01-07-26 - BR - WED - List Of Coolest Things At This Year's CES - Man Steals GF's Car While She's Delivering Their Baby In Hospital - Another Brady Revelation Of Doug From Ghana Who's Living w/Elderly Friend w/Dementia

Summary

Podcast Summary: Holmberg’s Morning Sickness – 01-07-26 – "WED – Coolest Things at CES, Stolen Car at Delivery, and Brady’s Dementia Revelation"

Date: January 7, 2026
Host(s): John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Brett Vesely, Dick Toledo, and guest Ian Schwartz
Locale: Phoenix, AZ

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Episode Overview

This episode of "Holmberg’s Morning Sickness" delivers the usual irreverent blend of offbeat news, technological musings (including this year’s coolest CES finds), and unfiltered personal stories. The main focus toggles between hilarious pop culture banter (especially about CES), oddball headlines (such as a man stealing his girlfriend's car while she’s in labor), and a deeply personal and darkly comic look at dementia, racism, and the complexities of elder care—all in the fishbowl of John Holmberg's trademark comedic style.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. National "Bobblehead" and "Pass Gas" Day

• [04:08] Brady: "Happy National Bobblehead Day. And National Pass Gas Day."
• Discussion on generational humor: Gen Alpha apparently finds fart jokes passé, with the crew lamenting the tragic overexposure and mis-timing of the once-venerable fart joke.
• Holmberg: "It’s the timing of a fart that's funny. And the ones that are funniest are the ones that aren't supposed to happen." [04:50]

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2. Wild Predictions from the 1950s

• [05:50] Brady leads a rundown of crazy, incorrect predictions from the 1950s, ranging from universal jetpacks to hose-based cleaning and six-foot-tall "superwomen" dominating society.
• Holmberg (re: Las Vegas water forecast): "Experts say that by 2021, there’ll be no water in Las Vegas... that’s not even close." [06:04]

Strange Pornography Theory

• [08:14] John opines, only half-jokingly, that women physically "grow during sex" in adult films. Extended back-and-forth about whether it's camera tricks, perception, or something more mysterious.
• Holmberg: "I think women grow during sex... It’s like a cobra. They just get bigger and they look bigger than when it starts." [08:33]
• Laughably scientific but fundamentally adolescent debate, referencing specific pornstars.

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3. CES 2026: Coolest (and Weirdest) Tech Gadgets

Highlights covered by Brady & Ian:

• Lollipops that play music with bone conduction tech (only you can hear it while biting): $9/ea. [14:59]
• AI picture frames that converse with you, inspired by Harry Potter. Also, tech that creates “interactive” pictures of deceased loved ones. [15:45]
  • Holmberg: "I feel bad for [Bob Barker’s] family... their late grandpa comes to life all the time and it’s never in a good way." [15:59]
• Gaming headphones that read your mind: track focus and reaction speed. [16:30]
• Desktop hologram AI gaming buddies that watch and coach your play. [16:56]
• Smart toilet for seniors: Alerts families if unused for 8 hours. [17:48]
• AI mirrors: Give fitness/makeup feedback and advice (sparks riffs on "mirror, mirror on the wall"). [18:25–19:43]
• Wearable conversation recorders: Log and recall everything you say, Black Mirror-style. [19:54]

The crew debates the societal (and marital) chaos likely to ensue from constant recording of conversations, poking fun at "never said that!" arguments.

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4. Headline: Man Steals Girlfriend’s Car While She Gives Birth

• [21:03] Brady: "Christopher Maletti, 37, in Kentucky, left waiting outside his girlfriend’s car as she gave birth. He just... takes the car and disappears."
• Security footage shows him slyly switching from passenger to driver and taking off.
• Classic speculation on ethnicity ("I'm going with Italian!") [22:47] and references to "going back to the family" after bailing on the girlfriend.
• Brett: "We don’t claim him." [24:07]

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5. Brady Videos & Listener Submissions: Funny & Extreme Clips

• [24:35] Woman on motocross wipes out, likened to a bull rider.
• Family boating—everyone falls out after a wake; crew debates if it’s "too good" to be real (AI/CGI suspicion).
• [26:27] CES: "Jenny the Labrador puppy," an animatronic companion for dementia patients. Crew muses about ethics and comic outcomes of robotic pets for the elderly:
  • "You can give an Alzheimer's patient a fake dog and they won't know." [26:54]
  • Series of one-liners and riffs about medication reminders and the potential for robot dogs to ‘gaslight’ confused owners.

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6. Brady's Columbus Dementia Story: "Doug From Ghana"

• [29:25] Brady reveals that a family friend in a home has Douglas, a live-in caretaker from Ghana, who faces cognitive abuse by his racist elderly patient.
• The group riff extensively, with dark, tongue-in-cheek role play between "Megan’s Grandma" and Douglas about dementia, racism, and inheritance.
• Holmberg: "Douglas is in the will... She’s using [dementia] as an excuse." [31:13, 31:24]
• Crew debates whether deep-seated racism emerges with dementia or is just an "excuse valve."
• Comedy sketches spiral, referencing Trajan (an Arizona estate law firm), Judge Mathis, and even Columbus Zoo.

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7. Cringe & Viral Video Rundown

• Asian country, a man attacks a traffic cop with a meat cleaver and escapes on a scooter (nobody can ID him—classic).
• Hospital patient beds rolling downhill. Possible adult video critiques.
• Massive, grotesque cosmetic implants ("clown cans"). [41:44]
• Puzzling sexual fetish video (“She’s giving him oxygen... blowing air into his balloon head.”) [42:32]
• Dashcam vigilante justice (spanking thieves with a board).
• Thread ends with thoughts about inheritance, plans, and a running tally on whether Douglas will "cash in" soon.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On generational humor:

  • Holmberg: "It’s the timing of a fart that’s funny. Wedding farts, funeral farts—you still eventually laugh at one." [04:50]

• On 1950s predictions:

  • Brady: "Women would tower over men. A columnist wrote women are expected to reach an average height of 6ft tall.... Super women would dominate the workforce." [07:42]

• Porn "Science":

  • Holmberg: "Watch porn just without playing with yourself... I think she got a little bigger during the actual [sex], and then at the end goes right back down." [09:40]

• CES on AI Picture Frames:

  • Holmberg: "Poor Bob [Barker], now... when he loses his mind and attacks the audience...." [16:18]

• On smart toilets for seniors:

  • Holmberg: "If they don’t use it for eight hours, it alerts the family... or they’re doing it to themselves." [18:01]

• On conversation-recording devices:

  • Holmberg: "Black Mirror did a thing on this where you have a chip in your head... You never lose an argument." [20:08]

• Brady’s dementia story:

  • Holmberg: "You don’t want a ninety-year-old woman and an opaque African walking around her house in her last days—because it’s coming out! You gotta remember where she’s from—Ohio, the 1940’s." [34:14]

• Brady on Doug:

  • Brady: "He lives here full time. Gets paid 50 grand... and this 90 year old woman is racist to him all day. Oh, it’s just mean." [29:25, 30:31]

• On robotic pets:

  • Holmberg: "You can give an Alzheimer’s patient a fake dog and they won't know. That’s a nice thing to do... but a little mean, too." [26:54]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 04:08 – Brady Report starts: National Bobblehead & Pass Gas Day, Gen Alpha and fart humor.
• 05:50–10:55 – Hilariously incorrect 1950s predictions, John’s “women grow during sex” theory.
• 14:59–20:54 – CES tech rundown: Lollipop music, AI picture frames, smart toilets, AI mirrors, and Black Mirror-worthy recorders.
• 21:03–24:35 – Man steals GF’s car during childbirth; mugshot speculation.
• 24:35–29:25 – Motocross wipeout, viral boating videos, animatronic dog for dementia.
• 29:25–39:16 – Brady's Dementia Story: "Doug from Ghana," inheritance, racism, and comedy role-play.
• 40:00–45:41 – Viral video watch party: cleaver attack, bizarre fetish videos, dashcam justice, implant critiques.
• 42:32 – Discussion of weirdest video: woman and man in foil, balloon head, oxygen mask fetish.

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Tone and Style

Full of quick-witted banter, NSFW jokes, and zero filter, the show’s humor is devilish but playful, never far from self-mockery—even as they take shots at social taboos, technology, and their own friend group’s quirks.

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Conclusion

This episode is a microcosm of "Holmberg’s Morning Sickness": a wild ride through leftfield news stories, social commentary laced with dark humor, and the changing face (and tech) of everyday life. Even as the crew makes fun of society's foibles (and their own), there’s a surprising level of insight—especially in moments like Brady’s dementia-care vignette—that elevates the comedy beyond mere shock value. For those wanting a blend of tech curiosity, real-world strangeness, and raw radio energy, this episode delivers.

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Listen for:

• The CES rundown for future gadget predictions (14:59–20:54)
• Bizarre perspectives on dementia, racism, and generational divides (29:25–39:16)
• "Would you notice if your girlfriend grew during sex?" — John’s porn-science thesis (08:14–10:55)
• Classic radio banter, accessible even to new listeners.

Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

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[Brett Vesely]

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[John Holmberg]

It's John Holmberg here from the morning sickness, and I'm absolutely thrilled to tell you about my new [e-mail]. here's the proof that me talking about something on the radio can be trusted, because I purchased a 2024 customized Ford Bronco from the gang at Lifted Trucks. That opened my eyes to who and what these guys are all about. They not only have thousands of trucks to choose from, they also have nationwide shipping, and they can get anything anywhere. My Bronco's been customized. Countless other pro athletes and celebrities. Little old me. Choose Lifted Trucks and Lifted trucks dot com. Work hard, play hard, drive harder. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil. Sitting right here.

[Brett Vesely]

Come on.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. 98. You know how your tummy tickles right before him? I feel it all the time. Just sent me another video of Ravens fans melting down, and I get that, like, oh, I better go get a towel. Tingle, tingle. Oh, it's the best. I just asked Ian Schwartz what time the rain's coming, my weatherman friend over at Channel three, and he said, probably won't see much until, like, afternoon, so I'm gonna have to run out and put the top back on my car real quick. When the weatherman says, sometime in the afternoon. I've got about eight or nine minutes until it's gonna rain. Schwartz, he says, radar's pretty quiet right now. I need Ian. I need you to keep me in somehow. Does the weather on Channel 3 and listens to the show. He's commenting about what we're doing. And then he does, like a weather hit. I'm like, you're not paying attention any weather. You're just going up, saying what's on the board. I can do that. He says, radar's quiet right now. So if you're. If you're counting on the winds whipping up, this radar ain't quiet. The flags are flopping around. It's getting darker.

[Brady]

Tony. I'd get it under that.

[John Holmberg]

Nah, I got the top in it. I just go pop it up there. I've got. I've got the Jeep today, so I just have the little. Oh, I've got the. They call it the freedom top. It's in the back. Takes two minutes. I'll just lean them up there. Yeah, Broncos. Completely topless. Like a. This one's just showing a little skin. You know what I mean? It's time now. Oh, my goodness. Got the wrong thing going. It's time now for Brady to give you. And I got it. You know why I'm playing the wrong thing? That dude who just sent me that ravens thing. Keep them coming and you'll keep me Sam happy. Tingles just so tickly. It's just ridiculous. This even Dale yesterday, I walked into. I did the podcast with Dale yesterday, and I walked into the office with him, and he goes, you're floating. I'm like, I know he saw it immediately, how happy I was. It's crazy firing people. All right, are there any tankers adrift in Baltimore? Can we knock a few more bridges over? Can we just cut them off from society? Oh, my gosh. Anyway, sorry. So, happy birdie, it's time now for Brady to give you all the news that I don't care about, because I've got my own news. But we'll find out what Brady's got. It's called the Brady Report, and it's brought to you by All Pro shade. AllProche.com 20/plus years in the Valley doing all this great stuff for you guys, making shades where you didn't have none before. If you've got a patio that you'd like to use but it's in direct sunlight or it's got a weird glare from the sun coming from another angle or whatever, these guys can come up with a plan for you and get you done. They got blinds, they got shades. They'll cover your windows. They do everything to make that sun less obtrusive in your world, and they do it in a beautiful way. All prochet.com that's where you go Brady reported.

[Brady]

Good Wednesday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello, world.

[Brett Vesely]

Hi.

[Brady]

Happy National Bobblehead Day.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

And National Pass Gas Day.

[John Holmberg]

All right, this isn't funny, but I got a text from somebody that says Ian says the radar is quiet. What you don't know is that Radar is the name of his gerbil. That is horrible. I'm sure Ian's laughing at that, but that's. You're fired, whoever you are. That's terrible. I love Ian. His gerbil is not named Radar.

[Brady]

Linehacker did a roundup of the top things kids didn't find funny in 2025. And farts are apparently not funny anymore.

[Brett Vesely]

There you go, Brady.

[Brady]

They're saying the Gen Alpha.

[John Holmberg]

Well, because Dad's ruined it. They think they're too funny, and then they're really not. Big deal. But people who think farts are funny make it unfunny by thinking they're too funny. It's the timing of a fart that's funny. And the ones that are funniest are the ones that aren't supposed to happen.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You know, wedding farts, funeral farts.

[Brady]

Yeah. You'll still eventually laugh at one.

[John Holmberg]

But farting just on me isn't funny.

[Brady]

And just the fake sound effect ones.

[John Holmberg]

Where they do the videos were more somebody farts. Those are funny. It's funny if it's real and it's not supposed to happen. Farting on the couch with a bunch of people isn't funny. Toledo farts every morning. That thing that horn.

[Brady]

His trombone.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, the mangione. And we're just all like, ugh. Nobody finds them funny.

[Brady]

A blog collected a list of some hilariously wrong predictions from the 1950s.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady]

Jet packs were supposed to be everywhere. They said they would be as ordinary.

[John Holmberg]

As bicycles by now.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I watched an aerial America this weekend, and they were doing Nevada. And when they got to Las Vegas and I didn't know what year it was done, I love that show. And now with drones, it would be better. But they filmed this back probably in the teens. The 20 teens. And they go over and they're like, las Vegas is a unique thing because, you know, Lake Mead's been. The dam made it so they could keep water there for blah, blah, blah. And they said, but with the growth as fast as it's growing and climate changes, experts say that by 2021, there'll be no water in Las Vegas. And I'm like, oh, that's not even close.

[Brady]

My mom is, you know, past couple years saying, you sure about Phoenix? It's gonna run out of water.

[John Holmberg]

No, we're not.

[Brett Vesely]

They got Dasani.

[Brady]

A hose would replace.

[John Holmberg]

I go to fries. Yeah, I'll go. You know, it's just gonna hurt. Operation hydration. We got plenty of.

[Brady]

A hose would replace house cleaning. One science writer thought there would be a future where cleaning involved hoses and hot hair instead of brooms.

[John Holmberg]

Hoes do the cleaning right. That's what's supposed to get a good hoe. She cleans everything.

[Brady]

I can tell you. In Columbus, it was in the 50s. There was this home builder that. It was a cutting edge thing. They built porcelain houses. There's still about inside five. Yeah. So the walls curl. Their porcelain tile went up the wall like a skate ramp designed to pull all your furniture out for spring cleaning.

[John Holmberg]

And a drain in the middle.

[Brady]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

That sounds pretty trashy. It's like a workshop. It's like a Jiffy Lube that drains in the middle of. That's.

[Brady]

Women would tower over men. A columnist wrote. Women are expected to reach an average height of 6ft tall. Thanks to improved nutrition and medical science, these super women would dominate the workforce.

[John Holmberg]

I have a strange signal. You guys are gonna all go. Oh, come on, John. But before you say anything dumb, look into this because I've recently discovered that I think.

[Brett Vesely]

There we go.

[John Holmberg]

Don't hear. We go.

[Brett Vesely]

There we go.

[John Holmberg]

You're gonna meet. I'm already gonna predict.

[Brett Vesely]

You guys are gonna.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. I think I'm onto something here. I don't think anybody's ever measured this. I think through my. And you guys would know that. Pretty versed in the world of pornography. I think women grow during sex.

[Brady]

Like just temporarily.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Ian Schwartz]

When they're upside down.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no, no, no. I'm watching stuff. Or these little spinners when they're going. Suddenly our wider. Not fat either. Like, they just get bigger and they look bigger than when it starts. Get over here. Yeah. And I don't. Not in a lesbian sort of butch way. There's like a cobra. I don't. Yeah. Kind of like they just. Their butts get put out. Because the one dude in the beginning was squeezing this. She's a. She's tiny. And when they're going. I guess hands are not even covering one cheek.

[Ian Schwartz]

I think that's the way brazzers films it for you.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. Because a couple other. And it's not all brazzers. A couple other. I'm like, when she's underneath him, she's as equally thick.

[Brett Vesely]

Maybe that's how jerkmate films it.

[John Holmberg]

Then I don't know. I'd like to have somebody do a study on me. You might start noticing what I see. I know. I might have. I might have weird Aled your offspring right there. But watch porn just without playing with yourself.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm gonna try to do it right now.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And just see if there's like. I think she got a little bigger during the actual. And then at the end goes right. She like goes right back down to where she was when it started. Like she's small in his arms. But a few times you're like, she's bigger. Like they grow.

[Brady]

Maybe this year it'll be in science news or.

[John Holmberg]

Or we shrink. Like we are so concentrated into one spot, we start to dehydrate or something and we get a little smaller. Because the one dude that I was.

[Brady]

Watching, Matt Khalil, definitely won't do that.

[John Holmberg]

Johnny Sins is banging the tar to Madison Ivy in one of the videos. I And she's little. She gets up on top of him. Her hips are wider than his. And when she lays down on him it. Her shoulders go to his shoulders. And I'm like, she's not. That's not even close.

[Ian Schwartz]

Like she should be laying the same size torso.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And it isn't like an angle stunt double, I think. No, I. Trust me, I'd noticed that and I noticed it in a couple of. I think there's. We've skipped over it just because we don't care. But I think they get. I think they expand a little. And that's where movies like the Incredible Shrinking Woman and Incredible Growing Woman, like she got bigger. It's weird. Next time you're doing it with your lady, see if you're like, how did she like, she looks bigger.

[Brady]

The last two would fully adopt the metric system.

[John Holmberg]

Huh.

[Brady]

The US would fully adopt and then machines would give us three day weekends.

[John Holmberg]

That's common. AI is gonna said computers in the.

[Brady]

Internet and now AI would be alive. They'd give you an extra day.

[John Holmberg]

Remember the old 1950s video they showed you could. They weren't wrong. They were just wrong on how it happened that you can see that might be angle. But if you look at her when she's on top now you're looking at. Is that Johnny Sims and Madison Ivy See her? She is like five feet tall. Yeah.

[Ian Schwartz]

Look at that. I mean there's the.

[John Holmberg]

There's the. And yeah. How is her torso meet. How are their shoulders meeting? If. If she's on top of them and it's. She gets a little bigger during sex something something. Check out Homework's Morning Sickness podcast at.

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[John Holmberg]

Holmberg's Morning Sickness?

[Ian Schwartz]

I don't know that one. That one there is a little tough.

[John Holmberg]

No, they're not doing it yet. That's a good video, by the way. That's a great one. That's Thanksgiving and they're at the dinner table and she says, you got to help me in the kitchen. And he's like, okay. And then while people are enjoying Thanksgiving, one room over, they're nude on the counter.

[Brady]

Are they together a lot too? Like the chip enjoying a game?

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no, no, no, they're not. No, they're nothing like that. But yes, I understand. There's the little size, the property. No, you see how small she. But sometimes I think they swell up. Okay, I don't say. I'm not saying it's the whole time, but I'm saying there's certain times like, oh, she's going through this. The sex swell.

[Brady]

Yeah, that looks like she'd be his height there.

[John Holmberg]

Her legs, sometimes the hips. I'm just saying, just it's a torso thing.

[Ian Schwartz]

I can kind of see what you're saying.

[John Holmberg]

Phil says, how did you manage to screw up how to watch porn? I'm not. I'm just. There's just certain much you watch. I watch a ton. That I get a little bored sometimes. Like, it's no good. And she got bigger. Like. I don't know if it's like a certain thing that happens to their bodies right before they, you know.

[Brady]

Do you run it back? Like game film?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Ian Schwartz]

You don't.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you don't. We all do. Come on. You got to go back a little bit and go hunchy. That's good stuff. That's a cloud one Cover two, I think on that. I'm not sure what's going on.

[Brady]

There's one telestrator. You need one?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, no, that's. There's some. There's some times, I think that during the act, women get 8% larger. Like, they go. They just expand a little bit and then they go back to normal.

[Ian Schwartz]

They look the same size there.

[John Holmberg]

That's not her. That's a different one.

[Ian Schwartz]

It is.

[John Holmberg]

It's not. Trust me. Yeah, it's not. I watch a lot of Johnny and Madison. There's. There's three or four really good ones of them together.

[Ian Schwartz]

Okay.

[Brady]

There.

[Ian Schwartz]

She looks tiny. She's got no torso.

[Brady]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Plus, I get to pretend that I'm Johnny Sim. Because I.

[Brady]

Sure.

[John Holmberg]

I've got kind of the. If. If he was. If he had a retarded brother, it would be me.

[Brett Vesely]

Johnny Sinus.

[John Holmberg]

Johnny Sinus. Yeah, I get it. Sins and Sinus. This is my brother, Johnny Sinus. Does he know where the gym is? Yeah, he does, but he walks right by. Not like Johnny Sins. Johnny's everything I could be, but I am not.

[Brady]

The Consumer Electronics show kicked off in Vegas yesterday. A couple items. Lollipops that play music. Huh? Brand called Lollipop Star. Each flavor plays a different song using bone conduction technology.

[Ian Schwartz]

Oh, geez.

[Brady]

Music plays inside your head. You can only hear it when you bite down. Cost nine bucks each. Talking AI picture frames. Company called Vinabot came up with digital picture frames that talk and have conversations with you. They're inspired by talking paintings and Harry Potter, the movies.

[Ian Schwartz]

Have you seen the new.

[Brady]

Cost about 300 bucks.

[Ian Schwartz]

AI books like you. If you've got like a voicemail or something from your mom or your dad or something like that, and you give this company a bunch of pictures, they.

[John Holmberg]

Can make your pictures come to life for dead people.

[Ian Schwartz]

Your mom and dad read them.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I don't like that at all. Well, it's like I feel sorry for Bob Barker's family because all those, like, they Used AI and Bob Barker. Poor Bob. And they're getting really. Some of them you look at and go, that's kind of Bob Barker. Now they're like excellent. When he loses his mind and attacks the audience. And like I feel bad for them to have to see their, their late grandpa, you know, come to life all the time and it's never in a good way. Bob Ross's family has to watch all that. Mr. Rogers. Stephen Hawking's family probably finds it pretty hysterical.

[Brady]

Gaming headphones that read your mind. They scan brand way brainwaves to track your focus, your speed, reaction time. Cognitive load.

[John Holmberg]

What?

[Brady]

What? They track and focus and they track your reaction speed.

[John Holmberg]

Cognitive Load is another great band name.

[Brett Vesely]

Absolutely.

[John Holmberg]

We are Cognitive Load.

[Brady]

AI gaming and work companions. Razor showed off a desktop hologram that watches you game and give tips.

[John Holmberg]

Sure.

[Brady]

Chinese company had a similar product.

[Ian Schwartz]

See what the next step is there.

[Brady]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

It's going to play for you.

[Ian Schwartz]

Watches you and gives you tips.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh, there's tons of that. My tonal. If you set up your phone on the app while you're working out, it reads your form like perfectly. Your back was bent a little bit or you're, you know, you're not hinging right it and it's just your phone camera watching you. And then this thing will shoot up onto the screen of the tonal. Keep an eye on this. Like you're gonna like, don't arch.

[Brady]

They claim it's like having an AI soulmate.

[John Holmberg]

It's crazy.

[Ian Schwartz]

No, John has an AI soul mate.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's just a soulmate.

[Byron]

Just true.

[John Holmberg]

She's working at a bookstore or something in 1880. Did you guys post that picture of my soul?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, it's out there.

[Brady]

A toilet that calls for help. Company called Volvo has a new smart toilet for seniors. If they don't use it for eight hours, it alerts their family in case they fell or needed help. Oh my God.

[John Holmberg]

Or they're doing it to themselves. Oh, that's a good one there.

[Brett Vesely]

I thought it was calling for help when the old morning show used to go in there.

[Ian Schwartz]

Oh man.

[John Holmberg]

When the unmentionable Neanderthal. Turn on the fan. Destroy that toilet.

[Brett Vesely]

God.

[Brady]

AI mirrors it, helps you do your makeup. Another that scans your face. A great idea to monitor your health.

[John Holmberg]

The AI makeup thing is great for girls who are bad at putting on makeup.

[Brady]

A portable food allergy detector. Bring it to restaurants, you can tell if your meal is safe to eat.

[John Holmberg]

That's dumb. I have always thought that the mirrors in houses would turn into partners. And they kind of did for a minute when they put, like, a TV screen in there. But you could have it, like, give tutorials on, you know, hair and makeup. Like, it would be such a huge thing for women to have more than just, like a YouTube video. They go get that. Your mirror actually has programs in it that says, all right, what, what are we looking to do today? Oh, and then you show them a picture and they tell you kind of. It's almost like a Bob Ross thing there too, where he kind of walks you through how to get your hair to look like that. How to get. Guys could use it too, I guess.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, but you'd have some broad in there holding a picture of Margot Robbie. And the mirror's gonna go, never.

[John Holmberg]

Mirror, mirror number one. It has a name. It's the mirror mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all. And then the mirror would be like, not you. Put that down. You're Chinese. You can't look like her. And then you look in the mirror and the mirror says, here's great hairstyles for you. Right. Instead of you picking them out of a magazine thinking, I look like Margot Robbie. It's. It says, here's what I think I would do if I had your big, ugly face.

[Brady]

That'd be great.

[John Holmberg]

It's genius. And I, I, I didn't. I don't know. That mirror would just crack. Yeah, it does. A fake crack. I think it would be awesome.

[Brady]

The last one's a clip on device that remembers your conversations. Small enough to clip onto your shirt. It can summarize work calls or settle that argument with your spouse. Claims that. No, that's not what I said.

[John Holmberg]

Black mirror did a thing on this where you have a chip in your head and you can rewind conversations. You never lose an argument. Oh, boy.

[Brady]

Or you do, or you never start one.

[John Holmberg]

You can't go back, and you can't take the phrase, I never said that from people. Right. You can't do it because then it'll get so incredibly blunt about, yeah, but because the nuance goes away. Because if you can clip back to an argument you've had with Brady, I'm sure you've said some things like, it's not what I meant, and it gets you in a heap of trouble. If she can rewind it and say, it's exactly what you said. Now you're locked to that. It's, you can't do that because your.

[Ian Schwartz]

Most famous phrase is after you say something.

[Dick Toledo]

That's what I'm Saying.

[John Holmberg]

That's what I'm saying.

[Brady]

That's what I'm saying.

[John Holmberg]

See, you can't take that from people. We have to be able to say, look, okay, maybe I did say that, but here's what I meant.

[Brady]

Christopher Maletti. He's 37 years old. His ex went into labor last Friday. She was at a hospital in Pikeville, Kentucky, right near the Virginia border. Chris showed up for the birth, but the hospital said he couldn't come in because of visitation policies. The mom told him he could wait outside in her car instead. Gave him the keys. Yeah, he said he'd stay in the car until the baby arrived and never came back. Bolted. Security footage showed him getting into the passenger seat.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm a hellcat, Brad.

[Brady]

Then he got out, hopped out of the driver's, hopped into the driver's seat and drove off. She called and asked about where car was.

[John Holmberg]

Come on, man.

[Brady]

He told her he was. It was none of her business. And then hung up.

[John Holmberg]

What?

[Brady]

Cops tracked him down.

[John Holmberg]

What was the next day?

[Brady]

About 30 miles. Christopher Maletti.

[John Holmberg]

It's one of yours.

[Brady]

Or Millette.

[John Holmberg]

None of that Molot. Don't say that. What's going on? I'm going to go from moletti to molot. Molatte. I don't think that's. How's it spelled?

[Brady]

Molette. Let's go with molette.

[John Holmberg]

Spell it.

[Brady]

M, O, L, L, E, T, T.

[John Holmberg]

E. Okay, That's Molette. Okay. Don't look at me like. That's what you said. Yeah, because you're just staring at me like I. We're just clearing it up now.

[Brady]

He's facing charges of theft, receiving stolen property.

[John Holmberg]

Google him.

[Brady]

It's not his first rodeo. His rap sheet includes. Includes several prior. Prior arrests.

[Ian Schwartz]

You say his first name is Christopher?

[Brady]

Christopher. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you got a picture?

[Brady]

I. Well, to pull it up.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's right. Do you know?

[Brady]

I do.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, okay.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm not guessing.

[John Holmberg]

Brett already guessed. Yeah, I'm gonna say he's Italian. I'm going with the Italian, but describe him.

[Brady]

So, dark hair, Italian. Okay.

[Brett Vesely]

The basic Sicilian dark hair.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Sicilian.

[Brady]

White. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

White wings and then like Polly.

[Brett Vesely]

It's not Polly. Walnuts.

[John Holmberg]

It looks like he got dipped in 30 weight oil. Because that's just his natural. You don't need to turn off his mic. Well, Toledo he is.

[Brady]

Whoa.

[John Holmberg]

He looks like a bad Caesar haircut. What's his name? Pascal. What's his name? Pascal. Yeah.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah. Oh, Pedro.

[John Holmberg]

He's Italian. Spanish, sort of. But either way, Brett was really wrong and he Was laughing that whole time when he heard the guy just took off during the birth.

[Ian Schwartz]

That's what I imagine Brett's face looks like in his mug shot.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. Indifference. What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do?

[Brett Vesely]

Snap the picture already.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, let's go. I do like to be at Brett hurdy. Went to the car, took off during the birth, said, was it a hellcat? Because he had already made his decision, and it turned out it's one of his.

[Brett Vesely]

We don't claim him.

[John Holmberg]

It's something, something. Check out homework's morning sickness podcast at 98kupd.comberg's Morning Sickness. Now, hold on. Was it his gumar? His girlfriend?

[Brett Vesely]

Well, that.

[John Holmberg]

That's probably the girlfriend. All right, and then that makes sense. He's Italian.

[Brady]

No longer, though. She.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah, he went back to his family.

[Brady]

I got a couple of Brady videos. First one's woman doing a little motocross.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, boy. This is not gonna end well. She's on a cool little dirt bike, cruising along. She's going up a hill. Nice little jump there. Going up another hill. Nice little jump there. Well, she's a little out of control. She's in the crowd. And now there's three dead people. First ju. Pounds. She seems like she's got it right there. Second jump, she gets a little wonky sideways, and then just rag dolls all over the place like she's riding a bull. Just a motorcycle. And she went full bull ride.

[Ian Schwartz]

Letterman on the top of the hill.

[Brady]

Here at the end.

[John Holmberg]

Does he get hit?

[Ian Schwartz]

Yeah, right there.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. There's a guy with a big, long, white beard. I just like how she went full bull rider. Look at her body was like. She's. I mean, that's bull riding right there. That's not a motorcycle anymore. I don't know how you lose control at 18 miles an hour, but.

[Brett Vesely]

All right, there's one Davis in urban cowboy.

[John Holmberg]

She was doing Deborah Winger's role.

[Brady]

Next one's. It was a brief day on the boat. They went boating. This family.

[John Holmberg]

The Takalua family. Yeah, those are some south island Pacific people. Oh, we hit a bump in the boat, and we're all out of the boat. Everybody floated out of the boat. Still going, and the boat's still on. One little wake on what looks to be a fairly.

[Brady]

You know, it's not.

[John Holmberg]

It's a little choppy, but he had one bump, and out everyone went.

[Megan's Grandma]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

That last guy floats for, like, 15 seconds.

[Brady]

Is it AI? I don't know.

[Ian Schwartz]

Could be, because he doesn't like, he kind of floats.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. That looks pretty good.

[Ian Schwartz]

His beard doesn't spill.

[John Holmberg]

It doesn't. What would I think? He just throws it. He just loses his beer. I don't know. That looks pretty good. Either way, they're getting better, but that's good stuff.

[Ian Schwartz]

And then listeners sent in this one, their favorite part of the electronic show. Oh, the Vegas is Jenny the Labrador puppy.

[John Holmberg]

It's a puppy animal. It's a stuffed animal. Inspired by. My mother is diagnosed with Alzheimer's and dementia. Had to take away her dog for safety reasons. Oh, you can give an Alzheimer's patient a fake dog and they won't know.

[Brady]

Companion, furry companion.

[John Holmberg]

That's a nice thing to do because then you don't have to worry about the dog losing the owner. And then, like, finding home for the dog. Just turn it off. It reminds you to take medication, which if Alzheimer's is too far, that's not going to matter anyway. And it's adorable. And basically, dementia patients and Alzheimer's patients can't tell. So it's a little bit mean, but also with good intention.

[Megan's Grandma]

What happened to my dog?

[John Holmberg]

It's right here.

[Megan's Grandma]

That's a piece of metal. Some of him fell out the other day, and he was fine. He doesn't poop.

[John Holmberg]

She's not as far along as we thought. She's on to us. Get the real dog back. Here she is, Mom.

[Megan's Grandma]

Oh, that's better. Hello there, Chachi.

[John Holmberg]

She's petting Chachi for a little. Replace it with the automatic.

[Ian Schwartz]

That means the next version.

[John Holmberg]

Time to pee. Yeah. Dark, dark, dark, dark. You should probably take your medicine now, Mom.

[Brett Vesely]

What?

[Megan's Grandma]

Did Chachi just tell me to take a pill. He's a pusher.

[John Holmberg]

Megan's grandma got the.

[Brady]

Probably talks like on Davey and Goliath.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he's got the dog voice. Hey, and you think she's got dementia? You want to screw with her even more than the dog comes in, the room goes, aren't you? Time to take your pill, Mom. You're gonna get more calls from your mom with dementia if the dog starts talking to her about medicine. Daisy, Megan's grandma got it. The dementia. And she would call all the time and go, they're here again. Like, what? Who? The Mexican boys. Like what? There's Mexicans in my apartment. Like what? And then the whole family roll over to the apartment, and she'd look in the mirror and there's one right over there. Like, there's nobody here. They're in there. And she would point to the bathroom and the mirrors were. She had people all around her. This isn't any good at all.

[Ian Schwartz]

It's a dementia. Looks like psychosis, isn't it?

[John Holmberg]

You didn't. She had.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

All sorts of the Alzheimer's. Psychosis. Dementia. Well, dementia. Dementia. You see other people.

[Brady]

So.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. So you start getting into that whole visions and things. If you had a dog that was talking to her. The dog already was talking to her. Hey, you should kill someone.

[Megan's Grandma]

My new fake dog's telling me to stab folks.

[Brady]

Our family friend who's my mom's age has been going through. You know, her mind's kind of.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Losing it.

[John Holmberg]

It's horrible.

[Brady]

Big time. And so she's in a really nice home and she has a guy that lives there full time. Doug. Doug's from Ghana, Africa. And so imagine this woman, white woman from Upper Arlington, 86 years old. It's like she lives with the Ku Klux Klan.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

And every time you meet someone like, I am so sorry for Douglas. I found out I sell Douglas at the funeral because the husband died.

[John Holmberg]

And he's like, hey, how are you?

[Brady]

How things going on?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he's been there a long, long time.

[Brady]

He lives here full time. Gets. He's paid 50 grand.

[John Holmberg]

But he knew you.

[Brady]

Yeah, because I went back to visit earlier in October and got to know.

[John Holmberg]

Him to the point where he was.

[Brady]

Hugging you at the. I was over.

[Ian Schwartz]

Yeah, I just met him once.

[John Holmberg]

Brady met him once and he was excited to see you.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I still have to introduce myself to you in the morning. Hey, fan. Hey, buddy. What are you doing in here? I don't think. I don't think you can be here. It's me, Brady. It's great you got a ride.

[Brady]

But he lives in this, you know, setup. It's very nice.

[John Holmberg]

And this 90 year old woman is racist to him all day.

[Brady]

Oh, it's just. Just mean.

[John Holmberg]

And he's from Ghana, so he's under the. He's under the bed. Black.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah.

[Megan's Grandma]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

He's dark like you lean him on a wall.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And people think there's a tunnel.

[Brady]

And I was talking about it with him.

[Ian Schwartz]

You had charity events in your backyard?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, the roadrunner used to put him up against mountains so the coyote would run into him. He's Acme black and he's living with this racist old Ohio.

[Brady]

Well, so, I mean, it's like, it's. It just ebbs and flows.

[John Holmberg]

Some days she's just crotchety and racist.

[Brett Vesely]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. By crotch.

[Brady]

And he laughs it off. And like, man, I wonder.

[John Holmberg]

He laughs it off. He laughs it off. Because he's in the will.

[Brady]

I know that's not.

[John Holmberg]

He's in the will. Cue True Colors, by the way, by Cyndi Lauper. Because this lady's real feelings are coming out through dementia. She's using it as an excuse.

[Megan's Grandma]

Sorry about that. I've got a disease.

[Brady]

I wish we could record it.

[Megan's Grandma]

Hey, where's my at? Oh, remember, I'm a very sick old woman.

[Brady]

The hell are you doing here?

[Douglas]

I understand that you are very old, but please stop calling me that.

[Megan's Grandma]

The gonna hit me.

[Douglas]

I'm not going to hit you.

[Brady]

It is. It's Janny. Yeah, living in the blue. He's so nice.

[Megan's Grandma]

Wow. I don't like my new helper. Lightning bugs hang around him in the daytime. He's so black.

[Ian Schwartz]

Oh, Jesus.

[Douglas]

It's okay. She's very old.

[Megan's Grandma]

That's right. I'm old. And I have a disease.

[Brady]

Not that far off.

[Megan's Grandma]

So I can say stuff like. And. And no one gets mad. It's my dream. White.

[John Holmberg]

Brett's gonna pretend to have dementia someday. Heck, one of the guys that used to work here pretended he had it every day. We had to calm him down at parties and stuff. For God's sakes, sometimes alcohol is dementia.

[Megan's Grandma]

See your true colors. Where'd you go?

[John Holmberg]

You are playing it. Look at you. That's a good stuff.

[Megan's Grandma]

I think something's missing. I should pretend to have dementia. I don't want to get up. I don't have any socks.

[John Holmberg]

Show me a smile.

[Megan's Grandma]

I feel a cold.

[Douglas]

And no. Your true racist white awfulness is coming out now.

[Megan's Grandma]

And you are pretending to have Quiet Judge Judy's aunt.

[John Holmberg]

Can you get some Watching Judge Mathis in my house?

[Megan's Grandma]

No, Judge Math is here. I know what you want to do.

[Douglas]

Oh, it's okay.

[John Holmberg]

I'm in the will.

[Brady]

When I was over there, I was just waiting for it to eventually happen. You know, like you're there hanging out where she asked Douglas to do something.

[John Holmberg]

Were you there?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And you heard it.

[Brady]

No, I didn't. The whole time I was there.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, she had company. She can. She can control her dementia with company.

[Brett Vesely]

I would have went to this.

[Brady]

Well, Douglas stayed in the bedroom.

[John Holmberg]

Get where he belongs.

[Megan's Grandma]

You stay in your room. Got company.

[Douglas]

Okay. You horrible white old beast.

[Megan's Grandma]

That's right. Very sick. Can't control it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's a horrible, horrible thing. But yeah. You don't want a nine year old woman to get an opaque African to walk around the house in her last days because it's coming out. You gotta remember where she's from Ohio. The 1940s.

[Brett Vesely]

Thomas.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's a bad combo.

[Brady]

Past five o'. Clock. What are you doing here?

[Megan's Grandma]

What? The street lights are on. Go home. Get back to your hut.

[Ian Schwartz]

Dexter says I love.

[Megan's Grandma]

I have to mention, remember, I'm allowed.

[Ian Schwartz]

This show comes full circle. I love it. Been listening so long that now Oda Benga's come back. Oda Benga is living with Brady's family.

[Megan's Grandma]

I gotta make a phone call.

[John Holmberg]

Columbus Zoo, can I help you?

[Megan's Grandma]

Something stable at my house.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, we have to tell you.

[Megan's Grandma]

I got to mention, I'm allowed.

[Brady]

I want to report an escape.

[Megan's Grandma]

I got an escapee.

[John Holmberg]

It's something something. Check out Homburg's morning sickness [e-mail] Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

[Douglas]

It's me. Don't worry. I'm in the world. I can. I will deal with it.

[Megan's Grandma]

I'm allowed.

[John Holmberg]

She's kind of allowed.

[Brady]

He's getting a couple of art pieces.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he's getting it all. He's working that.

[Douglas]

Will you call me one more time, you wicked old white? And I get all of it.

[Brady]

That's why I told him Douglas is gonna pay off. I promise.

[John Holmberg]

You know what's even better? I bet you she sat down and.

[Douglas]

Said, look, Utah.

[Megan's Grandma]

I'm gonna pretend to have dementia for the last couple years for fun. You're gonna be the target of that, and you're gonna eat it. And in the end, I'm gonna leave everything to you. Huge payday. Just let me say what I've been repressing for the last 45 years, which is. And just eat it.

[Douglas]

May I see the statements?

[Megan's Grandma]

Of course. There's 10 figures. You're gonna love it.

[Douglas]

So you will call me and all sorts of other terrible things, pretend to.

[John Holmberg]

Have dementia, and I win in the end?

[Brady]

Yes.

[Douglas]

You have a deal, old witch.

[Brady]

What are you making?

[Megan's Grandma]

Fried chicken. I'm allowed.

[John Holmberg]

Anyway. And then you're gonna see that one day.

[Megan's Grandma]

Someone's at the door. Go get it.

[Douglas]

I am on my way. May I help you?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, and Brett Wesley. I understand there's a single broad in here that needs some help.

[Douglas]

She is mine. I know what you are doing.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, but are you doing what you.

[Douglas]

Need to be doing?

[Brett Vesely]

Step aside, Noah.

[John Holmberg]

Move out the way. There's a new sheriff in town. And then you bone that old lady.

[Megan's Grandma]

Best of both worlds. I get to pretend to be racist and take it from an ital Pound away. Wa. I'm allowed.

[John Holmberg]

All right, Brett, what do you got for videos? Brady's. Brady's Columbus history is fantastic.

[Brett Vesely]

No kidding.

[John Holmberg]

I can't compete with went back and how long you went into that woman's house A year ago?

[Brady]

No, it was in October.

[John Holmberg]

Just in October. You met Douglas.

[Brady]

Yeah. Because they're in the same retirement community. My mom.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. But he was excited to see you.

[Brady]

I met him then.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

In October. Yeah. And we. I was there probably for an hour or so and he. He remembered I. I went over there at the. Because I saw him at the. The funeral. He was wheeling her in.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

And I went over there figuring I'd say hey, I'm Brady. I'm the family friend.

[John Holmberg]

That right. And he loved you. Yeah. He's a. He's a jackpot winner. He's just waiting his turn. How long do you think he's got to wait?

[Brady]

Not much. I go what. What paintings have you picked up?

[John Holmberg]

You don't ask him that yet. He's not.

[Douglas]

That would be classless.

[John Holmberg]

But all of them are mine.

[Brady]

He was a great man.

[John Holmberg]

How long's he got to wait for her to go? You think it's going to be quick?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

He's going to keep the house probably. She have kids?

[Brady]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Oh boy.

[Brady]

That's who I mean we grew up.

[John Holmberg]

Is this called Trajan son and a daughter because this is. They got a lot this is going to be a battle when Douglas starts.

[Brady]

Locked down unless she modifies it.

[John Holmberg]

Well she's modified it all if she's calling him all those words there's an agreement. He's not sticking around smiling. Been happy to meet the family friends if he doesn't have some a piece.

[Brady]

Of that maybe they do but I know he's. You know they got him. He's on a contract.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah. He's more than that.

[Brett Vesely]

You think Ken from Trajan's already handled.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he's over there.

[Douglas]

And did I think that these child.

[John Holmberg]

Should get nothing prediction she marries Douglas in the next six months.

[Brady]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Yep. She won't know it unless. Yeah well yeah.

[Brady]

But I think they could say yeah.

[Douglas]

We are in love, get married and we have consummated the relationship in every hole.

[John Holmberg]

You hear that at the reading. All right, Douglas, that's enough.

[Megan's Grandma]

I have sound mind. Leave everything to my I could do it.

[John Holmberg]

Anyway. Brett, go ahead. Oh my goodness. Brett's videos.

[Megan's Grandma]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

We're on a dash cam. All right. We're in a dash cam here in a terrible nation. Oh, and a dude just punches a guy. Was that a cleaver?

[Brady]

I think it was.

[John Holmberg]

He just walked up to a guy A guy on the street and wow, he meat cleavers him in the back of the head while he's like waiting for a bus or something.

[Brett Vesely]

Just takes off on a scooter and.

[John Holmberg]

Then gets on a scooter and leaves.

[Brady]

Is he handing out tickets? Is it like the traffic officer?

[John Holmberg]

All right, Brady, you just witnessed that crime in an Asian nation.

[Ian Schwartz]

Yeah, right in front.

[John Holmberg]

Right in front of a cop. Describe the assailant. Tell me who it. Oh, it was a cop. The guy he hacked up was a.

[Brady]

Cop writing the ticket.

[John Holmberg]

Brady, describe the assailant.

[Brady]

He was.

[John Holmberg]

Tell me they're going to catch him. Five seven, dark hair, probably goes about 52. No way.

[Ian Schwartz]

Didn't see his face.

[John Holmberg]

He's five.

[Brady]

One guy was. I thought that was him on the scooter. That guy.

[John Holmberg]

That is him on the scooter.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah. No, he's 5-571-80.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And he's on a white scooter and.

[Brady]

He went by up and he got cut off by another cop.

[John Holmberg]

Never catching him.

[Brady]

He's gonna go.

[Brett Vesely]

Tapped via check yesterday.

[John Holmberg]

Never gonna catch him in Asia. 57175. Black T shirt, black hair, bull haircut, white scooter. It's all of them, man.

[Brady]

He was in open toed shoes.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Smelled a little of ramen. Just arrest everyone.

[Brett Vesely]

This one's been floating around for a minute, but did you see this one?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man. This is a guy.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's a guy in a hospital bed rolling down a hill being chased by EMTs. This can't be real, right? No, I don't think so. I don't think so, but I like it. I like that rolling down the hill.

[Brett Vesely]

Blake sent that one in.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Oh, another.

[Brady]

Yeah, it's not.

[Brett Vesely]

It's. They just said footage of us capturing. Oh, we're capturing Valenzuela.

[John Holmberg]

We're down in Valley. They're going to do a spanking on a guy. They pull his pants down. They've got a big board, and they're holding him in some sort of weird hold, and they're going to spank him.

[Megan's Grandma]

With a giant stick.

[Brady]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

Giant piece of wood. They're hitting this guy in the bare butt with it. Oh, the third one hurt me.

[Brady]

Oh, snap his arm.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God.

[Brett Vesely]

Here's clown cans for no reason.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, these are ridiculous. These implants are. Oh, and she's got no teeth. Go to the dentist.

[Brady]

Gosh. Well, it's the lips.

[John Holmberg]

I think it's Vince Neil with boobs. That the lead singer of Motley Crue. After it. Those Things are the size of car tires.

[Dick Toledo]

Bobby Brown let herself go.

[John Holmberg]

Those are 35. They should have bf goodrich altering written on the side. The biggest boobs I've ever seen.

[Brett Vesely]

We don't even know what this is.

[John Holmberg]

All right, It's a redheaded girl.

[Megan's Grandma]

All right?

[John Holmberg]

She's blowing a guy wrapped in foil. It might be. It does look like a mirror.

[Ian Schwartz]

He's got a yellow bag on his breathing tube.

[John Holmberg]

Is she breathing with him? I don't know.

[Brady]

We can't.

[John Holmberg]

Breathing into a bag that's over his head and jerking him off while he's in some sort of an air conditioning insulation suit. What's she doing?

[Brett Vesely]

We can't figure it out.

[Brady]

She's giving him oxygen.

[John Holmberg]

Blowing air into his balloon head.

[Ian Schwartz]

That's the weirdest thing.

[Brett Vesely]

And this one.

[John Holmberg]

I've never thought I could say those words, but that's the strangest thing Brett's ever shown us.

[Brett Vesely]

And even Bailey couldn't say.

[John Holmberg]

He goes.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't even know.

[John Holmberg]

What is that?

[Ian Schwartz]

We need to keep a bingo card.

[John Holmberg]

So here's the thing for you. She. He had a balloon on his head wrapped in tinfoil. And he's wrapped. But that wasn't tinfoil.

[Brady]

That was like a space blanket. But that was one of those emergency.

[John Holmberg]

It was insulation. It does look like he looks like he's in insulation.

[Brady]

You know what? I wonder if it said. Well, that looks.

[John Holmberg]

And then there's a tube sticking out of the balloon on his head, and she's breathing into it and blowing the balloon up like a Howie Mandel thing. And I think that's where he gets air.

[Brett Vesely]

Maybe. Maybe she's sucking the air out of it and he's. That asphyxiation stuff.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. Douglas deserves everything.

[Brady]

It's like that radiant barrier stuff you put up in your attic.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, the attic stuff. That's what I'm thinking.

[Brett Vesely]

And this one's just entitled. I see Johnny is still celebrating the Steelers win on Sunday. Living his best life ever.

[John Holmberg]

Know it. All right. What is that? Oh, my God. This dude's got a suction cup section toy stuck to his bald head, and he's bobbing on his girl. He's making love to her with this. It's me. It's me. It's me with my Ray Ban glasses. M. All right.

[Brady]

It's. That Steeler song is playing.

[John Holmberg]

It's either me or the dude who was the Six Flags spokesperson for minutes. Somewhere in between those.

[Brady]

What's he doing now?

[John Holmberg]

There he is. It does look more like our. Our Six Flags guy.

[Brett Vesely]

That's it.

[John Holmberg]

Excellent work, boys.

[Megan's Grandma]

Did you like that, Douglas? Did that make my giggle?

[Douglas]

He enjoyed it very much. God, this bitch can't die fast enough.

[John Holmberg]

You think by the end of the year, Douglas is free of her?

[Brady]

Pretty close.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. She's almost done. Plus, her husband just went. So this is gonna be a Brady.

[Brady]

Have you seen Chicken George?

[Douglas]

That is a cute. Don't worry, I'm not Brady. I'm going to be so healthy soon.

[Brett Vesely]

Zippity do.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he's walking around.

[Megan's Grandma]

I make him do that because I got dementia, you remember?

[Ian Schwartz]

She also doesn't know her husband's gone.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, she knows her husband's gone. She knows everything that's going on. Don't be fooled me a song. The Second. The Second Dimension, people start doing a specific dementia, which is racism. It's just hitting a release valve. They've been trying to not do that since the 50s, when they stopped being allowed to do it all the time out loud. And that's, you know, that's 70 years of keeping it quiet.

[Megan's Grandma]

I gotta pretend I have dementia? It's too much.

[John Holmberg]

If they're not doing it all over the place. And it's just directed completely at Douglas. She knows what's going. They sit and have a time of their lives at night watching reruns of Murder, She Wrote, Matlock and stuff. She knows everything that's going on. Trust me, Douglas is in on it. He's taking the hits and he looks like a hero. It's brilliant. There you go, everybody. That's your Brady Report. Watch it go. It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually.

[Ian Schwartz]

No membership fees.

[John Holmberg]

I have heard enough of this.