01-15-25 - FULL SHOW - WEDNESDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona: Episode Summary (January 15, 2025)

Holmberg's Morning Sickness on 98 KUPD is Arizona's premier morning radio show, hosted by John Holmberg alongside Brady Bogan, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo. This episode, released on January 15, 2025, delves into a variety of topics ranging from local comedy events to personal anecdotes and sports commentary.

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1. Local Comedy Events Spotlight

The show kicks off with Brady Bogan highlighting upcoming comedy shows in the Valley:

• Tempe Improv: Featuring Paul Versey on Thursday and Beth Stelling from Friday through Sunday.
• Desert Ridge Improv: Hosting Sarah Weinschenk on Thursday and Joe DeRosa from Friday to Saturday.
• Stand Up Live Downtown: Showcasing Lil Rel performing across Friday to Sunday.

Notable Quote:

Brady Bogan [00:02]: "Let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week."

2. Personal Anecdotes and Relationships

John Holmberg shares personal stories, emphasizing resilience in the face of unexpected challenges:

• Core Institute Testimonial: Holmberg recounts overcoming a severe injury sustained when his dog accidentally caused his wife's knee injury. He credits the Core Institute for their effective treatment, allowing his wife to return to her active lifestyle. He encourages listeners facing similar issues to seek expert help.

  Notable Quote:

  John Holmberg [01:06]: "Life can throw you a curveball now and again... you can get rid of your pain and start saying yes."

• Discussions on Relationships with Disabled Individuals: Bret Vesely prompts a heated discussion about relationships involving individuals with disabilities, specifically referencing the controversial figure Natalia Grace. The hosts debate the ethics and motivations behind such relationships, touching on the potential for exploitation and the importance of consent.

  Notable Quote:

  Adam Ray [03:31]: "Love has boundaries all over... she’s taking advantage of that one time too many."

3. Restraining Orders and Personal Boundaries

The hosts discuss stories submitted by listeners about restraining orders:

• Listener Cody's Story: Adam Ray narrates a listener named Cody who received a restraining order after expressing intense feelings towards a former partner who then ceased communication. The discussion revolves around the consequences of obsessive behavior and the importance of respecting legal boundaries.

  Notable Quote:

  Adam Ray [25:07]: "The best day of your life...you have to never talk to her or be close to her for a year, which is fantastic."

• General Commentary: The conversation extends to the broader implications of restraining orders, emphasizing the need for closure and the potential negative perceptions associated with such legal measures.

4. Sports Commentary: Arizona Suns Performance

Brett Vesely leads a segment critiquing the Arizona Suns' performance and management decisions:

• Player Trades and Team Strategy: The hosts debate the necessity of trading key players like Devin Booker and Larry Fitzgerald to improve team dynamics and future prospects. They argue that holding onto underperforming stars can hinder the team's success.

  Notable Quote:

  Adam Ray [40:07]: "The Suns are doing the exact same thing to Booker. Trade his ass immediately."

• Fan Reactions and Team Morale: The discussion highlights fan frustrations with the team's inconsistent performance and lack of competitiveness, suggesting that leadership changes may be required to revitalize the squad.

  Notable Quote:

  Adam Ray [43:17]: "If Kevin Durant's not a guy who's going to bark at you... He's not."

5. Mental Health and Workplace Dynamics

The conversation shifts to mental health issues and their manifestation in workplace behavior:

• Micropenis and Aggression: Adam Ray introduces a controversial topic linking physical insecurities, such as having a micropenis, to aggressive behavior in professional settings. While the hosts debate the validity of this claim, it underscores the show's willingness to tackle taboo subjects.

  Notable Quote:

  Adam Ray [13:17]: "Love has boundaries all over. That's why we have divorce lawyers. There's boundaries to love everywhere."

• Workplace Policies: They humorously propose workplace solutions for handling individuals who exhibit aggressive behavior, suggesting medical interventions as a means to mitigate conflicts.

  Notable Quote:

  Adam Ray [16:27]: "If you're struggling with something, you've got to let it out and stop."

6. Community and Social Issues

The hosts touch upon broader social topics affecting the community:

• Fake Images and AI Technology: Brett Vesely discusses the lack of federal laws against creating fake images of individuals, highlighting the ethical implications of AI-generated content and its potential misuse.

  Notable Quote:

  Bret Vesely [80:27]: "There's nothing you can do about that."

• Public Library Statistics: An interesting fact is shared about the number of public libraries versus McDonald's locations in the U.S., challenging common perceptions about community resources.

  Notable Quote:

  Bret Vesely [82:18]: "There are approximately 16,500 public libraries, less than 14,000 McDonald's."

7. Entertainment and Celebrity Encounters

Personal experiences with celebrities add a lighter tone to the episode:

• Meeting Brad Garrett and Macaulay Culkin: John Holmberg and Adam Ray share anecdotes about their encounters with celebrities like Brad Garrett and Macaulay Culkin during flights and events, blending humor with reflections on fame and personal boundaries.

  Notable Quote:

  John Holmberg [164:07]: "I met Brad Garrett... he prefers not to take pictures."

8. Comedy and Roasting Segment

The show features a segment dedicated to roasting fellow comedians and celebrities, showcasing the hosts' comedic prowess:

• Roasting Techniques: John Holmberg recounts his attempt to roast Bill Burr and other personalities, illustrating the challenges and rewards of delivering sharp, yet humorous critiques.

  Notable Quote:

  John Holmberg [131:02]: "I went up to Bill and said, 'You're a real prick,' and he was like, 'Buddy, get the F out of here.'"

9. Closing Remarks and Future Plans

As the episode concludes, the hosts tease upcoming shows and tours, maintaining engagement with their audience:

• Stand Up Live Performances: Information about upcoming live shows on the 24th and 25th is shared, encouraging listeners to attend and support local comedy acts.

  Notable Quote:

  John Holmberg [165:30]: "If you want to go stand up live.com is where you go."

• Future Content Teasers: The hosts hint at continued discussions on various topics, ensuring listeners remain tuned for future episodes.

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Conclusion: This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness offers a blend of local event insights, personal stories, sports analysis, and edgy comedic segments. The hosts engage in candid discussions, occasionally venturing into controversial territory while maintaining a dynamic and entertaining dialogue. Listeners can expect a continuation of these themes in upcoming episodes, alongside live show promotions and interactive segments.

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

All right, HMS Podcast, time again to.

[Brady Bogan]

Let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week.

[John Holmberg]

Get out to the Tempe Improv on.

[Brady Bogan]

The east side to see Paul Versey.

[John Holmberg]

On Thursday and Beth Stelling Friday, Saturday and Sunday. The Desert Ridge Improv up North features Sarah Weinschenk this Thursday and Joe DeRosa on Friday and Saturday. And downtown at Stand Up Live, check out the very funny Lil Rel performing.

[Adam Ray]

Friday, Saturday and Sunday for the complete lineups.

[Brady Bogan]

And for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com.

[Adam Ray]

And tempeimprov.com it's John Holberg here. For the amazing people at the Core Institute, life can throw you a curveball now and again. One day you're trucking along, feeling great. Next day your dog smashes into your head and knocks you cold. Or like a KUPD listener told me this week, his dog did a sprint across the backyard directly into the side of his wife's leg and blew her knee up. She needed that need to get fixed and fixed right. Two years later, she's running like she used to again. And it's all thanks to the Core Institute. I went through it too, and you can get rid of your pain and start saying yes, I can to all the things you want to do. And and all you have to do is trust the experts at the Core Institute. Head there right now. The Core Institute.com college hoops are here.

[Brett Vesely]

And there's no better place to catch.

[Adam Ray]

The action than Hooters.

[Brett Vesely]

Fuel up with the baller bundle.

[Adam Ray]

10 boneless wings, crispy fries, dressing and.

[Brett Vesely]

A fountain drink starting at just $9.99.

[Adam Ray]

Want to level up your game day experience? Swap the fountain drink for a Beat.

[Brett Vesely]

The Buzzer special featuring your choice of Beatbox or Buzz balls for a low price.

[Adam Ray]

This offer is for game days only.

[Brett Vesely]

So grab your crew, enjoy the action, and feast on the flavors you Hooters.

[Adam Ray]

The original wing joint since 1983.

[Dick Toledo]

Hey, it's Larry McFeely here with Wayne from Amco and Wayne.

[Adam Ray]

Now that it's getting warmer, I turned on the AC in my car and the air's blowing. Kind of cool, but it really smells like a basement. What can I do about that, Larry? Your car's AC system should be checked and serviced every year. Plus, replacing the cabin air filter helps the air blow strong and takes away any nasty smell. Nice.

[Dick Toledo]

Is that a big deal to get done?

[Adam Ray]

Not at all. It takes about an hour and in most cases we can do it while you wait.

[Brett Vesely]

That's awesome.

[Adam Ray]

I'll say.

[John Holmberg]

We're Amco.

[Dick Toledo]

Google Amco for your nearest location.

[Adam Ray]

That's Amco. Double A, mco Trans missions and a whole lot more. What the. God damn it. I need another mic. Give me another mic.

[Brady Bogan]

Hold, please.

[Adam Ray]

What happens to this room?

[Brett Vesely]

It's that magic reset button.

[Adam Ray]

I don't know. It isn't. I do that every morning. I test it. The times I don't test doesn't work. I have to switch mics. I don't know why that is. And it was Shannon last night. It wasn't some sort of a weirdo weekender. Nah. Anyway, what a way to kick her off. Good morning, everybody. It's 5:45. This is the morning sickness. My name's John. There's Brady. There's Brett. There's Big Dick Toledo. And there's one broken, one dead Mike that, for whatever reason, will be just fine. Mike in three seconds. Mike, we need Mike filled. Mike. Oh, Mike. We have a broken mic. Mike. Anyway, it doesn't make any sense. I'll turn this thing off, everything, and it'll be fine in a second. It's just like, you know, we have IT guys and we have engineers and things like that, but really, all we need is me because I just will walk through and smash the thing that's not working. And for some reason, it scares it back into, like, Fonzie. It sort of feels like your Fonzie jukebox. I just hit it and it works again. It'll be fine. Enough of my complaining. Hopefully you guys are doing just fine and your stuff's working. I'm still head over heels for the final episode. It ended last night for me, at least. I watched the last episode of the Curious Case of Natalia. Grace and I went on and on yesterday about it because.

[Brett Vesely]

Strong ending.

[Adam Ray]

I loved it. Well, no, not at all. She flew off to the United. So for those of you to recap, she's. She's ruined another family this time. She's moved in with a bunch of little people. If you haven't watched Natalia Grace, it's. It's both sort of sad, and then it just gets hilarious.

[Brady Bogan]

Is this Tiger King type stuff? It's all good at first.

[Adam Ray]

And why did I watch that first it's Tiger King stuff, and then you just can't get past, like, how many. How much, like, damage this little thing does. And it's. And it's also kind of. It proves my point that all people are assholes, no matter what. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the only person in my. I truly believe this, that I may be the only person that understood what Martin Luther King was saying because he wasn't a white person. I'm no. The only person in general, I think it might be the only. I have to explain it to so many people. When he said one day, you know, don't judge a man by the color of his skin, but by the content of his character, people applauded, like, that's beautiful. And what he was saying was, look, everybody can be an asshole. It doesn't matter what color you are. A dude could be a dick and be black, Asian, white. Didn't matter. So most likely you're going to run into some assholes. Don't blame everybody in the race for being an asshole. And same goes for, like, handicapped people and whatever. You automatically give a little extra to something that you feel, you know, like, oh, I. I don't understand their plight. And so they have a little more leeway to be. But people who are crippled can be assholes, too. And it's just mean to tell somebody, like, you know what? I'll. I'll kick your ass and, you know, get up out of that wheelchair. And now we go. You know, doesn't mean that everybody's. So Martin Luther King wasn't saying everybody needs a chance. Everybody should be loved. No, no, no, no. He was basically saying, just assume that guy's an asshole, but don't blame everybody. He looks like they're probably not all assholes. Britt's Italian people. If he was amazing, if he's a dick to you, he doesn't make. Don't hate all Italians based on one guy's behavior. That's what he was saying.

[Brett Vesely]

Happy birthday, MLK Jr.

[Adam Ray]

It is his birthday, too. And that's why I'm telling you this, because I know what he really meant. Let me translate for mlk for the white people who couldn't understand it or never tried, and everybody else.

[Brady Bogan]

Don't we get the day off?

[Adam Ray]

Oh, that's Monday. That's coming up. Yeah. I don't know. I don't think we get it off. I don't. Do we get Monday or. Yeah. Do we get Monday off? Yeah. I thought we had the President's day one. I don't know. Anyway, so Natalia Grace is one of.

[Brady Bogan]

The easy of them. Make him.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. Look, I'll show up when they tell me again. Again. My boss could be a Mexican. He's like, geez, he represents no. Martin Luther King. Basically said, individual Mexicans can be Dicks too, but don't blame them all. So anyway, that's the same thing with Natalia Grace. You look at her and you kind of want to be like, oh, poor kid. You know, she's going through all this, but it doesn't negate the fact that after a few chances, it's time to throw her out into the trash. She's horrible. And they're like, oh, but she's crippled. Yeah, okay, but she's taking advantage of that one time too many. So she's destroyed this new family of little people that want to give her a chance because they understand, oh, you're little like us. But even they were like, I, I'm getting sick of this. I, you know, it's time that we just. We're going to look like assholes, but it's time to kick out the midge. So the best part about the whole last series of shows, which are four of, was that this dude in England had been sexting with Natalia Grace, who I find Neil.

[Brady Bogan]

Right?

[Adam Ray]

Neil. Okay. And yeah, yeah, thank you for remembering that Neil and Neil was not. Did not want to be on camera. His voice could be on there, but. So I basically kind of assessed that Neil was making bar bets with his friends that he could get nudes of cripples all over the place. So he's searching the Internet going, got a new and might watch this. And then some, some just getting naked pictures and his friends are buying him drinks and pints at the bar. Well, it got a little too far with Neil and I think the bet got too high that Neil had to score with Natalia Grace for his friends. I think he owns a bar now. My guess is if you looked up whoever this Neil guy is, he is currently in the middle of a deed transfer with an owner of the Winchester because I couldn't believe you did it, Neil. I can't believe you did it. Cuz she flew out to England in the middle of taping. No cameras allowed in full out, everybody hates her here mode she was ruining. Everything goes, goes to the uk, flies back. Now they'll take pictures of Neil, but his face is always blurred out. So it's just these body shots of Neil. And like Neil's such an amazing man. The things he's done for her. She flew out, spent a couple weeks with Neil and came back angelic. So whoops, sorry. Neil just absolutely the kind into this little tiny crippled woman I know on the side. And then there's no real explanation of what happened. Like also somewhere in the paperwork we don't know, Neil said, no details, no nothing. But I laughed hysterically. When she gets on a plane and then all of a sudden she's back there was. They've been following her every step for like eight years. Two weeks off with Neil. Neil, I mean, just bangs the lights out of her. Out of her little tiny, you know, her body is. Her hunched body, which looks like it's on a 90 degree angle because she got to get her spine straight. She's always bent over. So Neil took advantage of that, I'm sure. And Neil just banged her into kindness, sent her back to the family, and everybody's getting along. I was dying, dying the entire time. I'm like, nobody's really seeing this. They're trying to make it seem like there was some sort of a connection. Neil's not coming back here. She's not going back there. Basically went out there to Neil and Neil's like, I got to do this. Neil owns a bar, so.

[Brett Vesely]

So that won't happen. Oh, I want how he goes to the uk.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, no. Because it would be too depressing for the people who didn't see what really happened. They'd think it would be like some sort of a love thing. And what you'd realize was it was. It was a bet. There's no question it was a bet.

[Brett Vesely]

The guys have been following her. That's way too expensive. We can't do the overseas thing, right?

[Adam Ray]

There was a movie a few years ago that nobody saw. That was one. It's one of my favorite dark comedies that stops being a comedy midway through. I can't remember the name of it, but who played Harvey 2 face in that Batman movie? I forgot. Not Tommy Lee Jones, but the other one. Aaron Eckhart. Yeah, Aaron Eckhardt. He's in a movie where there's. He's just this player, like a womanizer. He's evil. And he works with this guy who's kind of a nerd, and they're. They're together on a lot of projects and good friends and they hire this deaf girl at the office and they make a bet on who can bang her first and then just break her heart and ditch her. Like that was. The goal is to, like, let her feel like she can get, you know, a normal guy and they both do it. Only the nerdy guy kind of falls in love with her and the other guy cuts it off and, like, tries to destroy her life because that was the bet. It is so dark. That's what's going on with Neil because he's like, you're deaf, you're. He basically starts calling her names because she's got a handicap and he just destroys her. It's so hard to watch. But it's.

[Brett Vesely]

The other guy tells the other dude.

[Adam Ray]

And the other guy tells. It's a bet. And he starts.

[Brett Vesely]

He really got into this movie.

[Adam Ray]

But he's truly in love.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. Oh, it's a great movie. And I think that's what's going on. That's what's going on with, with Neil up there in the uk. It's. He doesn't have a bet going with anybody else. He won a bar. So in a few years, my guess is Neil from the Natalia Grace thing will reveal himself with his new bar and say, here's what happened.

[Brett Vesely]

His new bar, Half Pint.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, yeah. Little is what it would be called. But it's worth watching because of that. If you watch with that perspective, women watch thinking she's horrible. She's horrible. And they think Neil's a saint. Neil's. No saint. Neil is a. Neil's a dude that got her done. And anybody who bangs. I don't believe in love that way. I don't. If you do, you're crazy able bodied man banging a very disabled crippled person. That shouldn't be. That should be illegal. That shouldn't be a thing. Love can't find its way that way. No, that's just a dude taking advantage of something.

[Brady Bogan]

I just did a chair. Really? Like, you know, like the whole hunchback midship things different.

[Brett Vesely]

The hunch is bad. I haven't seen her really walk around.

[Adam Ray]

It looks like she's charging. You see, I haven't watched it at.

[Brady Bogan]

All yet, so I'm kind of getting filled in from you.

[Adam Ray]

She's. If you're born that crippled. Right. And you know, three with a curve, 3ft 4, 3. Even if you, you know, there's a certain aspect that an able bodied male with a tiny little midge, that's a fetish. Oh yeah, yeah. You know, you don't. That's not a. You're not. You didn't fall in love. I don't believe in love like that. I don't think that happens. I think that the social pressure for you to wander around like that is some sort of a badge of honor. I think it's an attention grab more than it is love. You can't. No offense, Birdie, because that's what Ronnie had to do to find love. She had a marriage.

[Brett Vesely]

That's why I kind of believe in it.

[Adam Ray]

But a woman A woman can do it, a man can't. I think a woman can fall in love with a man who has something bad. I don't think a man can fall in love with Natalia Grace if he's able bodied. He just can't. And a woman like that, it just can't happen. If Brett came in here and he's like, I met a girl. She's amazing. Like, good for you, Brett And Natalia Grace came in in her Frankenstein boots, 3ft 2, just a mess. We'd be. We'd pull him aside, go, what are you doing? It's like, I'm in love. You're. No. Nope. She must be loaded or that. Right. There's an agenda. It has nothing to do with loving anybody. And Brady, even as nice as you are, the jokes between the two of us behind Brett's back would be. I mean, it would be like Internet comments. It would. It would be hours and hours.

[Brady Bogan]

Expect nothing less.

[Adam Ray]

Right. Because you wouldn't do it. Right. No.

[Brady Bogan]

Love does no bounds.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't care.

[Adam Ray]

Love knows no bounds. BS Love has boundaries all over. That's why we have divorce lawyers. There's boundaries to love everywhere. All over the place. She's let herself go. That's love. Boundaries. He's not the man I married. Love. Boundaries. Love has tons of boundaries. Anybody who believes that, it's, you know, this, you know, infinite. It goes any direction and you can't. There's a crooked lid for every crooked pot. All right? But sometimes the crooked pot at 6 foot 2, banging.

[Brett Vesely]

That still doesn't say that has boundaries. That's just saying boundaries.

[Adam Ray]

Brady, A crooked friends will have advice on.

[Brett Vesely]

It does have boundaries. I agree with you.

[Adam Ray]

Because like boundaries.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, it has boundaries. You shouldn't go for that one.

[Adam Ray]

Here's another thing. It's got boundaries. She's 16. I love her.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, boundaries.

[Adam Ray]

Boundaries.

[Brett Vesely]

That is a theory. A working theory.

[Adam Ray]

Boundaries. It's boundaries. Because we all know you can't fall in love with a 16 year old girl if there's a doctor that says she's 29. Natalia, Grace, I'm talking generally.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

We've placed boundaries on it. You can't love that. You're not allowed legally to love that. That means there's boundaries. Legal boundaries.

[Brady Bogan]

Well.

[Adam Ray]

And we should have them for insanely. Like a judge should be able to look and go, too crippled to love. You are too. You're too healthy and she's too crippled. Can't love her. Can't do it. No. No Romeo and Juliet ever happened.

[Brady Bogan]

16 necessarily isn't as Benny Mardones. He'll tell you all about it. He'll tell you all about it.

[Adam Ray]

Why do you do this to me? And we think back at this and goes, boundaries, man. Boundaries. I don't believe in love like that. I don't think if you. I think if you're. And that's why little people find other little people. And you know, you find somebody that's relatable. You can't take a normal sized guy who's healthy and able to do it. He can go to the bottled blonde and pull one out and put him with somebody who's three feet one, crippled as can be.

[Brett Vesely]

But if Neil wants to marry Natalia.

[Adam Ray]

No. Should be illegal. It should not be allowed. No way. It's all for attention, Neil. Then something's wrong with Neil. Go find yourself an able bodied lady. Something. I love this one. No, you don't. This is for attention. This is for you. Can't do it. It can't be done. You wouldn't do it.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, but that's different. If Neil.

[Adam Ray]

Why is that? I'm not talking about Neil. I'm talking about you. Don't bring Neil.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't agree with saying no. You cannot, you know, if everything's legal. They're adults.

[Adam Ray]

So you have boundaries.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, she's not an adult though either.

[Adam Ray]

No, she is. I'm not talking about. No, no, I'm not talking about that. Okay. I'm saying that if she came in this room and you started to like her too much, I would step in and go, hey, you need to. You need to pull it back here. You're taking advantage of a very disabled human being.

[Brett Vesely]

Sorry, bro. I love her.

[Adam Ray]

I wouldn't believe you. I would not. I'd say something's wrong with you. Like you've got something. You've got something wrong with you that makes it. So you're trying to take advantage of somebody like that. You. You don't you have the capabilities of normalizing a relationship for you to fall in love with her is taking advantage of some sort of child fetish or some sort of weird.

[Brett Vesely]

So you're saying the only fetish that Natalia could marry is a equally yolked. Pretty close.

[Adam Ray]

Well, it would have to be in her area, you know, it would have to be, you know, if. It can't be because there's nothing.

[Brett Vesely]

I appreciate you saying. I'm way too tall for.

[Adam Ray]

You're way too tall. You're waiting. Here's the thing.

[Brady Bogan]

Never heard.

[Adam Ray]

You're too normal of a grown up to be in her camp. Now you're about three inches away. So if you want to do some surgeries to knock down a couple inches, if you waddle in here one day, I'm like, brady's gonna have to get himself somebody that understands his situation.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, you know, it was two weeks ago is where the texts were on break. And you're like, you know, I was joking. I might be coming around on this Natalia Grace.

[Adam Ray]

Okay, why? Because it's hilarious to think of me boning Natalia Grace. That's why I sent it out. Like, I'll tell you, Grace is hot. And the reason I said that she grew up pretty sexy is because they put her in makeup and they're putting her on the COVID of People magazine. I know, I know you know, but you made my point for me by trying to be a jackass and contrarian is basically say when I made that joke. That would be absurd for John to start thinking that Natalia Grace is fine.

[Brett Vesely]

But the other way around for women, totally different.

[Adam Ray]

They're empathetic creatures.

[Brett Vesely]

They know how to handle the situation.

[Adam Ray]

Not even if they know how to hand. They like to be nurturers and caretakers to things that need them.

[Brady Bogan]

They try to fix everything.

[Adam Ray]

They try to fix it. And if they can't fix it, they like to nurture and care for things that are broken. If when I told you Natalia Grace was hot, what was your response? Yuck. No way. So you yucked her? I said she was hot because I looked into it.

[Brett Vesely]

I thought maybe you had some too.

[Adam Ray]

Right. And you text back after one viewing.

[Brett Vesely]

And said, I pulled up some other images. Like, did she get a makeover?

[Adam Ray]

And what did you say? I can.

[Brady Bogan]

It doesn't matter if she had a makeover.

[Adam Ray]

What did you say? Yuck. Yuck, period. End of story. That's it.

[Brady Bogan]

There is no makeover good enough for that. The twins from the Fab Five guys couldn't even do this.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, I'll tell you that that People magazine headshot right there is the best one.

[Adam Ray]

She's. Don't try to defend your yuck. You threw a yuck at me because.

[Brady Bogan]

You know, little arms out, that it.

[Adam Ray]

Isn'T normal and it's somewhat disgusting for an able bodied man to take advantage of somebody that disabled. It would be wrong of me and you would think, what's he doing? Like there's. You're taking advantage of her and she's. No you. You have the capability of doing something else and you're not. This is wrong. I don't believe in Love like that. I don't think that kind of love exists. I just fell in love with Natalia. What do you have in common with it? I mean, I. Nothing. But. I mean, she. She wants it. She's gonna have a hard time getting it. So this isn't. It's an easy mark, you know? It's like. It's like LeBron James going and playing the WNBA. It's like, this isn't fair. He's gonna. This is gonna be easy. He's gonna score all the time. You could pretend like that's a thing, but you deep down know that every friend you've got coming into the room with her, you would immediately go, something's wrong with that guy. Immediately, you wouldn't be like, that's beautiful. Nobody does. Women kind of do. But nobody would think that was a. He's married. And you would be the first to tell us.

[Ben]

You remember Brian?

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. He's dating some midge, and we'd be joking all the time about why Brian decided that was the route for him. Hilarious.

[Brady Bogan]

Chris Clark says, come on, man. Just imagine the size of your junk in her hands.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you.

[Adam Ray]

You're making my points for me.

[Brett Vesely]

Knew that was him.

[Adam Ray]

This is exactly what. There's something wrong with that guy to think, you know what that little hand's gonna make my tiny penis. Finally. I can finally feel like a man. It's your mental disorder that would make you want to pursue her. Boundaries. It shouldn't be right, because I'm telling you right now, that Neil guy in the uk, it's gonna. It's gonna destroy this. This crippled little lady.

[Brady Bogan]

Apparently, the movie you're talking about was thank you for smoking.

[Adam Ray]

No. Different one. No, no, it was something. I can't remember, but it was a. It's a good movie. I'll find it and I'll remind everybody, but can't remember the name.

[Brett Vesely]

It's dark.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, it's a great movie, though. It's so good.

[John Holmberg]

But.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. So the Natalia Grace thing ended. And if you were, you know, thinking, oh, she found love, just know Neil's. Neil's as bad as those people that are trying to get, you know, old ladies to send them money. Oh, it's. It's saying, it's a lady who's lonely. It's a lady who can't find love, can't do anything about it. And they're like, I'm going to take advantage of this. You're doing the same thing to Natalia, period.

[Brady Bogan]

Donovan says, big difference between boning and marrying Natalia.

[Adam Ray]

John sure, yeah, if you want to. It's like dwarf tossing. We were allowed to do that for a while. And so people are like, you know, this is kind of taken advantage of them. Like they want to do it. Do they? I mean, I watch Wall Street. I'll watch it. Right. I'll definitely watch it with a smile on my face. But I also know deep down this isn't right. Happy MLK day, everybody. Boundaries. MLK would have done that too. I have a dream one day, little tiny whatever she is, people will be not allowed to marry really full sized white people. It's just weird and wrong. That don't fly. Martin Luther King's right. It's all about us now.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

If you're in a wheelchair and your body's still, you know, you're still a large person. Like if you're just. If you're crippled to the point where like you shouldn't. Able bodied people shouldn't just find you online and bone you. It's wrong if you have to pick somebody up out of the chair, start rolling them around and they're like unable to fight back or anything. Yeah, you're doing something terrible. That's just how I feel about it. There's something wrong with a guy who can't find something that isn't crippled. Too many options out there. Too many. If Larry came in here with her. Come on, come on.

[Brett Vesely]

Closest thing that said, okay, you're looking.

[Adam Ray]

For a nice way to. You think it's mean, what I'm saying? I don't think crippled people should want an able bodied person think that they take advantage of them. There's that lady right now.

[Brett Vesely]

He's a provider and we would pull.

[Adam Ray]

Him aside, go, what are you doing? Have you quit? I'm in love. You are not in love. You are in desperation and you are doing something weird right now. You gotta stop. I don't find. I don't find those things beautiful. I think that's creepy and weird. Really? It's like if. It's the same thing as if Brett came in here with a. She's 88. You have an 88 year old girl? Yeah, she's an 88 year old bag of bones and I love her. Like, what is going. What is the agenda here? She loaded? What are you getting out of this? No, I just love stage five. None of us believe in. None of us believe in love like that. None of us. You would never try to go, that's beautiful.

[Ben]

You guys are brute.

[Adam Ray]

We'd be going, something's wrong with Brett's. Life. I found some old lady. You don't see that. You don't want to see that. You wouldn't want your mom to have it happen.

[Brett Vesely]

We'd need more of a trend, right? Like, he's always dated older women.

[Adam Ray]

Okay. Bunny's got a blue. She's 80 something.

[Brett Vesely]

But I'm saying, like you're saying the. The shock would be he's never done that before and all of a sudden he's in love with this 88 year old woman.

[Adam Ray]

Because it's hard to do that.

[Brett Vesely]

Something's going on there. It'd be hard not to question.

[Adam Ray]

Bunny's a single. She introduced you to a guy she'd met and he was 30.

[Brett Vesely]

Might happen.

[Adam Ray]

You'd be a little bit pissed off. You'd be like, what's this guy doing? Yeah, what's going on here?

[Brett Vesely]

What's the agenda here?

[Adam Ray]

Dad worked too hard for you to hand it to this jackass. What's going on here? That's why you got to keep an eye on your. That lady that just sent the fake Brad Pitt, $900,000, 850. She's been sending him money like crazy. And he sent pictures, said he had cancer, he's going to die soon. And then pictures of him in a.

[Brett Vesely]

Hospital going through the divorce with Angelina.

[Adam Ray]

They weren't very good pictures.

[Brett Vesely]

And she's counter frozen.

[Adam Ray]

I'm doing this. And she sent over $900,000 to this guy over time. And. And then she got curious when she saw Brad Pitt in an awards show with a girlfriend that she. Wait a minute. That's. He's with some lady.

[Brady Bogan]

She didn't wonder why she didn't get the invite.

[Adam Ray]

No, because too many people get lost and blinded by Hallmark love that doesn't exist. And her friends were probably like, I.

[Ben]

Can'T believe this is happening to you.

[Adam Ray]

They're in this whirlwind of BS and then they act like council frozen.

[Brett Vesely]

So send them to this Turkish bank, right?

[Adam Ray]

And she did it because the picture, he's sending me pictures. And the pictures were Brad Pitt's head on a guy in a hospital that had a. Like a time in the gown that would say, I love you, Ann. And she's like, you can't fake that. Like, he's writing notes to me and holding them up. So she sent him all her money and then she wants to play victim. I say, lesson learned.

[Brett Vesely]

Even his mom got into it.

[Adam Ray]

Brad Pitt's mom?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. Started sending the lady stuff, saying, oh, thank you so much. And oh, oh, fake first Pretended to be Brad's mom, right?

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. But they just kind of out of the blue. Bottom line is you're not a victim, you're an idiot.

[Brady Bogan]

So, John, you're saying no loving under that adorable blanket?

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. Okay. Yes. If some able bodied lady came and started to bang on Caleb for a little while, he'd be like, what in the world is wrong with her brain? Why is Caleb the object of her affection? I just. He's almost of age now too. He is no longer cute, the first.

[Brett Vesely]

Guy Alex is, or I think way of age.

[Adam Ray]

But yeah, people. If some lady was just like, I'm gonna start boning Alec, you'd be like, okay, what did your uncle do to you that made this a thing that you think is a good idea? I don't believe in love like that.

[Brett Vesely]

I saw one the other day like, oh, this is a new one. No, it's like 20 years old. Because all sudden Caleb came up.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, you see old Caleb and new.

[Brett Vesely]

Kids because I don't recognize a couple of them but that new Caleb blanket.

[Adam Ray]

New Caleb looks like he's like late teens now and he's got kind of acne. And he's not the same. He's not the same at all. It's in the Company of Men is the movie with Aaron Eckhart. Thank you, Nick Rivera. That's it.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, man.

[Adam Ray]

In the company of men.

[Brady Bogan]

Alec is 21 now.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, Alex, he's cruising the bars. Alex, been drinking for him at the.

[Brady Bogan]

Bottle Blonde this weekend. I'm sure.

[Adam Ray]

Rolling around and the girls are like.

[Ben]

I don't know what it is about this Stephanie, but that little one over there with no neck, it looks like a pumpkin sitting in the chair. I can't get enough of him.

[Adam Ray]

What's wrong with you? I don't know.

[Ben]

My uncle used to finger me a lot and I think I've got some mental damage.

[Adam Ray]

I'm gonna go roll around with that.

[Ben]

Guy who can't walk.

[Brady Bogan]

Caleb's 16.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. And he looks every bit of it. He looks like that awkward teen boy. They don't use him in commercials with new Caleb. They roll out seven year old Caleb, everybody. I got eight broken bones like, oh, poor little guy. You're adorable. And now he's like, I want to beat off a little bit. I'm kind of at that age, but my hands don't work. Will you do it? Don't beat off. Don't beat him off, please. That makes you creepy Guy says, F you, John. Cripples need love to sign Stephen Hawking. Yes, And Stephen Hawking, he got it. He got it. But Stephen Hawking was some sort of magician. We're not real sure, but I'm still pretty sure that that caretaker lady had a screw loose. Because first off, she was in Stephen Hawking's house to wipe him and clean him all the time and then managed to fall in love. Had a little Florence Nightingale situation brewing there.

[Brett Vesely]

The famous thing, going to a little.

[Adam Ray]

Fame, some money, you know, he was quick witted, evidently. When he got that computer going, it was pretty funny. Dave, you heard the one about the Pollock and the Jew walking into the bar.

[Ben]

You're so funny, Stephen.

[Adam Ray]

Yes, I know. Yeah. God, got so it. Yeah, I don't buy into that. I don't. I don't find love to be that boundless. And I certainly don't think it's beautiful. I certainly don't think that would be a beautiful. I wouldn't go to a wedding and start crying going, I can't believe these two kids found each other. She 3ft 1 inches tall with Frankenstein boots, and him just a normal fella who fell in love with. No, doesn't happen. You had too much peer pressure from your pals. That's it. Speaking of love, I got this email yesterday. I read this, says yesterday afternoon meeting. I guess that would be Monday. I got a restraining order from a girl I had slept with about 15 times. Most recently slept with her three weeks ago. Her last words to me in person were, I think I'm falling in love with you. I cannot get enough of you, Cody. Naturally, I think everything's going well, so I text her and called next few days, she didn't respond to me. So I got a little curious, text a few more times. Then I start texting regularly to say, hey, at least let me know you're okay. What Happened? Reach out. 10 days went by and I drove to her house in San Tan and knocked and knocked and knocked, nobody answered. Called her work a couple of times, asked for her, they said she was there, but she was in the middle of a meeting. She'll call me back. Never did. So I know she's alive. So I'm at work, front desk girl says there's a cop here at the door who needs to talk to me. Tells me I get an order of protection, blah, blah, blah, all the rules. Get a lawyer, yada, yada, court case, wtf, man. Now everybody at work thinks I'm a crazy stalker. This is devastating me. I can't even go show my face anymore. Cody, how about that right there? At work. You get that?

[John Holmberg]

Broads be crazy.

[Adam Ray]

Broads be crazy. That's it, Cody. Just consider this your lucky charm. The best day of your life. Oops, sorry. The best day of your life. Because you are now legally not allowed to be around that girl. And that is a gift. Like, she made it so you have to never talk to her. I don't know how long the restraining orders are. I don't know. Never, ever talk to her or be close to her for a year, which is fantastic. Work on your. Good work, Cody. I had that old lady years ago drop one on me because I. She thought I was following around the. As I yelled at her once, I was climbing that sidewalk and I shouted at her, and next thing you know, she's got the authorities involved because I was behind her at a stoplight. I didn't even know. And she took pictures of me and said I was following her. I was just going down 20th Street. I didn't know what. I didn't even know what kind of car she had. I'm like, what? But I had, in fairness, driven by her house a few times and called her the C word. When I saw her, I yelled, she had a thing. I had a thing. We went back and forth about three weeks. She was an old lady. I'm a dude driving over sidewalks. She was a touch intimidated. She'd yell at me at first, and then I started screaming her. And then it got a little bit heated, but, yeah, that's not a good feeling. But still, I didn't bang her. And it goes away. Look, you can get a lawyer. You can make it all go away, or you can just let it sit out there for as long as it needs to last and use it as your catalyst to every time you think about calling or realize that if you do, you're going to jail. She gave you a gift. Bitches be crazy, like Brett said. Now, is she full size? Is she in a wheelchair? Or, like, was the love too strange to. Maybe you shouldn't have been doing this.

[Brett Vesely]

Her husband didn't like it.

[Ben]

What?

[Adam Ray]

You know, don't know. Yeah. Whatever it is, the gift you've been given is complete separation. She's bananas. And she revealed herself to move on. It's time for you to just take advantage of the fact that the law won't let you be in the same area as her. That's great stuff. It's designed to protect you. Don't make the mistake of calling. And she's crazy obvious. So more than likely she's going to reach out to you don't respond because then you can go to jail. I learned that with that crazy lady, is that if she contacted me and I responded, I'm still the one that gets in trouble. The person who gives you those protective orders can contact you all they want. You can't respond. The second you do, they can turn you in. It's crazy. Just ignore her. She's gone from your life. What you basically got ghosting got went wrong, evidently. Whatever that was a hard ghost. That cop that showed up, essentially, you have to look at it like this, Cody, he just handed you a notice of death. That woman that you liked, she. She's dead. And that's basically what he handed you is, I'm sorry to give you this information, but she's dead. She's dead and gone and you never talked to her again. Oh, that's good stuff. It's no fun.

[Brady Bogan]

It's a good thing.

[Adam Ray]

It's a good way. Look at it and tell everybody at your office, this lunatic thinks I'm following her around.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, why don't you reach out to him and tell him you're not interested anymore?

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. She didn't.

[Brett Vesely]

Nope.

[Adam Ray]

She decided to do it with a cop. Might as well have been a.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, if I don't say anything, he'll just go away.

[Adam Ray]

No. Makes you crazy anyway. She's dead to you. Like. Like you see when people get the American flag at the door and there's a lot of tears, that's essentially what just happened. Cop came by and said, I'm sorry to tell you that that insane piece of ass that you've been having so much fun with passed away. Oh, my God. But it's a different kind of passed away because you might see her at the mall and if you do, run the other direction because I have to come arrest you. So kill her. In your brain. Not in real life though, because you've got Jodi Arias on your hands, my friend. And that could get crazy. Let's get a wake up song, shall we? A good one to start this day off. 585-9800. That's the phone number and we'll scream it together. It's 98 KUPD. Wake up. It's out of control now. 98 K U P D. Hi, I'm Diane Fisher from Fisher Tools. From our humble beginnings in 1964 at the Phoenix park and swap to our 4 acre campus located just south of Tempe Marketplace off the 202 and McClintock. Fisher Tools has been building the valley for over 60 years. Come check us out and browse our huge selection of tools and anything you need to do the job right. We carry Milwaukee, DeWalt, Makita, Proto and so much more. We're also [e-mail] KUPD listeners will receive 10% off their order when you mention this ad.

[John Holmberg]

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[Adam Ray]

If we don't have it, we can't sell it.

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[Adam Ray]

Nobody's doing it. Ah, there you go. Miles to nowhere. Thank you so very much. What a lovely thing. All these people restraining orders evidently have been a common issue for our audience. It's a lot of emails going, I've had that, that dude that emailed in and got his restraining, he got ghosted. I saw a thing a while ago. I was talking to the boys off the air. I saw about, I don't know, it's a little over a year ago. And talking with McFeely about it, about people who ghost. Now, that is the, that is like a preferred method of people under the age of 30 to cut off relationships. They don't say, we're breaking up. They don't say, I'm done, I'd like to talk to you. They just stop communicating with you. And so you're like, what's going on? Like, and it's literally has driven people mad trying to figure out and it's unfair. The other person sitting there thinking, are they dead? Did something horrible happen? I need some closure here. But that's a preferred method because they don't like phone calls, they don't like confrontation and just get the message and disappear. But our friend Cody, who had the I love you, I'm falling in love with you is the last words. I drove him over the edge. Rob says, willing to bet. The last time he and that crazy bitch hooked up, Cody choked her, pulled her hair, did something that made her feel like a Dollar Tree Whore. Cause that's what she is. Too ashamed to talk to him anymore. Just a reminder, what dad always said was true. Don't stick your wiener in crazy. It's never a good idea. That's true. If you see crazy, try not to put your wiener in it.

[Brady Bogan]

So he's Trevor Bauer.

[Adam Ray]

Basically, Trevor Bauer found a girl that he thought was normal and then realized, oh, she's into the same stuff I'm into. The second you say that about a girl and the stuff you're into is weird. She has got to be crazy. If you read what Trevor Bauer and that girl were doing, it was inevitable that her crazy would eventually show up. They were. They were into some stuff. Oh yeah, army hammer. The other one, if he found a girl that was like, I'm totally into that. You have found a girl who will eventually. In the video game, you're going to hit the level where you unlock crazy. This guy said, I go two levels deeper. Oh, you're finding crazy. Oh yeah. You can be like, geez, she's up for everything. And once you get comfortable with crazy, crazy cracks the door open. Guess what Sean Rockefeller says. Hahaha. Hundreds of texts, phone calls, trips to her house, calling her work. No, no, no, Cody, you're not a stalker. Don't worry about it. It wasn't. It wasn't her. It's true. You did kind of go down that road. This one says, John, I had an ex I was with for five years. We had a gnarly breakup. She got a restraining order on me. Same situation you were saying. Two months later she hits me up. I tell her I won't see her until she goes to court and tells them that they it was all lies and gets the whole thing lifted, which she did end up doing. And I ended up seeing her for a couple more years. Oh yeah, good idea.

[John Holmberg]

Run.

[Adam Ray]

Get rid of that restraining order and I'll take you to Applebee's. I'll take you to Applebee's after, you know, you take that legal paperwork off me. Says I go to jail if we meet eyes.

[Brady Bogan]

Jesus, what's wrong with people?

[Adam Ray]

It says he lost me at going over to her house and calling her job. That's too much on 10 days. Yeah, not to me, that's not. Because after 10 days.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, he was very concerned for it because what if she's dead or something?

[Adam Ray]

Or what if he said he just wants to know what happened?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Like, and so if you're not contacting someone after the last words you say are, I'm in love with you. I want to be with you. I can't. And. And you are. It's mutual. And then just disappears. You're like, what? And so you're. Now you're calling like, I just need to know. I just need to find something out so it can make you crazy.

[Brett Vesely]

I would assume if you're, you know, going to the house, you know, don't knock boom box above the head. That's always a song.

[Adam Ray]

It's never not worked. Never. But after 10 days, I. I can understand why he would be like, all right. And then you just. You'd probably end up angry. So I'm going over there. I'm gonna go. She didn't want to talk to me. She's gonna be. She's immature and horrible. And then Brady's way, which is the boombox over the head with how I could just kill a man. And not necessarily Peter Gabriel says I had a now ex wife who used an order of protection, kick me out of my home and put me in jail. While I was in jail, however, she cleared out the house and the bank accounts, which by the way, was my house when we met. Signed Showtime Shane. There's a chance I could see. Well, then I got a couple other emails saying Brady made his point. Trying to defend able bodied people dating little people by calling the little person in question it three times. I didn't hear you say that, but that makes me.

[Brett Vesely]

I, I don't know about that.

[Adam Ray]

I do.

[Ben]

Well, if it's something you love, then it's. You could take it out. Yuck.

[Adam Ray]

Speaking of ghosting stuff just to get it off the table here, it's time to blow up the Suns. Now. I don't know if you guys remember that all these sports stations that call themselves sports stations are too afraid to ever say the truth. I said it. When? Two years ago. Year and a half ago. Got to trade Devin Booker. Got to get rid of Booker. He's got to go. And it's not because his performance is so bad. That's the only hope this team has for the future. Because they, they. The Frank Vogel year last year is like, you got to get something while you can before you're desperate. Because when you're desperate, people smell it and you'll get less. So now you got Devin Booker has to go. We are too tied in this city too. But he mean Larry Fitzgerald should have been traded. Shane Doane should have been traded all sorts of stuff. In this city, when a team starts to suck and you've got a superstar if you really actually like him. I'm looking for the Steelers TJ Watt. It might be time for him to go find something else to do. Certainly Cam Hayward. If this. If the team is not going to be in it. And that's the only thing with the Steelers are always kind of around it. So the playoffs are there. They have this false hope sometimes. But when you look at the Cardinals and they have five wins and. And you know you're done. And then you hang on to Larry Fitzgerald as long as it's up to Larry. But you could. Hey, we're going to bounce you off to a contender and give you a shot at a ring because we never gave you one. The Suns are doing the exact same thing to Booker. Trade his ass immediately. That loss last night. I'd like that Mike Lindell guy to pop by the Sun's offices and possibly sponsor the entire arena for a little while. Because if we could get the Mypillow Sons out there, it would be appropriate. That's the softest bunch of I've ever seen in a basketball court. Plumly is soft. The whole team is just pussy soft. Gamma Ding Dong.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't like you saying that's who. Gamma Ding Dong. I can.

[Adam Ray]

Gamba Ding Dong can say what I think. Gamba Ding Dong's even probably coming around. Handy Dandy notebook. It's time for me to get out there. The sun's a soft close to everyone. Brett. Everyone to me is soft. I told you when I went over and did that thing for ktar, he came around the corner. I heard you making fun. Like. Yeah, I made like a character out of you. You want to take it outside now? You want to do it in the hallway? Whatever you want to do. You want to fight? Okay.

[Brett Vesely]

Check with your sauces.

[Adam Ray]

We're grown ups.

[Brady Bogan]

Look out my pillow windows.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, it's all in good fun. I know what I'm doing. You don't have to. I don't need your check.

[Brady Bogan]

We're making fun.

[Adam Ray]

I don't need your check. Mark. I'm like. And by the way, the guy that likes it the most is your boss, Ryan Hatch. He's the one who asks me for tapes of it when we do it. Which is even more maybe walk around the office. But yeah, I got to blow up those signs. And Devin Booker needs to go. And people are like, you can't trade Booker. He's an icon, right? Of what? Failure? It's another group. It's another team that you can be really excited about having good players. But if they're not competitive. They've got to go. You're already going to lose your gm I Kevin Ray last night. And it's not because people who blame Kevin Durant and all that 66 points last night from Durant and Booker combined, and they lost to the Hawks, who were missing two of their starters. It doesn't. It's the rest of the team. Something's wrong. It's a bad mix.

[Brady Bogan]

Aren't they trying to get rid of Beal?

[Adam Ray]

They're. Yes, they're trying to get. And then Beal kind of gets dinged up again. So he's awful. And getting Jimmy Butler would be great, but this. This team's just not there. Just there something wrong with them. And maybe it is Booker and maybe it is Kevin Durant's leadership skills. Maybe they don't exist. And the rest of the guys kind of follow their lead of just go out there, play, get your points and go. Because Kevin Durant's not a guy who's going to bark at you. He's a guy who's going to go out and put 28 on the board and said, where's your points? Like, he expects you to be as good as he is. He's not. Nobody is. But, yeah, the Suns are. It's tough. So I got a bunch of emails from people like, this is. Yep, don't even get frustrated. About a year and a half ago, maybe two years ago, I was telling everybody, even Kevin Ray, Eddie Johnson about hit me. We were standing after the game and I said, s team needs to do one thing and one thing only, and that starts shop and book. Crazy. Like, no, I'm not. Yes. This is insane. All right, well, when we trade them, let's see if we get the same thing, because you're gonna have to. We traded Charles Barkley. We traded everybody. This team. The keys to making trades are getting things that make your future better. Got no draft picks. Sons are the worst. So hard to watch, too. I tuned out last night. It's hard because I told Kevin Ray last night when he's texting me, and I said, at least you get paid to watch this. Think of all of us, all of us fans. We're actually paid to watch this. I actually have an AMEX charge on my card to watch those games. It's garbage. But it is the risk you take with sports. But man, oh, man, do they pillow soft. The curse of deandre Ayton, as Donovan calls it. It's so true. So hard to watch. And then in other news, in Italian sports. Brett, I don't know if you saw this, but your people had to make a very, very, very difficult decision about their falconer. In Rome, there's an Italian soccer club that the Falconer comes out with a giant eagle. It's got an eagle on his arm, and it flies around. He's a bird handler. And it soars above the stadium Olympico before the game. Yeah, I don't know. It's probably, like to eat in the playoff game. Yeah, well, it's. It's been done before, but this is a tradition at this particular arena that this guy and he became kind of a known. His name was Juan Bernabe, and he's the Falconer that comes out. And then the eagle soars above the stadium, and then everybody loses their minds. And then the game starts, and it's soccer, so it's boring. It's says it's a very proud and masculine moment being part of Lazio, the soccer team. Well, Juan Burnaby, the falconeer Falconer.

[Brady Bogan]

Juan.

[Adam Ray]

Juan lost his job, and they've taken the Eagle and him away from the next few games in Rome because he got a penis implant. Decided to post it up online.

[Brady Bogan]

Hell, I would, too.

[Adam Ray]

Right. He went from nothing to something, I think, and he started to post his penis online. The club says, we share the pain that the fans will feel at the loss of the Eagle at the next home game, but we can't. Can't be friends with this guy anymore. He's got his dick all over online, and he's all proud of this big plastic addition.

[Brady Bogan]

Broads do it all the time.

[Adam Ray]

Exactly. What a girl lose her job if she got implants and put them up online and still rode the eagle.

[Brett Vesely]

Yes.

[Adam Ray]

Now, here's the other thing that he got in trouble for a little while ago. He was suspended in 2021, but he was filming himself and performing a salute at the end of a match, one of the matches, going, duce, duce. And they're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing? He goes, I was a big Mussolini fan. It was the best thing that ever happened in our country. Like, all right, we'll have to have you sit a couple of plays out here. We have to remember that was him a few years ago when his. He had little dick syndrome. Like, he didn't. He was supporting fascism because the world had treated him so poorly. He was lashing out. And he said. When they asked him, they said, I admire him so much, Benito Mussolini, that I wanted to. I wanted to celebrate with the Duce Salute. Which nobody was doing it, but again, they forgave him and brought him back. You can't hold that over his head later when he gets his penis put in and you realize he was half a man the entire time. If you had, you know, somebody at your work that was marching around, doing some crazy stuff and talking, you know, Hitler was right. You're like, we got to sit you out. You got to shut up. You don't. You don't understand what I'm going through. And then a couple years later, you're like, oh, all that crazy Hitler stuff. Makes sense. He had a little micro dick, and he fixed that. He's going to be a lot calmer now.

[Brady Bogan]

So does he get a pass then?

[Adam Ray]

No, they fired him.

[Brett Vesely]

He put it up there and said, please share it.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. Oh, no. Yeah. Well, he put his new wiener on. He didn't have one before. If you have a micro penis and it's revealed later, I think you're forgiven for a lot of crazy behavior so long as you didn't hurt anybody else. Some of the stuff you say and do and then come back, it's almost like being a drug addict. It should be illegal to fire you because of it. Like, once we go, oh, you have. That should be like, alcoholism, drug addiction, micropene should be all the same protection. It's like, oh, he's been acting a little crazy. Started yelling at people at work and like, is he a. Do we send them to rehab? No, we got to send them in and get him an implant. And I think places for work should have to pay for that, because I would imagine something no one likes to talk about a lot of the times, workplace violence. I would guess the person doing it. Micropene.

[Brady Bogan]

S. Our insurance cover that.

[Adam Ray]

It should. Insurance should cover and fix micropene.

[Brett Vesely]

You don't have to do it too often.

[Adam Ray]

According to numbers, it's not that big a deal. But if you have a guy who's acting up at work and he's running around and you're like, something's wrong with him, and you're worried he's going to shoot up the office or do something crazy or burn it down, he should be able to go to his boss and go, hey, I've been acting a little nuts. I got a problem. And then Tripp would say, is it the drinking? No, I drink drink for other reasons. Is it the. Oh, you got one of them little buttons. I got a button. I need you guys to fix it. And the office should send him away for 28 days. Like they do. A drunk. He gets his operation. I bet you he comes back one of your best employees.

[Brett Vesely]

Productive.

[Adam Ray]

Productive. Nice. Funny. Relaxed, like nothing. Nothing bugs him. Creative. He's got creativity. He's not insecure. Anyways, laughing with everybody. Ah, sorry about all that before, folks.

[Ben]

You know, Jeremy left and came back a different man. I heard he was drinking.

[Adam Ray]

Nope. But we've had people, every office place has had somebody show up drunk.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, yeah. And you stuff them in a cab and you send them on their way and you hope that they yelling words.

[Brady Bogan]

That you should yell.

[Adam Ray]

Exactly. We had that guy shooting out racial slurs and then he showed up again a few days later. And all they have to say at work is, we'll send you to rehab. If this is a problem now, the person has to agree to it. Can't be forced to do it. And if they say, I don't have a problem not doing that, then you can fire them. But you can't fire somebody for being a drunk. It's illegal. You have to try to help him first. There was a dude over at KZZP in the late 90s named Bruce Kelly. Whipped his dick out at a Disney event. And they're like, that's enough of you, Bruce Kelly. He's like, ah, I'm a drunk. Like, damn it. And they sent him off to rehab and he came back because they couldn't fire him. They were looking for reasons. But once you go, hey, I'm a drunk. Can't do it. So he said, I'm drunk. That's when my dick came out in front of Mickey Mouse and the clients. And I have to say, it's a little bit your fault. And they're like, all right, we're gonna pay for your. And they did. And back he came and he started hitting it again and starting to say crazy stuff about the Russians. And they're like, that's enough. You can't keep doing it. I think micropene should fall into that. And this falconer, the extension of his tiny penis, was that giant eagle flying over that stadium that made him feel like a man. And we finally did speeding to sit down with hr. It's not easy.

[Brett Vesely]

What seems the problem.

[Adam Ray]

Is this your new penis? Yes. And you posted that Because I used to not have one and now I do, and I'm really proud of that. Okay, we're going to have to let you go. Cuz he was also, I guess he was online talking about being the team's falconer. Like he was saying.

[Brett Vesely]

And here it is Please share this to friends. Yeah, let him know I got a horn.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, he said it. He said. They asked him in the interview. I'm like, why did you do this? And he goes, because I felt so much pride and so much masculinity that I didn't have before. That's a big thing. Your penis is important.

[Brady Bogan]

I agree.

[Adam Ray]

Thank you. I know I'm going on a limb there, but it's an important part of you. And if it's not up to snuff, I mean, there's a reason. It's a. You know, hundreds of millions of dollars are invested in and spent on erectile dysfunction pills. If it stops working, you stop being the man you feel like you are here to be. It's designed to be the extension of you that gives you, you know, the ability to give someone pleasure by stabbing them with it. Is every man part of the mojo? That's what we do. That's our mojo. If that thing disappears, it's like, well, what good am I?

[Brady Bogan]

Scott Weiland said it. Half the man I used to be.

[Adam Ray]

Exactly. And if nobody wants it, if you're sitting out there adrift, that's what's causing all these crazies. We don't talk about it enough. Most of the crazy shooters are incels, which means nobody wants them. Now, maybe it's their personality, but that means their penis is. Is not being used properly. Their libido, their sexuality is unwanted, unneeded, and it starts messing with a dude's brain.

[Brett Vesely]

An Italian man.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, oh, forget Italian.

[Brett Vesely]

Micro peels knew about it. And that word spread. The falconer over there, they're talking and he's like, oh, yeah, check it out.

[Adam Ray]

Now things have changed. The birds perched on the thing. Now. Go get him. Eagle soar to great heights there, baby. Right off of the old post. Thank you.

[Ben]

I don't like it.

[Adam Ray]

A newer falconer, he use a hidden too much, so we don't talk about it enough. We always like mental health this, mental health that. I can fix 60% of it, at least. There's still some crazy out there with some big dong, but most of the ones that start acting on it, maybe not small penis, but unwanted penis for sure. The office weirdo is always the guy who's not getting laid, and then he starts taking it out on women for not liking them. You've seen all those manifestos, the dudes that shoot stuff up. The one guy that was mad at people having girlfriends because how come I can't have one? So maybe your personality is no good. I might be this little dick too. It should be included in some sort of a workplace fix them up. Just like drug addiction and alcohol. You've got a tiny penis and you start losing your mind at work a little bit. We've all been in this building. It's a pretty relaxed place to work. But in the past, we've had people who've made you kind of think at any given time there's going to be a fist fight for no reason at all. Could make the assumption that the penis is not very big and that's why they were so angry. There's angry people. I'm usually relating that back to your dick.

[Brett Vesely]

One or two powder kegs always walking around.

[Adam Ray]

Right. Statistically same as micropenis. You got a couple of guys who walk by and buzz that he's radiating anger again. I guess this is not a lot of dick down there. You should talk to the managers and have a procedure and then watch that person come back in the room. Be like, man, you're a different animal. Now. Short man syndrome is a totally different thing. You can't extend anybody. They're just going to end up being that, sorry, Brady. Yeah, sorry, Brady. But if you're angry and Brady's not angry about it.

[Brady Bogan]

No.

[Adam Ray]

He's in complete denial that it's a factor in his life.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm a big man.

[Adam Ray]

That's right.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm a big man about it.

[Adam Ray]

You've made up for your height in other ways. That's okay. You just have to find some people can't do that. The falconer. Pretty impressed that this dude has done what he's done. So if you have a tiny one, I think maybe going to your boss today going, hey, there's a reason why I'm a little bit difficult at work and I'm going to show it to you.

[Brett Vesely]

Call your health care provider today. See if they cover it.

[Adam Ray]

Right. Put it away. Oh, my God. We're gonna get you into the doctor's office. Toot. Sweet. I'm sorry. That's not right to have. No wonder. Yeah. If you've got a little one, you don't want to show it to people. Post your penis.

[Brady Bogan]

Can you imagine going down to Susie and hrt? Does insurance cover this?

[Adam Ray]

Got a couple questions. I'm saying, I know I'm on the firing block here and I. I've lost my mind at work. Doing the old duce a few times too many. Frowned upon. But let me tell you exactly why that's going on. I don't have drugging or Drinking problems. But I do have a bigger one that you don't know about. And I think it's time you guys stepped up, ponied up, filled. Filled that bill for me. If you do the old duche at work, I'm first off. I'm not firing you. I find you hysterical. I think that might be the funniest thing I've heard in a long time. And then the other guy, the penis guy, that. The crazy story at the Bikini Bean. Did you see that one? He was a swimmer at one of the high schools about 10 years ago. And evidently, I don't know what the correlation of that was, but the story is a former swimmer at. I'm gonna say Central High, but I don't know if that's right. Drove over to the Bikini bean with his pants off, giving himself a rub. And they're like, you can't do that. Get out of here. Went home and hung himself.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh.

[Brady Bogan]

I mean, is that the real story?

[John Holmberg]

Or was she like.

[Adam Ray]

And there's the other thing. We don't know that we need. We need the bikini Bean people to do it.

[Brett Vesely]

I thought it would work.

[Adam Ray]

Or he'd lost his mind. There's a lot of. This crime. Is penis related. This one says size. David Vasquez, damn you. Size does matter. One of our most famous size queens is Obama. I mean, look at big Mike. Size matters. That's right. Would Obama be with Big Mike if she wasn't hanging? It's a thing. Penises are a thing. That's a very real, like, reason why that no one likes to talk about. If you got a little one and, like, very little, you can have a smaller, useful. Talk to girls about it.

[Ben]

Size doesn't matter unless it's really small.

[Adam Ray]

That matters. Andrew's making little guys feel terrible.

[Brady Bogan]

Andrew's taking Brady sizes. I could tell Brady's packing a hog because he never gets mad at all.

[Adam Ray]

That's right. Brady's probably got a deep V down there.

[Brett Vesely]

I had surgery years ago.

[Adam Ray]

Never seen Brady walking around the hallways going, that's enough. He'll do.

[John Holmberg]

J.

[Adam Ray]

You're like, what the hell? Can you. Mussolini salutes his dick fall off? I don't know what Brady's carrying, but he's made. He's made peace with it. Whatever it is down there, if it's huge, congratulations. If it's a micro, you've done a good job of masking that. Now you could be a powder keg someday. You come back in here and shoot everybody after the fact. I don't know. I Don't know, dressed up as Mussolini. But that to me is a sign that you've got a little bit. If you show up as a fascist dictator to work one day and start saluting him and then just say, I really admired the guy. Let's take a look at these drawers. But the most relaxed guys are usually the ones with a middling one. You know, the Goldilocks peepee. It's just right. It's not too big, it's not too small. Nothing really seems to bother that guy. You know why? Because he goes home to that useful hog. The 2,500square foot house that he got on a great deal. This is a good one. He doesn't have the 6,000 square foot super house with a, you know, four acres and a stable and a guest house. That's ridiculous. But he also doesn't have a tiny house in his mother's backyard. Just drive him into the Il Duce. I gotta give it to him that he didn't go straight to Hitler either. He stuck home. He stayed in Italy.

[Brady Bogan]

He's proud.

[Adam Ray]

You don't hear a lot of people. You know, Mussolini was always kind of Hitler's bitch. Right? He was never. I know that he's protecting his country.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

He was kind of the guy who was like, I kind of think this guy might win. I think he was just, you can have it. He was Fanduel in the Plus 400. They all were. Oh, the dude in Japan was just. He just wanted to blow stuff up. He wanted permission from a guy. Hey, I'll help you. I'll help you blow stuff. Pissed off.

[Brady Bogan]

He's pixelated. You know, I mean, you're right.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. Tojo probably had himself a little tiny way, which is why his method of war was just, hey, we got nothing to live for. Smash your plane into it. Anyway. So I feel bad for the guy and hopefully somebody gives him a chance because not a lot of gigs out there for falconers. The one nobody's talking about if you feel sorry for is the eagle. There are no more people that can just put their arm out and make the eagle fly around the stadium and come back. Why does it have to be this dude?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. Is the only one in town. No.

[Adam Ray]

Why did the fans have to suffer because this dude had a penile implant he was a little too proud of. And we should start. Like Brett said, when a woman does it. Got my new cans put in. People are very excited about it. Brazilian butt lifts. And, you know, I don't know if a woman at work did vaginal rejuvenation and gave us some before and afters on her Instagram. I don't think she's getting fired.

[Brady Bogan]

A guy, maybe. Problem with your theory here?

[Adam Ray]

All right, Miguel, strong points, strong points. As if what you're saying, John, is true. Why is. Why aren't prisons filled with Asians nothing but big dick black guys in jail? Well, that's because of the. That's. That's the. What do they call that thing? Patriarchy? I just throw that word out there to make everybody comfortable. I'm not wildly comfortable with your theory either. This racism is why the Eagle probably.

[Dick Toledo]

Has some psychological issues, like your dog Yeardley.

[Adam Ray]

Only, you know, stuff's missing.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, yeah, stuff's missing. Or he's been mistreated and he'll only go to that guy.

[Adam Ray]

And this guy's right, too. He's like, man, women are awful. Never trust a bitch who says it's not about size. My girl never cared about size. She always just laid back and enjoyed life. Signed Nathan Sutherland. Well, that's true. She never once made a size complaint, Nathan. That's for sure.

[Brett Vesely]

You think that's kind of good press for the soccer club? A little bit.

[Adam Ray]

That they fired a guy?

[Brett Vesely]

No, that if they kept him on there and that came out and that was news. And if it was impressive. Hey, the dude that handles the Eagle.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, I think it's good. So long as he never did the Benito Mussolini thing.

[Brett Vesely]

It's got his own touch. That did him in.

[Adam Ray]

He got suspended a couple years ago for the Mussolini thing. But now that, you know he had a micro penis, you can forgive it. But that went public, so now it's like. Well, now he's sending pictures of his dick out. He's just crazy. But he's going to be the best employee in the world starting now. I mean, the soccer team blew it. So if you're looking for an Italian.

[Brady Bogan]

Falconer, the Phoenix Rising should hire him.

[Adam Ray]

Sure. I mean, hey, their fans love Wang's.

[Brett Vesely]

Whatever towns next to the rival.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, hire some. Yeah, well, it's Rome. So if, like Tuscany would probably. You go up the street a little bit to Tuscany. And then I don't know if they got a soccer team. Probably everybody does. And then have that eagle floating around over there with your Mussolini loving plastic dick Falconer. The good story, though, and it makes a lot of sense that the things we don't talk with. There he is.

[Brady Bogan]

He had to add to it. I mean, he kind of looks like a younger Bill Belichick.

[Adam Ray]

He's a little Doughy. It's a big ass eagle, though. But what does it honestly have anything to do with his skills catching that bird?

[Brady Bogan]

He's now got a bigger perch for the thing.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, exactly. He's got three places to land. But did is anyone. I'd never found any of the pictures of his genitals while I was searching this. After there's anybody posting them. He's so happy. Look how different. Did you see how. I mean, he might have shaved his head?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

How happy he is, though. Well, he shaved his head like his idol Mussolini, because if you remember, I think he's trying to look more like Bonito in that picture. Poor fella. And now the world knows. No crank pictures, nothing about him. Oh, there he is at the hospital. Was that him pre surgery?

[Brady Bogan]

I think so.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, boy, we're good.

[Brady Bogan]

But look at him, though. From the Bill Belichick look to shaving his head, wearing the shades and everything.

[Adam Ray]

He's all manned up there. I can't imagine this to. You know, I'm not bragging or anything because there's nothing to brag about, but I am not worried about it. I can't imagine what it would be like to have a micro penis because you're still worried when you got a regular one. I'm off the rack. My stuff's off the rack. I basically am that mannequin. God made this mannequin and just kind of plopped it down there and said, you're off the rack. Everything you buy is of size. You know, magnums, if you want to use them, it's hilarious. But you don't need them.

[Brett Vesely]

You went for the full Dana White look.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. Now I got the regular. The regular Joe going downstairs, but I can't imagine whipping it out, having a girl. I remember there was a girl I talked to once and she said, I was with this guy the other day. She's a size queen. I didn't know that. This was years ago. And she goes, it was this guy the other day and he pulled it out. And I'm like, who are you going to please with that? I'm like, you said that to him? She goes, I didn't want it. I'm like, you're horrible. Like you. That guy's gonna kill people. Now you realize what you did?

[John Holmberg]

What?

[Adam Ray]

Was barely there. Like, oh, now, keep in mind, she was probably 80 pounds overweight.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, she was on black dot com.

[Adam Ray]

And I wanted to say. That's what I kind of wanted to say. Well, you're used to certain sizes. It's not his fault.

[Brett Vesely]

You said that to Bundy.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. The guy that she was upset about was a black guy, and she's making fun of his wiener.

[Brady Bogan]

Keyshawn wasn't packing.

[Adam Ray]

He was not packing. No. That's again on Martin Luther King Day. Don't do that. Yeah. Don't judge.

[Brady Bogan]

It's true.

[Adam Ray]

The color of their skin. Some of them have small. It's not judging. It's.

[Brady Bogan]

It's exactly what you're saying, though.

[Adam Ray]

Some small peepees, but he was the small one. It was. It's shocking.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, exactly.

[Adam Ray]

We don't expect that, thanks to the Internet, especially. But you can't tell a guy that.

[Brady Bogan]

Just take one for the team and shut up.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. Chumps. Then tell the story after. Like a decent woman.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

You go through it and you're like, ugh, Keyshawn's got a button, like a little teddy bear eye.

[Brett Vesely]

That's terrible.

[John Holmberg]

Right?

[Adam Ray]

That's mean.

[Brady Bogan]

That is.

[Adam Ray]

And so I was telling. She's not mean. She don't have it. Don't show it. I'm like, ugh. That's all he's got, though. And you showed interest. So he's like, here's the moment of truth. You got it. Yeah. You can't do that to a guy.

[John Holmberg]

Look.

[Brady Bogan]

Manatee.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. And no matter what's more than that, look, there's a lot of insecure guys that don't like to know about. Like, Dale always talks about that. That he can't. He could never, like, ever be serious with a woman who had been with someone he knows. And the only reason that is. The only reason is that you feel like in her mind, that guy, you know, was better than you. If you're not secure with yourself, you're.

[Brett Vesely]

Worried about the battle of the mental trauma.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

If you're Felt like being compared or.

[Adam Ray]

Right. If Dale's got a girl and he finds out, hey, I used to date Holmberg, he would break up with her immediately. And in a way, that's a compliment to me because he's basically saying, I could never compete with that guy, and I know it deep down, so I better get rid of you before I embarrass myself. And that's all it. But he said it. He goes, I would never. If I had a girl and I knew that she'd blown you, I'd be out of there. Like, why has she not washed since. She's fine. You don't know what she's been with.

[Brady Bogan]

Andrew said girl asked me once, who are you going to please with that he said me watch this.

[Adam Ray]

Don't care. Well, pick up that tummy and let me see what you got. Yeah. This girl had no business being cocky. She would, she would fit in. And brutal. Oh, this was probably 1995. She would fit in today with the modern big girl era of confidence. Like she had 1990s big girl confidence that nobody had then. It was not normal, you know, it wasn't a normal thing to see like the Lizzos of the world walking around in bikinis going, what are you looking at? I look good. Like it was not normal. Like it was stuff in living color made fun of a lot. Like TV shows would like used to say, like, you know, you make jokes about big people all the time because it was like not something that was a pride based thing. Like TV has made it now. The body positivity wasn't even a phrase back then. Still shouldn't be. But she was just a. A. It didn't matter what her size was. Wow. A black guy without a big one. That's like an Asian who's just not doing well in math. It's rare. And it's also sad. It is. Yeah. But it's not. It is. Look, not everything's in a vacuum. Not every again on MLK day. Let's always remember, not all black guys have huge wanks. That's basically what Martin was saying. Just because you see a couple people of a certain race doing one thing doesn't mean everybody's doing it. Except for Mexicans and tuba music. I don't know why they all. That's across the board. There's not one of them that you can't just start. They love that stuff.

[John Holmberg]

Love it.

[Adam Ray]

Indians and fry bread pretty much across the board. There's going to be white people for the most part in mayonnaise, but that's like a 2% drop off. There's. You're pretty safe bet there. So there are a few things that are race related. Wieners aren't one of them. So if you have a date with a fella and you watch black.com a lot and your African American date comes in and doesn't, doesn't unroll anything, don't be mad. That makes you racist. Yeah. This guy says so. What MLK was really saying was don't judge by the color of their skin but by the content of their character is actually a euphemism for the size of a man's penis. And maybe he was saying that because Martin Luther King just had an average one. So he's basically like, before you start thinking something about me that ain't true, let me just say, don't judge me until you see it for real.

[Brady Bogan]

You don't think chunks would have taken MLK then?

[Adam Ray]

I don't know. I mean, if, you know, the way he was talking, he's basically like, not all stereotypes are true. It's essentially what MLK's message was. Don't judge everybody by the color of their skin. There's a lot of. A lot of us who have little ones. And all those Asians over there, there's a few of them kind of don't do well with numbers. It's a fact. I love MLK day. His birthday, his days, Monday. But his birthdays. It's time to reflect what MLK's real message was. Most of people you're going to meet in life fish off kind of dicks. Doesn't mean they represent everybody in their race.

[Brady Bogan]

Started moving. Small black dicks matter.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, that's a good one right there. That's. I don't know that anybody's going to really line up to march in that because it's sort of an announcement of what's going on.

[Brady Bogan]

So I'm marching for my brother. I swear to God.

[Adam Ray]

It's like when Snoop Dogg did the commercial for erectile dysfunction.

[Ben]

Yo, Play, you got a problem getting it up? I don't.

[Adam Ray]

I'll tell you right now. Like he. In the commercial, he made it clear. I may be telling you guys with limp dicks how to do this. I don't have a problem. You don't do that in the middle of the Ed commercial. Some of you having trouble getting it up. I can do it right now.

[Ben]

I'll show you on tv.

[Adam Ray]

But he took the money from hims. But in that contract, it said I have to in the commercial at some point or another, let everybody know I don't need this stuff. Sure, whatever. Snoop Dogg, hop in. I would never tell. I'm hard right now. Shizzle dizzle.

[Ben]

Take a look at my nizzle.

[Adam Ray]

All right. Snoop Dogg's got an erection while he tells everybody how to do it.

[Ben]

El Duce. El Duce.

[Adam Ray]

Uh oh, he's lost his mind. I'd forgotten about El Duce. I'd forgotten about the old salute for. He had his own thing too. It just wasn't as popular as the guy he was following. Anyway, sorry about all you micropenes out there today. I think work should cover it is basically what the message is. And don't salute Mussolini at work. Keep that in your own That's a privacy your own home thing. And to the dude who goes to Bikini Bean with his pants off, it's a tragedy afterwards. But we need more details, because if the Bikini Bikini Bean girls were giggling trouble, that's, you know, nobody likes to talk about. I was like, all right, bikini, what did you see?

[Ben]

Oh, he drove by, his pants down. He was doing things to his.

[Adam Ray]

To his penis. Was it a sizable penis? Not really. Did any of you ladies laugh? Especially the hot ones? Not the chubby one who's too confident to work here? Well, yeah.

[Ben]

Brittany laughed a little bit.

[Adam Ray]

All right, well, case closed.

[Brady Bogan]

Can you describe it?

[Adam Ray]

It should have been pixelated. It looked like the top of a.

[Ben]

Mushroom had fallen off of pizza and landed in his lap, and he was trying to flick it off.

[Adam Ray]

This is why he hung himself. No more questions.

[Brett Vesely]

What'd you say to him? Did you want a short espresso?

[Ben]

Do you want whipped cream with that, ma'am?

[Adam Ray]

Oh, man, I'm going home anyway. Or one of the people at the Bikini Bean said, wow, I thought all you guys were hung. And then he said, I'll show you terrible story, but don't hang yourself over your penis size ever.

[Brady Bogan]

Maybe I ordered a venti. And she started laughing.

[Adam Ray]

I don't know what the hell. I bet everything you want in your life you wish was bigger, huh? I see it. But don't go. Don't go through drive thrus with your pants off. That's just a rule.

[Brady Bogan]

It's on you.

[Adam Ray]

That's on you. And I don't know what the headline always like. I've read it four times in different spots. It always mentions that he was a swimmer. Who cares? I think he's like, 27. Like, he was a high school swimmer. And it's in. It's like in all the headlines, which in a weird way is also.

[Brady Bogan]

Less water is a sign apparently one of champions.

[Adam Ray]

These trans athletes are dominant. He's not. He's just. Oh, you're breaking the guy. Yeah. I just don't. I don't know why they kept including the swimming thing, but they did anyway. What a day. Just a strange one all the way around. Brett, what do you got on the big board of musical treats? All right.

[Brady Bogan]

Wake Up Song brought to you by Action Ride Shop. It doesn't matter the size. They will take care of you.

[Adam Ray]

That's right. In fact, they. Or they. They measure you there. Absolutely. Yeah. And put you on the bike properly.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. So get you on a bike. Get you up. Snowboarding or skiing. Action. Ride, shop has it all. And don't forget the new location opening up right there by the Hawes Trail on McDowell and Power, coming around February 1st ish. So keep an eye actionrideshop.com check them out on Facebook, socials, all the other.

[Brett Vesely]

Stuff.

[Brady Bogan]

On the list. Danzig Hardy. Second time in a row Randy Newman has made it for short people. Prodigy, Parkway Drive, Foo Fighters, Candle Box, Snot, Anthrax, Live Freaks for Natalia Grace.

[Adam Ray]

That song for all of it. Today we've talked about nothing but freaks.

[Brady Bogan]

Jackal, she Loves My Cock.

[Adam Ray]

Nirvana, it's about a roost. Yes, yes.

[Brady Bogan]

And Nirvana. Territorial Pissing.

[Adam Ray]

I like Live Freaks is a great song. Thinking about the second I saw the word, it started running in my head. That's good stuff. All right, we'll go with Freaks by luck for that whole thing. Yeah, I, I would love to try to figure out exactly what's going on with why they keep mentioning that guy's a swimmer. But evidently that's an important part of the story to people. I don't see it, I think driving around with your pants off at a, at a Bikini Bean. But again, in a weird way, Bikini Bean. It's not supposed to happen. But when you start parading around chicks and bikinis at 5:30 in the morning, there's a chance some dude's going to take that opportunity. I'm doing it. I'm going to be weird about it. There's a lot of weirdos out there. So when you start, you know, having, you know, low level strip clubs, serving coffee first thing in the morning, and I don't mean low level in their quality. I'm saying, like, these girls aren't getting naked. Dudes are going to do weird stuff. Guys can get weird. It's too risky. I wouldn't do it if I was a girl. Like it's standing there in a bra. They did it in the beginning of the Landman show and they all stop at the coffee place, Hot girl. And every guy in the car is acting weird. And it's, it's just. Yeah, yeah, we get. We're not normal around that stuff. And they got to pretend to like everybody. You know, they don't. Do you have live.

[Brady Bogan]

I can get it.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, I got it. Pop that on there. I love this one.

[Brett Vesely]

About $80 worth of coffee, right?

[Adam Ray]

You buy like a thousand dollars worth of coffee just because cans are involved. I don't even, I don't even like coffee. I go right in there. Anyway, it's for the freaks out there this morning. If you've Got a little one. See if work will pay for it. Today it's live. It's 98K upd. It's out of control now. Morning sickness. Morning sickness. The emails are finding about the dude who did the whacking off at the bikini bean. Evidently. And I've watched the video now. Dude pulls up in his Dodge. It's got a Charger or Challenger or whatever, and they're already filming him. So when he realizes, oh, they're filming me, he takes off. That's a. That's a guy who's done that a whole bunch of times. Yeah, you don't so that. Yeah. So now the Internet's like, you know, he took his own life after this. Like, yeah, there had to be some more to that. But that's just weird. He had no pants on either. And the girl, once, she kind of leaned the camera and he realized what was going on, he just takes off. Life is not going your direct. But again, it's almost like some sort of weird bigotry in the headline. Former swimmer. Huh? Like, stop it. That's not even part of the story. The reporters are like, wait a minute. Was on the swim team. That goes against everything I know again on MLK Day. Stop it with the stereotype headlines. We'll take care of that right here. Brady's gonna do it now. It's called the Brady Report. It's all the news that only Brady knows. And now you have to listen to it. Brady reported.

[Brett Vesely]

Good Wednesday morning to you, Phoenix.

[Ben]

Hello, Warren.

[Adam Ray]

Hi.

[Brett Vesely]

Happy National Bagel Day.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, maybe Larry will bring us in some.

[Adam Ray]

Hope so. Larry's homemade Bagel.

[Brett Vesely]

He's the one who told me yesterday. You know what tomorrow is?

[Adam Ray]

Is he making them?

[Brett Vesely]

I don't think so.

[Adam Ray]

It's a process to do it, but he does it at home. Those are best bagels I've ever had in my life. They were incredible. His parents used to own Karsha's Bakery.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Over in downtown Phoenix, which was like kind of a legendary bakery here in town. His parents owned that. So Larry's got the skill. It's in his. It's in his blood to make bagels. Wow. I mean, come on.

[Brett Vesely]

If you're in the East Valley, go to Bonjourno Bagels.

[Adam Ray]

That's a good one.

[Brett Vesely]

And then we have at our old station building on ELLIOTT and the i10, there's Bagel Man.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, yeah. Is that still there? Bagel for sure.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Where's Mounjiorno Bagels?

[Brett Vesely]

On like, Gilbert, just north of the 202 the South 200. Okay, Santiago.

[Adam Ray]

You know a lot about that.

[Brett Vesely]

Good stuff. All right, Couple of baseless fun facts. There is no federal law banning the creation of fake images of people, meaning no federal law. So I think you could, by state, maybe you can get in trouble.

[Adam Ray]

But what is it. What do you mean by making a fake image of people?

[Brett Vesely]

Banning the creation of fake images of.

[Adam Ray]

People so I can do, like, a image of you banging a goat? Yeah, there's nothing you can do about that.

[Brett Vesely]

I think it differs. Maybe if. If you're.

[Adam Ray]

If it's fake, figure public figures more maybe out there. Why not? Yeah, that would be parody. Well, how's that different than, like, Mad magazine?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

So now with AI, it can look real before you have to draw it or, like, kind of manufacture it. So now you're saying that it does. Like, there's no law right now at all saying that I can't make something that looks just like you.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, because we see them posted all the time of celebrities in different situations. Sure. There's a whole bunch of them on Trump dancing. I've seen out.

[Adam Ray]

I've seen Kamala do some things. Yeah, I've seen Kamala do some things.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, yeah?

[Adam Ray]

Oh, yeah. I've seen Dua Lipa having sex with a guy.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, how about the one wasn't real, but man T. Swift taking on the whole cheese.

[Adam Ray]

Right when. That's Right when. That was pretty realistic for a minute, too. There's a cute. There's a glitch or two in that. But it was real enough for me to play along.

[Brett Vesely]

There are more public libraries in the US than McDonald's. There are approximately 16,500 public libraries, less than 14,000 McDonald's. I would have thought that would be the other way around, but.

[Adam Ray]

By the way, my friend Nick says the bagel man is still. Definitely up there in that, Elliot and whatever. Still alive.

[Brett Vesely]

Many deaf people with schizophrenia don't hear voices in their head. Some see a pair of disembodied hands signing in their mind.

[Adam Ray]

Really? The voices in their head are sign language?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

How about that?

[Brett Vesely]

Dalmatians became firehouse dogs in the 1800s because the fire engines were pulled by horses. And Dalmatians get along with the horses better than any other breed.

[Adam Ray]

Do the voices in their head have different personalities?

[Brett Vesely]

There's no voices.

[Adam Ray]

That's what I'm saying. They're the hands.

[Brett Vesely]

The hands have.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, because, like, right now, if you have voices in your hands, you got the evil one. You've got the British Lord, you've got.

[Brett Vesely]

Could it be a celebrity hand?

[Adam Ray]

Is the. Is it the hand? Because like literally if you look at people and schizophrenia, isn't it like multiple personality disorders the one. But if you had that in your head and you're deaf and you're saying that it's hands. Do the hands take on? Because when multiple personalities, they have like, they'll have accents or they'll be, you know, gruff or tender or they have different varying voices. Do their hands do that? How do you know who's talking to you?

[Brady Bogan]

Christ. That means you got a mime in your head.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, you got.

[Brett Vesely]

That's the worst Mickey Mouse kill me now.

[Adam Ray]

They give a three fingered one helper hands. Like a gruff one would be like a tattoo on the hand. And I want to dive more into this by the way. How many deaf multiple personality schizophrenics are there? Probably a couple.

[Brett Vesely]

And it doesn't say all just says some of them.

[Adam Ray]

Oh sure, sure. Some do have voices in their heads.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, that'd be my guess.

[Brady Bogan]

But.

[Adam Ray]

Well, that's what you said. That's what I'm asking.

[Brett Vesely]

No, I just said some have hands. But then.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, the other ones would be voices.

[Brett Vesely]

Don't have anything.

[Adam Ray]

Well then they wouldn't have schizophrenia and multiple personality disorder.

[Brady Bogan]

Sounds terrible.

[Brett Vesely]

Why does it have to be something always in.

[Adam Ray]

Well, what's in your head if you have nothing? What are the multiple personalities if there's no manifestation?

[Brett Vesely]

It could be it. Well, it's got to have. Well, they have some image what you're saying.

[Adam Ray]

Right, but that's what I'm asking. Like it would be a voice or would it be. It has to communicate with them.

[Brett Vesely]

Would it be toes?

[Adam Ray]

I don't think they communicate with communicating. I don't think that's a thing.

[Brett Vesely]

Signing with toes, different limbs.

[Adam Ray]

You don't know how sign language works?

[Brett Vesely]

No. Oh, you could do it with your feet.

[Adam Ray]

You can?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, you have to.

[Brady Bogan]

I'd like to see that.

[Adam Ray]

I'm leaving. Yeah, I'd like to see you even draw that. How?

[Brett Vesely]

I'm just basing if a guy could. A person could play piano with their feet.

[Adam Ray]

Okay, so you're saying somebody.

[Brett Vesely]

You could have the ability to be.

[Adam Ray]

Able to have dexterity in their feet. But why in the did you even waste time learning sign language if you lost your arms? Just forget it. Write me a note. I'm not going through this.

[Brett Vesely]

It's a tough time.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, you're. You really try to find the other angle down to the point.000000001% there are no people doing sign language with their feet. With schizophrenia and multiple personality disorder. That is a zero. A zero.

[Dick Toledo]

Look how important the phone is to Sean Rockefeller.

[Adam Ray]

Think about how Brady hinged his entire argument on the hopes that a double amputee who can't hear signs with his feet. And also, John, there's always one that. No, I didn't. I. When have I ever said that Sometimes there's zero. They're hoping that that person who's gone through so much, lost their hearing and both their arms now has multiple personality.

[Brett Vesely]

What are you hoping?

[Adam Ray]

Well, in the argument you're hoping he exists because then it makes you kind of have a point.

[Brady Bogan]

And you guys make fun of me with the Asian playing piano with his feet. This guy's talking sign language.

[Adam Ray]

Brady thought that the multiple personality guy who has no hands might, might think of a guy trying to sign language feet to him.

[Brady Bogan]

Even if they did, I wouldn't pay attention. Bunions and athletes feet.

[Adam Ray]

I think you're crazy. If you can communicate with another person in your head and they're using their feet to talk to you, you're already not.

[Brett Vesely]

According to a new poll, talking about you.

[Adam Ray]

You know, that's you. I just diagnosed you, you lunatic.

[Ben]

Maybe they use their feet to communicate.

[Adam Ray]

No.

[Brett Vesely]

There's a Gallup poll out on Americans in the workplace and it found that 46% of employees clearly know what is expected of them at work.

[Adam Ray]

I'm still stuck on that feet sign language thing. I gotta see that.

[Brett Vesely]

Only 31% of the employees reported feeling engaged at work, which is a 10 year low.

[Adam Ray]

It'll be really funny to watch somebody doing feet sign language when they applaud because applause for sign was just hands over your head and shake them.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, Jazz hands.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Ray]

You got crazy whore to get your feet up above your head and start, stop going to shows, stop going to plays.

[Dick Toledo]

So they potato bug up.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, they have to potato bug and throw them in there. It's like you have to understand he does sign language with his feet. Everyone would constantly be explaining what the hell is he doing.

[Brett Vesely]

There's a story that's going around that on social media it asks people about trends that everyone will regret in 10 years. Some were putting their whole lives on the Internet.

[Adam Ray]

Oh yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

The worst parts will resurface.

[Adam Ray]

What have I said for years? It's a viper in your pocket. Keep, keep posting all of your great ideas. Ten years from now somebody's gonna find something they don't.

[Brett Vesely]

Like filming kids worst moments on the Internet clout. Basically trying to say it's funny that they film their kid doing something, they.

[Brady Bogan]

Come back and murder you later.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, yeah, there's that.

[Brett Vesely]

Bullying teachers out of their profession.

[Adam Ray]

Bullying them.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

Way to go, John.

[Adam Ray]

I'm not bullying them out. I'm telling. I'm giving them power. Quit your stupid job so you don't get bullied by these kids and parents anymore. I'm your strength.

[Brett Vesely]

Face tattoos.

[Adam Ray]

That is an immediate regret. That's not just 10 years.

[Brett Vesely]

That should be immediate cosmetic surgeries and procedures. They specifically said the buccal fat removal.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, that's. Buccal fat is through your chin.

[Brett Vesely]

The jawline.

[Adam Ray]

Jawline and stuff. And like through here. Buckle fat parents allowing for hair. Here, got jowls.

[Brett Vesely]

Get your buckle fat parents allowing children to run the show.

[Adam Ray]

Well, sorry, Gilbert.

[Brett Vesely]

Giving kids really terrible names.

[Adam Ray]

Sorry, Gilbert.

[Brett Vesely]

Sending their DNA into a random company.

[Adam Ray]

I totally think that's a mistake.

[Brett Vesely]

The proliferation of sports betting. Someone said, stop it.

[Adam Ray]

Well, that'll cause problems for. For certain people. But that was going to be their problem no matter what. It wasn't like that was the only outlet.

[Brett Vesely]

And these are just. Listen. People are saying having an only fans.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. Regrettable later in life, buying cyber trucks. I was. No way that's gonna be. You're gonna.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, you're still in on that.

[Adam Ray]

No, I'm. I didn't do it, but I'm still, like, winking a nod to the people who had the courage to do it. The. There's sort of the DeLorean of our time, though. Yeah. I was watching yesterday, flipping through the channels and Keeping up with the Kardashians was on. And I'm like, that's still a thing. So I stopped. And it was from like 11 years ago when Tristan was with Chloe and he got caught banging Kylie's best friend at some club, Jordan. And I'm like, they've rerun these. Is that. I guess you're not really keeping up with them anymore. Like, that's years ago. And then I started thinking, she's talking about her baby because she was pregnant the first time he started boning other people. And that little girl is now watching 10 years later. Is this, hey, my mom's on TV talking about dad. Oh, I didn't know he was doing that while I was still in mom's womb. Like, that's not good. So there's regrettability to, like, filming everything about your life, especially as happy as the whole family was to talk about, you know, the father of one of the kids being just awful. And the Lamar Odom thing got brought up again and I don't think you want to remember everything.

[Brett Vesely]

It looks like Amazon prime is gonna end its try before you buy option for prime members. You could buy up to seven items of apparel. You can give you seven days to try it out. The reason why they're doing it is.

[Dick Toledo]

It takes huge advantage.

[Adam Ray]

I've never even known about it. Then you got to send it back if you don't like it.

[Brett Vesely]

The seven day period.

[Adam Ray]

So they charge you for everything and then you parse out what you want and send it back. So it's like going to a dressing room but you pay for everything first.

[Dick Toledo]

She does it mostly because she's really particular on size.

[Adam Ray]

Well that's also lazy and really convenient.

[Brett Vesely]

Well now they're saying with the AI technology that they're able to do with the Amazon they've got companies that will put your figure out your body form and they can size you.

[Adam Ray]

You wouldn't trust a jeans company selling your jeans to put their jeans on your body. They're not going to be honest about it. It's always going to look better.

[Brady Bogan]

I heard too. You get, you get cheap pricks that tuck the, tuck the tags and stuff like that. Wear them and then send them back.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, I've done that with suits.

[Brett Vesely]

Starbucks is closing their doors to non paying customers.

[Adam Ray]

Good.

[Brett Vesely]

A lot of Starbucks have people hanging.

[Adam Ray]

Out there that are called hobos and homeless people.

[Brett Vesely]

They're gonna try to crack down on that.

[Adam Ray]

Smart. That's right. If you want to do drugs, you can't do them in the Starbucks anymore. There's places for that.

[Brett Vesely]

There's this cop that is in Virginia beach named Jaron Harry. He was forced to rat on himself after he hired a hooker who stole his car. His. Her name was Alexis Copeland. She's 20 years old but she goes by the name of Dream. He met her on an app and sent her a hundred bucks through Apple Pay to come over to his place to get it on. According to the police report, they laid in bed for a while before greeting agreeing to shower together. But jumped in the shower and Dream never joined him.

[Adam Ray]

She took his car.

[Brett Vesely]

When he got out, she was gone along with his car, wallet, phone, keys and police credentials.

[Adam Ray]

Never have a hooker to the house.

[Brett Vesely]

He used his neighbor's phone to call it in. And the cops found Dream driving around in his car with a different guy. She told him that it was her baby daddy.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, that her daddy? It's her pimp.

[Brett Vesely]

She claimed that Jaron offered to let her use the Car. So she. And she used at least one credit card. She's facing half a dozen charges.

[Brady Bogan]

You think?

[Adam Ray]

But she.

[Brett Vesely]

Ron isn't facing any charges yet. But he's not a cop anymore. He got fired last week.

[Adam Ray]

Well, sir, that's a quick way to.

[Brett Vesely]

Get this is dream.

[Adam Ray]

She looking good? No, no, no, no. She looks a little bit like Warren Sapphire. So not a good. Not a good hire there. Never ever. First off, shower with the hooker first, you don't lay in bed. After, you want to take a shower now wash some of that off like. Yeah, but I had a long day. You shower with the prostitute before and you know, you put everything. You don't. There's so many rules broken here. You don't have her to the house. You don't leave your wallet and keys laying around. You find a nice safe spot for that and then you keep an eye on her at all times. You don't leave her alone. I'll be in the shower naked and helpless for a little bit. You're gonna join me?

[Ben]

You bet.

[Adam Ray]

All right.

[Brady Bogan]

Didn't he inspect the merchandise before ordering? I mean, this is.

[Adam Ray]

That's bad. Yeah, that's an Amazon. Yeah, called like. Yeah, that's the seven day send back. Oh, I had ordered something in a small and you are clearly an xl. This will not fit.

[John Holmberg]

Open the door.

[Adam Ray]

I have to call my cab. Joe, I'm here because the prostitution bell ring. Yes, I ordered something completely different. That's just dumb. If you're gonna get a hooker at the house, like make a clean room, put some plastic down, go to asu.

[Dick Toledo]

Make a Dexter room.

[Adam Ray]

You make a Dexter room. You're breaking the law. Just like Dexter's not gonna kill her. She might kill you. Don't put her in your regular bed and leave your keys laying around. And the dogs get locked up. She didn't. She didn't get to be friendly with your pets because that's going to result in later. Like when the dogs are used to her. You just. You ice her out of your life, you boner. And you get her out. Why are you showering her up too? Get her out. You're cleaning her up for the next guy.

[Brett Vesely]

What's wrong with you and all.

[Adam Ray]

But get some of that off. I don't want anybody to taste my seed that's all over you. I'm a Decent John. Sorry.

[Brett Vesely]

67 year old Cleo Spence. He lives in Albany, Georgia. He called the Albany police department to have a mom and her children evicted from the home that he owned. He was renting it to him. The mother called the police and said she found text messages between spence and her 17 year old daughter and said she'd been sexually assaulted by Spence. An interview with the teenage daughter revealed that she, the daughter had been in a sexual relationship with the older man since August. But it was by the urging of her mother to help pay rent.

[Adam Ray]

Well, did they get evicted?

[Brett Vesely]

Investigators were able to determine that apparently 17 year old mother was instructing her daughter.

[Adam Ray]

She wasn't good at it then.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. So she's in trouble and he's in trouble.

[Adam Ray]

Sure. Everybody's in trouble.

[Brett Vesely]

Toledo grooming, aggravated sodomy.

[Adam Ray]

Alex is doing it on his own. Aggravated sodomy. He hasn't. Yeah, he hasn't missed rent all month. You're not encouraging it? We are. Anything to pay the bills. I say if you're down on your luck, that's. Then you got that as a weapon. And she's underage. That's not right. But still, if you like Alex, your.

[Dick Toledo]

First day of classes.

[Adam Ray]

If you can pay for rent with your Wang or your Huey and you've got no money otherwise, guess what you're gonna have to do.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, wait a minute. He actually made it. He made it to school.

[Dick Toledo]

Is happening today's first day.

[Adam Ray]

He's going to school.

[Dick Toledo]

He got all signed up.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, that's the rumor.

[Adam Ray]

That's what I'm saying.

[Dick Toledo]

I'll track him.

[Adam Ray]

We can walk around the campus. Come on.

[Dick Toledo]

He's not motivated to get a job. You think he's motivated to walk around campus?

[Adam Ray]

Does that mean he's motivated to go to school? A lot of kids with student loans can help out with rent.

[John Holmberg]

Say it, Brady, don't say it.

[Brady Bogan]

Do it.

[Dick Toledo]

And don't make me a goddamn T shirt.

[Adam Ray]

Emailers.

[Brett Vesely]

The FDA is now proposing that nutrition info be placed on the front of packaged foods. Not the whole box with all the info. Just a snapshot. Like three things. Saturated fat, sodium and added sugars.

[Dick Toledo]

They do that on most of them.

[Brett Vesely]

But there's a whole list. What they're saying is they want to simplify it and just put it on the front.

[Ben]

Everybody. Ralphie May along with Brady for Fat Guy News. I just thought I'd pop up and say, you really think that adding the caloric calorie intake of every Oreo a little bigger is gonna stop us? You're crazy.

[Dick Toledo]

It won't help you.

[Ben]

You can show pictures of dead bodies that are too fatty. Too many Oreos. I'm still cracking that bag.

[Dick Toledo]

Show Brett's pictures.

[Ben]

Show anything you want. I'm getting into that bag of Oreos.

[Brett Vesely]

And the big thing is they're gonna show a rating for each one classifying as low, medium and high.

[Ben]

All I see, when I see a lot of calories is the taste meter just went up.

[Brett Vesely]

You like to high?

[Ben]

I like it hot.

[Dick Toledo]

So wait, like a green light, yellow light, red light situation?

[Ben]

If it's set. Yeah. Like squid games.

[John Holmberg]

Yes.

[Ben]

Red light, green light. If that thing says 500 calories per serving, get me five or six of those. That gonna taste good. Brady's Fat guy news is right. Brady. They think putting more information on the front is gonna slow us down. It just gives us more ideas. It shows you what's 60 calories. Okay, Twiggy, you could have that.

[Brett Vesely]

So long, Ralphie.

[Ben]

All right, I'll talk to you guys later.

[Brett Vesely]

This is National Pizza Week, and there's a place in England, a piece of pizza place in England, that added Hawaiian pizza to their menu. But the owners think pineapple on pizza is a crime. So if you want the pineapple pizza there, it'll cost you $120.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man.

[Brett Vesely]

Other pizzas are more like 15 bucks, but once you add the pineapple, it's an additional hundred dollars.

[Adam Ray]

Then you go somewhere else for pineapple pizza.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, no kidding.

[Adam Ray]

I like pineapple on pizza. I don't care what I. It's. Who cares why people are so offended by it? Don't eat any of it. It. I don't like olives. I don't lose my mind over black olives on pizza. If somebody orders it, I pick them off. I used to. I don't know what happened. They taste like spongy soap to me. Now I can't eat them. I don't know. Something changed in my taste.

[Brady Bogan]

This is new.

[Adam Ray]

Black olives. Yeah. Probably 10 years ago, I'm like, I can't. Not only that, I can now no longer eat anything an olive has touched. I used to be able to pick it off. Can't do it anymore.

[Dick Toledo]

Brine and salt.

[John Holmberg]

Brine.

[Adam Ray]

Don't know what it is. If it's on a salad, I can't eat the salad. I taste nothing but olives. It's gross. So you flick them off. I hate green.

[Brady Bogan]

I gotta have them in the martinis.

[Adam Ray]

Well, you do.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

You're Italian. You have to have them or your. Your body starts shutting down. It's like batteries. Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

Is there a time frame where you have to have.

[Adam Ray]

It's like a video game. If he doesn't get his pellets, he starts to get too weak. It's just olives for him.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, Matthia goes. Oh, go get, go get.

[Adam Ray]

He's getting weak. It's like a diabetic. We got to get him a little candy. He's got to lick some honey.

[Brett Vesely]

Got a couple of radio videos. The first one is Super Dog.

[Adam Ray]

I'll call it Super Dong.

[Brett Vesely]

Super Dog.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, okay.

[Brett Vesely]

This guy's on a motorcycle with his.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, he's got his dog. Just jumps off the bike and starts running.

[John Holmberg]

Is that real?

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, he's out running. There's a greyhound or a whippet and it's.

[Dick Toledo]

I don't know, it might work.

[Adam Ray]

That's fake. It doesn't even look real.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, the jumps are fake.

[Brett Vesely]

No, that's.

[Adam Ray]

Come on. No, watch.

[Brady Bogan]

No, he's gonna fly at the end.

[Adam Ray]

I'm sure he's got his cape on already.

[Brett Vesely]

I just sprints across the farmland.

[Adam Ray]

I need a speed on this for a little while. Those jumps look pretty fake.

[Brett Vesely]

You know, that's probably rolling 25, 30.

[Dick Toledo]

That's real.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

He jumps out of it.

[Adam Ray]

Boom.

[Brady Bogan]

Not buying it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

On second side, that jump, those jumps.

[Brady Bogan]

Look at the dust behind two still.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

And then started running real.

[Brady Bogan]

And the dust is perfectly shaped, too.

[Adam Ray]

And when he's running, Brady, have this one. So then later we can say, oh, yeah, yeah, Brady. That's when the vagina falls out. He's like, that's not real. That might have some components of real.

[Dick Toledo]

So that's like a border collie.

[Adam Ray]

No, it's a whipping. It's an Ashley Whippet. Oh, there it is.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, See, look the way Nancy had.

[Adam Ray]

Those whippets are awesome. They're very fast, too, but real. All right.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay.

[Adam Ray]

Why you want that to be real so bad?

[Brett Vesely]

Another guy hot dogging on a motorcycle. Call this the ricochet.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, no.

[Adam Ray]

All right, he's driving down the road.

[Brett Vesely]

There's a wheelie.

[Adam Ray]

Wheelie. And he's going way too fast. And wheelie on an empty road, though, until now, guy just pulls out in front of him and has ended him. Why do you.

[Dick Toledo]

You don't finish the ending there.

[John Holmberg]

That's the.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Why do you stop filming there?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Right before the thing ends him.

[Brady Bogan]

I know you want to hear.

[Adam Ray]

Damn. As you know, that area that was watching, we saw the people watching. The reaction was going to be great. Oh, y'all see that.

[Brett Vesely]

Last was a little gymnastics behind the parallel bar.

[Adam Ray]

Does he break anything? Oh, he goes off. Oh, he tries to flip over the parallel bar and then lands it on his back and.

[Brady Bogan]

And sleeper he'll be dating Natalia.

[Adam Ray]

Gray is definitely going to need. In the future, his wife and him are going to have a lot of conversations because the bottom half of them doesn't work. All right, Brett, go. All right, those were kind of Tame Easy videos right there.

[Brady Bogan]

All right, let's start with this one.

[Brett Vesely]

See some of your fake videos.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, Here you go.

[Adam Ray]

While you're starting to want to battle.

[Brady Bogan]

For you, I'm not even going to say anything on this one.

[Adam Ray]

None of them are fake, though. This is the sad part. Oh, it's a guy taking a knife to his scrotum.

[Dick Toledo]

No, no.

[Adam Ray]

Oh. Oh, now he's. What, is he pouring beer on it? Yeah, he's opening up for his disinfectant. Oh, oh, he's taking a steak knife to his balls. It's his balls. And it's. Oh, oh, he's taking one out. Removing a testicle with a steak knife and some sort of field. And then a guy pours beer on the hole, and he seems, like, fine with it. Oh, my God.

[Dick Toledo]

That's the kind of friendship I don't want.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, his ball. Just pop. Dry pop. I wish it was. I wish it was, too. Fortunately, I think that's very real.

[Brett Vesely]

So worth going viral.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, Brady wanted. Somebody wanted me to send this. I know how much Brady likes breastfeeding videos, so there you go, buddy. This one's for you. Oh, did you see this one?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

All right, you've probably already said it's a little capuchin Wild America, Wild World monkey breastfeeding on another one. And.

[Brady Bogan]

And there's not much happening.

[Adam Ray]

You actually saw that? You.

[Brett Vesely]

No, I saw. I mean, he sent it to all of us.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, okay. I didn't see that.

[Brady Bogan]

All right, let's get back to the real stuff here.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, the real stuff. You got to have human, not primate, breastfeeding. Brady's not interested in that. And make sure the lady's not too fat. He's.

[Brady Bogan]

How about this one?

[Adam Ray]

Oh, what's that? It's a crippled girl who looks like the lamp from Pixar. And. And she's got a big. She's got great cans.

[Dick Toledo]

One leg. Oh, no, she got two.

[Adam Ray]

No, she's. But the other one ain't right.

[Brady Bogan]

One's like a hand.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, one is a normal leg, and the other one is like. Yeah, like an arm. Look at that leg. Pause it right there. So she's. She's leaning it on her hot friend's knee, and then her hot friend's tossing her in the pool. She has no arms. One good leg and then, like, a stick leg. And she looks like the Pixar lamp. We don't see how that ends either.

[Brady Bogan]

Hopefully the bobber can swim.

[Adam Ray]

That can't be good.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, you would have been upset at me if I put that one.

[Adam Ray]

That's a murder.

[Brady Bogan]

No, that's pretty.

[Adam Ray]

Because I passed on beyond freak show. Oh, yeah, and you gave us the dog running down the field instead.

[Brady Bogan]

All right, how about break.

[Adam Ray]

Not start bragging about our choices.

[Brady Bogan]

How about break dancing with a train?

[Adam Ray]

Oh. Oh, Guys doing the worm. He's got his head on the train tracks. I thought he was gonna pull away.

[Brett Vesely]

Why would you kick off your shoes?

[Adam Ray]

He puts his head on the train track right before going.

[Brett Vesely]

He's doing it on purpose.

[Adam Ray]

I know. What. What sort of analysis was that?

[Brett Vesely]

He wasn't trying to fix the tracks. Of course he dropped his iPhone.

[Adam Ray]

I'm gonna turn his mic off today. He dropped his iPhone slowly and then wormed to it and then got sleepy. He did that on purpose? Brady said, you know. You mean he rested his head on the rails five feet from when the train went by on purpose? All right, how about nothing accidentally he crawled to his destination?

[Brady Bogan]

How about a guy slashing his own throat?

[Adam Ray]

No, no. Oh, it's an open throat. I don't want to see this. Why did he do this? I don't know. Why is he filming it? He missed, by the way. It's not gushing like it's supposed to. To. He didn't. He didn't hit the. He didn't hit the main jugular. He's just bleeding. It's low end on the throat. It's. He made a smile on his neck. Why is that a thing? Make this video end. He's gonna do more, isn't he? That's another person pointing at it. Oh, no, that's the hand. I thought that was a thumb.

[Brady Bogan]

No, that's a razor blade.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, don't. Don't. Stop it. Okay, Brett, stop. That's enough.

[Brett Vesely]

He did that on purpose.

[Adam Ray]

I can't. I can't. All right, all right, all right.

[Brady Bogan]

Let me cleanse your palate with this. This is for Brady.

[Adam Ray]

We'll close out with this. God, what is going on out there? I can't even make out what this is. Somebody street side rose bus. Oh, it's somebody's butthole hanging out. Just standing on the side of the road with their butthole hanging out. Whoa. That's a rosebud in a rosebud.

[Brady Bogan]

I didn't know.

[Brett Vesely]

It's like a baby Elephant.

[Adam Ray]

Look at that again.

[Dick Toledo]

She had two.

[Adam Ray]

That was the rose doubled into a second rosebud.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, wow.

[Adam Ray]

See, it's a double bubble. And it's a double bubble and people are just sitting on the side of the road dropping double bubbles.

[Dick Toledo]

Well, there goes that gum.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, my God.

[Brett Vesely]

Another fake one.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, my God.

[Brady Bogan]

We can watch the throat slashing again.

[Brett Vesely]

No.

[Adam Ray]

Yikes. There is a. An awful lot of people whose buttholes are out of their bodies. And that's on film.

[Dick Toledo]

Think of many.

[Adam Ray]

Think of how many are on film. And we never see it's the same.

[Dick Toledo]

People twice, up our estimate. Because it's.

[Adam Ray]

It's a lot higher than it used to be because the people who aren't filming it and it's happening. Like we see all the ones that are video recorded.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, right.

[Dick Toledo]

You think the ones that film it have one too? Like they're.

[Adam Ray]

Huh. Oh.

[Dick Toledo]

If you're community, trade off their community.

[Adam Ray]

Nobody in a room unsurprised by a rosebud has not had their own rosebud.

[Dick Toledo]

Okay. That's kind of what I was thinking.

[Adam Ray]

That's an SAT question there. There's nobody in the room watching a rosebud going, what's that? They all know. But think about all the times that.

[Brett Vesely]

It'S not known about a rosebud.

[Dick Toledo]

About. About a year, when I saw. Oh, no, it was when they were like that.

[Adam Ray]

I didn't know that that's what they looked like. I didn't know what they looked like. But there was a Jacques at. Tony Romas had brought up the rosebud.

[Brett Vesely]

Stop it.

[Dick Toledo]

You've known it for 20 years.

[Adam Ray]

Didn't know what it was. 30. Didn't know what it was, though. And he didn't get in detail. So he said some. I thought it was a gay term. And then years later, when the. Brandon Lee was here from Channel 3 and said Rosebud, and I think I was like, that's a. That's a. That's a thing in the community. And he goes, oh, yeah. Because that's like a goal for some guys to make one. Well, yeah, because that means you've. You've turned a man inside out.

[Dick Toledo]

Good God.

[Adam Ray]

You pull. And that was the wizard sleeve from Borat. That's why he's talking about the wizard sleeve coming out. And I always thought that was just like, hilarious. It's real. So rosebuds are. But think about it now. People are unafraid to put it on film. We have not seen the same person twice, which. Hundreds of them.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Ray]

So I Think you're right. I think we need to have like a percentage of rosebuds that have happened in the Phoenix area. Five million plus people. I'm gonna say there's been.

[Dick Toledo]

I'll go 30%. Bob. I'll go three out of ten.

[Adam Ray]

Probably about right.

[Brett Vesely]

Send Brett. Local rosebud.

[Adam Ray]

That's a million and a half people. I'll go with that. About a million.

[Brady Bogan]

I will show it to you too. So don't even.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

You can send it all you want, but I will show it right over to you.

[Adam Ray]

A million. Three to a million. Five rosebuds in the town of living Phoenicians.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Currently walking around with us. Have within the last 48 hours. Had to push it back in.

[John Holmberg]

Oh.

[Brett Vesely]

How many?

[Adam Ray]

I'm gonna say there's a million.

[Brady Bogan]

I could say I'm a million.

[Adam Ray]

In that. Yes. Which noobs Brady. There's a lot of gays.

[Dick Toledo]

You want to deny it?

[Adam Ray]

There's a lot of whores. There's a lot of drug activity in this town. That means there's a lot of ass play. There's five and a half million citizens. Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

And you're saying the gay population is. What do you think?

[Adam Ray]

It's only game. A lot of straight people that go.

[Dick Toledo]

Guarantee you a lot of your swingers in Gilbert.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, yeah. It's happened a lot. It's happening in your neighborhood. A lot more than you want to admit.

[Dick Toledo]

There's some dirty play.

[Adam Ray]

There's a reason why a lot of them seems high. A lot of those ladies and a lot of those ladies in Gilbert wear tight pants for a reason. That's to keep it home. You would put a dress on and that thing's coming out.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Dick Toledo]

You put plus 40 on that too.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, yeah. Where it's got a little wear and tear. A little easier to rip it out. Sir. I'll say somewhere. I'll go 900,000 to a million three. All right. Maybe 40 hours in the last week have had to push it back in.

[Dick Toledo]

That's a fear of mine.

[Adam Ray]

It is from this show of yours. Falling out.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Wow. What are you doing? I'm gonna shut him off for a second. I have no fear of that happening. I just want to make that proclamation real quick. Yeah. Brady can also say no fear of it now.

[Brady Bogan]

Me neither.

[Adam Ray]

Could it happen?

[Dick Toledo]

That's what I'm saying.

[Adam Ray]

Yes, it could. Do I fear it happening? The odds are slim. Very slim. In order for me to fear it, I'd have to tempt it. I'm not doing that.

[John Holmberg]

Get A Hemi.

[Adam Ray]

And that's what you want. I'm going to turn them off again. It would be a complete surprise if it did happen. Which means I haven't spent any time fearing it. I think Brett's with me on that.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Interesting of interesting. Fear. I'm afraid of needles. Toledo's afraid that his entire anus is going to tumble out for some reason at any given time.

[Dick Toledo]

Whatever the reason, it's a fear.

[Adam Ray]

It's unreasonable.

[Brett Vesely]

What's the number?

[Adam Ray]

Unless something you're doing that you're not talking about.

[Dick Toledo]

Well, Lisa likes to.

[Adam Ray]

Does she?

[Dick Toledo]

No. Let me just clear that.

[Adam Ray]

You're not wrong. Back to what Toledo said before he went crazy. Post 40, ladies and gentlemen. And you've been dabbling around back there. That thing gets a little bit, you know, the structural integrity. Structural integrity starts to kind of be compromised. Boy, oh boy.

[Dick Toledo]

Check in with Adam, Ray.

[Adam Ray]

About a million. Adam's going to be here, right?

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

A million. I'd say a million in our city in the last week have gone. Oops.

[Brett Vesely]

Had to put how many in the building?

[Adam Ray]

Now, I'm not saying. Hold on. Shut up. It's not a beehive.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay. Okay.

[Adam Ray]

Rosebuds can be like a. Oh, my. Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

I thought you meant like beehive.

[Adam Ray]

Beehive is a much less percentage. But the. That's too much.

[Brett Vesely]

The potential of the bud. The actual.

[Adam Ray]

The rosebud. Yeah. That is a full on beehive. That comes out of something breaching the crest.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, right.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. Plop it back in. No, no, not for pooping. You always want to make it natural. None of it's natural. You can push too hard all you want.

[Dick Toledo]

I think that's how it's created. That's how it starts.

[Brady Bogan]

Is that what you're going with?

[Adam Ray]

Exactly. Thank you, Brett. You have to be doing more than just that.

[Dick Toledo]

I know.

[Adam Ray]

If you. If you combine the two activities.

[Dick Toledo]

There you go.

[Adam Ray]

If you're pushing and pulling at night and then the next morning you're like. And by the way, if you're pushing too hard, you're probably not putting things in there because you still got kind of a tightness day.

[Dick Toledo]

The finger cuff won't let go.

[Brady Bogan]

It was said a healthy fear for those who go see their landlord at 4am.

[Adam Ray]

Jesse says it's for people who can't hold their poop. I'm convinced. People who say, oh, you can't hold it. When you got to go, you got to go. They've had rosebuds. They've abused their bottoms. Yeah. I have no fear of. I can clinch it up. I can hold things in there. It's a vice grip. You start kind of messing with that, you know, you put the key in the lock too often. Eventually the tumbler stopped working.

[Dick Toledo]

I agree there.

[Adam Ray]

All I'm saying. A million. It's a good number. A million.

[Brady Bogan]

Scary.

[Adam Ray]

It is scary. And we've seen about 800,000 of them. I think so, too. Horrible. It's a daily activity. Yeah. Adam Ray is going to be here for no reason at all. He's just in town, right?

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, they're here.

[Adam Ray]

They're here already. Oh, we'll talk to Adam.

[Dick Toledo]

He's two weeks performing next week.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, we'll talk to Adam. Adam Ray is going to join us just for no reason at all. Coming up next. It's 98. It's out of control now. Morning sickness. 98. This is a treat. Now we got two things happening at once. Adam Ray is here, for God's sake.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, baby.

[Adam Ray]

The great Adam Ray has joined us for no other reason than. You're just in town.

[John Holmberg]

You're hanging out in town. Hanging out, escaping the fires. Trying to breathe some healthy air.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, well, we came to the right place.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you got. Yeah, your air is. I mean, it's cleaner. Cleaner.

[Adam Ray]

Right. And also, though. But we also have to not encourage people from Los Angeles to shoot over.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you guys don't like that?

[Adam Ray]

Well, we just don't necessarily need guys here. We're full.

[John Holmberg]

Well, but I'm a Seattle native. I mean, I had this conversation the other day. How long do you have to live somewhere before you're like, you know, everyone's posting like, I've been in LA for three years, but it's home, you know, and then crying as they move out.

[Brett Vesely]

Four weeks in Arizona.

[John Holmberg]

Four weeks. And then you're okay, great. So, yeah. So 20 years away from Seattle. Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, then you're. You're an L. A guy.

[John Holmberg]

Really? Yeah, but I still.

[Adam Ray]

I'm going to go with it while Ben's here. How long until you're actually homosexual?

[John Holmberg]

Ben?

[Adam Ray]

No, no, no, no. How many. How many years away from heterosexual sex before you're actually homosexual?

[John Holmberg]

So how many? So, yeah. Surely for you to ask me if.

[Adam Ray]

I'm gay or not, this is how I find out.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

So you've been doing it to think.

[John Holmberg]

I guess you are right.

[Adam Ray]

You make the switcheroo.

[John Holmberg]

Great T shirt.

[Adam Ray]

How long until it's official? Because otherwise it's just dabbling until it's official.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I think.

[Adam Ray]

When are you A resident of that. Because the same applies to the city.

[John Holmberg]

So I've kissed a guy in a play, but that was.

[Adam Ray]

Right. That doesn't count. You got paid to do it, I.

[John Holmberg]

Got paid to do it.

[Adam Ray]

Everybody's done that.

[John Holmberg]

Let's see. I think. Yeah, if you go. I was about to say all the way. Which I think is, by the way, I'm going to be the worst dad of all time.

[Adam Ray]

Ben is our resident expert in this department. It's not the first time you do it. No, because Greg Fitzsimmons, he wasn't sure he was gay, and he told us. He said, I went in the woods with a guy just to see if it was. And I am not.

[John Holmberg]

Hilarious. I mean. Yeah, well, Greg looks like the. The kid who was molested and the guy who molested the kid. Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

He passes for both of who are looking for.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. So that's a bad guy.

[Adam Ray]

He's the Amber alert and the bad guy. Oh, my God, Ben is here. And Ben, the Rosebud thing we've been talking about, you're the only person we can turn to that will.

[John Holmberg]

She said Rosebud.

[Adam Ray]

I thought.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, the comedian. Rosebud Baker. No, no, no. Hold that thought, Adam. We have something a little bit different.

[Adam Ray]

We were gonna show you videos of Rosebud, and you're like, she's funny.

[John Holmberg]

She's funny.

[Adam Ray]

How often is it talked about? Because you're the ones in the most risk. Never. Your people. It's never spoken of. Not in my circle. No. What is now, when you say your circle, are you talking about friends or what? Okay. Is that a euphemism?

[John Holmberg]

He's specific about the shapes.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, he's good with shapes and numbers. Watch it. But doing it is something different. So you've never had a guy go, ah, not today. I rosebuded. I'm still recovering. No. Okay. But it does happen a lot. It's a concern. It's a huge concern. And what do you do to prevent that? Creams. And don't shove fists or. Okay, so size stuff.

[John Holmberg]

Apples or.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, apples, broccoli, stuff like that. So you got me. You keep it within range. Yes. Not a size. Queen. Not. No, no, no. You can. You can even do a couple at the same time. And. Pardon me, but it's the big. It's the. It's the girth. More than. I can't even do the math on what you just said.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

A couple at the same time, they're Ms. Twin. Oh, I understand. I get it. I didn't existed in Your.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm scared.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Now, is there, like, a list of foods once you enter this world that they go Instagram? Yeah. So it's. It's just the same way that. That my wife will find a recipe on TikTok like people are finding. Oh, here's. Oh, babe, here's a fun food. We could put up our. Absolutely.

[Brett Vesely]

But don't do that one.

[John Holmberg]

No, that one's too big.

[Adam Ray]

So what is the thing that you've drawn a line at? Rosebuds. So somebody wanted to do. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

No, no.

[Adam Ray]

Fist. Wait. Somebody wanted to do it. And that's a. That's something they can achieve.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a goal for you, but it's.

[Adam Ray]

It's bad for you. I mean, it takes a couple days to recover. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, what's a prep or what?

[Adam Ray]

I mean, you looked at those videos. That doesn't just go right back in. Yeah, I agree.

[Brett Vesely]

That street urchins that we saw hanging out of there.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. Yeah. But hold on. Seen something like that. That's not a rosebud. That's like a.

[John Holmberg]

That's. That's a healthy.

[Brett Vesely]

And we've seen.

[John Holmberg]

You're going to urgent.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, the number one video from last year.

[John Holmberg]

You're making at least morning trip to urgent care.

[Adam Ray]

You died. To the er for time's sake. I'm not sitting in there forever.

[John Holmberg]

Can you imagine going into urgent care with that on, like, a Wednesday afternoon?

[Adam Ray]

You make me want to.

[John Holmberg]

Like, you think you have the new covet. Like, it's a little bit bigger than that.

[Adam Ray]

Let's test for that, though, just in case, because I got something bad happening.

[Brett Vesely]

How do they haul you in? It's not like. Yeah, sit down in the wheelchair. We'll wheel you. No, not gonna happen.

[Adam Ray]

I'm gonna beat around the bush with the doctor for a while. I got a sore throat. I think it might be a sinus infection. I'm not breathing real good. And. And also take a look at that. Is this related to my rest? Yeah. Yeah. You can't just shoot it out there and go, this is a problem.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

So it's not something. Because I'm. I'm assuming in a city of 5 million people, men, women, there's a lot of ladies who like it. That. And especially as you age, as a user of that product.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't know about liking it.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, people like it.

[John Holmberg]

There's something for everybody.

[Brady Bogan]

They wouldn't be filming it if they didn't.

[Adam Ray]

And we wouldn't be smiling and kissing afterwards. They liked it My friend loved it.

[Brett Vesely]

Imagine being that many.

[John Holmberg]

Isn't it so funny that you see things like that? And that is a passion hobby wherever you categorize that for those fellas. Yeah, but it's like, man, I'm so glad I like the things I like.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I'm so glad I woke up one day and wasn't like, I wonder if kissing my dad with a tongue would be cool or like. Or I wonder if making my dog eat my butt would be fun. Like, you know what I'm saying? I'm glad that I never developed a bestiality behavioral.

[Adam Ray]

Now, how far have you gone with that? Because in my head, I've thought it and then thought. But that would be why.

[John Holmberg]

Well, if anything, I put the peanut butter on the dog's balls.

[Adam Ray]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

I'd lick it off.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Because I was from the northwest, but, like, I feel like that there's. Which is the home of. I don't know if you remember the northwest. Seattle, known for grudge coffee. Suicide rate. Right, Right.

[Adam Ray]

Great. At all.

[John Holmberg]

But. But we have two cases of, you know, Mary Kay Letourneau banging a student. And then we have an enumclaw, Washington, A guy died because he got the horse. See, isn't that wild that you know that?

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You don't know where it's from, but, you know, you heard.

[Adam Ray]

I'm a newsman, Adam.

[John Holmberg]

I'm a newsman. I wake up, I read the. I do a crossword. I find out who's been banged by a horse and ruin their family. And then I go to work.

[Adam Ray]

Did you see the guy the other day who got caught by his neighbor because he was in. They saw him go into a bar, and they're like, we don't like when he goes to the stable.

[John Holmberg]

And then they want neighbors to get nosy.

[Adam Ray]

Well, they have to.

[John Holmberg]

And attentive.

[Adam Ray]

You have to be staggered in there. And then when they went in there, he had his pants down and he was trying to put his penis in a horse's nostril.

[John Holmberg]

No, he wasn't.

[Brett Vesely]

Yes, true.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it is easy.

[Adam Ray]

Neighbors are like, it is. It's the. Well, it's the softest.

[John Holmberg]

He's also like, dude, how come they never taught us in school? I mean, bro, I love that you're at saying this. My friend's a teacher, and they literally told me once I go, any funny praguntas these young pervs of America are. Are inquiring about? And my friend goes, literally, a kid last week goes, I know there's oral and there's anal, but is there nasal? I love that he's speaking for the group, because if I was in there, I'd be like, dude, thank you for asking, Eli, because I'm trying to mix things up in the bedroom. Is it legal to do the horse's.

[Adam Ray]

Nose or the nasal at all? That's the guy that had his penis in the horse's nose.

[John Holmberg]

Try to put penis in horse.

[Adam Ray]

And you know why? Hadn't had sex in two months, dude. I mean, we've all been through a.

[John Holmberg]

Flashlight that looks like a horse.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, just take care.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, how, by the way, again, things that you go. I'm glad. I'm not into that. There's a show on a. E. Called strange addiction. Did you ever see it? And literally, you'd start off and they'd be like, this is Daryl from Columbus, Ohio. And. And Daryl has a weird way of starting the day. And. Because he's like, I can't wake up in the morning unless I suck on some toes and eat a bar of soap. And I'm like, well, I'm an eggs Benedict guy, Daryl. So we're gonna have a tough time connecting. But. But it also was like, drywall girl.

[Adam Ray]

Darcy, her. No, she can't stop chunking down drywall.

[John Holmberg]

And just saying, thank God that our thing is comedy. A little bit of, you know, cocktail.

[Adam Ray]

I mean, yeah, some drinking, maybe a gummy now.

[John Holmberg]

And imagine being that guy and hanging out with your friends, and you're just literally, you know, trying to, you know, spice things up, add to the conversation. It's like, so, Ben, what have you been into? You know, just. I don't know if on some cool YouTube rabbit holes, I'm actually volunteering a lot more.

[Adam Ray]

Cool.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's all. That's awesome, dude. What about you, Mike? You know what, man? I'm a born again Christian. And my. My stepdad's new girlfriend got me into it, and I'm like, it's time to make some changes. Ethan, what about you? So there's a zoo nearby. And these animals are not meant just to be petted. They are meant to be penetrated.

[Adam Ray]

Let me just start this. Any of you guys ever notice how big a horse's nose is?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. They wouldn't want you to bang their nose if they didn't have it.

[Adam Ray]

If it wasn't just breathing, flexing at you the whole time.

[John Holmberg]

They're taunting you. Yeah, I bet you can't fit it in here. That's not why they're breathing.

[Adam Ray]

I like the idea. This is how sick My brain actually is. Is that. Looking at that story, I was like, oh, that's disgusting. I wouldn't fit in a horse's nose. And I took some sort of pride in that.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, John, what a great take. This is why you got such a comic brain. That's your take on this.

[Adam Ray]

I walked.

[John Holmberg]

You see the video and you go. Not discussing.

[Adam Ray]

You go, yeah, my dick's bigger than yes. Yeah, that would hurt. That horse wouldn't have made it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, horse wouldn't have made it.

[Adam Ray]

He's lucky.

[John Holmberg]

I don't.

[Adam Ray]

Stable. All right, Ben, Put a number on it. In the. In the. In the city at any given time, in a week out of 5 million, how many people have it happen? Because you got it is. There's a lot of partying going on. I've been to Charlie's and that play. There's at least on a average Saturday at Charlie's. How many people are suffering from the. At least a dozen. At least out of 100. And you can see how they're walking. That's how you. So you can tell. Yeah, yeah, no kidding. Come on, be serious with this. If we're ever going to learn about each other's cultures, who watches? All right, well, thank you, Ben. We appreciate everything. That's always nice. Because we can't. We can't speak on this. This is like me trying to tell Tom Brady how to tell play football. It doesn't work that way. Yeah. You just have to. You just have to say, man, they want the freaks walk amongst us. And I don't have that in me. Like, I'm. I'm like, nothing is even interesting to me in that regard. Like, I don't even know. I had a friend of mine tell me once that he and his girlfriend started to dabble with food.

[John Holmberg]

Food.

[Adam Ray]

Right. And then so he was like, she's like, go. Hilarious. Go get tuna. They got a can of tuna and they mixed it into the area. And then, you know, started doing stuff. Right? And then, you know, and then you start. You go through the whole deal. A couple weeks later, she can't walk. Oh, God. Can't figure out what's going on.

[John Holmberg]

She's got a tuna allergy.

[Adam Ray]

She's got one. There's all. There's that. It was stuffed in there so far that Charlie couldn't clean it out.

[John Holmberg]

So you put it in and try to eat it out of there. So what happened? Just to putting it on, like, the belly and, like, licking it off Like a cracker. Like a cracker. Right.

[Adam Ray]

But no, they Went at it, it got in there. She got an infection and like a month later had like surgery.

[John Holmberg]

Now, he was. In a weird way, he was probably turned on by that. It's the same way. Another one of those strange addiction things. There was an episode where the guy. I don't say he just wanted to fatten up the girl. Right. He got off on just having her eat. So they showed pictures of her like, being this petite young girl and now she's like pushing three bills and just. The guy's just like, he's into it. She's like, I love Oreos. And he's like, I love watching her eat them and five at a time. And she's like, I have to. It's the only way he can get hard. I mean, it was the best episode of television.

[Adam Ray]

Sounded from your impression, like Adam Sandler's worst character. I have to. It is the only way.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Ben]

I wish I could have a normal.

[Adam Ray]

Life again, but I cannot. Unfortunately. I have to eat for him.

[John Holmberg]

Did you see him throw Timothy Chalamet back at Nikki Glazer on the Globes?

[Adam Ray]

No, I missed that part. Somebody told me about it.

[John Holmberg]

I just watched. I mean, like any. Like a. Like an SNL or an award show. I watch the monologue because, you know, if there's a comic on, it's, you know, you to see how they do and support. And she crushed. But she had a part where she said to Timothee Chalamet, like, you have such a. I love your. Something about the eyelashes on your upper lip.

[Adam Ray]

Really funny.

[John Holmberg]

I'm butchering it. But then she goes, you look like a character that I think it was Adam Sandler would play. And then she was like, Adam Sandler, give me a Timothy Chalamet.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, that's a good name.

[John Holmberg]

It sounds like it's something you would say. And then they cut to him and he goes. He's last name. He goes, timothy Chalamet. And he gives it to her and he was like. It was just great that he. People they cut to either are disapproving of the joke or don't know how to play along. Maybe he's.

[Adam Ray]

He seems like a very likable person. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You don't get that far without, like.

[Adam Ray]

No.

[John Holmberg]

You know, you don't get Shaq in your movies. If. Yeah, cool, right?

[Adam Ray]

You have to be a little bit. I think so. To have people like that much to.

[John Holmberg]

Keep showing, you know? Yeah. I got a. A not so positive celeb story for you.

[Adam Ray]

Fantastic. You want to do it after the break it just sounds like one of.

[John Holmberg]

Those, you know what. Apple butthole video. And then we'll bring it up.

[Adam Ray]

Let's do it. After the break, Adam's going to break down his horrible celebrity stories. It's 72 degrees of the big city. Adam Ray is here. He's not even really supposed to be till next week.

[John Holmberg]

This is awesome. I was just telling Maddie Coco. I'm like, man, I am. It's so cool. I've always wanted to be here for an extended period of time because I love it here. But it is cool to, like, be here and then have the day and night. I got some crap to do here and there. But then. And then tomorrow, and then shows aren't even until next week, and you're staying all week. Well, so I go. We have a Dr. Phil live in San Francisco on Friday. And then I'll. And then I'll come back Saturday, but then be here for a full week before. So get. I mean, I'm gonna see.

[Adam Ray]

We might go with Friday.

[Brett Vesely]

We might go with you on Friday.

[John Holmberg]

No, that's all right, buddy. But, John, go ahead and cut you a commercial. Yeah, thanks for playing, though.

[Adam Ray]

I didn't tell him about the ticket chat. We'll have Adam Ray with us all day. It's 98. He's out of control now. 98. Okay. You PD morning sickness. 98. Dude's funny. Anyway, Adam Ray's here, everybody. The morning sickness. Moving right along. And Adam is, Of course, the Dr. Phil thing that you're doing is just. There's no way. You thought, yeah, this is going to be like, the greatest moment in the world.

[John Holmberg]

No. I was originally going to dress up as Montel Williams, and then my mom discouraged me. She said, you can't do the voice.

[Adam Ray]

Did you leave the house that's why.

[John Holmberg]

You shouldn't do it?

[Adam Ray]

No.

[John Holmberg]

And then we went to Ricki Lake and said, hey, do you mind? Because I, as a child, they could not see my wiener on the sonogram. So I was originally supposed to be. And my mom had decided on the name Rachel, so I was going to be Rachel Ray. Imagine living in her shadows.

[Brett Vesely]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

Imagine having to wake up every morning and people come up to me and being like, hey, you can make bolognese in seven minutes. I don't know. I don't. Is that how she sounds? But so, yeah, it's not bad.

[Ben]

Too high.

[John Holmberg]

Too high. Yeah. And so she. Somebody told me recently that she would get hammered before some of the shows. And I'm like, that's awesome. And also that some of those cooking shows.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, no kidding. Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

And 30 minute recipes or whatever.

[Adam Ray]

No kidding.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It was one of the guys from the. The rosebud videos that told me we connected on Facebook. The dudes on the truck. But. But I mean, she should have done a spin off where she did get drunk. But so anyway, so. So then. And then they. But yeah. So the film. I don't know. I mean, it was. Yeah. You can't predict anything in this business, but it was because we've done so.

[Adam Ray]

Many, like, character things too. So the one I really liked, and I can't remember the name, is the. The aging comedian whose wife killed herself or something.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. Oh, great. Oh, I'm gonna do him on Kill. Tony actually couldn't get enough of that.

[Adam Ray]

Character because he had so many dark layers.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Ray]

And he just. In that apartment, wherever you put him, in that horrible apartment that I was looking at. What's his name?

[John Holmberg]

Tony caruso. Tony caruso, yeah. 75 years old, agent, comedian.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I got this little Halloween spider that I throw my friend Ethan a lot. He's. He's a black guy. The reaction from black guys versus white guys when you throw a toy spider at him is it's. You know, it's a huge difference. Black guys forget a lot more, but anyway. My wife's dead, but, you know. Yeah. Anyway, so you get with any character, there's a. It's almost like, you know, there's just more of. You have more, you know, jurisdiction to. To just be a little. As Phil. I can say stuff that I wouldn't say.

[Adam Ray]

You can't get canceled as the character.

[John Holmberg]

And, you know, I. I definitely feel more comfortable and confident in now dealing with crowd work to be a little edgier, but I'm not. It still hit him and hug himself and. Sure. You know, I just did this roast of jelly roll. They did a surprise birthday roast for him and myself went down and Bert Kreischer and Winnie Cummings and Tony Inchcliffe and Big J and Chris Porter. And so it was a lot of fun.

[Adam Ray]

And I would have had done Ralphie May the entire time.

[John Holmberg]

Totally.

[Adam Ray]

That would have just.

[Ben]

Hey, player, how you doing? I remember you. You take my act. Cause I died. That's hot garbage. I can sing just as good as.

[Brett Vesely]

When Ralphie comes down and then he leaves.

[Adam Ray]

I always have. Ralphie is dead now, of course. So we have him show up like this. He always shows up with, hey, what's up, player?

[Ben]

Hey, Brady. How you doing? Fat guy news. Now let's talk about some stuff that matters to only Brady and I. All right, Adam, great stuff with Dr. Phil. Real original.

[John Holmberg]

Anyway, Ralphie, didn't you discover Brad Williams?

[Ben]

I did discover him. I say he was between two roles in a remote control. I pulled him out of there. It was pretty. Anyway, it's good to see you again. So long. I'll see you guys. Go back.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, my God.

[John Holmberg]

New favorite pitch. Wow. That's tonight's Doritos joke of the night. I started doing that. There's a handful of catchphrases I started saying now, which is that people like doing the show where if somebody goes on a long rant, like, we just, you know, did Vegas and we had ken Jong as Mr. Chow and Bert Kreischer and Martin Phillips from Kill. Tony and Bert went on some long rant, some stories, and then it just. And anytime there's a pause and an awkward beat, I just kind of take a moment and go, have you seen Oppenheimer and that? Like, just as a fun. The first time I did it was to Bill Burr on the very first show, and it got such a big pop because Burr went on some long rant about the Catholic Church and the Nazis, and it was a. He was killing the whole time. And then it got into territory where it just got a little uncomfortable.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And then it was the beat and it was like. It was one of those things where it's like, you did it to Jay. I did it to Jay Leno. That's right. Oh, yeah. Jay was. I mean, bro. So we did a two part Christmas episode. All these on YouTube, if you haven't seen them. And then the Netflix special with Real Phil. But yeah, Jay Leno hadn't been back to the store in 30 years.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And this is what we were talking about during the break as far as like the Hail Marys. I'm throwing on first down for some of these bookings. It's like I ran into Jay at the Improv a week prior, and yeah, it always been like, oh, that'd be a fun guy to get on. Because it just. I just getting somebody that feels like they wouldn't be. I mean, Jay really is a comic at its core. So you're like, I bet he'd be fun. But also the challenge of maybe, maybe not maybe. And also seeing how he'd respond to the clean.

[Adam Ray]

And he also was. He obviously was familiar with you being Jay Leno in the Pam and Tommy.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I met him briefly after that. And then actually Corolla said, my stepdad is a Huge car guy. And when he was in town, I was like, you know, and he had just gotten some bad health news, and I was like, adam, could you see if Jay could, you know, we could get a tour of the garage. And it was after Jay's fire explosion, like, three days. He's limping around with Terminator 2 face. And he gave. He's like, here, we got a fire engine. And he gave us the tour because.

[Adam Ray]

He was like.

[John Holmberg]

We'Ll be right back. I didn't even think about that. Oh, my.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, he's going around.

[Adam Ray]

I wish I'd have seen this when the whole thing happened. I had no idea we had a fire. Too many cars.

[John Holmberg]

Too many cars. I got a DeLorean.

[Brett Vesely]

You know, he's driving that around right now. The fire engine delivering.

[Adam Ray]

Talk about that.

[John Holmberg]

Came in hot. He came in hot. He goes, did you see that? There was an OJ Story. I don't know if you saw any of the clips I posted. First of all, he comes out right away, and he has a wrist guard because he had. You know, he had fallen.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You know, and then, by the way, you see some of those articles of people being like, oh, Jay's in trouble with the mob. Do you see any of that?

[Adam Ray]

People try to conspiracy the whole time, make a noise like, I'm gonna make you do it, because I do it all the time. This is fun, and you're just gonna enjoy it. When I play the sound, make a noise of Jay Leno falling down. Okay. Three, two, one. I was leaving the hint and in there with a hooker, and I didn't want to stay anymore. Like, there's people coming after me. So I ran down the hill, and I fell. And the next thing. I still don't buy his story.

[John Holmberg]

No. He was wearing a wrist guard. And I go. And he goes. He walks out, and I go, jay Leno, everybody. And he goes, epic, Phil. I go, you keep talking like that, Jay, I'm gonna F up that other wrist in front of your family. Big pop right out of the gate. And then he sits down. And I go. I go, it's good to see you. And he goes, yeah. And he goes. And I go, you're still doing. Stand up. And he goes, oh, I love it. Yeah. Like today I just had an experience with a driver lift car. And I go, this feels like a joke. Go ahead. And he goes, yeah, I got flipped off by a driver lift car. And that gets a big laugh. I go, yeah, I had one of those postmates robots call me the N word. So I get a different story, but the point is, technology's crazy. And then I pause, and there's a lot of. And I go, I'm sorry. And then he told a story, is what I was getting at. He told a story. He goes, I somehow brought up O.J. i think. And then he goes. He goes, you know, I went to a. I went to the Jurassic park with OJ Two days before the murder. I go. And then everyone's like. And I go, whoa, whoa, whoa. And I go, allegedly, Allegedly. I go, all right, he did it. He did it. Allegedly. And then I go, why'd you do that? And then he's like, well, it's a screening. It was a private screening. He goes, nicole, were there? And I go, kidman? No. He goes, brown thimp. Then I go, yeah, it was a joke. And then he goes. I go, were there any signs? Like, was Nicole like, you know, did she lean over and go, you know, this movie's so Hollywood, the dinosaurs don't even look real? And he was like, if you don't shut up, I'm gonna kill you in two days. I go, did he ever say that? And he goes, you know, now that I think about it, he did say. I didn't hear him say that.

[Adam Ray]

He was playing along.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, it was like. He was.

[Adam Ray]

So. Did he heard the murder?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I mean, it was. Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

I didn't put it.

[Adam Ray]

That's.

[John Holmberg]

He was just down to clown, man. And. But. But, yeah, dude, again, to your point, you. I started doing it because it was. You know, I was getting really stale with. I mean, you guys are so good about just always new bits and whatever you have to keep. You're throwing something new at me.

[Adam Ray]

That's because you're here. It's exciting. Most of the time, we are phoning in. We have tanked this thing. You have no idea. Sucked all the marrow out of this.

[John Holmberg]

It's not true. I hop on the. Every now and then, I see you guys, and it's always different. But. But. So I. I was just getting bored with what? You know, just the monotony of. I guess podcast stayed up and waiting around to be in people's shows that they weren't putting me in. And so it was like, I want to just at least do something different. And. But with no idea that a year later, Real Phil would come on and we do a Netflix special. And then. And then this theater tour is really cool now, you know?

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. And when do you think. And I don't want to. I don't Want this to be the case. When do you see this? Like, you know, like, that's it. You're done.

[John Holmberg]

It's over in June.

[Adam Ray]

Well, just as you said, Oprah tour.

[Brett Vesely]

Starts, then I'll be joining Ralphie.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

What do you do when you. When you roast Jelly Roll, by the way?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man. Well, I think I did a few jokes on him, but then most. I mean, I was lighting up just all the people. I said, tony looks like the vampire that only bites people with aids. And then I said, jelly Roll looks like he. You know, he used to be addicted to Coke. What was he cutting it with? Powdered sugar. And then I actually laid into. I mean, again. So I have usually roasted people like that old man comic. Tony Caruso was the first time I ever did a roast, but that was. Josh Wolf hit me up, and he goes, I'm doing the roast of Big Poppy, David Ortiz. He's a buddy in Boston at House of Blues for his charity. It's me, Bill Burr, Anthony Mackie, Sarah Tiana. Tiana, Dustin, Pedroia Gronk. And I was like, man, I'm not really comfy doing that. And this was 2016. And I go, or 2015. I go, can I dress up as, like, an old man Yankee fan? And then Roast Boston and whatever? So that's what I did, kid. And we're out there and the night before at a comedy club, and it's Anthony Mackey, Josh Wolf, and. And Bill Burr. And Bill's like, so you're gonna dress up like Babe Ruth or something? And I go, it's gonna be great, Bill. Don't worry about it. So we're in the lobby to walk over the House of Blues the next day, and then this makeup takes about four hours. And Jen Aspinall, who does all my film makeup, and. And did you know Elaine, the woman I've done Kill Tony and Tony Crusoe? She did my Jay Leno, Pam and Tommy makeup, too. Won an Emmy for that. She's a gangster. And she, you know, the jowls on my neck. Everything was so rare. So I see Burr in the lobby, and I'm like, oh, I gotta go test it out. So I go. I go, hey, Bill Burr, big fan. And he goes, thanks, buddy. And kind of looks away. And I go, oh, he doesn't know. He has no idea. And so then I go, all right, now I gotta. So I get up, I go, hey, I got some notes for your cartoon Evans for family. Just come out. He goes, notes? I go, yeah, it's no symptoms. I'll tell you that much. I go. They go, you call those jokes. I go, jesus Christ. And then he goes, hey, buddy. F off. And I go, you know, you're a real prick, Bill Burr. And then he gets back to my face, goes, buddy, get the F out of here. And then I go, bill, it's me. And he goes, what? I go, it's Adam. And he goes. Goes, holy. And they just drop. And then he could. And then he couldn't take his eyes off me the rest of the night. And then I just ripped. I mean, I was like. I go. I go, the Yankees have won a. I go. I go, 27 championships. 27 championships. That's also the number of crappy dance moves Rob Grouski does to impress a girl before he roofies her. And then I go, dustin, Pedro is here, you know, second baseman for red. So she's like, five, six. I go, dustin, we all know you play second base, but your most natural position is dancing next to a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. And I go, jesus Christ, you short. He know. And then. And so then at the end of. At the end of that, I was like, all right, I got to. They didn't air it, by the way, because TMZ put up a thing the next day that said Gron goes after Jews, blacks, and Dominicans.

[Adam Ray]

Did he?

[John Holmberg]

And it was. Well, everybody did.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, so it was okay.

[John Holmberg]

There were Jews, blacks, and Dominicans. Oh, my. You know, and so. But anyway, so. So. So then I was like, all right.

[Adam Ray]

I want to get. Okay day, by the way, everybody.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And vote. Get out there and vote.

[Adam Ray]

Get out there and vote.

[John Holmberg]

And so. Yeah, but. So the. The filling's fun, but I want to do other characters. I also want to. I'm trying to sell the show. I mean, the whole. This. This stuff is all fun, and it's giving a boost and opening up some. Some doors, but it's really just. The fun factor is. Is great. And the challenge of putting the show together, you know, is when you're here.

[Adam Ray]

In December, you had Adam Carolla, so.

[John Holmberg]

We had Corolla, and then we had Ari Maddie from Kill Tony, and then Sam Morrill, and then we had Murray from Jokers come out, and. Because there's always a kind of a surprise thing at the end. And then my buddy Jeremy Shock, we did some music, and then we had a proposal that went really well. So we just try to stack the show.

[Adam Ray]

It's going nuts. And you're here as you next week.

[John Holmberg]

Yes. Stand up live four Shows. Two are sold out. Maddie, which ones? It says you got an early Saturday and late, early Friday. Late Saturday. Are sold out.

[Adam Ray]

Says. It just says 24th, 25th, Friday and Saturday. Find out which shows are sold. But you click and it says, I.

[John Holmberg]

Haven'T been here, I think, in Santa Bla Police in over a year. So you're gonna see at least 90 new material.

[Adam Ray]

10, you're gonna be like, well, I've got requests.

[John Holmberg]

There's one joke I'm doing right now that I'll see how you guys like it. I talk about taking my nieces to see Annie the Musical because they hadn't seen a musical. And I was like, you know, I quit football to play Danny Zuko in Greece my sophomore year of high school, and I wanted to kind of educate them on the arts. And. And so we go, and it's Black Annie. I go, because, you know, we're now in this world where people are like, how come Spider man can't be black? How come Superman can't be trans? I go, no one said about said that, but it's coming. I go, purpose, have a response ready. And then I go. So we go to the show and intermission. You know, they're young and they just got tired and they wanted to leave. And I was like, all right, these seats were expensive. I could have spent this money on drugs. But I don't want to force you to do anything you don't want to do. So we go. And then I go. I go, now I just got to make sure that they are, you know, eight. I got to make sure that this. We're not. We're leaving for the right reasons, you know, that it was Black Annie that I want to make sure, you know, they're. I'm sure they have no racial tendencies or connotations to this, but I go, girls, you want to leave because you were tired, right? Yeah, we just. There's too many songs. We retired. I go, you have no problem with 80 being black, right? That wasn't just going to make sure we're on the same page. No, we love that she was black. It makes more sense that she's black because she's an orphan. I go, all right, that's probably something in your head, and that's Adamrae comedy on Instagram and TikTok and Twitter.

[Adam Ray]

I remember when that Black Annie came out. I called it 12 years an orphan and I had a lady. It's funny.

[John Holmberg]

Such a joke. I mean, so much funnier, you know, it's so. Anyway, but.

[Adam Ray]

And I Wasn't going to see it because orphans are not going to appeal to me.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Ray]

Look. What am I. I can't relate to any of that at all.

[John Holmberg]

Speaking of orphans, Macaulay Culkin was on my flight. I have to talk about this. Okay, here's the thing, dude.

[Adam Ray]

Your flight here.

[John Holmberg]

I want to hear it. Yeah. Flight on JSX from Burbank to Scottsdale. I want to hear how you've. What's that?

[Adam Ray]

Best airline ever. Jsx.

[John Holmberg]

You love it? For real?

[Adam Ray]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's a.

[Adam Ray]

It's a game changer.

[John Holmberg]

It's a game changer. And there's always. I mean, dude, I, I, I've seen from Draymond Green to Tia Tequila to Macaulay Cul on my flight.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, my God.

[John Holmberg]

Brad Garrett was on one of my flights. And then Taquila, Tia Tequila.

[Adam Ray]

The. The.

[John Holmberg]

She. I think she's passed. Yeah, she's gone.

[Adam Ray]

She's gone Right when they were turning her on a flag over her Tequila.

[John Holmberg]

Is she alive or dead yet?

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

Brad Guetta was on our flight and was liking my reels. I've never met him in front of me. And then when we leave the airport, he. I see my wife pulling in to pick me up, and I see. I also, I just hear some voice screaming going, get the f out of the way. Get the f out of the way. And I'm like, jesus. And I see my NCM Amanda, like, being like, she's waiting. There's plenty of space to go around. She's waiting to go in and letting cars pass by by. And. And she's like, go around me. And then I hear her go, Go the f around me and never, like, get. She does have rumage like that. So I'm like, this guy just honking, screaming, and then pulls around, and I. All sudden I go, that voice sounds familiar. And I hear. I go, raymond, get that. No, he didn't say that, but it was Brad Garrett. And he. He's screaming at her and then drives away, honks, screams. And then she pulls up so flabbergasted, and I go, she goes, oh, my God. I go, babe, do you know who that was? That was Brad Garrett. And she goes, who's that? She's younger.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And then I pulled up, and she goes, oh, yeah, I know that guy. And then I go, so funny. I ago, he literally was liking reels of mine in front of me on the plane, and I was about to send him a DM and go, you want to do the Dr. Phil live show, but that's off the table. I'm gonna ask Rosebud. You know, I was so.

[Adam Ray]

I was at a. I was at a. The Aria in Vegas, and he sat down a couple of games away from me, a couple of slot machines away from me.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

And I was like, oh, there's Brad Garrett. That's. I don't. I'm not bothering him, but he noticeable. He's like, six, nine. Yeah. So he sits there, and all I. All I keep hearing is his character from. From everybody. Because you'll hear, oh, God damn it. Come on. God damn it. And that was it. And then somebody came up to him.

[John Holmberg]

So recognizable.

[Adam Ray]

Dude, love your show. Love your comedy. Everything else. And they start going for him, and he just goes, not now. Oh, wow. He was done with people. Don't think you're in public.

[John Holmberg]

Well, here's the thing. I. And I thought it twice about even sharing that story, and it's. But it's like, when you were that. That publicly demonstrative. That's. I'm sorry, dude. Like, that's. You're just hoping nobody saw that. But, like, it happened. And the way that. Truly. That I was. My opinion of you just went from this to this crazy wrong. So Macaulay Culkin's on the flight, and I'm like, wow. And he's actually behind us in all Rams gear, you know, was going to the. You know, the Rams game, got relocated here to Glendale, and. And I'm like, oh, man. And I, you know, I've asked Larry David for a picture. I did one episode of Curb, then I went to the wrap party, and I'm like, this is one of my guys. Robin Williams. Williams popped into. Say it again.

[Adam Ray]

Jewish. What do you mean, one of your guys?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. With my rabbi, Larry David. And there was a juggling group when I was a kid called the Flying Karamazov Brothers, and I have a picture with them, and one of them was touching me a little, too. Yeah. So, yeah. All these dudes. Hilarious.

[Adam Ray]

He's one of my guys.

[John Holmberg]

I barely go to temple anymore, but the only celebs I accost are members of the tribe.

[Brett Vesely]

Guys on the list.

[John Holmberg]

That's how you do list. Yeah. I have a guy who looked like Oscar Schindler. And so it was Liam Neeson. Yeah. Yeah, it was Liam Neeson. Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

I'd like you to stop bothering me immediately.

[John Holmberg]

I told you, I saved as many as I could.

[Adam Ray]

I'm not a real Jew. Walk away from me immediately.

[John Holmberg]

By the way, great T shirt that Spencer's gift should definitely with his picture on it. Oh, my. Take it not from Schindler's List.

[Adam Ray]

I culturally appropriated. No realty, but I took the money, so good.

[John Holmberg]

Wait, so, okay, so mc. So I got. I want a picture with him. It's one of my favorite movies, dude. Even when Richie Rich, my girl. I don't know why, I just felt compelled. I was like, I want to get a picture with him. And so I see on the plane, and I'm like, but I got to feel it out. I was like, do I bring up that I know we have some mutual buds? Seth Green, whatever. And then I go. I'm like, maybe I shouldn't. And then I see people on the plane, also in Ramsgate, take a picture of himself. Like, oh, and he seemed really cool, and he was chumming up. So I go, all right. He seems pretty receptive. So we get off and we walk. We're waiting out there, and he's with his wife, this girl Brenda song that my wife is a big fan of. And so they all walk away, and they're loading up in the car. My wife's dad, and. And they're standing there. And then I walk up, and then his wife walks away. So then I walk. This story gets better. He's alone. He's alone. So I walk up, and I'm beelining right towards him to be like, hey, McCoy, you gotta get a picture. And then literally, I see him turn and go, hey, it's Mac. Where's the car he has a Bluetooth in? I'm like, two feet away. So literally, I just walk towards him and just go. Yep. And go to the right. Because I'm like, now you. Cause if you're standing there waiting for pattern is full. Yeah, dude. So then I go. So then I circle. I literally just walk in the circle and actually take out my phone. I mean, it was, like, true panic mode. I started, like, I licked my finger and started checking the way. I was like, is it quarter over here? For some reason, just figuring out a way to not look like I wasn't loitering around Macaulay Culkin. So then I circle back and I go, hey, Macaulay. And he kind of, like, looks up his sunglasses. He already looked annoyed.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And then I go, you going to the game? He goes, no, I just dress like this. And then he goes, yeah, well, gave that away. And then he kind of smiled, and I go, funny. And then I go, yeah, I'm going too, man. I'm coming out here. Blah. Blah. Doing some shows. And he goes, oh, cool. I go, do you mind if I get a picture? And he goes, I prefer not.

[Adam Ray]

No kidding.

[John Holmberg]

And then I go, I respect that. And then I go, all good, baby. And I gave him a bump. And then I wanted to say, maybe.

[Adam Ray]

He doesn't take Michael shoes.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, exactly. See, I wish I had.

[Adam Ray]

If he.

[John Holmberg]

And guess what? He is in his right to say, no, nobody's around. I'm a grown adult man.

[Adam Ray]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

It reminded me of when I asked Randy Johnson at the X Games. Rain Johnson, ex Cardinals pitcher, started with my. Well, you know, Mariners wasn't a Cardinals pull pitcher.

[Adam Ray]

Diamondback. Diamondback.

[John Holmberg]

Sorry.

[Adam Ray]

We're all right.

[John Holmberg]

Where are we? And so I smell toast. And so I. I was like, randy, no one's around. I went to usc. You went to usc. I spent so much emotional wear and tear. Money tears on you, supporting you in Seattle. Do you mind if I get a picture? He goes, nah, I don't do pictures. And he goes, I'll sign your hat, though. I was like, yeah, I really love a picture. And you double down. Double down. Really love a picture. You're one of my favorite pictures of all time. He goes, I don't know what you're going to do with it. I go. He goes, hey, you might like, you know, Photoshop it into something weird. I go, what do you think? I'm going to put your head on, like a centaur or something and me next to it or me with a Jew and be like, I told you, he takes pictures with Jews. And he goes. He goes. He goes, I just don't want to do the picture. So then that was. So he signed my hat begrudgingly. But anyway, so I walked away being like, man, Moy. What? And. And I was like, oh, he's been famous for so long. And then my dad was like, yeah, so that should be why he doesn't. Isn't. Yeah, it should be. And also, he did it on the plane, so. And I.

[Adam Ray]

Maybe he's got a number, like 10. And then I'm done for the.

[John Holmberg]

I know. And it's also just like, I prefer not, but. And then I was like, oh, maybe if he doesn't.

[Brett Vesely]

It's not like if he stopped and took the picture, then all of a sudden, all these people.

[John Holmberg]

No, no. Gave a crap.

[Adam Ray]

You get tired of it, though.

[John Holmberg]

People ask you, I'm starting to get way more.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, airport. I mean, tsa. I had a pilot stop me recently and all. Baristas a lot. I'm big with the baristas. So. So I can't go into any Pete's coffee or Phil's coffee or whatever your caribou is out here. And can we say that still? And so then I. I was like.

[Adam Ray]

So who's that offending?

[John Holmberg]

That's an anytime bit, you know?

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And so pizzas are down here. Yeah. Yeah. I'll take it from here, Brady. So. And so.

[Brett Vesely]

But.

[John Holmberg]

But it's so I just. I try to go, you know, just give people the, you know, benefit of the doubt. But when we were on the plane, I was like, oh, man, if this plane goes down, I go, the headline's gonna be home alone again after Macaulay Culkin dies in a fiery plane crash with a guy who dresses up as Dr. Phil, you know?

[Adam Ray]

Oh, it'd be terrible. Oh, my. All right. What are you telling me?

[John Holmberg]

We gotta get out of here.

[Adam Ray]

Go do a commercial. We're good. We're good. We'll do entertainment drilling. Help us with that one. Get the hell out of here. Dodge Adams at Standup live on the 24th and 25th. If you want to go standup live.com is where you go. You find out which ones are still available because they're the ones that will not say sold out. Simple as that. It's 98 KUPD. It's out of control now. 98. And Adam Ray is with us. He's over at Stand Up Live next week. He's just hanging out because his city's on fire. So he's on fire to go. Our boss's house was in the Palisades. He lost his house. Yeah. It's weird when it's that, you know, I'm sure, you know, some people I.

[John Holmberg]

Know probably close to 30 close people. I'm not even joking. And then on top of that, I know. I mean, there are people that I worked with at Universal Studios and then just some comics and then. But then no people that. The amount of people that you know that know people, it's.

[Adam Ray]

It's.

[John Holmberg]

And if it's arson, I see more and more. I've gotten three text since we've leaning on that.

[Adam Ray]

Right. And if that's arson, man, that is like, the most. That's terrifying, reprehensible crime.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's.

[Adam Ray]

That it's up there with, like. You can't even place it with another thing. The. The attempt to do what they did. If that's intentional, I mean, it's horrifying. I wasn't there.

[John Holmberg]

How.

[Adam Ray]

What was it like?

[John Holmberg]

Being terrifying. Yeah, it was. Well, it was.

[Adam Ray]

And where were you?

[John Holmberg]

You. So we just moved to a different location, but nobody's going to try to find out.

[Adam Ray]

Where do you live? Don't worry. But don't be so. Look. Well, what are you hiding? Nukes under the house? Let's just. Pasadena. What are you looking at?

[John Holmberg]

We. We got some scares and. And then, you know, Hollywood, you'd see the, that Runyon Canyon one that was right old place. And that if. That if those winds were what they were on Monday, which like 100 miles an hour on what they were on Tuesday because they were really calm. So that's where they were able to put it out. I mean you saw some of those Top Gun montages where they dropped the water and in one hit. Put it out. Yeah, that it would. Hollywood would. It would have. Because you know, literally you get down the hill in one canyon and then it's immediately apartments, homes, businesses. It would have just burnt through, dude. I mean it. Comedy Store would be. It would all be gone, dude.

[Adam Ray]

Apartments, houses, Sunset Strip. Yeah, I mean it's literally just right down the hill.

[John Holmberg]

Strippers, dwarves, salad. I mean drug addicts, everything was the mix.

[Adam Ray]

They would have probably gotten rid of some of the homeless problem.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but we had to get out of there because the air.

[Adam Ray]

Horrible.

[John Holmberg]

And look, if you have the wherewithal and the means to get out, I mean we just. It's just us and the pups and you know, her fams here. And it was just like, I don't want to. I had a few friends that are just really privy to what's going on. And they were like, if you don't need to be there, there, don't, don't. Because it's not even about what you're gonna breathe in and what's gonna happen in the next two years, the next 10 to 15. But you know, all these homes, the. They're built so old. So the asbestos, the plastics, the, the, the lead paint, it's just so bad. And look, la, we're living there, it's already bad. I'm probably already gonna, you know, not gonna see my 50s. But like, so it's. That's why I'm just trying to get it all now, you know.

[Adam Ray]

But yeah, it's not good. But my fear is, and we talked about this yesterday, is that you guys all showed up here. Now I'm happy you're here, but what you're representing right now scares the hell out of me is that LA and all their terrible ideas are going to shoot over our direction. And so I'm trying to get the state.

[John Holmberg]

What are you talking about? Newsom's a great guy. You see Karen Bass?

[Adam Ray]

They've been all over it.

[John Holmberg]

Response video. She goes, oh, all you got to do is go to URL. Did you see that video?

[Adam Ray]

She couldn't have been.

[John Holmberg]

What are you.

[Adam Ray]

Couldn't have done a worse job with. But, but that's a lot of pressure.

[John Holmberg]

I looked at that video, and Brad Garrett just commented, resign. And I liked it. And I was like, boy, circle gets a square. Look how this came around. You screwed at my wife. And I'm liking your comments, but, yeah, I, I.

[Adam Ray]

But I. I'm trying to convince Arizona to maybe somehow or another, just a tiny incorporation of the Confederate flag on our flag just to keep people from staying in line. If we just suddenly just threw the stars and bars in the middle of our flag, just like, just a little bit, they'd be like, well, we're not moving there.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you know, I was. I was in America. I was in America or Los Angeles. Happy early Quanza, by the way. Hey, Joe. Hey, good to see you, Joe. HB this. Wait, let's do Joe on Joe before he retires. Hey, what are you talking about? Hey, we got two more weeks. One more week.

[Adam Ray]

One more week or less a week.

[John Holmberg]

And what are we gonna do?

[Adam Ray]

We're gonna get out of here.

[John Holmberg]

We're gonna boke her at home.

[Adam Ray]

Get out of here.

[Ben]

I have an opportunity. Economy, for both of you, if you're interested as well.

[Adam Ray]

Get out here.

[John Holmberg]

I thought that was Joe Biden for a minute. Is that Joe Biden? Joe Biden. Joe Biden's doing a Ralphie May impression.

[Adam Ray]

Camel. Camel Toast. Camel Toast.

[John Holmberg]

That was my nickname in middle school. Camel Toast. It was also my.

[Adam Ray]

Your thing with Biden and. And Shane Gillis on Kill Tony.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Ray]

I felt bad because I called you for some reason.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Out of the blue. And I'm like, hey, what's going on?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

And I'm like, hey, Adam, how are you?

[John Holmberg]

Always, bro.

[Adam Ray]

How you doing, man? Really good. And I said, I'm talking to him. I. I remember what I was asking you. They're like, hey, I gotta go. I'm getting in makeup. I'm Biden on Kill Tony in about 10 minutes.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's right. Wow, that was.

[Adam Ray]

Jeez, I'm sorry. And then that was wild.

[John Holmberg]

Apparently, that was the most loaded we. I remember Tony.

[Adam Ray]

And then it's like, you have reached a number that is disconnected.

[John Holmberg]

Shut up. Come on. That we were doing Kill Tony on that Monday and it was a Friday. And Tony called me. It was like, change of plans. You got to come to Austin tonight. Shane's going to do Trump. You got to bring your makeup gown, Dubai. Now about a new vest. It's a go time, baby. And we did it. And we were like. And by the way, I talked to Shane.

[Adam Ray]

Is he in black and white? In person? Yes. Go time, baby. 23sk about it.

[John Holmberg]

See, there's a lot of riff raff at Joe Rogan's club. We lock up the phones, we say whatever we want about trans people. And so he. So he goes, this is gonna be kind of a parody of the debate.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And you know which the debate was like I ran for vice president and LFP for first for my class. And that debate was no different than the Biden Trump debate. It was like Trump was like, joe, your mama's got fed stinky tits. Everybody knows it.

[Adam Ray]

Dang it.

[John Holmberg]

Sorry.

[Adam Ray]

Don't say that.

[John Holmberg]

I can't say that.

[Adam Ray]

You're one of the only ones we say everything with that dumb word.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, see, I. I've been word perfect.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, but that's one you'd think is no big deal.

[John Holmberg]

I thought, yeah, why would you go there? But you hit it.

[Adam Ray]

I said earlier this morning, my dick is would. Wouldn't fit in a horse's nose. That's fine.

[John Holmberg]

That's why I thought I was in a safe space. Wow, you've changed since COVID I could say whatever I wanted up here. So. So, so that I barely talked to Shane. And so we're getting to know each other. Other like in makeup. Doing the. That was the longest we talking. So I even leaned over at one point. I go, shane, you realize as long as you've ever talked to each other. He goes, joe, shut the F up. Because Trader Joe, you're gonna die soon, baby. And. And then Tony said, it's got the bread. You roast was the most viewed thing. But now this is the like 9.5 billion minutes or something.

[Adam Ray]

And it was so funny.

[John Holmberg]

I've had people come up to me, they were like, I had a guy come up me at a show, probably 76 year old man. And he goes, he goes, my grandson, my grandson hates. Loved you, Joe Biden. He goes, he hates Biden. But he loved your impression. And I go, I love that he has a political stance at seven years old. I appreciate the compliment.

[Adam Ray]

It means nobody's working the remote and the boy has to watch box.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, wait, I did want to tell you that. So those. So Kid Rock was At the Jelly Roll Roast. And doing roast as characters has gotten me a little more comfy to do it as myself. And so when I was throwing out a feud at Jelly Roll and Kid Rock was there, and they're like, hey, he's kind of sensitive. Don't do like any jokes really about Kid Rock if you can't. And in my head, I. I'm gonna do a bunch now, right? You know, because he's. You told me not to. I want to do I now. I want to see what he does. So as a kid rocks, here I go, 15 year old me is effing stoked, you know, And I go, kid Rock. I go, I'll make this quick. I know you got to get back to talking too loud at a Cracker Barrel. And then I go, by the way, crack or barrel is how Kid Rock's life is going to end. And then that got a big pop. And then I go, I said. And then I meet him backstage and he goes, you know, I've. He goes, funny man, huh? Funny man. He goes, you know, I've f more women than you. I go, yeah, but I've probably done it more consensually, right?

[Adam Ray]

I go, so that's a big deal.

[John Holmberg]

That's something to hang your hat on and put in your diary. And then he goes, funny man, funny man. And then I go, and then he goes, all right. He goes, you just can't turn off, huh? And I go, no, I can't. I go, and you can't stop looking like Snoop Dogg and white face. And then that was where the friendship end.

[Adam Ray]

That's where it's all up. We did an interview with him where I. I would do a serious interview. And then I sent Toledo in afterwards and we did a thing called Inside the Rockstar Studio where he would do questions that like, remember James Lipton? But they were ridiculous, like more beautiful flower vomiting or, you know, something ridiculous. Just. First question. He didn't play on you? Is this going to be the whole thing? And he. And I'm like, yeah, pretty much. And he goes, all right, we're done here. And he just got up and left. Like there was no play in Bob Richie at all.

[John Holmberg]

No Bob Richie.

[Brett Vesely]

Come on, Bob.

[Adam Ray]

Wait, that's his Bob Richie.

[John Holmberg]

Bob Richie, I think, opened a checking account for me at Chase.

[Adam Ray]

Bob Richie. He's both. That's. That's. So he was not fun at all. Let's just not play with him.

[John Holmberg]

But had a run in the 90s, right? Pam Anderson. Who else is on this?

[Adam Ray]

See that's the only one I know. And he always brags about.

[John Holmberg]

I thought he looked that up. Can we.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. He didn't go to a Heather Locklear or anything like that.

[John Holmberg]

You'd think so.

[Adam Ray]

And that's kind of rude of you to assume, but yeah, I think maybe family woman. She's got kids. Sure. She's banged a lot of guys, but that's a bridge too far with the kids. Keep it at Sambora and David Spade, and then we'll move on from there.

[John Holmberg]

Spade, huh?

[Adam Ray]

Spade got that one, too.

[John Holmberg]

He also had a run. Huh? He had a run. Him and Mario Lopez, I feel like, just dominated.

[Adam Ray]

Did Lopez get. I just know he had a couple of.

[John Holmberg]

I was on some pod and they pulled up Mario Lopez Hitler list and. Yeah, here we go.

[Adam Ray]

Audrey Barry.

[John Holmberg]

No, don't know her.

[Adam Ray]

Kelly Pickler. I didn't know that. American Idol.

[John Holmberg]

American Idol. Geez.

[Adam Ray]

That's okay. That's sort of b.

[John Holmberg]

She's just a fan. That's like. Yeah, same.

[Adam Ray]

I mean, these are girls I think I could get.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. May Anderson. She might have been an only fans girl.

[Brady Bogan]

Danish model.

[Adam Ray]

Danish model. Is she model Danish or is she from Paris Hilton? No, that didn't happen. No.

[John Holmberg]

It's so hot.

[Adam Ray]

Nope, that one's good. Now we're getting this. I don't know who these people are, so. His, his, his. You know.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Maybe he's had a lot of sex.

[John Holmberg]

But Tamara Mellon and there.

[Adam Ray]

He looks like.

[John Holmberg]

He does look like Macaulay.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Conchita Leaf Lang. I think she was one of the vampires in that HBO special.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

I don't know. Jamie Presley's not fair. I don't want to go down that road, but. Yeah, I didn't know, so. But quantity and quality are two different things.

[John Holmberg]

Cheryl Crow.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, come on. They just did a song together.

[Brady Bogan]

This is rumored relationship.

[Adam Ray]

They didn't exchange fluids. I'm not allowing that. Oh, now that one we all know about Pam Anderson. All right, well, there you go.

[Brady Bogan]

Wild.

[Adam Ray]

That's in there. Do you have any kills you want to share right now? You and Flita or whatever her name was. She got them all. Anybody on that list that you are you Eskimo twins with the kid Rock.

[John Holmberg]

It all after no can. No. Unless Conchita Alonzo say Aaron Domingo from Shoreline, Washington, maybe. No. And I didn't even. I didn't even sleep with her. She actually, you know, boobs. And then she left me for my best friend in ninth grade. We'll be right back. True story. Happy with four Kids. Very happy for kids. Yes.

[Adam Ray]

So she left you for a guy in ninth grade and stuck with it.

[John Holmberg]

Stuck with it. So I. I respect the game, dude, man. Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

She's.

[Adam Ray]

You were. You were the one that turned her to, like, the next one's forever.

[Brett Vesely]

She wanted.

[Adam Ray]

The next one is forever.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Ray]

She was not risking this.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. This guy didn't put. I mean, I was so.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm not going through this again.

[John Holmberg]

I was so self conscious to like, get me toed before it even happened. I was like, maybe this is what not having a dad around did, where he was like, you gotta just take it out and shove it in the face. Because my mom was like, don't ever do it. You know, I don't know. It'll be done.

[Adam Ray]

Balance. We'll be right back. Adam, Ray, stand up, do the entertainment. Drill. I was gonna do other stuff.

[John Holmberg]

Let's do it.

[Adam Ray]

No, no, we're doing the entertainment. You have another commercial thing. That's how this works. Wow.

[John Holmberg]

I just got an audio message from the Rock. Sorry. I still get very excited.

[Adam Ray]

Let's hear it immediately.

[John Holmberg]

Dude, I get.

[Adam Ray]

How many times does it say the N word? What don't we know about the rock?

[John Holmberg]

I can't play it.

[Adam Ray]

Is it correct? Mercy.

[John Holmberg]

It might be, yeah. Oh, is this so funny. I still get like a kid in the candy store. I would too.

[Adam Ray]

That's the Rock.

[John Holmberg]

We're pitching a show. Well, we pitched it to him and hopefully pitching it to places soon.

[Adam Ray]

So he just texts you to say, hey, I just saw the top.

[John Holmberg]

It said, just checking in on you. How's the family? How's the house? Let me know. Thinking about you. And then there's some cursing.

[Adam Ray]

By the way. This, that and the.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but. Yeah, how about that?

[Adam Ray]

Well, that's kind of neat. Recently, nothing.

[John Holmberg]

But he. That might be. Yeah, he and I have shared. We have. We're Eskimo brothers.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, you and Rock in.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, in my dreams.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, yeah, I know he's had.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, those, you know, where you're just like, oh, you ever have those dreams where like, I had a dream once I was going down on Katy Perry, and then all of a sudden she started playing the. It was when the iPhone first came out and she was just like. And all a sudden she pulled out a guitar, started going, dan, Dan. She played the ringtone, and I was like, what are you playing that for? And that was my going off when I woke up. Thanks a lot, Nike. Well, you couldn't keep me asleep for 15 more minutes. If I could make her, by the way.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. Make you make her.

[John Holmberg]

I didn't know what to say.

[Adam Ray]

Climax is fine.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Adam Ray]

I think there's other ones.

[John Holmberg]

You can. You can say squirt, but you can't say, sure, it's a drink. Wow. Sure, it's a drink. Someone's in comedy.

[Adam Ray]

And it's also why my grandmother had plastic on the furniture.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Adam Ray]

Yuck. Right?

[John Holmberg]

Do you want to hear a great Internet joke? Why did doctors. Dr. Peck. Why did.

[Adam Ray]

I don't know if you can say that.

[John Holmberg]

Why did Dr. Pepper come in a can?

[Adam Ray]

Oh, God.

[John Holmberg]

Because his wife died. Thanks, Brad Garrett.

[Adam Ray]

That makes sense.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

That wasn't a great one. We'll go. We'll be right back.

[John Holmberg]

Ray wouldn't like that.

[Adam Ray]

Raymond. You disapproves.

[John Holmberg]

He's a Diet Pepsi.

[Adam Ray]

We had a girl here who was about £100, named Meline. But first time I ever talked talk to her, my dog was here, Bus. And she likes dogs. And I didn't know her at all. And she's tiny. And Bus runs up to her and she's petting, and she's down on her haunches petting my dog. And she looks at me, she goes, what's his name? I'm like, oh, my God, we turned her into Brattle. Because it's like she's Brattle. And Garrett, I want to ride a horse someday. That would be a dream of mine. You're too small to sound like this.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Ray]

What's your dog's name? I'd like to know it. Anyway, Adam Ray's at Standup Live. Standup live dot com. We'll do the entertainment drill. We'll be done with that. It's 98. It's out of control.

[John Holmberg]

Now.

[Adam Ray]

We gotta actually. Do we actually have to do the radio show now? Yeah, it is. We'll let Brady start up. Brady is here for the entertainment drill. And Adam Ray is joining us for the morning. And it's been awesome. Thank you.

[John Holmberg]

Awesome. I love you guys. I love the show. And best show on. On Air and Stand Up Live next weekend.

[Adam Ray]

That's right. And this will be it for you.

[John Holmberg]

What's that?

[Adam Ray]

I've said this before. I'll say it again. We'll probably never see you in this room.

[John Holmberg]

Not true.

[Adam Ray]

I said that. Joe Coy said the same thing, and I haven't talked to him in five years.

[John Holmberg]

Whoa. Well, I don't want to make this a race thing, but it is.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, but he's good with phones and he's great electronics.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he is a lot of good videos from the stage with Boys to Men.

[Adam Ray]

I'm always. I'm always proud.

[John Holmberg]

Joe's hilarious.

[Adam Ray]

I'm always proud when somebody that we've known for a long time has the success you're experiencing and going, no different.

[John Holmberg]

Same guy.

[Adam Ray]

You're the same guy.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Adam Ray]

But you don't need to wake up in the morning anymore.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man.

[Adam Ray]

I'm giving you permission.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you know, it's so great I being here with and having a few more days at my disposal to burn. I Poor choice of words.

[Brett Vesely]

Man.

[John Holmberg]

Give me a second. Let me get you into it. Hey, I just. I just got the wordle. Give me a break.

[Adam Ray]

Come on, fire. I'll day.

[John Holmberg]

I'm on fire all day. Hey, I nailed that sudoku. That's also the girl who gave me a rub and tug.

[Adam Ray]

This is Joe Ko's nickname. Sudoku.

[John Holmberg]

Sudoku. Sudoku. So.

[Adam Ray]

Time to burn. I just.

[John Holmberg]

I basically just smoked a few and drank a few last night.

[Adam Ray]

There's nothing wrong with that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. And then you're. And then you're here.

[John Holmberg]

I love it.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. And we love having you and it's always been good. So it's just. It's awesome to see somebody that you like as much as I like you. Thanks, brother. Explode this way. And as you're not even close like it's going to go. It's nuts. It's just. Well now. Yeah. I mean, wow.

[John Holmberg]

Is that a circumcision joke?

[Adam Ray]

Oh, yeah, it could be.

[John Holmberg]

Keep guys been bugging me for the skin for years. Yeah, just send it in a ziploc taste at first.

[Brett Vesely]

Come on, let me give you a little taste.

[Adam Ray]

Give me. Let's lady in the tramp. Anyway, Adam is a stand up live Brady doing the entertainment drill is brought to you by our [e-mail] the home of tactical black self defense. Become a sheep dog. Stop being a sheep. Get in great shape while you do it. I'm heading there later today. You want to join me?

[John Holmberg]

Yes.

[Adam Ray]

Come. I do a little fighting.

[John Holmberg]

Yes.

[Adam Ray]

You want to.

[John Holmberg]

Wait, wait, wait. What?

[Adam Ray]

Sorry. I just look down at answer reading. This was the Joe Coy moment.

[John Holmberg]

A referee, a bukaki. And I was like of course. What did I get myself into?

[Adam Ray]

Two dudes. One cup with me. Yes, I do.

[John Holmberg]

How about eight? About eight guys. Four cups. So you make a loaf of bread.

[Adam Ray]

I said I'll do that. Give it a taste.

[John Holmberg]

Give it a taste.

[Adam Ray]

It's a couple of cups. What's that? It's going to cost.

[John Holmberg]

Said really good.

[Adam Ray]

Whispering yesterday. No, he did a thing.

[John Holmberg]

He's like, I just wanted to.

[Adam Ray]

I wanted to bring my cats to the national forest. Like you're. You got a microphone. You're taking too. And then. And then the poor sound guy. I think he hates sound guys because just take him out. National forest. I got to experience that kind of stuff. Like, God damn it.

[John Holmberg]

But went down to the Amazon.

[Brett Vesely]

What was it?

[John Holmberg]

I forgot my package.

[Brett Vesely]

When he walked away from that podium in the Amazon.

[John Holmberg]

My favorite thing. It was comedically, it was brilliant. And I don't know, if somebody told him, they go, dude, turn around and walk away. This thing's gonna go viral.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, just be hilarious.

[John Holmberg]

Just walk into the wood. Oh, man.

[Adam Ray]

Would it be hilarious if I just walked away?

[John Holmberg]

People never came back.

[Adam Ray]

Wander off into the jungle.

[John Holmberg]

I come back with a signed copy of Lethal Weapon 4.

[Adam Ray]

I leave for 10 minutes. I come back in a grass scope shirt with pain in my face.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, you've seen it. You've done it.

[Adam Ray]

Holding a human head.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Come back with a chewy. Come back holding a human head. And they're. They're eating a chewy bar.

[Adam Ray]

Anyway, you want to come fight with me, you can wait.

[John Holmberg]

What?

[Adam Ray]

Reactive. It's a self defense street fighting thing I've been doing for years. Amazing guns. You get rid of guns, knives, you defend yourself against machetes, all sorts of stuff.

[John Holmberg]

It does sound very funny today.

[Adam Ray]

I'm gonna go out there today. Probably about 130.

[John Holmberg]

No, I'm good.

[Adam Ray]

All right. I'll wait outside your house. Oh, no, I can't. Because it's the rocks house now. Because it's great and I can't get in there. Anyway. If you want to go down there, they have an incredible special right now. Two months for $199. That's personal training. Total 199 bucks is 100 bucks a month. That is an incredible price for all they offer. Check it all out. Reactdefense.com. the home of tactical Black Brady. Entertain me.

[Brett Vesely]

It's probably bad timing, but Jessica Simpson's trying to sell her house in LA. LA. She. There's a lot of market on September 2023 for 22 million. Now you can buy it for 17.9 million.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, discount.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. She got the home when she divorced Eric Johnson. They got.

[Adam Ray]

Didn't play football. He was a. He was a football player.

[John Holmberg]

I think so she was Nick Lachey. And then they. They bounced and then what the.

[Adam Ray]

Tony Roma.

[John Holmberg]

Tony Roma. Wow.

[Adam Ray]

Forgot about that.

[John Holmberg]

Knoxville. I think Dane Cook Even for a bit.

[Adam Ray]

Dane Cook. Johnny Knoxville.

[John Holmberg]

But she got Kid Rock married. Yep. And a house with this.

[Adam Ray]

This guy.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And so she's. It's her house, though.

[Brett Vesely]

It's her house.

[John Holmberg]

So she's selling it for 4.5 mil.

[Adam Ray]

17.

[Brett Vesely]

17.9.

[John Holmberg]

So I don't.

[Adam Ray]

Listen, you tried to lowball it.

[John Holmberg]

So that's the news. I don't know.

[Adam Ray]

It looks pretty flammable. I think we should probably love.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. What do you. I mean, that is. The market is going to get out of control. Right? I mean, it's probably.

[Adam Ray]

I don't know what's going to happen.

[John Holmberg]

There's not enough homes to build for now. I think there's going to be a lot of people that move out of state, and then there's going to be. Because how long.

[Adam Ray]

Not here.

[John Holmberg]

Hotel for.

[Adam Ray]

Can't come here.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. You guys can't see it, but it was.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, it's the Hitler salute.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Duce. Duce. I'll do it all. I just. We got to keep people from moving in here. It's crazy. We're happy.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it happened during COVID already. You guys got the. The California building flux.

[Adam Ray]

And we know what that tastes like.

[John Holmberg]

You got the California boom double chop chocolate cookie. I hate that family.

[Brady Bogan]

There's a flag.

[John Holmberg]

Put it on. Put it on.

[Adam Ray]

The flag. That's what we've created.

[John Holmberg]

That's the Costco bring the boom flag.

[Adam Ray]

No, that's the new Arizona flag that I've designed. We just think that maybe without even mentioning it, and I even said it yesterday, I'm like, look, we're gonna need black people in on this, too, where you understand what we're doing. It isn't. You know, you have to.

[John Holmberg]

It's not gonna happen. Nobody. Oh, no, it's not gonna happen.

[Adam Ray]

You think the state's gonna be like, Homeberg's onto something.

[John Holmberg]

No, I mean, people move in here.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, no. I thought you meant putting the Confed on the middle of our. Clearly.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, yeah. No, actually, there's a chance. Dude, the colors really run well.

[Brett Vesely]

It's actually approved.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Pretty nice design.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Ray]

God, yes.

[Brett Vesely]

Robert De Niro's got a movie coming out, the Alto Knights. He'll play Vito Genovese and Frank Costello. He's gonna play both mob.

[Adam Ray]

Both of them.

[John Holmberg]

It's his Jack and Jill.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

In the trailer that they show it.

[Adam Ray]

Isn't it, though, like, the same as him doing the. Are you talking to me? Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

The guy that wrote it is the same dude that wrote Goodfellas and Casino.

[Adam Ray]

Well, there's something there.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, yeah, but few movies.

[Adam Ray]

I'm g. And I'm also the other guy. I'm not going to change makeup or anything. I'm just going to do it.

[John Holmberg]

I love that he's still acting. Go ahead. With David Duchovny. David Schwimmer, swimmer and Dairo.

[Brett Vesely]

When he was 18, he worked as a process server for his mom.

[John Holmberg]

Great story, Brady.

[Adam Ray]

What else is papers? You gave him no time to land that plane. You just took the yolk out of his hand.

[John Holmberg]

I love a good Schwimmer story.

[Adam Ray]

I love a good process serving Schwimmer story.

[Brett Vesely]

He served Robin Stewart the divorce papers.

[John Holmberg]

No way.

[Adam Ray]

Schwimmer did.

[Brett Vesely]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Cool.

[Adam Ray]

That's just now coming out.

[Brett Vesely]

Yep.

[Adam Ray]

That was like 30 years ago.

[Brett Vesely]

It took a while.

[Adam Ray]

He's been holding that sign.

[Brett Vesely]

NBA.

[Adam Ray]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

I met Schwimmer at the. I was. This story sucks. Let's move on. But I just w. Right away. You ever just start a story and you go, unless somebody dies or gets me toed in this.

[Adam Ray]

It's not. Most of the time. That story starts with, I met Schwimmer once, and then you can pretty much start folding.

[John Holmberg]

I was behind him in the TSA line, and. And I tried to make a joke. I go. I go, make sure you get the weed out your bag. And he goes, what? That was me, by the way. That story is just so I can do a subpar swimmer reaction voice.

[Adam Ray]

It's pretty solid.

[John Holmberg]

What?

[Adam Ray]

What pivot.

[John Holmberg]

It's like when somebody tells Simo they didn't like the pop tart movie.

[Adam Ray]

Huh?

[John Holmberg]

It's the same thing.

[Adam Ray]

All right, close her up. Ready?

[Brett Vesely]

This indie rocker named Chris Riva, he used Wikipedia's list of the 479 mainstream rock performers to see which artist they named as the biggest influence. Because it's always said it's Beatles or Rolling Stones.

[Adam Ray]

On all music.

[Brett Vesely]

On all music.

[Brady Bogan]

It's gonna be Taylor Swift or something.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. Who would be the new one?

[Brett Vesely]

Beatles took it number one, Led Zeppelin was number two, and the Rolling Stones were three.

[Adam Ray]

Cool.

[John Holmberg]

Where does Chumba Wumba land?

[Brett Vesely]

You two is four.

[John Holmberg]

Ooh.

[Adam Ray]

Chumba Wumba's right ahead of Jimmy's Chicken Shack.

[John Holmberg]

You can't say that anymore. But that's right, right? Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

You offend a lot of all of them.

[John Holmberg]

Every syllable with you. Wait, who's Kazakugu? Oh, wow. Really?

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. Hush Hush the Goo Goo.

[John Holmberg]

What a great song. I put that song in the category with eastern boys and western boys.

[Adam Ray]

I'm ashamed.

[John Holmberg]

Let me finish.

[Adam Ray]

I'm sorry.

[John Holmberg]

Whole song, please. Oh, I came here to sing just a little bit of.

[Adam Ray]

My dad thought I was gay my whole entire childhood because of stuff like that. So that was. And I would know every word. And he goes, who the hell is this?

[John Holmberg]

You're like, it's go west, dad. Haven't you heard? King of wishful thinking.

[Adam Ray]

The king of wishful thinking.

[John Holmberg]

When I bad grocery at Albertsons, there was an Albertson's grocery store soundtrack. And go west was nine out of the 15 songs they play nice. It'd be like, I will be faithful to my lovers. I'm like, I'm going to kill myself if I have to tell one more 90 old woman. Where the chocolate covered phrasings are paper or plastic? Let me think. Hey, I didn't ask you if I can bathe your son or take him to soccer practice. It's one or the other. That's at Adam Ray comedy stand up live Friday and Saturday. Come out and see me, baby.

[Adam Ray]

There it is, Adam. Thank you. Thanks, guys very much for coming in and waking up. It's awesome. Adam Ray's here. Larry's coming up next. We're done. We'll see you guys tomorrow. Solo.

[Brett Vesely]

Station.

[Adam Ray]

It's out of control now.