Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness

Episode: 01-15-26 - BR - THU - Japanese Term For BiSexual - Stats On How Many People Have 3rd Nipple - Woman Arrested For Pooping Toward Cops
Date: January 15, 2026
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo, Bailey, Alex
Podcast: Holmberg's Morning Sickness on 98 KUPD

Overview:

This episode is classic "Holmberg's Morning Sickness," blending irreverent humor with bizarre news and offbeat trivia. The crew swings from NFL withdrawal-induced conspiracy talk to strange Japanese vocab, body oddities, and viral news stories—like the Florida woman arrested after allegedly defecating toward police officers. Along the way, the discussion weaves in pop culture, memes, and trademark shock-value videos, keeping the energy wild and unpredictable.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. NFL Withdrawal and Media Distrust

• John laments the end of football season for his Steelers and jokes about falling into conspiracy thinking with his newfound free time.
  • "Now I'm into chemtrails. It happened so fast... If only Steelers could have beaten the Texans on Monday, I'd be fine. Now I'm into chemtrails." (03:18, John)
• Reference to Blake Shelton's media skepticism after fabricated divorce rumors, leading John to distrust much of what he sees online.
  • "I can't believe one thing I see on the Internet anymore because of how the Internet handled what they thought was my divorce..." (paraphrased, 03:05–03:55)

2. Absurd World News: Greenland on "High Alert"

• Mockery of international military aid to Greenland:
  • France sends 15 soldiers, Germany sends 17, England sends 30.
  • "Germany and France send military to Greenland... 15 dudes. I'm smarter than that. You got to do better than this." (05:59, John)
• Holmberg's take: These headlines don't pass "the smell test," reflecting his growing skepticism.

3. National Holidays, Wikipedia, and Japanese Vocabulary

• Noting National Strawberry Ice Cream Day & National Bagel Day.
• Side note: Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s and Wikipedia’s birthday.
  • "It's also happy birthday to Wikipedia. 25 years old today." (08:05, Brady)
• Japanese term "ryotatsuku/ryototsuku": Means both "person who uses two swords in battle" and "bisexual."
  • "It also means bisexual." (08:56, Brady)
  • Crew riffs on the sexual subtext:
    • "The second I have a wiener in my hand, immediately gay." (09:35, John)

4. Biological Curiosities: The Third Nipple

• Stat: About 1 in 18 people have a third nipple.
  • "Seems like a lot, but they say some are very small. Just looks like a freckle or a mole." (10:02, Brady)
• Personal stories: John claims to have one, shares anecdotes about his ex-wife.
  • "My ex-wife had a third nipple. She used to point it out... It had a little sensitivity. Not much, but mine doesn't have any." (10:33–11:02, John)

5. American Areas of Expertise

• New poll: Reality TV is America's top self-proclaimed area of expertise, followed by social media trends, home improvement, trending music, and interest rates.
  • "Found the average American's number one area of expertise is now reality TV show." (11:27, Brady)

6. Weird Crime: Woman Arrested for Defecating Toward Police

• Florida massage parlor story:
  • Police attempted to arrest an employee; she "began pooping towards the officer" in a futile escape attempt.
  • "She's using it like a gun. Take that." (12:55, John)
  • "I don't know about this, but that anus is dynamite." (13:15, John)
• The group riffs hard on the image, envisioning shields, fart trajectories, and how distance could be covered.

7. Guinness World Record: Soccer Ball Marathon

• Record: Daniel Jakob breaks the record for longest time controlling a soccer ball (28 hours, 21 minutes).
  • "This is why I hate soccer." (14:25, John)
  • "He was allowed a 15 minute break every three hours." (14:53, Brady)
• Hosts are unimpressed: “Call Jay Cutler. Don’t care.” (15:22, Brett)

8. Cup Noodles' New "Wing" Flavors for Super Bowl

• New flavors: Lemon Pepper Wings, Spicy Buffalo Ranch, Garlic Parmesan Wings.
  • Running joke: Everyone calls it “Cup o’ Noodles,” not “Cup Noodles.”
  • "I refuse to not call it that because cup noodles sounds stupid. You're missing an 'of'." (15:53–16:09, John)

9. Gross-Out Videos and Jokes:

Motorcycle Accident Clip

• Graphic crash; body “stretches” around a tree.
  • "He becomes a lowercase c... That opened him up. Wow." (17:33–17:45, John)

Amputee Video

• A woman with no legs (in wheelchair) becomes the focal point for the crew’s shocked, crass commentary.
  • "What is that? Her vagina is like a man... looks like a bump, like a football." (19:27–19:44, John & Alex)

Work Accident and Pringles Tummy

• Forklift drops pallet on workers.
• Brief segment on extreme weight loss and excess skin.

Outrageous Sex Toy Segment

• Video description of a woman using a gigantic sex toy, ending in grotesque detail:
  • "Oh, wow. That is a huge sex toy. This thing's about two and a half feet." (21:17, John)
  • "And then it jump cuts to the dong being out of her and something comes out and it rosebuds and I won off the planet." (22:03, John)
• Closing reflection:
  • "We're celebrating the birthday of a man who had a dream people would be decent to each other... If he was here today, he'd be like, 'Never mind. Everybody, off.' White people and black people are both disgusting." (22:44, John & Alex)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On sports withdrawal and media skepticism:
  • “Now I'm three days removed from my football season being over, and I'm turned into Alex Jones in 72 hours.” (02:11, John)
• On Greenland's supposed military defense:
  • “Germany and France send military to Greenland...15 dudes. I'm smarter than that.” (05:59, John)
• On bisexuality and Japanese swordplay:
  • “The second I have a wiener in my hand, immediately gay.” (09:35, John)
• On the viral police story:
  • “She's using it like a gun. Take that.” (12:55, John)
  • “That anus is dynamite.” (13:15, John)
• On cultural decline and MLK's dream:
  • “If he was here today, he'd be like, 'Never mind. Everybody, off.' White people and black people are both disgusting.” (22:44, John & Alex)

Timestamps for Important Segments

| Segment | Timestamp (MM:SS) | |-----------------------------------------|------------------------| | NFL Withdrawal & Conspiracy Thinking | 01:37–03:57 | | Greenland Military Satire | 05:10–06:10 | | Japanese "bisexual" Term | 08:49–09:35 | | Third Nipple Stats & Stories | 10:02–11:12 | | Reality TV as US Expertise | 11:27–11:53 | | Florida Defecating Woman | 12:09–13:40 | | Guinness Soccer Record | 14:10–15:20 | | Cup Noodles “Mandela Effect” | 15:28–16:17 | | Motorcycle Crash Video | 17:18–17:59 | | Amputee and Work Accident Clips | 19:25–20:49 | | Extreme Sex Toy Video | 21:12–22:27 | | MLK and Human Decency Joke | 22:44 |

Tone & Style

Maintaining their characteristic blend of shock-jock humor, crude jokes, and cultural references, the episode is a wild ride through trivia, absurd news, and "did you see that?!" moments. The banter is raw, unfiltered, and deliberately provocative, meant to both amuse and disturb.

Perfect For:

Listeners who enjoy unfiltered morning radio, irreverent comedy, and tabloid-level weird news—especially those with a tolerance (or appetite) for crude adult humor and little regard for "safe" content.

Disclaimer: Not for the easily offended!