Holmberg’s Morning Sickness – Arizona’s #1 Morning Show

Episode: 01-07-26 FULL SHOW – Wednesday, January 7, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness is a classic mix of NFL gloating, sports schadenfreude, intimate banter, conspiratorial deep-dives, and local Arizona color. John Holmberg is especially buoyant, riding high on the recent firing of Baltimore Ravens coach John Harbaugh, much to the amusement—and chagrin—of his co-hosts Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and “Big Dick” Toledo. The hosts discuss NFL drama, troll culture, viral lawsuits, psychic predictions, conspiracy theories (including a deep Las Vegas shooting segment), family secrets, advances in AI tech, elderly racism, and cap it off with musical Rock Wars and rules debate. The show’s signature tone riffles between irreverence, personal storytelling, and pure comedic catharsis.

Major Segments & Key Discussion Points

1. NFL News, Ravens Schadenfreude, and Gloating (00:40–20:00)

Main Discussion:

• John Holmberg opens the show in a euphoric mood, celebrating the firing of Ravens coach John Harbaugh.
• Detailed discussion on the aftermath in Baltimore, John's hatred for the Ravens ("haven't touched the ground since Sunday"), and speculation on where Harbaugh could go next.
• Thoughts on Cliff Kingsbury abruptly quitting and possible moves in NFL coaching.
• Holmberg relishes in Cardinal fans’ pessimism and sees the universe delivering justice.

Notable Quotes:

• "It's my celebration. I'm celebrating the mood... I don't like celebrating somebody's firing unless it's John Harbaugh. Ravens. It was great. I haven't touched the ground for days. This is amazing." — John (01:29)
• "If I'm Tampa, I'd go to Tampa in a heartbeat... There's teams that are kind of like, we won't get rid of them, but if something better came along... Like most people feel about their wives. Something better came along." — John (02:50)
• "Sorry, it's personal, but it just feels so good. So I didn't want to do that, but I really wanted to do that." — John (04:41)

Memorable Moments:

• Extended riffing on Cliff Kingsbury’s ex-girlfriend, Veronica, and her not following him to Baltimore.
• Candid admission: rooting for disaster to befall Baltimore — half tongue-in-cheek, half sincere.

Timestamps:

• Ravens/Harbaugh: 00:40–06:49
• Cliff Kingsbury/Veronica: 06:49–07:19
• Baltimore bashing, bridge collapse jokes: 14:24–16:49

2. The Joy of Trolling & Schadenfreude Philosophy (09:30–14:20)

Main Discussion:

• John waxes philosophical about internet trolls.
• The joy trolls find in their victims' suffering and the freedom of being the antagonist.
• Draws parallels to sports gloating and politics, using Donald Trump as an example of a “troll king.”

Notable Quotes:

• "Trolls will get you sometimes. Everybody's been punched by a troll... What trolls are, are pain addicts. But not their pain, yours. And when they see it, it's just... an endorphin rush. I admire the troll." — John (11:15)
• "He's not an unhappy man, but he's just an old unhappy bastard. Okay? He loves that you say that, because he's not." — John on Trump as a troll (12:34)

Timestamps:

• Troll admiration begins: 10:00

3. NFL Rumors, Lawsuits, and Locker Room Gossip (21:00–29:55)

Main Discussion:

• Cardinals’ prospects, Rooney Rule skepticism, and more Harbaugh speculation.
• Former NFL player Matt Khalil’s lawsuit against his ex-wife for talking about the size of his penis on a podcast.
• The hosts riff on how this rumor damages both parties’ future relationships, public perception, and endorse ridiculous potential for courtroom evidence.

Notable Quotes:

• "He wants privacy. That's it. That's why he's gone out to TMZ and told 'em I'm gonna sue this awful [ex] for saying I have a triple coke can wiener." — John (26:24)

Memorable Moments:

• Jokes about personal injury from having a "triple coke can" and speculative endorsements for Khalil.
• How negative rumors, even flattering ones, can become legally actionable.

4. Psychics, Simpsons Predictions, and Natural Disaster Roulette (29:53–37:35)

Main Discussion:

• The annual parade of psychic predictions—including contact with aliens and catastrophic volcanic events in 2026.
• Comparisons to sports draft “experts” like Mel Kiper.
• The Simpsons’ eerie history of “predictions” and a special note about a 2026 Trump-related episode.
• Extended riff on volcano preparedness, mockery of complacent homeowners living near active volcanoes.

Notable Quotes:

• "January, the first couple weeks of January, the psychics are all out... all three big ones are saying there'll be a contact with aliens this year..." — John (29:53)
• "Volcanoes don't ever just go. They used to before we had scientists. Now we're pretty sure. Alright, this is not good." — John (33:51)

5. Conspiracy Theories Deep Dive: Vegas Shooter & Black Ops (37:36–47:59)

Main Discussion:

• Bret Vesely shares developments from a lengthy podcast/Tucker Carlson episode on the Las Vegas mass shooting.
• Speculation about a cover-up, foreign (Saudi) involvement, multiple shooters, questionable deaths of outspoken witnesses.
• John relates interactions with special ops contractors—hints at government operations as distraction during publicized tragedies.

Notable Quotes:

• "They're saying there was helicopters in the air..." — Bret (38:13)
• "The Vegas shooting thing is just flying into my emails now..." — John (48:03)

Timestamps:

• LV Massacre Conspiracies: 37:36–47:59

Memorable Moments:

• Jokes about whether anyone would listen to a child-diddler if he had the key to a conspiracy.
• Extended, dark hypothetical: “Kid diddlers can be good witnesses” (called back multiple times in show).

6. Brady’s Family Secrets, Inheritance Conspiracies, and Dementia in Old Age (57:00–70:00)

Main Discussion:

• Brady shares details on his family’s hidden affairs, long-concealed homosexuality, and convoluted in vitro stories.
• Stories about family members not questioning improbable narratives, playing into the show’s greater expose on denial and secret-keeping in American households.
• A segment on an inheritance battle involving a racist elderly woman with dementia and her long-suffering Black caretaker “Douglas.”
• The show explores the intersection of dementia and bigotry, and “playing along” for eventual inheritance.

Notable Quotes:

• "You’re the biggest conspiracy in all of America. What went on in Upper Arlington with the Bogan household?” — John (59:57)
• “He laughs it off because he’s in the will.” — John on Douglas (108:25)
• “May I see the statements? Of course. There’s 10 figures. You’re gonna laugh.” — John, riffing the 'dementia for inheritance' plot (113:03)

Memorable Moments:

• Fake phone calls from Douglas to the zoo.
• Old lady’s racism as a “release valve” after decades of repression.

7. Tech Advances: AI at CES, Smart Toilets, Talking Mirrors (92:12–98:15)

Main Discussion:

• New gadgets from CES: lollipops that play music via bone conduction, talking digital picture frames, gaming headphones that read brainwaves, toilets that call for help if unused, AI mirrors for beauty routines.
• Tangent about AI-generated deepfakes, Bob Barker, and the discomfort it brings to families of the deceased.

Quotes:

• “Music plays inside your head... you can only hear it when you bite down.” — Byron (92:27)
• "The AI makeup thing is great for girls who are bad at putting on makeup." — John (95:37)

8. Porn Analysis, Theories on Women Swelling During Sex (86:21–91:27)

Main Discussion:

• John posits (humorously, then somewhat seriously) a theory that women appear to grow in size during sex, especially noticeable in pornography.
• Extended, awkward, and comedic dissection by the group on balance of imagination and reality in porn consumption.

Notable Quotes:

• "I think women grow during sex." — John (86:31)

9. Rock Wars: Rules, Debate, Money & Handicaps (137:00–162:13)

Main Discussion:

• Annual heated debate on the rules for Rock Wars—the show’s themed music battle.
• The debate covers fairness, vote weighting, handicaps for Brady, whether John Gordon (“Chancellor of Rock”) should be allowed to judge, and the role of trash talk.
• New rules agreed: no more John Gordon as tie-breaker, weekly cash prize ($10 from each loser), and loser picks the following week’s category.

Notable Quotes:

• “It's because we're better. How is it unfair for me to trash talk? That gave me no advantage…” — John (153:34)
• “I can't listen to this anymore. I feel so sorry for…” — Brady, playing up the victim angle for comic effect (158:52)

10. Final Segments: Rock Wars, Entertainment News, and Wrap-Up (162:13–173:14)

• Rock Wars: Farewell to John Gordon as the week’s theme; bidding songs are “Skid Row – Get the F Out” and “Monkey Business” (John wins).
• Entertainment Drill: Mickey Rourke rejects GoFundMe help, the last Little Rascal dies, Emma Stone refuses to voice Miss Piggy, ZZ Top refused a million dollars to shave their beards.
• Sign-Off: Holmberg basks in victory, reiterates show announcements/timings; ends on a high note.

Notable Quotes & Moments (With Timestamps)

• “I haven't touched the ground since Sunday night knowing that it was just the disaster, the dismantling of the thing I hate more than anything in the world, which is the Ravens.” — John (04:48)

• “Trolls will get you sometimes. But when they see it, it's just. It's this endorphin rush. I admire the troll. I admire good trolling.” — John (11:15)

• “He wants privacy. That's it. That's why he's gone out to TMZ and told 'em I'm gonna sue this awful [ex] for saying I have a triple coke can wiener.” — John (26:24)

• “January… the psychics are all out... all three big ones are saying there'll be a contact with aliens this year.” — John (29:53)

• "They're saying there was helicopters in the air..." — Bret (38:13)

• “Kid diddlers can be good witnesses. That is true.” — John (51:12)

• “Brady shares details on his family’s hidden affairs, long-concealed homosexuality, and convoluted in vitro stories.” — Paraphrase (57:00–60:17)

• “He laughs it off because he’s in the will.” — John (108:25)

• "Music plays inside your head... you can only hear it when you bite down." — Byron (92:27)

Timestamps by Topic

• 00:40–06:49: NFL Harbaugh/Ravens Gloating
• 09:30–14:20: Troll Culture
• 21:00–29:55: Cardinals/Harbaugh/Khalil Lawsuits
• 29:53–37:35: Psychics & Simpsons Prediction
• 37:36–47:59: Vegas Shooting & Conspiracies
• 57:00–70:00: Family Secrets/Inheritance Stories
• 92:12–98:15: CES Tech Segment
• 86:21–91:27: Porn Analysis
• 137:00–162:13: Rock Wars Rules Debate
• 162:13–173:14: Rock Wars/Entertainment Drill

Language & Tone Notes

• Casual, irreverent, deeply sarcastic; the show is at once a roast, therapy session, and town hall.
• Inside jokes and callbacks abound (e.g., Brady’s victim role, Tom Gordon’s judging, “kid diddlers as witnesses”).
• The cadence is fast, sometimes overlapping, and punctuated by genuine affection among hosts.

For New Listeners

Holmberg’s Morning Sickness tackles sports, pop-culture, and the absurdities of everyday life with biting humor and open-mic honesty. Whether it’s NFL chaos, dark family secrets, or tech news, nothing’s off-limits as long as it can generate a laugh—or a groan. This episode is a strong showcase of the show’s trademark blend: playful antagonism, strong opinions, and Arizona flavor.

Want to hear about the show’s next wild NFL theory, conspiracy, or musical flame war? Tune in weekdays from 5:30a–10a on 98KUPD or 98kupd.com.