01-15-26 - BR - THU - Japanese Term For BiSexual - Stats On How Many People Have 3rd Nipple - Woman Arrested For Pooping Toward Cops

Summary

Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness

Episode: 01-15-26 - BR - THU - Japanese Term For BiSexual - Stats On How Many People Have 3rd Nipple - Woman Arrested For Pooping Toward Cops
Date: January 15, 2026
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo, Bailey, Alex
Podcast: Holmberg's Morning Sickness on 98 KUPD

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Overview:

This episode is classic "Holmberg's Morning Sickness," blending irreverent humor with bizarre news and offbeat trivia. The crew swings from NFL withdrawal-induced conspiracy talk to strange Japanese vocab, body oddities, and viral news stories—like the Florida woman arrested after allegedly defecating toward police officers. Along the way, the discussion weaves in pop culture, memes, and trademark shock-value videos, keeping the energy wild and unpredictable.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. NFL Withdrawal and Media Distrust

• John laments the end of football season for his Steelers and jokes about falling into conspiracy thinking with his newfound free time.
  • "Now I'm into chemtrails. It happened so fast... If only Steelers could have beaten the Texans on Monday, I'd be fine. Now I'm into chemtrails." (03:18, John)
• Reference to Blake Shelton's media skepticism after fabricated divorce rumors, leading John to distrust much of what he sees online.
  • "I can't believe one thing I see on the Internet anymore because of how the Internet handled what they thought was my divorce..." (paraphrased, 03:05–03:55)

2. Absurd World News: Greenland on "High Alert"

• Mockery of international military aid to Greenland:
  • France sends 15 soldiers, Germany sends 17, England sends 30.
  • "Germany and France send military to Greenland... 15 dudes. I'm smarter than that. You got to do better than this." (05:59, John)
• Holmberg's take: These headlines don't pass "the smell test," reflecting his growing skepticism.

3. National Holidays, Wikipedia, and Japanese Vocabulary

• Noting National Strawberry Ice Cream Day & National Bagel Day.
• Side note: Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s and Wikipedia’s birthday.
  • "It's also happy birthday to Wikipedia. 25 years old today." (08:05, Brady)
• Japanese term "ryotatsuku/ryototsuku": Means both "person who uses two swords in battle" and "bisexual."
  • "It also means bisexual." (08:56, Brady)
  • Crew riffs on the sexual subtext:
    • "The second I have a wiener in my hand, immediately gay." (09:35, John)

4. Biological Curiosities: The Third Nipple

• Stat: About 1 in 18 people have a third nipple.
  • "Seems like a lot, but they say some are very small. Just looks like a freckle or a mole." (10:02, Brady)
• Personal stories: John claims to have one, shares anecdotes about his ex-wife.
  • "My ex-wife had a third nipple. She used to point it out... It had a little sensitivity. Not much, but mine doesn't have any." (10:33–11:02, John)

5. American Areas of Expertise

• New poll: Reality TV is America's top self-proclaimed area of expertise, followed by social media trends, home improvement, trending music, and interest rates.
  • "Found the average American's number one area of expertise is now reality TV show." (11:27, Brady)

6. Weird Crime: Woman Arrested for Defecating Toward Police

• Florida massage parlor story:
  • Police attempted to arrest an employee; she "began pooping towards the officer" in a futile escape attempt.
  • "She's using it like a gun. Take that." (12:55, John)
  • "I don't know about this, but that anus is dynamite." (13:15, John)
• The group riffs hard on the image, envisioning shields, fart trajectories, and how distance could be covered.

7. Guinness World Record: Soccer Ball Marathon

• Record: Daniel Jakob breaks the record for longest time controlling a soccer ball (28 hours, 21 minutes).
  • "This is why I hate soccer." (14:25, John)
  • "He was allowed a 15 minute break every three hours." (14:53, Brady)
• Hosts are unimpressed: “Call Jay Cutler. Don’t care.” (15:22, Brett)

8. Cup Noodles' New "Wing" Flavors for Super Bowl

• New flavors: Lemon Pepper Wings, Spicy Buffalo Ranch, Garlic Parmesan Wings.
  • Running joke: Everyone calls it “Cup o’ Noodles,” not “Cup Noodles.”
  • "I refuse to not call it that because cup noodles sounds stupid. You're missing an 'of'." (15:53–16:09, John)

9. Gross-Out Videos and Jokes:

Motorcycle Accident Clip

• Graphic crash; body “stretches” around a tree.
  • "He becomes a lowercase c... That opened him up. Wow." (17:33–17:45, John)

Amputee Video

• A woman with no legs (in wheelchair) becomes the focal point for the crew’s shocked, crass commentary.
  • "What is that? Her vagina is like a man... looks like a bump, like a football." (19:27–19:44, John & Alex)

Work Accident and Pringles Tummy

• Forklift drops pallet on workers.
• Brief segment on extreme weight loss and excess skin.

Outrageous Sex Toy Segment

• Video description of a woman using a gigantic sex toy, ending in grotesque detail:
  • "Oh, wow. That is a huge sex toy. This thing's about two and a half feet." (21:17, John)
  • "And then it jump cuts to the dong being out of her and something comes out and it rosebuds and I won off the planet." (22:03, John)
• Closing reflection:
  • "We're celebrating the birthday of a man who had a dream people would be decent to each other... If he was here today, he'd be like, 'Never mind. Everybody, off.' White people and black people are both disgusting." (22:44, John & Alex)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On sports withdrawal and media skepticism:
  • “Now I'm three days removed from my football season being over, and I'm turned into Alex Jones in 72 hours.” (02:11, John)
• On Greenland's supposed military defense:
  • “Germany and France send military to Greenland...15 dudes. I'm smarter than that.” (05:59, John)
• On bisexuality and Japanese swordplay:
  • “The second I have a wiener in my hand, immediately gay.” (09:35, John)
• On the viral police story:
  • “She's using it like a gun. Take that.” (12:55, John)
  • “That anus is dynamite.” (13:15, John)
• On cultural decline and MLK's dream:
  • “If he was here today, he'd be like, 'Never mind. Everybody, off.' White people and black people are both disgusting.” (22:44, John & Alex)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

| Segment | Timestamp (MM:SS) | |-----------------------------------------|------------------------| | NFL Withdrawal & Conspiracy Thinking | 01:37–03:57 | | Greenland Military Satire | 05:10–06:10 | | Japanese "bisexual" Term | 08:49–09:35 | | Third Nipple Stats & Stories | 10:02–11:12 | | Reality TV as US Expertise | 11:27–11:53 | | Florida Defecating Woman | 12:09–13:40 | | Guinness Soccer Record | 14:10–15:20 | | Cup Noodles “Mandela Effect” | 15:28–16:17 | | Motorcycle Crash Video | 17:18–17:59 | | Amputee and Work Accident Clips | 19:25–20:49 | | Extreme Sex Toy Video | 21:12–22:27 | | MLK and Human Decency Joke | 22:44 |

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Tone & Style

Maintaining their characteristic blend of shock-jock humor, crude jokes, and cultural references, the episode is a wild ride through trivia, absurd news, and "did you see that?!" moments. The banter is raw, unfiltered, and deliberately provocative, meant to both amuse and disturb.

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Perfect For:

Listeners who enjoy unfiltered morning radio, irreverent comedy, and tabloid-level weird news—especially those with a tolerance (or appetite) for crude adult humor and little regard for "safe" content.

Disclaimer: Not for the easily offended!

Transcript

[Brett]

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[Michael]

This is Michael with Restore My Civil Rights. It's still over 110 degrees outside, and the political climate is just as hot. If you've lost your right to possess a firearm due to a criminal conviction, we can help at Restore My Civil Rights. We help Arizonans restore all of their rights because constitutional rights shouldn't depend on the next election results. To book a free consultation, call 855-gun- rights or visit restoremycivilrights.com today. That's Restore My Civil Rights.com.

[John Holmberg]

It'S John Holmberg here, seeing clear as a bell, thanks to my friends at the Schwartz Laser Eye Center. Well, here we are looking at a brand new year. Can you see yourself in 2026? Can you see it all? I mean, really, maybe in 2026, you should see yourself seeing. Fix those eyes. Vision changes are gradual. You might not even know how bad it's gotten. I know. That was my story. So start the new year by seeing clearly. Visit Doct Schwartz and his team at the Schwartz Laser Eye Center, 480-483-Eyes Schwartz Laser Eye center, the official eye center for your Diamondbacks and sons. It's time now for Brady to give you all the news, real or otherwise. Yeah, I just kid. We're talking about it off here. My radar is so up on everything because we just went through all this stuff five years ago. It seems like it's happening again, like it's a playbook, like it's choreographed. And I'm frustrated that we're not all seeing it. This is the stuff that drives you nuts. This is the stuff that makes you.

[Brady]

Say, it makes me feel like a feel good man. I'm like, what is happening, Al? What is going on?

[John Holmberg]

Alex Jones sits and shrugs his shoulders and says, not all of what I said was wrong. He's just. It drove him crazy. I'm starting to feel that way. I gotta pull back. You know what it is? Football ended for me Monday night, so I don't watch the NFL now. Well, now, yeah, now I just dove right back into all this other dumb stuff that I've been avoiding for the last 20 weeks.

[Brett]

That's why I don't care. I'm still in it, so.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you're still in it. You're like, what's going on, cuz? Yeah, you're on.

[Brady]

Shut your mouth. We got a game.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you're on the NFL Network. It's no wonder that Cleveland and all these fans are so mad all the time. Their season ends after Christmas and then they start watching other stuff. Football has been like, ah, I could turn it. I'm like, oh, they're talking about. Go online and read about, you know, the injury reports and I don't care. Now I'm three days removed from my football season being over and I'm turned into Alex Jones and 72 Hours. What happened to the men? If only Steelers could have beaten the Texans on Monday, I'd be fine. Now I'm into chemtrails. It happened so fast. Yeah. I just watch TV and I'm like, I don't think what I'm seeing is real anymore. You know who taught me that too, Tuesday night. Blake Shelton. Blake Shelton? Yeah. You're into too much sports. I'm reading other stuff now.

[Brett]

Jeez.

[John Holmberg]

He basically said, I can't believe one thing I see on the Internet anymore because of how the Internet handled what they thought was my divorce, which never happened. And he goes. And then I realized they were using pictures of me. He goes, that's not. I don't even have that shirt. Like, just to. He's like, here, here's Blake out without Gwen. And he's like. So I know. He even said. He goes, from what I've seen how they'll do me if I'm important enough to do this too. I can't imagine which. I don't believe another thing. I don't believe anything I see anymore. And it just happened to hit me at the exact same time. I'm watching, going, none of this feels real. I think. I feel like everything is crisis acting and all. And maybe I'm wrong, but it doesn't. It's not passing the smell test. God damn it. This is. I just discovered it's the Steelers fault. They clock out of the playoffs and.

[Alex]

I've got nothing else to do.

[Brady]

The stealer alert.

[John Holmberg]

It is my say. It is I have to be careful up until. Thank God, Tomlin quit his job so I can at least keep up with the coaching search. Because otherwise I'd be. I'd be like that 91 year old managed be wandering around. I gotta. I gotta. I gotta start watching like life on the spectrum and stuff. Meaningless things.

[Brett]

You got the Suns.

[John Holmberg]

I do have that, but it's so long, so drawn out. That is true. The NBA network sucks. That's the bigger part. The NFL Network's great. You get on there and you get sucked into the insiders for like two hours and like this was a fantastic show. Go to NBA and it's Isaiah Thomas. I don't want to hear from him.

[Brett]

Nobody does.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody does. I think that's it. I think I just discovered it without my Steelers. I checked back into society for a minute, and I'm like, people believe this is the worst movie I've ever seen. The special effects aren't even good. Nobody marches in snow. Eskimos aren't even mad. They're not walking around in that. The shots of Greenland, they're about to. Oh, and that was the other thing I saw. I just want to get it all off my chest.

[Alex]

Here we go.

[John Holmberg]

Germany and France sent military help to Greenland just in case we get froggy. Pardon me. France and I started like, well, that didn't say. That's silly. We're not going to fight. France and the. They sent over their military support, went to the Greenland. You know how many soldiers France sent?

[Brady]

15.

[John Holmberg]

That has to make Greenland feel great. 15 Frenchmen. Germany sent 17, and England's got, like, 30 on the way. Yeah.

[Brady]

Oh, don't worry, friends. We have you.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. No, it's like, I want to mop them up just to show them, like, what was that move?

[Brett]

Might as well send Sergeant Hulk and the Lars over there. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

But again, because it doesn't pass the smell test. The headline was, Germany and France send military to Greenland.

[Brady]

15.

[John Holmberg]

Dudes. I'm smarter than that. You got to do better than this. I've lost my mind. I need the Steelers back.

[Brett]

Coach search now. So, I mean, I don't have.

[John Holmberg]

I don't have. It's. I think it's my annual reset back into society. I've been like, hey, I've been watching games. What have you guys been up to? Oh, you're acting like morons. We don't know men can get pregnant. Okay, I want football back now. I don't like checking back in. I'm checking back in with society, and it ain't working. It's time now for Brady to give you all the news that'll probably make me crazy. Er, Give me a week. That's. I just asked for a week of going nuts, and then I'll be okay again. I'll be fine. It's brought to you by our [e-mail] All Prochade has it all together for you. If you want a shady section of your backyard, your front yard, you got windows that get all that sun, and you want it taken care of, let them add that shade to your life. It's a Beautiful, beautiful thing. Make that room outside for a reasonable fee. It's like adding square footage to your house. It's a great property value enhancement and they do it the best. The design looks good. It looks like it's supposed to be there. And it is functional and beautiful. All Pro shade dot com. That's where you go get some shade in your world. Brady reported.

[Brady]

Good Thursday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello world. Happy National Strawberry Ice Cream Day. National Bagel Day. What's that?

[Brett]

Maybe Larry's bringing some in then.

[John Holmberg]

He doesn't, man.

[Brett]

He better.

[John Holmberg]

You know what he does now which kind of pisses me off? Well, he picks and chooses pictures. Well, he. He bakes them for individuals. Tripp always gets one, which is a little bit.

[Brady]

It's like an apple on the teacher.

[John Holmberg]

It's a little bit brownie. If he made some for us too though. But he makes great bagels.

[Brady]

They're amazing.

[John Holmberg]

He's got the recipe to the old Karsha's bakery. Yeah, this is Dad's bakery.

[Brady]

And today would have been Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. S birthday.

[John Holmberg]

Is today the day?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Happy birthday. Thanks for Monday.

[Brady]

It's also the. It's happy birthday to Wikipedia. 25 years old today. Wow. I didn't know there was an alternative site. New Pedia was launched in 2000. It. It didn't last because they only let experts write the stuff.

[John Holmberg]

Never even heard of it.

[Brady]

A couple of basis fun facts. On average, September is the worst month for the US Stock market. The best is November and April.

[John Holmberg]

Get in October.

[Brady]

The Japanese term ryotatsuku.

[John Holmberg]

Pretty good job.

[Brady]

Means a person who uses two swords in battle. And it also means bisexual.

[John Holmberg]

I was gonna say it's got a. It's gotta drift over into the sword fighting world.

[Brady]

Rototsuku Ryo Tsuke.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's different than the first time.

[Brady]

Yeah. I said coup on the end.

[John Holmberg]

Ryo to su.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That means you're playing tummy sticks with another guy.

[Brady]

You're bisexual.

[John Holmberg]

You're gay.

[Brady]

Approximately one out of every.

[John Holmberg]

No, I mean right now if Brett and I were with Messiah and I'm giving him a hand job while he kisses her.

[Brady]

That'S gay.

[John Holmberg]

You can go bisexual all you want.

[Brady]

Right to suk.

[John Holmberg]

It's pretty gay. Second, I have a wiener in my hand. Immediately gay.

[Brett]

Other than your own. Other than your own.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Yeah. And that's a little gay too when you think about it.

[Brett]

But yeah, that's as far as on the gay side I go.

[John Holmberg]

And I'm fine with that. That's Good. Just call it what it is. I did some gay stuff last night. My wife was there. Oh, yeah?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

There was a dude in the room. I got. I get hit in the eye with friendly fire. I'm bisexual. No, you're not. You're gay.

[Brady]

Approximately 1 out of 18 people have. Has a third nipple. Seems like a lot, but they say some are. They're very small. Just looks like a freckle or a mole.

[John Holmberg]

I think I've got one. It's kind of neat. It pokes out of my skin. It's not like a regular mole.

[Bailey]

Taking pictures of it.

[John Holmberg]

I don't care. Examined it might play with it.

[Brett]

So it's not like Total Recall then?

[John Holmberg]

No. It's like a head. No.

[Brady]

Geez.

[Brett]

With the three boots.

[John Holmberg]

Three boots. No, it's not. It's not. I don't have a third breast. Just a. The nipple. My ex wife had a third nipple.

[Brett]

I looked like coha over there.

[John Holmberg]

If I did, I'd keep it. Yeah, she had a third nipple. She used to point it out. It was under her boob like she. It was right on the crease. And she goes, look. And I'm like that. And it had a little sensitivity. Not much, but mine doesn't have any. I'm pretty sure it's a nipple. Next time I go to look, would.

[Bailey]

It stand at attention?

[John Holmberg]

No, it just stayed that way. Oh, okay. It's like a little nipple all the time. It never. It didn't harden and soften. It wasn't an areola involved. It was just the nipple part.

[Brady]

A new poll looked at America's top areas of expertise.

[John Holmberg]

I never sucked on it because if it was a mole. That's just weird. Never suck on someone's moles. Sorry. Go ahead, Brady.

[Brady]

So the new poll found the average American's number one area of expertise is now reality TV show.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah.

[Brady]

Number two expertise, Social media trends. And it goes into home improvement projects, DIY projects, trending music. Number four. Number five is interest rates.

[John Holmberg]

This is what we all keep up with on the whole. What, 98. No way. Homeberg's morning sickness.

[Brady]

On Tuesday, police in Florida responded to a a place called Palms of Emerald Coast Massage Parlor to investigate an alleged attack. Someone from the Department of Health reported that there were. They were yelled at and physically shoved out of a business by a massage parlor employee. The cops showed up and when they tried to cuff the woman, she began pooping towards the officer.

[John Holmberg]

Towards him.

[Brady]

Like defecating towards the officers.

[Bailey]

Directing it. Wow.

[Brady]

In an attempt to avoid being arrested. It didn't work. They got it for battery. By the way, the Palms of Emerald coast was previously called Classy Spa. Take that with a K. And that.

[John Holmberg]

Jesus, she's using it like a gun. Take that. They got their shields up walking towards her.

[Brady]

Yeah, and that.

[John Holmberg]

Jesus, she's relentless.

[Bailey]

We can't take any more men.

[Alex]

Back down. Fall away.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know about this, but that anus is dynamite.

[Bailey]

You haven't seen it? I've seen.

[Alex]

Yeah, she can fart for miles.

[Brady]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

I've never seen anybody do that. Oh, I know, I know. What'd you think?

[Brett]

I said it leaned a little bit with the accent.

[Alex]

Fart?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Alex]

You fart for miles.

[John Holmberg]

I can hear it. See?

[Alex]

Hey, I can get away with one then if I just do the whole show. As a Scotsman, I knew a girl who did that. Every time I'd yell at her, she'd just fart on me. Eight distances she'd cover 10, 12ft, 5 meters at a time. Walk in the room, and the next thing you know, she's felting on you.

[John Holmberg]

I like that.

[Brady]

Congratulations out to Daniel Jakob. He broke the Guinness World record for the longest marathon controlling a soccer ball. He was doing footsies and keepsies with the soccer ball.

[John Holmberg]

This is why I hate soccer.

[Brady]

You can't have 28 hours and 21 minutes.

[Bailey]

Longest marathon. Aren't they all the same?

[John Holmberg]

26.2, but longest while dribbling a soccer ball, right?

[Brady]

Yeah. The previous record was 26 hours.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, wait, he didn't run a marathon.

[Brady]

He could.

[John Holmberg]

You're calling the time?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So he just broke the time?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I thought he was actually running a marathon and keeping the thing knee high.

[Bailey]

Oh, that'd be impressive.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's what I thought was happening. I'm no longer as impressed.

[Brady]

He was allowed a 15 minute break every three hours.

[John Holmberg]

Then he didn't do it. Yeah. I want British uninterrupted continuous soccer dribbling.

[Bailey]

Hey, give Those Olympians a 15 minute break every hour if they're running marathons.

[John Holmberg]

Well, they're not, though. You're confused. Brady brought marathons into the party, and they don't actually have. It's not a thing. He's just standing in a room, bouncing a ball off his knees, playing keep season, keep season. Footsies.

[Bailey]

Brett, what's the word? Who cares?

[Brett]

Yeah, exactly. Call Jay Cutler.

[Brady]

Don't care.

[John Holmberg]

Guinness actually said that to him.

[Brady]

And to get you excited for the Super Bowl Cup Noodles is debuting three new flavors. Lemon pepper wings flavored Buffalo spicy Buffalo ranch flavored Cup Noodles. And garlic parmesan wings. But cup noodles, huh? They're all cup noodles.

[John Holmberg]

We understand it's cup noodles. Don't celebrate it. Everybody calls it cup oh, noodles. Yeah. He wants to be smug and correct everybody for it because it's not cup oh, noodles. But I refuse to not call it that because cup noodles sounds stupid. You're missing an of.

[Brady]

And I could have sworn there was.

[John Holmberg]

An oh, everybody thought so. Mandela effect.

[Brett]

It's like the cup of pizza from the jerk.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but it was not cup. Pizza.

[Brady]

Pizza.

[John Holmberg]

Cup. Yeah, a couple pizza was a good idea. And actually Toledo eats that now he's got pancakes in a jar. You would eat that?

[Bailey]

I'd try it.

[John Holmberg]

Toledo has full breakfasts in little cups. That pancake one you've got.

[Bailey]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Looks horrible.

[Brady]

Delicious. Artisan.

[John Holmberg]

It's some of the poor people.

[Bailey]

No, not artisan.

[John Holmberg]

No poor people. Look at Toledo's food. Poor people look at Toledo's food and go, wow, that is low. I've seen homeless shelters. Take it away from Toledo and go, we're gonna get you something else. This isn't right. It's like eating rocks and garbage.

[Bailey]

Come on, man. You're better than this.

[John Holmberg]

You have a job. You shouldn't be eating cups of pancakes.

[Bailey]

Blueberries.

[John Holmberg]

That is stuff that you find in your pantry. And you're like, is this still good? And then you put it in that donation box. Who bought this? Pancakes on the go.

[Brady]

I just have one pretty video. It's a dude on motorcycle.

[John Holmberg]

Huh?

[Brady]

A dude on a motorcycle getting his body stretched and then some.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know what that means.

[Brady]

He rams into a pole.

[John Holmberg]

Oh. Oh, geez. Oh, we get the video of him hitting it.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, there you go.

[Alex]

Oh, watching slow motion. Oh, man.

[John Holmberg]

He goes. He becomes a lowercase c. But yeah. The tree. He grabs him by the hips and that hip is. Oh, he's done. Oh, my God. That opened him up. Wow.

[Bailey]

Maybe that's what you needed for your hips.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. Quick stretch up against the tree. I don't think that's good for anybody. Really. No medical adviser is going to say, you should hit something at 90 miles an hour, Wrap around it. Well, they really mean that when they say you're going to ride that bike and you're going to wrap around a pole.

[Bailey]

Man. That is the definition right there.

[John Holmberg]

I like motorcycles, but I'm never getting on one.

[Bailey]

Brett, have you never been on one?

[John Holmberg]

I've been on one.

[Bailey]

Oh, okay.

[John Holmberg]

I was.

[Brady]

He only writes on the back.

[John Holmberg]

I did. It was on my ex girlfriend's dad. Got a Harley Davidson, and he grabbed.

[Bailey]

A dude around the belly.

[John Holmberg]

And the only way to ride it. I didn't know how to ride that thing. It was, you want to ride on it? I'm like, sure. And we just laughed. And then the next thing you know, I'm hugging this fireman. I got my legs around him, and we're going up and down Longmore in Mesa. I'm like, this is great. We can go back home now. You want to ride it yourself? I'm like, I'll crash it. I don't know what I'm doing. I never really liked them. Like, I think they're neat, but I couldn't because of that and because of other cars, I won't. I don't trust the other people. If it was a world where I had just wide open roads and what, I'd be fine.

[Brady]

They're pretty amazing when they are.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they're fun.

[Brady]

I can see the danger factor.

[John Holmberg]

Always just those big 2000 ton or 2 ton pieces of moving metal. Yeah. It just doesn't seem worth it. Take my chances. Brett, what do you got?

[Brett]

All right, Bailey wanted to make sure that Brady had a video for himself this morning, so we'll start with this one.

[John Holmberg]

There's one.

[Brett]

This is for Brady.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Bailey]

Oh, no.

[John Holmberg]

Just. Oh, God. It's an amputated lady naked. She's in a Stephen Hawking wheelchair. She's got no legs either.

[Bailey]

Wait a minute.

[John Holmberg]

Somehow or another.

[Bailey]

What is that?

[Brady]

Oh, no, it's just amputation video.

[Brett]

She's just, you know.

[Bailey]

But what's.

[John Holmberg]

But her vagina is like a man.

[Bailey]

It looks like a bump, like a football.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Alex]

What was that?

[John Holmberg]

Show that again. Watch that thing wobble around when the video starts.

[Brady]

Just her. It.

[Bailey]

Was it a bump, or was it just the way the shadow is? No, it's like a hemorrhoid or a hernia.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, maybe it sealed itself over since it's the closest thing to the ground, and. And.

[Brady]

Well, come on in.

[Bailey]

So that's what happened to Tim Horton's lady just had a bump.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

When you sit on it that much, it spreads out. That's a lot of vagina. All right. Thanks for that. Yeah.

[Brett]

Oh, we got a nice little work accident.

[John Holmberg]

OSHA video from. Oh, here comes the. Oh, it's dropping a pallet of drinks on another guy. Oh, it's like trying to put a bunch of sodas on the top shelf at Ikea or Home Depot. Look at the forklift operator.

[Brett]

He crushes a guy and he's like. He looks like he just threw an interception.

[John Holmberg]

Kills that lady and that guy. What's got two. It was a two.

[Brady]

Okay.

[Brett]

I guess, you know, my bad.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

You're not going to the Christmas party? No. Oh, my Lord.

[Bailey]

No bonus for you this year.

[Brett]

Here's some Pringles tummy for you.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man. Oh, she's lost a lot of weight. The foods you love, and she's for it all the extra skin for clothes after Weight Watchers. Watch yourself change. It was the after effects of a woman who has lost at least 100 pounds. And let's just.

[Brett]

Oh, let's just end with a Say more than that big robot robotic dong.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, wow. That is a huge sex toy. This thing's about two and a half feet.

[Bailey]

And it might be small.

[John Holmberg]

She's little. This thing might be. Wow, 24 inches around.

[Bailey]

It is massively clogged down.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God.

[Bailey]

Where do you find that pistol thing?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, where Bailey can find us one. Where do you build the materials to.

[Brett]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Quick, quick. I'll get you a replay. Quick. Play by play, and I'll get it through. So she's taking the giant dong and she's doing it in her backside. I don't want to hear from any of the wives complaining about us hurting.

[Brett]

Them because she looks good looking too.

[John Holmberg]

She's capable of this. So she's taking this playing Pac man, too. And then the dong is going and it's doing its job on some sort of weird contraption that's been built. And then it jump cuts to the dong being out of her and something comes out and it rosebuds and I won off the planet.

[Brady]

I just gotta be in the early running community.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, they put that in the file right now.

[Bailey]

Oh, my God.

[John Holmberg]

I don't want to be part of the planet anymore. I don't like this.

[Brady]

Stalk it.

[Bailey]

Oh, my God.

[Brett]

We'll probably see that in December.

[Bailey]

Oh, my God.

[John Holmberg]

You know, we're celebrating the birthday of a man who had a dream people would be decent to each other. You know, if he was here today.

[Alex]

He'D be like, never mind. Everybody couldn't off white people and black people are both disgusting.

[John Holmberg]

Yuck. Well, thank you, Brett.

[Brett]

No problem.

[John Holmberg]

My goodness, There goes your Brady Report. It's 98. It's out of control now.

[Brady]

98.

[John Holmberg]

K u p d.