01-06-26 - BR - TUE - Stock Market Seems To Love Regime Change As We Discuss What We'd Do To Have Cheap Gas - Chinese Families Using AI To Scare Kids Into Wanting To Have Children When They Get Older

Summary

Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness – Arizona (98KUPD)

Episode: 01-06-26 - BR - TUE
Date: January 6, 2026
Main Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo

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Overview

This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness dives into the U.S. stock market's reactions to international regime change, wild hypotheticals involving cheap gas, the lengths Americans might go for savings, and a look at how technology and social engineering play out globally. The hosts mix sharp political and social commentary with their signature irreverent humor, ranging from global economics to absurd viral videos and questionable morality trades—all with the regular banter that keeps Arizona listening.

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Major Topics & Key Discussion Points

1. Stock Market and International Regime Change

• The episode opens with discussion about how the American stock market reacts positively to global coups and regime changes, particularly those linked to oil-rich nations (01:15).
  • John: "Man, that stock market sure does like a coup. We should attack more countries." (01:24)
• The group comments on media reactions and political motivations, specifically suggesting recent U.S. action is aimed at impacting gas prices before the 2028 election, with pundit predictions ranging from years-long delays to near-instant drops in fuel cost (01:49-02:36).
  • Notable banter about “buck 19” gas and whether such prices would justify moral compromises.

2. Would You Take a Punch for Cheap Gas?

• The hosts joke about trading personal suffering for cheaper gas, equating it to an annual day of domestic violence in exchange for $1.19 per gallon fuel (06:14-06:54).
  • John: "Buck 19. I'm not much of a humanitarian if the price is right, and I know that's bad, but neither are you." (07:26)
• The conversation pivots to American willingness to overlook global consequences for local convenience, with tongue-in-cheek justification of interventions in countries like "Valenzuela” (a running gag on mispronouncing Venezuela).

3. Absurd Moral Trades and Historical Analogies

• They hyperbolically compare indifference to humanitarian concerns if prices drop dramatically, even referencing Hitler and WWII in a dark analogy (08:09-08:48).
  • "If Hitler told you, I think we're gonna go get Poland, gas'll be like a penny, people in Germany be like, all right." (08:16)
• John confesses he'd overlook unsavory details (“Epstein’s plane”) for comfort, expanding this to a broad take on American moral flexibility (08:49-09:33).

4. Hypothetical Scenarios: What Would You Drive?

• With buck-a-gallon gas, the gang fantasizes about extravagant, gas-guzzling cars (11:11-11:41).
  • Shelby GT500, old muscle cars, even a funny car as a daily driver.
  • Amusing anecdotes about digging for change to buy gas underlines generational shifts in cost of living (11:47-12:32).

5. Social & Tech Commentary

• School Cellphone Bans: Despite bans, students find ways to use phones for ~70 minutes a day, mostly on social media and games—a “chewing gum” effect (17:07-17:49).
• AI & Chinese Family Planning: Chinese parents (or the government, as clarified) use AI-generated videos showing their kids alone and childless at 50 to scare them into having children, a reflection on social engineering and global birth rate challenges (23:42-25:22).
  • John (on AI-generated loneliness): "Let me tell you, Chinese kids being 50 without kids, you're fine. There’s more smiling and money than you could ever imagine." (25:12)

6. Viral Media & Content Creation

• Odd News & Viral Trends:
  • Oldest Twinkie turns 50 and sits in a glass case (21:44-22:18).
  • Someone made $1 million by posting a 10-hour fireplace video on YouTube (22:46-23:13).
  • Discussion of AI-generated meditation music to help people sleep, and its effect on John (18:18-19:40).
• Cultural Absurdities:
  • A Glasgow man invites people to kick him "one last time" before gender reassignment (19:48-20:14).
  • Updates and jokes on food items (e.g., Oreo Reese’s), as well as the world's oldest Twinkie (21:20-22:27).

7. Meme-Worthy Political Satire

• Extensive mockery of Arizona Senator and astronaut Mark Kelly, imagined being forced to wear silly costumes as punishment for political disagreements:
  • "I made him a captain…He’s now Captain Kangaroo… If I don’t like you, I’ll change your name." (02:56-03:27)
  • “Don't with me. Now he's starting to say the F word in press conferences.” (03:27)
  • Running gags involve demoting Kelly to “Private Parts,” “Captain Crunch,” and having him run the White House Easter Egg Hunt in costume (38:30-39:34).

8. Sports, Faith, and Irony

• Listener emails joking about holy water and divine intervention in sports (the Steelers’ end zone), with John riffing on the priorities of faith over pediatric illness (29:44-31:42).
  • John: "If God cares more about Tyler Loop missing that kick and the Steelers getting into the playoffs than he does some lady out there with a kid with cancer…What kind of God are you worshiping?" (30:01)

9. Bizarre Video Reels and Listener Engagment

• Descriptions of radio videos: vehicle mishaps, skydiving (and resulting injuries), and NSFW clips.
  • Banter and reactions keep things light, if sometimes crude.
  • The gang discusses what they'd endure for a dollar-a-gallon gas—car accidents, injuries, and broken bones (27:00-27:46).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Moral Flexibility:
  • “Buck 19. I’m not much of a humanitarian if the price is right, and I know that’s bad, but neither are you.” – John (07:26)
• On Modern Warfare for Cheap Gas:
  • “We’ll attack stuff. If it means cheaper products, we don’t care.” – John (07:57)
• On Generational Change:
  • “Digging in the ashtray for change to get gas…you could do that again. Change would start to matter again.” – John (11:47)
• On American Priorities:
  • “We have proven…that we will sell our souls for convenience.” – John (06:08)
• On Simulation Theory:
  • “Are you pretty convinced that we’re in a simulation and it's broken?” – Brady (03:55)
• On Mark Kelly Political Skits:
  • “If I don’t like you, I’ll change your name…He’s now Captain Kangaroo.” – John (02:56)
  • “New duties: Mark Kelly, look at him out there dropping the eggs off in his new blue hat. Captain Kelly. I love it.” (39:31)
• On Global Fertility Campaigns:
  • “Chinese parents are reportedly turning to AI-generated videos… to scare their kids into having children.” – Brady (23:42)
  • “That is not Chinese parents, that's the Chinese government… They want more Chinese, that's a bigger army.” – John (24:22)
• On Divine Sports Intervention:
  • “If the holy water made the kit, if we have scientific evidence…the Steelers getting into the playoffs…Start shooting that over at children's hospitals.” – John (30:01)

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Important Timestamps

• 01:24 - 02:50: Stock market and political motivation for gas prices
• 06:14 - 08:03: Hypothetical trades for cheap gas, moral compromises
• 11:11 - 12:32: Dream cars with gas at $1/gallon
• 23:42 - 25:22: Chinese AI campaigns for increasing birth rates
• 29:44 - 31:42: Divine intervention in sports versus real-world suffering
• 38:30 - 39:34: Political satire on demoting Mark Kelly, silly costumes

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Tone & Style

The tone is irreverent, blending local morning-show radio energy with dark satire, rapid-fire pop culture references, and unapologetically off-color humor. The hosts are unafraid to lampoon politicians, pop culture, and societal norms, sometimes veering into highly provocative “thought experiments” about morals and American priorities.

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For Listeners Who Missed It

If you want unfiltered, wild, and witty takes on international affairs, American convenience addiction, and the bizarre lengths people will go for a good deal, this episode delivers. Political satire and memes abound (especially at Mark Kelly’s expense), and the team’s tangents—like AI scaring Chinese kids into parenthood and what car they’d drive if gas were a dollar—make the real debates feel like a fever dream of American priorities in 2026.

Note: Skip if you’re sensitive to crude jokes or irreverence about serious topics—but tune in for everyman wit, unvarnished takes, and true Arizona radio flavor.

Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

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[Brady]

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[Brett Vesely]

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[Byron]

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[Brett Vesely]

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[Byron]

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[Brett Vesely]

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[Unidentified Male 1]

Morning sickness.

[Christy]

You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself.

[John Holmberg]

He's evil sitting right here.

[Brett Vesely]

Come on.

[Byron]

No, no, he's not.

[John Holmberg]

He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. It's 9:44 here in the morning sickness. 7:44. Sorry, it's 9:44. I'm going home in 15 minutes. That's good.

[Brady]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

9:44 on the east coast, everybody. Thanks for listening. Virginia, like coming down and blow me while you're down there. Virginia, Philadelphia, where everybody's getting blown. It's 9:44. Man, that stock market sure does like a coup. We should attack more countries. There's gold stuff like 750 points starts off up today.

[Unidentified Male 1]

No, no, yesterday.

[John Holmberg]

I just peeked at it. Yeah, we all. We all kind of shake our heads a little bit, and then if they pay us to go into countries we don't know that much about, I don't think we'd be as upset about it. They were talking last night on the news, and even the gang at CNN was like, when do you think gas prices will come down? Because of this. Like they're even. Like, we didn't. We're a huge fan of just going in and stealing leaders, but what do you think gas is going to cost? And one lady said it's going to be years. Another one said, I don't know. I don't think Donald Trump does this for the long game. I think he's going to want to benefit 2028, the election. And the other guy said that maybe we'd start seeing gas prices at a buck 19.

[Dick Toledo]

Whoa.

[John Holmberg]

I'm with you guys on whether or not I'm willing to be a little bit more aggressive with some smaller nations.

[Brett Vesely]

Invade.

[Brady]

Invade.

[Brett Vesely]

Invade.

[John Holmberg]

I might be with Brett and General Raisin Cain.

[Unidentified Male 1]

And did you hear what we did with Mark Kelly? We demoted him. We demoted him down. He's no longer. He's no longer got. What was it, what was it before? Now we made him a captain. And also. Yeah, I made him a captain. I took away whatever he was before. I don't remember Commander Dumb. Now he's a captain. It also changed his last name because I can do it. He's now Captain Kangaroo. And that's, that's a funny thing to me. I want. If I don't like you, I'll change your name. Change to Captain Kangaroo. And now he's. Now he's like a senator Kangaroo. And that's funny. I'll change your name.

[John Holmberg]

Don't. Don't with me. Now he's starting to say the F word in press conferences.

[Brett Vesely]

I love it.

[John Holmberg]

He said that and they said something about Maduro and he said yes.

[Unidentified Male 1]

He offered everything. He offered everything.

[John Holmberg]

I said, why didn't you take it for him?

[Unidentified Male 1]

I did.

[John Holmberg]

Like, oh yeah? Well, why do you think he did that?

[Unidentified Male 1]

Because he knows not to with the United States.

[John Holmberg]

And then he put it on his own page. Like, oh my God. Right after that I saw a thing.

[Brady]

Are you pretty convinced that we're in.

[John Holmberg]

A simulation and it's broken?

[Brady]

The only one that's uploading the stuff on the camera.

[John Holmberg]

I am absolutely convinced that most things. The other one I watched the other day, there were clips of the helicopters going into keep. I keep loving that people call it Valenzuela. I hate that we invaded Valenzuela.

[Brady]

Stop.

[John Holmberg]

Don't be mad if you can't say it. But with the helicopter's rolling in and it's got like the Flight of the Valkyries music behind it and the bombs and then the stuff goes off and then it just shows Trump in a slow mo walk with a rap song. Playing I don't know which one it was and like the N word is prominent and I looked at the thing and it said the White House. That was the page I was on. And I'm like what? So I clicked on it and it's the White House's page. And I'm like, I don't know how real this is, but this dude, like there's a couple just meetings on there, it's no big deal. But this was a yes, I'm convinced. He sits on the toilet and just.

[Unidentified Male 1]

I'm gonna, I'm gonna put this one out.

[John Holmberg]

And he edits, he edits his own videos. He does it all.

[Brett Vesely]

We need him to run our social media here.

[John Holmberg]

Absolutely.

[Brett Vesely]

Imagine the clicks we would get.

[Larry McFeely]

Huge.

[John Holmberg]

Jesus.

[Unidentified Male 1]

I come down there to meet Senator Captain Kangaroo cuz I changed his name. The little bald man, the little alopecia boy. You make fun of my hair, but at least I've got it.

[John Holmberg]

But yeah, so if it's a buck 17 for gas and it's no guarantee, that was just. Somebody threw that out. I'm like what?

[Brady]

Another classic throwing it out there. And like.

[John Holmberg]

But for a little while there, Valenzuela.

[Brady]

Buy some time with this.

[John Holmberg]

Venezuela was paying 19 cents a gallon a few years ago. And even the people who hated it there were oppressed by a dictator, were like, but gas is so cheap. Colombia was like all that stuff in the northern area of South America and Central America they're paying nothing for gas. They got a lot of it. And the one lady's like, oh, the infrastructure's not good enough. It's gonna take years to get that up to snuff. I'm like 80 year old presidents with ego problems don't do this for the long haul. They do it for themselves. And that in turn will benefit us. And we have proven Democrat, Republican, Independent or otherwise that we will sell our souls for convenience. So if the gas goes down suddenly everybody's gonna be pretty quiet about Valenzuela.

[Brady]

Tap the tankers for a couple of months and then what if they're doing that like reserve.

[John Holmberg]

I bet you there's, there's quite a lot of people that would take a punch. Like, you know, domestic violence. Well, like you have to have one day of domestic violence a year. And gas, It's a buck 19.

[Brett Vesely]

I'll be swinging.

[John Holmberg]

All right, All right.

[Brady]

You don't swing. You have to take it.

[John Holmberg]

You have to take the punch. 19.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You have to take it from somebody at least 40 pounds heavier than you.

[Brett Vesely]

That's fine.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Brett Vesely]

Buck 19 for a year.

[John Holmberg]

Buck 19. I'm taking that. I'm taking that beating for it there.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm gonna go buy an F352 just so it really sucks the gas down.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

I give my money's worth.

[John Holmberg]

You could start buying. Oh, yeah, dumb old cars.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You get one of them Oldsmobile442, it's like three miles to the gallon. Who cares? We will forget. And I know I'll get emails.

[Brady]

My regular driving car will be a funny car.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man.

[Brett Vesely]

Get caps down here to give us a ride to work.

[John Holmberg]

That feels gonna be the same. It's gonna be a little cheaper, for sure. And I'll get emails from people going, the humanitarian.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Blah, blah, blah.

[John Holmberg]

Buck 19. I'm not much of a humanitarian if the price is right, and I know that that's bad, but neither are you. No one out there is gonna say, well, we can do this. It'll be a buck 19, and this is no good. Or you can keep paying $4 a gallon for gas. And what do we have to do? If you go in there and knock out Valenzuela for a little while, where is that? No one knows I'm in. It's. I could throw a dart and get in a region. I think I'll do it. We'll attack stuff. If it means cheaper products, we don't care.

[Brady]

What's next?

[John Holmberg]

We get up in arms about, who's next? Yeah, who's next? Meanwhile, we got, like, no kings, marches and everything.

[Brady]

And you hear all the. You know, there's talk. He's telling you he's doing exactly what Hitler did back then.

[John Holmberg]

Kind of ain't wrong. Well, there's two sides of the story. I know, but for a buck 19, if Hitler told you, I think we're gonna go get Poland gas. Gonna be like a penny. People in Germany be like, all right. Even France would be like, I get it. Even Poland's like, they're doing it for the. I get it. It's crazy. But still, while it's 350, we can be humanitarian. Just doesn't seem right that we did that. That seems. I understand taking him out is the right thing to do, but how we did it, I'm not so sure. I hope this works out.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Gas is a dollar.

[John Holmberg]

Like, yay, Good job. Like, that's all we care about. We'll see. I know. That's all I care about. Again, I'm the guy who. If Epstein came up to me and said, want to see an island I'd be like, yep, I've heard rumors about this island. I'm not going to do anything, but I want to go. I've been on a private plane with a friend. I don't know what he does with people. I don't know his moral history. I like him. But when he said we want to take my private plane to I didn't even hear the rest of the sentence. I was packing a bag. It's awesome. Private planes are awesome. And people with private planes are offering rides to you are awesome. For that moment. 20 years from now you find out he used to eat puppies. Like, geez, I used to be on that guy's plane a lot.

[Brady]

I went over his place in Colorado.

[John Holmberg]

Heck yeah. Seemed nice. I had a gone at 7:52. Let's get ourselves ready for the Brady Report. It's brought to you by [e-mail] All Pro Shade will shade you up. There's no more winter. We're done with it. We didn't have it. We skipped it. And that's fantastic. It's gonna rain a couple of days this week. Get down to the 50s. Boo hoo. It's been phenomenal outdoor weather. Sitting on the patio, you don't want that sun in your eyes. You want to watch the TV you put back there because this place is paradise and get that glare off of it. All Pro Shade will come to your house and come up with a plan for your area to beautify it and actually enhance your property value. She got one of those shades that looks the part, is the part and looks like it's supposed to be there. That's All Pro Shade anywhere else is just going to jam something against your house that looks like it shouldn't be there and becomes an eyesore and probably rots. This does not do that. It's weatherproof. They got those, those motorized ones that when the wind gets going, it sucks itself in so it never gets destroyed. They have been doing this for over 20 years for a reason. They're the best in the business. Check it out. All prochet.com Brady report.

[Brady]

Good Tuesday morning to Phoenix. Hello, world.

[John Holmberg]

Hi.

[Brady]

Happy National Cuddle Up Day. And it's also national Take your Christmas tree day down.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

If you haven't done that yet, it's time.

[Brady]

It's officially the 12 days after.

[John Holmberg]

Yep, I guess that's true. Yeah, this guy's right.

[Brady]

He's been on the 6th of January.

[John Holmberg]

Ty rolls up and he's like, hey, you think China was in Venezuela to be Besties with him. Exactly. For gas. Gas prices rule. What kind of car would you get if gas was a buck?

[Brady]

Oh, man.

[John Holmberg]

What's the first thing you think of?

[Brett Vesely]

Like prices don't matter or what?

[Brady]

I mean.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I don't know what.

[Dick Toledo]

You know, let's just.

[Brady]

Yeah, let's just.

[John Holmberg]

You get. You get gifted. A car of choice. Gas is a dollar, but you still have to pay gas. You have to stay, you have to take care of it. But somebody's going to give you any car you want.

[Brett Vesely]

Probably a Shelby GT500.

[John Holmberg]

I was thinking something like that. Those old muscle cars that just eat gas. Oh, yeah. You just get more the better.

[Brady]

I remember riviera with a 465.

[John Holmberg]

There you go.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Unidentified Male 1]

You kids out there listening?

[John Holmberg]

Hear me out. We used to go to the gas station and dig in the ashtray. They had ashtrays and cars. When I was digging the ashtray for change to get gas and you can get like 3 gallons now.

[Brady]

You can.

[John Holmberg]

You could do that again. Change would start to matter.

[Brady]

Bring the penny back.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I remember sitting with Jenny Rohr was in my jeep and there was another girl there. I forgot. She wore her sweaters upside down because she had this tiny little waist and she wanted to make girls feel bad so she could put the neck around her waist and she actually had cans too. It was pretty awesome. I thought she'd started something. She was short too. So her little arms went in the sleeves just enough to where the bottom of the sweater rested on her shoulders but would occasionally droop down like this chick had it figured out. Anyway, I digress.

[Brett Vesely]

Who's this?

[John Holmberg]

I forgot her name. She lived over in your old hood though.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, really?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And what AI bot is this? It was her. It was amazing and cute enough to get away with it. But her waist was the size of a neck sweater neck. And she turned it around and made all the women mad. But she would always give me like 75 cents and that sounds like it was like. Like it was 1910 or something. She would go, I don't have. She didn't have a lot. I 75 cents or a dollar for the week. As long as she kept those sweaters upside down, she got a ride. Nice to peek down there a lot.

[Brady]

Got a couple of basis fun facts. Technically the president is not supposed to salute military officers because though they're the commander in chief still a civilian. The first president who started saluting Eisenhower. Ronald Reagan.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Reagan did it.

[John Holmberg]

But Eisenhower do it because he was actually not a civilian. Yeah, actually. And so was Kennedy, right? Yeah. Yeah.

[Unidentified Male 1]

You know I won't salute ever again. Captain Kangaroo Mark Kelly. I'm gonna demote him again. Now he's known as Private Parts. That's what I'm gonna call him from now on. I hate that guy.

[John Holmberg]

I hate him.

[Unidentified Male 1]

I'm starting to hate Homebug a little bit because he looks like Mark Kelly. If Mark Kelly was. If, let's say, if Homeburg was from Middle Earth, he would look like Mark Kelly. Because Mark Kelly looks like. It looks like, like a shaved orc. Shaved dork. That's his commander shaved. Or that's what I'll call him. Give him his status back. There's something something.

[John Holmberg]

Check out Homework's Morning Sickness podcast at.

[Dick Toledo]

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[John Holmberg]

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[Unidentified Male 1]

Holmberg's morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

Does that hurt you in the military? I don't know. After you've retired and stuff, they take your rank away? Yeah.

[Brady]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

Do you lose money?

[Brady]

You might.

[John Holmberg]

I think you might.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Maybe he's making enough money in congress.

[John Holmberg]

It doesn't matter when you retire.

[Larry McFeely]

Probably when you retire.

[John Holmberg]

Like he's retired. Is he from the military?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, he's making enough money in congress, it doesn't matter.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, but also an astronaut.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's an astronaut.

[Brett Vesely]

Right, dude?

[John Holmberg]

But it's not about that slap. It's a slap in the face more than I guess, isn't it? Yeah.

[Unidentified Male 1]

I'd slap him. If he wants it back, I'll slap him.

[John Holmberg]

He'll take it.

[Brady]

You like getting slapped?

[Unidentified Male 1]

I like slapping him.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, there you go.

[Unidentified Male 1]

I'll say captain Kangaroo, come into my office. If you'd like your title back, I get to smack you on TV.

[Brett Vesely]

This guy said he paid 207 in Springfield, Missouri last Saturday.

[John Holmberg]

Oh my God, here it comes. I might jerk off at the station. If it gets to one point, anything.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, man.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Who'S what?

[John Holmberg]

What Neck.

[Brett Vesely]

Clean up on pump three. Clean up on pump three.

[Unidentified Male 1]

We got another ejaculator out there. I'll get this. Can we get it hose out there by Pump 3. Everybody's still excited about these gas prices. Thanks for coming to Buc EE's.

[Brady]

You're grabbing the pump handle.

[John Holmberg]

Oh.

[Brady]

By age 32, you've been alive for over 1 billion seconds.

[John Holmberg]

Congratulations.

[Brady]

Public schools did a report on the use of cell phones during school hours. A lot of schools won't let you or you're not allowed to use your cell phone. During the school they found students that weren't allowed to use the cell phones. On average, use the cell phone 70 minutes during school hours, an hour and 10 minutes.

[John Holmberg]

They still figured it out.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Nice work.

[Brady]

Most of the time it was for social media about 30 minutes. Video games were about 20.

[John Holmberg]

Huh. So it's the chewing gum thing. If you take it away, they want gum.

[Brady]

We'll find a way. Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

And when Alex was in was in high school, they gave everybody a laptop and the kids figured out there's tied to your phone. Well, there's that and there's also some website that you can go to that is just full of games. So they would all just go on the school approved website and play video games.

[John Holmberg]

By the way, I Don't know if this person wants me to do this, so I'll keep the names quiet. I was sent something yesterday. I don't know why this reminded me. She's working on this thing where she's getting a YouTube channel of relaxing sound she puts together musically. And so she says if you fall asleep to meditation music or whatever, just play this through the day. Give it a listen. I'm trying to build this like a baby.

[Brady]

You slept like a baby.

[John Holmberg]

Oh my. I didn't intend to.

[Brett Vesely]

What do you do?

[Dick Toledo]

You just keep it on? For how long?

[John Holmberg]

I'll just play a little bit of it for a second. We can put it up there. I don't want anybody's names over there. So nobody really knows about it. That's ridiculous.

[Brett Vesely]

Sounds like Brady's bowl music.

[Unidentified Male 1]

No, no, no.

[John Holmberg]

It's ocean.

[Dick Toledo]

Sounds like it's actually a little better than that.

[John Holmberg]

It's not one consistent sound. There's a lot going on. But when this is going on and the BO music will put you to sleep too, in fairness. Either that or you want to kill someone. But I can't get enough of this. And so I was like, okay. And I tried it. I'm out like a light. It took like two minutes. And I don't sleep. I'm not a sleeper. I was watching the Steelers Ravens game, the replay, cuz that's what I do. And I put it on in the background. Eyes were still open though.

[Unidentified Male 1]

I'm not.

[John Holmberg]

Not watching the game. So if you get. Hold up. We should put it up on the thing. Let people do it. She's gonna put like 10 of them together. I don't know if she wants people to know about it, but it's. If you're looking, don't drive around with it. Don't knock out.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh yeah. If she's building it, wouldn't she want people to know about it?

[John Holmberg]

I don't think she's got anything other than that song.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, all right. Well, let's wait.

[John Holmberg]

I don't care. Put it up there.

[Dick Toledo]

No, I know.

[John Holmberg]

Let's knock out the city. Let's do what KS Lex has been doing for years and put this town to sleep.

[Brady]

There's this person in Glasgow, Scotland, that posted on Twitter, come on out to the park and see me get kicked in the balls one last time before I get bottom surgery.

[John Holmberg]

He got him kicked off.

[Brady]

Over a hundred people came out to the park and he. And he says, no one is allowed to video. I'm my friend is going to be the only one that takes the video so we can post it.

[John Holmberg]

Right. He wants his to be viral. I did that with my hip surgery.

[Brady]

I let the guy becoming more popular.

[John Holmberg]

Here's the dangerous thing because when I told the guys at Tactical Black, I'm like, look, I get my surgery tomorrow. It's my last day here. Aim a little higher on the kicks and take what you're not supposed to kick in the hip. It doesn't do anything. And kick me in the hip. And they bruised the living be Jesus out of my hip. And we laughed. And I went in for my surgery the next day in the doctor and yes, my doctor's name was Dr. Jakobsky. That's real Said, I can't do this. You're all bruised up. The risk for infection is twice as high. The risk for infection is like 1% something. So it just jumped up to 2. I'll take my chances. He didn't care. I told him like I'd sign anything. I'm not gonna. And he said, your scar is going to be bigger because I got to cut around the bruise. So my scar on one side is huge. I'm like, that's fine. It's actually cooler. But yeah, I let that happen too. I'd never let people kick me in the balls, but got kicked in the hip. Of course, if I hated my balls like that guy, he's getting them chopped off. Bottom surgery. Ew.

[Brady]

Oreo Reese's are coming back. They released them for a limited time.

[Dick Toledo]

Oreo Reese's?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Inside the Reese's cup is Oreo cream.

[Brady]

And now they're permanent. They're bringing them back.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, so no peanut butter?

[John Holmberg]

No, I think there's peanut butter. I think he's crumbled up Oreos inside a Reese's Cup. Or they put it on the outside and inside your Oreo is a Reese's. Either way, it's decadent.

[Brett Vesely]

I'll try that.

[Dick Toledo]

Get some.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Brady]

The second one is the world's oldest Twinkie is turning 50 this year. Was chemistry teacher in Blue Hill, Maine named Roger Benatti. Opened it as a. As an experiment in his class in 1976. It's lived at the school ever since.

[John Holmberg]

It's open.

[Brady]

It's in a glass case. There's a picture of. Definitely doesn't look like you'd want to eat it. Doesn't look like. Oh no, it's perfect.

[John Holmberg]

Nothing 50 year old looks like I wouldn't want to eat anything. 50. You heard abroad. You heard me. There's no reason. There's no reason. To celebrate it.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Breath.

[John Holmberg]

I get it. Nobody wants to eat anything over 50 years old. Disgusting.

[Brett Vesely]

Just like the Twinkie.

[John Holmberg]

Have you seen those things? And the stuff you would maybe eat usually escapes the glass box.

[Brady]

The 10 hour YouTube video of the burning fireplace. I don't know if you ever seen it or watch it for the holidays. The person that put that up, it's received over. Let's see. It's 157 million views so far. They've made a million dollars on it. He recorded his fireplace for 10 makes.

[Dick Toledo]

A dollar a view.

[John Holmberg]

That's incredible.

[Brady]

157 million views. Right?

[Dick Toledo]

You said a million dollars, right?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

Or 10 cents of you. Whatever.

[John Holmberg]

Still, it worked.

[Brett Vesely]

I think it's. Once you get so many more listeners, you go up and.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Pay grade.

[John Holmberg]

I just don't understand.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, once you reach certain plateaus.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Once you get so many viewers of yours.

[John Holmberg]

I like that people have the bravery to just say I'm gonna try this. And they throw it up there and it's like. And the first thing I'm thinking is that's stupid. And then they come back. Jesus, the guy made a million bucks on his own fireplace.

[Brady]

Chinese parents are reportedly turning AI generated videos portraying regretful protagonists to prevent their. So their. Their parents are making these videos of their kids. Yeah, they age them using AI till when they're 50 years old to encourage them to have kids. And if this is what they'll look like at 50. They don't have kids. They're crying because they're 50 and now they're too old to have.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, they show them. They scare them into thinking that they're lonely and old.

[Brady]

This is what's going to happen when you turn 50 if you decide to have no kids.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brady]

Mom, you're. We want to be grandparents.

[Brett Vesely]

I argue that I'm 50 and 12. No kids.

[John Holmberg]

Let me tell you this.

[Dick Toledo]

And they're all Mormons.

[John Holmberg]

The fact of the matter is that is not Chinese parents. That's the Chinese government. Right. No parents are doing that. So. Because the government's doing it to try to get the birth rate to jump because they want more Chinese. That's a bigger army.

[Brett Vesely]

Then they stop it for a while though, are they?

[John Holmberg]

They reverse it.

[Brett Vesely]

Didn't Chinese like put a limit on it?

[John Holmberg]

Well, they used to do two and one of them had to be a boy.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

And then people stopped having kids. Japan's is going completely like. It's nose diving.

[Brady]

You get paid in Japan.

[John Holmberg]

Japan likes it when you're pregnant because their birth rate is Way lower than their death rate. They're losing population like crazy. In Japan, it's because they're pixelating genitals.

[Brett Vesely]

See that?

[John Holmberg]

And I think they do that so porn is less appealing. So you have regular sex. Japan is all for it, but China is just trying to build. That's propaganda stuff. And let me tell you, Chinese kids being 50 without kids, you're fine. There's more smiling and money than you could ever imagine.

[Brady]

Got a couple of radio videos.

[John Holmberg]

Scott Haynes just said, if you can get a dollar for gas, let's let him turn Greenland back into Epstein Island. Like, yeah, that one's pretty far fetched.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Eh?

[John Holmberg]

I don't want to start a criminal enterprise, but if gas drops below a.

[Dick Toledo]

Buck.

[John Holmberg]

And we're doing terrible things up on Greenland.

[Dick Toledo]

Below a buck. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, wow.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not for the Epstein island thing, but maybe in moderation, like, there's gonna be.

[Brady]

I mean, if that happens. Like that. Yeah, like that quick.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

They'll be hoarding people.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Maybe we can't. Oh, yeah. Maybe we can't touch them. But like teen beauty pageants and stuff in Greenland for less than a dollar for the weirdos, you know?

[Unidentified Male 1]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You have to ease us in. But under a buck, I'm willing to turn a blind eye to a lot of moral stuff.

[Brady]

If they did that yesterday, could you imagine the run?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, if gas.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Gas is now 79 cents a gallon.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Brady]

So the first one's a guy having a little trouble backing up his car.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. He's backing out of a driveway. Oh, he's not in the car. That's why he's trying to get in a car that's backing up. Is his wife driving it?

[Larry McFeely]

Because the car.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's gotta be. Yes. Yeah. That's a bad relationship. And he's trying to pull her out of the driver's. And she keeps going while the door is open.

[Brett Vesely]

What she looked like in those jeans.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

And here's the deal. Does he take that if he gets a dollar gas?

[John Holmberg]

If that's what you have to deal with one time a year you have to get hit by a car slowly in a driveway. Yes.

[Dick Toledo]

All right, now look at his arm.

[John Holmberg]

When he gets it. Oh, it's broken. He's got a broken arm. Worth it for a. For a. Damn it.

[Unidentified Male 1]

That's a tough.

[John Holmberg]

That's a tough call. Your wife speeds out of the driveway with the doors open. Well, she's going eight.

[Brett Vesely]

She's going pretty quick. Well, she.

[John Holmberg]

She gases it. Look I don't want to get hit by an open door at all, but pushes you into a wall, he's alive.

[Brady]

And then he's got to fix that brick wall.

[Dick Toledo]

I mean, pushes you through the brick wall.

[John Holmberg]

Still, a dollar for gas, you'd have money to fix the wall.

[Brady]

Pretty thick wall.

[Brett Vesely]

It's only a Hyundai. It's not like it's an F350. That door can't be that strong. Come on.

[John Holmberg]

That's true. It's a good point. Kind of his fault that the door overpowered him that much. And don't. And by the way, again, stupid game, stupid prizes. You open the door of a moving car, you're running the risk. It wasn't her fault.

[Brady]

Next one's a skydiving accident. Again, listen to the audio. And the guy.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no. Oh, here we go. His chute's not open. And he is. Oh, it is open. He's coming in hot, though. That is just a rag, man. What the world? Don't parachutes work anymore? What happened? Oh, man.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, I'd like the non speed parachute.

[John Holmberg]

Can I get two? Next time.

[Brady]

Going for the target.

[John Holmberg]

Well, the good news is next time he lands with his parachute, the wheels of his wheelchair should help him out more because he's not walking ever again.

[Brady]

All right, last one. I don't know if we've done this one before, but I couldn't remember. It's a guy on a bike and a limb falls off a tree.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it just pretty much a tree just falls in half while he's riding by on the road and kills him.

[Brett Vesely]

We've seen something like that, but, man, that's.

[Brady]

It. Just.

[John Holmberg]

And the other guy stops because the tree just falls over for half of it.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Just breaks something, something.

[John Holmberg]

Check out homework's morning sickness [e-mail] hey, it's Larry McFeely.

[Larry McFeely]

And what better way to kick off the new year than with a brand new Toyota from your valley Toyota dealers. New year, new goals, new adventures, and a new Toyota is the perfect way to get you there, whether you're tackling your commute, heading out on weekend road trips, or just wanting something more reliable for the year ahead. Toyota has the model to fit your lifestyle, so make this the year you drive smarter, safer, and happier. Visit your Valley Toyota dealers or valleytoyotadealers.com Toyota let's go places.

[John Holmberg]

Homburg's morning sickness.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

What did he see? Because he was going pretty good and he just slams on his brakes.

[John Holmberg]

Just kills him.

[Brady]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

Sorry about your day That's Brady's God getting it done there.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

By the way, enough of the people emailing me saying, did you see the priest put the holy water in the Steelers end zone? Look, that's enough to make you believe, isn't it, John? And I'm like, sure, make me believe that your God's a dick and hates everyone in Baltimore just like me. That's. But he wouldn't do that to make people win or lose. Right. And by the way, if you're saying that. And this is where people with religion get upset when I say stuff like this. If God cares more about Tyler Loop missing that kick and the Steelers getting into the playoffs than he does some lady out there with a kid with cancer and not answering those prayers, what kind of God are you worshiping? Because you know you can throw holy water all over a kid with cancer and nothing's going to change. So if the holy water made the kit, if we have scientific evidence that the holy water made the kick go right, that's pretty awesome. Start shooting that over at the children's hospitals and lay off the end zones.

[Brady]

And Father whoever sprinkled it or Bishop, don't do it again. Because if you do it again and it doesn't work.

[John Holmberg]

No. Then there's no. But here's the fun part, too.

[Brett Vesely]

Then you're the mush.

[John Holmberg]

If you're the guy in Pittsburgh who runs that church and you think of the donations that he's going to get this week, it's going to be insane at that. That those plates are going to fill up with that football priest who made the kick. They're going to bring turkey platters out for them. My team won. And so if that's true, if that was divine intervention, I'm like, that's great. How about all the sick kids now? No, just. Just field goals. Okay.

[Brady]

Their high school's getting a new football field.

[Unidentified Male 1]

That's right.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's good. I'm glad God cares so much about the gridiron. Meanwhile, Timmy's taking his last breath over there because that tumor in his head since he was born is finally gone.

[Brady]

St. Catherine's just got a new scoreboard.

[John Holmberg]

And it's all thanks to the Lord. What about me? Nope.

[Unidentified Male 1]

But the scoreboard actually has time. And, like, it has a little bit.

[John Holmberg]

You can do advertising.

[Unidentified Male 1]

I have just three breaths left.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. Quiet down, kid. Anyway, we're gonna shoot holy water in the end zone and hope that God pushes kicks to the right.

[Larry McFeely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that was his plan. People trying to get me in on it. Saying that should be enough for me to believe. That's the worst thing you could ever say. Your God made a kick go, right? Meanwhile, hospitals. I don't understand that. I understand how you can like that. Anyway. Brett, what do you got?

[Brett Vesely]

All right, we're a little. A little more back to normal today.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brett Vesely]

We'll just start with this one.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Got a dash cam of a car we're driving. Oh, there's a person under another car in front of him. Feet. He's. He's doing the rich.

[Dick Toledo]

Look at the blood trail.

[John Holmberg]

It's the Robert De Niro from. Remember when Robert De Niro and Cape Fear rode under the car all the.

[Dick Toledo]

Way to the boat?

[John Holmberg]

That's what this guy's trying. But the car's, too. I know. And now it opened him up. He stuck up. Well, that's awful.

[Brett Vesely]

Traffic stop here.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Basic. I know.

[Brady]

So right now, you're under arrest.

[John Holmberg]

Whoa. We just starts running down the road. He leaves the traffic stuff. Oh, he's going to. He's going to the other side of the street. The oncoming traffic is on the way. No, he's staying in the middle. Okay, good. Where'd he go?

[Dick Toledo]

There he is on the other side.

[Brady]

Here it comes.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he jumps over the other side. Oh, he falls down as he tries. No, don't do it. Oh, they tased him in the street. That's happened before.

[Brady]

They're writing a check on that one.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Oh, yeah, they are.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that was a bad idea. This one says, john, what would you rather have? Gas under a dollar or the Ravens never win another playoff game for the rest of your life? Sorry, gang.

[Brady]

Playoff game.

[John Holmberg]

They'll never win another playoff game ever again. You guys are going to be paying a little more.

[Brady]

Doesn't mean they get the title.

[John Holmberg]

That's what I'm saying. They'll never win another playoff game in their lives. Or gas is under a dollar, and they can still freely win the Super Bowl. I'm going to go ahead and pay 4 bucks a gallon, you prick. I'm sorry if it's up to me.

[Brady]

When one playoff game doesn't mean they win the Super Bowl.

[Brett Vesely]

The team goes through their ups and downs.

[John Holmberg]

They might win the Super Bowl. This guarantees they will not. I'll take $4 a gallon. No way. I'll take $4. I know you're.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

What happened to the gambling man that you are not gonna happen.

[John Holmberg]

My hate for the Ravens is a lot harder and higher, damn it. Than expenses.

[Brett Vesely]

But I.

[John Holmberg]

Before all that domestic violence Thing. I'm still in on that. But this ravens. That's. That's a bridge too far.

[Brett Vesely]

All right, let's just go back to what we know.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. This is someone's butt with something in it. Oh, that's a vagina.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God.

[Brady]

Listen.

[Dick Toledo]

A little Billie Eilish candle.

[John Holmberg]

You think it's a candle coming out of there?

[Brady]

It looks like a candle.

[John Holmberg]

That's a big candle. Those. Are those desk candles. Nope.

[Dick Toledo]

Statue.

[John Holmberg]

That is a base of a. Oh, gigantic.

[Brady]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. It is a huge butt plug shaped toy.

[Dick Toledo]

Foster's can oil can size bigger.

[John Holmberg]

At least it's bigger than a Foster's Oil can.

[Brett Vesely]

Like a 40 ounce almost.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that. That's a Folger's coffee. The old. The old.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

The base of that thing is a small Christmas tree. And then a small Christmas tree comes out of her. Oh, my God. Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

That's all she's got to say.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. That is huge.

[Brady]

All right.

[Brett Vesely]

And let's go over here.

[Unidentified Male 1]

What has she. What have.

[John Holmberg]

What have you done to yourself? Why? There's a pregnant lady on the. Sitting on a tow hitch next to a freeway. She's having sex with a. Oh, God. And she's peeing while she does it. She's having sex with the toe hitch on the back of a. Of a. Like a Lexus 440. And she's pregnant.

[Brady]

Yep. With the bigger one, too. It's an option one, one and two.

[John Holmberg]

You got the two? Yeah. So the two choices on the trailer hitch, they pulled over and they said, hey, I'll film it if you do this. And they turn it over. Sure. I have no father.

[Brett Vesely]

This one's titled How Rednecks are made.

[John Holmberg]

All right, we're at a pile of people. That was some sort of protest.

[Dick Toledo]

Dude with a motorcycle helmet.

[John Holmberg]

There's a protester, some guy in the middle, and he's in a motorcycle helmet. He picks a fight with the entire protest and the protest. Hundreds of people now. He started a mosh pit and protest protesters are being beaten.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, it's all women.

[John Holmberg]

It's a woman's lip sync or something.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Lila's fair mosh dude went in and just started pounding. He won every fight.

[Brett Vesely]

He took the helmet off too.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, he did.

[Brady]

It's kind of hanging, I think.

[Dick Toledo]

Did he take it off?

[John Holmberg]

There are hundreds of them.

[Dick Toledo]

This is somebody sailing shave ice.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. This lady's still making her shaved ice. Well, this guy beats up lesbian after lesbian. There's another one just. She's not gonna.

[Dick Toledo]

She's like, hey, I gotta make that money.

[John Holmberg]

I already paid for this. These ladies will take care of it. Then a very. And then a very attractive lesbian walks.

[Brett Vesely]

By, and we'll just end with this.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Oh, no.

[John Holmberg]

This is a dude all balled up.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, my God.

[John Holmberg]

Giving himself oral pleasure. He's got his. He's got his look. He's all folded up, as you said yesterday. That's a hammer. That's a hammer. All right. What is going on? He's not even like. He's all contorted up. He threw us. But that doesn't look right. It isn't right. That's another guy.

[Brady]

No, it's not.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, it is. You can't tell.

[Brady]

His legs are.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, that's his legs.

[John Holmberg]

Are you ugly? No. Because his ass would be on the other side.

[Brady]

What?

[Dick Toledo]

No, no.

[John Holmberg]

Wouldn't, right? All right. Stretched all the way over.

[Byron]

Feet.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, I see his feet. Oh, I see. I'm looking at his feet like they're pointing at us. Those are his hands.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. I'm like, wait a minute. That's another fella. They're just leaning over the edge. No, that's him. Okay. That's biblical. Thank you.

[Dick Toledo]

Some military guys have texted in, John, when you retire from the military, you get paid at your highest rank, whether you've been demoted or not.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, so. So no money. Just.

[Dick Toledo]

It's just performative.

[John Holmberg]

Cool.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Don't forget, though, I changed his last name. Kangaroo Captain Crunch. I changed it again. Now we can wear the little hat.

[John Holmberg]

Wouldn't that be great if Trump had that kind of juice.

[Unidentified Male 1]

I changed your name to Captain Crunch. Here's your new uniform.

[John Holmberg]

And every time Mark Kelly has to go out in military gear, it's Captain Crunch's outfit.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Look at the captain. I did that. All right. Now you're Captain Antonello. I like this. You're gonna be. You're gonna be the little cat. You get to wear the little hat. You have to sit behind a piano. You have to do it all the time because I said so. Simon says. And I'm Simon.

[Brady]

Speaking of, they put him up like Jack Sparrow.

[Unidentified Male 1]

You're the captain, Captain Jack. Today, Mark Kelly is Captain Jack Sparrow or he's gonna get fired. And that's what we'll do. So dress him up.

[John Holmberg]

Every day. He dresses him up like a little doll.

[Unidentified Male 1]

We're gonna meeting with Mark Kelly. You know him as Captain Jack Sparrow.

[Brady]

Welcome, Captain Morgan.

[Unidentified Male 1]

As I do the thing. Do the standing. Nice job. Mark Kelly listens all day. He's a good little Puppet Dexter says.

[Dick Toledo]

Please ask Trump that if I drive my Kenworth that gets four and a half miles to the gallon. If he drops fuel below A$50, I'd drive that to store in church in every one of his rallies.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Exactly. That's exactly right. You would. I didn't know who would be there. My little captain friend. I like the Captain Crunch idea. I think he'd look cute in the hat.

[Brady]

And he drops the tea. It's just capping.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Capping. You're capping. We changed the spell.

[Dick Toledo]

Made a new dial.

[Unidentified Male 1]

You're capping like the Crunch Cap' n. Cap' n Crunch. Cap' N Kelly. Gotta wear the outfit. The new outfit for all retired recently demoted captains is this blue little thing.

[John Holmberg]

With a huge hat. And Mark Kelly has to fight back dressed like that. Or else.

[Dick Toledo]

Hey, Mr. President. If gas prices drop, will oil change? Prices also drop. I just paid a buck fifty to get my oil changed.

[Unidentified Male 1]

$1.50 for an oil change?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I see.

[Unidentified Male 1]

150 now. That seems a little heavy. It seems like the Jiffy Lube might have. Gotcha. I've seen ads for $10. I don't know where you're going. 1995 seems a little heavy. You know who I'll put on that Captain? Captain Crunch. We'll get him on and we'll get the Captain. Captain will do that in Arizona. He's running Arizona. He's doing a poor job, but he's there. Not good oil. We'll drop that down to pennies. Pennies for your oil change.

[Brady]

Imagine getting that. Mr. President, I'm sorry. We can't hang them. We can just demote him.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Done.

[John Holmberg]

And then immediately send him the dry cleaned outfit.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Hilarious.

[Dick Toledo]

Another texter. Viva Valenzuela, sir.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Viva Valenzuela indeed. We own it. 51st State Valenzuela. The home of Fernando. Where Abba Abba rotates on.

[John Holmberg]

Again. I'm not on any side. I think they're both ridiculous. I think we're trapped in a simulation that's broken and I'm here for the jokes. So if Mark Kelly ever showed up.

[Brady]

He'S in charge of the Easter egg hunt at the White House.

[Unidentified Male 1]

The new duties.

[Brady]

Got all those mascots, all the captains.

[John Holmberg]

You're here.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Mark Kelly. Look at him out there dropping the eggs off in his new blue hat. Captain Kelly. I love it.

[John Holmberg]

I think that would be. It would be worth it to be president. To try to make your enemies dress funny. Don't. Don't.

[Unidentified Male 1]

You know what? You'll around and you'll find out. I've got all the. I'll get all the mascot outfits. Somebody's gonna be Toucan sand someday. I like it.

[John Holmberg]

Anyway.

[Brady]

Yeah. He's now part of the clown brigade.

[Unidentified Male 1]

We just started the brand new. You want to stay in the military and you get your recall. You're in the clown brigade. You're led by Captain Clown Mark Kelly.

[Dick Toledo]

John. It's even better because Captain Crunch wasn't really a captain. If you look at his.

[John Holmberg]

An admiral.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Everyone knows that he's an admiral. That's why he had the weird hat. Captains don't get that. Admirals do. In fact, let's promote Mark Kelly to admiral and give him a new little outfit. Adorable little alien head on my Kelly. And we put that hat on. It'll be. It'll be cute.

[John Holmberg]

That's what we're doing. That's why I think the simulation is broken. We're making like we're just calling people names and.

[Brett Vesely]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

And it's working. There you go. That is your Brady report. It's 98 KUPD.

[Dick Toledo]

Hey, it's not weird.

[Brady]

It's pretty cool, actually.

[John Holmberg]

No membership fees.

[Unidentified Male 1]

I have heard enough of this.

[Larry McFeely]

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