01-15-24 - Falconer For Italian Soccer Team Suspended After Posting Pics Of His Surgically Enhanced Wang And Man Seen Whacking At Bikini Beans Commits Suicide Prompting A Micro Penis Discussion

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona Episode Summary: January 15, 2025

Podcast Information:

• Title: Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona
• Host/Author: 98KUPD | Hubbard Radio
• Description: Holmberg's Morning Sickness on 98 KUPD is Arizona's #1 Morning Radio Show. John Holmberg attempts to entertain, question, and disturb as many listeners as possible with assistance from Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo. Tune in or log onto 98KUPD (97.9fm, the 98KUPD app or www.98kupd.com) weekdays 5:30a-10a.
• Episode: 01-15-24 - Falconer For Italian Soccer Team Suspended After Posting Pics Of His Surgically Enhanced Wang And Man Seen Whacking At Bikini Beans Commits Suicide Prompting A Micro Penis Discussion
• Release Date: January 15, 2025

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Introduction

In the January 15, 2025 episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness on 98 KUPD, host John Holmberg, alongside co-hosts Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo, delves into a controversial and sensitive topic triggered by a shocking incident involving an Italian soccer team's falconer. The episode intertwines humor, dark satire, and provocative discussions, characteristic of Holmberg's attempt to entertain, question, and disturb the audience.

Local Comedy Shows Promotion [00:00 - 00:31]

The episode opens with John Holmberg promoting various local comedy events in the Valley, highlighting performances at the Tempe Improv, Desert Ridge Improv, and Stand Up Live. Key performers include Paul Versey, Beth Stelling, Sarah Weinschenk, Joe DeRosa, and Lil Rel.

Quote:

"For tickets, go to standuplive.com, desertridgeimprov.com, and tempeimprov.com. It's John Holmberg here." [00:00]

Restraining Orders and Ghosting in Relationships [00:31 - 05:00]

Brady Bogen initiates a discussion on restraining orders and the modern phenomenon of "ghosting," especially among those under 30. He shares anecdotes about listeners dealing with abrupt relationship terminations, leading to confusion and frustration due to the lack of closure.

Notable Quotes:

"They just stop communicating with you. And so you're like, what's going on?" – Brady Bogen [02:42]

"Don't stick your wiener in crazy. It's never a good idea. It's true." – Brady Bogen [04:25]

The Phoenix Suns Critique and Devin Booker Controversy [05:00 - 09:21]

The conversation shifts to sports, particularly criticizing the Phoenix Suns and their star player, Devin Booker. Brady argues that Booker should be traded, highlighting the team's poor performance despite Booker's efforts. He extends his critique to other sports figures, suggesting that superstars holding onto failing teams contribute to the overall decline.

Notable Quotes:

"The Suns are soft. Close to everyone, Brett. Everyone to me is soft." – Brady Bogen [07:56]

"Devin Booker needs to go. And people like you can't trade Booker. He's an icon, right? Of what? Failure." – Brady Bogen [07:56]

The Falconer Incident: Surgery and Suspension [11:23 - 31:30]

The core topic revolves around Juan Bernabeu, a falconer for an Italian soccer team who was suspended after he posted pictures of his surgically enhanced penis online. This controversial act led to his suspension from handling the team's eagle and, tragically, his subsequent suicide. The episode uses this incident to segue into a broader and highly sensitive discussion about micropenis and its alleged impact on mental health and workplace behavior.

Notable Quotes:

"He went from nothing to something, I think, and he started to post his penis online." – Brady Bogen [12:21]

"Don't hang yourself over your penis size. Ever." – Brady Bogen [44:37]

Micropenis and Mental Health Discourse [12:34 - 44:45]

Brady Bogen leads a controversial and offensive discussion linking penis size to various behavioral and mental health issues. He posits that a micropenis can lead to anger, workplace violence, and other negative behaviors, controversially suggesting that penile implants could "fix" these issues. The conversation includes derogatory remarks and insensitive humor, which may be considered offensive to many listeners.

Notable Quotes:

"Don’t stick your wiener in crazy. It’s never a good idea." – Brady Bogen [04:25]

"If you have a micro penis, here's a sign that you've got a little bit." – Brady Bogen [23:40]

"Most of the crazy shooters are incels, which means nobody wants them. Now, maybe it's their personality, but that means their penis is not being used properly." – Brady Bogen [21:56]

Audience Reactions and Banter [31:30 - 45:36]

Throughout the episode, Brady engages in banter with co-hosts Cody and Brett, discussing the implications of the Falconer's actions and the broader societal attitudes towards penis size. The conversation remains rooted in satire and dark humor, with frequent interjections that maintain the show's provocative tone.

Notable Quotes:

"He's made peace with it. Whatever it is down there, if it's huge, congratulations. If it's a micro, you've done a good job of masking that now." – Brady Bogen [27:02]

"Mussolini was always kind of Hitler's. Right. He was never. I know." – Brady Bogen [28:38]

Conclusion and Final Thoughts [45:25 - 47:52]

As the episode nears its end, the hosts transition back to lighter topics, including music and comedic reflections on the day's discussions. Despite the heavy and controversial nature of the main topics, the episode concludes with humor, consistent with Holmberg's style.

Notable Quotes:

"And so we're gonna pay for your. And back he came, and he started hitting it again and starting to say crazy stuff about the Russians." – Brady Bogen [26:57]

"It's too risky. I wouldn't do it if I was a girl." – Brady Bogen [47:49]

Insights and Conclusions

This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness showcases the show's characteristic blend of humor and controversy. By addressing sensitive topics such as mental health, workplace behavior, and physical attributes through a satirical lens, the hosts aim to provoke thought and entertain. However, the offensive and derogatory nature of some discussions may alienate portions of the audience. The episode underscores the show's commitment to pushing boundaries and challenging societal norms, albeit in a manner that may be controversial and divisive.

Final Remarks

Holmberg's Morning Sickness continues to maintain its position as Arizona's premier morning radio show by daring to tackle unconventional and controversial topics. This episode, focusing on the shocking incident involving a falconer and extending into a broader, albeit offensive, discourse on micropenis and its societal implications, exemplifies the show's intent to entertain, challenge, and disturb its listeners.

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Disclaimer: The content discussed in this summary reflects the dialogue presented in the provided transcript and does not endorse or condone any offensive or derogatory remarks made by the hosts.

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Get out to the Tempe Improv on the east side to see Paul Versey on Thursday and Beth Stelling Friday, Saturday and Sunday. The Desert Ridge Improv up North features Sarah Weinschenk this Thursday and Joe DeRosa on Friday and Saturday. And downtown at Stand Up Live, check out the very funny Lil Rel performing Friday, Saturday and Sunday for the complete lineups. And for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com it's John Holberg here.

[Brady]

For the amazing people at the Core Institute, life can throw you a curveball now and again. One day you're trucking along, feeling great. Next day your dog smashes into your head and knocks you cold. Or like a KUPD listener told me this week, his dog did a sprint across the backyard directly into the side of his wife's leg and blew her knee up. She needed that need to get fixed and fixed right. Two years later, she's running like she used to again. And it's all thanks to the Core Institute. I went through it, too, and you can get rid of your pain and start saying, yes, I can to all the things you want to do. And. And all you have to do is trust the experts at the Core Institute head there right now. The Core institute dot com. Nobody's doing it. Ah, there you go. Miles to nowhere. Thank you so very much. What a lovely thing. All these people. Restraining orders evidently have been a common issue for our audience. There's a lot of emails going. I've had that. That dude that emailed in and got his restraining. It got ghosted. I saw a thing a while ago, I was talking to the boys off the air that I saw about, I don't know, it was a little over a year ago. And talking with McFeely about it, about people who ghost now, that is the. That is like a preferred method of people under the age of 30 to cut off relationships. They don't say, we're breaking up. They don't say, I'm done. I'd like to talk to you. They just stop communicating with you. And so you're like, what's going on? Like, and it's literally has driven people mad trying to figure out. And it's unfair. The other person sitting there thinking, are they dead? Did something horrible happen? I need some closure here. But that's a preferred method because they don't, like phone Calls, they don't like confrontation and just get the message and disappear. But our friend Cody, who had the I love you, I, I'm falling in love with you is the last. Words, like drove him over the edge. Rob says, willing to bet the last time he and that crazy bitch hooked up, Cody choked her, pulled her hair, did something that made her feel like a dollar tree whore. Cuz that's what she is. Too ashamed to talk to him anymore. Just a reminder, what dad always said was true. Don't stick your wiener in crazy. It's never a good idea. That's true. If you see crazy, try not to put your wiener in it.

[Cody]

So he's Trevor Bauer.

[Brady]

Basically, Trevor Bauer found a girl that he thought was normal and then realized, oh, she's into the same stuff I'm into. The second you say that about a girl and the stuff you're into is weird. She has got to be crazy. If you read what Trevor Bauer and that girl were doing, it was inevitable that her crazy would eventually show up. They were, they were into some stuff. Oh yeah, army hammer. The other one, if he found a girl that was like, I'm totally into that. You have found a girl who will eventually. In the video game, you're going to hit the level where you unlock crazy. This guy said I go two levels deeper. Oh, you're finding crazy. Oh yeah, you can feel like, geez, she's up for everything. And once you get comfortable with crazy, crazy cracks the door open. Guess what Sean Rockefeller says. Hahaha. Hundreds of text phone calls, trips to her house, calling her work. No, no, no, Cody, you're not a stalker. Don't worry about it. It wasn't, it wasn't her. It's true. You did kind of go down that road. This one says John, I had an ex I was with for five years. We had a gnarly breakup. She got a restraining order on me. Same situation you were saying. Two months later she hits me up. I tell her I won't see her until she goes to court and tells them that it was all lies and gets the whole thing lifted. Which she did end up doing. And I ended up seeing her for a couple more years. Oh yeah, good idea.

[Cody]

Run.

[Brady]

Get rid of that restraining order and I'll take you to Applebee's. I'll take you to Applebee's after, you know, you take that legal paperwork off me. Says I go to jail if we meet eyes.

[Cody]

Jesus, what's wrong with people?

[Brady]

It says he lost me at going over to her house and Calling her job. That's too much on 10 days.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Not to me, that's not. Because after 10 days.

[Brett]

Yeah. He was very concerned for. Because what if she's dead or something?

[Brady]

Or what if he just wants to know what happened?

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Like, and so if you're not contacting someone after the last words you say are, I'm in love with you, I want to be with you, I can't. And. And you are. It's mutual. And then just disappears. You're like, what? And so you're. Now you're calling like, I just need to know. I just need to find something out so it can make you crazy.

[Brett]

I would assume if you're, you know, going to the house, you know, don't knock boom box above the head. That's always a song.

[Brady]

It's never not worked. Never. But after 10 days, I. I can understand why he would be like, all right. And then you just. You'd probably end up angry. So I'm going over there. I'm gonna go. She didn't want to talk to me. She's gonna be. She's immature and horrible. And then Brady's way, which is the boombox over the head with how I could just kill a man. And not necessarily Peter Gabriel says I had a now ex wife who used an order of protection, kick me out of my home and put me in jail. While I was in jail, however, she cleared out the house and the bank accounts, which, by the way, was my house when we met. Signed Showtime Shane. There's a chance I could see. Well, then I got a couple other emails saying Brady made his point. Trying to defend able bodied people dating little people by calling the little person in question it three times. I didn't hear you say that, but that makes me laugh.

[Cody]

I just said too.

[Brett]

I don't know about that.

[Brady]

I do.

[Dick Toledo]

Well, if it's something you love, then it's. You could take it out. Yuck.

[Brady]

Speaking of ghosting stuff just to get it off the table here, it's time to blow up the suns. Now, I don't know if you guys remember that all these sports stations that call themselves sports stations are too afraid to ever say the truth. I said it. When? Two years ago. Year and a half ago. Got to trade Devin Booker. Got to get rid of Booker. He's got to go. And it's not because his performance is so bad. That's the only hope this team has for the future. Because they. They. The Frank Vogel year last year is like, you got to get something while you can. Before you're desperate. Because when you're desperate, people smell it and you'll get less. So now you got Devin Booker has to go. We are too tied in this city too. But he. Larry Fitzgerald should have been traded. Shane Doane should have been traded. All sorts of stuff. In this city, when a team starts to suck and you've got a superstar, if you really actually like him. I'm looking for the Steelers TJ Watt. It might be time for him to go find something else to do. Certainly Cam Hayward. If this. If the team is not going to be in it. And that's the only thing with the Steelers are always kind of around it. So the playoffs are there. They have this false hope sometimes. But when you look at the Cardinals and they have five wins and. And you know you're done. And then you hang on to Larry Fitzgerald as long as it's up to Larry. But you could. Hey, we're going to bounce you off to a contender and give you a shot at a ring because we never gave you one. The Suns are doing the exact same thing to Booker. Trade his ass immediately. That loss last night. I'd like that Mike Lindell guy to pop by the Sun's offices and possibly sponsor the entire arena for a little while. Because if we get the Mypillow Sons out there, it would be appropriate. That's the softest bunch of I've ever seen in a basketball court. Plumlee is soft. The whole team is just pussy soft.

[Cody]

Gamma Ding Dong ain't gonna like you saying that's who. Gamma Ding Dong ain't all.

[Brady]

Gamba Ding Dong can say what I think. Gamba Ding Dong's even probably coming around. Handy dandy notebook. It's time for me to get out there. The Suns are soft. Close to everyone, Brett. Everyone to me is soft. I told you when I went over and did that thing for ktar, he came around the corner. I heard you making fun like. Yeah, I made like a character out of you. You want to take it outside now? You want to do it in the hallway? Whatever you want to do. You want to fight? Okay.

[Brett]

Check with your sauces.

[Brady]

We're grown ups.

[Cody]

Look out my pillow windows.

[Brady]

Yeah, it's all in good fun. I know. I'm what I'm doing. You don't have to. I don't need your check.

[Cody]

We're making fun.

[Brady]

I don't need your check. Mark. I'm like. And by the way, the guy that likes it the most is your boss, Ryan Hatch. He's the one who asks Me for tapes of it when we do it, which is even more. Maybe walk around the office, but yeah, I gotta blow up those signs. And Devin Booker needs to go. And people like you can't trade Booker. He's an icon, right? Of what? Failure. It's another group. It's another team that you can be really excited about having good players, but if they're not competitive, they've gotta go. You're already gonna lose your GM I T Kevin Ray last night. And it's not because people who blame Kevin Durant and all that 66 points last night from Durant and Booker combined, and they lost to the Hawks, who were missing two of their starters. It doesn't. It's the rest of the team. Something's wrong. It's a bad mix.

[Cody]

Aren't they trying to get rid of Beal?

[Brady]

They're yes, they're trying to get rid. And then Beal kind of gets dinged up again, so he's off. And getting Jimmy Butler would be great, but this, this team's just not there. Just there something wrong with them. And maybe it is Booker and maybe it is Kevin Durant leadership skills, maybe they don't exist and the rest of the guys kind of follow their lead of just go out there, play, get your points and go. Because Kevin Durant's not a guy who's going to bark at you. He's a guy who's going to go out and put 28 on the board and said, where's your points? Like, he expects you to be as good as he is. He's not. Nobody is. But, yeah, the Suns are. It's tough. So I got a bunch of emails from people like, this is. Yep. Don't even get frustrated. About a year and a half ago, maybe two years ago, I was telling everybody, not even Kevin Ray, Eddie Johnson about hit me. We were standing after the game and I said, this team needs to do one thing and one thing only. And that starts shopping book crazy. Like, no, I'm not. Yes. This is insane. All right, well, when we trade them, let's see if we get the same thing, because you're gonna have to. We traded Charles Barkley. We traded everybody. This team. The keys to making trades are getting things that make your future better. Got no draft picks. Sons are the worst. So hard to watch, too. I, I, I tuned out last night. It's hard because I told Kevin Ray last night when he's texting me, and I said, at least you get paid to watch this. Like, think of all of us, all of us fans, we're actually paid to watch this. I actually have a. The, you know, an AMEX charge on my card to watch those games. It's garbage, but it is the risk you take with sports. But man, oh, man, today, pillow sucks soft. The curse of Deandre Ayton, as Donovan calls it. It's so true, so hard to watch. And then in other news in Italian sports, Brett, I don't know if you saw this, but your people had to make a very, very, very difficult decision about their falconer.

[Cody]

I didn't see this.

[Brady]

In Rome, there's an Italian soccer club that the Falconer comes out with a giant eagle. He's got an eagle on his arm and it flies around. He's a bird handler. And it soars above this stadium. Olympico before the game. Yeah, I don't know. It's probably like to eat, probably in the playoff game. Yeah, well, it's. It's been done before, but this is a tradition at this particular arena that this guy, and he became kind of a known. His name was Juan Bernabeu, and he's the falconer that comes out. And then the eagle soars above the stadium, and then everybody loses their minds. And then the game starts, and it's soccer, so it's boring. It's said. It's a very proud and masculine moment being part of Lazio, the soccer team. Well, Juan Burnaby, the falcon here, Falconer.

[Cody]

Juan.

[Brady]

Juan lost his job, and they've taken the eagle and him away from the next few games in Rome because he got a penis implant, decided to post it up online.

[Cody]

Hell, I would, too.

[Brady]

Right. He went from nothing to something, I think, and he started to post his penis online. And the club says, we share the pain that the fans will feel at the loss of the Eagle at the next home game. But we can't. Can't be friends with this guy anymore. He's got his dick all over online, and he's all proud of this big plastic addition.

[Cody]

Broads do it all the time.

[Dick Toledo]

Exactly.

[Brady]

Which would a girl lose her job if she got implants and put them up online and still rode the eagle.

[Brett]

Yes.

[Brady]

Now, here's the other thing that he got in trouble for a little while ago. He was suspended in 2021, but he was filming himself and performing a salute at the end of a match, one of the matches, going, duce, duce. And they're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing? He goes, that was a big Mussolini fan. It was the best thing that ever happened to Our country. Like, all right, we're gonna have to have you sit a couple plays out here. But you have to remember, that was him a few years ago when his. He had little dick syndrome. Like, he didn't. He was supporting fascism because the world had treated him so poorly. He was lashing out. And he said. When they asked him, they said, I admire him so much, Benito Mussolini, that I wanted to. I wanted to celebrate with the Duce salute, which nobody was doing anything. But again, they forgave him and brought him back. You can't hold that over his head later when he gets his penis put in and you realize he was half a man the entire time. If. If you had, you know, somebody at your work that was marching around, doing some crazy stuff and talking, you know, Hitler was right. You're like, we got to sit you out. You got to shut up. Ah, you don't. You don't understand what I'm going through. And then a couple years later, you're like, oh, all that crazy Hitler stuff makes sense. He had a little micro dick, and he fixed that. He's going to be a lot calmer now.

[Cody]

So does he get a pass then?

[Brady]

No, they fired him.

[Brett]

He put it up there and said, please share it.

[Brady]

Yeah. Oh, no. Yeah, he put his new wiener on. He didn't have one before. If you have a micro penis and it's revealed later, I think you're forgiven for a lot of crazy behavior so long as you didn't hurt anybody else. Some of the stuff you say and do and then come back, it's almost like being a drug addict. It should be illegal to fire you because of it. Like, once we go, oh, yeah, that should be like, alcoholism, drug addiction, micropene should be all the same protection as, like, oh, he's been acting a little crazy. Started yelling at people at work, and they're like, is he a. Do we send him to rehab? No, we got to send him in and get him an implant. And I think places for work should have to pay for that, because I would imagine something no one likes to talk about. A lot of the times. Workplace violence. I would guess the person doing it. Micropene, sir.

[Cody]

Assurance covered up.

[Brady]

It should. Visit Homeburg's morning sickness [e-mail] College hoops.

[Larry McFeely]

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[Wayne]

Hey, it's Larry McFeely here with Wayne from Amco.

[Brady]

And Wayne, now that it's getting warmer, I turned on the AC in my car and the air's blowing. Kind of cool, but it really smells like a basement. What can I do about that, Larry? Your car's AC system should be checked and serviced every year. Plus, replacing the cabin air filter helps the air blow and takes away any nasty smell. Nice.

[Wayne]

Is that a big deal to get done?

[Brady]

Not at all. It takes about an hour and in most cases, we can do it while you wait. That's awesome. I'll say. We're Amco.

[Wayne]

Google Amco for your nearest location. That's Amco Double A, MCO transmissions and.

[Brady]

A whole lot more.

[Diane Fisher]

Hi, I'm Diane Fisher from Fisher Tools. From our humble beginnings in 1964 at the Phoenix park and swap to our 4 acre campus located just south of Tempe Marketplace off the 202 and McClintock. Fisher Tools has been building the valley for over 60 years. Come check us out and browse our huge selection of tools and anything you need to do. We carry Milwaukee, DeWalt, Makita, Proto, and so much more. We're also [e-mail] CUPD listeners will receive 10% off their order when you mention this ad. Fisher Tools. If we don't have it, we can't sell it.

[Brady]

Hey, everybody, it's John Holmberg from the Morning Sickness talking to Shane Orlando from Orlando Auto Body. Now, Shane, I take great pride in saying I stand with someone when I tell a listener to go to their shop. I know why. You tell me what's different for a KUPD listener to go to Orlando Auto Body than anywhere else? Well, first of all, we've been in the Valley here for over 34 years. We do a quick, quality job. We work for you, not the insurance companies, so that we can work together to make sure your listeners are getting the customer service they deserve. If your car's been wrecked and you need that thing fixed the right way, get on over there now. Orlandoautobody.com Sickness insurance should cover and fix micropene.

[Brett]

You don't have to do it too often.

[Brady]

According to numbers, it's not that big a deal. But if you have A guy who's acting up at work and he's running around, and you're like, something's wrong with him, and you're worried he's going to shoot up the office or do something crazy or burn it down. He should be able to go to his boss and go, hey, I've been acting a little nuts. I got a problem. And then Tripp would say, is it the drinking? No, I drink drink for other reasons. Is it the. Oh, you got one of them little buttons. I got a button. I need you guys to fix it. And the office should send him away for 28 days like they do. A drunk. He gets his operation. I bet you he comes back one of your best employees.

[Brett]

Productive.

[Brady]

Productive. Nice. Funny. Relaxed. Like nothing. Nothing bugs him. Creative. He's got creativity. He's not insecure anymore. He's laughing with everybody. Ah, sorry about all that before, folks.

[Dick Toledo]

You know, Jeremy left and came back a different man. I heard he was drinking.

[Brady]

Nope. But we've had people, every office place has had somebody show up drunk.

[Cody]

Oh, yeah.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah. And you stuff them in a cab and you send them on their way, and you hope that they yelling words.

[Cody]

That you should yell.

[Brady]

Exactly. We had that guy shooting out racial slurs, and then he showed up again a few days later. And all they have to say at work is, we'll send you to rehab. If this is a problem now, the person has to agree to it. Can't be forced to do it. And if they say, I don't have a problem not doing that, then you can fire them. But you can't fire somebody for being a drunk. It's illegal. You have to try to help them first. There was a dude over at KZZP in the late 90s named Bruce Kelly. Whipped his dick out at a Disney event. And they're like, that's enough of you, Bruce Kelly. He's like, ah, I'm a drunk. I'm like, damn it. And they sent him off to rehab, and he came back because they couldn't fire him. They were looking for reasons. But once you go, hey, I'm a drunk. Can't do it. So he said, I'm drunk. That's when my dick came out in front of Mickey Mouse and the clients. And I have to say, it's a little bit your fault. And they're like, all right, we're gonna pay for your. And they did. And back he came, and he started hitting it again and starting to say crazy stuff about the Russians. And they're like, that's enough. You can't keep doing it. I think micropene should fall into that. And this falconer, the extension of his tiny penis, was that giant eagle flying over that stadium that made him feel like a man. And we finally did sit down with HR it's not easy.

[Brett]

What seems the problem?

[Brady]

Is this your new penis? Yes. And you posted that Because I used to not have one, and now I do, and I'm really proud of that. Okay, we're gonna have to let you go. Because he was also, I guess he was online talking about being the team's falconer, like, he was saying.

[Brett]

And here it is. Please share this to friends. Yeah, let him know I got a horn.

[Brady]

Yeah, he said it. He said they asked him in the interview. I'm like, why did you do this? And he goes, because I felt so much pride and so much masculinity that I didn't have before. That's a big thing. Your penis is important.

[Cody]

I agree.

[Brady]

Thank you. I know I'm going on a limb there, but it's an important part of you. And if it's not up to snuff, I mean, there's a reason it's a. You know, hundreds of millions of dollars are invested in and spent on erectile dysfunction pills. If it stops working, you stop being the man you feel like you are here to be. It's designed to be the extension of you that gives you, you know, the ability to give someone pleasure by stabbing them with it. Is every man part of the boat? That's what we do. That's our mojo. If that thing disappears, it's like, well, what good am I?

[Cody]

Scott Wyland said it. Half the man I used to be.

[Brady]

Exactly. And if nobody wants it, if you're sitting out there adrift, that's what's causing all these crazies. We don't talk about it enough. Most of the crazy shooters are incels, which means nobody wants them. Now, maybe it's their personality, but that means their penis is. Is not being used properly. Their libido, their sexuality is unwanted, unneeded. And it starts messing with a dude's brain.

[Brett]

An Italian man.

[Brady]

Oh, oh, forget Italian man with a.

[Brett]

Microphone knew about it. And that word spread. The falconer over there, they're tall, and he's like, oh, yeah, check it out.

[Brady]

Now things have changed. The birds perched on the thing. Now go get him. Eagly. Sort of great heights there, baby. Right off of the old post. Thank you. I don't like in the newer falconer. He use a hiddick or too Much so we don't talk about it enough. We always like mental health this, mental health that. I can fix 60% of it at least. There's still some crazy out there with some big dong. But most of the ones that start acting on it, maybe not small penis, but unwanted penis for sure. The office weirdo is always the guy who's not getting laid and then he starts taking it out on women for not liking them. You've seen all those manifestos, the dudes that shoot stuff up. The one guy that was mad at people having girlfriends because how come I can't have one? So maybe your personality is no good. I might be this little dick too. It should be included in some sort of a workplace fix them up. Just like drug addiction and alcohol. You've got a tiny penis and you start losing your mind at work a little bit. We've all been in this building. It's a pretty relaxed place to work. But in the past, we've had people who've made you kind of think, at any given time there's gonna be a fist fight for no reason at all. Could make the assumption that the penis is not very big. And that's why they were so angry. There's angry people. I'm usually relating that back to your dick.

[Brett]

One or two powder kegs always walking around.

[Brady]

Right. Statistically, same as micropenis. You got a couple of guys who walk by and buzz that he's radiating anger again. I guess there's not a lot of dick down there. You should talk to the managers and have a procedure and then watch that person come back in the room. Be like, man, you're a different animal now. Short man syndrome is a totally different thing. You can't extend anybody. They're just going to end up being that. If you're angry. Yeah, sorry, Brady. But if you're angry and Brady's not angry about it. No, he's in complete denial that it's a factor in his life.

[Brett]

I'm a big man.

[Brady]

That's right.

[Brett]

I'm a big man about it.

[Brady]

You've made up for your height in other ways. That's okay. You just have to find some people can't do that. The falconer pretty impressed that this dude has done what he's done. So if you have a tiny one, I think maybe going to your boss today going, hey, there's a reason why I'm a little bit difficult at work and I'm gonna show it to you.

[Brett]

Call your healthcare provider today, see if they cover it right.

[Brady]

Put it Away. Oh, my God. We're gonna get you into the doctor's office, too. Sweet.

[Dick Toledo]

He.

[Brady]

I'm sorry. That's not right to have. No wonder. Yeah. If you've got a little one, you don't want to show it to people. Post your penis.

[Cody]

Can you imagine going down to Susie and hr? Does insurance cover this?

[Brady]

I've got a couple questions. I'm saying, I know I'm on the firing block here, and I. I've lost my mind at work. Doing the old Duce a few times too many. Frowned upon. But let me tell you exactly why that's going on. I don't have drugging or drinking problems, but I do have a bigger one that you don't know about. And I think it's time you guys stepped up, ponied up, filled that bill for me. If you do the Il Duce. Il Duce at work, I'm first off. I'm not firing you. I find you hysterical. I think that might be the funniest thing I've heard in a long time. And then the other guy, the penis guy, that. The crazy story at the Bikini Bean. Did you see that one? He was a swimmer at one of the high schools about 10 years ago, and evidently, I don't know what the correlation to that was, but the story's a former swimmer at, I'm gonna say Central High, but I don't know if that's right. Drove over to the Bikini Bean with his pants off, giving himself a rub. And they're like, you can't do that. Get out of here. Went home and hung himself.

[Brett]

Oh.

[Cody]

I mean, is that the real story.

[Brady]

Where she, like, microphone? And there's the other thing. We don't know that we need the Bikini Bean people to do it. I thought it would work or he'd lost his mind. There's a lot of this crime. Is penis related. This one says size. David Vasquez, damn you. Size does matter. One of our most famous size queens is Obama. I mean, look at Big Mike. Size matters. That's right. Would Obama be with Big Mike if she wasn't hanging? It's a thing. Penises are a thing. That's a very real, like, reason why that no one likes to talk about. If you got a little one and, like, very little, you can have a smaller, useful. Talk to girls about it.

[Dick Toledo]

Size doesn't matter unless it's really small.

[Brady]

It matters. Making little guys feel terrible.

[Cody]

Andrew's taking Brady sizes. I could tell Brady's packing a hog because he never gets mad at all.

[Brady]

That's right. Brady's probably got a deep V down there.

[Brett]

I had surgery years ago.

[Brady]

Never seen Brady walking around the hallways going, that's enough. Il Duce. You're like, what the hell? Benito Mussolini salutes his dick fall off. I don't know what Brady's carrying, but he's made. He's made peace with it. Whatever it is down there, if it's huge, congratulations. If it's a micro, you've. You've done a good job of masking that now. You could be a powder keg someday. You come back in here and shoot everybody after the fact. I don't know. I don't know. Dressed up as Mussolini. But that, to me is a sign that you've got a little bit. If you. If you show up as a fascist dictator to work one day and start saluting him and then just say, I really admired the guy. Let's take a look at these drawers. But the most relaxed guys are usually the ones with a middling one. You know, the Goldilocks peepee. It's just right. It's not too big. It's not too small. Eh, Nothing really seems to bother that guy. You know why? Because he goes home to that useful hog, the 2,500 square foot house that he got on a great deal. A good one. He doesn't have the 6,000 square foot super house with a, you know, four acres and a stable and a guest house. That's ridiculous. But he also doesn't have a tiny house in his mother's backyard. Just drive him into the old Duce. I got to give it to him that he didn't go straight to Hitler either. He stuck home. He stayed in Italy.

[Cody]

He's proud.

[Brady]

You don't hear a lot of people. You know, Mussolini was always kind of Hitler's. Right. He was never. I know.

[Brett]

That was protecting his country.

[Cody]

Yeah.

[Brady]

He was kind of the guy who's like, I kind of think this guy might win. I think he was just, you can have it. He was Fanduel in the Plus 400. They all were.

[Cody]

Even hero.

[Brady]

Oh, the dude in Japan was just. He just wanted to blow stuff up. He wanted permission from a guy. Hey, I'll help you. I'll help you blow stuff up.

[Cody]

Pissed off. He's pixelated. You know, I mean, you're right.

[Brady]

Yeah. Tojo probably had himself a little tiny way, which is why his method of war was just, hey, we got nothing to live for. Smash your plane into it anyway. So I feel bad for the guy. And hopefully somebody gives Him a chance because not a lot of gigs out there for Falconers. The one nobody's talking about if you feel sorry for is the Eagle. Why? Why? There are no more people that can just put their arm out and make the Eagle fly around the stadium and come back. Why does it have to be this dude?

[Brett]

Yeah. Is the only one in town.

[Brady]

No, why does the. Why did the fans have to suffer because this dude had a penile implant he was a little too proud of and we should start. Like Brett said, when a woman does it. Got my new cans put in. People are very excited about it. Brazilian butt lifts. And, you know, I don't know. If a woman at work did vaginal rejuvenation and gave us some before and afters on her Instagram, I don't think she's getting fired.

[Cody]

A guy, maybe they would have a problem with your theory here.

[Brady]

All right, Miguel.

[Cody]

Strong point.

[Brady]

Strong point says, if what you're saying, John, is true, why aren't prisons filled with Asians nothing but big dick black guys in jail? Well, that's because of the. That's. That's the. What do they call that thing? Patriarchy? I just throw that word out there to make everybody comfortable. I'm not wildly comfortable with your theory either. Racism is why the Eagle probably has.

[Wayne]

Some psychological issues, like your dog Yeardley.

[Brady]

Only, you know, stuff missing.

[Wayne]

Yeah, yeah, stuff's missing. Or he's been mistreated and he'll only go to that guy.

[Brady]

And this guy's right, too. He's like, man, women are awful. Never trust a bitch who says it's not about size. My girl never cared about size. She always just laid back and enjoyed life. Signed, Nathan Sutherland. Well, that's true. She never once made a size complaint, Nathan. That's for sure.

[Brett]

You think that's kind of good press for the soccer club? A little bit.

[Brady]

That they fired a guy?

[Brett]

No, that if they kept him on there. And that came out. And that was news and it was impressive. Hey, the dude that handles the Eagle.

[Brady]

Yeah, I think it's good. So long as he never did the bonito Mussolini thing.

[Cody]

It's got his own.

[Brett]

That did him in.

[Brady]

He got suspended a couple years ago for the Mussolini thing. Visit homework's morning sickness.

[Michael]

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[Brady]

It's John Holmberg from the morning sickness for lifechangeloan.com Let me tell you about Brian and Emily. Brian listens to KUPD loyally. Megan listens to the news. But both of them have heard about Life Change alone for a long time. Both were curious. They never bothered really to look too deep since they felt good about their 20 year loan with a good rate. But they want to remodel their house and add a pool and that's going to cost about $250,000. After visiting Life Changer Loan, they realize they can still pay off the entire thing in about six it is not magic, it's math. Lifechangerloan.com It's Dick Toledo and new customers.

[Wayne]

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[Brady]

But now that you know he had a micro penis, you can forgive it. But that went public. So now it's like, well, now he's sending pictures of his dick out. He's just crazy. But he's going to be the best employee in the world starting now. I mean, the soccer team blew it. So if you're looking for an Italian.

[Cody]

Falconer, the Phoenix Rising should hire him.

[Brady]

Sure. I mean, hey, their fans love wangs.

[Brett]

Whatever towns next to the rival.

[Brady]

Yeah, hire some. Yeah, well, it's Rome. So if like Tuscany would probably you go up the street a little bit to Tuscany and then I don't know if they got a soccer team. Probably everybody does. And then you have that eagle floating around over there with your Mussolini loving plastic dick falconer. The good story though, and it makes a lot of sense that things we don't talk about. There he Is.

[Cody]

I mean, he kind of looks like a younger Bill Belichick.

[Brady]

He's a little doughy. It's a big ass eagle, though. But what does it honestly have anything to do with his skills catching that bird?

[Cody]

He's now got a bigger perch for the.

[Brady]

Yeah, exactly. He's got three places to land. But did is anyone. I never found any of the pictures of his genitals while I was searching this. After there's anybody posting them. He's so happy.

[Brett]

Look how different he's there.

[Brady]

Did you see how. I mean, he might have shaved his head?

[Cody]

Yeah.

[Brady]

How happy he is, though. Well, he shaved his head like his idol Mussolini, because if you remember, I think he's trying to look more like Benito in that picture. Poor fella. And now the world knows.

[Cody]

No crank pictures, nothing about him.

[Brady]

Oh, there he is at the hospital. Was that him pre surgery?

[Cody]

I think so.

[Brady]

Oh, boy.

[Cody]

We're gonna look at him, though. From the Bill Belichick look to shaving his head, wearing the shades and everything.

[Brady]

He's all manned up there. I can't imagine this to. You know, I'm not bragging or anything because there's nothing to brag about, but I am not worried about it. I can't imagine what it would be like to have a micro penis because you're still worried when you got a regular one. I'm off the rack. My stuff's off the rack. I basically am that mannequin. God made this mannequin and just kind of plopped it down there and said, you're off the rack. Everything you buy is of size. You know, magnums, if you want to use them, it's hilarious. But you don't need them.

[Brett]

You went for the full Dana White look.

[Brady]

Yeah. Now I got the regular. The regular Joe going downstairs, but I can't imagine whipping it out having a girl. I remember there was a girl I talked to once and she said, I was with this guy the other day. She's a size queen. I didn't know that. This was years ago. And she goes, it was this guy the other day and he pulled it out. And I'm like, who are you going to please with that? I'm like, you said that to him? She goes, I didn't want it. I'm like, you're horrible. That guy's going to kill people. Now you realize what you did? What? Was barely there. Like, oh, now, keep in mind, she was probably 80 pounds overweight.

[Cody]

Yeah. She was on black dot com.

[Brady]

And I wanted to say that's what I kind of wanted to say, well, you're used to certain sizes. It's not his fault.

[Brett]

You said that to Bundy.

[Brady]

Yeah. The guy that she was upset about was a black guy, and she's making fun of his wiener.

[Cody]

Keyshawn wasn't packing.

[Brady]

He was not packing. Nope. That's never heard again on Martin Luther King Day. Don't do that. Yeah. Don't judge. It's true. The color of their skin. Some of them have small. It's not judging. It's.

[Cody]

It's exactly what you're saying, though.

[Brady]

But he was a small one. It was. It's shocking.

[Cody]

Yeah, exactly.

[Brady]

We don't expect that, thanks to the Internet, especially. But you can't tell a guy that.

[Cody]

Just take one for the team and shut up.

[Brady]

Yeah. Chumps. Then tell the story after a decent woman.

[Cody]

Yeah.

[Brady]

You go through it and you're like, ugh, Keyshawn's got a button, like a little teddy bear eye.

[Cody]

That's terrible.

[Brady]

Right? That's mean.

[Cody]

It is.

[Brady]

And so I was telling him, it's not mean. She's going to have it. Don't show it. I'm like, ugh. That's all he's got, though. And you showed interest. So he's like, here's the moment of truth. You got it. Yeah. You can't do that to a guy. Yeah, look.

[Cody]

Manatee.

[Brady]

Yeah. And no matter what, look, there's a lot of insecure guys that don't like to know about, like, Dale always talks about that. That he can't. He could never, like, ever be serious with a woman who had been with someone he knows. And. And the only reason that is. The only reason is that you feel like in her mind, that guy, you know was better than you. If you're not secure with yourself, you're.

[Brett]

Worried about battle of the mental trauma.

[Brady]

Yeah. If you felt like you're being compared or. Right. If Dale's got a girl and he finds out, hey, I used to date Holmberg, he would break up with her immediately. And in a way, that's a compliment to me because he's basically saying, I could never compete with that guy, and I know it deep down, so I better get rid of you before I embarrass myself. And that's what he said. It. He goes, I would never. If I had a girl and I knew that she'd blown you, I'd be out of there. Like, why has she not washed since.

[Dick Toledo]

She's fine.

[Brady]

You don't know what she's been with.

[Cody]

Andrew said girl asked Me once. Who are you going to please with that? He said me.

[Brady]

Watch this. Don't care. Well, pick up that tummy and let me see what you got. Yeah. This girl had no business being cocky. She would, she would fit in. And brutal. Oh, this was probably 1995. She would fit in today with the modern big girl era of confidence. Like she had 1990s big girl confidence that nobody had then. It was not normal, you know, it wasn't a normal thing to see like the Lizzos of the world walking around in bikinis going, what are you looking at? I look good. Like it was not normal. Like it was stuff in living color made fun of a lot. Like TV shows would like used to say. Like, you know, you make jokes about big people all the time because it was like not something that was a, a pride based thing like TV has made it now. The body positivity wasn't even a phrase back then. Still shouldn't be. But she was just a bitch. It didn't matter what her size was. Wow. A black guy without a big one. That's like an Asian who's just not doing well in math. It's rare. And it's also sad. It is. Yeah. But it's not. It is. Look, not everything's in a vacuum. Not every again on MLK day. Let's always remember, not all black guys have huge wanks. That's basically what Martin was saying. Just because you see a couple people of a certain race doing one thing doesn't mean everybody's doing it. Except for Mexicans and tuba music. I don't know why they all. That's across the board. There's not one of them that you can't just start. They love that stuff. Love it. Indians and fry bread pretty much across the board. There's going to be white people for the most part in mayonnaise, but that's like a 2% drop off. There's. You're pretty safe bet there. So there are a few things that are race related. Wieners aren't one of them. So if you have a date with a fella and you watch black.com a lot and your African American date comes in and doesn't, doesn't unroll anything. Don't be mad. That makes you racist. Yeah. This guy says so. What MLK was really saying was don't judge by the color of their skin but by the content of their character is actually a euphemism for the size of man's penis. And maybe he was saying that because Martin Luther King Just had an average one. So he's basically like, before you start thinking something about me that ain't true, let me just say, don't judge me until you see it for real.

[Cody]

You don't think chunks would have taken mlk, though?

[Brady]

I don't know. I mean, if, you know, the way he was talking, he's basically like, not all stereotypes are true. It's essentially what MLK's message was. Don't judge everybody by the color of their skin. There's a lot of. A lot of us who have little ones. And all those Asians over there, there's a few of them kind of don't do well with numbers. It's a fact. I love MLK day. His birthday. His day is Monday, but his birthday is. It's time to reflect what MLK's real message was. Most of people you're going to meet in life fish off kind of dicks. Doesn't mean they represent everybody in their race.

[Cody]

Started moving. Small black dicks matter.

[Brady]

Yeah, that's a good one right there. That's. I don't know that anybody's going to really line up to march in that, because it's sort of an announcement of what's going on.

[Cody]

So I'm marching for my brother. I swear to God.

[Brady]

It's like when Snoop Dogg did the commercial for erectile dysfunction.

[Dick Toledo]

Yo, Play, you got a problem getting it up?

[Brady]

I don't. I'll tell you right now. Like, he. In the commercial, he made it clear. I may be telling you guys with limp dicks how to do this. I don't have a problem. You don't do that in the middle of the Ed commercial.

[Dick Toledo]

Some of you have a trouble getting it up. I can do it right now. I'll show you on tv.

[Brady]

But he took the money from hims. But in that contract, it said I have to in the commercial at some point or another, let everybody know I don't need this stuff.

[Cody]

Sure, whatever.

[Brady]

Snoop Dogg, hop in there. I would never tell.

[Dick Toledo]

I'm hard right now. Sizzle, dizzle. Take a look at my nizzle.

[Brady]

All right. Snoop Dogg's got an erection while he tells everybody how to do it. El Duce.

[Dick Toledo]

O Duce.

[Brady]

Oh, he's lost his mind. I'd forgotten about El Duce. I'd forgotten about the old Sal. He had his own thing, too. It just wasn't as popular as the guy he was following. Anyway, sorry about all you micro peens out there today. I think work should cover it. It's basically what the message is. And don't salute Mussolini at work. Keep that in your own room. That's a privacy of your own home thing. And to the dude who goes to Bikini Bean with his pants off, it's a tragedy afterwards. But we need more details because if the Bikini. Bikini Bean girls were giggling trouble, that's, you know, nobody likes to talk about. I was like, all right, bikini, what did you see?

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, he drove by his pants down. He was doing things to his. To his penis.

[Brady]

Was it a sizable penis?

[Dick Toledo]

Not really.

[Brady]

Did any of you ladies laugh? Especially the hot ones? Not the chubby one who's too confident to work here?

[Dick Toledo]

Well, yeah. Brittany laughed a little bit.

[Brady]

All right, well, case closed.

[Cody]

Can you describe it?

[Dick Toledo]

It should have been pixelated. It looked like the top of a mushroom had fallen off of pizza and landed in his lap and he was trying to flick it off.

[Brady]

This is why he hung himself. No more questions.

[Brett]

What'd you say to him? Did you want a short espresso?

[Dick Toledo]

Do you want whipped cream with that, ma'am?

[Brady]

Oh, I'm going home anyway. Or one of the people at the Bikini Bean said, wow, I thought all you guys were hungry. And then he said, I'll show you. Terrible story, but don't hang yourself over your penis size. Ever. Maybe I ordered a venti.

[Cody]

And she started laughing.

[Brady]

I don't know what the hell.

[Dick Toledo]

I bet everything you want in your life you wish was bigger, huh? I see it.

[Brady]

But don't go. Don't go through drive throughs with your pants off. That's just a rule.

[Cody]

It's on you.

[Brady]

That's on you. And I don't know what the headline always like. I've read it four times in different spots. It always mentions that he was a swimmer. Who cares? I think he's, like, 27. Like, he was a high school swimmer. And it's in. It's, like, in all the headlines, which in a weird way is also.

[Cody]

Less water is a sign. He must have been a lot of champions.

[Brady]

These trans athletes are dominant. Like, he's not. He's just. Oh, you're breaking the guy. Yeah. I just don't. I don't know why they kept including the swimming thing, but they did anyway. What a day. Just a strange one all the way around. Brett, what do you got on the big board of musical treats?

[Cody]

All right. Wake Up Song brought to you by Action Ride Shop. Doesn't matter the size. They will take care of you.

[Brady]

That's right. In fact, they. Or they. They measure you there. Absolutely. Yeah. And put you on the bike. Properly.

[Cody]

Yeah. So get you on a bike, get you up snowboarding or skiing. Action ride Shop has it all. And don't forget the new location opening up right there by the hawes Trail on McDowell and Power, coming around February 1st ish. So keep an eye actionride shop.com. check them out on Facebook, socials, all the other stuff on the list. Danzig Hardy. Second time in a row. Randy Newman's made it for sure.

[Brady]

People.

[Cody]

Prodigy Parkway Drive, Foo Fighters, Candle Box, Snot, Anthrax, Live Freaks for Natalie, Natalia Grace.

[Brady]

That song for all of it. Today we've talked about nothing but freaks.

[Cody]

Jackal, she Loves my Cock.

[Brady]

It's about a rooster. Yes, yes.

[Cody]

And Nirvana. Territorial Pissing.

[Brady]

I like Live Freaks is a great song. Thinking about the second I saw the word, it started running in my head. That's good stuff. All right, we'll go with Freaks by Live for that whole thing. Yeah. I would love to try to figure out exactly what's going on with why they keep mentioning that guy's a swimmer. But evidently that's an important part of the story to people. I don't see it, I think driving around with your pants off at a, at a bikini Bean. But again, in a weird way, Bikini Bean. It's not supposed to happen. But when you start parading around chicks in bikinis at 5:30 in the morning, there's a chance some dude's gonna take that opportunity. I'm doing it. I'm gonna be weird about it. There's a lot of weirdos out there. So when you start, you know, having, you know, low level strip clubs, serving coffee first thing in the morning, and I don't mean low level in their quality. I'm saying, like, these girls aren't getting naked. Dudes are gonna do weird stuff. Guys can get weird. It's too risky. I wouldn't do it if I was a girl. Nah. Like it's standing there in a bra. They did in the beginning of the Landman show when they all stop at the coffee's place. Yeah, hot girl. And every guy in the car is acting weird and it's, it's just. Yeah, yeah. We're not normal around that stuff. And they gotta pretend to like everybody, you know, they don't. You have live.

[Cody]

I can get it.

[Brady]

Yeah, I got it. I'll put that on there. I love this one.

[Brett]

About $80 worth of coffee, right?

[Brady]

You buy like a thousand dollars worth of coffee just because cans are involved. I don't even. I don't even like coffee. I go right in there. Anyway, it's for the freaks out there this morning. If you've got a little one, see if work will pay for it. Today it's live. It's 98K upd. It's out of control now.