Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness – “Researchers Have Determined That Junk That Is 3.6 Inches And Under Is Technically A Micro Penis”

Date: January 5, 2026
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo, others
Station: 98KUPD, Arizona

Episode Overview

In this episode of Arizona's #1 morning radio show, Holmberg's Morning Sickness, John Holmberg and his crew tackle the recently published research designating any erect penis under 3.6 inches as a “micro penis.” True to their trademark irreverence and dark humor, the hosts explore the scientific, social, and wildly comic sides of this medical condition, complete with personal anecdotes, off-color jokes, and round-table hypotheticals. They also share the story of Michael Phillips, a man attempting to claim the Guinness World Record for “smallest healthy penis,” and discuss societal perceptions, personal coping strategies, and their own coping methods if faced with the same situation.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Returning from the Holidays and Setting the Tone

• The show begins with hosts sharing post-holiday stories, poking fun at themselves for being out of practice after the break (01:18).
• John reminisces about doing art at a holiday get-together and the inevitability of “dick” doodles on group canvases (03:07).
• “Wieners were on it at the end.” – Brett Vesely ([04:21])

2. The Medical Definition of Micro Penis

• Brady introduces news about the specific threshold—3.6 inches or under, erect—for the medical condition (05:02).
  • “3.6 inches is the official designation of micro penis. Erect.” – John Holmberg ([05:32])
• The hosts use fingers and cell phones to humorously estimate sizes and compare (05:56–06:18):
  • “If I put [my phone] on top of my erection and there’s still some top showing, we’re all right.” – John Holmberg ([06:12])
• They liken marginally surpassing this threshold to “being a midget and just squeaking over four feet” (06:37).

3. Coping with Being “Below the Line”

• The crew laughs about how knowing the specific cutoff adds a new insecurity; what if you’re 3.7 inches–are you “safe” or just in a different worry class?
  • “The problem is, 3.6 is bad, 3.7, 3.8 is not good.” – John Holmberg ([07:26])
• The group speculate how they’d personally handle having a micro penis, leaning into comedic self-deprecation:
  • “If you’re 3.6, you already know. It’s not like we needed the official word for it.” – Brett Vesely ([07:36])

4. The Michael Phillips Story — The Real-Life “Smallest”

• Michael Phillips from North Carolina, age 36, went public as a possible record-holder for the world’s smallest healthy adult penis—a little over one inch (07:45–10:00).
  • “His was just a little bit more than an inch... Calls Guinness and says, ‘I think I have the smallest penis for a healthy man in the world.’” – John Holmberg ([07:45])
  • “He’s like, look, I’ve had a couple relationships. I’m technically still a virgin, because, well, of course there’s no going in.” – John Holmberg ([10:48])
• The crew wonders if Guinness has an official process for measuring or awarding this title.
  • “Surprisingly, the ladies who say size doesn’t matter, this guy’s still alone. So I think that pretty much negates that argument.” – John Holmberg ([08:26])
• Michael leans into self-acceptance, even wearing a “Big Dick Energy” shirt and finding humor in his condition.

5. Coping, Humor, and Social Commentary

• The hosts debate whether it’s better to own the condition and use self-deprecating humor or quietly suffer (or worse).
  • “If I had one that was less, like an inch, I think I would do this. Like, well, let’s just make this fun.” – John Holmberg ([08:57])
  • “I’d end it.” – Brett Vesely ([08:56])
  • “You can diddle it and like, show people...I would show people, I’d walk around with it out...As long as I’m shaved, I look like a Ken doll.” – John Holmberg ([09:03])
  • “Indecent exposure would be hilarious because what’s indecent about it? It’s actually adorable.” – John Holmberg ([10:27])
• The group discusses the public stigma and rare upside (“You’ve got the biggest micro penis in the world.”), proposing that someone at the upper end of the micro range could spin it positively (12:28–12:50).

6. Physiology and Society’s Cruelty

• John shares how Michael Phillips’ dating life was filled with cruel reactions; many people—especially women—were unsympathetic or outright mean.
  • “I had a date with a girl and she wanted to see it. And I told her, look, it’s remarkably small...She laughed. And I already told her it was remarkably small and she found it hysterical. And then she stopped talking to me.” – John Holmberg ([13:19])
• The group moves into dark (but characteristic) humor about female anatomy and hypothetical “what would you do” scenarios (14:05–14:47).

7. Wrapping Up: Support and Perspective

• The hosts try to inject empathy and perspective:
  • “If you’ve got a micro penis, I apologize. I’m not making fun of you. I know you’re going through a lot. I’m trying to help you. At least you’re not that guy at one inch or top. That’s brutal.” – John Holmberg ([15:12])
• They joke that for those barely above the threshold, a silver lining is: “I’ve got the biggest micro penis in the world!” ([12:28])
• John reminds listeners that perspective matters—someone has it worse, and making light of your situation can be helpful.

Notable Quotes & Moments with Timestamps

• “3.6 inches is the official designation of micro penis. Erect.” – John Holmberg ([05:32])
• “If I put on top of my erection and there’s still some top showing, I’m like, we’re all right.” – John Holmberg ([06:12])
• “If you’re 3.6, you already know. It’s not like we needed the official word for it.” – Brett Vesely ([07:36])
• “His was just a little bit more than an inch... Calls Guinness and says, ‘I think I have the smallest penis for a healthy man in the world.’” – John Holmberg ([07:45])
• “Surprisingly, the ladies who say size doesn’t matter, this guy’s still alone. So I think that pretty much negates that argument.” – John Holmberg ([08:26])
• “I’d end it.” – Brett Vesely ([08:56])
• “Indecent exposure would be hilarious because what’s indecent about it? It’s actually adorable.” – John Holmberg ([10:27])
• “I had a date with a girl and she wanted to see it. And I told her, look, it’s remarkably small...She laughed.” – John Holmberg ([13:19])
• “You’ve got the biggest micro penis in the world.” – John Holmberg ([12:28])

Segment Timestamps

• [03:07] – Christmas/holiday painting parties devolving into penis doodles
• [05:02] – Official introduction of micro penis topic and discussion of “the line”
• [05:32–06:18] – Group’s humorous attempts to estimate size using their fingers and phones
• [07:45–10:00] – Michael Phillips, the man with a sub–1.5-inch penis and his story
• [10:27–12:50] – Taking ownership via humor and what “indecent exposure” would mean
• [13:19] – Michael’s dating life and women’s reactions
• [14:05–15:47] – Philosophical hypotheticals and further banter
• [15:12] – Empathetic closing thoughts—perspective and positivity

Overall Episode Tone & Style

Maintaining their established blend of irreverence, self-mocking humor, and real-talk, the Holmberg crew uses this episode to break societal taboos about male insecurity, supplementing medical facts with comedic hypotheticals. They balance crude jokes with genuine moments of empathy, subtly advocating for self-acceptance, even in the face of relentless societal judgment. Their humor is brisk, occasionally sensitive, and unapologetically candid throughout.

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