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John Holmberg
All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Get out to the Tempe Improv on the east side to see Paul Versey on Thursday and Beth Stelling Friday, Saturday and Sunday. The Desert Ridge Improv up North features Sarah Weinschenk this Thursday and Joe DeRosa on Friday and Saturday. And downtown at Stand Up Live, check out the very funny Lil Rel performing Friday, Saturday and Sunday for the complete lineups. And for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com it's John Holberg here.
Brett
For the amazing people at the Core Institute, life can throw you a curveball now and again. One day you're trucking along, feeling great. Next day your dog smashes into your head and knocks you cold. Or like a KUPD listener told me this week, his dog did a sprint across the backyard directly into the side of his wife's leg and blew her knee up. She needed that need to get fixed and fixed right. Two years later, she's running like she used to again. And it's all thanks to the Core Institute. I went through it too. And you can get rid of your pain and start saying yes, I can to all the things you want to do. And. And all you have to do is trust the experts at the Core Institute head there right now. The Core Institute.com.
Kristen
You'Ve been deceived by an agent of Satan himself.
Brett
He's evil.
Brady
Sitting right here.
Brett
Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. Beautiful work. Very pleased with Miles to Nowhere's theme song for 2025. Couldn't be happier with it. Well done, ladies and boy. And in fact, they gave an email, sent an email over that said, so glad you guys liked the song. It was so much fun to write and record. Fun fact. Going back to what Brett said a couple of days ago, the original line was with that big Jew nose.
Brady
Yes, damn it, I want the remix.
Brett
After polling our Jewish friends, ironically on Hanukkah, we decided to let your minds wander. Insert huge instead. Also, I fought for the line like a blue pill, they keep going to be replaced with like a herpe. It keeps burning. But Kristen refused to sing the word herpe, dammit. Anyway, I'll stick to the drums and not the lyrics. Thanks, Richard Duran. He's the boy in Miles to Nowhere that hangs out with those two tiny little ladies. Excellent work. Very pleased, very happy with the both of you up front there, Katie and Hobbs, and then Richard the Drummond. Excellent work. That's a weird email. This one says, John, just listening to what you're talking about, named Raymond Vega, says, I grew up in Hawthorne, Southgate, California. Developed pubic hair at 7, 8 years old, and guess what? Government cheese was in every one of my school lunches until I got to high school. Well, there you go. That's the study. They didn't tell you what was happening, but the garbage they were shoving in the food over there was making kids develop too fast down in SoCal. By my guess, you're probably about 48 years old, too. That would be my guess because that's when it was really going nuts, in the 80s, early 90s. It's crazy. This isn't interesting. Oh, and then the other one that said Scott, he says, great, now my daughter can have huge cans to go with her Trump tattoo and she's nine years old. This is an awesome world. It's true. Talked about the nine year old with the Trump tattoo yesterday and, you know, kind of whether or not that's kosher and how people feel about it. The artist who did it was on the news last night and he basically said, all right, everybody get off my ass. He works down at Black Onyx Tattoo shop in Yuma. I was like, everybody get off my ass. The parents were there and nobody's telling the story. Evidently the little girl and the family, her parents are from Turkey and they love America. They're like immigrant, like fresh ones that wave the little American flag constantly. They love it here, like we should, but we're too busy always being told to hate this country. But they waved the flag and they love every second of it. Now, I don't know how you end up moving from Turkey to Yuma, but that's how bad Turkey is, that you moved to Yuma and you're still happy. What did you leave to make Yuma the shining light on the hill anyway? They did. So he said it was this patriotic thing. His family said, culturally, it's not frowned upon for us. We. We want to get a tattoo annually to celebrate our lives here in the United States. So the dude's like, hey, the family was like, all gung ho about this. I talked them out of the Trump thing and talked him into just a flag. He said, get off my ass. And I kind of admire that. He called up the news and said, get off my ass. Now, a good PR person would go, just shut up. Nobody's going to remember this in three days. But it was a pretty, you know, it was a nice little flag in the earth going, hey, first off, I live in Yuma. I've got enough trouble. Second, these Turkish people came in and lost their minds about the United States. I'd never seen patriotism like that. So I threw a flag on their daughter's neck. He said. He said on Facebook and on. It's international now. And I think that is scary when the world attacks you and you're just some tattoo guy. Like Tuesday you were a tattoo guy in Yuma. Thursday you're on Fox News sitting there. Exactly. You're talking to Jesse Waters about what a jerk you are. And all your tattoo artists are getting heat and people are like saying they're gonna firebomb your place. Like, it gets scary.
Brady
I guarantee he's gonna be booked.
Brett
Oh yeah, well, yeah, they're gonna do like field trips from schools and stuff over there. Sixth graders will be lined up. Third graders, third, fourth, fifth grade. You're gonna be able to kill it. This Miranda says about the Ozempic shot. What the hell? I had to buy my cans with hard earned money. Flat chested hard earned money. You know how hard that is for a woman to earn money with a flat chest? Nearly whatever she does. Yeah, almost all flat chested women are poor. I think that's science. I honestly do. Worth every penny. But I would have taken that shot if I was a teenager. If it Guaranteed boobs. See side effects be damned.
Brady
This next one.
Brett
So basically this takes Fauci back off the worst people in the world list to Nobel prize winner. Yeah, he didn't invent the vaccine. He pushed it. You know, it was operation Lightspeed, if you remember. But you know who's gonna take credit for that? Trump. I remember when you guys were all mad at me. But let's remember what Operation Lightspeed was. Mine. And now you can thank me for an America that has the biggest on the planet. You're welcome. Colleges. Oh my God. To all the college boys. All those cans you get to slap around. Good. Good job. That's it. You're welcome. You've got a whole world of women who look like Madison Ivy now. Naturally. And that's because of me. It's so lucky. I was so lucky. Lucky Brady. That's what I say. Very lucky. I remember Zucker, schmuck. He's my friend now. Because you can call tranny's it on his platform. And that's a good thing. It's America. Yeah, that takes Foushee off the list, which is pretty great. He's now America's hero because he grew. He grew cans in a lab.
Brady
Cans for America.
Brett
That's what we're all looking for.
Brady
Cans across America.
Brett
That's what we're all looking for. Except for. Then it turns into stuff like this. This is. This is interesting. For this can't be real. But it is true. There's a lady on Only fans who made $40 million last year.
Brady
What she look like?
Dick Toledo
That's the one that bought the million dollar necklace for herself.
Brett
I don't know that, but I know that her son is the cameraman.
Dick Toledo
Different one.
Brett
And he's son of Only fans star. Explains why he films content for mom. Now she doesn't have sex on the Internet, but she does provocative dirty pics. She's pretty. She's a good looking lady. There's a picture of her.
Brady
Not bad.
Brett
Yeah, she looks good. There's a picture of her with her son who does all the posing and directing of Mom's Only Fans world beaten off to that. But that raised the question. For a cut of that 43 million, would you film your mom doing all sorts of dirty stuff?
Dick Toledo
Going to the next level.
Brett
Where do you draw that line?
Brady
Cut a 43 million.
Brett
$43 million.
Dick Toledo
You don't doing it.
Brett
You don't film bunny and lingerie crawling across the kitchen floor and then maybe moving the G string out of the way and exposing the spider. Yeah.
Dick Toledo
No.
Brady
For a portion of 43 million.
Brett
$43 million. You won't hold the phone.
Brady
No. Call me Brett Scorsese. Give me a goddamn camera.
Brett
Yeah, I might throw a finger in it. $43 million and you don't get all of it. Well, you're getting a nice chunk. And by the way, that's your mom. So you will eventually taste that. Not the mom part. Yeah. You understood Brett Scorsese.
Brady
Give me a goddamn camera. I'm in.
Brett
Yeah, I'm. I'm Tarantino on that thing. She's going to be every single. I'd be banging. I'm. I'm tired, John. I don't want. Marcy, it's time to go to work. Get up. If we can make 43 million half ass in this thing, think of what we can do if we put our mind to it. What do you want me to do? All right. Take that tree branch over there. I want you to spit on it. Yeah. Suddenly that mom son relationship. I can blur that line. I'm not going to bang her or anything. That's 50 million. Yeah.
Brady
You have morals.
Brett
I got standards levels. Yeah. I'm not. But you would film Bunny if I said, hey, I got 43 million bucks. Give me two hours of content and get your mom crawling around on the floor and stuff. $43 million.
Dick Toledo
And she's like, yeah, let's take this money.
Brett
She's gonna do.
Dick Toledo
But if I don't. If I don't do it, I don't get a piece of it.
Brett
No, you're not. Well, you're not doing a job. Why would you get a piece of it? Tom will. His son. Yeah, Tom will do it. Your brother Tom Jr. Will do it.
Dick Toledo
He wouldn't do it, okay?
Brett
You don't know that. I guarantee 43 million, Brady. I call that school teacher right now and say, got $43 million. Do you want it? What do I have to do, film buns crawling around in a thong on the kitchen floor?
Dick Toledo
Pass.
Brett
He would say, you know what? Whose kitchen? My wife isn't gonna want it in our kitchen because she's, you know, that's gross. Now, where do you draw that line? Now? Is the. Is it filming your mom in the throes of sex scenes? I'd still check that.
Brady
That ain't me.
Brett
Yeah, I'm not. I'm just holding the camera.
Brady
Right.
Brett
She's gonna do it no matter what.
Brady
Yeah, it's either me get portion of 43 million or some other joke.
Brett
Exactly.
Brady
No, I'm in.
Brett
And also, you're kind of protecting mom from a creepy cameraman. You know, it's a trustworthy. It's a. It's the family business, really is another.
Brady
Way to look at it. I like that.
Brett
That's not bad. I'd do it in a heartbeat. In two seconds. In fact, even if my mom didn't want to, I drug her. And I'd make her. I'd take some of that money and I would fire some sort of a heroin type pill in there and make her crawl around without her even knowing she's doing it. But they're giving the guy, like, how do you do this? And he goes, look, I'm not sexually attracted to her. I don't have any issues with that. You know, she keeps it classy. She's a pretty woman. It's weird. He's Brazilian. And he goes, and I'm really good at it. I'm good with pictures. I get the lighting, I get the exposures and all this. I understand how it works, and it would rather be doing that with me. They said, are you embarrassed that your mother's selling herself? He goes, no, it's serene. Pictures. They're kind of pretty, you know. Landscape shots with a beautiful person in the middle of it. Why? Is that bad?
Dick Toledo
That sounds all right.
Brett
So it's just a job for me. It's just work. I don't get horny. It's my mom, for God's sakes. I'm not attracted to her. He said he was left feeling gross by one scene. Cause he films her in the middle of interviews, answering questions and stuff. She's got to be sexy during, like. And he's, you know, he's the videographer. But she pulled in $43 million last year, so they're doing something right.
E
Now.
Brett
You're thinking of bunny at age 80, whatever she is.
Dick Toledo
Yeah, that's 85.
Brett
Now. Go back to when you were a strapping young lad. You're 20 years old. 21. College.
Dick Toledo
It sounds like what this Brazilian mom and son have is pretty relatively tame. Well, not really.
Brett
I don't know. I haven't seen it. But Brady, I'll tell you this. On only fans taming, getting you 43 million bucks. She's showing some squash spider. She asked me. There's no. Are you. Are you on Only fans. You're going to give to the. The beautiful landscape. The Bob Ross with the beautiful. No.
Dick Toledo
Yeah.
Brett
So you got to be doing something special for 43 million. There's stuff going in. It has to be Hallberg's morning sickness. 28. Can you believe a height?
Kristen
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E
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Brett
Morning sickness.
Dick Toledo
You know, it might be tough for the first week, and then you'd be numb to it.
Brett
Cash that first check.
Dick Toledo
Yeah. Get a taste.
Brett
Oh, get a taste of Mom. Oh, I'm with you on that.
Brady
All right.
Brett
Brady's not wrong.
Dick Toledo
You're the filmer.
Brett
Brady's not wrong. I would film. Yeah.
Brady
I get a taste, but I can film.
Brett
Yeah. I'm not gonna dive in. That's. Yeah, but I mean. And then it starts to go, okay, we're talking about 43 million. What's the price tag? 43 million is an easy answer.
Brady
Oh, yeah.
Brett
Where's the debate begin? How much do you have to make to film mom on OnlyFans like this kid? Where's the debate begin? That's where it gets hard. That's where it gets.
Brady
43 million is the easy answer.
Brett
43 million is like, we're doing this. I'll be over in five. Leave right now.
Brady
Right.
Brett
Where's the debate begin? If she makes 10 million a year and you're in on that company, you're on the ground floor of this startup.
Brady
You're still getting five.
Brett
I don't know what. You're getting. Half. Let's say you're getting three.
Dick Toledo
No way. You'd get half.
Brett
No. Yeah. She's doing all the work. You're just. Basically, you're. You're, you know.
Brady
Yeah, but you're doing the editing and stuff.
Brett
If you're doing the editing. 3 million is a nice price tag. She's still the star of the show.
Brady
I'm still in the 3.
Brett
Ted Danson never wrote an episode of Cheers. Yeah, but he got the most money.
Brady
I'm in a three.
Brett
I'm in at three. Yeah, right. $3 million in your hand right now. You're filming. Buns higher, Bob. You have to. You would. You would for $3 million. Yeah, that's not true. If I give you $3 million, you take pictures of money against her, against her will and send them out full. $3 million. Bunny in her prime. You're in your 20s. You'd do that in a second. You'd do that in a second.
Brady
You in your 20s, making 3 million a year. You wouldn't have to get up at 4 in the morning to come in here. I mean, you'd be done.
Brett
I might do it right now, filming you. $3 million. I'm. I can be bought. Yeah, it sounds terrible, considering But I.
Brady
Mean, it is terrible.
Brett
My mom was. 3 million. Is 3 million ISIS radicalization videos. And I'm making $3 million. I'm gonna still hold the camera. I mean, I can be bought. I mean, I don't want. Those are those announcements that when it becomes serious, I'm still turning her ass in, but I'm taking the money first. Like, my mom's going nuts and I think she might be in isis, but I'm turning her in after the check clears.
Brady
This guy wants to know what the site is so he can see what mama looks.
Brett
Oh, I'll tell you her name. I don't. I don't. I don't even know how actually works, to be honest with you. Her name is. Where's the article? Adult content. One person. Andresa Andressa Yurak U R A C H Andressa. And she's pretty. And she's got an adult son, which is even weirder. So again, that's proof to me that this is more than just 3 million.
Brady
I'm taking pictures of that.
Brett
I take pictures. Well, sure. There she is when he was young, going to, like, a movie premiere. That's the tough one. Is like seeing him when he's 9 and then. But he's older now and he takes good pictures of her. But she. If she really now again, 40, that's pretty good stuff right there. I don't know how far she goes, but she goes. You're not. Yeah, you're not doing.
Brady
Oh, wait, here's mom and son.
Brett
Fully clothes areas. That's a picture I have. Fully clothed shots aren't getting you $43 million. That's a hell of a price tag. I don't know how they're doing that.
Dick Toledo
She split her tongue.
Brett
Oh, no, that's her just showing you what she can do with it. She can fold it up like a hot dog bunny. There she is with some strapping lad that's about to bang her in front of her son.
Brady
All right, 3 million.
Brett
Yeah, I got no problem with that. I go out and do the audition process to find mom a proper suitor. Is that her right there?
Brady
I think so.
Brett
Okay. That's a tough film.
Dick Toledo
Wow.
Brett
So she's taking some big Brazilian duke.
Brady
Oh, yeah, she's. Yeah, she's got DeAndre behind her.
Brett
Oh, he films that.
Dick Toledo
Yeah. No, three million.
Brady
I'm still in now.
Brett
I don't. I'll tell you this, Bernie.
Brady
Still in at 3, seeing these pictures.
Brett
Now, her getting fully. You know, she's safe.
Brady
She's doing it safely.
Brett
She's got a condom on. He does the now. I don't feel like a hypocrite. Now. I know I'm doing it for the entertainment of the world.
Brady
You're welcome, world.
Brett
Oh, Mom's taking a money. Come on. Could I watch Paolo butter my mother for a couple million? Sure. Oh, there's an anal shot up close.
Brady
That's fine. Three million. I'm in.
Brett
You'll do that for three? Oh, yeah, I think three.
Brady
Yeah, three. I'm in.
Brett
The first couple. The first couple times are going to be tough, but I'm. I'm. I'm not going to lie and say.
Brady
It'S like the videos we watch every day. You just become numb to it after a while.
Brett
Scary to me. That would. Yeah.
Brady
And we don't make 3 million to watch that crap.
Dick Toledo
Not going there, Dewey.
Brett
I do that. I don't. I don't mind that she's doing it anyway, right?
Brady
It's you or somebody. Somebody else getting that 3 million. You might as well now. No way.
Brett
That's dumb. That's bad.
Brady
I mean, look at that. Come on. Look at the close ups.
Brett
Brady.
Dick Toledo
I'd hope my mom understands.
Brett
Brady, right now, I guarantee you I'm.
Dick Toledo
Not your camera guy.
Brett
That picture I see of that Brazilian dong and that and that butt.
Dick Toledo
Yeah.
Brett
That would have been you. If the guy said, I'll keep Porkopolis open, he just, let me do this to you and take a picture. All right. How much? 43 million. You get a whole chain of porkoppy. Stick it in there, buddy. And mom's keeping it together. That picture over in the middle there of her laying on that rock. Yeah, she looks great. She got the vaccine, evidently. That's nice stuff. But, yeah, it's a tough one. When I read that, I'm like, ooh. And then I saw the price tag and I'm like, oh, yeah, that's easy. That's an easy answer. If my mom looked like that and she's like, hey, I'm gonna start an OnlyFans page. And then I started to see that the money's there. I'm like, hey, let's cut these strangers out of the mix, make this a family business. This is like Sanford and Son now.
Brady
Big dummy.
Brett
Yeah, I'm not an idiot. I'm not stupid. But you know, and I don't believe you. I don't believe you at all.
Dick Toledo
Believe it.
Brett
I've seen you with the.
Dick Toledo
Believe it.
Brett
The offer of a few bucks or saving $40 and you. Would you. It's a whole different Deal. No, that's the. It's money. It's. It's not a different deal.
Brady
You know how much giraffe sauce you could sell if you had that kind of promo?
Brett
You sitting there saying, Yeah, I saved.
Brady
30 bucks on it.
Brett
It's 12 bucks. Like, you're always talking about savings or shopping out a deal. And you get 3 million. You're doing that. You play pretender. That.
Dick Toledo
You know, I don't know.
Brett
It would be tough.
Dick Toledo
Yeah.
Brett
To see your mom doing it.
Dick Toledo
I. I just think of the after effect.
Brett
What do you think would happen?
Dick Toledo
I don't know.
Brett
It's just.
Dick Toledo
That's a tough pill to swallow, the after.
Brett
You don't have to swallow anything, Brady. She does the after effect while you're.
Brady
At the Ferrari dealer buying a new car.
Brett
Yeah, that's.
Brady
That's a bad app.
Brett
Drive all your camera equipment over to Mom's place. Smells like butterscotch candies and bleach. That's. And now we know why mom has plastic on the furniture. It would be tough to find out. Mom squirts. But for $3 million, I might even put a little windshield wiper on my glasses.
Brady
Those little Mercedes wipers on the.
Brett
Pluto. You just saw your mom up in Montana. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Clarify that. Whoa. You took some pictures, right? Let's. Let's remember this moment. You're not getting $43 million for that.
E
I'm not. And did you see the video where she's with a Thriller.
Brett
She's with a handicap guy. No, I didn't.
E
All right, let me pull out.
Brett
All right, well, now it's novelty fun. So we could get Corey Thriller Walsh to go in Bang Bunny. Brady gets a couple million dollars, and he says, no, I won't. That's fun. Yeah. I don't know that there's a lot of people out there. This guy says for 3 million bucks, I'd perform with my mom. For 4 million, I'd make her finish James McCarthy. If you work with James McCarthy, fire him today. He's not supposed to say that out loud. It's a safe place. You're right. It's safe. But evidently, she's this. If David says she is effing hot, how does her son not get a boner filming that? Well, there's one way, because she's his mama. She is hot, though. And some of those people I knew. For 43 million, she wasn't just taking landscape pictures out in fields of daisies. She's got some in Rio. Yeah. National Brazilian soccer stars doing some damage. Doing own goals on him. On his mother. Where's the. Oh, God, he's filming. Is that. Is that a little Debbie I'm seeing right there? And just remember, the guy on the other side of that camera is her son. Oh, man, she's. Oh, that's a. There's a pic of really skinny legged kid in a wheelchair, it would appear. What is that, a baby?
Dick Toledo
What is.
Brett
What am I looking at? She's licking his little crippled toes.
E
Just wait.
Brett
He's. He's really. Oh, this guy's super crippled. Oh, man, we're not talking like minor problems. This is. He doesn't even get to use the handicap parking because I don't think that thing can drive.
Brady
It's almost like Brady's Kenny Loggins.
Brett
He's licking his little deformed foot full.
Dick Toledo
Figured compared to Kenny Logs.
Brett
Oh my God. That's like a. Is this real?
Brady
3 million bucks. Bring thriller in here. I'm filming.
Brett
Man, the only thing with that video I'd get fired for is laughing the whole time. You gotta shut up. I'm sorry. I can't not look at him. He is incredibly crippled. And my mom is having sex with him and acts like she's into it. Yeah, she's good looking. Yeah, that's an easy for this room. Kind of an easy debate. Brady's lying 100%. Brady's trying to like hire Bob keep some sort of. Trying to feign some sort of phony morality when we all know that Brady is the first one that would be in line with. We'd take longer to actually him and haw over it than when he saw the check those cartoon eye dollar signs start rol.
Brady
He'd be Duck McScroo just jumping into.
Brett
His pool of gold.
Dick Toledo
Mr. Krabs.
Brett
Oh, you'd go full Mr. Krabs on that one. We've seen you. It took Brady like two weeks to order a refrigerator for our office because you were shopping deals. Every time I go in there, he's like, I don't know. This one's 470 and this one's 420. What's the difference? Just get a fridge. Maybe I can get a better deal on that.
Brady
It's not a Viking or something.
Brett
I mean, he barters for everything. It's different for him. He loves the idea. $3 million. How many barbecue islands you could just go buy? You wouldn't even have to go in there and like, I'll give you a couple bottles of sauce. Instead you just be like, I've got money now. Watch this.
E
You with your own barbecue store, you.
Brady
Could buy the World Wildlife Zoo with that kind of jack.
Brett
You could go down there and feed pumpkins to anything you wanted with your top hat, your monocle, and your mom porn. Oh, my God. Morning sickness. Holmberg's morning sickness. So tell Brady to quit bitching. Filming old buns, taking that legion of Jamaican hogs you used to keep in the house. Dry your tears with a stack of Benjamins, baby. That's true. Yeah. And now you got enough money to go to a good therapist. Yeah, I might be struggling with this a little. It's like, you probably shouldn't film your mom having sex. But then I get my paycheck's $3 million. She's pulling in 43 million a year. It's like, are you guys hiring Katrina? Oh, Katrina would be there. Like, you know what you need?
Brady
You need a Second City crew.
Brett
I think we need to do. I think we need to wax her again. The lighting's bouncing off of some of the old lady pubes.
E
Dexter says, I hate to bring this up, Brett, but it gives a whole new meaning to your mom's sauce.
Brett
Oh, yeah. No, no.
Brady
Three million bucks.
Brett
Nobody ever. Nobody's sauce tastes as good as my mama's sauce.
Dick Toledo
Gravy.
Brett
My mom's gravy. It's a. On film.
Brady
Yeah. For three million bucks. Whatever.
Brett
Yeah. And this kid's, like, kind of proud of it. And I think it. It again, this is great marketing. Family business. Now you find out. Wait a minute. That's the lady whose son filmed. Now you want to see it even more. She's going to make more than 43 million because she's got her son behind the camera. This is great. Said, man, that's two days in a row, John. Great random quotes flying out of your mouth. Quote, he's very crippled and he's banging my mom. That's right. You only hear that here. That's a very crippled person, though. Like, if you said, like, you know, those things when you do a survey after it says satisfied, not satisfied. Very satisfied. Extreme. He's. Well, I think he's like an eight. It's. It's. If you go from normal. Crippled. Very crippled. Extremely crippled. He's very crippled.
Dick Toledo
Like that Instagram couple.
Brett
The girl. Oh, yeah.
Dick Toledo
Really hot. And the guy, his name's Steve or something like that.
Brett
Yeah. And he's all messed up.
Dick Toledo
Yeah.
Brett
I don't think he's as crippled as that guy.
Dick Toledo
That's who I thought it was.
Brett
That guy is really crippled.
E
John, my money Walked around the house naked already, mom. And it ain't pretty.
Brett
He called her.
E
So I'm in for anything over $500.
Brett
Did you hear yourself?
Brady
Over 500.
Brett
Money walked around the house. That's not mom that he calls her his money. For $3 million, I'd have a circle jerk with my dad and grandpa on the Internet. That's easy. Three million bucks. Me and my dad giving a good old fashioned tug. That's like having a catch. It's like the. That's like a modern day ending to Field of Dreams. Dad, you want to. You want to have a tug? I thought you never ask.
E
Brady listening. Since the fall. And I gotta say, you'd participate for a set of patio and window shades.
Brett
That's true. That's right. Yeah. That Field of Dreams circle jerk. If you build it, he will come. We Both will. For 3 million bucks. Anyway, that's the world we live in now. May seem wrong, but it's not. This now goes back to yesterday. Would you film your mom having sex if she was Janis Joplin? I better get a bigger chunk of that 43 million to be in a room with that. I don't think you can survive that. That would. That. That would smell like the entire planet getting a permanent. At the same time. I don't think her pants down is safe for human. No Janice job. I might throw a wrench in the back.
Dick Toledo
People would run like, is there a gas leak?
Brett
3 million bucks to film my mom getting tag teamed by Alec and Caleb from Shriners. Yeah, this is easy.
Brady
Yeah, Done.
Brett
Get the adorable blanket out. Yeah, don't tell your mom off with this adorable blanket.
Dick Toledo
Who's got an idea?
Brett
Your mom broke nine of my bones. Sorry about that, Caleb. I'm not complaining.
E
John, maybe you know this person or not, but I'm not sure. I think Sunny Lane's parents direct and film her movies as well.
Brady
I don't know.
E
I'm familiar with.
Brett
Now we'll get into that conversation. Brady just turned blue. Not that. All right. Would you film Alex?
E
Oh, God, no.
Brett
For $3 million? O, that's the threshold we've put on it. This kid's making more than 3 million. If mom's. If mom's pulling in 40. If Alex was doing sex videos and he was making $25 million and he asked you to help out. Come on.
E
I know.
Brett
I'm with you. Difficult man.
Brady
Just think of how much rent that would pay. I mean, you know, you'd be good.
Brett
You'd be off that chime. Credit card. That you guys floating around, I don't know what you're doing. I don't know what kind of freeloading, you know, upfront credit cards that he's got. Those would all be gone, I think. Yeah, that would. I think that's a tougher one than filming mom.
Brady
What?
Brett
Filming your kid for sure. Would you let Bunny do it? She could film the youth. It's tough. And now you throw in the $5 million. It's like, Jesus, this is. You can get into generational wealth after a couple of years.
E
Oh, my God.
Brett
Nobody ever has to. It's called sacrifice.
E
I don't know, John. 43 million is cut in half from taxes and then half it again because they got a wife. It's really only like 12 million, bro.
Brett
It is true that your wife's gonna end up with half of that. Your marriage isn't gonna work out if your day to day job is film.
Dick Toledo
You have time with a relationship.
Brett
She's at Postino's going, my husband's new job is driving me.
Dick Toledo
I told you not to call me at work.
Brett
What's he do? He's a videographer. And I'm not saying where or how. Yeah, she'd be all embarrassed that you're getting divorced, but again, it's better to get divorced with 12 million in your pocket than it is, you know, throwing shingles on a roof. And you might have, you know, a couple hundred grand totally saved in your 40 years of working.
Brady
Come on, Toledo. It's your time to be the dad you never had.
E
Oh, God.
Brett
Oh, yeah.
Brady
Yeah, that's what I said when I read that one.
Brett
David Vasquez, you make me sick. I hate waking up and driving to work every day. So much for a piece of the pie. I'd have some of that pie myself. Worst case scenario, I might have to get a coat hanger because you knocked your mom up. And maybe that's how you make one of those crippled kids for future videos. Anyway, that's. That's our world now, Brady. That's the world you've created.
Brady
You guys say, easy to film your mom making porn until Barry woods giant dong swings in the door.
E
That's racist instrument matter.
Brett
That's flat racist. Just because you don't want your mom to have sex with Barry merging her V to her A.
E
So to him. So to him, Thriller is easier to film, apparently. Oh, my God.
Brett
Racist. That's all that is, is racism. Yep. I find it easier to film Barry woods incredibly functional body than I would watch Thriller and help him get his pants off first.
Brady
Either way. Three million.
Brett
Three million. The money's in my pocket. I'm just gonna grip my. The dentist is gonna go like, geez, John, you've been grinding your teeth a lot. Yeah, I don't think I sleep the same anymore. Pretty sure I'm whittling these down. I hear you're pretty wealthy. You're doing really well. What's. What? You got a lot of stress? Not so much stress. Just some discomfort. When I lay my head down at night, there's some. I have some moments, but I'm. You know. Then I just go to my Cash app, and my. I look and I see the number, and, like, everything's going to be just.
Brady
For the 3 million. You can have Tom Brady piano teeth put in.
Brett
You're fine. I can look like a. Like an organ, for God's sake.
E
I rotate between the Cash app and the Calm app a lot.
Brett
Yeah. Back and forth to, like, my numbers. Like, I went to my Merrill lynch account, said, okay, it's worth it, but if I'm not, that's kind of my soothing moment.
Brady
We've all walked in on accident on our mom. 3 million to stay in film. What an opportunity.
Brett
No, we all haven't. But if walking in on my mom meant a huge payday, that's something we'd have to deal with.
Brady
Oh, man, he looked at this guy, looked it up. Mom charges 50 bucks a month for OnlyFans.
Brett
It's kind of pricey, but she's. She's putting up product. She's putting up product.
Brady
I thought. I thought like, 20 bucks.
Brett
Average. No way. Average for only fans. Has to be like six bucks, because there's. Oh, there's millions. Well, I'm saying average.
Dick Toledo
Yeah.
Brett
Like, a lot of ladies are on there for, like, three, four dollars.
E
I thought.
Brady
I thought they got a bargain section.
Brett
Oh, yeah.
E
I thought you buy to only fans and you get access to whoever's on it.
Brett
You go, you clear, you download only fans, and then you pick your person, and then you gotta pay for that individual a la carte. Gotcha. Gotcha. It's like, rah Rah room. I have a membership. Doesn't mean the food's free. Now once you get in the rah Rah room, you're like, hey, how's it going, everybody? What's going on over here? Oh, somebody some wagyu tartar. That's nice. And then there's a fee for that. Same with only fans. You. You get the app, you're a member, then you can start perusing. I Have no interest in only fans I find. Porn's free. I don't know who pays for that. I don't understand why you would ever pay a dollar for a porn thing, other than they'll talk to you and stuff. And I think there's a.
Dick Toledo
More interactive.
Brett
Yeah, there's a loneliness factor on some of that. Not all of them, but, like, some of it's live. Well, that's true of all. There's, like, a lot of porn sites with that, but that's how it is. But 43 million bucks, you know, it's gross. Yes, yes. Anyway, but the crippled kid was a shocker. And she's putting out some products. She's putting out, you know, some very creative art. USC film school may someday study this. This because it's the future of. Of cinema. And when I say cinema, you can't spell that without ma yuck. Now you gotta see thrillers, Wang. I think I'd have more trouble with thrillers Wang than I would my mom's honeyhole. I can see thriller in action. Getting wood and, like, yuck. So. Good morning. How you doing? Hope everybody's having a nice day.
Brady
Hey, I don't think Rico Blaze ever made $43 million on his sites.
Brett
Oh, Rico Blaze never pulled out. Don't bring Rico Blaze into this. Yeah. Anyway, nothing you can do about it. We'll just move forward. You know, Sean Rockefeller, our. Our blind listener, he's got it made. I mean, he probably wouldn't be the best photographer in the world, but he could do it. I don't know if his sense of smell is heightened up, but, you know, little baby powder and some perfume and everything should be fine. Even though Sean has texted and said, stop making me think of my mother. What good is 43 million if I'll never get another boner as long as I live? You've got it easy. You don't have to see it. Yeah, I could do it. Brady's a liar.
Dick Toledo
No, the problem is, as much as I use, like, do it for the money, I don't think I could do it. I don't think I can handle repercussions. The mental trauma, the.
Brett
That's up to you.
Brady
That's.
Brett
It's got to be mentally stronger. What mental repercussions do you have?
E
And no offense, at our age, what do. What do we got left to, like, struggle?
Brett
It's not like your. Your developmental years are destroyed. You're. You're going into your second childhood in a couple of years.
Dick Toledo
I'm just worried about what My school friends would think, right.
Brett
He would worry about what other people would think. You'd be worried about the country club judging you. You're standing in the community. Oh yeah, that would bother you. But you'd be in a new community. You wouldn't be with judgmental.
Dick Toledo
Well, I don't know what that community would be.
Brett
And. And you'd buy new. And you wouldn't want to hang out with the people.
E
They'll find you.
Brett
You now live in a new stratosphere of cash. You don't want to hang out with those dead beats you had in your life before. You think lasers are going to stick around when you pull million? No. Holmberg's morning sickness.
Dick Toledo
He'd support. He'd have a membership.
Brett
Oh, he'd have a membership. But you wouldn't talk to him anymore. And there'd be a for sale sign in your front yard. You're not going to live there.
Dick Toledo
And you'd have to. You'd have to move.
Brett
You wouldn't have to move, but you would. You would. For the purpose of getting away from all those of the riff raff. You're better than now.
E
And before Laser finds out how you got your money, you'd be smoking a stogie in your cyber church.
Brett
Pulling down your room because I hit it big.
Brady
Loser lighting it with hundred dollar bills.
Brett
Exactly. You know what? Don't blow that in my face, Bogan. The difference between Laser and loser is one letter. See ya. Never liked you. Never liked you, you jackass. Our houses are too close together. I'm getting out of this hellhole. You wouldn't move for financial reasons.
Dick Toledo
Stay right there.
Brett
See? Listen to what he's saying.
Brady
You're lying.
Brett
Brady said you'd have to move and the reason you said that is because your taxes would be. You'd have to do this. You're thinking about money the whole time. You're not thinking about. Yeah, you'd be fine. You get out of there. You'd get out of there because the people you're around can't keep up with you.
E
And your current house becomes Kirby's.
Brett
Yeah, just give it to her. Let her deal with what family thinks of her in the family business.
E
Here, you like this? It becomes a tax write up.
Brett
Here's the other thing that nobody likes to talk about. This. I just saw this the other day on the news and I couldn't believe it was real, but it is. They're trying in a subtle way because they're seeing the trends now with younger people not socializing and Bars and stuff. Bars are seeing like a young. The next generation is not hobnobbing around bars and stuff. They're not like frequenting all the bars. The alcohol sales for that generation are lower than they've been for anything else. You know what that affects the most? Schools. So what they need to do is get the younger generation to pop a few, get back out in the bars and drinking a little bit more. Because school money is now affected because alcohol, pornography and weed money, lottery, all that stuff is for your kids. Nobody likes to talk about the reality. See the underbelly of what actually pays for things around here.
E
Those bond issues you don't vote for. Go buy a lottery ticket because that's.
Brett
How you support it. All that's stuff kicks in to schools and roads and they're like, ooh, this. And they see the. They do studies on that. The writing on the wall is, oh, this next generation isn't like drinking like the ones before. That's going to affect the tax revenue and that's going to affect. What's it going to. It's going to make it so it's harder to do schooling, roads, all that stuff. But they got excited. The only reason that marijuana was ever legalized was because of the. We found a cash flow thing to where we could morally have them around and then still say, oh, they're going to schools and stuff. It pays for things. Porn, smoking, drinking, gambling. America, it's all for public school.
Brady
That's America.
Brett
That's America. So every time you feel morally like, oh, this is terrible, what I'm doing here on this OnlyFans page, just know that those are your tax dollars hard at work to teach Timmy and Johnny how to read. I should say Braden and Kaden, because nobody has Timmy and Johnny as a kid anymore. So, yeah, they were trying to subtly figure out ways to make it so college kids and high school kids feel comfortable going to bars again and drinking, not binge drinking so much because they can't, like, encourage that. But let's be honest, that's a thing that alcohol companies and state tax revenue, you know, guys, they actually deep down really kind of like that when your kids drink excessively. They loved Covid. Ironically, all the schools were closed, but they had enough money stockpiled for the next year to be like, man, we drank ourselves into a coma for a year and a half. And tax money's great. They like that. So they'll notice that that's going to start happening to your kids. There's going to be like, they used to do with cigarettes. They figured out a way around that. But the tax money from cigarettes, that used to pay for everything. Because if you. If you go back to when we were kids and they had candy cigarettes because it was like, so much fun to teach a kid to get into the habit of having those in your hands. Not only that, that's good for revenue.
E
That's how most states just kept adding money. Just add another tax to the cigarettes.
Brett
Yeah. Oh, they crushed them. Just more money. We'll make it seem like it's bad for people. The problem was the medical things were going to be lawsuits soon.
E
Yeah.
Brett
So it was going to outweigh the tax benefits. So let's just start making those things go away.
Dick Toledo
And those things I'm talking about, though, on the alcohol, putting the surgeon general warning, good luck.
Brett
They're trying.
E
My son and his buddies laugh at that reading it.
Brett
And also link it to cancer all you want. It took 45 years to them to link cigarettes to cancer. Right. And we knew it immediately. He's put fire in your lungs. There's probably going to be some repercussions. Alcohol's been around for a long time, and it's not necessarily like cancer creating everything's. If you really want to get into it. These power lines we walk by every day are probably causing just as much trouble as any alcohol.
Brady
These phones that we keep in our pockets all day long, getting ass cancer.
Brett
That's exactly right. Fred, I don't know where you keep your phone.
Brady
Put it in your back pocket.
Brett
I know.
Brady
Put in your back pocket. Where do you keep yours? Well, then you're getting prick cancer. Getting cancer one way or another.
Brett
People say whether I had a phone or not, I was going to end up with prick cancer because I'm a prick anyway. You're probably right. The phones, we don't know. But for convenience, we're like, what are the side effects of this? Or maybe cancer. Maybe not. I don't know. Okay, I'll stuff it between my legs and drive around. Yeah. So far, so good on that one. But you're probably right. We don't know. But just know that your kids not drinking are going to affect the next generation's learning skills. So let's get your kids back in on the. On the good. On the hooch. Got to get the kids back into the hooch. They were really saying too kind of in a weird, strange way that it's high school parties that have become obsolete. So then in college, they don't. They don't have.
E
It is to the extent like we were doing it.
Brett
Oh, the high school parties of drinking and doing all sorts of stuff aren't what they used to be. Not even close. That was. Look, you don't drive by.
Dick Toledo
Sure. Because it's not even the social.
Brett
Socialism is not socialism. But socialization.
Dick Toledo
Yeah, socialization that they've been doing is socializing.
Brett
Yeah. It's different. It's a totally different thing.
E
Well, that and you've got a good section of Gilbert moms who are inviting the party to their house and the parents are. So they can keep an eye. Well, this way we can keep an eye on them.
Brett
I mean, Brett knows when we were growing up, Burger King on Dobson, that's.
Brady
Where we found it.
Brett
Worth Guadalupe. They had 500 people there and there were five, six different options. I don't think that exists like it used to.
E
Well, and nobody goes out to. Well, I don't know if there's any around here but like out in the field, like growing up in Montana, we'd have a kegger out in the Ellsworth.
Brett
End of Ellsworth. You go to the end of Ellsworth.
Brady
Go around the barrier.
Brett
Go around the barrier.
Brady
Right next to. Right next to the proving grounds.
Brett
That was about 10 miles after it ended. Oh, wow. That area grew.
E
So you were out nowhere.
Brett
Ellsworth and Elliott was.
Brady
There was nothing.
Brett
Desert parties every Friday.
E
At least you guys not burned down.
Brett
That whole area a couple times.
Brady
They did. It happened a few times.
Brett
There were some fires and the cops would break it up every time. And then we'd drive all the way back to the Burger King, find out whose house had beer. You need to get your kids back on that track where nobody's gonna have a school to go to in the future. That's what I'm learning. It's 7:33. What do you got on the big board of musical treats there, Bert?
Brady
Wake up. Song brought to you by Action Ride Shop. I was in there yesterday talking to Josh and man, they were renting the skis and stuff. They're starting to get snow up in Utah, up in Colorado. So the snow is there and I guess they got dumped on last night a little bit. So yeah, so now's the time to get in there and get all the snow action and obviously the bike action too. It's Action Ride Shop on Gilbert Road in Southern. Soon to be two locations on power and McDowell right there by the Hawes Trail for all you bike guys out there. But actionride shop.com follow them on all the socials. Find out what they got going on?
Brett
There's a. I'm looking at the weather map right now, not seeing anything.
Dick Toledo
Another weather dong.
Brett
No, I'm not looking for weather dongs. I'm actually looking for weather dong on the brain. This conversation. And argued about it all, and now he's like, where's the weather dong? No, I'm looking for weather because I'm an adult. Filming your mom. Yeah. The Flagstaff's not gonna. I thought they'd get like. This is just enough to make you think that flag's probably getting something. Maybe.
Brady
I guess they're getting a little bit, but it's not, you know.
Brett
Hey, they can make it. Yeah, it's fake. Yeah.
E
Guys. We'd party up in Usury Pass until the homeless moved in.
Brett
Yeah, they ruined a lot of stuff. They're hanging around, messing up all of our party locale.
Brady
Until they move downtown.
Brett
Yeah. I don't know. I don't. They don't do that now. They don't go out and have desert parties. It's too far.
Brady
That goes so far.
Brett
Yeah. I don't even like driving these kids. Well, they're not allowed on freeways. And like, you're 16, you can't go of the big roads. It's crazy. You're not allowed to have. I didn't know this. They're not allowed to have like more than one person in a car at a time, right?
E
Yeah. Their first year driving, supposedly.
Brett
I didn't know that. My buddy just had to reprimand his daughter.
Dick Toledo
She had like 17, or I believe it's 17 temp.
Brett
But when they're 16, they're not allowed to have permit.
E
No, their permit. They can't have anybody. You're supposed to be with them in the car.
Dick Toledo
Yeah.
Brett
Your first year, you're not supposed to have more than one person in your car. I didn't know that. My. My buddy said daughter hit with that.
E
Because he had his little Jetta and he had loaded up with like six of his buddies taking them all to school. I'm like, you can't do that.
Brett
Yeah.
E
Ab. First of all, even if you could, they. They all need a seat belt.
Brett
My friend's daughter just got pulled over and had four of them in there.
E
And can't do it.
Brett
No, I didn't know that was a rule. Yeah, that was never a rule with us. I was on the freeway the first day. It's crazy. The loaded Jeep, three of us, and we were going to the river.
E
Yeah.
Brett
That was the day I got it. Stuck in the river day one. Dan almost had to kill a kid. Had to dump that thing in the river on the first day. It was sliding in there pretty quick. Luckily we caught it. What do you got, Brett?
Brady
Right on the list. Got Megadeth, Ozzy, acdc, Metallica, Avatar, Prodigy, Stone Sour, the Hives, Slayer, Snot Minute. I knew we were going to stop right there.
Brett
So let's just go there. The Hives countdown to shut down is going to get you going every time. It's a great song. I don't want it every time. But when it pops and you. You know what? Kudos to you guys who. Who call in or text in you don't overdo it. Like monkey business showed up in the proper amount of time. Since the last time we heard it. Countdown to shutdown shows up and I'm excited to hear it again. This is a great song, guys.
E
Was in that area out on Ellsworth called the trees there. Trees out there.
Brett
We just called it.
Brady
We called it End of Elliott or End of Ellsworth.
Brett
Yeah. We were just Ellsworth and Elliott.
Brady
There was one more light still was.
Dick Toledo
The tubes or they called the.
Brett
I didn't know anything about everyone.
Dick Toledo
They had some same desert Boone dogs.
Brett
Outskirts of this town was basically high school parties everywhere.
Brady
You basically go to the proving grounds, go around the barriers and you're there.
Brett
Yeah. And some idiot starts a fire. And then the cops show up. 15 minutes. Because we put flyers out too. The cops are like, we'll be out in a minute. And we never changed the location. Get caught one week and then go back the exact same spot the next week. And the cops are waiting like, not this week. Oh, they busted us. I'm like, we're idiots. Of course they did.
Dick Toledo
Well, I mean, that's the recent thing when the whole goon thing started happening. There was a gathering. You know, a couple of times those fights took place at outside of the Santan village.
Brett
Right?
Dick Toledo
In and out.
Brett
Right.
Dick Toledo
They still gather around there. Right.
Brett
Because Gilbert moms are babies and threw a big fit. Every weekend at Burger King there was a fist fight, but it got broken up. And nobody's parents cried to channel 12. And Gilbert's annoying. They've ruined it all. They're gonna. And you know what? Go ahead, ladies. Keep putting your bedazzled pants on. Dress like your daughter. Eventually there's not gonna be any schools because you're making them. You're making them afraid to go out. You know, you're gonna end up buying them fake cans when they're 18 and wonder how come they're not social then that boy you've got is some incel. You've got to worry about him driving a truck through people. Get them socialized in high school. Let them go to these desert parties and get caught a couple of times.
Brady
207 out near the Renaissance Festival the AJ Kids and Mesa kids go out.
Brett
There to party that's too far. That is all by the Ren Fest.
Brady
Yeah.
Brett
Geez.
Dick Toledo
Still happening.
Brady
That's what he said.
Brett
Yeah that's too far look. But I bet you there's a lot of soaking that's going on those Mormon kids rolling out there anyway. It's the hives countdown to shutdown. This is just phenomenal stuff right here my Swedish friends. It's already a couple of years ago. Feels like it was just a month or two. It's two years old. It's countdown to shutdown. It's your wake them up since 98.
E
It's not weird. It's pretty cool actually.
Dick Toledo
No membership fee.
Brett
I have heard enough of this.
Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona Podcast Summary
Episode Date: January 8, 2025
Episode Title: Only Fans Model In Brazil Made 43Mil Last Year And Has Her 19yo Son Film Her Vids Sparks a Debate On If We Could Do That For A Piece Of The 43Mil
In this episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness on 98 KUPD, host John Holmberg, alongside co-hosts Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo, delve into a provocative and controversial topic: a Brazilian OnlyFans model who reportedly made $43 million in the past year, aided by her 19-year-old son who films her content. This discussion stirs a heated debate among the hosts regarding the ethical boundaries of familial collaboration in adult content creation and the allure of substantial financial gains.
The central focus of the episode revolves around an OnlyFans star from Brazil who achieved remarkable financial success by earning $43 million in one year. Notably, her son, aged 19, is heavily involved in the production of her content, taking on roles such as videography, directing, and posing. The episode explores the dynamics of their professional relationship and the moral implications of a mother-son duo operating in the adult content industry.
Key Points:
The hosts engage in a spirited debate about whether it is morally acceptable for a son to film his mother in adult-oriented content for a share of the substantial earnings. The discussion highlights various viewpoints, balancing financial incentives against ethical boundaries and personal morals.
Notable Quotes:
Discussion Highlights:
Key Insights:
The episode broadens the discussion to consider whether others might emulate this model for financial gain. The hosts explore the feasibility, ethical considerations, and potential societal impact of more familial collaborations in adult content creation.
Notable Quotes:
Discussion Highlights:
Key Insights:
Throughout the episode, the hosts employ humor and satire to navigate the controversial topic, often exaggerating scenarios to highlight the absurdity of certain situations.
Notable Quotes:
Humorous Takes:
The episode culminates without a definitive resolution but underscores the complexity of balancing ethical boundaries with financial aspirations in the digital age. The hosts collectively express skepticism about the viability and morality of replicating the Brazilian OnlyFans model, emphasizing personal moral standards over potential financial gain.
Final Insights:
This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness offers a thought-provoking examination of the intersection between family dynamics, ethical boundaries, and financial incentives in the realm of digital adult content creation. Through engaging discussion, humor, and satire, the hosts encourage listeners to reflect on the moral implications of such ventures and the potential consequences of prioritizing financial gain over personal and societal ethics.
Notable Quotes Summary:
Disclaimer: The views and discussions presented in this summary are based solely on the provided transcript and aim to accurately reflect the content and tone of the podcast episode.