01-07-25 - BR - TUE - Walking 5000 Steps A Day Can Cut Risk Of Depression - PPPPN Study Claims 50percent Of People Carry Backup Underwear - SN Prison Rectum Smuggler

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona: Episode Summary (01-07-25)

Podcast Information:

• Title: Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona
• Host: John Holmberg
• Co-hosts: Brady Bogan, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo
• Station: 98KUPD | Hubbard Radio
• Release Date: January 7, 2025
• Description: Arizona's #1 Morning Radio Show seeks to entertain, question, and disturb listeners with a mix of humor, current events, and lively discussions.

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1. Opening Banter and Comedy Recommendations [00:00 - 01:46]

The episode kicks off with John Holmberg sharing local comedy show recommendations across various venues in Arizona. He humorously transitions from promoting improv shows to sharing a personal anecdote about the Core Institute, emphasizing the importance of overcoming unexpected setbacks, such as injuries caused by pets.

Notable Quote:

• John Holmberg [00:00]: “Life can throw you a curveball now and again. One day you're trucking along, feeling great. Next day your dog smashes into your head and knocks you cold.”

2. The Brady Report: Diverse Topics and Lighthearted Facts [02:11 - 04:23]

Brady Bogan introduces "The Brady Report," covering a variety of topics ranging from linguistic translations of the sixth commandment to the ranking of global film industries.

Notable Quotes:

• Brady Bogan [02:40]: “The sixth commandment literally translates from Hebrew as Thou shall not murder not, thou shalt not kill.”
• Brady Bogan [03:06]: “The three most valuable film industries in the world are Bollywood, Hollywood, and Nollywood.”

3. Entertainment Insights: E.T.'s Original Script [03:27 - 04:23]

A discussion unfolds about the original concept for Spielberg's "E.T.," revealing that it was initially penned as a horror movie titled "Poltergeist." This revelation sparks humorous debate about the character's intended role and the shift to a family-friendly narrative.

Notable Quote:

• Brady Bogan [03:27]: “The script for E.T. was a horror movie.”
• John Holmberg [03:41]: “E.T. was going to crawl out of the pool.”

4. New Year's Resolutions and City Rankings [04:23 - 05:47]

The hosts discuss Hub's ranking of the 182 biggest U.S. cities based on their suitability for keeping New Year's resolutions. Seattle, San Francisco, Scottsdale, Austin, and Atlanta make the top spots, leading to a playful debate about the practicality of these rankings.

Notable Quotes:

• Brady Bogan [04:23]: “The rankings are based on various factors that tie in with common resolutions like gyms, credit card debt, job opportunities, binge drinking, and smoking rates.”
• John Holmberg [04:59]: “Your resolution's not drinking and you got Scottsdale, evidently. That's silly.”

5. Health Segment: Walking to Reduce Depression Risk [05:47 - 07:40]

Brady presents findings from a study by the PPPPN (Public Psychological and Physical Wellness Network) highlighting that walking 5,000 steps a day can reduce the risk of depression by over 20%, with 7,500 steps cutting it by 42%. The hosts engage in a humorous yet informative exchange about integrating walking into daily routines.

Notable Quotes:

• Brady Bogan [05:47]: “Nearly 8% of adults in the United States have gone through an episode of major depression, but walking five to 7,000 steps a day drops depression risk significantly.”
• John Holmberg [06:21]: “So being sedentary, lazy and miserable, it leads to depression. How about that? Yeah, sorry. So getting up and doing stuff.”

6. Pee Pee Poo Poo News: Backup Underwear Prevalence [09:00 - 14:56]

A comedic segment delving into the phenomenon of Americans carrying backup underwear. Reports indicate that nearly half of Americans have spare underwear for emergencies or convenience, sparking humorous debates about societal habits and personal hygiene.

Notable Quotes:

• Brady Bogan [09:03]: “According to a survey, nearly half of Americans carry backup underwear with them in case they have an accident.”
• John Holmberg [13:19]: “If you're carrying around backup panties, you're a whore.”

7. Incident Report: In-Flight Urination Abuse [14:31 - 18:40]

Brady shares a disturbing account of Jerome Gutierrez, a passenger on United Airlines flight 189, who urinated on his seated neighbor. The incident highlights issues of passenger misconduct and airline response protocols.

Notable Quotes:

• Brady Bogan [14:31]: “Two Florida men got tangled up while having sex. One guy was 61 years old and his lover was 33.”
• John Holmberg [15:13]: “The man got up and began to piss on my dad.”

8. Smuggler's News: Rectal Drug Smuggling Case [19:07 - 20:56]

A bizarre news story is presented about Kenneth Gibbs, a 43-year-old inmate in Georgia, who was arrested for attempting to smuggle multiple items in his rectum. The hosts provide comedic commentary on the absurdity of the situation.

Notable Quotes:

• Brady Bogan [19:38]: “This 43-year-old inmate in Georgia was caught trying to smuggle multiple items in his rectum.”
• John Holmberg [20:24]: “The guy's got male pattern baldness and then the sides just grow straight out.”

9. Video Reviews: Humorous and Absurd Clips [22:40 - 26:29]

The hosts review a series of humorous and absurd video clips, including a dirt bike struggling uphill, acrobats performing mishaps, and a military parachuting drill gone wrong. Their lighthearted commentary adds entertainment value to the segment.

Notable Quotes:

• John Holmberg [23:08]: “It's Nick Cage's. It's ghost bike coming to get you, baby girl.”
• Brady Bogan [26:25]: “This guy's having sex with no legs. And he's on top. He's going to town.”

10. Closing Remarks and Future Segments [26:29 - End]

The episode concludes with the hosts wrapping up the video segment, sharing personal anecdotes, and teasing upcoming content. There's a playful exchange about technical issues and the departure of a team member, adding a personal touch to the show's dynamic.

Notable Quotes:

• John Holmberg [27:25]: “I'd rather be the videographer and editor of that no. Than Janis Joplin's panty.”
• Brady Bogan [31:19]: “We're out of coke. Yeah, sorry.”

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Conclusion: This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness features a blend of humorous banter, insightful discussions on health and societal behaviors, and entertaining news stories. The hosts' chemistry and comedic timing make for an engaging listen, offering both laughs and thoughtful commentary on everyday topics.

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Get out to the Tempe Improv on the east side to see Paul Versey on Thursday and Beth Stelling Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. The Desert Ridge Improv up north features Sarah Weinschenk this Thursday and Joe Derosa on Friday and Saturday. And downtown at Stand Up Live, check out the very funny Lil Rel performing Friday, Saturday, and Sunday for the complete lineups. And for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com it's John Holberg here for the amazing people at the Core Institute, life can throw you a curveball now and again. One day you're trucking along, feeling great. Next day your dog smashes into your head and knocks you cold. Or like a KUPD listener told me this week, his dog did a sprint across the backyard directly into the side of his wife's leg and blew her knee up. She needed that need to get fixed and fixed right? Two years later, she's running like she used to again. And it's all thanks to the Core Institute. I went through it, too. And you can get rid of your pain and start saying, yes, I can to all the things you want to do. And. And all you have to do is trust the experts at the Core Institute head there right now. The Core Institute dot com. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil. Sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. 98 to you. PT we talked so much about Janis Joplin's body parts and blumpkins for Brett that we are way behind now. Way behind. Oh, man, we are. Yeah, I know. Way behind. Janis Joplin's vagina will do that to you. Put you behind in life for sure. I'm just. I'm just sorry that Tommy Emanuel is waking up in a town where this is across the airways. We have greatness in town, and we need to recognize that, and we're ruining it.

[Brady Bogan]

Might think of a new song.

[John Holmberg]

No, he won't. It'll make him break his guitars and quit life like it did Jimi Hendrix just for knowing her. Just don't do it. That's all I'm asking. Mr. Emanuel, please don't let the existence of Janis Joplin stop you from your greatness like it did Jimi Hendrix. It's time now for Brady to give you all the news that only Brady knows. We call this the Brady report. So then we say Brady reported.

[Brady Bogan]

Good Tuesday morning to you Phoenix. Hello world. Happy National Past gas day.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady Bogan]

And national I'm not going to take it anymore day.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, what does that mean? Is it D Snider day or what? It's dangerous in this day and age because that's like. That's a shoot em up to a lot of people. I won't take it. And everybody's gonna pay their price. Let's just stick to the first thing Brady's talking about.

[Brady Bogan]

Much better couple of basis fun facts. The sixth commandment literally translates from Hebrew as Thou shall not murder not, thou shalt not kill.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady Bogan]

Because it took into account that people might face situations like war or self defense when killing was necessary. The three most valuable film industries in the world.

[John Holmberg]

And again killing necessary is an arguable point.

[Brady Bogan]

Bollywood, United States. Hollywood. Number two is India's. Bollywood. Number three. Nigeria, Nollywood.

[John Holmberg]

Noli. Why is it called like Nala? Like the. Yeah, like the girl that married Mufasa's son. Oh, gotcha.

[Brady Bogan]

The script for E.T. was a horror movie.

[John Holmberg]

Horror horror movie. Yeah. Thank you. Just want to clear that up for the kids.

[Brady Bogan]

Steven Spielberg decided he liked it better as a family movie.

[John Holmberg]

Sure.

[Brady Bogan]

And the horror script.

[John Holmberg]

Very good.

[Brady Bogan]

Was written to become poltergeist.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, so E.T. was going to crawl out of the pool.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't know about crawling out of the pool, but he was just going to be an evil alien.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I knew that he was supposed to be a bad guy initially. And then gremlins kind of crept out of that as well as if that was the. They wanted ET and is the people who came to get him to be bad. But you can't do that. That was interesting.

[Brady Bogan]

Both dealt with kind of a light deal. His finger lit up and then Poltergeist.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well the light TV follow. Well that was. Yeah, but his heart light was the important thing. So much so that Neil diamond had to pin a song about it. Turn on your hot light wallet.

[Brady Bogan]

Hub just ranked there the 182 of the biggest cities from the country. The best places to keep your New Year's resolutions to the worst. The rankings are based on various factors that tie in with common resolutions means things like gyms, per capita average credit card debt, local job opportunities, binge drinking, percentage of smokers. The 10 best cities for sticking to your New Year's resolutions are Seattle, San Francisco, Scottsdale, Austin, Texas. Scottsdale, Atlanta.

[John Holmberg]

Your resolution's not drinking and you got Scottsdale, evidently. That's silly.

[Brady Bogan]

The worst city.

[John Holmberg]

Rehab. Fake news. That's fake news. Yeah, like Seattle and San Francisco. I can see because they're a bunch of Camacha weirdos. What's that stuff called? I'm like Camacho. Hector Macho. Yeah. Shanahan Juice. We'll call it A bunch of Teetotaling Weirdos. That. But if you're. If your goal is to stop smoking pot and crapping in the streets, San Francisco is terrible for you.

[Brady Bogan]

Seattle's getting there too.

[John Holmberg]

San Francisco is the Janis Joplin of major metropolitan cities. Yes. Overrated. Giant bush. At least it looks good from a distance. Janet didn't have that for it. Yes, but yet you take San Francisco's panties off.

[Brady Bogan]

Nearly 8. A little over 8% of adults in the United States have gone through an episode of major depression, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. But they just did a study and found that walking five to 7,000 steps a day drops depression and risk of depression a lot. 42% if you do 7,500 steps. But starting with 5,000, it reduces it, you know, over 20%.

[John Holmberg]

So being sedentary, lazy and miserable, it leads to depression. How about that? Yeah, sorry. So getting up and doing stuff.

[Brady Bogan]

So they said if you start out, you know, it's a tall order for some people to do 5,000 right off the bat. But sure, if you do a 20 minute walk three times a week and then build your way up, even that 20 minute walk.

[John Holmberg]

20 minutes isn't 5,000 steps, I'll tell you that.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So that doesn't count. Like us walking around the building here and. Right. You gotta get up and like walk with purpose.

[Brady Bogan]

You mean like in all one. Basically do the 5000 kinda row.

[John Holmberg]

I have my phone over the break. I would take my dogs around Granada Park a couple of times. And it was about two miles. I'm looking at it right now. 7,200 steps.

[Brady Bogan]

Hey.

[John Holmberg]

Hey. That's two miles. No, no, yeah, I'm fine. I was until I started. Right. But like, it's a lot to think that you're. 7200 steps. Two miles is. And that was a casual kind of thing. Yeah, but it was, you know, actually 7200 steps was the whole day. That was three miles. Two miles was the walk 1.7.

[Brady Bogan]

There's 7000 is close to three miles.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. So that's three miles at 72. So it's about five to go. Two miles, that's, you know, it's not a ton, but for somebody who 5000 steps is too much for you, you're way behind. Because a mile there and a mile back is not that bad.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, so you're talking start out with what, 2400 steps?

[John Holmberg]

No, I'm saying get off your ass and walk a couple miles. It shouldn't be that hard for you.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, baby steps, right?

[John Holmberg]

No, there's two miles is baby steps. You go a mile, you got to go a mile back. Go back to your Tommy Emanuel conversation. You got to start somewhere. No, you don't just walk two miles. That's the start. If you can't do that, get the rope. Unless you're injured. Otherwise, if you're capable and you're just lazy and 2 miles is too much. I'm blown away. Here we are in a two story building, and I am blown away at how many times people from downstairs come up to talk to me and they're out of breath. I mean, it's regular. Heather came up the other day. Are you gonna do the Core Institutes back on January? Like, what did you run here? No, I just climbed the stairs. All 12 of them. And Heather's in good shape. It kicked her ass, those stairs. Well, our old morning show guy, he used to take the elevator up and down every day. Who's that? Paul. Oh, I thought you meant Pratt. No. What was he doing here? Oh, yeah. No, Paul. And it showed. Oh, yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

And now it's time for some pee pee poo poo news.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I thought you were gonna do smugglers. Clearly not gonna do that on National Farts Day. You got it. Oh, for crying out loud. You two communicate better.

[Brady Bogan]

He did.

[John Holmberg]

It's a new year. I know, I know, but you need to be on.

[Brady Bogan]

Hello, my friends. Brady Bogan here with your peepee poo po. According to a survey, nearly half of Americans carry backup underwear with them in case they have an accident. Starting to hate this. Or because they plan to change clothes, like, after going to the gym. Okay, that's better.

[John Holmberg]

But that's not backup underwear.

[Brady Bogan]

70% of people who carry spare underwear say they have had it come in handy at least once.

[John Holmberg]

That is not.

[Brady Bogan]

That means there's like, six downstairs right.

[John Holmberg]

Now that have backup underwear. Spare underwear to me is break glass in case of emergency underwear. Not I'm going to the gym, I'm going to sweat in this, and I want to be nice to people. That's just changing your clothes. Spare underwear is at any given time Now I might leave.

[Brady Bogan]

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[John Holmberg]

Hey, it's Larry McFeely here with Wayne from Amco.

[Brady Bogan]

And Wayne, now that it's getting warmer, I turned on the AC in my.

[John Holmberg]

Car and the air's blowing kind of cool, but it really smells like a basement. What can I do about that, Larry? Your car's AC system should be checked and serviced every year. Pl Replacing the cabin air filter helps the air blow strong and takes away any nasty smell. Nice.

[Brady Bogan]

Is that a big deal to get done?

[John Holmberg]

Not at all. It takes about an hour and in most cases, we can do it while you wait.

[Brady Bogan]

That's awesome.

[John Holmberg]

I'll say. We're Amco.

[Brady Bogan]

Google Amco for your nearest location.

[John Holmberg]

That's Amco double A, MCO transmissions and a whole lot more. Hi, I'm Diane Fisher from Fisher Tools. From our humble beginnings in 1964 at the Phoenix park and swap to our 4 acre campus located just south of Tempe marketplace off the 202. Emmett Clintock. Fisher Tools has been building the valley for over 60 years. Come check us out and browse our huge selection of tools and anything you need to do the job right. We carry Milwaukee, DeWalt, Makita, Proto and so much more. We're also [e-mail] CUPD listeners will receive 10% off their order when you mention this ad. Fisher Tools. If we don't have it, we can't sell it. Hey, everybody. It's John Holmberg from the Morning Sickness talking to Shane Orlando from Orlando Auto Body. Now, Shane, I take great pride in saying I stand with someone when I tell a listener to go to their shop. I know why. You tell me what's different for a KUPD listener to go to Orlando Auto Body than anywhere else. Well, first of all, we've been in the Valley here for over 34 years. We do a quality job. We work for you, not the insurance companies. So we can work together to make sure your listeners are getting the customer service they deserve. If your car's been wrecked and you need that thing fixed the right way, get on over there now. Orlandoautobody.com Holmberg's Morning Sickness 60% or you're a. If you're a woman and you're stuffing another thong in your purse because you might wreck this one, it's been a.

[Brady Bogan]

Good solid about 14 months. Hole in the Valley answer to most everything.

[John Holmberg]

Or you're a. And you know what? It almost always gets me because it makes a ton of sense.

[Brady Bogan]

It's more common among young younger generation horsey. 40% of Gen Zers and 57% of millennials they have in in case of emergency underwear this lens.

[John Holmberg]

And again, Brett's right. Very rarely are you with with what women wear now as underwear. Yeah, you're not turding. They're not absorbing much. Yeah. So the backup underwear is for purposes of whoring, how many broad if you check their purses in old town Scottsdale, how many broads got an extra two to three? So here's the fun thing. At 8:00 at night. No, 8:00, 8:00 you check it and it's a brand new fresh pair. And at 11:30 after the swap out, one looks like melted Little Debbie.

[Brady Bogan]

Come on, man.

[John Holmberg]

Smells like Jamie's got her back. She's got her backup panties on. If you're carrying around backup panties, you're a whore. You're a whore. That's right.

[Brady Bogan]

They also found that people who carry backup underwear are more likely to replace their undergarments sooner. 82% of them say they should replace your underwear after two years. Among the people who don't carry spares, 83% say they keep their underwear for at least three years.

[John Holmberg]

How about wash your ass and stop pooping your pants? How about that? Instead of thinking, wow, I am definitely going to be out for four hours. That means I'm wrecking this underwear. I better bring a backup. I don't wear underwear. And you know what? I've never worried about wrecking my pants. Not once do I have a backup pair of pants in case these go sideways. If I crap myself, I'm going home. I'm not changing and coming back to you guys. Good thing I brought my backup pants because I just myself. So I brought backup pants because I knew that was a possibility when I started the day. When I start the day, they're pack up these because you never know when you're going to take a dump in your drawers. So wallet, keys, purse, wallet, backup pants, everything. Backup underwear. Yeah, I'll give it to you. If you had a colostomy or like something opened you up Horan. Yes.

[Brady Bogan]

The bag takes care of everything.

[John Holmberg]

What do you need the backup undies? Oh, sure, I suppose. Yeah. Doesn't the bag take care of everything?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, it's on the side.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. If you had that, I guess. Yeah, you don't even need that if you've got a port. You should be pristine if you've got the bag. So we go back to Brett's argument, or you're just little debian up your first roast with your bag on the side. Yeah. You got a sack on the side and a pant full of little Debbies.

[Brady Bogan]

Back on December 27th, Jerome Gutierrez was traveling a business class on United Airlines 189 from San Francisco to Manila, Philippines. According to his stepdaughter, he said a man got up from his seat, began to piss on my dad.

[John Holmberg]

Whoa.

[Brady Bogan]

My dad was asleep. He tells the story. He said, I was sleeping, and I thought it was part of my dream.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

I looked up, and then I realized I'm soaked from my stomach down in the man's urine.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, God.

[Brady Bogan]

United flight attendants escuteras not to approach the man in fear that it'd be.

[John Holmberg]

Confrontation could get worse. Two hours into the flight, if that's his first move. What are you gonna do when you start talking to him?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. So he's upset at the airlines for not handling this, because you should turn this flight around and let me.

[John Holmberg]

I think stewardesses should take care of.

[Brady Bogan]

The man, get him off the flight.

[John Holmberg]

They should be armed with those little souvenir bats you get at baseball games at any given time and just beat you about the face and head if you start pissing on people. Yeah. A little bit time.

[Brady Bogan]

Those little ones that extend.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And it can't be stripped from them. Somehow or another, it's always attached, like it's part of their.

[Brady Bogan]

I thought the one thing that they have is, like, miles of duct tape.

[John Holmberg]

Haven't we seen some of those where.

[Brady Bogan]

They duct tape the people to the chair until the.

[John Holmberg]

They got that. Here's a better idea. Make from their elbows down in their suits steel. That way nobody can steal it. And then you just start clubbing people with your forearm when they start peeing on other passengers.

[Brady Bogan]

So they dealt with the guy when the flight landed. He's been banned from United Airlines permanently. But during the flight, the crew provided Gutierrez with some replacement pajamas to wear.

[John Holmberg]

Backup jammies.

[Brady Bogan]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

There were some whores on the flight, so they knew that whoring was possible on this United flight. They had some backup pants. If, you know, if I was at. If I Was here and Brady came in, like, left and then came back in different pants. I'd send you home. I'm still upset about this. Oh, me and Al Franken from the other show were doing a little butt play in the bathroom. I got sloppy. We made a chocolate lebaron. Good thing I brought my backup pants.

[Brady Bogan]

What's the bathroom look like, Brady?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's ugly. It's. It looks a little bit like somebody spilled a bunch of Guinness.

[Brady Bogan]

Augustus Bloom put up some chocolate.

[John Holmberg]

It was not good.

[Brady Bogan]

It was bad.

[John Holmberg]

You should see Frank. And he's laying in it.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, that's your pee pee poo poo news.

[John Holmberg]

That didn't work. I had to push that one out.

[Brady Bogan]

According to this police report, two Florida men got tangled up while having sex. The One guy was 61 years old. His lover was 33 years old. And he told his lover to stop. He likes it rough. The guy's name was James Newland.

[John Holmberg]

The 60 year old. Like the 30 year old, 61 year old. Give it to him.

[Brady Bogan]

Give it to me rough. So the guy smacked him on the butt, left a handprint and says, knock it off. That hurt me.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's child.

[Brady Bogan]

Stood up.

[John Holmberg]

You want to rush?

[Brady Bogan]

Put on his underwear.

[John Holmberg]

Back up.

[Brady Bogan]

Walked over there.

[John Holmberg]

Well, he's horrible.

[Brady Bogan]

No, it was the original player.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady Bogan]

Walked over to the nightstand, grabbed a revolver, says, this is the rough. I meant you want to try me? You want to f. With me?

[John Holmberg]

Whoa.

[Brady Bogan]

And then pumped around into the front porch.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he loaded.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, that's the guy. The guy who's leaving and pumped her out. He got arrested.

[John Holmberg]

We're saying goodbye to that one. Oh, yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Bradlin.

[John Holmberg]

Bradlin is not going to be with us much longer, and she's.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, no, she's got the card.

[John Holmberg]

That's what I'm seeing. I gave her a card. You didn't see that.

[Brady Bogan]

I thought she was taking it permanently.

[John Holmberg]

My card.

[Brady Bogan]

Thank you.

[John Holmberg]

No, no. Yeah. That's not my present Express card. You're a giver, man. Credit cards work, right? We're out of coke. Yeah, sorry. She's the only one. She's our only personal assistant. We haven't used her in months. I text her, I said, please, we need Coke Zero, and you're our only hope. You know, it's my last week. I probably won't be able to do this much longer.

[Brady Bogan]

We'll load up today so you don't have.

[John Holmberg]

As far as I understand, she's going to work for Dick. What? I don't know the story yet.

[Brady Bogan]

Did you get Her a job.

[John Holmberg]

I didn't do any of that.

[Brady Bogan]

She's heading south.

[John Holmberg]

The one job I gave her is to go get us sodas. Better have her load up because she ain't gonna be here much longer. That's right. She's gotta make up for a whole year of not being here. She announced it the other day. We're losing Bradley. I don't like it here anymore. The women, the bitches.

[Brady Bogan]

I'll end it with a quick smuggler's news.

[John Holmberg]

She didn't really say that.

[Brady Bogan]

Hello, my friends. Brady broken here with stories about people getting busted with drugs and getting arrested. They would call it the smugglers. This 43 year old inmate in Georgia was caught trying to smuggle multiple items in his rectum. This is quite the haul. Vape canisters, syringes, vape cartridges, batteries and a cigarette lighter all up the sphincter. His name's Kenneth Gibbs. I got a mug shot of Kenny Gibbs. I'm trying to bring in kind of looks our boy Kevin. Meathead.

[John Holmberg]

Little bit. I didn't shave all through the break and my hair got a little like that. It was pretty close to this. The guy's got. He's got the male pattern baldness and then the sides just grow straight out. By the way, I got an email that says I'm offended. Brett. What? It's not whoring. I carry backup panties all the time. And since I started dipping my chicken nuggets in Brady's giraffe sauce. I'm Christy Hayden. He goes, it's too delicious. But the explos of diarrhea is hard to ignore.

[Brady Bogan]

That's your smuggler's news.

[John Holmberg]

This is Michael with Restore My Civil Rights. I made a lot of poor decisions in my past that had lifelong consequences. After I was released from prison for the last time in 2014, I discovered the process to have my convictions dismissed and all of my rights restored, including my second amend rights. Since achieving this for myself in 2018, our attorney has assisted over 3,000 others in doing the same. If you are still living under the consequences of past mistakes and would like to restore your rights as I have, visit restoremycivilrights.com and book a free consultation. Today. It's John Holberg from the morning sickness for lifechangerloan.com Let me tell you about Brian and Emily. Brian listens to KUPD loyally. Megan listens to the news. But both of them have heard about life change alone for a long time. Both were curious. They never bothered really to look too deep since they felt good about their 20 year loan with a good rate, but they were to remodel their house and add a pool and that's going to cost about $250,000. After visiting Life Changer Loan, they realize they can still pay off the entire thing in about six years. It is not magic, it's math. Life changerloan.com It's Dick Toledo and new.

[Brady Bogan]

Customers right now on FanDuel get $150 in bonus bets when your first $5 wager wins.

[John Holmberg]

Just visit FanDuel.com KUPD to grab $150.

[Brady Bogan]

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[John Holmberg]

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[Brady Bogan]

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[John Holmberg]

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[Brady Bogan]

Withdrawable bonus bets which expire seven days after receipt restrictions apply.

[John Holmberg]

See [e-mail] gambling problem.

[Brady Bogan]

Call 1-800-next-step or text NEXT STEP to 533-42. Quick radio videos. First one's a dude going up on a dirt bike going uphill.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady Bogan]

Pretty steep hill. Doesn't quite make it.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Eventually the screen will show this. Come on. Is it. Is he gonna do backflips? Is that.

[Brady Bogan]

No, the bike kind of turns on him.

[John Holmberg]

I remember when the guy was trying to tell me sell me my a Jeep. And I've had Jeeps a lot, but years ago he tried to sell to me. You know, they torqued these things down to where they could climb a 90 degree building. It's just gravity that stops them. And they're like, then they don't. If gravity is the biggest, we're going to deal with gravity. Unless you're taking this jeep to another planet. You just lied to me, sales guy. It could climb a straight wall, but unfortunately gravity's involved, so it can't today. Yeah, it's got that power, though, scientifically. Oh, he lost it early. Oh, this is a big hill. It looks a little flatter. The bike got up and rode over by itself. Oh, my God. It's Nick Cage's. It's ghost bike coming to get you, baby girl. I'm not ghost bike. Die. It's revving its own engine. It's Christine. Why is the bike revving its engine?

[Brady Bogan]

It's got to be somebody else, right?

[John Holmberg]

I don't think so.

[Brady Bogan]

It did sound like it was revving alive. It is Christine.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Next.

[Brady Bogan]

What is a guy doing?

[John Holmberg]

That bike was on its side and got up on its own and turned around. I told you. It's Christine. That bike is alive. Wow. All right, go ahead.

[Brady Bogan]

Acrobats ending pretty quick.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he's doing backflip three. Oh. Into the back of a truck. You don't do that. What a jerk is not the headline.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, it is.

[John Holmberg]

Look at him. What a jerk is the absolute opposite of what you should feel about.

[Brady Bogan]

You're either a jerk or a.

[John Holmberg]

What a jerk. That was what Homer Simpson would have said, what a jerk. Boy.

[Brady Bogan]

Last one's military parachuting drill that they're doing that goes wrong for one paratrooper.

[John Holmberg]

He's in the air. Coming to. Coming in hot.

[Brady Bogan]

Helicopter drop.

[John Holmberg]

He's coming in hot. There's four. The first guy looks good. Second guy looks good. Third guy's shaky. Fourth guy's good. Fifth guy. Here's a guy. Just a cigarette going a thousand miles an hour. Oh, it never really opened. Oh, my. Oh, my. The other guys have another 10 seconds to just really. They're going.

[Brady Bogan]

The guy runs over there to the dude.

[John Holmberg]

You know what happened right before he had Janice Joplin on, and he just. He didn't even open his chute. Why would you. Oh, they're running over to him. Yeah. We're gonna take a look at the carnage here. Oh, he's in the. He's. He made a big anti on the planet. Oh, my goodness. Yeah, I don't know.

[Brady Bogan]

Mud angel.

[John Holmberg]

Nice. He's in there a good couple feet. Oof. All right, thanks, man. Brett. All right. What a jerk. We'll start off here. That got me some Asian doing backflips in the home Depot parking lot. Hits his head, and Brett called him a jerk.

[Brady Bogan]

He was.

[John Holmberg]

What a jerk. All right, this.

[Brady Bogan]

This is just telling you to always.

[John Holmberg]

Back up your iPhone before you hit play. And you and I are the only ones that'll appreciate this. I was watching porn over the break, okay? And they've taken the girl stuck in the dryer to another level. So stepsister goes in and puts her head in the dryer. And I'm like, oh, this old chestnut. Here we go. And I'm like, all right. And the guy starts pushing her instead of pulling her, and then she goes all the way in, and it's another dimension. It sucked her into another porn world where being stuck in the dryer meant, like, the greatest thing ever. I was like, oh, you gotta send me that link. What a creative twist I did not expect. In Girls Stuck in the Dryer, the stepbrother tried to put his finger in her bottom. And then she goes. Stop just pulling. And he goes. He shoves her. And she goes and goes like Mike TV shoots into the dryer. And then she's standing in this room going, what is it? And this guy, like, this wizard comes like you're in a new dimension of pornography. What? And then they just took her.

[Brady Bogan]

Like, I gotta see this.

[John Holmberg]

Awesome. What's the search we gotta go through? I was fumbling and stumbling and fumbling. I. Chris Berman. My way to that one. Yeah, yeah. Oh, stuck in a drive. Seen this before. What's going to happen? All right, this one basically reminds you, always back up your iPhone to the cloud, because you could just broad. She's going into a Port John for her iPhone. Oh, she's deep. Oh, she's an elbow deep in a porton. Or pay your insurance and don't worry about it.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, God.

[John Holmberg]

Oh. Never reach into a Porta John toilet.

[Brady Bogan]

She's got backup underwear a year.

[John Holmberg]

You can lose your insurance. You can just get a new phone. You can lose your baby in that and just know that you're equipped to make another. It's gone.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Nothing. I love nothing. Enough to reach in the good thing. Like, if a dog fell in, they can swim around. They'll figure it out. I'm not reaching in and getting them. Just hope you don't lose your iPhone in Janis Joplin. And now here's the other. I would reach in for an iPhone to report a john. I would. You know what I would do? Somebody would say, okay, John, you can smell Janis Joplin's panties. Or dig around in this Porta John that we haven't cleaned for four months on a construction site. There's something good in the bottom. We don't know what a treasure. And until you get. And I would dig in that Porta John for months before I'd ever smell Janis Joplin's painting for months. It could come up like. It could come up like one of those claw machines at the Village Inn. It could be a cruddy prize. It's still. I got my prize, and it's better than what I was gonna do. Here's some tactical black moves for you. Okay, where are we? Some crappy country meat market or wet market or something? There's a fight going on. A lot of tiny Asians, like Indonesians. Oh, they're fighting on a second floor with no balconies. There's this guy hits his face on the top bar of the only balcony that existed on this walkway. Oh, One drops, and to a To a Taiwanese man, that 10 foot drop is a thousand feet because they're so small. That was a dull thud. He only fell 10ft. But it killed him. Oh, yeah. It was straight, face down. And then this guy right in the bar with his face. Yeah. You know why that turned into a gang fight? Because you can't tell who you're mad at. You just swing at everybody in case you're getting to the right guy. All right, we'll just call this one no Legs. No problem. All right. Oh, God. Wow. This guy's having sex with no legs. And he's on top. He's going to town. Is that a fella under him?

[Brady Bogan]

It is.

[John Holmberg]

Are you sure? I don't know.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Are you sure? Wow. He has no legs. From the ass cheeks down, like he's getting it done. No, I think that's. That's a girl. You're just amazing. Steady pace. He is in a. He's got some. Course, he's got some core strength. That's an upper body plank. He's got his core and you get tired in the middle leg haver. This dude's lower end is hovering. And this one, we'll just. It's like a bee stinging a lady. That's what it looks like. They found a video of you in the future. Me? Yes. Okay, future John. It's an old man masturbating to a very old woman. Oh, my God. Why is that the future? Look at the abs on that 90 year old corpse. That's you. That is me.

[Brady Bogan]

Is that Chuck?

[John Holmberg]

This dude.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, my God.

[John Holmberg]

Is this Dave Ellison? What am I looking at?

[Brady Bogan]

This is your other porn dimension.

[John Holmberg]

There's two girls. Yeah, I don't want to go to that dimension. They're zooming. Masturbating towards each other. What's happening?

[Brady Bogan]

We'll just end that.

[John Holmberg]

That isn't mean. That dude's got good abs for a hundred. I mean, he's alive, so I guess all his muscles are working. That makes it good. But can I see that again?

[Brady Bogan]

Sure.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no. I want to see what she's doing. I was focused in on the dude. It's a split screen. Yeah, it does look like Artigue. And it might be. See, it's a split screen and he's in the middle of it while she's setting up. What is. Oh, that's his oxygen tube.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man. Hey, look, his prostate's pretty healthy. The old man said something terrible. Oh, did she just give birth? What's going on over there?

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, thank you.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you. I didn't catch any of the words. Thank you.

[Brady Bogan]

Come again.

[John Holmberg]

I'd rather be the videographer and editor of that no. Than Janis Joplin's panty.

[Brady Bogan]

We'll save that one.

[John Holmberg]

And also, Janitor, I'd like to clean up. And I don't have any Clorox wipes. I gotta use my shirt and my hands. I'll just mop up that guy's floor.

[Brady Bogan]

Thank you.

[John Holmberg]

Wax on, wax off. Takes on a whole new meaning when Miyagi's doing that. Wow. Thanks, Brett. Good job. Well, there you go, everybody. Those videos and stories are all part of your Brady Report. It's 98 KUPD.

[Brady Bogan]

It's not weird.

[John Holmberg]

It's pretty cool, actually.

[Brady Bogan]

No membership fee.

[John Holmberg]

I have heard enough of this.