01-12-26 - FULL SHOW - MONDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

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Holmberg’s Morning Sickness - 01-12-26 (Full Show, Monday)

Podcast: 98KUPD | Hubbard Radio
Date: January 12, 2026
Host: John Holmberg
Co-hosts: Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, “Big Dick” Toledo, Byron

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Episode Overview

On this Monday episode, the HMS crew dives head-first into NFL playoff reactions—especially the Bears’ victory, playoff scenarios, and fandom-rooted schadenfreude. The show journeys through CES’s latest tech, bizarre grave-robbing news, a debate on the ick factor of elderly intimacy, commentary on the fading relevance of award shows, and the eternal hunt for the Loch Ness Monster. All this is seasoned with wild hypotheticals, honest (often crude) banter, and a parade of would-you-rathers.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. NFL Playoffs, Fan Schadenfreude, and Emotional Rooting

• Main Segment: [01:46] — [09:46]
  • John admits to a “dark delight” in sports: pulling for teams not just for victory, but for the emotional collapse of rivals.
    • “I wasn't rooting for any game or football or anything else. I was rooting for domestic violence in three houses in Phoenix that would result in the arrest of people I don't care for.” – John ([03:59])
  • Discussion about the joy found in rivals’ pain and the psychology behind such “passive-aggressive fandom.”
  • Bears win leads to elation for Bret; John can relate with similar feelings as a Steelers fan.
  • Debates which teams (and their fans) elicit the most “rooting against humanity” ethos.

2. NFL Playoff Scenarios and Local Sports Joys

• Segment: [09:47] – [11:04]
  • Steelers’ playoff path is dissected, including potential for hosting the AFC Championship.
  • Indiana Hoosiers football and age-old jokes about the age and collegiate eligibility in college sports.

3. Tech Talk: CES Innovations

• Segment: [11:10] – [17:55]
  • Discussion about eye-popping new tech from 2026 CES, most notably “wallpaper TV”—a 9.9-millimeter thick, wall-mounted television.
  • Nostalgic stories about hauling heavy old TVs, changing home furnishings, and the shrinking necessity of libraries and entertainment centers.
  • Smart Legos and “AI pets” are highlighted—eliciting jokes about technology replacing both children’s imagination and… women.
  • “If we can get the sex dolls… I don't even why we'd include menstruation, but they changing their own pads for the realism, I suppose.” – John ([18:47])

4. Bizarre News: Grave-Robbing & Body Part Theft

• Segment: [24:30] – [33:34]
  • Story of a man in Pennsylvania who allegedly stole 100 skulls and assorted human remains in just two months.
  • Morbidly funny hypotheticals about who might be grave-robbing in Arizona, speculation that no famous grave is safe from theft.
  • “I would venture to guess as many rednecks that live in the vicinity of Waylon Jennings dead corpse… There is no way he's still in there.” – John ([27:21])

5. Museum Gripes & Childhood Field Trips

• Segment: [35:49] – [38:16]
  • Scathing review of the Heard Museum’s “corn-centric” exhibits from John and others; school field trip memories spark related rants.
  • “It's the worst museum in the history of museums, where you get to roll that corn on that rock.” – John ([35:49])
  • Amusement at the blandness and repetition of local historical reenactments.

6. Would-You-Rathers & The Elderly Intimacy Debate

• Recurring Segment throughout (esp. [111:35] – [119:44])
  • Wild, explicit, and hilarious debates: given the choice between being with an elderly woman (“granny”), a fit young man, or even various bodily function-based scenarios, what would you choose?
  • Majority of the crew (except John) say “granny”; John claims he’d rather “go gay” than face the horrors of geriatric sex.
  • “Full gay over granny. Grannies are gross. Not even—it's not even a close fight.” – John ([118:44])
  • These segments go deep (and get increasingly graphic) as listeners write in suggestions, and each scenario becomes more absurd.

7. Award Shows & Cultural Shift

• Segment: [57:49] – [68:18]
  • Lament about the lost glory and relevance of awards shows (Oscars, Golden Globes), and the way social media “ruined celebrities.”
  • Discussion on why celebrities are now unlikable, and how the universal accessibility via Instagram/Twitter killed the “mystique.”
  • “Award show should be like, nobody watches us anymore. And it's kind of because we know you.” – John ([67:31])
  • Nikki Glaser gets called out for “attacking” celebrities at the latest Golden Globes.

8. Loch Ness Monster: 52 Years of Futility

• Segment: [69:00] – [81:47]
  • John recounts the tale of Adrian Shine, who spent 52 years seeking Nessie—the Loch Ness Monster—only to recently admit defeat.
  • Highlights the difference between myth (monsters, Bigfoot) and treasure hunting (Lost Dutchman’s gold): “It’s not a monster. It’s just dead human beings.”
  • “That maybe the most wasted carbon-based life form in the history of life.” – John ([87:57])
  • Hilarious, yet oddly poignant, summation of a life spent chasing folklore.

9. Brady Report: News, Trends, and Deranged Hypotheticals

• Segment: [90:45] – [110:07]
  • Bizarre and light news of the day: Kiss-A-Ginger Day, David Hasselhoff’s catchphrase rights, AI music indistinguishability.
  • Social trends: “Bring back 2016” nostalgia among Gen Z, “Grandma Showers” as gift events (which spirals into filth).
  • Weird crime stories: woman throws collard greens, another puts a leech in his urethra for “health”; Florida Woman jokes abound.
  • Recurring humorous game: “Guess the race” of the criminal based on the details.
  • “Grandma Showers” ultimately becomes a running (and repulsive) motif, resulting in a parade of explicit hypotheticals.

10. Listener Letters: Relationships, Guilt, & Perverse Confessions

• Segment: [136:12] – [148:14]
  • Advice on relationships stifled by anti-porn partners, spouses jealous of attractive newscasters, and a man confessing to a hit-and-run on his neighbor’s car out of fear.
  • “Anytime a girl says stop doing something I don't like that you like because of me—unless it's harmful—she has no right.” – John ([140:27])

11. Celebrity News & Obituaries

• Entertainment Drill ([157:28] – [166:11])
  • Discussion of AI impacting music creation.
  • Arrests: Daniel Stern (Wet Bandit from Home Alone) for solicitation; Timothy Busfield accused (and his odd defense).
  • Death of Bob Weir (erroneous—likely meant to be Bob Weir’s real-life bandmate, but reported for comic effect). Host relishes the “end” of Grateful Dead touring.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Sports Schadenfreude: “I wasn't rooting for any game or football or anything else. I was rooting for domestic violence in three houses in Phoenix that would result in the arrest of people I don't care for.” — John ([03:59])
• On ‘Bears-Packers’: “Everything’s gravy. You didn’t expect any of this. Now you’re the two-seed... why not?” — John ([09:22])
• On CES Tech: “Wallpaper TV is the future. All this crap on our walls... That’s going to be cumbersome, the way those old console TVs were at your grandma’s house.” — John ([13:46])
• On Grave-Robbing in Arizona: “There is no way Waylon Jennings is still there.” — John ([27:21])
• On Museums: “It’s the worst museum in the history of museums, where you get to roll that corn on that rock.” — John ([35:49])
• Old Women vs. Gay Sex Debate: “Full gay over granny. Grannies are gross. Not even—it's not even a close fight. I'd be crying, you enjoy crying driving home.” — John ([118:44])
• On Award Shows: “Award show should be like, nobody watches us anymore. And it's kind of because we know you.” — John ([67:31])
• On Wasted Life: “That maybe the most wasted carbon-based life form in the history of life.” (re: Loch Ness hunter Adrian Shine) — John ([87:57])

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Notable Timestamps / Segments

• [01:46] – [11:04]: NFL Playoffs, rooting against rivals, playoff permutations.
• [11:10] – [17:55]: CES tech, nostalgia for old TVs, “Smart Legos.”
• [24:30] – [33:34]: Body part thief story, morbid speculation.
• [35:49] – [38:16]: Rant on the Heard Museum & field trip boredom.
• [57:49] – [68:18]: Awards show irrelevance, celebrity takedowns.
• [69:00] – [81:47]: The doomed Loch Ness quest, difference between legend and treasure hunting.
• [90:45] – [110:07]: Brady’s report—bizarre, offbeat news, and trends.
• [111:35] – [119:44]: Granny vs. gay debate, disgusting would-you-rathers.
• [136:12] – [148:14]: Listener letters—relationship woes and confessions.
• [157:28] – [166:11]: Entertainment Drill—celebrity news, AI in music.

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Tone & Language

Fast, irreverent, and unfiltered—loaded with sarcasm, crude imagery, and the hosts’ signature willingness to mock everything and everyone (including themselves). The interactions are punctuated by sardonic commentary, wild hypotheticals, and a parade of inside jokes.

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Summary Takeaway

This edition of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness delivers a chaotic, hilarious tour through playoff football psychology, the perils of tech innovation and nostalgia, the weirdness of human obsession (from grave-robbing to Nessie-hunting), the end of award show relevance, and a never-ending barrage of “would-you-rather” hypotheticals. Fans get deep sports talk, tech geekery, relationship advice, and gross-out comedy—all in one jam-packed broadcast. If you haven’t listened: expect a wild, unfiltered ride.

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Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

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[Byron]

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[John]

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[Byron]

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[Brett Vesely]

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[Byron]

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[John]

It really that simple.

[Brett Vesely]

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[John]

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[Brett Vesely]

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[John]

Good morning, everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Monday. It is 5:45. This is the morning sickness. My name's John. How are you? There's Brady, there's Brett, and Big Dick Toledo. Brett's riding high off of that. Bears win this, man. Yeah, and I discovered a lot about the bears, you know, and how I feel I was telling you guys off there, I started rooting for the Packers. I know it's communism. I agree. I didn't care who won, but I started rooting for the Packers. I have a friend named Jeremy and Joe and a couple other guys that I have friends who are Packer fans and I have friends who are Bears fans. My buddy Jim, you all this but then there's a couple people and you have to weigh it. And I didn't realize this is that I was rooting against the team that I thought would most likely lead to self harm to people that I don't care for. And they were. And I thought about. I'm like, my God, I'm rooting. I'm rooting not for this game, but the outcome to lead to a couple of people that I know wandering off onto the freeway and some sort of rage. It was weird because I know that those same people celebrate Steelers losses from in my world. And I'm like my. And it like infiltrated my mind without me realizing that that's what I was doing. I wasn't rooting for any game or football or anything else. I was rooting for domestic violence in three houses in Phoenix that would result in the arrest of people I don't care for. It's amazing. And I. And the thing that started to happen, it was just because I was talking to a friend, texting friend and we were bringing those people up. The only good thing about this is blah, blah, blah and blah blah, blah and blah blah blah are all potentially going to burn their own homes down. And we started laughing and then I'm like, you know what? That's exactly what I'm doing. And I felt terrible about it. And then I'm like, well, this is kind of added to it a little bit. I don't have to the Packer Nation and you're. I do not have anyone I know who roots for the packers who I'd like to see on the news with a mug shot for running someone over, hitting their wines or something. I don't know. I don't know what it would be.

[Brett Vesely]

Other than people on the team for me. But you know.

[John]

Oh yeah, yeah, I get that as a Steeler fan. It's Ravens. I like watching them fail. Like, and I still have that. But when I don't have that to root for, when I don't really have a horse in the race, I root against humanity. I root against the. The lifestyle of a person I don't care for falling apart to the point where I I hope they become cutters or maybe attempt. Maybe not die, but make an attempt on their own lives. I don't know why that. And I was so happy in the first half of that Bears packers came. Then at the end when they won, I'm like, hey, it's a good win, Brett. And I think of you. I'm like, Brett's happy. That's a good thing. And there's nothing I can do. But man, I was really kind of self evaluating that pretty heavily Saturday night. And then I. And then I realized, all right, who do I have. And sometimes it's people I know, sometimes it's people who I know. Like that team.

[Byron]

Sometimes it's the players.

[John]

Sometimes. Yeah, sometimes it's. But I don't root for them to.

[Byron]

Harm themselves, either team. But you're watching the game and you kind of lean to the one team because sure.

[John]

Well, that. That players behavior that goes without saying. And that's just the uniform is going to. You know, if they were in the uniform that you chose that player, you'd probably like to. Dylan Brooks with the Suns. You cannot watch him on any other team if he's not on your team. He is the most hateable human being alive, but because he's on the sun, it's fun. Rodman was another one. Like, you know those guys who were like, yeah, there's just dudes, if they're not on your team, you hate them. That makes sense because it's the uniform involved. I'm talking about like a dude getting up for work today. And I was rooting for him to have like the, like have to go to court because of what he did Saturday night to his kids and his family. Stuff. Like I was rooting for the worst things to happen. And I've got four people I know who are Bears fans that made me kind of go down that road. I'm like, gosh, I didn't realize I did this. And I do. And I know that those same people want me to burn in a fire if the Steelers lose. And that's fine. It's just strange. It's strange how much that matters. And I also think that the NFL is rigged completely and scripted and not the way you think against me. I think they actually are just paying attention. Specifically have meetings and say, how do we screw John out of any gambling wins whatsoever? Because yesterday, Doug Hopkins, our make a wish kid, Sam, we have a friend who's very, very, very crippled. Brady probably hasn't. It made me very sad. And he hangs out at Doug's House on Sundays and Saturdays. And we made a bet between the Niners and Eagles and we had. We picked four. We each picked a guy and we all agreed on someone together as a fourth to score touchdowns in that game. It was right down the list. We hit a Dallas Goddard. We were knocking them down, right. And George Kittle was the only one left when his leg blew up and he'll never play again. And it's like, God damn it. Like that. They did that on purpose. They did that to us on only one missed by one once again. And it's just coming at me. They did that on purpose.

[Brett Vesely]

I think the NFL goes against Dale as well.

[John]

And Dale, yeah, because all of our picks for Thursday hit except Dale who picked against his own team. He was a Buffalo Bill. They drafted him. He went no pick against that and he goes against it and they get, they win. So he picked the Jags. And as we all know, God hates Jags. So why would you do such now the Bills are in. So Steelers tonight. We'll see. I'm still riding high off the Ravens and again last night the Chargers played horrible football. Fantastic to see another mouth gaped open. Harbaugh standing on the sidelines not knowing what to do as team just craps all over the. Oh, it was great football at its finest.

[Byron]

He had the under on that one man.

[John]

Either way it could be 80 to 77 or you know, 16 to 3. A mouth breathing Harbaugh looking miserable and sad and confused and screaming at referees because they, they can't control their own players. They just blame referee. I love when Harbaughs are sad. There's nothing better. There's nothing better than a sad Harbaugh. And maybe he went home to my delight and cut his legs or something. Was became a cutter last night. I didn't know about cutting until about 10 years ago. I didn't know that was the thing. And I don't think anybody in my high school ever did it. I don't think we had cutters. And when that happened, I think it's a newer thing.

[Brett Vesely]

When we were in high school, I don't think it was happening.

[John]

But now I root for it for my enemies. Now I root for it to just kind of crop up, be part of their lives. I'm all fine with that. Chop it up. Oh, bitterness, anger, love it. It's a beautiful thing. So tonight we find out if the, if the Steelers move on and there's a chance I'll be quite far, that the Steelers could host if they win tonight. Go through New England next week. And then Buffalo beats Denver. That the Steelers will be the hosts of the AFC Championship game. There is a road to that. To be awesome. Gotta win tonight, though. We'll see. That Texans team ain't easy. But no Harbaughs, I mean, they're moving forward. Bears are in. And you guys go to.

[Brett Vesely]

We're home.

[John]

We're at home. That's right. You don't go to State.

[Brett Vesely]

We'll take the Rams.

[John]

That's right. Oh, the Rams are coming to Chicago in January. That's going to be interesting.

[Brett Vesely]

But I'm like, I'm like you with the Steelers, I'm kind of like, you know what? We beat the packers, knocked him out of the playoffs.

[John]

I'm good. Everything's a bonus. Yeah, everything's gravy. Yeah, I get that completely. Because you didn't expect. No, not at all, anyway. Not at all. Yeah. Now you're the two seed. Now you got to start thinking, nothing to lose. You got a chance here. Yeah, why not? Oh, football. It's great. And then my home state of Indiana is celebrating the glory that is the Indiana Hoosiers, who Friday night moved on in the college thing. Man, oh man, did they ever too.

[Byron]

With the help of God.

[John]

Is that how. Oh, they talk about God a lot. Yeah. That bothers you now? That's not a good thing.

[Byron]

It's great. He leads off.

[John]

Oh, yeah. Mendoza and the coach and everybody else first off, shut up about God. He doesn't care about your football game that much. To where he sits back and goes, you mean I helped you win and you're not even going to thank me in the post game press conference? Like, how insecure is that God, that he has to hear that afterwards? But either way, they're all 41 years old. It's a hell of a team. It's like a softball beer league team in Indiana. They're just crushing people stat. That blew my mind, though. In the history of Indiana football and the ranking system I always laugh at because it's so arbitrary. They were 1 in like 71 against teams ranked 5 or higher in their entire existence. And now they've beaten all of them this year. It's crazy how that turned around. Indiana is the. Is the school that took the best advantage of the nil. And they're doing it by putting adult men. Like you said, he's got a good system. They're all. The average age In Indiana is 23 years old. And there's football teams that are 24 and a half and 25. They're almost there.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

So he just went out and said, how long have you been playing? I've been seven and a half years in college. You're in. It's like a bunch of doctors. But, yeah, football dominated the weekend. Just.

[Byron]

You look good.

[John]

Awesome. Just he.

[Byron]

I mean, I just iced it. Formed a BE number one in the draft, I think.

[John]

Yeah, it was pretty great. And you watched on a regular tv. I did, yeah. Just like, you know, normal. And Brett, you watched yours on a regular TV. Throw those out. Just throw your TVs away. Chuck them. They're done. Because at CES, over the last week, they unveiled the wallpaper television. Did you see it? 9.9millimeters thick it is. And it just. Right on your. Right on your. Well, it's unbelievable. Clean, clear as, like, just perfect. It's got little outlets on the.

[Byron]

What's it starting at?

[John]

5.5 billion dollars. I don't know what it is, but it's worth wallpaper television. So it's just gonna be talking about that.

[Byron]

Like, we kept on saying that it's gonna get thinner and thinner. Well, and then you had. Saw it. I mean, well, it was a couple of Olympics ago, right where they put it. They had kind of the ribbon screens it was in. We've had those at Beijing, where they had the floor.

[John]

Yeah, they can do that with the floors, but that's projection. And then. Yeah, that's like, they can. I don't know how they do the projection thing without shadows and stuff, but they can do that too.

[Byron]

But it looked like they had some almost thin material screens.

[John]

My. My ex wife, years ago, her brother was an industrial engineer, and his projects were to build housing for electronics. So Sony would be like, here's a new, like, electronic device, which is like a DVD player at the time here, we're building them like this now. And all he did was build the outside to be aesthetically pleasing for sales. So you'd, like. He'd take the guts, and then they would build the outside.

[Brett Vesely]

The case and everything.

[John]

Yeah. And all the buttons and all the things. So he's like, this is what we do. This is what the inside. And then he would build the outside of it, which is kind of a cool gig. I didn't realize he didn't know that he knew the electronics, but he didn't know how to, like, he wouldn't build in them, but they just send him over. Here's what TVs are, and here's our idea. And then they would make it pretty. So he had a project this was in 2002, where he was making shirts that had screens on them, but they weren't like heavy screens. It was made out of, like, shirt material. And he had these. And you could. Instead of like. Like, I'm wearing a TJ Watt jersey right now. So I could just turn it on and it would be a T.J. watt jersey.

[Byron]

You know, almost like a separate screen.

[John]

Like, it was the. The material was a screen. And then I could change it so it had a little outlet on the bottom. The outlet was kind of like, change.

[Brett Vesely]

It to Aaron Rodgers if you wanted to or whatever.

[John]

Wow. And then. And then also it had like a scroll if you want to. Like T shirts. The more adaptable one was a T shirt that, like, you could throw, like Adidas would just roll across. It would be like. You'd be like. It would be moving. Yeah. Or you can just have it dance. And he said, yeah, this is years from coming out, but we're working on this because right now we can't figure out how to make it. So the charge or the thing you play, like computers weren't quite there yet to where you could plug in. And then just like now would be really easy to put a meme on it or something. Back then it was just, you know, those dancing bananas that were everywhere, that was all you could do. And it was the coolest thing ever. So I kind of forgot about it until I saw the CES thing. Wallpaper TV is the future. So all this crap we're seeing here on our walls in the studio, these sticking out, what is that, eight inches off the wall? That's going to be cumbersome. The way Those old console TVs were at your grandma's house. Crazy. In my lifetime, we'll have gone from that gigantic five foot by three and a half foot box with a 19 inch screen in it. We had a 27 inch television that the neighbors came over to see. They couldn't believe what was sitting on our shelf. 27 inches. My God, you're gonna go blind. It's too much. And then. And then I think it was the Burkharts. I remember they had like a 35 inch TV.

[Byron]

Rockefellers, the first Sony Trinitron I saw.

[John]

Yeah.

[Byron]

Unbelievable.

[John]

Oh, did you ever try to lift one?

[Byron]

Oh, yeah.

[John]

I helped Larry move his. He had an old TV in his bedroom. Were you there when we helped him move out of that condo years ago?

[Brett Vesely]

No, I didn't make.

[John]

The TV was £145 and it was like picking. It looked normal. It was A flat screen. But the back end was massive. And we picked it up and like, I'm this. We had to go downstairs. I'm like, nah, I'm not do. This stays.

[Brett Vesely]

This fell with the house.

[John]

It's exactly what I told him. I said it for the next guy, because this is. You get new.

[Byron]

Put a steel beam in order to put it up on your wall.

[John]

Oh, you could. Well, these were the ones you didn't hang. You put it on a. On it. That was back when. Jesus. Think of the furniture we don't need anymore because of technology. Every room in our house when I was a kid had an entertainment center.

[Byron]

Built around the cat. You had to build around that. Especially when it got to the, like, big screen. Sorry, it was just a mini theater.

[John]

It was massive. But then you'd build around your DVDs and shelves. CDs on shelves. Think of the wall books nobody has. Nobody has that. You don't go to anybody's house anymore and see a wall of books. Trip's house has them, and that's the only one.

[Brett Vesely]

But again, that's for looks.

[John]

Yeah, yeah, I know. He's just, you know, that's another one of my amazing books. I've never read. Who knows? I don't know. He's not much. I don't think he reads. I don't anymore. Maybe he's read the house.

[Brett Vesely]

We'd seen some of those books.

[John]

Yeah. Mein Kampf in there. But he bought that house, as is. The guy who sold it to him said, you can have the furniture. And he goes. And at his Christmas party, realized the old owner of the house had Mein Kampf. He had Hitler's movie. We gave it right to Larry. Larry's a fur. Like, look at this, Larry. Wait. And he goes, I gotta get rid of that. No, you don't. This is a talking piece.

[Byron]

It's autographed.

[John]

But think of all the crap that used to be in your house. That CES thing I watched this weekend, the two. Oh, and your kids are going to get dumber because now Legos has this thing that the. The bricks are smart.

[Byron]

Smart bricks.

[John]

And they help you out.

[Byron]

Saw that.

[John]

And they start like. Yeah. I don't know if they light up or start glowing or something like that when it's like.

[Byron]

If you put it in properly.

[Brett Vesely]

Right.

[John]

Well, if you're building something, it kind of lights up. The next one to say, that's the right move. Or the. This isn't. Where this goes, it'll. It tells you. Instead of that monstrosity I used to build the multicolored monster that had. No. I couldn't even build that. I always got. I got a wall up and then another wall and then I'd run out of the same. Then it just became this hodgepodge. Everything looked like a Tim Burton movie when I built it in lego, what's.

[Byron]

Good, it's not only lights up, it shocks the kids when they put it perfect.

[John]

I think that's operation or what. Yeah, yeah. It's operationally, the user takes a volts. I love it. But, yeah, your kids, they don't have to think. And I don't know what I'd rather have. Like, a perfect thing that I didn't really do, or like the crap I built, which was horribly ugly and stupid, but I did it myself. Like, there's some personal pride in that, but easier is always better. But yeah, that CES thing had some stuff.

[Byron]

Get your AI companion dog.

[John]

I saw that too. Yeah. And hypoallergenic pets, because they're not real. The vacuum that goes up walls too. It goes up a certain height on walls and turns around. I'm like, it's got the ability to make a turn on a wall and vacuum the lower half of your wall. You know what? I saw the replacement of all women. They had a thing, stuff that cleans your kitchen. They had the vacuums. They had a mop vacuum and the mop thing that it'll. It does the vacuuming, then it goes and resets itself. All you have to do is put like 60 Swiffer pads in it.

[Byron]

Right.

[John]

Close the door. It goes back to its home after like 10 passes, changes its own pad, pops back out and finishes the job.

[Brett Vesely]

Women are really being replaced.

[John]

They're being replaced.

[Brett Vesely]

Change their own pads.

[John]

If we can get the sex dolls. You know, I don't even why we'd include menstruation, but they changing their own pads for the realism, I suppose. Unreal. Yeah. I'm watching that thing. I'm like, but. And then the 130 inch, 1 inch television, which has been around for a minute, but it's just perfect. I'm like, oh, God. Eventually it's just gonna be your wall.

[Brett Vesely]

It's called Best Buy already in order one.

[John]

I've been. I've been inquiring wallpaper tv and it doesn't go on with glue and stuff. It's still a television, but still gonna hang it somehow. I don't even know what 9 millimeters is. Is this 9 millimeters thick? My phone. I don't know what how thick is. I know it's not much. Maybe an inch. How many millimeters in an inch? Does anyone know? Does anyone know? No one knows. No souls know that? No. And you can email me if you want, but you had to. Look. There's no way you just pull that up out of your head. Now, nine millimeters is blah, blah, blah. Or you're European. Maybe a European can help us out, but I don't know. How many millimeters are in an inch? Don't you dare, Brady. You're reaching for it. Don't. Don't do it.

[Byron]

I gotta guess.

[John]

Your little hand. What is it? Guess how many. How many millimeters in an inch?

[Byron]

I'm going to say 1000.

[John]

A thousand millimeters in one inch? That's got to be way off. What about you? I've already looked. Okay, I'm out. I'm gonna say millimeters in an inch. 10.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, I. I was actually just doing the. The iPhone thing.

[John]

Okay. How many millimeters is an iPhone?

[Brett Vesely]

IPhone.

[Byron]

12.

[Brett Vesely]

12. Pro to 15. Pro is 8.25 millimeters.

[John]

So this is about 9. About a thousand millimeters is a meter. Is a meter. Yeah, that would be. That's what I was thinking. Miller is a thousand. So I was thinking. Well, he nailed that. He said that's a thick tv. Larry's old Trinitron. Yeah. Yeah, that's three feet thick. Okay, so how many are an inch?

[Byron]

About 10.

[John]

Like, we'll be like 18. Because this has to be about half an inch.

[Byron]

Saying, that's nine.

[John]

My phone's about half an inch.

[Byron]

20 then.

[John]

So around 20 millimeters to an inch.

[Brett Vesely]

One meter equals 0.0393. I know. I know. What?

[John]

98. No way. Holmberg's morning sickness. How many millimeters in an inch? 25.4. And don't go firing off that email that. You knew that because you didn't. Without me doing exactly what I did. So think of that. Nine millimeters is a third, basically, of an inch, and that's going to go up on your wall. I cannot wait. What's. What's next? Eventually, it's just going to. I don't know. I don't even know how they do it. Like, they'll just come and perform. The holograms are where. I'm thinking we got to be getting close to, like, the live 3D. The way they played chess in Star Wars. That's got to be. We got to be close. Got to be close. Yeah. It's just the climbing vacuums thing was pretty awesome. And all I Thought was, wow, all this stuff that they've got for cleaning your house. Bachelor's dreams. A woman wouldn't want, I don't think most the robot to clean the house because all they do is get mad at it. It missed this. Guys don't care if you miss a corner or whatever. Like, I didn't motha around the thing. It kind of skips that. You just go and scrub it yourself. Women lose their minds. Like, a maid doesn't do something and they go inspect afterwards. Like, guys never go back through. If you hire someone to clean your house, that's a gift. Like, I had that homaglow thing come clean the rental a couple of times. And you know the one dude, the dude that showed up was terrible.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, yeah.

[John]

Oh, he was horrible. The girls that have shown up have been spectacular. Unless another girl comes and looks at.

[Byron]

The house like, I had it the other way around.

[John]

You had the guy that was good. The girl was back. I'm sure there's going to be a few. Yeah, I'm going to clean your house spotless. You look like a sexy little thumb. Yeah, but, I mean, we don't care. Even if it's a dude that does it, and he does kind of an average job. He did some stuff. Like, my guy didn't do anything. Like, he. I'm like, nothing. Like, there were dishes in the sink and, like, just two. I'm like, you didn't even put those in the dishwasher. There was food on the counter. You didn't even wipe them.

[Byron]

Well, that's extra.

[John]

Yeah, that's.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

But I'm like, what did you do? The floor still had, like, dust and dirt and it didn't vac. I'm like, all right, you didn't. You did this. You sat in my house for three hours while I left you there. But for the most part, a dude would let a machine clean the house, come home and go kind of close enough, so long as it's not like a filth box. And a lot of people's houses are disgusting filth boxes. So somebody goes in and does a decent job with that. But CES has all that. And the replacement of ladies is right around the corner. Then the other fun nose this weekend I was following is that dude who stole all those body parts out of that Pennsylvania cemetery to see that hundreds. He had hundred. 100 skulls and a bunch of mummified body parts that he had. And yeah, they caught him because they're like, somebody said his car was close to the thing and he's like, yep. And they went and pulled him over and he had skulls in the back seat and like femurs and all this stuff. And he's like, yeah, that's it. So he leads him over to the places and I expected this to be like, man, this guy's been at it. He's been at it since November. That's it. That's busy bed skulls. Nobody saw this. A hundred skulls since November. It's January 12th. That's 45 days of him going, you know what, I'm gonna start stealing heads. And he got to a hundred of them before anybody caught him. And then they took him back. They looked back at his house. He had a few of the bodies hung up. A few of them had been reassembled with other stuff. Like he's playing with them.

[Brett Vesely]

He's a real good look at her.

[John]

He is. He's an ambitious man. A hundred skulls and like, yeah. Since.

[Byron]

About his new body exhibit.

[John]

Yeah, it's. I thought this would be forever. They said the bones and skulls visible in the back seat of a car near a cemetery in Philadelphia's outskirts led police to a basement filled with body parts. It says, hoarded by a man accused of stealing 100 sets of human remains, including every one of their heads. So Tuesday the, the, the arrest culminated a months long investigation. Two months into break ins at this cemetery. Kept breaking in. They didn't put a camera up. How many break ins does it take for you to put up a ring?

[Byron]

We're missing the first 10 bodies gone. Let's put something up there or control it.

[John]

Have some guy standing out there one night. Higher security, like vip. We do it for concerts. Just keep an eye on it. Just have them sitting up top, put a camera on the thing and just watch the guy pull up out in the parking lot. But he's breaking into this thing.

[Byron]

Almost had him.

[John]

They're out there with us.

[Brett Vesely]

That's Philly. I mean, you know, it is kind of expected.

[John]

Well, that's the one thing I said to somebody from some. He was from Philadelphia. And I said, well, you know, in Philadelphia you got your choice. You can bang a Philadelphia woman or you can go get something out of the ground. And it's probably better looking. It's skinnier, that's for sure. I'll tell you that. You wait for it to die, you give it like a year and a half, that thing's going to be a lot thinner. It might, you know, still have a little ass left. So you keep that on.

[Brett Vesely]

It's water weight.

[John]

Yeah, that's what it is.

[Brett Vesely]

It's water weight.

[John]

She ate too many hayogis. That's what they should put on your tombstone.

[Byron]

I wonder if he was going after a particular, you know, year. Like, it's got to be, you know, because if you. If he's collecting the skeletons, he's just digging them up.

[John]

100. He was just at it. He was just collecting. They should put your weight on your tombstone for these guys, because they're out there. How many people in this city? We're almost. We're pretty close to the same size as Philly, I would guess. There's probably 25, 30 people in this city right now that have a human body part they shouldn't have in their house. And not like through grandma's. Like, they stole us.

[Brett Vesely]

Not like ashes.

[John]

Yeah, yeah, like that. They shouldn't have. Like, somebody's got a human bone.

[Brett Vesely]

I think it's that high.

[John]

20. 20 or 30. And then one dude stole. Well, because somebody still. There's people stealing all the time, like body parts and stuff. Like, there's cemeteries. Nobody's paying attention. Somebody's got Waylon Jennings in their house. He's buried in Mesa, my ass. Somebody took him a long time ago. Nobody's ever gonna report that Waylon Jennings got stolen. But you can't bury Waylon Jennings and have everyone in this city know it and not have some hillbilly in Apache Junction try to dig that up. There's no.

[Byron]

There's just a bottle of bourbon inside.

[John]

There's nothing there. I would venture to guess as many rednecks that live in the vicinity of Waylon Jennings dead corpse, which is right there. Over there off center by Hohokam Stadium. Yeah, he's right there. That. There is no way he's still in there. There is no. Somebody took that. And then they go, hey, you want to see something?

[Brett Vesely]

Like.

[John]

Yeah. And then you're in their trailer, and you're like, you got a basement. Sor. They dug a hole underneath their trailer. And there's like, Waylon Jennings with a cowboy hat, some candles, and a guitar and a skeleton. And you're just like. What's that?

[Brett Vesely]

Kind of like Norman Bates at the end of Psycho.

[John]

In the. In the root cellar. There's pictures of him and his album is always playing. And it's kind of like, yeah, I gotta reset that. No way Weylon Jennings is still there. So I'll say maybe 30 people have stuff they shouldn't have in their house that should be in the grave or a mausoleum or Something I would venture. We're a big city and this dude had a hundred skulls before anybody figured it out in two and a half months.

[Brett Vesely]

Anybody famous? As they said.

[John]

No, not yet. Yeah, nothing like, who from Philly could it be? Is Mike Schmidt still alive? I mean. Oh, please. Rocky. If Mike. If Rocky Balboa was real. And I know Brett, that's hard to hear. It's like Santa talking about if Rocky was real. Best fighters in the world and that story was real, there is no possible way somebody wouldn't steal that body out of the ground. No way. They have, like 24 hour security at Forest Lawn. And in California, I used to go there. It's one of the most beautiful places. They've got art exhibits and all sorts of stuff. But you go by and, like, there's Stan Laurel, there's Walt Disney. Like, they've got all these things in the. And you're just walking along. I saw Brittany Murphy right after she died. The grass was still not quite grown in. Yeah, she's right on the edge of the road, too, which wasn't a very good spot, but she's in there. And I'm like, yeah, people would. They're always.

[Byron]

What about the other stuff? I wonder if they got him with the, you know, the rings and whatever they're buried with. Because a lot of people. That's why people do it. They loot the girl.

[John]

This dude seem. Yeah, but they're. They just steal off the body. They don't take the whole body. This dude was into. Oh, and when we find out what he was doing with him, because we will. You're all gonna throw up. Because he's boning. He's boning your grandparents so bad. Oh, that's so hilariously bad. But, yeah, what are you gonna do? That's why you should get burned up. There is nothing about that that's appealing. Eventually somebody's gonna dig you up and collect you or.

[Byron]

Yeah, I have to move you.

[John]

Yeah, for sure. There were on my grandpa's property in Pennsylvania, you'd wander around and you'd find stuff from, like the 1800s and you just, you know, drift off. My and my dad knew about, like, this was a cemetery, like a grave on. Wherever somebody died, they just put them here, stick them here.

[Byron]

Family land.

[John]

Yeah. And they'd put a thing in there and etch, like, into the rock the name and the time. Like, whoa.

[Byron]

How many Waltons were up in the mountains in the 70s?

[John]

Oh, there was one that just had this weird name, like Alfred something. And then afterward it just said 1845. And you had to move a bunch of grass was just a stone that they'd carved the name. And they buried him right there. And I'm like, he's not still in there. There's no way. These rubes in Mount Jewett, Pennsylvania, long ago dug his ass up. Teenagers in the area. I'd have been in on that. I have a hard time going by that cemetery on Lincoln because I've been in there when I used to run that and I get tired and I'd wander into that because I don't want to be. I just see what's there. They have all these Baha' I faith people. And I didn't know what that was, so I wanted to.

[Brett Vesely]

What is that?

[John]

I have no idea. It's a weird religion.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay.

[John]

And then in the back of it is just people who died in the 1800s. And I'm like. And they're mounds. Maybe like put them in the ground. Very deep.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, man.

[John]

Right off Lincoln. And all I thought was, how far do I have to dig? They're right there. You strike me as the type of person that if you found a skull in the ground or something like that next to like 1845, you'd keep that.

[Byron]

I went by with our buddy Thomas Wells, and we were in Scotland and it was a cemetery and had pirates. Like 1647 had the skull and crossbones.

[John]

Yeah, they're in there in the stone. They're not. They're gone. They're long gone. People have unmarked.

[Byron]

A lot of them. It was just the skull and people.

[John]

Dug that up years ago.

[Brett Vesely]

Jack Sparrow's still down there for 400 years.

[John]

No, there's no way. No way. That's like a hundred different generations of 17 year olds that know where that is. Thomas? Probably fool me. I'll tell you where the pirate graves are. Like, oh, those. Those are just stones. You guys dug those up a long time ago. I'd be curious about that. If I found a grave from the 1600s, I'd dig. Not for sex like this guy probably did. Just to see if it's still there now. Good. Their skills were. We do it all the time. Some people do it and it's considered science. The archaeologists, that's. They consider that science. I'd just be collecting.

[Byron]

Wow. Her diet. She ate a lot.

[John]

Yeah. My dad used to tell all the time his construction, you know, they build big buildings and stadiums and stuff. And the second they would say, oh, we found a bone or an arrowhead or something, they'd have to stop everything. So it was kind of an unwritten rule that if you find anything, just put it in your pocket, keep moving. And in New Orleans, when they built the Superdome, my dad's old boss, Jimmy. Oh, we found all sorts of stuff. Treasure chest, bones, heads, bodies, girls, boys. Like what? You know, they just dug it. Clunk. Another thing would hit and, like, just keep scooping.

[Byron]

Got deadline.

[John]

Yeah, got deadline. They were late on the Superdome as it was, let alone. You're not screwing around with the. You know, finding a body down there in that swamp. They'd investigate for months, and then the Superdome can open. Super Bowl 9 was supposed to be in the Superdome. The Steelers and Vikings. But it had to get played in, like. Like an outdoor stadium at LSU or something, or Tulane. I don't remember where it was because the Superdome wasn't done yet. They were like, no, we found treasure chests, and it stopped. Everything they find. One stops. He found. He said they found hundreds of bones.

[Byron]

Another one from Jean Lafitte.

[John]

Yeah. Ask anybody who did this freeway. The 101. Indian bones like, crazy. They didn't say. They didn't make up. Probably, like, full T. Rexes. Eating an Indian. Like, it's still in the Indian's mouth. When they both got killed, nobody said a thing.

[Brett Vesely]

Get that bobcat moving.

[John]

Go, go, go, go, go. Run it over. They could hit a T. Rex. Just get it up out of the ground, put it in your house, do whatever but go. Nobody's gonna know about the T. Rex eating the Indian. That would be great. Little skeleton hanging out of the mouth of the T. Rex. Half gone, little bones in his throat. And I don't know what happened. The meteor just iced them both at the exact same time. Who knows? But they were. Yeah, they. We had mcc, for God's sakes. We got to go to an archaeological dig when at price, in Southern. They found a piece of a pot. The whole goddamn freeway just shut down in 1991. Like, shut it down. And me and a bunch of community college kids got to go traipse around there. How important are those bones if you're letting your little feather dusters out? We had to watch. We weren't allowed to touch this stuff. We got to watch the people do it. And then they tried to explain it. And let me tell you this also. It was like May or April. It was hot as. It was horrible. Standing there before that freeway was done while they're dusting for more pottery. And I'm like, didn't the Indians get New pots. Yes. But this would tell us so much about their lives. I'm like, ask an Indian. They know about it. They've been passing these stories down forever.

[Brett Vesely]

Gilbert Ortega will take care of you.

[John]

Gilbert will like, I'm going to go out on a limb. Lots of corn. That seems to be maize. I even know the word for it. You guys are still looking for them to eat something else. Some javelina, couple coyotes.

[Byron]

Bison.

[Brett Vesely]

Maybe it's where they stash their peyote in there.

[John]

You know, maybe bison wandering around the elk, the desert. I don't think maybe. But yeah, maybe a rogue bison was eaten on price in southern ones. They did take out, I think, like, Indian doordash of the 1700s. I don't know. But you're gonna come up with corn. You're gonna. They used to make. Because I've been to the herd museum, which is, by the way, the worst museum in the history of museums, where you get to roll that corn on that rock. And I'm like, oh, we did that.

[Brett Vesely]

It was terrible.

[John]

The worst field trip I've ever been on. Slept in a tent, Got in trouble. Me and a girl named Charlotte Hartfixen and a girl named Amber Hunt.

[Byron]

You hid in the village.

[John]

There's, like, a thing. You got to go into a teepee.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

And pretend. And we were the last ones. And we got out. And then the class. Okay, follow me. And we just popped right back in there and laid down. It wasn't even like we were just bored. I mean, it was. We needed to lay down. You talk about mall legs. The herd museum. That's the. The Indians are getting us back for the herd museum because they're white people. Walk through. They're trying to get culture. That is the invention of mall legs. That herd museum is a thanks to.

[Byron]

The herd family for.

[John]

Yeah. Thank you. Heard Sharing their collection of man.

[Byron]

The stuff they got from those savages.

[John]

Yeah. Back then, they used to eat corn from the. They ate corn from everything. I get it. And here's a. Here's a reenactment. It's just an Indian with a bow and arrow and another little Indian and they're shooting it at some sort of bobcat or something. And I'm like, all right. I could have. I've seen cartoons also. This is unnecessary. And then they would go home where the ladies would make corn or maize. Okay, what else did they do? That's about it. They didn't need to build a bill. This is too big a building for this.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm going to bashes yeah.

[John]

They slept in a teepee. Yep. Cartoons covered all this. I don't want to take away from their culture and stuff, but it ain't museum worthy, that's for sure. It's like the way if. If IKEA was a museum for Swedes, you could say the same thing. I wouldn't even fight you. And it's in downtown Phoenix. It's like, it's almost rude. We took it from them. And this is what used to be here. But now look around now. There's beautiful buildings and the mall. There's the zips across the street. The Indians would love that.

[Byron]

There's some dance parties there every now.

[John]

And then here and again. Oh, yeah. And then they got it. And then they go through that, and those dudes put the dance. And that's actually the good part. Start with that. But your legs will fall off of you if you're there for more than 30 minutes. Your legs leave. You stay. And your legs are like, I'm out if I hear the word corn one more goddamn time. What they do with these rocks? Oh, they rubbed corn on it. And they rubbed corn. Everything was corn.

[Byron]

It's a field trip.

[John]

Yeah. And squash. Squash was another one. They talk about a lot. Like, good Christ. It's like going through Safeway's vegetable islands. Like, it's making me a vegetable and turning into one. Sorry, herd museum. I. I will say that if even free, it's not worth it. The grounds are beautiful. Walk around the outside. The second you're in there.

[Byron]

Just go.

[John]

Over to, you know, quit being so scared. Go knock on the door when you're at the casino next time. Go down like that side street. Just pull in, knock on the door and go tell me some stories. And you'll just hear, do I have stories? And then you crack open a Budweiser. And this dude will tell you everything about his ancestors and none of it. He'll never mention corn and what they did with cobs after. Like, I'm sure, like, hilarious. Like, but we don't ever ask that. I want one of those. I want one. I want an authentic Native American to be my tour guide over at the Heard Museum who understands how boring it is. Make something up. Then they would take the corn cups and they'd use them as sex toys. Yeah. Here's a reenactment. Holy cow. Here's what we think of Whitey. And they just reenact what you wanted to do to Whitey. Here they are. Here we are cutting head off of soldiers. Oh, right. Now we Got something. And then we used his skull to make corn. All right. I'll give you that. Eventually some corn was going to get involved. We call it maize. All right, we get it. Go. Next thing. Next thing. Kill another guy. The bows and arrows, they should make you do that. They can go out back to the herd museum and you can start shooting at stuff.

[Byron]

Make the arrowheads.

[John]

Yeah, yeah. Weapons of war. That's what I want. Her museum. And when you sixth grade. Is that when you went after sixth grade?

[Brett Vesely]

Somewhere in there. Grisman elementary.

[John]

Brutal. Every elementary school has some sort of weird contract to drag you through the herd museum. And it's. Have you been there as an adult? Oh, why.

[Byron]

Why moved out here?

[John]

Oh, people force, you know, Me too. And it was the only field trip. You're like, oh, no, I'd rather just learn. Rather be in. I'd rather be in a classroom learning. I'd rather read like a big book. Like the whole thing. Follow me to the next thing where we made corn.

[Brett Vesely]

Like Christ and that damn flute that plays the entire muzak system or whatever the whole time.

[Byron]

Where the massage tables.

[John]

Yeah, that's what. Yeah, get a massage. A masseuse in here and rub these sixth graders. Oh, but that's a bad phrase. Don't say that. Let's get ourselves a wake up song. Start Monday off proper as we just prepare for the Steelers and Texans tonight. Or at least I do. Give it to us good and strong. We'll scream it together. It's 98 KUPD.

[Byron]

Wake up.

[John]

It's out of control now. 98 K U P T. Morning sickness. Morning sickness. Walker told me I had aids. There we go. Now we're getting there. I'm gonna start adding more parts in to the Thomas Jane theme song. We thank you, Thomas James. You're very nice. We are awesome. This. You know what? Sometimes you give. We give Brady some heat about how we read some stories, and now I think they're trying to get you. So just before we get into the Brady report later, just make sure that you don't read the headline, Single elephant suspected to have killed 30, 13 people in a week because his marital status should have nothing to do with it. I'm pretty sure it's just an elephant killing people. I don't know why that was a thing. I read that headline like, oh, this could get sideways. He's an incel. Elephants are incels. They're. And you know what? I got to hand it to the people over there.

[Byron]

He's got to get on pachyderms. Only dating website.

[John]

Yeah, that's the thing. You'd think, well, maybe he doesn't like them that big. Maybe he likes them thin, like an Ariana Grande elephant. You know what I like? Remember we did the story last week about how in Colorado, that mountain lion ate that lady and they hunted three of them and killed him and found DNA like it was in India. If you get killed by an elephant in an Indian jungle, you should have spotted that thing. I mean, it's like. It's hard to hide. Yeah, it's definitely. You were. Okay, I'll give you a wrong place, wrong time, but it's an elephant. And if you know there are elephants nearby. Head on a swivel, I think. But I do like the idea that it's a single elephant. Like, he's on a rampage because they killed his wife. Single elephant in cell. They have a problem with that in India. And Indians just wander around. There's billions of them. And the Indian, I guarantee you, maybe had some trouble with his credit card or customer service was not satisfactory. And the elephant was like, that's it. Matter of my. He just snapped. He. We lost him. But when an elephant starts stomping on Indians over there in India, they're just like. That is part of it. You go over to the end where the elephants are, the chances of you getting squashed are high.

[Byron]

I saw one on Instagram, a video. It was four Indian guys, and one guy did not get away from the elephant.

[John]

Yeah.

[Byron]

And they just had to stand back and watch.

[John]

I mean, let me ask you this. What were they doing before? They weren't just ignoring the elephant. They're on the dirt road dicking around with the elephant.

[Byron]

I don't know.

[John]

Why did they break out when they.

[Byron]

Were running away from it?

[John]

Yeah, they were around with it first. And because elephants don't just bother you. They were.

[Byron]

It's kind of like what the people do here in the States when they're going through, like, a herd of bison roll down their window in their car.

[John]

And have not seen that. Oh, you mean like Yosemite, when they want to get pictures out and that.

[Byron]

Kid gets tossed on the one.

[John]

Well, they. Yeah, they have. Sometimes they get out and they start, like, trying to take photos with them, like, all right, well, it's gonna eat you. In India, they don't even have the phrases that do not poke the elephant. They don't have the bear. They. It's just, don't screw around. And I like that. I think we should adopt that. If there's an elephant if we had an elephant in the parking lot, we went outside. It's like, you know, at 2:00am at a bar, when there's an elephant, you dodge it. But yeah, you can't just have some elephant standing there and then blame the elephant. 13 people are dead though. This elephant is on a. That's multiple days. Like if he sees an Indian, he squashes it. So I would be on the lookout. You can defend yourself, walk around with an elephant gun all day. But it seems a bit paranoid. But there are also too many of them. There's like so many Indians. Like, the elephants are destined. They're probably like, oh, geez, I stepped on like four. I'm so sorry. You guys are. You're everywhere. You're like ants.

[Byron]

Accident.

[John]

Yeah, that's one of the animals. Like there's. There's probably seven or eight animals on the planet where I'm like, what? What was that? Like we have dinosaurs. Uh huh. I ain't doing that. I'm always blown away in Florida that people want to live with those things. Gators? No, not a thing. We don't have any. Look at the. You know, occasionally coyotes, dog, you get a little violent. Occasional owls, coyotes, a mountain lion sometimes drops down into. But never do we ever have to worry about, hey, Brett, you want to go on a bike ride? My friend got stomped out by an elephant. Like, what are we doing here? Let's move.

[Byron]

Like, there's elephants in this area. Yeah, but you should be all right.

[John]

If there were signs as you're driving to Payson that just had an elephant. And then xing, you're like, we gotta move. Like, I don't even want to risk this at night. I wonder how many times elephants get hit by one of those weird little cars they have over there in India. Is that what those are called? They have the. The carriage that's got way too many colors and glitter and decorations on it and a dude in the front. Just that Briggs and Stratton, 3.5 up there. And how many of those things get like elephants just shoot out in front of them. It's terrible. We were talking about the guy who stole all the bodies out of the grave. It says Brett Stallone is still alive. So Rocky Balboa.

[Brett Vesely]

I was using that as a metaphor. Right?

[John]

Yeah, we're all using. Rocky's not real either. And I don't think.

[Brett Vesely]

No, he's real.

[John]

Okay. He's not gonna get buried in Philly.

[Byron]

No.

[Brett Vesely]

He's got classic.

[John]

This guy brings up. Because you think about the buried Rockies in Philly. Oh, sure. Oh yeah, there's a load of them. Probably the most famous buried person in Philadelphia is Ben Franklin, which this guy actually says is the originator of oral sex. Or so this show taught me. That's true. We did tell you that.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, really? No, I didn't know that. Okay.

[John]

Ben was. Yeah, he was ahead of the curve, going down on broads in the 1700s. He was a pervert.

[Brett Vesely]

Wrote about spectacles.

[John]

He was a. Yeah, look at the guy. He was a massive pervert and wrote.

[Byron]

About they had to bring him back.

[John]

From France because of all the diseases.

[Byron]

Like three years over there or something like that.

[John]

Yeah, chlamydia riddled. Ben Franklin is one of America's heroes. And damn it all, raise your glass. We're 250 years old because of that guy.

[Byron]

Good diplomacy.

[John]

He says, you know, some white trash Philly person has that skeleton with bifocals. Threw an Eagles jersey on it. I think you're right. There's no way he's got a Pat's.

[Brett Vesely]

Beef sandwich in his hand. Got it whiz.

[John]

Got a whit whiz. Got a water ice and a whit whiz hoagie. Eagles. Go Eagles. A picture of Bradley Cooper behind him for no reason. You've got. There is no way, the more I think about this, that Ben Franklin's real bones aren't in some Philadelphia basement decorated exactly like this guy said. Guess who's standing in my basement? Who? Ben Franklin. Wanna see? He's eating a hoagie. There is no way that those weird Philadelphians. Boston too. Boston had like Sam Adams and like you. Sam Adams is buried in Boston, my ass. Once they made it beer, that dude became a target.

[Brett Vesely]

There is Teddy Baseball here.

[Byron]

Hancock.

[John]

Then think of what they were doing to Teddy Baseball. They got in trouble kicking his head around as a. They used it as a ball. Yeah, John Hancock's in somebody's basement up there. But those Bostonians and Philadelphians, they're not going to as as drunk and stupid as they get. They're stealing. They're definitely in on this. That guy's 100% right. And I want to see it. I want somebody to reveal the Ben Franklin bifocals. Eagles got his little Tom's Almanac and all that. Just sitting there, just laughing. Every time you go down, it's like, dude. And they'll have like some dumb name like T boss has Ben Franklin's skeleton. They go down there, got a wawa hat on. Love the wah wah. Drinking a Yingling, Going to The Wawa. Drinking yangling. Getting a hoagie, bro. Yeah, it's. I love the idea of that because that story over the weekend made me realize that's in every major city. We just haven't found the one here yet. Somebody's got Waylon Jennings bones. I don't know. Who else is buried here that's famous. Glenn Campbell, maybe?

[Brett Vesely]

I was just gonna say Glenn Campbell maybe.

[John]

I don't know. Who else in Phoenix would be a target and dig up and Evan.

[Brett Vesely]

Mecham.

[John]

You think somebody has Mecham's bones? Mecham Spoons is a good band name. You think?

[Brett Vesely]

I don't know.

[John]

Who would you dig up in Arizona anywhere?

[Brett Vesely]

Oh.

[John]

Just for the. Just for the who would you do, man?

[Brett Vesely]

Let me see.

[John]

Brady would dig up Woody Hayes, former Ohio State.

[Byron]

Darn right.

[John]

Would you dig up Woody Hayes? Would you?

[Byron]

No, I don't think there's.

[John]

You wouldn't want to keep Woody's bones in your house.

[Byron]

No, I would.

[John]

I dig up Franco Harris, but it's so fresh still.

[Byron]

I think it might right for football and everything.

[John]

Just everything. Any of it.

[Brett Vesely]

Walter Payton, maybe?

[John]

You dig up Walter Payton?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, maybe Al Capone.

[John]

I mean, think about how I can find him. Oh, yeah. We're. We've been trying to dig him up for years. The Elephant man and stuff. People wanted his bones. Michael Jackson.

[Brett Vesely]

Michael Jackson.

[John]

He'd had him and then he didn't. He'd trade them out. They. We love that stuff.

[Brett Vesely]

Glenn Campbell's buried in Arkansas, apparently.

[John]

Oh, he is? Didn't even want to get buried here. Yeah, Just lived in the Biltmore. Didn't want to stay. I don't think we have many good graves in Arizona. Got. It's gotta be the Miranda and Waylon Jennings. And they're real close to each other. Same cemetery. There's got to be some good stuff here.

[Byron]

Is Irma Bomback.

[John]

Is that good though? Are you really? Well, you want to dig up Irma Bomb?

[Brett Vesely]

Let's see if we can find a Google search.

[Byron]

I'm just trying to think of famous Arizona.

[John]

I don't think we have any. Oh, Bill Keane, the guy who did Family Circus. I've seen his grave.

[Byron]

We got Tom the cowboy.

[John]

Tom Mix.

[Byron]

Tom Mix.

[John]

I don't know if. Is he buried out there? I think it's just a memorial.

[Byron]

Okay.

[John]

And that's just out in the middle of nowhere.

[Brett Vesely]

Sandra Day o'. Connor.

[John]

Well, that's a good one. Nobody wants to keep her, though. Like, what would be a funny thing at a party to show people the novelty. Yeah, the carcass. Yeah, the novelty.

[Brett Vesely]

Just a banana.

[John]

You're not gonna believe it. Whoa. Really?

[Brett Vesely]

As in Tucson.

[John]

Oh, I don't think you want to mess around with that.

[Brett Vesely]

No.

[John]

You're gonna tell somebody. They're gonna be upset. I don't think I'd have.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

There's not much here, and people think it's morbid and stuff, but we actually bid on the bones of.

[Byron]

Where did Bob Crane.

[John]

He's not buried here. No. He just got killed here.

[Byron]

He went back to Stalag 13.

[John]

I'm sure he. Yeah, they buried him on the set of Hogan's Heroes. We don't have very good celebrity deaths. We don't have any.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, and we got Ted Williams. Not necessarily buried, but not buried.

[John]

But he's in a. He's in a Frigidaire. Frank Lloyd Wright's here. He didn't go back home.

[Brett Vesely]

Says Scottsdale. Maricopa. Yeah.

[John]

Nah. Don't want an architect's bones that. Now, see, that's where you down. That's into news too much. I want somebody that. People are gonna go, this is neat.

[Byron]

Walter Cronkite School of Broadcasting. You put Hugh Downs over there. He'd be. U. Of A. Would be very upset.

[John]

Yeah. That we have the bones and we'd parade them around.

[Byron]

Yep. It'd be like a mountain.

[John]

Yeah. I guess if I could. I'd have it be a stealer. More than likely. Put him in that hermetically sealed box and let them just live in my house, tote him around. Franco would be pretty good one. So fresh, though.

[Byron]

I don't think you could top it.

[John]

No.

[Byron]

Right now in the Steelers.

[John]

He's on their Mount Rushmore. Oh, yeah. All the dead. One. Joe Green's still alive. Terry still alive. Chuck Noel, maybe, but that's pushing it. I don't know. I think I take Franco. That's a good one. But then you get in, like, Kennedy and Lincoln and stuff like that. Everyone. Pablo told us that they. They paraded Lincoln around in the back of that train for. He was right. They drove his dead body. We all kind of have that. We all act like it's not a thing. We're fascinated by that.

[Brett Vesely]

That's before they had, like, crazy freezers and stuff. How did they.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

In a train.

[Byron]

Like people were, you know, six months later, body was laying out.

[John]

Yeah. They just want to see them.

[Byron]

They're cutting pieces of clothing off.

[John]

Oh, he had to chunk him up.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

When he was bleeding. And they kept it because they knew we're all weird, morbid freaks. This human experiment is gross.

[Brett Vesely]

Wrestler Eddie Guerrero's buried in Scottsdale.

[John]

He's here.

[Brett Vesely]

That's.

[John]

Somebody could dig another reporting it. Hillbilly would get that. I don't know. Very strange. Yeah. I don't know who's in there. I just got that too. Eddie Guerrero's in Scottsdale.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John]

All right. We get it.

[Byron]

Was the Warrior.

[John]

The ultimate Warrior could be here? I don't know. He lived here for a while.

[Brett Vesely]

This guy said he would dig that governor out of the Pyramid of Papago.

[John]

Which one's in there?

[Brett Vesely]

I don't know. There's a governor up there. That's what that pyramid is.

[Byron]

Up the top.

[Brett Vesely]

Papa. But I don't know which one.

[John]

Over here?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John]

In the mountains.

[Brett Vesely]

You never seen the pyramid up there?

[John]

Yeah, but I know there's anybody buried in it.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, It's a tomb.

[John]

Wait, the one I drive by on the freeway?

[Byron]

No, that's the castle. So you can see it when you're on the golf course.

[John]

There's a little pyramid of.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

And there's a governor buried in there.

[Byron]

I didn't know there's a governor buried.

[Brett Vesely]

No kids tomb.

[John]

Is that right?

[Brett Vesely]

George W.P. hunt. Arizona's first governor.

[John]

I thought his name was G. Hunt. G. Hunt.

[Brett Vesely]

Seen it.

[John]

It's. Huh. Is Muhammad Ali buried here? That's a good question. He died in Scottsdale. It says Merle Haggard is also buried in Mesa. I don't know if that's real or not. That's the. That's a grave. I thought it was just like some sort of weird monument. You're showing me the picture of the pyramid. How about that? I don't think I knew that. If I did, I'd forgotten. I'm not digging that up. That's got fences and people would notice. Yeah, Having bones in your house is weird. But if they're famous bones. Nobody would say anything. If I had like, you know, some random lady. I'm a criminal. But if I had Ben Franklin. It's a museum.

[Brett Vesely]

Brett can't dig anyone up yet. Dinero. Pacino and Pesci are still alive.

[John]

He would keep one of those guys. Oh, yeah. See, Isn't that weird?

[Byron]

I'd have.

[Brett Vesely]

Pesci was sitting in the. Oh, yeah.

[John]

But like his. Like, you know, a cousin of Pesci. Suddenly now you're just the creepiest dude in the world.

[Brett Vesely]

Fred Pesci or something.

[John]

But if you had a famous set of bones in your house, people think you were. That was cool. Like it's weird, but people like, well, he's got Joe Pesci's bones. But if it's one's a museum, one is a crime. If you wanted to start a museum of great Italian actors and you kept their bones.

[Byron]

Oh, yeah.

[John]

There'S that. What is it? William Bonney that you can go. And his. His thing is a glass box. You can still see him. And it's a tourist attraction to go see the coffin. Yeah. Is it Billy the Kid? Who's William? You go see his coffin. It's up and he's just there and his dead bodies in a box. And people travel far and wide and they take a look at it and take pictures with it and stuff. But if. If it was just some guy, you'd be like, ah, it's criminal.

[Byron]

I don't know if it's still for years. I don't know if it was Oklahoma or somewhere. It's one of those, like, general stores that also had a. An Indian mummified. Oh, down Sitting out front.

[John]

They got the thing down there. As you're driving to Tucson, you can pull over and see that. And they say it's an alien, but I think it's just a dead Indian body. They dug it up.

[Brett Vesely]

That's a thing or whatever it is down there.

[John]

And it's supposedly an Indian woman. And it's pissed people off for years, but it's so gooed up when they found it, that kind of preserved. Petrified a little bit. And then they stuck it in a box and they. It's a tourist attraction. That's what happens to us if, you know, you go missing or something like that and somebody finds you. You become a tourist attraction. Like 100 years from now, nobody's gonna care that you were here and maybe use your bones for something.

[Brett Vesely]

You know what? I take that back. I think I dig up the Rat Pack.

[John]

Oh, that's Amy Frank. Give me Dean. I've come to your house for that. I would pay money. Isn't that strange? I would come pay money for that. Now if it was Frank Jr. And Nancy, I'd be like, jesus, put Brett in jail immediately.

[Byron]

Sammy.

[John]

Oh, my God. Sammy's little tiny bones.

[Byron]

Play with that glass eye.

[John]

Would you even get.

[Brett Vesely]

You wouldn't get all Joey Bishop.

[John]

Joey Lawrence. Joey Lawrence. Yeah, Joey Lawrence. Little known fact.

[Brett Vesely]

Whoa.

[John]

Who's the other one? It was Peter.

[Brett Vesely]

Peter. Peter Lawford.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John]

Those two can stay in the ground because that's when it starts getting creepy. But you've got Dean Frank and Sammy Kennedy. Dean Frank And, Sammy, that's a party. You're. You're. The moment I walk in your house, you go, come here. I want to show you something. Like what? And I go into that room. Like, behold. I'll be like, this is the greatest house I have ever been in in my life. Now go over to Brady's house. And he's like, I found three bodies.

[Byron]

And I put him.

[John]

I think you're going to jail. This is the worst thing I've ever heard of. Got to be famous. Speaking of, I watched. I didn't watch much. I watched clips of it last night. The Golden Globes were on. And I went back on Friday. I was talking about this with a friend of mine because we used to. We both loved award shows. There were parties. Remember when there used to be Oscars parties? Like people and Golden Globes. Golden Globes got fun bigger. The Oscars had house parties. Like people. In April, when it used to be in April. My dad had one in Palm Springs when he was there. I drove to it. You had an Oscars party, and you would have your favorites. There were, like, football pools. And everybody loved it. It was almost must see. Like, you had to watch. And it was. It was. Sometimes it was on up against the NCAA basketball championship. So it was kind of a big night. And we would watch it. And then somewhere along the lines, it stopped. So we were. And everybody saw because they got so political. I went back and watched old speeches. It's always been that way.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

Like, not as bad. But here was the thing, though. The audience would boo if they disagree. Like, they can't do that anymore. Cause if. If you go up and say f ice and you're boo, you're gonna be remembered forever on the Internet. So you have to fall in line. Which I think kind of is why. But we. I couldn't figure it out. So I went back and I watched, you know, obviously, the old one where Marlon Brando sent that Indian up to tell everybody they're sitting on stolen land, which was kind of a neat thing. There's been political statements throughout. But we still loved the Oscars. We still loved it. And somewhere along the lines, we started to hate celebrities. We're tired of them. We don't like them like we used to. Like, there's. Except girls love Taylor Swift. They'll watch her do anything. We don't watch award shows at all. The ratings for award shows are horrible. The only thing that people care about is how. How did the host roast the celebrities? And Nikki Glaser's jokes Last night were just to attack them and then say, oh, it's all in good fun. Ricky Gervais did it and everybody loved it. And then you'd turn it off. And I think it's because the Internet made, you know your celebrities. Like, you don't have to see him accept awards. You can see them doing any mundane thing every day. Because right around the time we got, I guess would be Facebook pretty much and all this other stuff and Twitter and all the Instagram. You can follow celebrities. We started to not like them because we got to know them. Like, it's a better time when you didn't know. Oh, God, Mark Ruffalo, he's going to talk about immigration and you now know what they're going to do. So it's not even worth it. The ratings for the Oscars last year were like zero. No one is watching them. No one. And nobody goes to movies like they used to or anything else. But that Golden Globes thing was all about, is Nikki Glaser gonna attack everybody? And if she does a good enough job attacking, ooh, she was cutting edge. And then they hold things over. Nobody saw Hammett. I don't even know what that was.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't know anything that's in the theater right now.

[John]

I wanted to see the.

[Byron]

I saw that. The war one with Leo DiCaprio.

[John]

Yeah. Too long.

[Byron]

It was long.

[John]

I'm not sitting there watching three hour movies so nobody watches. But yeah, it used to be parties. It used to be a thing and it was better. That was awesome. It used to be kind of a neat deal. And then the celebrities you did like, like Jack Nicholson and all that, they'd come up and give speeches that were hilarious. Jim Carrey used to do a thing every year that was pretty fun. Like that was all in fun. And now it's self celebration and how wrong. Like you said, Wanda Sykes was up there and she accepted an award for best comedy special and she was mad that Ricky Gervais was even nominated. And then afterwards he won and she accepted it on behalf of all trans people because he makes fun of trans people in his act. And she became this weird thing where even the comedy thing wasn't fun from a comedian.

[Byron]

They added a new category podcast.

[John]

Yeah.

[Byron]

What One for the first time, Amy Poehler's podcast.

[John]

No kidding.

[Byron]

And I was wondering about that because you had call her Daddy Polar.

[John]

Jason Bateman.

[Byron]

Her husband's Will Arnett.

[John]

Yeah, that's.

[Byron]

Yeah, that's Bateman 1.

[John]

The Bateman Hazen or Net. That's A great one. But. Yeah. That we.

[Byron]

And I wanted. I was like, I bet you they got to make sure a star, like a celebrity would get the first podcast award.

[John]

Well, sure. They're not gonna give it to some. Well, I mean, what we consider a star.

[Byron]

Right.

[John]

What you and I would.

[Byron]

What I meant like, that it's like, call her daddy. Would not get that.

[John]

No. Even though she's bigger. But, like, Rogan should win it if it's about.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

He's not nominated.

[Byron]

Y.

[John]

Because they hate him.

[Byron]

Yep.

[John]

And that's why I think we. I think it's because the nomination started getting to be like, no, now you won't nominate people that don't necessarily.

[Byron]

The other two were like. One was like an NPR one. Yeah.

[John]

And like, probably Rachel Maddow, if she's got one. They pop that up there. And it sucks. It made me sad because I used to love award shows, and I didn't even care about the Golden Globes. That used to be a thing. Like this show. I'd say to everybody at the end, like, all right, you got to watch the Golden Globes. We're going to hit that next week. I'm sure everybody will be talking about. Nobody cares. Sun last night.

[Brett Vesely]

Really?

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

No idea.

[John]

Up against?

[Brett Vesely]

Zero idea.

[John]

None.

[Byron]

Yeah. Wow.

[John]

None. In fact, I. I had two extra tickets to the Suns last second, and I asked Jill. I told Jill downstairs, I said, do you want to go to this? Because she told me Friday. I was actually told to Friday. Said, if I have any, I'll let you know. And she said. I said, if you want them, I might have two extra. And she goes, it's Golden Globes night. She goes, I know. That's pathetic. Like, I guess it is. People want that, though. But we don't have any commonality, so you can't even. Like last year, remember the movie about the hooker with the Russian guy that won Best Picture? I don't remember what it was called. I watched it. It's horrible. Even the sex scenes were boring.

[Byron]

K Pop Demon hunters. That horn.

[John]

I know what that is. I know it's a thing, but I'm not watching that. Yeah, I was kind of weirded out by that whole conversation. It's not the politics, it's Instagram. And we got to know these people, and for the most part, that's enough. Before, you didn't know what, like, Gregory Peck or any of these people were doing when you saw him on tv. That's the only time you saw him and they could put on a show. Rock Hudson Was boning dudes like mad. And he was like a ladies man to America. Like he would show up like, oh, he's dreamy. And like, yeah, now it would be like all he like it would be him just cooking with some dude the whole time, just boning and all he did like that Rock Hudson documentary is like, man, all of his free time was spent just hammering ass. That's all. He'd go to secret houses and gay parties. He had to like sneak in and out. Now we'd know all that. Like, oh yeah, he takes it in the ass all the time. Dude loves. He'd be a today. Whereas before he'd just show up and he'd get to kiss leading ladies and gentlemen. Like every bit of him was manly. He was a man's man. They could fool you and we're all worried about being fooled now. That's all they used to do. What? 98. No way. Homeberg's morning sickness. Jack Nicholson, like, like out and out. Had Parties with 12 and 13 year old girls where other guys were just having sex with him and stuff. And everybody's like, yeah, it's Jack's parties. What are you gonna do? You had no idea he was. Yeah, he'd have these huge parties. His friends had to move out of the country because of him and all this stuff was still there.

[Byron]

Jack.

[John]

Yeah, yeah, that's Jack. I'm sorry about that room. And you're not allowed to live in the country anymore. You gotta move. But I went to stay. Jack, with all of your parties with the girls, I know they'll still be here, but you won't your brand liability now, friend. And they just sent him off into another nation and everybody's like, that's good. We got fooled so much more.

[Byron]

You could still do some movies overseas.

[John]

Michael Jackson, like when he showed up at stuff, everybody in the country like, oh my God, he's going to be on tv. When he made an appearance, it was. You never saw him now he'd be everywhere. Like, ugh, another Michael Jackson. It's social media ruined celebrities to where these stupid shit. We don't care about them.

[Brett Vesely]

Kind of wrecked De Niro for me. Runs his mouth all the time.

[John]

Like, you love Robert De Niro until you got to know him. And again, that whole thing of don't meet your heroes. We met him. I know. These award shows suck. They're horrible. Like you don't want to know any of them.

[Brett Vesely]

So did you watch it?

[John]

No, I watched clips.

[Byron]

I went back and forth between the game and that Just to see what's happening.

[John]

Yeah, yeah. I watch clips. When I got home from the Suns game last night, I turned on. There's little clips here and there. Nothing. Nothing happened. No big deal. They were like Timothee Chalamet and what Kylie Jenner was wearing. And they were. They shared a kiss and everybody lost their minds on that. But they're dating. I think they do more than kiss.

[Byron]

Yeah, he loves her. He said it.

[John]

Yeah. Okay, that's great. And that's what we care about.

[Byron]

And. Oh, and before, as he got called, they have two announcers that do a play by play. As you're walking up, I wonder if he'll give a nod to his lover.

[John]

Oh, ew. Really?

[Byron]

Yep. And he did.

[John]

Oh, Timothy did. Yeah, his lover. They called her his lover.

[Byron]

Yeah. Love of his life.

[John]

Okay. That's better than lover. I don't like that word. The lover. Nobody ever says that for real. It's like, this is my lover.

[Byron]

He said partner.

[John]

Yeah, it's a thing. It's weird, though. But I want to like award shows, but I don't know, I don't like any of the people. So, like, I like Will Arnett and I like Jason Bateman. So they could do stuff all day and watch that because they've already got a podcast. I don't need an award show to see. Used to be that's the only time you saw them. Like, you'd never see all these celebrities in one room except for an award show. Now they're just all over the place.

[Byron]

I thought maybe, you know, a handful of people that are watching are saying, oh, podcast is now I could get a Golden Globe.

[John]

Nobody.

[Byron]

Because there's so many podcasts.

[John]

Like, you can get it. You can get a Golden Globe if you're an actor.

[Byron]

I know, but the podcast thing.

[John]

Yeah, but you can just.

[Byron]

Easier. Because you can.

[John]

Yeah, but if you have a podcast in your basement and you're thinking you're going to win a Golden Globe.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

You might as well go down to Phoenix Little Theater and say, I'm going to a Golden Globe for acting, too. It's the same deal. There's a bajillion of them. Anyway, it kind of made me a little nostalgic and sad for not knowing these people. Like you said, the thing with Robert De Niro is, like, you don't even want to hear Robert De Niro talk. He used to be so cool when he was doing something like, there's De Niro, and he very rarely said anything. And now he won't Shut up about, like, you couldn't go to dinner with Robert De Niro, and you now know that.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John]

But prior to social media, you'd have been like, oh, my God. One of the top three things. I would love to just go to dinner with Pacino and De Niro and.

[Byron]

Just Clooney's on the bubble, like, oh.

[John]

Go, I love Clooney. And then he starts going. And I'm like, I don't think I would have dinner with you. You don't want to meet him.

[Brett Vesely]

No, you're right.

[John]

Pesci still.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, I'd still go with him. Yeah. Pacino.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

I think Pacino keeps it zipped up for the most part. But you might find out you don't like him, but you don't know De Niro's out. Oh, yeah. I don't know that I have any heroes that I want to hang out with. Nicholson used to be. And I think he's. But now he's just so old. I don't know that I have anybody.

[Byron]

Stories.

[John]

Yeah, I got a couple I can remember. Let's start here. She was 12. I'm like, oh, God, I shouldn't know this.

[Brett Vesely]

You just go to dinner with ladonna and Sharp.

[John]

Yeah, Just have him.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John]

One time in high school, I was pegging Sharp. You knew him in high school. I've been chasing this little twink around for a long time. Ladonna.

[Byron]

No.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John]

I just. I. I missed the days when celebrities were mysterious, sports figures were mysterious, and occasionally they'd pop off and be like, that's. No, we don't have time for that now. They think we care about what they think, and we never did. And I think that's why awards. And then they should learn from their own mistakes. Like, award show should be like, nobody watches us anymore. And it's kind of because we know you. Maybe a little less of people would be good. I don't know. And then the opposite of that is this dude I saw this weekend, after 52 years of his life, he's 70 something. 52 years of his life, he's come to the conclusion and millions, millions of dollars spent that the Loch Ness monster isn't there. He's not. He wrapped it up 52 years ago, dude decided, I'm gonna find her. And he has not stopped for my entire lifetime looking for Loch Ness. And just the other day came out and said, I don't think. I don't think she's in there. And you know. Yeah, you know what's funny about that? I've spent no money at all. Had that same conclusion. Exact same conclusion when I was about 5. He's 76. He's been looking into the monster known as Nessie. In 1973, went out there. In 87, he got a sonar exploration. People gave him hundreds of thousands of dollars and said, go get him. And he could loop the lake. He was willing to do it, I guess, but, I mean, you'd think. So he came out finally and said, I'm sorry.

[Byron]

The lock.

[John]

Yeah, Every square inch of this thing. I. I have been over it 52 years. I've been everywhere, and I don't even see, like, anything. He had one thing that the sonar kept showing he couldn't get to. And he's like, that's her. And it turned out when they finally got the technology, get down. It was just a rock. She never moved. He thought he found her bones and stuff. But could you imagine dedicating your life to something to find out it was never there? Like, you dedicated your life to find something. And the conclusion was, I've. I was looking for a thing that doesn't exist.

[Byron]

He's responsible for a lot of revenue.

[John]

Tons. But he's broke. I know every penny.

[Byron]

He's got to keep going.

[John]

Oh, sure. The people that came by and said this. And you see him out there, shops. He's out there. Today's the day. I'm gonna find Nessie. And then you watch some dude in scuba gear in, like, 4 degrees swimming around the middle of summer in Scotland. Everybody so murky. He's gonna get him. One of these days. The old fella's gonna get him.

[Brett Vesely]

What does Thomas Wells think of that thing?

[John]

Loch Ness.

[Byron]

Yeah, I think we went to the center.

[John]

Yeah, I think I went to the.

[Brett Vesely]

So is it a tourist trap to him, or is it.

[Byron]

Yeah, well, he was a little bent out of shape because they were selling CDs. Music.

[John]

It changed, though, Brett. It used to be a Scottish tradition. And then chinkies bought it. That's his exact thing. When he told me, now that chinkies own it. And I'm like, what does that mean? Who are they? Is that a family in Scotland? No, the Chinese. I'm like, calm down. I think you're allowed to say anything. You're saying, aye, they bought it and they ruined it. They ruined it and made it all about pictures. What was it before? Well, you took your own picture. Now you gotta pay. Chinkies. And I'm like, stop saying that.

[Byron]

There's a big, like, paper mache Loch Ness monster out front. That's. That's so you can take your selfies and stuff.

[John]

Right? But some Asian people bought the area and evidently.

[Byron]

And even the music. They're playing bagpipes.

[John]

Yeah, they hang out there and it's the whole thing. It's like a bunch of weirdos show up and look. But he was very upset about who owns it now. And as they're taking over all of Scotland. That's brutal. You can't even look for Nessie anymore without some family from China staring down your throat asking you for permits. But this dude's been doing it for 52 years. Swimming around looking for something that doesn't exist. And that would be the most. And he's like. He's got this brave face. At the end of the interview, he starts talking. He's like, hey, it was a great. It was a great exploration. And I'm not giving up hope. She could just be elusive.

[Byron]

52 years, but I'm done.

[John]

I can't swim anymore in my bones. Hey, egg. I've got achy bones.

[Byron]

Focus time on making curling stones.

[John]

This guy said, this guy should have hooked up with Toledo. Kind of the same thing. Couldn't find Loch Ness. Toledo can't find the dad. It's 50 plus years. He could find him. If you look for. He knows where he is. Oh, I know where Loch Ness is. I know. Unless he should be. And he was the one like years ago that the famous pictures of the. That grainy photography where the things kind of popping up. That was his.

[Byron]

Looks like the neck.

[John]

Yeah. He's like, hey, that's the one. This is the one that really threw him. It was a moss covered rock. And for some reason they thought that was Nessie all preaching. The water would come and go and I don't know, get a boat, go out there and poke it with a stick. If it doesn't move, it's a rock. His last name? Brett, calm down. No, I can't say it. I'm not gonna say it.

[Brett Vesely]

Why not?

[John]

Because my name is Adrian Shine. But you can call me a Shine. I'll be in the water looking for Nessie. That's you. I'm celebrating 50 years of looking for the beast. Dedicated his whole life to it. Can you imagine a more 50 years?

[Byron]

Thank you so much.

[John]

Yeah, we're.

[Byron]

Have a shine party.

[John]

Yeah, we're going to have a party. First a shine. I'm a naturalist. He's 76. He started it. 52 years. He's 24 years old. Young man, whole life Ahead of him. I'm going to look for it. And I'll give you this, I will find Nessie. And everybody's like, go get him, Shine. And he went out there and he hopped in.

[Byron]

I mean, he must not have known all the other people that did it. Like Jacques Cousteau did something. And all these societies, they just showed.

[John]

Up for a couple days. This dude was dedicated for. For five decades. And after about, you know, if you're friends with him, I mean, you've gone crazy. And Brett comes back and goes, I'm gonna. I'm gonna look for half a. All right. And then 10 years later, I'm like, how's it going, Brett? I haven't had a job for 10 years. I just have funding him. I'm gonna find him. Just knock it off.

[Brett Vesely]

Elofa was a real thing, though. I mean, you know, obviously you'll never find him.

[John]

To the Scots, though, that was. Keep in mind, that is a nation whose national animal is the unicorn. That's a real thing.

[Byron]

It's real.

[Brett Vesely]

Really?

[John]

Yes.

[Brett Vesely]

No.

[John]

Yes.

[Byron]

Yeah. Stop.

[John]

Yeah, they're a little off. National animal for Scotland is the unicorn research. Yeah, yeah. Oh, no, they're delusional. Mess up there. It's the heroin. You saw train spotting. They're all on it.

[Byron]

They have amazing.

[John]

Christ, it is. Yeah. I told you. I thought you were kidding. No, national animal, the real one. Not like the joke one. Like you're goofing around. Like our fan one.

[Byron]

Tom Cruise is riding.

[John]

Yeah, yeah. Our symbolic animal. Nope, it's their real. Like, that's us.

[Brett Vesely]

Is that little Glasgow over there on the Roosevelt district or what?

[John]

I mean, unicorns. Yeah. When they're walking around, they're just celebrating Scotland. Anytime you see a gay with a unicorn on, like, the Highlands, I never knew that. Yeah, yeah.

[Byron]

That's a real Scottish warrior.

[John]

Don't you laugh at our country's national animal. That beast will haunt you. I'm gonna find it now. I'm gonna dedicate the next 52 years of finding the elusive unicorn. It's just.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

And 52 years, you'd think, like, you'd think to yourself, oh, it's probably dead. Right? And if there's one, there's probably others.

[Brett Vesely]

Should there be a little family of them?

[Byron]

It'd be a sighting.

[John]

He doesn't have any good friends.

[Brett Vesely]

I mean, the Shines couldn't find him.

[John]

No, none of them. And it's not going to pass down to little, little ones. He's not gonna do it.

[Byron]

83 shines look for that.

[John]

That's right. The family passed it, and I passed it down to this little one here. He's gonna dive about and look for Nessie until we find him. Would some manufacturer, would ces, some manufacturing company just give this old man his due and put, like, a hippopotamus that's on drugs and stuff a mask on its head and let Adrian find Ness. And then he can die? Because I felt terrible watching this guy try to smile. It was worth it. I'm like, no, it wasn't. You have to say that you wasted 52 years on something we all knew wasn't real. And think of how often you have a million dollars at your disposal. You were so incredibly industrious. You got people to give you hundreds of thousands of dollars, and you wasted it looking unicorns.

[Brett Vesely]

I mean, come on.

[John]

Come on. I feel bad enough for the people that gave him money, but he had it in hand. This won't go to waste. Thank you. And then he'd go diving. Nothing today, but tomorrow the sun shall rise. I'll be back down there.

[Byron]

I'm surprised he didn't get in on the boat thing, because you can go out on a boat looking for Nessie. You know, the tours, like, sure, they.

[John]

Probably found him more often than Nessie. And if you look over the left.

[Byron]

Side, there's old Shine.

[John]

There's old Adrian Shine swimming about looking for Nessie. Oh, you find him today, Adrian? No, but I'm still looking. How many years now? 48. I don't think you're gonna do it. You'll see. Going back down. It's pathetic.

[Brett Vesely]

They found the Titanic in the Atlantic Ocean and they can't find a thing in a lock.

[John]

Yes. I mean, that thing's like 10 miles down.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John]

You can't find it in a. It's a big lake, but come on. Poor bastard. And he's got a. He's just gotta be happy about it. But, you know, every night he lays down and cries himself to sleep to like the sound of lapping waves. Empty, empty lakes.

[Brett Vesely]

It's only 23 miles.

[John]

The whole lake.

[Brett Vesely]

Loch Ness. Yeah.

[John]

52 years it took him. Well, you know what? I was on the east side of the lake. She could have moved. I gotta start all over. Every square inch of that thing. I'm finding that.

[Brett Vesely]

I think Thriller could walk to Albuquerque in less time.

[John]

I mean, Jesus, Thriller could walk to Loch Ness from here in 52 years and still go that. There's nothing in there. We have to stop that.

[Byron]

Bunch of boats. Chum the water.

[John]

Yeah.

[Byron]

You don't have any friends when they had the Fishing derby. Yeah.

[John]

Yes. Well, there's the. That's the. Like, the way we do it with people who are like, just fly your freak flag. You have to be a friend and tell people. Look, that's enough. There isn't a Bigfoot. You're not gonna find anything. There isn't a Loch Ness monster. It's not a thing. The Bermuda Triangle is phony. There's no Bat boy. There's no Chupacabra. Stop looking for these things. Get some friends and just. I mean, 52 years, nobody said, you gotta stop and then put. Institutionalize them after 10 years. And he's like, no, I'm going back down. Like, no, you're not. Like, Brett said, It's 23 miles. You should have covered this twice at least. And come back with all the technologies. We're not going to waste any more time or money. We all know it's fake. We've got to put you in a long jacket and sit you down and get life started. That's my goal in life. Nobody put you here for that. That's it. It's a tourist attraction that Chinese people run. That's it.

[Brett Vesely]

And Jonathan said, well, the Titanic didn't move. Yeah, but they didn't know where it was. The Atlantic Ocean's a little bit bigger than.

[John]

What's that person's name?

[Brett Vesely]

Jonathan.

[John]

Jonathan. You need to be institutionalized for even arguing in his favor. Maybe it didn't know he was looking for him. Bass.

[Brett Vesely]

Move.

[John]

We can find them. They're smaller. It's a monster. The word monster is involved. Other than porn, there's no such thing as monsters. Anyway. To Adrian Shine, I dedicate today's show as a lesson to all of you who feel maybe you might be wasting your life. No, Adrian did the most life wasting anyone I've ever seen. Nathan Sutherland's girlfriend lived a more fulfilling life than this guy. I'd rather been in her situation than the Nessie search for five decades. And now I'm hanging up my searching just to retire. From what? From nothing. You should have been an Olympic swimmer.

[Byron]

Imagine his funeral. The stories. Oh, the one time when we were looking.

[John]

You know what I hope? The day 50 of them. I hope that he goes back like he's sick and he's like, 80. I was gonna walk the shores of where I spent the majority of my life here at Loch Ness. And that day, he just stands on the side of the shore alone. I lived a good life. Everything. It eats him. And Goes back down. And no one. And he's. And that's his last day on earth is knowing it' real. It's like, you know, Captain Ahab. He died doing what he loves and nobody would know. Yeah, he just stopped being. And like, I think Adrian got in the water and. And drowned. Nope. Ness ate him. Watch the whole documentary, like a whole 30 minutes on this guy. It's like, poor, poor bastard had no friends. Not one friend said, stop. I'm going to get you a job over here. You're going to do some construction. You're going to get you into a therapist. We're going to. We're going to fix this, Adrian. I'm a proud shine like the shines before me. I'm going down. Said I would imagine it would be harder to find a salad in Lizzo's house than to find Nessie. That's true, David. That is very true. Anyway, now, what do you got on the big board of musical treats today?

[Brett Vesely]

All right, wake up song time. And what do we got here on the list? Pop open. There we go.

[John]

Do you have it? Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Slayer on the list. Skeletons of Society. Rage against the Machine for Zach Couch's birthday. Rise against Ice 9 kills. Anthrax, Indians for the Herd Museum. Megadeth the Warning Sick Run. Run to the hills. Dead's Anti Everything Rob Zombies Come of the Earth. Hollywood Undead. Undead for the conversation earlier. Metallica and the Union Underground Turn me on. Mr. Dead Man.

[John]

This guy says you're talking to a city of Suns and Cardinals fans. Yes, we can all imagine chasing something that never happens. But imagine rooting for 52 years that this, that the Phoenix Suns would win a championship, but they never existed in the first place. It was just a rumor that there would be a basketball team here. And for 52 years you went to the arena and watched nothing every night. And you're like, we're gonna win a championship. Like, there is no team. I'll show you. Like that is how delusional that is. Everyone.

[Byron]

The closest that we might have is someone that might come clean and say, you know, I'm 85 years old and I've been looking for the lost Dutchman.

[John]

Yeah, he's one gold, that's 50 plus years. The lost Dutchman is just a dead man. It's not a monster. It's the dead human being. So they think his gold exists.

[Byron]

They're looking for the gold.

[John]

That's treasure. Probably not real, but could be. But it's not a monster. It's not a fantasy item. It's not like they say, oh, there's this like. It's a treasure of unicorn horns and God's hooves.

[Byron]

It throws up gold coins.

[John]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Brothers.

[John]

It's a goose that lays giant PlayStations like it's not a thing. The goose that lays PlayStations. I've spent 50 years in the mountains looking for him. He's been dropping playstations like nobody. And he's gonna be mine.

[Brett Vesely]

Is Bidwell related to Shine over there? I mean he's been searching for a super.

[John]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

But he's a trophy for to his.

[John]

Credit, he's actually got a team. He can't make it win. But if you had ness and then you. And you're convinced that it could sing, that would be like, all right, maybe. But because it's an actual thing. Maybe if you could get like. If you had it would be like, he can't make it sing. But it is real. The Cardinals are real. You just can't make them win.

[Byron]

Dude, that's trying to produce to find a jackalope in the wild.

[Brett Vesely]

Right?

[John]

It's not a thing. And if you had a friend who said, I'm going to go on a 52 year old. That's where I draw the line. And after 52 years I'll quit. But I'm going to find one. You'd stop. You just stop him. Like, stop it. I think they're real. They're not children know this. It's like, stop it. Enough with that. Enough with the big feats and the. And the Loch Ness monsters and no more. And if you found somebody would have found it by now. Now we. We know where everything is.

[Byron]

There's on our Christmas break, there's a report of a juvenile Bigfoot sighting.

[John]

What does that mean?

[Byron]

It wasn't an adult. They figured it was a juvenile. The guy was saying it has parents.

[John]

Come on, stop it. All right, we'll do some Hollywood undead. Undead or dead but Rising. You pick which one.

[Brett Vesely]

I like Undead.

[John]

All right. Undead will go. We'll go undead. Yeah. It's just so sad. So everybody today raise. Raise your glass to Adrian Shine, because I'm gonna. Yeah, no, I know. Because that's just maybe the most wasted carbon based life form in the history of life. Yeah, I think it is pretty sure that dedicating your life to that is the dog.

[Byron]

You know how many news people he took to the site where he took.

[John]

That picture and he didn't realize.

[Byron]

Show us where you.

[John]

That the news was making fun of him. Like he thought he was like. People were really like Go get him. And like this idiot here, he's the fool on the hill.

[Brett Vesely]

Matthew said he'd have a better chance of finding survivors of the Titan implosion before flying in Nessie.

[John]

Yep. Because they're real. We look past it. 52 goddamn years. Let's do it. It's undead, which is Adrian. And I wish. I bet you. I bet you he kills himself in a really grisly fashion, too. Once he kind of discovers this whole thing was a waste. Looking back, what a nightmare. It's Hollywood Undead. It's 98. He's out of control now. Poor people out there thinking about Nessie and that poor bastard. Adrian Shine. Tippet for Adrian Shine this morning. Yeah. It's time now for Brady to give you all the news that only Brady knows. That sounded good. Go get me one of those. That was a big crack. That had a good pop to it. Brett made me thirsty immediately.

[Brett Vesely]

Turn my mic off.

[John]

I got Pavlov. Would you have a button for that? Man, that was fresh. He hit that hard. And I got thirsty immediately. Let me finish the one I've already got. Now we're gone.

[Byron]

You think he cracked what you're drinking?

[John]

It's the exact same thing. Yeah.

[Byron]

Wow.

[John]

The water was impressive. It was a good crack warmer. I don't even care about that thing. That's like starting a picnic right there. I was impressed. Those are old commercials. Remember that? Yeah, those old commercials when they would go and then everybody be like, oh, I gotta have that. That just happened. That just occurred. Thanks, Bert. It's time for Brady to give you all the news that only Brady knows. We call this the Brady Report, and it's brought to you by our friends at All Pro Shade. If you want to get on over there and shade up, portion of your backyard, front yard, side yard, whatever, you got windows, you want to put blinds up, you want to put blockers out. You want to make them look good. And you've got sun just infiltrating a part of your house you don't want there anymore. Darn it all. Like Toledo's dad. Get rid of that sun and just get it done properly so it looks like it's supposed to be part of the house. That adds property value and makes everything better. The motorized shades that they put out there disappear in this windy weather like this, probably up to like 20, 25 miles an hour right now and suck itself back in so you don't have a big mess or something broken in your backyard. They are sensitive to the wind and to the weather, which is great. And when they want to make that back patio of yours a living space, darn it all, they're ready. They're ready for you. It's a beautiful thing. And like I said to you last week, the number one thing people look for when they're looking for a house now is outdoor living space in Phoenix. That is a huge selling point. Make it so you've got that and do it right. AllProchade.com that's where you go. Brady reported.

[Byron]

Good Monday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello, world.

[John]

Hi.

[Byron]

Happy national clean off your desk day.

[John]

Okay.

[Byron]

And kiss a ginger day.

[John]

Never. You'll catch it. Rub them with lemon juice and try to get all the freckles off.

[Byron]

Couple of basis fun facts. The part of Davel David Hasselhoff's divorce settlement with Pamela bach back in 2008, he retained ownership of the catchphrase don't hassle the half.

[John]

How much did he make off of that? Probably for a year or two. That was rolling some cash.

[Byron]

I remember that.

[John]

Yeah.

[Byron]

I mean, that don't hassle the half.

[John]

Was a real thing.

[Brett Vesely]

Surprised Gene Simmons didn't copyright.

[John]

I did own that for a little while. Brett said, don't hassle the Hoff, and I own that. And I said, you know what, David? I'm going to give you this for a fee. I still get. I still get 12% of the residual. A lot of money comes from all the catch. Remember alf?

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, yeah.

[John]

I owned that. I invented alf. Where's the beef? Don't tase me, bro. So many catchphrases started by me, Gene Simmons, Peter, Chris never wrote any songs or any catchphrases. I did all that. Did I do that? Remember Urkel? That was originally said by me when I wrote Beth accidentally on a napkin. And I, I looked at, I said, did I do that? And then Family matter started it.

[Byron]

What you talking about, Willis?

[John]

That was me. That was me as well. In the 70s, I had a friend named Willis.

[Byron]

And Dynamite.

[John]

Dynamite was also me. It was when I. Yes, when I was in Cabrini Green in Chicago that cut on. Gene Simmons invented almost all the catchphrases.

[Byron]

Despite the myth your hair and fingernails don't keep growing after you die.

[John]

Okay?

[Byron]

Animal Life stops at 1.2 miles below the surface of the earth. Some worms live that low, but nothing lives lower.

[John]

I saw a thing Neil DeGrasse Tyson was talking about the other day that said if you. All the water and all the land on earth is so thin compared to the size of earth that it's essentially we're just walking around on the skin of an apple. There's, there's no depth to this at all. As big as it seems to us, everything that's under the water and the mantle and the core and all that stuff, it makes it so everything we have, water and all that are just a thin layer. The Earth's crust is hardly anything.

[Byron]

So it would take a while to dig. To China.

[John]

Yeah, don't even. They have flights to that now. I don't know why anybody consider that. But you do know, do you know that if you did have any straight hole through the planet, it's a 90 minute trip. Any of them. If you dug a hole from one to the end, it would take 90 minutes to fall through it. I watched Neil Degrasse Tyson teach me that too. I still don't understand why. Well, yeah, but when he talks about it, it makes sense. You're like, geez, like gravity kind of fights back and then forces something like magnets pushing you. It's weird. I don't understand any of it.

[Byron]

But you got your tether for Gravity Day yet? Gravity Day?

[John]

No, for August? No. We got to get a little more information about when the gravity is going to quit on us in August. But I saw another story about it on Saturday morning though the news. They were laughing. You imagine. I'm like guys, that's not something to laugh off if this is real. If we're going to actually not have gravity for a day.

[Byron]

But someone asked me that. So there is a certain speed because they're saying 40. You're saying 40ft up to 40, 30 meters.

[John]

Yeah, yeah. For six seconds. Don't you can rise up to 30.

[Byron]

Meters when you just float?

[John]

No, I mean like well that's. The floating is holding.

[Byron]

Wouldn't you have to have momentum to push?

[John]

No, when there's no gravity, that's the earth is spinning, you're gonna fly, you're.

[Byron]

Moving, you're going up that you're being.

[John]

Held as you're not going to hold or kind of be there.

[Byron]

You're going up because I was wondering the people were actually were moving. Like what if you were running at the time?

[John]

Yeah, maybe you'll go higher, faster, I.

[Byron]

Don'T know like in your car.

[John]

But there's no weight, there's nothing.

[Brett Vesely]

It's just boom.

[John]

You go and get higher, baby, don't ever come down. Zero gravity, pretty base. Evidently August two black holes are going to get close to each other. And that's what scientists think is the main problem with that will be the gravitational pull of Earth will be screwed up for six to 10 seconds. And the guy on CBS like, well, that's pretty scary. Like, hey, jackass. It's horrifying. It's going to rain cars.

[Brett Vesely]

Can we blow those black holes up or something?

[John]

That's right. We need to nuke them.

[Brett Vesely]

That's right.

[John]

No, we can't. That's the worst part.

[Byron]

The latest trend on social media is the year 2016 and the hashtag bring back 2016.

[John]

Why?

[Byron]

Apparently because Gen Z' ers are already down on 2026 and want a factory reset back to 2016 when things were more fun.

[Brett Vesely]

A bunch of jerk offs.

[John]

Who's. Who's doing this? Gen Z? Yeah, they're the ones right behind me.

[Byron]

They're a big fan of the mannequin challenge. I guess. Chewbacca Mom.

[John]

Chewbacca mom was pretty good. We did like Chewbacca Mom. That was fun.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, but come on. Not enough reason to go back to 26.

[John]

No, I mean I was over it in 26. Right. Exactly. A week and a half at Chewbacca Mom. I'm like, that's enough stuff.

[Byron]

The thinking is that the Internet is less fun now because there's so much brain rot and AI slop.

[John]

The AI slop I'm a fan of right now. That's the only thing about the Internet I really like. I'm into watching Wilford Brimley yell at Larry King about diabetes and then just throw up on them. I don't know who's making those, but if you've ever watched. Just Google it. Instagram, Wilford Brimley and Larry King. And they put Larry on there. What do you need there? Wilford? What's going on? He's barely. And then, and then Wilford Brimley will just start throwing up or screaming or wrestling or.

[Byron]

I haven't seen those.

[John]

They're hilarious. I'll get you on that one. And you won't stop for about an hour.

[Byron]

Here's another new trend, John. Grandma showers.

[John]

What does that mean?

[Byron]

Basically instead of the.

[Brett Vesely]

The Just wait till today.

[Byron]

Yeah, the parents that are getting ready to have a baby. A baby shower. Oh, now they throw it for the grandparents.

[John]

Okay.

[Byron]

For the grandma. Because more and more grandparents are actually ending up raising a lot of children.

[John]

And that's why a bunch of scumbags is another reason.

[Byron]

And that's another gift grab.

[John]

Yeah, it's another reason to sell cards and crap. Grandma showers. The worst phrase I've ever heard in my life.

[Brett Vesely]

Wait till later.

[John]

Why you get Grandma Showers?

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, yeah, you'll see.

[John]

What are you talking. Oh. Oh, no. Brett's teasing one of his videos.

[Byron]

Oh, man.

[John]

Isn't Grandma Showers like the world's first porn star? Oh, that's like when she like, can't control, like her box just shoots out like a broken sprinkler. Like you, like a weed eater, hit the top of a sprinkler head.

[Byron]

A woman in India has filed a complaint against her husband.

[John]

Like putting your thumb over a hose, Brett. Grandma Showers. I'm. I'm not listening to you ever again because of that phrase.

[Byron]

I knew you'd like it.

[John]

Oh, and you know there's a chance, a good one, that one of our sets of grandparents in this room was into it.

[Byron]

I know mine weren't.

[John]

You don't know that. You do not know that.

[Brett Vesely]

I would like to say mine weren't, but I don't know.

[John]

You don't know. I don't know. But you don't know that either.

[Byron]

I talked to.

[John]

You never talked to Papel Chicken Babu about whether or not he put his thumb over the hose and then took a shot. You never. You can't imagine it because it's your grandparents, but they did stuff. They got dirty. Dirtier than we've ever been. Your grandparents were dirtier than we have ever been because they had little hygiene and never shaved a thing. That dude was down in there. Like he was doing through.

[Brett Vesely]

You think my videos are disgusting? These conversations.

[John]

Think about Brady's grand. I don't want to think about all that hair. Didn't even have toilet paper till the 30s. God knows what they were doing back there. Showering once a week. Oh, had to smell like a poodle getting a perm down there. And that dude put his face in it.

[Byron]

That's why I think that that wasn't going on.

[John]

It was going on. They had to.

[Brett Vesely]

Franklin wore those spectacles. He had those safety glasses, right?

[John]

Those were like welding goggles.

[Byron]

He knew.

[John]

He knew. Put your thumb over the hose, shooting that ammonia at you. That's why your grandma's house always smelled weird.

[Brett Vesely]

Like mothballs.

[John]

Yeah, like, what the heck's going. How come everybody's house smells different if they're over 60? Doesn't happen anymore. You go to 6 year old's house now. It's nice back in the 80s, old people live here because that ammonia was shooting all over.

[Byron]

As far as a complaint to the police about her husband and four in laws because she's saying she was deceived when they agreed that she would agree to Marry him. Among the complaints are he's bald.

[John]

All right, that's not a bad thing.

[Byron]

He hid.

[John]

Oh, he was wearing it. Now, see, I agree with her. Then if he had, you know, wigs and stuff.

[Byron]

The family claimed he. Well, she was promised a man with lush, healthy hair, but married a bald man with a wig. And then according to. He said he had a college degree. He did not.

[John]

Oh, he just fooled her all the way around.

[Byron]

Said he was making 20,000 rupees. Yeah. A month. And that wasn't true. So I'm not sure if they're going to annul the marriage or just write him a ticket.

[John]

Like, for each marriage. Get a ticket for that. Oh, no, I have been cited.

[Byron]

Yep.

[John]

Oh, I don't know. I have to ask my ex wife for the money because I am dead, bro. Yeah, I agree with that. I think that, you know that one lady here in the States that sued her, what was it? The guy sued the wife because she got all this plastic surgery. And then when they had kids, the kid was hideous. He was from, like, Iran or something, though. And he's like, no, I was gonna breed with you because the way you looked, I didn't know this was all fake.

[Byron]

Wanted beautiful children.

[John]

Yeah. And then he saw pictures of her when she was a kid, and she had this huge honker and, like, no chin. And you were a specimen. And now I find out it's all phony. Now the kids are gonna suck. Give me bad DNA. Yeah. If you present what you aren't. That's why you never, ever get with those chicks that are. My friend Anthony and I had this talk last night, and I'm like. And actually, Brink was in it, too. Dr. Brinks. Like, you never want those girls that are all done up on, like, a Sunday at the Suns game. Like, they're too much. There's too much going on. Because that means they can't just go to Applebee's with a hat on. They can't. You can't just go, hey, you want to run over to swizzle in, grab a drink? They can't do it. They're physically incapable of just getting ready in, like, three or four minutes. That's what. That's the type of girl everybody wants as someone. You can go, hey, let's go this way. And they look good in a hat and a T shirt. The ones that don't, don't marry those ever. They're brutal. And you know what else I've noticed at the Suns? Because we're observers. They're Always in packs of four. There's no dudes anywhere because we've all figured them out. They get boned a lot, and I think they get. I think they have a lot of people thinking that things are happening for them that are good. They go home alone most of the time because they're just. It's like a. I don't know, like an Alfa Romeo. It looks nice, but it's just mostly maintenance.

[Byron]

You need to check under the hood.

[John]

You always have to look if their hair's too done. If they have. You know what's a big one is hair extensions. If you can see hair extensions on a girl, run from her. Yeah, yeah. She's crazy poor. She's not necessarily a maybe. Maybe. Well, that, too. You think she's poor. Oh, yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

You can see the.

[John]

Oh, if you can see. Yeah, yeah. Yo, she's trying to put on a show.

[Byron]

Like a bad dollar store hair extensions.

[John]

Yeah. Even the good ones. Like, it's still. Like, it's. It's all to fool you, which is all makeup is, too.

[Byron]

We got a Florida woman, Wendy Lee Messer, 58 years old. She's accused of throwing a bowl of collard greens at a family member and chased with a knife. I do have a mo shot.

[John]

Well, we don't. We don't also. Come on, point. What's the point?

[Byron]

All right, I want to play along.

[John]

The reason Brady would do this is because she is white, Right? Exactly. She also had a transparent little face.

[Byron]

She found a glass pipe in her jeans and drugs. And she said those weren't her jeans.

[John]

They were someone else's jeans. Yeah, with the crack stole the jeans. She's claiming that she had jeans that didn't belong to her own. I'm gonna go white because Brady wouldn't do this otherwise. It's too obvious.

[Byron]

I'm gonna go white because they think.

[John]

The whites trade jeans a lot. That I don't think. I don't think she was telling the truth about that. Come on. All right, Brett's going down his avenue. What do you got?

[Byron]

It's small, but the picture is.

[John]

Yeah, she's white. I knew it. And you went. It was too obvious. Yeah, you.

[Byron]

You're not wrong. Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

So I'm half right.

[John]

Wait a minute.

[Byron]

What?

[Brett Vesely]

It's Rachel Dolezo.

[John]

I'm halfway. No, it's not.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm half right on.

[John]

That wasn't even half.

[Byron]

It's just straight up Florida point.

[John]

The only reason he did that is because the word collard greens was involved, and he knew that. But it was too obvious.

[Byron]

It would turn away.

[John]

It was way too obvious. He wanted to play the game. He threw collard.

[Brett Vesely]

I get a half on that one.

[John]

Crack pipe and borrowed pants like you thought. But no, you were too excited to tell the story. Which means it was not going to be an easy guess.

[Byron]

We won't have to do guess the perp on this one, this guy in Romulus, Michigan is facing charges after he allegedly fired a gun outside a middle school when they wouldn't let him pick up his son. 44 year old Shantas Gregory was standing a foot from the school when he fired multiple shots. They say he didn't shoot at the building. That's worse. School went into active shooter lockdown.

[John]

Well, yeah, there was one.

[Byron]

His arraignment on Zoom last Thursday was nuts because he refused to answer the judge's questions. Won't even state his name. He claimed they are wasting his time and plugged his ears with his fingers at one.

[John]

You are wasting my time.

[Byron]

The judge noted he had issues in the past that he kidnapped his son from school before shooting. Happened around 9:50 in the morning.

[John]

Shantaz.

[Brett Vesely]

That's a tricky one though because of the name. Yeah.

[John]

And that he really wanted his son.

[Byron]

Right?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, that's. Yeah. I don't know.

[Byron]

Wow. That's an aspect that didn't even hit me at first.

[John]

That kid, you could not get enough of having this.

[Brett Vesely]

I know, man. I don't know. This one's tough.

[John]

I'm still what, 98? No way. Homeberg's morning sickness. The name Shantas. No white people are called Sean.

[Byron]

Yeah, there's the.

[John]

There's no. Do you have the mug shot?

[Byron]

I don't have the mug.

[John]

We need to look that up just in case.

[Byron]

Oh, I think it looks like.

[John]

Oh, you did see, he's black. Okay. Yeah. Shantas, there's no white people named Shot.

[Byron]

They actually have the Zoom call.

[John]

You think you've met a white Shant.

[Brett Vesely]

But he's going to pick up his kids.

[John]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

It's not for a pack of smokes.

[John]

And only white people fire away at, you know, schools and stuff. Yeah, that's a tough one. But Shantas is the dead giveaway.

[Byron]

We have a 23 year old man from China. He learned the hard way that it's not a good idea to put a 2 inch live leech inside your body.

[John]

Nope.

[Byron]

Apparently he saw something online that boasted the miraculous effects of inserting a leash into your bladder through your urethra. He went out of his way to get the leech. So he must have bought into the story instead. The leech caused excruciating pain.

[John]

Most things going into your urethra are bad.

[Byron]

Surgery was needed to remove. He's expected to make a full recovery.

[John]

Oh, yeah, no, I'll go.

[Byron]

All sounding is bad.

[John]

Yeah, I can't do it with live creatures. There'll be some weirdo that emails us and says, oh, it's fun, but you're a rare one. I don't think anything going in that hole is pleasurable.

[Byron]

I just have one Brady video.

[John]

We're beneficial to your health. All right, go ahead.

[Byron]

Get you excited for the Winter Olympics coming up.

[John]

All right. This better be a crash or something. All right. I think he learned. It's a couple weeks. Maybe it's an action video of skiing. I'm in on that. Skiing is like human nascar. We don't launch for success. She hits the first gate. Oh, somersault. Oh, she's gone dead limp. Oh, man, that one leg's just flushed. Hopping around. Wow. Oh, yeah. She lost two. Oh, my God. That thing is. She's a George. Yeah. Oh, my Lord. And then she. She didn't tighten up. She tries to get back up for some reason. Oh, that leg is noodled. Oh, my God. All right. Yeah. What are we, 18 days away? Yeah, something like that. The Winter Olympics in Italy. Is that Italy this year? I think that's right. I don't know. Isn't it?

[Byron]

I don't know.

[John]

I believe so. I don't know. I don't even recognize it. Where? Starts with an M. All I care about Turin.

[Byron]

But that was the last place.

[John]

That is Italy. That was the last one. This isn't it. Then it's like maybe it's somewhere else. The USA versus hockey or Canada. Hockey. That's all that matters in the Olympics. I'll end up watching curling again. And we'll get emails from that guy that runs that curling thing, and we'll say we'll do it, and then we'll forget Milano. Where's that? Milano?

[Byron]

Cortina. I'll find out.

[John]

Is it Spain something? Greece? I don't know where we are.

[Brett Vesely]

Sounds like.

[Byron]

No, it's Italy.

[John]

Didn't they just do Italy?

[Byron]

Yeah. Wasn't it, like, in turn. But that was. Maybe that was the summer.

[John]

No, I have no idea. Olympics. I'm there for the hockey. That's it. That's all I care about. Crashes in the hockey. All right, Brett, you had warned us, Grandma. Showers are coming.

[Byron]

Northern Italy.

[John]

Here we go.

[Brett Vesely]

All right, we'll start with this oh, boy. I'll start with this one.

[John]

All right, girl. Is this a cheerleader?

[Byron]

No.

[John]

All right, there's a cheerleader at a party. I think she's a stripper. It might be, but. Oh, she leaps on a dude. She does a full spread leg leap onto a guy's lap and then patio chair.

[Byron]

You weren't even paying attention.

[John]

Yeah, he wasn't even looking at her. She's big too. Look how big she is when she lands on the dude. She's like 6, 5 and she's got.

[Byron]

Like Gene Simmons heels.

[John]

Yeah, that's a fella.

[Byron]

I think that that kid's 10 year old birthday party.

[John]

The reason that that dude wasn't paying attention is because he doesn't like looking at dudes in cheerleader outfits. That's a big woman.

[Brett Vesely]

Start a little traffic altercation here.

[John]

Okay. Or in one of those nations with weird like half cars and mopeds.

[Byron]

Yeah, that's.

[John]

Oh, he kicked this woman in the head and just dropped her like a. Wow, they all know karate. That's what I just learned. Oh, my God.

[Brett Vesely]

That's a high kick too.

[John]

Look at that.

[Byron]

Is that a kick?

[John]

It's an Asian woman. It's three feet.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, he's four feet, so.

[John]

I know, but it's well for him, I guess, relatively speaking.

[Byron]

Oh, yeah, that's a cat.

[John]

That's a shin to the temple right off the jaw.

[Byron]

Deep, penetrating.

[John]

Well, her mouth wasn't closed. If you don't have a closed mouth, 8 pounds of pressure will knock you out. And like most women, she was moving that job.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, yeah.

[John]

All right, next one.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't.

[John]

She got like herpes on her tongue. What is it?

[Byron]

Oh, tattooed.

[John]

Oh, she's getting cigarette burns on her tongue.

[Brett Vesely]

Doesn't even flinch.

[John]

She's not. She's so used to her uncle and dad abusing her that now it's for fun. She's on her knees in a T shirt having cigarettes put out on her tongue. Don't try that.

[Brett Vesely]

And let's get to the grandma showers.

[John]

There you go, two old broad showers, man. And there the fun bags are, a good foot and a half. Oh, those are three feet down. Oh, now they're just swinging their cans around the shower. Oh, that's what happens to them. All the horrors of aging. Oh, this lady's swinging them and smashing them together. They're old lesbians. Oh, show it again, show it again.

[Brett Vesely]

Show it again, show it again.

[John]

I can't get enough of it.

[Byron]

Because you can't get enough of Wham.

[John]

I will Never. I. All right. This or gay. Make your choice now.

[Brett Vesely]

This.

[John]

You would take that over gay?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. Just for the soundtrack alone.

[John]

I don't know, man. I'm gay. I'm not looking at these old ladies smashing these. Those breasts are three and a half feet long.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, my God.

[John]

And they're just getting warped. And look. God, the whole thing's jiggling around. That or gay. Brady.

[Byron]

I'm going with the ladies.

[John]

You would. I could get hard for a guy.

[Brett Vesely]

Cakes all you want.

[John]

I'm out so much faster for a dude than I could for that. A fit clean man or grandma's doing that.

[Byron]

Grandma.

[John]

You could afraid of gay. I would be so buried in a fella before I did. If that's what all women look.

[Byron]

I know you would.

[John]

Oh, my God. And I don't want to. I'm just saying those are my options. There's nothing at all attractive about that. I can spin a fit dude around and look at his ass and play pretend that there's no getting around anything. Nothing looks good on their bodies at all. Oh, Toledo. Gay or the old people.

[Byron]

Yeah, me too.

[John]

Not with you though.

[Byron]

No, no, no.

[John]

With you. I'm going old ladies. But it's. It's.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm not.

[John]

Nothing's gonna happen.

[Byron]

That's what I'm about.

[Brett Vesely]

Nothing's gonna happen with the old ladies either.

[John]

Who do you think would make you hard faster? A fit gay guy giving a dance to you or one of those two. Be honest. You're. You're blindfolded.

[Brett Vesely]

Be honest.

[Byron]

Blindfolded. The fit gate. Yeah.

[John]

You're gonna get hard as a rock. So you might as well use it on the right.

[Byron]

I didn't know it. Talking about. She's dancing. You're blindfolded.

[John]

No. Even not blindfolded.

[Byron]

Maybe grandma could have some really good hands. No.

[John]

As soon as you grab.

[Brett Vesely]

Pulls out those teeth.

[Byron]

Yeah. You grab the first soft. Very soft. Supple.

[John]

That woman would spend an hour like gnawing on a marshmallow. That's all I would do. All I would do. Oh, my God. That's all that. That. Dude. Have at it.

[Byron]

Not happening.

[John]

Let that grandma shaved up.

[Byron]

Dance away.

[Brett Vesely]

No.

[John]

Oh, that's the. That's grosser.

[Brett Vesely]

No.

[John]

Yes, it is.

[Brett Vesely]

Then poop wiener.

[Byron]

No.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm out.

[John]

You want pooping her with her? Imagine this. We go back to the ammonia. Imagine the stuff you're gonna have falls over.

[Brett Vesely]

Poop wiener.

[John]

No way. I mean, I'd be crying. You enjoy crying driving home.

[Byron]

No matter what the mess you would.

[John]

Have you don't know that. The mess.

[Brett Vesely]

I would.

[John]

Did you see those. Play it again, Brett. Play those. Two old ladies dancing. Play that.

[Byron]

Let me give you this text.

[John]

Hey, Je.

[Byron]

Is P the full word?

[John]

All right. No, it's not. In that case.

[Brett Vesely]

And D is D. Yeah.

[John]

No, I'm not. I'm not. Oh, God.

[Byron]

There they.

[John]

Oh, the one's wearing a mask, I think. The other one's Mickey Rourke.

[Byron]

They're clean.

[John]

Oh, yeah, they are in the shower. I will give you. Look at the guts on them. Oh, my God. No, that is the.

[Byron]

That is some major league motorbike.

[John]

That is salt, Peter. That is. I am. There is no erection possible. Oh, God.

[Byron]

Well, you're blindfolded.

[John]

I would nail you before that. That is so disgusting. Oh, God. Those big old. You guys are crazy. No, I do. I'd have sex with an animal before. Oh, my God.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, you didn't say that was on the table.

[John]

A boy animal.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, no.

[John]

I'm out.

[Brett Vesely]

That's still twinking around too much.

[John]

I would. I would go goat if that was my only option. I would bang goats. That or a goat.

[Byron]

Granny.

[John]

What the.

[Byron]

You're.

[John]

You got a fetish, man? Something wrong with you. No way I'm right. You're crazy.

[Byron]

The guy throwing me choices.

[John]

Granny or tranny? Good question. M.K. granny or tranny. And you know it's a hot, good looking tranny, but it's still got its dork.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, it's still got. No, that. Granny.

[Byron]

Granny.

[Brett Vesely]

It's still poop.

[John]

Something's wrong. You guys are too afraid of this. Look, you can't. No. Put that up for all time. That is our looping screen. Those granny's loops. That is so gross.

[Byron]

Nice rack.

[John]

Oh, that is so gross. Oh, there's nothing worse than fat old lady body, John. Come on, man.

[Byron]

On a cold night, you can throw one one of those boobs over each shoulder.

[Brett Vesely]

Stay warm.

[John]

Shoulder pads.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

On a cold night, I'd cut her open and sleep inside her like a tauntaun. And then I'd bang bang her son. Not even touching that. That is the opposite of anything sexual. That made me physically ill. No, I go full everything but them.

[Brett Vesely]

And I'm not saying this would be you afterwards, too.

[John]

Whatever.

[Byron]

Still better. Deal.

[John]

There you go.

[Brett Vesely]

Enjoy.

[John]

Still better than being with some fat old lady. Oh, yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, there you go.

[John]

There you go. Yep.

[Brett Vesely]

Then he walks in with a crank like that.

[John]

Give me diarrhea sandwich before any of those old ladies. There you go. All right, that's. That's too far. The Dude's got diarrhea. You know what's crazy? Even dude with diarrhea. I'm still not doing this.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, you're out of your mind. You are out of your mind.

[John]

Old ladies are so gross. I agree.

[Brett Vesely]

So diarrhea face on the pool.

[John]

I can wash off diarrhea I can never forget. No, I. I can block that out.

[Byron]

The smell.

[John]

The smell of Granny.

[Brett Vesely]

No. I'll take balls over poop.

[John]

No way. No way.

[Byron]

Sounds like Irish Spring. She's in the shower.

[John]

That diaper. She was clean, too. Brady's got a point. For a few seconds until she gets out and puts those old weird pants back on and then pisses them too. And then you got that ammonia, like, sick cat box stink.

[Brett Vesely]

No way.

[John]

Full gay over granny. Grannies are gross. Not even. It's not even a close fight. And I wouldn't leave. Like I'm saying that that's the only options in the world. Those two old ladies or a gay guy. You go. Old ladies.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, I'm still with that, too.

[John]

No way.

[Brett Vesely]

Lizzo or Granny Lizzo. Yeah. Yeah. That one. That one Long. Because they're about the same size.

[John]

It's not even close. Dead body before Granny. Yeah. I don't pick it.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't.

[John]

Gender is anything.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, Billy said Holmberg's such a homo twink lately.

[John]

Okay, cool. Fine. You didn't see what we saw. That's enough to drive you the other side. I can't look at that. Old ladies that never once tried and then they just allow their bodies to get devastated by gravity and food. We'll bring back. We'll bring back tapanoo pie.

[Byron]

And we'll get a couple grannies. And that'll be your initiation. See how many guys actually stick around and be a part of that.

[John]

How about that? Those grannies or a dude just kind of gives you a mouth hug? Ah, here we go. A lot of thought. Brett. Granny's. No way. I'm gonna. I'm gonna. I'm gonna bust his back teeth out. Those grannies made me ill. Can't do it. Pee is pee. No, it's not. Got that weird kind of stain around the edges. The orange G. And it's.

[Byron]

It's going to be. Not a little stain.

[John]

No, it's going to be big.

[Brett Vesely]

Stainer said, I'm with Brett and Brady. I'll take gils over mud horning.

[John]

And these weren't gils. These were not gils.

[Byron]

Not gils.

[John]

Oh. This guy said, dude, you're missing it. You have a threesome you spit roast Granny with the tranny. Like, all right. I suppose that was gonna be sort of fun. Spit roast Granny in a tranny said, my God. I turned the radio on and the first thing I heard was, keep the Granny Loops on the screen. And I thought it was a weird cereal, but nope, It's Granny showering. Thank you for this.

[Brett Vesely]

Granny or Pratt Handjob?

[John]

Pratt. Pratt Handshop. I'd marry him. I can't stand him, but I ain't doing that. I got. I got standards.

[Brett Vesely]

Granny or Lamar?

[John]

Lamar. Oh, at least he's fit. Old lady. You're leeching your pee pee. John the Leech. I'm shoving them deep in there. I'm not touching those. That is. That might as well be children. It's so awful.

[Byron]

I can't believe you guys are going.

[John]

To like all these scenarios.

[Byron]

Granny's over there.

[John]

That is. That's so gross. I'm with it. That is.

[Brett Vesely]

They're going to bring the disgusting picture back up that I just showed you guys.

[John]

I'm fine with that. I can wash poop. That is also disgusting. Yeah. I can never wash the shame of Granny. The gay thing is just a. Whoops. Shame of Granny. Shame of Granny's a good band name. Oh, I'm gonna throw up thinking about those two. I don't think. I think it should be illegal. That Granny Shout water. Yeah, just keep them. Just keep them in.

[Byron]

A lot of them don't.

[John]

Those big ones. I know. Like once a week, tops. This is disgusting. Bailey, who sent us that video, said, I've seen what you guys are seeing and I'm picking gay. I know, baby. You're absolutely.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, he's out of his mind, too. You've seen the videos he sent.

[John]

Whatever.

[Brett Vesely]

So there you go.

[John]

You give me a room with a fit gay and those two, and you're like, have that one.

[Byron]

One.

[John]

I'm holding hands with that fella. Me and Freddy Mercury are going in the back corner.

[Brett Vesely]

Guy Fieri's food or Granny Guy Fieri's.

[John]

Food for the rest of my life. I. I'd go to Country Thunder. I'd host it. I'd go on a tour bus with G. Brooks. And I. I'd drive the bus. And country music's the worst thing that's ever happened to mankind. I forget the Holocaust. Country music is number one worst thing that's ever happened. And I would embrace it. I would embrace it before it's a granny. Yeah, but you like country music. Think of something. You hate your coach.

[Byron]

You know, get me off Granny.

[John]

Yeah. You don't have anything you hate enough. Yeah. It would go like the three. Like, that's worse. That's in the category of kids and pets. Those two like to sexualize. That. That's children, pets. And those grandmas. I find them in the same category. It's just like, that's. You should go to jail. That's a jailable offense. Thanks for that, Brett. Granny's showering.

[Brett Vesely]

Hey, blame bailey.

[John]

He said, January 12, 2026, we learned that Brett and Brady are crazy.

[Byron]

Would you rather.

[John]

Yeah, I'm the only rational one. Right? There you go. Everybody. Enjoy your shower. It's 98. It's out of control now. 98K. The battle rages on my. On my computer, my emails. Rather this, rather that. Let's just. Just end it right now. Pretty much whatever you put up against grannies, I'm gonna say the other thing. Grannies are absolutely off limits for me. Like those respect the granny. Not as respect. They're disgusting. They shouldn't even be on the planet. They should be grandmothers. And that is all. At a certain age, their clothes should just fuse onto their bodies and never come off again. And I'm right about this because no dude's ever left his wife for an elderly woman. It's never happened. And again, the money thing is the only time there's. Nobody's ever going, I'm leaving my wife. Oh, my God. That's Terry. That's terrible. Yeah, I met a really old lady and I fell in love. Doesn't. It's not a thing. How old is she? Like 78. No, no, no, no. That's not a thing. You're just a. You're just so young. I know, I know, but I. I can't be with this young, in shape woman anymore. I need a elderly grandmother who's had two mesh surgeries. It's not a thing, Brady. Some dudes have left their wives. Some dudes have actually, and this is not an argument for it, but some dudes have actually left their wives to go gay. But no man's ever left his wife, no matter how bad it is, because he met a hot elderly woman.

[Brett Vesely]

It's not happened unless she's got money.

[John]

No, you said, well, that's the only way. And then you're not marrying her for that. And even then, like, I like money. I'm not so sure. I think I could do Gail Twink before I could do Granny's. Those types, the big. You know, the ones you all picture in the street. Like a. Like Brett how funny would it be? Pretty good.

[Byron]

I'm gonna leave her. Honey.

[John]

Like, oh my God, you're right.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Byron]

It's just over.

[John]

I met an elderly woman. You couldn't keep it. Oh, that's. You wouldn't be happy for him. You'd be like, what are you doing?

[Byron]

Her name's Granny Rackley.

[John]

And then you. And then you met her and she's like 195 pounds and just slopping all over those big old tricep arms, wailing about strange floral patterned shirt that only grandmothers have that almost looks like it's doubling as some sort of a apron at a bad barber shop. But it's also a shirt. I'm leaving for that. Like, what in the world? But if Brady said, I'm leaving because I'm gay, we'd laugh. We'd be like, that makes sense. It makes sense.

[Byron]

Come on.

[John]

I get it, I get it, I get it. Like between the two, if you said, I'm leaving for this elderly woman, be like, oh my God, I'm just kidding. I'm gay. Like, oh, thank God.

[Brett Vesely]

Grandma or grandpa.

[John]

Well, neither. No. Now we're getting into weird. Just banging old people.

[Byron]

That's a good. You know, it's Granny or the. The equal of a man.

[John]

Did Lemon party? Yeah, Lemon party looks pretty fun. I think we'd have it all the same kind of ideas. I think our minds are the same. I think Granny's all over the map. I'm talking about the grannies that when they lay down, they look like people who just jumped out of a five story building. It's like the after they're laying on the road all splayed out like, oh my God, she splattered all over. I'm alive. Like, that's how your body looks laying down.

[Byron]

Looks like a melted candle.

[John]

Like, oh my God, somebody deboned three people and glued them together. There's just skin in there. Yuck. Oh, Brett, you ruined my day.

[Brett Vesely]

Blame Bailey. He's the one who sent it over.

[John]

This guy says you've got deep hate for naked grannies because you saw yours naked. I remember. Yeah, I did. And that was. That might be true, Isabelle.

[Byron]

It's a core memory.

[John]

Oh, it is a core memory.

[Brett Vesely]

Brad wants to know what about a Jane Seymour type Grammy?

[John]

Well, no, no, that's not what we're talk talking about. You know, like these grannies that you showed me. Jane Seymour is an attractive woman who kept it together. It's not just for having grandchildren. Although, still foolish to chase that down. But yeah, Jane Seymour looks fantastic. That's different. You can't tell. She kept it together. I'm talking about run of the mill mesa grandmother. No. Yeah. And again, find me one dude that said, I'm leaving my wife for an elderly woman. 1. But I could find you hundreds of them that left their wives for a dude because it's a more viable and reasonable way to go.

[Brett Vesely]

What the hell is this world coming to? Junior.

[John]

Would you ever even, like, if you were single, date a sight unseen? Guy's like, she's 78. Like, come on. You wouldn't even give her a chance. No. You wouldn't?

[Byron]

No. Oh, no. I'm like, even when you're 78, it's off limits.

[John]

Yes. Even when you're 78, you're not looking age appropriate. You're like, how do I get out of this? You're hoping you have some money because then you can at least pull 50 something.

[Brett Vesely]

Hey, I'm in my 50s. I went younger or so.

[John]

I mean, so did you. Everybody. You never go older like that. That maybe two, three years max. And that has to be a unicorn. Then it kind of ages along with you. But, man, oh, man, you do not go, yeah, I'm leaving. She's 20 years older than me. You're like, you're 53. I know you got to see this thing. The ass I'm pulling. You'd be so grossed out with your friend talking about it. Oh, all we do is. Ah, quit talking about.

[Byron]

We've got one friend who.

[John]

Oh, we've got a friend who married an older lady. Yeah, that was back when they were young. They got. They started young. He was young. She was a little older. But if it's in your 30s and, like, you're in your late 20s and she's like, 38, that's different. No man has ever married an elderly woman after coming in from, you know, 15, 26. Yeah, you're not. You're not rolling. Elderly. And then. Because then you talk about man, New relationship. It's the honeymoon period, and all we do is. I mean, she is just insatiable. Sometimes those things get swinging around, just cool the air. It's like seven ceiling fans attached to her. Brett, you ruined it. Well, okay, Michael Reed, good point. Because I can think of a guy who left everything for an older woman. Brittany Zamora's boyfriend. That's true. That dude's like, okay, that's different. But again, when they're younger, it makes sense. Elderly. I said elderly. You talk your friends out of it. You'd never. Like Brady's going to go date Nel. Don't do this again.

[Byron]

If you're to the point where like you're 75.

[John]

That's not what I'm talking about. You know what I'm talking about. If you're talking about. You just don't need for that. And if you told me I'm leaving for an 80 year old woman like you're. No, I'm going to put a stop.

[Byron]

What's the deal?

[John]

You're a pervert is what you are. And I'd put a stop to it. You said I'm gonna leave because I think I'm gay. But you're living your true life. Good for you. Good for you. I'd be happy for you. The other thing, I'm putting a stop to it. I'll pick it. I'll march outside your house like ice is there.

[Brett Vesely]

Hang on. It's still coming. It's gonna be a few pages. This is, this is an article. Seven younger men reveal the real reasons why they prefer older women.

[John]

Because it's perfect. So like older what though? Like it's different. I'm talking.

[Brett Vesely]

Let's just say the girlfriend website is sponsored by. By aarp. We'll just go there.

[John]

That's just. That just starts it. But it says getting older is beautiful. Sure, we spend a lot of time talking about wrinkles, gray hairs and extra unwanted pounds. Well, I'm out already. There's so much more to aging than physical decline. Yes, our bodies change, but so do personalities and minds and souls. Yeah, none of this is selling me. It says from financial crisis to loneliness to health scares, we learn valuable lessons that make us more authentic and self loving. When we age well, we become who we were meant to be all along. And that, my friends, is breathtaking. What's breathtaking is when those giant water bags hanging off your chest get on my face and I can't breathe anymore. This guy, he went 10. She's 10 years older than her husband. Kris Jenner is 25 years older than Corey Gamble. Corey Gamble is there for the money. That dude is banging Kris Jenner. And she held up. She pretty good. But she's also a billionaire. I mean. Yeah, that's different. Yeah. Gabrielle Union is nine years older than what? They're not elderly, they're humble. They're not. That's one of the reasons they are humble. With older women I can talk about anything. They're less judgmental and more understanding. They talk less and listen more. I find them selling point less arrogant than Women. Maya, I've got to be quiet because.

[Byron]

I'm going to get grounded.

[John]

Yeah, you got a mommy. Different when young girls like old men. We're established. We age right Again. Say it, Brett.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, you know, I mean, fine wine. Men. Men are like fine wine. Women age like milk.

[John]

That's right. Not our fault, but good Christ. That. That video chat. I gotta sit and focus on the Steelers game, and I got this in the back of my mind. What's wrong with you?

[Brett Vesely]

I'll text it to you during the game.

[John]

Yeah, I know you're willing to. The Granny Hasadiga evil one. You do have the glory that I have because it's. There's rumors now starting that the packers are going to fire Matt Le Fl. That means that in one short year, Ben Johnson came in, beat the Bears or beat the packers twice and potentially hurricane to their entire situation where they have to start off beautiful. It feels so good. I'm still dealing with the Ravens from last week because we did the exact same thing. If you just move on from here, that's fine. If we beat the Texans, that's great. But the gravy of the season was the Ravens had to start over.

[Byron]

Oh.

[John]

Matt Lefl.

[Brett Vesely]

Perfect error and everything.

[John]

Yeah. Yeah. We don't like him.

[Brett Vesely]

Pretty boy.

[John]

Anyway. I bang the tire on him before those grandmas.

[Brett Vesely]

No way.

[John]

It's not even an option. Light pole, chair, tree, muffler. All of them ahead of grandmas. Yeah. Ray Lewis in a heartbeat. In the white suit. I'd let him take a shot. I'd go out and murder with him before I do that. You want to go out and murder some people? Have sex with these old grandmas. I'm like, get a gun. Let's go. Let's go murder people.

[Byron]

Let's go clubbing.

[John]

I'm going clubbing with Ray Lewis. Plexico Burris. All the. You know they brought Aaron Hernandez back to life. We're all going out just to avoid grannies. There's no granny strip clubs that nobody's into it. And if you are, you're sick. Anyway, sorry. I digress. I'm not wrong. Don't start. I don't want to know. We got what would Brady do? Coming up in just moments. We know one thing you did, pervert. You got any quick ones? You can hit me up [e-mail] we'll get to those letters next. It's 98. It's out of control now. Morning sickness, morning sickness. Here we go. It is time now for the Most moral man in all of Phoenix, even though he's a granny banger to tell you exactly how to live your life better because you're doing it wrong. It's what would Brady do? And it's brought to you by our friends at M and P Guns right there there on 12th street in Indian School with Mo Money Pond. Hop on in there and grab anything you need. In the world of guns. Learn what we didn't know. How many inches is 9 millimeters? We don't know. Still can't tell you. Byron will tell you it's a third of an inch. Somebody told me, because how do you not know a 9 millimeter size with a bullet? I'm like, I don't even know how they measure the bullets. If 9 millimeter is a thing. Don't even get me started on what, a two two three or a.308. Now we're talking. I don't. Calibers versus. I have no idea. So once numbers are involved, I'm out. But Byron knows. And the guys down there at MMP Guns now, they know pretty much everything. And they've got their builder classes. You can hop in on that deal, go down there and get all the accessories you need. Any gun you want, they have or can get. And it's pretty impressive, all the stuff they've got down there. Check it out. 12th street in Indian School. MMP guns and mo money pawn. Bring you what Brady would do. Here we go. I'm going this one first. I'm not even going to ask this, Lionel. A last second entry says, what would Brady do? Matt LaFleur or John's mom? Marcy. He even throws the name in. Brady tried to have sex with my mom.

[Byron]

Really?

[John]

Yeah. He was. He was putting the heat on pretty good. My mom actually asked me, hey, could you get Brady away from it? That was at my first wedding.

[Byron]

Too aggressive.

[John]

It was a little too into my mother kind of thing. And that was back in. Was that 2003? So she was. Geez Louise. Is that right? She was younger than I am today. I think she's 51 or 52.

[Byron]

Come on.

[John]

Yeah.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

Holy smokes. No, she. She was 54 one year. We're different. Oh, man. So you've always had a thing. I know the answer to that. He's not going to bone Matt LaFleur. Although that is the proper answer. Answer.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, it's not.

[John]

Compared to my mother, yes, it is. You saw.

[Brett Vesely]

It's not bring Marcy over.

[John]

She's kept it together. I'll give it to You. You'd bone my mom before Matt LaFleur. But if she was one of those real grannies. Stop asking that about my mom.

[Byron]

That's an easy question.

[John]

Yeah, I know it is. Because you're into it. Creepy. Happy New Year, Jewburg. What would Brady do? My partner has a big problem with watching porn. She's okay with me tugging one out if I ever need to, but she's strongly against the use of pornography. FYI, we do not live together yet. So we have sex maybe once a week or when we can. I tell her that my sex drive is natural and that I'd much rather watch look at pictures or videos of her rather than going to black dot com. But her excuse is that she isn't the kind of woman to take photos like that. That and I should have more self control and save myself for her. What should I do? Do I man up and hold these loads back or just not tell her anymore? Thanks, Alex.

[Byron]

You're heading for a. A world of destruction.

[John]

She's awful. I hate your girlfriend.

[Byron]

You're not on the same page on that physical side and she's gonna. It's gonna get tougher the more you push it.

[John]

She's laying down rules and stuff about how you please yourself and enjoy your days.

[Byron]

I mean, yeah, he.

[John]

Get out.

[Byron]

I think you're better with. You need to find another partner.

[John]

I agree. She's terrible. Ladies, let a man enjoy his time however he is. The TV isn't your a threat to you. And every once in a while he should probably wait a few days and save up a good heavy one. But for God's sakes, when she's like, porn's bad, I don't like it. So you can't. You've got a problem. That is not going to end with just porn.

[Byron]

She's not going to enjoy that either.

[Brett Vesely]

What does she look like?

[John]

That's what we need to know. She either had a ton of money or she better be so incredibly hot. But even still, anytime a girl says stop doing something I don't like that you like because of me. Unless it's harmful to you or her body, then she has no right to say that because that doesn't. That doesn't end with just like the one thing the next time it's like, I don't like that you do that either. I don't like that you watch football on Sundays. What about me? It's, this is a bad road. Talk to her about that and say, why are you taking away something I enjoy? People who take Things that you enjoy because they don't and consider it a victory in the relationship when you stop doing them are horrible people. You're not allowed to do that anymore. Why?

[Byron]

I love it.

[John]

Well, I don't like it, though.

[Byron]

Oh.

[John]

Terrible. There's compromise, but when somebody's laying down the law, they're just controlling.

[Byron]

And with the trend, at least the way the trends go in a relationship, you know, your physical side of it will slow up eventually. You're already hitting that trail right now.

[John]

Well, it's not slowed up. They just don't get a chance to be together. When they're together. They do.

[Byron]

I mean, there's just a couple of red flags there that's showing that not only would it show up, it's going to create some.

[John]

Yeah.

[Byron]

Animosity. Some.

[John]

And she won't take nude pictures of herself. She's just not that. You have to control yourself. It's like, ah, you know what? I'm jumping over hoops just to try to have fun with you and have pleasure with you, and you're making it like the worst thing in the world. I thought having sex was supposed to be, like, fun for everybody. And you're already telling me.

[Byron]

And he can oversell it too, or, you know, get a little too. Maybe there's a better way of approaching that.

[John]

But she's gonna go through his phone and it's not even gonna be like, bad things gonna be websites he's visited. Now he's got to go and clear his history all the time. And it's like, ah, yeah, she's. She's gonna. She's a. She's a nightmare. Prediction. She'll be in her mid to late 40s and still have no rings on her hands because she's gonna drive them all away. This one says, I really have enjoyed watching the new cuties on the Fox 10 News, but I know that a harpy wife of mine is going to get jealous and ruin it for me and make me watch the fat girls on another channel. I'm really not into porn. It's weird. Two in a row. I'm really not into porn. And I don't enjoy those disgusting videos Bert likes. So what should I do? Is this guy admitting to beating off to the news girls?

[Brett Vesely]

Which ones are we?

[Byron]

Did I read a little heavy there? Yeah. I mean, the fact that he's looking at the girls and that's.

[John]

Yeah, he's like.

[Byron]

But to tie it into that same level. Sounds like it.

[John]

Read this again.

[Brett Vesely]

Report him.

[John]

And there is a huge right turn in the middle of this. I've enjoyed watching the new hired cuties on Fox 10 News, but I know that harpy wife of mine is going to get jealous and ruin it for me and make us watch the fatties on another channel. I'm not really into porn. What does that have to do with anything? Watching the news. You're beaten off to the news, and I don't enjoy the Burt videos. Sincerely, Ron. So you're saying your wife. Yeah, she's right. In this case, if you're throwing down.

[Byron]

To the news, it's clean fun with the hot girls.

[John]

Well, you can like the news. Yeah, you can like. Like Holly Box.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. What channel is she on?

[John]

3.

[Brett Vesely]

All right, well, he's watching 10, so.

[John]

That'S some good ones.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, but it's not Holly. It's not Holly quality.

[Byron]

Is there a new batch on 10?

[John]

There's a couple of new ones. They have a nice. The weather girl's good. Her weather reports are too long. But she's cute. There's some cute ones, but you can say the news girls are cute. But the second you start tugging to the weather report because you're not into porn, I think your wife would rather you were into porn. Like that makes sense. Don't call your wife a harpy. She's right on this one.

[Byron]

Yeah. What is going on when Channel 10 is on in the news and you're like, just a mess.

[John]

What makes you think, though?

[Byron]

Change it back to the.

[John]

You know, here's the thing, though. He's like, ah, wife's gonna ruin this. Like. Yeah, you're beaten off to the weather.

[Brett Vesely]

No, he's not beaten off to Corey McCloskey or something.

[John]

Yeah, he didn't specify the cuties.

[Byron]

He did not.

[Brett Vesely]

That's true.

[John]

And so that's the ying and the yang drivers. The yin and the yang gloves on. Just one dude likes to tug it to good stuff, and the other one's doing it to basic news, local news. Think of that. I hope Troy Hayden's listening, knowing that people are doing that while he's on. Dear Brady, I accidentally hit my neighbor's car backing out of the driveway the other day. Nothing really bad happened, but I drove away. I do not want to tell him my neighbor is certifiably insane. He once took a swing at another neighbor because the guy walked on his lawn. He went to his house to do it. He also screamed at a guy for throwing trash in the garbage on trash day, and the guy lost it. I live in fear of him almost every day. Anyway, I did it yesterday afternoon. Saturday, he parks like an idiot, sort of wherever he wants in the cul de sac. So far, he hasn't put it together that I hit him. And I've kept my car in the garage and I'm gonna go get it painted immediately. I do have a little guilt, but I can't beat him up. There's no way. And I don't want to deal with him. I'm admitting completely that I'm scared. He's huge. Like that liver king guy too. I need help, Rodney. He ran over the liver king's car.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, you just told everybody in the.

[Byron]

Valley you did it.

[John]

You might use the fake word.

[Byron]

Gets out, Liver king gets. Oh, boy.

[John]

He took a swing at a guy for walking in his lawn. He went to find him.

[Byron]

Now, he said there wasn't much damage, but then he's like, I gotta paint my car.

[John]

Not much damage, but still something you'd notice and line up is my guess. Like he would.

[Byron]

It be like, you know, grocery cart, ram the door, door, ding.

[John]

It sounds to me. Yeah. Like there's like, he can fix his with a little paint. And I think he's hoping that liver king can too, or liver king will never notice, but he's scared.

[Byron]

I would have backup.

[John]

Yeah. The cops.

[Brett Vesely]

Especially now.

[Byron]

And tell the liver king what happened.

[John]

No way.

[Brett Vesely]

Especially now. You owned it. You said it on the air.

[John]

Yeah, but. Yeah, nobody knows that.

[Brett Vesely]

It doesn't matter. How many dudes live in a cul de sac that had their car hit. That's a big dude. And that knocked somebody else out on their grass.

[John]

Make a strong point.

[Byron]

Yeah. This.

[John]

This guy identify an awful lot of details. Rodney, you're gonna get killed by the liver. Done.

[Byron]

He could be pleasantly surprised.

[John]

Or not.

[Byron]

I appreciate it.

[John]

Or not.

[Byron]

God bless.

[John]

No, I'm gonna kill you. Stuffs him in the garbage with the other neighbor's trash.

[Byron]

What's he like? You know, like if he likes.

[John]

You.

[Byron]

Know, he drinks whiskey or something.

[John]

No way. Don't get him drunk.

[Byron]

I want to apologize.

[John]

No way.

[Byron]

And I want to get your car fixed.

[John]

Crazy talk.

[Brett Vesely]

You're done.

[John]

I. I go over to his house and I knock on the door and I'm like, hey, liver King, what's up? What do you want? Okay, not for nothing, but Larry down the road hit your car. I saw it.

[Byron]

Here's what you do.

[John]

Yeah.

[Byron]

You. You knock on the door, like, hey, someone just went by your car and smashed it. Yeah.

[John]

Yeah. Wait for a car to leave the culdesac and then run Outside and go.

[Byron]

Hey, I only got liver king the first three letters.

[Brett Vesely]

Just gotta make sure it's the right color and everything else.

[John]

And then you say, trouble. And then you say, let's get him. And then you and liver king run after him. Then you call the police on liver king and get rid of him.

[Byron]

Drives the same car I do.

[John]

Yeah. Guy looks a lot like me. Drives a car very similar. Bumped into your car the other. It's crazy. Let's get him. Him. And then he called the police.

[Byron]

He got my car, too.

[John]

Yeah. I say you die with the secret. I mean, he gave up a lot. Brett, you're not wrong. But liver king might not be listening. He might be eating venison raw in the backyard right now, not write it out. Then get back to him. Ride it. Do not tell liver king.

[Brett Vesely]

Oof.

[John]

And get rid of ring cameras and all that stuff, too.

[Byron]

Sell your house.

[John]

You know what? Call Doug Hopkins right now if you're gonna.

[Byron]

If you're gonna hang on to it.

[Brett Vesely]

Move.

[John]

Call game day men's health and get some testosterone in your chicken body. And then I think, get Doug Hopkins on the horn. We'll get you out of there. And then lifted trucks. We'll get you a new car. We've got you covered with all the endorsements. Holy smokes. That's scary. Living next door to the liver king. Is that what that guy's name is? The liver king? Wasn't either one that ate nothing but liver, but it was all steroids.

[Byron]

But he's got a. Oh, I know.

[John]

He's got a real name. Nobody names their child liver king, but.

[Byron]

Well, there's one.

[John]

No, there aren't. There's not. Larry, show them the grandmas.

[Byron]

Two.

[John]

Old grandma. I'm gonna. I'm gonna throw it to Larry, see if he's a pervert like you two. Of course I am. You think Larry McFeely will answer this? What would Larry do?

[Byron]

You have a choice?

[John]

Today's question.

[Byron]

Would you rather.

[John]

Here, this right here. Do you want to have sex with these two elderly women showering. There's the end of the world, and it's these two or three. A dude. What do you do? Look. No, no. You got to save the world. Oh, to save the world. Save the world. You got to do one or the other. It's the dude, isn't it? How good looking is the dude? He's very good looking. Handsome man.

[Brett Vesely]

Really?

[John]

Yeah, he's a handsome younger fella.

[Byron]

Y. Think of poop.

[Brett Vesely]

Leaner, though.

[John]

That's all right.

[Brett Vesely]

No, it's not.

[John]

It's going to be all over them, too.

[Byron]

Show them, Brett.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, yeah, let me find that one again, too.

[John]

You got a picture of the dude? Well, picture any dude you want. I like that Larry's even having the internal debate. Brady was so quick to go the old ladies. Like, he couldn't wait. Gross. And Brett's gonna show you a picture of.

[Brett Vesely]

I gotta find it again.

[John]

Covered in diarrhea. Oh, great. Yeah. That's not the option. That doesn't.

[Brett Vesely]

That is the option.

[John]

For the world, Larry. We need an answer. The world will explode.

[Byron]

There you go, Larry. There's Granny's.

[John]

The granny. He told you that's not what goes on. Great job. Covered in.

[Brett Vesely]

There you go.

[John]

Oh, thanks. All right, we need Smell O Vision your way. If we get Smell O vision, it would. Each side would be the same.

[Byron]

Okay, that's enough.

[John]

No, still in on that. There you go. Disgusting questions. All right, Brett has Google search. There you go. Not what happens.

[Brett Vesely]

It's not.

[John]

Huh? So, yeah, I'm with Brady. I hope you get arrested for that. I hope that algorithm never changes in your world. It's 9:29. There you go. Everybody stop beating off to the news and break up with that girl and sell your house. Sell your house. The Liver King's gonna kill you. It's 98. It's out of control now. 98. There's a good one to add back in there. That's just stopped Disturbed. Alvina always hits me with that. She goes, hey, hey, good throwback. I agree. That's a solid one right there. And while we're at saying good things, congratulations to Zach Kim of Phoenix. He was the winner of the KUPD Concert Pass and is going to go to every KUPD concert this year. He may not go to all of them, but he's got tickets to all of them. And that already started, like, now. So if you got a show tomorrow, he's going. He's got them all. You guys can win your tickets to all the big shows from 98kUpd if you just play along. But nice job, Zach. Kaim. Good job out there, Zach. And I just wanted to. Oh, My.

[Byron]

I don't know. Hey, you guys.

[John]

What's going on?

[Katie]

Hi, Katie and others.

[John]

Welcome back, Katie.

[Katie]

Thanks.

[John]

Good.

[Katie]

Happy New Year, you guys. Hi, Brad.

[John]

Hi. How are you?

[Katie]

Remember the talk earlier this morning about banging grandmas? And you were like, yeah, I'd do that.

[John]

Yeah, we know.

[Katie]

I'm gonna do State of the Union today, and I'm gonna make it illegal for everybody to have Sex with grandmas with the letters M and Y and T in their name. Don't do it, Francis.

[Brett Vesely]

Hey, wait a minute.

[Katie]

You gotta find a way around it. I guess you are. I'll be around.

[John]

Hey, wait, wait, wait.

[Katie]

What?

[Byron]

We got you something for. For the New year.

[Katie]

Oh, it's a Post It?

[Brett Vesely]

Yep.

[John]

Of who? Of a certain member of the show.

[Katie]

Some poster.

[Byron]

Brad, it's me.

[John]

Oh, no, you're not in that one. Sorry, dude.

[Katie]

Yeah, no, because it's wet. Because now you would have been.

[Byron]

Wait a minute.

[Katie]

Like, it was covered in sand. Whenever I start to get excited, and I should, and I just think of.

[John]

Brady like he's that oil stop.

[Katie]

I turn into, like, a. That hourglass. It's just sand pouring out of my little tight hole.

[Byron]

Which one?

[Katie]

The one that stands in the Brady car. My nickname for Brett is Katrina because he floods me. I like that one. I like that a lot.

[Brett Vesely]

What about Brady's nickname?

[Katie]

I'm Sahara.

[Byron]

Enjoy the poster.

[Katie]

Brady. I thought we were talking about no Gravity day in August. I don't think you have to worry.

[Byron]

Good.

[John]

You'll be all right.

[Katie]

Don't worry about it, Brett. You have to worry. I have to. I have to tie you down to something.

[John]

Oh, wow. Can you put up a poster like.

[Byron]

That in the governor's mansion of Brett?

[John]

Yeah.

[Katie]

All right.

[Byron]

Oh, okay.

[Katie]

The State of the Union is good, but there's still some problems in Arizona.

[Brett Vesely]

What's up?

[Katie]

Well, one is that the elder care is too good and we need to get rid of a few things. So I'm calling for the eradication of all people whose names rhyme with palaya.

[Byron]

Oh, my God.

[Katie]

I just got this in. The world's gonna end, Brett. You have to have sex with that fat granny or me. Who is it, Mathias or me?

[Brett Vesely]

I plead the fifth.

[Katie]

Anyway, you can listen to my State of the state today at 2 and my poster of Brett behind me. And there's gonna be. It's probably gonna look like it was in the rain. It's gonna treat it like a dart.

[Brett Vesely]

All wrinkled and stuff.

[Katie]

Oh, it's gonna be all wrinkly and moist. Speaking of wrinkly and moist cosmos much?

[John]

Anyway.

[Katie]

Go bears.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Katie]

I got to go. State of the State looks great.

[Byron]

Thanks for coming in. Bye, Gatty. Okay.

[Katie]

Bye, Brad.

[John]

She likes you.

[Brett Vesely]

She doesn't like Brady too much.

[John]

Who?

[Byron]

What?

[John]

Yeah. Not a fan? Not a fan. She just passed me a note that said she'd have sex with those grannies before. Brady.

[Byron]

I was just gonna say you're on the list of Grannies. I didn't want to tell her my choice when you gave it to Brett.

[John]

Oh, yeah. No, you don't do that. She likes the Granny.

[Byron]

Granny.

[John]

It's 9:49. Yeah. State of the state today. And I don't even know what that means. Like, is she just gonna come out and go. Yeah. Mexico.

[Brett Vesely]

Right.

[John]

Right.

[Byron]

Drugs.

[John]

Right. ICE agents won't ever. More houses. That money.

[Brett Vesely]

She'll get her crayons out.

[John]

Yeah, exactly.

[Byron]

Freeways.

[John]

Yeah. That's. I don't know what's gonna. Education. That'd just be the same things all over again. But she'll do her thing and then probably say something about trans. And there'll be a sign language guy there. And I don't know why he's even watching tv. I don't be there.

[Brett Vesely]

Is Greg Maddox in transition still around?

[John]

I haven't seen Greg Maddox in transition for a long time. But I used to love watching Greg Maddox in transition doing the sign language. Time for a long Governor Ducey. We'll see. But. And then the other one was Linda from Sesame street when they'd swap out. Remember they get car. They have to switch sign language people. Like, if the speech goes on for like 20 more minutes, their fingers start hurting. Anyway, we got an entertainment drill coming up in just a moment. State of the state is good. It's 98. What? 98. No way.

[Byron]

You.

[John]

Holmberg's morning sickness. This is running on time. Look at this thing. Machine. Machine.

[Brett Vesely]

We got three minutes to screw it up. Don't worry.

[John]

No, we'll go late. But I'm saying, like, we've never been this early at this time. Like, usually we're already like, 10 minutes after 10. This is. I'm killing it today because Brett ruined everything with that. We already have the. Katie already hung the poster of Brett in the office. Yeah, I'll post it here in a second. Put it up on Instaface. It's gonna be great. Is Schwartz in? Yeah. Oh, that's it. All right for this?

[Katie]

Yes.

[Byron]

Yeah, it's in the book.

[John]

Should be in the book. I just know already that they're pretty great. Our new sponsor of the glorious entertainment drill is my friends at the Schwartz Laser Eye Center. How about that? Dr. Jay Schwartz and the crew. They're the ones who made my eyes go from to. Hey, you can do the same. I had a cataract in my right eye. Didn't even know. I dealt with it for like a year. And living in the desert, evidently, that's more common than ever. And those. The gang up there. Found it in Heartbeat. So Schwartz Laser Eye center, get your complimentary exam. It'll take a look at you and get you back to seeing. Stop squinting. Stop it. Start seeing the way you're supposed to. Schwartz Laser Eye Center. I don't have a thing in front of me that's on you.

[Byron]

It is.

[John]

I don't think that's right, but that's good. May the Schwartz be with you. That's exactly. I'm sure he hasn't heard that every day of his life, but thank you to the Schwartz Laser Ice Center. Brady. Entertain me.

[Byron]

Deezer. Ipso survey on music. AI music. It's the first giant survey on AI music. They basically conducted and across eight countries and 9,000 people.

[John]

Okay.

[Byron]

And it found that 97 of people can't tell the difference between fully AI generated and human made music.

[John]

You can't. Who can? Like, the only reason I know is because I know for a fact no one made Angry Chair by Alice in Chains, a soul song. So it would have to be AI but if you went and said, here's a song, long lost Alice in Chainsaw, and you wouldn't know.

[Brett Vesely]

No.

[Byron]

Also revealed that roughly 50,000 fully AI generated tracks are now uploaded every day to the platform, accounting for 34% of a daily delivery.

[John]

Wait, 50,000 every day?

[Byron]

Every day.

[John]

We're. Music ends in five years as we know it. That's. Yeah, that's the end of that. It's not even an instrument. I told you about that girl that said. She. She sent over the meditation thing.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

On the. And I asked her, I'm like, are you playing the instrument? She goes, no, I just fed it into an AI generator and then got this and this and this and then played with that. I'm like, yeah, that's pretty clever. That's how you use it as an instrument.

[Byron]

Daniel. Daniel Stern. You know, the Wet Bandit. Harry from Home Alone.

[John]

Oh, this is not good.

[Byron]

Was cited by the police for soliciting prostitution. He was caught at a hotel in Camarillo, California, trying to hire an escort. On December 10, he was arrested, but he was only given a ticket.

[John]

Was she of age?

[Byron]

It doesn't report anything that I see.

[John]

That nothing bad wasn't.

[Byron]

Yeah, okay. Just the fact that it was solicitation.

[John]

Right, right. But Timothy Busfield, however different, that's the.

[Byron]

Other celebrity being accused of behaving badly a little bit.

[John]

And he's married to Melissa Gilbert from Little House on the Prairie.

[Byron]

I didn't know.

[John]

That's some ginger in that house.

[Byron]

The way he's been charged is married to.

[John]

No, no, no, no. Timothy Busfield.

[Byron]

You know, Poind. Dexter.

[John]

Yeah.

[Byron]

Poindexter from Revenge Nerds 30 something. The West Wing. He was charged with sexually abusing two boys on the New Mexico set show called the Cleaning Lady.

[John]

That's not a sentence, but we'll get it.

[Byron]

We figured the set of the show.

[John]

Yeah. Said of the show, not the New Mexico set. Show.

[Byron]

The show.

[John]

Yeah. There you go.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

You were gonna say. That's what it says. But we caught you. You're good.

[Byron]

Their twin brothers. He's saying this is a revenge deal because there's songs on it. And he basically cut them out of the program. And the parents got upset because they're.

[John]

No longer part of the way simply by saying, in the entertainment industry, we're going to cut your part from the movie. They immediately went to their parents and their parents said, we'll show him he molested you too. That's his story.

[Byron]

Well, it's. Listen. Yeah. He's talking about they've been working together. They were friends with the kids, they've given them gifts. I saw. I also saw the. Or heard the phone call when they were interviewing Melissa Gilbert was in the background during the police interview going over the thing.

[John]

Right. But the parent. You're saying that the parent story is.

[Byron]

Busfield reportedly told the police that the boy's parents may have been looking for revenge because their songs were replaced on the show.

[John]

Song his. But his story is that the parents decided to make these kids out loud victims of Timothy Busfield's sexual advances in order to get revenge and ruin his life.

[Byron]

That their income was cut.

[John]

No, I know, but okay, but that's part of the business you're in.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

Timothy Busfield getting accused of sexually molesting.

[Byron]

That's what he's going with.

[John]

That's. He's got to come up with a better story.

[Byron]

And remember this past November, Melissa went off on social media after conservative podcaster Megyn Kelly suggested that being into 15 year olds didn't make Jeffrey Epstein a pedophile.

[John]

Well, both things can be true at once. And I don't blame Melissa Gilbert.

[Byron]

You can see it. But Melissa has deactivated her social media.

[John]

You don't. Most pedophiles aren't coming home going, oh, what a tough day of pedophiling today, honey. How are you? Like, he kept it quiet from Melissa. But if that's his story that it was revenge. That. And if he's right, any parents that would do that to their kids lives just to get Timothy Bossfield in trouble.

[Byron]

And he's been working with him since they were 7 years old to 11.

[Brett Vesely]

I forgot who he was until you mentioned Avenger Nerds.

[John]

Yeah, he. He's Poindexter, right?

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

And then he was in Field of Dreams, and he did a ton. Yeah. All right. Don't do the song. Oh, yeah. He. He's been around forever, and he's a dirty ginger, so there's a possibility he's criminal.

[Brett Vesely]

But proven your point again.

[John]

Yeah, but I don't think that's a good cover. That the parents would ever use their. I don't know many parents that would ever use their kids like that.

[Byron]

Sad if it is.

[John]

If that's true. If he's right, that's horrible.

[Byron]

Yeah. Yeah.

[John]

If he's wrong, it's still horrible.

[Byron]

That was going on for four years to le.

[John]

You're not allowed to write with that marker anymore.

[Byron]

I know.

[John]

The whole room. I'm high as a kite.

[Byron]

Well, maybe this will keep you high and you can. You won't be so sad. But we lost a legend in the rock and roll business. Grateful Dead guitarist Bob Weir died this week at the age of 78. Good.

[Brett Vesely]

B O O H O o.

[John]

So is it over?

[Byron]

Finally be the end.

[John]

Is it over touring? God, I hope. Hope. Is John Mayor going to do, like, one more final salute with that drummer and then we're done with this? Oh, my God. Is Fish gonna show still around?

[Byron]

Fish is going to take their place? Well, yeah, who else? Who's the keyboard guy that would play with him, too?

[John]

I don't know. I don't care.

[Byron]

That's on you, dude.

[John]

To the Grateful Dead people. It's over. Shh. Go home near hippie nonsense trash. Gosh, when that news broke, I text the guys in the band for Night of the singing dead 2026. No, a picture of him. And I said, we're ignoring this. And then Chris the bass is like, a thousand percent. I hate the Grateful that. I'm like, if you hate him, you hate him passionately.

[Byron]

I'm not Hornsby is who I was thinking.

[John]

Yeah, he's fine. I'd rather watch him do things by himself. But no Grateful Dead. That's over it, guys. The witch is dead. We don't have to deal with it ever again.

[Brett Vesely]

I think Mickey Hart might still be.

[John]

No, we've got to get rid of one more. Oh, I hate them more than Jimmy Buffett. By a lot.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John]

Not a day.

[Brett Vesely]

Mickey Hart's still alive. 82.

[Byron]

And Phil Lesh, too. Maybe because he's got Phil Lish and friends and they're touring.

[John]

Fine. Get that. Turn that hippie nonsense off. I hate hippies.

[Byron]

Britney Spears says she'll never perform in the US Again because of extremely sensitive reasons.

[John]

Extremely sensitive reasons.

[Byron]

But she hopes to perform outside the US with her son.

[John]

In the whole country. She's got the reasons. No matter where she goes, this sensitivity lives.

[Byron]

But she can do it outside of the U.S. right?

[John]

And we'll never find out about it through the Internet or anything. So she'll go to Canada maybe, and show us.

[Byron]

That's a good question.

[John]

Yeah. How far outside of the United States? Seriously, throw that marker away. Is everybody else getting high? It's brutal.

[Byron]

Is it capped?

[John]

Oh, it's capped. It's capped. You just wrote one thing.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

Man, oh, man, That's a doozy. That's a strong one. I haven't smelled. I want to smell it for hours.

[Byron]

It reminds you of being a kid.

[John]

Yeah. Yeah. Reminds me of my dad busting and taking the marker away from me, getting screamed at. Your dad did that? Oh, I had one of those giant ones. Yeah. Sitting in the middle of the room, huffing. What the hell is this? I remember the first. Just hitting that thing like nobody's business. What the hell are you doing? The whole room stinks. And I would color on poster board and just smell the poster board floating around the house.

[Byron]

He's got sketches of men.

[John]

I wasn't drawing anything. Trust me. It was just. Well, I mean, kind of. It's just big black blobs is what it was, but.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, careful.

[John]

You know what I'm saying?

[Brett Vesely]

So did Dan.

[John]

Yeah. That was what he's. What is he drawing that big long lines. Big black lines. I knew it. Yeah. And it's reminded me of that. He got so mad at me. Losers do that kind of stuff. Sniffing glue and markers. Anyway, it's 10:07 work. Getting high.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John]

Off the markers. No, I want to do it now. That is an intoxicating smell. Airplane glue and that. My mom and I sniffed airplane glue together once. Bonding moment. Yeah. We were building a boat. Airplane. We're building a. Oh, model. A model boat. And I'm like, this stuff smells good. And she goes. And then I was like, I smell it. She goes, you can't do that. It'll make you dizzy. And then she did it, and we both did it. We were looking at each other like, this is great. Yeah. She didn't stop me at all. Indiana and sniff glue with your pants.

[Byron]

Tester's glue.

[John]

Pretty normal. Oh, so good. God, I haven't smelled that well. Larry's coming up next. We'll get him. He's not. He's impervious to that. Nothing gets him high anymore. Larry's coming in here in just a little bit. He's going to be nice to you, give you more chances to win concert tickets, just about everything you could imagine. We're done. Go Steelers. We'll see you tomorrow. On the morning sickness. It's out of control now. 88 k u p d.