouTube. I'm rooting for August 27th for the zero gravity Day. Look it up. I'm not fooling around with that. We're done. Larry's coming up next. He's still here, right? And then we can move on with the day. I think that works. Larry McFeely is next. Have a great day, and we'll see you tomorrow. Right here in the morning sickness. Hello.

[Brady]

Hey.

[John Holberg]

It's not weird.

[Brady]

It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees.

[John Holberg]

I have heard enough of this.