01-09-26 - Marlon Wayans - Stand Up Live - In Studio

Summary

Podcast Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona

Episode: 01-09-26 - Marlon Wayans - Stand Up Live - In Studio
Date: January 9, 2026
Host: John Holmberg (with Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo)
Guest: Marlon Wayans

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Episode Overview

This episode features comedian and actor Marlon Wayans in a lively, unfiltered studio visit promoting his Stand Up Live shows. The conversation is packed with irreverent humor, sports banter (especially about football rivalries), reflections on fame, the entertainment industry, dark comedy, and signature Marlon riffing on current events and pop culture. The hosts and Wayans riff about race, sports heartbreak, Diddy’s infamous parties, life after loss, and the essence of comedy in facing tragedy.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Playful Banter & Racial Humor (00:28–02:40)

• Marlon enters with high energy, joking about the hosts being his “favorite whites” and coining the term "Cracker Love."
• The group comically navigates the awkwardness of mutual racial appreciation.
• Quote:

  “I named this show My Favorite Whites. Whites only.”
  — Marlon Wayans, (00:32)

• They establish their camaraderie through mutual ribbing, poking fun at social taboos around expressing racial preferences.

2. Sports Rivalries & Pure Hate for the Ravens (01:46–08:08)

• Both Marlon and Holmberg are Steelers fans, and they do a deep comedic dive into NFL rivalry, particularly their disdain for the Baltimore Ravens.
• Marlon talks about his complicated feelings about hating black quarterbacks because of representation in the past, now feeling free to dislike some since there are more.
• Quote:

  “It's really hard to hate black quarterbacks. ... There wasn't enough of us.”
  — Marlon Wayans, (04:01)

• Hilarious exaggerations discussing Lamar Jackson and the pain of rooting against fellow black athletes.
• Quote:

  “It's not race based. It's just his ugly ass face. I just hate it.”
  — John Holmberg, (05:34)

• Touch on dark prayers for rival team losses and the dubious joy in their failures.

3. Mike Tomlin & Steelers’ Consistency (08:09–09:18)

• Marlon commends Mike Tomlin’s coaching:

  “Mike Tomlin is probably one of the greatest coaches in history to keep consistently making the playoffs with nobody.”
  — Marlon Wayans, (08:18)

• Critique of older quarterbacks like Aaron Rodgers being the Steelers’ best recent option.

4. Diddy Parties & Fame Sidebar (10:02–12:13)

• Discussion moves to music industry scandals and Diddy’s infamous “freak-off” parties.
• Marlon laments never seeing the “freak-off” despite attending the parties.
• Quote:

  “Part of me is mad at Diddy. ... I never got to see the freak off.”
  — Marlon Wayans, (10:38)

• The conversation is gleefully raunchy, with jokes about STDs as party souvenirs.

5. Drugs, Recovery, & Tragedy (13:11–14:43)

• Marlon candidly recounts trying molly and flavored cocaine during COVID but stopping after losing friends to fentanyl.
• Reminisces about his friend Fuquan Johnson.

  “I lost a dear friend, Fuquan Johnson ... I actually hated him. But really, you know, he’s black, I got a root for him.”
  — Marlon Wayans, (14:08)

• Marlon advocates for cigars and whiskey (“Liga Tridente” cigars, whiskey from Fox Cigars).

6. Inside Comedy: YouTube, Family, & Boredom (12:13–13:11)

• Promotes his YouTube channel and shares that off-stage, Marlon is “boring”—writing, sleeping, “scratching [his] sack.”

7. Standup, Merchandise, & Favorite Black/White Lists (15:10–20:13)

• Promotion of his Wayans Brothers merchandise and a comic back-and-forth about who is whose “favorite black guy.”
• “I want to be your second favorite black. ... I don’t want first, baby black, ‘cause yeah, he runs 20 yards.”
  — Marlon Wayans, (19:45)

8. Words of Wisdom: Laughing at the Dark (20:13–20:55)

• Marlon closes with a powerful reflection:

  “Live every day like it’s your last. ... laugh at all that is dark. Because life goes on, it gets darker and darker, and you start losing parents and loved ones ... you can always laugh at the worst situation.”
  — Marlon Wayans, (20:13)

9. Ridiculous News Interview Questions (21:23–22:20)

• Ribbing about predictable journalist questions about growing up in the famed Wayans family.
• Outrageous joke about being molested by family as a classic dark-comedy bit.

10. Conspiracies, Black People & Space, Titanic, and Submersibles (22:27–26:44)

• Marlon dismisses most conspiracy theories and jokes black people wouldn't go to space or on the Titanic/submersibles.

• “No black man going to space. Jeff Bezos could have paid me ... my black ass is right here.”
  — Marlon Wayans, (23:17)

• Titanic jokes about the absence of black people aboard, plus “smell” gags about Pakistani/Saudi passengers on the doomed submersible.

11. Golfing Fails and Sports Movie Acting (27:16–29:59)

• Marlon started golfing; admits he’s “terrible,” not a natural athlete, and had to be taught to “walk again” at football quarterback camp for a role.
• The football scenes in the movie used a stuntman.

• “My stuntman played in the football movie. ... Y’all teach me how to walk. Leave me alone.”
  — Marlon Wayans, (29:19)

12. Movie Talk, "Scary Movie 6," and Parody (30:03–36:01)

• Marlon discusses his latest movie work, the process of parody (using “Scary Movie” as an example).
• Dives into the influence of movies like “Airplane!”—reveals it's a shot-for-shot remake of “Zero Hour.”
• Makes plans to involve “Thriller” (studio in-joke) in future projects.
• Quote:

  “Airplane, to me, is ... the movie that made me want to do parodies.”
  — Marlon Wayans, (33:36)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On White/Black Lists:

  “You are my favorite white guy. ... I can’t say you’re my favorite black because it sounds terrible.”
  — John Holmberg & Marlon Wayans (00:52–01:03)

• On Supporting Black QBs:

  “It’s really hard to hate black quarterbacks ... Ever since Doug Williams, I’m like, come on, I gotta love my people ... My favorite one I hate is Geno Smith. Get rid of him. I smile every time he gets, I think he’s Dominican.”
  — Marlon Wayans (04:01–04:23)

• On NFL Rivalries:

  “I hate the Ravens so much more than I like the Steelers. ... I was happy when that boat hit the bridge.”
  — John Holmberg (05:33, 06:50)

• On Diddy & the "Freak Off":

  “Part of me is mad at Diddy. ... I never got to see the freak off. You’re letting people, reaching people to ... that beautiful woman, I would have paid you double.”
  — Marlon Wayans (10:38–10:51)

• On Curbing Drug Use:

  “I quit ... I lost five friends to fentanyl in one week and I was like, I’m never touching anything ever again.”
  — Marlon Wayans (14:08)

• On Dark Humor & Coping:

  “Laugh at all that is dark. Because life goes on. It gets darker and darker ... you can always laugh at the worst situation.”
  — Marlon Wayans (20:13)

• On Black People & the Titanic:

  “Titanic was a tragedy because there was all white folks on the Titanic. ... We didn’t even ... we wasn’t even servants on that boat. We like, nah, I’m good. Sounds like a trap to me.”
  — Marlon Wayans (24:30)

• On Movie Parody:

  “A good parody, you find the story ... and then put the jokes and the characters within it.”
  — Marlon Wayans (35:18)

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Noteworthy Segments with Timestamps

• Best “Favorite White” Joke: 00:28–01:13
• Steelers/Ravens Rivalry: 01:46–08:08
• Mike Tomlin & Steelers Praise: 08:09–09:18
• Diddy Party Tales: 10:02–12:13
• Drugs, Recovery, and Tragedy: 13:11–14:43
• Promotion/Comedy Reflection (“Laugh at dark things”): 20:13–20:55
• Absurd News Interview Questions: 21:23–22:20
• Conspiracies, Black/Astronauts, Titanic Legends: 22:27–26:44
• Movie Parody and Scary Movie 6 Announcement: 33:36–36:01

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Tone & Style

• Edgy, quick-witted banter
• Unfiltered, boundary-pushing comedy
• Camaraderie, inside jokes, free-flowing humor between comics and DJs

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For New Listeners

This episode offers a hilarious, raw, and insightful window into Marlon Wayans’ comic mind with plenty of NFL trash talk, reflections on showbiz and Black culture, and a relentless riffing style. Even the darkest memories are reimagined as punchlines, embodying the episode’s theme that in comedy, nothing is off-limits and everything can be laughed at—if you dare.

Transcript

[A]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition, and accessories. Morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil. Sitting right here.

[B]

Come on.

[A]

No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. Rick Glassy comes in. He shows up for 30 minutes, and then the brilliance of Marlon Wayans comes wandering in the room. And we love when Marlon's here. Welcome, Marlon Way welcome.

[B]

Hey, good to be here. My favorite white guys.

[A]

Is that true or will your favorite favorite whites.

[B]

I named this show My Favorite Whites. Whites only.

[A]

Who were your favorite whites before you guys? You never had favorite whites.

[B]

I hated white people. Time that you guys.

[A]

We're a new category.

[B]

New category.

[A]

My God.

[B]

Whites that I love. We represent whites that we blacks fight for.

[A]

I think maybe I would love that role.

[B]

I like what you do.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

We call it Cracker Love. Thank you.

[A]

No cheese on us. That's awesome. Well, thank you for making us your favorite white. You got it, man. I can't say you're my favorite blacks because it sounds terrible.

[B]

Yeah, it does. It just doesn't.

[A]

It does sound.

[B]

It sounds like I'm. I'm like, he's one of the good.

[A]

Less lashes. He sure is one of my favorites.

[B]

He sure is.

[A]

Well, I'll let him in the house and all.

[B]

I'll make him lemonade. How about that? Yeah.

[A]

I don't think I've ever had to say you're my favorite white person. I don't think it's ever happened.

[B]

Really?

[A]

No, I don't think so.

[B]

I thought that was. That's.

[A]

You think? I'm probably in a lot of lists of people being your favorite white.

[B]

Me and Lil Damon talked about it. You said to me and Lil Damon, Leroy Damon's favorite white guy list.

[A]

Is that true?

[B]

A tissue? Yes.

[A]

He needs tissues. He's crying. He loves me so much. Oh, you're. I was sticking on your dad. He would have eaten it. He'll eat anything.

[B]

Yeah, but you have been.

[A]

I got to get in there.

[B]

He'll eat anything.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You and I, both Steelers, by the way.

[A]

I know it. Isn't it awesome?

[B]

You know what I'm saying? Let's win this week.

[A]

We could just win. But you know what? We dismantled the Ravens, and I don't know if you've been on the same page as me.

[B]

That last kick look a little suspect.

[A]

Who cares?

[B]

It look. It looks.

[A]

I'm going to Play it cuz this what my body paid.

[B]

Well, this has been on a loop.

[A]

In my head since Sunday night. That kick went right. Yesterday I watched a video on Instagram of an 8 year old bill in a Lamar Jackson crying. And it brought me so much joy.

[B]

I used to get so much joy, like as a hater. Right. I understand. Yeah. Your heart works.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm a Laker hater, right? Oh, yeah. And I live in la and all my friends that moved to LA once Kobe and Shaq teamed up, they were like, lakers, go Lakers. And so I decided that I'm just gonna hate the Lakers. They're like, who's your favorite team? I said, I don't have a favorite team. Anybody that beats the Laker is my favorite team. And I used to wait for the playoffs for them to get in and then to get knocked out. And I take pictures of the TV screen with Kobe crying and it would make Marlon. There we go. He's hurting.

[A]

I had AI.

[B]

All my friends are crying too. And I'm just like, this is.

[A]

I had AI create Lamar Jackson tears and made it my scream saver. I have multip simple photos of him.

[B]

Lamar Jackson crying. Lamar Jackson with Jordan's face. Oh, and keep that as you do, AI.

[A]

I made T shirts of Lamar Jackson.

[B]

But do the crying Jordan on his face.

[A]

That sounds.

[B]

Was he really crying?

[A]

Yeah. So he cried. And a while ago I took that shot and then I made a book.

[B]

He was crying because he's.

[A]

Go ahead.

[B]

He's like, I'm gonna fire my coach.

[A]

I got my coach, man. And then my new thing is they.

[B]

Should have kept him. By the way, he got an unfair shake. You know, we started. They started the season with Lamar being hurt and they just never recovered. It's very hard to try.

[A]

That picture Sunday of Derrick Henry surprised when the kick went sideways. It's been done. There it is. The crown Jordan on Lamar. Okay, I'm making shirts. I'm making sure. Oh, my God, that's a teaser. I can't help it. I've been floating since Sunday. I hate the Ravens so much more than I like the Steelers. Why?

[B]

I love the Steelers, but I don't hate the Ravens.

[A]

You must. The joy is unbelievable.

[B]

It's really hard to hate black quarterbacks.

[A]

Well, all right.

[B]

There wasn't enough of us.

[A]

I got it, but now there's plenty.

[B]

Shiloh, whoever. He's black. I got a roof.

[A]

Okay, here.

[B]

Ever since Doug Williams, I'm like, come on, I got. I gotta love my people, but let's just as your favorite one I hate is Geno Smith. Get rid of him. I smile every time he gets, I think he's Dominican.

[A]

I'm gonna go with Dominican on that. I'll just, I'll let you have that.

[B]

With the name Gino.

[A]

Gino is Dominican. There's no way. Yeah, but there's. Now there as your favorite white, let me just say there's plenty of black quarterbacks. There's room for hate again, don't you think? Yeah, oh, yeah. Before I understood like back in the 80s and. No, no, no. Doug Williams and more and more Culpepper. Like, you know what I understand. But now, culturally, now there's a few, look, there are probably a few of them that are. Yeah, but you know, you got to hate Lamar.

[B]

No. Lamar.

[A]

No, no, no.

[B]

I like him. He's weird. He's different. You know, he, I never seen somebody run like him.

[A]

No, me neither.

[B]

I, I, I, it's like somebody said, listen, he, like he was a slave and somebody said, okay, 10 yards up is your freedom. And he said, I'm going for 20 bucks. I want to free, I want to free my children.

[A]

The offer. He bargained 10 to freedom and he took 20.

[B]

That's getting children free and they're not even born yet. You know, how about that?

[A]

Set the Jacksons free with 20 yards. I'd watch that anything. Yeah. And he, I just hate him with a passion.

[B]

He says, I don't hate him.

[A]

And it's not race based. It's just his ugly ass face. I just hate it.

[B]

It's just a great quote.

[A]

But there's a bigger reason why I hate him is because he's really good. I hated magic.

[B]

You hate him? Well, I, I, I hate magic. See, he's out the jersey and I still.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I gotta shake his hand because I like him as a human now.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

But, but when he was in that Laker Jersey. Oh, God, just awful. You know, I have evil prayers and some.

[A]

Yeah, I'm, I hate some of.

[B]

This is my fault.

[A]

Yeah, you think?

[B]

Don't hold back.

[A]

Tell us some of them. We're not going to get into which ones, but I think I know what you're talking about.

[B]

It's my fault. My bad. How bad was it? I prayed too hard. I, I prayed too hard. I didn't know God was listening.

[A]

Wait, you think God's like, I gotta shut Marlon up. Yeah, drop that, drop that bird.

[B]

No, he's like, you're gonna get on my side. You believe me? See, I realized I didn't believe I'm real. You didn't believe I resurrected Jesus. You didn't believe this.

[A]

Watch. So you know what? That would make me feel happy. I'd smile. I'd be like, I did that. I might have did that.

[B]

So watch your prayers. Something happens to Lamar Jackson, it's him.

[A]

I have to be super serious that I. Because I hate Lamar Jackson so much. I hate all of Baltimore, and I actually hate Baltimore so much.

[B]

You can't hate Baltimore.

[A]

Sure I can.

[B]

And Baltimore. Baltimore hates. But they have the best crab. Oh, my God. You have been to Jimmy's.

[A]

No, I wouldn't go to Baltimore. I was happy when that boat hit the bridge.

[B]

No, that's saying this earlier this week.

[A]

I was like, you know what? I was the only one going. I was like, that's terrible. What a horrible thing. It's like, my God, now people can't get to Baltimore.

[B]

I think it was dark.

[A]

We're both being dark. Let's.

[B]

Yeah, okay.

[A]

Let's be true.

[B]

You say most of people. That's why you're my favorite white guy.

[A]

Let's see we relate to one of the three. Yeah, that's right. Rank us.

[B]

Me, number one. Okay.

[A]

Brady. No. Maybe it's tough.

[B]

They're tied for seconds.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But your father died, so thank you.

[A]

Okay, well, his father died, too, but it's been a little bit longer.

[B]

Well, then I'm going to go with him.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Two other five. Yeah.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

How about your mom? Nope.

[A]

All right, we have a winner. Everybody tell him what he wins.

[B]

Boy, is he hurting. I just got a text. My mom died.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

It's too late. I'm sorry.

[A]

She was killed by Lamar Jackson. I knew that son of a was no good. Anyway, I hate the Ravens. I hate them with a passion, and I get so much joy.

[B]

I. Listen, I love the Steelers, man, I do. But I hate when they play the Ravens because I actually like the Ravens. No. And I know they're. They're rivals, but I hate when they play. But I'm. I think. I don't think the coach should have got fired, but I do think that Mike Tomlin is probably the greatest coach in, like, one of the greatest coaches in history to keep consistently making the playoffs with nobody. With nobody.

[A]

I mean, quarterbacks are. But the problem is you got Aaron.

[B]

Rodgers, and he's, like, 65.

[A]

Yeah, exactly.

[B]

He doesn't even have an arm anymore. He's in a wheelchair.

[A]

It's like Stephen Hawking.

[B]

He has to.

[A]

He.

[B]

We change his diaper between plays.

[A]

Yeah. And Keep. Keep in mind he's the best thing we've had in six years, and that's saying something. 42 year old. Something's wrong with you.

[B]

They should have got. I was like, I don't know why they didn't go get Shador.

[A]

Shador Sanders. He's not ready.

[B]

But I wouldn't have picked to come underneath Aaron Rodgers.

[A]

Great.

[B]

You got the Kayla and Metcalfe, but he punches people.

[A]

Yeah. And that's dk. I like.

[B]

I like dk. No problem. Let's watch our mouth.

[A]

You know, we should do. What's that?

[B]

We should get Derrick Henry. He's not.

[A]

Oh, my God. Everybody down in Baltimore is unhappy.

[B]

Happy. So we should get Derrick Henry. Yeah. And then we should get Lamar. And this way you don't hate him and you can take him off your hateful prayers.

[A]

I could. I could, but. But the reason.

[B]

Would you hate him in the. In the.

[A]

No, I'd like him in a Steelers uniform. He's still ugly, but I don't care.

[B]

You'd blow him. Come on.

[A]

Oh, yeah, that's probably true.

[B]

You shoot pool? Pool. Billiard balls out your butt for him.

[A]

I'm thinking about doing that anyway. I'm just curious if that's something I can do.

[B]

First of all, how do you get him in there?

[A]

That's the question. Was it a. Was it a pool game gone awry that you learned? Oh, my God. That's in my ass.

[B]

I need chalk. My balls keep going off the table. I can enter. But that was a scratch.

[A]

I like that. They were all solids, too. Like the dude was shooting just his balls, no stripes went in. The other guy couldn't get it.

[B]

She's still searching for the eight balls somewhere.

[A]

I have to say, all the stuff that's gone on in the last few months, I've been thinking about you.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Because this weirdness that goes on with the documentary and Puffy and Fitty, who's gone nuts on everything, and you get involved in this and they show pictures. I have to say, and nobody says this out loud. If I'm in the situation to go to Diddy's parties, I'm going just like everyone else did.

[B]

I was.

[A]

What is it from your perspective?

[B]

Because it's so weird at the parties and I. I never saw the freak off.

[A]

There's something. Something. Check out Homework's morning sickness [e-mail] Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

[B]

And that'. Part of me is mad at Diddy. Yeah.

[A]

You didn't get to play.

[B]

I never Got to see the freak off. You letting people reaching people to.

[A]

Bump.

[B]

That beautiful woman, I would have paid you double.

[A]

Yeah, you let me do it.

[B]

And I don't care if these guys complain. She gave me an stvd. I want that std.

[A]

That's a good.

[B]

Show it off. See these herpes? You gave me these.

[A]

Here's the thing. You didn't get to watch because you were a threat.

[B]

See, I know they knew I would tell. Or maybe that I would tell on everybody. I'd be like Meek Mill got it. I got a crooked ding ding. It looks like Candyman's hook. I bet DJ Khaled got an inning.

[A]

But I love that everybody.

[B]

I would tell on everybody.

[A]

Wait a second.

[B]

And here's how I know they want me at the party.

[A]

Uhhuh.

[B]

Because I went one day and I was like. I went to, like. I know Puffy since, like, when he was puffy. And I was like, I'm gonna wait around. I stayed there till 3:30 in the morning, tired. I was like, I'm gonna see this freak off. Nothing happened.

[A]

Absolutely nothing.

[B]

And so I left. And then the next day, everybody came up to me, man, you missed a freak off. I said, what time did it happen? They said, 3:32.

[A]

It was two minutes late. Oh, that's terrible.

[B]

Bastards.

[A]

Yeah, that ain't right.

[B]

Can I say that?

[A]

Yes, you can say you're fine. I got you.

[B]

You got me.

[A]

It's your fault.

[B]

I heard you throw one out there, and I was like, oh, okay.

[A]

Which one did I toss?

[B]

I don't know. Something wild. I was like. I was happy. That guy. You even know when you say it? That's sad.

[A]

Plausible deniability.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know what I said, and I don't believe you're telling the truth.

[B]

I'm telling the truth. Trust me, I do tell the truth. And I have a YouTube channel that I have to promote, so make sure you go check it out. Marlon Wayans on YouTube.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I'm starting to do stuff on YouTube. Yeah. Okay. I don't know what it is, but I'm just trusting J.D. and he just says, do it. And so you do it.

[A]

And he's filming you, like, around here doing stuff.

[B]

He feels really. I don't know what I'm doing.

[A]

And you're okay with it? I'm really boring. No. Are you. Are you a boring guy when you're not being Marlon Wayans?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, I really am. Like, when I'm not performing, I'm boring. I sleep. I scratch my sack I write. I do boring stuff. I don't.

[A]

You scratch your sack and write at the same time.

[B]

And sometimes that's too much work.

[A]

Yeah, it is a lot.

[B]

You missed the fun years back when I did molly and randomly sniff coke. That was fun.

[A]

Randomly.

[B]

Randomly.

[A]

It would just appear just to nullify.

[B]

The molly because I was too much and I just need to come down, so.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you're done with that last.

[B]

Yeah, I did it 50 times. You know, I stopped. It was during COVID and I stopped. My next door neighbor was doing it. And I was like, I never done that. Let me try. Yes. And I was doing research for a movie, and I was like, I'm a method actor.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I was like, let me try that. And I tried it a few times. Like, this is great. He goes, you want to see something cooler? I said, yeah. And he went. And he pulled out some pina colada cocaine. I was like, all right. Amazing.

[A]

Yeah. The flavored stuff.

[B]

This is crazy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then he said, I got something better. And he pulled out grape and sour apple and watermelon.

[A]

It's like Johnny Ranch.

[B]

You guys are trying to kill black people. You were trying to get me hooked. I see. This is a white man trying to get the black population back on drugs. We just got out of this. And so I quit. Yeah, because you lost five friends to fentanyl.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

In one week. And I was like, I'm never touching anything ever again. I lost a dear friend. Fuquan Johnson. Doesn't sound like a guy with languid. I actually hated him. But really, you know, he's black. I got a root first.

[A]

But even the dickheads.

[B]

Yeah. Even. Even though he did it again. That's okay. You got to press your button.

[A]

No, that's a good one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When you're talking about black guys.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Here in Arizona, I'll keep you up to date. No, like, you. Like, you'd support even a jerk.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

He was a. You didn't like him.

[B]

I got you.

[A]

And he passed away from Fentanyl because.

[B]

He was playing him and five other people I knew in one week. And I was like, oh, my God. And I was like, anything powdered? Any molly, don't do it. I haven't touched stuff. I just. Yeah, I smoke my cigars. Liga Tridente. You could get them at Fox Cigars, sells my Liga Tridente Cigars. Ask them for the Malloway and Cigar. It's in the humidor. They're great. And I have me some whiskey, and I call it a day. Where's your wonderful whiskey you make with your feet? You had some whiskey in here?

[A]

It was prohibition, says Rack. It was like you bought me a bottle after I told you about it. Yeah.

[B]

You know what it felt like? It felt like I drank the juice out of her butt after she found the eight ball.

[A]

Yeah, that stuff's powerful. I got it in the office if you want to.

[B]

Oh, my God. Can we all just do a shot and see what happens?

[A]

Toledo. Yeah, we'll bring in the Cesar.

[B]

All right, let's go. Let's go.

[A]

Marlon Wayans is here. He's at Stand Up Live. And you're gonna. You have to go do tv.

[B]

We just want to try some, says Rack.

[A]

Can you pour some shots, all of us, for the guys? Yeah, everybody.

[B]

Don't pour him a little shot.

[A]

Have you met Thriller yet? Our friend Thriller.

[B]

Hey, what's up?

[A]

Do you want to know why we call him Thriller?

[B]

What's up, future pedophile? Yeah, he looks like a pedo. I swear to God.

[A]

Thriller. Walk away. Watch it. He's got a thing. Want to see it again?

[B]

Walk away. One more time.

[A]

Isn't that great? That's one of my favorite things ever.

[B]

Sorry.

[A]

Marlon Wayans at Stand Up Live.

[B]

Can I borrow him? Yes.

[A]

I know you can't ever, right? I want to borrow him.

[B]

I need you. We have a guest.

[A]

Please.

[B]

Walk away.

[A]

Walk away again.

[B]

Walk away.

[A]

What's the matter with you? Does it to the beat. Noticed that.

[B]

Such a mess. It's unbelievable.

[A]

When he walked to his car, we would go. And he walks to the parking lot.

[B]

Yeah. So can you do the same thing, but do the.

[A]

Do the hands. Put. Put the show on. Here we go. 3, 2, 1, go. It's a rhythm. It's. He's only got one thing. We'll work on that for next time. Marlon [e-mail] and whoever says that ain't funny. Yeah, we don't want you.

[B]

To. You listen. We can laugh.

[A]

Yeah, he can laugh. That's what makes me great.

[B]

Yeah. Who named him this one?

[A]

And we were so proud of it. Brett did it that he was walking to his car. He didn't even know it. You gotta give him another hug. He's hugging you, Brett.

[B]

That's.

[A]

That's it. So we would look out this window out there. Marlin's gone. We would look out this window, and he'd walk to his car.

[B]

You're not my favorite wife.

[A]

We can move Brett to one for that one. Because I. I was sitting right there by that window. Thriller walked out to his car, and Brett's in that window, and he just goes. And he just goes, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. And I knew exactly what it was. And then, for probably no offense, Thriller. Three years, we did that, and then finally introduced ourselves to him because we were. I. I had a hip replacement. So he'd walk towards me in the hall, and I'd walk at him, and I'd have to try real hard to straighten up so it didn't look like I was making fun.

[B]

And then you walk by, and you'd.

[A]

Be like, hey, he's doing it to me.

[B]

You know, we've been doing this for three years.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

He finally did.

[A]

Very funny. He's a good.

[B]

All right, you're gonna have some, too.

[A]

Mine's empty. What the hell?

[B]

What? There you go.

[A]

Mine's empty. Is yours empty? Oh, he's got to pour me. Man, you're good. You're drinking, too.

[B]

Let's get it.

[A]

There's cocaine in it.

[B]

That's a little shot.

[A]

That was a baby shot. What are you doing?

[B]

Stop. That's. Can we get Thriller and then let. Play the music.

[A]

We tried to get.

[B]

We tried.

[A]

Each walk straight as an arrow. He becomes a British nobleman. He's into equestrian riding and jogging. It's amazing what happens to him.

[B]

Polo.

[A]

Hello. How are you? I'm Thriller.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

Not anymore. Cheers to Thriller and Marlon Wayans for coming in at stand up live. Standuplive.com, if you want to go. Here we go. Shooting says Rack. Oh, man, I just smelled it. First big salute. That's good stuff. It's really good, though. But it lives with you all day. There it is. You have a shirt on. You have a shirt with your own family.

[B]

Yeah, I got my own shirt, my own family. Yeah.

[A]

The Wayne.

[B]

Let me stop letting the white man pimp me.

[A]

Oh, you got the hat, too.

[B]

Wayans, Go get your Wayne's Brothers merch on marlon wayans.com.

[A]

All right? I could wear. I could wear that hat. I don't think I.

[B]

You could.

[A]

You think? Yeah, I would look crazy.

[B]

No, you wouldn't. You would look like you love me.

[A]

That's probably.

[B]

You would look like I'm your favorite black guy.

[A]

That could be.

[B]

And I. I want to be your second favorite.

[A]

I'm gonna go ahead.

[B]

I don't want first baby black, cuz. Yeah, he runs 20 yards.

[A]

For all the right reasons.

[B]

I could do it both.

[A]

Marlon Wayans.

[B]

What about my wife, too? After you're done with her, sir. Of course.

[A]

Can she run. She got to show me some speed. Or else it's standup live tonight. And tomorrow. If you want to go standup live.com Marlon Wayans.com is where you go for that. Leave us with words of wisdom. Marlon. Help us out.

[B]

Oh, man. Live every day like it's your last. Tomorrow's not promised. So make sure you do one thing. Laugh at all that is dark. Because life goes on. It gets darker and darker, and you start losing parents and loved ones. And you start figuring out why God made people like Thriller. Because you can always laugh at the worst situation. One time.

[A]

Have it right there. And the reason he's walking off. Here he goes again. He fell out of his mom two months early.

[B]

And this.

[A]

And his brother did, too.

[B]

So did I.

[A]

Did you?

[B]

Were you early?

[A]

You want to race him.

[B]

One more shot of sad record. I will. And he'll win.

[A]

Always a pleasure, Marlon. It's good to see you.

[B]

Take care.

[A]

Marlon wayans, everybody. It's 98. There's something something. Check out Homework's Morning Sickness podcast at 98kupd.com Holmberg's Morning Sickness. We're on the air now.

[B]

Stop that.

[A]

Marlin didn't leave. We're fine with that. Marlon Wayans is still here.

[B]

Because you give a brother some dark looking. I was like, tv, Forget those white folks. I'm gonna stay with my favorite whites.

[A]

Yeah, that's it. What do they ask you on the TV shows too? I understand you do comedy. Like, that's not a question. Why do you do that?

[B]

Do you barbecue a lot with your family? What is it like having all the growing up in the Wayans household?

[A]

I came from a large family of four.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

What was that like for you to have 40 or 50 brothers?

[B]

I was like, did all them molest you? As.

[A]

Wouldn'T it hit you?

[B]

Take a look at weather.

[A]

Wouldn't it hit you like a ton of bricks if one of them weather.

[B]

Damon's a squirter. He sure makes it rain.

[A]

Thanks for coming in so bad. Now I would do that, like, on my last day as a newsman. Marlon Land's here today. I understand Damon molested you.

[B]

And just like what I'm like, only twice.

[A]

Yeah. I want to get and just run with it. Yes.

[B]

The first one I forgot about the last one. I was 35 when it happened. That's it.

[A]

Repressed one. The next one is still fresh. Still some stains. I had to get a new couch. Are you a conspiracy guy?

[B]

Not at all. Not at all.

[A]

Not even a little bit.

[B]

I don't know. Those look like two planes that crash into the building.

[A]

Well, I think that happened.

[B]

Anybody says, bro, you see the explosions while that happens when you crash planes into buildings right next to each other, bro.

[A]

Because I get like, everything that had. We were talking about earlier this morning, everything that happens in the. On the planet. There's always guys who email me the next day going, oh, there's a false flag, this and that. And maybe there's truth to it, maybe there isn't. But I. I don't ever meet anybody who know, like, I want in on the other side. I don't want to solve the conspiracy. I want to be part of it. So if they offer one in particular.

[B]

Talking about this morning, the Challenger.

[A]

Well, the space shuttle Challenger, they say that it was an empty vessel and that they found the astronauts. That they say.

[B]

And they are.

[A]

That's pretty, like, convincing pictures of people.

[B]

Older. Right. Of the people.

[A]

But I want in on that. If somebody told you I think it's fake, you think that's fake, too?

[B]

No black man going to space. Jeff Bezos could have paid me. He could have gave me a free seat on that plane with all those rich people. Like, y' all white folks go, my black ass is right here.

[A]

Who would have to be on the spaceship for you to go, all right, Jesus.

[B]

Cuz if this blows up, I know in three days we'll be back.

[A]

You think Jesus wants a ride on his face?

[B]

He's the only one that can survive. He's the only one that's going to come back. Goes to hell. We coming back.

[A]

Standing next to you, just going, hey, Marlon, can't wait to get up there. Like you invented it. What are you talking about? What are you doing here? Why are you on the. Why did you get a seat? That's a waste. Tell me what to look for. That's. That's all. I can't wait to see what it's like off those. Jesus is the one. There wouldn't be one white person on there. Like, they're not crashing this. I'll sit next to him. Jesus.

[B]

I'd go on all kinds of stuff. I would. That little challenge, that little thing that went to the bottom of the sea, that was for sure gonna crash. I'm with Jesus.

[A]

We talked about that. That's submersible. That little submarine.

[B]

It looked like a can.

[A]

It was a can. But we thought of something that nobody talked about. What is that? It was.

[B]

It was no black people.

[A]

Well, there was that, too. That's not a surprise. There Was water.

[B]

Titanic was a tragedy because there was all white folks on the Titanic. It was not a negro on that boat. We didn't even. We wasn't even servants on that boat. We like. Nah, I'm good. Sounds like a trap to me. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. You know what?

[B]

You're right.

[A]

I never thought of that.

[B]

The out of Ireland.

[A]

The minority was Irish. The whitest of whites.

[B]

Go watch the movie. It wasn't a black extra. There was. There was no black parts of the movie. And then who built it? It was white star lines, wasn't it?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Black person part.

[A]

None of that movie.

[B]

No black people.

[A]

Well, we. We were talking about that. It was like, if you were on that. And this is bad, but it's true. If you were like, let's say you, me, Brett, and the other people were getting on that thing. And Brett. Brett's the worst of all of us. They had a Pakistani and a Saudi Arabian on there. Son, look, have you ever been in a cab. Have you been in a cab.

[B]

To.

[A]

Go underwater in a New York cab that after about 20 minutes, you're like, oh, this is a terrible error.

[B]

Coconut.

[A]

Smell the coconut.

[B]

The.

[A]

My mayonnaise.

[B]

It'd be a little weird, the smell.

[A]

In that little tiny can.

[B]

It'd be a little weird.

[A]

I'd be praying for that thing to implore.

[B]

By the time the thing exploded, you know, the father that was trying to spend time with his son, his son was just like, great. Spending time with your dad.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

You call this quality time?

[A]

You hear those first couple, you should.

[B]

Have just let me play my Xbox.

[A]

Well, this is backfiring, but at least we don't have to smell that curry anymore. Brutal. I would have popped a hole in the side just so it blew out.

[B]

All right, you made it dark.

[A]

The only way to get out of this is. Do you think that the white people. Wait a minute. We'll get to him in a second. We'll puncture it. But do you think that at any point the. The white guy.

[B]

Come closer. We need you closer. We need a long walk out.

[A]

I'll do it. I'll do it on the punchline. But the white guy and his dad watch the other people get on.

[B]

He goes, oh, great.

[A]

We should have gotten first class. We just said we're going to them. Perfect timing. Every joke, everything's better.

[B]

Kills put on pump. That kills put on pump. You need to talk.

[A]

Yeah, he be the next.

[B]

Picture him on Fallon and one of those jokes bomb. And it's just like, cue it.

[A]

Have him walk across the sand.

[B]

There he goes. Go.

[A]

We'll be right back. Writer's going to get fired for that. Yeah, Thriller is a good. He's. I told you we had puppets.

[B]

Oh my God.

[A]

What do you do with your free time, Marlon?

[B]

I don't have none.

[A]

You don't have any free time? You're doing movies. Movie last year, right?

[B]

I work. I. I don't have free time. I golf.

[A]

You golf?

[B]

I started golfing. I said I got to start carving out some free time. Yeah, I golf and I. How's that going? Terrible.

[A]

Yeah, it's horrible. It's a horrible.

[B]

Tiger woods is definitely an anomaly. I definitely grew up in a white neighborhood. This is not a brother sport.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's just not. I don't know, it goes against everything and I see like 65 year old out of shape white guys, dudes that look like you. He's good at go 365 yards consistently. He's really good at Miami's like Tierun going left, Pierron going right. Right. And they're just like. And I'm just like. I hate this. Yeah, I hate.

[A]

But you, you're an athlete probably.

[B]

No, I wasn't.

[A]

You weren't an athlete? No.

[B]

And I'm. It even it shows in my golf. I'm terrible.

[A]

Yeah, you have an athletic shape. You're an athletic. You like work out and you played out.

[B]

But that don't mean that was a lie. No, my stuntman played in the football movie. You didn't do any of the football drama? No.

[A]

No kidding.

[B]

I'm 53.

[A]

Yeah, so am I. But I can throw a football.

[B]

No, you can't. Oh, not over and over again. That's probably true. 50 yards. Yeah.

[A]

Oh no, I'm not throwing a 12 hour day. No, that's true.

[B]

You ain't doing that.

[A]

You were in great shape for the movie though.

[B]

I got into shape. I was learning how to throw a football. Yeah. I was doing all this work and here's what's crazy. I went to Carson Palmer's brother, Jordan Palmer has a.

[A]

It's a quarterback quarterback camp. Yeah.

[B]

So I go to the camp, me and the guy, Tyreek, 20 something year old kid who used to play college football. So he's there and he's throwing the football and he's training. So I come in and you know, Tyrique is training and they're running all these drills and he's hitting outs and hitting a guy on a five yard drop and you know he's doing all these quarterback drills. I'm like, all right, let me see you throw the ball. So I threw the ball and they looked at me and they said, okay, Tyreek, you keep running those drills. Marlon, what's up? He goes, we're gonna teach you to walk again.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I was Thriller.

[A]

Basically, they had to walk you through it.

[B]

They taught me how to walk again.

[A]

Did you get better?

[B]

I never went back to that camp. Really F you for this. I am not wasting my time. Y' all teach me how to walk. Leave me alone. I'm pigeon toed. I was born that way.

[A]

But Jordan Peele cast a 52 year old man at the time.

[B]

And when I got to set my director, Justin Tipping, I go to throw the ball. He goes, what are you doing? So I'm about to go in there and throw the ball. He goes, no, you see that guy right there with that weird hairdo? So, yeah, hairdo looks just like yours. Right? Right. So, yeah, he looks just like you. Yeah. Watch him throw this football. He threw it like 50 rope, just zipped it.

[A]

A bomb.

[B]

Yeah. And he goes, he's going to throw the football. We didn't bring you here for that.

[A]

Really. So you just get to do the.

[B]

Acting to do what you do. So, yeah, go be Marlon.

[A]

And there was like, buzz. There was Oscar buzz.

[B]

There was.

[A]

There was Oscar buzz.

[B]

It ain't buzzing no more.

[A]

What happened?

[B]

It's buzzing like a Tesla. I don't know. I don't think the movie was successful enough to get enough buzz. But, you know, I, I did you.

[A]

At the end, like how it was, because you, I remember you came in, said, I'm doing this Jordan Peele.

[B]

I love the movie, man. I think the director's amazing. Justin Tipping.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I think he just made a cult classic. And I think years from now, people gonna look at that movie and go, yo, that movie was so dope.

[A]

That's what I thought of it. I thought it was too much thinking.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The problem is that people don't like to go to movies and work and they imagine I had an idea going.

[B]

In, like seeing the trailer. Sometimes the trailers throw you off. Yeah. I like a movie that makes me feel something.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It make me feel a good movie. Makes me feel high. And I didn't even, like, do anything. I felt, watching that movie, I felt like I just microdosed shrooms and I was like, this is the greatest.

[A]

There's a lot going on ever.

[B]

It was like anywhere, everywhere, all at once.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You ever do watch that movie? That's a great shroom movie. If you're gonna do shrooms. Okay. Do it with that one and do it. I did shrooms watching Star Wars. Whoa. Yeah. And then I had sex. And my. I swear to you, this really happened. And when I pulled my meat out my pants, it went. And then when I was having sex, I felt like I was in the Millennial Falcon. And I kept hearing he'd use the force loop because I was trying to get her to orgasm. And then bow. When I busted, she busted. And then I flew off. Yes. Like the Death Star. And I swear to you, this happened.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm gonna put it in a movie.

[A]

Did you? When you were finished and you were like, you are all right. I am your father. I was gonna say you are my father. That's the Cesar act. You are my father. Baby, I screwed it up.

[B]

I'm sorry.

[A]

I'll get back to it another time. Your insubordinates is unacceptable. Forget caught, try again. I am your father.

[B]

As I'm reading the Bible right now.

[A]

Right now. While we're on. That's impressive.

[B]

I'm listening.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Right. So I got James Earl Jones read the Bible and all I can think is Darth Raider read his Bible right.

[A]

Now in the beginning. Listen closer and better. In a galaxy far, far away, his name was Yahweh. That's interesting. James Earl Jones read the whole Bible. AI could have done that, but it's so dope. Oh, it's got it.

[B]

Because when he talks.

[A]

Oh, it means more thou.

[B]

Thus say thou. Jesus said. Now it's a great. Listen, he does all the work.

[A]

Jesus would hire him. Is it just.

[B]

Is it him the whole time? Him the whole. Yeah, okay.

[A]

And you hear when they punch him.

[B]

In Caviezel about, I don't know, 15 years ago did one and he used all the celebrities to do the different. No, that's weird. Now you're making a play cameo. That's what he wanted. One voice in James Earl Jones. Only one else I want to hear do to the Bible is three people. I want to hear Morgan Freeman. Morgan Freeman.

[A]

Morgan Freeman.

[B]

I want to hear Morgan Freeman read the Bible and then I want to hear Snoop Dogg dog reads the Bible. I think that'd be great.

[A]

Revelation would be pretty great. Sizzle Desert in the beginning and then gang Chappelle reads.

[B]

Yeah, those are the three. I want it.

[A]

Yeah, I had a couple jokes in. Did you know the movie Airplane? I just found this out.

[B]

Yes. I love that movie.

[A]

Do you know about what it is?

[B]

No.

[A]

It is a shot for shot recreation of a 1957 movie called Zero Hour. And they added jokes.

[B]

You're lying.

[A]

No, it's.

[B]

Are you serious? Just watched it and I love that. I love that movie. Airplane, to me is. That's the movie that made me want to do parodies.

[A]

So the Zucker Brothers who did it.

[B]

Brilliant.

[A]

Thought people knew.

[B]

Really?

[A]

They kept coming up to him, go, what a creative story. He's like, creative story is done for us.

[B]

I'm gonna go watch it. What's the name of that movie?

[A]

Zero Hour. Hey, it is unreal to watch.

[B]

We're all drunk. Some Steve.

[A]

You don't know any of your friends.

[B]

Now, Steve aged like 10 years. He looks like Uncle Ben right now. You got more gray. Your eye, your eyebrows.

[A]

Yeah, he came in here, didn't have a beard. How long have you guys been here? There's some of the shot for shots. Yeah. Look at this. Watch. This is Zero Hour. This is the movie Zero. The lead actor's name is Ted Stryker. Like, it's all the same. They kept the music. They did, like, all sorts of similar timings.

[B]

Crazy.

[A]

It's the exact same thing. And then they added jokes and like, psych. I just found this out. See the cockpit, dad. Joey, I think this will blow your mind.

[B]

Too busy flying the plane for that.

[A]

How'd you like to go up in the cockpit, too? Isn't that crazy? And when the little boy goes. Little boys.

[B]

When he's a pedo.

[A]

No, they added that.

[B]

Mr. Stewart.

[A]

And this is Mr. Strang. Joey. Here's something we give our special visitors.

[B]

Look at how big that toy was.

[A]

Thank you. Thanks a lot. You ever been in the cockpit before? That's the real move. Have you ever seen a grown man naked?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

See the crazy part? I didn't know that. And I found out over Christmas break. I'm watching this thing in the middle.

[B]

Of the night and I think that's brilliant because that's what you do, Right? When we do parody, what you do is you've got to find the story first.

[A]

Oh, I'm so lazy.

[B]

In a good parody, you find the story you find. Like, when we did Scary Movie, we found the right horror movie that was going to be the. The baseline for our movie. So when we did the new Scary Movie, we use Scream 5 and Scream 6 as our baseline for the movie.

[A]

It's brilliant.

[B]

And then put the jokes and the characters within it.

[A]

Nuances figure. I'm so late. All right, we're gonna take a break.

[B]

Scary Movie 6 coming out June 12th this summer.

[A]

They are doing it.

[B]

Yes. And I don't know. Can I use Thriller? Thriller? You want to be in the movie?

[A]

Oh, you haven't filmed it yet?

[B]

I'm just. I filmed most of it, but I'm gonna do reshoots, and I may have to put you in there. Yes. Hit it one time. Audition.

[A]

Go to the wrong button. There it is.

[B]

There we go. Hit it.

[A]

We're gonna take a break. Marlon Wayans is hanging out with us. He'[e-mail]. it's 98.

[B]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually.

[A]

No membership fees.

[B]

I have heard enough of this.