01-06-26 - FULL SHOW - TUESDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness – 01-06-26 Full Show Summary

Overview

This episode of Arizona’s #1 morning show, hosted by John Holmberg with Brady Bogen, Brett Vesely, and Dick Toledo, is a typical freewheeling Tuesday packed with personal stories, irreverent humor, local sports banter, and audience interaction. The hosts riff on everything from run-ins with strangers based on perceived sexuality, to the dangers of human-tasting mountain lions, to the never-ending woes of the Arizona Cardinals. The episode features signature segments: emails from listeners, news stories, hot releases in music and streaming, and plenty of in-jokes dripping with sarcasm and offbeat observations.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Convertibles, Bromance, and Perceived Sexuality (05:00–18:00)

• John recounts a recurring scenario: Every time his friend, Mark (the CEO of National Bank of Arizona), rides with him in his convertible, random strangers make comments assuming they’re a gay couple.
  • First, college guys compliment the car, then ask, “Which gay bar are you guys going to?” (03:20)
  • Later, a woman, while playing “King of Wishful Thinking,” theatrically sings Cher’s “Do You Believe in Life After Love?” at them at a stoplight. (08:00)
• The crew wonders if there’s a “secret code” being exchanged (“Is it the Jeep wave? The Mark wave?”—13:00).
• John debates if Mark just gives off “the vibe”, consults his gay neighbors, and concludes it only happens with Mark, never with other friends or alone.
• Notable Quote:
  • John: “If Mark and I were gay, we’d be a power bottom couple. Negative edge pool overlooking the city... we’d be doing good.” (15:21)

2. News, Emails, and Audience Banter (41:00–61:00)

• John reads heartfelt listener emails on losing longtime pets, promoting extra dog treats in their honor.
• Story about mountain lions in Colorado attacking a hiker: John rails against the “arrogance” of humans for killing animals just for acting on instinct.
  • Brady: "If you love nature, know the risk you're taking." (47:15)
• Tangentially, this sparks a long, tongue-in-cheek fantasy about cannibalism—how curious John (and mountain lions) are about what humans taste like.
• Brett and Brady leap into a hypothetical draft of which coworkers they'd eat first ("Brady, you'd be first—you're pure Wagyu,"—56:35).

3. Sports Talk: Suns, NFL Playoffs, and Cardinals Woes (25:00–28:00, 126:00–146:00)

• John covers the Suns’ recent buzzer-beater win and subsequent loss to Kevin Durant, and how Durant’s energy is “a slog.”
  • "He’s an energy vampire. He comes in and just sucks all the juice out of a room." (27:20)
• Much of the back third centers on the Arizona Cardinals’ head coach search.
  • Their job is considered the worst in the NFL due to instability and poor management.
  • John vigorously advocates for Jon Gruden to shake things up (“Be self-aware! You need to be the bad boys!”—133:10), but cynically predicts a boring, safe hire.
  • Fans are “trauma-bonded” to the Cardinals—like “pimps and their families.” (145:42)

4. Offbeat Humor, Media, and Innuendo (65:00–77:00, 176:00+)

• The crew riffs on accidental hot-mic moments in sports broadcasting (Flyers’ announcer: “While you’re down there, why don’t you blow me?”—72:59), arguing such off-the-cuff lines are universal among men.
• Multiple anecdotes about awkwardly masculine affection (“Brady smashed my face into his crotch at a wedding”—67:32) and humor about “manliness” tropes, motorcycles (“no nuts to butts!”—35:06), and driving gloves.
• Frequent callbacks to the “twink mobile,” Barrett-Jeeps-with-ducks, and Arizona's car culture.

5. Hot Releases – Music, TV, and AI Remixes (154:00–175:00)

• New album releases by Black Label Society, Coheed and Cambria, Alien Ant Farm, and static X discussed.
• Streaming picks: The Pit (HBO Max), Cold Water (Paramount+), 11.22.63 (Netflix), and more.
• AI Soul Remixes steal the segment:
  • Soundgarden’s “Fell on Black Days” and Smashing Pumpkins’ “Cherub Rock” are remixed into soulful, gospel-esque anthems.
  • “It’s just better with AI... Look what it’s giving us!” (173:15)
• AI-generated “Any Hole Baby” and explicit novelty tracks get big laughs.

6. Audience Interaction: Games, Calls, and Texts (177:00+)

• The recurring "N-word or F-word" iced tea lyrics guessing game returns, with Brady snagging the win.
• Listener texts pop up constantly—some chiding John’s Cardinals takes, others challenging show memories.
• Throughout, the cast remains quick to lampoon, subvert, and gently roast each other, the audience, celebrities, and local culture.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On cars & sexuality:
  • John: “It's only when Mark’s in the car—never with anybody else do they sing Cher at me.” (13:00)
• On pet loss:
  • Listener email: "Charlie was my daughter's first dog and the best ever. Thank you.” (41:20)
• On human arrogance:
  • John: “We're so delicious, if anything gets a taste, we have to kill them.” (46:07)
• On Cardinals job:
  • John: “The worst thing you can be in the world of business, especially one so successful, is irrelevant.” (150:48)
• On Gruden as coach:
  • John: “Jon Gruden is the answer for what ails this team, and they won’t do it.” (134:14)
• On AI music:
  • John: “I embrace AI... look what it’s giving us! It’s just fun with music and toys and porn.” (173:24)
• On the show’s pace:
  • John: “All the other shows already left … we start before them. We’re doing it wrong.” (179:00)
• Philosophy of joy:
  • John: "Find something to hate... When it has a bad day, you will experience joy like you can’t imagine.” (186:05)

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Segment Timestamps

• Convertibles/Bromance Stories: 05:00–18:00
• Sports & Car Banter: 25:00–30:00
• Listener Pet Emails: 41:00–44:00
• Mountain Lion Rants & Cannibalism Bit: 44:00–61:00
• Eating Coworkers Draft: 56:33–61:49
• Awkward Affection/Hot Mic Antics: 65:00–77:00
• NFL/Cardinals/Gruden Rant: 126:00–146:00
• Hot Releases (Music/TV/AI): 154:00–175:00
• Listener Games/Interaction: 177:00-end

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Tone and Style

Highly irreverent, fast-paced, and self-aware—mixing local color with universal guy banter and pop culture references. John leads most discussions, oscillating between observational humor, faux outrage, and guileless curiosity. The interplay between the crew is snarky but affectionate, loaded with in-jokes and callbacks that reward regular listeners.

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For New Listeners

This episode encapsulates “Holmberg’s Morning Sickness”: fearless, sometimes childish, always unfiltered. The hosts’ chemistry, wit, and willingness to chase tangents ensure you’ll be laughing, groaning, and occasionally pondering the nature of humanity and fandom—all before most of the city’s wide awake.

If you missed it, skip to:

• (08:00) for the funniest “Car Bromance” story
• (46:00) for John’s mountain lion/human arrogance rant
• (56:33) for the “If you had to eat a coworker” draft
• (126:00) for the Arizona Cardinals/Gruden head coach pitch
• (154:00) for new music/AI soul remix fun

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For more, visit 98kupd.com or subscribe wherever you get your podcasts.

Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by mmpguns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

[Brady]

It's Brady and I'm here with Christy from the Wildlife World zoo.

[John Holmberg]

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[Brady]

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[John Holmberg]

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[Brett Vesely]

Hey, it's Brett Vesely and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?

[Brady]

Brett, the last thing you want to do is sell the gun to someone who can't legally own one.

[John Holmberg]

Tell him not to put himself at risk and come into M and P.

[Brady]

Guns where he'll get a fair offer and he can rest easy knowing it's not getting into the wrong hands.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay, but what if he lives out of state?

[Brady]

Easy. Legalgunbuyer.com and he can do it all online.

[John Holmberg]

It's really that simple.

[Brett Vesely]

There you have it. MMP GU or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your firearms.

[John Holmberg]

Morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil sitting right here.

[Brett Vesely]

Come on.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. Good morning everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Tuesday. It is 5:45. My name's John. There's Brady, there's Brett. Enough, Brett. Sorry. There's Toledo. We're off and running. 4A Tuesday morning here in Paradise. Another glorious day for us to get up. Still has a top down on my car. That is. I did not expect it. No, it's not cold. I got the car in early November, I guess, and I took the top off and said, well, the weather's great. I'll leave this and then once it's done, I'll park it. Take the Jeep with the top on. Hasn't been bad at all. It rained a little bit on a couple of the days, but I've, you know, it's been perfect. So I still have the top down on the car. Not expecting that at all. Going into the early parts of January that it would still be in the 70s most of the time. And early in the morning, put a.

[Brett Vesely]

Hood on them right in though.

[John Holmberg]

It's fine. It's. It's actually, it's fine. It's chilly. I get seat heaters. I got, you know, I got it. It's all right, I'm covered. But I've had seat heaters in the Jeeps before. I put the top back on the Jeeps because usually in November, at least a few days where it's below 30, like we have a few freezing morning, nothing even close. It's been pretty nice. I can handle 50 degrees and nothing to it. I will have to say though, that I can no longer allowed. My friend and I don't want to give out names. He's the CEO of the national bank of Arizona, Mark Stevens. But please, let's just keep that amongst ourselves. But Mark Stebbings gets in my car. This has happened two times. I drive this thing with the top down, expecting to have only done that for a couple of weeks, but I've been. It's been two months now driving around. That guy took that picture of me yesterday or a couple of days ago in the freeway, which was weird. I'm driving along and everything's normal. Mark's been in that car three times, right? Twice with just he and I and once with him and his wife and kid. That's it. The first time we went to the Suns game, I picked him up, drove him down to the Suns game, and we were driving back, we left and we're down there right off of. I believe it was Washington or Jefferson, I don't remember what street. And this guy pulled up next to us and said, nice car, man. And I'm like, thanks. And then he goes, which gay bar are you guys going to? And we started laughing like, what a couple of dicks. But that's pretty good, Stu. Nice job, guys. And we're like. We waved him off, like, you got us. Didn't see that coming. You. You gave me a little compliment and you threw the. You. I mean, it's absolute right hook. Just bam, boosh. I wasn't looking. Jog. I. Jake Paul, just two sides of my jaw broken. And then I'm like, yeah, that was funny, right, Mark? And he's like, yeah, that's funny. Haha. Then we're kind of bothered by it. We're quiet for a few minutes, like, do we look gay?

[Brady]

Started stewing on, right?

[John Holmberg]

So then I'm like, we must look gay. I don't know what that is. So then that was about four weeks ago, we went to the Suns game again about a week ago. And I called Mark, I said, I'm leaving in five minutes, you want me to pick you up? And he said, sure, he lives a mile from me. So I go and grab CEO Mark Stebbings and I put him in the car again and we hop in there and we're driving along, windows down, and I had to get gas, so we didn't go on the freeway and we had time, so went down 16th street and hopped on there. We get on Thomas and we get to Thomas and 7th Street. We're just surface street and then. Right, Thomas and 7th Street. And I am not kidding you, if Mark was sitting right here with me, this is exactly what happened. And it's the strangest thing that's happened to me in a car. And it's only when he's been in it. I drive this thing every day and it doesn't happen unless he's in it. There's a lady next to us listening to like Wham or something, right? And we pull up next to her and we can hear and she's singing her windows down. And we both look over at the same time and she rolls her eyes at us. I mean like a big time. And Mark goes, what was that? I'm like, I don't know. Then she turned her radio down, still at the red light, and looks at us and goes, do you believe in life after love? And I'm like, what's she doing that for? Mark's like, why is this woman singing Cher at us? And I'm like, does she think we're gay?

[Brett Vesely]

You guys are the twink twins.

[John Holmberg]

That's what I told Mark. I said, it's you. You make people think we're gay. And he goes, a couple middle aged guys driving like, no, I drive this car every day. I've had multiple people in it. Nobody sings Cher at me unless you're here. Nobody asked what gay bar we're going to unless you're here.

[Brett Vesely]

Did you turn up your radio too?

[John Holmberg]

No, we were listening. I had this one on Mark in the car. Oh no. Brit remembers. Yeah. Cause why is the man in the passenger seat sobbing, crying? It's a refres of this story. Mark broke up with a girl and, well, she broke up with him back in high school. Broke his heart for a day or so and then they got back together. But I had to ride with him in his 1986 prelude while he listened to this with our shirts off again. What were we thinking?

[Toledo]

Did you Guys, whip off your shirts.

[Brett Vesely]

With the light over here.

[John Holmberg]

We always had our shirts on. We always thought it was funny that Bo and Luke drove around with their shirts off and we watched reruns of Dukes of Hazzard almost every day. And we started laughing and we're driving and he started to cry pretty violently, like, ugly cry while this song was on. And he goes, this is us. And I'm in the passenger seat going, I'm gonna jump out. And then we were at Alma School in Guadalupe, and he started to scream how much he missed his girlfriend. Yeah, yeah, I love you. That's true. All right, next time he's in the car, I'll throw this in there and see if he remembers it. But, yeah, that's it. Yeah. So, yeah, when the top off the car, people think we're gay together, just the two of us, we're giving off the, you know, poop, wiener vibes. And I don't know if that's a good thing or embrace it, man. I think, yeah. I think in this modern day, that's a compliment in some sort of weird way that people like. But the girl that was doing it was so, like, she was so clearly.

[Brady]

Like, went from wham to.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, she was like a full on lefty, like, with the pink hair and the nose thing and the, like, she was like, okay, you're a. You're still upset at Kamala. Like, you're in the march for Maduro. Like, she's in that. Just looking at her, just. But because I'm going to judge her. She judged me. I judge her as a wild left, like, irrational. And then she had the nerve to make a gay joke. Like, that's an insult. And I thought her people were all like, that's not an insult to say, like, what. What's so bad about being gay? That kind of thing. But then I just sat there, I'm like, it's Mark. It's not me, it's Mark. Nobody ever pulls up next to me and goes, which gay bar are you going to? When I'm in there by myself, or if Brady was in there, they'd be like, which hospice gay bar are you guys going to?

[Brett Vesely]

Here's a good point, I guess where you were, you're only a couple miles away from the gay Denny's there, too. So. Yeah, but I mean, you were just having, I don't know, having the Moons over Miami over there.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, that's a pretty bold assessment to say. We're about a mile and a half from the gay Denny's and look over and go, they must be gay Denny's. You know, if they're heading over there. It's weird.

[Brett Vesely]

She took your shirts off and just did it old school last time.

[John Holmberg]

Do you believe in life after love? And she was. And we're looking and we were baffled. Like, just sitting. Like, baffled. Like, what in the world did she do that for? I don't know what she was listening to. I don't think it was actually wham. But it was something like that. It was. Maybe it was. You know who it was. It was the. It was the theme from Pretty Woman, the king of second chances or whatever that was. It Go west or whatever that man was called. Something. That was what she had on, and I actually recognized it.

[Brett Vesely]

King of wishful thinking.

[John Holmberg]

King of wishful thinking. That was it.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

This was on when we pulled up with the windows down. This is gayer than Cher. She's a broad.

[Brett Vesely]

She can get away with.

[John Holmberg]

She's allowed to do this kind of gay stuff. Stebbings and I pull up and we're in sun wearing Sun's gear. It's like, gay.

[Toledo]

Did we look?

[Brett Vesely]

I thought it was Mercury gear.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. She rolls her eyes at us and immediately rolls her window. She didn't even, like, do, like, what Brett does, which is. She just sang the gayest thing she could think of and aimed it at Mark. Maybe that was only a mark.

[Brady]

She thought you'd sing along once you broke that out.

[John Holmberg]

You guys are gonna cut the chorus. She had to realize, yeah, yeah. We just start raving, oh, my God. Follow her everywhere.

[Brady]

I was right.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I had no idea what to do. And she had to just see two dudes, just puzzled as can be. Huh? And I wonder if she drove away and went, maybe they're not gay. They look pretty shocked at my Cher rendition. What did she expect? Back us to just go, yes, sister. That's what we were thinking. And what's weird about it is I used to have a gay boss years ago, and my friend Colin and I had a great moment with that song. We weren't. He wasn't out yet. 100. You remember Paul? Yeah, he wasn't 100 out. He told me in the weirdest way. He goes, I'll dabble with girls, but, you know, I, I, I like. I like the company of men. I think of the exact phrasing, I'm like, ugh. And I actually made that noise out of my class. It was rumors, but I didn't know. And, yeah, the day he got hired One of the guys I worked with was like, yeah, I used to work with him over at KDKB before KDKB was gay. Oh, yeah? Yeah. And. And he says. He goes, he's a flaming homosexual. And that was how I was introduced to him. Like, oh, no kidding. Goes, yeah, that's the rumor. So he tells me. But we were in his office once, and he was talking to us about something, and he's going through his phone messages. And then literally one of the messages was, I'm not sure if I have the right number, but we met at the Cher concert the other day, and he just like. And he fumbled because he wasn't out yet. He fumbled around with the phone, and he slams it closed. And he looks at us and we just went, do you believe it? Because that was the hit at the time. And he starts laughing, and we're like, it's all right. Just don't be gay with us. This is what she turned down to tell us we were gay.

[Brady]

So it's like the jeep wave. Maybe that's the code.

[John Holmberg]

It isn't the jeep wave. It isn't. It's the Mark Stemmings way. No.

[Brady]

Found out that absolutely.

[John Holmberg]

No. No.

[Brady]

Yes, we have.

[John Holmberg]

No, I'll drive around with you, and that won't happen. It's Mark. It's my friend Mark. I've driven every day. Like, I'm driving around, I could listen to Sharon. People like, probably gay, not gonna say anything. Only when he's. Three times he's been in the car. Two times we've been out loud, hit by other cars, and they're on. And by the way, both times on the passenger side. Well, what's the hat like? Tassels with lips on it. It's weird. And it just. And I looked, and I'm like, it's only you. And he goes, no, it's both. I'm like, no, it's. It's twice. Two times with just you. And I admit it, I would say something because it's funny, but it's you. And she had to think, I wonder if she drove away going, maybe they're not gay.

[Brady]

I think a third time she.

[John Holmberg]

God damn it, Fred. Yeah. I wonder if she drove away going, Geez, they look pretty. Pretty puzzled by that. I thought I'd made two new friends.

[Brady]

This is just got. Instead of that loud muffler. That's what's kind of coming up. I know, but it puts this song out there.

[John Holmberg]

Now I just can't stop seeing you. It makes it rock. Maybe it's some sort of weird gay code they give each other.

[Brady]

That's what I'm saying.

[John Holmberg]

It's like the cheap wave. It's like. No, no, but it's to follow them, to, like, something. Maybe that's the invitation, but it's not. No, go brother yourself, because you're not paying attention. It's not happening all the time or it would happen just because of the Bronco.

[Brady]

It's.

[Toledo]

It's.

[John Holmberg]

It's Mark. It's not the Jeep wave, it's the Mark wave.

[Brett Vesely]

We.

[Brady]

Have you ever had it happen to you when Mark's in the Jeep with you?

[John Holmberg]

No, he's not. He's not in the Jeep too much with me.

[Brady]

Well, he's been in there. There's never been.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know that he has. I'd be honest with you. I don't think Mark has. I don't think he's ever been in my Jeeps. Usually my Jeeps are packed full of golf clubs.

[Brady]

It might be a little twink mobile.

[John Holmberg]

It's not a twink mobile. Look, Ice, you're a target. I hope he gets smashed by another Mexican today. You're the one getting rear ended all over the place. I'm just saying, it's. It's specifically him. If it started to happen in the Bronco all the time, I'd be like, are these gay guy cars? It's not.

[Brady]

So is he banned from.

[John Holmberg]

No. I want to put it to the test a couple more times and if this happens again, he's out. We do something about his hair. Yeah, it's weird. Yeah. Maybe it's some sort of weird, like, oh, you're clearly the most flaming guy I've ever seen. And then they go, do you believe? And Marcos, five minutes. And then we meet at some strange basement and, I don't know, just gay. Not a bad song. See, there you go.

[Brady]

Cowboy hat.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you gotta stop wearing a cowboy head. Put your shirt on. I can't wait to see Stubbings again now. Yeah, just sing to him. Oh, yeah. What do people do that all the time?

[Brett Vesely]

It's just.

[John Holmberg]

It's. I wonder how often now he wouldn't admit it. I'm like, how often does that happen to you when you're by yourself? Because now. And. And then I asked my gay neighbors, I said, what about, like, was Mark put off the vibe? And they were like, mm. Oh. Oh, really? Michael did. Troy said, he did. Michael said, yeah. I could see Mark being on the down low. Like, no kidding. But I've known him for 100 years. So it's not like he'd have tried something by now. Maybe he's not. Maybe not. I don't know. I can feel something.

[Brady]

You're always a friend to him. He never wanted to cross the line.

[John Holmberg]

No, I don't want to be gay with him. I don't want to be homosexual, like out loud. I'm just gay in place.

[Brett Vesely]

He said that he makes good money and stuff, so.

[John Holmberg]

I wish I was gay because the.

[Toledo]

Two of us would be.

[John Holmberg]

Mark and I were gay. We'd be. It would be a power bottom couple. I mean, our negative edge pool overlooking the city would be outrageous. That would be a couple of. We'd be doing good. I'm printing like a thousand and it's not. I mean, hey, the printer is just humming and I have to know I look.

[Brett Vesely]

I hope Dan's not listening this morning.

[John Holmberg]

Ah, Christ. I knew it. I knew it was. And I knew it was with him. I knew it was Mark. I knew it was Mark too. This one says two questions may determine the twinkness of your ride. Are you wearing leather outfits when this happens? And is stabbing sitting in your yap? Yeah. Yeah, but he's letting him steer. I'm working the pedals, though. It's very safe. Yes. Mark is in the lap and I'm. Yeah. And I'm letting. Of course. That's it. If that were happening, do you think I would have any questions? Jerks. So I love how hard John's trying to defend that. The Jeep's a man's car. Didn't Barbie drive one of those? It's not a Jeep, you prick. Listen to this. Listen to the details, Dominic. And yeah, Barbie drove one, so did he.

[Brady]

A D. Dominic.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Pay attention, Dominic. We're not in the Jeep. I'm a Ford man. And that's what he would. He would probably shout that out. I'm like, well, I'm talking about a Ford jerk cheap girl car. It says. Must be Brady's God telling you you're supposed to be gay. It's your destiny. Would God do that? I think he hates him. He's communicating. Hates the homosexuals. It's written into two books. Two different books. He's pointed out. He doesn't like, says. I hate to break it to you, John, two dudes in a Bronco screams gay. The gays love broncos. All right, I've had two dudes in the Bronco before. And let me clear that phrase up real quick. I have. I have multiple. Multiple men have ridden in that Bronco the only time it happens is when the CEO Mark Stebbings, is in this pasture.

[Brett Vesely]

That last one's good.

[John Holmberg]

All right. If it was happening all the time, I'd be like, oh, okay. It's not. It's just him. This is Bronco back mountain from John Clark. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. All right. We're getting double prints from Toledo. Oh, okay.

[Brady]

He's not gonna be driving the Bronco anymore. Megan, that's your gun.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Well, no, everybody, that's. I'll drive it. I don't care. I'm just not gonna let Mark ride in it anymore. Brett and I drive around in that car, and somebody starts singing Cher at us. It's the car. It is not the car. I do like this song.

[Brady]

See, it's coming out.

[John Holmberg]

If it doesn't make you gay to like a song that's gay, does it? This one's. This one's close. I'll give you. I would turn it down at a light. Hey, twink, your radio's pretty loud. John, do you have dildos on the hood of your twink car? Like ducks for jeeps? Yeah, that's right, Israel. Dildos.

[Brady]

Who started the ducks for jeeps?

[John Holmberg]

I have no idea where that started. That's stupid. And I've got a few of them. I. I come out to my car and there's ducks on it. And then Mary mcune. Very cute, Mary. Father Dale all over again. Everyone but you. Damn you. I don't need you anymore. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. Shouldn't have told that story.

[Brady]

This has gotta be in tight on the playlist.

[John Holmberg]

Ryder McIntyre. That's a good one. Says, what if your soulmate drawing came back and it was Mark? I'm like, after. After a sex change. I have to re. Look at that soulmate drawing and wonder, does that look more like Mark than I give it credit for? No, dumb. He does wear pants or low. But she couldn't see his pants.

[Brett Vesely]

He's got skinny pants on.

[Toledo]

He's like.

[John Holmberg]

He's like into the suits with the. Like, they're too short for. Like, they're high water.

[Brady]

Oh, really Floods.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, I think wear the no socks and everything too.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah. That's pretty gay. I've told him that in life when he's walking around, but she couldn't see his feet or his legs.

[Brett Vesely]

You have an appointment in the Roosevelt district or what?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I don't know why he wears those. I don't know. There's something. Something. Check out homework's morning sickness [e-mail] the.

[Toledo]

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[John Holmberg]

It's John Holmerg here from the Morning Sickness, and I'm absolutely thrilled to tell you about my new friends@lifted trucks.com here's the proof that me talking about something on the radio can be trusted, because I purchased a 2024 customized Ford Bronco from the gang at Lifted Trucks. That opened my eyes to who and what these guys are all about. They not only have thousands of trucks to choose from, they also have nationwide shipping and they can get anything anywhere. My Bronco's been customized. Countless other pro athletes and celebrities now little old me choose Lifted trucks and lifted trucks.com work hard, play hard, drive harder. Holmberg's Morning Sickness When I'm in the car by myself, I've noticed that Mexican women love that car.

[Brett Vesely]

Me Poppy.

[John Holmberg]

They do. They get you Poppy.

[Brett Vesely]

Huh?

[John Holmberg]

What? Bueno. Thank you. I do. I do get A lot of people said, I love that. And dude, the guy pulled up to the car just the other day by myself, and a guy pulled up and he goes, hey mate. I look over and he's in like a nice Mustang and he says, first go to America. This would be my dream car. I love the old Broncos. I'm like, thanks. And we were spreading this conversation, like, I don't know, like Thunderbird and something. And I'm looking, I'm like, all right, cool. I don't understand, like, road conversation. And he said, it's a. It's a car I would have wanted when I first moved to America. I love the old Broncos. And this looks like the old one. So I'm like, thanks. How does this end? How do we end it? And he were at the light. We can't go. It's red. Like, please, light change. I love it. Great. You want to end? Just wipe the seat off where Mark sat. So you're not going to catch anything anyway. And it's okay if my friend's gay. I just don't understand why that's happening. We got share bombed. I've never had that happen before.

[Brett Vesely]

Somebody took a picture of your Jeep on the. On the street the other day.

[John Holmberg]

That is not a Jeep, first off. That's a Bronco. And that's got a rainbow on the side. Now, maybe I don't notice that. That's the. But yeah, I would understand it if it had that rainbow on the side like that. Anyway, it's weird. Is it? Of course you're mistaken for gay. Two dudes in a Bronco. We all know that. The real reason O.J. and Al were being chased. Come on. O.J. was gay. He and his buddy were. Yeah, that's right. That was more of the escape plan. I just don't want people to think I'm gay. I didn't kill anybody. Anyway, so that was weird. But it was the truth. It's a real story. And it was. We got share bombed. And it's ironic because it's been like 25, 30 years since I used to share bomb my boss all the time. Every time he said something gay, Colin and I would look at each other go, do you believe in laugh after laugh? And we'd laugh. That was our code.

[Brady]

Well, when you have stabbings in, you just have to put the top on.

[John Holmberg]

That's so hard to do. It's very heavy. Strange. I should drive around with him and just see if it happened. If it happens again, I'm gonna be like, all right, you need to do something new. I don't want to get my lunch today. You know what? I might. I might just call Mark. Go ahead, buddy.

[Brett Vesely]

Go to Title nine. Take Mark.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not gonna take him to a gay restaurant.

[Brady]

Why?

[John Holmberg]

Then it's like, of course we're gonna get share bond. See him and his.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, they should be more Twinkie there.

[John Holmberg]

So you'll know that he's in a Capri suit and I gotta walk into Title nine. Of course we're gonna get you. I'm gonna share. Bomb him. Just drive around. Just go, what are you doing? What do you want to do? I just want to drive around, Mark. Just drive around, see what goes on. Just light to light and see if it happens again. It's happening again. You. I've not had anything close to that. Since I've had it, I'm gonna go ahead and put it on him. I'm start asking people. I go to son's games. He's there. I hang out with Mark, start to go, do you think my friend is a homosexual?

[Brett Vesely]

Which one's wearing the suit?

[John Holmberg]

And then they'll say, which one? The gay one. I'm like, yeah. Anyway, he's clean. That's the thing. He's clean. He's got good hair. Nice. Nice attractive haircut.

[Brady]

Good kisser.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, ass for miles. Like, this dude puts out. I don't know why people think he's gay. Yeah. I mean, the whole time I'm like, what is this lady doing? And I'm like, mark, you gotta stop blowing me and look at this for a second. This lady thinks we're gay. Anyway, speaking of the Suns, for Christ's sake, you go out in a Monday night, beat Oklahoma City with a buzzer beater, and the. Just. I mean, Monday night was awesome. The Steelers thing, and the Suns with a buzzer beater on Oklahoma City, which was a team you're not even supposed to compete with, but they're struggling a little right now, and you have that. And then last night they travel off to Houston and get beat by a buzzer beater by Kevin Durant. He knocks him out 97. 97. He hits the last shot with a second left and you're like, anybody but you. And then goes on to say that he. It meant more to him because it's. The Phoenix is the first place that's ever kicked him out because I didn't want to leave. Like, oh, come on. There we go. Yeah, yeah, here we go. Now he's making drama. He's. He's got a little bit of that in him. He's got a little emotional lady. Boy, that's tough, though. And to suck that one last night and have Kevin Durant hit the three that beat you. Yeah, it was brutal, but, you know, it's all right. It's a back to back on a travel night. It was a tough one that second half. They were Beating them all game and then got sloppy at the end. But have Kevin Durant start saying things like, I loved it there. They actually even said it. He goes, I ended up being the scapegoat for all their problems. And I've said that to Suns fans that get mad like, Kuba Durant was a huge mistake. I'm like 27 points a night, nine rebounds a night consistently. He wasn't the problem, but his energy was like. And I watched last night's game, and I'm like, jesus. He makes this game kind of boring and sluggy. He is a slog player. He's a guy who just does his thing, and then it all kind of slows down around him. And it's not fun to watch Kevin Durant, he's just so methodically good at the game. So he wasn't the problem. The told the team chemistry was the issue. That dude played. He's quietly smooth, and I didn't. I don't scapegoat him. I put that whole thing together on coaching and everything. He's just a rough. Kind of like, he just plugs in, does his thing. And he's not literally extra. He's no. He's no personality. He's so. He's, you know, he's one of these energy vampire. I think he's one of those people that comes in a room, you're like, hey, Kevin Durant's here. You're like, oof. There's not a lot of juice coming into this room when he's here. He's sort of the. Pardon the pun, the black hole of energy in the room. If he came in, you'd be like, he's just sucking up all the good energy and making the room lower. He's got people. Some people have that, and they never know they've got it. But he's. He's one of them, and he can do it to a game. So that was a rough one last night, watching the Suns take the punch and Kevin Durant is the reason why. But you know what? It's okay. They're playing well. Nobody expected anything from him. Rumors are he's gay. Maybe I'll introduce him to Mark. That would be neat if Mark did come out. Mark and him were singing together. Mark, this is Kevin Durant. Mark's be like, oh, I know. Vroom, vroom. Still doesn't make sense. Everybody laughs at that story. Like, if that happened to them, they'd be, but put Mark in your car. Maybe we'll drive around in your car and just have, you know, put Mark to the test. I think it's happening to him a lot.

[Brett Vesely]

Think so?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Because he was. He'd just be like, ha ha ha. I'm like, what's so funny? That's. What did she do that for? I don't know. Like we both know. And then he was quick to act like when she, when he said, well, just middle aged guys driving around in a car, I'm like, that's. That happens all the time. The one thing that I don't like about the car is the guy who owned it before me changed out the antenna to a bullet. That's not gay. That's. And that would. But that would have made it so the lefty in the car probably saw the bullet and wanted to try to insult us. And I still find it funny that lefties use gay to insult. And then if you call anybody a homo, F word, you lose your job forever. Because that's not an insult. Unless you're. Unless you're one of them. And she didn't have to be gay. She just, you know, jerk. But they still like, like on the. Evidently on that award show no one watched the other night, Jimmy Kimmel called Donald Trump, Donald Jennifer Trump. And I'm like, isn't your side the big one for not like misgendering or making female, male, like insulting. To call a man a woman is bad. And it's like. But there you were calling him Donald Jennifer Trump. Like the ultimate insult was to make him half woman or half a homo.

[Brett Vesely]

Like Kimmel's the one crying last time.

[John Holmberg]

Kimmel cries a lot. He cries an awesome. Yeah, so he did that. But yeah, so I mean. And she was clearly on that end. Very, very. Maybe the lady. This is a good one. Melanie thought maybe it's a. Maybe she thought you were a Bronco fan. Doesn't know it's a Bronco and the word Broncos on the side. And she sent a picture of what Bronco fans look like and it's just a dude dressed as a gay horse. Is that Mark? Roar. I'm a horse. That's Mark. That's how he was dressed on the way. Yeah, maybe it says. Maybe you and Mark are mistaken for local weathermen. Perhaps people think you're Corey McCloskey and Royal Norman. Would that even be? I think, I think definitely most. No. Man. I've seen Corey driving around in his little car with his gloves on.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh really?

[John Holmberg]

That's pretty.

[Brady]

Showtime's pretty strong.

[John Holmberg]

Is he show tunes guy?

[Brady]

Well, he sings a lot.

[John Holmberg]

Does he? Yeah. On the news. Yeah, I don't watch any of that.

[Brady]

I just. I, I. Before the break, they. He did some Christmas song on the. It was on.

[John Holmberg]

Somebody sent me that. Yeah, but he can sing. But that wasn't, like, show tunes. That was a Christmas carol.

[Brady]

But he's done before. He's in.

[John Holmberg]

I never seen him sing show tunes. That's a. The ultimate gay. You can't do that on television as a straight man. You're telling everybody.

[Brady]

I don't think he is.

[John Holmberg]

You can't do show. You don't think he's gay? No, I think. I think he wants to be. I don't think he's not gay. Let's just say that. I don't think he's gay, but I don't think he's not gay either. I think he's got a wife, and his wife's still like, he's not gay yet. Like, when I saw him put his fingerless gloves on. He's dry. And he put him on. I think he was at Lucy's, the restaurant, and he put them on. He did that little flex to get his. But they were fingerless driving gloves. And then he had a little cap, like it was 1941. All right, see, here we are. Paperboy hat. And then he hops in his car a little. It was an old, like, mg. The top was down, and I'm like, is that a news guy thing, though, the fingerless gloves? Yeah, because.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, I was just gonna say the same thing.

[John Holmberg]

Passmore, I think that's who I thought it was. No, Passmore had the gloves on once.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And he drove up behind me with his bumblebee yellow Camaro, Revved the engine at the Biltmore golf course, looked over. That was with Thomas the Scotsman. You like that Jeep? Yeah, I just got it. Do you like your car? Yeah, I just got this, too. Yeah.

[Brady]

Oh, wow.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. This was a design, wasn't it? I like jeeps. I was looking at jeeps, but I decided on this. Yeah. All cars. And then Thomas is like, who is that? Nor bend. Like, that's the. The. He's a guy in town who does news. And he drove Bumblebee. New Shia LaBeouf from Transformers. I liked it because it's black and gold, and that automatically grabs me because of Steeler stuff. But when he started to rev the engine, I'm like, what are you doing? I didn't ask him, but I'm like, don't. Nothing worse than a dude you don't know pulling up. Yeah, we got It. Every car's got one.

[Brady]

He went home, and he's like a couple of gay guys in a jeep.

[John Holmberg]

He had his gloves on. The second you put driving gloves on to go down camelback, you're like, come on. What is the purpose of driving gloves?

[Brett Vesely]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

That's a year.

[Brady]

So the turns, you know.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

If you're racing.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly.

[Brett Vesely]

You're driving down camelback. It's not going to do you.

[John Holmberg]

Because you get them soft newsman hands. So my hands have never slid off my. Well, how much armor all are you putting on to slide off your steering wheel?

[Brett Vesely]

It should be soft anyway from all the conditioner that they put on them.

[John Holmberg]

That's true. They do a lot of lotion. Oh, you're saying from jerking guys off. I gotcha. I follow.

[Brady]

I didn't say that.

[John Holmberg]

So Brett's basically saying that all news guys jerk each other off with. With soft lubed hands.

[Brett Vesely]

Am I wrong?

[John Holmberg]

I'm hard pressed to think of one that wouldn't. Curtis is old school.

[Brady]

I'll ask him.

[John Holmberg]

Mark would tell you.

[Brady]

Yeah. You guys circle up before the broadcast?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's the circle. Yeah, they circle.

[Brady]

Have a great show.

[John Holmberg]

Let's have a good newscast tonight. Hey, Troy, a little more lotion. I'm new to this. I'm new to this. Yeah, mccloskey's, like, doubling it. Like, he's. He's got his gloves on. He's got his gloves to protect his weather hands. I think royal Norman would devour it. And I just know Paul Horton would be like, nice dick, buddy. He'd just be happy that people are hanging out. I don't know. That's interesting. I mean, Ian Schwartz would do it. We know that. He completely okay with that.

[Brady]

He's starting his own 12 on your side.

[John Holmberg]

12 what? How many?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Anyway, hey, swiftbird says, hey, why don't you take stabbings and put them on the back of Brett's bike next time he rides around and see what happens. And. And then I'll drive around in the back here. But that's just so gay, though.

[Brett Vesely]

Not too. No nuts to butts.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's nuts to butts and spread legs and all sorts of weird stuff. I've had dudes and bikes. Well, get on the back of this thing. I'm like, are you out of your mind? No, I'm not gonna straddle it one.

[Brady]

Time with a flag because my bike.

[John Holmberg]

No, you know, got a flat. You never have to do it. You choose to do it. There's always.

[Brady]

Well, we Went to. That was the quickest way to do it.

[John Holmberg]

Whether riding convenience is not the option at that point I'd hitchhike. I'd hitchhike and get in there with a guy with a chainsaw before I'd climb in the back of a motorcycle and straddle my friend and hold on to his belly. It's not happening.

[Brady]

I held tight.

[John Holmberg]

We have to. That's the. You're a lot more weight back there. You've got to hold on to the dude in front of you. And he's got a core up. There's a lot of in there.

[Brady]

That's luckily why they. They put those rails on the side on some of the bikes.

[John Holmberg]

So you can go. You can put your hands wiener first into them. Then you're leaning back.

[Brady]

Bury that in.

[John Holmberg]

That's reverse cowgirl is what that is effective. You don't get on the back of a man's bike and hold on. You just don't. I don't care how bad the accident was or how. Just leave me, bro. Yeah, just leave me get on the back of my bike. Never. I'm gonna bleed out on a 17. Should not even hurt that bad. I'm let the animals eat me like on the back.

[Brady]

No way. I rode stratum forward in the handlebars.

[John Holmberg]

You might as well. It's equally. That is equally as gay. If you see two dudes on a bike together, they are definitely. They know the way around the anus. Oh, there's that is it. That bike is going direct directly to Palm Springs. Oh, metaphorically and reality. There's nothing wrong with that. Just stop yelling at us. Yeah. Showtime. Shane has a picture of a guy with a T shirt. He's on his bike and on the back. On the back of his shirt it says press him here. And there's two spots for boobs. If your boobs are man boobs, they're up against Shane's back. Showtime.

[Brett Vesely]

You want Stubbings Moobs up against your back?

[John Holmberg]

I don't want his moves on me. Feel that belly juggling around on your back? Yuck. Anyway, I'm just saying. And put them to the test. I didn't know that. It's never happened before. Never been share bombed. I thought the college kids that told us which gay bar you're going to is pretty funny. That is funny. That was a good one. I like that because you know they hit you with. Hey, I love that ride, man. Thanks. Appreciate it. What gay bar are you guys going to? And I start laughing like that's. Well done, boys. I didn't see that comment. I was sitting there as it liked the. That was a good one. And then that weird little drunk girl just shoots off the share at us. I'm like, hey, Pinkhead, you're. What the hell? It's Mark.

[Brett Vesely]

Did Mark start singing along with the king of witchful thinking?

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Brett Vesely]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Well, we both pulled up thinking, hey, I've heard that song in forever. That's good stuff. But we weren't excited about the song. We didn't even know. They're just like, well, she's got a. Didn't even pay attention to her. She just hit it. Anyway, Stemmings. He does a good job. He's very good at his job. He's very strong. Maybe I'm too good for you. But if you do this to people, you need to have this. There needs to be a button on all car stereos that just directly goes to this twink switch.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Tweet switch. Oh, yeah, it's called KDKB. I forgot. But KDK, we should have KDKB HD2. Oh, don't get me started on how stupid radio executives were with that one. Still, people getting fired all over the nation because they couldn't. They can't manage their own money. But about 12 years ago, they all spent millions of dollars to make each radio frequency. Seven radio stations changed everything. Had to get new equipment up at the tower. Millions. No one's using it. The only one I know that exists is they, the Mormons over at KTAR. Shove the Mormon channel on 92.31 and.

[Brady]

You can buy in and they can sell some of the people that want their own radio show.

[John Holmberg]

Sure, but nobody's doing it. Yeah, nobody does it because you can do that through your phone now. You don't need to go anyway, instead of having that, you just have the 24. 7 share channel. We should. I'll ask to see if we can do that with Katie or with KPD2. And that way when people see Mark, they can just switch over to KUPD2 and just. And keep share bombing my friend Mark constantly.

[Brett Vesely]

Let's see what Tripp thinks of that.

[John Holmberg]

We're not using it.

[Brett Vesely]

What is on our HD2?

[John Holmberg]

Nothing. Even though I don't even. Do we even have it anymore? Millions. I'm not kidding. Millions of dollars spent to make this transition to compete with satellite radio. Because satellite offered hundreds and hundreds of channels and different things, and we're like, radio idiots went out and changed everything. And they just. Look, well, we go you got to hire a staff to run it. And like, oh, geez, we didn't think about that.

[Brett Vesely]

And you got to pay the. You got to pay the royalties separately again.

[John Holmberg]

And they're like, they didn't think of that either. So after they got all the equipment, set it all up, they're like, all right, here. The bills came due. And they're like, oh, we're just not going to use it. Idiots. Just morons. Every single step of the way of my 25 years, the. The people in suits have slowly dismantled this incredible technology. It's crazy. We're just going to suck the bone marrow out of it and get out of here. Like they're doing. Let's get a Wake up song, shall we? 585 9, 800. No share, please. Mark's not here. It's 98 KUPD. Wake up.

[Brady]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees.

[John Holmberg]

I have heard enough of this. Hey, it's Larry McFeely. And what better way to kick off the new year than with a brand new Toyota from your Valley Toyota dealers. New year, new goals, new adventures, and a new Toyota is the perfect way.

[Brady]

To get you there.

[John Holmberg]

Whether you're tackling your commute, heading out on weekend road trips, or just wanting something more reliable for the year ahead. Toyota has the model to fit your lifestyle.

[Brady]

So make this the year you drive.

[John Holmberg]

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[Brady]

Come on.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. Thank you, Thomas James Band. I'm gonna let you breathe the first few days. I like that. Shortened to the point that new Wake up song. Our new theme song, the Thomas James Band will get used to that one. It's quick and it's easy and we're good. Before we get going, I Have to say I get these emails and I'm going through all my emails over the break and everything else. And the last couple I've read are yesterday I got one that says from Tamara. She's listened for a while. My mom lost her sweet Lily December 28th. She went in her sleep. 15 years old. My parents are devastated, as expected. But holding up. Please, everybody listening. All extra treats for the pups this morning in honor of Lily Louise. And that's going to happen. We've got to do a lot of treats today because another one came up. Says, I just wanted to express my gratitude to you, John. We had a visit from Dr. Mike and the gang at Happy Endings Pet Euthanasia today to say goodbye to Charlie, our 17 year old Chihuahua terrier. That's hell of a run. I'm only aware of them because of you in the show. It was a difficult. It was difficult and easy, if that makes sense. That's what I've been saying about Dr. Mike and happy endings for. You just did it two months ago. Right. And we do. That does make sense to everybody who knows. It was difficult and easy. Charlie was my daughter's first dog and the best ever. Thank you. Seriously, we appreciate it. The Bell family. I'm sorry for your loss. The Bell family. But 17 years, hell of a run. So we tip our. We tip our cookies right into the mouths of the other dogs in honor of our fallen. Our fallen gang or pups and such. I don't like making it that that's part of the show. But you know what? All these people that have dogs and love them, they get it. You understand? If you're a dog person, you get it. Totally and completely get it. I saw this last night on the news and I again, the only thing that happens when I see these stories is, man, I want to take a bite of a human being and just see what this is about. What is this about? I was with Lovett's this weekend. We had lunch and he told me he filmed the movie once. And they went down. I forgot what country it was, but they used to have cannibals. And it was. It was a British movie. And he did it with a band that I'd never heard of, Status Quo. Do you know Status Quo? They're huge in England.

[Brett Vesely]

I know the name, but I couldn't.

[John Holmberg]

Were huge years ago. And he goes, yeah, Status Quo. They made this movie and they asked him to be part of it and they went down to like Ghana or something and they used to have cannibals.

[Brady]

Tribe.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, in that thing. And he said that the director just grabbed a bunch of locals and said, we need you guys to mill around and we'll help you out and give you stuff. And John said, he said, I got close with the one lady that spoke English and she'd joke around. He said, used to have cannibals here. And she goes, used to. And she. And he just. And she kind of does her hands like look around and he's like, you mean all these people here? He just hired her cannibals. She was not all of them. And then she'd joke around because your toes look delicious today, Mr. Lovett. So like she joke with him and stuff. So the cannibal thing has always been on my brain. I don't want to kill anyone. But when I see stories like this, I'm like, oh, well, there it is. A mountain lion attacked some people up in Colorado and they say three of them did it. Right. So a solo hiker was fatally attacked. Was it Monday? And authorities killed two of the predators, including the one they found that had DNA, human DNA on its paws. So they knew that that one was standing on the soft belly of the hiker, pulling out hiker guts and eating them. There's still a third one, a victim of a New Year's Day attack, identified as a 46 year old woman from Fort Collins, an hour's drive from an attack that had happened earlier in the Rocky Mountain National Park. So these mountain lions are wandering around where they live and then dumb food comes by, called human. And they walk through and the mountain lion's like, well, it's winter, not gonna see a lot of action out here. There's one and they seem easy and they drop them like a bad habit. So then we go out and hunt the mountain lions. And why, once again, the game warden that they talked to on the news last night said, well, we can't have these animals getting a taste for human flesh. How good are we?

[Brady]

And the most important thing is that the animal like it could be teaching the offspring. You know, they learned good. And so now they're figuring out this is a pretty easy kill that generationally passed down.

[John Holmberg]

That's not the mountain lions. That's why they're all killed.

[Brady]

Like, we gotta take them out.

[John Holmberg]

No, we don't. You have to be smarter. When you're walking around in the woods, you don't kill the animals.

[Brady]

Look, how long has that been going on?

[John Holmberg]

You're. Exactly. So let's put a stop to it or let's start Eating each other and find out what the big mystery is. Because if we have to kill stuff that takes a bite of us. Cause simply one bite turns you into a fan.

[Brady]

I know you like to wash your clothes on the riverbanks, but we have a thousand people getting killed by crocodiles.

[John Holmberg]

And that's the other thing. We don't have a lot of them. Well, it's because we kill the ones that bite us. We're not that. This is such an arrogant way to think. We're so delicious that if anything takes a bite of it, we're all doomed. You're all doomed anyway. A hungry mountain lion sees your doughy, white, defenseless, upright ass that can't run. And he knows, be brave and stand.

[Brady]

Up to that mountain lion.

[John Holmberg]

How about this? If you love nature, know the risk you're taking. Yep, I like driving on the road, but if someone kills me with their car, unless they're drunk, they don't get executed for it. It's just the risk we have for what we're doing. If you're a nature lover and you're like, I'm going to take a walk where mountain lions live. Did you hear yourself? Yeah. Did you hear what you said? We don't kill the mountain lions. And if they start getting a taste for humans, you know, it's going to stop hikes where mountain lions live.

[Brady]

Reason you post, you know, stay on the trail. There are rattlesnakes over on the side. Yeah, well, dangers.

[John Holmberg]

If you get bit by a rattlesnake, I understand you killing it. That makes sense. Like, oh, geez, I gotta take this thing out. Or you killing the thing that's about to attack you. That's also the risk the mountain lion runs every day of its life. Well, anyway, they're gonna kill all three of them up there. And they're. They're acting like they're like, you got them. We got all three. I'm like, I thought everybody here love nature. The whole point of the nature walk was maybe you'll see one. Yeah, but you can't have meat in you. No, that's called the zoo. That's called the zoo. You want to go see the animals, you go to the zoo. They're not going to eat you there. Chances are something has to go pretty wrong. You go wandering around with no. No fences and no stick. The mountain lions get a bite of us, all right. That one knows what we taste like. And evidently, we're ambrosia because we have to kill them every time. And, yeah, if you're A mountain lion. You're like, hey, by the way, I just killed those upright, weird doughy things. They don't fight. They got no claws, they got no teeth. I don't know what they're doing out here, but there they are. They're smart so they can find stuff and fight back, but they don't fight very hard. Then you teach the offspring, like, there's one of those that's free food.

[Brady]

You can get to their throat easy.

[John Holmberg]

That is free food. They're fragile. Fragile as f. And then maybe these hippies with sticks and rainbow shirts wandering through the woods would second guess it. Quit killing the mountain lions. It's not their fault. This one said. A test revealed that one of the animals, a male, had human DNA on its four paws. It's just standing on the dude, ripping them to pieces.

[Brett Vesely]

I did that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, that's my work. Look at my paws. But he went back to the mountain lion cave. Where do they go? To the Lions Club. Lions Club, right. That's what those are.

[Brady]

Sure.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not going in there either. And put his paws up and. Guys, look, look. Human DNA. Got one.

[Brady]

You could get killed, bro. What do you think?

[John Holmberg]

It's like, trust me, you guys have you look. It's worth it. They're so delicious. I bet you the mountain lions are like, like, I got a human. They're so good that I don't mind getting killed for it. It's my last meal. That's delicious. They're also known as cougars, pumas, and catamounts, by the way. They weigh up 130 pounds and grow to like 6ft long. And they've got 38 to 4400 mountain lions in Colorado. So the odds of you getting eaten by one are slim because there's many.

[Brady]

Even most of the time, when people buy a hunting license for the mountain lion, it's not that expensive because they're really tough to hunt. They're. Yeah, crafty.

[John Holmberg]

They're hard to find, and if they eat you, it's not their fault. Again, oops. If you're out there saying, oh, I'm gonna go walk where mountain lions live.

[Brady]

With your picnic basket with food.

[John Holmberg]

Food in your pocket. You get your beef jerky or whatever it is you're toting around, kind of asking for.

[Brett Vesely]

Walk around like Yogi Bear with the. With the picnic basket.

[John Holmberg]

Geez, Yogi, I don't know. Don't worry about it. They don't need anything to wear as a hat and a tie. Yeah. You wander around where mountain Lions live and a mountain lion eat you. I am against killing the mountain lion, but they kill. They're going to kill all three of them. What if the third one just watched? What if he was a cuck? Sorry, I can't do this, guys. What if the third one was trying to talk him out of it? Dude, I've heard about this.

[Brady]

You're right, it's bad. I don't like it.

[John Holmberg]

You just got something close and he knocks him out. Get off of that thing. Yeah, what if one didn't like it and he was going to go report back? Don't eat the tall doughy stuff. They're gross. But a really hungry, mean one's like, I'll eat anything. Like the Brady of mountain lions is like, I'll try it. And he just eats him. He's like, I don't know if I'll do that again. You don't know if we're that delicious. But all that does to me is say, we are delightful and now I want to eat one.

[Brady]

Can't you give them like a three strikes program? Like if it happens three times, okay, now they got a taste for it. It just tells me it happens one time.

[John Holmberg]

We're in some sort of simulation. It took us like 18 years to find bin Laden, but like within a week we can find a mountain lion. How do you even tell them apart? You're tranking all of them and just like dragging them up, checking for DNA and that. How in the world do they know we get a census on mountain lions? I don't believe that either. And that comes from the idea that when CNN went down there and said we were out of silverback gorillas and then went over a hill and there were 114,000 that didn't know where they were. And they were all just in a new spot. Like, hey, we moved all of us. And Anderson Cooper was there to report on the sadness of the loss of the gorilla and how humans have ruined it. I literally went over a hill with the CNN news crew and we're like, what the. We're lousy with gorillas. We start hunting these things. You don't hear about it anymore because Anderson found all of them.

[Brett Vesely]

They moved to a new neighborhood or what?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they just scooted over a hill because they're like people over here screwing with stuff. And they're like, they got the gorilla message, got out over this hill. They're not in there.

[Brady]

Stuff is really hard to get to. That.

[John Holmberg]

Sure.

[Brady]

Get out into the jungle where the gorillas are.

[John Holmberg]

I don't think they do that elsewhere. I don't think if a gorilla in gorilla country eats a guy, they go out and kill that gorilla. They kill him for other reasons. They eat the gorillas there. It's fair game. I hate that story. Don't worry about it. Your trails are safe from mountain lions that you actually went on the trail to see. I go out there to see the wildlife, but if it starts to eat me, I want to kill it. Then you don't care about that. I go on my my bike sometimes. Right. And I'll hit Brett. We'll hit the trails. You go on the trails and sometimes you do something stupid and you tumble off and like, ah, stupid bike. You don't go back to pivot and like, kill the guy who owns the bike store, like, because you were the idiot who did it.

[Brady]

What's amazing is I wonder sometimes those animals are like, you notice it with your dogs every now and then there's certain people that come by. The dog just does not like that person.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Don't like that vibe. We go by mountain lions. We probably have and not even known it. Living in Arizona, if you've been hiking around, maybe the one day that lady goes by or a person you think.

[John Holmberg]

It was just he didn't like the dog. So you think that you've walked by mountain lions or like, he seems like.

[Brady]

A pleasant all these people hiking through.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but that's my point. There's only 3, 800 lines. They're not all in the same spot. That's in Colorado.

[Brady]

Right. And they're territorial.

[John Holmberg]

Colorado's huge. 3,800 people would be a really small town, but there's something running out. It's huge.

[Brady]

That usually draws them in. Easy food.

[John Holmberg]

We're easy to eat and we're delicious because we kill anything that eats us. And it makes me curious. And all I want to know is what we. What we taste like. Like chicken said I'm this William says this bakehouse says this is a great is 100% sure. Interviewers had to have asked Dahmer what humans taste like.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, you know, they did.

[John Holmberg]

And I guarantee you because we don't know from his answers that he said, oh, my God, you've never had anything better in your life ever. And that's why I was like, don't report that back because people like John will get curious. I like what Ricky Gervais said in his new special. He said he wanted to get fed the lions at the zoo when he dies because we never give anything back. We're humans. We're selfish. We're never food for anything else. We take, take, take, take, take, and we never give back. We're never worms, I guess, maybe, but we never like. Yeah, and I think that's great. Why can't we go to the zoo and let all these corpses be zoo food? Because we're. Again, it's human arrogance to think that we have some special meaning when we die, that our bodies have to be preserved in boxes or something. No give back to the earth. You know who wouldn't allow that? The zoos. They'd be like, well, that's tough feed. But you know why? Because the guys feeding them would be like, they're gonna start seeing me feeding them stuff that looks like me.

[Brady]

Is that the family over there?

[John Holmberg]

One of these days, he's gonna be like, what do they taste like when they're alive?

[Brett Vesely]

Call Christy up, see if we can get this worked out.

[John Holmberg]

See if we could do that. And one of these days soon, I think I can go out there and chuck you into a hippo's mouth instead of a pumpkin.

[Brady]

Hippo.

[John Holmberg]

Hippo would love to eat a person. They kill more people than anything else. They're murderers.

[Brady]

Kill them. But they don't.

[John Holmberg]

They chow down. Oh, please. What do you mean they don't eat us? We're delicious. Haven't you seen the news? Hippo would eat you in a heartbeat, my friend. You taste like that entire rack of candy at the CVS when you're checking out. You would be amazing. You slow. Roasted.

[Brady]

You don't have to do that. You're.

[John Holmberg]

You are Wagyu, my man. That is. You are just marbled. Oh, I can't imagine how good Brady would be. Oh.

[Brady]

Although it seems it's like cats, like old people cats. Dogs don't as much.

[John Holmberg]

Dogs will eat when they'll do it, though.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Cats don't wait long.

[Brady]

Cats.

[John Holmberg]

A dog will sit with you for a week or two, start to chow on you a little bit. Cats will eat you. And they'll tell their friends. That's how most old people who are lonely get found as the neighbors go by and go, why are there so many goddamn cats at the Johnson House now? Because the cats send out some sort of weird alien signal that says, we got a dead old man in here, and he is fantastic.

[Brady]

It's a buffet.

[John Holmberg]

And the cats start chowing down on him. They let each other in. That happened in my old hometown in Indiana. Some old man died and somebody said, there's. Well, newspapers started stacking up and cats were everywhere. We better go check on him. And they went inside and it was just bones, cats everywhere. And the door was open in the back and the cats had let the other cats in. Like, you gotta try some of this, old man.

[Brady]

I'm one of those. When pets attack. I think it was in Cincinnati, Ohio. This person owned a five or six monitor lizards.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

And they had a heart attack.

[John Holmberg]

The people did.

[Brady]

And the neighbors, like, haven't heard from Ted in a couple days. We did a welfare check.

[John Holmberg]

The lizards ate them.

[Brady]

All right. Came in there. It says the one. He goes in there. And out of the carcass of the guts the lizard comes out.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he was living in his skeleton. Did they kill the list? Oh, that's awesome.

[Brett Vesely]

How big are these lizards?

[Brady]

Five foot? Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

The big. Why are you having them? Because. And you know what? You own those to get attention.

[Brett Vesely]

You're the bow construction weirdo.

[John Holmberg]

Lonely, strange person.

[Brady]

So he'd been dead for, you know, a week or two or whatever. And they're.

[John Holmberg]

They're not eating.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

But they just wandered free through the house.

[Brady]

They got out of the. Yeah, he had some.

[John Holmberg]

Five of them.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That's 30ft of lizards.

[Brady]

Okay, that's too many.

[John Holmberg]

Well, one is too many. You shouldn't. They're not for your house.

[Brady]

You don't need a lizard.

[John Holmberg]

You don't need a five foot monitor lizard. You're an idiot. But you're starved for attention.

[Brett Vesely]

Right?

[John Holmberg]

So you. And you know what's going to happen again? It's always like they act surprised. Did you. Oh, the monitor lizards ate them. Like, do you hear. Do you hear yourself? Of course they did. This says Colorado is approximately 104,000 square miles. If there are about 3, 800 to 4,000 mountain lions in the state, then each line has 27.3 square miles of territory to itself. It's going to be hard to find one. If one eats you, it's because you got too close. It's your fault. We are delightful. And all those stories do is make me curious how good we are. Oh, baby. And I'm just looking at you like a cartoon dog. You're turning into a pot roaster. A turkey. Brady would be so good when you go.

[Brady]

I think I'd be like mutton right now.

[John Holmberg]

What are you talking about?

[Brady]

Old sold me.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no, no, no, no. You're still. The blood flow's still going. It ain't old meat. Old meat is after. Yeah, you're good. You're good. Of everybody in this building, you're one and there's a far drop off to how good second would be. I mean, you are Durant. I don't know who I'd go second. Who would be the second person you'd eat here and keep it classy.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

You can't say you'd eat the women because then they get all weird about it and potentially lose your job.

[Brady]

Ed would be a good meal.

[John Holmberg]

You think Ed would be good?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Moyni, keep the women out of it, right? Moynihan would be great. No, you can eat one of the women, I don't know, say for some.

[Brady]

Reason, and maybe not so much because he's kind of.

[John Holmberg]

Scott the bot has lost all his weight. He's skin and bones. He's like, terrible.

[Brett Vesely]

Joseph's too fit.

[John Holmberg]

Joseph is fit. So he's stringing.

[Brady]

You'd have to really.

[John Holmberg]

Trip might be pretty low.

[Brady]

Slow and low. Trip would be tender.

[John Holmberg]

Trip would be tender. Trip would be soft. He'd boil like, you could boil him. I'd boil.

[Brady]

You could probably do the long Paul trip.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that guy at Castle. Hey. Probably too smoky. Too many. He's over seasoned with all the wrong things.

[Brady]

Do a lot of trimming.

[John Holmberg]

The dude from Chachi PT would be good, but. Yeah, that's a good one. I need him for sure.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know why. It's just like. Yeah, your guy, Nash. Oh, Nash would be fantastic. He's got a lot of visceral fat, though. He's got that hard belly fat. Dale would be disgusting.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, that's what I mean.

[John Holmberg]

It's all. That would be one of those. You just keep chewing and chewing.

[Brady]

You want them out in the prairie. If you're. If you're looking to cross a river.

[John Holmberg]

Or something, like I'm saying, you're if. I think if you asked everybody this question in the building who G'd first, it would be you, and then second place would be just all over the place. Toledo might not be bad. Throw Toledo on a girl. He might be a little Salisbury. It may be a little bit of a TV dinner, but it would be edible. I don't think. Brett, I don't think you're edible. I don't think I'm good.

[Brady]

The Italian.

[John Holmberg]

No, this is not. No, you look like food. You look like if I just cut your head off and go golden brown.

[Brett Vesely]

Paper engineer.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, maybe. I don't know.

[Brady]

Mike.

[John Holmberg]

Who's Mike? Which one's. Oh, Mike. You didn't say it right now I know who he is. He might be okay. There's something. Something. Check out Homework's morning sickness [e-mail] if you're looking at new vehicles for the new year, look no further than your Valley Toyota dealers. This is Larry McFeely. And if your New Year's resolution includes a Toyota Tacoma, Tundra, 4Runner, Corolla, Camry, or Grand Highlander, then you're in luck. And here's the best part. Every new Toyota comes with Toyota care that's no cost. Maintenance and 24 hour roadside assistance for two years or 25,000 miles. Peace of mind for the road ahead. Exactly how you want to start a new year. Welcome 2026 in style. Visit your valley Toyota dealers or valleytoyotadealers.com Toyota. Let's go places. Morning sickness.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

I look at you like you are the. You are the turkey I choose like you're the one. Like, this is a good one. Just soft enough and just hard enough in all the right spots. Oh, about har. No, no. That would taste like male pattern baldness, I think.

[Brady]

Okay. Brisket.

[John Holmberg]

Like, you just find weird hair still just floating around. I don't know. Yeah, it's pretty good. I don't think I want to eat any of the ladies.

[Brady]

Kosher meat?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You can't say you're gonna eat any of the ladies at your office. I would eat both the Jennifer's. Jill. Like, oh, my God. And then gets back, and when they play that clip isolated, it's like, John talked on the air. He's gonna eat all these. That's not what I meant. I said it would, like, cannibalize them. And they're like, oh, that's worse. It's like that dude in Philadelphia over the break. Great story. Philadelphia Flyers. Tom Brennaman had to hate every second of this. They go to break, or so they think. And the announcer for the flyers says, well, if you're gonna go down there, you might as well blow me. And then he laughs. And then a guy goes, we're still on the air. Wait, what are we. Is that real? They suspended him for two days. That's not his fault. That's the producer's fault. That's the guy turning the mics on and off. And we can handle that as adults, can't we? Did anyone get hurt? Can you just kind of privately tell the guy, all right, it's hockey. We're gonna. You do like you do. Look. Exactly. You just showed a violent sport. You do like you do. Like, when I get in trouble, I sign A letter that makes me look like a complete prick to the person that's mad. My company lies to them all day through their teeth about how much reprimanding got done. They seem satisfied by it after their complaint, and it all goes away. Most of the time, that's what you do. You put out a public statement, say, yeah, we talked to him. You know, that kind of language isn't acceptable. He's been fined. We're gonna take care of this, and then nobody finds anybody, and everything's just fine. That's how it normally is. It's all lies every time you see that stuff. Oh, he's been reprimanded. No, he has. Nobody's ever gone to sensitivity training. No, it's never happened. I have been in.

[Brady]

He's in rehab.

[John Holmberg]

Several letters saying, oh, you went to sensitivity training. And it's lies. And I'm. And I won't sign any more papers ever again that say that I've been to it, because if it backfires, you're a jerk. So. Oh, yeah, that's the thing. But this dude in Philadelphia, all he said was, and who. What man hasn't done that? When the guy next to you drops a pencil and he goes down. I was at a wedding with Brady, and he smashed my head into his crotch for five seconds while a man who was in his 90s gave his last speech ever.

[Brady]

You can talk about it all you want. There is no microphones there, but I.

[John Holmberg]

Don'T care if there was. I wish there were cameras and we got caught. Oh, there's Brady as a turkey, and it looks fantastic. What a great picture. Look at that. Oh, we've got a Photoshop of Brady as a turkey, and it's good. That's exactly what I'd picture, too. Happy little face. He's happy. You're gonna eat him. Either way, though, Brady has smashed my. Even sweet Brady. Brett, you weren't at that wedding. That's one of my favorite things that's ever happened in my life. I've never. Stephen Hawking was stronger than me physically for about 11 seconds as we shared this planet for about 11 seconds. Caleb would have beat me up in a fight. I've never been weakened to that level in my life. I had no bodily function. It's amazing that my sphincter held in anything. Poop should have just tumbled out of me. I should have peed. Because the second Brady smashed his little paw against my bald head as I bent down to pick up a fork, I had dropped and just buried my face into his little baby crotch.

[Brett Vesely]

Is there video of this?

[Brady]

Yes. No, there's not.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, there is.

[Brett Vesely]

Brian.

[Brady]

Hans.

[John Holmberg]

No, you can see it in the corner. You can't make out the. The fact that you smashed my weakened body into your crotch multiple times. And I don't know how many I can count. Eleven, I think, would be my guess. It was never ending. My nose. And. I mean, he didn't care. Just smashing into his soft genitals, just mashing. And I am laughing so hard. And then later, the people at the wedding. Brian comes back and says, what happened here? And shows us the wedding video, which was like a surveillance video. Keep in mind, while this is going on, a very, very weak dying man was giving a speech about his granddaughter who had just gotten married because he made the wedding he made, and no one expected it. I think he died two days later, and I was still weaker than he was at that moment. No one could hear him. They gave him a microphone. It was turned up all the way. You could hear a pin drop. You could hear.

[Brady]

You could hear a fork drop.

[John Holmberg]

You could hear a mouse.

[Brady]

And they did.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you could hear a mouse getting a hard on. It was so quiet. I just love Bree so much, and I'm so happy I could. His oxygen tank had all sorts of stuff wrong with him. And then you hear that ting, ting, ting, ting, ting of a fork, the smack of a fat man's hand on the bald man's head, and my face getting buried into a middle.

[Brady]

I thought I was done with the speech.

[John Holmberg]

You didn't. You didn't. And I laughed so hard. It was painful. Should Brady have not come to work for two days because that opportunity arose? Absolutely not. You should have gotten a medal like the cowardly lion did at the end of wizard of Oz. It was a great moment that you can't let go. No man will let a dude next to him put his face that close to his genitals and not take the opportunity to say something about, if you're gonna go down there, you might as well blow me. Philadelphia Flyers guy did it.

[Brady]

Is that a rule? You get a pass for that?

[John Holmberg]

Of course you get a pass. But who's mad? You're watching hockey. Is there one person going, well, that is just who's clutching their pearls during a Flyers game. Have you been to Philadelphia? If someone doesn't say, why don't you blow me? I mean, that's like. It's on the signs. Welcome to Philadelphia. Why don't you blow me? It's. It's one of the most Least friendly cities of all time. You're watching a Flyers game and he says it. Dude loses two days, Isn't it?

[Brady]

Okay. Or I was going to wonder if it's a two game suspension. Two days.

[John Holmberg]

I don't think they don't play everything. They might have just said, just take a couple days off till this goes. We're going to pay you. Don't worry about it. He did nothing.

[Brady]

Here's some training.

[John Holmberg]

Do you have the clip of it? Find the clip of the Flyers guy saying it's great stuff. I think I might even have it. It's. I mean, it's ridiculous to think that you can't say that stuff. Of course you can. Here it is. I can send it to you, Brad. All right. Because it is just. It's. It's. It's ridiculous that we. We act. So. The Flyers announcer said. And then Tom Brannaman, who said, the British smokes. Word. Everybody lost their mind for him. He didn't do anything wrong. He said what all of us have said at one point or another. It's time we forgave him. Yeah. This Flyers guy. And it's a great moment. If Brady's little head went into my lap, I'm smacking it down now. I might not have chosen that moment. I think funerals and speeches by dying people is bad. Oh, that wasn't bad. Trust me. It wasn't hilarious.

[Brett Vesely]

It was me.

[John Holmberg]

What it was was brave, my friend. That's why.

[Brett Vesely]

Brave.

[John Holmberg]

That's why I. Compared to the Cowardly Lion. He got a badge for courage. And yours was very courageous. Brian, the groom in that wedding just text me and said, that never gets old to me. Brian, if you still have the video of your wedding now they're no longer together. So I'm pretty sure in a fit of tears and rage and screaming, we.

[Brady]

Probably broke up that video that might have cursed.

[Brett Vesely]

So in the background, you actually hear the.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you hear the. You hear the dropping. You hear the full fork drop. And then me bending down and you hear a hand on my head. And you hear it because everyone was waiting for Pop Pop. Not our Pop Pop. This was before he was Pop Pop. He was a young, thriving, healthy man. The old dude. I love me so much. And we're all trying to make out the words tears. Not a dry eye on the house from the family because they know he's mustering all the strength he can get to say anything nice. I love her so much. And he started to talk about how he raised her because her dad died. Oh, beautiful the story was beautiful. And then I don't know how it ended because my face was in your dick.

[Brady]

Hey. Two of us that couldn't hear.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no. I don't remember any more of that beautiful moment because I was crying with my. My arms broke. They just both went down to like, oh, I'm a marionette now. I didn't know if I was ever going to recover. I thought forever. I was just from the neck down, I was a marionette. That was it. I was. I've never been weaker in my life because my body knew how incredibly funny that moment was, that you took advantage of it. And my body just said, john, just shut down, shut off. There's nothing you can do. Allow him to pound. Allow this man, who's been brave enough and strong enough to try this to smash your face into his genitals as many times as he wants. And I don't know if you felt how weak I was, but you just grabbed the back of my. And it was over. And I. Into your little, tiny, oversized suit pants.

[Brady]

They're shorts.

[John Holmberg]

They were. But on you, they were pants. It was unreal. My memory of that is different than everyone else at that wedding. If you talk to anybody else at the handsome wedding and you say, what's your memory? It's like, oh, that beautiful speech. Mine was the smell of. Of Brady's mothballed suit that hadn't been worn in months, years.

[Brett Vesely]

You hear Brady in the background.

[John Holmberg]

No, we didn't laugh loud. To our credit, we held it in as best as possible. And then tears rolled down the face. So it just looked like we were really touched, but, like, way too touched.

[Brett Vesely]

I found yours was an article, but I found it.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, okay. Any time out, we'll take it as well. Seven gone in the third is three, two. Buffalo on the Philadelphia Flyers broadcast. Bump it up, it up, it up, it up. Yeah. So you leave office. Yes. Here. Come while you're down there. Would you mind blowing me? See, he doesn't know.

[Brady]

I think we're still on the air, Tim.

[John Holmberg]

I think we're still. No, we're not.

[Toledo]

Are we?

[John Holmberg]

Realization. At that moment, the dude gave the clues as an announcer. Would that. Buffalo 3, Philly 2 take a TV timeout?

[Brett Vesely]

That's on the producer.

[John Holmberg]

That's all on everybody but him.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And once he went off, somebody should have gone, hey, whoa, we're not off the air. We're still here. Once he started to, you know, dick.

[Brady]

Around, you could hand signal that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You could tell him like, hey, jackass, we're rolling.

[Brady]

No, instead, I'm gonna hang.

[John Holmberg]

How many times in this room do I shut all. I turn all the mics down and then shut them off, but I'll miss a button. So there's a blue light on that I don't see. Everyone runs in here. Oh, the mics are on. The mics are on because. Good God, if what we set off the air here. I talked to Tripp yesterday, and I said, look, I've changed my mind. I'm willing to do cameras in the studio if you guys want to, but I need some sort of guarantee that the second I shut the mics off, it goes to one of those old test pattern screens like the 1950s Indian. That will be technical difficulties. Will be Right. One of those signs. We'll be right back. Because I ain't risking Brett having a conversation.

[Brett Vesely]

I'd be gone in the first week.

[John Holmberg]

First day, you'd be like, oh, my God, did Brett just say that about someone's grandmother? Her. I'd be right behind you, brother. You know who'd probably get fired first is this one. Brady. That would be the shockers. You and I would probably be like, for a. He'd.

[Brett Vesely]

We kind of expected from those two.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, those guys. I was like, I think he'd be the first one. Brady, I can't believe you said that about illegal immigrants. Like, keep ramming into me. Yeah, I know, but you can't call him that. Ah, you don't know anything. We're gonna have to make you sit down for two days. And we'll have to take your sensitivity training and show you what burritos actually look like. I didn't mean it that literally anyway. So, yeah, that poor guy in Philly had to sit out for two days. I gladly I could. I would be the guy who couldn't wait to come back for the third game. Cause I would be the first one to go. Well, I gotta be careful what I say here. Especially when I say stuff about our fastest player blowing by a guy.

[Brett Vesely]

I love the announcer voice saying it too.

[John Holmberg]

Just kind of like, hey, why don't you blow me while you're down there? Why don't you blow me? All right. Yeah. Because, you know, that's what his wife hears. Baby, it's time for a little anal action right after the break. Then every once in a while, he just does an endorsement. Yeah. Taking a look at our backyard turf monsters. Did a great job, honey. And I think, wow. All right, we're back. Roll over. Anyway, sponsoring things is good. All right, baby. I'M gonna jam it right in your mouth. But before I do, we need to take a little break. You know, the folks over games. Men. I can't even say game day. Men's health have made this possible today. And I wouldn't be able to shove this right inside it because before, you know, I was flaccid and gross. But I'm an all man man now. All right, we're back. While you're down there. Anyway, the guy sat out for two days, and I would like to have heard his, because I know you probably made him apologize.

[Brett Vesely]

I didn't.

[John Holmberg]

I didn't hear that part. Probably made him come back. When they played. I don't know, they played Carolina again.

[Brady]

It'S like, understand there's some things heard.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Understand I said something that was not meant for air. That was offensive to absolutely no one. I wouldn't apologize. I'd have pulled what they did when Charles Barkley said, you got to apologize to the ladies. That San Antonio. And he goes, all right. Then he came back on there goes, I'm not apologizing for nothing. There's fat ladies in San Antonio. You don't like it, turn it. And the people at TNT are like, he's got us by the balls. We can't fire Charles. This stuff. I say that. I think it's funny that you might not. Big deal. Turn it. Can't go to a nature.

[Brady]

He must have finished the game.

[John Holmberg]

Charles.

[Brady]

No, the Flyers guy. Because then they, you know, if he didn't come back and apologize.

[John Holmberg]

Well, no, we didn't get that. But, yeah, they probably just said, just ignore it.

[Brady]

We'll deal.

[John Holmberg]

Let's hope it doesn't go out. It's going. It went out. And then some idiot goes, like. And then he had to come back a couple days later. I'm sure somebody at the end of the game goes, somebody was mad about that. We can't say that stuff. Yeah. And he'd. I'd have been pissed. I'm like, isn't jackass supposed to shut off the mics? I told Kevin Ray and I talked about that, and I'm like, as often as Kevin and I will text awful things during a son's game, and it's mostly me. The awful things. He's very. He's very smart about it. I'm brand liability. He doesn't even want to be friends with me. He just can't get enough of me. That's basically how our. The relationship is. I like you a lot, but God damn it, if people know we're friends. It's bad because we'll do stuff like, I actually dry humped him in the Rah Rah room the other day. And I said, take it, McCoy and people. And he's just like, oh, God, this is why we can't be friends. And stabbings was there, too. Oh, my God, it's back full circle. We tag teamed Kevin Ray, and I'm like, do you think that ever happened to Al McCoy? His buddies and him were out drinking, and then two guys are like, hey, McCoy, take that.

[Brady]

It's a good chance.

[John Holmberg]

We're all, maybe. I think Al McCoy was old man. All right, you bastards, quit acting like you me, I've got a reputation. Shazam. If McCoy ever dropped a pencil where it came from. If McCoy ever dropped the pencil and his buddy just smashed McCoy's face into his crotch.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, can you imagine Ladonna and Jim Sharp at a wedding doing that?

[John Holmberg]

No. Well, no, they're not dating. No. No. Well, you and Brady. Here's what I can imagine. I'm bored. Sharp, blow me.

[Brady]

I think we're on the air.

[John Holmberg]

I know.

[Brady]

Go.

[John Holmberg]

I'm gonna boost our ratings here at Qatar, and I'm gonna tell everybody that Sharp blows me when I ask. Now, why don't you get there in your little homo tight T shirt, extend this thing a little courtesy. That's right, Sharp. I'll do the news. We'll throw it to John Roller for traffic. And I bet you before he's done with the Red Mountain report, Sharp will have a mouthful. Morning, El Mirage.

[Brady]

She does say after every story. Are we clear?

[John Holmberg]

Are we clear? Jim's like crystal. Good. What kind of circus are you running around here? Yeah, Ladonna Harvey makes Sharp do it every once in a while. Well, Sharp does his little report. I'm gonna prep, I'm gonna get ready for when I read the news. And I think Jimmy's gonna know exactly what to do. Two people are dead in Scott's. Get over your shirt, too. Dead in Scottsdale for not listening to Ladonna.

[Brett Vesely]

Jim Cross will come back out of retirement just to report that one.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Jim, it looks like you're busy with Ladonna's huge crank. I run this show around here, Dad. I love that. That dynamic between the two of them. He is clearly a simple Whatever she wants at 7:23. What do you got there on the big board of musical treats? Bird?

[Brett Vesely]

All right, wake up. Song time. And of course, it's, you know, it starts off with songs for you and Stubbings. So Throat goat from Kim Petras. On the list, The Darkness. I believe in a thing called love.

[John Holmberg]

Because it starts off pretty.

[Brett Vesely]

Twinkie. Judas Priest Turbo, obviously. Supermodel from RuPaul. There goes the neighborhood when you guys come rolling through in your bronco, find young cannibals the good thing.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Static X Cannibal Eat you alive from Limp Biscuit Hollow Notes man eater Too close to hate. More for the mountain goats from the Warning and meat Puppets.

[John Holmberg]

Backwater Mountain lions. No one was eaten by mountain goats that you deserve. If you get eaten by a mountain goat, you deserve it. They might just knock you off the mountain, but if they devour you afterwards, that's a special breed of mountain goat I would like to. And again, who's killing that? That's just the tip of the ca cap. To good old Darwin for figuring out how mountain goats decided to get a taste for human flesh. Backwater's good because you find that dead body. Okay, I like that, but I don't want to do that one. All right. Is Eat you alive a good one? I don't know that Limp Biscuit song.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, I can pull it up.

[John Holmberg]

Is it good?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, it's not bad.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You're not.

[Brett Vesely]

No, no, It's. It's. Let's see here.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know that limp. I don't know. Eat you alive. Was that a hit?

[Brady]

I don't either.

[Brett Vesely]

It was off their, like, third album.

[John Holmberg]

But did we play it? Yeah, we did.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. Way back in the day. I gotta see if I can find a clean of it, though.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, we don't want that.

[Brady]

That's gonna be a tough find.

[John Holmberg]

Stretch. Stretch. You don't know. Yeah, if you find a clean version. Yeah, the first line has F words in it. Yeah. Yeah, we'll just go with something else. Ah, skip that. Get out of there. All right, we'll do Throat Coat's pretty good.

[Brett Vesely]

Static X is pretty good.

[John Holmberg]

All right, we'll go with Cannibal Static X. I like that one. Static X is solid and played Static X for a while. I'm flying Toledo has put in I believe in a thing called Love by the Darkness. Should we do it? Ah, screw it. I haven't heard Justin squeal in a while.

[Brett Vesely]

Stebbings on lead vocals.

[John Holmberg]

This one's for Mark. Stebbings. He's saying he's background vocals on this. All the high notes are. Mark, just listen to the rhythm of my heart. The darkness for stabbings. It's 98.

[Brady]

Hey, it's not weird. It's pretty Cool.

[John Holmberg]

Actually, no membership fee. I have heard enough of this. Holmberg's morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil sitting right here.

[Brett Vesely]

Come on.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. 98, the year of Peter. 9:44 here in the morning sickness. 7:44. Sorry, it's 9:44. I'm going home in 15 minutes. That's good. All right. 9:44 on the East coast, everybody. Thanks for listening. Virginia coming down and blow me while you're down there. Virginia. Philadelphia, where everybody's getting blown. It's 9:44. Man, that stock market sure does like a coup. We should attack more countries. There's gold stuff like 750 points starts off up today. No, no, yesterday I just peeked at it. Yeah, we all. We all kind of shake our heads a little bit. And then if they pay us to go into countries we don't know that much about, I don't think we'd be as upset about it. They were talking last night on the news and even the gang at CNN was like, when do you think gas prices will come down because of this? Like they're, they're even like, we didn't. Where there's a huge fan of just going in and stealing leaders. But what do you think gas is going to cost? And one lady said it's going to be years. Another one said, I don't know. I don't think Donald Trump does this for the long game. I think he's going to want to benefit 2028, the election. And the other guy said that maybe we'd start seeing gas prices at a buck 19.

[Toledo]

Whoa.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I'm with you guys on whether or not I'm willing to be a little bit more aggressive with some smaller nations.

[Brett Vesely]

Invade.

[John Holmberg]

Invade.

[Brett Vesely]

Invade.

[John Holmberg]

I might be. I might be with. With Brett and General Raisin Kane. And did you hear what we did with Mark Kelly? We demoted him. We demoted him down. He's no longer. He's no longer gathered. What was it? What was it before? Now we're made him a captain. And also. Yeah, I made him a captain. I took away whatever he was before. I don't remember Commander Dumb. Now he's a captain. It also changed his last name because I can do it. He's now Captain Kangaroo. And that's. That's a funny thing to me. I won't. If I don't like you, I'll change your name. Changed it to Captain Kangaroo. And now he's. Now he's like a senator kangaroo. And that's funny. I'll change your name. Don't. Don't with me. Now he's starting to say the F word in press conferences.

[Brett Vesely]

I love it.

[John Holmberg]

He said that and they said something about Maduro and he said yes. He offered everything. He offered everything. I said, why didn't you take it for him? I did like, oh yeah. Why do you think he did that? Because he knows not to with the United States. And then he put it on his own page like, oh my God. Right after that I saw a thing.

[Brady]

Are you pretty convinced that we're in.

[John Holmberg]

A simulation and it's broken?

[Brady]

He's the only one that uploading the stuff on the computer.

[John Holmberg]

I am absolutely convinced that most things. The other one I watched the other day, there were clips of the helicopters going into keep. I keep loving that people call it Valenzuela. I hate that we invaded Valenzuela. Stop. Don't be mad if you can't say it, but the helicopter's rolling in and it's got like the Flight of the Valkyries music behind it and the bombs and then the stuff goes off and then it just shows Trump in a slow mo walk with a rap song playing. I don't know which one it was. And like the N word is prominent and I looked at the thing and it said the White House. That was the page I was on. And I'm like, what? So I clicked on it and it's the White House's page. And I'm like, I don't know how real this is, but this dude, like there's a couple just meetings on there. It's no big deal. But this was a yes, I'm convinced. He sits on the toilet and just. I'm a. I'm gonna put this one out. And he edits, he edits his own videos. He does it all.

[Brett Vesely]

We need him to run our social media here.

[John Holmberg]

Absolutely.

[Brett Vesely]

Imagine the clicks we would get huge.

[John Holmberg]

Jesus. I come down there to meet Senator Captain Kangaroo cuz I changed his name. The little bald man, a little alopecia boy, you make fun of my hair, but at least I've got it. But yeah, so if it's a buck 17 for gas and there's no guarantee. That was just. Somebody threw that out. I'm like what? What?

[Brady]

Another classic throwing it out there. And like.

[John Holmberg]

But for a little while there.

[Brady]

Valenzuela buy some time with this.

[John Holmberg]

Venezuela was paying 19 cents a gallon a few years ago and even the people who hated it there were oppressed by a dictator, were like, but gas is so cheap. Colombia was like all that stuff in, in the northern area of South America and Central America, they're paying nothing for gas. They got a lot of it. And the one lady's like, oh, the infrastructure's not good enough. It's going to take years to get that up to snuff. I'm like, 80 year old. Presidents with ego problems don't do this for the long haul. They do it for themselves. And that in turn will benefit us. And we have proven Democrat, Republican, Independent or otherwise, that we will sell our souls for convenience. So if the gas goes down suddenly, everybody's going to be pretty quiet about Valenzuela.

[Brady]

Tap the tankers for a couple of months and then what if they're doing that like reserve.

[John Holmberg]

I bet you there's, there's quite a lot of people that would take a punch like, you know, domestic violence. Like, you have to have one day of domestic violence a year and gas is a buck nineteen.

[Brett Vesely]

I'll be swinging.

[John Holmberg]

All. All right.

[Brady]

You don't swing. You have to take it.

[John Holmberg]

You have to take the punch a good 19.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You have to take it from somebody at least 40 pounds heavier than you. That's fine. All right.

[Brett Vesely]

Buck 19 for a year.

[John Holmberg]

Buck 19. I'm taking that. I'm taking that beating for it.

[Brett Vesely]

Then I'm gonna go buy an F350 too. Just so it really sucks the gas down. Oh yeah, I get my money's worth.

[John Holmberg]

You could start buying oh yeah, dumb old cars. Yeah, yeah. You get one of them. Oldsmobile 442, it's like three miles to the gallon. Who cares? We will forget. And I know I'll get emails.

[Brady]

My regular driving car will be a funny car.

[John Holmberg]

Oh man.

[Brett Vesely]

Get caps down here to give us a ride to work.

[John Holmberg]

That fuel's going to be the same. It's going to be a little cheaper for sure. And I'll get emails from people going, the humanitarian, blah, blah, blah. Buck 19. I'm not much of a humanitarian. If the price is right.

[Brady]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

And I know that that's bad, but neither are you. No one out there is going to say, well, we can do this and it'll be a buck 19 and this is no good. Or you can keep paying $4 a gallon for gas. And what do we have to do? We have to go in there and knock out Valenzuela for a little while. Where is that? No one knows.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm in.

[John Holmberg]

It's I could throw a dart and get in. I think I'll do it. We'll attack stuff. If it means cheaper products, we don't care.

[Brady]

What'S next.

[John Holmberg]

We get up in arms about it.

[Brett Vesely]

Who's next?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, who's next? Meanwhile, we got these no kings marches and everything.

[Brady]

And you hear all the. You know, there's talk. He's telling you he's doing exactly what Hitler did back then.

[John Holmberg]

Kind of ain't wrong. Well, there's two sides of the story. I know, but for a buck 19, if Hitler told you, I think we're gonna go get Poland gas. Gonna be like a penny money. People in Germany be like, all right. Even France would be like, I get it. Even Poland's like, they're doing it for the. I get it. It's crazy. But still, while it's 350, we can be humanitarian. Stuff just doesn't seem right that we did that. That seems. I understand taking him out is the right thing to do, but how we did, I'm not so sure. I hope this works out.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Gas is a dollar. Like, yay. Good job. Like, that's all we care about. We'll see. I know that's all I care about. Again, I'm the guy who. If Epstein came up to me and said, want to see an island? I'd be like, yep. I've heard rumors about this island. I'm not going to do anything, but I want to go. I've been on a private plane with a friend. I don't know what he does with people. I don't know his moral history. I like him. But when he said, we want to take my private plane to. I didn't even hear the rest of the sentence. I was packing a bag. It's awesome. Private planes are awesome. And people with private planes offering rides to you are awesome. For that moment, 20 years from now, you find out he used to eat puppies. Like, geez, I used to be on that guy's plane a lot.

[Brady]

I went over his place in Colorado.

[John Holmberg]

Heck, yeah. Seemed nice. I'd have gone 7:52. Let's get ourselves ready for the Brady report. It's brought to you by [e-mail] All Pro Shade will shade you up. There's no more winter. We're done with it. We didn't have it. We skipped it. And that's fantastic. It's gonna rain a couple of days this week. Get down to the 50s. Boohoo. It's been phenomenal outdoor weather. Sitting on the patio, you don't want that sun in your eyes. You want to watch the TV you put back there because this place is paradise and get that glare off of it. All Pro Shade will come to your house and come up with a plan for your area to beautify it and actually enhance your property value. She got one of those shades that looks the part. Part is the part and looks like it's supposed to be there. That's all Pro Shade anywhere else is just going to jam something against your house that looks like it shouldn't be there and becomes an eyesore and probably rots. This does not do that. It's weatherproof. They got those. Those motorized ones that when the wind gets going it sucks itself in so it never gets destroyed. They have been doing this for over 20 years for a reason. They're the best in the business. Check it out. All prochet.com Brady report.

[Brady]

Good Tuesday morning to Phoenix. Hello, world.

[John Holmberg]

Hi.

[Brady]

Happy National Cuddle Up Day. And it's also national. Take your Christmas tree day down.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. If you haven't done that yet, it's time.

[Brady]

It's officially the 12 days after. Yep.

[John Holmberg]

I guess that's true. Yeah. This guy's right.

[Brady]

He's been. On the 6th of January, Ty rolls.

[John Holmberg]

Up and he's like, hey, think China was in Venezuela to be besties with him? Them. Exactly. It was for gas. Gas prices rule. What kind of car would you get if gas was a buck?

[Brady]

Oh, man.

[John Holmberg]

What's the first thing you think of.

[Brett Vesely]

Like prices don't matter or what? I mean.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I don't know what you.

[Toledo]

Let's just.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, let's just. You get. You get gifted. A car of choice. Gas is a dollar, but you still have to pay gas. You have to stay, take care of it. But somebody's going to give you any car you want.

[Brett Vesely]

Probably a Shelby GT500.

[John Holmberg]

I was thinking something like that. One of those old muscle cars. Yeah. That just eat gas. Oh, yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

You just get more the better.

[Brady]

I remember with a 465.

[Brett Vesely]

There you go.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You kids out there listening, Hear me out. We used to go to the gas station and dig in the ashtray. They had ashtrays in cars when I was digging the ashtray for change to get gas. Gas. And you can get like 3 gallons now.

[Brady]

You can.

[John Holmberg]

You could do that again. Change would start to matter.

[Brady]

Bring the penny back.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I remember sitting with Jenny Rohr was in my Jeep and there was another girl there. I forgot. She wore her sweaters upside down because she had this tiny little waist and she wanted to make girls feel bad so she could put the neck around her waist. And she actually had cans too.

[Brett Vesely]

Nice.

[John Holmberg]

It was pretty awesome. I thought she'd started something. Her little. She was short too. So her little arms went in the sleeves just enough to where the bottom of the sweater rested on her shoulders but would occasionally droop down. Like this chick had it figured out. Anyway, I digress. Who's this? I forgot her name. She lived over in your old hood though. Oh, really? Yeah.

[Brady]

And what AI bot is this?

[John Holmberg]

It was her. It was amazing and cute enough to get away with it. But her waist was the size of a neck sweater neck. And she turned it around and made all the women mad. But she would always give me like 75 cents. And that sounds like it was like. Like it was 1910 or something. She would go, I don't have. She didn't have a lot. 75 cents or a dollar for the week. As long as she kept those sweaters upside down. She got a ride. Nice to peek down there a lot.

[Brady]

Got a couple of basis fun facts. Technically, the President is not supposed to salute military officers because though they're the commander in chief, still a civilian. The first President who started saluting Eisenhower. Ronald Reagan.

[John Holmberg]

Reagan did it. But Eisenhower do it because he was actually not a civilian. Yeah, actually. And so was Kennedy. Right? Yeah. Yeah. You know, I won't salute ever again. Captain Kangaroo Mark Kelly. I'm gonna demote him again now. He's known as Private Parts. That's what I'm gonna call him from now on. I hate that guy. I hate him. Him. I'm starting to hate Homebug a little bit because he looks like Mark Kelly. If Mark Kelly was. If, let's say if Homeburg was from Middle Earth, he would look like Mark Kelly because Mark Kelly looks like. It looks like. Like a shaved orc. Shaved dork. That's his commander. Shaved dork. That's what I'll call him. Give him a status back. Does that hurt you in the military? I don't know. After you've retired and stuff, they take your rank away. Yeah.

[Toledo]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

Do you lose money?

[Brady]

You might.

[John Holmberg]

I think you might. Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Maybe he's making enough money when you retire.

[Toledo]

Probably when you retire.

[John Holmberg]

Like he's retired. Is he from the military?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, he's making enough money in Congress. It doesn't matter.

[Toledo]

Yeah, but also an astronaut.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, right, dude. But it's not about that slap. It's a slap in the face more than anything else, isn't it?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I'd slap him. If he wants it back, I'll slap him. He'll take it.

[Toledo]

You like getting slapped?

[John Holmberg]

I like slapping head.

[Toledo]

Oh, there you go.

[John Holmberg]

I'll say, captain Kangaroo, come into my office. If you'd like your title back, I get to smack you on TV.

[Brett Vesely]

This guy said he paid 207 in Springfield, Missouri last Saturday.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God, here it comes. I might jerk off at the station. If it gets to one point, anything.

[Toledo]

Oh, man.

[John Holmberg]

Who's that? What? What? Neck.

[Brett Vesely]

Clean up on pump three. Clean up on pump three.

[John Holmberg]

We got another ejaculator out there. I'll get this. We get it. Hose out there by Pump 3. Everybody's still excited about these gas prices. Thanks for coming to Buc EE's.

[Brady]

You're grabbing the pump handle.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Humber, goo it.

[Brady]

By age 32, you've been alive for over 1 billion seconds.

[John Holmberg]

Congratulations.

[Brady]

Public schools did a report on the use of cell phones during school hours. A lot of schools won't let you or you're not allowed to use your cell phone. During the school, they found students that weren't allowed to use the cell phones on average use the cell phone 70 minutes during school hours.

[John Holmberg]

An hour and ten minutes. They still figured it out.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Nice work.

[Brady]

Most of the time it was for social media, about 30 minutes. Video games are about 20.

[John Holmberg]

Huh. So it's the chewing gum thing. If you take it away, they want gum more.

[Brady]

Find a way. Yeah.

[Toledo]

And when Alex was in was in high school, they gave everybody a laptop and the kids figured out there's tie.

[John Holmberg]

It to your phone.

[Toledo]

Well, there's that. And there's also some website that you can go to that is just full of games. So they would all just go on the school approved website and play video games.

[John Holmberg]

By the way, I don't know if this person wants me to do this, so I'll keep the names quiet. I was sent something yesterday. I don't know why this reminded me. She's working on this thing where she's getting a YouTube channel of relaxing sounds she puts together musically. And so she says if you fall asleep to meditation music or whatever, just play this through the day. Give it a listen. I'm trying to build this like a baby.

[Brady]

You slept like.

[John Holmberg]

Oh my. I didn't intend to.

[Brett Vesely]

What do you do?

[Toledo]

You just keep it on. For how long?

[John Holmberg]

I'll just play a little bit of it for a second. We can put it up there. I don't want anybody's names up there. Nobody really knows about it.

[Brett Vesely]

Sounds like Brady's bowl music.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no. It's ocean.

[Toledo]

Sounds like it's actually a little better than that.

[John Holmberg]

It's not. It's. It's not one consistent sound. There's a lot going on. But when this is going on and the bowl music will put you to sleep, too, in fairness. Either that or you want to kill someone. But I can't get enough of this. And so I was like, okay. And I tried it. I'm out like a light. It took like two minutes. And I don't sleep. I'm not a sleeper. I was watching the Steelers Ravens game, the replay, because that's what I do. And I put it on in the background. My eyes were still open, though. I'm not. Not watching the game. So if you get hold, we should put it up on the thing and let people do it. She's gonna put like 10 of them together. I don't know if she wants people to know about it, but it's. If you're looking, don't drive around with it. They'll knock out.

[Toledo]

Oh, yeah. If she's building it, wouldn't she want people to know about it?

[John Holmberg]

I don't think she's got anything other than that song.

[Toledo]

Oh, all right, well, let's wait.

[John Holmberg]

I don't care. Put it up there.

[Toledo]

No, I know.

[John Holmberg]

Let's knock out the city. Let's do what KSLX has been doing for years and put this town to sleep.

[Brady]

There's this person in Glasgow, Scotland, that posted on Twitter, come on out to the park and see me get kicked in the balls one last time before I get bottom surgery.

[John Holmberg]

He got him kicked off.

[Brady]

Over a hundred people came out to the park and he. And he says, no one is allowed to video. I'm. My friend is going to be the only one that takes the video so.

[John Holmberg]

We can post it, right? He wants his to be viral. I did that with my hip surgery. I let the guy that's becoming more.

[Brady]

More popular.

[John Holmberg]

Here's the dangerous thing, because when I. I told the guys at Tactical Black, I'm like, look, I get my surgery tomorrow. It's my last day here. Aim a little higher on the kicks and take what you're not supposed to kick in the hip. It doesn't do anything. And kick me in the hip. And they bruised the living be Jesus out of my hip. And we laughed. And I went in for my surgery the next day. And the doctor and yes, my doctor's name was Dr. Jakobsky. That's real. Said, I can't do this. You're all bruised up. The risk for infection is twice as high.

[Brady]

High.

[John Holmberg]

The risk for infection is like 1% something. So it just jumped up to 2. I'll take my chances.

[Toledo]

You will.

[John Holmberg]

He won't. He didn't care. I told him like I'd sign anything. I'm not gonna and he said your scar is going to be bigger because I got to cut around the bruise. So my scar on one side is huge. I'm like that's fine. It's actually cooler. But yeah, I let that happen too. I never let people kick me in the balls but got kicked in the head. Of course if I hated my balls like that guy. He's getting them chopped off. Bottom surgery. Ew.

[Brady]

Oreo Reese's are coming back. They're. They released them for a limited time.

[Toledo]

Oreo Reese's? Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Inside the Reese's cup is Oreo cream.

[Brady]

And now they're permanent. They're bringing them back because.

[John Holmberg]

Oh.

[Toledo]

So no peanut butter?

[John Holmberg]

No, I think there's peanut butter. I think he's crumbled up Oreos inside a Reese's cup or they put it on the outside and inside your Oreo is a Reese's. It's either way it's decadent.

[Toledo]

I'll try it them.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, there's something something. Check out homework's morning sickness [e-mail] Hol's Morning Sickness.

[Brady]

The second one is the world's oldest Twinkie is turning 50 this year was chemistry teacher in Blue Hill.

[John Holmberg]

Maine.

[Brady]

Named Roger Benadi opened it as a as an experiment in his class in 1976. It's lived at the school ever since. It's in a glass case. There's a picture of. Definitely doesn't look like you'd want to eat it doesn't look like. Oh no, it's perfect.

[John Holmberg]

Nothing 50 year old looks like I wouldn't want to eat anything 50. You heard me. There's no reason. There's no reason to celebrate at breath. I get it. Nobody wants to eat anything over 50 years old disgusting.

[Brett Vesely]

Just like the Twinkie.

[John Holmberg]

Have you seen those things? And the stuff you would maybe eat usually escapes the glass box.

[Brady]

The 10 hour YouTube video of the burning fireplace. I don't know if you ever seen it or watch it for the holidays. The person that put that up it's received over let's see. It's 157 million views so far. They've made a million dollars on it. He recorded his fireplace for 10 hours.

[Toledo]

Makes a dollar a view.

[John Holmberg]

That's incredible.

[Brady]

157 million views.

[Toledo]

Right? You said a million dollars, right?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

Or 10 cents of you, whatever.

[Brady]

There you go.

[John Holmberg]

Still, it worked.

[Brett Vesely]

I think it's. Once you get so many more listeners, you go up and pay grade.

[John Holmberg]

I just don't understand.

[Toledo]

Oh, once you reach certain plateaus.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, once you get so many viewers. Not listeners, viewers.

[John Holmberg]

I like that people have the bravery to just say, I'm going to try this. And they throw it up there and it's like. And the first thing I'm thinking is, that's stupid. And then they come back, Jesus, the guy made a million bucks on his own fireplace.

[Brady]

Chinese parents are reportedly turning AI generated videos portraying regretful protagonists to prevent their. So their. Their parents are making these videos of their kids? Yeah, they age them using AI till when they're 50 years old to encourage them to have kids. And if this is what they'll look like at 50. They don't have kids. They're crying because they're 50 and now they're too old to have kids.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, they show them. They scare them into thinking that they're lonely and old.

[Brady]

This is what's going to happen when you turn 50 if you dec. To have no kids. Right, mom, you're. We want to be grandparents.

[Brett Vesely]

I argue that I'm 50 and I know kids.

[John Holmberg]

Let me tell you this.

[Toledo]

And they're all Mormons.

[John Holmberg]

The fact of the matter is that is not Chinese parents. That's the Chinese government.

[Brady]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

No, parents are doing that. So their kids. The government's doing it to try to get the birth rate to jump because they want more Chinese. That's a bigger army.

[Brett Vesely]

Didn't they stop it for a while though? Or they, they reverse it? Didn't Chinese, like put a limit on it?

[John Holmberg]

Well, they used to do two and one of them had to be a boy.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

And then people stopped having kids. Japan's is going completely like. It's nose diving.

[Brady]

You get paid in Japan.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Japan likes it when you're pregnant because their birth rate is way lower than their death rate. They're losing population like crazy. In Japan, it's because they're pixelating genitals.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't see that.

[John Holmberg]

And I think they do that. So porn is less appealing. So you have regular sex. Sex. Japan is all for it, but China is just trying to build. That's propaganda stuff. And, and let me tell you, Chinese kids being 50 without kids, you're fine. There's more smiling and money than you could ever imagine.

[Brady]

Got a couple of radio videos.

[John Holmberg]

Scott Haynes just said if you can get a dollar for gas. Let's let him turn Greenland back into Epstein Island. That one's pretty far fetched. I don't want to start a criminal enterprise, but if gas drops below a buck, then we're doing terrible things up on Greenland. Below a buck? Yeah. Oh, my God.

[Toledo]

Oh, wow.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not for the Epstein island thing, but maybe in moderation, like there's going to be.

[Brady]

I mean, if that happens like that. Like that quick.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

They'll be hoarding people.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Maybe we can't. Oh, yeah. Maybe we can't touch them, but like teen beauty pageants and stuff in Greenland for less than a dollar for the weirdos, you know, Maybe.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You have to ease us in. But under a buck, I'm willing to turn a blind eye to a lot of moral stuff.

[Brady]

If they did that yesterday, could you imagine the run?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, if gas. Gas is now 79 cents a gallon. Oh, yeah. Oh. All right.

[Brady]

So the first one's a guy having a little trouble backing up his car.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. He's backing out of a driveway. Got. Oh, he's not in the car. That's why he's trying to get in a car that's backing up. Is his wife driving it? Cuz the carve away. Yeah. That's a bad relationship. And he's trying to pull her out of the driver's and she keeps going while the door's open.

[Brett Vesely]

That's what she looked like in those jeans. Yeah. Hey, mother.

[Toledo]

And here's the deal. Does he take that if he gets a dollar gas?

[John Holmberg]

If that's what you have to deal with one time a year you have to get hit by a car slowly in a driveway. Yes.

[Brett Vesely]

Right.

[Toledo]

Now look at his arm when he gets it.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's broken. He's got a broken arm. Worth it for a. For a dollar gas. God damn it. That's a tough. That's a tough call. Your wife speeds out of the driveway with the doors open. Well, she's going eight.

[Brett Vesely]

She's going pretty quick.

[John Holmberg]

She. She gases it. Look, I don't want to get hit by an open door at all, but pushes you into a wall. He's alive.

[Brady]

And then he's got to fix that brick wall.

[Toledo]

I mean, pushes you through the brick wall.

[John Holmberg]

Still a dollar for gas. You'd have money to fix the wall.

[Brady]

Pretty thick wall.

[Brett Vesely]

It's only a Hyundai. It's not like it's an F350. That door can't be that strong.

[John Holmberg]

Come on. Sure. It's a good point. It's kind of his fault that the door overpowered him that much. And don't. And by the way, again, stupid game, stupid prizes. You open the door of a moving car, you're running the risk. It wasn't her fault.

[Brady]

Next one's a skydiving accident again. Listen. The audio and the guy. Oh, no.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, here we go. His chute's not open and he is. Oh, it is open. He's coming in hot, though. That is just a rag doll. Oh, man. What the world? Don't parachutes work anymore? What happened?

[Brady]

Aren't you like.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man.

[Toledo]

Yeah, I'd like the non speed parachute.

[John Holmberg]

Can I get two? Next time, going for the target. Well, the good news is, next time he lands with his parachute, the wheels of his wheelchair should help him out more because he's not walking ever again.

[Brady]

All right, last one. I don't know if we've done this one before, but I couldn't remember. It's a guy on a bike and a limb falls off a tree. Oh, it just pretty much a tree.

[John Holmberg]

Just falls in half while he's riding by on the road and kills him. Oh, my God.

[Brett Vesely]

Like that. But man, that's.

[John Holmberg]

It. Just. And the other guy stops because the tree just falls over for half of it. Just breaks.

[Toledo]

Yeah. What did he see? Because he was going pretty good and he just slams on his brakes.

[John Holmberg]

Just kills him.

[Toledo]

Wow. Sorry about your day.

[John Holmberg]

That's Brady's God getting it done there. Yeah. By the way, enough of the people emailing me saying, did you see the priest put the holy water in the Steelers end zone? Look, that's enough to make you believe, isn't it, John? And I'm like, sure, make me believe that your God's a dick and hates everyone in Baltimore just like me. That's. But he wouldn't do that to make people win or lose. Right? And by the way, if you're saying that and this. This is where people with religion get upset when I say stuff like this. If God cares more about Tyler Loop missing that kick and the Steelers getting into the playoffs than he does some lady out there with a kid with cancer and not answering those prayers, what kind of God are you worshiping? Because you know you could throw holy water all over a kid with cancer and nothing's going to change. So if the holy water made the kit, if we have scientific evidence that the holy water made the kick go right, that's pretty awesome. Start shooting that over at the children's hospitals and lay off the end zones.

[Brady]

And Father whoever sprinkled it or bishop. Don't do it again. Because if you do it again and it doesn't work.

[John Holmberg]

No. Then there's no. But here's the fun part, too. Then you're the mush. If you're the guy in Pittsburgh who runs that church and you think of the donations that he's going to get this week, it's going to be insane at that. That those plates are going to fill up with that football priest who made the. Who made the turkey platters out for that. My team won. And so if that's true, if that was divine intervention, I'm like, that's great. How about all the sick kids now? No, just. Just field goals. Okay.

[Brady]

Their high school's getting a new football field.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. Well, that's good. I'm glad God cares so much about the gridiron. Meanwhile, Timmy's taking his last breath over there because that tumor in his head since he was born is finally gone.

[Brady]

St. Catherine just got a new scoreboard.

[John Holmberg]

And it's all thanks to the Lord. What about me? No, but the scoreboard actually has time. And, like, it has a little bit. You can do advertising. I have just three breaths left. Yeah, yeah. Quiet down, kid. Anyway, we're gonna shoot holy water in the end zone and hope that God pushes kicks to the right. Yeah, well, that was his plan. People trying to get me in on it, saying, that should be enough for me to believe. That's the worst thing you could ever say. Your God made a kick go right? Meanwhile, hospitals. I don't understand that. I understand how you can like that. Anyway, Brett, what do you got?

[Brett Vesely]

All right, we're a little. A little more back to normal today.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, we'll just start with this one. Okay. Got a dash cam of a car. We're driving. Oh, there's a person under another car in front of him. Feet. He's. He's doing the r. Look at the blood trail. It's the Robert Dairo from. Remember when Robert Dairo and Cape Fear rode under the car all the way to the boat? That's what this guy's trying. But the car's, too. I know. And now it opened him up. He stuck up. Well, that's awful.

[Brett Vesely]

Traffic stop here.

[John Holmberg]

All right, Basic. I know. So right now, you're under arrest. Whoa. We just starts running down the road. He leaves the traffic. Stop traffic. Oh, he's going to. He's going to the other side of the street. The oncoming traffic is on the way. No, he's staying in the middle.

[Brady]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Good. Is he. Where'd he go?

[Toledo]

There he is. The other side.

[John Holmberg]

Here it comes. Oh, he jumps over the other side. Oh, he falls down as he tries. No, don't do it. Stay out of the road. Oh, they tased him in the street.

[Toledo]

Both of them?

[John Holmberg]

Both of them. That's happened before.

[Brady]

They're writing a check on that one. Oh, yeah, they are.

[Toledo]

Are.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that was a bad idea. This one says, John, what would you rather have? Gas under a dollar or the Ravens never win another playoff game for the rest of your life. Sorry, gang.

[Brady]

Playoff game.

[John Holmberg]

They'll never win another playoff game ever again. You guys are going to be paying a little more.

[Brady]

Doesn't mean they get the title.

[John Holmberg]

That's what I'm saying. They'll never win another playoff game in their lives. Or gas is under a dollar and they can still freely win the Super Bowls. I'm gonna go ahead and pay four bucks a gallon.

[Brett Vesely]

You prick.

[John Holmberg]

I'm sorry. If it's up to me.

[Brady]

When one playoff game doesn't mean they.

[Brett Vesely]

Win the super bowl goes through their ups and downs.

[John Holmberg]

They might win the Super Bowl. Bowl. This guarantees they will not. I'll take $4 a gallon. No way. I'll take $4. I know you're.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. What happened to the gambling man?

[John Holmberg]

That you are not gonna happen. My hate for the Ravens is a lot harder and higher.

[Brady]

Damn it.

[John Holmberg]

Than expenses. But before all that domestic violence thing. I'm still in on that. But this Ravens. That's. That's a bridge too far.

[Brett Vesely]

All right, let's just go back to what we know.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. This is someone's butt with something in it. Oh, that's a vagina.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. Listen.

[Toledo]

A little Billie Eilish candle.

[John Holmberg]

You think it's a candle coming out?

[Brady]

That looks like a candle.

[John Holmberg]

That's a good candle. Those are those desk candles. Nope.

[Toledo]

Statue.

[John Holmberg]

That is a base of a. Oh, wow. Wow. Oh, my God. It is a huge butt plug shaped toy.

[Toledo]

Foster's can oil can size.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Bigger. At least it's bigger than a Foster's Oil case.

[Brett Vesely]

It's like a 40 ounce almost.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. That. That's a Folger's coffee. The old. The old.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

The base of that thing is a small Christmas tree. And then a small Christmas tree comes out of her. Oh, my God.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

That's all she's got to say.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. That is huge. All right.

[Brett Vesely]

And let's go over here.

[John Holmberg]

What has she. What have. What have you done to yourself? Why here's a pregnant lady on the sitting on a tow hitch next to a freeway. She's having sex with it. Oh, God. And she's peeing while she does it. She's having sex with the tow hitch on the back of, like, a Lexus 440. And she's pregnant.

[Brady]

Yep. Bigger one, too. It's an option 1, 1, 2.

[John Holmberg]

You got the 2? Yeah. The 2 choices on the trailer hedge. They pulled over and they said, hey, I'll film it if you do this. And they turn it over. Sure. I have no father.

[Brett Vesely]

This one's titled How Rednecks Are Made.

[John Holmberg]

All right, we're at a pile of people. That was a. Some sort of protest.

[Toledo]

Dude with a motorcycle helmet.

[John Holmberg]

There's a protest. There's some guy in the middle.

[Brady]

Middle.

[John Holmberg]

And he's in a motorcycle helmet. He picks a fight with the entire protest and the protest. Hundreds of people now. He started a mosh pit and protest. Protesters are being beaten.

[Toledo]

Oh, it's all women.

[John Holmberg]

Women's lips. Dude went in and just started pounding. He won every fight.

[Brett Vesely]

He took the helmet off too?

[Toledo]

Yeah, he did.

[Brady]

It's kind of hanging, I think.

[John Holmberg]

Did he take it off?

[Toledo]

It's knocked off.

[John Holmberg]

There are hundreds of them. This lady.

[Toledo]

Somebody sailing. Shave ice.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, this lady's still making her shaved ice. Well, this guy beats up lesbian after lesbian. There's another one. Just. She's not gonna.

[Toledo]

She's like, hey, I gotta make that money.

[John Holmberg]

I already paid for this. These ladies will take care of it. And then a very attractive lesbian walks.

[Brett Vesely]

By, and we'll just end with this.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Oh, no. This is a dude all balled up.

[Toledo]

Oh, my God.

[John Holmberg]

Giving himself oral pleasure. He's got his.

[Brady]

Look.

[John Holmberg]

He's all folded up, as you said yesterday.

[Toledo]

That's a hammer.

[John Holmberg]

That's a hammer.

[Brady]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

That dude. What is going on? He's not even, like. He's all contorted up. Yeah, he threw it. But that doesn't look right. It isn't right. That's another guy.

[Brady]

No, it's not.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, it is. You can't. Yeah, that's his legs.

[Brett Vesely]

Are you.

[John Holmberg]

No. Because his ass would be on the other side.

[Brady]

What?

[Toledo]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, wouldn't. All right.

[Brady]

All right.

[Brett Vesely]

Stretched all the way over.

[Toledo]

Feet.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Oh, I see. I'm looking at his feet like they're pointing at us. Those are his hands.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. I'm like, wait a minute. That's another fella. They're just leaning over the edge. No, that's him. Okay. That's biblical. Thank you.

[Toledo]

Some military guys have texted in John when you retire from the military, you get paid at your highest rank, whether you've been demoted or not.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, so. So no money. Just embarrassing.

[Toledo]

It's just performative.

[John Holmberg]

Cool. Don't forget though, I changed his last name. Kangaroo. Captain Crunch. I changed it again. Now we can wear the little hat. Wouldn't that be great if Trump had that kind of juice. I changed your name to Captain Crunch. Here's your new uniform. And every time Mark Kelly has to go out in military gear, it's Captain Crunch's outfit. Look at the captain. I did that. All right. Now you're Captain Antonelle. I. I like this. You're going to be. You're going to be the little cat. You get to wear the little hat. You have to sit behind the piano. You have to do it all the time. Because I said so. Simon says. And I'm Simon.

[Brady]

Speaking of. They put him up like Jack Sparrow.

[John Holmberg]

You're the captain, Captain Jack. Today Mark Kelly is Captain Jack Sparrow or he's going to get fired. And that's what we'll do. So dress him up. Every day he dresses him up like a little doll. I'm having a meeting with Mark Kelly. You know him as Captain Jack Sparrow.

[Brady]

Welcome, Captain Morgan.

[John Holmberg]

Do the thing. Do the standing. Nice job. Mike Kelly listens all day. He's a good little puppet.

[Toledo]

Dexter says please ask Trump that if I drive my Kenworth that gets four and a half miles to the gallon. If he drops fuel below A$50, I'd drive that bitch to store and church and every one of his rallies.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. That's exactly right. You would. I didn't know who would be there. My little captain from. I like the Captain Crunch idea. I think he'd look cute in the hat.

[Brady]

And he drops the tea. It's just capping.

[John Holmberg]

Capping. You're capping. We changed this.

[Toledo]

Created new dial.

[John Holmberg]

You're capping like the Crunch. Capping. Cap and crunch. Captain Kelly got away. The outfit. The new outfit for all retired recently demoted captains is this blue little thing with a huge hat. And Mark Kelly has to fight back dressed like that. Or else.

[Toledo]

Hey, Mr. President. President. If gas prices drop, will oil change? Prices also drop. I just paid a buck fifty to get my. Get my oil changed.

[John Holmberg]

A dollar fifty for an oil change? Oh, I see. 150. Now that seems a little heavy. Seems like the Jiffy Lube might have gotcha right. I've seen ads for $10. I don't know where you're going. What happened? 1995 seems a little heavy. You Know who I'll put on that Captain? Captain Crunch. We'll get him on that. We'll get the captain. Captain will do that in Arizona. He's running Arizona. He's doing a portrait, but he's there. Not good oil. We'll drop that down to pennies. Pennies for your oil change.

[Brady]

Imagine getting that. Mr. President. I'm sorry. We can't hang him. We can just demote him.

[John Holmberg]

Done. And then immediately send him the dry cleaned outfit. Hilarious.

[Toledo]

Another texter. Viva Valenzuela, sir.

[John Holmberg]

Viva Valenzuela, indeed. We own it. 51st State. Valenzuela. The home of fanatics of where ABBA. ABBA wrote that song. Again. I'm not on any side. I think they're both ridiculous. I think we're trapped in a simulation that's broken and I'm here for the jokes. So if Mark Kelly ever showed up.

[Brady]

He'S in charge of the Easter egg hunt at the White House.

[John Holmberg]

The new duties.

[Brady]

Got all those mascots, all the captains.

[John Holmberg]

You're here. Mark Kelly. Look at him out there dropping the eggs off in his new blue hat. Captain Kelly. I love it. I think that would be. It would be worth it to be president. To try to make your enemies dress funny. Don't. Don't. You know what? You'll around and you'll find out. I've got all the. I'll get all the mascot outfits. Somebody's gonna be Toucan San someday. I like it. Anyway.

[Brady]

Yeah. He's now part of the Clown Brigade.

[John Holmberg]

We just started the brand new. You want to stay in the military. You get your recall. You're in the Clown Brigade. You're led by Captain Clown. Mark Kelly.

[Toledo]

John. It's even better because Captain Crunch wasn't really a captain. If you look at.

[John Holmberg]

There's an admiral. Everyone knows that.

[Toledo]

Wrong title.

[John Holmberg]

He's an admiral. That's why he had the weird hat. Captains don't get that. Admirals do. In fact, let's promote Mark Kelly to admiral and give him a new little outfit. Adorable little alien head on my Kelly. And we put that hat on. It'll be. It'll be you. That's what we're doing. That's why I think the simulation is broken. We're making like we're just calling people names and.

[Toledo]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

And it's working. There you go. That is your Brady Report. It's 98 KUPD.

[Brady]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually.

[John Holmberg]

No membership fee. I have heard enough of this. You PT H. Morning sickness. You've Been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil sitting right here.

[Brady]

Come on.

[John Holmberg]

No, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. I just. I just had a guy send me. This is something I don't think is going to happen ever. I talked about this on the break with somebody. Do you think we'll ever. Because. And this is the Internet's fault. Do you think we'll ever name schools after president again? I think Barack will be the last one. Right. Because he's like sort of the pioneer and he's the first of something and he didn't. I think he'll be the first one. I don't think in a hundred years there'll be Trump Elementary. I don't think there'll be any of that.

[Toledo]

I think it's all going to be like Bear Lake or.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It'll be named after stuff that's super safe.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Like Grass Elementary.

[Brady]

Like just things that aren't or people in that town.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Just like something.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Prominent figures.

[Toledo]

I don't know. I don't even think people in the town.

[John Holmberg]

It's not worth it anymore because in 100 years, you find out that dude was on Epstein island, you can't have that named. Or he did something terrible to catch.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't think we're getting high anytime soon.

[John Holmberg]

We're not going to buy in high school. It's not. I don't think we're going to do.

[Brady]

It anymore unless they pay for it.

[John Holmberg]

Well, they'd have to buy the school, but still, I don't think communities will deal with it. This guy emailed me a bunch of quotes, presidential quotes, and he said it's hilarious that you said that because he saw that thing that Trump said, too, because he didn't want to with the United States. And then that goes right there with yesterday, December 7, 1941, a day that will live and influence me. And then Dwight D. Eisenhower's. Every gun that is made, every warship that is launched, every rocket fired, signifies in a final sense a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. That's right. And also don't with the United States. Put that on a. On a plaque. Eisner. Neither a wise man nor a brave man lies down on the tracks of history to wait for the train of the future to run over him. Mark Kelly is Captain Crunch.

[Brady]

You that's now in South Dakota, in the mountains.

[John Holmberg]

We put Captain Crunch on it. Simulation is broken. It's Funny, it just makes me giggle because I don't think we're gonna have. I don't know what you teach in school years from now, the famous quotes and stuff, because there aren't. We haven't had a good one.

[Brett Vesely]

That one's one.

[John Holmberg]

Was it? Oh, yeah. Don't ask for the United States is the. Is the new one. It is the great. And that would be at like Disneyland. President's talk. This is great because I'm 45. I get to say one here and then this weirdo auto pen will talk and then I'll do it again on the 47th. President again, Donald Trump. Don't with the United States. Ask not what you do for your country or whatever he said. Now that's something. He got shot in the head. Don't with me. Anyway, the Cardinals fired their coach yesterday. We all know that there are six available jobs currently in the NFL and currently ranked as the worst job is the Arizona Cardinals.

[Toledo]

I've seen three different stories with that.

[John Holmberg]

Over the Jack Jets. Yep. Over the Raiders because they have the number one pick.

[Toledo]

The jets didn't fire a guy.

[John Holmberg]

The jets are going to. But the jets is an open job. We all know that. The Giants have a quarterback. The Titans. I guess the Cardinals are by far the worst job available in the NFL. And I saw something the other day. It said it asked Donald Trump if he could do us a favor. And then it showed Michael Bidwell will on a plane in gray sweats with a mask on. I could you just storm his house and get him out of here? Just, you know, get this dictator out. How in the world does it happen? The Browns job is better than the Cardinals job according to three different things I've read the worst available head coaching job in football are your Arizona Cardinals. No one good's going to take this job.

[Toledo]

Two playoff appearances since 2015. Bounce badly both times.

[John Holmberg]

It doesn't matter when the last time they were halfway decent is. It's what you have to look forward to. And I don't think a coach looks at this roster and thinks, okay, the building blocks are great. And by the way, having fired what, five coaches in the last seven years, not good either. It is not a place I look at as longevity or as a place that I'm going to be the one that's different. No one, they have a couple guys right now. I mean Kevin Stefanski, the Browns. There is no way he's going, well, I'll just move over to Arizona. That's. That's worse than the. The job he Just left somehow the lifestyle. Okay. If you're coming for that, then you're enjoy.

[Brett Vesely]

Cliff took that up.

[John Holmberg]

Enjoy your year and a half in the lifestyle and then you're gonna end up someplace good.

[Toledo]

By the way, he's a hot candidate now too.

[John Holmberg]

For everybody but here.

[Toledo]

Yep, yep.

[John Holmberg]

Atlanta is the job to take. That's what everybody. Because they, they, they. Bijon Robinson, they got quarterback that's young and whatever. I'm not so sure he was great. But you got some options, they got some defense. They're good.

[Toledo]

Kirky Cousins coming back is still better than anything.

[John Holmberg]

They won seven or eight games. So that's a job you're like, all right, it didn't work out down in Atlanta. There's some weird. They're closer. Yeah, they're bad. But the Cardinals have managed to become half with the Browns in the league. The Cardinals have managed to become the most embarrassing franchise. Even the Jets.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Would you take the jets or would you take the Cardinals?

[John Holmberg]

Just like if you were for money, the jets, because you're in New York. So if you do halfway decent there, they'll fall in love with you and you'll get endorsements here. Maybe Santan Ford has you in a commercial. Maybe. I haven't seen Jonathan Gannon on one ad.

[Toledo]

But if you're getting, if you want like Cardinals notoriety in your ad, you're going for Larry Fitz.

[John Holmberg]

You're not getting the coach cuz he's not going to be here very long. You're wasting your time.

[Toledo]

They're going to get for old Cardinals.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, they're going to get Eber fl.

[John Holmberg]

Oh my God.

[Toledo]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

And then just burn the building down. Oh. If you're a fan, I highly recommend our.

[Toledo]

Because they have to hire somebody.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

And he's available now. They just got fired.

[John Holmberg]

They got fired in Dallas. Yeah. One year we're in the. Whatever's left. The Cardinals coaching is the exact same thing as when you used to go to Blockbuster Video and that barrel of dollar movies that you just dig through until you find something tolerable. I guess we'll watch this. That's all that's going to be left. There is nobody good that is going to even be interviewed. Raheem Morris is my pick. I think they'll hire Raheem Morris who just got fired down in Atlanta. And he was bad. And he was bad. Everybody, they'll. They'll hire him or Vance Joseph who was here already.

[Toledo]

They was too smart for that, didn't he?

[John Holmberg]

This is a, this is a franchise that Won't do anything for another five or six years.

[Toledo]

But you think they'll go another deep again? They'll take whoever's available. But do you think that they'll try for a defensive coach again?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know what they'll do. It doesn't matter. Whatever they try for won't matter. It's who accepts the job. They're going to get the bottom of the barrel of all of the people. People. Unless they get lucky and someone has family here. Kenny Dillingham type guy who's like, I'm. I just want to live here. And then you got to keep him here for years, whether he's good or not. Because I think Cliff Kingsbury would have loved to have stayed because he was pretty into the Scottsdale thing.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And man, he was plowing and he.

[Brady]

Was doing all right.

[John Holmberg]

He was doing real good. Not necessarily as a football coach, but as the football coach. Man, he was.

[Brady]

Was.

[John Holmberg]

He was living a life.

[Toledo]

John, to me, of all the open jobs, the Cardinals have the worst fan base. I think that's part of it.

[John Holmberg]

No, they don't.

[Toledo]

At least the Browns have the dog pound. The Raiders even have the Raiders fans. As bad as they've been, the Cardinals have no fan base.

[John Holmberg]

Don't you have the bird's nest or bird gang? Red tide. What's it called? The Red Tide. The bird gang. That's right. It's the bird gang.

[Toledo]

Red Sea. Red Sea.

[John Holmberg]

Red Sea. That's right. They're named after a menstruation.

[Brett Vesely]

Either way, take the menstruation.

[John Holmberg]

I take. Oh, look, I'd much rather deal with somebody heavily, heavily flowing than I would go to any of their games. What would you rather have, like a period once a month or be a.

[Toledo]

Cardinal fan once a month?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I mean, that's basically if I had to menstruate as a man once.

[Toledo]

A month out or watch 17 games.

[John Holmberg]

Of this or sit through that and.

[Brett Vesely]

Pay money four times a month with.

[Toledo]

That and the prices went up three years in a row.

[John Holmberg]

I know. No, I'm out, man. How has it happened? The Browns and Jets are in the league and the Cardinals is the worst opportunity. And there's. Nobody likes the word hope kept coming up as in none.

[Toledo]

That's because Bidwill said it in his press conference.

[John Holmberg]

They have no quarterback. They have no hope for a quarterback.

[Toledo]

Texas are also wanting to let you know, did you see his press conference? Because he said, I'm at every game.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I know. I saw that. You weren't at all of not the whole game. He definitely shows up for a little bit. I saw that you missed the end of that Titans game because I was with you. I didn't know I was going to be, but I was. It's just brutal. Just brutal. And I liked Jonathan Gannon. That's how bad the franchise is. They destroyed a guy who I think might have been okay.

[Toledo]

I think. I think he ends up better off.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, for sure.

[Toledo]

He's like Stefanski. Stefanski's better off. Out of Cleveland.

[Brady]

Cleveland.

[John Holmberg]

Andrew Fronczyk from sec. He emails and says Cardinals need to match this dumpster fire here and hire Michigan coach Sharon Moore. Oh, man, now we're cooking. Go out and be the new Raiders. Go get. While you're at it, let me be the voice of reason once again. And I could have fixed the Coyotes. They'd still be here if they listened to me and embraced the Mexican culture. And they never did because they moved over to the West Valley. They had a goalkeeper with a Mexican last name, El Savo. We nicknamed him here. And the guy was breaking records. And I kept saying, make Mexicans love hockey and make this crazy. Go to Telemundo and get him a deal. And they're like, oh, he's Puerto Rican. Like, oh, my God, they fought back. Here's how the Cardinals fix everything thing. Listen to me. I should call Bickley immediately and tell him if Jon Gruden isn't the next coach of the Arizona Cardinals, oh, my God, they have failed miserably. Failed miserably because he would take the job. I think Jon Gruden to get back in. If you as Monte Austin Fort, the general manager and Bill Bit or Michael Bidwell. I always called Bill because the same guy. You basically say to him, we want to be the bad boys. We want the NFL to be mad at us. We want to pay you to be the face of this franchise. We're going to give you five years, win, lose or draw. We're going to help you build whatever you want. You and Monty working and get the press that comes with Jon Gruden, who is endlessly entertaining. And he's a good coach. The Raiders were decent until they got rid of him and then just fell off the face of the planet. He made Derek Carr good, good. It doesn't matter. People want to play for that guy. And you suddenly don't become the joke. You become the. Oh, man. The Cardinals took this terrible situation and turned the whole league upside down. Be the Jerry Jones, but they're going to hire some assistant from Louisville or something.

[Brady]

If they do that, at least draft Mendoza or Pavia. Get a Hispanic quarterback.

[John Holmberg]

Get Pavia. Get that little who flips people off on the reg and get him out here and get crazy. Your base crazy. Your B.O. boring. You're unloved. Your fans hate you. You're bad at everything. Bring in a guy who A has the resume, B is pissed off at the NFL and will do anything to prove that he was wrongly fired. He's got a the $60 million lawsuit pending against the league. I don't know what I want him to do more. Come back to coach or beat the NFL into the ground for what he got fired for was egregious. It was horrible. He didn't do it.

[Toledo]

Winston's throwing a shot at you. What I do Cardinals are going to hire Tomlin after their first round exit.

[John Holmberg]

Well, they might exit in the first round, but guess what? It's called the playoffs win, right? I know you're not familiar with those, but they're pretty, pretty, pretty lofty achievement for a team that was picked to come in last. The Cardinals were not picked to come in last. One hold my beer. Watch this will not only come in last, we'll have more losses than any other Cardinal team ever. 14.

[Brett Vesely]

This guy's Rand says they're not hiring Gruden. They'll tell hire Caliento for half the price to be Gruden out there.

[John Holmberg]

Tell you what, man, that wouldn't be a bad idea. That would be what they would do. They'd get a guy who sounds like an impersonator. You pay top dollar and you sit on it and you, you, you. Jon Gruden comes out and is honest and man, I don't have a roster, man. They got me nothing, man. I'm working on it, though. Give me a couple years.

[Brady]

Send him a box of swag right now.

[John Holmberg]

Immediately recruit Jon Gruden into the front office. I don't want to hear that Raheem Morris is a candidate. I know you have to interview someone of color. That is offensive to people of color. This Rooney rule is not good because now you have to do it and you don't even, not even serious about hiring guys. If Kevin Stefanski is dumb enough to come here, you hire him. But otherwise you turn this thing on its ear and go after Jon Gruden and make it last loud and have the NFL call you going, what are you doing? I'm like, I'm running my business and it's time I did it my way. Don't hire another Retread loser. Here I am helping the Cardinals. I hate the Cardinals. I think they stink.

[Toledo]

We all do.

[John Holmberg]

I hate the Cardinals, but I still watch them because it's the local thing and I want to keep an eye on it. And if they do good, you know, tip of the cap to the people who live here. That's awesome. You got yourself, but they don't. You make me. You know, everybody's like, why don't you support the Cardinals? They're like, cause I don't like. But you know what? I like this city. So if it makes my fellow citizens have a wonderful time, I'm seeing the Cardinals hurt my fellow citizens and they're the same ones that yell at me for not being a fan. You're not happy.

[Brett Vesely]

Abuse.

[John Holmberg]

Why would I want to get in on this? I'm trying to help you get happy. It's terrible. Jon Gruden is the answer for what ails this team, and they won't do it. There's no way Bill Belichick will be something they arrogantly bring up and he.

[Brady]

Ain'T coming it up and offer Jordan a job.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, let Jordan coach. Bill can be the. The consultants, but they'll bring that up. They'll be like, we're talking to Belichick. No, you're not. You know who might be? The Raiders. That's troubling because TB12's there and he's making all the calls. I think he might be able. I don't think they get along as well, but there's some stuff up there, and I'm not certain. But Gruden's your answer. And I don't think there's a Cardinal fan out there that's sitting there going, dude's terrible. What are your options? That's your guy. Jon Gruden's your guy. And at the very least, you erase the stigma of being the job no one wants in the NFL. People want the Browns job because you got Miles Garrett, you got high draft picks, you got a championship defense. There's. They're pretty good on defense. You got building blocks. I don't know if you're going to stick with Shador Sanders, but you got building blocks. What are. There's none here. None. A couple of decent receivers. Your best players at tight end ain't going anywhere with that.

[Toledo]

These trademate.

[John Holmberg]

And I might even consider that after this year.

[Toledo]

Your call has been that what you. You called for trading Fitzgerald, you called for trading Kyro Murray.

[John Holmberg]

You going with Trey McBride next year?

[Toledo]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Other than just. Just abuse. Him for another 120 catches for a five win team. And then with Brissette again, when you could go get six picks for the guy, I'm not sure you get that. But you're going to get something nice for him. You'd get a top three. First three rounds. Gruden is your answer. And then free agents would want to come here. Free agency. I might even keep that Kyler Murray around, man. He's kind of cute. I used to love Webster, man. Making my way through the track of the day. Says Ravens will fire Harbaugh and the Cardinals will pick him up. You think that John Harbaugh is going to come to this dumpster fire?

[Toledo]

Exactly.

[John Holmberg]

There are teams that will fire their coach if Harbaugh gets fired just to get. Get him.

[Toledo]

Oh, absolutely. Better organization.

[John Holmberg]

Of course they'll pick up Pete Carroll. That would be a move. That would be something they do. That would be a dumb thing.

[Toledo]

And Pete would take it because Pete is all about process.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that like he was up in Vegas when he realized, oh crap, this team stinks. Yeah, they this. It's just so dumb. But anyway, I don't know how you've done it, but you managed, you've managed to screw this franchise into the ground. And I don't think anybody here really, because we have such a great city, I think in Cleveland, like, you look around Cleveland every day of your life and you realize we deserve the Browns. This city deserves something better. This is a good town. Cleveland is. It's Cleveland for Christ's sake. You wander around Cleveland every day knowing you're in Cleveland. You look at that stadium and go, that's where losers shoot. Should like that. They should live there. It's something. Something. Check out homework's morning sickness [e-mail] Holmberg's Morning Sickness Arizona. Really surrounded by beauty and amazing things and glory and gorgeous weather. And we have the most embarrassing franchise in football. Salt Lake City. Need a football team. They're next.

[Toledo]

San Antonio.

[Brett Vesely]

Take our retreads.

[John Holmberg]

There you go. And the NFL would be like, we don't blame you. Who do you want Tennessee moving anytime soon? We'll take that one anyway. My two cents. Remember in the old days when I say local media outlets are calling for John Gruden? They won't do that because they don't take us seriously. But we could fix this team. And I think maybe I'm going to call them up and say, you guys hired dumb. Make dumb hires. Make one more. I want to be in charge of something. Over there. How bad is the idea of me working there than anybody else they've hired? I don't know.

[Brett Vesely]

You even want that job?

[John Holmberg]

Sure. I'd drive around drunk like Steve Kim, telling everybody in the operations. Security manager.

[Brady]

What's that? The new party bus?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we got a new party bus. And this time it means business. And I'm driving it right over to Tampa. And I'm picking up Gruden, man. This is pretty nice. We're road tripping back like Madden, man. Man. And you get to be friends with Frank Calanda. They're good friends. He gets to live with him. We could have Guden here every Tuesday. He would and he'd do it. Calendar would talk him into it, would have Frank and him, and it would be great. Tell you what, man, this franchise sucks, man. He'd be honest about things. There it is. Now it's time for another great presidential quote. If my aunt had a dick, she'd be my uncle.

[Toledo]

Anyway, John, the press conference was actually the part where Bill said he watches every play, not simply that he was at every game. He watches every play.

[John Holmberg]

Not necessarily from the stadium.

[Brett Vesely]

Giggle.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, not from the stadium. And not necessarily on game day, evidently, because I was with him in a restaurant while the game was just ending.

[Toledo]

And to give credit, here is one true Cardinal fan. Worry about your own S teams, you sobs.

[John Holmberg]

Why are you mad at us? We're trying to help you stop being so miserable. What is good about being a Cardinal fan that you can't take advice from somebody else? Well, all right, angry person. Who do you want to coach this team?

[Toledo]

And remember, it takes two. Just because you want Tomlin, you're not getting Tomlin doesn't mean that Tomlin's gonna go. Yeah, that's the place I want to go.

[John Holmberg]

Mike Tomlin is not going to go.

[Brady]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Only option I had was Arizona. If the. If the Steelers got ready him, the.

[Toledo]

Quotes would be epic.

[John Holmberg]

He is not coming here.

[Toledo]

Oh, what about Philip Rivers?

[John Holmberg]

Good afternoon. I just want to come to. I want to be someplace hopeless. Mike Tomlin has all the leverage. If the Steelers decided to part ways with Mike Tomlin, first off, they'd trade him because they still own him for a year. And I know you're not supposed to say that, but that's true. And the Giants would take him or he the Dolphins. There'd be a thousand teams that would say we'll give you tons of stuff. The Cardinals. No, he'd have a closet. Three places. I do not want to go. Valenzuela, Haiti, And Phoenix question Cardinal fans, pull your heads out of your asses. You're not getting Mike Tomlinson unless the, unless the Steelers wait till June to fire him. And then even still, I think teams would be like, we're getting Tom. Ain't happening. Come here. With no quote Kyler Murray and no hope morons. We're trying to help you be happy. You just don't listen. You're acting like a bunch of broads.

[Toledo]

God damn it. I hate that. You guys are right. We are picking last in a dumpster fire of last.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. You're the worst at being last too. That's amazing. Like, you're in last place and teams were worse than you this year. But going forward, at least they've got a little hope. You don't. You got Trey McBride, who's great. Trade him.

[Toledo]

All right, John, since you brought it up, and I'm going to be watching him a lot through this whole process. Is Bickley's hair real?

[John Holmberg]

I had lunch with Bickley over the break and I don't know, maybe it's.

[Brady]

Got a lot of product out.

[John Holmberg]

It does have a lot of product. If he was my labradoodle, I, I'd shave it. Like it's like when elaborate. Okay. He's got. Because it's so much effort. Like I would worry that he gets in the pool, it's going to tangle and then the groomer's going to get mad at me's hair.

[Brady]

Cold weather, it would break off.

[John Holmberg]

It looks tight.

[Toledo]

You need that special comb.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I wanted to touch it, but I, I, we're talking and stuff. I'm like, pickley, I got to touch it.

[Toledo]

John. In the therapy world of which I reside, we consider Cardinals fans to be trauma bonded.

[John Holmberg]

Trauma bonded. Yep.

[Toledo]

It's the same thing with pimps and their families.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, Michael Bidwell is a pimp. That is a trauma. Now go get Jon Gruden, who won't listen to Michael Bidwell. He'll be nice to him. He'll do what I do. It's called neck your bosses. Uh huh. Great idea. And then you go do whatever you want. Unless their idea was decent. You have to be open minded enough to go, hey, the idiot in the suit had a decent idea. I'm gonna run with that. But most of the time we're like, here's how things are gonna go when the Bob's talk and we're gonna try this and we're gonna do that. I'm like, hey, great idea, Bob's. Great job. And it's called neck. You just nod and say, that's great. And then you do whatever you want. And then you go back to him. You have to. You have to play this game. Probably. You have to go back and let. Man, it worked. That singing. I know. You kind of had your own spin on it.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

No, it was great, though. Great job. Thanks. That's all the Bobs want is somebody to make them. Make them feel like they also think they're good at their job because they're. They're so. Their imposter complex is insane. Gruden would do it. I'll call it right here. Sources tell me Jon Gruden is the next head coach of the Arizona.

[Toledo]

I don't disagree with you. I think that's a great way to go.

[John Holmberg]

The perfect.

[Brady]

The only thing about that. It would be great. I don't think Gruden would do it.

[John Holmberg]

Why? No one else is going to hire him. This is his chance to get back in. And if you promise him we're not going to do what we normally do, I don't know. You got five years guaranteed. Guaranteed. And that means you're going to be here, lose or whatever else. Change the culture of this franchise with your words. It doesn't. What happens on the field will happen. You change. You make people want to come here because you are passionate. You are proven. You're established and you're. And you're fighting back. He's got something to fight for. He's trying to prove to the NFL he got screwed. He's a renegade. He's everything this team's never had.

[Brady]

But by doing that, isn't that kind of. Well, that kind of blackball him from the NFL?

[John Holmberg]

Gruden. Yeah. No, that's why the Cardinals can go and say, hey, the NFL is trying to blackball you. Let's put you back in here. You can still do that. He hasn't been banned unless there's, you know, some proof of it. And then you prove collusion.

[Brady]

There's been some opportunities.

[John Holmberg]

There's been none. Zero. Nobody's ever. Nobody's ever even reached out to.

[Brady]

And I thought he might. I thought he might dip into college, maybe.

[John Holmberg]

This is. This is worse than going to college. Take this job and. And. And just.

[Brady]

It would be great.

[John Holmberg]

It would be awesome. Gruden is your answer. End of story.

[Toledo]

What about Jordan and Bill coming here?

[John Holmberg]

That's what he said. They'll bring that up as if Bill Belichick would consider it. He ain't coming here. He's got pick of the litter. And he chose UNC because his girlfriend likes it there. Now, if Jordan says, hey, I want to live in Phoenix, there's a chance. But I don't.

[Brady]

And if we have an amazing dance team.

[John Holmberg]

Look. Yeah, and you'll get a lifeless coach that doesn't care that goes to Palm Squad tournaments during the season. Season. Bill doesn't want to coach.

[Brady]

It'll be part of the contract.

[John Holmberg]

Bill did that so his son Steve could have a job guaranteed at nc, which he will probably next year. Either way. Yeah. Make it. Make this terrible relationship valuable for a minute. You'll energize the fan base. People think it matters. He'll. He'll be fiery. He's fun. Give him a show immediately on both radio and television division. Promote the hell out of this. Change what people think of the Cardinals because you're. You're the Special Olympics of football. I feel most sorry for, like Dave Pash and the guys that have to go act like this is something they like doing. They're miserable. No wonder Wolfley retired. I'd have quit watching that, too. We got the hot releases coming. I've made my call. Gruden is the next coach of the Cardinals. And if they don't do it, they're stupid. It's 98.

[Brady]

Hey, it's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually.

[John Holmberg]

No membership fees. I have heard enough of this. You P.D. holmberg's morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. 98 flying through. People are screaming at me about Gruden. And you know what they all say? I love it. I should work for the. I should work for a local sports franchise and teach them two things. Just PR this Cardinals. I would have been with Coyotes. I had a lot of great. A whole team of us would have been rolling in there going, all right, Coyotes, shut up. You know what the first thing I would have to teach these franchises? Be self aware. You're unaware of your reputation. You think that you're beloved, you're hated. There's a difference. You're. You've done the worst thing you can do in the world of business, and especially when the business is wildly successful and you're just a copy dogging it. You're irrelevant. That's like. I think the worst insult you can have or give a man is you're bad at your job. You're just terrible at what you do what you've chosen as a career you're bad at that is a blistering shot at a man being irrelevant in success like you were an irrelevant member of the success is awful. And that's what they are. And they seem to think it goes back to old Bilbil when they did realignment in the 90s and he fought in tooth and claw and oh, we got to keep that Cardinals Cowboys rivalry. It's one of the biggest rivalries in football. And Jerry Jones out loud said, we don't care if we ever play the Cardinals again. I don't know where that rivalry comes from. He's like of the other teams in that division, which were the Redskins. That was a team for a while. The Redskins, the Eagles and the Giants. The Cowboys didn't consider the card Cardinals arrival at all. They were, if anything, they were the. The fourth one that and just because they had to play him twice, Bill Bidwell was like, that's a rivalry because we sell our stadium out once a year when the Cowboys are in town. We can't lose that.

[Brady]

We need to.

[John Holmberg]

They're irrelevant. And Cruden would come in and say, franchise is irrelevant. I'm gonna fix that and just be self aware. I'm excited about it for you guys. And I can't stand. I can't stand any of this stuff. Why aren't we doing more presidential quotes? I'm good at them. You know, I just reread what Lincoln said. They actually said a lot more. Well, gee, see? Said a lot more different things than you're saying. He cussed to a house divided against itself cannot stand. And that's what Lincoln's actual quote was. People would say that Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall, you piece of garbage. That's what he said, but everybody remembers it. 19. Honestly, that's not how it went. He said it like I say it like a man. Isn't that right, Captain Crunch? Simulation is broken. Are you guys ready?

[Brady]

Sure.

[John Holmberg]

All right, it's time for the hot releases. They are brought to you by new AC unit dot com. Save thousands. Save time. Buy online. New AC unit dot com now featuring the mini splits. Get a mini split. If you've got a garage, you have a mini split at your house? Not yet, no.

[Brady]

But I'm.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, garage mini splits. They're amazing. And I got one. My house was built in the 50s. So when they did the addition way back in the day, they had a laundry room back in the back corner of the edition. They didn't put air conditioning in it. They put fans in it. When I first moved into the house, I'm like, this is insane. This has been like this since how long? They put the addition on like the 70s and they're like, it's fine. The fan's cool. We don't need it for the laundry room. And I'm like, you're banana. So I didn't know. I'm like, do I have to put a big air conditioner on just for the mini split. Showed up in my life. And then I'm like, oh, this is the future. You can individually cool every room.

[Brady]

My house before one in Gilbert. 14th place.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Had a split.

[John Holmberg]

Mini split. Awesome. And they've got them now. So. New aceunit.com if you're looking for mini split. Same deal too. Three easy steps online. You don't have to deal with people, you know, rolling over estimates. All these people coming under. It's awesome. So now that they've got those things just changed a lot.

[Brady]

Lot.

[John Holmberg]

Check it out. New AC unit dot com. And get that ac unit fixed if it's not going to make it. Summer's right around the corner. If you're thinking about we're only like eight weeks away from going airs back on again. It's close. And if your air conditioner wasn't working very good in the summer last year, it's not going to work very good again this year. It's going to cost you more money. So fix that. Save thousands, save time. Buy online new AC unit dot com. We'll start with you. Toledo TV and movies and all the games. What you got?

[Toledo]

All right. No real games yet to speak of being coming out right out of Christmas. But The Pit Season 2 had debuts on HBO Max and it debuts Thursday night after last year's hit first season. The sophomore chapter of the Pit. The Emmy winning series follows the staff at Pittsburgh's Trauma Middle school center over the 4th of July and will work around the clock to save lives in an overcrowded and underfunded emergency department.

[Brady]

Bunny took in season one while she was out here.

[John Holmberg]

The whole thing.

[Brady]

Yeah. It's like 12 episodes or something in a week.

[John Holmberg]

I slow. I've watched two. I started about a month ago. I gotta get on that. I liked it a lot. Pretty good. Yeah. But I can't like you to go.

[Brady]

It gets pretty tense too.

[John Holmberg]

We can get more for you. We've been doing it for months, right? Yeah, it's good, actually. Really enjoyed the. The idea of it. It's basically 24 in a hospital.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It's 24 solid hours. Each episode's an hour. It's really good. I've gotten through two episodes. I'm like, I'll get back to that. I'll get back to that and never do it.

[Toledo]

New series coming to Paramount plus Cold Water. And it debuts Friday. British thriller series Coldwater stars the Walking Dead's Andrew Lincoln. Is John, an ordinary husband and father who finds himself far from normal situation. Per the synopsis, John moves his family to a rural town in Scotland after a violent incident at a playground in London, but soon begins to experience a series of unsettling events.

[John Holmberg]

The bald guy is Spud from train spotting.

[Brady]

I've seen him.

[John Holmberg]

There's been a body found in the woods. He's dead. Oh, it's so British. And wax.

[Brady]

John, I got yours back.

[John Holmberg]

He's got the greatest Scottish accent of all time. He barely ever closes his mouth. I got your back. Oh, that's. That's interesting. And it's Cold Water.

[Toledo]

Cold Water on Paramount plus Friday is when you can start.

[John Holmberg]

No clue. If I have Paramount plus.

[Toledo]

Yeah, we've lost track too. This one's for you, John. 112263 debuts on Netflix day before Kennedy got plugged tomorrow. Yeah, it's a series.

[John Holmberg]

Take a look around.

[Toledo]

James Franco is back playing Jeff. Kathy, think again.

[John Holmberg]

I don't think that's jfk. He's got thrown in the dirt.

[Toledo]

No, is. I think. I think it's a.

[Brett Vesely]

It's like when he was younger.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Or it's a time travel thing. Something quantum leaps, something like that.

[Brady]

I need you to go.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he's a time travel.

[Brady]

The assassination of John F. Kennedy.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, cool. So a time traveler gets thrown in the day before Kennedy's assassination. Stephen King's in on it.

[Toledo]

I think this series was out maybe on another streaming platform, but Netflix picked it up.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. You shouldn't be here. If I had my life, this is a good idea.

[Brady]

Oswald was the man who did it.

[John Holmberg]

You'll figure out the rest when you get there. You see, the past doesn't want to be ch. So it is like the old show Quantum a little bit.

[Toledo]

A little bit, yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Saw this on Netflix.

[Toledo]

Netflix. Tomorrow you can start watching that one out.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that looks interesting.

[Toledo]

Season his and hers is also on Netflix. This comes out on Thursday. Stars Tessa Thompson and I can never remember the other dude's name.

[John Holmberg]

Aren't you reading it?

[Toledo]

No, it doesn't have that part in my synopsis.

[John Holmberg]

Tessa Thompson is the question.

[Toledo]

I have two sides. One truth is that what's his name John.

[John Holmberg]

They found a body.

[Toledo]

He's in everything.

[John Holmberg]

Let me take it as a field.

[Toledo]

I know that helps.

[John Holmberg]

We both know that guy. And the other guy, that guy, the other thing.

[Toledo]

He played the Punisher in the TV series.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Detective Harper.

[Brady]

He's in the Marvel universe, is he?

[John Holmberg]

Who isn't?

[Toledo]

Yeah. So. So these two, she's a reporter, he's a detective. They're married. Yeah, they're married and they're trying to solve the same crime of which they both think the other is the same.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, they think the other guy did so trying to put the other one in jail the whole time and probably gonna do it. And fall in love in the way.

[Toledo]

Exactly. They'll fall back into each other's arms.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, eventually. And then they got to protect each other from then they'll find out the end that she actually did it. But now he loves her.

[Toledo]

Movie out on Netflix. This comes out on Friday. Is people we meet on vacation.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brett Vesely]

Come here.

[John Holmberg]

Starring that guy and that guy.

[Toledo]

Spirited, Poppy and routine loving Alex have been unlikely best friends for a decade. Living in different cameras but spending every summer vacation together.

[Brady]

Molly Shannon.

[John Holmberg]

Molly Shannon and Alan Ruck. Yeah, Ferris Bueller.

[Toledo]

The careful balance of their friendship is put to the test when they begin to question what has been obvious to everyone else. Could they actually be the perfect romantic match?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, they've been just kids camping together every year. Now vacation Alex does. That's why I want to travel the.

[Toledo]

Age old story, John.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's right. The girl that you. That you grew up next to. When you get old enough to want a boner, you try rods get something. Something. Check out homework's morning sickness podcast at 98kupd.comberg's Morning Sickness.

[Toledo]

Also I don't don't need to show a trailer for. This is for you, John. Blossom is coming to Netflix and you can start streaming that today.

[John Holmberg]

Miami. Alex Blossom. The original Blossom. Yeah. Ted Wasp. Blossom.

[Toledo]

I believe so.

[John Holmberg]

Six Genovan. Oy. Blossom.

[Brady]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Tonight on a very special Blossom Blossom.

[Toledo]

Beast Games Season 2 is coming out on prime tomorrow. And I think there's a couple Arizona people in this year's 100 Big Time Plays.

[John Holmberg]

Mr. Beast just quizzes people and gives them tons of money.

[Toledo]

A lot of money. I think the last year's winner won a million and everybody else gets like cuts of different things depending on what the. What the contest is.

[John Holmberg]

If you want to play an honorable game, we can. We'll take it under consideration.

[Brady]

I consider it.

[John Holmberg]

And the answer is no. They make them Fight like American Gladiators and stuff. That's kind of neat. So it's like American Gladiators meets that the. What was those game with the balls?

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

John. Hence to watch that too. Great. Yeah.

[Toledo]

Oh, Wipeout.

[John Holmberg]

Wipeout. Looks like Wipeout. Mr. Beast.

[Toledo]

Is there a combination?

[John Holmberg]

I gotta watch stuff. I can start watching things again. I don't watch anything.

[Toledo]

The Night Agent Season 2 is also out on prime that says Night Manager or Night Manager. Sorry.

[Brett Vesely]

Agent. Manager.

[Toledo]

Night Agent is also a series that's coming out soon.

[John Holmberg]

Richard Roer will remain a missing person. Another British.

[Toledo]

The only synopsis I have on this is the past is deadly weapon.

[John Holmberg]

I spent years creating you anew. It's time you get back in the field. Bye.

[Toledo]

Thriller.

[John Holmberg]

Teddy Dos Santos. Teddy is smuggling arms into Colombia. Calls himself Richard Willis. I like his house. House is in this. I like when houses and things. I forgot his name but his house.

[Brady]

Hugh Laurie.

[John Holmberg]

That's right, Hugh Laurie. You're right, Brady, it's Hugh Laurie. And he's in it in his house. House.

[Toledo]

The last one I have is on Fox. And then debuting also on Hulu is Best Medicine starring Josh Charles.

[John Holmberg]

No, this is on cbs, right? They were Fox or Fox. They were hyping us on football.

[Toledo]

Dr. Martin Best leaves his career as a Boston surgeon to become the general practitioner in the quaint east coast fishing village where he spent his childhood summers.

[John Holmberg]

This is a show called Northern Exposure. Years ago. Exact same idea.

[Toledo]

Everything old is new. New again.

[John Holmberg]

Welcome.

[Toledo]

All right, then. The last one I have in theaters Friday is Primate.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I saw the preview of this lady owns a primate and it goes crazy. Of course. Primate.

[Toledo]

This looks ra from a baby chimp.

[John Holmberg]

It's like a crazy fixing bathing suits, having parties. And then this is home. Inside the house is a killer chimpanzee.

[Brady]

Me.

[Toledo]

And that's I think that de guy from Mesa that won the academy.

[John Holmberg]

Our mom rescued him and now he's part of our family. Yeah, it's a chimpanzee. And only bad things can happen. He's kind of cute. Oh, and he gets strong and starts tearing faces off. I might watch this just be for.

[Brett Vesely]

The ridiculous bear from BJ and the Bear or what?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, finally. He's a little typecast, but he's got a new gig and we're happy. He's finally, finally back in the business. This is Best Friend Bear.

[Toledo]

Bloody Teddy Bear.

[John Holmberg]

He becomes like Chucky. He becomes not just an angry primate, but like one that uses knives.

[Toledo]

One that's calculated.

[John Holmberg]

There's something wrong with Ben. Yeah, he became a champ again. Nothing wrong with him. He's just doing what he's supposed to.

[Toledo]

So that's at theaters Friday.

[John Holmberg]

I'm gonna watch that. That's in theaters only. I gotta wait for that a little while.

[Toledo]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Ben, the two of us need. Look, 30 days. It's too long.

[Brett Vesely]

Bucket.

[John Holmberg]

Get your popcorn. Brady brought up that if I bring a Lowe's bucket, I can get five gallons of popcorn for a two hour film, which is totally reasonable.

[Brady]

Cinemark.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that makes tons of sense to me.

[Toledo]

To have five gallons of the only Cinemarks in Mesa. You're not going to.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you're right. I'm also not going to Lowe's to load up on popcorn. I'll pay the extra to not have five gallons of anything. Right. Oh, my God. One of our listeners and former employee Sean Phils just text. He said, I kissed six from Blossom once. Oh, she was at a bar in the southeast corner of Rural and University a long time ago.

[Brady]

Sure about that?

[Toledo]

What was she doing here?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. She travels. She's allowed here. I mean, she's doing a little Blossom thing.

[Toledo]

She's not allowed?

[John Holmberg]

No. What? The bigger question is, what's she kissing Sean Phil's for? Did she have to. Did you have to stand up on a chair to kiss her? She's an adult sized person. All right, Phils, we'll believe you, but pics or. We don't necessarily think it happened. All right, Brett, what do you got?

[Brett Vesely]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

By the way, I spent a lot of. One day of break listening to nothing but AI Soul covers of rock songs.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, I got one in here, too.

[John Holmberg]

It's worth your. It's worth having a category. And you're. I'm trying to put a soundtrack thing together for workouts. It's there, it's in it. It's so great. It's better than all the regular songs. Now I'm still going to do that podcast. The just 10 best songs I found this week. Songs listed producer. All right, go.

[Brett Vesely]

All right, we'll start off with new stuff from Black Label Society. This is Broken and Blind all.

[John Holmberg]

Zach's been busy.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, he's coming here too.

[John Holmberg]

He's touring this band on top of just running around with Pantera for the last year or two.

[Brett Vesely]

I think they're playing it financial.

[John Holmberg]

It coming up soon. I don't see it. Oh, There it is. March 10th. Yeah, that's right around the corner.

[Brett Vesely]

You kind of know what you came with.

[John Holmberg]

Bls. I mean, it's. It's good though. Yeah. So there's that Zach looks scary.

[Brett Vesely]

New stuff from Coheed and Cambria. New stuff.

[John Holmberg]

Oh boy.

[Brett Vesely]

This is one last miracle.

[John Holmberg]

Aren't they coming too?

[Brett Vesely]

I think. I guess. It's a Christmas song. Just came out two weeks ago.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, the video has Santa Claus there.

[Toledo]

Haven't changed at all.

[John Holmberg]

Never been a big fan. Hold me. I'm hoping for America. Pictures of Trump in the video. I'm tired of whining.

[Toledo]

Yeah, a visual of Santa spanking Trump is pretty good.

[John Holmberg]

That's a good vision.

[Brett Vesely]

How about Alien Ant Farm?

[John Holmberg]

And it's because I asked him to do it. I liked it. I like the a lot.

[Brett Vesely]

From Smooth Criminal to this is a.

[John Holmberg]

Bad attitude Alien and Firms back Mesa kids, right?

[Brett Vesely]

Weren't they Jimmy?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's right. Close enough. Did they have any other songs outside of Smooth?

[Brett Vesely]

Maybe song called Movies, but it never was.

[John Holmberg]

Real behavior. Maybe I spend my own time without show it seems like we need our own space and all this time I wasted away not feel good. I don't know if you guys saw this, but I'm the drummer for Alien Ant Farm. Evidently. Wow.

[Toledo]

I look forward to you guys playing the Ugly Christmas.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's going to be fun. Terrible.

[Brett Vesely]

It's okay.

[John Holmberg]

Nice job. Brett's not a fan.

[Brady]

I mean, you know, you're playing drums. Kevin James on the.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Kevin James is in that band now.

[Brett Vesely]

Here's John's buddies from pod.

[John Holmberg]

All right, don't let me down. That guy.

[Brett Vesely]

Which one was it?

[Toledo]

Is this a cover?

[John Holmberg]

Evil. Yeah.

[Toledo]

Oh my God.

[John Holmberg]

That's that guy, right? That's the one that was yelling at me. The singer. Maybe it is that guy. One of them was really mad at me. I think it was the guy with.

[Brett Vesely]

The glasses because he's the touring guy.

[John Holmberg]

He's not even part of the band. Oh, wait, okay, that's him. He got really upset with me and all I said to him because I didn't know he was in the band. Someday Bury the Darkness, we'll have POD open for them. Them. He goes, what do you know for anything? Who's this guy? Why is he so angry? And then he started yell at me about get r me die in your band. And I'm like, oh, jeez. And he said, what about the singer? Ever die in your band? I'm like, no, I sang in a band though. That would be horrible. Cuz that would be me. And I'm trying to make jokes. And the guys from Bury the Darkness go, you've got to go. Like, why Pod hate you. Like, that was Pod.

[Brett Vesely]

And we paid them to be here.

[John Holmberg]

Anyway, I didn't know that that dude wanted to kill me.

[Brett Vesely]

So there you go. There's Pod.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Doing the Beatles.

[Brett Vesely]

That's Young Blood with the Smashing Pumpkins. They're covering Zombie as well.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God, the Cranberries. Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

See if it's better in battles.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody covered it better than Night of the Singing Dead. It was an authentic cover. This isn't the same zombie. This isn't a cover.

[Toledo]

Yeah. I gotta say, Billy's podcast is actually pretty interesting.

[John Holmberg]

He's very interesting.

[Brett Vesely]

You tell. He'd be a real prick, though.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. He's Bill Burr's brother.

[Brett Vesely]

Right?

[John Holmberg]

That's the thing.

[Brady]

For real? Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Their dad, who, Bill Burr. Aids. Yeah. Got mad at him because he's like. He had two kids, named us both Bill. He's mad. I don't want to talk about. Wow. Interesting. Youngblood doing a song called Zombie. That is not Zombie with the pumpkins. All right. That's pretty good. I like that one.

[Brett Vesely]

Here's your buddy, Dave Mustaine. Let there be shred.

[John Holmberg]

Yes. Can't get away from that word. I still shred. Watch. Hell yeah. Watch my hands. Let there be shred. He didn't sing it this way. Oh, does he?

[Brett Vesely]

He does.

[John Holmberg]

Watch this. Yeah. I didn't listen too far, Morgan. In this video. Everyone get off your seat. My cedar spontaneously combust into flames, Destroying pretenders only ashes remain. On the day I was born A guitar in my hands the ear started rumbling. A stop is command. That is not Tracy. Morgan, you're a racist. I didn't even say that. He did. Let that be shred. Yeah. Let there be shred.

[Brady]

Who's going to be the champion in this fight?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Who will win the shred off? Probably me. But who knows what but me.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, we'll get to that one.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, okay.

[Brett Vesely]

All right, we'll go to this one. Here's a Fell on Black Days, the soul remix.

[John Holmberg]

The sound garden fell on black days, which is already great. Bluesy. This is. Oh, I'm gonna love this. Whatsoever I fear has come to life Whatsoever I fought off It's a church of soundgard Became my life Just when every day seem to creep in me with the smile Sun's about to fade Now I'm doing. Now I'm doing. Come on. I fell on rise up. You know what? What? Mr. Randy watson. Incredible. I. I embrace the AI I keep watching people go, oh, scary. No way. Look what it's giving us. And I do admit it's. Being nice to us right now. Look, I'm fun with music and toys and porn and.

[Toledo]

Oh, and know.

[Brett Vesely]

How about Smashing Pumpkins, Cher and Soul.

[John Holmberg]

That'll be interesting already. A great song though too. AI is just better. It's just beth. Freak out and give in. Doesn't matter what you mean Leaving. I'm listening to this on the drive home.

[Toledo]

Funky monkey is foolish.

[John Holmberg]

Cause they know Fun thing is you can sing along. Who is righteous what is bold? So I'm told. Who wants honey as long as there's some money? Come on now. Who wants that? Honey? I want that in my car now.

[Brett Vesely]

All right, then we'll go to some of the created ones. How about any whole baby?

[John Holmberg]

All right. 70s love song as AI singing any whole baby from Carmen Mayas. I get it. Any whole baby.

[Brett Vesely]

Charming.

[John Holmberg]

My eyes. I don't know where that one got me. Here we go. Your hands on my hips? Feel like coming home? Every fingerprint a place I belong? Kiss me slow while the city sleeps outside?

[Brett Vesely]

Romantic song.

[Toledo]

Max into the camera.

[John Holmberg]

Sliding gentle stay as long as you want? You can do me in any hole, darling Just love me deep?

[Brady]

Keep the rhythm repeating?

[John Holmberg]

You can do me any hole tonight. Damn it. I shouldn't be half hard, but I.

[Brett Vesely]

All right, we'll do one. One more. All right, you can announce this one.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we gotta hurry up.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Go ahead.

[Brett Vesely]

When we skip it.

[John Holmberg]

Or this one's called now you can do it. Oh, my God. Your blank is dripping all over my face. Does she say it? Let's find out.

[Brett Vesely]

It's a band 90 song.

[John Holmberg]

By Penny Tration. This one's less clever. Tough pushing deeper don't you stop your body shakes? I feel your skin little wide and let it in it's hot and sticky. Yeah. Feel favor embrace please come and shoot it on my face. Mark and I were listening to this one that we driving around the car.

[Brett Vesely]

All right, that brings us to N.

[Brady]

Word or F word.

[Brett Vesely]

The game that is sweeping the nation. And tag today is iced tea.

[John Holmberg]

I'm your pusher as I we'll start. I won last year, so I think.

[Toledo]

You were a champion of the year. You go ahead.

[John Holmberg]

Ice tea.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, this is old iced tea, too. This is like 90s, early 90s, maybe.

[John Holmberg]

Ladies angry. N word.

[Brady]

Okay, I'll go friendly. N word.

[Toledo]

MFer.

[John Holmberg]

All right, here we go. Kingpin win the wax pins crack a smacker? Take you to a show end you don't need it just throw that stuff away? You want to get high? I let the record play. Oh Man, I like this dope here, man. It's feeling all right, boy. What you say your name was, man? I'm your mama. I'm your daddy. I'm that friendly. Very friendly.

[Brady]

Friendly.

[John Holmberg]

Very friendly. N word. Brady's the first one here. One. And, oh, Brady for 2026. He's in the lead. There you go, everybody. Those are your hot releases. It's 98 KUPD.

[Brady]

Hey, it's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually.

[John Holmberg]

No membership feed. I have heard enough of this. Morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. Yep, there you go. All right. Let's get the heck out of here, shall we?

[Brett Vesely]

Everybody else is.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding. Everybody else. All the other shows already left. We don't even know how that happened, but they're gone. We watched them walk out the window.

[Brett Vesely]

And we start before all them.

[John Holmberg]

I know.

[Brett Vesely]

This is crazy.

[John Holmberg]

We're doing it wrong. We're shaving hours off. That's all it says. Mean to tell me Stern gets summers off and these guys get an hour a day less than us, man. Sons of bitches. Anyway, it's 10:03. It's time for the entertainment drill. Brady. Entertain me.

[Brady]

Overeager fans think that there's another episode of Stranger Things coming out tomorrow. It's not likely, but there is a documentary coming out Monday about the making of season.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's what happens every time you're not satisfied. You want something more. I watched the very last episode of that first off, the reason I didn't watch Stranger Things, I watched the first two episodes when it came out, and I wanted to punch every character directly in the face just based on their faces. Like there isn't a person on there that doesn't have an intensely punchable face. And the one kid that has something wrong with his mouth looks like my sister used to look when she was little. So I really wanted to punch him hard. And then the other one that I.

[Brady]

Know, the one you're talking.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, everybody knows. But yeah, he's got a dopey, weird. He looked like my stuff sister when she was young and had a perm. And then the weird skinny one, it's got creepier and creepier as he went. The kid who came out gay.

[Brady]

It's kind of like the Alex of the. Of the commercials. The what? Alex from.

[Brett Vesely]

Alex dro.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, from the.

[Brady]

From the Shriners commercial. Kind of that.

[John Holmberg]

He's got a little bit of smoosh. The first kid I'm talking about, the one you say looks like my sister.

[Brett Vesely]

A little bit coming out.

[John Holmberg]

No, not Alex.

[Brady]

Alec.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Alec. Alec the Shriner. Yeah, he's got that mushed up head. Very punchable face, Very punchable character. And then all the other. And even the girl, I'm like, oh, I just shove her. I didn't like anybody. So then I ended up missing all the middle. And then watched the last episode, and it's hysterically bad. I don't know how anybody liked it at the. These kids have been stuck in hell, as far as I understand, for the last 10 years, right? And then they all graduated from high school. Like, when did they go to school? When's a Val. Dick Victorian. They didn't have time to go to school. Like, one of them is. Got graduated and became a. Like an engineer in college. Like, you guys have been in the upside down for 10 years. You haven't. When did you study? They didn't have one episode where they had a break from that and nobody even talked about it. John, you watched it. They didn't go to school. It was like secondary. We'll get to that later. Like, we've got to save the planet. Never. Once they go, oh, geez, I'll get back to Fechner. I've got homework.

[Brady]

You're in on it, right?

[John Holmberg]

You.

[Brady]

You like the strange.

[John Holmberg]

Did you like the ending? The ending sucked. It's very Mad Men. Are you satisfied that you spent 10 years following the story for that ending? You're lying to yourself. That's called sunk cost. You're in a sunk cost relationship.

[Brady]

SB Nation thinks the Seattle Seahawks have the best chance of winning the Super Bowl.

[John Holmberg]

Who does? Scott Van Pelt, SB Nation. Oh. Oh. Okay.

[Brady]

The. Let's see, our teams. Mine's obviously not. Chicago Bears number nine.

[John Holmberg]

Out of the.

[Brady]

Out of the. They did the top last or Carolina 13.

[John Holmberg]

Carolina.

[Brady]

Carolina's 14.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay, we've said it, and I've said it too, that the. The Bears are a year ahead of.

[John Holmberg]

Where they should be happy.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm good with where they're at, to be honest.

[John Holmberg]

They're on a great trajectory. They could make some noise, maybe even accidentally stumble into. Into this thing. Everybody's O and O. My team's the drunk uncle. My team shows up and everybody's like, what are you doing here? And the next thing you know, they've knocked over about four other teams accidentally. Like, oh, yes, Drunk uncle. Standing there in the AFC Championship. Game. Accidentally. Probably not, but they're in it.

[Brett Vesely]

It's like Hawk Harrelson. That's not who he plays when you play him.

[John Holmberg]

When you play him and. Yep. And it's how you're playing at the time. You could be terrible and stumble through to this new tournament and just turn it on. Will.

[Brady]

See, here's a list of TV shows turning 50 this year.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, no.

[Brady]

Family Feud, Three's Company, the Muppet Show, Charlie's Angels, Laverne and Shirley, Morning Angels, Alice. What's Happening. The Gong Show.

[John Holmberg]

Good stuff.

[Brady]

Quincy. Me.

[John Holmberg]

Quincy was 76. I still watch old Quincy episodes.

[Brady]

Bionicle Woman.

[John Holmberg]

Man, we were obsessed with bionics for a minute, weren't we?

[Brady]

A couple of. They had a couple variety shows back then, which makes sense. The Captain and Tenille Show. I remember that one.

[John Holmberg]

Donnie Marie that debuted.

[Brady]

Battle of the Network Stars.

[John Holmberg]

I wish they. Well, they don't have network stars anymore. It would be great to bring Battle of the Streaming Stars back.

[Brady]

I think it was either filled in Cave Creek Creek or Carefree or Tucson. The Van Dyke.

[John Holmberg]

The new. No, that was a different one. The new Dick Van Dyke Show. Fanny Flag. And Dick Van Dyke was in Cave Creek. He had a studio out there and they did that. That was in the early 70s.

[Brady]

The B witch spin off Tabitha 76.

[John Holmberg]

And then the Brady Bunch hour with Fake Jan. They replaced Jan for some reason with some girl and pretended they. Everybody acted normal about it.

[Brett Vesely]

So is it still the same type of show?

[Brady]

Show?

[John Holmberg]

No. They sang and dance.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, it was like a variety show.

[John Holmberg]

And they'd sing like modern hits.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, it's because you know, Greg. I mean, he.

[John Holmberg]

Well, Greg wanted to sing. But then you found out how gay the dad actually was. I think he was behind the variety show because there was a lot of gay.

[Brett Vesely]

Is he like Jim Jay Bullock out there?

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Or Jim J. Bullock was like Mr. Brady Super Guy. He liked him a lot.

[Brady]

Morrissey has canceled or Postponed more than 200 copies concerts since 2012.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. Sorry. That's.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, that's a primoris.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Goodbye.

[Brady]

According to the data, he's played about 70 of his scheduled concerts.

[John Holmberg]

30. 30 of concert goers should consider themselves lucky.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. Jealous.

[Brady]

And evidently Bruno Mars says there's a new album in the can. Nice. But he hasn't put a release on it.

[Brett Vesely]

I want a Silk Sonic album.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, me too. I still listen to the other one a lot now that I listen all that AI.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Give me some real stuff. Put it in the mix. Forget it. All right, That's It. I'm starting to get a bunch of clips of the Ravens going into the locker room after the game. Lamar Jackson throws his. He's got gloves. He's got gloves and a stupid balaclava thing he won't take off. And he balls it up and chucks it into the Raven's leg logo. It's awesome. And then I'm out of here. And then Harbaugh's walking the kicker in and he's got his arm around him while he cries. I'm telling you, I can't find joy like this anywhere else on the planet. Oh, tears.

[Brady]

Well, on him. He's like, just get your locker.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we're going to get you out of here. Get up, get you out. We got you. We got a ride for you. We're going get a ride and a plane ticket for you to go anywhere you want but home. So, so great.

[Brady]

Oh, you know how many teams are gonna be recruiting at the World cup.

[John Holmberg]

This year for a kicker for Tyler Loop?

[Brady]

New kickers.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's amazing.

[Brady]

They're starting to tap.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You start. Watch those soccer kids come in. Anything's better than the guy who missed that. Oh, the joy in my heart leaps through the microphone and into your car. And keep in mind, it's based on the hate. I have festered for years for Lamar Jackson and the Ravens franchise, and they bring me more happiness than anything could ever. You can feel it, right? Oh, yeah. Anyway, can you feel the love tonight? It comes from hate. It's my message to all of you as advice, find something to hate in your heart and do it well and hate it hard. And when that thing has a bad day, you will experience joy like you can't imagine. Hate breeds love. Without one, you cannot have the other. It's 10, 11. That's it. Larry's coming up next. We all love Larry. He's gonna get you all sorts of stuff and get you through your Tuesday. So be nice to Larry and he'll be nice back. We'll see you guys tomorrow right here in the morning sickness.

[Brady]

Solo. It's not weird. It's pretty cool.

[John Holmberg]

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