01-15-26 - Entertainment Drill - THU - w/Dale Hellestrae - Picks For NFL Divisional Round - Dale Asks What John's Best Impression Is

Summary

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Holmberg's Morning Sickness – Ep. 01-15-26: NFL Divisional Picks, Coaching Carousel, Autograph Nerds, Impressions & Entertainment Drill

Date: January 15, 2026
Guests: Dale Hellestrae

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Main Theme

This episode is a high-energy mix of NFL playoff picks, sports talk, autograph culture, playful banter, and pop culture news. Guest Dale Hellestrae joins John Holmberg and the crew (Michael/Brady/Bret) to discuss everything from coaching drama in the NFL to bizarre autograph rating sites, college football strategy, impressions, and quirky stories from the world of entertainment.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Autograph "Yelp" & Dale’s Signing History

Starts ~01:23

• Listener Email: An "autograph nerd" writes about a website that tracks athlete and celebrity autographs, complete with mail addresses, response times, and condition ratings.
  • “It’s like Yelp of autographs!” (John, 04:20)
• Dale’s Track Record: The group reads Dale’s signing stats: specific cards, dates, apartment addresses from Cowboys days, and even ‘failures’ when fans never got a reply.
  • Dale, incredulous: "Anything that I get, I sign and send back.” (04:02)
  • Michael jokes: “But he has a 3.5 star rating!” (03:15)
• Holmberg's Approach: "I have a kissing booth outside the house. They just show up. There's nothing I can do." (04:28)

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2. NFL Coaching Carousel & Cardinals' Dismal Prospects

Starts ~04:35

• Nine Openings: They recap that a third of the league is looking for new coaches; John & Dale speculate on John Harbaugh’s move to the Giants.
  • John: "He's a Harbaugh. I hate them all. Mouth breather losers." (05:00)
  • Dale on Gruden to Cardinals: “He's off the radar but, my goodness, would he make a difference.” (05:46)
• Arizona's Bleak Appeal: John argues the Cardinals' job is “bad compared to the Steelers. One is a gold star franchise. The other is the Cardinals.” (06:40)
• Lack of Interest: Both agree prime candidates avoid Arizona.
  • Dale: “They're going to get somebody… never heard of.” (07:07)
• Fans Resigned: "Until the Bidwell curse is off this team, there’s no reason to cheer." (John, 07:38)

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3. College Football Playoff & Transfer Portal Tactics

Starts ~09:01

• Indiana vs. Miami: Dale breaks down why Indiana is so hard to beat—"Nothing phases them, they don’t have the best athletes, but never out of position." (09:33)
• NIL & Graduate Transfers: John and Dale laugh about the current system; players graduate but then transfer and play elsewhere.
  • Dale: "I coached a kid...he's in his seventh year. Getting paid $500 grand at TCU to play football!" (13:10)
  • John (Solution for ASU): "Do what Indiana did and go get 25, three-stars...all 22-years-old." (11:47)

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4. NFL Divisional Round Picks & Internal Gambling

Starts ~14:22

• Roundtable Picks:
  • NFC: Dale picks Seattle and Chicago (“If I have to bet right now…” 14:49)
  • AFC: Denver and New England
  • John’s Response: “I will put the hundred bucks on the bet…” (15:33)
• Wager Terms: Negotiation of payouts if Dale’s picks flop, leading to much joking about previous loaned/lost money.
  • Dale: "I'll do $33 each if it doesn't. But I don't get..." (15:46)

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5. Impressions Showdown: Who's Johnny’s Best?

Starts ~20:38

• Legal News: Matthew McConaughey trademarks "All right, all right, all right" to protect from AI misuse.
  • Dale asks: “Can you do 'Alright, alright, alright'?” (20:15)
  • John on easy impressions: “Everyone can. That’s an impression I don’t do.” (20:16)
• Dale Pushes Holmberg: "What's your best impression? If you’re fighting for your life?" (20:41)
  • John: “Tommy Lee Jones would probably wow people. But OJ is pretty damn good.” (20:50)
  • Dale teases: "Your OJ sounds like Michael." (21:03)
  • Live comparison of voices – leading to group laughter.
  • Dale: "That’d be a good podcast—OJ and Michael." (21:44)
  • John on voice overlap: “A lot of them are twofers—they’re in the same area.” (21:39)
• Stephen A. Smith, Ray Lewis, Jim Rome Impressions: John demonstrates several, group rates him in real-time.
  • Dale: "Your worst is Dale."
  • Michael: "It's nearly accurate."
  • Crowd laughs at exaggerated “Johnny, Johnny, Johnny” (22:46)

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6. Entertainment Drill (Pop & Rock News)

Starts ~17:46, 22:59

• Kiefer Sutherland's Uber Arrest: The group unpacks Kiefer’s alleged threats—with speculation and jokes about the Armenian and Russian community in Glendale, CA.
  • John on Old Armenian Men: "It was like being with an Italian mob group, the Sopranos. ...almost the exact same vibe." (19:07)
• Sting & Police Royalty Dispute:
  • Michael: “Sting owes 800 grand in royalties to his two bandmates…” (22:59)
  • John: “Every Breath You Take, Sting gets $700k in royalties a year, just off that?” (23:23)
  • Anecdote about attending a Police concert: two men making out in front of Brady, who reacts uncomfortably—becomes a running joke.
    • John: “That was the entertainment of the show to me, once those two started to tongue, they were...hardcore." (25:08)
    • John (on value for money): “$300 bucks at the Queer Free Zone to swap spit with a fella and get their beards glued together…” (25:33)
• Metallica Residency: Metallica likely heading for a Vegas Sphere residency; hosts speculate on its scale and probable fan turnout.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• John Holmberg: "Until the Bidwell curse is off this team, there’s no reason to cheer." (07:38)
• Dale Hellestrae: "Anybody who has kids that go to Columbia and Stanford...unless you’re picking up their dog poop—" (12:31, laughs)
• On College Football Nerdiness:
  • John: "Do what Indiana did and go get 25, three-stars...all 22-years-old." (11:47)
• Impressions Showdown:
  • Dale: "What's your best impression? If you’re fighting for your life?" (20:41)
  • John: “Tommy Lee Jones would probably wow people. But OJ is pretty damn good.” (20:50)
  • Dale: "Your OJ sounds like Michael." (21:07)
  • Michael: "It's nearly accurate." (22:43)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:23 – 04:34: Autograph nerds and rating sites; Dale’s signing history
• 04:35 – 07:47: NFL coaching carousel and Cardinals’ bleak reputation
• 09:01 – 13:29: College football playoff, NIL, and transfer portal shenanigans
• 14:22 – 16:46: NFL Divisional round picks; betting banter
• 17:33 – 19:32: Kiefer Sutherland story/LA community talk
• 20:15 – 22:46: Impressions thread; best and worst impersonations
• 22:59 – 25:54: Entertainment drill; Police/Sting, concert story
• 26:16 – 27:46: Metallica Sphere residency, closing banter

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Tone & Takeaways

The episode is lively, irreverent, and full of sports-fan authenticity—balancing deep-dive football analysis (with pronounced skepticism about Arizona franchises) with inside jokes, running gags, and outlandish personal stories. If you missed it, you’ll walk away with laughs, timely NFL chatter, creative entertainment insights, and a sense of camaraderie that defines this show’s popularity.

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Transcript

[John Holmberg]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. It's John Holmberg here, seeing clear as a bell, thanks to my friends at the Schwartz Laser Eye Center. Well, here we are looking at a brand new year. Can you see yourself in 2026? Can you see it all? I mean, really? Maybe in 2026 you should see yourself seeing. Fix those eyes. Vision changes are gradual. You might not even know how bad it's gotten. I know. That was my story. So start the new year by seeing clearly. Visit Dr. Jay Schwartz and his team, Schwartz Laser Eye Center, 480-483-Eyes Schwartz Laser Eye center, the official eye center for your Diamondbacks and sons. This is Michael with Restore My Civil Rights. It's still over 110 degrees outside and the political climate is just as hot. If you've lost your right to possess a firearm due to a criminal conviction, we can help at Restore My Civil Rights. We help Arizonans restore all of their rights because constitutional rights shouldn't depend on the next election results. To book a free consultation, call 855-gun- rights or visit restore my civil rights.com today. That's restore my civil rights.com. Solid stuff there. Lincoln Park. Heavy as the crown. That's not solid, it's great. That's a good one right there. That's a fun one.

[Dale]

You need to turn this into kind.

[Michael]

Of tapping your toe to that.

[John Holmberg]

That would have been a monster as you guys kind of leave for the stadium. That's a good one. I like this guy. Emails. He says you managed to tailor that whole segment to autograph nerds like me. There's a website out there that essentially serves as a white pages where all sport and celebrity mail addresses are saved and shared. For collectors, we pay a fee. I'm going to keep the name quiet since I don't want the moderators of the website to have bigger nerds than me even ruin it. It'll penalize us. But he sent over. I can find Dale's addresses for the last 20 years. How many people he signed for.

[Dale]

What?

[John Holmberg]

And it says Dale hasn't signed all his mail. By the way. I said if you want John, if you want Dave Kingman's address, I'd be happy to share that as well. Can you get all your addresses?

[Michael]

I want to write Guido Merkins.

[John Holmberg]

We'll get Guido. Yeah, yeah, I've got all your addresses.

[Dale]

Really?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that is. Do you live on a street currently named after a sandwich? Yes, I know what it is.

[Dale]

Yeah. That's crazy.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale]

One of my favorites, by the way.

[John Holmberg]

Sundays back in 2021, there was a circle K Super bowl replica ticket signed. Both perfectly. Thank you, Mr. Hellustrate. In 97, you signed a card or not 92. In 2021, you signed a 97 card with a black Sharpie. 2020, you signed a card with a black. They've got it all.

[Dale]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

Back to 2001.

[Dale]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

And you used to live on 8618 Valley Ranch Parkway. Isn't that real? Is that right?

[Dale]

I lived in probably seven different places in Dallas because we all got.

[John Holmberg]

Ran one Cowboys.

[Dale]

Yeah, well, that's where Valley Ranch was.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, okay. So they were E monitors.

[Dale]

I did live there.

[John Holmberg]

That's when you were in.

[Dale]

We were winning Super Bowls.

[John Holmberg]

You were in your apartment. 1044 was the number of the apartment. Isn't that weird?

[Dale]

Yeah. No, that's crazy.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And here your fans are just writing you letters asking the mailman to get it there in a week.

[Michael]

But. But he has a 3.5 star rating on stuff.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's true.

[Dale]

They're going to rate your signage.

[John Holmberg]

Here's one. In2013, you signed something said sign. 296 pinnacle cards, they came back in horrible condition. Black Sharpie with number envelope was perfect. Not sure why there was an issue. You wrecked the car.

[Michael]

How about USPS problem?

[Dale]

That's.

[John Holmberg]

Well, maybe we don't know this one. There's a bunch of them that say waiting. Failure, failure, failure. You didn't do it. Status. This one took 12 days.

[Dale]

They're still say how long?

[John Holmberg]

A guy in March 8th sent you something. He's still waiting. March 8th, 2024. This is a great site.

[Dale]

Anything that I get, I sign and send back.

[John Holmberg]

Failure. This guy waited 11 days.

[Dale]

11 days.

[John Holmberg]

Says you signed the card. Two cards that he sent and you answered one of his questions.

[Dale]

See?

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Dale]

Good guy.

[Michael]

Five stars.

[Dale]

Hold on. You're going down a wormhole, man.

[John Holmberg]

It's like Yelp of autographs.

[Michael]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And it's got a lot of people on it.

[Dale]

Yeah. Is Holberg on there?

[John Holmberg]

I have my own site. I have my own site. Well, I just have a. I have a kissing booth outside the house. They just show up. There's nothing I can do.

[Dale]

All the dogs come walking around.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, everybody's. Yeah, everybody's out there. There's greetings I get with cookies. It's all good. Let's talk about the Cardinals real quick. Nine coaching vacancies. It looks like this Morning. John Harbaugh will be a Giants coach that's pretty much locked in. I like that for the Giants and I love it for me because I can still see a sad Harbaugh, but it never affects me. So I will root for them to lose. A lot I like.

[Dale]

So I would think that once he leaves Baltimore that he's a non issue.

[John Holmberg]

He's a Harbaugh. I hate them all.

[Dale]

I hate Jim.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I don't like any Harbaughs. Mouth breather losers. Don't like them at all. Don't like them like when they fail. But it doesn't bother me and it won't affect me. It won't bring me as much joy and it won't hurt me anymore that he's in New York. Okay, so that at least that's off the table for local radio and local media to say that John Harbaugh ever had interest.

[Dale]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

When a third of the league has coaching openings and they're not done yet. When a third of the league has coaching openings and the Cardinals are eighth or ninth on that list, you can get rid of the Harbaughs and everything else. And now that the Steelers job's open, everybody's gonna be like, quit calling me for a minute. Arizona, we'll get to you. And they are going to get the last choice.

[Dale]

Well, here's probably the one thing. And by the way, I have gone public and said I like your idea of John Gruden.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's great.

[Dale]

He's off the radar, but my goodness, would he make a difference? Having said that, the most disappointing thing to me is Robert Saleh. As announced, he's got two interviews on.

[John Holmberg]

Sunday and neither one of them the Cardinals one's Pittsburgh.

[Dale]

Why on God's green earth are you not saying we'll give you the moon? Sky.

[John Holmberg]

I'll tell you exactly why he told them don't bother before they even could.

[Dale]

Give him the moon. So you'd rather right now you'd rather take the Pittsburgh job over the Arizona?

[John Holmberg]

Oh my God.

[Dale]

God, you don't have a quarterback.

[John Holmberg]

I don't. Neither does Arizona.

[Dale]

Yeah, yeah. Salary cap issue.

[John Holmberg]

Arizona has seller cap issues because they don't know how to spend money.

[Dale]

By the way, I did hear another local sports talk show this morning throughout. The idea to get Mendoza with the number one pick for the number three. Maybe we could trade Kyler Murray in the number three pick and still pay for that stuff.

[John Holmberg]

The, the. The Cardinal's job is bad compared to the roster of the Steelers because one is A gold star franchise. And the other is the Cardinals. The phone rang off the hook for the Steelers once Tomlin dropped out. Nobody called the Cardinals.

[Dale]

No. Oh, no. They're making calls and. Yeah. And I think John. John Harbaugh didn't even do zoom. He just did.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale]

He ain't coming on the cell phone.

[John Holmberg]

He didn't have any interest. And nobody does. So they're going to get somebody. They're going to get it.

[Dale]

Never heard of. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Jim Mora Jr. Might come back. Vance Joseph.

[Dale]

I don't know who.

[John Holmberg]

They're going to have nobody.

[Dale]

And that's.

[John Holmberg]

And that's the problem.

[Dale]

Brady.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Joe Brady, who everyone in Buffalo wanted out and they couldn't wait to get.

[Dale]

Whenever you hire a guy and. And the team he's leaving, the fan base is happy.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Arthur Smith. Arthur Smith is now going to interview here. And the Steelers couldn't wait for him.

[Dale]

Are you kidding me? Yeah. Philadelphia fans was gone. They were applauding.

[John Holmberg]

They loved.

[Dale]

Thank you. Get out of here.

[John Holmberg]

So I don't know what they're going to do, but again, until. Until the Bidwell curse is off this team, there's nothing about. There's no reason to cheer.

[Dale]

No.

[John Holmberg]

There's no reason to get.

[Dale]

And by the way, we're going to raise.

[John Holmberg]

Take the season ticket prize and get you every time.

[Dale]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And then now you got the College Football Playoff. We talked about this on the wildly successful podcast that we're doing, the.

[Dale]

What's it called, that sports thing.

[John Holmberg]

A John Hornberg podcast with special guest Dale Hell and friends.

[Dale]

By the way, I did hear you talking earlier. Nash is getting in your head. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Nash is getting into your head.

[John Holmberg]

No, because Nash doesn't make sense. I've always.

[Dale]

He's bringing up the same stuff that you're talking about.

[John Holmberg]

I've always had conspiratorial thoughts.

[Dale]

But you thought the moon landing. You were Neil Armstrong. You had a poster of it.

[John Holmberg]

That was. I. I thought we did it. I've always said we didn't do it as much as we said. I thought maybe we got up there and then. The new crew has made me realize we never went like it was. I was teetering on the idea like you could convince me we didn't go. But as of now. Now you have to give me some.

[Dale]

You don't believe 911 was a terrorist?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I believe. Oh, I completely believe that was a terrorist thing. I just think that the after effects were manipulated. The news we got after it happened was not the truth. That I believe, and I've always thought that. And again, I meant it kind of for wrong reason. No, Nash is not Nash. Doesn't make any sense. That just goes. I don't have any answers, but I know this was bad.

[Dale]

You got Trump. Trump syndrome. You got Nancy.

[John Holmberg]

No, I've got. No, I've got. I've always had that. But like right now, I don't. I'm not believing anything I see. They went to the same play too many times in a row and I'm like, well, this is now a movie studio, right? This doesn't make sense. I don't know. What the hell were we talking about there? You ruined it. Oh, college. College football. Give me your winner on the Miami and Indiana.

[Dale]

Oh, boy. I think it's gonna be a great game. I. I just, I don't see even a. A hairline fracture in the Indiana football.

[John Holmberg]

There's not much wrong with them.

[Dale]

Offense, defense, special teams. And the, the way they've been coached.

[John Holmberg]

Incredible.

[Dale]

Nothing then nothing phases them. They don't have the best at Miami has better athletes. But you never find Indiana out of position. No, they'll knock the bejesus out of you. They'll hit you like no other. If My, my, I could see Miami winning if a couple things go their way. Ball. You know, maybe a fumble. But hey, I love me some Fernando Mendoza and I, I love Kurt Signetti. Give me more.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I told you this on the podcast, but there's nobody who can make you not like him faster than Fernando Mendoza in a press conference. Because I'm like, oh, it's almost AI. He's so corny. Yeah, I don't like that. I don't like. I like a guy with.

[Dale]

Oh, your guy didn't like Tim Tebow? Oh, I hated him because he beat. He beat your Steelers once.

[John Holmberg]

But prior I hated him before that he wins. I hated him before that. In fairness, I didn't like him.

[Dale]

Yeah, way. I'm sorry, but I'm not going to do my moral compass on who I like. And not by John Holmberg.

[John Holmberg]

He doesn't win. He won once.

[Dale]

He won three Super Bowl. I mean the national championships.

[John Holmberg]

20 professional players in front of him. And when he went to the pros, he was horrible. He's throwing Velveeta cheese.

[Dale]

Steelers Ryan Mundy beat.

[John Holmberg]

This was the backup safety in Denver cuz Ryan Clark has sickle cell and can't play in high elevation. It wasn't a dime.

[Dale]

You got to suck it up.

[John Holmberg]

Ryan Mundy was supposed not a dime. Ryan Mundy was supposed to play deep safety in cover two and he took a step forward and bit on something and. And Ryan Clark would have never done it.

[Dale]

That spiral could have been young Rogers.

[Michael]

The release.

[John Holmberg]

He couldn't even be an up back in a punt formation in the pros because they're like, he's terrible. How did Denver do this? He had a magic year.

[Dale]

It's okay for you not to like somebody. I'm just not. I'm just not going to go by your recommendation. He traffics kids because your moral compass.

[John Holmberg]

Is so off guilt Traffic's children. He's a human trafficker. Yeah, I heard you trying, not trying for the you. Yeah, yeah. I think, well, ASU can learn a lesson.

[Michael]

Decisive.

[John Holmberg]

I think ASU can learn a lesson because they can't keep up financially with what's going on in football. But do what Indiana did and go get 25, three stars that are easily coached. All 22 years old.

[Michael]

Let them get a couple years at another school.

[John Holmberg]

They're veterans. It's a team. It's a team of good.

[Michael]

It's.

[John Holmberg]

My buddy's kid just graduated from Stanford last year. He's done. Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. His other kid graduated from Columbia.

[Dale]

Okay, so. And he's your buddy.

[John Holmberg]

He's a good friend.

[Dale]

I'm sorry.

[John Holmberg]

Talking yesterday.

[Dale]

I'm sorry.

[John Holmberg]

His son just transferred after he graduated. This is how college football works now. And he's going to play it in.

[Dale]

Mexico State next year and get another year of nil. And he's got some.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I don't know. Like you say he left Stanford. I'm like, he's done it. He graduated a year and a half ago. You are going to play two years in college.

[Dale]

Anybody who has kids that go to Columbia.

[John Holmberg]

Yep.

[Dale]

And Stanford. Unless you're picking up their dog poop.

[John Holmberg]

I would. I'd pick up Joe's kid. I'd pick up the dog poop at Joe's place.

[Dale]

You sit in that living room and go.

[John Holmberg]

Joe and his wife hooker are wonderful people.

[Dale]

Are you diddling somebody?

[John Holmberg]

That is true. I would ask that, but yeah. So I found it fascinating. New Mexico State's recruiting guys who are graduates.

[Dale]

Yes, you can stay. I coached a kid who went to different high school, but in the off season worked with an offensive lineman. He's going into his seventh year.

[John Holmberg]

That's where ASU needs to go. Did you play five years of college football? Get him for a year.

[Dale]

He had a Covid year. He had a medical red shirt. He had a red Shirt. He had a whatever. And he's in his seventh year. He's getting paid 500 grand at TCU to play football.

[Michael]

Good gig.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. That's awesome.

[Dale]

Yeah. Congratulations. Yeah. More power.

[John Holmberg]

ASU needs to solve this problem by doing that exact blueprint Indiana did. Hey.

[Dale]

I take it we weren't a Pittsburgh win away from winning our bet.

[Michael]

You're too deep.

[John Holmberg]

You lost. You were the first one to go out. You picked against the Bills.

[Dale]

I couldn't remember who I. It's the Bills.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You picked the Patriots. You're Panthers. Panthers. I'm sorry.

[Dale]

They're not.

[John Holmberg]

No, Dumb. Yeah.

[Dale]

You were bad.

[Michael]

66.

[Dale]

66, huh?

[Michael]

He got. You haven't done the last round.

[John Holmberg]

Well, he didn't know us for that.

[Dale]

Just sit over there and eat your hash brown from his Denver.

[John Holmberg]

And that he bragged about has less meat in it. It's not a Denver omelette.

[Dale]

As he's poured salt for both hands.

[John Holmberg]

No salt.

[Michael]

I put a pillar on it.

[John Holmberg]

That's all right. We got you.

[Dale]

98.

[Michael]

What?

[Dale]

98. No, Holmberg's. Morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Anything else?

[Dale]

Are we doing anything this week?

[John Holmberg]

Do you want to.

[Dale]

Oh, there's only two games, aren't there?

[John Holmberg]

Four games down to the.

[Dale]

Yeah, there's four of us. Right.

[John Holmberg]

Who's in the final four or the last two? Who are you picking for?

[Dale]

You mean for the.

[John Holmberg]

It would be the final four. Asc. Nfc.

[Dale]

I would say in the nfc. Seattle for sure. And then I think it's going to be 10 below zero.

[John Holmberg]

Seattle and Chicago. Well, they're going against the Rams.

[Dale]

Yeah, but the Rams didn't look like Rolby. I. If I have to bet right now, I would say Seattle, Chicago, asc.

[John Holmberg]

Bills play Denver.

[Dale]

I know.

[John Holmberg]

Jags play the Patriots.

[Dale]

I would say the Patriots.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Dale]

Oh, I think it's.

[John Holmberg]

Make us some money, Dale. Come on now.

[Dale]

Why am I picking them all?

[John Holmberg]

I sports expert. People write you letters.

[Dale]

I don't want to pick.

[John Holmberg]

Then it's the Bills.

[Dale]

But I can't pick the Bills. They have one player. And I just think that Denver will shut him down. So it's give me Denver, New England.

[John Holmberg]

All right, I will put that down. I will put the hundred bucks on the bet.

[Dale]

Okay?

[John Holmberg]

If it doesn't hit you, all of us, $100 each.

[Dale]

No, no, no, no.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Because I've spent a lot of money on your expertise this year.

[Dale]

I'll do $33 each. If it doesn't. But I don't get.

[John Holmberg]

I still lose 67.

[Dale]

All my fines are waived.

[John Holmberg]

No, you give eight. You don't give them any money. They're not putting anything in. Unless you guys want to, and then I'll do it.

[Dale]

Would you. Would you.

[John Holmberg]

Last couple records here. No, I'm out. You give me.

[Dale]

I'm saving my money. Wow.

[John Holmberg]

You give me the money back and give them 33. Three you still owe from, like, two weeks ago.

[Dale]

If you show me how to send.

[John Holmberg]

It to you, we're never gonna see that anyway.

[Dale]

I can't move it to my bank account either. 100 bucks in the Netherlands.

[John Holmberg]

I'm 100 in, and you give me 100 back in 33 to Brady and Brett.

[Dale]

Well, what's.

[John Holmberg]

That's perfect.

[Dale]

Agree.

[John Holmberg]

Sounds good, huh? We would win a lot. We.

[Michael]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And they win 33 bucks. I would win a lot of money. If you hit, I'll give you a percentage, like 95. No, we'll get it. We'll talk about it after. We'll see how much the money. I haven't put the bet in yet.

[Dale]

I haven't done it.

[John Holmberg]

We'll get it. It'll be good. It's time now for the entertainment drill. And that is brought to you by my friends at the Schwarz Laser Eye Center. Schwarz Laser Eye center will take care of you. Get your. If you're Lasik, if you're blurry or seeing that Lasik's an option. The lens replacement is amazing. People always ask me, what's the best thing about what happened to you, John, at the Schwartz Laser Eye Center? And it's that a. My vision got clearer. But what you don't know is how much more vivid your vision can be. The lens replacement is amazing. You see colors differently. Brightness isn't. It's so different. And they'll do a little consultation for you. All you got to do is check it out. All of their locations are close to you. They got three of them. Phoenix got still glass. Or Mesa, Scottsdale, Glendale. And we'll get you all covered up. Teamidoc.com because they're the Suns and Diamondbacks official eye center. It's the Schwartz Laser Eyes and a Brady Entertainment.

[Dale]

Do I look better to you?

[John Holmberg]

No. You make me wish I never met Jay Schwartz. You make me wish Jay Schwartz stabbed my eyes out. You make me wish I'd have heard, doctor. You make me wish. Jay Schwartz said, oops, right in the middle of the procedure.

[Michael]

We got more information on the Kiefer Sutherland arrest for his Uber. He ordered an Uber black, and the driver said, you know, he got a death threat from him from Kiefer? Yeah.

[Dale]

How?

[Michael]

Yelled at him. Kiefer gets in the car, yells at the guy, and he says, then he threatened to kill me because he asked to be let out twice. And the driver didn't do it. Well, you find out that the driver is either Russian or Armenian, and he didn't speak English. So.

[John Holmberg]

How did he know that Kiefer was threatened?

[Michael]

Exactly.

[John Holmberg]

He's a liar.

[Michael]

So they got his story, and then they brought in another one from the LAPD to, as a translator to say, get his.

[John Holmberg]

Was this in or around Glendale, California?

[Michael]

Didn't say.

[Dale]

What does that happen?

[John Holmberg]

Well, because Glendale Armenian, it's the second highest concentration of Armenians.

[Dale]

Oh, really?

[John Holmberg]

World. And when I lived there, it's even. Back then it was 2001.

[Dale]

Oh, yeah, it is.

[Michael]

And isn't. Isn't there a Russian section, too, as well?

[John Holmberg]

Well, they have right there, but not in Glendale.

[Dale]

The Russians and Armenians get along a little.

[John Holmberg]

The Armenians are very mob feeling. It's very Italian. It's tight. And so whenever they're in situations like this, they have each other's back. So if it's in Glendale, Kiefer's gonna. They're gonna believe that guy. Glendale is. I. It was strange. I used to play a bocce ball with a bunch of old Armenian men, and it was like being with an Italian mob group, the Sopranos. And these Armenians were almost the exact same vibe.

[Dale]

Were you diddled?

[John Holmberg]

I didn't know. And I asked him, too. I'm like, come on, guys. A bunch of old men. Shout out again. Nobody ever Father Dale once. No one's ever tried to. And it's pristine. That thing back there, it's gorgeous.

[Michael]

Dale finally has a good story.

[Dale]

All right, well, well, Matthew McConaughey trademarked his catchphrase. All right, all right, all right. An effort to protect his voice and likeness from unauthorized AI. Misuse. Yeah, first syllable. The last word is at a higher pitch than the Jesus. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

If you can. If you can change. You can't trademark a voice. You can't. You got to just say, it's not him.

[Dale]

Can you do all right, all right.

[John Holmberg]

Like, everyone can. That's an impression I don't do.

[Michael]

He's been trying to get that since 2023.

[John Holmberg]

To get free. That. Yeah. Everybody does the same one. Those are the impressions you do, and you get a good one, and it doesn't matter because the second you do it. Six jackasses in the room. I'll go, all right, all right, all right. Like, well, this is pointless. It's like, if you did a magic trick and then Brett did it and you did. Everybody knew how to do it, you'd be like, this is a dumb one.

[Dale]

Right?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And it's the catchphrase ones that.

[Dale]

What's your best impression?

[John Holmberg]

I got a few bests, but.

[Dale]

No, your best. Yeah. You only have one best. Well, if you have to. If you. If you're fighting for your life.

[John Holmberg]

If I'm fighting.

[Dale]

They got a gun pointed at you. And they say, johnny, if you don't.

[John Holmberg]

Wow us with this, Tommy Lee Jones would be the one that probably wows people. But it's unexpected. I don't know. I think OJ. OJ's pretty damn good.

[Dale]

Yeah, but your OJ sounds like Michael.

[John Holmberg]

No, they're different. Let's do a comparison there. You're Dale. Well, if you had to ask me one thing, Dale O.J.

[Dale]

Simpson.

[John Holmberg]

And if you went off of that.

[Dale]

And you knew who it was, Michael, Sal's down here. I'm going beast mode on you. His mouth is always more full of fear. You know Dale, do you. They sound the same. Gotta listen close to Dale, because one of them is a little happier, the other one's unreal. They're very similar.

[John Holmberg]

A lot of them are twofers. They're in the same area.

[Dale]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

There's some good ones.

[Dale]

I don't know. All right, I know.

[Michael]

That'd be a good podcast.

[Dale]

What?

[John Holmberg]

Me and Michael. Oj, OJ and Michael.

[Michael]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, welcome to Cutting Lines with OJ and Michael. I'm just saying. And then Ray Lewis lives in that same thing. He's always up here, though. He's in the nose.

[Dale]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

He go in there, get you?

[Dale]

I'll tell you right now, Brady.

[John Holmberg]

Not on my watch. He's like a Baptist preacher. Stephen A. In there, too. No, Stephen A. Is way down in the lower part of your throat. That's an egregious way to look at all these things. I can't believe we would even put that in the same kit.

[Dale]

Now, see, I would say that might be your best one right there.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. No way. The other three are much better. I like Rome. Rome's a great one, too. We'll go through all. We have a Guadalupe Squares tomorrow. You can tune in, put me to work. This is what I'm talking about. You do impressions. Bernie's good. I like that one. People like that.

[Dale]

Your worst is Dale. Dale is.

[John Holmberg]

Dale is people's favorite.

[Michael]

It's nearly accurate.

[John Holmberg]

Johnny, Johnny, Johnny.

[Michael]

That's up there.

[John Holmberg]

Johnny, Johnny.

[Michael]

It gives me chills.

[Dale]

Johnny, Johnny.

[John Holmberg]

Johnny, if I walked him into a wall right after, you wouldn't know it wasn't him. All right, close it up, Brady. Let's get done.

[Michael]

Two things. I mean, Sting owes 800 grand in royalties to his two bandmates, Stuart Copeland and Andy Summers. But they're not settling for that. They're saying it's more like 10 million. It's been happening since 1995 at these rates. But during the trial, you found out one of the songs. What? Every Breath youh Take, this thing gets 700 grand a year in royalties. Just off that stuff?

[John Holmberg]

Just off that. Well, yeah. Diddy was paying him too.

[Dale]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Because of that? Well, yeah, he's got.

[Dale]

Yeah.

[Michael]

Every time that line said or something.

[John Holmberg]

They hate each other. The Police just hate each other. It's weird how they can have so much success together and not like it and like, hate each.

[Michael]

But that had been going on for years.

[John Holmberg]

For years. Did they tour together? A couple years back, Brady and I went, it was like 10 or 15 years ago, and two gay guys started to make out in front of us. And Brady just goes, yuck, yuck. Like he couldn't take it. It was, it was a.

[Dale]

You and Brady went to see a.

[John Holmberg]

Police concert this good show. Were they good? No, they weren't. No.

[Dale]

No.

[John Holmberg]

It was a little disappointing. They didn't like each other. They didn't. There was no preparation on stage, so you could tell they didn't like each other, did not care for it. They want to get, they got through it. There was no stage anything, nothing extra. Not much of a screen behind them. It was just them singing.

[Dale]

Brady, did you tap him on the shoulder and say, please don't do that while I'm here at the concert?

[John Holmberg]

No, he's, he might as well have. He just. From me to you, Dale, he's just. Come on. Like. He could not watch two guys kissing and the one dude's hand sliding in and out of the waistband.

[Dale]

I, I, I think I would have said thanks. Knock it off.

[John Holmberg]

No, he, he did in every way. But those words. Oh, God, get a damn. This against God.

[Michael]

No kidding.

[John Holmberg]

It was grouse.

[Michael]

Every breath you take.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, there. Yeah. And you could hear it. He was like Marky Mark behind him. Feel it, feel it. Come on. It was hilarious. That was the entertainment of the show to me, once those two started to tongues, they were, I mean, it was some hardcore.

[Dale]

They were more entertaining than the Police.

[John Holmberg]

I haven't used this word since eighth grade. But they were Frenching and it looked like it was their first day and Their. Their tongues were French toast. They were thick and heavy.

[Michael]

And then a 300 ticket.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they were expensive.

[Michael]

Metallica, come on.

[Dale]

It's okay if there's 75.

[John Holmberg]

I can tolerate some home 75. Yeah.

[Michael]

But I'm paying 300.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, 300 bucks at the Queer free Zone. Swap and spit with a fella and get their beards glued together. It was gross. I'll admit it.

[Dale]

You watched every moment.

[John Holmberg]

Not only that, I was. I was pushing on the one guy's hand to start to finger the other one to get Brady to pass out.

[Michael]

You were trying. You were trying to push me into.

[Dale]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Banging. We were close enough, I could give him a nudge and he could hit the.

[Dale]

Hit the gaze Brady's face a little.

[John Holmberg]

Bit and he'd be right. He was close because I pushed real hard and there was no balance because you're like, come on.

[Dale]

Come on.

[John Holmberg]

He's like an inch from their faces when they're.

[Dale]

That.

[John Holmberg]

I did love that. I wanted them to keep going.

[Michael]

It looks like Metallica is gonna do a residency at the Sphere.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my gosh.

[Michael]

They're almost done. Said finalizing the deal.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that'll be huge.

[Michael]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

They could do that for six or seven months.

[Dale]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Michael]

But it might be a year away.

[John Holmberg]

But still, though, because I gotta prep all the video and all the things of that. John, do you know about that? Yeah, you already got tickets. Probably with your fan. John Gordon is a fan? Oh, that's crazy. Yeah, I'd go see that. That's it. We're done. Nice job, ranch house girl. Thanks for breakfast this morning. They dropped it off for us. That was really good. We're done. You're getting nothing? Nothing, Nothing. Dale's got his. When does your other. You do yours? Did you do it already? The podcast? Yes. You did it this morning?

[Dale]

Yes. All right.

[John Holmberg]

He's got the main event with Steve McCollum. I like Steve. He's a nice man.

[Dale]

Yeah, well, he's going to give you a free room.

[John Holmberg]

Well, he may give me free. I'm willing to pay for it.

[Dale]

Johnson guys stick together.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. And we should both.

[Dale]

Bald father.

[John Holmberg]

Dale didn't touch on the one?

[Dale]

No. He's never mentioned diddle?

[John Holmberg]

No. Dale was gone by the time he was in there. They've caught him. Oh. By the time that was going on. So he didn't get a chance to get fingers. God, it was close. I was close. I was in the vicinity.

[Michael]

We can make it happen, though.

[Dale]

You tried to get yourself diddled and he wouldn't do.

[John Holmberg]

I was finger adjacent. I think there was dirt on the finger when I was close. Like, I think he had.

[Michael]

Just pull up those op shorts.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dale]

Little dolphin shorts.

[John Holmberg]

All I wanted was a chance to say no.

[Dale]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Just wanted that. Never got it.

[Dale]

We're done.

[John Holmberg]

Larry's coming up next. You guys have yourselves a good Thursday. We'll see you tomorrow in the morning. Sickness, It's out of control now.