01-07-26 - FULL SHOW - WEDNESDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Holmberg’s Morning Sickness – Arizona’s #1 Morning Show

Episode: 01-07-26 FULL SHOW – Wednesday, January 7, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness is a classic mix of NFL gloating, sports schadenfreude, intimate banter, conspiratorial deep-dives, and local Arizona color. John Holmberg is especially buoyant, riding high on the recent firing of Baltimore Ravens coach John Harbaugh, much to the amusement—and chagrin—of his co-hosts Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and “Big Dick” Toledo. The hosts discuss NFL drama, troll culture, viral lawsuits, psychic predictions, conspiracy theories (including a deep Las Vegas shooting segment), family secrets, advances in AI tech, elderly racism, and cap it off with musical Rock Wars and rules debate. The show’s signature tone riffles between irreverence, personal storytelling, and pure comedic catharsis.

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Major Segments & Key Discussion Points

1. NFL News, Ravens Schadenfreude, and Gloating (00:40–20:00)

Main Discussion:

• John Holmberg opens the show in a euphoric mood, celebrating the firing of Ravens coach John Harbaugh.
• Detailed discussion on the aftermath in Baltimore, John's hatred for the Ravens ("haven't touched the ground since Sunday"), and speculation on where Harbaugh could go next.
• Thoughts on Cliff Kingsbury abruptly quitting and possible moves in NFL coaching.
• Holmberg relishes in Cardinal fans’ pessimism and sees the universe delivering justice.

Notable Quotes:

• "It's my celebration. I'm celebrating the mood... I don't like celebrating somebody's firing unless it's John Harbaugh. Ravens. It was great. I haven't touched the ground for days. This is amazing." — John (01:29)
• "If I'm Tampa, I'd go to Tampa in a heartbeat... There's teams that are kind of like, we won't get rid of them, but if something better came along... Like most people feel about their wives. Something better came along." — John (02:50)
• "Sorry, it's personal, but it just feels so good. So I didn't want to do that, but I really wanted to do that." — John (04:41)

Memorable Moments:

• Extended riffing on Cliff Kingsbury’s ex-girlfriend, Veronica, and her not following him to Baltimore.
• Candid admission: rooting for disaster to befall Baltimore — half tongue-in-cheek, half sincere.

Timestamps:

• Ravens/Harbaugh: 00:40–06:49
• Cliff Kingsbury/Veronica: 06:49–07:19
• Baltimore bashing, bridge collapse jokes: 14:24–16:49

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2. The Joy of Trolling & Schadenfreude Philosophy (09:30–14:20)

Main Discussion:

• John waxes philosophical about internet trolls.
• The joy trolls find in their victims' suffering and the freedom of being the antagonist.
• Draws parallels to sports gloating and politics, using Donald Trump as an example of a “troll king.”

Notable Quotes:

• "Trolls will get you sometimes. Everybody's been punched by a troll... What trolls are, are pain addicts. But not their pain, yours. And when they see it, it's just... an endorphin rush. I admire the troll." — John (11:15)
• "He's not an unhappy man, but he's just an old unhappy bastard. Okay? He loves that you say that, because he's not." — John on Trump as a troll (12:34)

Timestamps:

• Troll admiration begins: 10:00

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3. NFL Rumors, Lawsuits, and Locker Room Gossip (21:00–29:55)

Main Discussion:

• Cardinals’ prospects, Rooney Rule skepticism, and more Harbaugh speculation.
• Former NFL player Matt Khalil’s lawsuit against his ex-wife for talking about the size of his penis on a podcast.
• The hosts riff on how this rumor damages both parties’ future relationships, public perception, and endorse ridiculous potential for courtroom evidence.

Notable Quotes:

• "He wants privacy. That's it. That's why he's gone out to TMZ and told 'em I'm gonna sue this awful [ex] for saying I have a triple coke can wiener." — John (26:24)

Memorable Moments:

• Jokes about personal injury from having a "triple coke can" and speculative endorsements for Khalil.
• How negative rumors, even flattering ones, can become legally actionable.

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4. Psychics, Simpsons Predictions, and Natural Disaster Roulette (29:53–37:35)

Main Discussion:

• The annual parade of psychic predictions—including contact with aliens and catastrophic volcanic events in 2026.
• Comparisons to sports draft “experts” like Mel Kiper.
• The Simpsons’ eerie history of “predictions” and a special note about a 2026 Trump-related episode.
• Extended riff on volcano preparedness, mockery of complacent homeowners living near active volcanoes.

Notable Quotes:

• "January, the first couple weeks of January, the psychics are all out... all three big ones are saying there'll be a contact with aliens this year..." — John (29:53)
• "Volcanoes don't ever just go. They used to before we had scientists. Now we're pretty sure. Alright, this is not good." — John (33:51)

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5. Conspiracy Theories Deep Dive: Vegas Shooter & Black Ops (37:36–47:59)

Main Discussion:

• Bret Vesely shares developments from a lengthy podcast/Tucker Carlson episode on the Las Vegas mass shooting.
• Speculation about a cover-up, foreign (Saudi) involvement, multiple shooters, questionable deaths of outspoken witnesses.
• John relates interactions with special ops contractors—hints at government operations as distraction during publicized tragedies.

Notable Quotes:

• "They're saying there was helicopters in the air..." — Bret (38:13)
• "The Vegas shooting thing is just flying into my emails now..." — John (48:03)

Timestamps:

• LV Massacre Conspiracies: 37:36–47:59

Memorable Moments:

• Jokes about whether anyone would listen to a child-diddler if he had the key to a conspiracy.
• Extended, dark hypothetical: “Kid diddlers can be good witnesses” (called back multiple times in show).

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6. Brady’s Family Secrets, Inheritance Conspiracies, and Dementia in Old Age (57:00–70:00)

Main Discussion:

• Brady shares details on his family’s hidden affairs, long-concealed homosexuality, and convoluted in vitro stories.
• Stories about family members not questioning improbable narratives, playing into the show’s greater expose on denial and secret-keeping in American households.
• A segment on an inheritance battle involving a racist elderly woman with dementia and her long-suffering Black caretaker “Douglas.”
• The show explores the intersection of dementia and bigotry, and “playing along” for eventual inheritance.

Notable Quotes:

• "You’re the biggest conspiracy in all of America. What went on in Upper Arlington with the Bogan household?” — John (59:57)
• “He laughs it off because he’s in the will.” — John on Douglas (108:25)
• “May I see the statements? Of course. There’s 10 figures. You’re gonna laugh.” — John, riffing the 'dementia for inheritance' plot (113:03)

Memorable Moments:

• Fake phone calls from Douglas to the zoo.
• Old lady’s racism as a “release valve” after decades of repression.

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7. Tech Advances: AI at CES, Smart Toilets, Talking Mirrors (92:12–98:15)

Main Discussion:

• New gadgets from CES: lollipops that play music via bone conduction, talking digital picture frames, gaming headphones that read brainwaves, toilets that call for help if unused, AI mirrors for beauty routines.
• Tangent about AI-generated deepfakes, Bob Barker, and the discomfort it brings to families of the deceased.

Quotes:

• “Music plays inside your head... you can only hear it when you bite down.” — Byron (92:27)
• "The AI makeup thing is great for girls who are bad at putting on makeup." — John (95:37)

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8. Porn Analysis, Theories on Women Swelling During Sex (86:21–91:27)

Main Discussion:

• John posits (humorously, then somewhat seriously) a theory that women appear to grow in size during sex, especially noticeable in pornography.
• Extended, awkward, and comedic dissection by the group on balance of imagination and reality in porn consumption.

Notable Quotes:

• "I think women grow during sex." — John (86:31)

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9. Rock Wars: Rules, Debate, Money & Handicaps (137:00–162:13)

Main Discussion:

• Annual heated debate on the rules for Rock Wars—the show’s themed music battle.
• The debate covers fairness, vote weighting, handicaps for Brady, whether John Gordon (“Chancellor of Rock”) should be allowed to judge, and the role of trash talk.
• New rules agreed: no more John Gordon as tie-breaker, weekly cash prize ($10 from each loser), and loser picks the following week’s category.

Notable Quotes:

• “It's because we're better. How is it unfair for me to trash talk? That gave me no advantage…” — John (153:34)
• “I can't listen to this anymore. I feel so sorry for…” — Brady, playing up the victim angle for comic effect (158:52)

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10. Final Segments: Rock Wars, Entertainment News, and Wrap-Up (162:13–173:14)

• Rock Wars: Farewell to John Gordon as the week’s theme; bidding songs are “Skid Row – Get the F Out” and “Monkey Business” (John wins).
• Entertainment Drill: Mickey Rourke rejects GoFundMe help, the last Little Rascal dies, Emma Stone refuses to voice Miss Piggy, ZZ Top refused a million dollars to shave their beards.
• Sign-Off: Holmberg basks in victory, reiterates show announcements/timings; ends on a high note.

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Notable Quotes & Moments (With Timestamps)

• “I haven't touched the ground since Sunday night knowing that it was just the disaster, the dismantling of the thing I hate more than anything in the world, which is the Ravens.” — John (04:48)

• “Trolls will get you sometimes. But when they see it, it's just. It's this endorphin rush. I admire the troll. I admire good trolling.” — John (11:15)

• “He wants privacy. That's it. That's why he's gone out to TMZ and told 'em I'm gonna sue this awful [ex] for saying I have a triple coke can wiener.” — John (26:24)

• “January… the psychics are all out... all three big ones are saying there'll be a contact with aliens this year.” — John (29:53)

• "They're saying there was helicopters in the air..." — Bret (38:13)

• “Kid diddlers can be good witnesses. That is true.” — John (51:12)

• “Brady shares details on his family’s hidden affairs, long-concealed homosexuality, and convoluted in vitro stories.” — Paraphrase (57:00–60:17)

• “He laughs it off because he’s in the will.” — John (108:25)

• "Music plays inside your head... you can only hear it when you bite down." — Byron (92:27)

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Timestamps by Topic

• 00:40–06:49: NFL Harbaugh/Ravens Gloating
• 09:30–14:20: Troll Culture
• 21:00–29:55: Cardinals/Harbaugh/Khalil Lawsuits
• 29:53–37:35: Psychics & Simpsons Prediction
• 37:36–47:59: Vegas Shooting & Conspiracies
• 57:00–70:00: Family Secrets/Inheritance Stories
• 92:12–98:15: CES Tech Segment
• 86:21–91:27: Porn Analysis
• 137:00–162:13: Rock Wars Rules Debate
• 162:13–173:14: Rock Wars/Entertainment Drill

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Language & Tone Notes

• Casual, irreverent, deeply sarcastic; the show is at once a roast, therapy session, and town hall.
• Inside jokes and callbacks abound (e.g., Brady’s victim role, Tom Gordon’s judging, “kid diddlers as witnesses”).
• The cadence is fast, sometimes overlapping, and punctuated by genuine affection among hosts.

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For New Listeners

Holmberg’s Morning Sickness tackles sports, pop-culture, and the absurdities of everyday life with biting humor and open-mic honesty. Whether it’s NFL chaos, dark family secrets, or tech news, nothing’s off-limits as long as it can generate a laugh—or a groan. This episode is a strong showcase of the show’s trademark blend: playful antagonism, strong opinions, and Arizona flavor.

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Want to hear about the show’s next wild NFL theory, conspiracy, or musical flame war? Tune in weekdays from 5:30a–10a on 98KUPD or 98kupd.com.

Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition, and accessories. Hey, it's Brett Vesely, and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?

[Byron]

Brett, the last thing you want to do is sell the gun to someone who can't legally own one. Tell him not to put himself at risk and come into M and P Guns where he'll get a fair offer and he can rest easy knowing it's not getting into the wrong hands.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay, but what if he lives out of state?

[Byron]

Easy. Legalgunbuyer.com and he can do it online.

[John]

It really that simple?

[Brett Vesely]

There you have it. MMP Guns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your firearms.

[John]

Morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil. Sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. Good morning, everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Wednesday. It is 5:45. My name's John. There's Brady. There's Brett. There's Big Dick Toledo. I don't know if I have to do this again, but just floating through the week. I mean, I. I kind of think maybe it's just. It's all being done for me. I don't want to rub it into everybody, but I guess I'm kind of happy again in my own way. I don't want to play the song. Goodbye John Hubbard.

[Byron]

Still flowing.

[John]

It's just everything is fantastic in the world of.

[Byron]

Sorry. You can do it again.

[John]

Football. You think?

[Byron]

I. It's good.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, it's all right.

[Byron]

Good for everyone.

[John]

I don't know.

[Byron]

I feel like even if it's not your celebration.

[John]

Oh, it's my celebration. Oh, I'm celebrating the mood. Does it? Yeah. I mean, I don't like celebrating somebody's firing unless it's John Harbaugh. Ravens. It was great. I haven't touched the ground for days. This is amazing. Oh, it's amazing. And then NFL came out yesterday and said that Boswell didn't miss that kick. It was actually blocked, and you look, and it was like a guy got a finger, which is why it made that weird, right?

[Byron]

They knew who had the.

[John]

So they reached finger. I didn't. I didn't care. I just started laughing like he didn't miss it. Somebody made a Nice play. That's fine. And then their coach got fired.

[Byron]

You sure they didn't do that to make him feel better? I don't care.

[John]

I don't care. It's official.

[Brett Vesely]

How many times did you tug yesterday after that? After that news came out?

[John]

I mean, come on. And you know what's funny? I almost knew it when I was watching. I was actually watching the Steelers Ravens replay on the NFL Network and saw the thing on the bottom of the screen read, break breaking news. And I heard my phone buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. And I'm like, harbaugh got fired. I said it and then it scrolled across. I'm like, oh. And then my phone was just, oh, my Steeler buddy's going. It's happened. And we don't care who they replace him with. And Cardinal fans, calm down. He ain't coming here. You're a nightmare. Where that would be the option. And look, if I'm him, I sit back and I'm like, there's going to be a team like Tampa, New Orleans that has a coach that. They're like, that's a better one and might not have planned to fire the coach, but now that John Harbaugh's available, you would do it. If I'm Tampa, I'm looking at their situation and, like, we're close. And I think the coach, he's good for three wins. I'd go to Tampa in a heartbeat. If I'm. And that's the one. I would. I would kind of lean on that. He can pick his team. There's teams with coaches that are kind of like, yeah, we don't get rid of them, but something better came along. You know, like most. Most people feel about their wives. Something better came along.

[Byron]

The Raiders are like, pick up the phone.

[John]

Please pick up the phone. The Raiders would be amazing, because then you get the Harbaugh bowl twice a year because Raiders, Chargers, just. He's gone. He's fired. He's just fired. It's awesome. Sorry. I have not touched the ground since Sunday night knowing that it was just the disaster, the dismantling of the. Of the thing I hate more than anything in the world, which is the Ravens. Oh, just so nice. Sorry. It's personal, but it just feels so good. And I want to start your day with, you know what? That's my job to say there's hope out there. Unless you're a Cardinal fan, there's none. But if you're. There's hope out there that you know your enemies will fall all over themselves. And then you stand up and you go, oh, and he also. His pants. He fell and he crapped himself. And you realize how great that feels. Oh, it's so nice. So nice. So I didn't want to do that, but I really wanted to do that.

[Byron]

I think the next coach there is maybe one and done maybe two.

[John]

Well, it was interesting, though. Our own actor.

[Byron]

You lose that.

[John]

Our own former guest of the show on a regular basis, Cliff Kingsbury, abruptly quit his job yesterday.

[Brett Vesely]

He did. I didn't see that.

[John]

Okay. Which makes me. And it's right down the road. Makes me think Lamar is picking his coach. That's a good fit because Cliff is an offensive guy, but is he a good head coach? There's no judging that off of what he did here. But after watching the Hard Knocks and stuff and seeing Cliff Kingsbury, like, I'm not so sure. That guy's a great. He's a great offensive coordinator. I think he's really good there, but he just kind of stepped away. And that makes the most sense to me that he would wander right over to Baltimore and he's available and they're there, and.

[Byron]

Or maybe he just wants to get out of that area.

[John]

It's the same area.

[Byron]

That's what I'm saying. You don't want to stay.

[John]

He stayed. That would be a good job.

[Byron]

Set up in Scottsdale.

[John]

Look, he rolls over to. I wouldn't be surprised. The Bidwells are like, you want to come back? If he rolled over to Lamar, that's the job. That's a good job for somebody like him. You just don't understand. You just don't understand. With true, full hate in your heart. I don't know. It just feels so good. It just feels so damn good. Anyway, how are you guys doing? Everything all right in your world? I haven't. I float. I float now. I don't walk. I float. Like when Ralphie May was in my pool smoking weed, realized he was in the deep end, still smoking. Ralphie, are you in the fat floats, mother. And I'm like, oh, my God. And he just floated around. Now I know how that feels. Without the debilitating health risks. It's just outstanding.

[Douglas]

That floats.

[John]

So does happiness. Happiness floats all over. I've been. I haven't been this filled with joy in a long time. And one day after every day, a little bit more good comes from Baltimore caving in. If only. If only some sort of natural disaster, fire or something like that would. Would hit Baltimore. I mean, that would be the only Thing.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't think Cliff's ex is going to be going to Baltimore anytime soon.

[John]

I forgot about her. Victoria. Veronica.

[Brett Vesely]

Veronica.

[John]

Veronica Bialik. Yeah. There she is on a beach somewhere. That the beach is even the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. She's wandering around in a bikini. Yeah. That ain't fair. How did Cliff lose that?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, I don't know.

[John]

You know what that tells me? She's. She's nuts. Because you'll put up with an awful lot.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, I'd put up with that for a minute.

[John]

You'll put up with a lot of her garbage. And he couldn't anymore.

[Byron]

That is Polish magic.

[John]

I don't know what Cliff was like. He had to tell his friends, too. Veronica and I aren't working out. And his friends had to be like, dude, do whatever it takes. We need to have dinners together more. She's ridiculous. That's not fair. That's not a human body. No, not at all. Anyway, just love it. Just absolutely love it. So Cliff going to Baltimore, you know, he ain't taking Veronica there. She ain't going to Baltimore. I watched Robert Griffin the Third on. On espn, and he was talking about how Lamar Jackson is like the face of Baltimore. And he goes, look, when I went to Washington, they called. They call that Chocolate City. And he said, and I went there and represented the Washington football team, as, you know, me. And he said, but I still had people telling me, you have to be articulate, you have to sound to be the face of this franchise. He goes, baltimore. He goes, it's dark Chocolate City. They're not changing. Not my words. Robert Griffin said. He goes, they ain't changing. Lamar's look. He said, he's the only face of a franchise that sounds street, wears a diamond grill. He goes, the NFL isn't like they love him, but they're not thrilled with the idea of him going to the next level and being, you know, a mouthpiece. The face. He can't be the face of anything.

[Byron]

One of the main.

[John]

His face is the problem there, and that doesn't matter what color you are. He's just an ugly man. That's like me being the face of anything. It's just. I know when you're ugly and you know it clap your hands. He knows he's not. At least I hope he does. That's why he wears that thing over most of his face. That is an ugly human being. You can't have him up on billboards. And when he's on tv, I giggle. Like, come On. Come on. Everybody knows this shouldn't be happening.

[Byron]

They're not that commercial smiling grill.

[John]

No, you put that big dumb diamond. Unless he does a commercial for diamond grills. But either way, it's just a happy thing.

[Brett Vesely]

It's going to be on a Shane Co. Commercial next or what?

[John]

I mean, hey, I was thinking about saying, coming to get my mouth. Look, I'm Lamar Jackson, okay? He can't do it.

[Byron]

Just grill sale at the grill there this week.

[John]

Put your meat in my grill. Anyway, it's just a great. It's just a great day. A great day for people who hate the Baltimore Ravens. Find hate. Start hating something today that looks like it's about to crumble, and you'll. You'll. Why do you think trolls are all over the Internet? Because once they get you, they. Their joy is unreasonably high. When you get mad at their trolling, they're. They're.

[Byron]

They get.

[John]

They get a. Like an endorphin rush. It's a cocaine.

[Byron]

It's their life. For some of them.

[John]

Oh, it's. And they're. They're happy people. And the best thing a troll can hear is somebody going, you're just an unhappy person who has to do this. And, like, I'm happy because look what it did to you. Now you're making me laugh, you're making me giggle, and you're bringing joy to my life, assuming my. My life is an unhappy one. You're just a mad, unhappy little troll. Yep. Yep. And you are making me happier. It's true. Trolls will get you sometimes. Everybody's been punched by a troll. Everybody's had that moment where they catch you and you respond to a troll and you're like, oh, I trolled back. I just gave the troll life. I made him happy. And trolls aren't unhappy people. Trolls are the happiest people. You know, it's people who aren't trolls who want them to be unhappy and are afraid to say, I hate that little mother. I hope he dies in a fire. Like, I'll say. People who won't say those things go, he's just an unhappy person. No, you are. You are. And you're. And you're getting tapped in your unhappiness. And you wish you could say it, but you can't. Trolls are free. They're free people.

[Byron]

What's funny is when you see the person that had been trolling, trolling, trolling, then all of a sudden, something comes up on them and you look back. They got reverse trolled.

[John]

Yeah, look Everybody gets trolled. Trolls get trolled, everybody gets hit.

[Byron]

If you decide to jump into the.

[John]

Troll game, everybody gets troll.

[Byron]

Be prepared.

[John]

You've trolled, I've trolled, we've all done it. Everybody's trolled. Some people do it all the time. But don't fool yourself into thinking that. Your comment saying, your parents, you just have no love in your life. You probably live alone. Maybe. But you know what you just did? You just gave them a little troll cane and they snorted it right up. They love it. They love when you react. They love when you say they're unhappy. They giggle. They giggle like school girls. The best thing you can do is the pious. Well, I live a nice life with my family. You don't have that. And what are you doing on your computer talking to me? They love it. Troll cane's very real. And you give it to them all the time. What trolls are, are pain addicts. But not their pain, yours. And when they see it, it's just. It's this endorphin rush. I admire the troll. I admire good trolling. When I see good trolling and I see, it's like, man, this guy's basically the Tony Gwynn of trolling. He's like four out of four out of ten times somebody's reacting. He is crushing it most of the time.

[Byron]

The best.

[Brett Vesely]

Like Trump.

[John]

Trump's amazing at. Look how happy Trump is. Look how happy he is. He's not an unhappy man, but he's just an old unhappy bastard. Okay? He loves that you say that, because he's not. And he does. You know, people always say that dance he does is stupid. And it is. Even Melania said, oh, it's so not presidential. But then what did he do? And one of the best dancers of all time, then he breaks it out and he made it 10 times more. Like he knows it drives people crazy. He knows it. And that's the parts of Trump I like are the trolling parts. Because he makes. He makes little. He makes those weirdos angry.

[Byron]

And he makes it for the people that. And then you don't like him to begin with. It.

[John]

They go through the movie where they're.

[Byron]

Saying, yeah, it's through the moon.

[John]

You have a family member that said somebody should kill him out.

[Byron]

And I'm like, I can't believe you're even saying that. Are you serious?

[John]

He's a very kidding. Right, decent human being.

[Byron]

The guy is just. He's just evil.

[John]

And he sits back and laughs. Now, that one's a little far. But he Sits back and he goes, look, they'll go on TV and say something stupid like that. They become the nutball and all because they just don't like when I go, I'm gonna dance. And he does the stupid, you know, jerking two guys off at once thing. It's great. I admire good trolling, and I am a troll when it comes to the Ravens. I will. I root for horrible things to happen to that city and the people who support them. If you're. If you're a hostage in Baltimore and you're just there for work and you happen to hate the Ravens, and I know most of Baltimore loves the Ravens because they got nothing. Baltimore is the quiet. Like Cleveland looks at Baltimore and goes, if Cleveland. Baltimore were like Glendale and Phoenix, Cleveland would be the nice suburb.

[Byron]

What if he went over to Harbaugh, went over to Cleveland?

[John]

Why would he do that to himself? Why would you? Imagine you just lived 18 years in the best parts of Baltimore, right? And I guarantee you John Harbaugh didn't live in Baltimore. He was out in the hills somewhere far, far away and had commuted into that dump.

[Byron]

Cleveland still has his place in California.

[John]

Why would you leave? But you would if given choice. Hey, you can live in Baltimore or Cleveland. There aren't many people that wouldn't go, okay, I'll go to Cleveland. Baltimore's awful. It's a brackish water swamp of dumpster fire human beings with one of the worst accents next to Boston in all of the nation. It's brutal over there. All the people are fat and like, they have beards like mine, only on real fat faces. They, like, they can't grow grown up beards. They're. They all look like Dennis Franz if you dipped them in motor oil. It's just disgusting. And they say yo after every sentence. But I'm the Ravens. Yeah. Oh, God, Baltimore. They can't even say the name.

[Byron]

You were playing yesterday that day.

[John]

Oh, stop us. He's brilliant. He makes. He's a comedian, makes fun of it, but he's a big Ravens fan. But they. He's accurate when he's. When you interview anybody beat the Steelers, you. Oh, they're the worst. I'm so happy. They're in turmoil. And the. And when their bridge fell last year, remember that? I was smiling. That's tragic. I would say it. Oh, geez, that's terrible. A bunch of Baltimore commuters on. It's terrible. A lot of Ravens fans in there. Too bad. Like, you seem to be smiling a lot at that news, John. Yeah, it's Terrible. That bridge is a. It's a lifeline to the Baltimore economy. It's too bad that happened. It should take years to rebuild it. I guess that's gonna. Who's gonna. Who's gonna bring all the drugs into Baltimore now? They have to swim. It's gonna be tough.

[Byron]

A lot of people realize once they couldn't cross over the bridge, like, pretty nice over on this side.

[John]

Not going to Baltimore is better. This bridge collapse made me realize how much I hate going over there. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. Thanks, guys. Maybe run some. They should run a tanker into the middle of the town. That would be pretty great, too. I hate Baltimore. I hate everything about it. So. And people will email me, just an unhappy, why do you hate. I don't care. I hate Baltimore. I would like fair warning to Baltimore, like the natural disasters coming. But half. And be like, I'm staying you. And then you'd be like, good, good, good, good. Stick around. But, yeah, John Harbaugh and Cardinal fans already. Well, maybe we should target Harbaugh. He's not coming here either. There's no There' believe that a guy with the pick of all jobs is coming here, and if he wants to come here, it's to relax. He's not going to be a good coach here. He's coming here for the nice weather. He's going to turn into resort Harbaugh, and it won't work. You need an angry, crazy person. I go back to my choice for the Cardinals, Jon Gruden, and make that happen. It's a. Just a good. It's just been a. It's just been really nice. And I know, again, people like, I hope your team loses on Monday.

[Byron]

Right.

[John]

That's fine. I don't know if they're going to win or lose on Monday. I just know that the. The best part about it is the Ravens won't be there. And it's just, again, my feet haven't touched the ground since Sunday and just. They just. And for some reason, like an hour and a half after the game, I just started floating. I was like, oh, my God. And then I just, you know, phone calls and talking to people, and I'm getting more floating. It's just. Anyway, that was just so happy. So happy, guys. I'm happy.

[Byron]

Good. That's.

[John]

Shouldn't you be happy for a friend who's happy no matter how some people like, geez, I love seeing John this happy. Well, why is he so happy? Oh, he's sitting there rooting for Baltimore to burn.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

Oh, nobody Likes that. It's no fun. Nobody wants to be around a friend who's neither. Right. You see, you see a guy with a girl and you know, he's like, you've seen Jeff's new girlfriend's like, yeah. And then women are like, she's a little young. Like, everybody's happy.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Douglas]

He had to go there.

[John]

It's like, yeah, but he's happy. He's so happy.

[Douglas]

What happened?

[John]

He's so happy. And then the young girl leaves him, which inevitably is gonna. And then you see your friend sad and you're like, oh, that's terrible. And then women troll and go, that's inevitable. Like, they just hate that.

[Byron]

I knew it.

[John]

Yeah, they're happy. And then they get happy because he's hurt because he left for. You know, it all trickles down.

[Byron]

At least it's not, you know, the roller coaster or the highs are super high.

[John]

If they're high, then, look, take them because without super lows, you can't have super highs. Again, like, I just made the example. If Brett has a terrible situation, don't you want to see him get better? You don't know why that happened. You want to see him get better. But there are some people out there. My guess would be like Matthias X. If your world crumbled, he'd be like, I hope he dies in a fire. Like, it brings joy to someone. It has to. It's the, it's the. Yeah, it's the ups and downs of life. You don't want your friends to be.

[Byron]

Super low downs in life. I'm just saying dealing with it, just knowing that they're.

[John]

Sure, sure. But again, his lows are someone else's highs. His highs are someone else's lows. And that's just the way it has to be. I have, as a friend of Brett's. Would be so sad for him if something bad happened for him and Matthias. But if he found joy with someone else and you're like, wow, I didn't see Brett dating. I mean, it would surprise us all. An elderly African American woman. That surprised me.

[Brett Vesely]

That's surprised me too.

[John]

How happy he is.

[Byron]

And then as long as he's happy.

[John]

Exactly. But that happiness would make someone else very angry. And then if that breaks up and then that it just. It has to balance.

[Brett Vesely]

I'd get a Hellcat endorsement.

[John]

You'd be killing it. You'd be wearing a lot more loose fitting clothes. I would like to see it. I think that's great. But it would, it would surprise people. And there'd be people like, I don't like the new Brett. That would make them sad. And your happiness brings sadness. It just is that, like my happiness of Steelers wins makes Cardinal fans upset because they're still mad at the Steelers even though it's been 20 years. Get over. It's a. You know, look, Joy is a weird thing. We all think that it's some sort of weird natural occurrence, but it isn't. Where there has to be balance and.

[Byron]

One Cardinals right now. You know, it's okay. It's done. We got rid of. We're restarting.

[John]

Please. There's no happiness there. Oh, boy.

[Byron]

Get a little.

[John]

No, they won't. They'll have a boost if they hire.

[Byron]

Someone excited for the next. What do we got?

[John]

No, they won't.

[Byron]

Nothing to lose.

[John]

They'll make a mistake. They'll. They'll hire. They're going to hire Vance Joseph back. They already had him. He's the first interview. What are they doing anyway? I mean, proof. Remember Matt?

[Byron]

They probably called him. Can we interview you?

[John]

Can we? Well, they have to. And that's the sad part of the. The racism of the Rooney rule, which is they. They have to parade around people of color and act as if they may or may not be serious. But I think it's just awful happiness. It's different, varying degrees. Matt Khalil, we talked about him a few months ago. His girlfriend, former wife went on a podcast and said he had a wiener the size of two and a half Coke cans, width and length. And we were all like, start that rumor about me. No one will ever say that, but we're all like, God, this guy just got the greatest gift of all time. He's suing her.

[Byron]

Yeah. I think at first he thought this will be good.

[John]

Oh, he's. How's it bad?

[Byron]

Well, evidently enough suing her.

[John]

He said he was. He was really hurt by it and general genuinely shocked that his ex wife said that. He said he's frank. He broke his silence about his ex wife Haley, saying that his penis was. Was why their marriage ended. And he said it was invasive commentary. It ruined his attempt of keeping out of the public eye since he was out of football. And that just basically says he hates her and her sadness will bring him joy. So he's even with that rumor that all of us would kill for. Right. All of us would kill to have someone say that about us publicly. Even that wasn't enough for him to say, nope, She's. I'm gonna wreck her life. And that'll bring joy to Me.

[Byron]

Here's what I'm saying. I think he's bringing more attention to it in a way because he's like, you know what? I want her to stop. This is really affecting me. I would. $75,000.

[John]

I want to stay out of the public millions. Right?

[Byron]

You've ruined my life.

[Brett Vesely]

What?

[John]

But again, but whatever hurts her. He's not going for a big number. All this lawsuit of a hundred grand says to me is what can she. What's going to hurt her? It's like, I don't know, maybe she can afford 100,000 sewer for 75. Our company did it here. They tried that. And what's going to make him feel bad? And that would have brought joy to people here. That's what that brings joy to people. That this dude. And you're probably right. A little bit of. Okay, nobody's talking about my giant three Coke can dick anymore. I should probably bring that back into the public eye, you know, that ruined my life. I just like, oh, my God. And nobody's on his side.

[Byron]

Whenever he sat around, like, could you imagine if you got money for that?

[John]

You imagine if that's one. Yeah. First off, you wrecked her for all other men with that triple coke can you got down there. So she's. That's damaging news for her. Like if you found. Look if, you know, if you and I. Brett were out and I'm like, hey, that's that Haley Khalil. Remember her? Like, oh, yeah, she's hot. Like, yeah, but her ex husband, she.

[Byron]

Was taking a tall boy as a.

[John]

Triple coke can for a wiener. We're like, oh, she's off the. I'm out. She's. All of us are out. And the one dude that wanders over there, it says, how you doing, Haley? My name's Kevin. Like, that dude's got a triple Coke canner. He wouldn't be talking to her. And then. And that's the thing. I'll give it a whirl. But he's suing for this terrible news that she broke about him. And all that is to me is, I'm gonna get that bitch again. He's not suing because he's really upset about having a triple Coke can. Something, something. Check out homework's Morning Sickness [e-mail] the.

[Brady]

NFL playoffs are set and I know my team's in. And Underdog is where I'll make watching them the best way to get in on the action. It's Dick Toledo from the morning sickness. And playing on Underdog is So easy. Just pick if your favorite players will go higher or lower on their stats. Now my team is on a first round buy, but I'll be pulling for Saquon Kittle and Josh Allen to all go higher on their projections. Play the playoffs with me and download the app today and use the promo code HMS to score $75 in bonus entries when you play your first $5. That's promo code HMS. Underdog make picks win money must be 18 plus, 19 plus in Alabama and Nebraska, 19 plus in Colorado for some games, 21 plus in Arizona, Massachusetts and Virginia and present in a state where underdog fantasy operates. Terms apply. See assets under underdogfantasy.com web playandgetterms_dfs_html for details. Offer not valid in Maryland, Michigan, New Jersey, New York, Ohio and Pennsylvania. Concerned with your play? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit www.ncpgambling.org. in New York, call 24. 7, Hope Line at 1-877-8-HOPE NY or text HOPE NY to 467-369.

[John]

Holmberg's morning sickness. I can't believe he's soon you guys.

[Byron]

Got 75, 000 will make up for the mental anger.

[John]

Oh, all the pain he's gone through with that terrible information that was leaked about him. He said, it just hurt me. So much value.

[Byron]

Should we put on this now?

[Brett Vesely]

It hurt her.

[John]

Yeah, he's already hurt her physically. Now he's gonna financially ding her. And in the divorce, I'm sure he got, he's like, man, she took an awful lot. They probably lost the house and everything else. He just wants to just throw a bomb.

[Byron]

He's like, if I had this, I could get this classic car I've wanted. Let's put it for that amount.

[John]

Yeah, he can go on pornhub and.

[Brett Vesely]

Make some money and get that classic car himself.

[John]

He wants to hit Look, Brett.

[Byron]

But why do that?

[John]

He just wants privacy. That's it. That's why he's gone out to TMZ and told him I'm gonna sue this awful for saying I have a triple coke can wiener. Remember that part? No one is ever going to do that in my lifetime. I can live to be a thousand. There can be surgery after surgery. No one's ever gonna say I really loved him. But his wiener was so big. I had to. I had to leave the house. That's never. I'm never gonna have none of us.

[Byron]

And by doing this, will they eventually have to say, well, look, you're. We need To. We need to see it. The court.

[John]

Yeah. And then you gotta whip it up. I would say that's what.

[Brett Vesely]

No problem. If I was packing like that.

[John]

I would sue someone if she broke up with me and didn't mention I had a triple coke can. Dick. Like, if I had one of those.

[Byron]

She's like.

[John]

It's just. He was just.

[Douglas]

We didn't get along anymore.

[John]

Tell him why. No, I mean, it was like a personal thing. Tell them why. I mean, we didn't have sex much. Tell them why. I'd be on the other side of that courtroom. Say, please, Mr. Holmberg, will you let the. Well, she's not being honest. Your honor, the reason we're not together anymore is because of this giant cocaine. Let me show you. I wouldn't even wear pants if I had a triple coke can. I'd walk around every day and they'd be like, indecent exposure. And I'm like, indecent. I think I'm giving the world a show here. Let's get the word indecent out of it. I am exposing myself, but I'd rock.

[Brett Vesely]

Around swinging it like a pocket watch.

[John]

It's like a Chihuly exhibit. It's magnificent. People would pay money to come see it.

[Byron]

Could sell sponsors on it.

[John]

He's suing for invasion of privacy. And highly intimate and private facts regarding his physical person and sex life have been publicized. He said she also received substantial financial benefit. Increased viewership and increased engagement. So much like his wiener, her audience grew to sizes that were unreasonable for her content. And there's truth to that. So basically what he saw, she's been.

[Byron]

Making money off that.

[John]

Her little podcast and her YouTube that boosted piece of that. A lot of people were like, nobody.

[Brett Vesely]

Knew the hell she was. No until.

[John]

And he wants to harm that. He wants her. She's real happy.

[Douglas]

Like, I'm funny. I made a little quirk about him in it.

[John]

He's like, you know what? That's my dick.

[Byron]

Here we go. Another episode about it.

[John]

Yeah, it's awesome. And he's getting everything he needs. And she's gonna have to cease and desist. But I would love to call lawyers. And I'm like, someone to cease and desist. Talking about big wiener. It's just something I can't even imagine. And at first I read it, I'm like, what a baby. And then I realized, oh, no, he just hates her. He just hates her. He's looking for a reason.

[Byron]

What if he's in a new relationship and the girls you're Letting her get this.

[John]

Yeah, well, the bottom line is he hates her. He's tired of her. They got divorced, and you look at her and you're like, she's hot. I actually have no idea. I lived with it. And then he's suing her for finance because she also probably benefited heavily from his football career when they got divorced. And he's like, I took all those hits. I'm risking cte, and there she is in my old house. She never lifted a finger. And she's gonna start talking about me now. I gotta hurt her. I gotta. I gotta zing that.

[Brett Vesely]

He'd probably cause he. With that crank of his, too.

[John]

Imagine the mental damage to that.

[Byron]

You can do an endorsement. This is Matt Khalil for Ream Air Conditioning. Yes.

[John]

Yeah, Ream. That's right. Matt Khalil. When you think of Matt Khalil, think of the word ream. Yeah, I like it. Like, he's like the. Anything that's got the word deep in it. Deep dish pizza. That's right, Matt Khalil. And I like to go deep with my pizza. I'm known for it. When you think of Matt Khalil, you think deep.

[Byron]

The pipe fitters union join.

[Brett Vesely]

Why aren't the plumbing companies all over him for endorsements?

[John]

I love it. Anyway, so. But again, joy, misery, there's all. You know, when there's one, there has to be the opposite. There has to be. The Simpsons fans will get it. The Frank Grimes for every Homer Simpson that's out there. By the way, the Simpsons have an episode that people are. All the psychics are out. You know, I forget about this every year, but January, the first couple weeks of January, the psychics are all out, and they're a little bit upset because they. They usually start talking about what's going to happen in 2026, right around the first week of it. And almost all of them are like, we knew the Venezuela thing was going to happen. All right, calm down. You missed it. It happened too fast. It was like January 2nd. You screwed it all up by not being there in November. But there's three prominent ones, including that baba Venga thing that comes up every January. She died back in the. I don't know when, but all three big ones are saying there'll be a contact with aliens this year. Like, they will actually reach out and make contact this year. And that's not so bad. I think that would be a good.

[Byron]

I mean, would you put them in line with Mel Kuiper on, oh, the draft success?

[John]

Yeah. 17% go back. Mel Kuiper has a 17% success rate on his draft mock drafts on where people are going. And you have to remember that 17% includes. We always know the first two or three, and he's missed a few of those. But I mean, if you get given the first three or four answers every year, that's about 12 or 13. All you have to do is get one right later and your numbers are good. People still give him tons and tons of money to be 17% accurate. That's not right.

[Byron]

Then again, it's like, well, these are. This is my opinion on what this team should pick.

[John]

Well, then you're not. You're not right. But that's not what you're just saying. It's a mock draft. He's basically saying, here's the direction they will go. And people are like, oh, Kuiper says we're going to go this way. He's not saying it's my opinion. It's what I think if I was the gm. He's saying, this is the best pick available. This is where they'll go. This fills their need. And he's almost always wrong. Same with these psychics, though. But they're all saying that, you know, they knew about Venezuela. There's a couple of them says there's going to be a lot of strife. All three of them are saying volcanoes are going to make a big like 20, 26 impact, which write it down and think about that. We don't live by really active ones. Although San Francisco Peak is technically an active volcano. We would notice if it started to bubble. There's.

[Byron]

There's one or two. One that I know that supposed to have erupt in the last thousand years. It'd been very consistent for like. Sure, once every 100 years it would go that 100 years happened a while back. It's going to happen this year.

[John]

Look how fast. I never understood it. We went when Brady And I in 2005, we're in Hawaii together. And you've been back since. And we played that one golf course that has fresh lava.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

And. And it's kind of no fun because if you make a mistake, it's that thing's. It's pinball. The ball hits lava. It goes great. And it also rips up the golf.

[Byron]

Ball that try to find it on the moon.

[John]

Pumice is brutal. And that lava rock was horrible. And I'm like, how fast. There's houses all over and like this stuff, some of it's still smoking. And you're like, how fast do you move when the mountain starts glowing orange?

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

How fast?

[Byron]

Like, I ain't moving.

[John]

Yeah, but they don't. Like, Hawaii's nice, but it's not that nice. And there's other islands without volcanoes.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

That particular island, that one is constantly bubbling up. So if I'm in Flagstaff and they say, you know, San Francisco Peaks are actually. Technically, it's an active volcano. And. Okay. Yeah. But we're not seeing anything, right? Like. Nope. And then one day it just goes. And a little orange comes out of it. I can't tell you how fast I would pack a U Haul. Like, this is not going the. This is not a one off.

[Byron]

This is just a bubble.

[John]

The volcanoes don't ever just go. They used to before we had scientists. Now we're pretty sure. All right, this is. This is not good. Like, you never see. What's this. That beautiful orange line coming out of the top on that pretty. I hope that stays forever. It's. It's. It's letting you know. Hey, guys, I'm a little sick. It's drool before a dog barfs. If you want to look at it that way. That noise your dog make, you got to pick him up and get him outside. Weird little hunch thing. That's a dog volcano. If a mountain's doing it move. I don't get it. So the volcanoes are an easy one. When the psychics are like volcanoes. Unexpected volcano. They usually smoke a little before or bubble if it just blows up out of nowhere. I mean, they even knew.

[Byron]

You got a lot of options on that around the world. I mean, that are pretty consistent. Right?

[John]

But. And people are comfortable with it. Like, yeah, just. It does that all the time. That people's idiots in Hawaii. Like, that thing's always going. I'm like, you know, eventually it's gonna have a moment and your golf courses are gonna be covered in that weird. And remember a couple years ago and those. They had to warn them to stop getting close to the. It's running down the thing. They had that thing in Iceland and. Guys, enough. The sulfur in the air is gonna kill you, let alone the fiery lava river. Yeah, but we want pictures. Oh, my God. Instagram's made everybody stupid.

[Brett Vesely]

Why don't you jump in? You'll get a closer shot.

[John]

I agree with that. Although you and I did visit one. It wasn't going, but it was smoking a little bit, and we were on top of it.

[Byron]

Well, I guess we'd vaporize if anything happened on that.

[John]

That's where I want to Be if it decided to rumble. But I'm moving. I'll visit it when it settles. But if, say, if. You know these. These psychics are like volcanoes. Like, that's an easy one to get around. Same as those hurricane morons. They get warned for dangerous days and days and days. And I got one blur. There's one brewing out in the Atlantic. And here's what path we think. If you're in the path they think, don't get wood at Home Depot. Get a U Haul. Grab your childhood stuff, some pictures, things you like in your house, Pack it up, have a plan, and do it. Day one. Because you see that traffic shot in the news every year. They can't even get out of here. Those poor bastards in Fort Myers are going to stay forever. You idiots had five days. You all chose the same time to leave. I've made this very clear. I love Phoenix for a lot of reasons, but one of them is because nothing like that's going to happen. If Camelback, I've said it a thousand times, suddenly just got up and walked around for a minute. I'd move. I'd move away. Like, sometimes that mountain gets up and moves. Like, what does it do? Oh, it crushes parts of the city we can't predict.

[Byron]

Thousands of homes.

[John]

Usually it's late summer, early fall, and we have to take that chance. I'm like, I'm not living here. That's. You guys live where the mountain sometimes walks around. Yep.

[Byron]

I've got Camelback insurance.

[John]

Yeah. And then you gotta pay extra just in case the mountain goes and moves over to Glendale. Not doing it. Nothing bad happens here. We have something called micro bursts. It's the worst you can and you get around. Has to hit you directly. It's almost like lightning. But these psychics, they're going nuts for 2026. And the big one was the aliens, which I'm rooting for. But they say earthquakes and volcanoes will be a big deal in 2026. That's like, even Baba Venga had written down the year 2026 for volcanic activity.

[Byron]

And, you know, now we've got Gravity.

[John]

Day or no Gravity Days. That's the one. I.

[Byron]

That's.

[John]

That's got me. That's got my attention. The double black hole Gravity Day. And through all my nonsense over the break, Brett's decided to dive into some conspiracy theories and now doesn't believe that the Vegas shooter exists.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, man. That thing's.

[John]

That's going around.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm telling you, man, when you. If you listen to that podcast, you're back.

[Byron]

Whoa.

[Brett Vesely]

This.

[John]

Yeah, he's on Tucker Carlson. Tucker Carlson's a little. People got a little reputation being nuts. But he's interviewing a guy who's doing all the studying of the. The Vegas shooting. And you. And you don't. I've. I haven't. You listened to the whole thing?

[Brett Vesely]

I'm. I've got like a half hour left on it because it's like two and a half hours.

[John]

I can't do that.

[Brett Vesely]

So I just listen to a little bit in the car when I'm going to work and stuff like that. So.

[John]

But what's the big takeaway so far?

[Brett Vesely]

That he was probably dead while the shootings were still happening. They're saying there was helicopters in the air.

[John]

What?

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, yeah.

[John]

For what reason? That took them out.

[Byron]

Like snipers took him out or something.

[Brett Vesely]

They're saying that it's kind of a covert job. It's.

[John]

For what reason, though? They don't.

[Brett Vesely]

They don't 100% know. They're thinking that the Saudis may have something to do with it because possibly one of the Saudi princes was staying, I think at the Four Seasons. It's crazy. I haven't got to the final nail in it.

[John]

I read a little about.

[Byron]

So then that would be. It was a soft target. Let's.

[John]

Well, it's a safety. Everything that that happens is for safety later is to say we can do more now for your safety. That's usually a money.

[Brett Vesely]

There were shootings reported, like at the Bellagio and everything else, but nothing ever got reported. But there's. There's phone calls and they have. You know, with technology nowadays, that stuff just gets out there.

[John]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

You know, body cam footage that wasn't supposed to be released and. And a lot of the stuff was put out before AI so it's not like new stuff. It's been on YouTube for like six, seven, eight years.

[John]

First thing I saw when I started reading about this was AI like, oh, they're screwing with this thing. No, we're gonna get fooled. And then I saw that all of it is like real.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John]

And then. But now AI can get involved. I. I worry about all this kind of the conspiracy theory stuff with AI combined is going to make us all a little bit crazy.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, yeah. People mysteriously dying after the. The ones that were very loud about it afterwards, posting all their stuff online. People.

[John]

That's the weirdest dying to me is the. How fast that whole thing went away. We were there a week after and they still had the board up on the mandalay and they had all the Vegas strong stuff. And even then I remember watching the news there and it was just over. And I think everybody said, what's over? Because they got the guy. But like the motivating factor. My casino hostess knew the guy because he was a gambler.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

You know, it just all sort of disappeared.

[Byron]

And I, you know, back when it saying when they opened it back up in less week, which was amazing. But I thought, oh well, I can understand. That's a lot of money for that casino to be shut down for that amount of time. That's what I'm saying. So it was, you know, money, revenue.

[John]

Yeah. They just had to shut a room off that's. They basically closed the floor. Big deal.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. Mandalay's huge.

[John]

It's massive. Yeah, it's. It. I gotta, I now see, I gotta get on.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm telling you. It's. But I mean it's like.

[John]

What was the eye right here?

[Brett Vesely]

They got the whole, they got the whole.

[John]

All the shootings. Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Like all the reported where somebody called in, videos where they died. They got the phone calls listed up here. I mean like all kinds of crazy snow.

[John]

Kidding.

[Brett Vesely]

They were talking that there was an active shooter at McCarran afterwards.

[John]

There's like a full out war going on in Vegas.

[Brett Vesely]

That's what they're saying.

[John]

This was the distraction.

[Brett Vesely]

Yes, yes. And yeah, there were. And somebody said there was an active shooter on, on one of the runways and you hear the, the tower guys say kill the lights on runways 19 and 18 or something like that. Yeah, it's. It's goofy.

[John]

Oh boy.

[Brett Vesely]

But again, like all these videos and stuff that are all that have been available, they're all over YouTube like they've been out for eight, nine years now. So it's not like, you know, like.

[John]

I said, it's not. AI yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Helicopters that were supposed to be. That are in the air and stuff like that around Mandalay and stuff like that.

[John]

Oh boy. Yeah, oh boy.

[Brett Vesely]

They're thinking that he may have been an arms dealer, man. Yeah, it's. It's. You gotta listen to it. There's so much oh boy.

[John]

I don't need to know any of this stuff. But they always build that big false flag to make us feel like, oh no, it's us. Meanwhile, something covert is going on in the background with this big blast is happening to us. And then we lose our minds over how random it was. And you find out it wasn't that random. That's kind of what I had read. I didn't Read the thing about the Saudis, but they said that foreign invasion. Yeah, I'm like, I don't know if I want to read about that.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, I guess they were saying the Saudis were training their air force, like, a week earlier out in the desert somewhere. And so that may be where the helicopters came from things. I mean, it's. Yeah, it's all kinds of crazy stuff, like. And then they make you crazy tomorrow.

[John]

That's my thing. I was with Nash yesterday.

[Brett Vesely]

You're telling about this tomorrow?

[John]

Oh, not that. I guess I'll get friends with that guy. Oh, man.

[Byron]

Oh, yeah, No, I got it.

[John]

Yeah. Oh, he doesn't have anything solved, but he certain. He sure does raise the flags. And I don't know which side I want to be on. Knowing or not knowing. You think happy and stupid sometimes is a little bit better.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, I'm kind of on that.

[John]

Might go down Brady's route there and just start playing the song, wandering around. Put those glasses on and not care and say stupid stuff like Brady says all the time, it's my time to go. Then it's my time. Like, what the hell? And I don't worry about dying. I worry about getting clipped and being, like, half veg, sitting on something and being the face of that horrible incident forever. All right, well, you know where the last thing I want to be is a guy in a chair with wobbly eyes and one tooth left. And their teeth always fall out. One tooth left, and they're like, in this heroic patron who just wanted to go to a concert. And then I'm Phoenix strong. That's the. Oh, look at how strong he is. Screaming, Phoenix Strong. I don't want to be that guy.

[Brett Vesely]

Think about the last thing you heard was country music, too.

[John]

See, now, again, you know, I mean, that makes me comfortable because there's no chance I'll ever be in a country music crowd ever. So I'm like, I was never at risk. That's. You know, that's like saying there's been an attack on top of Mount Everest. It's never gonna happen to me.

[Byron]

Was it like the movie?

[John]

The jerk, he doesn't like, look, look. Country music. You know, there's a threat on that. Don't tell me there's no chance I'll be close to it. I avoid that more than I would the volcano. Well, now I gotta look into that. Damn you.

[Brett Vesely]

Telling you it's interesting.

[John]

That's garbage. But it's out there. And then you start. And then you start recognizing that. Oh, my God. Well, Again, I go back to my one friend who was a special ops contractor, and I didn't even know what that meant. But when he told me that day, he said, hey, I'm going to be deep in whatever I'm doing. He goes, let me know if there's something weird that happens this weekend because we're bringing tanks to Mexico and I don't know what we're doing yet, but I know I'm in on it. Like, no kidding. He goes, yeah, we're going to do some training exercise, stuff like that. And we're actually in on it. And that was the weekend when he told me that on, like a Tuesday, and then disappeared for six days and then came back and he goes, what happened? And I said, gabby Giffords got shot in a parking lot. And he goes, yep. And he said, meanwhile, we had air support at the Mexican border. I'm like, what was going on? And it wasn't military. It was contractors, former military, black ops guys that were down there doing something to someone and making it horrible. And all it was is a scroll across the bottom of the screen while we all focused in on this tragedy that happened. And I'm not saying it was fake, but it sure was weird that they put up this thing to make us all go, what happened over here? Meanwhile, we have a little war with Mexico that we can't let people know what's going on. And he was in it.

[Byron]

I wonder if there's any families. Like, yep, we're heading out for the holidays. Where you going? Valenzuela. We're gonna head to Valenzuela for the holidays.

[John]

Just for a couple days. Might be back day or day or two after. Well, Lovett's and I had lunch, and his friend is a former black ops guy, and Lovett's asking, he goes, how did anybody. Like, who pulled that off? Guys like you, right? And he just text back, well, you know. And that was all he wrote. And you're like, okay, you just made this ten times bigger crazy. Anyway, idiots. We're all too dumb. And we think we're. We think we've got it all figured out because the Internet. But we don't.

[Brett Vesely]

And sometimes I don't want to know.

[John]

I don't want to.

[Brett Vesely]

Like, even after digging through this, my. Do I really want to know?

[John]

I've gotten a lot of emails about that.

[Byron]

And then you get like, well, it's been going on. Yeah.

[John]

See the. There he goes. See what he did? There he goes. That's the stuff we're talking about. Nothing you can do if it's my time and it's the right way to be. Dumb stuff like you were about to say, nothing you can do. It's been going on the whole time.

[Byron]

Well, I know it stinks to feel that way.

[John]

Sure. But listen to the song and put the glasses back on if it's my time and then go dip into a raisin cane's and everything seems fine. I'm with you on that break. My brain just goes, yeah, it has been going on the whole time. And now I kind of want to know all the stuff that's been going on. Stuff. Some stuff I don't. If it's going to affect me later, you know, like, if it's going to crumble in economy. That's when I worry.

[Byron]

And then you're trying to figure out, well, can I. Could I catch it next time? Like, see the sign? You can't.

[John]

No. You only see after. But. And. But then it's interesting to say, okay, the people who did this did it so clumsily. We can't. We can't let them know that this stuff does go on.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John]

Somebody's been emailing. I got a lot of emails about that whole thing about the Vegas shooting. And they're like, you got to listen to this guy. I think the guy was on Rogan, too, but he did a long time ago.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay.

[John]

Yeah. The Carlson thing's, like, in depth about just this.

[Brett Vesely]

It's. It's scary. Like, if that's. If that's true. It's scary.

[John]

Yeah. That's what I always say about conspiracies. You have to get so many people on board. It's amazing that one guy doesn't speak out. And then when you talk to conspiracy people, they're always like, people have spoken out. This guy got hit by a car. Yeah. This guy ended up. It was like lightning hit him. Really. It's like all the people that have tried to speak out end up having weird things happen to them. And then. So now you wonder about this dude.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. I mean, they were talking about one guy who was really loud about it. Him and his. I think his wife got shot or something at the thing. And he was real loud about it.

[John]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

They both got killed in a car accident, like, a couple months later and stuff. Like, I mean, just a lot of.

[John]

Were they Ravens fans? Were they Ravens?

[Brett Vesely]

Well, they were wearing Lamar jersey.

[John]

Okay. Yeah. And it was worth it. Thank you, Saudi Arabia. Let's get a wake up song, shall we? A good one. Now that Brett's made Us all think of the dark web and the black ops. 585-9800. You give it to us, we'll scream at its 98 KVD. Wake up.

[Byron]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually.

[John]

No membership fees. I have heard enough of this. You PD Converg's morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan. He's evil. Sitting right here.

[Brett Vesely]

Come on.

[John]

No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. My God. And now you got him. Now you got him fired up, Brett. Way to go. My emails are all I brought up the idea that there's stuff out there. The Vegas shooting thing is just flying into my emails now. And I know, I know everybody's got a thought on something, but man, oh man, you don't want to get into this and see it. Even Alex. Like, I'm not a big conspiracy guy. One thing I'm wondering is who gave the guy all the ammo and fully automatic weapons? That's the thing I always look at with that Vegas shooting things do. Just walking into the. With bags of ammunition and long guns in those bags.

[Brett Vesely]

I think they said he had like 4,000 rounds. And that's not light.

[John]

No carrying. That's hard. So you got to get like a guy to give you one of those rollers and heavy. You know, it just seems strange. Like if I'm in a casino, I kind of notice giant duffel bags that.

[Byron]

The bell hopper made a lot of.

[Brett Vesely]

Hopefully tip of la good.

[John]

Yeah, exactly. You got to. You got to be good about it. Who knows? But I. And that's my next thing is, do I want to get in on this? I do. That's the worst part about this conspiracy stuff, whether you believe it or not. And then like you said, they. They brought up the idea that the guy's brother was, you know, like saying certain things, mouthing off the shooter's brother. And then they. They automatically, once he got a little too noisy, pinned him with like, oh, you know, he's got child porn in his history. Well, here's my horrible take of the day. Can't a dude who diddles kids also witness something and know something about another thing? Isn't it awful that we will automatic like, this guy might hold a secret to something incredibly important, but the second you say, you know he's got some child porn, two things can be true at once. A dude who diddles kids can also hold the key to unlocking a massive door, but will never, ever Listen to him, right?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John]

So they automatically pin something terrible on people because they know society will never hear anything from a guy. You could solve the Kennedy assassination. And if the guy's like, he's on to us. And all you have to do is say, find a kid picture with him and we can end this. Because society will not hear him out. You can't. Two things can be true at once. The worst thing you could ever have happened is let's say somebody jumps out of the bushes and robs Brett and attacks him and screams out of akbar and says something about wanting to blow up the airport and all that and runs away. And Brett's. Larry's like, oh, what happened? And the only guy that witnessed it is Jared from Subway. Nobody's gonna listen to your problem.

[Byron]

No, you're right.

[John]

And he starts, that's Jared, though. Yeah. That guy. He could see it. He could be a witness to a horrible crime. But the second you say, you know he did those kids, like, ugh, don't listen to his account. It's so fast. But it is true. Kid diddlers, they just can't be heroic ever. So even if they are in a situation to be a hero, the second that gets tied back to him, the whole thing goes away. And they put that on that dude's brother lickety split. Absolutely.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John]

They said, you can't listen to him. I'm surprised I didn't do it to Jose Canseco back in the day for the baseball deal. I always do that with conspiracies because that was the first time in my life it mattered to me was with the steroid era in baseball. And one dude that was shouting from the rooftop, screaming, this has been going on the whole time. This is. They're all lying. This and that. They painted him with every crazy brush they could so you would just dismiss him. And it turned out everything. Everything Jose Canseco said was true. Everything. He didn't help himself with the crazy white contacts, and he went a little nuts with his surgeries and everything. Look, he's going nuts. But everything that dude said was true. And it kind of made me always say, the dude that's yelling might be telling the truth. That is a terrible take. But it is true. Kid diddlers can be good witnesses. That is true. The only that can ensure your freedom fiddles with kids genitals. So you're going to jail for a long time. It's like, wait a minute.

[Douglas]

He saw everything.

[John]

Yeah, but who's gonna listen to that? Oh, my God, my Life is in the hands of a kid diddler. I mean, could you imagine if I was in the middle of something and the only person that can free me is father Dale from St. Tim's no 1. He's my only ally. I'm done.

[Byron]

That's what they do all day long. And whether it's that or it's just. They have a rap sheet. Oh, a rap sheet several times. So his credibility.

[John]

His credibility is a little shot. Kid diddlings ride out. Whenever somebody. Whenever somebody labels a free man a kid diddler and then they don't arrest him for it, I automatically assume that was to. To get all of his information to be. To. To erase him. You can have a guy who's on your team who doesn't have a good track record. That isn't going to help you. But the second it's kid diddling, you're going to jail. You can be the most innocent man in the world and you get wrapped up in some sort of a mess and people think you did something and the only guy that can free you, they. They say, you know, he touched kids once or he had some porn on his computer. He's. You're done. He's the only person that could. Kid diddlers can be good witnesses. That's what I'm saying. Who saw it? I think over there in the bushes with the googly eyes. He looks nocturnal almost. Oh, the kid diddler.

[Brett Vesely]

This isn't good guy talking to Chris Hansen over there. That's the guy who did it.

[John]

The guy with the coke and the rubbers and the cookies. I just thought she was. She said she was. I was. All right, well, you're free to go. And then the kid diddler gets arrested. He can't. You can't have it. But when in society do we do that? That only when it makes it. So you want someone erased? You erase somebody by saying that immediately. By planting or putting or finding a picture of kids in anybody's computer or phone. They're done. Everything they say for and probably should be. But everything they say for the. From that day forward is meaningless. Because if that does the ultimate like. Well, we'll never listen to you again. It's brutal.

[Brett Vesely]

As I said, F. Yeah. John, you're waking up finally.

[John]

Don't do that. No, no. Look, I'm sleepy. I got eye open and the other one's always. I've got that. You know when kids get that p. Eye thing and they. That's staying that way. I'm not opening both eyes. I'm peeking. I have a little interest. But it's true. Kid Diddlers can have. They can be good witnesses, too.

[Brett Vesely]

Dane said great band name. Heroic Kid Diddlers.

[John]

No, not a good. That's actually a terrible. I put it on the list still for 2026. But heroic kid Diddler is not a good band. Hello. We are the Heroic Kid Diddlers.

[Byron]

Yeah. No one's buying tickets.

[John]

Yeah, man. Eyewitness Diddler. That's not. Yeah, but again, once you have, they paint that brush. Whenever I hear that brush get painted, I'm like, well, why won't we arrest him? Why is he still free? If we knew this about him, We're.

[Byron]

Diddler on the roof.

[John]

Yeah. Oh, that's a good one. I like that. Diddler on the roof. So don't celebrate it, Brady. Let's just let it breathe. Let's not start going down avenues where we're reaching. But I like that one. But, yeah, if a guy's not in jail and then has something to say and then suddenly like, yeah, but he has. Why isn't he in jail? If. Then I automatically think that something's being made up about him and like, oh, they're painting him with that brush so we don't listen to him. That makes me want to listen to him. And then I'm like, I have lost my mind, and I need to go back to Bradyland and just wander around and go, why am I doing this?

[Byron]

It's better.

[John]

It's better there. Better over there. Or is it. I don't know. I don't think my brain has too many questions. Brady didn't like asking questions. It's one thing religion gave you that I both hate and love. Don't ask questions. Don't question it. You've been told that it must be a thing. It's just keep moving.

[Byron]

Depends on the topic.

[John]

Yeah. Well, for the most part, though, you.

[Byron]

Don'T have, like, talking about that. I'm not asking questions about the.

[John]

Your dad being in Cuba during the revolution. You didn't ask any questions. I mean, there's a lot of things. You just been. You just take it at face value. It's easier that way. Way.

[Byron]

It's easier.

[Brett Vesely]

Your uncle and the. The landscape.

[John]

Yeah, the uncle in the landscape. Your whole family went, yeah, that seems about right. Wait, the landscaper laying down, taking a nap with anyone in the house, and you guys are like, yeah, that's right. He got married later. He's not gay. There was plenty of nap times with landscapers back then. No, there Was. He's gay. And you guys still are. Like, nah, I had wives and stuff. He still.

[Byron]

My aunt was on the. You know, one of the first people to do the in vitro. The kids, you know, with the doctor.

[John]

Yeah, that's right. Oh, that's right. I forgot about that. And you didn't ask questions. The whole family was like, that's right. But your gay uncle, his wife had two kids with a doctor, and it was his sperm.

[Byron]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was kind enough to donate.

[John]

He donated sperms. And they did it clinically. That's what your family believed and still did up until a few years ago when the kids of that family said, this doesn't add up. Our dad was a homosexual. And they found out that was a real dad, Right?

[Byron]

Yep. Yeah.

[John]

And they still believe it was in vitro.

[Byron]

Yes, according to my aunt.

[John]

Yeah. The one who had them.

[Byron]

The nurse.

[John]

Right, right. Who worked with this doctor, kind of borrow your sperm. And the doctor's like, yes, but only in a scientific manner. I would never have sex with one of my nurses. That's gross. Doctors don't do that. And you just take it at face value and you walk away. That's a great story in the Bogan household that every single one of them went, that makes sense. Okay, never talk about that again. Keep moving, keep moving. There's plenty to see here. Look at that.

[Byron]

Trees.

[John]

And we got a raccoon in the attic. We're gonna go play with that for a minute.

[Byron]

You know, amazes. My dad did that, you know, years ago, the 23andMe. I think he was the first one. And he was looking up the ancestry, the line, the German side of it. And he goes, you know, our family might also have some. We might have some Jewish relatives.

[John]

Yeah. Now, the doctor was Jewish, is that right?

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

There we go.

[John]

I'm like, well, you need 23 me for that. There we go. Just a couple of questions.

[Byron]

He's like, because there are. Yeah, I mean, there's bogans in Germany that were Jewish. And he says, that could be the line.

[John]

But no, was it doctor that was feeding your aunt a bunch of seed through a tube? He says, and nobody knew it was in vitro. She didn't make, like, a big deal out of it. We're having kids. We got to do it through science.

[Byron]

That's what I asked my mom, like, when in that kind of huge. Back then.

[John]

And mom never had any questions. She just showed up pregnant, didn't tell anybody. We did it this crazy new way.

[Byron]

With the doctor's said that, you Know.

[John]

Years later, after the gay guy's gone. Yeah, yeah. Was he dead?

[Byron]

One more thing. I don't know if he wasn't dead when he died. See, but that one's out. He's not.

[John]

Every. Every couple months, we get a new thing from Brady.

[Brett Vesely]

The whole. It's unbelievable.

[John]

The whole family's in on it. The biggest conspiracies in this country.

[Brett Vesely]

You need to be on Tucker Carlson.

[John]

Yeah. The biggest. Yeah. You need to be interviewed by Rogan. And I've tried as hard as I can. We need a professional in on this. I mean, I've gotten a lot out of you, and I've. I think I've made you think a little bit on a few of these, but, man, oh, man, you are. You are the biggest conspiracy in all of America. What went on in Upper Arlington with the Bogan household? Because there's the daughters that found out. Sure, sure. But it.

[Byron]

You know, the 23.

[John]

The fact that they didn't know they were in vitro.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

Because they were covering up an affair. Not the kids, the parents. For so long. And also by covering up the affair, covering up the homosexuality of their father.

[Byron]

Oh, no, everyone knew about it. You guys.

[John]

Yeah. You guys all hate when someone rational says, oh, they're covering up an affair because she had married a homosexual. No, no. It was in vitro fertilization. And then he did again.

[Byron]

He kept it the whole time. Because he got remarried once or twice.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Byron]

Actually, he was the. More like Steve, the comedian in the. What is it? Dirty Rotten Scoundrels.

[John]

Oh, Steve Martin.

[Byron]

He found some rich.

[John]

Sure. Yeah. We raided their money.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

And. And lived a good life. Yeah. It funded his homosexual lifestyle with a woman that wouldn't care. She just wanted some company. You can be married. Plenty of closeted homosexuals died with wives.

[Byron]

Sure.

[John]

Especially back then. And kids, the divorces.

[Byron]

She was a good domestic partner.

[John]

He just kept it going. So long. You didn't touch kids. Because then this word is. This is. It's ruined. Yeah. I always look at that stuff and I'm like, oh, they're painting a dude.

[Byron]

You would have been a good witness.

[John]

They're doing the diddler brush on a guy and they're not putting him in jail. That tells me an awful lot. Did the brother ever go to jail? They just attacked that guy.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, yeah, yeah. He was just. He was just automatically just.

[John]

Yeah. He lived in a trailer and they took weird shots of his house, made us all go, oh, he's a loser who likes kids, no matter what he said. And he had Some serious insight into this thing. Can't go asking them. Diddlers. You got to get rid of that. I also saw in the news last night that they had. They settled in a Detroit courtroom, a case for $3.25 million, where one of the people. And I don't want to sound too rude about this, but one of the people Brady would have followed on Instagram, they thought that they were like, one of them real crippled people. What, you like Kaiser salsa? No, no, no, no, no. Like the ones you like. Not people with a limp.

[Byron]

Okay.

[John]

Ones whose heads are on backwards or they're lumps. Yeah, I'll show you. I'll show you the picture of it. You'd follow?

[Byron]

Oh, yeah, I follow him.

[John]

Yeah. It's a woman, by the way. This thing's a mess, right? So it stops breathing. And the coroner comes by, I'm so sorry, your potato is dead. And they're like, it's not a potato. I'm sorry. Whatever that thing is in there, it's not breathing. What are you, Pat Eason? Asia? I'm not sure what this. That's how they get zip. They zip her up and put her in the body bag and drop her off at the mortuary to go get cut up to find out what the hell planet she was from. And she goes in the bag. And they bagged her up, kept her in there. The parents put her, drove her all the way over there, and they're like, she's not dead yet. Like, good God, it came back to life. And they put it back in the parents house. Said, sorry about that. Your potato jumped back to life with some sort of life force from one of its alien ships. Probably shot down a beam or something. It's a human being. I've seen human beings, and that is not what this is. And it came back to life. And then they got $3.25 million for the mistake, for the goof. She opened her eyes and the body bag was unzipped to, like, cut it open. They unzip it and it goes, thank you. Like, oh, my God, that thing. I would have just gone on the top of the head and taken it out. Like, I'm gonna do this thing a favor. It's something, something. Check out homework's morning sickness [e-mail] Holmberg's.

[Brett Vesely]

Morning Sickness Sounds like Monty Python.

[John]

I'm not dead yet. Come on.

[Brett Vesely]

He's almost dead.

[John]

He's not dead yet. He's just about dead.

[Byron]

That's funny, because we've had multiple Stories over the years of that happening. Yeah, Grandma's pronounced dead, but they didn't come back and sue, you know, oh, she's dead.

[John]

But to one of these things.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

You know, one of your. You know, one of your cool little side projects that you dig checking out the algorithm. Brady algorithm that they kind of rushed it. No, they didn't. If you look at the thing, it's like it didn't have a heartbeat. It wasn't breathing. It's just laying there all crippled up, like, we didn't think this thing would make it as long as it did. Everybody's probably saying that, like, yeah, well, when it was born, they said it would live six months, and here we are. It's like 20. That's pretty good run. And then they zipped it up. They zipped it right back up and said, yeah, it's been a good run. Take it away.

[Byron]

Now, if it happens and they call, we. She's dead.

[John]

Yeah. We're not going to come over to your house. Yeah, sure. She's dead. Months. We're gonna wait months. I was going to stare at that thing like it seems dead. It has to start to stink and rot for me to go. All right, we're ready. $3.25 million. Still not worth being a potato, but almost. I mean, this is. It's not good. It says Brady has more family secrets that he doesn't talk about than Brett and his Italian mob family. It's true. Yeah. Brett's secrets are like, we got nothing.

[Byron]

He doesn't talk about it.

[John]

We never had a fajol in the family. If we do, we don't. You know, we ain't saying. Certainly not giving out the deets anyway. Yeah. So 3.25 million, they said, we recognize that no resolution can undo the profound tragedy that occurred back in 2020. Plus, it was 2020, by the way. It was also height of COVID where doctors were, like, running, scrambling for everything, and that thing going to a hospital wasn't going to be good. They said the case involved extraordinarily difficult circumstances that arose in the complex world of. Of global pandemics. They called 91 1, when the little thing was trying to breathe real hard and the medical crew tried to resuscitate her and also consulted a doctor on, like, where's its lungs? What is this thing? And. And they offered her accidentally, and then back she came. You think your parents would be happy that that would be it? Yeah.

[Byron]

Well, like, you.

[Brett Vesely]

What, that you came back?

[Byron]

So it must.

[John]

Yeah, I don't Know, Brett, you and I as parents would be like, after we left the hospital. Thank God, That's.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, yeah, no kidding. And if it came back, God damn.

[John]

It, I'd probably been like, when they knock on the door after it comes back, what do you want? Your. Your child came back to life. What are you painting? Yeah, I'm painting the room. Making a man cave. Thought this thing was over.

[Byron]

The hell?

[John]

I finally took all the rails out of the showers.

[Brett Vesely]

Now I'm good.

[John]

How is it?

[Byron]

It's amazing. Their fault.

[John]

Fault?

[Byron]

Because it had to have no pulse. Flatline.

[John]

Yeah.

[Byron]

How could that be the fault of the. You know.

[John]

I don't know. They sacked it up early. You can't go doing that. They found her alive in a body bag. And maybe, you know, and that's not fair either, because she's, like, a 1% of the population, so as well trained as EMTs and paramedics and doctors are, when something that goofed up comes in and isn't breathing, you. You got to assume, like, well, does this thing, like, stop? Like bulldogs, sometimes they just do something. You're like, is that normal? Like, that's just them breathing. And you're like, that's not good. None of the other dogs do that. It's kind of with people with their potato people. They start doing stuff like. That's normal, I think. I don't know what's going on. It doesn't breathe for, like, an hour.

[Byron]

Does it usually have no pulse?

[John]

It lives underwater all the time.

[Brett Vesely]

That happens.

[Byron]

Gills. No.

[John]

What the hell that is?

[Brett Vesely]

You don't know?

[John]

Maybe it's. Maybe it's a little anomaly.

[Byron]

She's coded before.

[John]

Sure.

[Byron]

For about six or seven minutes.

[John]

Every six or seven months, your heart just quits working for when? We give it an hour or two, then we call you guys. It's not normal, but 3.25 million, and that's it. We have some fantastic news for you, Mr. Pocom. Yeah. Would you please put the paintbrushes down for a second? Yeah. Is that a neon sign that says Ravens? It is. Anyway, your potato. Your potato person came back to life, and we've got her in the car. You did what now? I was kind of counting on $3.25 million. It's gonna have one hell of a man cave. I just called Meathead over at Prestige. I got a pool table rolling up and a golden tea.

[Brett Vesely]

Ain't that a. Now, who's gonna pay for all this?

[John]

Somebody paid for this. I spent $3.25 million on this. I'm sorry, sir. Here's your potato.

[Brett Vesely]

Is that your new Hellcat in the garage?

[Douglas]

Yes, it is, man.

[John]

Insurance. I got insurance. Well, you're gonna have to give that back, because here's the potato. Aren't you thrilled? Aren't you a thrilled parent? All right, Wheeler ass up here. I just poured over new steps on our ramps. I got to bring those back. This is going to cost me a fortune, sir.

[Brett Vesely]

3.5 million. You couldn't replace the batteries and fire alarms? What's going on here?

[John]

God damn it. Once there's a fire, the potato person can't get in there even if that thing worked, if I ain't home. And potato. I mean, my daughter's upstairs. Anyway, I hate to be rude, but 3.25 million when I have a game room. Potato people, hold on. It ain't breathing again.

[Douglas]

Give it an hour.

[John]

By the way, I get $3.25 million for falsely saying you're dead. I might bag Brady up pretty much every couple days now, see if we can scam this system for a little bit. Like a couple Somali daycare workers.

[Byron]

I've seen it in, like, Mission Impossible, I think, where they get a person.

[John]

That pill and they. They die and then. But they're coming back and they bag them up and they can figure out how to get out. I was in that body bag on Halloween just for about 11 or 12 minutes, and they even have the thing cracked open so I could breathe. It's awful.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, is it creepy?

[John]

Well, it's creepy because, you know, it's a body bag.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. Yeah.

[John]

So, like your brain's rapture, but I was stuck in that. Not, you know, like, I wasn't put in there. I got in. It wasn't somebody stuffing me in there because I was too sleepy. I knew what was going on. And even still inside of it, I'm like, oh, you bang around like crazy, you know, unless you're a tater. But once they open that thing up and those eyes were open, you're like, Jesus Christ. Poor mortician. Oh, my God. Was it like this when you put it in the bag? Because it is messed up. What if it wasn't like that and they brought it back to you? That away? It came back to life. But there's been some changes. That's a potato now. Poor people with potato kids. There had to be some deep down inside, some piece of mind that said, that's over. I'm so sad. I'm so. Don't get me wrong. That's so sad. So sad. But a little weight off my shoulders there that I don't have of potato person here anymore. Who could that be? She's back, but she's got a healthy. Check that one.

[Brett Vesely]

I got a ring camera. I'm not answering the door.

[John]

Potatoes. You're not going to believe this. Our daughter's out on the porch begging on the door. Duck down, duck down like we at home. I'll auto start the car. It's a Hellcat.

[Byron]

That's too loud. She'll hear it.

[John]

Listen to that purr. If she comes back, we've got to sell the Hellcat. Turn the lights out. I already got the cruise booked. Going on the cruise. Turn the lights out. She'll be all right. She'll just die again. She's back. She's dead again. She's on the porch.

[Brett Vesely]

Hello, Carnival?

[John]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

No, now we gotta cancel.

[John]

And now you can't even make that call again. Oh, I think she's dead again. Well, don't make that mistake twice. If we call early enough, maybe get another 3 million, back it up. I don't want to seem insensitive, but since I am, there's nothing I can do about it. Sorry about that, folks. It's not my problem. I'm just happy the Ravens are in turmoil and you can't bring me down. That is a fact. I'm getting a lot of emails from people on this now. Brett, nice job. Way to go. This guy says, careful with conspiracy talk, boys. Alex Jones got his billion dollar business taken from him. And I convinced it wasn't because everything he was wrong about, like Sandy Hook, it was because a lot of the stuff he did was right. See, and that's the other thing.

[Brett Vesely]

But he was stating opinions. We're not crazy. It's interesting to hear.

[John]

Oh, no, I. What we talked about off there is like. No, you firmly believe this is a Saudi operation. That's true. You said those alfalfa farmers over in the West Valley are to blame. Well, it is the west side. You did say that. Yeah, well, it's everything that happens over as Saudi operated. Nobody ever asked that question. What's going on over there with them alfalfa fields? The people who do suddenly don't. The news got on them for like five months. What's the deal with all the south over here? You know, that's like 30% of the Colorado river is dedicated to these alfalfa fields for Saudi Arabia. And it was like, ignore it. Okay. Have you ever seen that?

[Byron]

No.

[John]

You've never seen the alfalfa fields? I Remember West Valley?

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Byron]

I've never seen it. Well, unless I went by without realizing.

[John]

It'S all for Saudi Arabia. All of it. And the water allocated to it is more than Phoenix. It's incredible. Everybody's like, hey, this shouldn't be happening. And then suddenly like, nevermind.

[Brett Vesely]

Somebody said, you know where Jimmy Hoff is?

[Brady]

No.

[John]

No. Exactly. And you know why I think that is? Like, hey, I'm gonna. I'm gonna knock the teakettle over here and tell everybody about these Saudi alfalfa farms and then. And let's take a look. I've got an email from Halu. Hala, Hala, Hala. Oh, it's me with a child and we're nude. And then never hear about it again. That's it. Allahara has a lot of pictures of all of us with a kid. He's good with computers. I think the Saudis invented like what Brett always says. I think the Saudis invented Photoshop. Brett says that every day. He's got shirts. It's a fact. Yeah. Can't go doing that. There's all sorts of stuff you don't want to talk about. That's one of them. So Brett's right. Those Saudis are something. You can't trust them at all. When you get into that stuff, start saying those words and emails. It's great entertainment. Tucker Carlson's gonna get a big boost.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh yeah.

[John]

That's all you're really looking to do nowadays is create. That was the thing on Chappelle Special that I thought was great. He goes, martin Luther King would be so different now know because he's like, you can't. You have to be controversial and make people angry. And my favorite thing is I have a dream. And if you like my dream, smash that like button and subscribe. You have to be totally different. 7, 17. What do you got on the big board of Musical Treats, Brett?

[Brett Vesely]

All right, wake up Song time. And we got lots of stuff on here. We got, let's see here. Slayer on the list. Stone Sour Neil Pert died this day in 2000.

[John]

I believe it's been 26 years since we lost or no, 2020. My bad. 20, 20, 20. Can't be right. My brain almost fell out.

[Brett Vesely]

I know. Sorry about that. Fear Factory, Velvet Revolver, gnr Coffin Cats. Rise Against Soil Disturbed. Metallica and Rob Halford celebrating 40 years of sobriety yesterday. So.

[John]

Is that right? Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Somebody suggested Eat Me Alive.

[John]

They were a clue on Jeopardy. Last night.

[Brett Vesely]

Night. Judas Priest.

[John]

Judas Priest, yeah. About not touring ever again. Bands that said this was their final tour and then they toured like two years later.

[Brett Vesely]

Kiss the Daily Double on that one.

[John]

Well, they had like share and all sorts. All the one Aussie, but they showed a picture of Judas Priest and none of the people got it. Wow. No. I'm screaming at the tv, I'm like, who's Judas Priest? Come on. There's Rob standing there with a mic and you know, everybody, nothing. Sobriety's fine. But I think we should celebrate Neil.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay.

[John]

Because Tom Sawyer. I'm not a huge Rush guy, but that's a great song. Okay, That's a good one. So we'll go with a little Tom Sawyer. All right. I like that. That ain't so bad. And I like that. I see the word died and I just think of all the people in Baltimore. They're thinking about it like it's all over. It's all over. You know, Even better. That's not where it ends, Brady. There's now 72 million dollar cap pit for Lamar and his stupid grill and that dumb hat he wears. $72 million is 26% of your payroll. And it's going to jump.

[Byron]

That's a chunk.

[John]

Well, that's what he is now. It's going to jump up with the new hit against the cap. Do you keep them or do you just start all over?

[Byron]

There's a couple of high ticket quarterbacks.

[John]

Potentially available if those idiots in Baltimore have to accept that Lamar won them nothing and he got too expensive and they had to move him somewhere like Miami or wherever Harbaugh ends up. Oh, my God. That would be just. Oh. Oh. You know, you don't need pills for erections. You just need a proper amount of hate in the right direction. And boy, I tell you what, the boners are back like you're 70. It's outrageous.

[Byron]

What if the Steelers went for him?

[John]

For Lamar? I'd take it. That'd be awesome. Yeah.

[Byron]

Because it would hurt Baltimore.

[John]

Because it would hurt Baltimore. Yeah.

[Byron]

As much as.

[John]

Look, I can't stand him, but he's good at football. But that would really sting Baltimore. Oh, my God. I think I'll make my call now. I think Steelers are gonna end up with Joe Burrow. I think that's gonna happen. He's leaving. Yeah. No, Cincinnati's not keeping Joe Burrow. Not after all the crap he said. He's going to Andrew luck out or he's going to pull one of those deals where he's like, I'm not coming back unless you trade me. And the Steelers have all the Draft picks. I wouldn't be surprised if Joe Burrow says, trade me to Pittsburgh and they'll give up all their draft picks for it because they're a couple pieces. I'm going to call that shot. Now. I think Joe Burrow ends up in Pittsburgh because he hates Cincinnati. He came to his senses and started looking around going, he loves it. No, he doesn't. Oh, yeah, and a couple more. Even James Harrison yesterday said, joe go, you want football to be fun again because you ain't having fun there. And he goes, remember, I did a year in Cincinnati. I know what's going on. He goes, I know where you're at. I know what's happening. He goes, just move over. Just tell them you want to go. They'll get everything from us, and they will. Oh, I'd love that. Lamar.

[Byron]

You'll end up with Kyler.

[John]

No.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, man. Hey, nothing but reach.

[Byron]

You'll take it.

[John]

He'll be okay. Compared to what went on here.

[Brett Vesely]

Here.

[John]

I don't want it. But it's not as bad as. Anything that leaves. Arizona is going to play better. It's going to be happy because you don't have this anchor on you anyway. This one's for Neil and anybody else who loved Rush. This one's pretty solid, top to bottom, especially the drums in this thing. It's Neil Peart. Died six years ago today. That's brutal. It's 98K upd. It's rush.

[Byron]

Hey, it's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually.

[John]

No membership fees. I have heard enough of P.D. hberg's morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil sitting right here.

[Brett Vesely]

Come on.

[John]

No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. You know how your tummy tickles right before you. I. I feel it all the time. He just sent me another video of Ravens fans melting down, and I get that, like, oh, I better go get a towel. Tingle, tingle. Oh, it's the best. I just asked Ian Schwartz what time the rain's coming, my weatherman friend over at Channel three, and he said, probably won't see much until, like, afternoon. So I'm gonna have to run out and put the top back on my car real quick. When the weatherman says, sometime in the afternoon, I've got about eight or nine minutes until it's gonna rain. Schwartz, he says, radar's pretty quiet right now. I need. Ian. Ian, I need you to keep me. Ian somehow does the weather on Channel 3 and listens to the show. He's commenting about what we're doing, and then he does, like, a weather hit. I'm like, you're not paying attention to any weather. You're just going up, saying what's on the board. I can do that. He says, radar's quiet right now. So if you're. If you're counting on the winds whipping up, this radar ain't quiet. The flags are flopping around. It's getting darker, Tony.

[Byron]

I'd get it under that.

[John]

Nah, I got the top in it. I just go pop it up there. I got. I've got the Jeep today, so I just have the little. Oh, I've got the.

[Brett Vesely]

The.

[John]

They call it the freedom top. It's in the back. Takes two minutes. I'll just lean them up there. Yeah, Bronco's completely topless. Like a. This one's just showing a little skin. You know what I mean? It's time now. Oh, my goodness. Got the wrong thing going. It's time now for Brady to give you. And I got it. You know why I'm playing the wrong thing? That dude who just sent me that ravens thing. Keep them coming and you'll keep me. Same happy tingles, just so tickly. It's just ridiculous. This. Even Dale yesterday. I walked into. I did the podcast with Dale yesterday, and I walked into the office with him, and he goes, you're floating. I'm like, I know he saw it immediately, how happy I was. It's crazy firing people. All right, are there any tankers adrift in Baltimore? Can we knock a few more bridges over? Can we just. Just cut them off from society? Oh, my gosh. Anyway, sorry. So, happy Birdie, it's time now for Brady to give you all the news that I don't care about because I've got my own news. But we'll find out what Brady's got. It's called the Brady Report, and it's brought to you by allpro shade allprochade.com 20 plus years in the Valley doing all this great stuff for you guys, making shade where you didn't have none before. If you've got a patio that you'd like to use but it's in direct sunlight or it's got a weird glare from the sun coming from another angle or whatever, these guys can come up with a plan for you and get you done. They got blinds, they got shades. They'll cover your windows. They do everything to make that sun less obtrusive in your world, and they do it in a beautiful way. All prochet.com. that's where you go. Brady reported.

[Byron]

Good Wednesday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello, world. Happy National Bobblehead Day.

[John]

Yeah.

[Byron]

And National Pass Gas Day.

[John]

All right, this isn't funny, but I got a text from somebody that says Ian says the radar is quiet. What you don't know is that Radar is the name of his gerbil. That is horrible. I'm sure he is laughing at that, but that's. You're fired, whoever you are. That's terrible. I love Ian. His gerbil is not named Radar.

[Byron]

Linehacker did a roundup of the top things kids didn't find funny in 2025. And farts are apparently not funny anymore.

[Brett Vesely]

There you go, Brady.

[Byron]

They're saying the Gen Alpha.

[John]

Well, because dad's ruined it. They think they're too funny, and then they're really not. Big deal. But people who think farts are funny make it unfunny by thinking they're too funny. It's the timing of a fart that's funny. And the ones that are funniest are the ones that aren't supposed to happen.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

You know, wedding farts, funeral farts.

[Byron]

Yeah. You'll still eventually laugh at one.

[John]

But farting just on me isn't funny.

[Byron]

And just the. The fake sound effect ones where they.

[John]

Do the videos were more somebody farts. Those aren't funny. It's funny if it's real and it's not supposed to happen. Farting on the couch with a bunch of people isn't funny. Toledo farts every morning. That. That thing that horn his trombone. Yeah, the mangione. And we're just all like, nobody finds them funny.

[Byron]

A blog collected a list of some hilariously wrong predictions from the 1950s.

[John]

Okay.

[Byron]

Jet packs were supposed to be everywhere. They said they would be as ordinary.

[John]

As bicycles by now.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

I watched an aerial America this weekend, and they were doing Nevada. And when they got to Las Vegas and I didn't know what year it was done, I love that show. And now with drones, it would be better, but they filmed this back probably in the teens. The 20 teens. And they go over and they're like, las Vegas is a unique thing because, you know, Lake Mead's been. The dam made it so they could keep water there for blah, blah, blah. And they said, but with the growth as fast as it's growing and climate changes, experts say that by 2021, there'll be no water in Las Vegas. Vegas. And I'm like, oh, that's not Even close.

[Byron]

My mom is, you know, past couple years saying, you sure about Phoenix guys going to run out of water?

[John]

No, we're not.

[Brett Vesely]

They got Dani.

[Byron]

A hose would replace.

[John]

I go to fries. Yeah, I'll go. You know what? It's just going to hurt. Operation Hydration. We got plenty of.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Byron]

A hose would replace house cleaning. Science writers thought there would be a future where cleaning involved hoses and hot hair instead of brooms.

[John]

Hoes do the cleaning, right. That's what's supposed to get a good hoe. She cleans everything.

[Byron]

I can tell you. In Columbus, it was in the 50s, there was this home builder that it was a cutting edge thing. They built porcelain houses. They're still about inside five. Yeah. So the walls curl. Their porcelain tile went up the wall like a skate ramp designed to pull all your furniture out for spring cleaning.

[John]

And hose had a drain in the middle.

[Byron]

Yep.

[John]

That sounds pretty trashy. It's like a workshop. It's like a Jiffy Lube. It drains in the middle of your name. That's.

[Byron]

Women would tower over men. A columnist wrote, women are expected to reach an average height of 6ft tall. Thanks to improved nutrition and medical science, these super women would dominate the workforce.

[John]

I have a strange. You guys are going to all go, oh, come on, John. But before you say anything dumb, look into this because I've recently discovered that I think.

[Brett Vesely]

There we go.

[John]

Don't hear. We go.

[Brett Vesely]

There we go.

[John]

You're going to meet. I'm already going to predict. You guys are going, oh, my God. I think I'm on to something here. I don't think anybody's ever measured this. I think think through my. And you guys would know that. Pretty versed in the world of pornography. I think women grow during sex.

[Byron]

Like, just temporarily.

[John]

Yeah.

[Brady]

When they're upside down.

[John]

No, no, no, no, no. I'm watching stuff where these little spinners, when they're going suddenly are wider. Not fat either. Like they just get bigger and they look bigger than when it starts. Get over here. Yeah. And I don't. Not. I mean, not in a lesbian sort of butch way. There's like a cobra. I don't. Yeah. Kind of like they just. Their butts get put out because the one dude in the beginning was squeezing this. She's a. She's tiny. And when they're going. I guess hands are not even covering one cheek.

[Brady]

I think that's the way brazzers films it for you.

[John]

I don't know. Because a couple other. And it's not all Brazers. A Couple other. I'm like, when she's underneath him, she's as equally thick.

[Brett Vesely]

Maybe that's how jerkmate films it then.

[John]

I don't know. I'd like to have somebody do a study on this. You might start noticing what I see. I know I might have. I might have weird Aled your offspring right there. But watch porn just without playing with yourself.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm gonna try to do it right now.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

And just see if there's like. I think she got a little bigger during the actual. And then at the end goes right. She like goes right back down to where she was when it started. Like she's small on his arms. But a few times you're like, she's bigger. Like they grow.

[Byron]

Maybe this year it'll be in science news. Or.

[John]

Or we shrink. Like we are so concentrated into one spot, we start to dehydrate or something and we get a little smaller. Because the one dude that I was.

[Byron]

Watching, Khalil, definitely won't do that.

[John]

Johnny Sins is banging the tar to Madison Ivy in one of the videos. I. And she's little. She gets up on top of him. Her hips are wider than his. And when she lays down on him it. Her shoulders go to his shoulders. And I'm like, she's not. That's not even close.

[Brady]

Like she should be laying the same size torso.

[John]

Yeah. And it isn't like an angle stunt double. I think. No, I. Trust me. I'd noticed that and I noticed it in a couple of. I think there's. We've skipped over it just because we don't care. But I think they get. I think they expand a little. And that's where movies like the Incredible Shrinking Woman of the Incredible Growing Woman. Like she got bigger. It's weird. Next time you're doing it with your lady, see if you're like, how did she like, she looks bigger.

[Byron]

The last two would fully adopt the metric system.

[John]

Huh.

[Byron]

The US would fully adopt and then machines would give us three day weekends.

[John]

That's common. AI is gonna said computers in the Internet.

[Byron]

And now AI would be alive. They'd give you an extra day.

[John]

Remember the old 1950s video they showed you could. They weren't wrong. They were just wrong on how it happened that you can see that might be angle. But if you look at her when she's on top now you're looking at. Is that Johnny Sims and Madison Ivy See her? She is like five feet tall.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Byron]

Look at that.

[Brady]

I mean there's the.

[John]

There's the. And. Yeah. How is her torso meet. How are their shoulders meeting? If. If she's on top of them, it's. She gets a little bigger during sex.

[Brady]

I don't know. That one. That one there is a little tough.

[John]

No, they're not doing it yet. That's a good video, by the way. That's a great one. That's Thanksgiving. And they're at the dinner table, and she says, you got to help me in the kitchen. And he's like, okay. And then while people are enjoying Thanksgiving, one room over, they're nudes on the couch.

[Byron]

Are they together a lot, too?

[John]

Good.

[Byron]

Like the chip enjoying a game.

[John]

No, no, no, no. No, they're not. No, they're nothing like that. But, yes, I understand. There's a little size. The property there. No, you see how small she puts. Sometimes I think they swell up. Okay. I don't say. I'm not saying it's the whole time, but I'm saying there's certain times, like, oh, she's going through this closer. The sex swell. Yeah.

[Byron]

That looks like she'd be his height there. Her leg.

[John]

Sometimes the hips. I'm just saying. Just.

[Byron]

It's.

[Brady]

It's a torso thing. I can kind of see what you're saying.

[John]

Phil says, how did you manage to screw up how to watch porn? I'm not. I'm just. There's just certain.

[Byron]

That's how much you watch.

[John]

I watch a ton. That I get a little bored sometimes. Like, this is no good. And she got bigger. Like, I don't know if it's like a certain thing that happens to their bodies right before they, you know.

[Byron]

Do you run it back? Like game film?

[John]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

You don't.

[John]

Yeah, you don't. We all do. Come on. You gotta go back a little bit and go. Hunch. That's good stuff. As a cloud one, cover two. I think on that. I'm not sure what's going on.

[Byron]

There's one telestrator. You need one?

[Brett Vesely]

One.

[John]

Yeah. No, that's. There's some. There's some times. I think that during the act, women get 8% larger. Like, they go. They just expand a little bit, and then they go back to normal.

[Brady]

Like, they look same size there.

[John]

That's not her. That's a different one. It's not. Trust me, it's not. Watch a lot of Johnny and Madison. There's. There's three or four really good ones of them together.

[Brady]

Okay.

[Byron]

There.

[Brady]

She looks tiny. She's got no torso.

[Brett Vesely]

No.

[John]

Plus, I get to pretend that I'm Johnny Sim because I. I sure I've got kind of the. If, if he was. If he had a brother, it would be me, Johnny Sinus. Johnny Sinus. Yeah, I get it. Sins and sinus. This is my brother, Johnny Sinus. Does he know where the gym is? Yeah, he does, but he walks right by. Not like Johnny Sins. Johnny's everything I could be, but I am not.

[Byron]

The Consumer Electronics show kicked off in Vegas yesterday. Couple items. Lollipops that play music. Huh. Brand called Lollipop Star. Each flavor plays a different song using bone conduction technology.

[Brady]

Oh, geez.

[Byron]

Music plays inside your head. You can only hear it when you bite down. Cost nine bucks each. Talking AI picture frame company called Vinabot came up with digital picture frames that talk and have conversations with you. They're inspired by talking paintings and Harry Potter. The movies.

[Brady]

Have you seen the news?

[Byron]

Cost about 300 bucks.

[Brady]

AI books like you. If you've got like a voicemail or something from your mom or your dad or something like that, and you give.

[John]

This company a bunch of pictures, they can make your pictures come to life for dead people.

[Brady]

Your mom and dad read them.

[John]

Yeah, I don't like that at all. Well, it's like I feel sorry for Bob Barker's family because all those, like, they used AI and Bob Barker. Poor Bob. And they're getting really. Some of them you look at and go, that's kind of Bob Barker now. They're like, excellent when he loses his mind and attacks the audience. And like, yeah, I feel bad for them to have to see their, their late grandpa, you know, come to life all the time. And it's never in a good way. Bob Ross's family has to watch all that. Mr. Rogers. Stephen Hawking's family probably finds it pretty hysterical.

[Byron]

Gaming headphones that read your mind. They scan brain waves to track your focus, your speed, reaction time. Cognitive load.

[John]

What?

[Brady]

What?

[Byron]

They track and focus and they track your reaction speed.

[John]

Cognitive Load is another great band name.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, absolutely.

[John]

We are Cognitive Load, AI gaming and work companions.

[Byron]

Razer showed off a desktop hologram that watches you game and give tips.

[John]

Sure.

[Byron]

Chinese company had a similar product.

[Brady]

See what the next step is there, right?

[John]

It's going to play for you, watches.

[Brady]

You and gives you tips.

[John]

Yeah. Oh, there's tons of that. My tonal. If you set up your phone on the app while you're working out, it reads your form like perfectly. Your back was bent a little bit or you're, you know, you're not hinging right it. And it's just your phone camera watching You. And then this thing will shoot up onto the screen of the tonal. Keep an eye on this. Like, you're gonna, like. Don't arch.

[Byron]

They claim it's like having an AI soul mate.

[John]

It's crazy.

[Brady]

No, John has an AI soul mate.

[John]

No, it's just a soulmate. It's just true. She's working at a bookstore or something in 1880. Did you guys post that picture of my soulmate?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, it's out there.

[Byron]

A toilet that calls for help. Company called Volvo has a new smart toilet for seniors. If they don't use it for eight hours, it alerts their family in case they fell or needed help or they're.

[John]

Doing it to themselves. Oh, that's a good one there.

[Brett Vesely]

I thought it was calling for help with when the old morning show at KSLX used to go in there.

[John]

When the unmentionable Neanderthal destroy that toilet.

[Byron]

AI mirrors. It helps you do your makeup. Another that scans your face. A great idea to monitor your health.

[John]

The AI makeup thing is great for girls who are bad at putting on makeup.

[Byron]

A portable food allergy detector. Bring it to restaurants. You can tell if your meal is safe to eat.

[John]

That's dumb. I have always thought that the mirrors and houses would turn into partners, and they kind of did for a minute when they put, like, a TV screen in there. But you could have it, like, give tutorials on, you know, hair and makeup. Like, it would be such a huge thing for women to have more than just, like, a YouTube video. They go get that. Your mirror actually has programs in it that says, all right, what. What are we looking to do today? Oh, and then you show them a picture and they tell you kind of. It's almost like a Bob Ross thing there too, where it kind of walks you through how to get your hair to look like that. How to get. Guys could use it, too, I guess.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, but you'd have some broad in there holding a picture of Margot Robbie, and the mirror's gonna go, never.

[John]

Mirror, mirror.

[Byron]

Look like that.

[John]

It has a name. It's the mirror mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all. And then the mirror would be like, not you. Put that down. You're Chinese. You can't look like her.

[Byron]

How about this?

[John]

And then you look in the mirror, and the mirror says, here's great hairstyles for you do. Right. Instead of you picking them out of a magazine thinking, I look like Margot Robbie, it says, here's what I think I would do if I had your big, ugly face.

[Byron]

That'd be great. It's genius.

[John]

And I don't know, that mirror would just crack. Yeah, it does. A fake crack. I think it would be awesome.

[Byron]

The last one's a clip on device that remembers your conversations. Small enough to clip onto your shirt. It can summarize work calls or settle that argument with your spouse. Claims that. No, that's not what I said.

[John]

Black mirror did a thing on this where you have a chip in your head and you can rewind conversations. You never lose an argument. Oh, boy.

[Byron]

Or you do all.

[Brady]

You never start one.

[John]

You can't go back. You can't take the phrase, I never said that from people.

[Brady]

Right.

[John]

You can't do it.

[Brett Vesely]

It.

[John]

Because then it'll get so incredibly blunt about. Yeah, but. Because then nuance goes away. Because if you can clip back to an argument you've had with Brady, I'm sure you've said some things like, it's not what I meant. And it gets you in a heap of trouble. If she can rewind it and say, it's exactly what you said. Now you're locked to that. It's. You can't do that because your most.

[Brady]

Famous phrase is after you say something. That's what I'm saying.

[John]

That's what I'm saying.

[Byron]

That's what I'm saying.

[John]

See, you can't take that from people. We have to be able to say, look, okay, maybe I did say that, but here's what I meant.

[Byron]

Christopher Miletti. He's 37 years old. His ex went into labor last Friday. She was at a hospital in Pikeville, Kentucky, right near the Virginia border. Chris showed up for the birthday, but the hospital said he couldn't come in because of visitation policies. The mom told him he could wait outside in her car instead. Gave him the keys. Yeah, he said he'd stay in the car until the baby arrived and never came back. Bolted security footage showed him getting into the passenger seat.

[John]

I'm a hellcat brat.

[Byron]

And he got out. Out. Hopped out of the driver's, hopped into the driver's seat and drove off. She called and asked about where car was.

[John]

Come on, man.

[Byron]

He told her he was. It was none of her business. And then hung up.

[John]

What?

[Byron]

Cops tracked him down the next day, about 30 miles. Christopher Maletti.

[John]

It's one of yours or Millette. One of that Molot. Don't say that.

[Byron]

What's going on?

[John]

How can it go from Moletti to Molot? Molatte? I don't think that's. How's it spelled?

[Byron]

Molette. Let's go with Molette.

[John]

I spell it M, O, L, L, E, T, T, E. Okay, That's Molette. Okay, don't look at me like that's what you said. Yeah, because you're just staring at me like we're just clearing it up now.

[Byron]

He's facing charges of theft, receiving stolen property.

[John]

Google them.

[Byron]

It's not his first rodeo. His rap sheet includes. Includes several prior arrests.

[Brady]

You say his first name is Christopher?

[Byron]

Christopher, yeah.

[John]

Oh, you got a picture?

[Byron]

I. Well, Tiller's gonna pull it up.

[John]

Yeah, that's right. Do you know?

[Byron]

I do.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay, I'm not guessing.

[John]

Brett already guessed. Yeah, I'm gonna say he's Italian. I'm going with the Italian, but describe him.

[Byron]

So, dark hair Italian. Okay.

[John]

The basic Sicilian dark hair. Yeah, Sicilian.

[Byron]

White.

[John]

Yeah, white wings and then like Polly.

[Brett Vesely]

It's not Polly walnuts.

[John]

It looks like he got dipped in 30 weight oil because that's just his natural. Turn off his mic. Well, Toledo he is. Whoa. He looks like a bad Caesar haircut. What's his name? Pascal. What's his name? Pascal.

[Byron]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, Pedro Pes.

[John]

He's Italian. Spanish, sort of. But either way, Brett was really wrong. And he was laughing that whole time and he heard the guy just took off during the birth.

[Brady]

That's what I imagine Brett's face look like in his mug shot.

[John]

Oh, yeah, indifference. What are you going to do? What are you going to do?

[Brett Vesely]

Snap the picture already.

[Byron]

Yeah, let's go.

[John]

I do like that place to be. That Brett Hurd. He went to the car, took off during the birth, said, was it a hellcat? Cuz he had already made his decision and it turned out it's one of his.

[Brett Vesely]

We don't blame him.

[John]

Something, something. Check out homework's morning sickness podcast at 98kupd.comberg's Morning Sickness. Now hold on. Was it his gumar or his girlfriend?

[Byron]

Well, that.

[John]

That's probably the girlfriend. All right, and then. That makes sense. He's Italian.

[Byron]

No longer though. She.

[John]

Yeah, he went back to his family.

[Byron]

I got a couple of radio videos. First one's woman doing a little motocross.

[John]

Oh, boy, this is not gonna end well. She's on a cool little dirt bike, cruising along. She's going up a hill. Nice little jump there. Going up another hill. Nice little jump there. Well, she's a little out of control. And she's in the crowd. And now there's three dead people. First ju. £80. She sounds like she's got it right there. Second jump. She Gets a little wonky sideways and then just rag dolls all over the place like she's riding a bull. Just a motorcycle. And she went full bull rider, letterman.

[Brady]

On the top of the hill here at the end.

[John]

Does he get hit?

[Brady]

Yeah, right there.

[John]

Oh, yeah. There's a guy with a big, long white beard. I just like how she went full bull rider. Look at her body was like. She's. I mean, that's bull riding right there. That's not a motorcycle anymore. I don't know how you lose control at 18 miles an hour, but.

[Brett Vesely]

All right, there's one Davis in Urban Cowboy.

[John]

She was doing Deborah Winger's role.

[Byron]

Next one's. It was a brief day on the boat. They went boating, this family, The Takalua family.

[John]

Yeah, there's some South Island Pacific people. Oh, we hit a bump in the boat and we're all out of the boat. Everybody floated out of the boat.

[Brett Vesely]

Still going.

[John]

And the boat's still on. One little wake on what looks to be a fairly. You know, it's not. It's a little choppy, but he hit one bump and out everyone went. Wow, that last guy floats for like 15 seconds.

[Byron]

Is it AI? I don't know.

[Brady]

Could be because he doesn't like, kind.

[Byron]

Of floats the same.

[John]

I don't know. That looks pretty good.

[Brady]

His beard doesn't spill.

[John]

It doesn't. I think he just throws it. He just loses his beard. I don't know. That looks pretty good. Either way, they're getting better, but that's good stuff.

[Brady]

And then listeners sent in this one, their favorite part of the electronics show. Oh, the Vegas is Jenny the Labrador puppy.

[John]

It's a puppy animal. It's a stuffed animal. Inspired by. My mother is diagnosed with Alzheimer's and dementia. Had to take away her dog for safety reasons. Oh, you can give an Alzheimer's patient a fake dog and they won't know.

[Byron]

Companion, furry companion.

[John]

That's a nice thing to do because then you don't have to worry about the dog losing the owner. And then, like finding home for the dog. Just turn it off.

[Brett Vesely]

Take your medication to feed it and everything.

[John]

It reminds you to take medication, which if Alzheimer's is too far, that's not going to matter anyway. And it's adorable. And basically dementia patients and Alzheimer's patients can't tell. So it's a little bit mean, but also with good intention.

[Douglas]

What happened to my dog?

[John]

It's right here.

[Douglas]

That's a piece of metal. Some of him fell out the other day and he was fine. He doesn't Poop.

[John]

She's not as far along as we thought. She's on to us. Get the real dog back. Here she is, Mom.

[Douglas]

Oh, yes.

[Brett Vesely]

Better.

[John]

Hello there, Chachi. She's petting Chachi for a little. Replace it with the automatic.

[Brady]

It means the next version.

[John]

Time to pee.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John]

Dark, dark, dark, dark. You should probably take your medicine now, Mom.

[Douglas]

What did Chachi just tell me to take a pill. He's a pusher.

[John]

Megan's grandma got the.

[Byron]

Probably talks like on Davey and Goliath.

[John]

Yeah, he's got the dog voice. Hey. And you think she's got dementia. You want to screw with her even more. And the dog comes in and goes, aren't you? Time to take your pill, Mom. You're gonna get more calls from your mom with dementia if the dog starts talking to her about medicine.

[Byron]

Daisy.

[John]

Megan's grandma got it. The dementia. And she would call all the time. Go. They're here again. Like, what? Who? The Mexican boys. Like, what? There's Mexicans in my apartment. Like, what? And then the whole family roll over to the apartment, and she'd look in the mirror, and there's one right over there. There. Like, there's nobody here. They're in there. And she would point to the bathroom. The mirrors were. She had people all around her. This isn't any good at all. So dimension.

[Brady]

It's like psychosis, isn't it?

[John]

You didn't. She had. Yeah. All sorts of the Alzheimer's, psychosis. Dementia. Well, dementia. Dementia. You see other people. So. Yeah. So you start getting into that whole visions and things. If you had a dog that was talking to her. The dog already was talking to her. Hey, you should kill someone.

[Douglas]

My new fake dog's telling me to stab folks.

[Byron]

Our family friend who's my mom's age has been going through. You know, her mind's kind of.

[John]

Yeah.

[Byron]

Losing it.

[John]

It's horrible big time.

[Byron]

And so she's in a really nice home, and she has a guy that lives there full time. Doug. Doug's from Ghana, Africa. And so imagine this woman, white woman from Upper Arlington, 86 years old. It's like she lives with Ku Klux Klan.

[John]

Yeah.

[Byron]

And every time you meet someone like, I am so sorry for Douglas. I found out I sell Douglas at the funeral because the husband died.

[John]

And he's like, hey, how are you?

[Byron]

How things going on?

[John]

Oh, he's been there a long, long time.

[Byron]

He lives here full time. Gets. He's paid 50 grand.

[John]

But he knew you.

[Byron]

Yeah, because I went back to visit earlier in October and Got to know.

[John]

Him to the point where he was.

[Byron]

Hugging you at the. I was over.

[Brady]

Yeah, I just met him once.

[John]

Brady met him once and he was excited to see you.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

I still have to introduce myself to you in the morning. Hey, fan. Hey, buddy. What are you doing in here? I don't think. I don't think you can be here. It's me, Brady. It's great you got a ride.

[Byron]

But he lives in this, you know, setup. It's very nice.

[John]

And this 90 year old woman is racist to him all day.

[Byron]

Oh, she's just mean.

[John]

And he's from Ghana, so he's under the. He's under the bed. Black. Oh, yeah, yeah. He's dark like you lean him on a wall.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

And people think there's a tunnel.

[Byron]

And I was talking about.

[Brady]

You had charity events in your backyard.

[John]

Yeah. The roadrunner used to put him up against mountains so the coyote would run into. He's acme black. And he's living with this racist old Ohio.

[Byron]

Well, so, I mean, it's like it's. It just ebbs and flows someday.

[John]

She's just crotchety and racist.

[Brett Vesely]

Yep.

[John]

Yeah. By crotch.

[Byron]

And he laughs it off. And like, man, I wonder.

[John]

He laughs it off. He laughs it off because he's in the will.

[Byron]

I know that's not.

[John]

He's in the will. Cue True Colors, by the way, by Cindy Lauper. Because this lady's real feelings are coming out through dimensions. You. She's using it as an excuse.

[Douglas]

Sorry about that. I've got a disease.

[Byron]

I wish you could record it.

[Douglas]

Hey, where's my at? Oh, remember, I'm a very sick old woman.

[Byron]

The hell are you doing here?

[John]

I understand that you are very old, but please stop calling me that.

[Douglas]

The gonna hit me.

[John]

I'm not going to hit you.

[Byron]

It is. It's Janny. Yeah, living in the blue. He's so nice.

[Douglas]

Wow. I don't like my new helper. Lightning bugs hang around him in the daytime. He's so black.

[John]

Oh, Jesus. It's okay. She's very old.

[Douglas]

That's right. I'm old. And I have a disease.

[Byron]

Not that far off.

[Douglas]

So I can say stuff like.

[John]

And.

[Douglas]

And no one gets mad. It's my dream. White.

[John]

Brett's gonna pretend to have dementia someday. Heck, one of the guys that used to work here pretended he had it every day. We had to calm him down at parties and stuff. For God's sakes. Sometimes alcohol is dementia. See your true colors.

[Douglas]

Where'd you go?

[John]

You are playing it. Look at you. That's Good stuff.

[Douglas]

I think something's missing. I should pretend to have dementia.

[John]

I don't want to get up.

[Douglas]

I don't have any socks.

[John]

Show me a smile.

[Douglas]

I feel called.

[John]

I know. Your true racist white awfulness is coming out now and you are pretending to have.

[Douglas]

Quiet. Judge Judy's on.

[John]

Can you get watching Judge Matus in my house?

[Douglas]

No, Judge Math is here. I know what you want to do.

[John]

Oh, it's okay. I'm in the will.

[Byron]

When I was over there, I was just waiting for it to eventually happen. You know, like you're there hanging out where she asked Douglas to do something.

[John]

Were you there there?

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

And you heard it.

[Byron]

No, I didn't. The whole time I was there.

[John]

Oh, she had company. So you can. She can control her dementia with company.

[Byron]

I would have went to this. Well, Douglas stayed in the bedroom.

[John]

Yeah. Where he belongs.

[Douglas]

You stay in your room.

[John]

Company. Okay. You horrible white old beast. That's right.

[Douglas]

Very sick. Can't control it.

[John]

Yeah, that's a horrible, horrible thing. But yeah, you don't want a nine year old woman to get an opaque African to walk around the house in her last days because it's coming out. You got to remember where she's from. Ohio. The 1940s.

[Brett Vesely]

Thomas.

[John]

Yeah, that's a bad combo.

[Byron]

It's past 5:00'. Clock. What are you doing here?

[John]

What?

[Douglas]

The street lights are on.

[John]

Go home.

[Douglas]

Get back to your hut.

[Brady]

Dexter says I love.

[Douglas]

I have to mention, remember I'm allowed.

[Brady]

This show comes full circle. I love it. Been listening so long that now Oda Benga's come back. He's living with Brady's family.

[Douglas]

I gotta make a phone call.

[John]

Columbus Zoo, can I help you?

[Douglas]

Something's terrible at my house.

[John]

Oh, we have to tell you.

[Douglas]

I got dementia. I'm allowed.

[Byron]

I want to report an escape.

[Douglas]

I got an escapee.

[John]

It's me. Don't worry, I'm in the world.

[Byron]

I can.

[John]

I will deal with it.

[Douglas]

Dementia, I'm allowed.

[John]

She's kind of allowed.

[Byron]

He's getting a couple of art pieces.

[John]

Oh, he's getting it all. He's working that. Will you call me one more time, you wicked old white. And I get all of it.

[Byron]

That's what I told him. Douglas is going to pay off, I promise.

[John]

You know what's even better? I bet you she sat down and said, look, Utah.

[Douglas]

I'm gonna pretend to have dementia for the last couple years for fun. You're gonna be the target of that.

[John]

And you're gonna eat it.

[Douglas]

And in the end, I'M gonna leave everything to you. Huge payday. Just let me say what I've been repressing for the last 45 years. Which is. And just eat it.

[John]

May I see the statements?

[Douglas]

Of course. There's 10 figures. You're gonna laugh.

[John]

So you will call me and all sorts of other terrible things. Pretend to have dementia and I win in the end.

[Douglas]

Yes.

[John]

You have a dear old witch.

[Douglas]

What are you making? Fried chicken. I'm allowed.

[John]

Anyway. And then you're gonna see that one day.

[Douglas]

Okay. Someone's at the door. Go get it.

[John]

I am on my way. May I help you? Oh, I'm Brett Wesley. I understand there's a single broad in here that needs some help. She is mine. I know what you are doing. Oh, but are you doing what you.

[Brett Vesely]

Need to be doing? Step aside, Noah.

[John]

Move out the way. There's a new sheriff in town. And then you bone that old lady.

[Douglas]

Best of both worlds. I get to pretend to be racist and take it from an attendant. Pound away.

[Byron]

Wap.

[Douglas]

I'm allowed.

[John]

All right, Brett, what do you got for videos? Brady's. Brady's. Columbus History is fantastic.

[Brett Vesely]

No kidding. I can't compete.

[John]

Went back. And how long you went into that woman's house? A year ago?

[Byron]

No, it was in October.

[John]

Just in October. You met Douglas.

[Byron]

Yeah. Because they're in the same retirement community. My mom.

[John]

Yeah, but you're. He was excited to see you.

[Byron]

I met him then.

[Douglas]

Yeah.

[Byron]

In October. Yeah. And we. I was there probably for an hour or so, and he. He remembered. I. I went over there at the. Because I saw him at the. The funeral. He was wheeling her in.

[John]

Yeah.

[Byron]

And I went over there, figuring I'd say, hey, yeah, Brady, I'm the family friend.

[John]

That right? And he loved you. Yeah. He's a. He's a jackpot winner. He's just waiting his turn. How long do you think he's got to wait?

[Byron]

Not much. I go, what. What paintings have you picked out?

[John]

Yeah, but you don't ask him that yet. He's nothing. That would be classless. But all of them are mine.

[Byron]

He was a great man.

[John]

How long has he got to wait for her to go? You think it's going to be quick?

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

He's going to keep the house.

[Byron]

Probably.

[John]

She have kids?

[Byron]

Yes.

[John]

Oh, boy.

[Byron]

That's who. I mean, we grew up.

[John]

Is this called Trajan Son and a daughter? Because this is going to be a battle when Douglas starts saying they got it locked down.

[Byron]

Unless she modifies it.

[John]

Well, she's modified it all. If she's Calling him all those words. There's agreement. He's not sticking around smiling, happy to meet the family friends. If he doesn't have some. A piece of that.

[Byron]

Maybe they do. But he. I know he's. You know, they got him. He's on a contract.

[John]

Oh, yeah. He's more than that.

[Brett Vesely]

You think Ken from Traan's already handled.

[John]

Oh, he's over there. And did not think that this child should get nothing. Prediction. She marries Douglas in the next six months. No, the. Yep. She won't know it unless.

[Byron]

Yeah, well, that.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Byron]

But I think they could say, yeah.

[John]

We are in love, get married and we have consummated the relationship in every hole. You hear that at the reading. All right, Douglas, that's enough.

[Douglas]

I of sound mind. Leave everything to my. I can do it.

[John]

Anyway. Brett, go ahead. Oh my goodness. Brett's videos. All right, we're on a dash cam.

[Brett Vesely]

All right, we're in a dash cam.

[John]

Here in a terrible nation. Oh, oh. And a dude just punches. Was that a cleaver?

[Byron]

I think it was.

[John]

He just walked up to a D a guy on the street and wow. He meat cleavers him in the back of the head while he's like waiting for a bus or something.

[Brett Vesely]

Just takes off on a scooter and.

[John]

Then gets on a scooter and leaves.

[Byron]

Is he handing out tickets? Is it like the traffic officer?

[John]

All right, Brady, you just witnessed that crime in an Asian nation.

[Brady]

Yeah, right in front.

[John]

Right in front of a cop. Describe the assailant. As a matter of fact, tell me who it. Oh, it was a cop. The guy he hacked up was a.

[Byron]

Cop writing the ticket.

[John]

Brady, describe the assailant.

[Byron]

He was.

[John]

Tell me they're going to catch him. Five, seven, dark hair, scooter.

[Byron]

Probably goes about 252.

[John]

No, hey, didn't see his face.

[Byron]

He's five. The one guy was. I thought that was him on the scooter. That guy.

[John]

It is him on the scooter.

[Byron]

Oh, yeah. No, he's 5-571-80.

[John]

Yeah. And he's on a white scooter and.

[Byron]

He went by up and he got cut off by another cop.

[John]

Never catching him.

[Brett Vesely]

He's gonna go yesterday.

[John]

Never gonna catch him in Asia. 57175. Black T shirt, black hair bowl, haircut, white scooter. It's all of them, man.

[Byron]

He was in open toed shoes.

[John]

Yeah. Smells a little of ramen. Just arrest everyone.

[Brett Vesely]

This one's been floating around for a minute, but you see this one.

[John]

Oh man. This is a guy.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John]

Oh, it's a guy in a hospital bed rolling down a hill, being chased by EMTs. This can't be real, right?

[Brett Vesely]

No, I. I don't think so.

[John]

I don't think so, but I like it. I like that rolling down the hill.

[Brett Vesely]

Blake sent that one in.

[John]

All right. Oh, another.

[Byron]

Ah, it's not.

[Brett Vesely]

It's. They just said footage of us capturing. Oh, we're capturing Valenzuela.

[John]

We're down in Val. They're going to do a spanking on a guy. They pull his pants down. They've got a big board and they're holding him in some sort of weird hold, and they're going to spank him.

[Douglas]

With his giant stick.

[Byron]

Hey. Oh.

[John]

Giant piece of wood. They're hitting this guy in the bare butt with it. Oh, the third one hurt me.

[Byron]

Oh, snap his arm.

[John]

Oh, my God.

[Brett Vesely]

Here's clown cans for no reason.

[John]

Oh, these are ridiculous. These implants are. Oh, and she's got no teeth. Go to the dentist.

[Byron]

Gosh. Well, it's the lips.

[John]

I think it's Vince Neil with boobs. That the lead singer of Motley Crue. After it. Those things are the size of car tires.

[Brady]

And Bobby Brown let herself go.

[John]

Those are 35. They should have bf goodrich altering written on the side. The biggest boobs I've ever seen.

[Brett Vesely]

We don't even know what this is.

[John]

All right, it's a redheaded girl. All right. She's blowing a guy wrapped in foil. It might be. It does look like a mirror.

[Brady]

He's got a yellow bag on his breathing tube.

[John]

Is she breathing with him? I don't know. Breathing into a bag that's over his head and jerking him off while he's in some sort of an air conditioning insulation suit. What's she doing?

[Brett Vesely]

Can't figure it out.

[Byron]

She's giving him oxygen.

[John]

Blowing air into his balloon head.

[Brady]

That's the weirdest thing.

[Brett Vesely]

And this one.

[John]

I've never thought I could say those words, but that's the strangest thing Brett's ever shown us.

[Brady]

Exactly.

[Brett Vesely]

And even Bailey couldn't say. He goes, I don't even know.

[John]

What is that?

[Brady]

We need to keep a bingo card.

[John]

So here's the thing for you. He had a balloon on his head wrapped in tinfoil. And he's wrapped. But that wasn't tinfoil.

[Byron]

That was a space blanket. But that was one of those emergency.

[John]

It was insulation. It does look like he looks like he's in insulation.

[Byron]

You know what? I wonder if it said.

[John]

And then there's a tube sticking out of the balloon on his head and she's breathing into it and blowing the balloon up like a Howie Mandel thing. And I think that's where he gets air. Maybe.

[Brett Vesely]

Maybe she's sucking the air out of it and he's like that asphyxiation stuff.

[John]

I don't know. Douglas deserves everything.

[Byron]

It's like that radiant barrier stuff you put up in your.

[John]

Yeah, yeah, the attic stuff. That's what I'm thinking.

[Brett Vesely]

And this one's just entitled. I see Johnny is still celebrating the Steelers win on Sunday. Living his best life ever.

[John]

Know it. All right. What is that? Oh, my God. This dude's got a suction cup sex toy stuck to his bald head and he's bobbing on his girl. He's making love to her with his. It's me, it's me. It's me with my Ray Ban glasses, mate. All right. It's.

[Byron]

That Steeler song is playing.

[John]

It's either me or the dude who was the Six Flags spokesperson for minutes. Somewhere in between those.

[Byron]

What's he doing now?

[John]

There he is. It does look more like our. Our Six Flags guy. That's it. Excellent work, boys.

[Douglas]

Did you like that, Douglas? Did that make my giggle?

[John]

He enjoyed it very much. God, this bitch can't die fast enough. You think by the end of the year Douglas is free of her?

[Byron]

Pretty close.

[John]

Yeah. She's almost done. Plus her husband just went. So this is gonna be a Brady.

[Byron]

Have you seen Chicken George?

[John]

That is a cute. Don't worry, known Brady. I'm going to be so healthy soon.

[Brett Vesely]

Zippity do.

[John]

Yeah, just walking around.

[Douglas]

I make him do that because I got dementia, you remember?

[Brady]

She also doesn't know her husband's gone.

[John]

Yeah, she knows her husband's gone. She knows everything that's going on. Don't be fooled me a song. The Second. Oh, no, no, the Second Dimension. People start doing a specific dementia, which is racism. It's just hitting a release valve. They've been trying to not do that since the 50s when they stop being allowed to do it all the time out loud. And that's, you know, that's 70 years of keeping it quiet.

[Douglas]

I gotta pretend I have dementia.

[John]

It's too much if they're not doing it all over the place. And it's just directed completely at Douglas. She knows what's going. They sit and have a time of their lives at night watching reruns of Murder, She Wrote and Matlock and stuff. She knows everything that's going on. Trust me. Me, Douglas is in on it. He's taking the hits and he looks like a hero. It's brilliant. There you go, everybody. That's your Brady report. Watch it go.

[Byron]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually.

[John]

No membership fee. I have heard enough of this. Morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil sitting right here.

[Brett Vesely]

Come on.

[John]

No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. 98 you Wednesday morning, cruising through week one of 2026. And again, I'm trying to get through the whole week without trying to fall into these traps of what psychics think and where the world will be in eight. I went back and looked because I talked about a little this morning. They say we will have alien contact. We will have. Now, of course, we'll have natural disasters. And it's an easy one to throw that out there. We're gonna have one or two, and they can leave on that. The ones I like are the ones that actually predict, you know, crazy stuff. The Simpsons have enough. So we meant to mention this earlier. Simpsons have an episode that they. That they say that they put, but it doesn't air anymore, where Donald Trump. You know, the Simpsons have been accidentally predicting things for a long, long time. Like stuff that they. When they had Donald Trump on that escalator waving, and it was like eight or nine years before he was. Was thinking about being president, and he announced he's going to be the president. It is weird to see actually how it happened. There's been a few things the Simpsons have accidentally said this will happen. And then it did. One is that Bart goes into the future and it has the date January 10, 2026. And Donald Trump is behind a desk with a lot of important papers and he looks stressed out and it looks like a very important desk. And then the newspaper headline reads, trump dies in sleep. So they're keeping an eye on that. I don't think you can say the Simpsons predict stuff until after it happens. And they go, oh, the Simpsons did this. You can't look at it and go, oh, my God. They. It's, you know, can't be a thing.

[Byron]

Well, I got three days.

[John]

Yeah, I know. Exactly. So you start looking at that, and it's very strange. But yeah, the volcanoes are a thing and aliens are supposed to come back, back and touch us this year, which I am all for. I think that would be awesome. And again, being on this. In this horrible wormhole on Neil degrasse Tyson stuff. I watched a video last night of what it looks like, it's just an animation of what Earth looked like before 1950 from the space view. Like if you were looking at it from the moon and what it looks like now. And it did a year by year thing of how many satellites have gone up. And then you see like one go up in 1951 or whatever, and then two. And now there's like 15,000 or something. Like, I don't remember what it was, but the number just goes. And the whole Earth is just. The shot would be like if you could take a picture of it from it. We're just littered with crap floating around. You don't realize how many things are out there. So that got me back on the fact that over the break that I think maybe I might not believe the moon landing anymore Again, back on, off. It's a maybe, but it's getting stronger. Is that, you know, with all the space and stuff and they know where everything is. There's a bunch of space things that don't work anymore. They're floating out there that they worry about getting past that with rockets they didn't have to worry about in the 60s and now they do. So the moon thing could end up being just a complete catastrophe if they've got to start dodging stuff. So they don't really. They have the ability to steer. And if you look at the thing from the outside, like, there's going to be a real problem with space travel if we start getting out there. But there's. There's plenty of room. But if you look at this picture, it's just, we're surrounded by satellites. They're everywhere. And it's a big enough thing that we're all right. You know, we'll figure it out. But I still don't think in the.

[Byron]

Movies where it says I need five minutes before the satellite rotates back into the.

[John]

Yeah, well, another one catches up. But if you look at the picture of how Earth looks from space with all the satellites we've shot out there, there, it's just. We littered. It's just trash everywhere. It's incredible. And it just gets more and more and more and more. So very.

[Byron]

I just remember being up in like. If you go up to Flagstaff or up north in the skyline at night, all you see a lot more stars and stuff. You can see a satellite every now and then.

[John]

Oh, yeah. It's kind of neat to see them when they're moving around and they look easy to dodge, but you can't see them all. Very strange. Also got somebody Did a little research and said that, yes, in fact, some women, not all women, some women do swell up or apparently appear to swell up a little bit during sexual intercourse. Blood flow, water weight, depending on what they're doing. Especially small ones look bigger because their muscles are being used and swelling up. So there are times when a woman's body, you get pumped and you get pumped up a little bit and then. Yeah. And your body, like reacts by swelling. So I wasn't wrong. As many people had emailed and said, you're crazy. That's. I wasn't wrong. Especially the smaller ones. So big ladies, I don't know if they swell up or not. I'm not watching that porn.

[Byron]

Ew.

[John]

I don't watch big lady porn. They're gonna get bigger. I like the little ones. And the little ones tend to start looking a little bigger. It makes sense. I didn't even put it into, like blood flow and water weight. I just thought that they were expanding. Like their skeletons just went for a few seconds. It makes sense. Your body goes through all sorts of weird changes. And we. I think men shrink because our blood is going to one spot. So it takes a little muscle mass away from us.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, we could always check in with Rico Blaze and see if the big ones do get bigger.

[John]

I'm not looking at that.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't.

[John]

I don't look first. Stuff doesn't affect me. Big ones getting bigger, that's on somebody else's plate. Not gonna watch that. The little ones getting bigger makes loads of sense. But it caught me when Johnny Sins had Madison Ivy in his clutches. And I noticed that his hands were wider than his body. And her, she's really tiny. So her muscles down in that area, especially where she was working real hard, we're just like, ooh, getting a good pump. Getting a great pump. Sometimes you work out.

[Byron]

That's a good pickup by you.

[John]

You know what? It's. I'm a viewer. I'm an astute observer. Brady, sometimes you work out and your shirt gets tighter and little bigger.

[Brett Vesely]

Bigger.

[Byron]

Yeah. There's guys that before they turn the cameras on, they have to get swelled up swell.

[John]

My dad used to do it. We'd have company. Decent looking company. Fat girls never got that treatment. I would notice that if we had somebody, my dad's like, hey, secretary from work's got to come over here and drop some stuff off. And then right before she got there, he'd go and do curls, like loads of them. And I start giggling at that. I'm like, that's Kind of neat. And it's come out huge.

[Brett Vesely]

Huge.

[John]

Noticeably bigger. Yeah. It's just because he did it. It looks stupid. Like, you look like a lunatic.

[Byron]

You tried it one time.

[John]

Well, I do it every once in a while before I leave, just to feel better in my clothes. Like, if I'm leaving the house, I'm like, ugh. I'll go lift something heavy just for a little bit. Just to get, like, to where it feels like you're a bit more of a human structure so you're not just some blob. See all occasionally. And what I like to do is go in there and just twist weights because my shoulders will stretch. And that feels great to me. And then it looks better in your shirts.

[Byron]

So that's what you call getting swell.

[John]

I don't get swole. I don't like it.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't.

[John]

I don't swell. I don't. I don't get swole. I wish I did. I don't do it. I have lean muscles. I don't do it.

[Brett Vesely]

I asked us do that too, sometimes before they go on stage.

[John]

Yeah, yeah. Oh, bands always have stuff. They get Robert Trujillo. Who? I always am like, guys, people.

[Brett Vesely]

Like, he's huge.

[John]

I'm like, he is five eight.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, maybe he's.

[John]

He's got a little paunchy belly. He's not that. But on stage, he's huge. And those guys just lift, you know, dumbbells right before they go out on stage. They swell up. It makes sense. So to all you people that said my theory about women getting bigger during porn. Sex. Go yourselves. I was right. But it is something I've noticed. And, you know, occasionally I watch more than participate to see if this is something I can enjoy. And I'm like, she got big. But if you're one of those people. Because the girls that I watch don't know you're watching fat chicks. That's all. I wouldn't do that.

[Brett Vesely]

There's nothing wrong with that for you, right?

[John]

There's something wrong with it.

[Brett Vesely]

Not for me.

[John]

But you do what you do and there's something wrong. I like drugs. There's something wrong with. You can do it if you want to, but it's bad when you have all that porn at your disposal. Why would you watch a Walmart late when you could watch something extraordinary? I'm not into those skinny broads. Like, yeah, but you're fantasizing, so get something. You can't have those. Those chicks are everywhere. No circle K feet and bad lighting. I draw the line in my porn, it's cellulite or a zit. If there's like a blemish, I'm like, I don't need this.

[Byron]

Next.

[John]

Yeah. Why would I watch that? I can just in seconds find something blemish free. It's the reason I don't go to Gilbert or Glendale for food. You know how many good things I passed to get there? And then what if I'm disappointed? I'm not going to drive all the way that far for a meal. There's thousands of things I pass that are going to be just as good on my way. People say like, you and John Gordon were looking at something out there in Queen Creek Creek. And John Gordon's like, oh, that's good. It's in Queen Creek. It might as well be on the moon. I'm gonna pass 40 barbecue restaurants to have one that's a little better than.

[Byron]

They got one in Gilbert too.

[John]

Yeah. Okay. Not going that far. Not even close to going that far. Yeah. I don't like cellulite. What's your draw? What would you draw? Hair. Sometimes hair in the wrong spot.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, yeah.

[John]

You know what I don't like now that they've brushed this up is. How do I say this? Delicate. Delicately. Stains, I guess, would be the best word in the ass crack region.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, yeah.

[John]

You know what I mean?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John]

You can get that fixed now if you're gonna put it on camera, go bleach those off.

[Brett Vesely]

I. I may sound bougie.

[John]

Whatever.

[Brett Vesely]

Non manicured women. When it gets a little like, yeah, I'm out now.

[John]

It's like, that's no good.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

When it's coming out of there, when it's all. Before they take it all down and it's like coming out the side.

[John]

Yeah. Yeah. If it's. If it's poking out of. Right. Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

I'.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

It was like an arm out a window kind of thing.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Because if she ain't taking care of that, what isn't? What else isn't she taking care of? I'm out.

[John]

Yep, that's exactly right. Brett Brady, you nothing.

[Byron]

I just don't take the chance of running into that stuff. So I don't.

[John]

Yeah. So.

[Byron]

But everyone. You know, the times that I've seen it. A handful of times.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John]

All right.

[Byron]

It's overwhelming.

[John]

Overwhelming.

[Byron]

Like there's so many. Until. I mean, the only times that I. I've done it, it's like you mentioned someone. I'm like, oh, I remember that name.

[John]

Porn is overwhelming to you.

[Byron]

I just don't know it well enough to. What am I looking for? You know?

[John]

Yeah, but that's you. That's where you learn.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

That's where you have to go through.

[Byron]

More time with it. Yeah.

[John]

You just gotta spend more time.

[Byron]

It's like a video game to me.

[John]

It is not like a video game. It's nothing at all.

[Byron]

I'm still trapped in the. In the snow.

[John]

No, don't. There are no stages. You should be excellent at your part. Yeah, you should be really good at your part. It's what arouses you that you struggle with because you don't.

[Byron]

I still don't struggle with the imagination.

[John]

No, no. But you can't imagine how much you're missing that makes your imagination grow. Because I mean, if I told you Star wars is cool and you're like, I imagine space to be very interesting, I'd be like, yeah, but you got to watch Star Wars.

[Byron]

That's what I'm saying.

[John]

Darth Vader's name. Never seen it. Then you got recommending a show on whatever. Sure, but that's. But again by saying my imagination still works, I'm like, but you can more for your imagination's banks.

[Byron]

Check out Johnny Sinus.

[John]

Yeah. Johnny Sins and make you just go, wow. I hadn't even thought of that. Because your imagination only knows what you know. Explore the tundra, the final frontier. I don't know how that happens. I don't know how you get through life without ever curiously seeking that. Is it guilt you do every now.

[Byron]

And then you said you did cure the curiosity.

[John]

So you do watch it.

[Byron]

Like I said, the times I've done it.

[John]

Yeah.

[Byron]

Checking it out.

[John]

But why didn't you stick with it?

[Byron]

I just don't. It just adds the. The whole process is kind of a pain.

[John]

You're like pornhub.com.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John]

Pornhub.com. i like this. Boom.

[Brett Vesely]

I mean now it's. Maybe if you don't have a vpn, right.

[John]

VPN thing. I will give you that. That became kind of a pain in the ass. And again I would run on the idea of like, give the porn back. This is dumb. Like it's an election year if. If whoever's running against Hobbs has to lead with look. She's a big one for making. You have to go through a verification thing just so you can enjoy your day. But there are ways around that. That's shocking. This Ronnie ever look, do you know?

[Byron]

No, I don't.

[John]

Maybe never asked her.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

You never knew if she's interested to it.

[Byron]

That's her thing.

[John]

Yeah, but it could be your thing, too. Like the two of you together.

[Byron]

I'm pretty sure she doesn't.

[John]

You don't? I think she likes porn.

[Byron]

No.

[John]

Really? You're pretty sure?

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

You gotta ask questions. Let's go home and go.

[Byron]

Okay, I'm sure. Porn?

[John]

You're positive?

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

Because you've asked questions. Yeah, but you said.

[Byron]

I've asked. You want to, you know, watch?

[John]

Yeah, but maybe not with you. Some people aren't comfortable with another person.

[Byron]

I figured if she doesn't watch. Want to watch with me?

[John]

Would you want to watch with her?

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

Okay. Okay. But you don't want to watch by yourself, right?

[Byron]

Well, if no one else wants to watch with me, then I'm not going to watch.

[John]

That's what I'm saying. So maybe she likes to watch it alone and not with you.

[Byron]

That could be, but she could say that.

[John]

Well, you have to ask, though. When you started this conversation, I said.

[Brett Vesely]

You didn't.

[Byron]

Well, I've asked her if she likes. She doesn't like it.

[John]

All right, this one. We make him uncomfortable on purpose. All right, you've gotten 2026. That's your resolution. Solution.

[Brett Vesely]

More porn.

[John]

A little more porn. Get that amazing, fired up Willy Wonka. Get that imagination going. If you want to view paradise, simply look around and do it.

[Byron]

Look, it was a pretty amazing one during COVID when I had the headset on and I was broadcasting from the room and said, put them on.

[John]

Yeah, the VR show.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

Yeah.

[Byron]

Unbelievable.

[John]

You can't jump right from nothing to that, though. You have to be pretty versed in what's going on of, that'll mess up a man's mind.

[Byron]

But the day we did it, it.

[John]

Was when he went in the other.

[Byron]

Room, like, I can't put that up again.

[John]

You can't.

[Byron]

So real.

[John]

That's what I'm saying. You can't just leap into space.

[Byron]

I just picture things like when you're talking about when you're. When you had the VR headsets on and someone walking in.

[John]

Oh, yeah, you got to get over that. You got to get over the fact that it's.

[Byron]

Hey, everyone gets caught.

[John]

You're in fantasy land. You can't realize the reality of the task happening. I. Nobody wants to be seen doing what they're doing with a VR headset on. That's crazy. Well, you got to just blank that from your mind that it's going on anyway. You're interesting. It's the fish tank he likes. We all know that. It's nine O', clock, we have our first Rock wars of the year. And I think we're gonna have to just go back to money. I think we just have to go back to making a bet on cash. And you have to try harder because the. You know, Brady having sex with us.

[Brett Vesely]

It's money.

[John]

He's going to. I know. The sex doll thing. The lawyers put a stop to that. We're still trying to make that a thing. We should just do it and then let him get mad at us later. But that was two years ago. And then last year's bet, we had recitals. We. For the winter was supposed to go to one of the recitals. I was supposed to go to Kirby's high school recitals. We. Thank God I won, but that was the sex doll here. So we got. I think we just have to go back to big cash. You know what? We should make it weekly prizes. That's even better. How about that Rock wars rule? Did I win or do you win last? I won. All right, you get to set a new rule. But I. May I suggest, my liege, that we do a cash prize each week.

[Brett Vesely]

Let me think about that.

[John]

All right. You'd be killing it. You won, like, two years in a row, and then it doesn't matter at the end.

[Brett Vesely]

Also, there's no big final payoff.

[John]

Maybe at the end we do. That's up to you.

[Brett Vesely]

See, I don't know.

[John]

All right. I didn't think about Stake 44 or Durant's dinner for the whole crew at the end. But during the week, we can do, like, 10 bucks to $10 every week.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, my God.

[John]

Balance out. If he starts trying, we put $10 on it. This guy's gonna start studying music.

[Byron]

So it's from the. From the. The. So it'd be split by the two losers.

[John]

Yeah, the winner gets 10 bucks from the two guys. Well, no, but then end of the year, the losers. No, dead last pays Durant. You don'. Then start with. Start winning.

[Byron]

Okay.

[John]

Start winning. This is a Bengal talking, is what it is. We can't win. We don't know how.

[Byron]

That's against your policy. There can only be one winner.

[John]

That's Super Bowl.

[Byron]

That doesn't.

[John]

There's only one winner and there's only one last place. Don't come in last.

[Byron]

Last place is never penalized.

[John]

And dumbass, we do the last week where you can win 18 or 19 weeks.

[Byron]

Yeah, that's been working out pretty good the last couple of years.

[John]

Boy, the confidence level is low. So you can get an 18 you go ahead and win and hit an 18, and then you win the whole thing. And I guarantee you're not gonna go. Guys, it's not fair. When you're getting your Durant's meal, you'll be all. You'll be gloating and running around.

[Douglas]

I got it.

[John]

I'm the winner. You'd be. You'd be you. You will go the other way so long as you win. This works good.

[Byron]

I gotta get my John Gordon in here.

[John]

No, you got. What do you mean? He can pick you. You pick terrible songs.

[Byron]

We know how he picks.

[John]

It's your fault. Well, then if we know, then you're in on it. You're. You have the same advantage as us.

[Byron]

You're. I gotta play better. It's even better on this thing.

[John]

That's right. Can be mad at John Gordon all you want.

[Byron]

No, no, no, no. It's a fair game.

[John]

Here we go. How's it unfair?

[Byron]

How is it unfair?

[John]

Yes.

[Byron]

You get the emails.

[John]

I don't use my emails for any of emails.

[Byron]

Every time the. The times that if I win.

[John]

Brady, do you have email?

[Byron]

Texts are never picked.

[John]

Brady, do you have. Do you have your. Well, that's not anybody's fault. It's random choice. There's something. Something. Check out homework's morning sickness [e-mail] Holmberg's Morning Sickness. Yeah. Do you have time. Have email?

[Byron]

I do.

[John]

All right. From now on, [e-mail] you can email your suggestions to Brady and then you can pick through those. It's just as fair as anything else because I don't even use the emails. There's times when I have somebody say the same thing.

[Byron]

We are limited on the. On the call. The phones are never.

[John]

We don't use the phone work.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John]

And you know how John Gordon picks.

[Byron]

I do.

[John]

So cater to that.

[Byron]

It's more money.

[John]

The only reason I'm saying that is because. How. How is it unfair at all if we all have the exact same.

[Brett Vesely]

So you want John Gordon not to be an option?

[Byron]

Well, all right. I think it's even up. That's.

[John]

How do you think it's not? Explain it to me.

[Byron]

Talk me into it, because me against everyone else. It's.

[John]

Me against everyone else.

[Byron]

Wants me to win.

[Brett Vesely]

Win.

[John]

How has he had anything to do with it?

[Byron]

I get Toledoed.

[John]

We've all been Toledo. Your songs are horrible almost all the time. That is not.

[Byron]

See, and here he comes.

[John]

Not his fault.

[Byron]

I want you to.

[John]

He's not.

[Brady]

I really want you to win. You don't understand.

[Byron]

No, you don't absolutely do. I never got. How do you want me to win when you go horrible, and that's a good. And there's good choices out there.

[John]

No, they're not.

[Byron]

It's very rare. It got to the point where it doesn't matter when I'm picking good choices.

[John]

That's why we. Some. We got to put a little tariff on. Hey, Pop.

[Byron]

Pop. Good choice.

[Douglas]

Because going for the Chancellor.

[John]

Awful. I make awful choices sometimes. I admit it. You do it a lot.

[Byron]

All right, well, maybe I shouldn't play them.

[John]

That's where it's unfair.

[Byron]

I'm not a musicologist.

[Brady]

Like, that's the one thing that you can hit on.

[John]

Yes, but he's right. Play John Gordon. I'm not a musicologist. You have just as much knowledge.

[Byron]

All right, all right.

[John]

Here's the thing.

[Byron]

I'm not saying I'm barking on the. Barking up the wrong tree, because all.

[John]

I asked was, how's it evened up in this thing? All I'm saying is, how's it unfair? And you've given zero examples other than Toledo cheats you.

[Brett Vesely]

We've all been screwed with that. We've all been Toledo at one point or another.

[Byron]

Well, you can't deny. I mean, that's fun. That's the fun of it. But John Gore. Jordan will favor you.

[John]

No, he favors the music.

[Byron]

But the other thing is, you know, it's good because Brett most of the time will get good picks.

[John]

Brett's won, like, the last five years. I know he doesn't cater. I'm not sitting there screaming that I won't do anything about this. I'm not saying it's unfair. He picks good songs. There you go. Get better. You're in.

[Byron]

Okay.

[John]

The Bengals aren't very good. And you don't say, we want to play in a different league. Nothing's. Nothing's balanced against you.

[Brett Vesely]

It's.

[John]

You just got to choose better and use your emails. If you have emails, everybody email bbogan90kupd.com you're right.

[Brady]

It's clearly not your fault. We have no idea who the f. Mack the Knife is.

[Byron]

Right?

[John]

Oh, people don't know some of his songs because you come from a different time.

[Brett Vesely]

Cody's picking it. He says Brady's right. John Gordon should not be an option because he almost almost always picks you.

[John]

He does not. When it comes to the tiebreaker, Brett wins every year. I am not getting any advantage from John Gordon because last year, John Gordon picked, like, 27 of the weeks. I guarantee. If you go back and find out.

[Byron]

Someone else pick, then somebody's got to.

[John]

Come in and do it, and we got to rely on that. He's the only one. So we can take him off the list. If you guys think it's unfair option, that's fine. We can go to the final call.

[Brady]

Just do three options.

[John]

Yeah, we'll do final call and we'll have John Gordon pick one through whatever trivia last year. Trivia was great. You got a couple of those. And nobody said that's not fair. Nobody knows about brisket. It was a brisket question. Sometimes you're going to win them. Nothing about this is. Is balanced against you. Except for no. Except for sometimes you make random wild things that don't really tie in, and we laugh at it because it's very funny because sometimes it doesn't make any sense.

[Brett Vesely]

There's another one wants John Gordon eliminated.

[John]

Well, that's up to you. You're the winner of last year. If you'd like to do that. If that's the new rule, he can't choose that. That's fine. Then we can just. When we're running out of time, we'll just go to the last one.

[Brett Vesely]

This guy agrees with Brady.

[John]

All right.

[Brett Vesely]

Fair.

[John]

But it isn't me. If you go back and look, statistically, I bet you he picked you more than me last year. I don't know. Damn.

[Brett Vesely]

Brady's getting sensitive, and he isn't necessarily wrong. John Gordon. Gotta go.

[Douglas]

All right.

[Brett Vesely]

He's no musicologist.

[John]

We'll balance it. I'm fine with that. If you want to do that, John can pick the number between one and one less than it used to.

[Brady]

One and three or one and those.

[John]

Will be the ways we decide. Does that help you not feel so.

[Byron]

Whatever you guys want to do, I mean, it's fair. I don't want to give any advantage.

[John]

Discuss it again. What parts, what other parts can we change to make you feel more balanced?

[Byron]

Yeah, the John Gordon factor.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay, so John Gordon Gordon picks what.

[John]

Else makes it feel like you are in a fair fight.

[Brett Vesely]

But he picks the number. But he doesn't pick. He can't pick the song is what you're saying.

[John]

Okay, right. What else?

[Byron]

That's about it.

[John]

Okay, so now we're all fair. So, all right, go ahead. With that face and a little tiny baby frown.

[Byron]

No, it's fair.

[John]

What else is unfair? Fair. Do you want a helper, like a government helper?

[Byron]

No, no, no.

[John]

Do you want Larry to come in and whisper in your ear. Do you want to be your teammate?

[Byron]

No. No.

[John]

That's good. No, don't do this. Don't. No, we're not. I can tell by your face and eyes that we're not. What else is unfair?

[Byron]

Because by the way, categories on the.

[John]

Category, this conversation is two losers.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

Yeah. So I don't know. I'm not crying.

[Byron]

Yeah. So. But on the categories, it's always been different. I mean, I don't.

[John]

You gotta win to pick the category.

[Byron]

It'd be just in general, like sending it, but that's hard to do.

[John]

You win, you pick your own category.

[Brady]

Go in that room and check your email during the break.

[Byron]

The reason I can check it.

[John]

The reason Brett won was because the categories he chooses, he's probably got something in his brain for.

[Byron]

Yeah, that's fine.

[John]

You gotta win. All right, so is there a way you want to change the cat? You know, we're gonna have to do. Just appease this and let him make the choices. And then that way we can eliminate all this crying so he.

[Brett Vesely]

Every week.

[John]

10 bucks every week.

[Brady]

That's what we're some on the scale for you.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

How can we weigh it in your.

[Byron]

I don't know. God, if I have to pick a subject.

[John]

Did, by the way, last year.

[Byron]

I mean, I have no shot. Here we go, Brady1. Next week's going to be.

[John]

So you'd like us to stop saying we'd like us. You are.

[Byron]

Let the people decide.

[John]

Fair enough. Well, no, we can also make choices. But you would like the trash talk to stop in your terrible topic choices because you do it like two seconds before it.

[Byron]

Well, it got to the point it didn't matter what it does.

[John]

Well, that's up. That's a baby fit. Because that's.

[Byron]

No, because as far as everything that you're saying, it's off topic. Topic.

[John]

Yeah.

[Byron]

Clearly all of you won with something that's not even close to the topic. Huh? Like a song that is just. I don't care. That's just a great song.

[John]

But that's nothing to do. There's usually a. That's not true. The. The topic. I'll give it to him. He's better than I am, but Brett's better than I am. And finding a topic that fits the. The theme. He's very good at that. And the thing is, you got to do to sell it. Otherwise, we just pick like, you know, smashes. I don't care about the thing. Here's a great sell song. But that would. Nobody would vote for that. I was like, it doesn't make any sense. So, people, the reason it wins is because usually it makes sense.

[Brady]

John, your thumb is on the scale because you're always late, which means you always go to John Gordon because you know he's going to pick.

[John]

Then we will go to a random caller when we're late. Yeah, and he's right. I am always late. And we're late right now.

[Byron]

And it's always been the policy.

[John]

Look, you're not wrong, but maybe if all of us were men, I could have gone a break a long time ago. See what I did there?

[Brett Vesely]

And there's another one.

[John]

Brady's right, homies.

[Brett Vesely]

He always picks Juno.

[John]

He does not.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm just this. What the emails are.

[John]

Juno's lost last year. So if I've got that. If I've got that balance, it didn't work.

[Brett Vesely]

Come on, Brady. You know the phrase nut up or shut up?

[John]

Thank you.

[Brady]

Brady, I love you, but if you could remember the rock and rock wars, I'd vote for you personally.

[John]

A lot more. There you go. And you don't have to go rock. You just go thematically what you want or hip hop songs. But there's no one to blame people.

[Byron]

I don't blame that. The. The category of picking other stuff. I think John Gordon's a good move in the right direction.

[John]

And then I get the Brady's being a little baby.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

From Dave. How about all of your wins count as three?

[Byron]

No, you don't need the handicap.

[John]

It. Well, you wanted to handicap. You said it's already handicapped. You did. You said it's not in your favor. You said it's.

[Byron]

Oh, it's not. It's not at all.

[John]

Then it's got to be handicapped.

[Byron]

Okay, then Brett's is what? Worth what? That's up to you.

[John]

1.

[Byron]

I don't need that. The John Gordon thing is fine.

[John]

Okay, so that's all you need. And now it's dead fair. What's the matter with you? Is it dead fair?

[Byron]

Yeah, let's go.

[John]

Is it dead fair?

[Byron]

Sure.

[John]

Are we square?

[Byron]

Oh, are we clear?

[John]

Don't do that. That is not a person going, yeah, we're even. That's you being a. You're being a little baby.

[Byron]

Oh, yeah, that's good.

[John]

We're 100 across the board, no complaints. Fair, square and fair and square.

[Byron]

There's no voter fraud.

[John]

There is. There isn't.

[Byron]

I know.

[John]

Okay, well, don't do that. Then fix it. Don't complain. Fix it. What can be fixed to make you comfortable?

[Byron]

Can't be fixed.

[John]

Why?

[Byron]

It's just it's way it is. It's chance by winning a lot of the factor. Yeah.

[John]

Five years.

[Byron]

But that fixes it a lot.

[John]

Yeah. So no John Gordon you think is balancing it so I don't win as much even though I have not won for years. Yeah, that still doesn't make sense. But if that's what you want. Okay, Brady.

[Byron]

How about am I wrong? Am I wrong Wrong on the percentage?

[Brett Vesely]

A lot of listeners are saying this.

[John]

Okay.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

But again, we're getting buried with those. We already eliminated them. But bottom. Bottom line is if that's what you want to fix, he's still going to win because I haven't won with this massive advantage.

[Byron]

All right, then. Toledo can be mums the word on sound. Hey, I. I gotta say something. It's a bad song.

[John]

You don't make a comment another never.

[Byron]

Do that on bread.

[Brady]

I do too.

[John]

When he comes in there in the room.

[Brady]

Yeah, he does.

[John]

I sell my song to him and he goes, oh, I just.

[Byron]

Okay. I would say it on the mic.

[John]

He doesn't find out about no chance this week. Yours is usually last.

[Brett Vesely]

There's no.

[Byron]

No one else has said that since.

[John]

This is Eric back. No, that's Brady.

[Brett Vesely]

There's another one right there.

[John]

Oh, here we go. Remember the first half of the year last year Brady was in the lead because she went to the last caller and I voted for Brady four times. Remember what I said? He's crying.

[Brady]

Brett didn't pick up his first win until May 12th.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John]

And then he just slaughtered us.

[Brett Vesely]

Tyler, just call it John Gordon wars and let's get on with it.

[John]

Yeah, let's let John Gordon do it.

[Brady]

Guy says, how about this? Last place should pick the category. But then we got to pick all who's.

[John]

Whoever came in last gets to pick.

[Brady]

This week's and then they get to pick the topic. That way the winner doesn't have an advantage the next.

[John]

That's not bad. So it's like the draft. The worst one of the week gets next week's topic and hopefully can come into it was a little bit thought and says, okay, I've got something here.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Brady]

And then you have the whole week.

[John]

I like that. Who came in last? Is that fair? Winner of last year, Brett. With all the fair unfair advantages that I had and still lost.

[Brett Vesely]

This guy's taking Brady side. Holmberg stalls and rock wars to get Gordon to pick him instead of the listeners. Gordon picks John 90% of the time. If that's Brady, Brett mildly Alluded to that fact.

[John]

If that's true, why do I lose every year?

[Brett Vesely]

Well, we don't always go to John Gordon.

[John]

Oh, so even up.

[Byron]

It came close.

[John]

Oh, so it evens up, which is called balance, fairness.

[Byron]

Yeah. For you.

[John]

Okay. Oh, no, for everybody.

[Byron]

No, he was winning.

[John]

So. So no matter who picks.

[Byron]

But I think this year. This year must have been a horrible year. This last year.

[Brett Vesely]

But I didn't get horrible.

[John]

For me, I didn't get my first.

[Brett Vesely]

Win till like May or something.

[John]

What about. It was a horrible year.

[Byron]

It was.

[John]

You made a lot of poor choices.

[Byron]

I think something like that.

[John]

Yeah.

[Brady]

You had four wins before May and you ended with four.

[John]

Five. Ouch.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

That's your fault.

[Byron]

So the second half. I just was.

[John]

I. Yeah, you were not a second half player.

[Byron]

It's like 4th of July week.

[John]

Baseball screwed up injuries. We'll blame injuries. All right, fair enough. Rockhorse has been settled for 20, 26 a week.

[Brett Vesely]

So the rules are no John Gordon pick.

[John]

Right.

[Brett Vesely]

And the loser picks the next week's topic.

[John]

And 10 bucks a week to the winner from the two losers. It's a $20 win every week.

[Brett Vesely]

Why don't we. Why don't we just put like a. Why don't we just put a pot together at the end? The winners gets it. So like we. We all throw in. The loser throws in five bucks.

[Byron]

You know, whatever.

[John]

Well then that would just be like however much $10 is to $30 a week is till the end of the year. And somebody might as well just make it about money. If it's 10 bucks a week, it'll balance out.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, okay.

[John]

For at least you and I. He's not going to get any. Yes. Here we go. What I'm talking about.

[Byron]

Talking about.

[John]

It's because we're better. How is it unfair for me to trash talk that didn't. That. That gave me no advantage. I just gave you bit a little. Little guff, that's all.

[Byron]

You do it.

[John]

That's right. I do it a lot and it's guff. It doesn't change the rules. Of course it does.

[Brady]

Remember, he's the best in the room at trash talk.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John]

How does that give me an advantage in the game? Because you're so horrible.

[Byron]

How do I. I'm just horrible at it.

[John]

I know. I said so. You heard me. I don't want. I'm not placing ideas in your head. You were just bad at it.

[Brady]

Guys, guys, guys. The biggest rule to balance the scales in Brady's favor, let him use drowning pools. Bottom bodies every week.

[John]

Wow. What if you had the same song every week? How often you would win?

[Byron]

There'd be more wins than last year.

[John]

I mean, that's impossible to get last.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

See what I'm doing here?

[Brett Vesely]

Now people are calling for Toledo to do a statistical analysis on how many times John Gordon.

[John]

Again, doesn't matter.

[Brady]

You don't have time today.

[John]

But I'll do it. But no matter what, I did not win. I'm just.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm just reading this off.

[John]

So even with this massive advantage I launched cost. So where's the advantage?

[Brady]

Such a disadvantage from May to December that you not only negated John Gordon.

[John]

Four and a half months of Brett sitting quietly and then he just crushed us. Had something to do with my advantage. And we had John Gordon picked just as much after May as we did before.

[Byron]

Yeah, no, he was missing a lot of times.

[John]

Oh, was he? Okay. Yeah, he kept track of that.

[Brett Vesely]

All right, boys, this is starting to sound like the View.

[John]

Move on. Jesus.

[Brady]

When did bringing all her friends to the show.

[John]

Exactly. I'm not bitching. I'm gonna listen to one, though.

[Brett Vesely]

All right, so that. So for today, then, Brady picks.

[John]

That's right. Brady has the choice. Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay. So it's your choice.

[John]

This will be great.

[Brady]

So the guy.

[Byron]

There we go.

[Brett Vesely]

You're gonna start him up already?

[Byron]

So the guy that's.

[Brady]

That's part of a show that's hosted by America's sweetheart, doesn't understand how he has an advantage.

[John]

I don't. I lose.

[Byron]

How about Toledo can play instead of me all.

[John]

No, that's dumb, because then we gotta rely on you getting all the stuff off the computer. We're gonna be here till Friday doing one game. So I'm getting ready for the big battle. Ten bucks a week. I'm serious. All right. Rock Horse is coming up.

[Brady]

Texter says you realize the genius in what Brady's doing.

[John]

Yeah. Oh, he's playing Currying sympathy. He's playing the victim. And we all think that's a move, but I don't know if that's working.

[Brett Vesely]

Because a lot of people are.

[John]

Yeah, they're killing them. You're not gonna read those? You see all those tears? Rockworse. It's serious now. We meet. Mean it. It's not. And it's all on Durant's at the end of the year. And then 10 bucks a week. I think that's pretty good and reasonable, right?

[Brett Vesely]

I don't know. That menu looks pretty expensive, but okay.

[John]

So don't lose. We're all looking at the same menu, there's just make Toledo pay for it all. Yeah, there you go. There you go. And we got a count weeks where there's a Toledo.

[Brett Vesely]

What do you mean, there's a Toledo?

[John]

Well, how about this? Every time someone gets toledo load, the $10 drops to five for that person. I'm.

[Brady]

I'm fine with that. But then you got to give me a cue mark and tell me where to put.

[John]

You got to be more diligent about where you got it.

[Brady]

You got to know your. You got to know your stuff.

[John]

Okay, fair enough. But still could happen that you're overlapping or playing two things.

[Brady]

Yeah, that's on me.

[Brett Vesely]

Or didn't plug it in or whatever.

[John]

You screw something up, you get Toledoed. If you screw it up on me.

[Brett Vesely]

That person five bucks less.

[John]

That person gets a $5. That's fair discount. Nobody's rooting for Toledo to help him out.

[Brett Vesely]

Goddamn rules.

[Brady]

John, I know you have a deep all the recent Ravens memes, but, boy, do I love me some pouty, passive aggressive Brady.

[John]

I actually, I. I feed that. I enjoy that too.

[Byron]

And anytime you can dip into my pocket, squirm about money being transferred. Unfair.

[John]

Look, I get called a Jew a lot, but let's be honest, around here.

[Byron]

That nose just swells.

[John]

Oh, it gets. All right, see? Oh, you can talk trash now too.

[Byron]

Someone can't take.

[John]

No, I can take it all. Please. I can take it all day.

[Byron]

Finds his.

[John]

Hold on a second.

[Byron]

And Brett, just stay with it.

[John]

You just c word cried about how everybody makes fun of you, and you decide that that's your pattern back.

[Byron]

Here we go.

[John]

It's on. It's on. It's on. You asked me to be nicer to you. Yeah, that's right. You said you got to be nice to me because it makes me feel sad in my belly. I'm like, okay, I'll do that. And then you throw a bomb. It doesn't work, all right, Netanyahu. It's on.

[Byron]

Trash talking doesn't work.

[John]

That's what you said. It does.

[Byron]

Don't take it.

[John]

I don't. I take it all day. That's you. You're describing yourself. You're describing yourself.

[Byron]

Kidding me.

[John]

You take it, and then 24 years, just play it. You take it, and then you just. And then you get so wrong to do. And then you do it. You're like, oh, he got upset. You get upset. You act like that's normal. I'm all for.

[Byron]

It's the first time.

[John]

Bring it on, baby. Bring it Up. You remember what you told. We want to trash talk for real.

[Byron]

On Eric's thing, when someone brought that up, when Eric would. You're like, well, it's my show. I make the rules.

[John]

Damn right. But I'm letting you make the rules.

[Brady]

But that was then. He hasn't made.

[John]

I'm letting you make the goddamn rules all you want.

[Byron]

Oh, we did. I mean, beautiful John Gordon. I don't. I don't care.

[John]

Oh, you care, all right. Tom just voted for you, Brad.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm going to write.

[John]

I can't listen to this anymore. I feel so sorry for.

[Byron]

I don't want it to be swaying the other way either.

[John]

It's too late. You already pulled that card. You pulled the liberal lady card. You're going to be that guy now you're marching around with your pink hair.

[Brady]

So we can write this down.

[John]

No, you. You keep all that together. The new. This is late.

[Brady]

Yes, I know. We'll do it off the air.

[Brett Vesely]

All right.

[John]

All right. We'll get them off the air. All right. It's 920 Rock Wars. And it means something. It's 98.

[Byron]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually.

[John]

No membership fees. I have heard enough of this. Morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil sitting right here.

[Brett Vesely]

Come on.

[John]

No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. All right, Brady, it's your choice.

[Byron]

Yep.

[John]

Now, I've offered three wins per week. He doesn't want to be the handicap, kid. Everyone is worth three. I think that's fair. If we're putting money on it, you can handicap it.

[Brett Vesely]

He doesn't want to. Caleb, it. It's. That's fine.

[John]

I think you should. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. There's money on the table.

[Byron]

It's your show, man.

[John]

Welcome to the View, everybody. Just saying, take the three and don't make it my choice. I'm offering something kindly to say, sure, put money on it. Take every win you get is three wins. And at the end, you're going to be at Durant celebrating, and this all goes away because you'll be the one getting it. And suddenly all this big baby fit about the money will be like, I'll take it. So when you win, you're fine. When you lose, you're are mad. Three wins, but listeners are going to.

[Brett Vesely]

Jump all over him.

[John]

It's only because you got three. That's fine. We all made the agreement doesn't matter what they say. Audience can scream all they want. Peanut gallery doesn't count. 3. Brett, how do you feel about the balance on?

[Byron]

I don't know. I think that.

[John]

No, he still wins the week.

[Brett Vesely]

He's already made some rules and he didn't even win last year. So I'm giving him that. He made some rules. I said it's a one to one.

[John]

How about a two handed?

[Brett Vesely]

I like one to one.

[John]

Like the handicap. The handicap.

[Brett Vesely]

No, he, he's not either.

[John]

He's starting to frown.

[Byron]

No, I'm not. You know, if you guys felt like. If you felt that way, I, I completely understand. You want one to one, that's fine.

[John]

All right.

[Byron]

And it's.

[John]

I'm seeing if we're putting money. It's a democracy. We got to get him a thing if we're going to make him pay. In order to keep him from losing his mind, we have to give him a little advantage week to week. Because as we've established, he's not very good at this.

[Byron]

I'll see. Here you go.

[John]

There you go, firing it up again. All right, Brady, you have the topic. Go.

[Byron]

Okay. The farewell song to John Gordon.

[John]

Okay. Goodbye to John Gordon. Fair enough. Very smart. Now cater to it. A farewell song to John Gordon. I like that. We're gonna do it fast. If you got any suggestions. Bbogan98kupd.com don't worry about me. It's gonna be last call and then you got it. Could be.

[Byron]

It's gonna be.

[John]

At this point, you can text 97936. You can throw out all that stuff if you want. We'll find out exactly what the selections are next. Rock wars with something on the line. We're going straight up. You know, we give one.

[Brett Vesely]

No, let's go straight up.

[John]

I think that's right.

[Brett Vesely]

You know, we get halfway through the year. If it's a big deficit, we'll. We'll go.

[John]

We'll go up, start giving them a spread. Yeah. All right.

[Byron]

Yeah, we can.

[Brett Vesely]

All right.

[John]

We'll start off okay. We'll start off even and same, you.

[Byron]

Know, like Brad, if you're really low.

[John]

Yeah, we'll do the same thing, right? Absolutely. We handicap the loser. It's traditionally that will probably be Brady. And then we'll start working on that later as we handicap.

[Brett Vesely]

So in June we'll kind of figure that out.

[John]

Brady will get like seven or eight per win.

[Byron]

Fourth of July Brady, right?

[John]

Yeah. After Fourth of July, we'll make it 40 for Brady and one and a half for you. Rock wars is upon us. And it's feisty. It's 98. There's something something. Check out Homework's Morning Sickness podcast at 98kupd.com Holmberg's Morning Sickness. Get away we go. 2026. And we got him. It's close. He's not ready. Wrong. Now we're good. Our choices will be made and we'll have to go to last call. Money on the line. Brady's topic. And he's just now writing down his answer. Somehow I thought he had it already.

[Brady]

I know he'd been.

[John]

Somehow you and I are cheating him. And this is how he's coming up with this.

[Brady]

To his credit, he's been using email.

[John]

That's right. [e-mail]. all right, he's in. Here we go. Rock wars is brought to you by our friend over at Mo Money Pawn.

[Brett Vesely]

Solid.

[Brady]

How's that?

[John]

You got a good one.

[Byron]

You're not supposed to make any comments.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, here we go.

[John]

I don't mind. It gives you a copy. Excellent work. Shorter long term collateral loans from $10 to over $100,000. No credit needed. Top dollar paid with the entire process just taking several minutes. Mo money pawn.com. brady, who would you like to go first?

[Byron]

Brett, open it up.

[Brett Vesely]

All right, Mine. The goodbye song, right?

[John]

Go ahead.

[Brett Vesely]

The goodbye song to John Gordon.

[John]

Gordon.

[Brady]

Get your fingers ready.

[John]

His big farewell and Brady got him fired.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, and this is basically.

[Byron]

This is.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm just going on Brady's side, so I'm gonna take. This is Brady's song to Tom Gore or John Gordon.

[John]

It doesn't matter.

[Brett Vesely]

He's not here anymore. So it's skid row. Get the f out.

[John]

Get the out. Get the out. There you are.

[Brett Vesely]

That's Brady singing.

[John]

Gordon's over there dancing, wearing a skid row shirt.

[Brady]

I didn't even see that that was solid.

[John]

You want me to go next?

[Byron]

Yeah, go ahead.

[John]

I saw the shirt. Monkey business. He was up to no good. And hey, thanks for cheating for me all year and the year before and I haven't won. I mean, what kind of. What kind of partner are you in?

[Brady]

Che?

[John]

All just monkey business. This guy's up to this. Tom Gordon over here. Too bad John's not choosing. We'd have made it tough on him that day. Yeah, no kidding. All right, fifth dimension, make your choice.

[Byron]

That's appropriate for everyone in this room except me. But John Gordon came in there and it's like he was all bent out of shape, crying like a godslash flying.

[John]

Blind didn't have time to give me a cue. That's right. Yeah. So they can't get Toledo. You tell me. I can't take my chances.

[Douglas]

But I told you one, two, many times.

[John]

And you ironic that that is the choice you made today.

[Brett Vesely]

Wouldn't that be John Gordon song to break?

[Byron]

Sorry. Sorry.

[John]

We're not allowed to be obvious. The new rule. Not allowed to be completely realistic, logical, or obvious.

[Byron]

Obvious.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, then our songs are out too.

[John]

Exactly.

[Brett Vesely]

Right.

[John]

We gotta go with last call. All right, there we go. 5859-800. Because we're very late. Last call. We'll decide it. I can't take that one because he was calling before. So last call. I've cleared the phones. Five eight, five, nine, 800. And here we go. What's the same. Dude, how'd you do that?

[Brady]

Phone which.

[John]

Because this thing's broken. Oh, we've loaded them up. It's $10 on the line right now. Coming in. Right. Let's go.

[Brady]

Here is it still no girls can.

[John]

Yeah, no. A woman can't be the final vote. What is this, the 1900s? We're not making that rule. All right. On the line is all right. Here we go. This one. Oh, I'm not taking David Vasquez. Tanner's on the line. Tanner, are you there? Yes, sir. All right, Tanner, you are the first vote of 2026 and the final vote of this week's choice of a very feisty rock wars. Who do you think should win? Will it be skid row's get the f out? Brett's choice? Will it be mine? Monkey business by skid row as well. To say goodbye to Tom Gordon. John Gordon. Or will it be Brady's crying like a let's give it monkey business man Brady. Exactly right. That's what I thought should happen. It's me again. Thank you, John Gordon's family. Evidently, every time I win, it's some sort of a subversive co Like Dave Nash is here trying to solve the mystery.

[Brett Vesely]

Calling in from the denim machine.

[John]

Exactly. Exactly right. Live. All right. Nice job. Thank you very much. We'll put Tanner on. We'll give Tanner a nice prize for being the vote. We got something in there. We'll give Tanner something. Final caller will always get a prize. And keep in mind, I'm in charge of that.

[Brady]

That's right.

[John]

So if you're getting a prize, it's technically. Technically from me. Yep, you're right. It was. All right. We'll get that in a second. We'll play some spots because we're late already. And then we'll get to monkey business to play. To say goodbye to you, John Gordon. I thought you did a nice job.

[Byron]

I thought he was going to pick the.

[John]

No, when we're late. We went to final call and we're incredibly late. Very late.

[Brett Vesely]

We were getting time before we even started.

[John]

There you go. There's. I'm your winner. Want to know? No waiting. In my world, it's 98.

[Byron]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually.

[John]

No membership fees. I have heard enough of this. Morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil sitting right here.

[Brett Vesely]

Come on.

[John]

No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. Oh, God, that thing's awesome. That's Slave to the Grinds. Best song. And that's a good album. We were just talking about in 1991. That was when we got Pearl Jam. 10. We got Nirvana, we got Metallica, Pantera. Guns N Roses was vocal display. Was 91. Was that right? And. And John Gordon, who's not allowed to be here anymore at all because Brady hates him, said that that album, Slave to the Grain, was the first rock album to ever debut it. Number one. How about that?

[Byron]

Got an email from David Vasquez.

[John]

Okay. Yeah, we had to skip.

[Byron]

He didn't want to take my call because he knew I was going to vote for you. A cheater.

[John]

I tell you, that's not true. It's not that. It's racism. I can't answer the phone, says David Vasquez, because I've read your emails and I've seen your stuff and you go off the rail sometimes. It's very funny, but your language is poor. Can't we trust you, Vosk? Yes, Damn right it is. 10:05. My God, it's 10:05. So late. It's time for the entertainment drill Brady Entertainment.

[Byron]

Mickey Rourke says he'd rather stick a gun up his butt than accept money from a GoFundMe.

[John]

Well, that's why he's living in a hotel.

[Byron]

Started one. He says everyone's gonna send their money back.

[John]

Get over your pride and take the money and. Okay, then. Here's the other thing. Don't make it public that you just got evicted for having no cash, because that's a nice thing to do. People do that when you're like, oh, he's in trouble. Let's help him out. And now you're saying, I'd rather shoot myself in the anus. Than accept help. Well, then, fine. We won't help you. That's dumb. And that's why he looks like he does, acts like he does, and is in the situation he's in. He's an idiot. Read A stick a gun in my butt.

[Byron]

Burned all his bridges with all the people that he, you know, would help him out.

[John]

Maybe not. Maybe he just won't take their money and he'd rather suffer out loud because he likes being a martyr than. Than actually fixing it. Somebody will give him a job. He's good at what he does when he wants to do something good.

[Byron]

Sidney Kybrick is the last. Was the last living member of our.

[John]

Gang the Little Rascals.

[Byron]

He was warm, but his assistant, they called him Warme.

[John]

97 years old, New York. You are warmer.

[Byron]

Emma Stone will not play Miss Piggy in the new movie she's producing. She says Miss Piggy is playing Miss Piggy should be storming out right now.

[John]

The mere suggestion she'd leave Frank Oz still alive. Or is he dead? Is he gone? I don't think I've noticed a difference in Miss Piggy's voice since he's changed out. And you notice that Miss Piggy and Yoda are the exact same thing. One's just a girl. Frank Oz didn't have a ton of room range, but the guy who took over Miss Piggy was great. The guy who took over Kermit, I don't know. Frank Caliendo, of all people, sent me a clip of the new Kermit and Frank wrote what the this garbage. And I'm like, it hurt our childhoods. This guy's voice for Kermit is terrible.

[Byron]

Evidently the Golden Go Golden Globe gift bags going out this weekend are worth close to a million bucks.

[John]

Of course, when you celebrate, items are.

[Byron]

Offered to only winners and presenters.

[John]

Yeah, when you celebrate yourself, you have to give yourself prizes as well.

[Byron]

For they listed it.

[John]

What? Frank Oz is alive. Oh, Ms. That's why I haven't noticed the difference in the voice. How about that?

[Byron]

And this was on Jay Moore's podcast. More stories.

[John]

Yep.

[Byron]

He had the Billy Gibbons and Dusty Hill from ZZ Top upon. And they both admit one time they're gillette offered him $1 million to shave.

[John]

Their legs, their beards.

[Byron]

Oh, for a Super bowl ad. They turned it down.

[John]

They were doing better than a million dollars at the time. Yeah, I would imagine. And that's their iconic look. You don't. You don't take off. What is the thing you don't spit on Superman's Cape. You don't spit in the wind, whatever. You know, pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger. And you don't mess around with Jim or ZZ Top spirits or Billy. You don't touch ZZ Tops. Beards. That's dumb of them.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, but like, you're saying they were making more than that, touring and stuff with those beards at that time.

[John]

Why would we do that?

[Brett Vesely]

I mean, nowadays, now they're playing casinos.

[John]

Maybe it's only one of them.

[Brett Vesely]

I think Frank came back and he's.

[John]

Oh, is he playing now?

[Brett Vesely]

All right, I think.

[John]

But he's named Frank Beard. He's the only one with a beard.

[Byron]

They did think about it, but.

[John]

Sure, you'd think about it, but then you're like, ah, we're making more without it. Let's just keep it alive. People go to see our beards. That's our look. Kiss took the makeup off on your Super Bowl?

[Byron]

Super Bowl? The Chicago Bears super bowl win in 85.

[John]

Was that the 80s? The 85? Oh, it was the middle 80s.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, they were huge.

[John]

Yeah, they were making more off of every day than that. That's dumb. And maybe they're really horrendously ugly under those beards.

[Brett Vesely]

I think Billy did say that, too. Like, we don't know what we look like under these things.

[John]

You don't want to shave it off and find out. People go, ew. I don't even like your song songs anymore. That's it for us. We're all done. I'm up 20 bucks. I'm feeling pretty good about today. I'm gonna get myself some lunch. Thanks, boys. It's 10:10. Larry's coming up next. You guys have yourselves a fantastic day. We'll see you tomorrow in the morning. Signa Salah.

[Byron]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually.

[John]

No membership fee. I have heard enough of this.