01-14-25 - Katie Hobbs Delivers State Of The State And Drops In For Bret - John Got Lost In Comment Section Of Drew Barrymore Breakup Story - Emailer Asks About Horse Nostril Effer - More On Our Go Home LA Campaign After Last Nights Game

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona Podcast Summary
Episode: January 14, 2025
Host: John Holmberg
Guests: Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo

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Introduction

In the January 14, 2025 episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness on 98 KUPD, host John Holmberg, along with co-hosts Bret Vesely, Brady Bogen, and Dick Toledo, delve into a mix of local politics, humorous anecdotes, and bizarre news stories. The show maintains its signature blend of humor and irreverence, aiming to entertain and provoke thought among Arizona's morning commuters.

Katie Hobbs Delivers the State of the State

The episode kicks off with a discussion about Arizona Governor Katie Hobbs' recent State of the State address.

• Bret Vesely expresses amusement over Hobbs' delivery:
  "Katie Hobbs had been talking and heard her talk once in a while. It made me laugh again." [03:25]

• John Holmberg adds a humorous take on Hobbs' demeanor:
  "She sounds authoritarian. That was me. I'm Governor Hobbs." [07:35]

Despite the lighthearted banter, the hosts acknowledge the significance of Hobbs' policies aimed at improving the state's economy and infrastructure. However, Bret remains skeptical about the effectiveness of these measures, especially concerning educational and economic challenges Arizona faces.

Listener Interactions and Community Stories

The podcast features various listener interactions, including an email from a listener named Jeremy concerned about the Bidwell family's ownership of two Boeing 777 jets.

• Bret Vesely critiques the Bidwells' flamboyant lifestyle and their handling of team affairs:
  "The man loves attention and he loves being a hero and he loves the spotlight." [08:32]

This segment underscores the hosts' skepticism towards affluent individuals in sports management, questioning the fairness and transparency in the industry.

Bizarre News Stories and Commentary

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to dissecting and humorously critiquing outrageous news stories:

1. Drew Barrymore and SZA Relationship Drama

   The hosts analyze a viral story about Drew Barrymore allegedly confronting SZA over an ex-boyfriend.

   • Bret Vesely mocks the plausibility of the story and the overwhelming online backlash:
     "453 comments said, this never happened. Drew Barrymore is a liar for her own benefit." [22:04]

   The discussion highlights the rapid spread of misinformation on social media platforms like Nextdoor, emphasizing the public's ability to discern truth from fiction despite the prevalence of fake news.

2. Florida Man's Unusual Behavior

   The show explores a bizarre incident involving a Florida man attempting to engage in inappropriate behavior with a horse.

   • Bret Vesely satirizes the man's motives, questioning his mental state and relationship dynamics:
     "This is an indictment on how women have weaponized sex to the point of a man thinking a horse was an option." [32:04]

   This segment serves as a commentary on societal pressures and the extreme actions individuals might take when faced with personal crises.

Local Issues: Arizona's Challenges

The hosts transition to discussing pressing local issues affecting Arizona, including:

• Happiness and Education Rankings:
  Bret Vesely laments Arizona's low rankings in family happiness and education:
  "Happiness factor for families in Arizona is like 41st in the country. Schools are awful here." [46:46]

• Environmental Concerns:
  The team touches upon environmental challenges such as Valley Fever and severe air quality issues:
  "Valley fever is horrible, it grabs you the day you get here." [54:43]

These discussions reveal the hosts' concerns about the state's livability and the impact of environmental and educational shortcomings on its residents.

Humorous Solutions and Satirical Proposals

In their characteristic humorous style, the hosts propose exaggerated and satirical solutions to Arizona's problems:

• Redesigning the State Flag:
  Bret Vesely suggests adding controversial symbols to the state flag to deter outsiders:
  "Maybe we flap that Confederate flag over the Arizona flag for a few days." [53:09]

• Mocking Tourism Strategies:
  They joke about creating divisive tourism campaigns to discourage relocation:
  "Arizona tourism commercial just filmed in Guadalupe. Come visit. It's authentic." [58:59]

These proposals are meant to satirize common frustrations with statewide policies and attitudes, using hyperbole to highlight underlying issues.

Closing Remarks and Future Topics

As the episode progresses towards its conclusion, the hosts reflect on broader societal issues and express skepticism about the future of Arizona's sports teams and political climate. They also touch upon the influence of media and public perception:

• Bret Vesely criticizes the handling of sports team relocations and the resulting community impact:
  "We need to stop saying how much these guys have way too much money. We're all suckers for the NFL hype." [16:35]

• John Holmberg emphasizes the need for better local policies and community engagement:
  "We can't be those bougie billionaire bashers when we consume the product like crazy." [16:35]

The episode wraps up with a light-hearted discussion on upcoming local events and a tease for future episodes, maintaining the show's engaging and conversational tone.

Notable Quotes

• Bret Vesely on the Bidwells' Spotlight Behavior:
  "The man loves attention and he loves being a hero and he loves the spotlight." [08:32]

• John Holmberg on Katie Hobbs' Speech:
  "She's in eighth grade with her big pearl necklace." [08:31]

• Bret Vesely on Florida Man's Actions:
  "This is an indictment on how women have weaponized sex to the point of a man thinking a horse was an option." [32:04]

• Bret Vesely on Arizona's Happiness Factor:
  "Happiness factor for families in Arizona is like 41st in the country." [46:46]

Conclusion

This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness offers a blend of humor, critical analysis, and satire as the hosts navigate through political updates, bizarre news stories, and local Arizona issues. While the discussions are laced with irreverent jokes and exaggerated opinions, they shed light on the complexities and challenges faced by the state, all while keeping listeners entertained and engaged.

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For more insights and episodes, visit 98KUPD's website or tune in weekdays from 5:30 AM to 10:00 AM on 97.9 FM.

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Get out to the Tempe Improv on the east side to see Paul Versey on Thursday and Beth Stelling Friday, Saturday and Sunday. The Desert Ridge Improv up North features Sarah Weinschenk this Thursday and Joe DeRosa on Friday and Saturday. And downtown at Stand Up Live, check out the very funny Lil Rel performing Friday, Saturday and Sunday for the complete lineups. And for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com it's John Holberg here for.

[Brett]

The amazing people at the Core Institute, life can throw you a curveball now and again. One day you're trucking along, feeling great. Next day your dog smashes into your head and knocks you cold. Or like a KUPD listener told me this week, his dog did a sprint across the backyard directly into the side of his wife's leg and blew her knee up. She needed that need to get fixed and fixed right. Two years later, she's running like she used to again. And it's all thanks to the Core Institute. I went through it too. And you can get rid of your pain and start saying yes, I can to all the things you want to do. And and all you have to do is trust the experts at the Core Institute. Head there right now. The Core Institute.com college hoops are here.

[Unknown]

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Morning sickness Radiate.

Holmberg's morning sickness. You gotta get up to hear it. Make you laugh until you puke they might make you come undone. Major cockrise with the sun. We'd like to welcome you to this morning's show with John, Brett and Brady and Big Dick to They call us homs but we are not worth miles to nowhere. They speak on controversy since Bobby and Johnny Snob. They think Dua Lipa's great for the faint of heart.

[Brett]

They're not.

[Unknown]

Holberg's morning sickness Gotta get up to hear it. Make Some laugh makes em cry. In all seriousness and fun. Make your car cries with the sun. We'd like to introduce Army. They say he looks like Squidward with that big huge nose. Ha ha ha. But that's a prereq. They own the mornings airing over 20 years. Like a blue pill they're still going. Brady comes in shorts to report the news. He knows. But you can't eat at Porkopolis because it closed. Colbert's morning sickness. You gotta get up to hear it. Make you laugh until you spiel wipe you off. When they are done, make your cock rise with.

Homework.

Morning sickness. You gotta tune in and listen. Tap that up.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Don't get screwed in the end. All in good fun. Big red radio's got you, son.

[Brett]

There you go. Thank you. Miles to nowhere. Beautiful work at 6:43 here in the morning sickness. That is our theme song for the year. Very proud. And then the. The lead singer yesterday gave the state of the state address. Katie Hobbs had been talking and heard her talk once in a while. It made me laugh again. Like she went out there like, and.

[Unknown]

We'Re gonna go and have really a lot of success in the state and stuff. And I'm happy and you guys are.

[Brett]

Nice and I'm like, oh my God.

[Unknown]

And now it's time for the state of the slut address. How's your wife, Brett? Is she still around?

[Brett]

Oh, yeah, she's still around.

[Unknown]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I thought by now that her debilitating Elephant man's disease would have killed her, but she's still alive. Huh? Is she the person that survived longest with Elephant man's disease?

[John Holmberg]

She's still around.

[Unknown]

I saw the other day that the world's oldest person died. And I thought, oh, poor Brad. He lost his W. And then I saw a picture. I'm like, no, that person is very pretty.

[Brett]

Oh, man.

[Unknown]

I've seen Brett's wife. The oldest person in the world is prettier. Well, they were when they were alive. Now the new world's oldest person, congratulations. She's right here in Arizona. It's Brett's wife. Maskaya Mask. I think that's your name, right? Am I wrong? I don't remember your name. I gave my state of the union address, Brett, and I gave you the wink. And I pulled on my to let you know that I was thinking about you.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, thank you.

[Unknown]

Yeah, it was great. I'm Governor Hobbs. Wink, wink. And I'm gonna shut down all financial support of people who have bars in the Chandler area and Dark Hair and Mesa Mesa. Mesa. And have names that start with M and end in. And I have thigh in the middle. Anyway, I saw. We toured a hospital the other day.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Unknown]

And I went into the stricken with terrible AIDS ward, and I didn't see her and. Why isn't she getting her treatment back? It was pretty great. I did look through it. You had holiday pictures on your Instagram.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And I thought it was adorable that you did what you did for that corpse. You were showing the corpse around town on the back of the motorcycle and stuff, and it's like, oh, that must be a family member that Brett agreed to parade around after they died. And then I saw a picture of you standing next to it, and it was still alive. And I realized that was her. What's it like to have sex with a corpse, Brett?

[Brett]

I wouldn't know.

[John Holmberg]

I wouldn't know.

[Unknown]

I think you do. Anyway, the state's in a great spot, so I'm gonna kinda take a few days off, grab my binoculars and keep an eye on a couple of things. Brad, what's it like to, like, care for a woman who has male genitals? You're such a brave man.

[Brett]

Thank you.

[Unknown]

To be seen in public with her. Because most guys would, like, wear a bag over her head anyway.

I laugh too loud.

I saw her sleeping the other day.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Unknown]

Oh, it was so peaceful. I'm like, wouldn't it be great if that was forever?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man.

[Unknown]

Anyway, state of the state did a.

[John Holmberg]

Hell of a job, Katie.

[Unknown]

I tried. I thought I did a really nice speech. I sounded authoritarian. Authoritarian. That was me. I'm Governor Hobbs. Listen up, you guys.

It's authoritative.

Uh, authoritarian. Authoritative. Anyway, we're gonna have more money and we're gonna have more stuff, and we're gonna be. We're gonna say things and we're gonna make stuff better for people who don't have stuff. And Arizona.

[Brett]

Woohoo.

[Unknown]

And then we're gonna. And then I did a skit. Me and I danced. I did a dance. I think we're gonna win the election again. I can't wait to run for class president again. I mean, Arizona's governor again. Next. Okay. See you later, Brad. Bye, everybody.

[Brett]

Bye.

[Unknown]

Katie.

[John Holmberg]

Still hates Brady.

[Brett]

Not a fan of Brady. They kept showing her yesterday. And her. She looks the part. She walks up there and then the gray hair is down and. Yeah, second, she starts talking, you're like, well, we can't take this seriously.

[John Holmberg]

She's in eighth grade with her big pearl necklace.

[Brett]

I didn't notice that.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Brett]

Nice string of pearls around Katie's neck. Huh? I'm gonna have to watch again. Jeremy emails him. Can we please talk about how no one is questioning The Bidwell's owning two Boeing 777? I know they were firing them back and forth to LA to pick up family members of the team. And they did a really. Look, they catch a lot of crap, but these Bidwells did a very nice job handling, you know, they treated the LA Rams situation better than they treated their own team. That was a. And the one thing we do know about Michael Bidwell is I just said, let's be nice to him. I'm gonna crap on him a little bit. The man loves attention and he loves being a hero and he loves the spotlight. I've been to a couple charity events with him where they asked to please. One was a birthday gift for a doctor who was leaving town and we had shared some experiences and they were part of this oncology thing. And I was at the birthday party and they said, please, no gifts, if at all, just help out by showing up, maybe donating to this thing. No gifts. Well, Michael showed up and in front of everybody did a presentation of his birthday presents for this person. And we're like, well, now we're all assholes. Thanks a lot, Mike. And then he gave a speech no one asked for. And then his wife gave a speech no one asked for. And then they said, does anybody else want to say anything? And I'm like, watch this. And I didn't say my name or anything else. I just went up and talked about the work that this doctor has done for cancer and the things that I knew them from and everything else. And I brought the room to tears because that was my goal because I have a little bit of that Bidwell in me too. It's like, I recognize you're a prick. I'm going to steal your spotlight. I was a passive aggressive ass because I'm like, oh, you feel like you just walked out of here with everybody looking at you? And then I brought the room to the floor with a story that was going to make you cry and it did. And Michael had to eat, kind of eat my, my anonymous poop because I didn't give a name or like a status thing. I didn't want any other credit, but my story was where everybody lived afterwards. And all he talked about was himself how amazing the Cardinals are, the things that they've done for this charity. And I'm like, oh, I just wanted to come up and talk about my dog having cancer and what we went through and what this beautiful operation did for her or for him. And I told the story through and through, and everybody there had had some similar situation. So I knew I could tap into that pain nerve, looking around, making everybody cry. And there I was, smiling the whole time because the Bidwells brought presents. He likes it when the news says, well, that Michael Bidwell sure knows what he's doing because it's rare. It's wildly rare, but they did a nice job. But two seven 77s is $1.2 billion. Planes and fees. That's pretty good. Says, why the hell do they need two Cardinal fans should be pissed. Paying those ticket prices to watch them suck every year while he's floating around in a choice of jumbo jets. NFL's a different animal, man.

[Unknown]

Prices are going right everywhere.

[Brett]

Here's the key. You can't sit and complain about Jeff Bezos, about NFL owners, about people who have too much money and go outside your house every morning and open your Amazon box because you didn't want to walk to Walmart. The billionaires are billionaires because they came up with ideas that we love a lot. Jeff Bezos might be a dick, but he came up with a thing that made it so we're all like, wait a minute. I don't have to go anywhere. It shows up at my house today. Okay, I'll pay a little extra. And the next thing you know, that dude's building his own rockets and, like, doing whatever he wants. That's because of us. I'm not giving up the Amazon dream because I'm mad at Jeff Bezos. I don't know half the people who own the companies of things I buy. You think if I met the owner of Coca Cola, I'd like him? That dude's probably just swimming in gold chunks all day long going, what are you doing here? You're too poor to know me. Like, yeah, thanks for the great product. I won't put down. So you don't want to know. You don't want to know. Your super billionaire heroes are the thing you suck down in droves on a constant, and then think, wow, those guys have too much money. Meanwhile, I just ordered a bike lock that is available within a mile of my house. If I'd had the time to get in my car and drive to it, but I had somebody else do it, because that is such a functional, awesome situation. Amazon rules, NFL. Same thing. We consume the living out of the NFL. Of course the owners are billionaires. That's because of us. They can Raise the prices. Because we'll be like, yeah, this sucks, but I'm paying it until the stadiums empty out. Till we stop buying jerseys like crazy. All those guys are going to be billionaires, all of them. They're going to have jumbo jets because they don't want to fly with you. You'll bother them. They want to fly with anybody but people who are like them, because those people don't bother them. If I saw. And I'm a pretty normal dude, but if I saw Art Rooney, owner of the Pittsburgh Steelers, sitting next to me on an airplane, I'd have questions, I'd probably bother him, and I'd start it all off like all of us normals do. Hey, I don't want to bug you. I just want to let you know. But big fan. Then my next question, be like, how come you're flying on Spirit? You want to be. We don't want you to be like one of us. We want you to be better than one of us. Don't show your face on Spirit Airlines. This makes me feel like the. The team's going out of business. I like it when my teams have couple jumbo jets. I like it when my. That means that something good's happening over there.

[Unknown]

There's ways you can get on that jet. A sponsor of the team.

[Brett]

Yeah, sure.

[Unknown]

You can buy your way, get a road trip there.

[Brett]

Right. Your city can burn down and he'll pick you up. I mean, that's. There's that.

[John Holmberg]

That's how everybody got an Epstein's plane.

[Brett]

Absolutely. You gotta pay the. Pay the pipe for this. But we can't be. We can't be those bougie billionaire bashers when we consume the product like crazy. Can't be done. You can't be mad at the Bidwells for having two jets when you have four jerseys and they just sit there and go. They. They just keep eating us up. We're terrible. Now, if I'm a Cardinal fan, it's tougher because the product ebbs and flows from terrible to decent and never really jumps over that decent bar too often. That's a tough one for me to keep buying jerseys and keep investing my time, but I understand it. I do it with the Steelers. I'm as in as anybody else, so you can't get mad at him, but they did it. You know, again, I'm not the biggest Bidwell fan in the world. I do feel like he's. His ego is way ahead of his. Michael's better than his dad. His dad didn't want the spotlight. But his dad just misered all the money. Just didn't spend, he just didn't spend it properly. Michael's got all the money in the world. He can't, he can't misspend on the football team. That's the general manager's job. He, they have so much money in football that they had to tell the owners, you can't spend more than this amount. So it doesn't matter how much the owners have. You can only all the teams have the same amount of money to spend on the players. So then at that point it just becomes, what are you putting on the field? What they get after that is gravy. Keep in mind that because we suck down the advertising of every football game that's out there and we pay YouTube TV and we pay for our Amazon package and the NFL has a ready for this, a $10 billion deal to have their product on television. That means that someone pays them $10 billion to say, can we show your stuff to people? And they're like, sure, that seems reasonable for now. It's going to go up though. And then they share all that. It's okay, we'll let them have it. But don't be, don't be mad. Please visit Home Birds morning sickness [e-mail].

[Unknown]

Hey, it's Larry McFeely here with Wayne from Amco and Wayne, now that it's getting warmer, I turned on the AC in my car and the air is blowing kind of cool, but it really.

[Brett]

Smells like a basement. What can I do about that? Your car's AC system should be checked and serviced every year. Plus, replacing the cabin air filter helps the air blow strong and takes away any nasty smell. Nice.

[Unknown]

Is that a big deal to get done?

[Brett]

Not at all. It takes about an hour and in most cases we can do it while you wait. That's awesome. I'll say. We're Amco.

[Unknown]

Google Amco for your nearest location. That's Amco Double A MCO Transmissions and.

[Brett]

A whole lot more.

[I]

Hi, I'm Diane Fisher from Fisher Tools. From our humble beginnings in 1964 at the Phoenix park and swap to our 4 acre campus located just south of Tempe Marketplace off the 202. Emmet Clintock Fisher Tools has been building the valley for over 60 years. Come check us out and browse our huge selection of tools and anything you need to do the job right. We carry Milwaukee, DeWalt, Makita, Proto and so much more. We're also [e-mail] cup KUPD listeners will receive 10% off their order when you mention this ad. Fisher Tools. If we don't have it, we can't sell it.

[Unknown]

This is Michael with Restore My Civil Rights. I made a lot of poor decisions in my past that had lifelong consequences. After I was released from prison for the last time in 2014, I discovered the process to have my convictions dismissed and all of my rights restored, including my Second Amendment rights. Since achieving this for myself in 2018, our attorney has assisted over 3,000 others in doing the same. If you are still living under the consequences of past mistakes and would like to restore your rights as I have, visit restoremycivilrights.com and book a free consultation today.

[Brett]

Hey everybody, it's John Holmberg from the Morning Sickness talking to Shane Orlando from Orlando Auto Body. Now, Shane, I take great pride in saying I stand with someone when I tell a listener to go to their shop. I know why. You tell me what's different for a KUPD listener to go to Orlando Autobot than anywhere else? Well, first of all, we've been in Valley here for over 34 years. We do a quality job. We work for you, not the insurance companies, so that we can work together to make sure your listeners are getting the customer service they deserve. If your car's been wrecked and you need that thing fixed the right way, get on over there now. Orlandoautobody.com It's John Holmberg from the Morning Sickness for Lifechangeloan.com Let me tell you about Brian and Emily. Brian listens to KUPD loyally. Megan listens to the news. But both of them have heard about Life Change alone for a long time. Both were curious. They never bothered really to look too deep since they felt good about their 20 year loan with a good rate. But they want to remodel their house and add a pool and that's going to cost about $250,000. After visiting Life Changer Loan, they realize they can still pay off the entire thing in about six years. It is not magic, it's math. Life changerloan.com Holmberg's Morning Sickness this other email says, John, you guys have the best show ever. I just wanted to find out if you're doing anything with Barrett Jackson. Coming up. I want to win some tickets. Thanks for everything you do, especially John signed Brett. That is a quality amount of ass kissing that just about got you Barrett Jackson tickets. But I don't think we have them this year. Do we have any? We don't have Barrett's. That's another thing.

[John Holmberg]

Not this Brett either.

[Brett]

Well, here's the thing. They don't need. They don't need to be giving tickets away.

[John Holmberg]

They don't need the riff raffle.

[Brett]

They don't need. First off, people who got free tickets to Barrett Jackson and not through a billionaire friend.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Aren't exactly who they're wanting. They're bidding on cars. Riff raff. You go pay your 25 fee and you get into the Barrett Jackson. You walk around with the other 80,000 people. They sell out all the time. Barrett Jackson doesn't need to say, hey, can you help us out? Kupd, they go over to the Scottsdale airport and say, is there enough room for the people we're going to be bringing in? Because they park jets. Yeah.

[Unknown]

You want to talk about private jets coming in?

[Brett]

Oh, my God. The Valley. That week, the next month, they have valet service for the jets at the airport to put them in parking lots. So they don't.

[Unknown]

That's right.

Say that again.

[Brett]

They have valet service for the jets. Three keys. Three keys to a guy and he parks your jet out of the way of all the other jets that are landing.

[John Holmberg]

They valet the jets.

[Brett]

They do. They valet the jets. Because if they don't, there's not enough room to put. They have to have a system. They're too close together and, you know, valet park's too tight. They do that.

[Unknown]

You ride the jet up and you open the window and punch a ticket.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

For your parking.

It's the same thing as going to.

Stand up, live down.

Are you gonna be here longer than.

[Brett]

Three hours a day? It's, do I have to buy something? Right. People don't suck. Then don't go to Bear Jackson. We have to stop saying how much. All these guys have way too much money. And then start, you know, we just hand them the money. I watched the thing online yesterday. I have a new love, complete love in my life, which is I'm back in on the comments on inane stories. No. Well, next door app. Don't get me started on that. Nextdoor app has changed from, like things that can be useful to everybody trying to give their dog away. That's all. That's all it is. I can't take this cat anymore. I am like, jesus, I can't even look at this. But I saw a story that seemed so innocuous and meaningless, and then I saw that it had 453 comments and all it said was, Drew Barrymore tells SZA what she did with an ex boyfriend who cheated on Her. And I read the story and Drew Barrymore told sza.

[John Holmberg]

You lost me at Drew Barrymore, but.

[Brett]

I'm with you on this. But normally I'm like, why would this. The only thing that got me was 453 comments.

[John Holmberg]

Right?

[Brett]

Why would that story make 453 people go, I gotta say something. Drew Barrymore told SZA that she caught an old boyfriend with another girl. And then in this girl power moment, she said that she made. She called the girl that he was sleeping with and arranged drinks with her and said, we're gonna talk in front of him and brought him to sit. And she said, and I told him at the table to shut up and listen. Me and this girl were gonna talk. And supposedly he did it. And the audience went crazy.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I'm sure he showed up.

[Brett]

All the comments immediately said, yeah, this is wish fulfillment syndrome. This never happened. And then all these comments of like, a guy holding a Jeopardy Button. And it said, I'll take things that never happened for 500. I'm like, the comments were insanely funny. And then you realize she's nuts. And she said, and then another guy who. And evidently, whoever this guy is who was unnamed, they're best friends now. And she said, another guy who cheated on me when I was younger and I painted his car, like. And he called me and said, hey, somebody painted my car. I hope it wasn't you. And she's like, oh, I don't know. And it was this thing. And all these comments were like. Everybody's like, wow, Drew, sounds like you've got a bigger problem on your hands that eventually everyone hates you to the point where they. You were probably more fun when you were on coke. And the comment 453people decided to chime in and bash Drew Barrymore's story to sza, which was hilarious.

[Unknown]

After the drinks, when she said, you're. Sit down. You're going to listen to me. Yeah, she drives him home.

[Brett]

Sure. It never happened. And, like, no man would sit through that.

[Unknown]

Get home now. You see what we did there? Now get out.

[Brett]

Yeah. And then she kicked him out.

[John Holmberg]

He's like, oh, man, would ever agree to show up.

[Unknown]

Nobody, like, you knew ahead of time. If you got tricked into it, you'd show up, but you leave it.

[Brett]

Then you'd leave also, if it's not to like, like, try to fix it. Like, look, this will help me get through it. I need to talk with you and her. And you're like, okay, we're working on. That's different. I guess than going home and going, all right, now get out. Like you're not sitting through this. If the end result is making a fool of me. It never happened. It's a fantasy she dreamt up in a coke place and believes to be true. It never happened.

[Unknown]

She says they're dear friends now because back then they were kids.

[Brett]

Sure, she made stupid mistakes and he makes stupid mistakes, but I just couldn't get past the idea that 453 people immediately went in there and said, that never happened, Drew. Sorry. And it was. It was. It made me feel good that this bamboozled world we live in that's constantly wrong about information and anything else, still has the wherewithal to kind of see bull when it's presented to him. And it makes me think, well, maybe we're not as susceptible to Facebook misinformation. Maybe. But we are. But when we see it, we know. It's like. Because that's the first reaction I had. I'm like, well, that never happened. She's lying to Sza and says, I ate it up and said, wow, that's. That's gangster, Drew. And I'm like, it never happened. Little girl from ET didn't do this. That's not a thing. She never once said, you're gonna sit down and listen to us talk, and then I'm gonna dump you Anyway. That dude would have been like, me? No. And he'd have been packing his things into his car that she said she already packed up anyway. So if you come home and everything's packed up, and then she's like, and you're going to dinner with me? I'm like, no, I'm not. We're all done here. You're right. Sorry, I'm a dick. But I'm not gonna go have lunch with the two of you now. That's insanity. And the only reason you'd do that is the hopes that maybe there's a threesome at the end and every guy.

[Unknown]

Would just catch the vibe.

[Brett]

Only way she fools you is says the girl you're with is really hot. I'm gonna have drinks with her. You come by and let's see what this is all about. Maybe we can make it work. And he'd be like, oh, my God. And then about eight minutes into the conversation when it's like, he's an asshole and you're a. And that, okay, I'm getting out of here. This is crazy. I just let these broads fight.

[Unknown]

But it was nice dream that day.

[Brett]

It was nice. Yeah. Well, yeah. And it would die really quick when you realize, oh, nobody's in. The threesome idea that I was duped into thinking might happen. I'm leaving. What are you gonna pay for the drinks? Are you gonna have one of a vodka soda and just wait this out? I think there's a threesome in play. No. It made me feel good, though, that we still have. We still have that meter in us somewhere, but it's slipped from, like, real meaningful stuff into where we can still see it. But it has to be the Drew Barrymore show that exposes the light. Like the talk and the View and Drew Barrymore were real quick to go, oh, that's a bunch of. No. But when it starts to matter, we get a little bit lost in our tribes. When it doesn't affect us personally. We as a society are still incredible. Like, you look at the comments on the Internet for most stories. We're still pretty good. We're still pretty smart. We're still a pretty good group. That kind of goes, I don't buy this. This is nuts. But when it comes down to, like, affecting our tribal political beliefs or religion or whatever, we get lost in our nonsense and then start yelling at each other. Always remember, Drew Barrymore is a liar for her own benefit, and we all saw through it, and that's something that can help us move forward. That I want to talk. I want to hear what her ex boyfriend says. That didn't. I did not do that. Did not happen. Was it Tom Green? Tom Green, Tom Green. Tom Green will go to drinks with you. Tom Green. Tom.

[Unknown]

I agree that it happened.

[Brett]

I'll have threesome. Are we having a threesome? We'll have one. That'll be nice. Tom Green will do that.

[John Holmberg]

I wish her episode of Playboy never happened.

[Brett]

Yeah, that's true, too, because her pancakes made everybody. That's when we lost it for Drew. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And again, it was the worst thing she could have done for her career.

[Brett]

You want to talk about uniting a group of men? There wasn't a race, a political stance, any religion, anything that normally would divide us went to the side when we all saw Drew Barrymore with her shirt off. Because we all agreed no matter where we come from, no matter how much money we have, no matter what raised us, that's an ugly set of. Oh, yeah. We all agreed.

[Unknown]

Felt sorry for David Letterman.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Brett]

And Letterman, who we were jealous of on his birthday In April of 1992, when she lifted her shirt and showed her cans to him, were like, oh, lucky. We wanted to see those and that was the same interview. She was talking about being in the movie Poison Ivy when she was 17. And there's a lot of nudity in that, but because she wasn't old enough to do it, they had a double. And she told Letterman, you know, he said, there's nudity. Yeah, this is my body double. And she goes, I'll tell you this, she's very pretty. Mine are better. Like, oh, here we go. I can't wait to see those. And when we did, you know all. You want to just get your Aunt Jemima and pour some syrup on that and put a pat of butter on, because those pancakes were long.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it wasn't a look of surprise for me. It was more of a disgust look.

[Brett]

You think Letterman was doing. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

He's like, oh, well, just wait, you guys, just wait.

[Brett]

Oh, please don't ever show that. He took the first bullet for it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Then Tom Green. Tom Green took it. Tom Green took that bullet. I took it. I love pancakes.

[Unknown]

I'll have flapjacks I like from the land of syrup.

[Brett]

Flapjacks and syrup. Tom Green will eat that.

[Unknown]

Did you cheat on me?

[Brett]

Tom Green did. Yes. Tom Green. And then he would. He might be a weirdo. This. When he comes back in, he always goes, you always ask me about her. Like, well, there's always something going on. We're close. We're very close. Did you have to have drinks with the lit. No, Tom Green did.

[Unknown]

She might have been on his podcast at the donut shop.

[Brett]

That could be. I like Tom. He's weird. Is this the Letterman thing where she shows, I don't know, birthday. I. I pretty much sit in the bathtub and cry.

[Unknown]

No, no.

[Brett]

Why? What? What? Because it signifies.

[Unknown]

What?

[Brett]

The passing of time. Some kind of pointless existence. No problem with age. It's just. It's even right there. We're still like, yeah, nice. And I come out there and I sort of. But you can tell. Perky. But in hindsight, they're not shaped well.

[John Holmberg]

Because now we're looking for him.

[Brett]

Now we know. But right here, you're like, oh, this is magnificent. She climbs on the desk.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, tramps down, too.

[Brett]

Gets over Letterman. Couple of them, starts doing some dance. Great waist. Looks great from here. And then raises the shirt.

[John Holmberg]

See, look. That's a look of disgust. That wasn't surprised. That was a look of disgust.

[Brett]

In hindsight, look at that. Dave might not have liked it. And now he's realizing, you gotta play it off. Yeah. Or he's offending her.

[John Holmberg]

I'm sick to My stomach. Let's go to a break.

[Brett]

We'll be right back. Paul, take us away. Wow.

[Unknown]

Dave, you saw us.

[Brett]

Couple of flapjacks. He looks like he's gonna vomit. I watch it different now. Remember the night Morley Safer was here? Pulled the same thing. It reminded him of morley safer from 60 minutes. That's all you need to know.

[Unknown]

It was.

[Brett]

Yeah, it was. It was international disappointment. I so I don't want to hear her lying about how tough she was at that. And the audience going, yeah, you go, girl. All right. You guys all live in your fantasy. That's right. It's an audience that women that sound like spongebob.

[Unknown]

You get them, Drew.

[Brett]

And then I got this email and it's pretty accurate. Holmberg listening on the podcast. We just gonna gloss over the story about the guy putting his wiener in the horse's nose.

[Unknown]

We did kind of gloss over the.

[Brett]

He said, has the world gotten so weird that that isn't a story for the ages that lives on this show for decades. A story of the year candidate. He hadn't had sex in 60 days, two months, and left to his own ideas, tried to put his penis in a horse's nose and got caught. I want to introduce this to you. This is an indictment on how women have weaponized sex to the point of a man thinking a horse was an option. If I'm reading this right, he was married. If you think about it, his unnatural and absolutely disgusting act with a horse was kind of a twisted, beautiful attempt to keep his marital oath alive. He had relations with his wife stopped two months ago. And rather than find a woman at a bar, a hotel, Circle K, a prostitute, for crying out loud. He remained an honorable husband who wanted to keep his covenant with the Lord in place and the holy bond of matrimony sacred. So he stuck his dick in a horse's nose. He's got a point, this guy says. Of course I'm kidding. Also, any horse that allows you to stick your wiener in its nose has been trained to do so. And also, if someone sees you doing that or you're being 28 year old horse, maybe you're being watched. They had a reason to keep an eye on you around the stables. Oh, boy, there he goes. Keep an eye on that. Any minute now, I'm waiting for that guy to nose bang one of our equine. We live in a world in 2025. That. That made it so. Oh, it's at polls. It's supposed to say something else. It says that you made some solid pokes I assume says that you in fact made some solid pokes at the story and then just moved on. I laughed. I thought about it. I examined the words. All I want to know is how John Holmberg of 2006 would have handled this story. Kenny it's an interesting way to think about that. Visit Holmberg's Morning Sickness online at 98kupd.com.

[Unknown]

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[Brett]

To 342 Holmberg's Morning Sickness because in 2006 I think there would have been more surprise to have oh yeah, read a story about a man who's sticking his dick in a horse's nose. Whereas today I really was affected by it, but not for really long.

[Unknown]

Firefighter lamb story. That was pretty strong story 11 and.

[Brett]

That was when I made my point back then, the Tempe stables. This was the the firefighter story Toledo's talking about. My point back then was this is the fault of a woman. This man has been driven mad by a woman and he's doing something terrible. If you don't remember, there was the fire chief of Mesa who went into his neighbor's barn and the neighbor saw the lights go on in the barn. So he trucked down there for a second, like, what's going on in my barn? And he found his neighbor, the fire chief of Mesa or one of them. I don't know if he was like the king, but he was up there with a lamb, which is underage sheep, with a lamb on its back, missionary position and his pants down. And when the farmer opened the door, sounds like a joke. The fire chief turned and said, I'm sorry, Tom, I was going to try and your sheep. He got there and I said to myself, this dude has a horrible relationship at home and has quit on women. He has quit on the human race and he had lost it. And he was going to bang a sheep because he was so frustrated not Only sexually, but mentally in a fight with his wife. And then it came out like a month later that his wife was going to leave him and she was mad at him and he didn't make enough money. And that broad looked like. Exactly. And he's like, I can't tolerate one more day with a female. I'd rather the neighbor's baby sheep. And then one day he just put the bottle down and said, you know what? I'm gonna go do it. And you gotta think about every step he took towards that barn. Because you don't just go in your neighbor's barn for and then come up with ideas that happened in the living room. I'm gonna go bang that little sheep. That'll be better than her anyway. Nice and soft and fluffy. I'm going in there. And then he opened his own door and thought, I'm really doing this. And then it's probably about 44 steps from house to barn, I would imagine, in mesa.

[Unknown]

So all 44 of them.

[Brett]

Every step in his mind, the idea became better, right? Every step, the idea was a little stronger. Not talking himself out of it. Unbuttoning that top button. Yeah. I don't think he ran, but I think he had the intention. Got stronger. Same with this Florida man and that horse. He was in there doing his horse duties and looked at that horse's nose and said, and horse's name was Raven.

[Unknown]

Got to have it.

[Brett]

Old Raven and that beautiful soft nose. What's that? Hello, I'm Mr. Red. You guys, soft nose. I like feeding you carrots and apples. Cause those are some big ass nostrils. Reminds me of my wife's vagina. You know, I haven't had sex in 60 days and suddenly this seems like a pretty good idea. 60 days. You know what? I don't want to. I don't. I'm assuming she was drunk. I don't. I don't really. I don't really want to cheat on my wife, but does this count? A little pink carrot. Maybe accidentally you might sniff. Maybe if you sniff it and it goes in on its own. If you smell hard enough, it might just slip in. Hopefully he takes a big deep breath in. So I'm guessing maybe the guy put his hand over the horse's nose and the horse was like. And then he took it away real quick. And the horse went. And the dick went right in. You gotta think about this. This was not an act of quick spontaneity.

[Unknown]

No, he's up on.

[Brett]

He's gotta climb something.

[Unknown]

A three stepper.

[Brett]

Yeah. Kenny's right. In 2025. We just told the story. In 2006, it would have been the whole show, but people nowadays would have said, move on. We've heard enough about the man having sex with that horse's nose. What else you got? Nobody's impressed by that anymore.

[Unknown]

The only thing I remember, the kid in the Tempe stables twice on camera. Bone and horses multiple times.

[Brett]

Remember that one? I just. I remember that fire chief, because then we. That was when we all realized that Arizona had no bestiality laws in place. And Sheriff Joe went crazy. But, yeah, I have to wonder how 2006 morning sickness runs with that as compared to now when we're like, well, this has some legs you can't push.

[Unknown]

Yesterday was, where's the world gone?

[Brett]

Right? Not once. We never. Because it's Florida man, and Florida man has sex with horse's nose. And you read that nowadays and go, that's terrible. And then you click on the next story. Drew Barrymore and Sza talk relationships like, what in the. You couldn't be more right, Kenny? And an interesting twist, an interesting take on. I'll also say that if you haven't had sex in 60 days, and that means that you're so wound up that the horse is an option, you also might have a little bit of a libido issue. That's. I can imagine that the reason your wife is like, look, I gotta take a break. 60 days leads you to horse nose. You know, every guy's going through a drought.

[Unknown]

Talk to a buddy. He'll give you better options.

[Brett]

Yeah, I mean, you get. We need Larry on a hotline for this guy to talk him off the ledge. Because 60 days is nothing. Most guys are 60 day veterans at some point or another. Sure, you start getting a little upset, but that's a lot to ask a man. Go two months, three months, and then keep those soft pony noses nearby.

[Unknown]

Did you have sex with that horse's nose?

[Brett]

It wasn't another woman. I don't know what you're so mad about.

[John Holmberg]

About, but that brings the point. What does she look like that the horse's nose was better than that.

[Unknown]

She looks like a. I think I'm blaming her is what you're saying.

Yeah. Always comes back to the broad.

[Brett]

Yeah. Of course. Brett's theories of, like, well, what'd she look like? Because there's a. There might be a reasonable explanation.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not saying he's wrong yet. I don't have all the facts of the story.

[Brett]

So you say that there is a Scenario in place on her visual or aesthetic.

[Unknown]

That could be enough.

[Brett]

That makes it. That makes it so I see why he did that.

[John Holmberg]

Could be.

[Brett]

No kidding. I like Kenny's approach more. The guy wanted to keep the covenant of marriage. Sank like the sanctity is still intact. But you're right. 20, 25, it was maybe, what, two, three minutes of us going, did you hear this? That's how that works. We'll be right back. And not a word about it. After Kenny has opened my eyes to the idea that, yeah, we might be. Be a little numb to certain things that we weren't numb to in the past. But I do like your take Kenny. One thing that guy can't ever be accused of is philandering, womanizing. And I don't know if he ever recovers from that because his picture was on tmz. And I'm like, that's a tough one. You walk around. You walk around. You know, you walk around the neighborhood, people are gonna be like, you heard about him, right?

[Unknown]

Yeah, but how was the comment section?

[Brett]

Didn't read it. And I should have. I didn't. Oh. Because again, I hadn't been exposed to it until Drew and says, ah, started talking. It was. Yeah. But now I need to go back and find that. Good. The comment section for that is going to be strange. It's a thing. I don't know, but don't do it. There's like, the shock value is gone. This one says, john, I understand Kenny's concern that you guys kind of just told the story and then glossed over one dick, two nostrils. But has he not heard the Brady Report for the last year and a half. Burt's videos. And I'm like, yeah, that's the scariest part. In 2025, it's just another story. That would have been an episode of 20. 20, 15, 20 years ago. They'd have followed this guy's past, found out where it started. Do we have a problem with this? Are there more of him? Why did the horse hold still? I mean, why did the horse hold still? That's. It's because he's been through it a few times. This is when he got caught with his dick in the horse's nose. The horse was used to it. The horses don't hold still for that unless it's just like a normal thing. You kiss a horse and they sometimes pull back. I. My dad had. Has horses and had them here. And I always was a little. That the head of a horse is no joke. They'll knock you on your ass accidentally. They'll then swing it around and you can't, you know, you got to keep an eye on where your face is. They'll smash your skull.

[John Holmberg]

Those Tom Brady teeth will come after.

[Brett]

You know, hey, I'm not putting anything that looks like Brady said, like a pink carrot in front of a horse. Like, I'll give that a bite. He was past that to the point where he's like, oh, this is the nose thing. And he holds still for it because you know why? Over time, he's learned that there's extra carrots in it for him. It's the only reason the horse took it. So that wasn't the first time Florida man had done that. It's bad. And there we are. Moving on. Next, Next story. What's next? The man was found with a German shepherd all the way in his ass. The end of the world all the way up his ass. I don't know. It's a weird thing. It's 7:21. What do you got over there, Bert, on the world of music?

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Brett]

Of course.

[John Holmberg]

Wake Up Song brought to you by Action Ride Shop. And the boys are opening up a new shop over there on Power Road and McDowell around 1 February is when it should be open. Getting you guys ready for the Hawes trailhead up there. So. But also, you know, in the meantime, Gilbert Road and Southern still open for all your bike needs and of course, all your winter needs because now there's finally getting some snow up there. So head over to Action Ride Shop. They're going to dial you in with everything you need to get up north or on the trails. Actionrideshop.com Ugh.

[Brett]

The guy says you want to know where the next pandemic's coming from. That kind of stuff. It could be all because a man didn't want to cheat on his wife. See how selfish women are? We can spin this, ladies. We can spin this somehow. This is your that far off. No, you really weren't on the list.

[John Holmberg]

Tools. Anima Dead. Kennedy's Motley Crue. Randy Newman. I love la.

[Brett]

Yeah, you should all love it. If the buses should be all fired up by now over there at the hotel.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Time to go home. Los Angelenos local.

[Unknown]

40 of those buses.

[Brett]

Yeah. No, that's great. So glad you had a nice break from your tragedy. Terrible stuff. It's horrible living here. Brady. Didn't you have a report that said the happiness factor for families in Arizona is like 41st in the country? Yeah, terrible. Horrible. It's too expensive.

[Unknown]

Raising a 50th in education.

[Brett]

Schools, terrible. They're shutting them down. Schools are awful here. It's just, you know. No, you should go. I now realize what that dude in Prince Rupert, Canada did to me years ago. When I was up there, I was on a crab boat, a beautiful tourist one, not like the real guy. And we're out there throwing boxes in the water on a. It was 74 degrees. The sky was bluer than I've ever seen in my life. Eagles are flying up over a 12,000 foot mountain that led right to the ocean. The most beautiful thing I've ever seen at the foot of the mountain is this tiny little town called Prince Rupert. The main street was Bill Murray Drive. And I kept saying, is that after the actor? And they'd be like, who? I'm not talking to you guys anymore. I don't know how you name something Bill Murray Drive and you can't answer that question. So I'm on the crab boat. I'm throwing like, fish or what. I don't even know what. I was putting my hand in a bucket or something and chucking it in the air at Eagles. Bald Eagles, 10, 15 of them, just hovering above us like seagulls. And I'm like, those are the most majestic things I've ever seen. The fledgling ones are bigger than the adult ones. They're gigantic and they're brown. I've never seen anything like it. And I. Then we go crabbing and I'm pulling up crab pots full of crab and we're gonna cook it on the boat. And I turned to the guy who was running the show and I said, I think I'm gonna move here. This is heaven. And he goes, six months of darkness, six months of rain. I said, what? That's what we normally have. Six months of darkness and six months of rain. It's one or the other. I'm like, oh, well, what's all this then? The greatest day that we've ever seen in our lives and it's not gonna last. Like, no kidding. We lucked out and hit the greatest day you guys have ever had. And he goes, without question. And I go, well, you've quickly talked me out of this. And I. And I left. And now I realize it as I'm older. He didn't want anybody moving into a city. They probably have days like that all the time. But he tells people it's either dark or it's raining. This is weird, but it isn't. It's probably the most wonderful. It's Oz and He's just like, if we tell them it's great, they'll come. Bill Murray was here to the point we had to name a road after him. We just have to pretend as a city. We don't know who Bill Murray is. And we'd never seen the sun before. And they had to have meetings every, like, Tuesday and say, all right, the Princess Cruise Lines are coming in tonight at 5. If any of you are tan, stay in your houses. Because they can't see any of us tan. If they see that we're tan, they'll know we're lying. And they come out and tell you, I've never seen a day like this in our lives. Like, man, really, man, it's crazy. Says on the app that it's going to be this way for six days. Global warming. They. They were lying about everything. And now I think about it, and I'm going to move to Prince Rupert and. And I'm gonna find that man and be like, I appreciate what you did, but I figured it out. And you know why I figured it out? Because I met people from Los Angeles and we did the same thing. They need to go home. Visit Holmberg's morning sickness [e-mail] Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

[Unknown]

That's what's interesting about Trump and Greenland. Yeah, I'm gonna take Greenland. The sun doesn't set for two months.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And then it doesn't rise for like four or five months in like October.

[Brett]

Through February because it's in a frozen hellscape. There's the reason why the biggest. The third biggest island on the planet has 50, 000 people.

[Unknown]

Greenland are probably on the same line.

[Brett]

No, they're not. Look where Greenland is. That's higher than the highest ports of Canada.

[Unknown]

I remember from school, it's always, the map was wrong. Bigger than what it is, it's.

[Brett]

No. Greenland's the third largest island on the planet.

[Unknown]

At the end of May to the end of July. It's light.

[Brett]

It's got 56,000 people on it. Prince Rupert is tropical compared to Greenland. It's an ice sheet. But it's a smart ice sheet to buy anyway. That's another story. But I now know exactly why it covers the whole Midwest.

[Unknown]

If you overlay it.

[Brett]

Yep. I know exactly why that guy told me about Prince Rupert not to come. 100%. 100% why? And we're doing it to these LA people. This place sucks. Sucks. It's hard to breathe. You got you. If you're here for a week, you'll have asthma, I promise you. It's easier to breathe the air in Los Angeles now, today, with all the smoke and ash than it is here. We're all dying of asthma. Bye. You should head home.

[Unknown]

We're out of water.

[Brett]

We have no water. Have you heard? It's drained it. We're sucking the blood out of children. That's the only way we survive. We don't like to talk about it. You need to go home.

[Unknown]

Oh, don't sell them on that. They eat babies.

[Brett]

Well, that's true. The cabals will eat the babies, but still. We do it for sustenance. They do it for religious reasons. Yeah. We have no laws at all. No diversity. Ugh. Yuck. To diversity, we say here in Phoenix. Ew. Trans. Yikes. Take those ideas back to la. Just lie to them. Make us. I like now when Arizona gets joked about. I used to hate it, you know when, like, talk shows would say, well, that's because you go, they make a joke about Arizona. I like that now. Because if we get the reputation, like, you know who's got it good right now. You know who's got it? It Harbaugh. Who's got it better than us? Nobody. Mississippi. I bet you it's gorgeous over there. Nobody's going in because they're like, man, we're last in education. Last. And every time they interview somebody, it's like, all right, Jethro, turn on the charm. We're here in Mississippi, ain't got no idea what's going on outside.

[Unknown]

Then you see the same people interviewed for years.

[Brett]

Yeah, but then you see Ole Miss on tv. That might be the most spectacular campus I've ever seen in my life. That is beautiful. It's an old plantation. Never been greener. You got that big fat guy and that lady that looks like Tweety Bird that are flipping houses now on Hometown. And I'm looking around like, we bought this house for $8,000. We're gonna put 10 into it, and it'll be worth 165. I'm like, you can buy stuff for $8,000. And it's got square footage. They've rebuilt the whole city.

[Unknown]

The 160 grand just blows up the whole block.

[Brett]

Yeah, okay, then. Then they go on tv and the guy just starts scratching his balls going, what you looking at? Him is, we don't take Carly, nobody's eyes on us. I'm gonna stay away from them. They're hillbillies. They figured it out.

[Unknown]

Battle going on in the power in the Palisades. That Couple Chip and Joanna.

[Brett]

Oh, man, the hgtv, they're gonna go nuts.

[Unknown]

So many series.

[Brett]

We need to be smarter. We need to be. And nobody's ever said this before, we need to be more like Mississippi. Maybe even the idea. And I'm just floating this, not all ideas are great, but I think this one has merit. Maybe we flap that Confederate flag over the Arizona flag for a few days maybe. Maybe we just go, hey, here's a new design we're all thinking about. And the whole world goes, they're out of their minds. Like, yeah, okay, that's fine. The best thing we had now in hindsight was Evan Mecham barking out the word pickaninny 40 years ago and making the super bowl go away. We have no idea. Oh, this is terrible. Completely on. We had here long enough. Governor Evan Meum said the word pickaninny in a book and it wasn't good. But everybody went, we'll never come there. And we're all like, no, please. And in hindsight, we should have been like, yeah, nice job, Evan. Way to go. We're not going to reelect you because deep down we all know it was wrong. But we're going to kind of stand behind you out loud here when the cameras are on. Arizona has lost the Super Bowl. We all lost our minds.

[Unknown]

Ah.

[Brett]

Argh.

[Unknown]

John, did you mention the Valley fever?

[Brett]

Horrible, horrible, horrible. Oh, grabs you the day you get here.

[Unknown]

Scorpions.

[Brett]

Scorpions the size of your foot. Yeah, we need to. We need to start being more like Mississippi. I'm not saying my ideas are all good. And that Confederate flag in the bottom corner of the Arizona. And then we just go, well, you know that the most western battle of the Civil War was fought right here in Arizona. So that's kind of our tip of the cap. Like, well, you chose the Confederate. We are in the South.

[John Holmberg]

Wanna throw Jethro out there as our welcoming committee or.

[Brett]

Absolutely. That deaf kid that was doing their mom, she on bang bang. Like, oh, Jesus Christ. Arizona. We need to start thinking about it because they start.

[Unknown]

John, you're so right. I started a T shirt company.

[Brett]

He's got a T shirt company that's called don't move here. And the O and don't and the Owen move are in the shape of the state of Arizona. I want two of those and I'll buy top dollar.

[Unknown]

Don't move your gear dot com.

[Brett]

As much as I love that, that us, like, I know it's kind of dangerous for me to do it as kind of like an Arizona Only meeting. If we start wearing those shirts, they start getting curious.

[Unknown]

Yeah, that's true.

[Brett]

So they're like 8, 48.

[Unknown]

Look at what happened there.

[Brett]

Why, why can't we move there? I mean, we start inviting them out for the Phoenix Open. And every year in February, it shows on tv like the. I used to be a fan of this. I've, I've changed. I used to think, man, this is a look at how beautiful our state is represented on television. And then I'm like, wait a second. People who are sad in other states will see this and come here. And then we just have an influx of sad losers heading our way. Like people in Buffalo in February watching the Phoenix Open just broke up with their girl or guy life ain't working out. They live in their parents like root cellar or whatever they have there. And then they're like, I'm moving out there. And then they become part of it. We need more than ever. And I think even the African American residents of Arizona, if we all were on the same page, it would sting for a minute. Would be all on board my Confederate flag in the corner of our own Arizona flag idea for a little while.

[John Holmberg]

Winston's gonna be okay with that.

[Brett]

You think if it keeps them away and that sounded bad talking about Winston, it keeps the Los Angeles away. You know what I mean? You'd be all for it. Be like, you know what? This isn't a bad idea. If we're all kind of winking and on and the whole thing's like, this has nothing to do with how we actually feel. But we're. We whites will take the zinger for being racist and backward hillbillies. You guys have to go on TV and start going, it's horrible here. We have to worry about racism all the time and. And we're all on the same page. And then we get together at night when nobody's looking and we giggle and laugh in 75 degree evenings over like barbec pits and outdoor activities. And we're playing cornhole in January and golf and all. Exactly.

[John Holmberg]

They may be listening. Yeah, they're getting on their greyhounds right now.

[Brett]

That's true. They're getting on. Those aren't greyhounds. LA didn't come over in greyhounds. Those are nice coaches with two bathrooms. But it's time for them to head home. I've got ideal Thunder horses. He's a black guy that listens. I'm all for it.

[John Holmberg]

Stars and bars.

[Brett]

Thanks, Thunder horse. We occasionally are gonna need the Native Americans to follow up on a few Things where if. A few. Like that Mark Lamb, that sheriff over there in Pinal county that wears the cowboy hat all the time. I still can't understand why he's always in costume, but if we just had him. Not even a. Not even a reason or anything. Just about 15 or 16 Native Americans maybe even put the feathers on for show and just have the dude in the cowboy hat walking behind him as they walk into a truck. We don't say why it's happening. We don't. It just looks terrible. And then that. We leak that out to the national news and go, we don't even know what this is, but it looks horrible. So we're going to show it. And that's in Arizona. Of course it is.

[John Holmberg]

And we'll have Gilbert RT as a sports or as the Gilbert spokesperson right there.

[Brett]

Yeah, what's a real Indian? You guys go back to your own country. I'm like, I don't know what he's saying.

[Unknown]

And the Arizona tourism commercial just filmed in Guadalupe.

[Brett]

Yeah, the whole thing, it's like, come visit. It's authentic. We haven't changed a thing since the 1800s. Diversity at its best. And some guy with a bash's cart tipped over roasting corn. Anyway, go home, la. I used to be excited. Ah, Arizona got the super bowl again. I'm like, yeah, the last one. I'm like, oh, no. And why? Philadelphia played Kansas City. They came, some stayed. We only. You got to remember the thing that draws people to us. We like the tourists, but we got to remind them with our flag. Throw the stars and bars in there somewhere. Somewhere. Or just, you know, make them even weirder. If you just plastered like that little roadrunner with the word thrush written under him like that. Just to me, that just screams, oh, that guy probably has never spoken to a black person. If you got that on the flag, it's like the. The thrush. I don't even know what that is. What is that? The thrush. Road Runner headers, car part things. Perfect. So trashy. We need to trash up our flag anyway. Just. Just some ideas from. From the big chair. You can combat them. I don't see why. I don't know how Ben did this. He turned it political. Your idea of arguing about being bad guys, but then getting together at night, agreeing and shaking hands has already been taken. It's called Congress. You make a good point. We should be more like our own Congress. We act like we're doing something for the greater good, and then later we just giggle and make money on our Own. What I'm saying is we need more like things that seem racist around spring training in the Phoenix Open, right? Something weird but like, you know, Channel three comes on and goes, welcome, I'm Jared Dillingham and I'm yet a Gibson. All hail the Grandmaster. And then just say something crazy and then go into the news and everybody from out of town in their hotels will be like, did you see in the news last night? They did a grand master salute to start the news. Yeah, it's Arizona. And then they'll leave. Florida's got it figured out. And people still moved in and because if you make taxes lower, people will tolerate loads of racism.

[Unknown]

They are. Cities are booming.

[Brett]

Cheaper taxes, Texas, Florida, all those places that are like, we don't have state tax. I'm like, we're moving there. It's a lot of weird white hillbilly racism. Don't care. Working around that. If I don't have to pay state tax, we need to raise state tax. Tax for people who haven't lived here for more than a year. Your first year estate tax, like 41%. They'll never show and remind you of California. They'll feel like, well, they'll just keep driving. And then New Mexico will be like, what in the hell is going on? Because I don't even know what New Mexico is. It was like, it's not Mexico and it's not America. It's this weird hybrid of semi human activity. Anyway, some ideas. So long, la. Congratulations on your win. They play away, right? They're playing Philly. Yeah. So there's no more home games. Unless Detroit gets upset by Washington.

[John Holmberg]

That's not happening.

[Brett]

Then there's a chance the Rams in Washington will play for the NFC championship. And I don't know if that'll happen here again. Can't imagine that. That.

[Unknown]

I don't know. Those fires haven't been contained.

[Brett]

NFC championship games, a lot of money.

[Unknown]

A lot.

[Brett]

I don't think that they're going to.

[Unknown]

They could use that.

[Brett]

Go Detroit. We'll just give everybody flame retardant shirts and hop in there. We'll be fine. Just anything to keep them coming back.

[Unknown]

Fire blanket.

[Brett]

Come on down to the stadium. Yeah, just put this on one of those weird silver things that you're supposed to potato up. And if we. We're playing the game in la. Let's go to the. What do you got over there?

[John Holmberg]

Dead Kennedy's on the list. Randy Newman, obviously. I love la. Local H, California songs, Presidency, United States, F, California. Ray Charles. Hit the road. Jack The Warning, Raw and Body Count. There goes the neighborhood for all those California people.

[Brett]

Maybe the first time ever, but Ray Charles is about to be played on kup. All right, time to go. This is a great song. Talk about something that holds up. What was it like 1956? You could still play it at a stadium. And people 3 and people 90. They all know it.

[John Holmberg]

There isn't a single Batman drew our new flag.

[Brett]

He's already. That's a little too heavy on the Confederate flag. I didn't say the whole bottom of it. Like, maybe just like a. You know. Remember, picture in picture, TVs that size. Like in the bottom right corner.

[John Holmberg]

Like the mtv. Like when they put the band names at the very bottom.

[Brett]

Even more. Like you said, the mtv. Like the logo when you turn it. MTV is down in there. I don't need the whole bottom of the thing to be.

[John Holmberg]

Well, this would definitely work.

[Brett]

That makes me want to move. That's too much. No, no. Or maybe even just take the star from our flag and. And oddly enough, have the. The X with the bars and like, what's that? Have people kind of notice it, but not notice it. And then nobody bats an eye. We immediately change that mountain back to Squaw Peak. Stop acting like we. We want them here. We've got enough we. This is a nice amount of people. People. We're full. We're all full up. We just keep it like this. Yep. Ray Charles, everybody. For you folks from la. Sorry about your tragedy. I really am. As a human, I really feel absolutely terrible.

[John Holmberg]

But you should go back and support.

[Brett]

No, no. Now.

[John Holmberg]

Get them. Yeah.

[Brett]

Out of my town. Yeah, you guys need to go back there and start digging out. Help out. That's right. I thought you meant me. No, no, I'm not going over there. Yeah, it's time to go. Look what happened to you. When you guys in LA were like, isn't it great over here? Look what happened. You moved every sad person in. You forget, happy people don't leave their towns. Only sad losers show up and relocate on their own because of the weather. It's Ray Charles. Goodbye, people from la. Enjoy your bus rides home. It's out of control now.