01-14-25 - BR - TUE - Jefferson Emails About Girl From New Hampshire Who Moved Back - Terms High And Low Brow Come From Phrenology - Survey Finds Gen Z Is Afraid Of Most Menial Home Tasks

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona Episode: January 14, 2025 Host: John Holmberg with Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo Release Date: January 14, 2025

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1. Comedy Scene Highlights

John Holmberg kicks off the episode by promoting the local comedy scene in Arizona. He provides detailed information about upcoming shows at various venues:

• Tempe Improv: Featuring Paul Versey on Thursday and Beth Stelling from Friday through Sunday.
• Desert Ridge Improv: Showcasing Sarah Weinschenk on Thursday and Joe DeRosa on Friday and Saturday.
• Stand Up Live Downtown: Hosting Lil Rel from Friday to Sunday.

Holmberg encourages listeners to purchase tickets through the respective websites: standuplive.com, desertridgeimprov.com, and tempeimprov.com.

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2. Jefferson’s Email: Complaints About a Girl from New Hampshire

A significant portion of the episode revolves around a listener named Jefferson Spagnolo sharing his experiences with a girl from Buffalo (initially mentioned as New Hampshire) who moved to Arizona and eventually decided to move back. The conversation is lively and filled with humorous banter:

• Jefferson's Tale: Jefferson narrates how the girl consistently complained about Arizona, leading to tensions at work and ultimately her decision to return to Buffalo. Brett humorously advises, “Never hire anyone who hasn't lived here for at least three years” (05:03).

• Group Banter: The team, including Brady, Dick Toledo, and Alex, engage in a back-and-forth discussion, mocking the girl's inability to adapt and her constant reminiscence about Buffalo. Brady remarks, “This is different than Buffalo, right?” (03:12), to which Brett retorts, “She was cute, actually. She got Arizona clean and then moved back to Buffalo” (04:08).

• Humorous Exaggerations: The hosts exaggerate the girl's issues with Arizona, portraying her as someone who never adjusted and ultimately moved back in frustration. Brett quips, “If I heard another word about Buffalo, when” (04:45), emphasizing the recurring theme of her dissatisfaction.

Notable Quote:

Brett (05:40): “Never hire anyone who hasn't lived here for at least three years. You gotta remember that whatever grand television show they watched that led them here is a mirage.”

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3. Origins of "Highbrow" and "Lowbrow" from Phrenology

The discussion transitions to the etymology of the terms "highbrow" and "lowbrow," tracing their origins to phrenology—a now-discredited field that purported to measure intelligence based on skull shape.

• Phrenology Insights: Dick Toledo shares, “The words highbrow and lowbrow came from phrenology, which is an old pseudoscience that measured people's intelligence by the shape of their head” (07:02).

• Modern Implications: The hosts debate the relevance of these terms today, with Brett sarcastically stating, “People with low eyebrows are dumb” (07:15), highlighting how superficial judgments persist.

• Humorous Takes: The conversation includes jokes about exaggerated physical features related to these terms, such as “protruding mandibles” and “Neanderthal eyes,” further underscoring the outdated nature of phrenology-based stereotypes.

Notable Quote:

Dick Toledo (07:02): “The words highbrow and lowbrow came from phrenology, which is an old pseudoscience that measured people's intelligence by the shape of their head.”

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4. Gen Z’s Aversion to Menial Home Tasks

A survey discussed reveals that Generation Z exhibits a significant reluctance to engage in basic home maintenance tasks.

• Survey Findings: Dick Toledo reports, “One in five people between the ages of 18 and 27 claimed they couldn't change a light bulb and would just hire someone else to do it, especially if it was a ceiling light” (12:53).

• Economic Impact: The survey indicates that Gen Z spends over $1,500 annually on hiring professionals for tasks that previous generations handled themselves, a stark contrast to Boomers' self-sufficiency.

• Hosts' Reactions: Brett and Alex express disbelief and frustration over the reliance on professionals for simple tasks, with Brett humorously sharing his own struggles with LED patio lights (13:18).

Notable Quote:

Dick Toledo (12:53): “The survey found that Gen Zers are spending more than $1,500 a year on average, calling in pros to do basic jobs that they could probably do themselves. That's five times what Boomers spend on stuff like that.”

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5. Best and Worst States to Raise a Family

The hosts delve into a discussion about the WalletHub's survey on the best and worst states to raise a family, highlighting Arizona's unfavorable ranking.

• Arizona’s Ranking: Arizona is highlighted as one of the worst states, securing the 48th position in education but ranking 10th in family fun (16:22). This juxtaposition sparks debate among the hosts.

• Top Performing States: The top ten states include Massachusetts, Minnesota, North Dakota, Nebraska, New Hampshire, New York, Illinois, Wisconsin, Maine, and Connecticut, though the hosts humorously dismiss some of these as less desirable places.

• Impact on Residents: Brett laments, “We're in bad shape” (16:32), emphasizing the challenges families face in Arizona compared to other states.

Notable Quote:

Dick Toledo (16:27): “Number one was Massachusetts, then Minnesota, then North Dakota, Nebraska, New Hampshire, New York, Illinois, Wisconsin, Maine, Connecticut. That's the top 10.”

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6. Listener-Submitted Videos Review

In the latter part of the episode, the hosts review listener-submitted videos featuring graphic and bizarre content.

• Violent and Graphic Content: Brett and John Holmberg react to videos depicting severe self-injury and chaotic scenarios. For instance, a video shows someone injuring themselves over a toilet, prompting Brett to exclaim, “Oh, my God. Just sliced themselves wide open from the mid” (21:01).

• Humorous Critique: Despite the graphic nature, the hosts maintain their comedic tone, providing over-the-top and humorous commentary on the absurdity of the situations.

• Viral Incidents: Another video reviewed features rioting in downtown Phoenix, where a participant is hosed down, leading Brett to mock the excessive use of water: “Look at all that water that you guys could have used on fires that we're just hosing people off with” (19:39).

Notable Quote:

Brett (21:02): “It looks like a hot dog in a microwave split in half. At least they were decent enough to bleed over the toilet.”

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7. Closing Remarks and Final Thoughts

As the episode wraps up, the hosts continue their humorous discussions, touching upon topics like the latest TV shows and societal changes. Brett expresses nostalgia for the days when TV provided common ground for conversations, lamenting the current lack of shared experiences among peers.

Brett states, “We don’t have commonalities anymore. TV did this. The effect” (11:27), highlighting concerns about societal disconnects in the digital age.

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Conclusion

This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness offers a blend of humor, social commentary, and interactive segments that engage listeners through relatable topics and comedic insights. From local comedy promotions to in-depth discussions on generational differences and societal trends, the hosts deliver an entertaining and thought-provoking morning show experience.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Brett (05:40): “Never hire anyone who hasn't lived here for at least three years. You gotta remember that whatever grand television show they watched that led them here is a mirage.”

• Dick Toledo (07:02): “The words highbrow and lowbrow came from phrenology, which is an old pseudoscience that measured people's intelligence by the shape of their head.”

• Dick Toledo (12:53): “The survey found that Gen Zers are spending more than $1,500 a year on average, calling in pros to do basic jobs that they could probably do themselves. That's five times what Boomers spend on stuff like that.”

• Dick Toledo (16:27): “Number one was Massachusetts, then Minnesota, then North Dakota, Nebraska, New Hampshire, New York, Illinois, Wisconsin, Maine, Connecticut. That's the top 10.”

• Brett (21:02): “It looks like a hot dog in a microwave split in half. At least they were decent enough to bleed over the toilet.”

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Tune In or Listen Online: Holmberg's Morning Sickness airs weekdays from 5:30 AM to 10:00 AM on 98 KUPD (97.9 FM), available via the 98KUPD app or the website www.98kupd.com.

Transcript

[John Holberg]

All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Get out to the Tempe Improv on the east side to see Paul Versey on Thursday and Beth Stelling Friday, Saturday and Sunday. The Desert Ridge Improv up North features Sarah Weinschenk this Thursday and Joe DeRosa on Friday and Saturday. And downtown at Stand Up Live, check out the very funny Lil Rel performing Friday, Saturday and Sunday for the complete lineups. And for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com it's John Holberg here for.

[Brett]

The amazing people at the Core Institute, life can throw you a curveball now and again. One day you're trucking along, feeling great. Next day your dog smashes into your head and knocks you cold. Or like a KUPD listener told me this week, his dog did a sprint across the backyard directly into the side of his wife's leg and blew her knee up. She needed that need to get fixed and fixed right. Two years later, she's running like she used to again. And it's all thanks to the Core Institute. I went through it too. And you can get rid of your pain and start saying yes, I can to all the things you want to do and and all you have to do is trust the experts at the Core Institute head there right now. The Core Institute.com catchphrase no matter what she did or what we did, she bitched that things here were backwards and in New Hampshire it was different. I finally snapped one day and said, bitch, there's a reason your sad ugly ass left New Hampshire. Maybe a little Drew Barrymore on that. Got into a huge fight at work and I was going to get fired. But the next day she said she quit and she was moving back anyway. I kept my job because everyone at work knew I was right. We hated her. Keep preaching. Ready? Signed Jefferson. Then it says, not funny, Brett, because of course he's half black and half Italian. They named him Jefferson Spagnolo. Yeah, I know. Everybody's all over it. The 311 got slipped into the show because it was punishment.

[John Holberg]

Jefferson.

[Brett]

That's right. We had a girl at Tony Roma's that moved here and all she said.

[Brady]

These aren't like the boys in Buffalo.

[Brett]

Which had the weirdest way of saying Buffalo I've ever heard.

[Brady]

Buffalo. This is different than Buffalo, right?

[Brett]

You moved from Buffalo cuz your absolute life wasn't working. Embrace here.

[Brady]

I met a boy the other night but he's nothing like the boys back in Buffalo, right?

[Brett]

Those boys didn't like you, left you lonely, you moved here. Then the great Bill Osborne, my life mentor, the worst life mentor of all time, always will be described as physically Gene Wilder and audibly Jack Nicholson. I told you when you hired her that girls from another town are going to just leave eventually. You wasted everyone's time here, John. Never hire someone from somewhere else because they're just bringing their sadness here. This is a utopia. Hope for a new start. And it never works. Sure enough, six months later, moving back.

[Brady]

To Buffalo, it's too hard here. The boys here aren't the same as the ones back in Buffalo.

[Dick Toledo]

Buffalo is like New York Amish.

[Brett]

I don't know what she was. She said it constantly. It became her thing. Like this. This is different than the way things.

[Brady]

Were back in Buffalo.

[Brett]

If she started that sentence, you just wanted to hit her in the head with a pan. Like there's a reason you're not in Buffalo anymore. In Buffalo, like the place you left because you were gonna kill yourself and you needed sunlight, right?

[Brady]

But back in Buffalo.

[Brett]

Quit reminiscing about the suicide snow.

[Alex]

F you, Shoresy.

[Brett]

Yeah, well, it wasn't even Shores. Don't even compare to Shorzy. Don't even start bringing that in. Don't intermingle those things. He's awesome. People from Buffalo. Then I see, like 10 years later, I run into some friends from Tony Romans, and she's there.

[Brady]

Tanya moved back from Buffalo.

[Dick Toledo]

Right. Back in the.

[Brady]

I met a guy and then I moved back to Buffalo and then he broke up with me and I got sad again, so I moved to the happy place.

[John Holberg]

How'd she look? Like a Buffalo?

[Brett]

Broader. She was cute, actually. She went to. She came here. She was Buffalo. And then as she kind of hung around the Tempe Scottsdale area, she. Yeah, she got Arizona clean and then moved back to Buffalo. And she was a superstar. I can imagine. It was almost like rehab. Like she got rid of all those Buffalo things, went back tan with abs, looked great, and then went to Buffalo. And then all those big fat, you know, Bill's mafia started to hump her again. She started putting on some weight and realized I gotta get back over to the spa, and I guess she moved back here. She was really sweet, but, man, if I heard another word about Buffalo, when.

[Brady]

I get back to Buffalo.

[Brett]

Paul Sura is from Buffalo, right?

[John Holberg]

That's all you need to say.

[Brett]

That's all you need to say. That's the guys. That was who she Was getting laid on by £300 of life. Just stop moving around. Jesus Christ. I hate people. Roll over. I don't want to look in your eyes.

[Brady]

I'm moving.

[Brett]

Never hire anyone who hasn't lived here for at least three years. John, you gotta remember that whatever grand television show they watched that led them here is a mirage. They're not gonna find their dreams. Soon. They'll be moving back to Rochester where they belong. Bill was right. Always ask that in a job interview. I don't even know if that's legal. So where are you from?

[Brady]

Oh, I'm from Buffalo.

[Brett]

Oh, yeah? What brings you here?

[Brady]

Well, my boyfriend and I broke up.

[Brett]

You know what? I'm gonna cut it off here. Thank you for your time. You're escaping a bad relationship and you think this is the. It's not. This is. There's no magic water here. Hit the road. Jack was solid, by the way. It's time now for Brady to give us all the news that only Brady knows. We call this the Brady Report. Then we say Brady Report.

[Dick Toledo]

A good Tuesday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello, world.

[Brett]

Hi.

[Dick Toledo]

Happy organize your home day.

[Brett]

All right, I know where it is.

[Alex]

Couple of organized, not fined.

[Brett]

Oh, all over the place. My house is in one spot.

[Dick Toledo]

A couple of basis fun facts. Cleopatra lived closer to the debut of the iPhone than the building of the great pyramid.

[Brett]

Say that again.

[Dick Toledo]

Cleopatra lived closer to the debut of the iPhone than the building of the great pyramid. Oh, the pyramid was finished in 2440 BC.

[Brett]

Yeah, that's a lot longer.

[Dick Toledo]

Cleopatra was born 2471 years ago and 69 BC.

[Alex]

All right.

[Dick Toledo]

And the iPhone debuted in 2007, which was 2070 six years after her birth.

[Brett]

It's an interesting thing that should have never been thought of.

[Dick Toledo]

The words highbrow and low brow came from phrenology, which is an old pseudoscience that measured people's intelligence by the shape of their head.

[Brett]

It still holds.

[Dick Toledo]

People with the high brow lines were considered more intelligent.

[Brett]

You people with low eyebrows are dumb. I just did it to you and you started laughing. And the second you get Neanderthal eyes, which was a great song in the 80s. Neanderthal eyes sing that ambrosia. But yeah, it's still a thing. You see somebody with eyebrows that are in a good spot, you trust them a little more. Eyebrows are a big. Tell those dudes that have that protruding mandible. No mandibles down here. What's this one called? The one across your eyes? The one above your eyes. That big bubble that steroid users get and their eyebrows are low.

[Dick Toledo]

Geico Caveman.

[Brett]

Yeah. Yeah. Because you're a caveman. Because you're dumb as a caveman. Highbrow and low brow are very real. Too high. You just look curious.

[Dick Toledo]

Just like there are earthquakes on earth. There are moonquakes, sun quakes and Mars quakes.

[Brett]

That's why those Mexican girls that draw their eyebrows on, they just look like forever inquisitive. I've never seen anybody like make me look like I'm not sure of anything. Please.

[Dick Toledo]

Well, yesterday when Brett, we were talking about the. The surgery on bbls and breast augmentations. Cosmetic surgery. They were doing brow lifts. Who was the same doctor you pulled up. Oh, for the example. And they showed.

[Brett]

What was the thing though? We weren't talking about BBL removing ribs. Rib remover. That's right. Okay.

[Dick Toledo]

But he pulled up a doctor that.

[Brett]

Would do that eyebrow.

[Dick Toledo]

And on the website he was doing.

[Brett]

Yeah, facelifts and brow lifts are normal. That's a normal thing because you don't want your eyes to scrunch down over your eyebrows. Scrunched down over your eyes. You look stupid.

[Alex]

Yeah, but the painted on eyebrows.

[Brett]

Oh, that's just silly. Too far.

[Alex]

You're one expression all day until you.

[Brett]

Wipe that off, which is holy. I don't know how you say that in Spanish, but all those girls down there look like that.

[Dick Toledo]

A poll of 2,000Americans found that 97% of us are sick and tired of one thing or another.

[Brett]

That's right.

[Dick Toledo]

And 3% apparently feel fine about the state of the world.

[Brett]

I hate them. I'm angry at one thing or another.

[Dick Toledo]

Misinformation online. 86% and includes biased reporting in the news, politics and government. 84% tired of it all we're exposed to again.

[Brett]

I said this 10 years ago. The second you take away everyday TV and start making it dealer's choice all the time, we're going to lose connection. The only thing we have in common currently to talk about is politics. Visit Homebird's morning sickness online at 98kupd.com.

[Unknown]

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[Alex]

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[Brett]

Have you seen the new Squid games, Toledo?

[Alex]

I haven't yet.

[Brett]

We can't talk about it.

[Alex]

I know.

[Brett]

You know Trump's getting inaugurated on Monday.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Any thoughts? We could go back and forth for hours.

[Alex]

None.

[Brett]

Well, you may not. You might be boring enough to have no thoughts, but most people that you ask that question.

[Alex]

No, not on that.

[Brett]

Have a thought about Trump or the politics or whatever. But if I ask you about Squid games, you have to have seen it. We don't have commonalities. We don't have meaningless commonalities anymore. TV did this. The effect. I keep worrying about that. With kids and violence and sex on tv, what they need to do is have commonalities back. I used to love coming to school on Friday to talk about the Cosby show and Cheers and what we watched the night before. And we all saw it.

[Alex]

So I have to be upset that we can't talk about Gossip Girl because I've been two seasons in on that because that's what occupies my couch at night.

[Brett]

Right. You have to cuck the television, too?

[Alex]

No, no, no. I'm doing other stuff in the other room I ended up doing.

[Brett]

Yeah. Jesus Christ. You need to move back to Buffalo.

[John Holberg]

Poor little fella.

[Alex]

She's 48 episodes in.

[Brett]

Gossip Girl takes over the man.

[John Holberg]

You watched 48 episodes?

[Alex]

No, no. She has already. In like a weekend.

[Dick Toledo]

She's binging. Heavy binge.

[Brett]

She's dodging, too.

[Alex]

That too.

[Brett]

Might as well just put skunk spray on. It works.

[Alex]

All right, I'll go outside.

[Brady]

I'm just gonna watch a few hours of Gossip Girl if you want to join me.

[Brett]

Of course I don't want to join you.

[Dick Toledo]

I know what you're doing in a new survey.

[Brett]

You might as well just stick your wang In a box of saltines. It's going to be wetter.

[John Holberg]

Or horse nose.

[Dick Toledo]

In a new survey, one in five people between the ages of 18 and 27 claimed they couldn't change a light bulb and would just hire someone else to do it, especially if it was a ceiling light.

[Brett]

Wow.

[Dick Toledo]

Because going up a ladder would be too dangerous.

[Brett]

I'll tell you this in full disclosure. I've got these weird LED lights for my patio. I have no idea how to change them.

[Dick Toledo]

That's what they're saying that. What do you mean? The screwable light bulbs are being phased out for LED lamps in the last 10 to 20 years. The report found that the gen zers are spending more than 1500 bucks a year on average, calling in pros to do basic jobs that they could probably do themselves. That's five times what boomers spend on stuff like that.

[Brett]

I call Scotty from Margie Mays. Christmas and light Decor. Like, hey, I got a couple of dim ones around the patio here. And they're not the bulbs like the ones you obviously can screw in and out. They're fine. The ones that plug in sometimes have a little clicker. I get that. But these are like strips.

[Alex]

Yeah, those.

[Brett]

Yeah. It's almost like tape.

[Alex]

Yeah. And there's some that you can clip and I'm done.

[Brett]

You bring materials in?

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Hire a guy.

[Alex]

Well, that's. Boomers were troubleshooters. In your words, Fiddle farts.

[Brett]

I don't know. I'm not. First off, you're a boomer. I'm no boomer.

[Alex]

I didn't say you were a boomer.

[Brett]

I said boomers in general, Us boomers. No, no, no, no. Don't you start that. Either way, I can't figure it out. Or Gen X, and it makes me miss the old light bulb.

[Dick Toledo]

The survey also found that a lot of gen zers don't know how to do basic car maintenance. Even cleaning it, you're saying? Or hanging picture frames. Some didn't recognize common tools like a wrench.

[Brett]

Cleaning your car. You're just being lazy. You can figure out how to clean your car.

[Dick Toledo]

You can troubleshoot that.

[Brett]

Now, maybe you can't go over to the car wash and figure out all the stuff. Maybe you're too stupid to understand how that works.

[John Holberg]

A hose bucket and a sponge.

[Brett]

That's right. You make everything so clear.

[John Holberg]

Jesus Christ.

[Brett]

How do I figure all these materials out?

[Alex]

I don't know if he's ever used it, but I gave Alex a set of tools for Christmas.

[Brett]

He sold those. Oh, yeah. Those are Gone on those. They're like. Those are hanging around.

[John Holberg]

Call Byron. He's probably gone.

[Brett]

I was gonna say they're at a.

[John Holberg]

Point and get them back.

[Alex]

What do I need?

[Brett]

Yeah, there's no way he kept tools laying around the house.

[Dick Toledo]

That kid, he must have been excited.

[John Holberg]

Oh, tools.

[Brett]

Oh, great. This is awesome. I can start doing handyman stuff around him. Bye. How much for the tools? Those were gone before the little adhesive from the sticky bow you had on them was even worn off.

[Alex]

I think he actually used them on his other car before it crapped out, so I'm sure that's why it crapped out.

[Brett]

Well, we both know where his tools are. Yeah, they're not anywhere in that apartment.

[John Holberg]

12Th street in Indian schools. Go to my money pond. You can pick up Alex's tools right.

[Brett]

Now for Alex's tools. Sure. He's got a whole room of them. And then went to Brady's. Credit. Another knock on the door where it's common now to hear, I'm here for Alex's tool. I go, what's up? Sup rinse, too.

[Dick Toledo]

WalletHub did the survey of the best and worst states to raise a family. You kind of mentioned it a little bit this morning about where we finished. Arizona.

[Brett]

Worst. Yep. Worst LA by far.

[Dick Toledo]

Yep. 41st.

[Brett]

Still pretty bad.

[Alex]

That's not great. No, that's the lower, lowest, fifth.

[Brett]

Yeah. Oh, no. We're in bad shape. And it's then the arrows pointing down everybody who's in town from elsewhere. Place ain't so good.

[Dick Toledo]

Number one was Massachusetts, then Minnesota, then North Dakota, Nebraska, New Hampshire, New York, Illinois, Wisconsin, Maine, Connecticut. That's the top 10.

[John Holberg]

And most of those suck.

[Dick Toledo]

But as far as Arizona, we were 48th in education, the highest rank that we got in the. Where was it? There? It was ranked 10 in family fun rank.

[Brett]

Oh, you know, fun with your family around here. Hiking and swimming, I guess. No, Scott, my light guy already got me back. He goes, hey, do you need me to put you on the schedule to come screw in your light bulbs? No, Scott, that's not what I was talking about. The screwy ones I can still do.

[John Holberg]

You're just gonna use their phone light instead.

[Brett]

That's what I. Well, I have on the back patio.

[Alex]

There's those tape lights everywhere.

[Brett]

No, no, on the back patio. The. The lights. The sconces have LED lights in them. Well, no, they're not bulbs. I don't know what these things are. They're dots. And so I walk by, and it's a glass case, and they look like an old school, but there's no bulb in it. And then I noticed that one of them is dim. And I went over and I'm like, well, I'll figure this out.

[Alex]

A bunch of them in this.

[Brett]

No, no, like the light itself. Like on the. Like, you know around your garage when you have two lights. Okay, one of them is dim.

[Alex]

Oh, one of them.

[Brett]

So I went over and I'm like, I'll just change that. And I looked in there and I'm like, I've never seen anything as difficult and confusing. I just put my head under it. I'm like, that's where spiders live now. I'm not going in there. So. So, yes, in a few weeks, Scott, I'm going to need you to come by and help me out with those. But not the screwy light bulbs. I can do that.

[Dick Toledo]

Got a couple of quick radio videos.

[John Holberg]

You have one. The other one didn't come through.

[Alex]

The other one didn't come through. Oh, which one do you have?

[John Holberg]

The Instagram one.

[Brett]

Do you know what that is?

[Dick Toledo]

The dude at the riot basically kicking the.

[Brett]

Oh, we got somebody rioting on a bus. Oh, he's just. Oh, he goes crazy and just start. Oh, he's beating up a bus.

[Alex]

Oh, water can.

[Brett]

Oh, there's water. What country is this? Come on, hit me. What country is this in? Oh, and they hit him with a hose.

[John Holberg]

Oh, nice.

[Brett]

Well, they're hosing people off now. That broad just saw it and said, yeah, that's enough rioting. What's he kicking? Just a. Like an armored truck.

[Alex]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, the riot truck.

[Brett]

Is this in the States?

[John Holberg]

Yes, LA people. This was in downtown Phoenix yesterday. This happens daily.

[Brett]

This was at the. What used to be called Patriots Square, but unfortunately it's gotten so far this happens daily here. So all you LA people are here.

[Dick Toledo]

Big debate. You can't use. Right? Water.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Brett]

And then did you see how much water we wasted? Los Angelenos. Oh, this place is a. It's a tragedy.

[John Holberg]

I wouldn't do it.

[Brett]

You need to go home. Look at all that water that you guys could have used on fires that we're just hosing people off with. Yeah.

[John Holberg]

The other one was unavailable.

[Dick Toledo]

Now, we had a Guinness World Record. 468People in West Palm Beach, Florida, dressed up as dinosaurs on Friday to break the Guinness World Record. Previous record was 252. They did it during those inflatable, like, velociraptor T. Rex deals. They did it.

[Brett]

Good for them.

[John Holberg]

Don't put a record out for anything.

[Brett]

What a valuable use of time. Visit Homeburg's morning sickness [e-mail] Holmberg's Morning Sickness. Somebody said, I heard that Alex got Toledo's tools. They were handed down from Toledo's father. The metal toolbox was full of heavy duty tools and tied to Toledo's ankles as a baby when he threw him in the lake. It's a family tradition to pass those tools down. One thing my dad didn't want me to not have was tools. Even in the afterlife when he threw me in that water tied to the box. You got his tools, but then your son sold them. All right, Brett, what do you got?

[John Holberg]

All right, we'll start with Crandall's videos. I don't know if this is real or what, but we'll play it anyway. You guys. You guys can decide.

[Brett]

Oh, somebody's chopping up their thigh over the toilet with. Oh, man. That is a very. I don't know.

[John Holberg]

Can't tell if.

[Brett]

Oh, it is. It's a forearm. It's the lower end. It looked like a leg hanging.

[John Holberg]

It looks real, but I don't know.

[Brett]

I think that's real because that forearm doesn't look healthy. Oh, my God. Just sliced themselves wide open from the mid. Like, from their elbow to mid arm towards the wrist with a razor. And I mean, look at. Yeah, their arms are all chopped up. The other arm is just scarred beyond belief. There's not a lot of blood there, which means they got that tied off somewhere we can't see. Oh, my God.

[John Holberg]

This one's entitled. Let me fix that for you.

[Brett]

Oh, it looks like a hot dog in a microwave split in half. At least they were decent enough to bleed over the toilet. Oh, this is somebody who's been in an accident. There's their leg.

[Dick Toledo]

There's more blood on this one.

[Brett]

There's the leg bone. That's a lot of it.

[John Holberg]

And he just threw his leg back under.

[Brett]

Right? You just move the leg back over.

[John Holberg]

And then it'll reattach.

[Brett]

Put a towel over the bone, more.

[Dick Toledo]

Or less for the street.

[Brett]

Sure, sure. That's Philippines. Medical unit came by and just tossed a towel over the exposed bone. I'm glad there's no sound with that, cuz I assume that's a lot of Filipino screaming.

[John Holberg]

How about this?

[Brett]

All right, this is a person who's. Is that a head? What is that?

[John Holberg]

Yeah, with a street sign.

[Alex]

What's in it?

[John Holberg]

Like a street sign pole or something.

[Brett]

Right through. And there's an eyeball. Okay, I see It. Now there's an ear. Okay. Thank you for that. Next. Good lord.

[Dick Toledo]

Who brought him in?

[Brett]

Did he walk in on his own? I have a couple minutes left. I think. You guys want to help out?

[John Holberg]

Sure isn't the way I ordered big girl down.

[Brett]

All right, there's a fat girl making out with a guy or raping him. I'm not sure he wants to be there. He looks normal sized. She's huge. Oh, here we go. Oh, the wall. She's leaning on brakes. Oh, she's got her top down. He was doing it with her behind that wall, and they broke the wall. And she. She is very large now.

[John Holberg]

You realize the walls, they can see me very naked.

[Brett]

The world can see. And now the most embarrassed person in this video is the skinny guy just got caught banging a giant. Her getting up skills are weak. Man, look at that. Belly off. Does she have a hiatal hernia? Am I seeing that right? I think her belly button's sticking out.

[John Holberg]

A good fence going down.

[Brett]

Is that a wooden. That's a permanent fence. That's not a temp fence.

[Dick Toledo]

What happened is he.

[Brett]

She leans into that fence. She went. She went. One leg. He tried. He tried to get cute and lift a leg. His pants came down. He's like, I'm gonna go in this thing. And she's not strong enough to balance that incredible titanic tummy on one leg. She's going over. Good lord.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, I'll just let this video speak for itself.

[Brett]

You can't bang fat girls standing up. What's wrong? All right. Brett's right. You can't bang fat girls anyway. What's the matter with you? Especially outside fences that don't have at least 3 foot footer. You gotta have a. You gotta look down and see the post that the fence is in and make sure that there's a circle of cement in the bottom. That's in the earth.

[Dick Toledo]

She was a bridesmaid. That was a little break from the party. Back to the party.

[John Holberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

All right.

[John Holberg]

And this one, I'll just let it speak for itself.

[Brett]

All right. You want that in your mouth? Oh, my God. It's some sort of weird giant vagina. That's. Oh, that thing's. She can make it talk. That thing hanging down a good two inches. She spent. She spent a ton of money on her breast implants and not. And her tattoos and her lips and.

[Dick Toledo]

Then that crab claw and then.

[Brett]

Yeah, that.

[Dick Toledo]

What is that?

[Brett]

It looks like an old pinata. Should have been attached to most of that. That is the most. Hanging us down. Thing I've ever seen that. Want it?

[John Holberg]

Want it?

[Brett]

No, I want it to go away. Want it. I wouldn't even know where to start that.

[Dick Toledo]

Yikes.

[Brett]

She keeps making it flap its gu. It looks like you want that in your mouth. It looks like Mick Jagger's trying to escape after he lost all his teeth. Oh. When it opens up, it's Homer Simpson's mouth.

[John Holberg]

She can control it, too.

[Brett]

That's, you know, if you turn it down. And when it opens, if you do the thing she's going to do. Yeah. She can kind of control it, right?

[John Holberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

And she does a sexy dance. She's kept herself in shape for the most part. She's not great looking.

[John Holberg]

That thing's a real Jim Henson Hernandez.

[Brett]

Yeah, but when it opens up. Geez, it should just.

[Dick Toledo]

I can't believe she.

[Brett]

Every time it opens. Every time it opens up, you should go. She's moving around in front of the camera. Every time she does. When it's open. I'm gonna make a noise here in a second. When it opens, Bart, because it looks just like Elmer's mouth. Jump.

[Alex]

It's like it's gasping for air.

[Brett]

Hello, Flanders.

[Alex]

Wow.

[John Holberg]

And we're in there.

[Alex]

That's gotta be some kind of record.

[Brett]

All right. That or the fat girl who broke the fence.

[Alex]

Oh, that.

[Dick Toledo]

That.

[Brett]

No kidding. Yes, you're right.

[Alex]

Why?

[Brett]

Because you didn't know until you saw it that it was bad. At least you could find it with the fat girl. You knew from jump that it wasn't gonna look good.

[Dick Toledo]

At least you could find better chance she'll stay upright.

[Brett]

You can do more stuff with her. And plus, afterwards, you can grab that thing and just go. Look, Bart, there's two things. Like a woman.

[Alex]

John, after watching that video, which I haven't seen, obviously through the radio, is it easier to understand why a guy would put his in a nose?

[Brett]

Yeah, no, that's true.

[Alex]

In a nostril of a horse.

[John Holberg]

Yep.

[Brett]

Go. I just want to open it and close it. I want to draw a little Homer eyes on it.

[Alex]

Oh, send it to Jose.

[Brett]

Stupid Flanders. I would make her vagina say stupid Flanders all the time.

[John Holberg]

AI.

[Brett]

Stupid Flanders.

[Brady]

Stop making my vagina sound like Homer.

[Brett]

Stop making it look like Homer.

[Alex]

Go back to Buffalo.

[Brady]

I'm gonna take this giant thing back to Buffalo.

[Brett]

Stop.

[Brady]

Don't do that.

[Brett]

Marge. It was Homer's mouth. When she was asleep, I'd put big dentures in it, like huge teeth.

[Dick Toledo]

Or was that a dude?

[Brett]

Is there anything a donut can't do? No, that wasn't a dude, Brady. You should know the difference by now. That was a protruding vagina. Those exist. That's a real thing.

[Alex]

And you can't.

[Brett]

That's.

[Dick Toledo]

You're 20, 25.

[Alex]

You gotta stop saying that's not real.

[Brett]

Yeah, it's real, man. You should know by now.

[Alex]

It's all too real.

[Brett]

Yeah, it's all too. You want that to be something spectacularly weird. That's just a lady who's got a problem with her. Her grab bag. I would make it do all sorts of fun stuff.

[Dick Toledo]

Scooby.

[Brett]

Yeah. That would make him have everything. Ooh, chocolate. Half off. There you go, everybody. That is your Brady report with that thing at the end. It's 98. It's out of control.

[Dick Toledo]

Come on.

[Brett]

Can you PD.