01-08-26 - Ole Miss And Miami In Town For Fiesta Bowl - Bret Is Seeing Book Of Mormon Tonight For First Time - We Found The Bravest Man In World Who Wants To Open Gay Bar In Pakistan

Summary

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Holmberg's Morning Sickness — 01-08-26

Fiesta Bowl, Book of Mormon, and The Bravest Man in Pakistan

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Episode Overview

This episode dives into three major topics: the arrival of Ole Miss and Miami fans for the Fiesta Bowl in Arizona, the excitement (and inside jokes) around seeing "The Book of Mormon" musical on its return to town, and the jaw-dropping story of a man attempting to open a gay bar in Abbottabad, Pakistan. In true HMS style, hosts John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Brett Vesely, and Dick Toledo riff with irreverence, wit, and their signature blend of dark, observational humor.

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Key Topics & Segment Timestamps

1. Fiesta Bowl in Town

[00:40 – 07:32]

• Arizona Hosts Ole Miss & Miami:

  • Discussion kicks off with the irony of teams from Mississippi needing to “leave for better weather” only to be met with Arizona rain.
  • The hosts joke about southern college culture and fans:

    "Mississippi has to leave because they're in Mississippi." — John Holmberg [00:57]

  • Quick takes on the game and travel inconveniences for out-of-state visitors.

• Student Body & Parties:

  • Ole Miss is described as having an “unbelievable campus—just model after model.”
  • Miami’s legendary football and party vibe comes up, with half-serious warnings about chaos if some of their infamous figures show up.

• Warren Sapp Story:

  • The crew tells a notorious Warren Sapp anecdote involving hotel parties and sex workers during the Super Bowl in Phoenix:

    "If Warren Sapp tells me to leave, even if I'm a prostitute or a best friend...I'm walking out." — John Holmberg [03:18]

  • They riff about the “rules” of hiring sex workers:

    "You don't pay for sex—you pay for them to go away after." — John Holmberg [05:00]

• Predictions & Fan Partiality:

  • Brett and Brady reveal their preferences: Miami has the edge, but there are mixed feelings due to past defeats.

  "If you lose to a team and they move on and win it all, you lost to the best one." — John Holmberg [06:34]

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2. Book of Mormon Returns to Town

[07:34 – 18:21]

• Brett’s First Time at the Musical:

  • Brett is going to see "The Book of Mormon" and the crew piles on with excitement, recommending it as one of the best comedies ever produced.

    "Without question, the most complete piece of comedy I’ve ever watched. Painfully funny.” — John Holmberg [07:48]

  • The hosts recount the signature irreverence and smart writing, noting its rewatchability and universal appeal—even for the Mormon community.

• Notable Numbers:

  • John expresses genuine envy that Brett will experience it for the first time.
  • Brady and John exchange favorite show moments, including the catchy (and controversial) "Hasadiga Eebowai" number.
  • They note that even the LDS Church buys ads in the program:

    "They think they’re being clever... If they just shut up, it would be better off." — John Holmberg [09:32]

• On Offending Believers:

  • Discussion about ex-Mormons’ reactions—anger and laughter—and John’s assurance the show is more satire than attack.

  “It’s not a bash festival... If you don’t know the details, you can move them. But it’s so good." — John Holmberg [11:14]

  • Audience reviews and ticket prices are brought up—no one leaves disappointed, despite the high demand.

• The Power of Good Comedy:

  • John (half-jokingly) laments that after seeing "Book of Mormon," nothing else in comedy compares.

    “I left a little bit upset because it was so good... that’s the new bar for funny.” — John Holmberg [15:00]

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3. World's Bravest Man: Opening a Gay Bar in Pakistan

[19:20 – 36:18]

• Introducing the Story:

  • The hosts transition from local sports and theater to global news—specifically, a Pakistani man who tried to open Abbottabad’s first gay bar.
  • They marvel at his courage and his (futile) attempts at clearance with authorities:

    "These are the brass balls of all brass balls in the world." — John Holmberg [20:18]

  • Pakistan's severe anti-LGBTQ+ laws are discussed, including government response—arrest and committal to a psychiatric facility.

• Philosophical Take on Orientation:

  • John uses the story to underscore that sexual orientation isn’t a choice, using the risk in conservative societies as an example:

    “That's how I tell you it's not a choice. In Pakistan, if it's a choice, the choice is easy: I don't diddle with Brett's butt, I don't get blown up." — John Holmberg [24:29]

• Of Hygiene, Danger, and Ridicule:

  • The segment is filled with crude jokes about hygiene, danger, and the absurd logistics of running such a club.
  • They lampoon what “the bravest” means, closing with jabs at American versus Pakistani LGBTQ+ struggles.

    "Sorry, Navy SEALs and Rangers. Not anymore. Those Pakistani homosexuals that are willing to be out loud about it." — John Holmberg [29:39]

• Extended Riffing on Pakistani Gay Bar Life:

  • Hypotheticals fly: the world’s least inviting gay bars, booby-trapped dancefloors, “mysterious” river bathing, and the possibility of the club’s very short lifespan.
  • The segment wraps with the classic “Brokeback Mountain” callback:

    “If you’re out in Pakistan, you’re Superman. You are the bravest man on the planet." — John Holmberg [29:49]
    "I can't quit you." — Brett [29:59]

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4. Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Sports Fandom:

  “You don't want that—unless you lost to the world champs, that's better.” — John Holmberg [06:33]

• On Comedy:

  "I've said this before, it made me angry. I left a little bit upset because it was so good... that's the new bar for funny." — John Holmberg [15:00]

• On Bravery:

  "The braver man than him is the first patron of Lorenzo's gay club in Abbottabad... the second you are, you open... congratulations, the gayest man in Pakistan." — John Holmberg [23:04]

• On Orientation & Risk:

  “Being gay is not a choice. Those dudes are willing to open a gay bar in Abbottabad. That's brave.” — John Holmberg [25:07]

• On Local Theatre:

  “If all you listening out there have not seen the Book of Mormon, and you like funny? Man, you’re not going to find it put together... there is no lull. Every single piece of that thing is funny.” — John Holmberg [08:53]

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5. Flow & Tone

• The episode is a classic, rapid-fire HMS session: equal parts sports talk, irreverent comedy, pop culture, and jaw-dropping news from around the world.
• John Holmberg’s hosting is sharp and fast-paced; the team tosses in personal anecdotes, recurring inside jokes, and impressions (including a recurring Triumph the Insult Comic Dog as a gay Pakistani).
• Humor is crass and unfiltered—sometimes crossing into intentionally offensive territory, in the spirit of satire.

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Conclusion

This episode blends local sports culture, theatre geekiness, and international human rights conversation into HMS’s trademark, black-humor stew. Listeners are left with recommendations (go see The Book of Mormon if you haven’t, even if you’re Mormon), new sports rivalries, and a newfound respect (or awe) for a Pakistani activist whose courageous effort gives the crew a humbling perspective on risk, courage, and freedom.

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Transcript

[Brett]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

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[John Holmberg]

Morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. There you go. It is Thomas James Band. Thank you quite kindly for that introduction here on a Thursday morning. Talking about tonight, we're off the air talking about Miami and Ole Miss over there at the stadium as the Fiesta Bowl. I don't even know why they still call it that. The playoff is here and interesting, interesting game for sure. Sorry to everybody who flew into town today to experience the glory, the beautiful. You know, I mean Mississippi and Florida, they don't really have to leave for better weather. Mississippi has to leave because they're in Mississippi. But if you've ever. Evidently I've not been but I've heard from people that Ole Miss is one of the most unbelievable campuses for both. It's a plantation, like gorgeous. Oh, look, plantations are pretty now. Back in the day I wouldn't want to been on. But you look at them now and they're like incredible.

[Brady]

But sitting your suite there at the stadium, sipping a mint.

[John Holmberg]

Julie, I've heard the, I've heard the student body is ridiculous in Ole Miss. I had a friend who went there who wouldn't shut up about. He's like, it's just, it's just model after model. Well, there you go. You got that. So they flew out here and then Miami, they don't have to worry about weather so they're not too upset about the rain. It's when teams like Indiana or if we had Indiana here, all those people from Indiana's meth heads would have flown out here and been so sad that they didn't get the 70 degree January weather they got the. The two or three days it rains here. That stinks. But good game tonight.

[Brady]

Maybe Dale's bringing Michael Irvin in.

[John Holmberg]

Man. That could be.

[Brady]

I'll.

[John Holmberg]

We'll talk to Dale today. And if Michael's in town, I think Michael will be here.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And you're gonna talk about a dude we need on meds. Oh, if Ray Ray's here, just inside, there's going to be a. A lot of a raping and a murdering. No, Miami will win tonight. We going to be Mode. And they just stand on the sidelines allowed to do whatever they want. And so if they're in temple, SAP.

[Brady]

Would come back because this is.

[John Holmberg]

Warren doesn't like it here. Yeah, Warren had to do bad luck here. Yeah, Warren was chucking hookers down a hallway like it was a fraternity, doing midget tossing, doing the swim move. Right downtown. Well, yeah, the bitches wanted more money. Come on. I paid you.

[Brett]

Wasn't at the Palomar.

[John Holmberg]

I don't think it was downtown. Might have been.

[Brady]

I don't.

[John Holmberg]

I don't think it was. I think it was in a different spot, but it was a downtown hotel. He got a couple of hireable ladies, and I love that he said it when the cops. I paid them already, and they won't leave. So he. He literally threw them down the hallway. Allegedly. Literally threw them down the hallway.

[Brett]

Did he have the paperwork?

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. I was on Warren's side. I would look when Warren Sapp tells me to leave, even if I'm with him and I'm like, this was going well. I don't care if I'm a prostitute or a best friend. If Warren says, everybody out, I'm walking out. I'm not. I'm not. Boeing up to that. He's had a couple of pops in his system because they're partying. It's the Super Bowl. I'm not bowing up.

[Brady]

Stopped his meds.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. No, he had some delicious treats. Don't ruin my day, Brady. Meds don't work. But Warren was like, all right. Even if he's on meds, off meds or otherwise, if Warren said goes. All right, everybody out.

[Brady]

Lee, I'm listening.

[John Holmberg]

I'm listening. And you know what? I bet you ran through their heads before the fire hydrant in the hallway did. I should have probably left. I bet you both of those hookers probably thought to themselves, he warned us. This is on us. And then they got all uppity when they're rolling down there, getting rug burns on their knees. For wrong reasons.

[Brady]

Like, you wouldn't hit a guy in glasses, right?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you would. Why wouldn't you? Well, then take them off. Now you can't see. What are you, an idiot? Keep your glasses on. No. You chuck a hooker down a hallway without warning, I'm still on the side of the guy, you know, who's making that. Throw more. And Sapp says, leave, you leave, period. And just, I'm on Warren's side. Hooker turns to Warren, this ain't enough.

[Brett]

That's what you get.

[John Holmberg]

Now leave like you could have had. If a little sugar would have gotten you. Maybe it's, oh, you could have waited in the hallway a little bit. Warren said. And here's how I know Warren was right. He threw those hookers down the hallway, got pressed for it, and that one pimp went up and tried to kill Warren. Like, what'd you do to Warren, SAP? Like, they probably got yelled at.

[Brady]

They got suspended.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. They had to sit out a couple of nights. You go home and tighten that thing up, you ain't gonna play for a couple days. Put them in the blue tent. So, Warren, if you're here, just know that someone in the media is on your side. When you were chucking those hookers around, I. My first thought was, what did those bitches say? I didn't think Warren was a bad guy at all. You're allowed to throw a hooker. You pay them to leave. That's the point of a hooker. You don't pay for sex. You pay for them to go away after. And when they won't leave, it's like, we had an agreement. I had sex with you. I paid you. Now you're supposed to go, we ain't going nowhere. Because they just saw Rolexes and Warren stuff, and, like, we're gonna stick around, try to get another payment. No. And he picked him up and he chucked him. I. I am smarter than that. First off, Warren Sapp says, I'll pay to have sex. Like, Jesus Christ. You're taking chances with that? It's 390 pounds of pure rage on a football field. I don't think there's going to be a lot of tender oral sex that night. I'm pretty sure you're going to get tossed around anyway. Then when he says, that's enough, it's the end of the game. Shake hands at the center, maybe do a circle where we all pray, and then we leave. It's just like the end of a football game. But tonight, Ole Miss Miami Brady, you like Ole Miss because you don't want Miami to win.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Because you hate them. They're partial because they stomped you.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That's no fun. You don't want that.

[Brady]

But then on the other side, I.

[John Holmberg]

Was like, well, then you lost to the world champs. That's better. I always think of that, unless it's the Ravens, that if you lose to a team and they move on and win it all, you lost to the best one. Patriots used to hurt me with that, too. I used to. I rooted against them. I didn't care for the. Somebody had to knock him off. But I think Miami wins tonight. I think Ole Miss is going to eventually collapse. All their coaches quit eventually. That's going to bite them, right? It has to. If it doesn't, then it's a part that was.

[Brady]

Must been playing on adrenaline. Like, we got nobody. We got nothing to lose. Let's just go for it.

[John Holmberg]

Their whole staff, like Lane Kiffin just left, and they had the balls to go, well, if you're gonna go next, you're leaving now.

[Brady]

Water guys are calling the place.

[John Holmberg]

They got Charlie Weiss's son out there. That's crazy. So that's a big one tonight. So that'll happen tonight. So if you're heading over in the West Valley and the rain. Oh, the traffic, it's going to be a disaster over there. The other thing that I didn't know was going on and Brett just told me about is that the Book of Mormon is here.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I did not know the Book of Mormon was back in town, and Brett said, you're going tonight?

[Brett]

Yeah, we're going tonight.

[John Holmberg]

You have not seen it.

[Brett]

I've not seen it. Don't know a lot about.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, you know, just from what I've. Yeah.

[Brett]

What I've heard from you guys, but that's it.

[John Holmberg]

Without question, the most complete piece of comedy I've ever watched. It is so funny. Painfully funny. Even if you're Mormon, you can watch and go, okay, well, there is some of this stuff we don't like that is true.

[Brady]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

And they. It is researched, it's smart, it's really funny, and it's tongue in cheek to a point where it actually, at the end has it. If you're Mormon, if you haven't seen it because you're kind of bitter about it at the end, they make a decent point that basically is, you know. But you're happy. It may be asinine to think these things or believe in this stuff, but. And here's how fast it can turn. Oh, my God, Brett, you're gonna love it. And to you, my friend, I say and tomorrow you'll understand this. Hasadiga iboi all right. Brady won't probably say that because what it means, but. Hasadiga iboi Hasadiga eboi I challenge you.

[Brady]

It's a great song.

[John Holmberg]

On your walk from Gamma tonight to the car when it's over. Not to sing that also. Man up. You'll sing that as well. You'll be doing that for a few days. No, you're gonna love it. Oh, Brad, I'm jealous. And the tickets are still. You can. I might just cancel my life tonight and head over there. I don't care what the prices are, that is. And if you. If all you listening out there have not seen the Book of Mormon and you like funny man, you're not going to find it put together. But there is no lull. Every single piece of that thing is funny. Every one of them. It doesn't miss. I've never met a person I thought.

[Brady]

That was pretty amazing though in the program too, that you'll get. The LDS Church takes out like two or three full page ads.

[John Holmberg]

Sure they do.

[Brady]

Like now you've heard this.

[John Holmberg]

But yeah, they think they're being. They think they're being clever. And what they're doing is proving the point. If they. If they would just shut up, it would be better off. It's like when all those religious people used to get on rock and they do whole shows dedicated to odds.

[Brett]

Donahue had a whole.

[John Holmberg]

We paid more attention to the rock than we did the church. They're idiots. And if you're at that thing and you watch this and you want to be a Mormon afterwards, it doesn't bash them, but it kind of makes you just look at your eyes or look at anybody you're with going, okay, man, we should. This is an eye roller, man. Is it funny. Oh, I'm jealous. Steve Greenmire said to me, he said, I got tickets months ago based on exactly what you're saying now about that show. I'm going Saturday and I can't wait. You can't. Unless the performers suck. And I can't imagine they're touring a bad crew. You cannot be disappointed by Book of Mormon. You can't. And I and all you people out there go, yay. Musical's gay. Yep.

[Brett]

Well, that's what I thought too.

[John Holmberg]

All right. And they're gay. All right. And this one kind of makes fun of that too. And all. But. But, yes, but a twink it around but. Oh my God. I'm going. I'm going to scalp some tickets outside. It is. It is. It is. Truly.

[Brady]

It's one of those things where after you go, you go with someone that hasn't seen it. It's like going to seeing the drags for the first time. You want to see your buddy's reaction. It's a changer.

[John Holmberg]

This guy. This guy's seen it. He goes, did Brady have a spooky Mormon hell dream? After watching. I know what you're talking about. Hilarious. No, I went, oh, it's so good.

[Brady]

With a person that used to be more.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

And they were mad.

[John Holmberg]

Really? Like, oh, that they were Mormon ever. Yeah. Yeah. That this is what people think of them.

[Brady]

Really upset them, like.

[John Holmberg]

But also, in fairness, it is not a bash festival.

[Brady]

No.

[John Holmberg]

At all. It is. It's more of a. If you don't know the details, you can move them. But it's so good. God damn it. The guy that you're going with just emailed me and says, this will be my third time seeing. Yeah, I. I would say I want to go. You know what? It's here tonight, tomorrow, and through Sunday.

[Brett]

Yeah, through Sunday.

[John Holmberg]

I'm going four times.

[Brett]

And there's matinee shows on the weekend.

[John Holmberg]

Five times. I'm going five times. Steelers don't play till Monday. I'm going five. If you haven't seen this, get tickets, I swear to God, you cannot be disappointed. It's so funny. And if you're Mormon, come on, give it a run. I watched this is how good I liked it. How much I liked it is that I watched Mormons watch it on a screen, clips of it and then break down what they thought was real and what wasn't. Like, and they. And they couldn't help but laugh. And then afterwards, like, okay, that's not altogether right, but they're laughing like, it is kind of right. We do believe that. But there's nuance to this and that. And, like, all right, you can make excuses for it, but again. Hasadiga Eboi. Oh, Brett. I remember coming in here after I saw it going, the show's canceled. Nothing. Nothing I will ever think of or do will be as complete and funny as what that is. It's something. Something. Check out homework's Morning Sickness [e-mail] the.

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[Larry McFeely]

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[John Holmberg]

Holg's morning sickness. Oh, you're going to love it. Have fun, Brett. And I'm not hyping it up because it'll live up to it. Okay.

[Brett]

I mean, it's these are you won't.

[John Holmberg]

Come back and go. I remember you thinking how fun. I didn't think it was this funny. You'll come back and go, holy crap, that's funny.

[Brett]

Oh, that's a high bar you're setting on this thing.

[John Holmberg]

You're going to love this. You're absolutely going to love this. They go to Africa. You're in heaven tonight. You're in heaven. They go to Africa tonight. You're in heaven.

[Brady]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Heaven. Especially when the tribesman comes out in the Jordan. You're in heaven.

[Brady]

Anyway, about two months after I saw it, my neighbor down the street invites me because her son is going to be they're announcing where he's going on his mission.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, is that right?

[Brady]

It was to Uganda.

[John Holmberg]

He went to you. Oh, he got the bad one. All you want, really, if you're a Mormon, is the words Orlando to come out of that guy's mouth. This guy says, I've always been on the fence, John, of seeing Book of Mormon. Have they hired you? They should hire you to do promos, because right now I'm considering it. It is that good. I swear to you, I. I stake my reputation as funny on this. It's just. And again, I am a bland cracker of comedy compared to anything that happens on that stage. There is nothing my brain can do that competes with how funny and compell. Complete that thing is. And it's mostly just so organized. Complete. It's such a good. You're gonna love it. All right, all right. It. I've said this before. It made me angry. I left a little bit upset because it was so good. I'm like, well, there goes what funny is now. That's the new bar for my having.

[Brady]

A little background growing up in this area.

[John Holmberg]

Sure.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. But, I mean, that literally was where I thought funny lived. Was like, nope, it lives here now. It's. It's in a different area. It's like it just moved up past all the things I used to think were really the highest you could get. It's. It's. And I'm not overdoing it. I can sell this as high as I. You'll still lose your mind at Hasadilla Ibi. You. Will you just.

[Brady]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Because it's. It's gonna punch in the nuts. Ah, I'm going. I'm with Brett. Does Mathia have to go? Can I go with you? Did you buy the tickets or did she.

[Brett]

Well, I will be, but.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brett]

Batman picked him up.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no, kid. Oh, that's nice.

[Brett]

Yeah, he picked him up for us because he was online the day they went on Batman.

[John Holmberg]

I'll give you three times as much as what Brett's getting. I will pay you three times to give me those tickets. It's so good. Yeah, go See that? It's worth it. And now it's time for the show to talk about. Oh, here, look at this. All these reviews. Book of Mormon is the most phenomenal thing I've ever seen. I bet it's better with Brett. What?

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yes. Sitting next to you when they go to Africa is going to be amazing.

[Brady]

They're gonna use that laugh track if you want to hear.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, and here's the other thing. If you're at Book of Mormon tonight, and you're like, about 30 minutes in. You're like, this would be better if that bitch would shut up. That's Brett's wife. She laughs really loud. That's true.

[Brett]

You'll find us.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you'll know where they are by the cackling insanity of Mathias. She's got a great laugh, but it's so loud, she's a couple rows behind. It's like, I can't hear any of the hasidiga ebo I. Cause it won't shut up. You two are gonna be crying, and then you're gonna look, and her laugh's gonna make you laugh harder, and then you're gonna hear the next thing and, oh, Brett, I'm jealous. Yeah. This guy said I wanted to go, but I looked. The rafter seats are 400 bucks. Sell plasma. It's worth it. It's expensive because it's great. Winston, just text me, turn it off. Like, light switch. Just go, click. It's a nifty little Mormon trick. You're gonna love this thing. Damn it. Yeah. Winston says sister's taking me for my birthday present tomorrow night. Second time I'm seeing it.

[Brett]

Oh, okay.

[John Holmberg]

All right. It's every. It's so good. God damn it. I gotta adjust my whole weekend. Maybe not going to the. Maybe not going to the Sun's game Friday because I got to go to a musical. Yep. This one says, I'm going tomorrow with four ex Mormons, and I can't wait. Tickets are outrageous. But if you have a contact at Gamma or I have a contact at Gamma, if you're interested. She's talking directly to me, not you guys or you, Brady, who just acted like that was for you. This is email, Brady. Check your own email. You're not coattailing my gimmes. Yeah, it's good stuff. This one says, I saw it years ago. I didn't know it was here. I absolutely need to see it again. It's so good. It's so good. But let's talk about something else that's pretty great. I think we found the bravest man in the world. I'm almost positive we have found him.

[Brett]

Lizzo's boyfriend.

[John Holmberg]

Lizzo's boyfriend is. You know what? Up till this point, you thought maybe that was the one, but it turns out there's a braver person out there. Oh, there's a man in Pakistan who decided he was gonna try to open Abbottabad's first gay bar. Now, he didn't just open a facility and say, how you doing, everybody? If you want to be gay, go ahead. He filed paperwork with the city to say, here's my intentions. And Pakistan, I don't know if you've been reading about that for a while. They frown on that stuff a little bit right here. A, they don't like alcohol. B, they don't like sex. B, they really don't like man on man or girl on girl sex. And this dude said. He said, I'm going to start a gay club. It's the most neglected community in the area. Then you realize, you know, the guy, he put up signs. He said, don't worry about it. There's not gonna be sex. I'm gonna put up signs that say, hey, if you guys want to take it further than kissing, take it outside. Like, he was gonna monitor. There's no sex in it.

[Brett]

Take it out back.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. So to speak. Yes. But he was basically like, you guys can smooch and stuff, but that's it. I'm surprised because the Pakistani government grabbed this dude and threw him in a loony bin. It was going to be called the Lorenzo Gay Club. And abbottabat. How much do you like a man's anus to be Pakistani and go, I'm going in there like, that's. You are. These are the brass balls of all brass balls in the world. Nobody's been braver than this. And also, I think if I was in Pakistan, I could fight the gay feeling because it's just not worth it.

[Brett]

You don't want anal curry?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Well, first off, the food and the smells have to be, you know, when dogs get fish butt. I can imagine that that would be gay pack. They don't have, like, anybody saying, you need to wash this or whatever.

[Brady]

Oh, that was the goat.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. That was, like, early. Yeah, early days of gay in, you know, medieval times. I'm sure there wasn't a whole lot of hygiene. And I'm pretty sure Pakistan lives in the 7th century. Anyway, so that's it. He started to want to open this gay club. And I'm surprised that the Pakistani government. Government didn't go, yep, go ahead, and then just blow it up. That's what they're good at, right? That's what they had.

[Brady]

It's just like a giant sting operation.

[John Holmberg]

It's like, oh, good. Most of the gay. But go ahead, have a great time.

[Brady]

We'll help you build a stadium.

[John Holmberg]

They built just as many as you can pack in. They're given, like, subsidies and, like, alcohol and rubbers and all of that. And then every. The new gay bar is really except. And then they blow it up. That's what those people do. Bigotry. True. Why wouldn't the Pakistanis say, hey, this is a great way to get rid of that problem. The really super needy gays of Pakistan. Kind of a good band name. They'd show up. But how powerful is being gay?

[Brady]

So even they're saying, oh, he's medicated, he's crazy.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no. Well, they don't medicate anyway. They don't have that. We do that. They don't have sex.

[Brady]

He's just crazy.

[John Holmberg]

They said he's nuts and they put him in a mental health institution. And he's like, he can face up to two years. They don't enforce the laws very much, but they do have them. And they have a morality police that wanders the streets. And if you're and Internet stuff, they do that. This guy says, was it called fudge Pakistani? That's pretty funny. But no, it's not. That's a good gift. But why didn't they just allow it and then explode it like that's their way. But he did the paperwork instead of like he's out now open. He said, I just. I want to stand up for communities that can't stand up for themselves. I just can't imagine. He's brave. But the braver man than him is the first patron of Lorenzo's gay club in a battaba. Cuz the second you are, you open like this dude is that you are officially. Congratulations. The gayest man in Pakistan. It's like I thought there was a gay bar. First in line. Like, you're the gayest guy here you are.

[Brady]

Statement in front of his friends. You're. You're with me, right? I don't know him.

[John Holmberg]

No, no. Let me smell your weenie. Yes, he knows him. This is the craziest thing I've ever read in my life. But yeah, to be a guy who goes into the bar makes you braver than the guy who opens it. Because that's how important gay sex is. That's how I tell you it's not a choice. That's the best way to describe to people that being gay isn't a choice. Cuz in Pakistan, if it's a choice, the choice is easy. I don't diddle with Brett's butt. I don't get blown up. Well, that's choice. That choice was made for me and I'm fine with it. But if I cannot stop thinking about Brett's butthole I got to have that. And I'm willing to fight over Pakistani and Muslim law.

[Brady]

Shereel, you're not gonna open a club to get Brett.

[John Holmberg]

No, no. But I'm not gonna be gay.

[Brady]

You're gonna club Brett.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not gonna be gay. But if it's such a. Well, yeah, but if you and I were. And we were. It was such a powerful feeling that even in Pakistan, I'm like, man, what you're risking just to. I could pretend to be straight. Look, if the laws here changed all of a sudden, where heterosexuality meant that you got your head cut off.

[Brady]

Forbidden.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, completely. I. You know. All right, well, where do I put this then?

[Brett]

And I'd.

[John Holmberg]

Brett and I would find my stubbings, and I would finally be like, I guess we're just gonna do this. We'd be in a sexless marriage of nonsense and whatever and Bronco and. Yeah, yeah, we'd be fooling around in that Bronco that Mark looks so gay in. And just, you know, we would do that. I'm not gonna be so adamant to sit back and go, gotta have that girl. Got it. If it meant, you know, getting tortured and stuff like that, I'd slip on over to the dark side just to not. It's easy. Especially if it started when I was a little kid. That's how strong. Being gay is not a choice. Those dudes are willing to open a gay bar in a badabot. That's brave. We can call them twinks all we want. Those dudes are who I want on the front lines of all fights. What happened to you, Halahaka? Well, I went to the gay club. Say no more. I know what happened to you? That's terror. There's a gay club. That's ridiculous. That's like a strip club. If women are like, we really want to strip. How bad do you want to strip in Pakistan that you would actually do it? It's crazy. All right, you're on about the smell. They're used to it. We're not. You, of course, would go over there and notice the smell. Oh, yeah, they don't. That's just their day.

[Brady]

Here, it's the other way around.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Your nose.

[Brett]

Throat doctor for now. They smell.

[John Holmberg]

They smell like products. Not natural stink. Like buttholes. Like we like.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That's all you'd hear in that place. Hey, we go to work. Work it, girl. You know, you have all that going on inside there. Something, something. Check out homework's morning sickness [e-mail] the.

[Brady]

NFL playoffs are here. Watching them while playing on the Underdog app is so easy. Just pick if my favorite players will go higher or lower on their projected stats. It's Brady from the morning Cygnus and with my team out this year, I'm pulling for the Jags and I want Trevor Lawrence and Jacoby Myers all to go over their stats. You can play the playoffs on Underdog 2. Download the app today and use the promo code HMS to score $75 in bonus entries when you play your first $5 Underdog make picks win money must be 18 plus 19 plus in Alabama and Nebraska 19 plus in color for some games 21 plus in Arizona, Massachusetts and Virginia and present and state where Underdog Fantasy operates. Terms apply. See assets.underdogfantasy.com web/play and getterms_dfs_.HTML for details. Offer not valid in Maryland, Michigan, New Jersey, New York, Ohio and Pennsylvania. Concerned with your play? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit www.ncpgambling.org In New York, call the 24.7Hope line at 1-877-8-HOPE NY or text HOPE NY to 467369.

[Brett]

Holmberg's Morning Sickness and the Share Translate over there too.

[John Holmberg]

Do you want to go make out? Yes, I do. Madeline, through the beard you smell like so do you. I know we cannot have relations inside of Gekla, but let's say we go back to my cave and you know hard. I want to get your scent all over my body. Smell like gold. I can't hear you over Shares Horror.

[Brady]

Music.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I can't imagine Pakistani gay club being something that I Even if I was the. Even if I was like the king of kdkb, I would still not even. I wouldn't even walk. I'd walk past and go, what a bunch of in there, huh? I would never reveal myself in Pakistan as gay. It's a trap. They open a gay club in Pakistan. No way. This is bigger than when Mormons decided that Pepsi was okay. This is huge. It's a trap.

[Brady]

That's when he walked in to say I want to fill out a paperwork for bar. What do you want? I own my business right over here.

[John Holmberg]

I want to open a club in the Batabat. I can't hear you over Horror game homosexual music. What are you saying? What happens at your club? We drink crab juice and have kisses with boys. What? There's something intoxicating about the smell of Unbelievable. So to the bravest men in the world. Sorry Navy Seals and Rangers. Not anymore. Those Pakistani homosexuals that are willing to be out loud about it.

[Brady]

Broke Pack. Mount Broke Pack.

[John Holmberg]

If you're out in Pakistan, you're. You're. You're Superman. You are the bravest man on the planet.

[Brett]

I can't quit you.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know how to quit you. They just sit and watch Brokeback Mountain all night with that in the background. It is such a great love story between. Oh, God, I bet that guy smells like. Who do you like more? Jake or Heath?

[Brady]

Posters of them up all over the club.

[John Holmberg]

Like. Yeah, like Twilight posters and throat Back mountain. I was never one of the wolf guys. I like the vampire. I think you are my soulmate. Your smell of stronger than everyone here. Then they get a little too hard and their dresses go up and they have to go take it outside.

[Brett]

They're done.

[John Holmberg]

They got to go clean up in that river of.

[Brett]

Same thing.

[John Holmberg]

It's over. They don't have.

[Brett]

The rivers are just as bad.

[John Holmberg]

Don't have rivers there.

[Brett]

They don't even have just as bad.

[John Holmberg]

Pretty sure they don't have water.

[Brady]

That water flows much better.

[John Holmberg]

They don't have water.

[Brett]

That's all the same. It's over there.

[John Holmberg]

They don't have it yet.

[Brady]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Have you seen pictures of that place? It's. It's water is. There's no water in Pakistan. Nobody goes. I'm going fishing. You've never heard of that? I'll be fishing in the Pakistan water. They don't get to India is cleaner than them. You think they got rivers? Find me the prettiest lake in Pak. Abbottabad. That place is dry. They got the mountain up there. And it snows. But I think it all flows to India, which is why they're mad to it. Chimere Pass. I don't remember any of those guys coming back from Afghanistan. Pakistan.

[Brady]

There's some dripping. That happened.

[John Holmberg]

Talking about the beautiful lakes. There's water, but they get like. If you see a drop, you just suck it out of a sand and you move on. Rivers play a key function.

[Brett]

See? Here we go. I found it.

[John Holmberg]

Of course they have a river betterment of Pakistan. Look at that. Yeah. Here are some highlighting the importance of rivers. That actually looks nice. I like the music in the back too.

[Brady]

Irrigation.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. They got to irrigate their goat farms. Yeah, the goats have to drink. All right. Maybe they bathe in a river or two. I don't know. I still see especially. Especially after visiting Lorenzo to get all of the out of my bottom. That's gross. That's not a Pakistani dam. What's this? It's in the top there. Yeah, but you're on the top of the mountain there. There's nobody. Look, there's one impact stand. The rest are in the mountains. You can't get to them. They're. They're thirsty over there.

[Brady]

I want to see a lakefront bargain.

[Brett]

Oh, look, see, that's where they're bathing.

[John Holmberg]

Look at that. That's what I picture. See two trees. It's just mud.

[Brady]

Look at that crib.

[John Holmberg]

That looked pretty nice actually.

[Brett]

That was. That's the Roosevelt district of.

[John Holmberg]

We'll go up to Abbottabad because all the pictures of. Of.

[Brett]

Look at that.

[Brady]

Look at that.

[Brett]

Nightmare.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Yeah.

[Brett]

Talk about a chocolate river.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man. Did you say chocolate river? Oh, baby, look. Just saying. There they are.

[Brett]

They're all bathing in it right there.

[John Holmberg]

You got me there. Either way, it's a dump. And being gay, there's being brave. They have an anti sodomy rule in Pakistan. I think some parts of the US of A have that too. Starting in my house. Anyway, he got. Before he got sent to the mental hospital in Peshawar. The man told the news publication there. So I'm talking about human rights and I want everybody's human rights to be defended. And I'm like, that is. It's sort of beautiful and all.

[Brett]

There you go.

[John Holmberg]

But you're crazy, man. Yeah, that ain't. That is not a clean river. Yeah, well, we know Pakistan's a dunk and we've already established that all the gays ass smell like. We know that. But that's how powerful the human mind is.

[Brady]

They're all medicated. That river's not that powerful. Filled with pharmaceuticals residents.

[John Holmberg]

The desire to bury your face in another man's ass crack is stronger than death by Allah. That's telling you something right there. I think they're going through a time there that like the Bible people went through a couple thousand years ago when Sodom and Gomorrah happened under the threat of like killing everybody. God will turn you into stone if you start dicking around like that. And a couple of guys are like, hey, I did exactly what I'm not supposed to and nothing happened. And then they started to party and realized we can do whatever we want.

[Brady]

Color of salt.

[John Holmberg]

Nothing's gonna. You're not gonna be salt or anything else. And then they're like, ah, I gotta write a new book and send that sun down. Ah, they're not paying attention anymore. So you're gonna have to change the book.

[Brett]

Here we'll get rid of the horse share.

[John Holmberg]

It's almost 8:30 at night. Who likes the smell of.

[Brady]

It's her Sunday brunch.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it smells like crab. I wore my wife's burqa. I'm in drag today, ladies. All right, the drag show starts in a minute. Oh, here is Carl. That's right. His name is Carl. Why? Why not? He's very Western.

[Brady]

Those are exotic names.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. He's in a blue burqa. And his beekeeper hat is a little smaller. You can see his ankles. Try to keep your dicks in, everyone. I don't know why I have turned into TR the insult comic, but have you seen Ted? We love the smell of things. Hey, look at this guy's wiener for me to poop on. Okay, Gay bar in Pakistan. Come on. You just tip our caps to those guys. That's some brave stuff. I'm impressed. I am impressed. So good luck to him. But I have a feeling that if the Pakistani leaders allowed that gay bar. I had to put my fanduel bet on that thing lasting one weekend. Closing grand opening. There will be fireworks. We did not plan fireworks for the grand opening.

[Brady]

It's on us.

[John Holmberg]

There will be fireworks. Okay.

[Brady]

Free.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, It's a tough one. It's a. I don't know how. I don't know how to get through life. I. I could change my mind on. On being gay real fast. If you started to tell me that it was a life sentence. I ain't doing that. That's why the brave gays of. Of America back in the day, too. Those brave gays of America that were, like, they risked it all. You've been one of those, you know, A town of 1300 People in Iowa and you two start boning each other and get caught. There was a good chance you were gonna get knocked around. That ain't right. But now you got an entire religion that will kill you. With the support of the government. I'm laying off the B hole. I'll go without. Why would you go to Pakistan when you can pack a stand here? All right. Very clever, Andrew. Thank you very much. You. You should write for Highlights magazine. Oh, my God. And then. Yeah, I like that. That for some reason, that cop, he's just sitting in there alone. How come no one will come in under penalty of death?

[Brady]

The disco lights are just flaring up.

[John Holmberg]

Just the cops sitting there waiting for one dude to touch the doorknob. Okay. Get him. Good job. Crazy.

[Brady]

The whole dance floor is just mines.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I don't know what Pakistani people. I'm getting email. I don't know what they sound like. So let's just go with Triumph the Insult Comic, and leave it at that.

[Brady]

Okay?

[John Holmberg]

Okay, everybody, it's time to hit the dance floor. What do you say? Okay, who has not been blown tonight? I'm coming over there to give you all a little Packer Keys, huh? And this is for you. I think I'm very good. Let's all draw Muhammad for fun, huh? Okay, it's time to burn the American flag for fun. Sorry. Sorry. I'm sorry. It's terrible. It's the only place in town you're getting this conversation, I guarantee you. Beth and Chachi, PT Radio and in the IsWorld show, and they're ain't doing any of this. And then this Enrique supermodel in my head. Yeah, I know. I can't think of it. Well, tonight, Hasadiga Ibi will take over.

[Brett]

Okay?

[John Holmberg]

You're gonna be just fine. This one said, hey, John, I heard on the news yesterday at the airport, on the carousel, there was blood everywhere. And it turned out somebody brought deer meat in a cooler and it looked like a crime scene. I just wondered, is Holmberg's dad in town? He is not, but he would do something like this, and he would definitely.

[Brett]

He'd have the igloo with the duct tape wrapped around it.

[John Holmberg]

Yep. It wouldn't be. It wouldn't even. It wouldn't even be the igloo. He wouldn't take one of his nice coolers. Styrofoam.

[Brett]

Styrofoam river ones that you take down there.

[John Holmberg]

The one that, when you buy it, you're like, this is gonna be a blast. And about 20 minutes into the drive. You can't take that. That won't stop. Anyway, Brett, what do you got on the big board of Musical Treats?

[Brett]

All right, wake up. Song time. And we got.

[John Holmberg]

We got a whole list here. Pull this up. This guy says. Sean says, I'm trying to figure out where your gay Pakistani impression ranks on your list of impressions, John. I think it's right after Ned Foster and right before a dog barfing. Yeah, it's probably not a great one, but now that it's Triumph the Insult Comic Pakistani Homosexual, we got something there. We can run with that out on the list.

[Brett]

We got some stuff for Nick Reiner Manson's. I don't like the drugs, but they like me. Shinedowns45 for the pill poppers. Diary of a Madman for Mozzie. For Nick Reiner Ministry. Just one fix for Nick. Benny Mardones. Because apparently it's R. Kelly's birthday. From what? Nine Inch Snails, Corn Ministry and Megadeth. Holy wars for the gay bar.

[Brady]

R. Kelly's 59.

[John Holmberg]

Is he 50? All right. Almost 10 more years. Well, 69 is the one we go all right to, and he's 10 years younger than that, and he likes him 10 years under. That's true. I think that's pretty perfect. Yeah, I think that's the key to success right there. We're doing it all right. For R. Kelly's 59th birthday. One of the most disturbing hits in American history. Benny Mardonis, he's gonna fly off into the night. A98. KUPD. Also kiss. 12:30. The rhythm of the city.

[Brady]

Hey, it's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually.

[John Holmberg]

No membership fees. I have heard enough of this.