01-10-25 - FULL SHOW - FRIDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona Episode: January 10, 2025 Host: John Holmberg Co-Hosts: Brady Bogan, Frank Caliendo Release Date: January 10, 2025

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1. Introduction and Comedy Show Promotions (00:00 - 01:58)

John Holmberg opens the show by promoting upcoming comedy events across the Valley. He highlights performances at the Tempe Improv featuring Paul Versey and Beth Stelling, Desert Ridge Improv with Sarah Weinschenk and Joe DeRosa, and Stand Up Live showcasing Lil Rel.

Notable Quote:

• John Holmberg (00:00): "For tickets, go to standuplive.com, desertridgeimprov.com, and tempeimprov.com."

John also acknowledges a listener's story about recovering from a knee injury at the Core Institute, emphasizing their expertise in pain management.

2. Main Story: Digital vs. Traditional Systems Issues (01:59 - 12:31)

The conversation shifts to the frustrations of modern technology replacing traditional systems. John recounts his experience attending a Phoenix Suns game, where he struggled with digital apartment locks.

Key Points:

• Digital Locks: John explains how the new digital keypad locks without traditional keyholes left him locked out of his apartment during a critical moment.

  Notable Quote:

  • John Holmberg (03:25): "No, no, no, there's a screen. And there's no, like, camera. So I'm... standing in the hallway like, I'm gonna pee on the carpet. This is not good, you know?"

• Push-Button Car Starts: Both hosts express skepticism about push-button starts in cars, comparing them unfavorably to traditional key turns.

• Digital Ticketing Systems: They discuss the inefficiencies of digital tickets for events, highlighting issues like internet dependency and lack of physical memorabilia.

  Notable Quote:

  • John Holmberg (10:15): "Guys say, 'My hard tickets were better.' They were better because they worked every time."

3. Technology Integration: Meta Ray Ban Sunglasses (12:31 - 22:25)

John introduces his new Meta Ray Ban sunglasses equipped with smart features, including a camera and voice-activated controls. He humorously narrates his attempts to use them during the digital lock fiasco.

Key Points:

• Smart Features: The glasses can identify objects and provide real-time information.

  Notable Quote:

  • John Holmberg (16:42): "If I'm looking at Brett, I would say, 'Hey, Meta, what am I looking at right now?'"

• Technical Glitches: The glasses malfunction during his struggle to unlock the door, adding to his frustration.

  Notable Quote:

  • John Holmberg (17:21): "They’ll tell you what you’re looking at... It wasn’t bad before. It wasn't bad before it worked."

4. Pet Supplies and Feeding Snakes (22:25 - 38:51)

The hosts delve into the topic of feeding pet snakes, debating between live prey and frozen alternatives. They reference a listener who was advised against purchasing a rainbow boa constrictor due to its dietary needs.

Key Points:

• Feeding Prey: John initially considers getting a snake that requires live rabbits but is dissuaded by a listener's concerns about the practicality and ethics.

  Notable Quote:

  • Brady Bogan (21:07): "You got to be able to get either face to face or send them in the mail."

• Frozen Solutions: They discuss stores like Predator Reptiles that sell frozen rat blocks, highlighting the logistics and ethical considerations.

  Notable Quote:

  • John Holmberg (22:38): "They have a ghost of dead rabbits in the store. That's a psychopath's fever dream."

5. Fires and Celebrity Impact (38:51 - 58:55)

The conversation turns somber as John and Brady discuss recent wildfires affecting Arizona. They critique the media's focus on celebrity casualties over ordinary citizens and speculate on possible arson motives.

Key Points:

• Media Bias: John laments how fires affecting celebrities garner more attention than those impacting the general public.

  Notable Quote:

  • John Holmberg (34:39): "If you told me a guy was a pine nut on the list, I'd say that's not too far fetched."

• Arson Speculation: They contemplate the possibility of arson, questioning the motives and methods behind the sudden fire outbreaks.

  Notable Quote:

  • Brady Bogan (35:33): "The LAPD did catch someone suspected of starting the most recent fire, but authorities are not ready to blame the other fires."

6. Mock-Funeral Skits of Jimmy Carter (58:55 - 79:19)

In a humorous segment, the hosts create a satirical portrayal of Jimmy Carter’s funeral, featuring former presidents Obama and Trump in awkward interactions.

Key Points:

• Presidential Banter: The skit includes exaggerated and fictional interactions, such as Obama and Trump laughing together while Kamala Harris appears frustrated.

  Notable Quote:

  • John Holmberg (43:51): "Donald gave her a death stare when she sits down... 'I kicked your ass all over this country.'"

• Humorous Dynamics: They poke fun at the awkwardness and surreal nature of such interactions in a funeral setting.

  Notable Quote:

  • Brady Bogan (44:00): "They're going to have a playoff team... It's going to be weird at State Farm Stadium."

7. Entertainment and Ad Segments (77:43 - End)

Throughout the episode, various advertisements and promotions are interspersed with comedic banter. This includes promotions for Fisher Tools, FanDuel, Action Ride Shop, and the launch of Homburg Bound beer.

Key Points:

• Fisher Tools Promotion:

  Notable Quote:

  • John Holmberg (31:51): "Fisher Tools. If we don't have it, we can't sell it."

• FanDuel Sportsbook:

  Notable Quote:

  • Brady Bogan (32:38): "Win $150 in bonus bets when your first $5 wager wins."

• Homburg Bound Beer Launch:

  Notable Quote:

  • John Holmberg (63:00): "Come get your six packs, grab a pint, have a beer. We'll clink glasses."

• Local Business Endorsements: The show frequently acknowledges local businesses and events, integrating them seamlessly into the conversation.

  Notable Quote:

  • John Holmberg (64:53): "Action Ride Shop's got everything you're going to need for the winter, especially if you want to hit the trails."

8. Comedy Skits and Games (79:19 - End)

The latter part of the show involves interactive segments like Guadalupe Squares, where listeners participate in humorous trivia games. Guest Frank Caliendo joins to add his comedic flair.

Key Points:

• Guadalupe Squares: A game segment where participants answer funny and absurd questions, often leading to playful mockery and improvisation.

  Notable Quote:

  • John Holmberg (141:49): "Domestic cats share just 84.3% of their DNA with tigers."

• Guest Interactions: Frank Caliendo engages in the games, bringing additional humor and spontaneity to the show.

  Notable Quote:

  • Frank Caliendo (142:01): "Listen, you can go make a public apology. You could go dip your little toe into black dot com."

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Concluding Thoughts

This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness offers a blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and social commentary, all delivered with the signature banter of John Holmberg, Brady Bogan, and guest Frank Caliendo. From tech frustrations and pet care debates to satirical presidential skits and interactive listener games, the show provides an engaging and entertaining experience for its audience.

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Notable Quotes Summary:

• John Holmberg (03:25): "No, no, no, there's a screen. And there's no, like, camera. So I'm... standing in the hallway like, I'm gonna pee on the carpet. This is not good, you know?"

• John Holmberg (10:15): "Guys say, 'My hard tickets were better.' They were better because they worked every time."

• Brady Bogan (21:07): "You got to be able to get either face to face or send them in the mail."

• John Holmberg (22:38): "They have a ghost of dead rabbits in the store. That's a psychopath's fever dream."

• John Holmberg (34:39): "If you told me a guy was a pine nut on the list, I'd say that's not too far fetched."

• John Holmberg (43:51): "Donald gave her a death stare when she sits down... 'I kicked your ass all over this country.'"

• John Holmberg (141:49): "Domestic cats share just 84.3% of their DNA with tigers."

These highlights capture the essence of the episode, showcasing the trio's humor and ability to weave entertaining narratives seamlessly with promotions and listener interactions.

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Get out to the Tempe Improv on the east side to see Paul Versey on Thursday and Beth Stelling Friday, Saturday and Sunday. The Desert Ridge Improv up North features Sarah Weinschenk this Thursday and Joe DeRosa on Friday and Saturday. And downtown at Stand Up Live, check out the very funny Lil Rel performing Friday, Saturday and Sunday for the complete lineups. And for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com it's John Holberg here. For the amazing people at the Core Institute, life can throw you a curveball now and again. One day you're trucking along, feeling great. Next day your dog smashes into your head and knocks you cold. Or like a KUPD listener told me this week, his dog did a sprint across the backyard directly into the side of his wife's leg and blew her knee up. She needed that need to get fixed and fixed right. Two years later, she's running like she used to again. And it's all thanks to the Core Institute. I went through it too, and you can get rid of your pain and start saying yes, I can to all the things you want to do. And and all you have to do is trust the experts at the Core Institute. Head there right now. The Core Institute.com college hoops are here.

[Brady Bogan]

And there's no better place to catch.

[John Holmberg]

The action than Hooters.

[Brady Bogan]

Fuel up with the baller bundle.

[John Holmberg]

10 boneless wings, crispy fries, dressing and.

[Brady Bogan]

A fountain drink starting at just $9.99.

[John Holmberg]

Want to level up your game day experience?

[Brady Bogan]

Swap the fountain drink for a Beat the Buzzer special featuring your choice of Beatbox or Buzz balls for a low price.

[John Holmberg]

This offer is for game days only.

[Brady Bogan]

So grab your crew, enjoy the action, and feast on the flavors you Hooters the original wing joint since 1983.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, it's Larry McFeely here with Wayne.

[Brady Bogan]

From Amco and Wayne. Now that it's getting warmer, I turned on the AC in my car and the air's blowing. Kind of cool, but it really smells like a basement. What can I do about that, Larry?

[John Holmberg]

Your car's AC system should be checked and serviced every year. Plus, replacing the cabin air filter helps the air blow strong and takes away any nasty smell.

[Frank Caliendo]

Nice.

[Brady Bogan]

Is that a big deal to get done?

[Frank Caliendo]

Not at all.

[John Holmberg]

It takes about an hour and in most cases we can do it while you wait. That's awesome. I'll say. We're Amco.

[Brady Bogan]

Google Amco for your nearest location.

[John Holmberg]

That's Amco. Double A, mco, Trans missions and a whole lot more. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil. Sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. Good morning, everybody. Hello there. Welcome to the morning sickness. It's 5:45. My name's John. There's Brady, there's Brett, there's Toledo. Off we go for a Friday. First week of the year is, you know, for the most part, work week under our belts. Get through it today and we're out of here. I had a man. Technology. Don't you get me started. Oh, yes. Well, no, no. So. So I go to the Sunscape Mystery Head. First off, let's start here. The Suns are playing so poorly that I struggle to get people to go with me. The people that say they're going to go at the last second have something else to do, you know. So you're the backup? Almost. Now. Scott Taylor downstairs. I get a text from him later. I'm like, hey, you want to go? Oh, sure. You know, he's like, anytime you want to go. He told me that in the past. Anytime I'm your backup, I'm your guy. So I text him. He's like, no, I've got. Here's what I got turned down for yesterday by Taylor at the game. Worst text I've ever received. I don't think anybody's ever said these words before in their lives. Sorry. I got dinner in Apache Junction tonight. Normally, anything to get you out of that is going. Nope. He chose that over hanging out at the Sun's game. Sorry, bro. No. So I was scrambling around. It's getting to be like when I had tickets to the Cardinals back in the 90s. The first couple games were fine, and then I was just in this mad scramble to try to get people to go to games with me. It was like this weird, like, hey. And then you get somebody and then they laugh. Well, let me see if my. And so you can't ask anybody else because this guy's kind of giving you the 45 minute window to go. Let me see if I can go. I had somebody online, they go out. So the next thing you know, I just end up hanging out with Kevin Ray's family. And you went by yourself? No, I was. Well, I went down. There was some stuff going on, so I went down there and our Own Brattle and had a going away party with her pals. So I said, stopped by, had a pop, and then went over the. Went over the thing. Just kind of hung out with. I hang out with, you know, the gang, but I just. I bailed out. And then the suns go off and win and make it. So it's one of those deals where you're like, yay, it was worth it. But prior to that technology, I go to the H and H Ranch across the street, the sleeping headquarters of Drunksville usa, which is the best thing in the world for when you're drinking and you don't want to drive. So you got a place to crash right after the game. I get there before and I've got a pee. You know when you have those moments in your car when you're like, ooh, I'm barely going to make this. So I get into the parking garage having a pee, get in the elevator, go all the way up to the top, get to the door, break my key out. And I look at the door and the keyhole's gone. I mean, the keyhole's gone. They replaced all the locks at the apartment complex with these digital keypad things. Sounds like a hotel now with the car and all that. No.

[Brady Bogan]

You push your number?

[John Holmberg]

Nope. No, it's a screen. And there's no, like, camera. So I'm. Hopkins is on the lease. Doug's the only guy on there. So I'm. I'm standing in the hallway like, I'm gonna pee on the carpet. This is not good, you know? So Doug and I go for about an hour on the phone trying to figure out what. Because he got the email. How to get this thing. You gotta download an app. You gotta get all your passwords in. He couldn't remember his passwords. Then he sends me a QR code. So I'm holding the QR code in front of the pad on the door. The neighbor lady leaves and she goes, what are you doing? Cause I'm just holding my phone in front of the door. I'm like, I'm trying to get in here. And she goes, that's not how you do that. She goes, do you have a fob? And I'm like, no, we don't have a fob. And she goes, the QR codes for getting in the building downstairs, there's no. You're not. You're so. I'm not kidding. 12, 15 minutes of me just rubbing the phone on the door, like, I gotta get in there and pee. Nothing. Cause I thought it was like in Vegas, where you just touched. No. So then I, you know, Doug and I go back at it. He starts getting the emails ready to go, everything else. He sends me the thing, and it is a. It's an app. And then instead, like, it's just not easy. It's an app. I go in here, and then I have to do this. Slide across this. The app that says unlock door. So I slide across my screen on my phone. It goes. Contacting lock. That takes about seven or eight seconds. Lock in range. Unlocking door. I'm like, remember how in the olden days you stuffed a key in a hole and twisted it and you were in. This is not better. Yes, it's more technological, but it doesn't mean it's better. So I go into the apartment. I'm like, I'm in. We're good. Door shuts. Inside, doing my thing. I can't figure out how to get out now. You can't just turn. Well, yes, but I didn't realize that you had to do two things. First, to turn the knob and get out. And, like, I'm stuck inside an apartment. At least you got to pee. I did get to pee, and that was nice. So then I leave.

[Brady Bogan]

What if your phone battery went out?

[John Holmberg]

What if the Internet's out? Yeah, well, then you're relying on the fob that I don't have. So I left my keys inside the apartment. Go right back outside the apartment. The app shuts down. Not a proper password. It's the same one I used a second ago. It's. It's. I didn't change a thing. Won't let me back in. I sat in front of that stupid door from 6:30 until almost 7:30. Missed the first quarter of the game trying to get in an apartment.

[Brady Bogan]

An hour.

[John Holmberg]

An hour and of. Just, you know, when you can't. You're not in control of anything. You're just losing your mind over. And you're. I'm screaming stuff like, what the. What's wrong with keys? I've never understood the push button start in the car. I've never understood. Were we struggling with keys? Was that a thing we all agreed on and I just missed the meeting? It was like, you know what? I hate a key in a door and having to twist that thing. It's not like I can do it from a distance. I have to be standing next to the door to do it. Anyway, the key way worked. Just because it's manual doesn't mean it was bad. Like, we've talked about Brett Digital Tickets to a concert. Oh, piss me off. Don't get me started on that. Wasn't bad before. The holding tickets. Wasn't bad before it worked. Especially when you get out to the pavilion and you can't even get on the Internet there because everybody else is on it. Your key, your tickets up, and if it's not in your wallet, you got to go through your. Your email. It wasn't again. And I know I'll get emails from people going, okay, Grandpa, it. Just because it's on your phone doesn't mean it's a better system. Hard tickets were a better way. Absolutely. A better way. It worked every time. I didn't have to worry about my hard tickets battery dying and disappearing from my hands. I didn't have to go running after. Oh, it was. Oh, I'm fuming thinking about it. So, yeah, standing in the hallway, rubbing a phone on a door that doesn't have, like, a sensor on it in the first place was the dumbest I felt in a very, very long time. I was losing my mind. Then I go, and the suns blow the first half, and I'm like, I don't even know what I'm doing here. And then, you know, they end up winning the game. So they. They tickled my balls at the end. I'm like, you sons of. Anyway, yeah, I don't understand it. I don't understand how technology, just because it's digital, it's always considered a better way. And they just got. You know, I like the idea of both, right? So if you want to do this app thing, great, fantastic. But also do the key that's, like, about the Aria. They give you the key card, or you can do it on your phone. You got two. You got both ways there. But give me a key to turn the knob just in case I don't. The other phone shuts in case my phone's dead. Just in case the Internet's bad. So I don't know. My fob. A key always worked. Always worked. You never said, my key's not going in there anymore because, you know, technology has locked it. I need a password to use my actual key. Oh, my God. I've been. I've been a crusader against thinking that we were pretty lazy about the push button starting a car. We weren't really having a problem putting a key in and turning it, were we? It's the same thing. You still have to reach for the button, touch the button, start your car. So it's the same as just putting a key in and turning it's a fob world. We're a. But that's not even a fob. It's just a touch you gotta have in your pocket.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. You have to have a fob.

[John Holmberg]

So you don't have your keychain.

[Brady Bogan]

Your keychain could be. Instead of, you know, saving space or the weight of having keys.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brady Bogan]

All over. Now you're just fob.

[John Holmberg]

Heavy fobs. Tons of fobs. No, it was driving me nuts. I mean, I almost lost my mind. And it was on the heels of me getting these new awesome but very feminine meta Ray Ban sunglasses, which I'm going to use for mountain biking, but they are kind of a girl frame. What was that? I heard somebody Siri or something kick on, didn't you? Oh, maybe it was. Yeah, I'm trying to get into my apartment still. Again. Yeah, the phone is just. The phone's like. Sorry, it's not. By the time you get there, it unlocked itself. So, yeah, this guy and Gary said, dude, it couldn't be more with you. Plus hard tickets. You had a little piece of memorabilia in your hands. That was the bigger thing. It's like now I got all these digital tickets. None of them matter. I used to take tickets and put them on a bulletin board in my room when I was a kid. I was like in my 20s and I had a bulletin board of things I had done. Now you don't even. Anyway, there's no, like, anything. I get it. I get it.

[Brady Bogan]

It is kind of. I do miss that part of it. Having tickets like. Like having the four Ramstein tickets that I had that I couldn't use in la. I still have them, you know.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, do you? Yeah. That's sweet. You have the hard tickets.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So, you know, that was. The only thing that's bad is hard tickets were harder to pawn off.

[Brady Bogan]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

Like, it's easy.

[Brady Bogan]

You got to be able to get either face to face where you're, you know, sending them in the mail.

[John Holmberg]

Emailing the tickets to people is easier. If I want to sell them to your scalp, it made it easier for scalpers.

[Brady Bogan]

The only catch in that sometimes is when you email. And if you put in just the wrong email address, oh, it's going to be figured out. Recover.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, just. I remember the old time. I just give them to you. Here's your tickets and you're getting in. Oh, it drove me nuts. This one says, so basically, your apartment complex made you a soft target standing in a hallway. What if there was a butt raper in there following you? Totally unacceptable. That's. You're exactly right, Jeremy. What if. Always wonder that. What if there was a butt raper? I think about that all the time. What if this guy walking out's a butt raper? I can't go in or out of anything. It's been a long time since I've been locked into something. But I'm not a fan of future doors. This one says, is this the future of door locks? How is the Mexican community going to make key copies? That's a good question. You gotta have a password and an email. And who remembers that? Another password, another email I gotta think about. Don't figure it out. If they can put a roof up in 30 minutes flat, they can get a key made. It's not a big deal. Yeah, the digital Mexican. Digital Mexican, great.

[Brady Bogan]

There you go.

[John Holmberg]

Great band name. This one says, hey, Homeberg, I'll go to a game with you. I've never been to a basketball game, much less see how the 1% experience such events. Signed Switzer. Well, that's not that. I'm not doing that if I don't want to take the riff raff that already looks at going to the game as being part of the 1%. Just a basketball game. You're gonna embarrass yourself. You gotta have some sort of clout. I need to see your credit score. Why don't you bring Dale with you last night? Well, I didn't even think to call him up. By the time I.

[Brady Bogan]

He was the only one that wanted to go.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly. And that's the problem. And at the time I had gotten down to like my two. My two go to's that said they were gone and Zach and then the other guy, and then. Yeah. And so. But by the time it got there, I'm like, well, I'm just screwed here. I'm just. I'm just gonna have to. I can't call Dale at 6. And then I couldn't get in the apartment. I wasn't even sure I was. I. I hated all of it. I hated all of it. Didn't like the evening at all. This guy says if you bought it digitally, you can pick up a copy of your physical tickets at will call. But then I gotta still pull up to take it on my phone. So what the hell. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This one says, I just toured an apartment complex. And it was hard for. It was a hard no for me because the electronic door locks, they were malfunctioning the whole time. I feel for you. Yeah, I don't It's. I did. I did not see that as an advancement that was a step back. I'd rather have skeleton keys that everybody has than this weird thing that was going on yesterday.

[Brady Bogan]

Our buddy Tom Sizer just got a. A unit and it has. They're all changed to the keypads on the front.

[John Holmberg]

Right. Keypads make sense to me because you can dial in a number.

[Brady Bogan]

The only problem with that is when the battery starts to go out on the keypad. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, for like it, like, for like a garage door opener.

[Brady Bogan]

I have. I have it in the front door.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Put in the key, it opens up, but it'll at least beep for you. Like, like a fire alarm going.

[John Holmberg]

That's kind of an old fashioned thing. You can hook it up and now like drill it to the wall. These keypads are just faceless nothing. It drove me. I was nuts. But I got on after. But I had just gotten and kind of got excited about my new Meta sunglasses, which there's some creepiness to that too. There's. They're Ray Ban sunglasses that have a little camera on the corner. And then you touch the arm and it turns the music on. And then you tell it what's it. You say, hey, Meta, play blah, blah, blah. And it'll play all that music for you. And then you'll. The weird thing is. And I don't know why you would ever ask this, but it does it. If I'm looking at Brett, I would say, hey, Meta, what am I looking at right now? It looks like you're looking at an Italian American male wearing a hat with an American baseball team's logo on it. To the left of him is a guitar. And it tells you exactly what, like the glasses are aimed at.

[Brady Bogan]

Like you said. Why would you.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you wouldn't ask, what am I looking at? Because you're looking at it. Unless it's a thing where you're like sightseeing.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Or a mountain. You're like, what am I looking at? Well, that looks like Camelback Mountain in Phoenix, Arizona. It. It'll do that.

[Brady Bogan]

Or you can ask wildlife or something.

[John Holmberg]

I guess maybe what am I looking at?

[Brady Bogan]

And it's.

[John Holmberg]

If I'm out there staring at something.

[Brady Bogan]

Cassidy bird that's about to charge you.

[John Holmberg]

If I see a apex predator, I'm not gonna ask my glasses what it is. I don't care. I really. Hold on. Say, hey, Meta, what is that? A lion? Anybody? But you should run. You should have been running, asshole.

[Brady Bogan]

What should I do?

[John Holmberg]

I was watching the Steelers, Ravens, 2010 AFC Divisional Round game. They showed on the NFL Network yesterday. And I had the glasses on, and I said, hey, Meadow, what am I looking at? That appears to be an American football game. The grass is green and natural, and there's some seats you see fans in. And I'm like, oh, my God, this. And then my dog Frank was down there in the same kind of. There's also a dog to the left. Like, oh, my God. You know. You know, who needs us? Sean Rockefeller. Oh, my God, we need to get him a dog.

[Frank Caliendo]

So true.

[John Holmberg]

Our blind listener would have a time of his life for this thing. And then, you know, you can ask it questions. It'll give you your texts. So I'm like, that's technology. Now we're advancing. It's just a pair of sunglasses. And then I. And then it turns on me because I got excited about one piece of technology. And then I couldn't even open a door.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, Meta, did you open this door?

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Hey. Hey, Meta, how the hell do you get indoors nowadays? It's impossible. No one knows. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Same thing, Meta. Same deal. Yeah. Anyway, so just a little beef there of standing in a hallway with, you know, my keys in my hand. And then in the email, it had the nerve to say, once you've downloaded and figured out exactly how to get in again, you can drop your key off or discard it. They're useless. And I'm like, you sons of bitches. Make. Make keys great again. Trump needs to make keys great again. When that neighbor came out, you should have just started banging on the door, just covering your ass. Felicia, you in there?

[Brady Bogan]

Who's in that house?

[John Holmberg]

Who's in it with you? Yeah, or I should have done it the other way, because Doug's on the lace. Doug, what's going on inside? Is that Trevor? You son of a. Yeah, it was, but I didn't. I had Doug on the phone. We were both just going. I talked to Doug's daughter yesterday. I didn't go to Doug's daughter's wedding. Oh, you skipped out, huh? Well, I'm done with weddings. Yeah, I know, but I thought you were kind of roped into that one. No, he asked, I said I'm not going. I don't go. But I wanted to get her something nice. Like, I want to get her a nice gift for getting married. So her name is Kayla. Kayla Hopkins Stevens now. And so she's in. She had a terrarium. And I remember going to Doug's house the first Time. And Kayla's had a room in the house that was all snakes and lizards and, like, neat. Like, they were neat ones too. So I, trying to be a nice guy, was gonna get her. If you've ever seen it, it's the coolest thing in the world. A rainbow boa constrictor. Rainbow boa constrictor. Right. Beautiful. It's unreal. It doesn't look. It doesn't look like it's of this earth. Like you would think it would be from the movie Avatar. They're amazing, right? So I was like, I'll get her, like, a rare snake. She's into that stuff. So I told her yesterday. I'm like, I'm working on this, and I got a couple things lined up, and I'm gonna get you a rainbow boa constrictor. And she goes, oh, no, please don't do that. And I'm like, why? And she goes, those things eat, like rabbits. And I'm like, they do. And I'm like, well, why would they sell them to the general public? And she goes, oh, because you can get their food. And I'm like, that's the blue one on the upper right. Oh, look at how beautiful those are. That is the neatest snake ever. So I asked her, I'm like, well, if you did get it, what would we do? I thought it just ate little mice and rats. And she said, there's a place on Dobson and baseline called like, predator reptiles and. Oh, yeah, I know where that's at. Right next to Rhodes. Is it crustery from the gas station and stuff? Okay. A little shop.

[Brady Bogan]

You can buy a block of frozen pinkies.

[John Holmberg]

Buy a block of frozen rabbits.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Not pinkies.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, I'm saying everything from starting out.

[John Holmberg]

Like, okay, I'll give you the little ones. That's not normal right there. Feeding dead rats.

[Brady Bogan]

That's for the spiders.

[John Holmberg]

A rabbit. And I said, they have a gross of dead rabbits in the store. She goes, oh, yeah, that's a thing. That's a psychopath's fever dream is a store of frozen dead rats and rabbits. And they're making enough money off of that to continue to be a store. Brady had to close Porkopolis. He had delightful food. This guy's got dead rabbits in his freezer. Thriving business.

[Brady Bogan]

Thriving right along the ones you know, at times, what why couldn't do the boa or python or it makes it tougher. Is sometimes that you have to either heat it up because they need it warm, like, not like cooking level, but like body you have to take it live and club.

[John Holmberg]

Nope.

[Brady Bogan]

Put it in a bag, smack the bag, and then put the fresh thing into the snake.

[John Holmberg]

That snake's going to eat spaghetti, meatballs, whatever I make for it. It's not getting any. Yeah, I'm going to have bread. I'm going to have bread sauce on it. I'm not going to savage, murderous, dead rabbit shops. No, she talked me out of it. I still want to get her that awesome snake because I want to see that snake. There's a gift card, right. And I think that's maybe what I need to do is here's a gift card to Psychopaths R Us. So you can go over there and get that. I.

[Brady Bogan]

It was so domesticated. Now, the snakes. Someone should come up with, you know, boa chow or something, you know, Nugget.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. There should be a, you know, kennel ratio.

[Brady Bogan]

We're done with dogs.

[John Holmberg]

Should have, you know, cats. Snake chow.

[Brady Bogan]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

And it's just delicious ground up rabbit. But I can't imagine a store like, where do they get them? You got to order them from someplace. So that means there's another store that's killing them and freezing them and selling them to stores.

[Brady Bogan]

Rabbits and mice, you know, because they populate so fast.

[John Holmberg]

But still, man, frozen dead ones.

[Brady Bogan]

Do they ever. I wonder if they call those. You know, we had that one friend years ago that had that rabbit rescue.

[John Holmberg]

She. Oh, yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Space.

[John Holmberg]

And she needed to feed him to snakes, I guess. Anyway, that's on. That's over in your neck of the woods at Dobson and you've driven by it. Oh, yeah. Is it where the old Longs was? Between that and Rhodes? That. Right. That little shopping center with like four stores in front of the storage place. Okay, so it was where the old, like, Peter Piper used to be here. Yeah. It's right next to that little foreshadow that had a. That used to have an aquarium shop. That's right there. That was when we were there. We were kids. There was like a tcb. No, that was across the street. Yeah. There was like a. And a waterbed store. Used to be. Yeah. And longs and bashes. Where are all of our waterbeds? But yeah, I don't understand that. So there's a store, if you're thinking about it. And then Kayla hits me with. I said, so what are you doing? And she's got a job now. I gotta say where, because I told her I would. I thought this was great. She drives one of those Mercedes Sprinter vans and she takes it's got like a treadmill in the back. It's called a Run Run Buddy mobile dogs. So it's Run Buddy exercises your dog and she comes to your house and your fat dog goes into the back of the Sprinter van and she puts it on thing and it's like self propelled by the dog. It's not like a treadmill where you put it on a speed and it runs. The dog has to work it and she, she does that and she's got, she works like 12 hour days because people with their apartment dogs and stuff.

[Brady Bogan]

Need them work, right.

[John Holmberg]

So she does the spinner. It's like 65 bucks an hour. If you get two dogs, it's 80. So it's cheaper to have more dogs. And was this.

[Brady Bogan]

She's working for the company.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, she's working for the company. And then she started to tell me that the dude who's running the company's expanding into Texas and Colorado and dude's killing it. So there I was yesterday, like I've been humping it for years, trying to figure out how to make money. All you got to do walk. He's got like 30 of those Mercedes Sprinters. All you got to do is walk dogs and kill rabbits and you'll, you'll have all the money you've ever asked for in your life.

[Brady Bogan]

I'll go with the dog walking.

[John Holmberg]

Right. For that awesome snake. It's weird. Did your glasses from Meta John, differentiate body types? Like say things like you're looking at expired milk or that's a big fat beast. Those are my glasses. You know what? The future is bright with these glasses. Yeah. This one says, remember when Sean Rockefeller, our blind listener, his phone thought you were his ex girlfriend. His, his ex girlfriend Kimber. It was confused. He thought you were Kimber when he took a picture and it says, that's me. I'm thrilled with those glasses, John. Get me a pair of those. I say, hey, Meta, what am I looking at? Looks like your ex girlfriend, Kimber. Sean. And it's Brady. He really got hold of that one. Anyway, it's weird, but if you got a fat dog run buddies out there and there's nothing wrong with that. Yeah, she's killing it. Killing it. I want to get her one of those rainbow snakes. I thought that was kind of neat. Oh, what a day. Get her some sauce motos and if she's driving around the Sprinter van all day. Yeah, get her some.

[Brady Bogan]

Brady approved an extra set.

[John Holmberg]

Get that boa constrictor for her and then get some rabbit sauce moto man, I can't even imagine running a store like that. Like, I can't even imagine. You can't. Who do you like? You go home and say, honey, I quit my job. I'm not an accountant anymore. It's like, what are you gonna do? I'm gonna sell dead rabbits to snake owners. Like, oh, we're gonna go to. We're gonna be broke in months. Nope, we're not. It's thriving. Let's see what their website looks like. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

How many Picture on the front of that place with Bill the butcher from the.

[John Holmberg]

It has to be the Dead Rabbits.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, that'll be the other group, though, isn't it?

[John Holmberg]

Well, he was. Yeah, he was. He was the Build a Bush Roberts was not part of the Dead Rapids. Yeah, that was Liam Neeson's gang.

[Brady Bogan]

So I'd put him out there.

[John Holmberg]

That was Leonardo DiCaprio's. He took it over the Dead Rabbits gangs in New York. Yeah, I'd have a picture of those guys for the Dead Rabbits, but I didn't know that you could get those. I thought. I would have assumed that that's like a. Like, you can't just buy corpses of things. Here's some of the questions on predators. Reptile Center. What's that say? Baby rats. All right, you sell adult rats, but they sell baby rats at 1.89. Do you guys have any hog nose snakes? Ah, sure, we got those. Those are loaded with us two or three different types. Yeah. Silkworms, weirdos, wax worms. Yeah, to me, that's just weirdo stuff. And good on you for tapping the weirdo mark. Sell crickets, too. Do you sell baby crickets? For my son's chameleon. Yeah. We also sell, you know, phone numbers to Lerner and Row for when your kid inevitably kills someone. You lunatic. You're raising Dexter. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Ribbon snakes are in stock right now.

[John Holmberg]

That should be called crazy Food Source. You guys have leopard geckos and things they eat. Sure. Yeah. You would like that. But I can't go into a store where there's loads of dead rabbits. I feel like that's a health code violation. Any other store that decides to pick that up. Walmart doesn't even have dead rabbits. I wonder if you can Amazon a few dead rabbits to the house. I'm impressed.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm pretty sure. I mean, because at one time Walmart was in, you know, they had a little pet section where you get, like, mice, hamsters, and fish. I think they got out of that of.

[John Holmberg]

Of selling snake food, selling fish and stuff.

[Brady Bogan]

Like that, they would be limited. I mean, you could probably back. You know, I think they got out of it a while, like 10 years ago or something.

[John Holmberg]

We get the rats.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't think you get rats there, but you could get crickets and other.

[John Holmberg]

I've always seen the cricket bin.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

At those pet stores. And I know what it's for. That doesn't bother.

[Brady Bogan]

Smart and Petco probably have pinkies, like, frozen. How many people like buying a block of frozen spinach? Got them in the freezer.

[John Holmberg]

Isn't that like you've a carnivorous animal in your house? Aren't you afraid that, like, you're gonna miss and it's gonna eat a kid or like it gets hungry and you skip a meal and he just. He slinks out that big.

[Brady Bogan]

Not big enough to eat.

[John Holmberg]

Big enough to eat a rabbit. And they got a rainbow boa there. Oh, do they? Yeah, there it is.

[Brady Bogan]

450. It's pretty good.

[John Holmberg]

That's a good price. I've been seeing them for around a thousand dollars, those rainbow boas.

[Brady Bogan]

Real stuff with, like, our buddy Flip.

[John Holmberg]

His son, he's got a couple of those big boys. He started to sell those big boa constrictors. They eat rats too. I'm not interested in that. They flip on the phone. I'm not. No, I'm not. It's just weird. I wanted to get her that because I figured it would be it. I didn't even. I figured, like what Brady said. I think you could just go get kibble, you know, and then get it ever a thing.

[Brady Bogan]

It'd be fantastic.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you get kibble for it and give it a, you know, one of those scratching posts that cats like and let it wrap around that and think it's killing something, but it's gonna get loose and kill you. There's nothing about having a boa constrictor in the house. What is the point of having a snake too? I mean, as a pet? I don't get it. People say like that. Well, I know what it is. Maybe I'm just missing it. I know what it is. It's attention for the lonely a lot of the times because they always take them out and have them on their neck. Remember those douches on Mill Avenue back in the day? Oh, walking around. There were three douches that were guaranteed on Mill Avenue. The two snake guys and the dude with Jesus's wheelies. He had his wheel cross. That's right. He would walk around with wheels every weekend. What are you simulating? Jesus didn't get wheels. If you're gonna do it, do it right. He's dressed as Jesus, but he's got. How dare you? He has two little Radio Flyer wheels.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, he didn't have the wheels. That trip would be about, I don't know, five, ten minutes, drag that thing.

[John Holmberg]

And then head on over to what used to be the coffee plantation. Get yourself a beverage. Calm down. I. Yeah, I want to start a store where you can just have dead animals inside. And then I'd call the police every time someone came in. I'd be like, I got one. It's a bait shop for crazies. I'm here for the dead rabbits. Sure. Step over here for a second. Let's take your picture real quick. Send you off to the law. Yeah, there's very few CEOs buying rabbit corpses. That is definitely a niche market. Niche. As they say, if you have some boa constrictors, you need to feed them. That's the place to go. Evidently. That's what Kayla told me. So hop on that. Let's get a wake up song, shall we? 585-9800. A good one and we'll scream it together. It's 98 KUPD. Wake up.

[Brady Bogan]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool actually. No membership fee.

[John Holmberg]

I have heard enough of this. Hi, I'm Diane Fisher from Fisher Tools. From our humble beginnings in 1964 at the Phoenix park and swap to our 4 acre campus located just south of Tempe Marketplace off the 202 and McClintock. Fisher Tools has been building the valley for over 60 years. Come check us out and browse our huge selection of tools and anything you need to do the job right. We carry Milwaukee, DeWalt, Makita, Proto and so much more. We're also [e-mail] CUPD listeners will receive 10% off their order when you mention this ad. Fisher Tools. If we don't have it, we can't sell it. It's Dick Toledo and new customers right now on FanDuel. Get $150 in bonus bets when your first $5 wager wins. Just visit FanDuel.com KUPD to grab $150 in college hoops bonus bets with a.

[Brady Bogan]

Winning $5 bet and prepare for March.

[John Holmberg]

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[Brady Bogan]

Require bonus issued as non withdrawable bonus.

[John Holmberg]

Bets which expire seven days after receipt restrictions apply. See [e-mail] Call 1-800-Next Step Protects. Next Step to 5334-2. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil.

[Frank Caliendo]

He's just a bit rude.

[John Holmberg]

It's terrifying. That's just awful. They're not that. No. Miles to Noah. You're great. We're fine with that. Great song. Great opener. Talking about the fires over there, man. Pacific Palisades and stuff. And unfortunately, our big boss man's being affected by that. We're not sure about his situation, but Trip's got his place. It's just. Man, there's just nothing about. And somebody was. You know, there's people on the email and Internet and stuff. So what, rich people lose their house? What about all the normal people that lost their house? Why do we care so much? I'm like, come on. If I told you, oh, my gosh, you know, my. My cousin Dave lost his house in a fire, he'd be like, yeah, well, plenty of people lose their houses and fights. You lose your house in a fire. It's sad. I don't. And the reason they're saying celebrities is because it puts a familiar touch to, like, whose house it is. If you see that Billy Crystal lost his house, it's a familiarity that makes you not so cavalier about feel like it makes you, like, realize there are humans that like people I kind of know in a weird way, like, I'm familiar with them. So it's tough. That's not a fun thing. A lot of people going through that. Not good. And, yeah, watching Tripp sit there and stare at the news yesterday, hoping for the best, and he still doesn't know for sure, but, oh, man, it's brutal.

[Brady Bogan]

You keep on seeing, you know, on. On Instagram or Tick Tock or whatever, they show pictures of, you know, there's. There's some fake maps, like the Hollywood sign on fire. That's not true.

[John Holmberg]

No. Yeah, but.

[Brady Bogan]

But they show the neighborhood beforehand and then after, you know, and there's nothing left.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, before and after. Like, fire's not a good before and after look. No, you don't like to see that. The. The crazy, like, Henry Winkler, the Fonz is getting all sorts of heat because he said he thinks it's an arsonist. He's like, there's an arsonist in Los Angeles. Nobody's taking this well. There's some people that say, but he's Got more people screaming, ah, you conspiracy theory lunatic. Shut up. You got no proof until you got proof. Shut up. Because you'll just get people scared. And it is a bad time to start, like, mob mentality. But it does make a little bit of sense that, you know, no. No storms, no whatever. And you've got five fires that far. Well, then to just start in the middle of the night for no reason. Right. And. Yeah, and they're just like out of nowhere, miles away. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, the conspiracy added to it is that it was also a terrorist.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. They're saying terrorists might have something.

[Brady Bogan]

The Fonz's tweet was, there is an arsonist in la. May you be beaten unrecognizable.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, all right. I don't disagree with that. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

And he has plenty of other people that back that up.

[John Holmberg]

It makes sense to me. You are. I wouldn't, I wouldn't. I wouldn't discount it so quickly, but they were so mad at him initially for saying. You're just saying that without proof. Okay, I can say what I want without proof. It feels like maybe there's an arsonist on the list.

[Brady Bogan]

The LAPD did catch someone suspected of starting the most recent fire, but authorities are not ready to ass blame for the other fires. LA Chief Fire Chief Kristen Crowley, man. The cause of the fire remains unknown. It continues to be under active investigation. But you talk to people about fires or in the. They, like, you can know where ground zero happened, where the fire started, whether.

[John Holmberg]

It'S, oh, sure, the fire investigation goes right to the source. But, yeah, man, if that turns out to be an act of a lunatic, that is. I don't care if it's like Hamas or anything else. If it's just some dude who goes to Hollywood High School, he's a terrorist. You're going to jail for terrorist acts. I mean, and your $150 billion is the most recent, like, assessment. And by the way, if you know somebody whose house burned down, the way that whole operation runs, you're not even getting the start of a house. You're not even.

[Brady Bogan]

You don't get, what, three years estimate?

[John Holmberg]

Well, we're not even talking about the money. I'm talking about the stuff that it takes to build something in California. It's going to take three years to get the permits cleared. I talked to Hopkins yesterday, and he's like. He's like, we had one in the Palisades supposed to close this week, but, you know, obviously it's not. It's not happening. And he said they'll get there, they'll get their deal. And he said there's nothing about this where, you know, the rebuild is going to matter. And with all the regulations and things that go on, they're going to take two, three years to even like break ground on your new house. So figure out where you're going to live, live for those, you know, that kind of time while you're waiting for all these permits to clear and all the environmental this and clearance that and all that. Bill Maher always talks about all the time. He tried to get green at his house and build a solar thing in his backyard, but the, because he had to dig and everything else, it's taken four and a half years for him to get permits to get a little dig together so he can put panels on his home. And you know when you're trying to do what everybody says, oh, this is the right thing to do and then you can't do it because of permits there. Yeah, that's bad. I wonder if that's going to jack our house values up as well.

[Brady Bogan]

It can reflect people moving out of.

[John Holmberg]

There because in three years they say.

[Brady Bogan]

Anytime there's the disasters, you know, like the hurricane stuff, it reflects on as far as insurance rates and everything.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it's like they're going to try and take advantage of the whole thing. You're going to pay a little extra because Hawaii burned and because California burned.

[Brady Bogan]

The ripple effect.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's just, it's a sad thing and you can't get, can't take your eyes off of it. But I, the thought of an arsonist is not too far fetched if you ask me. And there's those videos online they can't say are real or not of people purposely starting the fires. Like is this AI, is this, is this somebody playing a joke? Is this real? Or, you know, and now you gotta start chasing those terrible things.

[Brady Bogan]

What you hear kind of, you know, in that area, it was, it's a cigarette butt away from starting up.

[John Holmberg]

It's a spark.

[Brady Bogan]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

It's a, it's a chain dragon on the road. Caitlyn Jenner drives down and runs over one other person and the car's rubbed together. It's gonna, she did it years ago. And that's a good thing that they had some moisture on the ground back then. Ethan says, John, listening to this morning's show, you are absolutely right. I am a younger man and I despise the new technological ways. I had my phone slide forward and hit the, push the start button when I was Driving the other day and shut my car off right in the middle of traffic scares the hell out of me. That would never have happened if I had just some goddamn keys. That's true. Buddy bought me tickets to a concert, sat at the ticket reader for 20 minutes waiting for it to load, and eventually just had to buy my own. Anyway, what the hell's the point of this? The other thing is, if you had tickets to the Diamondbacks, I got one of these emails. If you had tickets to the Diamondbacks and they're in the World Series, you got an email that said, hey, you were an attendee of the Diamondbacks World Series. Congratulations. If you'd like a paper ticket memento, it's only $15. And I'm like, I already spent a bunch of money on this. Now I gotta get. I gotta pay you for a fake ticket. Oh, it drives me bananas. If you want to watch some real football, evidently we're gonna have it Monday. Vikings and Rams. You can see two quarterbacks over 6ft tall battling it out. That never happens at State Farm Stadium. Tall quarterbacks actually throwing the ball to receivers and not running all over for their lives. It's going to be weird to see at State Farm Stadium, but the Rams and Vikings have been officially announced that you can get out there. Now, I'm pretty sure the whole deal is you show up, first come, first serve, you're going to get a free ticket. Correct? Is that how they're going to do it? That's how they used to do that stuff.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Start off a line and just say if you.

[Brady Bogan]

I can't believe for the playoffs it would be that way.

[John Holmberg]

They don't care. They just want the game going. Now at this point, it's about tv, so. And I'm sure you know, the Bidwells want the. Want some money, but does it go to la? Does it go to the Rams? What? Go like, where's the concession? Where's the money go? You know?

[Brady Bogan]

Well, somebody donated to the California.

[John Holmberg]

Probably guarantee that, give their ticket prices to the flash.

[Brady Bogan]

There you go.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but. So it's going to happen there Monday night, right here. Screwing up our traffic for a game between the Vikings and the Rams. That doesn't make any sense at all. Have fun, west side. Yep. Enjoy it. I believe it starts at 5:30 or 6.

[Brady Bogan]

There's always the, you know, how many would that represent A people like, you know what? I've never gone to a playoff game before.

[John Holmberg]

Damn it.

[Brady Bogan]

I just got to look like a final four.

[John Holmberg]

Got the text from Tripp and he says, the house is gone. Oh, that's heartbreaking. Heart wrenching to know somebody who's going through that. I can't. I can't even grasp how. I mean, I don't even know. There's no words for it. Oh, that's terrible. That's. He's right on that. And the poor guy's got to come into work, and people are bugging him about work stuff. I watched it yesterday at some Zoom meeting. Like, all these squares on his screen, and I think he had it muted. And he's watching the TV in his office like, I don't care, Greg. And all the other people in Chicago trying to tell him we need an app contest for the stairs. Shut up, man. Just shut up. Let him all. You know. And he needs to take a few days. That's fine by now. Ah, so sorry to hear that. That's awful. Oh, that's awful. I hate that he sent that. It screwed me up. One thing I did, like, yesterday, I had a rough day yesterday. One thing I did, like, yesterday, Jimmy Carter's funeral was pretty funny.

[Brady Bogan]

My mom watched the whole thing.

[John Holmberg]

The whole thing?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know how you do that now. I would have maybe, in fairness, had sat once I saw how it started. I'm sticking around.

[Brady Bogan]

She said it was unbelievable, the camera.

[John Holmberg]

Angles of what was going on. First off, Trump and Obama were, like, cutting it up. They're laughing. And then Kamala rolls over. Kamala, sorry. She rolls over to the front row. It doesn't matter anymore. People just get mad at me. And I did not do that intentionally. I just said it wrong. Cause I'm dumb. She sits down with her husband Doug, one row ahead of Barack and Donald. And literally, Barack and Donald are like, what you and I would be doing, Brett. We're making jokes. We're having a. Yeah. We're watching phones like, Carter's dead. Kamala does an over the shoulder look. And I mean, Trump has given her a death stare when she sits down. I don't know if you saw it. She goes to sit down, and he is just staring at her like, I kicked your ass all over this country. It wasn't red. Blue states. All the states were red with your blood. I kicked your ass. And he's just looking at it with this thing. And then she looks over his shoulder. And then, oddly enough, and I don't think Obama's paying any attention, he turns to Trump with, like, another zinger. And then the two of them just start laughing.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And you can see Kamala like, just fuming. He's sitting with Hitler. Do you realize you're sitting next to Hitler?

[Brady Bogan]

Meme of the day.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it was amazing. I was dying because I'm like, I didn't. I didn't see.

[Brady Bogan]

And even I guess w. Yeah, he gave Barack.

[John Holmberg]

No. Trump didn't get up for Bush. Oh, the drama was. It was intense. He didn't get up for that stance.

[Frank Caliendo]

Up.

[John Holmberg]

And again this time, because remember when Gerald Ford died, they had to keep. Hillary was sitting next to Bill. And then Donald drug Melania in, and Bill didn't lift. He could not look up. Let me know when she's gone. I cannot look at that. Hillary's right here. If I look at her, I'm gonna start hooting and hollering and can't do it. That's a piece of ass. Donald Scott. And I just can't look at mine. Mine looks like a saw mask. It's terrifying. And she had, like, a leash on Bill this time. They put Bill and Hillary down the aisle, way away from Melania, who was on the other side. But when Melania and Donald were sitting down. Watch this. There's the breath on the video. That's after the fact. Bush. Bush comes by, punches Barack in the guts. Donald and Barack wouldn't stop talking. And Kamala is looking back every once in a while like she's going to start screaming at Barack.

[Brady Bogan]

Like, I thought we were friends.

[John Holmberg]

Not once did I even see Jimmy Carter. Like, they. They showed him for a second in the box, and it's like, all right, that's enough. Jimmy in the box is boring. Let's take a look at what these two are talking about. Those two. And Barack looks totally it, like, enamored by Donald. He's laughing. They're engaged. That it was non stop fun. So anyway, I beat the crap out of this woman. You remember her? Oh, there she is. She's sitting right in front of Barack. She's the ugly one. Ugly one next to the doughy white guy. Is that Doug Emhoff? Yeah, I call him Doug Jack Off. That's his name to me.

[Brady Bogan]

Anyway, I. Kamala, she will not look anywhere.

[John Holmberg]

I don't want to even think about you right now.

[Brady Bogan]

Hitler.

[John Holmberg]

She always calls me Hitler. You know, I don't even care about her anymore. Let's talk. Hey, do you ever hear the one about the Polack and the Pope? Yeah, that's what I know. Let's. Let's look. Two Jews walk into Doug Imhoff's house.

[Frank Caliendo]

We can hear you.

[John Holmberg]

Pipe down, loser. I'm in the middle of a good one. This is a good punchline. Hey, Donald, the presidents are talking. What is it? Real presidents are talking. Vice.

[Brady Bogan]

Look at tense. Just.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, Obama, what is it? What's better than a gold medal in the Special Olympics? I have no idea. What is better than a gold medal in the Special Olympics? You two, keep it down. Pipe down. Better than a gold medal. Not being retarded. Great. I'd still rather be that than her. I can hear you. Opportunity funeral jokes. It was. Where was Big Mike? I didn't see her there. She didn't make it. Okay. Which is why Donald and Obama. Where's your big. Where's your big Broadway? Where is she? I assume she's out lumberjacking or something. Huge.

[Brady Bogan]

Working out.

[John Holmberg]

Michelle couldn't make it. She was busy, you know, picking up cars and working out. She's a big lady. Does your wife talk at all, or she just. No, she's a good one. Just looks good. She just looks good and nods and laughs when she's supposed. Did you hear the Barack joke about the people? Hey, Barack, what did the Mexicans say after the apartment buildings fell on them? I don't know, Donald. What did the Mexicans say? Shut up, bitch. What did the Mexicans say when the apartment building fell on him? Get off me, holmes. You know what? You might be Hitler, but you're goddamn hilarious. And I want to golf with you. I've got a beautiful course. I'll invite you.

[Brady Bogan]

Lining up Wednesday work for you? No, no, no Wednesday, Mar a Lago.

[John Holmberg]

We got to force them together. You, me, I went in on that bush. He'll play. I can't go if your wife's gonna be there, but if not, I'm in. She's gonna be there. Sorry. All right. I'll just stay home. I heard it was uncomfortable between Biden and. Oh, yeah. And then it got weird. It just started getting weird because he. He looks more like the Deliverance Porch kid now.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Than ever before.

[Brady Bogan]

And then, you know, he's also getting ready to speak, too. You've got to focus on that, because I said. I asked my mom how did he. I didn't hear any of it. And she goes out of Biden. He mentioned character a lot. That was the go to.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you know, and.

[Brady Bogan]

But she goes. Other than that. I mean, he said he was great.

[John Holmberg]

He got the words right. That's really all you're looking. That's a big. At this point, that's just all you could ask. So. Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

Hey.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, Barack. What is it? Donald and I don't want to interrupt the funeral anymore, but how do you know a Mexican girl is on her period? I don't know. How do you know when a Mexican girl is on her period? She's only got one sock on. When she crosses the border, deport that.

[Brady Bogan]

Those two would be Waldorf.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, up in the booth. This funeral is absolutely boring. I mean, I fell asleep. You're lucky you slept through the whole thing. I had to watch it.

[Brady Bogan]

He was. He was antsy the whole time. Is this over yet?

[John Holmberg]

Jesus Christ. How long is this. It's gonna go on longer than Carter was alive. You know, the luckiest guy here is Jimmy. He doesn't have to pay any attention.

[Brady Bogan]

Do we at least get peanuts?

[John Holmberg]

Good man. Yeah. Where's the free bag of nuts? Hey, Donald. A peanut farmer, a Texas oil man, and a black guy walk into a White House and they say, get out. I heard that. Never going to be a woman. One of those. Donald, A unicorn, corn, and a woman are in the White House. Which one is a president? All right, that's enough from both of you. I just. I was. I was watching the clips of that, and I'm like, this is awkward. There's Jimmy. Poor Jimmy. His funeral. Upstaged once again by a bunch of the pricks that, you know, had his job at one point or back and forth with us.

[Brady Bogan]

And they get together in, what, 10 days or 12. When is it? The inauguration?

[John Holmberg]

It's the 20th. Yeah, the 20th coming up. Yeah, it's 10 days. Well, the old presidents don't show up to that, do they?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. Oh, they do.

[Brady Bogan]

They're all invited.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, yeah, it might be a little light.

[John Holmberg]

I don't think Donald went to Joe's, so I think the favor is going to be returned this time around.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, I. I had heard Joe said, no, I'm going just to pay. You know what?

[John Holmberg]

Throwing a finger to Kamala, too. It's a little classier here. Yeah, a little bit. The way it looks, you know, Obama's gonna be there. Obama's gonna. Oh, yeah. Congratulations, big guy. Great stuff. Oh, the weirdest one was when Trump and Mike Pence shook hands. Cameras were all over. Well, they did.

[Brady Bogan]

They.

[John Holmberg]

Trump went by. I don't know if they shook hands, but they were face to face for a second. Yeah. And they had a moment. I'm not sure because you can't really see around Donald's big, fat body.

[Brady Bogan]

I heard he kind of. He did a fist or he did Obama's belly. That was Bush. Bush Punched Obama's knowledge. Didn't shake hands with Trump. And then Trump and Pence never.

[John Holmberg]

Trump and Pence went by each other. That's when I was like, oh, I'm watching this. And I think I would watch the whole funeral just for that action cam. I wanted, like, the Manning cast to do that. Like, Eli and Peyton could have talked about what was going on. It was a. It was an awkward thing. Certainly wasn't remotely comfortable. They want Obama and Trump in the same square today. Oh, yeah. Yeah. They're gonna be best friends, people. Let me tell you about my best friend. He was a president before, and he's the president again. It's me. He's talking about me. Kamala, he has abandoned you like you were his only child. Well, now this is where you lose me. But, yeah, it was pretty fun to watch. It was. It's like that Seinfeld episode when Scott Haynes is reminding me of when Jerry. They're at the opera and Jerry. Or the piano recital. That George Staten, that. That classical pianist, that girl. And Jerry puts the PEZ dispenser on Elaine's leg, and they can't stop laughing.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And it's just so inappropriate. That was, you know, just waiting for Donald. Look, I have my PEZ dispenser on your leg. Get it off.

[Brady Bogan]

Stop it.

[John Holmberg]

But it was. Yeah. So long, Jimmy Carter. You live to be 100. Your funeral's not even like, no one's sad. I noticed that too. But when you're 100 years old, your funeral is just a inconvenience. It's like nobody's crying. And remember, like, it's like finally, like, they're just taking over. They're just exhaling like, ah, yeah, he's gone. Good dude. We liked him a lot. We should have been doing this about 20 years ago. He's character. We really like him. Yeah. You can say all you want about, like, you know, you try to have flowery words, but a hundred year old's funeral is not getting any sort of push or any sort of fun. It's just over.

[Brady Bogan]

At least it's more of a celebration.

[John Holmberg]

Is it?

[Brady Bogan]

This is shocking.

[John Holmberg]

They didn't do a celebration. It was boring. And, you know, they don't really.

[Brady Bogan]

100 years.

[John Holmberg]

100 years. You don't even need a funeral, really. At 100. Everybody just kind of tips or cap and drives.

[Brady Bogan]

It's like, there's a couple of things that he did that.

[John Holmberg]

That's great. But he's 100. His funeral, Rosalind. Okay. He hasn't Done what you're about to talk about for 35 years. He's. He's been dead pretty much for 12. I mean, when you live to be a hundred, there's no reason for all of us to get all dressed up for you. You're gonna put you in the box and say goodbye hundreds. Too long. You've lived too long. You're bugging everybody. Just taking up air. It's, you know. Yeah. I'm not. You know, I gotta build a lot of cribs. He built a lot of houses, like, 35 years ago back and then. And then he got older and then.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, sure, they show him with a.

[John Holmberg]

Hammer when he should have done years ago, when he should have died this way, this way. In his 80s, when he should have passed on. Then it would have been like, wow, you know? But we've been, you know, waiting for the flowery speeches for. It's just 100 years old. Last time we all saw Jimmy Carter, it scared us. Oh, yeah. Like that thing on the. I wish he was dead. Yeah. I don't wish that on people, but, man, I did, too, because I'm like, nobody needs to put him out. He's not living. Somebody put a pillow over.

[Brady Bogan]

He was ready.

[John Holmberg]

He'd been ready for 10 years. That picture was. His body had already decomposed. He was just still breathing. Yeah, you don't want that. That's. That was weird. So anyway, goodbye to Jimmy and Trump and Barack telling tales together. I just like how they kept laughing. You know, what's great about it now is that I. I can tell everybody I really have a black friend. He's like a good black friend. So I can say, I can talk to my black friend. He's like. He's like Winston or Reggie.

[Brady Bogan]

He opened up with what's up, Hussein?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, what's up? Birth certificate only for this row. I love what you're doing there. That's great stuff. You know, I was born in Hawaii. We both know that's a lie. Yep, we sure do. Oh, well. Got away with it. What's up, my Obama? Slapping my Obama. What up, player? Hey, dt, how you doing? Bush walks by and gives him a punch in the gut. How you doing, buddy? Kunk. And punches him in the stomach and sits down like they're at the bar. Trump didn't get up for Bush, man. That was. And that's a weird one, too, because they're on the same side, technically. Oh, it was fun. That's a fun one. And did Bill go around saying hi to everybody? I Didn't see Clinton's thing, but I know that he can't be too close to Melania or he gets. He gets really, like. He gets in big trouble. Donald, how are you, ma'am?

[Brady Bogan]

Put her on the end.

[John Holmberg]

Well, they put her way on the end. And Bill on the other side. And Hillary was, like, kind of there as a buffer. Don't even look down there. Oh, look down where? I don't know what you're talking about. Next to Barack and Donald, the besties. I don't see a beautiful woman with glorious, heaving, sweaty, shiny cans. I do not see her at all. I see Kamala. That keeps me soft. You just stare at her. Bill. I would watch that funeral. The next one to go now is probably Bush or Bill. Like, they're the two old ones now. Somebody was saying that Bill was real shaky at that thing. I didn't see.

[Brady Bogan]

He's got to be.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Bill's up close, so. Yeah. Did they mention it all during the funeral, if. About Jimmy Carter being one of the people in Point Break? He was just a man. He wasn't really. That's. That's not a real thing. Brian. He was Nixon. President Reagan. Were there Nixon, Reagan, Carter, and Florida or Lyndon. Yeah, Those were the presidents. Robin Banks and Point Break. Was Keanu there, too? Whoa. You're a real guy.

[Brady Bogan]

Next to speak, Johnny Utah.

[John Holmberg]

I love President Carter.

[Brady Bogan]

Whoa.

[John Holmberg]

He made me an FBI agent, this guy. Check it out. Donald. And I never understood his appeal. He's very dumb. Very dumb man. Thank you. I knew. Yeah. That would be a fun one to watch. Barack and Donald's ex an adventure. And just redo the whole thing as those two. Whoa. What happened? Anyway? They call each other the homo F word all the time. That's their. They were like step brothers. Did we just become best friends? I think so. Want to go in the garage and smash some watermelon? You know I do. Anyway, fun times at the old Doug Carter funeral. If you wanted to watch that, would you ever even want to go to a football game in your town with the teams that aren't yours?

[Brady Bogan]

That's what I was saying. There's got to be a percentage of people I would like. I've never gone to a playoff game before, and I got an opportunity.

[John Holmberg]

That would be the reason. That would be the entire Cardinal fan base.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. So in a while.

[John Holmberg]

But is that something you want to see? Another team's playoff run once.

[Brady Bogan]

Maybe 20 years ago.

[John Holmberg]

Really? I don't want to fight the traffic. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

I got no stake.

[John Holmberg]

I think I Was that way a long time. I don't have any stake in the game. I don't care who wins. The Rams, Vikings thing, especially living here, it just seems like it's. I'm the world. They can't do anything. They gotta play the game somewhere. They can't do it in la. So I understand why. I just don't know who's gonna go to that. There's a lot of Vikings fans out here that I understand. You got all the snowbirds.

[Brady Bogan]

I've never seen Stafford live.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Alex, one of the managers at Stand up live and 10pm Province stuff, he's a huge Vikings fan. I wouldn't watch the game with him and Comb in a couple weeks when they played the Bears on Monday night. Yeah, I was watching with them and you know, I've never been around a lot of. I know Vikings fans don't know. It just seems weird to me that you'd go to that. I remember when they had wildfires there and they had the Chargers play here at Sun Devil Stadium and the whole idea, it was embarrassing. They had. The whole thing was like donations for the fire. Remember that?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And people were putting like bottle caps and socks and like being dicks about fake money. Yeah. Fake money and coupons and. Yeah. I just. I don't know if. I don't know if that's a thing. I don't know if that's like something we should do and they're going to donate money to the fires. But it's. I mean, what is that going to. What is that going to Ra. Well, it makes the NFL look good. Yeah, I suppose it makes them look okay, but. Well, they're. They're doing what they can for the public. You know, it's. It just seems weird to me. I don't know. It just seems like a. They have to do it. I don't mind that the game's here. I just wonder who in the world is going to get. Other than Viking and Rams fans. They're trying to try. We don't have 60,000 Rams and Vikings fans combined that will go to that thing. So who's going to. I guess just fans of the game. I don't know. It doesn't make sense. But.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. In. In town. How many would you think? Cup? 2,3000 of each team. Of each team.

[John Holmberg]

Probably get around 10 or 12. It would surprise you.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, I guess. Well, I can see it out.

[John Holmberg]

Don't forget the Snowbirds out here with the Vikings. I mean, there's a lot out. Are there enough? I Don't know. I don't know. That's good. It's gonna just be weird and I am curious. I would be curious to see, you know, who's going to hold court in that thing.

[Frank Caliendo]

But.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's just. I don't know, it just seems like people are getting excited. Like they want it to be like it's. Oh, you're going to see playoff football. You got a playoff team. It's almost an insult to the Cardinals that people are excited about playoff football. They were just in the playoffs. I've never seen it two years ago. They got trounced two or three years back, I guess when Kyler got killed by those same Rams football. Either way. And I think.

[Brady Bogan]

I think that, you know, they definitely want to load up the stadium.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

On the TV side.

[John Holmberg]

I don't want to see it. Yeah. Very covet to have that going on. They're going to pay for that. That game. It's all free. I think from what I'm understanding. I don't know, it's like you could just show up and go in and then they'll have buckets outside to drop. That's what I know. I don't know that that's the way they're going to actually do it, but that's what I know they've done in the past. I don't know. We'll see. It's kind of strange, but if you want to go out there, all the info's there and websites and cardinals.com they.

[Brady Bogan]

Might offer something right off the bat to the. Obviously the corporate people that have the tickets.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

That have sweets, you know.

[John Holmberg]

Is it not free, rich? So they are charging people. Yeah. Not free. Tickets go on sale at 1pm today. On sale. Because before when they did this, it was all just donations to the fire. Right. It's not that case now because they're just. They're charging. Yes.

[Brady Bogan]

So they go on sale at 1:00 today.

[John Holmberg]

Cardinals ticket holders have. The season ticket holders have the first crack at tickets. Then the general public gets. Gets. And what are they going for? Like regular prices. They don't have a seat map out yet.

[Brady Bogan]

I was just.

[John Holmberg]

Because I assumed what I was saying was that they would just let people go because that's what they've done it before with wildfires here. They just let it a free for all happen. Yeah. That Monday night game you were talking about. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

So it's just wide open.

[John Holmberg]

Who is going to benefit from this? To the Rams keep the money. To the Cardinals keep the Money to the firefighters. Like they have to donate every penny. So why not make it like a donation thing? It's a write up for the NFL and the Cardinals. Like Brett said, they'll end up cutting a huge check to everything. I guess they kind of have to. 1:00 today. So today you can go to ArizonaCardinals.com or it might have been. I forgot if it was 1:00 Eastern. So that'd be 11:00. Just keep your eyes open for when it's open. So is it NFL.com? yeah, NFLMaster maybe.

[Brady Bogan]

I think on the Arizona Cardinals website.

[John Holmberg]

You can buy it as well. Weird. Anyway, all right, well, head on out there and thank you, Richard. I didn't know. So we're taking shots in the dark there. He found out. You can also go online and get your beer. It's going quick. Homburg Bound beer ready to go. They. They finally got the website all juiced up. A lot of people were having trouble. It was going to last year's site saying it was sold out. It wasn't sold out yet. We still have some more 98kupd.com if you get it. Get on there now. Closing it on. Almost being done. I think we still have a couple slots left in the first 98 orders. Going to get the commemorative Homburg Bound pint glass. Put it with your friends because you probably have a couple of those at this point. And then January 28th at 6:00, Four Peaks Brewing Company in Tempe, we're going to have a big release party. Come get your six packs, grab a pint, have a beer. We'll clink glasses and we'll. We'll do it to the Humane Society. That's what we'll do. We'll toast them and all the work they're doing, which is always outstanding and always amazing at everything they do. Very happy to be part of it. So. And also if you want to go right now, it's on tap. The bottles aren't ready yet, but Homeburg Bound is on tap at the four peak. So this weekend, if you're like, you know what? I'm gonna watch a little college football. When's your Ohio State game?

[Brady Bogan]

Tonight.

[John Holmberg]

Tonight. So you go watch a little college football. That game last night was pretty entertaining. Yep.

[Brady Bogan]

Came down to interception at the end that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. The Golden Domers walked forward. So does that mean. No. So now they're in the championship.

[Brady Bogan]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

And they play either Ohio State or Texas. Texas, which would have been your Sun Devils if College Football wasn't so absolutely rigged. So it should be the Sun Devils.

[Brady Bogan]

I heard that a few times last night.

[John Holmberg]

Completely right. The Sun Devils should be in that game or at least should have had a chance to have been in that game. So apparently they're saying Rams season ticket holders get first shot at the tickets before everybody else. Then it goes to Cardinals. It is 3:00pm Eastern, which is 1:00 ours. And you go to seatgeek.com grab that. All right, easy enough. What do you got on the big board of musical treats over there?

[Frank Caliendo]

Wake up.

[John Holmberg]

Song brought to you by Action Ride Shop. And time to head on up north. Well, at least get the gear ready to go up north. They're starting to get a little bit up there. But you can travel, you can go up to Utah, go up to Colorado, whatever. Action Ride Shop's got everything you're going to need for the winter and especially if you want to hit the trails. They got everything in stock. Full line of Pivot, Santa Cruz, Kona, Rocky Mountain. You name it, they got it. Actionrideshop.com or go visit the boys over there on Gilbert Road and Southern. Soon to be store number two on power and McDowell right by the Hoss Trail. Alrighty. So here we go. Well, Stevie Wonder and Paul McCartney, Vinnie and Ivory for. For Obama and Trump. Yeah. Michael Jackson, black or white for Trump and Obama and Ivory live together. Perfect harmony, side by side. Remember the. Yeah, we could do the Sinatra version with Eddie Murphy and Piscopo. Then other than that, Metallica, Fear, Testament. Hell yeah. Hate Breed, Vol. Beat the Warning, Motorhead side by side. You are my amigo negro. Let's not fight the presidency. United States Peaches for Jimmy Carter since it's the Peach State. Okay. Anthrax and velvet revolver hawks in town last night. Very Georgia related moment. We have Atlanta here. Peaches is a fun one. Maybe that's it. We'll do that for Jimmy Little. Peaches by the potus. Makes sense. President, United States Peaches Peachstead President. We're doing it all right there. So we'll get that together. Get your presidents of the United States in on that deal. And Peaches, that's how that works. Easy peasy. Here it is for you, Jimmy. And by the way, just if Jimmy's a life lesson to all of us or a cautionary tale, don't live to be 100. Just don't. And look at the pictures. Just look at those pictures. There's nothing good happening there.

[Brady Bogan]

It's not weird.

[John Holmberg]

It's pretty cool, actually.

[Brady Bogan]

No membership Fees.

[John Holmberg]

I have heard enough of this morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude next to you. Time now for Brady to report the news that only Brady knows. We call this the Brady Report. Then we say Brady reported.

[Brady Bogan]

Good Friday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello, world. We've made it. Hello, happy National Quitters Day.

[John Holmberg]

All right, Friday in January. I'm out.

[Frank Caliendo]

Let's bounce.

[John Holmberg]

Let's do it.

[Brady Bogan]

The resolutions are done.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's enough.

[Brady Bogan]

This is the biggest day.

[John Holmberg]

The 10th, the Friday before the weekend.

[Brady Bogan]

Second Friday of January.

[John Holmberg]

We're done here. I have to say, also on a related note, to what we were talking about with our big boss man, who's unfortunately just. I mean, just. I can't even imagine. I text him, text back. When he said the house is gone, it just. It broke. It broke my chest. That he has confirmation that it's gone. It just. I can't imagine what he's going through. Somebody just sent me a post of. On Instagram of Pete Lee, the comedian that comes in here every once in a while. He's downtown. He's been living in Phoenix for. Evidently. Just moved back to LA in December. Pacific Palisades. Lost his house, and he put a thing out that said, yeah, my house. Like, it's just weird when you know the people who are going through this. Poor bastards. Poor people. I mean, Pete's a good dude. He just left Phoenix right after Thanksgiving. All of his toots went up and he lost all the toots.

[Brady Bogan]

He's gonna probably do more toots now.

[John Holmberg]

It's gonna be smashing the cocaine. But, yeah, Pete Lee, our friend Pete Lee, regular visitor. Oh, my. He became our period for a while. He was here once a month like clockwork. Is he still doing the thing downtown or Supposed to. He'll be back in a few weeks. Wow. All right, well, he can stay at my house if he wants. That's terrible. Man, oh, man. All right. Sorry, buddy. God.

[Brady Bogan]

Couple basis. Fun facts. The Pet Shop Boys named their first album Please. So people would go into the record shops and say, can I have the Pet Shop Boys, please?

[John Holmberg]

People don't do that. They just go find it themselves.

[Brady Bogan]

When Queen Elizabeth II was just a princess in 1945, she joined the British military for World War II and trained to be a mechanic.

[John Holmberg]

Tough broad.

[Brady Bogan]

Sean Connery had a chance to play Gandalf in the Lord of the Rings. He turned it down because he didn't understand the scripts.

[John Holmberg]

Who did?

[Brady Bogan]

Sean Connery.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no kidding.

[Brady Bogan]

He even was. He was offered a piece of the back end of the movie.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Sean, guess what?

[Brady Bogan]

He would have made it.

[John Holmberg]

Had to be $100 million.

[Brady Bogan]

450.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. Sometimes we don't make the best decisions, Brady. What are you looking at? So I made a bad choice. Big deal. I died before I could have enjoyed it anyway. You bastards. I can't imagine none shall pass. I, a wizard. I. I enjoy being a wizard in the Lord of Ro Rings. Stop mentioning the name of the movie. I can't help it. It's the costume.

[Brady Bogan]

I've done dragon heart or whatever.

[John Holmberg]

Kind of dressed up like that once before. But you put that gray wig on Sean Connery. That's a cool look. Like in your head. That's like, oh, Gandalf the Gray. Oh, he could have done it.

[Brady Bogan]

All right before hurricane. The top two selling items at Walmart are. Before what? Before a hurricane.

[John Holmberg]

Like, before a hurricane. Yeah, Walmart, Florida.

[Brady Bogan]

What's the number two items fly off the shelves?

[John Holmberg]

Cheetos Beer and Cheetos Beer is correct. Okay, then some sort of snack.

[Brady Bogan]

Pop Tarts.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Anyways, what's in your hurricane emergency pack?

[John Holmberg]

You can taste it. When you think about it, it's just disgusting. Especially when you're on the can. Like our old receptionist. She wasn't drinking beer, was she? No. Pop Tarts.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't know about the beers.

[John Holmberg]

She might have had one hidden in the tank. That was the best day of my life. In 25 years of working in radio in this building. 24. However long we've been here, stopping our old receptionist from going into the bathroom to drop a deuce and eat some strawberry Pop Tarts at the same time. You can't give yourself an oral blumpkin while you're. You can't do it. You're such an asshole. Like, no, I'm saving you from embarrassment I'm gonna tease you for. And here I am, still 20 years later. Where are you going? Bathroom. Put the food down. It's lunch. Oh, dear Jesus. Do you hear yourself? I'm going in there because I don't have time. How long's it gonna take to drop whatever you've got inside you that you can't knock down? Two Pop Tarts. Besides, it's Pop Tarts. They can sit on your desk. You don't need a lunch break to eat Pop Tarts. I'm not doing it. They had to try to wrestle them away from her. That was a battle. She took a poo and ate strawberry Pop Tarts. Wait a minute.

[Brady Bogan]

Did you win the battle?

[John Holmberg]

No. Right? No. I'm not actually gonna, you know, try to physically assault her poo hands at that point. Not yet. No. No. She wouldn't have poo pants before not wrestling them out of her hands after she comes out of the bath. Yuck. Besides, if she's doing it right, they're gone at that point.

[Brady Bogan]

Two thirds of us think starting the year out clutter free is a key, and a third of us are making a top priority right now. Realistically, you might have the same goal in 2026, but a lot of people start out the year. I got to get rid of the clutter. They said. How long does it last? They asked people after you've gotten clutter free in the areas that you wanted to be. 38 days.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding, man.

[Brady Bogan]

Harvard Medical School collected data from on how often adults 18 and older use Instagram, Tick Tock X or Facebook. And then they compared people's social media use to how they scored in various mood tests.

[John Holmberg]

Wait, what? What ages again?

[Brady Bogan]

18 plus.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, okay. Just adults.

[Brady Bogan]

Basically. They found that people that use more social media are more likely to feel irritable, angry and annoyed a lot quicker than the average person not using social media.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

The heavier the usage. Yeah. It's not.

[John Holmberg]

It makes your mad.

[Brady Bogan]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Yep. You get angry when you're on there because trolls exist there and you're hanging out with trolls. It's not good.

[Brady Bogan]

This country has the most powerful passport. It's not the United States. I'm like, if you ever. What makes it. What makes a passport powerful? How many countries you're allowed to go in? Is it in Switzerland this year? Number one is Singapore. What does that mean for passport?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

You can go to 195 destinations. Your.

[John Holmberg]

I see. It allows you in. I didn't know that. Some passports block different places.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh yeah. We're number seven. We have 186 destinations. Number two would be Japan. 193 if you have a see. The worst is Afghanistan.

[John Holmberg]

They can go to Afghanistan. That's about it. To other stand. One other stand. It's a stand for a stand. Kyrgyzstan. Right. Or whatever that. Turkmens, maybe. I don't know any of the stands. I'm not going to any of the stands. I'll never be in a stand. You're not vacationing in a. Stands are off the list. People that always say they want to see the world, they're like, you're not going any of the stands though. You see Australia, you want to see all the beautiful parts of the world, you're not going to the stands. Yeah, but over the years you just haven't sold me on that flight.

[Brady Bogan]

If you.

[John Holmberg]

It doesn't matter. It's better than the stands. If you had a free flight to.

[Brady Bogan]

Turkmenistan or from Afghanistan, you have access to 26 destinations.

[John Holmberg]

Stands. There's probably 24 stands. Russia and all its former. Yeah, Russia probably likes you. Iran and then every other stand that exists. Stanistan.

[Brady Bogan]

Uber just announced a new promotion specifically for teams. They're offering six free rides. If you send them proof that you failed your driver's test.

[John Holmberg]

They'Re gonna fail on purpose. My son, he would. Yeah, because he would have gotten a break.

[Brady Bogan]

They said each ride is worth up to twenty dollars. So it's about one hundred and twenty dollar value if you look at it.

[John Holmberg]

That's not bad. Larry. Larry's signing up to be a test dummy for Waymo's freeway rides. Oh, awesome. I know. He's like, I'll do it. I'm like, how'd you get on that? He's like, I signed up for it. You can sign up to be like a beta tester of their freeway rides. And I'm like, if there's no driver, would you still get in on the freeways? It's not done yet. And he goes, oh yeah. I was like, man, I don't think I. I trust the Waymos and I like them a lot, but I'm waiting until they make their first few.

[Brady Bogan]

I want to be there on that first accident.

[John Holmberg]

I don't want. I don't want to be the one going, nope, nope, got it wrong.

[Brady Bogan]

It got confused.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

No, it didn't know where it's going on the freeway. It just, it stepped on it. Alex's new mechanic offers free Uber rides when you drop off. Oh, that's nice. Stapley's Garage. Thanks, Jason. Well, it's got to be free. You can't pay. I was gonna say Alex. Alex is not paying. That mechanic might as well be Toledo paying. Tell that mechanic something else is free too. All his work. He doesn't know it yet, though. He met Alex yesterday. It was an interesting conversation when Alex dropped off the car. Yeah, I'm gonna give you.

[Brady Bogan]

The ride.

[John Holmberg]

And he doesn't have a car. He's giving it to the mcpan for this. I am. Is it all that killer bread dough you've got going on? Don't think we didn't notice you Slipp. Toast advertisement. You've got.

[Brady Bogan]

I didn't slip it.

[John Holmberg]

I told you guys about it. December, when it came down the pipe, I'm like, we didn't think you were serious. How did that come to me? Yeah, you got a Bread who matches.

[Brady Bogan]

Up best with this.

[John Holmberg]

And it sounds great. It sounds like an awesome thing, but Bread endorsement from Toast over here. We had no idea. Daveskillerbread.com reset. Yeah, sounds fine by me.

[Brady Bogan]

There's an independent takeout chain in the UK that has been shut down, opening a new franchise in this town. The town said, no, no pizza chain here because our kids are too fat.

[John Holmberg]

And that's in this country?

[Brady Bogan]

No, it's in the uk. That town is called Backup Lance or Backup Links. Sorry. The town council said, I. I believe the children here are too fat. We don't want to add any more fast food restaurants in our town.

[John Holmberg]

Good. Keep the kids skinnier.

[Brady Bogan]

See if that starts other towns doing stuff like that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's. Well, it's not their fault.

[Frank Caliendo]

It's done.

[John Holmberg]

It's. Convenience will always trump that. But we have their fault. It's not the. The restaurant's fault you're fat.

[Brady Bogan]

We have a serial butt slapper on the loose in Colorado. Cops are asking people to help identify him.

[John Holmberg]

On the loose?

[Brady Bogan]

A woman in Denver, a suburb of Lakewood, was out jogging New Year's Day when he drove up behind her on an E bike and slapped her in the butt. Then a day later, he did it again to a different woman, same area. At least two other incidents have been reported so far. Someone got a shot of him on his E bike, but you can't see his face.

[John Holmberg]

What kind of E bike is it? It's not a pivot shot. It's not mine.

[Brady Bogan]

Serial butt slapper might sound funny, but.

[John Holmberg]

It'S sexual assault and it leads to other things. Like if once you start getting tired of slapping butts, you're gonna. We've evidently had that problem in the building before. We're. People can't keep their hands off you, and you let them have a free taste. And then the next Christmas party, they're grabbing the front side.

[Brady Bogan]

We've got a little spin on a Bonnie and Clyde.

[John Holmberg]

We're gonna let you. We're let you keep working here, but you gotta stop touching people's bottoms. No problemo. And then a Christmas party later, it's like, okay, we did tell him to stop touching butts. He technically listened to us, but he's grabbing a lot of. Well, we got his address and sent him off to his house and then his address. And when we tried to put him in, the Uber included racial slurs and still managed to work here for a little while after that.

[Brady Bogan]

We've got a new Bonnie and Clyde, Florida style happening crime in Polk County, Florida. They're looking for a man and a woman who stole around $500 worth of cleaning supplies from a family family dollar store last month. And the employees who really need these cleaning supplies because this is how they got away with it. While the guy was collecting the cleaning supplies in a cart, wheeling them out, the woman distracted the staff by taking a dump on the floor in other another aisle.

[John Holmberg]

Oh my.

[Brady Bogan]

She caused the poop distraction. The guy dashed with the cleaning products.

[John Holmberg]

We never had that at the office.

[Brady Bogan]

There's footage of them from the store surveillance. That we know of.

[John Holmberg]

That we know of. Well, I think we'd know. The pile of poo in the hallway would let us know. It's a pretty big indicator from the dollar store, though. Yeah, class it up. Steal some more from somewhere else. I agree. Can't have riff raff stuff like that.

[Brady Bogan]

And now it's time for some science news.

[John Holmberg]

Hello, my friends. Look at them. Something else going on there.

[Brady Bogan]

Mathematicians calculated the perfect body type for hula hooping. And yes, curves help. They found it's a lot easier for people who have a thin waist and curvy hips.

[John Holmberg]

Sorry, science your full of dreams have died. Well, he's mad at it.

[Brady Bogan]

Of all the things to be excited about.

[John Holmberg]

It basically was a study that said everyone but you can do this straight down. Yeah, yeah. If you're shaped like a snowman, it's just a bell.

[Brady Bogan]

The first satellite made of wood was deployed from the space station and will orbit the Earth for the next six months.

[John Holmberg]

That's pretty neat. That actually is a pretty neat thing. We start building those out of wood and they're not coming back. And then the atmosphere will just eat it up. There's no threat. Just got to get them up or the embers will hit la. Or. Yeah, you know what? It could have been. That's right. What if. Just. What if we don't. Do we want to take that chance?

[Brady Bogan]

Scientists think they've pinpointed where the super volcano under Yellowstone will erupt. But they say it probably won't happen for hundreds of thousands of years.

[John Holmberg]

Next story. Yeah, what are we talking? Doesn't affect me. Don't care. Where's Jay Cutler? He's out there.

[Brady Bogan]

That's your science news. We've been hearing President Trump talking about wanting to buy Greenland. This might be a tough one, because if we do purchase Greenland, or if we can. But by doing it, he's pressuring Denmark. He's going to raise tariffs there, right? He's like, I'm going to really raise them. And if he does, that means Ozempic wegovy goes through the roof.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's theirs.

[Brady Bogan]

Nova.

[John Holmberg]

Forgot about that.

[Brady Bogan]

Nordics. The medical company?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

It's worth 300 billion. That's where it's produced. So that means Ozempic will go through the roof on the cost.

[John Holmberg]

So if we tariff them, fat people will not be able to shoot their. Kill my food product. We'll just make our own. Yeah, why don't we just do that anyway? We know what it is at this. This point, and we can do that, Brett. Brett's very right. Why are we using Denmark when we have some of the greatest fat scientists in all of the world? I think that's a great thing. Let's do that instead. We got a beast here to test it on too. We're fine.

[Brady Bogan]

They'll put another program together, get it lightning fast.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Hey, Obama, watch this. You know how to answer it. All right, let's do it. Hey, Mike, Mike. Mike Pence.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yes, sir.

[John Holmberg]

I need you to certify something. Obama, deez, darts, Medler and Waldorf. Great one. You see his face? I saw his face. That was hilarious. Pence is gonna cry. You are the most fun ex president. Current president of all time. Right back at you, bro.

[Brady Bogan]

Sharon McDonald's.

[John Holmberg]

I got you a McRib. How did you know? Wild guess. Orange drink. Of course. Here you go. This is yours. Wow. And a McRib. I told you, I'm like, great for black people. All these other presidents didn't get it. I get you, homie. What do you got on the videos? Go ahead.

[Brady Bogan]

I got Brett's videos.

[John Holmberg]

Brett's got them all. I got them all.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Friday's videos for Brett. Go ahead. Here we go. Let me pull them up. Let's see here. Oh, you're not ready.

[Brady Bogan]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Usually he goes, yeah, that's why I.

[Brady Bogan]

Was kind of like yesterday.

[John Holmberg]

No, yesterday had some gems. We got some good ones today. All right, that's. All right.

[Brady Bogan]

Let's.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, we already had that. Oh, my God. That was yesterday. Toledo missed that one. So it was at the vet. Oh, all right. Let's try this one. Oh, all right. This is a. But we got a blurry genital situation, which means we're in Japan. Look at that dong. There is a Thailand. Good rimini. That is a four foot Dom. And I think that that's a he she there.

[Frank Caliendo]

So.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's why Japan is digital. But the. The dong is going. Yeah, that's. Those are magnificent. Going into this Heishi. And the stomach is rising and falling as it enters. Oh, that's horrible. That's. And there's a. It's machinery like this took effort and energy and. Oh, we're in a bad country. There's a half a guy laying on the road. All I got to do is you do this on Monday. That's a different one. You had a pan left or right up there. Where's this bicycle? Is that his teeth? Did they fall out of his mouth?

[Brady Bogan]

Signs People crossing folded.

[John Holmberg]

Crossing themselves. This guy. Yeah, he's Samsonite. He's kissing the bottom of his own foot. I got hammer time here. Okay, here's one where our guys are in some sort of a weird. I don't know if that's a store. Oh, he just took a hammer to the face of the other guy. It's a little hatch dude's temple. He's dressed as Lionel Messi. He's got some Argentinian soccer gear on. And they attack the dude. He's alive or is he? Yeah, I think she's holding. Oh, that's not the same dude, is it? Yes, it is. Yeah. Oh, my God.

[Brady Bogan]

Is that him dead?

[John Holmberg]

What are they tying him up for? Yeah, I don't know.

[Brady Bogan]

Is that the next one tied up? Oh, yeah. What a birthday party.

[John Holmberg]

There we go. Oh, my goodness. This goes with a couple of last year's videos too. Okay, there's a guy by the trash. He's a man dressed in black. It's like little Steven from E Street Band. And he's going through the garbage. He's reaching into a bag. That's a tampon, I think. Isn't it a woman's pad?

[Frank Caliendo]

And he is eating.

[John Holmberg]

He's found it in the trash. He started to eat a woman's pad right out of. And look, he takes it for later too. Just puts it in his pocket when he's done. Oh, he can't get enough of that delicious stuff. He puts it in his pocket.

[Brady Bogan]

Did you just do super Golden?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I did. Yeah, because it's like one of those. Remember those. Those candies that taught us as kids how to be. How to do acid. Oh, you had to bite the little things off of the paper. Those. LSD for kids. Oh, this one was sent in. This is a. Where'd it go? That was awful. This is from Nicholas. So he's not one of our. He's not crowned. Bailey. So this is auditioning. Yeah. Video from Nicholas. All right, this is. What is that? A poop? A guy's got a. Oh, he's got a tortoise. He's got a Dorito chip. And he's. And he's dipping it into some dog poo and he's got a nice dip on it. He's barefoot and he's walking over to somebody.

[Brady Bogan]

He's gonna feed a body.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he's definitely gonna drop this in someone's mouth. Oh, he's got the poop right up close to the camera. We're going into it. Oh, oh, he's putting it. His buddy said taste it. He puts it right into. Oh, my God. Oh, man. He's. Is he full? Dead. Oh, he ate it. Oh, he did eat it. He did. He did taste it. He says it's guacamole. It's not guacamole. Oh, he's picking up the poo that fell off on his shirt and putting it in his mouth. He doesn't know. And he's finishing it off. Oh, what's the reaction? What's that? What is that? Oh, it's poop. He just fed his friend poop on a Dorito chip. And we'll just. Where is that at here? We'll just. We'll just end for this one. One girl, one cigarette. One girl, one cigarette. Okay. She's smoking. She's a middle aged lady, just farted. She's having a classy, as you can tell. Got a dart in her mouth. She's having a smoke.

[Brady Bogan]

Blue flame.

[John Holmberg]

She's taking it down south, things. Oh, she's putting. She's putting it in the. In the rose. Oh, just wait. Her butt has fallen out and she's using it to smoke.

[Brady Bogan]

Does she loop it?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Can that come out of the top? The top hole is not ingesting the smoke. The bottom hole is. And now we're looking at her. Still holds. Oh, she's putting the whole cigarette in.

[Brady Bogan]

One guy that does the.

[John Holmberg]

Yes. Oh, the whole cigarette's going in. It's a lit cigarette.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, why did you do that?

[John Holmberg]

It was inevitable. Oh, the rosebud.

[Brady Bogan]

She has an ash hole.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, she has an ash hole. And it says right there. Oh, that's not what I wanted to do. Look at the size of the hole.

[Frank Caliendo]

Instant replay, please.

[John Holmberg]

Al is the proper answer. What did you expect? You put a lit cigarette in your butthole. Of course, Al, dummy. We'll just End there. Yikes. Ow. How dare you just keep it to yourself at that point. We knew Al was coming. How did you not know? Lit cigarette in your butt for the Internet. And you expected it to go well? Idiot. It's 8:00. Right on the dot. Big J Okerson's coming in this morning. Love him. He's great. Jay's coming in here and just a little while. Probably a little Eagles happy because they are a front runner. So I'm assuming that there's. Although, is this boy out of concussion protocol yet? Jalen. He's fine. He's just fine. It was his elbow that was the bigger problem. He's fine. His. He'll play. The Eagles are a good team. That's a scary one. So we'll talk.

[Brady Bogan]

Shoot his head up.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. Just put some portal on it. Jay will be here a little bit. There goes your brandy report, everybody. It's 98.

[Brady Bogan]

That's not weird.

[John Holmberg]

It's pretty cool actually.

[Brady Bogan]

No membership fee.

[John Holmberg]

I have heard enough of this. You P.D. hornburg's morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil. Sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. 98. The yield our privilege to have Big J Okerson right here in the room with us at the 10pm prov tonight and tomorrow. If you want to go 10pmprov.com of course. Last time. Our addiction. Which is weird. You've been doing it on your show for. I don't know how long we've been on this show. And worlds collided. We didn't know you were doing it. And. And you're probably still doing it. Oh.

[Frank Caliendo]

Whenever it comes up.

[John Holmberg]

The Corey Feldman stuff. And you went to the Limp Bizkit Corey Feldman deal.

[Frank Caliendo]

We did indeed.

[John Holmberg]

And. And reaction.

[Frank Caliendo]

Well, it was. I mean the show was world class.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

But everything I was hoping for. But we went to. Yes. The bonfire. My serious show. We all went with a bunch of friends and had a bunch of fans go also to load up to say also. Let's make this the most packed.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

It's been for him. I mean he is the opening act.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

He went on. It was like six.

[John Holmberg]

Six o'clock. Same here.

[Brady Bogan]

Yep.

[Frank Caliendo]

It was so like no one's supposed to be there. But we went there. And when we were all sitting in our seats and he starts to come out. First of all, we were getting ready for. And we got some. Where he comes out. Whatever glitch Is happening. The band's at fault. That band.

[John Holmberg]

He will blame everybody.

[Frank Caliendo]

The band is good and you. And he is not afraid to, in front of the audience, really give a good finger pointing.

[John Holmberg]

Right. Sorry, guys.

[Frank Caliendo]

This song normally starts off good, but I hired this moron, I guess. I guess it's hard to find a good guitar player. And you see these guys, they already hate him and hate the music. And then he's insulting them on stage. And like, why am I taking.

[John Holmberg]

Making this? And I found out why. Jay. We did yesterday. No reason at all. Larry, our program director and I were sitting there and we have a big spring concert coming up. I'm like, we got space for a couple. I'm like, get Feldman. We did this last time. I think there were probably 6,000 people showed up because we wouldn't shut up about it just for. At 6:00 at the thing. And ended up selling out completely. But looking around, you could tell Corey looked around like this. This is like, I'm huge. He doesn't. He's so delusional. So we looked in to see how much he would cost for our festival show. What number do you know?

[Frank Caliendo]

Do you know how much it would cost? Yeah, no, we've never gotten that far because we've always asked. We've asked several times for him to be a part of anything. And they're like, no.

[John Holmberg]

Well, we did once I offered. I asked if he would do our Corey Feldman's Our Christmas show. And my guess would be, go ahead.

[Frank Caliendo]

30.

[John Holmberg]

40 to $70,000.

[Brady Bogan]

What?

[John Holmberg]

70. Somebody. Jesus. Put the 70 on that. So even if we're in the middle there.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You've spent way too much money for what you're gonna get.

[Frank Caliendo]

You think?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh. And encouraged more to continue and the price to rise. So I offered.

[Frank Caliendo]

We got seven dust at Skankfest for 40.

[John Holmberg]

Right. You can get seven. Seven. That shows up a lot.

[Frank Caliendo]

A bunch of them, though.

[John Holmberg]

But that. I offered them 15,000 on the spot. Yeah. And they called like within a minute. Really? So I think the 40, 70 price tag sitting at the agents negotiable is very much.

[Frank Caliendo]

Well, I mean, is it on a weekday?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. When do I get to come? But since he went out with Biscuit, he probably thinks he's huge now.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah, well. And it's.

[John Holmberg]

It's our fault. Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

So. Except he was driving his own equipment truck, which I found very funny.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's fantastic.

[Frank Caliendo]

He was. I think Fred Durst is an evil genius.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, me too.

[Frank Caliendo]

Who was completely in on this joke.

[John Holmberg]

Joke.

[Frank Caliendo]

And has to be for sure. I mean, did you see the video? The best was. And that's what we were waiting for. Well, to get back to the concert. We go, and it's very fun. Everyone's excited that we're there. That was you walking around. And then when we took our seats, a guy comes up. Security comes over to us. And the guy goes. He goes, hey, I'm gonna need to ask you guys to leave.

[John Holmberg]

Oh.

[Frank Caliendo]

But it seemed, like, playful enough when he said. We were like, like, wait, wait. Huh? He goes, now? He goes, I'm just kidding. My name is. So I'm a big fan. He's like, I'm a head of security.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, nice.

[Frank Caliendo]

I'm head of security here. I just wanted you guys to know. I thought you'd find it funny. Like, it's been a thing all day that you guys were coming. He had asked if we were coming, and he said. He said he's a fan. So he was like. He's like, yeah, they're coming.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's.

[Frank Caliendo]

And he goes, well, can. He goes, can we keep them from coming? And he was like, well, we can't stop them coming in. They're not threatening you or anything. It's like they're going to. He's like, they're here to, like, watch the show.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

And he goes, well, can you at least, like, let me know? He goes, how can I know where they are? And they said. He answered him. I hope this is true. But he said. He said to him. He goes, the place they'll be, the place where the people are most excited for what's happening. And I mean, he couldn't be wrong. We looked like. We looked like one plant growing out of, like. Like a desert. It was like everyone was sitting down and just like, it was like 12 of us, like, going dancing, knowing all the songs and the dance.

[John Holmberg]

That's the weird part is we start realizing that you're singing along. Just be. Just to be tongue in cheek or to.

[Brady Bogan]

I kept yelling, I love this. You could hear it.

[Frank Caliendo]

And he was. By the way, he's against. The beauty of his delusion is that guy said it's going to be where they're most excited.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

He sees there's only one pocket of people standing, cheering, you know, like 30 rows back. I mean, excite. Singing the words, knowing all the words of the song. It's always. And in that moment, he knows what we look like. He's not looking over and going, like, those guys. We're giving him the day of his life. Like, why do you not not understand? We bring the happiness for you.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you are getting a better vibe off of this because of us.

[Frank Caliendo]

Whatever the reason, just Josh Adam Myers.

[Brady Bogan]

Have all the glitches you want. Still a great show.

[Frank Caliendo]

Josh, Adam Myers in the comic ran over, like when he started going, like, working the sides, like the thrusts of the stage. Josh runs down an aisle to go high five him. Security uninvolved at all. They just let him get up to him. But you see, Corey Feldman at one point goes like, more nervous. And then. And then he like. And then he slap high fives Josh. Because, like. But just the idea. But at first I'm like, man, you can just get to him.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, sure.

[Frank Caliendo]

You didn't care. Like, what? You guys. You guys aren't Limp Bizkit.

[John Holmberg]

And nobody's going to attack Corey Feldman if they do. What are you about at the end.

[Brady Bogan]

When he comes out for the finale?

[Frank Caliendo]

Well, there was no.

[John Holmberg]

They didn't do that.

[Frank Caliendo]

Well, there was no Witherskit.

[Brady Bogan]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I had to miss that.

[Brady Bogan]

And he has a free form dance.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah, they didn't do that at ours.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I missed that.

[Frank Caliendo]

We didn't get that because they're supposed to open and close with break stuff.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

Limp Bizkit, which is also kind of weird.

[John Holmberg]

That is strange.

[Frank Caliendo]

But they did do that and he's supposed to come out for the last thing. They never got to the second break stuff. They had to cut their mics curfew wise. Oh, yeah, because I don't know. It was a very like, Fred Durst. I like Limpis.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, me too.

[Frank Caliendo]

They were fun that he didn't seem to give anything a crap at all. Fred Durst. I mean, talking about a guy going through the motions. I mean, zero emotion. And then he killed a bunch of. This is New Jersey.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, okay, okay.

[Frank Caliendo]

So he. Yeah, Fred Dursway wasn't caring at all. Like, it just seemed like he was kind of phoning it. And then at one point in the middle of the show, he. Are there children here at all? Like actual kids? And then everyone that said they had kids there, if you were like 13 or below, he like let you come on the stage and kind of stand on the stage like, or sit on the stage, like around him in a circle while he like. I don't know, it just wasn't like, the idea was good. And then it just like slowed the show down and they couldn't finish the show because.

[Brady Bogan]

Scout leader.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Is it a good idea that. I remember the new.

[Frank Caliendo]

It looked cool for like, Jim Florentine. You know Jim Florentine. Florentine's son. Like, got to go up. So I was like. I saw in the moment of that, you're like, that's cool. I guess.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

But at the same time, you're like, hey, can we start doing the show again?

[John Holmberg]

Right? Yeah, we. I went to see Stone Temple Pilots with her new singer. I thought that would be a good idea because I'm like, let's see what they've got. The band is incredible. Like, let's see what they've got. And the kid in the front row was singing all the songs with the new singer, and he noticed, and he goes, hey, this kid knows all the songs, and he knew all the new ones. Like, the stuff really off the album that. No. And so he grabs the kid's hand, the new lead singer, pulls him up there and gives him the mic. And then you hear the worst noise ever, which is, you know, I am smelling like, no, no, no, no. That's why I'm here. I paid for him to not child, though. Like, there's a reason I don't have kids. I don't want to go to recitals. He sang the whole damn song.

[Frank Caliendo]

You're gonna bring somebody on stage that has to make some impact. Remember when Kendrick Lamar brought the white girl on stage? Katie N word three times? How you. That's how you get somebody out on stage standing over.

[John Holmberg]

You set her up for failure and then chastised her. And her school got involved that they wanted to kick her out of her sorority and stuff. That's the. That's one of my favorite music stories. Why?

[Frank Caliendo]

For being too dope.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. She went up there and said, you want it? I'll do it. Yeah. And she was almost hot enough to pull it off. And then Kendrick said, no, you're not supposed to do it.

[Frank Caliendo]

She was, like, 30 pounds too heavy.

[John Holmberg]

She was 30 pounds away from getting the. The end card.

[Frank Caliendo]

If she was Hawk to a. Hawk to a girl could have got away.

[John Holmberg]

With that for two weeks of her life. Hawk to a girl could have knocked one down.

[Frank Caliendo]

Oh, for two weeks of her life. She could have put it in an album with all nwords only just that. You want to hear me say it's 70 different inflections.

[John Holmberg]

I can do that. Like, she could have done it on blacked.com a couple of times. Yeah, it would have worked out perfect.

[Frank Caliendo]

What a great. A great way for our society to prove you're not racist if you're a girl. Yeah, well, there's One. Listen, you can go make a public apology. You could go dip your little toe into black dot com.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. We are not going to call you a racist if you do that. Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

How do you feel about a picture sitting on a couch with 18 of the biggest, blackest guys behind you?

[John Holmberg]

And it's because you said the bad boy.

[Frank Caliendo]

What a great meme, by the way. That was when I was going around. You just put it whoever you wanted on the couch.

[John Holmberg]

Oh.

[Frank Caliendo]

And just a bunch of naked black.

[John Holmberg]

Dudes around it standing there. It took me a second senior picture after this. After the search on pornhub, it literally took me a second to go, oh.

[Frank Caliendo]

Here we go, dot com.

[John Holmberg]

I typed in the dot com. Like, here we go. We're going in.

[Frank Caliendo]

We got it. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It was cold water, and I got. I'm watching this. I got to see how this ends. I kind of have an idea how it ends. But, yeah. Something about America where we're just like, all right, I'm not going to ignore that.

[Frank Caliendo]

Oh, yeah. Well, to go back to the. The Corey thing with Fred Durst being an evil genius, too.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

Was. I mean, so the part we were looking for, by that point, we saw him, he had already been known for doing the Shred solo.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

Where he tears it up, shows you what's what.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

And. And then Fred Durst made the video. Did you see that? Where he goes on stage, he's like, everyone says, you're not doing. It's too good.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Frank Caliendo]

And so I'm gonna stay here. And he just watches him do awful. And then when he goes, stop, now. Go fast again. Now stop. And he's just like, you know, it's like a child smashing a guitar. And then he goes, nope. He's doing it for sure.

[John Holmberg]

Doing this.

[Frank Caliendo]

He's doing it for sure. And Corey Feldman. Poor Corey Feldman. Not. I say Fred Durst is a thousand times meaner than you or I have ever been.

[John Holmberg]

Completely 100.

[Frank Caliendo]

He's actually. Look, he's put some money in his pocket for sure, but far meaner, because there's nothing about him going, like, I need to let Corey. People see Corey Feldman's got something. He was laughing at it just along with.

[John Holmberg]

Have you guys tried to get Fred on the bonfire? That would be awesome to get. And we can't. We've. We've tried, but he's like all he wants. He, like, has a set of rules because he had. They headlined one of our festivals here, and we're like, how do you. Come on. He's like, yeah, I'll do this. But it's not. It's gonna be after, like, two in the afternoon. And he had like, don't ask me about this. And let's not go down that road. And then it was pretty. I think Fitz did. It was. Yeah. I just don't. So you couldn't really go. What are you doing with Corey? Like, how much are you in on this? Let's talk.

[Frank Caliendo]

I know.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And then I sold or I bought one of the Feldman bobbleheads at that thing. He's got those. Pop.

[Frank Caliendo]

Oh, yeah. Funko Pop.

[Brady Bogan]

You got the box set, but no.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I got the box set at the last show, which was fantastic. Fantastic move.

[Frank Caliendo]

Does it have the original cover?

[John Holmberg]

No, it's got the one with the. The. I can't breathe. I can't. I can't.

[Frank Caliendo]

Well, because there's a.

[John Holmberg]

Can breathe.

[Frank Caliendo]

No, no, no, no. But it's a misprint. It says, I cannot breathe.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. That. I think it does say. Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah. If it has it at all, this. It's wrong. It's a wrong sign.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

I cannot breathe. I cannot. I'm like. That's not what the line is. How did you mess up a line that's so you fumble the three word. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You dropped the three word.

[Frank Caliendo]

Just. I think Floyd George said it best. No, it's. You're so close, Corey. You're, like, right there.

[John Holmberg]

We're gonna do it one more time. Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

I cannot breathe.

[John Holmberg]

It does say that.

[Frank Caliendo]

I cannot breathe.

[John Holmberg]

Breathe. But then it's got like. Like the. Whatever. It's the love. Whatever. 2.0. And it's got, like, the angels and hearts. And then a couple cop with a cop.

[Frank Caliendo]

Oh, yeah. Holding against. I cannot breathe. Take a black. Yeah. And then, like. And then, like a hippie chick, like, strumming a guitar. It's like, none of it adds up.

[John Holmberg]

It's got a devil's tail. It's the weirdest.

[Brady Bogan]

What's his number again?

[John Holmberg]

Is it 22?

[Brady Bogan]

22.

[John Holmberg]

Two's the big one. But that's what he did.

[Frank Caliendo]

Well, 222 is the three. The two of them together. That's Corey.

[John Holmberg]

That's right.

[Frank Caliendo]

That's Corey Haim and Corey Feldman together.

[John Holmberg]

It's so weird. It's.

[Frank Caliendo]

They are.

[John Holmberg]

Have you ever had anything like that in your life? That you've been. That. There it is. There's 2.2.1, but it's still. That's the one I've gotten. That's got the cop with.

[Frank Caliendo]

Oh, but that one says I can't fixed it. If you look it up.

[John Holmberg]

I cannot breathe.

[Frank Caliendo]

I cannot.

[John Holmberg]

Because we did. We did laugh about that. Mine's hilarious.

[Brady Bogan]

When he went to buy it, they're like, are you sure?

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah. When I bought it, the lady at the thing said, It's $270. I'm like, okay. And she goes, are you sure? And I'm like, you're selling his merch? Like, you can't be in on it too.

[Frank Caliendo]

By the time they were here.

[John Holmberg]

Did you see if it is.

[Frank Caliendo]

There it is. I cannot breathe.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's on vinyl, too.

[Frank Caliendo]

When we went to. When we went to buy merch, we went to the merch booth. Corey Feldman himself. His time is merch at the table. A handwritten sign that says 200 meet and greet. Oh, yeah, you buy it right now. Like, that's how desperate it was.

[John Holmberg]

Like, you give them the 200 and meet him, right? Yeah, yeah. Hey.

[Frank Caliendo]

Just in a booth. The Funko dunk me for five Hondo.

[John Holmberg]

They sold out of the one Funko, and I got the other one. And I realized when I looked at it that it's the one you can make online for friends birthdays.

[Frank Caliendo]

Oh, really?

[John Holmberg]

It's not. Not anything. It just had his name on it.

[Frank Caliendo]

We have the real one of it. It's like, glittery.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's got a little.

[Frank Caliendo]

There's like one that's just gray. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Like a diy. And he. And that's the one I ended up with. Because they sold out of the glitter.

[Brady Bogan]

Corey makes it himself.

[John Holmberg]

Do it online.

[Brady Bogan]

He's got a mole.

[John Holmberg]

I can go online right now and make the same one and just put my name on it.

[Frank Caliendo]

New poor. The new poor girl who has to be there just.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

Eating crow every day.

[John Holmberg]

Every day. That in a 2012 laptop that she's got. That is just. And he blamed the heat.

[Frank Caliendo]

Why?

[John Holmberg]

The Internet wasn't working. Working. He couldn't blame the band. So we said, yeah, I don't even know how you guys have Internet in this heat. And I'm like, it works in the heat.

[Frank Caliendo]

We don't. How do you have Internet? Things don't go together.

[John Holmberg]

How do you think I'm filming you right now and putting it online. I am. You're an idiot.

[Frank Caliendo]

Like, how many guys have electricity at this elevation?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's crazy. You've never had any. Like, it's not hate watching, like, any fascination with something like that before where you're just addicted to something you know isn't good. And you can't, like, I just want to place.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I want to place my brain in there and. And know what being that delusional feels like. I just don't know them putting the.

[Brady Bogan]

Amount of years that he's put into that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I had it for Sandler's Grown Ups movies.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Because they're so incredibly lazy.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Like the script and stuff. And it's.

[Frank Caliendo]

Oh, they stop caring.

[John Holmberg]

They didn't care midway through that. There's like, they have like four meals in one day just to say. I'm like, they don't even grabs. Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

All those Adam Sandler movies, which is almost a bummer that they're going to do.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

They're doing Happy Gilmore too. It's like, it can't be good.

[John Holmberg]

No, it cannot.

[Frank Caliendo]

It just won't be. I'm not even saying there's not an ability to write a good script for that. It won't be executed well.

[John Holmberg]

No. Because they're hurrying.

[Frank Caliendo]

Nobody cares.

[Brady Bogan]

We're doing the fart scene here.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. That's the big thing. It's like, all right. And I have a deer piss in my face and we'll be all done. I don't know. Like, I'm just sitting there like, the kid broke his leg and now he's at a party like an hour later. Like, this day is the longest day ever. And it's also the grown ups too thing. I broke this down because it was my real Corey Feldman moment. I knew I was capable of. This is that I. I got a notebook and I started to keep notes of, like, the mistakes. It's the last day of school and they enroll a new kid and he gets a job. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Like, why shift off?

[John Holmberg]

Just lazy like that.

[Frank Caliendo]

And then your footloose happened in a.

[John Holmberg]

Day and they're worried about getting kicked out. I'm like, you're tomorrow's it. You don't even. Don't worry about it. I don't.

[Frank Caliendo]

I hope I make friends or. It doesn't matter.

[John Holmberg]

It just does not matter at all. Get through your hour. I don't know why they enrolled you today.

[Frank Caliendo]

We used to do the funniest things, like one slight decision of reality changing a movie completely.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

For what it was we did one time. It was like Rambo. It was like, what if Rambo in the first movie, First Blood, if he just accepted the ride from the police officer, thanked him and went on his way. He's like, all right, Got you to the edge of town. He goes. He goes, man, you just saved me about a good three hours. Of walking.

[John Holmberg]

Much appreciated, Officer Handsome Lives.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah, yeah. We were doing. We were getting the car or what if he just took a better. He goes, yeah. He goes, I just got back from Nam and it turns out all my friends are like, passed away. And the cop just went, you like roast beef? How did I take you for the best? After three hours later, the other cops are coming. He goes, guys, you gotta meet Johnny Rambo over here. This guy's got the craziest stories.

[John Holmberg]

I had one the other day where I kind of wrecked Squid Games. The new Squid Games too, because they're. Look. Have you watched it?

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So they're all searching for the island on the boat. And I'm like, they don't need these boats. There has to be like a contractors that know where they're building and material that had to float you. All you have to do is just. There's somebody telling the story.

[Frank Caliendo]

One family's been building it for two centuries.

[John Holmberg]

Like, where are they? Where's the Home Depot that's floating? All of the. The massive merry go round. All of the Internet and technical TVs and all this stuff.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Here.

[Brady Bogan]

Bunk beds.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

Because somebody just had to believe they were creating this really fun, wacky playland or something underground.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

Because you don't know why. Why are we making these pink rooms with this weird racetrack?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

I guess it's like a daycare or something. It's like, no, no adults are going to murder each other.

[John Holmberg]

It's got snipers nests though. Okay.

[Brady Bogan]

Interesting design.

[John Holmberg]

It's just ridiculous to me. And so I kind of wrecked it for myself while they're searching. And I'm like, well, this is dumb now because. Because just hang around the mainland and eavesdrop. Eventually somebody's gonna say, did I ever tell you about that job? Where were you the last year? Go to that island again. They're doing it again. I'm building this massive MC Escher staircase. I don't know what it is. You would take one picture on your phone, someone would get fired. I gotta show somebody what we're building.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah. There really wasn't. I know. I take that to the realistic nature. Taking things out of movies completely.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It just.

[Frank Caliendo]

This would never ever happen.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Frank Caliendo]

Even horrors. You have to get over the fact that it was. Man.

[John Holmberg]

Man.

[Frank Caliendo]

Very blind acceptance of vampires. That's what I used to always love about the show Fear Factor was because that really would show to me. Do you remember that show at all? I mean, I know it's back, but when they used to do it it was almost illegal when it first came out. Now it's so dialed back, they even do new ones now. I watched.

[John Holmberg]

I haven't seen that.

[Frank Caliendo]

And I mean, they almost essentially go, have you met my vampire friend? And the person will go, what? And they go, we're just kidding. Scare tactic. Like, they get you so early. There was one in the early days of it, I was watching. They were in Ogden, Utah.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Frank Caliendo]

So middle of nowhere there. Why would you think. That's the other thing, too? I got. Now the show is always like, the new scare tactics, too. It's all LA or wherever they, you know, the production's built based at.

[Brady Bogan]

It's the same.

[Frank Caliendo]

The original thing used to go to you. Yeah, they used to go to wherever you. So it would always say a thing, you know, like, you know, bum. Wherever. Minneapolis or something. It was never like a place that made like. It wasn't like, you know, places where people would go, is this a reality show?

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Frank Caliendo]

Ogden, Utah. Two in the morning or midnight or something. They're going to. They said they're going to a party. Everybody's in on it except the one girl in the passenger seat, the guy driving. All of her friends are on it in the back seat. And the guy driving is a stunt driver slash working for the show, so he's in on it, too. And they pull up and there's cops blocking the road. And they say, you guys can't go through here. And the drivers go, it's the only path I have. You know, it's the only path to get to this party. And the cops, like, I'm sorry. And like, you got to find another way. And then the guy just goes around the cop and drives past him. And even the girl in the passenger seats, like, whoa. Okay. That's, like, weird. But the rest of them, you know, they're all, hey, where are you? The guy's like, screw, we're going to this party. We're getting to get you guys to that party. Then they get up the road and you see what they stopped it for. There is a police officer on the ground looking dead while the cop car is going. And a vampire eating them. And the vampire looks at and watching this girl process. Not only that, we're in danger. We've hit a scary situation. And also vampires. This has been a thing the whole time.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. She had to open her eyes to a whole new world.

[Brady Bogan]

I've seen this before.

[John Holmberg]

That's hilarious.

[Frank Caliendo]

Full acceptance of that. He goes, I think we're dealing with a vampire here. Excuse me.

[John Holmberg]

I'm gonna run with it.

[Frank Caliendo]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Big J OKERSON'S at the 10pm Prov tonight and tomorrow. It is. Your show is so great. It always has been. But man, it's just every time I've seen you, and I've seen you a couple times now, it's been like. It's a ridiculous night. And the fun thing is it's like the guttural laughs from guys sitting next to their wives that is like, you can't. Like there's laughs that they should not be doing and they know it and they just don't care.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah, it's the. It's the. The only thing that can dull in the sound of male laughter is a woman's gleam.

[John Holmberg]

It's so true.

[Frank Caliendo]

I do also set the crowd up for a lot of going homes where your wife or girlfriend's gonna say this like, that was funny, but like, I don't do that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he's talking about other people.

[Frank Caliendo]

I don't do that.

[Brady Bogan]

You're right.

[Frank Caliendo]

No, I can laugh at it because I know he's talking about other girls.

[John Holmberg]

Give us words of wisdom. Leave us. It's a brand new year. Change the world for us.

[Frank Caliendo]

Something Manjaro works.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, all right.

[Brady Bogan]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

Are you feeling good about that?

[Frank Caliendo]

Feeling pretty good about it.

[John Holmberg]

All right. There you go. Not changing the world. It's just an endorsement.

[Frank Caliendo]

Who thought a needle in your belly could turn it all around?

[John Holmberg]

Science.

[Brady Bogan]

That too.

[John Holmberg]

Big J. Oson. Thanks, man. Thank you for having 98 KUPD.

[Brady Bogan]

Hey, it's not weird.

[John Holmberg]

It's pretty cool, actually.

[Brady Bogan]

No membership fee.

[John Holmberg]

I have heard enough of this morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil. Sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. That was a scare tactics. We just watched a couple episodes. Big J was talking about that. And that vampire one's. The vampire is ridiculously funny. That's so stupid. Like, it just. It's head shaking stuff to scare people that way and then think. Think that nobody got sued. Yeah. Hold on. I got a burp.

[Brady Bogan]

Good one.

[John Holmberg]

And that's. Thanks. That's. You know what that was? That was Japanese for delicious. Because the Ranch House Grill just dropped off a bunch of breakfast for us as they will occasionally do. And burping is a sign of gratitude over there in the Far East. So I gave it. That's. That's my excuse for why that just happened because I just had some of the French toast Fantastic. And thank you for dropping that off. They love KUPD so they drop stuff off for us all the time and we love them back. Right there on I always forgot Thomas and 64th. Is that right? 56. 56. That's right. Thomas in 56. I always get backwards. So thank you to Ranch House Girl for dropping all that off. Go in there and say KUPD sent you and get one piece of toast for free. That's what I say. That's what. Just tell them. Not of your choosing either. It's not like you're gonna don't get all bougie and start getting an English muffin. You get in touch. Toast for free. 1. Any butter BYO on that? That's white bread too. That's righto. Toast.

[Frank Caliendo]

Exactly right.

[John Holmberg]

Don't bring your multigrain ash to my not getting sourdough. Yeah, exactly. A lot of people with a lot going on right now. You're getting a free toast. Quiet down. You don't have to eat it. Just appreciate it that it showed up. It's time for Brady to give you the entertaining news. Frank Caliento is going to join us a little bit too for today's Guadalupe Squares because Frank has something to plug. So. So we're gonna start seeing him more often.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. Birthday weekend comedy show he's having.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's right. It's on your birthday. It's a couple weeks. Frank's doing Brady Gro is what he's gonna do. Entertainment Drill is brought to you by our [e-mail] the home of tactical black self defense. It's an amazing thing to think about. I was walking to the Suns game last night, entering around the back end and just eyeballed a guy accidentally as I'm walking kind of solo walking across the street. I was a little late because of the lock situation, so there wasn't a big crowd. And I'm going down there and the guy looks at me and he goes, you think you a man pussy? And I'm like, oh, I looked at the wrong guy. And he starts mouthing off. And I'm like, I could have had two reactions to that. He was about eight feet from me. I could have bowed up and said, yeah, I'm a man, and gotten into whatever thing he wanted to do or do, exactly as I did and was trained to do at react defense, which is just. Just put. Put everything aside, pride and all that other stuff and keep walking towards my destination, away from him. That's is hard when someone says something like that. To you and you didn't do anything wrong not to just go, go screw yourself. Don't do it.

[Frank Caliendo]

It's dumb.

[John Holmberg]

And the faster you realize it's not worth it, the better off. He also had a bag in his hand. I don't know what's in that. And then telling somebody last night that story, they said, what about like a dirty heroin needle or something? Yeah, you don't know what's going to say. Just stay away from that kind of stuff. It's the first thing to do with self defense, which is de escalate the situation. They'll teach you that in a heartbeat. And right now is the best time to do it because they're getting that special still going. They started around the holidays and they said, you know what? Let's keep it up. Two months of training and it's just hands on personal training. 199 bucks for. For two months. That's $100 a month total. $199. That's a great deal. They'll turn you into a sheepdog and you'll stop being a sheep. It's reactdefense.com the huh. Home tactical black Brady entertainment.

[Brady Bogan]

Only two actors born after 1990 have won Oscars.

[John Holmberg]

Really?

[Brady Bogan]

And they're both women.

[John Holmberg]

That apartment she won. I'd say Emma. What's her name?

[Brady Bogan]

You got. Jennifer Lawrence won best actress in 2012 for Silver Linings Playbook.

[John Holmberg]

Is Emma Stone in her?

[Brady Bogan]

No, she's not Ariana Du Bois or.

[John Holmberg]

Dubos, I don't know.

[Brady Bogan]

That is one. Best supporting actress for 2022. West side Story.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I'm straight. I didn't see it. Wait, Jennifer Lawrence was born in the 90s. What about Emma Stone? She was. She's an 80s baby.

[Brady Bogan]

They might have been nominated, but they didn't win.

[John Holmberg]

She's one. Her dress almost fell off. I just don't know how old she is.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, she must be.

[John Holmberg]

She's 36. I got asked though. I got to ask the machine because.

[Brady Bogan]

The Ariana, the bows.

[John Holmberg]

36. Yeah, she's an 89.

[Brady Bogan]

91. She's right on the bubble.

[John Holmberg]

How about that?

[Brady Bogan]

This year though, there's 90s kids are nominated. Selena Gomez, Ariana Grande. Grande. Margaret Qualley and Timothy Chalamet. Chalamet.

[John Holmberg]

Chalamet. All right, it's Friday. It's Friday. We don't like French.

[Brady Bogan]

I always went with Chalamet. But then.

[John Holmberg]

That's right.

[Brady Bogan]

I heard something. Something different.

[John Holmberg]

No, in your head. Your head was wrong.

[Brady Bogan]

And he says, no, it is Chompers.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, nobody said that. Stop it.

[Brady Bogan]

You up for this one?

[John Holmberg]

I'm with you, Brad. It's almost, you know, the 45 minutes.

[Brady Bogan]

Winnie the Pooh horror movie.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Blood and Honey.

[Brady Bogan]

Still never seen the upcoming Peter Pan's Neverland nightmare. Tinkerbell is trans heroin addict. The director says she's not a villain at all, but. But brainwashed by the evil Peter Pan.

[John Holmberg]

It's a great concept, but Blood and Honey evidently was horrible. I didn't see it. I want to see the one where Steamboat Willie starts slicing people up. That's got some legs to it, but I'm not really interested in this one.

[Brady Bogan]

James Mangold is the guy who's behind the Star Wars. Next one up, it's. It's taking place 25,000 years, and it's dealing with the origins of the evil.

[John Holmberg]

Side, the dark side.

[Brady Bogan]

Dark side.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, so it's. We're doing an origin story about. We already know the origin of the dark side. At least the one that mattered, which was Darth Vader. Just give it up. Yeah. Stop. You sucked the marrow out of every bone in the Star wars skeleton. Just quit it.

[Brady Bogan]

We had a celebrity death. Sorry, I thought. I didn't know she was still alive, but Anita Bryant passed away.

[John Holmberg]

Who's that?

[Brady Bogan]

She was the. You don't remember Anita Bryant?

[John Holmberg]

Not really.

[Brady Bogan]

The one that was going after. You know, they're accusing her going after the LGBT actress. Old school actress. Was also pushing orange juice back in the day.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. She's the O.J. lady.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, right. That was back in, like, the 70s, though. Should have been a Jimmy story. Yeah, Jimmy. I don't even think Jimmy Fallon's that. He's. He can't even bring that to life. Oh, my God. Can't believe it. Anita. Brian's gone. Everybody's. Just tip a little OJ to her, okay? I'm amazing Lady Brady. I can't believe she's not here anymore. What are we supposed to do? Supposed to drink Tang. What's going on anyway?

[Brady Bogan]

You and J.T. love tank.

[John Holmberg]

Me and Timberlake are going to talk about that tonight on the show. Blake Shelton will be on. It'll be great with my password.

[Brady Bogan]

I told you about this one this morning. But these are actors who tried music first. Maya Rudolph.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Famous one's. Joe Pesci.

[Brady Bogan]

The Rentals. The band. They had a side. It was a side project of Weezer's bassist, Matt Schmidt Sharp. They had a hit in the 90s called Friends of P. Oh, she was in that band.

[John Holmberg]

Maya Rudolph was. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

And Then she went on tour for six months, promoted their second album, opening for acts like Blur and Alanis Morissette.

[John Holmberg]

Brie. I can't believe it. I worked with my Rudolph. I didn't know she could sing. You did. I could sing, too.

[Frank Caliendo]

Thank you.

[John Holmberg]

I'll do the same. Unless my theme song's on there, it's not even mine.

[Brady Bogan]

Did you drink with her?

[John Holmberg]

What a great theme song. You know, Johnny Car. Since then, I drank with it like crazy because I drink a ton. I can't stop drinking.

[Frank Caliendo]

I love drinking.

[John Holmberg]

It's so amazing. It's like the best thing in the world is to drink. Next to eating, that's what I love. Eating, eating and drinking. Like, it's so great. Hopefully you guys get some. All right.

[Frank Caliendo]

Thanks, guys.

[Brady Bogan]

Maya, Rudo, you'll be back.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, really?

[Brady Bogan]

Chevy Chase. While attending Bard College in the 60s, he played drums in a band called. Called the Leather Canary.

[John Holmberg]

Turned into Steely Dan. Yep.

[Brady Bogan]

Donald Fagan and Walter Becker.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he was up there at school with those guys.

[Brady Bogan]

Character actor Stephen Toblowski.

[John Holmberg]

He's watching.

[Brady Bogan]

Known as Ned Ryerson and Groundhog Day.

[John Holmberg]

That's a doozy.

[Brady Bogan]

In high school, he was in a folk band called the Cast of Thousands. When they were picked to record two songs for a compilation album. One of Stephen's band members recruited a neighborhood kid to add some guitar to it. That kid's name, Stevie Ray Valle.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, wow. How about that?

[Brady Bogan]

And then the last one was an 80 special. Ricky Gervais had a pop duo called Fiona Dancing, and they released two singles in 1983. Both failed, but you're hearing that this morning.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Pet Shop Boys. Yeah, it's. It was very Euro. Yeah. Joy division. Yeah, it's that 80s euro sadness. Don't care, don't like it. Don't care. Robert Smith wouldn't even say no. Robert.

[Brady Bogan]

Anna. Nancy Wilson from Hart. When they were young teenagers, they once went to see the Fifth Dimension and Led Zeppelin. They were the openers for the Fifth Dimension. Nancy says the singer Robert Plant at the time was so suggestive. He came in with his shirt wide open, bare chest exposed. His jeans were really low riding.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

And he was going. And he's super suggestive to the girls. And they. Then he's saying, squeeze My lemon.

[John Holmberg]

What? He just started to sing to them.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. And people didn't remove that.

[John Holmberg]

That.

[Brady Bogan]

And she said, we were like square hippie chicks at the time. And they went. Ran off and got some corn dogs and. What, the corn dogs? No.

[John Holmberg]

Is this the same story? I don't yeah. It sounds like there's three of them mixed into one. I feel like I'm flying a kite and the wind just shifted directions. What happened?

[Brady Bogan]

Blown away by how Robert Plant was just looking at them and being so suggestive. And then he goes into when you squeeze my lemon.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

It intimidated them at the time because.

[John Holmberg]

We were square and they left and ate corners.

[Brady Bogan]

Left. They ran off and went and got corn dog.

[John Holmberg]

So the foul.

[Brady Bogan]

Nancy didn't have as many as an and.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, yeah, we know that one of the members. Well, Nancy had one. Yeah, yeah. One. One ordered it within reason. And the other one was really thinking, like. One was thinking about a wiener. The other one was like, that makes me hungry for corn dogs. Wow.

[Frank Caliendo]

Well, why not?

[John Holmberg]

Why didn't they just do what decent girls in the 70s did? When a guy came in with his dong hat and blow. Yeah. I mean, yeah, Go backstage and blow that guy. Ms. Robert Plant. For God's sakes. In the 70s. 70s, right. Everybody was doing it. Heck, he was going door to door for a little while. He just couldn't help it. He's creepy. I gotta go blow Robert. He's here again. He's creepy.

[Brady Bogan]

Let's go get the corn dog.

[John Holmberg]

It's 9:21. There you go. Those are entertaining stories. That last one was a little bit twisted. Frank's gonna be here in just seconds. We got ourselves a caliendo. Squares coming your way. So we're gonna need a boy and we're gonna need a girl. 585-9800. And we'll play the squares next. It's 98.

[Brady Bogan]

It's not weird.

[John Holmberg]

It's pretty cool, actually.

[Brady Bogan]

No membership fee. I.

[John Holmberg]

Enough of this, you P's morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil. Sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil.

[Frank Caliendo]

He's just a bit rude.

[John Holmberg]

We're going to have the squares in a second. But look, Frank is here and we're ready to go. Thriller is here. Back again. He didn't get to do the last one. No, no. It was funny when you did the last one. I was actually driving over over here and I was like, oh, no. To do it. No, no. I was doing some other stuff over here in the building. What else are you doing? You couldn't. What made you couldn't be here 15 minutes earlier to do the squares? No, what I mean is, like, the one we did, like, you did one on Wednesday, right? Yeah. Oh, we didn't expect to do it. I told you. I gotcha. Okay. You have a total different voice when the microphone's on. Yeah, it's 180. Yes, it's 180. No, it might be. I don't think you noticed that. No. It is a huge difference. You completely. Your demeanor changed. Is that true? You're a different person. Person. I'm a little more. Well, I'm a little more nervous today. Kind of trying to figure out scheduling wise for KD Us. You got a lot on your mind as well. Yes. You got too much to think about. Do you want to take a break? I think you're okay, but on air it's like, okay, you should have come in 15 minutes later. Yeah. What's the worst that going to happen on air? Nothing. Well, that's not true. Something horrible. If I fail, you guys will clean it up. It's fine. Wow, that's. That's a lot of pressure. I am living proof. Frank is at. Where are you playing? 10pm I'm not to the end? No. I'm at Desert Ridge Improv. But I'm not there until January 31, February 1, Brittany's birthday, Brady's birthday weekend.

[Brady Bogan]

We're celebrating huge.

[John Holmberg]

We are celebrating with dirt cake. Oh, yeah. That's gonna be good stuff. My favorite. That'll be good. All right. Beautiful. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

What is it? Cblivestill.com.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Brady Bogan]

Desertridgeimprov.com.

[John Holmberg]

That'S right. They probably still have a CB live. Yeah, they do. That's how I get there. I get there. I still can't. I click on C, I write in CB Live and then I click. Desert Ridge Improv. Yeah. Oh, I do the same thing. Sometimes I feel like I've typed it and then I realize it's a new site. Yeah. Yeah. All right, so it still works. Desert Ridge Improv, January 31, February 1. Easy peasy. But this week is Big J Okerson. Big J's great. He's awesome. I've never seen him. You haven't gone. He's big. I hear he's a big. That's why they call him that. Big J, O K, capital J. OK. The Tempe Improv, Friday, January 10th. Which is today. You're plugging away for somebody else. That's pretty nice. I'm a quality plugger for everybody. Oh, my God.

[Brady Bogan]

He's a plug.

[John Holmberg]

I couldn't think of the words. I just started throwing words like Berman, Chris Berman once said, when you have nothing to say, just keep talking. And I looked at him I want to go. You are proof of that. When's the last time you saw him? About four hair colors ago. The seasons of birminster hair.

[Brady Bogan]

It's dripping.

[John Holmberg]

Is the season for color. Yeah, yeah. The fastest hair coloring in Sports. Football. Number 35. Number 3. 500 602. It's. Yeah. Looks like that's what he must do.

[Brady Bogan]

When he goes in. What color you want to go with today? Yeah, you know I was. Change it up maybe something a little.

[John Holmberg]

Bit that will interfere with the green screen. How about that? I brought a picture to make you look. You want to see? It's a picture of Bozo and I.

[Frank Caliendo]

Would like to be.

[John Holmberg]

If you could get it and do that as fast as you can get the fastest hair coloring in two minutes. And now it's time to play the Grand Pride G. Who didn't bring the ping pong balls? Somebody did. Somebody didn't bring the ping pong balls. Cookie. Forget Cookie.

[Frank Caliendo]

Cookie.

[John Holmberg]

And we always. You know, Frasier was there and Cook, cook. Cookie was always dressed as Cookie just for no reason. Look up Cookie and Bozo, everybody. This is old stuff, but it's good anyway. That's why Frank's here. And we've already lost our minds. Cory, this is your fau for having being so distracted about scheduling down the hall. Yes. Which by the way, no one cares anyone shows up or not down the hall. I know what I say it but you're doing nothing. Yeah, yeah. You're worried about doing nothing. Is scheduling. Does it count when nobody listens? Are you. Aren't you just. You're rearranging the deck chairs. Well, think of it like this. If you're in charge of one closet in the whole building. If it's on fire, that looks really bad on you. I wouldn't bring up. Not down there. Maybe not the best time to bring up fire. All right, Frank's here. We got the people. Let's take a break here because I gotta get this out of the way. We'll come back with the Caliendo Squares next.

[Frank Caliendo]

Morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

Holmberg's Morning Sickness Sons tried to get you. We gotta get into that later. I guess I didn't realize they were trying to recruit you for. It is time now for your Friday. So it means it's the Guadalupe Squares. We have a special guest today. Frank Caliendo is here to help us out because he's got a show to promote. So why wouldn't he? It's January 31st. February 1st. Desert Ridge Improv. That's how you go and you go see Frank tickets on sale right now, but you can go see other comedians on the way up to that. Three more weeks until Frank shows up. So it's even better. We've got our friend Corey Thriller Walsh is here. And let's get right to it. It's your Guadalupe squares. Corey, take it away. Thank you, Chancellor. Let's start the top left square. President for a little bit longer. Mr. Biden. Folks, when I was growing up in Scranton, Pennsylvania. Is that where it was? Therefore, there's fire. K. Fire there. Fire. No. My grandson. I got a new grandson. What's his name, folks? Skippy, like the peanut butter. No kidding. Yeah. Did it come out chunky or smooth?

[Brady Bogan]

No joke, huh?

[Frank Caliendo]

It's no joke.

[Brady Bogan]

No joke. No joke.

[Frank Caliendo]

Smooth.

[John Holmberg]

Smooth as a baby's bottom. This was a bonnet. No nuts. No joke. No nuts.

[Frank Caliendo]

No nuts.

[John Holmberg]

No joke.

[Brady Bogan]

You serious?

[John Holmberg]

No way. Ten more days. Ten more days of this wonderful. I love you a little bit longer. There is that my son. Everybody could have get a metal, metal. Honor gives you medal.

[Frank Caliendo]

Medal on.

[John Holmberg]

I smell the back of your hair. Medals, medals of honor. Everybody like Mr. T. Mr. T. Can.

[Brady Bogan]

I get one, folks?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Folks, I pity the fool. I pay the fool. Now give him a hamburger and put him on the helicopter. Oh, it's very nice to have you. Let's head on now to a new Kat US staple Jim Rome is with us. A great introduction, I think, to you. Incredible. Incredible indeed. That is amazing. You are my new boss, Corey Thriller Walsh. How great is that? Great. W, your new nickname is Lucky. Lucky. How great is that? Dude should go to Las Vegas and bet on himself. For what? Anything. Just schedule a flight to Vegas. You're good at that. Get up there and rock it because that's what you're doing. Doing. Am I actually on your station? Yes. Does it count if no one hears it? Hey, you're on one to four taking the deuce to number one. Hey, we're not gonna say no to that. If you want to help out, we appreciate it. Great job. Great job. You did great job. Corey. Corey. Lucky Walsh. C book. C book me on the show. Getting better all the time. Rating ratings just came in just now, just now on this facts. Taking a look at the ratings. How great is this? I went back in time to when fax machines were important and got the most up to date overnight ratings. Unbelievable. I didn't even hear the beeping. You grabbed it. Anyway, give me the numbers. We got a 73. Wait a second. It's 0.000007,3. There it is. Zero, zero point important. Our ratings are binary code. That is how bad they are. 0, 1, 0, 1, 0, 1st, 1, 1, 0, 1. I just said great take. That's number one. If you look at me, there's too many ones. Number one. Over and over and over again. What's higher than 1 0? A great square. All right, going on now to the top right square. A combination of Presidents Obama and Trump together did great. You want to do this one or that one?

[Brady Bogan]

I'm not sure who I'm doing.

[John Holmberg]

I've been doing. I'm doing when I did that one.

[Brady Bogan]

Because I was just mirroring you.

[John Holmberg]

Well, we can mirror it together then. Fine with that. Did you. Hey, Obama, I got an idea. Yes? Did you get your sheet? I did. It was coordinated with Richard Page and it's in my hand. Did you see Jimmy Carter? His body's right in front of us at the field funeral. Do you believe in life after death? Every time I leave this theater.

[Frank Caliendo]

Let me be clear.

[John Holmberg]

Let me throw the catchphrase in there. Try it again. Let me ask you a question, Obama. Do you believe in life after death? Yes, Donald. Let me be clear. I do believe in life after death. Death. Every time I leave this theater. Did we just become best friends? We? We. I think it happened. I think it did. I think it did. I think maybe. Wait.

[Brady Bogan]

I was happy.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know what just happened.

[Brady Bogan]

I'll swap it with you.

[John Holmberg]

We can give it to him right here. It's playing. I'm not hearing it. There it is. This is for you and me. I think we should sing this. Ebony and Ivory. Take it, Donald.

[Brady Bogan]

Live together in perfect harmony. Side by side on my piano keyboard.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Lord, why don't we. We're best friends. You want to go in the garage and smash pumpkins?

[Brady Bogan]

You're besties. Listen, I would love to join your rock Roadside and find a bath house.

[John Holmberg]

I have no idea what you're talking about, but I love.

[Brady Bogan]

Of course you don't. I've read the books. Let's eat some cat food.

[John Holmberg]

Does this show constitute cruelty to animals?

[Brady Bogan]

Let me check.

[John Holmberg]

Third or fourth one down. Third or fourth one down. I'll ask again. Does this show constitute cruelty to animals?

[Brady Bogan]

Just do it again. I inflicted upon. What you doing?

[John Holmberg]

I said, does this show constitute as cruelty to animals?

[Brady Bogan]

Not unless they're watching it.

[John Holmberg]

That's exactly what I thought. Crush that one.

[Brady Bogan]

We crushed it. Why do we always come here and.

[John Holmberg]

Eventually we'll never know?

[Brady Bogan]

It's like some kind of torture to.

[John Holmberg]

Have to watch the show. Okay, now we got the left middle square. Morgan Freeman, taking time is scheduled to join us. That's Toledo. I don't. Well, Toledo forgot to come in here and do the music for a square. He chose himself. There you go. We'll just do it ourselves. Rock Aeller. Yes. You remember the days when we used to have a theme song cuz somebody was on the ball. I remember when there was a producer who did his job. I don't even know where he is. The other day he left for four hours to have a cat neutered. Please tell me that's. That's a frank act. During the show we said I have to go get a cat neutered. And he left.

[Brady Bogan]

Never heard that one.

[John Holmberg]

And we did not hear from. And that was not a euphemism. No, that's actually what he had. He meant it. And he got that cat neutered. That cat was no longer.

[Brady Bogan]

We think it was a diy.

[John Holmberg]

He removed that pussy's balls and it could never procreate. That's exactly why he left. Couldn't schedule that after 10. Had to do it at 7. Why would wouldn't you start off the music? It's a little more ominous.

[Frank Caliendo]

Are you okay, Morgan?

[John Holmberg]

It sounds a little scary over there. Does sound like we're about to kill someone.

[Brady Bogan]

What happened to that cat?

[John Holmberg]

This is the theme song for that cat's balls. That cat had a different life ahead of it. That cat's bars crawled through 400 yards of the foulest filth one could ever imagine. Here's more jokes for stabilization and Waldorf if you're interested. Cuz those were doing so well. Thank goodness I've technically seen detergents leave a better film than this. Oh, we're still happy to have you whether you're ready or not. Let's hop on over now to the middle square. Cancer researcher Brady. That's right. I was playing an oncologist earlier this.

[Brady Bogan]

Week and giving out advice to people with cancer.

[John Holmberg]

So I thought maybe I stopped laughing about the thought of this. Yes, I am a cancer expert.

[Brady Bogan]

Ask me a question about cancer.

[John Holmberg]

Here's what I know. Everyone has it.

[Brady Bogan]

If you're weak, you get it bad.

[John Holmberg]

If you're strong like me, you don't have it out loud. You don't get lumpy. My lumps aren't cancer is what I'm saying. Stop saying they are. And it has nothing to do.

[Brady Bogan]

Like I say, you've always got cancer.

[John Holmberg]

And then you're you. It's your body will Fight it off your immune system. If you're strong, it's not a headache. It's a tumor, but doesn't mean it's cancer. I'll be back with more oncology news after this. Oh, very nice to have you. Let's hop on over to the right middle square. We got a lot of football this weekend. Let's focus on the playoffs, shall we?

[Frank Caliendo]

Oh, Jim.

[John Holmberg]

Jim Nance. Along with Tony Roman. President Bush is punching me in the stomach like he did Tony Rummel sounding a little more like Chris Burman. Say what you want, but nobody. Oh, Jim. Nobody circles the wagons like the buffalo sometimes.

[Frank Caliendo]

Why, Tony?

[John Holmberg]

Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim. Jimmy.

[Frank Caliendo]

Oh, Jim.

[John Holmberg]

Look what they're putting on that sandwich. Oh, Jim. It's best just to let him finish. I guess so. And there he is. There's our little super bowl winner. And now Toledo will neuter him. Oh, Jim. That cat's gonna have a different life after this. Hop on over now to our bottom left square on Brady's secret square. Give us a hint.

[Brady Bogan]

Hello. Hello. I'm 57 years old. I was once married to Paul McCartney. Shagged him rotten for years. There's three things that I don't like. Landmines, reefer. Oh, and Stella McCartney.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no kidding. Doesn't like the daughter.

[Brady Bogan]

I hate her.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, that's actually news I'm getting from the secret square.

[Frank Caliendo]

There we go.

[John Holmberg]

We got more news than that than the radio port earlier. Pick up your leg and sit in your chair. Bottom middle square. Now a radio icon, Howard Stern, has joined us. Look, in other words, here's what we had to do here. Here's what I'm telling you right now. Okay?

[Brady Bogan]

What?

[John Holmberg]

Look, Heather Mills, I want you to spread your leg. That's all I'm interested in. All I care about right now is that Paul McCartney's spreads your leg. I want to see that honey hole. It's my birthday. I don't even know why I'm here. Look, in other words, Frank, I mean, you know how it goes. Let me see your legs. All right, for those who don't like anybody, like pantomime, spreading his own legs. All right, now, to end things off, bottom right square, our lord and savior trip leave. Skip this square today. Goodbye. Right, well, then I was going to say thank you for the recent raise, but I guess not. You're fine. He's good now. He's got other stuff to do. We're not dealing with him today. You ain't getting it now. No, that's it. Who do you got on the phones for one question? Cuz we're already late. Miranda and Eric. Miranda, are you there? I'm here. All right. Eric, are you there? I'm here. All right, Miranda, you're a girl. Pick a square. Let's go center square.

[Brady Bogan]

Dr. Brady.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Cancer research.

[Brady Bogan]

Brady.

[John Holmberg]

Pat. Pat. Feel your boobs real quick. You think you got it? If you do, come see me. That's creepy. It's Mammogram Friday with Brady Bogers. I like to feel those things. Do you ever have cancer? I'll tell you right now, my lump finder is undefeated. Like a divining rod. Oh, yeah. It's like 500. I put it out there and it just points towards the cancer. And then I dig it out with my little hands.

[Brady Bogan]

Meatballs.

[John Holmberg]

Are you okay, Miranda? I think I'm good. All right, good. She can find it off. She's not one of them weaklings. You know what I'm saying? That's what they get. All right, go ahead. Good for her. All right, here we go. An iflorophile is a person who loves accounting. True or false? That is not true. That's like Toledo. He likes cats. That's a cat fancier cat. So you're saying false now, Miranda, do you agree or disagree with false? Correct. That's not true. Told you.

[Brady Bogan]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

X gets a square.

[Brady Bogan]

I know about cancer.

[John Holmberg]

And I know about pussy.

[Brady Bogan]

It's time for your buddy check 12.

[John Holmberg]

Come on down. I'm happy you're checking, but have you actually found any lump scat? Not yet. You want me to fuel you up?

[Frank Caliendo]

No, I'm good.

[John Holmberg]

Don't worry.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

I will over to Eric now. Make your selection.

[Brady Bogan]

The secret square.

[John Holmberg]

Secret square. Hello, love. That's right. That's great. Do you know who it is? I'm thinking Heather Mills. Heather Mills is correct. How did you do it? So gets a square, Then let's hop back over to Miranda. What are you thinking? Let's go. Howard Stern. Howard Stern. Okay. Why would we even have Frank on here? I'm like, we can do this without him, I guess. And everybody's just kind of avoiding you. This is like, I feel like I'm married to you. I want to pick the next square. Yeah, like, if you want to do it. I don't even care. Like, I'm here all the time. You do what he said. Are you sure? Yeah. All right. All right. In other words, you said, go F yourself. I come here for the plugs. And. Yeah. Okay. Frank will be out there at that comedy club. Are you still in the business? Yeah. I think that's great. Here we go. Domestic cats share just 84.3%. Spoiler. I gotta ask you a question. Yeah. What's up? When you fell out of your mom's vagina crooked, did you feel like crawling back in? No. She said you're done. She thought you were done, but you knew you weren't, right?

[Brady Bogan]

I I.

[John Holmberg]

It was her decision. Like, was your first step, like a wild disappointment for your parents. It's so rare. First step. That took a while. That wasn't immediate, I'll tell you that. It was the second step that did you in. All right, ask the question again. Domestic cats share just 84.3% of their DNA with tigers. I gotta tell you, there's a lot of cat information here. I feel like somebody's got an addiction to cats around here. You know, like neutering them and making less. I'll have to say that's probably false, but I don't know. False. Okay. And do you agree or disagree? Agree.

[Frank Caliendo]

Agree.

[John Holmberg]

False. Again, you are correct. Then X gets the square. Here we go. One more.

[Brady Bogan]

Eric, you go for Jim Rome for the block.

[Frank Caliendo]

Absolutely.

[Brady Bogan]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

Middle is all mine. It's a great version of us. Incredible pick. Great job. I'm gonna watch you go your way.

[Frank Caliendo]

Here we go.

[John Holmberg]

Sit back and let's see what happens. Go ahead. Yes. I thought you were not gonna do it. Yes. Gonna sit back and watch you do it. But instead, what are you doing? Stepping on my paws. You're not stepping on your paws.

[Brady Bogan]

Speaking of pauses.

[John Holmberg]

Great. How great is that? Stepping on those cat paws? All right. The longest reign of any pope was 9,562 days. Or just over 26 years. True or false? Poping ain't easy. That is a fact. That is a long time to Pope. That's getting it done as a Pope. How great is that? Driving around in your bubble top car no one can get you get one of those custom, Bulletproof. You're a bulletproof man. With God protecting you and the car at the same time, there's nothing bad that can happen to you. No Kennedy problems here. The pontiff with the big hat, do you know where he looks? Lives in the Vatican, Right? Right next to Rome. What was the question? Everyone forgot it.

[Frank Caliendo]

True.

[John Holmberg]

The longest reign of a Pope was just over 26 years. They agree with me. Okay, true. Say true now, Eric. Agree or disagree? I disagree. That's correct, actually. You got the block. All right, next one wins.

[Brady Bogan]

Next one wins.

[John Holmberg]

Miranda, your turn. So in Biden. Biden. Okay, fair enough. It's my turn. I waited long enough. Yeah, I've waited. Waited four years for this. I have almost all of my stuff packed up in the White House. Go ahead. Why are you ignoring me? Biden and only Biden here. But why? In the 1600s, tulips were worth more than their weight in gold.

[Frank Caliendo]

Tulips.

[John Holmberg]

What was a question. No, no, I'm not asking if you have two lips. I'm saying in the 1600s. 1600s. The flower tool. Hold on. I was about 25. Yes. You got this.

[Frank Caliendo]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

5, 25 years old. 16. So back 25 from 1607 to 16. 19. Yes. Now, what he's doing right now, think back to that. It's an opportunity economy. Think back to that. Oh, those numbers. Those tulips, were they worth more than weights?

[Frank Caliendo]

Tulips. Not tulips.

[John Holmberg]

Excuse me, Joe. Hang on just a second. Get out of here. Nobody wanted you in the first place. Walk. We're best friends now, lady. Time to take a step. The house is mine. Hey. Stomach jab. Stomach jab. Stomach jab. Ignore. Hey, George Block. She just gave me the Curly with this voice. No roses on my piano, tulips on my organ.

[Brady Bogan]

That is the copy. Kamala catchphrase.

[John Holmberg]

Oh. So me.

[Brady Bogan]

What's the question?

[John Holmberg]

What's the question? Why am I missing my square? What's going on?

[Brady Bogan]

Well, it was your square.

[John Holmberg]

It's about to be my square, so I'm taking over. He's getting a head start, man. It's more. Stomach jab, Stomach jab.

[Frank Caliendo]

Knock him out.

[John Holmberg]

Knock him out. Me, I'm just doing. Punch out. Stomach jab, Stomach jab. Knock him out. Headshot. Glass Joe. All right, that's true. That's actually much better than I thought.

[Brady Bogan]

0, 0, 7, 3, 7, 3, 5, 9, 6, 3. That's the code to get to Tyson.

[John Holmberg]

And I always beat him.

[Brady Bogan]

Watch for the twinkle in the eye, right?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God.

[Brady Bogan]

There's bald Barack over there.

[John Holmberg]

Bald Barack, that's me. They all have to.

[Brady Bogan]

They all have towels. And I'm going to tell you what the drones are doing. I'm going to tell you what the drones are.

[John Holmberg]

Are doing.

[Brady Bogan]

And it's not good. And I don't even know what it is yet.

[John Holmberg]

What's the question? Yes. Okay.

[Frank Caliendo]

True.

[John Holmberg]

In the 1600s. True. I told. It's true.

[Brady Bogan]

Glass show.

[John Holmberg]

I did glass. I did glass, Joe. It's an actual character in the game, sort of Popinsky, the German. He was Russian, actually. And in the Car in the arcade version has vodka. Drunkinski, you reminded me of. Come on. I don't care what you said. What was a kid?

[Frank Caliendo]

What was the karate guy?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

Bruce Lee.

[John Holmberg]

Rao.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm the Ralph Macho.

[John Holmberg]

It's true.

[Brady Bogan]

Listen, I felt bad. I felt bad for Zabka. Bad for William Zabka. Danny, Was it Denny? Was it William?

[John Holmberg]

Who did he play? We said true. True. All right. True. Eric, do you agree or disagree with true? I think it's my turn. Oh, my bad. But. Right. Come on now. I think Biden's actually right on this one. Correct. Oh, my goodness. She's the winner. Nicely done. It only took him almost four terms.

[Brady Bogan]

To be finally correct on something, and he.

[John Holmberg]

I got one. I got one. I got one. Yeah, it's a winner. I look like the guy on the Deliverance porch. Although my phone's ringing. Oh, it's me playing banjo. I'm just gonna put the desk here, if you don't mind. Well, you're not paying any attention. Desk is resolute. It's my resolute.

[Brady Bogan]

And here's my man at arms, Elon Musk. They're not even his own real arms there. He made them out of Tesla leftover parts.

[John Holmberg]

That's exactly right. And then I point my finger at Rudy Giuliani and he becomes the mighty Baron. I call him Baron Cat to stay on theme with his entire cat.

[Brady Bogan]

Might be my favorite thing ever. Baron Cat.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's what Toledo does. He makes them barren. It's very good. All right. That's the power of the sorceress.

[Brady Bogan]

Castle Grayskull. Castle Grace God.

[John Holmberg]

Frank is at the number one castle.

[Brady Bogan]

To make sure your powers are complete. Castle Grace God.

[John Holmberg]

It is Frank Kelly on the January 31st. First. February 1st.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm going to make attorney a great again.

[John Holmberg]

Trump wins Eternia. King Randor.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay, we're not doing kings.

[John Holmberg]

We're not doing kings. Frank, I can still be on the board, right, Donald?

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, Skeletor. That's a bad guy. He's not a good guy. He's kind of Judge Soros. He funded all Beastman. Beastman.

[John Holmberg]

Come on, come on. What have we learned today?

[Brady Bogan]

We learned right Oro.

[John Holmberg]

That was Oro. I don't remember. I don't know.

[Brady Bogan]

But we learned a lesson at the end. And what was that lesson? Let John do the plug. Don't interrupt it with.

[John Holmberg]

That's right.

[Brady Bogan]

We're going to make eth.

[John Holmberg]

Ethiopia.

[Brady Bogan]

Greater Eternia.

[John Holmberg]

Eternia.

[Brady Bogan]

I think that's where. That's where the mayor was visiting that's.

[John Holmberg]

How great we're going to make America. Ethiopia is going to get better. Ethiopia's going to buy it. Not buy it.

[Brady Bogan]

We're going to buy it.

[John Holmberg]

It's good.

[Brady Bogan]

Just bought it.

[John Holmberg]

Just bought it. You know what it's cost? Nothing. Zero. Get out of here. Two for one. Deal. Break January 31st and the first at Desert Ridge Improv. And get your tickets right there. Desert ridgeimprov.com nothing else going on. No. Except for what Brett's up to. Yeah, he's doing a little nighttime dentistry at the rodeo. Dental orthodontics. What are you doing? That's what we said. 4 to 6 o'clock. They have a movie theater. Big grand opening and they do dentistry. Oh, that's cool. That is cool. I just had a tooth foot in yesterday. It's a good put in arcade too. Fang.

[Brady Bogan]

Is it a fang?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. They got arcades. Yeah. So the dentist can work around you while you're playing video games and watching movies in the theater. That's what I'm understanding. That's what I'm gonna. I'll know tonight. And they do it at sundown. Yeah. Every time.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It's all sundown. Four to six today. Thunderbird and 35th Avenue. Go say hi to Brett. He might win you 500 bucks there. You get people qualified for that. We're done. Frank. Thank you. As usual. Thanks to Big J Okerson and all the silliness thriller. Oh, and that's enough. The cold is bad.

[Brady Bogan]

I wish we could use that to put out the fires.

[John Holmberg]

My nose. Your nose.

[Brady Bogan]

It might be the right size.

[John Holmberg]

Your post nasal drip would be great.

[Brady Bogan]

For the people of Los Angeles. And you know Gavin Newscomb. Devin Newscombe could have used your snot. Saving.

[John Holmberg]

Shaving. Shaving.

[Brady Bogan]

I just read the text. Saving one person at a time.

[John Holmberg]

It's just my nose. With your snow. Just end it. I'm trying.

[Frank Caliendo]

I don't know what you're doing.

[John Holmberg]

All right, that's enough. We're done. Goodbye everybody. Have a great weekend. We'll see if rack him out.

[Brady Bogan]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool actually. No membership fee.

[John Holmberg]

I have heard enough of this.