01-15-26 - CONDENSED SHORT SHOW - THURSDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness – Arizona

Episode: 01-15-26 – CONDENSED SHORT SHOW – THURSDAY
Date: January 15, 2026
Host: John Holmberg
Co-Hosts: Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo

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Main Theme

This condensed episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness explores the absurd and often frustrating state of cultural and political conversations in America, focusing mainly on how discourse has devolved into pointless tribal arguments, particularly around issues of identity and science. The crew also discusses everything from bizarre listener emails to scammer stories, generational dating, aging, and ends with a comedian guest sharing insights from interviewing major political guests.

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Key Discussions & Insights

1. The Impossibility of Avoiding Politics in Media

[00:45 – 04:35]

• John Holmberg describes a listener’s email exchange questioning whether it’s possible to have a successful podcast today without touching on politics:
  “Do you think if you started a podcast, just you… could you do it without politics nowadays?”
• He reflects on Joe Rogan’s success, arguing that media personalities inevitably get “tribalized” by audiences.
• Holmberg laments the loss of reasonable conversation:
  “How do you defend what she’s [the doctor]… She’s an expert doctor. And I’m sitting there going, yeah, I’m supposed to take a side here, people?” [03:10]
• Analogy is made between tribal politics and “never-ending” relationship arguments:
  “Ever get in an argument… and midway through you’re arguing about something weird that had nothing to do with why you started?” [03:20]

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2. Viral Congressional Hearing Clip: “Can Men Get Pregnant?”

[01:58 – 04:29; 06:12 – 08:58]

• Audio exchange between Senator Moody and Dr. Verma dissected for its theater and lack of satisfactory answers.
• Multiple attempts by the Senator to get a direct answer to “Can men get pregnant?” show the language bending around gender and biology without resolution.
• Holmberg:
  “You have to be able to answer the question, can men get pregnant, with one thing… No, of course a biological man can't get pregnant.” [05:10]
• Co-hosts laugh about how conversations become distractions from real issues.
• Holmberg offers satirical advice:
  “Stop it. Be super selfish. Take care of your own house... Stop worrying about all the other stuff.” [06:36]

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3. Listener Email: Unintended Life Advice & Generational Dating

[09:37 – 13:21]

• A listener (“friend of Brandon”) thanks Holmberg for giving her blunt sex advice at age 22, leading her to “respect her vagina” and, later in life, snag a 24-year-old fiancé from a wealthy family at age 53.
• Quote from email:
  “I was treating [my vagina] like a kid on Christmas… in 30 years you wish you hadn’t done that. Because those things are valuable now and yours is ruined.” [10:06]
• Holmberg responds, tongue-in-cheek, wanting a “finder’s fee”:
  “If you’re giving me credit for keeping your vagina intact and I don’t even know you…” [11:44]
• The crew jokes about restaurant lore: “kitchen trolls” who manage to hook up with attractive staff, and the resulting “damage.”
• “Once you went into the troll world, you couldn't come back to us. You were damaged.” [17:09]

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4. Romance Scams on the Elderly: “Pot of Gold”

[21:34 – 26:26]

• News story: An elderly woman is conned out of her home by a scammer posing as a soldier, promising her “gold.”
• Holmberg:
  “If you need warnings that somebody’s trying to send you a pot of gold, it’s a leprechaun.” [24:06]
• Conversation shifts to online romance, loneliness, and the dangers of the elderly being “too online” or emotionally vulnerable.
• Holmberg’s tip for family:
  “If there’s a FOR SALE sign in the front yard…‘Hey, Mom, what’s going on?’” [28:00]
• Cautions against being naive about “companionship” in late life:
  “She wants to diddle some balls. Your mom? Yes, she wants to.” [29:38]

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5. Aging & the "Silver Alert": Why Do Old Men Always Wander Off?

[31:15 – 36:54]

• Story of a missing 91-year-old man; crew riffs on aging, the possibility of “chipping” old people for safety, and the patterns of “Silver Alerts.”
• Holmberg suggests:
  “We need to have a pound for old people… Maybe we should chip old people.” [32:10]
• Observes Silver Alerts are “never for old women,” only men:
  “Silver Alert is all men. And it makes me worry as I age that’ll be my fate.” [37:15]

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6. Headline News Oddity: The Weaponized Colon

[38:59 – 40:16]

• Florida police story—a massage parlor worker “pooped towards the officer” as resistance.
• Imagery sparks humor:
  “She’s using it like a gun.” [39:41]
• Crew jokes about whether this is a world record skill.

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7. Comedian Akash Singh: Political Podcast Guests & Authenticity

[41:09 – 47:57]

• Guest Akash Singh discusses high-profile podcast appearances by Trump, Sanders, Tebow, etc.
• Holmberg asks how the show attracted so many political giants. Akash shares the snowball effect:
  “Once a few came, once one or two came, everybody else wanted to come.” [41:30]
• No guest set parameters; they wanted authenticity, not “gotcha” moments.
• Discussion of Trump’s in-person charisma:
  “He demanded attention the second he walked in… you just realized, he’s in charge of this.” [44:36]
• On Tim Tebow: the crew teases that “nobody can be that nice,” playfully suggesting he’s “Damien from The Omen.”
  “He was so nice. It was really just like, he cares about kids getting trafficked. It seems like.” [46:12] Holmberg jokes: “I think he’s trafficking kids. I think his cover is caring.” [46:41]

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8. Sports & Sincerity: The Handwritten Letter

[48:21 – 55:11]

• Co-host Dale receives a letter from a kid who idolizes him as a (second-string) offensive lineman.
• The crew pokes fun at the kid's probable circumstances and at Dale’s “dominance” on the field:
  “If you’re second string on your own team, you’re not one of the most dominant players…” [49:39]
• Good-natured ribbing about the improbability of handwritten letters from youths today.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• [05:10] John Holmberg:
  “Of course men can't get pregnant. And I don’t want to be friends or continue moving on with… And I’ll discuss anything with anybody. I like a discussion where somebody says something loopy, but that’s one where you’re like, we're just… you're…”

• [11:44] Holmberg, on being credited for a listener’s dating success:
  “If you’re giving me credit for keeping your vagina intact and I don’t even know you…”

• [17:09] On restaurant hookup dynamics:
  “Once you went into the troll world, you couldn't come back to us. You were damaged.”

• [24:06] On golden scam victims:
  “If you need warnings that somebody’s trying to send you a pot of gold, it’s a leprechaun.”

• [32:10] On aging:
  “Maybe we should chip old people… because it’s so sad to think that you wake up, and pop-pop wasn’t there anymore.”

• [44:36] On Trump’s persona:
  “He demanded attention the second he walked in… you just realized, he’s in charge of this.”

• [46:41] On skepticism of altruism:
  “I think he’s trafficking kids. I think his cover is caring.” (Humor, about Tim Tebow)

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Noteworthy Timestamps

• 00:45 – 04:35: Tribalization of politics & podcasting evolution.
• 01:58 – 04:29; 06:12 – 08:58: Senate hearing clip dissected.
• 09:37 – 19:49: Listener email about life advice, “kitchen trolls,” and generational dating.
• 21:34 – 26:26: Elderly scam story, online romance, and family vigilance.
• 31:15 – 37:15: “Silver Alert” banter and ideas about tracking the elderly.
• 38:59 – 40:16: News of weaponized defecation.
• 41:09 – 47:57: Guest interview with Akash Singh on meeting top political figures.
• 48:21 – 55:11: Sports mailbag and the sincere/funny analysis of fan letters.

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Overall Tone & Takeaways

The episode is fast-paced, irreverent, and sharply observant about the ridiculousness of modern social discourse, with a healthy dose of humor and self-awareness. The hosts mix satire, real emotion, and local Arizona color as they move from pop-culture absurdities to serious political questions and back again, always with a pointed but never meanspirited edge.

Ideal for listeners who like their drive-time talk radio smart, skeptical, and a little bit rowdy.

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Transcript

[Host]

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[Michael from Restore My Civil Rights]

This is Michael with Restore My Civil Rights. It's still over 110 degrees outside, and the political climate is just as hot. If you've lost your right to possess a firearm due to a criminal conviction, we can help at Restore My Civil Rights. We help Arizonans restore all of their rights because constitutional rights shouldn't depend on the next election results. To book a free consultation, call 855-gun- rights or visit restore my civil rights.com today. That's restore my civil rights.com.

[Main Commentator]

Strange. Oh, the other. I pulled the clip up of this. The other thing, people. I got an email yesterday. I got into a little back and forth with a guy that said, and Tripp and I have had this conversation. It's like, do you think if you started a podcast, just you. Do you think you could. It's possible to do it without politics nowadays? And, like, you know what? I don't know, because, like, Joe Rogan wouldn't be as big a deal as he is if he hadn't dabbled in the world of politics. And that mostly comes from the people who don't like him. Like, it cemented him as a spokesperson for one side, even though he drifts out of it sometimes. The. The hate from the left made the right dig in on Joe Rogan, right? The MAGA boys, the. You know, the. The MMA guys and all that. When he started to out loud say, hey, I kind of liked. He had Trump on the show and all that, it made the people who hate him loudly hate him. So the people who liked him liked him a little more. And it wasn't about being political. It was about, you know, getting tribal with the. With the audience. So I didn't know. But then I have these moments where I'm like, I don't know that I can be political because of stuff like this. This.

[Senator Moody]

Thank you, Mr. Chairman. Since you bring it up, why don't we just start there? Dr. Verma, I wasn't sure I understood your answer to Senator Moody a moment ago. Do you think that men can get pregnant?

[Dr. Verma]

I hesitated there because I wasn't sure where the conversation was going or what the goal was. I mean, I do take care of patients with different identities. I take care of many. I take care of people with different identities. And so that's where I paused. I think I wasn't sure where you were going with that.

[Senator Moody]

Well, the goal is just the truth. So can men get pregnant again?

[Dr. Verma]

The reason I paused there is. I'm not really sure what the goal of the question.

[Senator Moody]

The goal is just to establish a biological reality. I said a moment ago that science and evidence should control, not politics. So let's just test that proposition. Can men get pregnant?

[Dr. Verma]

I take care of people with many identities, but can men get pregnant? Many women seriously get pregnant. I do take care of people that don't identify as women that.

[Senator Moody]

Can men get pregnant again?

[Dr. Verma]

As I'm saying, how do we live.

[Main Commentator]

In a world where this is happening in our politics and anybody takes a side. What are they even arguing about?

[Co-host 1]

Her credibility shot.

[Main Commentator]

It's not even her, because it is him, too. He should shut up and immediately say, you're a moron. Get out. You're wasting everyone's time. This is political theater. That. Which is why I hate it. I hate both sides for even having this argument. How do you defend what she's. She's an expert doctor. And I'm sitting there going, yeah, I'm supposed to take a side here, people. The argument. I got in with the guy yesterday, email. He's like, you clearly live on the left. And I'm like, I don't know how you think I live on one side or the other. How in the world do I make it so I. Because I don't. There was a topic he had that I did not agree with, that he was going crazy. That just automatically put me in a thing. And then this happened yesterday. Did you ever get in an argument with your wife, your girlfriend, a friend or whatever, and midway through you're arguing about something weird that had nothing to do with why you started arguing. And you're in the middle of it, you're like, I'm in a weird loop of like, this is never going to end. We're arguing about like, popcorn in the microwave or something. It started off as a. Like a real discussion, a little thing, and then it just. It devolved into this weird thing and you can't get out of it. And now that's going to be the thing that lives through it. You're not going to solve a problem that probably. You went into the argument thinking, we need to solve a problem, and then something happens. Somebody mentioned something dumb, and you're like, are we really talking about dinner seven years ago?

[Co-host 1]

You're really. Yeah. What? A lot of times, what is the problem there? It's. It's bringing out that bigger problem.

[Main Commentator]

But nobody knows how to have the discussion without just going, this is pointless. You need to Go somewhere else. This. I can't talk to you. And he didn't do that. He antagonized it to win a side, to make the other side look better. I'm like, how do you do this? So I don't want to. But that's the world we live in. The simulation's shattered. You have to be able to answer the question, can men get pregnant with one thing? Nobody can defend that and just say, yeah, I understand what you're saying. No, of course a biological man can't get pregnant. But gender is, you know, it's a construct. So I treat biological women who are identifying as men who, yes, they can't get pregnant. It's an easy answer, but we don't live in that world. We live in an insane world. Insanity. I watched that yesterday. We were up tactical black, and she's nuts, and he's crazy for even continuing the argument. And I don't know how anybody sides with one side or the other, but I was in this argument with a guy yesterday who's like, you got to pick a side and get on it. People would respect you more. And I'm like, I don't want to be on either team that would even entertain that discussion, let alone try to make up new rules. It's crazy. Of course men can't get pregnant. And I don't want to be friends or continue moving on with. And I'll discuss anything with anybody. I like a discussion where somebody says something loopy, but that's one where you're like, we're just. You're.

[Co-host 2]

You're.

[Main Commentator]

You're one of those broads that's like, hey, honey, I think we've got a problem.

[Co-host 3]

Well, maybe it started that time back in when we were at Frank's house and.

[Main Commentator]

What? You've been hanging on to this for years, and you're. You're. You're throwing out a distraction.

[Co-host 1]

There we go.

[Co-host 2]

You're.

[Main Commentator]

You're going to make me mad about something that I was mad about six years ago to avoid talking about what really happened. I come to you and say, hey, something's wrong. And you tell me that Frank's house was weird a few years ago. And you know that's going to make me go, well, what are you talking about? And now we're going to argue about something completely different. Nothing's ever going to get done again. So my advice to everyone, it was so simple.

[Co-host 1]

That yes man can't get better.

[Main Commentator]

Yeah, it seems like it, right? She's a doctor. This is why my advice to everyone is stop it. Be super selfish. Take care of your own house and then that will trickle around you. Stop worrying about all the other stuff.

[Co-host 2]

Yeah.

[Main Commentator]

Just do like Brett. You do you. And if I asked you for help, you'd be like, hey, you're my friend. We'll help each other. But I'm not worried about anything that's going on outside of my home anymore because that's where it goes. I can't sit and have a decent conversation with anybody. Just a simple email yesterday. I've been stewing on it for. For 12 hours. 15 hours.

[Host]

I bet she hasn't ring on her finger either.

[Main Commentator]

Let's take a look. I don't know if that's right or not. Let me see. This went on for 10 minutes.

[Senator Moody]

Can they get pregnant?

[Dr. Verma]

I also think yes. No questions like this are a political tool.

[Senator Moody]

No.

[Co-host 2]

Yes.

[Senator Moody]

No questions are about the truth. Doctor, let's not make a mockery of this proceeding. This is about science and evidence. And I'm asking, looking at her hand.

[Main Commentator]

I'm trying to find.

[Senator Moody]

The United States Supreme Court just heard arguments yesterday at great length on this question. This is not a hypothetical question. This is not theoretical. It affects real people in their real lives. And you're here as an expert, called by the other side as an expert and you've been telling us that you. That you follow. Right. You're a doctor and you follow the science and the evidence. So I just want to know, based on the science, can men get pregnant?

[Main Commentator]

No ring.

[Co-host 2]

No ring.

[Dr. Verma]

Brad, are you trying to reduce the complexity of the.

[Senator Moody]

I'm not.

[Main Commentator]

Can you imagine being married to her?

[Senator Moody]

I'm trying to get to an answer. And I'm trying to tell frankly your veracity as a medical professional and as a scientist. Can men get pregnant?

[Dr. Verma]

I think you're also conflating.

[Senator Moody]

No, I'm not conflating. Male and female, they're two different things. There's biological men, there's biological women. And I want to know, can men get pregnant?

[Dr. Verma]

What you were talking about is biological.

[Senator Moody]

You're not going to answer my question.

[Main Commentator]

Well, that's an argument too that's been on that they say that that's racist. She got to say that it's always for.

[Dr. Verma]

I would be more than happy to have a conversation with you that I.

[Main Commentator]

Think she could be. She's not trying.

[Dr. Verma]

Trying to be polarized and.

[Main Commentator]

Well, now wait a minute. She just moved her hand. There might be a small ring. Extraordinary. Married a teacher here in hearing about.

[Senator Moody]

Science and about women. And for the record, it's women who get pregnant, not men. Oh, we are here about this.

[Main Commentator]

I can't be part of this anymore. I can't. I can't. People watch the news and get stirred up, but I got stirred up about it because I'm like, I can't believe this is actually happening. Like, nobody stepped in. Not. There's 100 people in that room and nobody said, all right, that's enough. Shut the up.

[Co-host 1]

I. I've heard that two plus two.

[Main Commentator]

Yeah, it's racist.

[Co-host 1]

But what about one plus one?

[Main Commentator]

Is that racist? Okay, if it's always two, you're just making. I don't know how that. And that was the argument. And I'm like, I need to stop paying attention to the world. The simulation is shattered. Completely broken.

[Caller or Listener]

98.

[Main Commentator]

What?

[Caller or Listener]

98.

[Main Commentator]

No way.

[Co-host 2]

Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Main Commentator]

This one says, hey, Holmberg, I'm actually friends with somebody you worked with at Tony Romans when you were younger. We used to hang out back in the day. I don't know if you remember, but for that reason, I'm not going to tell you my name. I am the same age as you, and in fact, you and I have the same birthday. Still not ringing any bells for me. I wanted to let you know that something you said to me when I was 22 actually changed my life. How about that? We were at a party and you told me I didn't respect my vagina. I don't remember this. Normally I would remember a conversation like this. Says I was treating it like a kid on Christmas morning. She put this in quotes. Ripping open a new Star wars action figure and playing with it too much. And in 30 years, you wish you hadn't done that. Because those things are valuable now and yours is ruined. Well, because of that talk, for some reason, I'm 53 years old and I just started dating a 24 year old guy who is blown away at how pristine I am because from that day forward, I treated it with respect. He comes from a family worth hundreds of millions of dollars. And I thought of you when he told me how good it was. You were right. I've been a quiet fan of yours the whole time you've been on the air. You have no idea that you did this. I moved to Texas on Friday and I wanted to tell you. I know it's weird, but thank you. You showed me that some guys weren't interested in just sex with me and I was being an absolute. So you saved a signed friend of Brandon. Anyone remember Brandon? I don't remember Brandon. I Remember a kid named Brandon? I don't remember much about him.

[Host]

Well, she needs to send pictures of D. Toledo at 98.

[Main Commentator]

I agree. Now if you're going to go to these lengths, just body shots, no faces, you can keep it anonymous. Let's take a look at this 53 year old body that's fooling a 24 year old boy.

[Host]

That's.

[Main Commentator]

That's crazy.

[Host]

Especially he's worth hundreds of millions of dollars. Or his family is.

[Co-host 1]

Text is showing a 53 year old.

[Main Commentator]

I mean, well, not. No, she won't. She's got a family of 100 million. She's moving to, you know, South Fork. She's going to oil ranch. She's sticking around. She's going to listen to that kid forever.

[Host]

Say hi to JR And Bobby for us.

[Main Commentator]

She ain't. If he breaks up with her, she's still gonna be in the mix. Now. No. If she's got pristine body to hold 24, she's going to Texas for two reasons. Milk this as long as it lasts and hobnob with the other oil men. She'll be married to Billy Bob eventually, but right now, this is her foot in the door. And you know what? I think I should get like a finder's fee on this. If you're giving me credit for keeping your vagina intact and I don't even know you.

[Co-host 1]

Gift, Little gift.

[Main Commentator]

Well, yeah, pass some down to the guy who got you there because otherwise you'd. Evidently you were slinging that thing around like, you know, pizza dough at an Italian restaurant. I didn't know and I. Look, I'm usually all for the slutty behavior, but if you were being so bad that I actually sat down and said, you're disgusting. You were doing some stuff.

[Host]

No clue who this is, huh?

[Main Commentator]

My guess is, if I had to guess, and I don't remember this at all in detail, she was having sex with one of the guys in the kitchen. And if she's having sex with one of the kitchen guys, I'm looking at her just going, what in the hell? You're just throwing that thing to anybody and that dude, that's. It's good enough for him. And also she must have been fairly attractive or I wouldn't have wasted my time with like I was seeing some disparity there. Where, like at your restaurant when you.

[Co-host 1]

Locking like selling yourself.

[Co-host 2]

No, no, no, no.

[Main Commentator]

Evidently no from if I know me, yeah, I looked at her and said, you're banging that guy. You're immediately off the table. You have lowered your Standards too. Like the dishwasher. That might be it.

[Host]

Who was the guy?

[Main Commentator]

That might be it.

[Host]

Who was the Chippendales dancer or whatever he was.

[Main Commentator]

No, that was Brad.

[Host]

He been with. She'd been with him.

[Main Commentator]

That would have made sense though. Brad was a handsome Chippendales dancer who worked with us. So a lot of the girls were. Would have taken Brad. And then when I went to the river with Brad and he had that thong and that he wore his Chippendales down the river. Well, we didn't. We were just off the. Under the side. We were skim boarding, so we didn't. We weren't floating. So we took the jeeps to the. We had a couple people with four wheel drives and we take them to the edge and we tie it. The most dangerous thing in the world. We tie a string to a tree on the side and then surf against the tide of like a, like a rapid on the river. And we'd surf and then we'd fall in and get stuck. I mean somebody should have drowned. But Brad went with us one time because the hot weight, the hostesses were going and it was me and Mark and a couple other people. And we're at the river and we took the hot hostesses and Brad's like, I'd like to go. And the hostess is like, Brad wants.

[Co-host 3]

To come with, like crap.

[Main Commentator]

Cause we knew it was over at that point. Brad brought one of his Chippendales buddies. Ah, but he wasn't as good as Brad. He was like weird. And then Brad dropped his board shorts and he was in a red. I'll never forget her. A red thong. You know those Chippendales dancer shorts where the dong is like a foot. Like I think there's a. There's like sand in it or something. Like it's weighed down. It stayed that way all day in the cold water even. It stayed that way all day. And then we had to deal with Brad all day. It would have made sense if she was one of the Brad bangers because I think a lot of those girls fell under his spell. Okay, from what I'm hearing from her email friend of Brandon, you were hosing something that was disgusting and I'm like, you're gross. Like you're. You'll give that to anyone. I'd like a follow up and tell me who it is because I've got a couple guesses. I've got a couple guesses, but I'm glad. Look, but again, now you're with some. That is. I got questions. About the 24 year old guy with a hundred million dollars. It's aiming his wang at a 53 year old woman. That dude, if he's from hundred million dollar family, you better look like Kate Beckinsale.

[Host]

I was just gonna say her too.

[Main Commentator]

Yeah, she's gotta be pretty great. But I saved. I. I actually didn't even try to be Captain save a ho. And I. Captain Save a ho. So I'm sorry to one of the Chris Valenzuela's in the kitchen at Tony Roma's that inevitably was. We called them the trolls. You're banging a kitchen troll. Like that was immediately out. Brady, your restaurant, you had that gorgeous waitress got knocked up by a kitchen troll. That's what they do. Kitchen trolls knock you up. And for some reason some of them swing hot chicks. And they're all trolls. Kitchen trolls are scary. So that's more than likely what I saw. She banged a kitchen troll. I saw it. And she was probably like having a bad night with the troll. Like she was sad or something saying, well, he's just not calling me like he's a kitchen troll. You just throw your vagina on. And that is a pretty good analogy. I, I'm pretty proud of myself for comparing her vagina to a Star wars action figure. You play with it too much. 20 years, you'd be like, what that Darth Vader's worth? How much? Geez, I had one of those, I ruined it.

[Co-host 1]

Maybe it's because the, the kitchen trolls provide for the other staff. They come in when they're hungry, they need cigarettes.

[Main Commentator]

It's inevitable.

[Co-host 1]

They always have all their support.

[Main Commentator]

One of the hot girls bangs a kitchen troll. I've since seen this guy Aaron that worked in our kitchen. And back in the day he was a troll. His life is now normal. But while he was a kitchen troll, he hammered one of the cocktail waitresses. And she was beautiful. And you're like, what? And then it was over. That girl, you couldn't look at her ever again.

[Host]

Just wrecked it.

[Main Commentator]

Just like she hit a troll. Once you went into the troll world, you couldn't come back to us. You were damaged. The trolls and they didn't clean up. They'd go to like, they'd show up smelling like grease and onions. They didn't care. They didn't go home to shower first before they came to the after party.

[Host]

Stained shirts.

[Main Commentator]

Yeah. They just showed up and then scored. Yeah. So friend of Brandon. You're welcome. I should get a little, I should get a little action off of that. I Think. And I'm not talking like a percentage. I'm talking like a. A one time royalty. Like a payment, like a, you know, a buyout. Cuz evidently you were on the path to getting knocked up by one of the Valenzuelas in our kitchen. And how much would your life have been different had it not been for John stopping those ovaries from taking troll seat? You know what? You're welcome. I don't know if I've done that with anyone else. It's interesting to wake up and realize that.

[Co-host 1]

You'll hear, you'll get another letter.

[Main Commentator]

Yeah, but I was Socrates when I was 22 and told that lady life changing, life altering advice. She broke up with that troll and she got in her. Probably her Honda Accord that night, looked down at her goods and said, you know what? From here on out, I'm gonna treat you with respect. And they looked back up and went, thanks. It's so grateful for you not putting troll dick in me anymore. Yeah, no more troll dick for you. Billionaires only. Okay, I'll do some exercises and get back in shape. Yeah, that's not good. Send pictures, friend of Brandon, because that is impressive. If you're 53 and you got. I root for that for all the. All ladies. Ladies get mad at men.

[Co-host 3]

They're like, oh my God, he likes some 25 year old girl.

[Co-host 1]

Yes.

[Main Commentator]

You should do it too. Nothing good happening in this room to these bodies as we get older.

[Host]

Nope.

[Main Commentator]

I was a woman and I kept it together. I'd be like, what am I. Why am I laying on Brady? Ever, ever, ever. I'm right behind you, buddy. No one should want to get on top of this thing. It's gross. If I look at someone and I can't picture them having sex without getting like a chill. Their wives, and they should all, you know, find their new value. Go get that. Although I do think it's weird when a. When a young man goes for an old lady, she's got to be. She's got to be special.

[Host]

Like you said, Kate Beckinsale, it's got.

[Main Commentator]

To be that good without the crazy. But good luck. And there's a reason why you're 53 and still available too.

[Host]

So is Kate Beckinsale too.

[Main Commentator]

As hot as she is, still can't land anybody because something outweighs that eventually.

[Host]

Well, she took Davidson seed, so.

[Main Commentator]

Davidson, Matt rife. She's been. She's been through it. And all of them say the same thing. That was fun. Still, it wasn't. Anyway, now I want to See her. Is there any way to Google search? Friend of Brandon?

[Co-host 1]

Yeah.

[Main Commentator]

We don't even get a name.

[Host]

I get a first name, right?

[Main Commentator]

Yeah. No, she didn't give me. And her email address was like one of those Google X19. She just did a quick burner. It's not fair. Changing lives. Changing lives. Proud of myself. If he remembers, I don't know that.

[Host]

He sounds like you would have a conversation about this with him, like afterwards, like, believe me, look at this.

[Main Commentator]

This is what happened. Well, I think all of us would have remembered, like, but there were several.

[Co-host 1]

Who.

[Main Commentator]

You're like, oh, my God, she's banging a troll.

[Co-host 1]

Conversation.

[Main Commentator]

Heidi's banging a troll. She's out. Like, we would say it out loud. Like, that one's done.

[Host]

I never really did the restaurant thing.

[Main Commentator]

So I, you know, Ellen's banging a troll. Oh, brutal. You could go busboy. You could not go troll.

[Host]

People are asking Troll Seed. Good band name.

[Main Commentator]

Troll Seed's a great man name. Friend of Brandon's a pretty good band. Like an alternative, like one of those Fountains of Wayne type bands. Friend of Brandon and Troll Seed, both quality band names. God. Changing lives.

[Caller or Listener]

98.

[Main Commentator]

What?

[Caller or Listener]

98.

[Main Commentator]

No way.

[Co-host 2]

Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Main Commentator]

You know, on the age thing. I also saw last night on the news that the another fake soldier has wooed an old lady out of all of her money and house and stuff. And I was like, oh, this is tragic. Until I. I was told by the news people what his first move was that wooed her, got her. Which was he said he was going to send her gold to pay her bills. And she waited for that to happen with the promise of gold. He offered to pay her bills and RV payments, which had gotten a little behind. He was going to send her a package of golden cash and jewels for their future. What are you? Jack Sparrow on the other line says when the package never arrives, Susan received messages from someone claiming to be a US diplomat who needed money to get the package of gold through customs. So she sent him $1,200. Gotta get that gold now. She goes, it felt real. It felt like he was being honest. I didn't feel like it was fake because, you know, offers of gold and frankincense and myrrh are pretty real. Says the request for money continued with repeated claims about customs problems. She eventually convinced, she was convinced to sell her four bedroom house to access more funds to get that gold in the mail.

[Co-host 1]

She went all in.

[Main Commentator]

How about you get in that RV of yours that you're late on payments with? And drive to where the gold is.

[Co-host 1]

Easy.

[Main Commentator]

Can't be that far. She sent another 8,000, then 55, then 61, and then realized, hey, this might be a scam. You think she told her financial advisor about her money? That guy's fired. And then he got in on the gold, and he's like, oh, yeah, he's. Look, if I was a financial advisor and I'm on the up and up.

[Co-host 3]

And a lady goes, I sold my house, John.

[Main Commentator]

For what?

[Co-host 3]

Well, I've got gold coming in, and I have to pay for that to.

[Main Commentator]

Get through customs, I'd be like, you know what? I'm gonna rob her, too. She's too dumb to live. You're right. Yeah. You know what? I can get that through customs. You give me five grand right now, and I'll get that all buttoned up.

[Host]

Imagine calling Jeff and telling him that.

[Main Commentator]

Hey, I got a. A lady I'm fairly interested in. She lives in Louisiana. She said she's gonna send me some gold and some jewels, but I can't get that unless it's custom, so I need to clear up some of my stock investments and fire that over to her. So. And he would be immediately like, no, or he's in on it.

[Host]

That's true, too.

[Co-host 2]

Yeah.

[Main Commentator]

It says they create a world that people 100% believe is going to happen. They sell their homes and wire money to someone they've never met. How in the world does this keep happening? And they put it out on the news last night. It's a warning. If you need warnings that somebody's trying to send you a pot of gold, it's a leprechaun. You always just go, you know what? Let me shake hands with you before I sell my house. Let me just. I like to shake hands with someone before I sell my house. I shook hands with the guy at lifted trucks. We made a deal. Good on you. Nice to meet you. Before the money got exchanged, we had a handshake. That's a deal I have when I'm dealing with loads and loads of money. Handshakes, face to face. I see the product I'm buying.

[Co-host 1]

At least that's still binding in a way.

[Main Commentator]

I don't even care if it's legally binding. I just know that I'm not even gonna be in a situation where it's like, well, I should sell my house to this guy I've never met because he's got a bucket of gold. He's a pot of gold. He's. He lives at the bottom of a rainbow, and he's helping me out.

[Host]

Is he Lucky Charms or what?

[Main Commentator]

Yeah, yeah, it's Lucky I' never ending supply of cereal and gold. And where is anyone in her life to say, why are you selling your house? Well, the real estate agent, Even Doug Hopkins would go over and go, wait, you want what?

[Co-host 3]

I just need cash for my home.

[Main Commentator]

He normally is like, whatever you need to do, do it. But if. If she even uttered the words to.

[Co-host 3]

Doug, I have to send the money to a man who's got pots through gold and customs.

[Main Commentator]

Doug would be like, I'm not doing this one. I'm gonna walk away from this. It's just not adding up. But maybe I would.

[Co-host 2]

I would.

[Main Commentator]

You know what? She's this dumb. I'm just gonna sell her house. You gotta be the dumbest person alive for that. No one. I don't remember how. Not young.

[Host]

You know, she took troll seed back in the day.

[Main Commentator]

You know what, Brad? I bet you're right. I bet you're right. I think that's what lured it in second time. That's even better for what I did to that poor lady. See, it says, Amazing one. Done. She's 69. All right?

[Co-host 3]

I want to only be identified as Susan.

[Main Commentator]

She said on the news she didn't give her real name. The guy was stationed in the Middle east, in the military, and had all this gold he'd found at Saddam's palace. He was getting fired over to this lady he'd never met before. That makes sense.

[Co-host 3]

And she's like, I'll sell my house. I'll get it to customs.

[Main Commentator]

And you know what really got her? And this is the sad part, she.

[Co-host 1]

Kept it to herself the whole time.

[Main Commentator]

She sold her house. No one knew why.

[Co-host 3]

I got gold coming in.

[Main Commentator]

All right, Mom's lost. She said that what really got her was he would call her, like, babe and honey, sweetie and stuff. And it just touched her heart like, you love me. Oh, and this is the danger, ladies, of, you know, keeping too tight a grip on that thing. And if you're. If you're mad at men and you haven't, like, let loose with it. Not with trolls, but let loose with it every once in a while if you realize it's like Jesus been like six years since anybody's even touched it. Go out there and get buried once. Reset. Because your brain fog kicks in when you start. When you wait. There was a girl that was on the news the other day talking about how I actually talked to somebody at the Suns game the other night who's announced I'm Celibate to people. And it caught our ear. We're like, what? I've chosen to be celibate. The next man I'm with will be the one. Like, it's way too much pressure.

[Co-host 1]

Like Khloe Kardashian.

[Main Commentator]

Yeah, it's way too much pressure on the vagina and on your emotions, because eventually you're gonna start getting desperate. The bar's gonna lower, you're gonna marry a troll. You're gonna be like, I should have just gotten pounded. Because you're gonna get brain fog.

[Host]

What'd she look like?

[Co-host 3]

She was cute.

[Host]

She was decent. So it was by choice.

[Main Commentator]

She's choosing to not do it, Right?

[Host]

That's what I'm saying.

[Main Commentator]

Yeah. She's not celibate because, you know, I didn't see any bruises from the ten foot poles the guys were hitting her with to keep her away. Yeah, she. But she said something about it. We're like, huh? I've chosen to do that because I want the next man to be the one. Well, that's too much pressure on the next man. And you. It was weird, but yeah. So if you're. Again, maybe good time to ask Grandma or mom, whatever. Anybody over the age about 67 that's been living by herself is on the computer a little more than she should be. Hey, mom, what's going on? If there's a for sale sign in the front yard or she sees the Doug Hopkins commercials and goes, that's something I should do. Like, wait a second. Where's this money gonna go?

[Co-host 3]

There's a man I met in Saudi Arabia online.

[Main Commentator]

All right, I'm taking your computer privileges away. Mom, that's enough. You're done.

[Co-host 3]

But I love him.

[Dr. Verma]

And he loves me.

[Co-host 3]

Calls me sweeter.

[Co-host 1]

I gotta check in with Bonnie today.

[Main Commentator]

Just text Bonnie. She's been alone for a couple years.

[Co-host 1]

Are there any suitors in your life?

[Main Commentator]

You got anybody online you're chatting with? Just check in with Mom. It's time to toss Mom's cell. Not that cell.

[Co-host 1]

I did ask her about it on the.

[Main Commentator]

She's dating.

[Co-host 1]

I said, are you. You know, do you want to get back into the dating scene or anything? She's like, no, not really. But it is nice to have companionship.

[Main Commentator]

She wants to diddle some balls. Your mom? Yes, she wants to.

[Co-host 1]

I go.

[Main Commentator]

Because you're gonna ask the questions. You need to accept it.

[Co-host 1]

Going out with someone. But they're just.

[Main Commentator]

No, they're not. It's companionship, Brady.

[Co-host 1]

Because I even talked because she was, well, being naive.

[Main Commentator]

You don't want to face what's actually happening.

[Co-host 1]

Been there, done that.

[Main Commentator]

You can get companionship from each other.

[Co-host 1]

I told her it's not gonna last long.

[Main Commentator]

Bunny and that woman that's got companionship can get companionship from each other. She wants a man's companionship. Every once in a while she wants to fiddle some balls. It is different.

[Co-host 1]

I wonder if that's what that means.

[Main Commentator]

Of course that's what it means. They don't. Jesus Christ. Take him off. You think the old man's in it for companionship?

[Co-host 1]

No, I don't think so.

[Main Commentator]

He wants a ca. Even though it doesn't work anymore, he wants his balls juggled. Still a man. They invented Viagra for a reason.

[Host]

Who's that? Old brother was with Douglas in Ohio.

[Main Commentator]

Oh yeah, Douglas, the caretaker. That's hammering your Alzheimer's friend. That's happening. Your mom wants some companions. Basically. She said it would be nice to juggle these nuts. She didn't say that that way. But that's what all old women want. A man in their life for that.

[Caller or Listener]

98.

[Main Commentator]

What?

[Caller or Listener]

98.

[Main Commentator]

No way.

[Co-host 2]

Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Main Commentator]

And then I see the story. They found Brett. I was thinking about you. They found a body on a construction site over there. McKellepson something. It was a. There's a 91 year old man that's been missing since early January in the area. And I'm like, all right, that's him. And then you start doing like the mortality thoughts of man. He made it to 91 and just wandered off. You know, last two months or last year, 13 days.

[Co-host 1]

Thirteen days?

[Main Commentator]

No, like a stray dog just wandered off and just like a stray dog in the neighborhood. Everybody put up posters. Have you seen him? How do you even at 90? He just disappeared. 91. Just wander around for a couple. Where did he go? Somebody had to hang on to him for a day or two. It's like when a dog gets. Oh, he's outside, he's all. He's old. And you take him in for a couple days and you. You check online and then. Well, we can't keep him and you let him out again. It's like we just. I don't. There's no pound for old men.

[Co-host 1]

Maybe he was only out for a couple hours during the day.

[Main Commentator]

Where's he going?

[Co-host 1]

Found an area. Just would sleep all day.

[Main Commentator]

Where'd he go? And he disappeared. Like it had to be in the dark of night when everyone was asleep because he had to have like a four hour head start. 91 year olds don't get away. He had to have a huge head start.

[Co-host 1]

Gotta be cold.

[Main Commentator]

I have to think he wanted to leave. You know, Alzheimer's guys get lost and then they find him a couple days later like on a bus bench or somebody goes, hey, who's, who's this? This old man's been out here for a couple days. Or they talk to someone and they're not making any sense and they're filthy and like, oh, everybody sees it. But then you realize that that could happen to you. You're 91 and then something just jumps into your brain. 11 o' clock at night, gotta go wandering. And then you just take off and nobody knows when and where.

[Host]

Just horrible.

[Co-host 1]

Yeah. You wouldn't stumble upon anybody. I would say, well, let's check the area if there's any missing reports or.

[Main Commentator]

I mean, you're not gonna shuffle for long. It's not like you had, you know, good cardio. He had to stop somewhere.

[Co-host 1]

There's that old guy, there's that old man.

[Main Commentator]

Wasn't he wearing that yesterday? Yeah. And then if I ever see posters of a 91 year old man missing, it is, it's like a stray dog. Which makes me think we need to have a pound for old people. And people get upset at this idea, but we're losing a lot. We have to get rid of the silver alert. We just have like, you know, dog catchers have double duty that. I don't want to get too involved. If I see an old man scuffling around and be like, hey, there's got to be a hotline, like a 511 or something. You go, there's an old man that's scuffling around up front. I'm not sure, I don't want to get involved. And then they come by and they put that hoop over his head and they stuff him in one of the things in the back and take him to the pound. Maybe we should chip old people. We've already got those metaler bracelets. Not a bad idea because it's so sad to think that you wake up. Can you imagine waking up and pop, pop wasn't there anymore.

[Co-host 3]

Where'd it go?

[Co-host 1]

85. Mandatory chip.

[Main Commentator]

Yeah, you get chipped at 80. If you're gonna last that long, we gotta chip you at 85. Because any minute now you might just start wandering around getting some car, hop on a bus.

[Co-host 1]

I mean, you know, the phone has done that for a lot, have helped a lot of people on that.

[Main Commentator]

Oh, sure, track them. But if he Just left his phone because he's not thinking. He just scoots away. You got to get a chip.

[Co-host 1]

And Grandpa don't have a watch on.

[Main Commentator]

Yeah, you got to get Grandma away from the computer because she's trying to get loads of gold over from Saudi Arabia and Grandpa needs a chip. You know what? You never notice? It's never old women. Old women never wander off. Silver Alerts are always old men. Always.

[Co-host 1]

We're explorers.

[Main Commentator]

I can't go back to it. Maybe that's it. Maybe that's true. I don't know. It's a weird thing, a Silver Alert. And I'm like, all right. It's a guy every time. And I think he just wants out.

[Co-host 1]

The hunter gatherer.

[Main Commentator]

Maybe there's a certain part of your brain that just says, you need to get the f out of here. Women don't do it. You never have. Old women never wander off. Old men do. Like they remember something they forgot. Like going over to that girl's house. Like, they just start walking. Silver Alert today for. His name is Kirk Johnson, 88 years old. Never like Isabel something or other. Old ladies, they just.

[Senator Moody]

They stop.

[Main Commentator]

I think they come to their senses, even if they're all messed up. But you got to keep an eye on it. That's the future.

[Co-host 1]

Think about it. It's rarely. The Silver Alerts are rarely.

[Main Commentator]

It's never a woman. It is never a woman. I would venture to guess it's 90 men. And then the 1% or 10% that it's women. It's like, oh, that's right. We left her at the Dollar General. She didn't leave. They forgot her somewhere. So that's your future, Brady. Gotta watch that. Just wandering off.

[Co-host 1]

I might chip get chipped today.

[Main Commentator]

Would you rather just sit in the house and die or just. Yeah, it's not a bad idea to get chipped. I think that's pretty good. And I know everybody. The government will trace you. Yeah. At least they'll know where I am when I have that moment where I'm like, well, that's it.

[Co-host 1]

See you again.

[Main Commentator]

Did somebody hear a door shut? It's 2 in the morning.

[Co-host 3]

You should check on your dad.

[Main Commentator]

He's not going anywhere. Oops.

[Co-host 1]

You know, at the same time, maybe at that age when, you know, this guy was like, wandering off. Doesn't sound too bad.

[Main Commentator]

Yeah, that's what I think happens. I think, you know the way the.

[Co-host 1]

Ones that just head out to the desert.

[Main Commentator]

Yeah.

[Co-host 1]

You're talking about.

[Main Commentator]

They find them in, like, they dig density. It's like when a dog's done, they dig their death den and they just lay in it in the mid.

[Co-host 1]

You know, in the Midwest and there's some homes here, they find the basement. Crawl space.

[Main Commentator]

Yeah, they get. They find holes. Old people. The dogs and cats you're talking.

[Co-host 1]

Not necessarily.

[Main Commentator]

Old people don't find your crawl space and get in there.

[Co-host 1]

They find it accidentally.

[Main Commentator]

I fell in the crawl space.

[Co-host 2]

Yeah.

[Main Commentator]

It's just that Silver Alert is all men. And it makes me worry as I age that that'll be my fate. All of this life you live, and the one thing is like, well, how did he go? I don't know. Wandered off. Like what? You don't know what happened? We had one dog in my whole life named Clea. And Cleo was crazy. It was my sister's dog. And she got divorced and moved back in with the family and brought Clea, the crazy dog. And Clea got loose and we spent days looking for her. Days and days and days. Still don't know what happened to her. And still sometimes it bothers me because she lived this long life. It wasn't that easy. She wasn't nice. She was my sister's dog, so she took after my sister. It's a real seaword of a dog. And I don't say that about any dogs, but I still liked her. And we don't know what happened to her. The ending is unknown. Missing for days and just gone from our lives. Imagine that now as grandpa. What was the last thing? I don't know. We had dinner, stared at the tv, said something about the ceiling fan. We picked him up, put him in bed, and then he was gone the next week. Abducted. That's what I would say. He was abducted. Aliens are the only one it says. Enough about wandering dads. Toledo's getting sad. That's true. Rand. I'm sorry. Toledo's never gonna experience dad wandering off. Well, actually, he did. Very early. Yeah, Toledo's dad went on walkabout 55 years ago. Still haven't found him. Anyway, that was the news last night. Everything was weird.

[Caller or Listener]

98.

[Main Commentator]

What?

[Caller or Listener]

98.

[Co-host 2]

No way. Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Co-host 1]

On Tuesday, police in Florida responded to a a place called Palms of Emerald Coast Massage Parlor to investigate an alleged attack. Someone from the Department of Health reported that there were. They were yelled at and physically shoved out of a business by a massage parlor employee. The cops showed up and when they tried to cuff the woman, she began pooping towards the officer.

[Main Commentator]

Ew. Towards him.

[Co-host 1]

Like defecating. Towards the officers. Directing It.

[Main Commentator]

Wow.

[Co-host 1]

In an attempt to avoid being arrested. It didn't work. They got it for battery. By the way, the Palms of Emerald coast was previously called Classy Spa.

[Main Commentator]

Take that with a K. Oh, and that. Jesus, she's using it like a gun.

[Co-host 3]

Take that.

[Main Commentator]

They got their shields up walking towards her and that. She's relentless. We can't take any more background. Fall away. I don't know about this, but that anus is dynamite.

[Co-host 1]

You haven't seen that? I've seen.

[Main Commentator]

Yeah, she can fart for miles.

[Host]

Oh.

[Main Commentator]

I've never seen anybody do that. Oh, I know, I know. What'd you think?

[Host]

I said it leaned a little bit with the accent.

[Main Commentator]

Fart. Yeah, give fart for miles. I can hear it. See? Hey, I can get away with one then if I just do the whole show as a Scotsman. Hey, I knew a girl who did that. Every time I'd yell at her, she'd just fart on me.

[Co-host 3]

Three distances should cover 10, 12ft, 5.

[Main Commentator]

Meters at a time. Walk in a room, and the next thing you know, she's farting on you. I like that. What?

[Caller or Listener]

98.

[Main Commentator]

No way.

[Co-host 2]

Holg's morning sickness.

[Main Commentator]

Akashi. It's a stand up live tonight, tomorrow and Saturday, if you want to go standuplive.com and then like in the blink of an eye, there you are with Donald Trump and you, Bernie Sanders down the.

[Co-host 1]

Bernie Sanders.

[Main Commentator]

I heard his chat about that. Yeah, we did all of them and they. Did you ask for them or did they come to you?

[Guest Interviewee]

I think they came to us and then once a few came, once one or two came, everybody else wanted to come. And then once, you know, they saw that it was effective for Trump, then everybody wanted to come. So, yeah, it's everybody, which is. It's an honor. It's cool. It's amazing how much comes after that. I wasn't aware.

[Main Commentator]

What was the show before Trump? I don't even the month or week before, because you guys had to be talking about, like, alien babies and some crazy. Yeah, yeah. The next week, you literally shaped the American presidential campaign. You did. Do you realize that?

[Guest Interviewee]

I don't know. We just tried to ask most of what we wanted to ask that we thought he would not get up and walk out for.

[Main Commentator]

Yeah, I remember.

[Guest Interviewee]

And we had, we had a bunch of calls before the episode, but he said something that was like, look, everybody's going to want you to ask what they want to ask, so don't worry about that. Ask the things you want to ask. Yeah, so we tried to do that. There was one or two times where it's like, yeah, I think maybe I'm wording this more softly because, again, I don't want to get up and walk out. I want to ask the things I want to ask that I think people would be interested in. So you just do that.

[Co-host 1]

Were you given any parameters? We're saying if you go down this line.

[Main Commentator]

He said, go with Bernie. No parameters.

[Guest Interviewee]

None of Bernie, none of Trump, none of them. I don't think a lot of them gave us parameters, to be honest. Now we'll tell them, like, we're not trying to do the Gotcha thing. Right. It's just not us.

[Co-host 2]

Yeah.

[Main Commentator]

You're just gonna sit in here and do our show.

[Guest Interviewee]

Yeah. We want to try to make you feel like a human and that. We feel like that's the best way to get things out of you.

[Main Commentator]

Sure. That might, you know, authenticity, open books. Yeah. That's the whole thing. And it was fantastic. Like, that's the crazy part.

[Guest Interviewee]

Well, thank you, man. Yeah.

[Main Commentator]

But the last time I saw you, we were talking about whether or not Kevin Durant was going to make a difference for the suns. I Now I'm like, hey, when you met the president and shaped the election, did you ever imagine your life going down that road? Not standing up at the Comedy Store and doing stuff and struggling and being.

[Guest Interviewee]

Yeah, exactly.

[Main Commentator]

Here we are.

[Guest Interviewee]

Presents itself.

[Main Commentator]

Yeah.

[Guest Interviewee]

You take it. You don't know what's going to happen. And then, sure enough.

[Main Commentator]

Yeah. Of all of them, who was the most impressive of all the people that rolled through during that whole thing? Because I. Still.

[Guest Interviewee]

Very sharp.

[Main Commentator]

Yeah.

[Guest Interviewee]

I remember thinking, like. Because people were like, oh, I think he has dementia. Blah, blah, blah. When I sat next to him was like, oh, no. This guy's keenly aware of every single thing happening around him.

[Main Commentator]

Yeah.

[Guest Interviewee]

Oh, dude. And he's just quick. Before he even sat down, he had to, like, make his way around a lighting fixture to get to his seat, and a Secret Service guy tripped on it, and it was right next to me. He was like, hey, can you just make sure that the president or whatever doesn't trip here? Just say something to him. So I get up, I shake his hand, and then I say, hey, by the way, watch your step here, and I don't want you to trip on it. And then Trump goes, oh, thank you for telling me that. That would have been bad. I tell you, Joe Biden would have tripped on that thing.

[Main Commentator]

Camera is not even on swing.

[Guest Interviewee]

Yeah. Just a little pause, and then bang, right out of the gate. And I was like, oh, no, this guy's not. He's not slow.

[Main Commentator]

Back a long time ago, my dad was in construction and they built a casino in Palm Springs that Trump bought at Spotlight 29. Turned into Trump 29 for like a minute. He bought it and then sold it for a ton of money. And my dad said, you know, he was very. He demanded attention the second he walked in. Not verbally.

[Guest Interviewee]

Yeah.

[Main Commentator]

And he said, and my dad was one of those type A guys. And he's like, he's one of the few people that I didn't know that made me pucker. This was 20 years prior to him ever being in politics. Because that guy came into a room and you just realized, he's in charge of this.

[Guest Interviewee]

Wow.

[Main Commentator]

And my dad was one of those I'm in charge here, guys.

[Guest Interviewee]

Yeah.

[Main Commentator]

He's like, yeah. You just kind of felt like you got it. He's. He's. He's. He could get you.

[Guest Interviewee]

Yeah.

[Main Commentator]

And he was like. He just. He was in charge.

[Guest Interviewee]

Yeah.

[Main Commentator]

And that was the one thing. He was good and bad.

[Co-host 1]

Yeah.

[Main Commentator]

I lived with that the whole time. Because he's like my dad. My dad. Admitting that. Admitting that someone puckered him.

[Guest Interviewee]

Yeah.

[Main Commentator]

Was not his brand.

[Guest Interviewee]

Right.

[Main Commentator]

And so it was very strange. But, yeah, I watched it. Any of them make you feel like, oh, Jesus, don't know. No. Moments.

[Guest Interviewee]

I think they're also like, they're in politics modes. They need you to like them.

[Main Commentator]

Yeah.

[Guest Interviewee]

They're aware of that. Like, Trump in business mode is probably. I want to get my deal. I want.

[Co-host 2]

Yeah.

[Guest Interviewee]

And then they. These guys are. They're socially not dumb. That's how they get to their position. So they're probably thinking, I need these guys to like me.

[Main Commentator]

Yeah.

[Guest Interviewee]

Let me present my best self, etc. Etc.

[Main Commentator]

Are you guys going to stay on the political track or you get. You talk.

[Guest Interviewee]

I think we hit. Everybody wanted to hit.

[Main Commentator]

And we're good. And you're just going to keep going like Tim Tebow was on your podcast. I can't watch Tim Tebow do anything. I firmly believe Tim Tebow is a. As a bottle and he's been planted here and he's programmed and he's got an agenda and it's all going to hurt us eventually. He's. You know what he is? He's Damien from the Omen. Grown up.

[Guest Interviewee]

You sound. You sound exactly like anti Trump people. But about Team Tebow, it's random.

[Main Commentator]

Tebow is the one that I'm like, nothing. He does. That's not A human being. Human beings don't do or say those things. So he's. Either way.

[Co-host 1]

He can be that nice.

[Main Commentator]

No, he's either. I don't.

[Guest Interviewee]

He was so nice.

[Main Commentator]

Don't trust it.

[Guest Interviewee]

He was so nice.

[Main Commentator]

Don't trust it. Yeah, I need somebody to be a little bit of a dick now and again to make me go, okay, cool. You're not programmed.

[Guest Interviewee]

Yeah.

[Co-host 1]

Off the record. Tell me off colored joke.

[Main Commentator]

Something terrible.

[Guest Interviewee]

He didn't. Yeah, none of that. He's just the kindest guy. It was really just like, he cares about kids getting trafficked. It seems like.

[Main Commentator]

Yeah, he. And that was his big thing.

[Guest Interviewee]

That's all he cared about.

[Co-host 2]

Yeah.

[Main Commentator]

And it's helping kids, but nobody cares that much, do they? That much. People care, but that much like to tour.

[Guest Interviewee]

I hope so.

[Main Commentator]

I. I think he's trafficking kids. I think his cover is caring.

[Co-host 1]

The one that's caring so much is.

[Main Commentator]

The guy that you care that much.

[Guest Interviewee]

Exact thing.

[Main Commentator]

Yeah. You can't care that much.

[Guest Interviewee]

Anybody who cares that much about kids getting diddled is.

[Main Commentator]

And he's like, here's the other thing about a trafficker that would. I've uncovered this, is that you would go on a tour to tell people how you don't like trafficking. Yeah. Yeah. And then you get free flights. All the while you're moving the kids.

[Guest Interviewee]

On the tour van full of kids.

[Main Commentator]

I go do flagrant. Drop a couple kids off there. I got to do the homework show over here in Phoenix. Drop a couple kids off there.

[Guest Interviewee]

Oh, man, I. I hope not. I hope there's no dirt ever with Tim Tebow. He was the kindest gu. And it was funny to have someone that sweet and Jesus loving just demolish everybody in college football. It was like a really funny.

[Main Commentator]

I was a fan still bitter about the 2012 playoff game against the Broncos with the Steelers when Ryan Mundy. Ryan Mundy stepped up where Ryan Clark could have been. But sickle cell ruined that game, and it was in the wrong spot. So Demetrius Thomas slipped behind him.

[Guest Interviewee]

The demerit.

[Main Commentator]

Thomas.

[Guest Interviewee]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Main Commentator]

It's brutal.

[Guest Interviewee]

Yeah.

[Main Commentator]

So I hate Tebow. I'm sorry that he's a friend of yours, but I can't like it. I can't lie. He's a human trafficker. We established that immediately. Akash didn't defend it.

[Guest Interviewee]

No. I don't think he's trafficking children.

[Main Commentator]

Let's be clear.

[Host]

All right.

[Main Commentator]

Well, all right. That's what a guy who would defend a guy said. That's exactly what trafficking kids I didn't mean to twist your words, but it sounds like he knows something. Akash sings at Stand Up Live tonight, tomorrow and Saturday. Standuplive.com is where you go.

[Caller or Listener]

98.

[Main Commentator]

What?

[Caller or Listener]

98.

[Main Commentator]

No way.

[Co-host 2]

Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Main Commentator]

And the letter from this Make a wish, kid that said you were always. I don't remember what it said. Let me read it.

[Co-host 2]

Yeah, no, it was a nice letter.

[Main Commentator]

Yeah, but he thought you were someone else.

[Co-host 2]

He did not.

[Main Commentator]

He thought you were someone else. Here's the. Here's the letter. Dale sends it to me. It says I'll read it like he wrote it. Hello, Mr. Hellstreet. My name is Michael and I am riding says. Could you sign a card for me? I would greatly appreciate that. You were a phenomenal lineman and long snapper your entire career, especially with the Cowboys, where you were a key part of their great teams. Now, right here, hold on. Right here. I realized this is when kids who are trying to avoid juvie have to do a. All right. Pick a hero and write him a letter and see if he writes back. So we did a little research. He just read the back of your car.

[Co-host 2]

Oh, jeez.

[Main Commentator]

You were also one of the. This is where I know you. You were one of the best and most dominant players in the league.

[Co-host 2]

Thank you.

[Main Commentator]

Long snapper.

[Co-host 1]

You got to write stuff like that in order to get something back.

[Co-host 2]

Back when I played you, you had to play offensive line snapper.

[Main Commentator]

And I'm not taking away you.

[Co-host 2]

Yeah, yo, you're taking away everything I'm saying.

[Main Commentator]

If you're second string on your own team, you're not one of the most dominant players that you're position back up.

[Co-host 2]

Nate Newton and Larry Allen, of course. But.

[Main Commentator]

But how is anybody know you're one of the more dominant?

[Co-host 2]

Because when I came in, things opened up, John.

[Main Commentator]

Yeah, I enjoy writing to offensive linemen because I am alignment myself and I play college ball for the Grove City College. See, I have a tremendous amount of respect for the men up front that do the work.

[Co-host 2]

Yes.

[Main Commentator]

That goes unnoticed.

[Co-host 2]

And where's it from, Johnny?

[Main Commentator]

Hold on. It says, I have one question for you. What is your favorite moment from your career? Yeah, what is it? Did you write him back, by the way?

[Co-host 2]

I did. And I signed the car. Come on. I signed the card step. Best wishes and I. Probably my most dominant memory is the super bowl out here.

[Main Commentator]

Okay.

[Co-host 2]

That's because. Great Cowboy fan.

[Main Commentator]

Yeah.

[Co-host 2]

No dreams of playing the super bowl here because we didn't have an NFL team.

[Main Commentator]

True.

[Co-host 2]

And. And then. But Most people don't realize is the 1992 Super bowl was supposed to be out here.

[Main Commentator]

Yeah.

[Co-host 2]

Sun Devil Stadium. Yep.

[Main Commentator]

But the Martin mlk, ironically, his birthday today.

[Co-host 2]

Okay.

[Main Commentator]

So that ruined our Super Bowl.

[Co-host 2]

So I. So we played in that Super Bowl. I'm like, I could have played.

[Main Commentator]

That's right.

[Co-host 2]

It was out in Pasadena. They moved to the Rose Bowl.

[Main Commentator]

That's right.

[Co-host 2]

Which is pretty cool. Yeah. Not thinking I'd ever have a chance to do it here.

[Main Commentator]

And they moved it to 95. And you got it again. How about that?

[Co-host 2]

Yes.

[Main Commentator]

That is kind of cool. While you were playing, you signed it Dominate Dale Stray.

[Co-host 2]

It's also the biggest ring. Our rings got aggressively bigger.

[Main Commentator]

The third one should be so then. But on this letter, it says, Dale included the envelope with this kid, the return address envelope. So I zillowed his house. This kid is dead broke. He lives in, like the Appalachian.

[Co-host 2]

He's in the $250,000 estate in Pennsylvania. It was first off, I said, that's the Paradise Valley.

[Main Commentator]

That's a like 11 acres. It's a ramshackled hut. I looked up the actual address. The 250,000 was land nearby. Like 86 acres. And then his dump of a house where he masturbates. The cards of Dale.

[Host]

Her kids probably listening now.

[Main Commentator]

So you can hear Dale.

[Co-host 2]

So this is John saying, I gave you credit.

[Main Commentator]

I did give him credit. But the second.

[Co-host 2]

The kid said you were the most dominant.

[Main Commentator]

You were second.

[Co-host 1]

But, you know, he's got to write stuff like that to get stuff signed back.

[Co-host 2]

John, have you ever been hit by me?

[Main Commentator]

Yeah. I didn't feel it. No. I only hit the first string guy.

[Co-host 2]

Yeah. I. I can tell you what's really weird about this.

[Main Commentator]

Yeah.

[Co-host 2]

Is the fact that over the last two to three years, I'm averaging getting like five of those.

[Main Commentator]

There's a lot of kids going to juvie a month. Yeah. They have to write.

[Co-host 2]

They have these for about 10 years. I got nothing. And now all of a sudden, it's like, I. I don't know.

[Co-host 1]

You're welcome.

[Co-host 2]

I came up on Google. Or is it our podcast?

[Main Commentator]

I think it's.

[Co-host 2]

It's a sports thing, this show.

[Co-host 1]

Right.

[Co-host 2]

John. John Holmer production.

[Co-host 1]

Sure.

[Main Commentator]

A John Holmes podcast.

[Co-host 2]

It went from him being a guest host. Oh, I'll. I'll show up.

[Main Commentator]

I am the star of the show.

[Co-host 2]

So now he's the star of the show. And not only the star of the show. Now it's a John Holberg.

[Main Commentator]

He's getting you letters. Podcast and. Yeah. And you're welcome. Because now people. And here's the other thing. When these young prisoners write you letters, it's handwritten. I think. I think this.

[Co-host 1]

I think you're going to find. That's the same house on every letter.

[Main Commentator]

Yeah. Here's the other thing.

[Co-host 1]

Always go back to that when you. When you. When you're Googling.

[Main Commentator]

The Zillow house had no furniture in it. All the pictures like it had just been sold. This letter is handwritten and sent to Dale. I think this just got lost in the mail for the last 30 years and finally found him. Because nobody handwrites letters. No 17 year old.

[Co-host 2]

Next week, I'll bring in all my.

[Main Commentator]

Friends and they're all like.

[Co-host 2]

They're all handwritten. Highly educated.

[Main Commentator]

No.

[Co-host 2]

Yes. They're all Ivy League students.

[Main Commentator]

No, no. Other than this city.

[Co-host 1]

From Grove City.

[Main Commentator]

Grove City.

[Co-host 2]

Grove City, Pennsylvania.

[Main Commentator]

Yeah. Grove City College in Brownsville, Pennsylvania.

[Co-host 2]

Yeah.

[Main Commentator]

I don't even know where that is, but I looked it on Zillow and I'm like, oof. This kid is better. Hopes he's a good lineman.

[Co-host 2]

Not one. Hey, Dale. That's pretty cool.

[Main Commentator]

It was cool.

[Co-host 2]

Hey, Dale. What? No, the first thing he said back was, what a loser. What a loser.

[Main Commentator]

I said, special ed kids get assignments to write to heroes. You give them the hope that despite the mental deficiencies, they still have, they still have hope. And that's beautiful. Brownsville, Pennsylvania. That shouldn't even be allowed to be a town in pa. I hope it gets flooded. That's what I wrote back, because it's very nice. Browns is in a Pennsylvania town.

[Co-host 2]

And I'm sorry, at what point was that? Hey, that's pretty cool.

[Co-host 1]

That's pretty cool. Yeah.

[Main Commentator]

Then I fired back. The house, by the way, was218,000 for the land. And I said, this kid is poor as F. And he. And then Dale goes, happy weekend, buddy. And then I found his actual home, and I said, this is his house. He goes, at $210,000.

[Co-host 2]

And then what did I say?

[Main Commentator]

He goes, it's in Pittsburgh. It's. It's paradise valley to you.

[Co-host 2]

210.

[Main Commentator]

210 1. Look at this dump. Oh, you know what it looks like? It looks like the house from Silence of the Land. Like, Jane Gumb's got what, Hopkins just.

[Host]

Hand over five grand?

[Main Commentator]

Hopkins would drive by. I couldn't find it.

[Senator Moody]

Yeah.

[Main Commentator]

Knock on the door And I said.

[Co-host 2]

Mrs. Lippman had a son.

[Main Commentator]

Oh, it's Jane Gunn from Science of the Land. It's out of control now. Pd.