Holmberg's Morning Sickness – Ep. 01-15-26: NFL Divisional Picks, Coaching Carousel, Autograph Nerds, Impressions & Entertainment Drill

Date: January 15, 2026
Guests: Dale Hellestrae

Main Theme

This episode is a high-energy mix of NFL playoff picks, sports talk, autograph culture, playful banter, and pop culture news. Guest Dale Hellestrae joins John Holmberg and the crew (Michael/Brady/Bret) to discuss everything from coaching drama in the NFL to bizarre autograph rating sites, college football strategy, impressions, and quirky stories from the world of entertainment.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Autograph "Yelp" & Dale’s Signing History

Starts ~01:23

• Listener Email: An "autograph nerd" writes about a website that tracks athlete and celebrity autographs, complete with mail addresses, response times, and condition ratings.
  • “It’s like Yelp of autographs!” (John, 04:20)
• Dale’s Track Record: The group reads Dale’s signing stats: specific cards, dates, apartment addresses from Cowboys days, and even ‘failures’ when fans never got a reply.
  • Dale, incredulous: "Anything that I get, I sign and send back.” (04:02)
  • Michael jokes: “But he has a 3.5 star rating!” (03:15)
• Holmberg's Approach: "I have a kissing booth outside the house. They just show up. There's nothing I can do." (04:28)

2. NFL Coaching Carousel & Cardinals' Dismal Prospects

Starts ~04:35

• Nine Openings: They recap that a third of the league is looking for new coaches; John & Dale speculate on John Harbaugh’s move to the Giants.
  • John: "He's a Harbaugh. I hate them all. Mouth breather losers." (05:00)
  • Dale on Gruden to Cardinals: “He's off the radar but, my goodness, would he make a difference.” (05:46)
• Arizona's Bleak Appeal: John argues the Cardinals' job is “bad compared to the Steelers. One is a gold star franchise. The other is the Cardinals.” (06:40)
• Lack of Interest: Both agree prime candidates avoid Arizona.
  • Dale: “They're going to get somebody… never heard of.” (07:07)
• Fans Resigned: "Until the Bidwell curse is off this team, there’s no reason to cheer." (John, 07:38)

3. College Football Playoff & Transfer Portal Tactics

Starts ~09:01

• Indiana vs. Miami: Dale breaks down why Indiana is so hard to beat—"Nothing phases them, they don’t have the best athletes, but never out of position." (09:33)
• NIL & Graduate Transfers: John and Dale laugh about the current system; players graduate but then transfer and play elsewhere.
  • Dale: "I coached a kid...he's in his seventh year. Getting paid $500 grand at TCU to play football!" (13:10)
  • John (Solution for ASU): "Do what Indiana did and go get 25, three-stars...all 22-years-old." (11:47)

4. NFL Divisional Round Picks & Internal Gambling

Starts ~14:22

• Roundtable Picks:
  • NFC: Dale picks Seattle and Chicago (“If I have to bet right now…” 14:49)
  • AFC: Denver and New England
  • John’s Response: “I will put the hundred bucks on the bet…” (15:33)
• Wager Terms: Negotiation of payouts if Dale’s picks flop, leading to much joking about previous loaned/lost money.
  • Dale: "I'll do $33 each if it doesn't. But I don't get..." (15:46)

5. Impressions Showdown: Who's Johnny’s Best?

Starts ~20:38

• Legal News: Matthew McConaughey trademarks "All right, all right, all right" to protect from AI misuse.
  • Dale asks: “Can you do 'Alright, alright, alright'?” (20:15)
  • John on easy impressions: “Everyone can. That’s an impression I don’t do.” (20:16)
• Dale Pushes Holmberg: "What's your best impression? If you’re fighting for your life?" (20:41)
  • John: “Tommy Lee Jones would probably wow people. But OJ is pretty damn good.” (20:50)
  • Dale teases: "Your OJ sounds like Michael." (21:03)
  • Live comparison of voices – leading to group laughter.
  • Dale: "That’d be a good podcast—OJ and Michael." (21:44)
  • John on voice overlap: “A lot of them are twofers—they’re in the same area.” (21:39)
• Stephen A. Smith, Ray Lewis, Jim Rome Impressions: John demonstrates several, group rates him in real-time.
  • Dale: "Your worst is Dale."
  • Michael: "It's nearly accurate."
  • Crowd laughs at exaggerated “Johnny, Johnny, Johnny” (22:46)

6. Entertainment Drill (Pop & Rock News)

Starts ~17:46, 22:59

• Kiefer Sutherland's Uber Arrest: The group unpacks Kiefer’s alleged threats—with speculation and jokes about the Armenian and Russian community in Glendale, CA.
  • John on Old Armenian Men: "It was like being with an Italian mob group, the Sopranos. ...almost the exact same vibe." (19:07)
• Sting & Police Royalty Dispute:
  • Michael: “Sting owes 800 grand in royalties to his two bandmates…” (22:59)
  • John: “Every Breath You Take, Sting gets $700k in royalties a year, just off that?” (23:23)
  • Anecdote about attending a Police concert: two men making out in front of Brady, who reacts uncomfortably—becomes a running joke.
    • John: “That was the entertainment of the show to me, once those two started to tongue, they were...hardcore." (25:08)
    • John (on value for money): “$300 bucks at the Queer Free Zone to swap spit with a fella and get their beards glued together…” (25:33)
• Metallica Residency: Metallica likely heading for a Vegas Sphere residency; hosts speculate on its scale and probable fan turnout.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• John Holmberg: "Until the Bidwell curse is off this team, there’s no reason to cheer." (07:38)
• Dale Hellestrae: "Anybody who has kids that go to Columbia and Stanford...unless you’re picking up their dog poop—" (12:31, laughs)
• On College Football Nerdiness:
  • John: "Do what Indiana did and go get 25, three-stars...all 22-years-old." (11:47)
• Impressions Showdown:
  • Dale: "What's your best impression? If you’re fighting for your life?" (20:41)
  • John: “Tommy Lee Jones would probably wow people. But OJ is pretty damn good.” (20:50)
  • Dale: "Your OJ sounds like Michael." (21:07)
  • Michael: "It's nearly accurate." (22:43)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:23 – 04:34: Autograph nerds and rating sites; Dale’s signing history
• 04:35 – 07:47: NFL coaching carousel and Cardinals’ bleak reputation
• 09:01 – 13:29: College football playoff, NIL, and transfer portal shenanigans
• 14:22 – 16:46: NFL Divisional round picks; betting banter
• 17:33 – 19:32: Kiefer Sutherland story/LA community talk
• 20:15 – 22:46: Impressions thread; best and worst impersonations
• 22:59 – 25:54: Entertainment drill; Police/Sting, concert story
• 26:16 – 27:46: Metallica Sphere residency, closing banter

Tone & Takeaways

The episode is lively, irreverent, and full of sports-fan authenticity—balancing deep-dive football analysis (with pronounced skepticism about Arizona franchises) with inside jokes, running gags, and outlandish personal stories. If you missed it, you’ll walk away with laughs, timely NFL chatter, creative entertainment insights, and a sense of camaraderie that defines this show’s popularity.