01-15-26 - FULL SHOW - THURSDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - January 15, 2026

Full Show Summary

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Main Theme / Episode Overview

Arizona’s #1 morning show, Holmberg’s Morning Sickness on 98 KUPD, mixes irreverent comedy, raw honesty, and topical discussion in its signature blend of banter. In this episode, John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Dale Hellestrae, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo dissect the cultural and political madness of the day, riff on news clips, muse about getting older, and enjoy their typical mix of listener emails and memorable off-color personal stories. Guest Akash Singh (comedian, Flagrant podcast) stops in for an extended, in-depth interview—offering rare behind-the-scenes insights about interviewing political figures and navigating fame and controversy in the modern media landscape.

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Episode Highlights & Key Conversation Points

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1. Aging, Cold Cases, and Mortality

• Topic: Holmberg reflects on seeing a news story about a 53-year-old man arrested for a years-old cold case and how it made him think about his own capacity for “snapping” or committing crime later in life.

  • “I always put my age on top of the age of the person that got arrested. I’m not out of the woods yet as far as potentially losing my cool.” — John Holmberg [03:12]

• Observations: The hosts joke about beating death “by a year” when people their own age die or get sentenced for crimes. Paranoia around jail and personal safety humorously thread the conversation.

  • “[Fear of jail] outweighs any anger I could have. Nobody’s worth that to me.” — Holmberg [04:08]

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2. Politics, Identity, and Tribalism: Can Men Get Pregnant?

• Topic: Extended riffing on a viral Senate committee clip in which Dr. Verma, a medical expert, waffles on the straightforward question, “Can men get pregnant?”, as pressed by Senator Moody.

  • “How do we live in a world where this is happening in our politics and anybody takes a side?” — Holmberg [07:54]
  • “Of course men can’t get pregnant...I don’t want to be on either team that would even entertain that discussion, let alone try to make up new rules. It’s crazy.” — Holmberg [09:50]

• Tone: Cynically comedic; the segment satirizes how tribal politics erode common sense, with the panel lampooning both the Senator’s motives and the doctor’s inability to give a direct (biological) answer.

• Listener Interaction: Holmberg notes listener emails urging him to “pick a side” in the culture war, which he vehemently refuses, insisting on focusing on “your own house.”

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3. Emails & Life Lessons: Treat Your Vagina Like a Star Wars Action Figure

• Topic: Reading and reacting to listener emails covering:

  • A fan “starstruck” by John at a gas station.
  • A woman whom Holmberg claims he “saved” decades ago by giving her sexual wisdom: to treat her vagina “like a 1977 Kenner Darth Vader,” to preserve her value.

  “Because [of your advice], I’m 53 and started dating a 24-year-old guy who’s blown away at how pristine I am…” — Listener Email [23:39] “Always treat your vagina like a 1977 Kenner Darth Vader. If it comes out of the box, it only gets played with by a couple good people...” — Holmberg [40:28]

• Humor Highlight: Running gag about “kitchen trolls”—the unattractive (often unhygienic) kitchen employees at restaurants who somehow manage to sleep with the best-looking waitresses.

  • “Trolls have magics, but they could do it to hot waitresses ... the gift that keeps on giving.” — Panel [45:27]

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4. Scams, Loneliness, and Older Women

• Topic: News stories and call-ins about elderly women falling for romance scams—selling their homes to wire money to “military” suitors promising gold shipments.

  • “If you need warnings that somebody’s trying to send you a pot of gold, it’s a leprechaun.” — Holmberg [47:29]
  • “This is the danger, ladies, of keeping too tight a grip on that thing. … Let loose with it every once in a while!” — Holmberg [51:44]

• Sex & Aging: Extended, often uncomfortable, discussion of elders’ sexual desires, and why adult children need to be aware their parents may want “companionship” (read: sex), not just friends.

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5. Political & News Skepticism: The Simulation is Shattered

• Topic: Holmberg admits to deepening skepticism toward all contemporary news coverage, calling out how social issues serve as diversions from real scandals (Wag the Dog reference), and expressing semi-serious “conspiracy” thinking (e.g., crisis actors, fake protests, distractions).

  • “Nothing feels real to me anymore. … I just don’t buy it.” — Holmberg [65:05]
  • “Marches are weather-related. … Nobody, no one cares enough about a topic to march in bad weather.” [64:25]
  • “I feel like everything is crisis acting and all that. … It’s the Steelers’ fault. They clock out of the playoffs and I’ve got nothing else to do.” — Holmberg [85:54]

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6. Akash Singh Interview: Behind the Podcast Curtain

• Topic: Standup comedian Akash Singh (co-host, Flagrant podcast w/ Andrew Schulz) joins to discuss:

  • The experience of interviewing Trump, Bernie Sanders, and other political figures.
  • The unexpected cultural/political influence (and backlash) of their show.
  • The performance “mode” of politicians in person (“They need you to like them; socially not dumb.” [109:09])
  • The burden and distortion that comes with fame and being painted as “brocastr” or political mouthpiece.

  “We just tried to ask most of what we wanted to ask that [Trump] would not get up and walk out for.” — Akash Singh [105:51] “There’s a cost to that, that you think about … you’re excited to be a part of this thing. So you don’t think about getting involved in the politics world. Now you become a target.” — Akash Singh [123:53]

• Personal Stories: Akash shares a harrowing tale of a trusted employee pawning all his camera equipment to pay off a gambling debt [121:26].

• Conspiracies, Hate, and Joy: Singh and Holmberg riff on conspiratorial thinking, how hate for rival sports teams brings happiness, and skepticism toward public figures who seem “too nice” (i.e., Tim Tebow).

  • “Hate is the answer. … Hate is funnier, and it’s more fun, and it actually makes you happier. Without hate, you can’t find happiness.” — Holmberg [114:47]

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7. Sports, Aging, and Listener Letters

• Topic: Dale Hellestrae details his experiences as a Dallas Cowboy and the oddities of post-career fame—including being mailed hand-written fan letters from presumably lonely, possibly special needs, football nerds.
• Humor: Extensive ribbing between Holmberg and Hellestrae regarding the likelihood of letter-writing fans, the authenticity of such fan mail, and jokes about kitchen trolls, old men “wandering off” (Silver Alerts), and why superstitions matter in professional sports.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On modern tribalism:
  “People would respect you more if you picked a side.”
  “I don’t want to be on either team that would even entertain that discussion, let alone try to make up new rules.” — Holmberg [09:50]

• On aging and mortality:
  “It’s almost like passing … well I made that, right? I passed that stage.” — Brady [02:53]

• On old ladies and romance scams:
  “They just want a man to love. That’s right. Check their computers.” — Holmberg [60:16]

• On political interviews:
  “Trump in business mode is probably: ‘I want to get my deal that I want.’ But … they’re socially not dumb. That’s how they get to their position.” — Akash Singh [109:10]

• On legacy as a radio advice-giver:
  “You saved a slut. Signed, friend of Brandon.” — Listener Email [24:07]

• On hate vs. love (sports):
  “Hate is the answer. … Hate is funnier, and it’s more fun, and it actually makes you happier. Without hate, you can’t find happiness.” — Holmberg [114:47]

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Noteworthy Segments with Timestamps

• [04:49] – Holmberg reveals fear of jail and philosophical musings about not “snapping” in midlife.
• [06:50–13:50] – Satirical deconstruction of “can men get pregnant?” viral political testimony.
• [15:06] – Hilarious riff on gay neighbors, childfree adult living, and adopting children.
• [23:37] – Email from a listener who credits John with encouraging her to “respect her vagina,” plus extended Star Wars/collectible analogy.
• [40:28] – “Always treat your vagina like a 1977 Kenner Darth Vader…” analogy moment.
• [45:27] – Origin story and long riff on “kitchen trolls” in the restaurant service industry.
• [47:29] – Breakdown of an elderly woman scammed by “suitor” promising her gold.
• [51:44–55:05] – The panel discusses the uncomfortable truths of elderly sexuality and the realities of “companionship.”
• [65:05–66:53] – Holmberg’s epic “everything’s fake” media rant; “Simulation is shattered.”
• [104:43–128:00] – Deep-diving interview with Akash Singh about political podcasting, internet backlash, and the “curse” of celebrity.
• [140:00+] – Dale Hellestrae reflects on Super Bowl memories and the nature of sports superstition.

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Tone, Language, and Style

• Irreverent, direct, self-deprecating humor; no sacred cows.
• Frequently sarcastic/satirical.
• Candid, sometimes crude, with “locker room talk” and colorful analogies.
• Generational, Arizona-centric references; inside jokes (e.g., “troll seed,” “silver alerts”).

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Summary for New Listeners

This episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness is a high-octane ride through aging existential dread, the absurdity of modern culture and politics, and unabashed personal confessionals. It features trademark segments lampooning both left and right, extended listener interactions, and a standout interview with Akash Singh that takes listeners deep inside the machinery of modern podcast/radio fame and political influence. You’ll find both cringeworthy and surprisingly poignant reflections—anchored by the show’s uniquely chaotic, boundary-pushing style.

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Quick Navigation (Timestamps)

• [03:12] – Aging, crime, and mortality musings
• [06:50–13:50] – Viral Senate debate & tribal politics
• [23:37] – Fan email: “respect your vagina,” Star Wars toy analogy
• [40:28–45:27] – Kitchen trolls, slut-shaming, sex/life lessons
• [51:44] – Sexuality & loneliness in elders
• [65:05–66:53] – News/conspiracy/media rant
• [104:43–128:00] – Akash Singh interview on podcaster as kingmaker
• [140:00+] – Cowboys/sports stories, fan mail, superstition in sports

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(Advertisements, intros, and outros omitted)

Transcript

[Larry]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

[John Holmberg]

This is Michael with Restore My Civil Rights. It's still over 110 degrees outside and the political climate is just as hot. If you've lost your right to possess a firearm due to a criminal conviction, we can help at Restore My Civil Rights. We help Arizonans restore all of their rights because constitutional rights shouldn't depend on the next election results. To book a free consultation, call 855-gun- rights or visit restoremycivilrights.com today. That's restore my civil rights.com. Good morning everybody.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Hello there.

[John Holmberg]

Welcome to Thursday. It is 5:45. My name's John Holmberg. How are you? There's Brady, there's Brett, there's Toledo, there's. This is the morning sickness and off and running on another 80 degree day in January. I love it. I woke up this morning and I said this is the way it needs to be. And I grabbed an aerosol can and I just sprayed it in the air. I'm like, come on global warming, let's keep it going. I put plastic in the black bin and trash in the blue bin. I'm screwing it all up. Bring on that oceanfront property and let's flood California because this is the way January should feel. I don't care about those ice caps. That's for your kids to solve. Just, you know what I do? We're in Arizona. Put them in the pool early, get them swimming, get them used to having water clothes because it's good. So what? I like it. I did have like a weird, like last night I was struggling with. I don't know if you guys do this too. And you see like a news stories. One that I saw was a, a guy got arrested for. It was a cold case for like a decade and then they said 53 year old man. And I'm like, oh. And for some reason I always put my age on top of like the age of the person that got arrested. And I start to wonder. I'm not past that time when I could snap. Like you just think at a certain point, like if I haven't killed anybody by now, I'm probably not going to. But then you see a guy who's like 53 and he's sitting there in his mug shot and I'm like, something got him something. He went his whole 53 years without probably killing anybody. And then all of a sudden he's like nascar. And I'M throwing it all away. Falling down seems. It seems like right now my brain's like, nah, you would never. But then he probably thought the same thing. I can't watch the news anymore because age comes into play now. It's like when you start seeing people a few years around you dying of natural stuff. Like a friend of yours, like his heart explodes. You have and like, geez, they were the same age. It's not. It's not surprising anymore when someone around.

[Brady]

Younger help at all.

[John Holmberg]

What do you mean? When they.

[Brady]

I mean, like, they like. For me, it's like in the 50s or 48.

[John Holmberg]

You like it because you. It's almost like passing like, well, I made that right.

[Brady]

I passed that stage.

[John Holmberg]

You beat him?

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It's almost like you're. I. I did better than him. He lost it at 55, you know, you're older than that, so it's like, ah, okay. I'm. If I lose it.

[Brady]

That happened to him. The odds of. Right. I passed it.

[John Holmberg]

I just don't. I don't feel like I could murder anybody. But he probably didn't either. And it's the mug shot that got me because he's like, but again, he did this possibly like 10 years ago. So I do feel like I've. I've beaten him in the keep it cool kind of measured approach to living. It's a very strange way to live your life. And I do everything by numbers and age and things like that.

[Larry]

Who'd he kill? Is it his wife or.

[John Holmberg]

See, that's the other thing. It's like those men are a little more forgiving. It's like, well, I can see why you'd go there. He's with him.

[Brady]

I never think about that.

[John Holmberg]

But men. And we don't like ladies. You may not do it. I think you do. But we have. We. We are more. I guess we're more empathetic to those things. When he's like, all right, what happened? We don't think he snapped. And she. It's a terrible tragedy. But then you're like, it's what Aries Spears said. I don't condone what OJ did, but I understand it.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It says they found him in a. In his den, just watching. Oh. His wife and kids heard a commotion outside and they got close. They said that the people came in and got him. He stabbed someone to death. I don't know. I don't even know what it was. The whole story didn't even matter to me. It was just that we're the Same exact age. And I thought, oh, man, I'm not out of the woods yet as far as potentially losing my. My cool. But I still feel really pretty good about my not going to jail thing. I think that outweighs any anger I could have is fear of jail. Nobody's worth that to me. No one. Like, no, nothing's worth that to me. I don't. I don't have that. So at least currently. But I'm, you know, and with all.

[Brady]

The training you're doing, you know, you. You had the potential to be affliction man, you know, with all the tactical black.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. But I don't wear the out.

[Brady]

Like, I want to try this on the street.

[John Holmberg]

I'm going to beat somebody for those types. 20 plus years I've been in. Yeah, maybe I get it out of my system.

[Brady]

Been that guy necessarily.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, I don't want to fight anybody. I really don't want to fight anybody. I just like the training part.

[Larry]

He's afraid to meet the sisters in jail.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, horrified.

[Larry]

Like Andy Dufray, horrified.

[John Holmberg]

I can be trained all I want. Eventually, four or five sisters gonna get you, because they'll get you when you're sleeping. Like, oh, no, this is why I shouldn't. That's. But I see the age of the guy on the news, and I think, oh, we're the same. And then I start to place, like, where I am in life on it. I don't watch the news for what goes on. I watch to see how I react. It's strange. Oh, the other. I pulled the clip up of this. The other thing, people, I got an email yesterday. I got into a little back and forth with a guy that said, and Tripp and I have had this conversation. It's like, do you think if you started a podcast, just you. Do you think you could. It's possible to do it without politics nowadays? And, like, you know what? I don't know, because, like, Joe Rogan wouldn't be as big a deal as he is if he hadn't dabbled in the world of politics. And that mostly comes from the people who don't like him. Like, it cemented him as a spokesperson for one side, even though he drifts out of it sometimes. The hate from the left made the right dig in on Joe Rogan, right? The MAGA boys, the, you know, the MMA guys and all that. When he started to out loud say, hey, I kind of like Trump. He had Trump on the show and all that. It made the people who hate him loudly hate him. So the people who liked him liked him a little more. And it wasn't about being political. It was about, you know, getting tribal with the. With the audience. So I didn't know. But then I have these moments where I'm like, I don't know that I can be political because of stuff like this. This.

[Senator Moody]

Thank you, Mr. Chairman. Since you bring it up, why don't we just start there? Dr. Verma, I wasn't sure I understood your answer to Senator Moody a moment ago. Do you think that men can get pregnant?

[Dr. Verma]

I hesitated there because I wasn't sure where the conversation was going or what the goal was. I mean, I do take care of patients with different identities. I take care of many women. I take care of people with different identities. And so that's where I paused.

[Brady]

I think.

[Dr. Verma]

I wasn't sure where you were going with that.

[Senator Moody]

Well, the goal is the truth. So can men get pregnant again?

[Dr. Verma]

The reason I paused there is I'm not really sure what the goal of the question.

[Senator Moody]

The goal is just to establish a biological reality. I said a moment ago that science and evidence should control, not politics. So let's just test that proposition. Can men get pregnant?

[Dr. Verma]

I take care of people with many identities, but can men get pregnant? Women seriously get pregnant. I do take care of people that don't identify as women.

[Senator Moody]

Can men get pregnant again?

[Dr. Verma]

As I'm saying, how do we live.

[John Holmberg]

In a world where this is happening in our politics and anybody takes a side.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Broads.

[John Holmberg]

What are they even arguing about?

[Brady]

She's her credibility shot.

[John Holmberg]

It's not even her. Because it is him, too. He should shut up and immediately say, you're a moron. Get out. You're wasting everyone's time. This is political theater. That. Which is why I hate it. I hate both sides for even having this argument. How do you defend what she's. She's an expert doctor. And I'm sitting there going, yeah, I'm supposed to take a side here, people. The argument I got in with the guy yesterday, email. He's like, you clearly live on the left. And I'm like, I. I don't know how you think I live on one side or the other. How in the world do I make it so I. Because I don't. There was a topic he had that I did not agree with, that he was going crazy, that just automatically put me in a thing. And then this happened yesterday. Did you ever get in an argument with your wife, your girlfriend, a friend, or whatever, and midway through, you're arguing about something weird that had nothing to do with why you started arguing. And you're in the middle of it. You're like, I'm in a weird loop of like, this is never gonna end. We're arguing about, like, popcorn in the microwave or something. It started off as a. Like, a real discussion, a little thing, and then it just devolved into this weird thing, and you can't get out of it. And now that's gonna be the thing that lives through. You're not gonna solve a problem that probably. You went into the argument thinking, we need to solve a problem, and then something happens. Somebody mentioned something dumb, and you're like, are we really talking about dinner seven years ago?

[Brady]

I think that you're really. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

What?

[Brady]

A lot of times, what is the problem? It's bringing out that bigger problem.

[John Holmberg]

But nobody knows how to have the discussion without just going, this is pointless. You need to go somewhere else. I can't talk to you. And he didn't do that. He antagonized it to win a side, to make the other side look better. And I'm like, how do you do this? So I don't want to. But that's the world we live in. The simulation shattered. You have to be able to answer the question, can men get pregnant with one thing? Nobody can defend that and just say, yeah, I understand what you're saying. No, of course a biological man can't get pregnant. But gender is, you know, it's a construct. So I treat biological women who are identifying as men who, yes, they can't get pregnant. It's an easy answer. But we don't live in that world. We live in an insane world. Insanity. I watched that yesterday. We were up tactical black, and she's nuts, and he's crazy for even continuing the argument. And I don't know how anybody sides with one side or the other, But I was in this argument with a guy yesterday. He was like, you got to pick a side and get on it. People would respect you more. And I'm like, I don't want to be on either team that would even entertain that discussion, let alone try to make up new rules. It's crazy. Of course men can't get pregnant. And I don't want to be friends or continue moving on with. And I'll discuss anything with anybody. I like a discussion where somebody says something loopy. But that's one where you're like, we're just. You're.

[Dale Hellestrae]

You're.

[John Holmberg]

You're one of those broads that's like, hey, honey, I think we've got A problem? Well, maybe it started that time back in when we were at Frank's house. And what? You've been hanging on to this for years and you're. You're. You're throwing out a distraction.

[Brady]

There we go.

[John Holmberg]

You're. You're going to make me mad about something that I was mad about six years ago. To avoid talking about what really happened. I come to you and say, hey, something's wrong. And you tell me that Frank's house was weird a few years ago. And you know that's gonna make me go, well, what are you talking about? And now we're gonna argue about something completely different. Nothing's ever gonna get done again. So my advice to everyone.

[Brady]

Well, it was so simple, but yes, man can't get pregnant.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it seems like it, right? She's a doctor. This is why my advice to everyone is stop it. Be super selfish. Take care of your own house, and then that will trickle around you. Stop worrying about all the other stuff.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Just do like Brett. You do you. And if I asked you for help, you'd be like, hey, you're my friend. We'll help each other. But I'm not worried about anything that's going on outside of my home anymore, because that's where it goes. I can't sit and have a decent conversation with anybody. Just a simple email yesterday. I've been stewing on it for. For 12 hours, 15 hours.

[Larry]

I bet she hasn't ring on her finger either.

[John Holmberg]

Let's take a look. I don't know if that's right or not. Let me see.

[Senator Moody]

See what?

[John Holmberg]

This went on for 10 minutes.

[Senator Moody]

Can they get pregnant?

[Dr. Verma]

I also think yes. No questions like this are a political tool.

[Dale Hellestrae]

No. Yes.

[Senator Moody]

No questions are about the truth. Doctor, let's not make a mockery of this proceeding. This is about science and evidence. And I'm asking, looking at her hand.

[John Holmberg]

I'm trying to find.

[Senator Moody]

The United States Supreme Court just heard arguments yesterday at great length on this question. This is not a hypothetical question. This is not theoretical. It affects real people in their real lives. And you're here as an expert, called by the other side as an expert. And you've been telling us that you. That you follow, right? You're a doctor and you follow the science and the evidence. So I just want to know, based on the science, can men get pregnant?

[John Holmberg]

No ring. No ring.

[Dr. Verma]

Brad, you're trying to reduce the complexity of a lot.

[Larry]

I'm not.

[John Holmberg]

Can you imagine being married to her?

[Senator Moody]

I'm trying to answer and I'm trying To test, frankly, your veracity as a medical professional and as a scientist. Can men get pregnant?

[Dr. Verma]

I think you're also conflating.

[Senator Moody]

No, I'm not conflating. Male and female, they're two different things. There's biological men, though, after a while, there's biological women. And I want to know, can men get pregnant?

[Dr. Verma]

Well, you were talking about is biological.

[Senator Moody]

You're not going to answer my question.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's an argument, too. That's been on that they say that that's racist to say that it's always for.

[Dr. Verma]

I would be more than happy to have a conversation with you that I.

[John Holmberg]

Think she could be. She's not trying.

[Dr. Verma]

Trying to be polarized and.

[John Holmberg]

Well, now, wait a minute. She just moved her hand. There might be a small ring.

[Senator Moody]

Extraordinary.

[John Holmberg]

She might have married a teacher.

[Senator Moody]

We are here and hearing about science and about women. And for the record, it's women who get pregnant, not men. Oh, we are here about this.

[John Holmberg]

I can't be part of this anymore. I can't. I can't. People watch the news and get stirred up. But I got stirred up about it because I'm like, I can't believe this is actually happening. Like, nobody stepped in. Not. There's 100 people in that room, and nobody said, all right, that's enough. Shut the up.

[Brady]

I. I've heard that two plus two.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's racist.

[Brady]

But what about one plus one?

[John Holmberg]

Is that racist? Okay, if it's always two, you're just making. I don't know how that. And that was the argument. And I'm like, I need to stop paying attention to the world. The simulation is shattered, Completely broken. Yeah. I want to open my eyes to my own crap. I also have feelings that there's something going on in Minnesota that we don't know, because it's awfully peculiar that they're in, like, a massive financial scandal and suddenly all we care about is, like, social issues there. That seems so, like, drummed up Wag the dog. It's ridiculous. Another dude got shot last night, but they hit him in the leg. And people are still complaining. A few days ago, they were saying, why don't you just shoot her in the leg or her tires? I'm like, just stop shooting.

[Brady]

It should all be fist fights in Chicago.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's brutal. Anyway, I know it's tough to talk. Just real quick, so I know. Can men get pregnant?

[Brady]

No.

[Larry]

There. You even ask me, that question's wrong with you?

[John Holmberg]

Because I'll tell you right now, my neighbors and I've been To I was at their house for New Year's Eve and there were. It was all twinks and if men could get pregnant, it would happen in that house. If men get. It's not from a lack of trying between Troy and Michael. So I'm going to say that's the ones that are more than likely.

[Larry]

If you do you. You have fun, you do your things. Not my thing. But that is one way they are.

[John Holmberg]

Lucky they don't ever have to worry about that look like. Yeah, no doctor the whole point of being gay, right. Is that you. It's a free for all kids.

[Larry]

It's a free for all.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, sure. You get a little hankering along the way and the. The bottom usually says to the top about six years in we should adopt a Chinese girl. And they end up doing it. I told Michael and Troy that when they moved in. My only fear of having gay neighbors in my cul de sac of two homes was that you guys were adopters. And Michael goes, ugh, never. It's the whole point. And I'm like, you are my favorite people. Neighbors with no kids in my cul de sac. My biggest fear was there'd be Asian kids running all over. They adopt little girls and run them all over and they'd be dressed like it was prom. Every. Everybody looked like little agent JonBenet in my cul de sac running around because the gays dress them up real good but they didn't want them. And I'm like, this is gonna. The property value soaring like American family.

[Larry]

With Cameron and whatever.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Well, that was so that was the reason that was funny is because it was so accurate. I have lived my entire adult life without once having to dry over chalk in my cul de sacs of some stupidly drawn out hopscotch or like, welcome home.

[Brady]

You're missing out, bro.

[John Holmberg]

No, I'm not. No, I the neighborhoods to avoid. You look for chalk residue on the road because eventually kids will make themselves known by putting graffiti in a driveway somewhere and doing something where they turn.

[Brady]

Your tires and it gets on your car.

[John Holmberg]

Don't care about that. I care that they will get in my way. The chalk doesn't bother me. It's what it announces is close by.

[Larry]

There's no little or green guy out there with the flag saying slow down and stuff like that in your color.

[John Holmberg]

I want to mash those little neon kids.

[Brady]

You get shocked at all when you because they have that little green guy at the video west next door right at the gate.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's just so the truck drivers know. It's like, I know not to hit the walls. No, that. That doesn't bother me because I know. I know that no kids are at Video West. I see kids in the neighborhood and I'm like a 1950s white. Well, there goes that neighborhood. We got to move. Can men have kids?

[Brady]

Yeah, I just thought about the men have kids thing. An exception. If a guy says, well, do you believe in God or a creator?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

So what about divine intervention? Could God.

[John Holmberg]

Would you believe that? You think God would put a baby in a man with no womb?

[Brady]

I don't. Right off the bat.

[John Holmberg]

Anyone could do it.

[Dale Hellestrae]

No.

[John Holmberg]

So long. He's done for even bringing it up. You're worse than her for that one.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Nope, nope.

[John Holmberg]

The immaculate. You can't. There's. He can't.

[Brady]

Right?

[John Holmberg]

He hasn't a womb. There's no.

[Brady]

No, I would say he wouldn't. Of course.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you for clearing that up. No, and if. If he did that, he'd be a real dick because. How's that coming out? It was bad enough he did it to a 13 year old girl once to do it to a man next. Come on. Now he's just raping everybody around here. He got no boundaries. No. If a creator decided to impregnate a man as a sign, but he won't show up and get rid of childhood cancer, I hate him a little more. Yeah. That argument yesterday had me laugh. And we were attacked with blackham, as in, Jay's talking to me. So did you see this? And we looked and I'm like, I can't. It's like an episode of the Office. Like, this is so easy to fix and they're going to go 30 minutes on it. It's nuts.

[Brady]

They went at it before. Or is this. They're going at it again.

[John Holmberg]

They won't stop. A couple of days ago in the Supreme Court, they were talking about it, and then this went on to the senate floor. And you're like, how. What are they.

[Dale Hellestrae]

What?

[John Holmberg]

And then I was like, why are they talking about this? And it's all about broads and men's sports and like, I don't get it. I can't get on either side. I want to start my own. My own party of. And just call it you guys. And anytime anybody says something dumb, just like, all right, that's it. As a leader of you guys, I can say, you guys. How do you even entertain that argument for two minutes? It's crazy. Guy says, bro, haven't you seen the movie Junior? That is true. Arnold Schwartz. He did get knocked up. You haven't a wound. Yeah, no, there's no. Even if God decided to impregnate a man, Brady, he would have to first start by adding parts to him aftermarket to put in. You know, he's the designer, John. All right, That's. That argument is circular and more dumb than this one.

[Brady]

Absolutely. Because he already made a design. Here are the designs.

[John Holmberg]

All right. And don't get into that, either. Now we're even. Now it's even worse. Anyway, remember I told you at the gas station the other night after the Steelers game? I went to the gas station. That guy yelled at me, his dealers suck. And homeburg, you suck. He emailed me, his name is Justin Huckleberry. And he says, fake. No. That's what I thought at first. He goes, hey, I'm the guy yelled at the gas station. I live in the apartments behind that dealership that you were close to. I've listened since I was 12. I'm 34 now. I love you so much, dude. I was starstruck. And that's all it came to mind. Thanks. Blow. Never retire. And then he just signed it, effing homo. F word. Oh, look at the bottom of that. This is just. That's how he signed it. Sure enough, it says, effing British smokes. 98. What? 98. No way. Come to DSW for the shoes. Stay for the fun.

[Akash Singh]

Because let's be honest, if shoe shopping.

[John Holmberg]

Isn'T fun, are you even doing it right? So go ahead, try something new. Try something different. Good different. Try something that feels like you. You know, the real you. And then definitely brag about it later.

[Akash Singh]

Because at dsw, you've got unlimited freedom to play. Find the shoes that get you at.

[John Holmberg]

Prices that get your budget at DSW stores [e-mail]. let us surprise you. Homburg's morning sickness in its own way. And then it says. Also, my mom from Boston said she noticed how big your head was, but I still love you. Don't be sad. This. This is praise. This is how you're nice to me.

[Brady]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

I love you, bro. Never retire.

[Larry]

Jeff Toledo was in the car.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my. Well, if Toledo was in the car, it would look like I'm driving her. I just stole the jack in the box from the drive through. Yeah. How about that? It's insanity. Yeah, the simulation shattered. It's just not right. But thank you, Justin Huckleberry. What a great name. You're my Huckleberry. Just so happened I was getting gas While this jackass is staring at me across the Circle K parking lot. And the only thing he had to say was, and he likes me. Steelers suck. Hey, Holmberg, you suck. Have a. Have a. Realize how big his head. Have a good night. Your friend has a massive head. Yeah, he's kind of weird looking. I love that guy. I love you. You. Thank you. What a wonderful legacy I'm leaving. And then I have this email. This. This boy screams pride. For the record, still, Brady's wrong. Even God slapped his forehead when you started talking about that nonsense. Men can't have babies. And anybody that tries to argue with me, go away. Please. If you're on the other side of that, go away. This one says, hey, Holmberg, I'm actually friends with somebody you worked with at Tony Roma's when you were younger. We used to hang out back in the day. I don't know if you remember, but for that reason, I'm not going to tell you my name. I am the same age as you, and in fact, you and I have the same birthday. Still not ringing any bells for me. I wanted to let you know that something you said to me when I was 22 actually changed my life.

[Larry]

Look at you.

[John Holmberg]

How about that? We were at a party and you told me I didn't respect my vagina. I don't remember this. Normally I would remember a conversation like this. Says I was treating it like a kid on Christmas morning. She put this in quotes. Ripping open a new Star wars action figure and playing with it too much. And in 30 years you wish you hadn't done that. Because those things are valuable now and yours is ruined. Well, because of that talk, for some reason, I'm 53 years old and I just started dating a 24 year old guy who is blown away at how pristine I am. Because from that day forward, I treated it with respect. He comes from a family worth hundreds of millions of dollars. And I thought of you when he told me how good it was. You were right. I've been a quiet fan of yours the whole time you've been on the air. You have no idea that you did this. I moved to Texas on Friday and I wanted to tell you. I know it's weird, but thank you. You showed me that some guys weren't interested in just sex with me and I was being an absolute slut. So you saved a slut. Signed friend of Brandon. Anyone remember Brandon? I don't remember Brandon. I remember a kid named Brandon, but I don't remember much about him.

[Larry]

Well, she needs to Send pictures of D. Toledoh.

[John Holmberg]

I agree. Now, if you're gonna go to these lengths, just body shots, no faces, you can keep it anonymous, right? Yeah.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Let's take a look at this 53 year old body that's fooling a 24 year old boy.

[Larry]

And that's. That's crazy. Especially he's worth hundreds of millions of dollars. Or his family is 53 year old.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, well, not. No, she won't. She's got a family of 100 million. She's moving to, you know, South Fork. She's going to oil ranch. She's sticking around. She's going to listen to that kid forever.

[Larry]

Say hi to JR And Bobby for us.

[John Holmberg]

She. If he breaks up with her, she's still going to be in the mix now. No, if she's got pristine body to hold 24, she's going to Texas for two reasons. Milk this as long as it lasts and hobnob with the other oil men. She'll be married to Billy Bob eventually, but right now, this is her foot in the door. And you know what? I think I should get like a finder's fee on this. If you're giving me credit for keeping your vagina intact and I don't even know you.

[Brady]

Gift, Little gift.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Pass some down to the guy who got you there because otherwise you evidently, you were slinging that thing around like, you know, pizza dough at an Italian restaurant. I didn't know. And I. Look, I'm usually all for the slutty behavior, but if you were being so bad that I actually sat down and said, you're disgusting. You were doing some stuff.

[Larry]

No clue who this is, huh?

[John Holmberg]

My guess is, if I had to guess, and I don't remember this at all in detail, she was having sex with one of the guys in the kitchen. And if she's having sex with one of the kitchen guys, I'm looking at her just going, what in the. The hell? You're. You're just throwing that thing to anybody. And then that dude, that's. It's good enough for him. And also, she must have been fairly attractive or I wouldn't have wasted my time with it. Like I was seeing some disparity there. Where, like at your restaurant when you're.

[Brady]

A little blocking, like selling yourself.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no, no. Evidently. Well, no, from. If I know me, yeah, I looked at her and said, you're banging that guy. You're immediately off the table. You. You have lowered your standards too. Like the dishwasher. That might be it. Who was the guy that might be.

[Larry]

It, who was the Chippendales dancer or whatever he was.

[John Holmberg]

No, that was Brad.

[Larry]

She'd been with him.

[John Holmberg]

That would have made sense though. Brad was a handsome Chippendales dancer who worked with us. So a lot of the girls were. Would have taken Brad. And then when I went to the river with Brad and he had that song and that he wore his Chippendales down the river. Well, we didn't. We were just off the, under the side. We were skimboarding. So we didn't, we weren't floating. So we took the jeeps to the. We had a couple people with four wheel drives and we take them to the edge and we tie it. The most dangerous thing in the world. We tie a string to a tree on the side and then surf against the tide of like a, like a rapid on the river. And we'd surf and then we'd fall in and get stuck. I mean somebody should have drowned. But Brad went with us one time because the hot way the hostesses were going and was me and Mark and a couple other people and we're, we're at the river and we took the hot hostesses and Brad's like, I'd like to go. And the hostess is like, Brad wants to come with like crap. Because we knew it was over at that point. Brad brought one of his Chippendales buddies, but he wasn't as good as Brad. He was like weird. And then Brad dropped his board shorts and he was in a red, I'll never forget a red thong. You know those Chippendale's dancer shorts where the dong is like a foot for like. I think there's a, there's like sand in it or something. Like it's weighed down. It stayed that way all day in the cold water even. It stayed that way all day. And then we had to deal with Brad all day. It would have made sense if she was one of the Brad bangers because I think a lot of those girls fell under his spell. Okay, from what I'm hearing from her email friend of Brandon, you were hosing something that was disgusting and I'm like, you're gross. Like you're. You'll give that to anyone. I'd like a follow up and tell me who it is because I've got a couple guesses. I've got a couple guesses, but I'm glad look. But again now you're with some look that is. I got questions about the 24 year old guy with $100 million. It's aiming his wang at a 53 year old woman. That dude, if he's from hundred million dollar family, you better look like Kate Beckinsale.

[Larry]

I was just going to say her too.

[John Holmberg]

She's got to be pretty great. But I saved the. I actually didn't even try to be captain Saboho and I captained save a Ho. So I'm sorry to one of the Chris Valenzuela's in the kitchen at Tony Roma's that inevitably was. We called them the trolls. You're banging a kitchen troll. Like that was immediately out. Brady, your restaurant, you had that gorgeous waitress got knocked up by a kitchen troll. That's what they do. Kitchen trolls knock you up. And for some reason some of them swing hot chicks. And they're all trolls. Kitchen trolls are scary. So that's more than likely what I saw. She banged a kitchen troll. I saw it. And she was probably like having a bad night with the troll. Like she was sad or something saying, well, he's just not calling me. I'm like, he's a kitchen troll. You just throw your vagina around. And that is a pretty good analogy. I am pretty proud of myself for comparing her vagina to a Star wars action figure. You play with it too much. 20 years, you'd be like, what that Darth Vader's worth? How much? Geez, I had one of those. I ruined it.

[Brady]

Maybe it's because the kitchen trolls provide for the other staff and they come in when they cigarette.

[John Holmberg]

It's inevitable.

[Brady]

They always have all this.

[John Holmberg]

One of the hot girls bangs a kitchen troll. I've since seen the guy, this guy Aaron that worked in our kitchen. And back in the day he was a troll. He's. His life is now normal. But while he was a kitchen troll, he hammered one of the cocktail waitresses. And she was beautiful. And you're like, what? And then it was over. That girl, you couldn't look at her ever again.

[Larry]

Just wrecked it.

[John Holmberg]

Just like she hit a troll. Once you went into the troll world, you couldn't come back to us. You were damaged. The trolls. And they didn't clean up. They'd go to like. They'd show up smelling like grease and onions. They didn't care. They go home to shower first before they came to the after party. Stained shirts. Yeah, they just showed up and then scored. Yeah. So friend of Brandon, you're welcome. I should get a little. I should get a little action off of that, I think. And I'm not talking like a percentage. I'm talking like A one time royalty, like a payment, like a, you know, a buyout. Because evidently you were on the path of getting knocked up by one of the Valenzuelas in our kitchen. And how much would your life have been different had it not been for John stopping those ovaries from taking troll seat? You know what? You're welcome. I don't know if I've done that with anyone else. It's interesting to wake up and realize.

[Brady]

That you'll hear, you'll get another letter.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. That I was Socrates when I was 22 and told that lady life changing, life altering advice. She broke up with that troll and she got in her probably her Honda Accord that night, looked down at her goods and said, you know what? From here on out, I'm going to treat you with respect. And they looked back up and went, it's so grateful for you not putting troll dick in me anymore. Yeah, no more troll dick for you. Billionaires only. Okay, I'll do some extra flies and get back in shape because. Yeah, that's not good. Send pictures, friend of Brandon, because that is impressive if you're 53 and you got. I root for that for all the. All ladies. Ladies get mad at men. They're like, oh my God, he likes some 25 year old girl. Yes, you should do it too. Nothing good happening in this room to these bodies as we get older.

[Brady]

Nope.

[John Holmberg]

If I was a woman and I kept it together, I'd be like, what am I, Why am I laying on Brady ever, ever, ever. I'm right behind you, buddy. No one should want to get on top of this thing. It's gross. If I look at someone and I can't picture them having sex without getting like a chill. Their wives and they should all, you know, find their new value and go, go get that. Although I do think it's weird when a, when a young man goes for an old be. She's got to be. She's got to be special.

[Larry]

Like you said, Kate Beckinsale, it's got.

[John Holmberg]

To be that good without the crazy. But good luck. And there's a reason why you're 53 and still available too.

[Larry]

So is Kate Beckinsale too?

[John Holmberg]

As hot as she is? Still can't land anybody because something outweighs that eventually. Well, she took Davidson seed, so Davidson Matt rife. She's been, she's been through it. And all of them say the same thing. That was fun. Till it wasn't. Anyway, now I want to see her. Is there any way to Google search.

[Larry]

Friend of Brandon Yeah, we don't even get a name. I have a first name.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Right?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, no, she didn't give me. And her email address was like one of those Google X19. She just did a quick burner. It's not fair. Changing lives. Changing lives. I'm proud of myself. If he remembers, I don't know that.

[Larry]

He sounds like you would have a conversation about this with him, like afterwards, like, believe me, look at this. This is what happened.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I think all of us would have remembered, like, but there were several who. You're like, oh my God, she's banging a troll conversation. Heidi's banging a troll. She's out. Like we would say it out loud. Like, that one's done.

[Larry]

I never really did the restaurant thing.

[John Holmberg]

So I, you know, Ellen's banging a troll. Oh, brutal. You could go bus boy. You could not go troll.

[Larry]

People are asking. Troll Seed. Good band name.

[John Holmberg]

Troll Seed's a great man name. Friend of Brandon's a pretty good band, like an alternative, like one of those Fountains of Wayne type bands. Friend of Brandon and Troll Seed, both quality band names.

[Akash Singh]

God.

[John Holmberg]

Changing Lives was tender young. I wasn't. I didn't even have. I hadn't even developed my own thoughts yet. I just knew when I watched a troll abuse a good looking girl's vagina that that was going to haunt her for years on end.

[Brady]

And before you go the troll route, look at me.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, I didn't. I don't think. I know. I'll tell you this right now. If I found out you banged a troll, there was no more. Look at me.

[Brady]

No, you're. Don't go there. You'll lose.

[John Holmberg]

Sure. But if she'd already gone troll, because that's what it sounds like had happened, I wouldn't have said that to her if she was still troll free. She was. My guess would be she's probably sad that the troll and her were having trouble. Like, what'd you expect? You're banging a troll. The kitchen trolls called themselves Stop now.

[Brady]

Stop now.

[John Holmberg]

You know what? Start over. Move somewhere new.

[Brady]

You have time to recover.

[John Holmberg]

She's sort of like the girl in high school back in the 80s and 90s that would get pregnant and have to go to a new high school that no one knew her. Her past. That's sort of probably what I told this girl. Like if you're hitting a troll. But it sounds like we didn't work together. She was even worse. She was friends with someone I worked with and would show up at the parties and didn't even recognize that trolls were in her. I thought he was just one of your friends. He's a troll lady. Yeah, kitchen trolls at medium restaurants. No.

[Larry]

So Applebee's and Chili's.

[John Holmberg]

God. If you've had sex with. If you were.

[Dale Hellestrae]

You are.

[John Holmberg]

I would have sex with somebody. I would have some sex with somebody. Who took Biktarvey in front of me and said, you ready to have sex? I'm like, have you ever had sex with a cook at a mid level restaurant? They'd be like, nope, we're still good. AIDS over trolls. I can't imagine the diseases trolls give you. They're not even named yet. This guy says, john, I've been a kitchen troll for 36 years and I only knocked up one server, so I thought I knocked her up. Turned out it wasn't me that knocked her up. It was one of the bosses. By the way, she got fat. Yeah, because she didn't respect herself. She was banging trolls, Sean.

[Larry]

She was trying to move up to the.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but the boss look again.

[Brady]

You kept putting that swirl in her.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. If you're hot and you bang a restaurant troll, this one says, john Brady is right. The kitchen staff is the provider for the rest of the crew. And it's the forbidden fruit. No hostess wants a big nose bald twink that rides shirtless in their best friend's car and looks like their dad. That ain't true. I nailed the hottest hostess. She was. She was better than a. Yeah, she wouldn't go troll. She did. Look, she made a lot of mistakes. You go back and tell that girl at an early age, hey, if you're hammering a Tony Roma's Manager at age 18, you've started poorly, and this might haunt you for years. What is she? She's a drug addict, lives in $100,000 condo in Tucson. It's not my fault, but she certainly wasn't making good decisions off the diving board. Trolls. God damn it. I need to know who this girl is.

[Larry]

And one of the broads texting. Have you seen Kate beckinsale? She weighs 90 pounds, right?

[John Holmberg]

She's keeping it together is what she's problem. Thanks, lady. That's nice.

[Dale Hellestrae]

That's right.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, you can do it, too.

[Larry]

Your other leg probably weighs that, too.

[John Holmberg]

Brett is taking swings. You might be changing lives. £90? If that's accurate, not so great. But let's see if women get mad that we brought up Kate Beckinsale as a standard of hot.

[Akash Singh]

All right.

[Larry]

For old broads.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, all right, then. Halle Berry, Jennifer Lopez. Sofia Vergara. One of those. They never nailed it. I go, robbie, she's not in her 50s yet, but she'll be good when she's 50 because she's. She's kept it together. Is that current? Pictures of Kate Beckinsale. Okay, I'm not seeing 90 pounds. I'm seeing no maybe in that one she may have gotten. It looks pretty darn good. Elizabeth Hurley. And there's a. There's some. Keep it together. Go get yourself some.

[Brady]

Yeah, that doesn't look 90.

[John Holmberg]

No, she looks good. Oh, I like her blonde. Yeah. All right. I think Brett might be right about this lady's thighs. She's got Beckinsale and Alba for legs. Okay, Is that her now? Are you pulling up pictures of that? That's her right now. Yeah, we're good here. That's the best £90 I've ever seen. Okay, sign me up. We're good. We're good here. Anyway, so if anybody has a current troll boyfriend and you're questioning your life, remember the words. Always treat your vagina like a 1977 Kenner Darth Vader. If it comes out of the box, it only gets played with by a couple of good people and usually assessed only by someone who sees its value and recognizes. We can't abuse this because in 30 years, it might be worth millions. Treating your vagina like a baseball card and spokes. I didn't realize that was a rookie Ricky Henderson. No, when you have a rookie Barry Bonds in your pants and treat, don't put it in the spokes. That's all I'm saying.

[Larry]

Ken Griffey Jr. Right?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. Down the road in your Schwinn. Come on.

[Brady]

Mint. You want to.

[John Holmberg]

You want to. You want to wrap that thing up, store it? Only break it out for special occasions. It's like wine, champagne. Anyway, life changer. That's what I am. Not only with the loans. I'll loan you some advice. And you got to send D. [e-mail] Friend of Brandon. And then also get a little bit more open about the troll you were banging. And if I'm right about that, it has to be what it was. And I can. I think I know which. There was one troll that was hitting them all, wrecking everything. The golden troll. The dude was like, you know when Coral Reef gets hit by the bottom of the boat and it kills? Like there's that section that just dies. That's what trolls did to the girls at Tony Romas. You'd see, like, this Lush, beautiful, colorful landscape with all sorts of life. And then a troll would touch it and that would just turn gray forever. It would forever be gone. That that particular part is no longer pretty. Trolls ruin it. Scorched earth.

[Brady]

Like dog spots on the lawn.

[John Holmberg]

Sure. No, yeah, exactly. But it takes forever for it to come back normal.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Good talk, guys.

[Brady]

Yeah. You're changing lives.

[John Holmberg]

I'm changing lives. Yeah. And Brady's creator is trying to put babies in the bellies of men because just in case he wanted to cover that.

[Brady]

Don't do it. God.

[John Holmberg]

Pascal's Wager. Let's get a wake up song, shall we? 585-9800. A good one. We'll scream it together. It's 98K video. It's out of control.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Morning sickness. Morning sickness.

[Brady]

Where are the men in this country?

[Dale Hellestrae]

Where are the men in this world? What the hell have we become?

[John Holmberg]

They're pregnant.

[Brady]

Alex.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I got a couple people who have emailed and said, you realize that that argument happened. No, no, no. I'm not going to read any more of that. I'm not entertaining any more of the can men get pregnant talks. If that makes me politically crazy. I guess it does. But I'm not. I won't. I won't have that discussion. If you're going to try to defend it or say this is why. I don't know why it's happening. We pay like, you know, all your taxes are going to start getting done here in a few weeks. You just got to realize, my God, if you're going to complain about that hours on end, I just don't care anymore. I can't. If you do, you're crazy. Got a lot of emails from trolls, though. Guys who have worked kitchens. And remember, trolls were the ones that lived under the bridges that were dirty but had some wizard power. They were like the. They were kind of, I guess, what you call low key wizards. Right. They were not wizards, but they were magi. They had some magics, but they could do it to hot waitresses. That was their main power. This guy says, when I was 21, going to night school, I was the beneficiary of many waitresses. Troll slumming. I was a cook at Luby's. Is Luby still a thing? They're gone, right?

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Yeah, I think they're gone.

[John Holmberg]

Wasn't Luby's the one where the cooks just slopped out massive amounts of food and put it in a line? Yeah, I thought it was like a buffet.

[Larry]

Yeah, that's. It.

[John Holmberg]

Eventually ended up Marrying one of the hostesses that dirtied themselves with me. I'll just say this. I am definitely punching above my weight class. 35 years later, she still says that if I wasn't such a great cook, she never would have given me the time of day. You're still married to the hostess from Louvies food, John. Food is the secret. I don't know about the Louvies food.

[Larry]

Only in Texas now I think Luby's.

[John Holmberg]

Food'S not a secret. It's a. It should be a secret. It should be kept secret if you ever had any.

[Brady]

Never went to a Looby's.

[John Holmberg]

I could possibly go to a Louvies. That's a crazy talk. You have to get up from your table and wander over where everybody else's hands were at. The Lubies might have been the one that started it. There was a Looby's by on Price in Southern. I remember.

[Larry]

Oh, it was a furs too.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. My friend Mark used to love that place. We'd ride our bikes over there and I just kind of wait the waitress come over. Can I get you a drink for coke? All right. Food's over there. Like what's your job to just get me a car now? I do all the work.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Now.

[John Holmberg]

This one says John. When I was 17, I got a job as a busboy at La Pinata on 19th Avenue in Osborne. I was there for six months. But the stuff you're saying about hot waitresses and hostesses banging kitchen trolls is spot on. There was one that looked exactly like Beverly d' Angelo and all the dudes simped over her. It was a shocker to all of us when the goddamn dishwasher was hitting it. I don't know how they do it, but they managed to get the hot ones. Yeah, trolls have powers, but those powers linger forever and ever. And those ladies never recover.

[Larry]

It's a troll seed. The keep the gift that keeps on giving it is.

[John Holmberg]

It stays with you forever. Scott Haynes says congratulations. That story made me realize your mouth made a girl dry and regrow her hymen. That's hard to do. That is true. I did. But I gave her back to society a little better and then free of troll juice. Troll juice? You take troll juice. You have to. I think there's like a five year. You can't have sex with anyone else because every time that stimulated the troll juice grows again and starts that five year window over. It's out of the system even. Yeah, it's got to clear the system. It's Five years in quarantine. So gross. You know, on the age thing, I also saw last night on the news that the another fake soldier has wooed an old lady out of all of her money and house and stuff. And I was like, oh, this is tragic. Until I, I was told by the news people what his first move was that wooed her and got her, which was he said he was going to send her gold to pay her bills. And she waited for that to happen with the promise of gold. He offered to pay her bills and RV payments, which had gotten a little behind. He was going to send her a package of golden cash and jewels for their future. What are you? Jack Sparrow on the other line says when the package never arrives, Susan received messages from someone claiming to be a US diplomat who needed money to get the package of gold through customs. So she sent him twelve hundred dollars. Gotta get that gold. She goes, it felt real. It felt like he was being honest. I didn't feel like it was fake. Cause you know, offers of gold and frankincense and myrrh, pretty real. Says the request for money continued with repeated claims about customs problems. She eventually convinced, she was convinced to sell her four bedroom house to access more funds to get that gold in the mail.

[Brady]

She went all in.

[John Holmberg]

How about you get in that RV of yours that you're late on payments with and drive to where the gold is? Easy, can't be that far. She sent another 8,000, then 55, then 61. And then realized, hey, this might be a scam. You think she told her financial advisor about her money? That guy's fired. And then he got in on the gold and he's like, oh yeah, he's look, if I was a financial advisor and I'm on the up and up, and a lady goes, I sold my house, John. For what? Well, I've got gold coming in and I have to pay for that to get through customs. I'd be like, you know what, I'm gonna rob her too. She's too dumb to live. You're right. Yeah, you know what, I can get that through customs. You give me five grand right now and I'll get that all buttoned up.

[Larry]

Imagine calling Jeff and telling him that.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, I got a, a lady I'm fairly interested in. She lives in Louisiana. She said she's gonna send me some gold and some jewels, but I can't get that unless it costs them. So I need to clear up some of my stock investments and fire that over to her. So, and he would be immediately like no. Or he's in on it.

[Larry]

That's true, too.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It says they create a world that people 100% believe is going to happen. They sell their homes and wire money to someone they've never met. How in the world does this keep happening? And they put it out on the news last night. It's a warning. If you need warnings that somebody's trying to send you a pot of gold, it's a leprechaun. Always just go, you know what? Let me shake hands with you before I sell my house. I like to shake hands with someone before I sell my house. I shook hands with the guy at Lifted Trucks. We made a deal. Good on you. Nice to meet you. Before the money got exchanged, we had a handshake. That's a deal I have when I'm dealing with loads and loads of money. Handshakes, face to face. I see the product I'm buying.

[Brady]

At least that's still binding in a way.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I don't even care if it's legally binding. I just know that I'm not even going to be in a situation where it's like, well, I should sell my house to this guy I've never met because he's got a bucket of gold. He's a pot of gold. He's. He lives at the bottom of a rainbow, and he's helping me out.

[Larry]

Is he lucky Charms or what?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, it's lucky. A never ending supply of cereal and gold. And where is anyone in her life to say, why are you selling your house? The real estate agent, even Doug Hopkins would go over and go, wait a minute. You know what? I just need cash for my home. And he normally is like, whatever you need to do, do it. But if she even uttered the words to Doug, I have to send the money to a man who's got pots of gold and customs. Doug would be like, I'm not doing this one. I'm gonna walk away from this. It's just not adding up. But maybe I would. I would. You know what? She's this dumb, I'm just gonna sell her house. You got to be the dumbest person alive for that. No one. I don't remember how. Not young.

[Larry]

You know, she took troll seed back in the day.

[John Holmberg]

You know what, Brett? I bet you're right. I bet you're right. I think that's lured it in second time. That's even better for what I did to that poor lady. See, it says amazing one. Done. She's 69. All right? I want to only be identified as Susan, she said on the news, she didn't give her real name. The guy was stationed in the Middle east, in the military, and had all this gold he'd found at Saddam's palace. He was getting fired over this lady he'd never met before. That makes sense. And she's like, I'll sell my house. I'll get it through customs. And you know what really got her? And this is the sad part, she.

[Brady]

Kept it to herself the whole time.

[John Holmberg]

She sold her house. No one knew why. I got gold coming in. Mom's lost. She said that what really got her was he would call her, like, babe and honey and sweetie and stuff. And it just touched her heart.

[Akash Singh]

Like, he used love names.

[Brady]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

And this is the danger, ladies, of, you know, keeping too tight a grip on that thing. And if you're. If you're mad at men and you haven't, like, let loose with it. Not with trolls, but let loose with it every once in a while if you realize it's like, Jesus, been like six years since anybody's even touched it. Go out there and get buried once. Reset. Because your brain fog kicks in when you start. When you wait. There was a girl that was on the news the other day talking about how I actually talked to somebody at the Suns game the other night who's announced I'm celibate to people. And it caught our ear. We're like, what? I've chosen to be celibate. The next man I'm with will be the one. Like, that's way too much pressure.

[Brady]

Like Khloe Kardashian.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's way too much pressure on the vagina and on your emotions because eventually you're going to start getting desperate. The bar is going to lower, you're going to marry a troll. They're gonna be like, I should have just gotten pounded because you're gonna get brain fog.

[Larry]

What'd she look like?

[John Holmberg]

She was cute.

[Larry]

So it was by choice.

[John Holmberg]

She's choosing to not do it. Right.

[Larry]

That's what I'm saying.

[John Holmberg]

She's not celibate because, you know, I didn't see any bruises from the ten foot poles the guys were hitting her with to keep her away. Yeah, she. But she said something about it. We're all like, huh? I've chosen to do that because I want the next man to be the one. Well, that's too much pressure on the next man. And you. It was weird, but yeah. So if you're. Again, maybe good time to ask grandma or mom, whatever. Anybody over the age of about 67 that's been living by herself is on the computer a little more than she should be. Hey, mom, what's going on? If there's a for sale sign in the front yard or she sees the Doug Hopkins commercials and goes, that's something I should do. Like, wait a second. Where's this money gonna go? There's a man I met in Saudi Arabia online. All right, I'm taking your computer privileges away. Mom, that's enough. You're done. But I love him and he loves me. He calls me sweetheart.

[Brady]

I gotta check in with Bunny today.

[John Holmberg]

Just text Bunny. She's been alone for a couple years.

[Brady]

Are there any suitors in your life?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You got anybody online you're chatting with? Just check in with Mom. It's time to toss Mom's cell. Not that cell.

[Brady]

I did ask her about it on the.

[John Holmberg]

She's dating.

[Brady]

I said, are you? You know, do you want to get back into the dating scene or anything? She's like, no, not really. But it is nice to have companionship.

[John Holmberg]

She wants to diddle some balls, your mom. Yes, she wants to.

[Brady]

I go.

[John Holmberg]

Because if you're gonna ask the questions, you need to accept it.

[Brady]

Going out with someone. But they're just.

[John Holmberg]

No, they're not companionship, Brady.

[Brady]

Because I even talked. Because she was.

[John Holmberg]

Well, being naive.

[Brady]

She's like, I'm.

[John Holmberg]

You don't want to face what's actually happening there.

[Brady]

Done.

[John Holmberg]

That you can get companionship from each other.

[Brady]

I told her it's not going to last long.

[John Holmberg]

Bunny and that woman that's got companionship can get companionship from each other. She wants a man's companionship because everyone. She wants to fiddle some balls.

[Brady]

It's different.

[John Holmberg]

It is different.

[Brady]

I wonder if that's what that means.

[John Holmberg]

Of course that's what it means. They don't. Jesus Christ. Take them off. Do you think the old man's in it for companionship?

[Brady]

No, I don't think so.

[John Holmberg]

He wants a ca. Even though it doesn't work anymore, he wants his balls juggled. Still a man. They invented Viagra for a reason.

[Larry]

Who's that? Who's that? Old brother was with Douglas in. In Ohio.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, Douglas, the caretaker that's hammering your Alzheimer's friend. That's happening. Your mom wants some companions, basically. She said it would be nice to juggle these nuts. She didn't say that that way. But that's what all old women want, a man in their life for that. And I talked to a lady who was married for 35 years. And got divorced. And one of the things she was real excited about was that she went on her first date in 40 years and made out with the guy in the back of a car. She's like, 60 plus. And when I got done throwing up, I'm like, good for you. Good for you. That's great. And you realize they're after that too. Your mom wants to. And some old man's gonna try to kiss her. If she's wanting companionship, he's not gonna sit there and go, let's just be friends and do crosswords and wordle. Then she should get that. You don't wanna see your mom go out, you know, on a zero streak. But yeah, that's what.

[Brady]

She's very happy. She's really happy.

[John Holmberg]

She's very happy. But she. She threw the first hint at you. She could use some nuts in her life, and you should want that for your mother. She's an adult. Sure would be nice to have some companionship, a woman her age. You know what that means? It's time to get dicked down. I love to feel that veiny throbbing in my hands. But that was the subtext of companionship would be nice. She would love that. And that's not an insult to your father or anyone else. It's just hard for the kids to hear. But I'm not one of the kids. I know what she meant. So keep an eye on her. She might be online getting companionship and waiting for gold sh.

[Brady]

Upset because she was. She was talking about. I'm like, that's just teasing the guy. That's not fair to the guy.

[John Holmberg]

You got to put out, mom.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You should tell her the text her, Right?

[Larry]

Stealing blue balls.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, she's blue balling an old man who's got, you know, 80 milligrams of Viagra flowing through his. His body. Working hard to keep that thing up.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Check her computer. Well, I'm proud. Brady. You got really uncomfortable. The room changed when you said that. But when your mom said she needed. And you believe that your aunt.

[Brady]

She didn't need it.

[John Holmberg]

You think she said it would be nice to have companionship?

[Brady]

Yeah, she thinks about that every now and then.

[John Holmberg]

I bet she does. And her. And her friend, the Luann that you mentioned.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And she's got a sister, she's got a guy. She's dating a companion. That's right. Come on, man. Luann took it. And the guy's not interested for talking. He didn't want to. Who wants to talk to an old lady every day?

[Brady]

Oh, they like to hang out.

[John Holmberg]

That's right, they do. See if you can bring this thing back to life, Conjurer. I'll try. It's a. It's a beautiful thing when old people. It's gross to think about, but it's a beautiful thing when they find each other late in life. We don't have sex. You're in it for talking to her. You should have been gay. If I can't get. If I'm 80 and alone and can't get wood anymore and I'm looking for companionship, gay, I'm going gay. If we're not do. If we're not doing the gross stuff, we're just hanging out together. Why would I want to be with some old lady and all of her problems and she shouldn't want to be with me and mine. I don't want to listen to your opinions. Crazy talk. A couple of dudes watching football together. Look at each other. It's nice having you around Brett and maybe hold hands with him, but that would be as far as it goes. I can't get wood. Neither can you. This is a perfect relationship. You're a big fan of the Steelers. So am I. What's on team? Let's watch something else. You're always about. Jesus Christ. I. What did I do? If I gotta watch Matlock one more time getting blown. What am I doing? New term. The dry hump. You have no idea what dry humping is until you're with an 80 year old woman. It's like having sex. Big surf beach. I'm sorry, Birdie. I didn't mean to bring this up for you.

[Brady]

This hurts.

[John Holmberg]

It doesn't hurt. I know it doesn't hurt, but it's uncomfortable to realize your mom's yearning. Nobody likes to see their mother yearning. Yearning for a big one probably too, because she's not. She's not thinking small.

[Brady]

Be careful with your scams.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, just be careful online. At least make it real. Said literally, John. This just happened to my mother in law two months ago. She lost her home and is living with us now. Lost her husband two years ago. These old ladies just want a man to love. That's right. Check their computers.

[Larry]

Just rent one for the evening.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, over into.

[Brady]

Hey, how about that?

[John Holmberg]

Rent one of those gigolos. That'll do anything. Yeah, and send it over to mom's house. She'll be blown away.

[Larry]

And she'll be blown away.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, she probably will, Says John. I don't care how long it's been since it's been used. No taints worth that. I don't know what that means, but that's gross. Talking about Brady's mother there. You son of a.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I don't want to. I don't want to bring it up for everybody's mom, but it's true. Is it me again? I go by all these emails coming in, but it is. We are in the red herring age because I just got another email about the thing in Minnesota where the guy was hitting the ice agent with a shovel. Okay. Does anybody. Am I getting too conspiratorial with everything that. I don't even believe this might. This. This may not even be happening for real. That there's billions of dollars.

[Brady]

Something else is going on.

[John Holmberg]

A week and a half ago, everybody was mad at Minnesota for something else, and now this goes on, and now we're all talking about that and nobody knows. But it's all in the same exact spot all the time. I'm gonna turn Alex Jones. I think of crisis actors. I think this is happening. And it just so happens that the people that get hurt always have some political agenda before. And they've got pictures of them doing something awful. So each side can play the game, and there's no real resolution to it.

[Dale Hellestrae]

What, 98.

[John Holmberg]

No way.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Brady]

Well, the resolution for the one side is to just stop ice altogether.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but it's like one degree outside right now in Minnesota. Who's protesting? Why is ice standing outside? There's no Mexicans right now running around out there. They're indoors.

[Larry]

They're kids and trolling.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they're. Yeah, they're doing their gigs. That doesn't make sense to me that they would. That anybody be standing outside. It all seems like both. They're all wearing. It's like a play. It's too cold to protest. Nobody's ever protested. Whoops, sorry. Nobody's ever like you never real. Martin Luther King was fighting for rights, like, real important ones. He did it in the April. It was nice out. Nobody marches in the snow, which potentially could.

[Brady]

Is the diversion for the Somali thing that's going on.

[John Holmberg]

Yes. I mean, they have really. They have scandals going all over the place, and suddenly now everybody wants to be in the snow protesting. Both sides are out. Why go in? Everybody goes inside, gets warm. Ice doesn't even need to stand. Just go inside for a minute. It's like it's too cold. I just. I'm struggling to believe that anybody organized protests in the snow. If it was like in the mall Of America. That big mall in Minnesota. Yeah.

[Brady]

Security way too tight, too cold.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. The mall can stop this. Like you're not coming in here. How come everybody else can't? Nothing feels real to me anymore. And I don't know why that is. That one I don't know. That one's crazy. It just feels so everybody distract them. There's nothing going on. And I'm like, I don't buy anything anymore. Something's wrong with me. I kind of lost my mind. I know for a fact that when we Remember when we had the. We weren't worried too much about the marches because it was too hot out and they did them at night.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It was the rights were the convenience for the rights of what went on five years ago here. They did all the marches at night because it was too hot. They find a good time for weather. Marches are weather related.

[Larry]

When they ransacked places, they went in.

[John Holmberg]

The mall, they went indoors. It was air conditioned ransack. Nobody, no one cares enough about a topic to march in bad weather. I've never seen it ever. All the marches happen in late spring, early summer in the east. And if they ever happen here, it's they, the gays don't even celebrate pride month here because it's too hot. They do it in October.

[Brady]

I wonder how many have been called off back a week.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody's coming. You can't tell me any of this is real. When I see this, the landscape of Minnesota right now and it's just snow packed. There's snow everywhere. Everybody's all bundled up. Show your face like you're all in scarves.

[Larry]

That's like you said. I mean, you know, when they do their pride marches here, Pride weeks in the middle of summer, they don't do.

[John Holmberg]

It until October and that. They're not that proud of it in June. If you're supposed to like celebrate. It's. It's too hot to be proud of this. We'll do it in October.

[Larry]

I'm not that proud to march in 115 degrees of anything.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe it's anything I don't have in June.

[Brady]

It's in the closet. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Well then they should march in the malls in June and like we're going to take over Fashion Square for the day and just have a. Oh, that makes sense.

[Brady]

A couple of the ballparks.

[John Holmberg]

Bad weather. Never seen a bad weather March. Actually never once have I ever seen like well planet. If you've been set it like we're going to have a big rally in December or something. Bad happens. And you're like, ah. You go indoors. You're like, what he did here? Yeah. Something might trigger a march, but you're doing it in a mall. Nothing, nothing about it feels right. There's. It's not passing the smell test to me. Something's off and we're all sucked in. I'm sucked in too. Something ain't right. You guys should probably go out. Look at all the people standing outside, protest like, no, it's cold. It would make sense if they had like cocoa or like, somebody has to bring us. I would do that if I lived in Minnesota. Man, can you imagine the money you'd make? Set up a little stand on the side of the road, hot chocolate and coffee and sell it for a buck.

[Larry]

You get more than that.

[John Holmberg]

You think you screw that a dollar with freezing.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Surge five bucks. I just don't believe anybody. I don't believe anybody cares about a topic that we can do it again in a couple months. We're gonna really get on it in a couple months. I don't think if you care that much to get all dressed up and put the ski cap on and the scarf. It's like, Jesus. If you have to take a scarf off because your. Your message is muffled. I just don't buy it.

[Larry]

When you dress like Randy from A Christmas Story. It's too cold.

[John Holmberg]

Cause there's a moment when you're standing in the cold. Even if you. For a good cause, you're gonna look at somebody go, we gotta go home. Reason. Your chance don't make. It's just crazy. Everything just seems off. I don't think anything's right anymore. And then I see the story. They found Brett. I was thinking about you. They found a body on a construction site over there. McCallops and something. It was a. There's a 91 year old man that's been missing since early January in the area. And I'm like, all right, that's him. And then you start doing like the mortality thoughts of man. He made it to 91 and just wandered off, you know, the last two.

[Brady]

Months or last year.

[John Holmberg]

Thirteen days.

[Brady]

Thirteen days?

[John Holmberg]

No, like a stray dog just wandered off. And just like a stray dog in the neighborhood. Everybody put up posters. Have you seen him? How do you even at 90? He just disappeared. 91 just wander around for a couple. Where did he go? Somebody had to hang on to him for a day or two. It's like when a dog gets.

[Brady]

Oh, he's outside.

[John Holmberg]

He's all.

[Dale Hellestrae]

He's old.

[John Holmberg]

And you take him in for a couple days and you, you check online and then. Well, we can't keep them. And you let him out again. It's like we just. I don't. There's no pound for old men.

[Brady]

Maybe it was only out for a couple hours during the day.

[John Holmberg]

Where's he going?

[Brady]

Found an area. Just would sleep all day.

[John Holmberg]

Where'd he go? And he disappeared. Like it had to be in the dark of night when everyone was asleep because he had to have like a four hour head start. 91 year olds don't get away. He had to have a huge head start.

[Brady]

Gotta be cold.

[John Holmberg]

I have to think he wanted to leave. You know, Alzheimer's guys get lost and then they find him a couple days later like on a bus bench or somebody goes, hey, who's, who's this? This old man's been out here for a couple days. Or they talk to someone and they're not making any sense and they're filthy and like, oh, everybody sees it. But then you realize that that could happen to you. You're 91 and then something just jumps into your brain. 11:00 night, you're like, gotta go wandering. And then you just take off and nobody knows when and where.

[Brady]

Just horrible. Yeah. You wouldn't stumble upon anybody. I would say, well let's check the area if there's any missing reports or.

[John Holmberg]

But I mean she's not gonna shuffle for long. It's not like you had, you know, good cardio. He had to stop somewhere.

[Brady]

There's that old guy.

[John Holmberg]

There's that old man. Wasn't he wearing that yesterday? Yeah. And then if I ever see posters of a 91 year old man missing, it is, it's like a stray dog. Which makes me think we need to have a pound for old people. And people get upset at this idea. But we're losing. We have to get rid of the silver alert. We just have like, you know, dog catchers have double duty that I don't want to get too involved. If I see an old man scuffling around and be like, hey, there's got to be a hotline, like a 511 or something. You go, there's an old man that's scuffling around up front. I'm not sure I don't want to get involved. And then they come by and they put that hoop over his head and they stuff him in one of the things in the back and take them to the pound. Maybe we should chip old people. We've already got those metal earth bracelets that's not a bad idea because it's so sad to think that you wake up. Can you imagine waking up and pop, pop wasn't there anymore? Where'd he go?

[Brady]

85. Mandatory chip.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you get chipped at 8. If you're gonna last that long, we gotta chip you at 85. Because any minute now, you might just start wandering around getting some car, hop on a bus.

[Brady]

I mean, you know, the phone has done that for a lot. Have helped a lot of people on that.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, sure, track him. But if he just left his phone because he's not thinking, he just scoots away. You gotta get a chip. And grandpa don't have a watch on. Yeah, you got to get grandma away from the computer because she's trying to get loads of gold over from Saudi Arabia. And grandpa needs a chip. You know what? You never notice, it's never old women. Old women never wander off. Silver alerts are always old men. Always.

[Brady]

We're explorers.

[John Holmberg]

I can't go back to it. Maybe that's it. Maybe that's true. I don't know. It's a weird thing, a silver alert. And I'm like, all right, it's a guy every time. And I think he just wants out.

[Brady]

The hunter gatherer.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe there's a certain part of your brain that just says, you need to get the F out of here. Women don't do it. You never have. Old women never wander off. Old men do. Like they remember something they forgot, like, ah, going over to that girl's house. Like, they just start walking. Silver alert today for his name is Kirk Johnson. 88 years old. Never like Isabelle something or other. Old ladies, they just. They stop. I think they come to their senses, even if they're all messed up. But you got to keep an eye on it. That's the future.

[Brady]

Think about it. It's rarely. The silver alerts are rarely.

[John Holmberg]

It's never a woman. It is never a woman. I venture to guess it's 90% men. And in the 1% or 10% that it's women, it's like, oh, that's right. We left her at the Dollar General. She didn't leave. They forgot her somewhere. So that's your future, Brady. Gotta watch that. Just wandering off.

[Brady]

I might chip get chipped today.

[John Holmberg]

Would you rather just sit in the house and die or just. Yeah, it's not a bad idea to get chipped. I think that's pretty good. And I know everybody. The government will trace you. Yeah, at least they'll know where I am when I have that moment where I'm like, well, that's it. See you, gang. Somebody hear a door shut? It's 2 in the morning. You should check on your dad. He's not going anywhere. Oops.

[Brady]

You know, at the same time, maybe at that age when you know, this guy's like, you know, wandering off doesn't sound too bad.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's what I think happens. I think, you know the way the.

[Brady]

Ones that just head out to the desert.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You're talking about they dig dens. It's like when a dog's done. They dig their death den and they just lay in it.

[Brady]

In the mid. You know, in the Midwest and there's some homes there, they find the basement and crawl space.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they get. They find holes. Old people. The dogs and cats are talking. Not necessarily. Old people don't find your crawl space and get in there somehow.

[Brady]

They find it accidentally.

[John Holmberg]

I fell in the crawl space.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It's just that Silver Alert is all men and it makes me worry as I age that that'll be my fate. All of this life you live and the one thing is like, well, how did he go? I don't know. Wandered off like what? You don't know what happened? We had one dog in my whole life named Clea. And Cleo was crazy. It was my sister's dog. And she got divorced and moved back in with the family and brought Clea, the crazy dog. And Clea got loose and we spent days looking for her. Days and days and days. Still don't know what happened to her. And still sometimes it bothers me because she lived this long life. It wasn't that easy. She wasn't nice. She was my sister's dog. So she took after my sister. It's a real C word of a dog. And I don't say that about any dogs, but I still liked her. And we don't know what happened to her. The ending is unknown. Missing for days. And it's just gone from our lives. Imagine that now as grandpa. What was the last thing? I don't know. We had dinner. He stared at the tv, said something about the ceiling fan. We picked him up, put him in bed and then he was gone the next week. Abducted. That's what I would say. He was abducted. Aliens are the only ones. It says. Enough about wandering dads. Toledo's getting sad. That's true, Rand. I'm sorry. Toledo's never going to experience dad wandering off. Well, actually he did. Very early.

[Senator Moody]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Toledo's dad went on Walk about 55 years ago. Still haven't found him. Anyway, that was the news last night. Everything was weird. And if anybody puts a Silver. A lot. The Silver Alerts ever work where good news at the end. We found them, everything's fine. Most of the time it's not good.

[Brady]

I think they follow up most of the time.

[John Holmberg]

I don't think we get good news with Silver Alert discoveries. Silver Alert. He's been gone for four days. Like, ain't coming back. Brace yourselves, family. And it's sad, but I never want to be a poster that says missing. I think that's my biggest, second biggest fear to burning to death is missing. And then just a picture of my. My dead eyes staring off into space. Nobody's gonna look for you. Have you ever looked for a Silver Alert? Even if it's in your area? Like, you might poke your head out the window like, no, I'm not getting out there for this. It's cold.

[Brady]

You know, if they list the type of car every once in a while. Oh, there's one.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Larry]

You'll see a lot of Oldsmobile or something. It's like, all right, there's 20 of those around me. I'm out.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. The last thing I want to do, I was with William Shatner, for God's sakes. You don't want to touch a person in their 90s. They're fragile. They're like mummy dust. He gets sued if you grab the wrong old person and go, all right, you're coming with me. What's happening? You're missing, aren't you? No. And then you get in court and like, well, there was a Silver Alert. They all look exactly alike. They look like little tiny babies dipped in oil.

[Larry]

Silver Alerts, they're usually on the freeway on those signs.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Larry]

How come we got nailed at five in the morning with the turquoise alert, you know, a couple months back? Remember that one?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. When that.

[Larry]

Whenever the phone went off at 5, 4, 5 in the morning.

[John Holmberg]

That was a native girl or something, right? I don't remember how that happened, but some guy sent me to think. 72.5% of Silver Alerts are men compared to 37.9 being women. Now I want to know. Oh, it says the disparity is linked to the fact that missing men are more likely than women to be driving, which is a common factor in Silver Alert activations, that old men drive places and old women don't. Is that real? I guess statistically, that's probably accurate. On foot, where the women walk, a.

[Brady]

Lot of times they run to the desert.

[John Holmberg]

All right. In a weird way, that's just a fear of mine. I don't want to have that. I'm gonna keep. I'm gonna. You know, I'm gonna chip trip today. I'm gonna. What are you doing, Tripp? I just wanted to say hi.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Are we hugging?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I'm gonna give you a hug. Oh, well, this is not. Ow. Wow, my neck. Don't worry about it. Did you just plan to trip in me? I did. I care about you. Well, that's good. Thank you. Can you imagine just seeing Tripp walking down the street? My grandpa did it. He had Alzheimer's, and we found out that way. He would leave the house and stand in the road and then look around. What am I doing? I was at Home Depot with him once when he had the early stages, and we. Aren't we. Nobody was sure we were at Home Depot. And he just turned around, and I'm like, bill. He started walking away. Bill didn't know. Just ski daddled. And he's standing in the Home Depot parking lot looking around. He goes, where are we? Like, are you okay? And I was too dumb to get him to a doctor or anything.

[Brady]

There's at least four people in our family that have My aunt. Oh, and who's. Her mind's not all there. They all have her phone location.

[John Holmberg]

She's the one juggling the nuts right now. Yep, yep. She's okay. She's just getting like.

[Brady]

They check her phone, you know, to see she's at home, but every once in a while, she didn't grab her phone. It's our own little in house silver alert.

[John Holmberg]

She's got Luann.

[Larry]

It's not the one with the cans, is it?

[John Holmberg]

Is Luann the cans?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. She was the one that showed her nephews the cans, and now she's getting old lady nuts juggled in her face and she's got her brain fog. You guys are not nice to a.

[Brady]

Luanne Lynn's living large.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, sounds like it. Getting her face battered.

[Brady]

Naples right now.

[Larry]

Walking?

[Brady]

I hope not.

[John Holmberg]

Wait, they're taking brain fog to Naples with her new boyfriend.

[Brady]

No, he's not going.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he doesn't go with her.

[Brady]

I don't think. I don't think she has a.

[John Holmberg]

You brought it up. You said she's got a companion for. They broke up.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It was too small. Couldn't get it up. Something. Yeah.

[Brady]

Didn't last long.

[John Holmberg]

He got tired of her, too.

[Brady]

Premature all the time.

[John Holmberg]

Or. Can't. Did her cans hold up? Did she. Because you liked them. You said. I remember the grossest phrase about when your aunt showed you her cans. You said she had a nice figure. That stood out in my mind. She had a nice figure. She got in the hot tub with us, took her top off. Oh my God. Yeah. Did she keep them together? Did she upgrade them later in life?

[Brady]

I think so.

[John Holmberg]

You know so well.

[Brady]

Well, she had to one, she had.

[John Holmberg]

Cancer so she added a new one. So she's got so those things.

[Brady]

I think she went 90 unicorn for a little bit, had one lopped off and then had to wait for the part to come in.

[John Holmberg]

You've been. You've been in touch with those breasts your entire life. It's frightening. Anyway, Brett, what do you got in the big board of musical treats before I wander off?

[Larry]

I got nothing.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Larry]

Wake up song time. And we got some good ones up here. A lot of it having to do with the kitchen trolls and the 50.

[John Holmberg]

Year old 3 year old. The lady I saved.

[Larry]

Yes. Naughty by nature. OPP for kitchen trolls. Hell yeah. Reckless Eden for Sanjay.

[John Holmberg]

There you go.

[Larry]

Velvet revolver. Motionless and white. Immaculate misconception. Metallica Corn Stone Sour. Chevelle Shined down America, Burning Lamb of God. Skid row. I remember you for the troll.

[John Holmberg]

Somebody keeps putting skid rows. I remember you into things. This is like the fourth time in two weeks.

[Larry]

I know.

[John Holmberg]

I remember you. No one wants to hear that. And then terror.

[Larry]

You're caught. For the 53 old that caught the hundred millionaire or whatever, that's.

[John Holmberg]

That's an impressive graph. We still haven't seen photos of friends of Brandon, but 53 dating a 24 year old family money. We'll do some terror because your caught is right. That's got to be pristine. And it's because of me. According to her, even she's moving to Texas and had to tell me before she moved. You changed my life. I treat my genitals differently because of words you said back in 1994. That's pretty powerful right there. Changing lives. I should have a poster. Some saving vagina. Since 1994, I've kept a lot of vaginas pristine. I've often said that I am like the Native American of penises. Because I leave it exactly as I found it. Nothing's gonna get damaged. Nothing changes. Everything stays the same. Can't hurt it. Can't stretch it, can't ruin it. I take memories. I leave only footprints. And you can vacuum those out. It's terror. I'm a hero of the vagina. I think. I think that's what I should be. Ladies, if you'd like some advice about yours, I'll help you. I can fix that RB sandwich for you. It's terror. You're caught. It's 98. It's out of control now. 98. It's time now for Brady to give you all the news, real or otherwise. Yeah, I just keep. We're talking about it off here. My radar is so up on everything because we just went through all this stuff five years ago. It seems like it's happening again, like it's a playbook, like it's choreographed. And I'm frustrated that we're not all seeing it. This is the stuff that drives you nuts. This is the stuff that makes you say it.

[Brady]

Makes me feel like a few good men are like, what is happening?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, it's.

[Brady]

What is going on?

[John Holmberg]

Alex Jones sits and shrugs his shoulders and says, not all of what I said was wrong. He's just. It drove him crazy. I'm starting to feel that way. I gotta pull back. You know what it is? Football ended for me Monday night. So I don't watch the NFL now. Well, now, yeah, now I just dove right back into all this other dumb stuff that I've been avoiding for the last 20 weeks.

[Larry]

That's why I don't care. I'm still in it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you're still in it. You're like, what's going on? Cause, yeah, you're on.

[Brady]

Shut your mouth. We got a game.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you're on the NFL Network. There's no wonder that Cleveland and all these fans are so mad all the time. Their season ends after Christmas, and then they start watching other stuff. Football has been like, ah, I could turn it. And I'm like, ah. They're talking about. Go online and read about, you know, the injury reports, and I don't care. Now I'm three days removed from my football season being over, and I'm turned into Alex Jones in 72 Hours. What happened to the man? If only Steelers could have beaten the Texans on Monday, I'd be fine. Now I'm into chemtrails. It happened so fast. Yeah. I just watch TV and I'm like, I don't think what I'm seeing is real anymore. You know who taught me that, too, Tuesday night? Blake Shelton. Blake Shelton? Yeah. You're into too much sports. I'm reading other stuff now. Jesus. He basically said, I can't believe one thing I see on the Internet anymore because of how the Internet handled what they thought was my divorce, which never Happened. And he goes. And then I realized they were using pictures of me. He goes, that's not. I don't even have that shirt. Like, just to. He's like, here. Here's Blake out without Gwen. And he's like. So I know. He even said. He goes. From what I've seen, how they'll do me if I'm important enough to do this too. I can't imagine. I don't believe another thing. I don't believe anything I see anymore. And it just happened to hit me at the exact same time. I'm watching going, none of this feels real. I think. I feel like everything is crisis, acting and all that. And maybe I'm wrong, but it doesn't. It's not passing the smell test. God damn it. This is. I just discovered it's the Steelers fault. They clock out of the playoffs and I've got nothing else to do.

[Brady]

The Steeler alert.

[Larry]

It is my.

[John Holmberg]

It is. I have to be careful up until. Thank God, Tomlin quit his job so I can at least keep up with the coaching search. Because otherwise I'd be. I'd be like that 91 year old man. It'd be wandering around. I gotta. I gotta. I gotta start watching like life on the Spectrum and stuff. Meaningless things.

[Larry]

You got the Suns.

[John Holmberg]

I do have that, but it's so long, so drawn out. That is true. The NBA network sucks. That's the bigger part. The NFL Network's great. You get on there and you get sucked into the insiders for like two hours. And like, this was a fantastic show. Go to NBA and it's Isaiah Thomas. I don't want to hear from him.

[Larry]

Nobody does.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody does. I think that's it. I think I just discovered it without my Steelers. I checked back into society for a minute and I'm like, people believe this is the worst movie I've ever seen. The special effects aren't even good. Nobody marches in snow. Eskimos aren't even mad. They're not walking around in that. The shots of Greenland, they're about to. Oh, and that was the other thing I saw. I just want to get it all off my chest. Here we go. Germany and France sent military help to Greenland just in case we get froggy. Pardon me. France and I started like, well, that's. That's silly. We're not going to fight. France and the. They sent over their military support, went to the Greenland. You know how many soldiers France sent? 15. That has to make Greenland feel great. 15 Frenchmen. Germany sent 17. And England's got like 30 on the way.

[Brady]

Don't worry, friends. We have you.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, no, it's like, I want to mop them up just to show them. Like, what was that move?

[Larry]

Might as well send Sergeant Hulk and.

[John Holmberg]

The bars over there. Yeah. But again, then. Because it doesn't pass the smell test. The headline was, Germany and France send military to Greenland. Fifteen dudes. I'm smarter than that. You got to do better than this. I've lost my mind. I need the Steelers back to coach search now.

[Larry]

So, I mean, I don't have.

[John Holmberg]

I don't have. It's. I think it's my annual reset back into society. I've been like, hey, I've been watching games. What have you guys been up to? Oh, you're acting like morons. We don't know men can get pregnant. Okay. I want football back now. I don't like checking back in. I'm checking back in with society, and it ain't working. It's time now for Brady to give you all the news that'll probably make me crazy or give me a week. That's. I just asked for a week of going nuts, and then I'll be okay again. I'll be fine. It's brought to you by our [e-mail] All Pro Shade has it all together for you. If you want a shady section of your backyard, your front yard, you got windows that get all that sun, and you want it taken care of. Let them add that shade to your life. It's a beautiful, beautiful thing. Make that room outside for a reasonable fee. It's like adding square footage to your house. It's a great property value enhancement, and they do it the best. The design looks good. It looks like it's supposed to be there, and it is functional and beautiful. All Pro Shade dot com. That's where you go. Get some shade in your world. Brady reported.

[Brady]

Good Thursday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello, world. Happy National Strawberry Ice Cream Day. National Bagel Day. What's that?

[Larry]

Maybe Larry's bringing some in, then.

[John Holmberg]

He doesn't, man.

[Larry]

He better.

[John Holmberg]

You know what he does now, which kind of pisses me off? Well, he picks and chooses pictures. Well, he. He bakes them for individuals. Tripp always gets one, which is a little bit.

[Brady]

It's like an apple on the teacher.

[John Holmberg]

It's a little bit brownie if he made some for us, too, though. But he makes great bagels.

[Brady]

They're amazing.

[John Holmberg]

He's got the recipe to the old Carsh's bakery. Yeah, this is Dad's bakery.

[Brady]

And today would have been Dr. Martin Luther King Junior's birthday.

[John Holmberg]

Is today the day?

[Brady]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Happy birthday. Thanks for Monday.

[Brady]

It's also the. It's happy birthday to Wikipedia. 25 years old today.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Brady]

I didn't know there was an alternative site. Nupedia was launched in 2000. It. It didn't last because they only let experts write the stuff.

[John Holmberg]

Never even heard of it.

[Brady]

Couple of basis fun facts. On average, September is the worst month for the US stock market. The best is November and April.

[John Holmberg]

Get in October.

[Brady]

The Japanese term ryotatsuku.

[John Holmberg]

Pretty good job.

[Brady]

Means a person who uses two swords in battle. And it also means bisexual.

[John Holmberg]

I was gonna say it's got a. It's gotta drift over into the sword fighting world.

[Brady]

Rotutsuku Ryo Tusuke.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's different than the first time.

[Brady]

Yeah, I said coup on the end. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That means you're playing tummy sticks with another guy.

[Brady]

Oh, you're bisexual.

[John Holmberg]

You're gay.

[Brady]

Approximately one out of.

[John Holmberg]

Am I wrong? No. I mean right now if Brett and I were with Messiah and I'm giving him a hand job while he kisses her.

[Brady]

That'S gay.

[John Holmberg]

You can go bisexual all you want.

[Brady]

Right?

[John Holmberg]

To suke it's pretty gay. Second, I have a wiener in my hand. Immediately gay.

[Larry]

Other than your own. Other than your own.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Larry]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And that's a little gay too when you think about it.

[Larry]

But yeah, that's as far as on.

[John Holmberg]

The gay side I go. And I'm fine with that. That's good. Just call it what it is. I did some gay stuff last night. My wife was there. Oh yeah?

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It was a dude in the room. I got. I get hit in the eye with friendly fire. I'm bisexual. No, you're not. You're gay.

[Brady]

Approximately 1 out of 18 people have. Has a third nipple. Seems like a lot, but they say some are. They're very small. Just looks like a freckle or a mole.

[John Holmberg]

I think I've got one. It's kind of neat. It pokes out of my skin. It's not like a regular mole.

[Brady]

Taking pictures of it.

[John Holmberg]

I don't care.

[Brady]

Examined it.

[John Holmberg]

I play with it.

[Larry]

So it's not like Total Recall then?

[John Holmberg]

No. It's like a head. No. Geez. No, it's not. It's not. I don't have a third breast. Just a. The nipple. My ex wife had a third nipple.

[Larry]

And coha over there.

[John Holmberg]

If I did, I'd keep it. Yeah, she had a third nipple. She used to point it out. It was under her Boob like she. What was right on the crease. And she goes, look. And I'm like that. And it had a little sensitivity. Not much, but mine doesn't have any. I'm pretty sure it's a nipple. Next time I go look, would it stand at attention? No, it just stayed that way. Oh, okay. It's like a little nipple all the time. It never. It didn't harden and soften. It wasn't an areola involved. It was just the nipple part.

[Brady]

A new poll looked at America's top areas of expertise.

[John Holmberg]

I never sucked on it because if it was a mole, that's just weird. You don't want to never suck on someone's moles.

[Akash Singh]

Sorry.

[John Holmberg]

Go ahead, Brady.

[Brady]

So the new poll found the average American's number one area of expertise is now reality TV show.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Brady]

Number two expertise, social media trends. And it goes into home improvement projects, DIY projects, trending music. Number four. Number five is interest rates.

[John Holmberg]

This is what we all keep up with on the whole.

[Brady]

Yeah. On Tuesday, police in Florida responded to a. A place called Palms of Emerald Coast Massage Parlor to investigate an alleged attack. Someone from the Department of Health reported that there were. They were yelled at and physically shoved out of a business by a massage parlor employee. The cops showed up and when they tried to cuff the woman, she began pooping towards the officer.

[John Holmberg]

Ew. Towards him.

[Brady]

Like defecating towards the officer. Directing it.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Wow.

[Brady]

In an attempt to avoid being arrested. It didn't work. They got her for battery. By the way, the Palms of Emerald coast was previously called Classy Spa. Take that.

[John Holmberg]

With a K. And that. Jesus. She's using it like a gun. Take that. They got their shields up walking towards her and that. It's relentless. We can't take any more background. Fall away. I don't know about this, but that anus is dynamite.

[Brady]

You haven't seen that? I've seen. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

She can fart for miles.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

I've never seen anybody do that. Oh, I know, I know. What'd you think?

[Larry]

I said it leaned a little bit with the accent.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Fart.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, Give. Fart for miles. I can hear it. See? Hey, I can get away with one then if I just do the whole show as a Scotsman. A girl who did that, every time I'd yell at her, she'd just fart on me. Distances. She'd cover 10, 12ft, 5 meters at a time, walk in a room, and the next thing you know, she's farting on you. I like that.

[Brady]

Congratulations. Out to Daniel Jakob. He Broke the Guinness world record for the longest marathon controlling a soccer ball. He was doing footsies and keepsies with the soccer ball.

[John Holmberg]

This is why I hate soccer.

[Brady]

You can't have 28 hours and 21 minutes longest marathon.

[John Holmberg]

Aren't they all the same? 26.2. But longest while dribbling a soccer ball, right?

[Brady]

Yeah. The previous record was 26 hours.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, well, he didn't run a marathon.

[Brady]

He could.

[John Holmberg]

You're calling the time.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So he just broke the time.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I thought he was actually running a marathon and keeping the thing knee high. Oh, that'd be impressive. Yeah, that's what I thought was happening. I'm no longer as impressed.

[Brady]

He was allowed a 15 minute break every three hours.

[John Holmberg]

Then he didn't do it.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I want British uninterrupted continuous soccer dribbling. Hey, give Those Olympians a 15 minute break every hour if they're running marathons. Well, they're not, though. You're confused. Brady brought marathons into the party and they don't actually have. It's not a thing. He's just standing in a room, bouncing a ball off his knees, playing keepsies Keep season footsies.

[Brady]

Brett, what's the word?

[John Holmberg]

Who cares?

[Larry]

Yeah, exactly. Call Jay Cutler.

[Brady]

Don't care.

[John Holmberg]

Guinness actually said that to him.

[Brady]

And to get you excited for the Super Bowl, Cup Noodles is debuting three new flavors. Lemon pepper wing flavored Buffalo spicy Buffalo ranch flavored cup Noodles, and garlic parmesan wings. But Cup Noodles, huh? They're all Cup Noodles.

[John Holmberg]

We understand. It's Cup Noodles. Don't celebrate it. Everybody calls it Cup O Noodles. Yeah. He wants to be smug and correct everybody for it because it's not Cupo Noodles. But I refuse to not call it. That's because cup noodles sounds stupid. You're missing an of.

[Brady]

And I could have sworn there was.

[John Holmberg]

An oh, everybody thought so. Mandela effect.

[Larry]

It's like the cup of pizza from the jerk.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but it was not cup Pizza.

[Brady]

Pizza. Cup.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Couple pizza was a good idea. And actually Toledo eats that now he's got pancakes in a jar. You would eat that? I'd try to. Has full breakfasts in little cups. That pancake one you've got.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Looks horrible.

[Brady]

Delicious. Artisan.

[John Holmberg]

It's some of the poor people.

[Dale Hellestrae]

It's.

[John Holmberg]

No, not artisan. No. Poor people look at Toledo's food. Poor people look at Toledo's food and go, wow, that is low. I've seen homeless shelters take it away from Toledo and go, we're gonna get you something else. This isn't right. It's like eating rocks and garbage. Come on, man. You're better than this. You have a job. You shouldn't be eating cups of pancakes.

[Brady]

Blueberries.

[John Holmberg]

That is stuff that you find in your pantry. And you're like, is this still good? And then you put it in that donation box. Who bought this? Pancakes on the go.

[Brady]

I just have one Brady video. It's a dude on motorcycle. A dude on a motorcycle getting his body stretched and then some.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know what that means.

[Brady]

He rams into a pole.

[John Holmberg]

Oh.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Oh, geez.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, we get the video of him hitting it.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, there you go. Oh, watching slow motion. Oh, man. He goes. He becomes a lowercase c. But yeah. The tree. He grabs him by the hips, and that hip is. Oh, he's done. Oh, my God. That opened him up. Wow.

[Brady]

That's what you needed for your hips.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. Just a quick stretch up against the tree. I don't think that's good for anybody. Really. No medical advisor is gonna say, you should hit something at 90 miles an hour, wrap around it. Well, they really mean that when they say you're gonna ride that bike and you're gonna wrap around a pole, man. That is the definition right there. I like motorcycles, but I'm never getting on one. Brett, have you never been on one? I've been on one. Oh, okay. I was.

[Brady]

Billy rides on the back.

[John Holmberg]

I did. It was on my ex girlfriend's dad got a Harley Davidson and he grabbed a dude around the belly. And the only way to ride it. I didn't know how to ride that thing. It was, you want to ride on it? I'm like, sure. And then we just laughed. And then the next thing you know, I'm hugging this fireman. I got my legs around him, and we're going up and down Longmore in Mesa. I'm like, this is great. We can go back home now. You want to ride it yourself? I'm like, I'll crash it. I don't know what I'm doing. I never really liked them. I liked. I think they're neat, but I couldn't because of that and because of other cars, I won't. I don't trust the other people. If it was a world where I had just wide open roads and what, I'd be fine.

[Brady]

They're pretty amazing.

[Larry]

Yeah, they are.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they're fun.

[Brady]

I can see the danger factor.

[John Holmberg]

Always just those big 2000 ton or 2 ton pieces of moving metal. Yeah. It just doesn't seem worth it. Take my chances. Brett, what do you got all right.

[Larry]

Bailey wanted to make sure that Brady had a video for himself this morning, so we'll start with this one. This is for Brady.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady]

Oh.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Oh, no.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, God. It's an amputated lady naked. She's in a Stephen Hawking wheelchair. She's got no legs, either. Wait a minute. Somehow or another. What is that? Oh, no, it's just amputation videos.

[Larry]

She's just, you know.

[John Holmberg]

But her vagina is like a man. It looks like a bump, like a football.

[Larry]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

What was that? Show that again. Watch that thing wobble around when the video starts.

[Brady]

Just her it.

[John Holmberg]

Was it a bump or was it.

[Brady]

Just the way the shadow is?

[John Holmberg]

No, it's like a hemorrhoid or a hernia. I mean, maybe it sealed itself over since it's the closest thing to the ground, and. And. Well, come on in. So that's what happened to Tim Hortons lady.

[Brady]

The hair just had a bump.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

When you sit on it that much, it spreads out. Yeah. That's a lot of vagina. All right. Thanks for that.

[Larry]

Yeah. Oh, we got a nice little work accident.

[John Holmberg]

OSHA video from. Oh, here comes the. Oh, it's dropping a pallet of drinks on another guy. Oh, it's like trying to put a bunch of sodas on the top shelf at ikea or Home Depot.

[Larry]

Look at the forklift operator. He crushes a guy and he's like. He looks like he just threw an interception.

[John Holmberg]

Kills that lady and that guy. Oh, it's got two. It was a two.

[Larry]

Okay, I guess, you know.

[Senator Moody]

My bad.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You're not going to the Christmas party?

[Brady]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my Lord. No bonus for you this year.

[Larry]

Here's some Pringles tummy for you.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man. Oh, she's lost a lot of weight. All the extra skin for clothes after. Watch yourself change. It was the after effects of a woman who has lost at least 100 pounds. And let's just. Oh, man.

[Larry]

With a. Say more than that big robot robotic dong.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, wow. That is a huge sex toy.

[Larry]

Like the music.

[John Holmberg]

This thing's about two and a half feet, and it might be small. She's little. This thing might be. Wow. 24 inches around.

[Brady]

It is massively clogged down.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Oh, God.

[John Holmberg]

Where do you find that pistol? I don't know.

[Larry]

Yeah, where Bailey can find us one day.

[John Holmberg]

Where do you build the materials? All right, quick, quick.

[Larry]

I'll get you a replay.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Quick.

[John Holmberg]

Play by play, and I'll get it through. So she's taking the giant dong, and she's doing it in her backside. I don't want to hear from any of the wives complaining about us hurting.

[Larry]

Him because she looks good looking too.

[John Holmberg]

She's capable of this. So she's taking this playing Pac man too. Massively clogged. And then the dong is going and it's doing its job on some sort of weird contraption that's been built. And then it jump cuts to the dong being out of her and something comes out and it rose buds and I won off the planet. It's got to be in the early running for the end of the file right now.

[Akash Singh]

Oh, my God.

[John Holmberg]

I don't want to be part of the planet anymore. I don't like this.

[Brady]

Stalk it.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God.

[Larry]

We'll probably see that in December.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. You know, we're celebrating the birthday of a man who had a dream people would be decent to each other. You know, if he was here today, he'd be like, never mind. Everybody can off. White people and black people. They're both disgusting.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yuck.

[John Holmberg]

Well, thank you, Brett.

[Larry]

No problem.

[John Holmberg]

My goodness, there goes your Brady Report. It's 98. It's out of control now. 98.

[Dale Hellestrae]

KUPD Goldberg's Morning Sickness. Morning Sickness.

[John Holmberg]

K U PD. I'm going to say this out loud here. You're the most important guest we've had in this room maybe ever. Policy shaper. Political pundit.

[Akash Singh]

Idiot.

[John Holmberg]

Idiot.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Akash Singh is here from the flagrant podcast. You and Schultz are doing that still?

[Akash Singh]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And over the last. I remember when you first came here and you were doing that podcast, I thought it was great because it was a lot of basketball talk.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah, yeah, dude, I miss the sports, to be honest.

[John Holmberg]

It was a lot of basketball talk. Gosh. It's a stand up live tonight, tomorrow and Saturday, if you want to go standuplive.com and then like in the blink of an eye, there you are with Donald Trump and you, Bernie Sanders down the front. Bernie Sanders. I forgot about that. Yeah, we did all of them and they. Did you ask for them or did they come to you?

[Akash Singh]

I think they came to us. And then once a few came. Once one or two came. Everybody else wanted to come. And then once, you know, they saw that it was effective for Trump, then anybody wanted to come. So, yeah, it's everybody, which is. It's an honor. It's cool. It's amazing how much comes after that.

[John Holmberg]

I wasn't aware what was the show before Trump? I don't even know the month or week before. Cause you guys had to be talking about, like, Alien babies and something crazy.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah, yeah. Nothing.

[John Holmberg]

The next week, you literally shaped the American presidential campaign. You did. Do you realize that?

[Akash Singh]

I don't know. We just tried to ask most of what we wanted to ask that we thought he would not get up and walk out for. I remember Andrew had. We had a bunch of calls before the episode, but he said something that was like, look, everybody's gonna want you to ask what they want to ask, so don't worry about that. Ask the things you want to ask. Yeah, so we tried to do that. There was one or two times where it's like, yeah, I think maybe I'm wording this more softly because, again, I don't want him to get up and walk out. I want to ask the things I want to ask that I think people would be interested in. So you just do that.

[Brady]

Were you giving any parameters? We're saying if you go down this long.

[John Holmberg]

He said, go with Bernie. No parameters.

[Akash Singh]

None of Bernie, none with Trump, none of them. I don't think a lot of them gave us parameters.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah.

[Akash Singh]

We'll tell them, like, we're not trying to do the gotcha thing.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Akash Singh]

It's just not us.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You're just going to sit in here and do our show.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Akash Singh]

We want to try to make you feel like a human and that. We feel like that's the best way to get things out of you.

[John Holmberg]

Sure.

[Akash Singh]

That might, you know, authenticity, open books.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. That's the whole thing. And it was fantastic. Like, that's the crazy part.

[Akash Singh]

Well, thank you, man.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

But the last time I saw you, we were talking about whether or not Kevin Durant was going to make a difference for the suns.

[Akash Singh]

I miss those days.

[John Holmberg]

Now I'm like, hey, when you met the president and shaped the election, did you ever imagine your life going down that road?

[Dale Hellestrae]

No.

[Akash Singh]

No, I did not.

[John Holmberg]

Standing up at the Comedy Store and doing stuff and struggling and being.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah, exactly.

[John Holmberg]

Here we are.

[Akash Singh]

Opportunity presents itself. You take it, you don't know what's gonna happen. And then, sure enough.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Of all of them, who was the most impressive of all the people that rolled through during that whole thing? Because I still.

[Akash Singh]

It was very sharp.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Akash Singh]

I remember thinking like. Cuz people were like, oh, I think he has dementia, blah, blah, blah. When I sat next to him, I was like, oh, now this guy's keenly aware of every single thing happening around him.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Akash Singh]

Oh, dude. And he's just quick. Before he even sat down, he had to, like, make his way around a lighting fixture to get to his seat. And a Secret Service guy had tripped on it, and it was right next to me. He was like, hey, can you just make sure that the president or whatever doesn't trip here? Just say something to him. So I get up, I shake his hand, and then I say, hey, by the way, watch your step here, and I don't want you to trip on it. And then Trump goes, oh, thank you for telling me that. That would have been bad. I tell you, Joe Biden would have tripped on that thing.

[Brady]

Boom.

[Akash Singh]

Camera's not even on.

[John Holmberg]

Took a swing.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah. Just a little pause and then bang, right out of the gate. And I was like, oh, no, this guy's not. He's not slow back.

[John Holmberg]

A long time ago, my dad was in construction, and they built a casino in Palm Springs that Trump bought at Spotlight 29. Turned into Trump 29 for, like a minute. He bought it and then sold it for a ton of money. And my dad said, you know, he was very. He demanded attention the second he walked in. Not verbally.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And he said, and my dad was one of those type A guys. And he's like. He's one of the few people that I didn't know that made me pucker. This was 20 years prior to him ever being in politics. Because that guy came into a room and you just realized, he's in charge of this.

[Akash Singh]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

And my dad was one of those I'm in charge here guys.

[Akash Singh]

And he's like, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You just kind of felt like, you got it.

[Akash Singh]

He's.

[John Holmberg]

He's. He's. He could get you.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And he was like. He just. He was in charge.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And that was the one thing he.

[Brady]

Wanted, good and bad.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I lived with that the whole time. Because he's like my dad. My dad admitting that. Admitting that someone puckered him.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Was not his brand.

[Akash Singh]

Right. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And so it was very strange. But, yeah, I watched it. Any of them make you feel like, oh, Jesus, don't know. No. Moments.

[Akash Singh]

I think they're also like, they're in politics modes. They need you to like them.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Akash Singh]

They're aware of that. Like, Trump in business mode is probably, I want to get my deal that I want.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Akash Singh]

And then they. These guys are. They're socially not dumb. That's how they get to their position. So they're probably thinking, I need these guys to like me.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Akash Singh]

Let me present my best self, etc. Etc.

[John Holmberg]

Are you guys going to stay on the political track or you get. Did you talk about it?

[Akash Singh]

I think we hit everybody who wanted to hit and we're good.

[John Holmberg]

And you're just going to keep going like Tim Tebow was on your podcast? I can't watch Tim Tebow do anything. I, I firmly believe Tim Tebow is a. As a bottom and he's been planted here and he's programmed and he's got an agenda and it's all going to hurt us eventually. He's.

[Dale Hellestrae]

You know what he is?

[John Holmberg]

He's Damien from the Omen growing up.

[Akash Singh]

You sound. You sound exactly like anti Trump people. But about Team Tebow.

[John Holmberg]

It's random. Tebow is the one that I'm like, nothing. He does. That's not a human being. Human beings don't do or say those things. So he's.

[Brady]

Either way, he can be that nice.

[John Holmberg]

No, he's either. I don't trust it.

[Akash Singh]

He was so nice.

[John Holmberg]

Don't trust it.

[Akash Singh]

He was so nice.

[John Holmberg]

Don't trust it. Yeah, I need somebody to be a little bit of a dick now and again to make me go, okay, cool. You're not programmed.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Off the record. Tell me a off colored joke.

[John Holmberg]

Something terrible.

[Akash Singh]

He didn't. Yeah, none of that. He's just the kindest guy. It was really just like he cares about kids getting trafficked. It seems like.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. He. And that was his big thing.

[Akash Singh]

That's all he cared about.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Akash Singh]

And it's helping kids.

[John Holmberg]

But nobody cares that much, do they? That much people care. But that much like to tour.

[Akash Singh]

I hope so. I.

[John Holmberg]

Again, I think he's trafficking kids. I think his cover is caring.

[Brady]

The one that's caring so much is the guy that's.

[John Holmberg]

You care that much.

[Akash Singh]

Exact thing.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You can't hear that.

[Akash Singh]

Anybody who cares that much about kids getting diddled is like, here's the other.

[John Holmberg]

Thing about a trafficker that would. I've uncovered this is that you would go on a tour to tell people how you don't like trafficking. Yeah. And then you get free flights. All the while you're moving the kids on the tour.

[Akash Singh]

Tour van full of kids.

[John Holmberg]

I go do flagrant. Drop a couple kids off there. I got to do the homework show over here in Phoenix. Drop a couple kids off there.

[Akash Singh]

Oh, man, I. I hope not. I hope there's no dirt ever with Tim Tebow. He behind his guy. And it was funny to have someone that sweet and Jesus loving just demolish everybody in college football. It was like a really funny.

[John Holmberg]

I was a fan still bitter about the 2012 playoff game against the Broncos with the Steelers when Ryan Mundy. Ryan Mundy stepped up where Ryan Clark could have been, but Sickle Cell ruined that game and it was in the wrong spot. So Demetrius Thomas slipped behind him.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It's brutal.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So I hate Tebow. I'm sorry that he's a friend of yours, but I can't like him. I can't lie. He's a human trafficker. We established that immediately. Akash didn't defend it.

[Akash Singh]

No, I don't think he's trafficking children. Let's be clear.

[John Holmberg]

All right, well, all right. That's. What A guy who would defend a guy. That's exactly what. I didn't mean to twist your words, but it sounds like he knows something. Akash, things that stand up live tonight, Tomorrow and Saturday, standuplive.com is where you go. What else is going on in your world that this is an explosion in the last few years for you?

[Brady]

You guys had his guest tomorrow is Timothy Busfield.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, are you gonna bring him in? He did it. The Timothy Busfield. You've been watching that one. Good move. He was Poindexter from Revenge of the Nerds.

[Akash Singh]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

They just. He's. He ran from the law for three days because he's been accused of diddling kids.

[Akash Singh]

I knew it was kids. I knew it was kids.

[John Holmberg]

He's ginger.

[Akash Singh]

He.

[John Holmberg]

You knew it. We all knew it. We're just waiting for the Andy Dalton news to break.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah, the playoffs have been amazing. I hate that you're out because your team lost, but. But that was the best in college football. Playoffs have been great. The NFL playoffs have been great.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Except for one game, the one my team was in. Yeah, it's been. Sports is my thing. I. I disappear and then now I'm back in society and I don't like it.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah, See, I've just. I've remembered how fun it is to disappear into sports.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Akash Singh]

And I'm like, oh, this is great.

[John Holmberg]

Who's your team?

[Akash Singh]

I don't really. I'm kind of agnostic as a football fan.

[John Holmberg]

Really? How is that possible?

[Akash Singh]

I'm a born and raised Cowboy fan.

[Brady]

Oh.

[Akash Singh]

And then after that Green Bay loss two years ago, I was like, oh, it's never going to change. Yeah, the ownership is. The ownership. It sucks. They don't care about us. I'm very disillusioned with it.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Akash Singh]

I don't want to be a fan of theirs anymore. I like when they lose.

[John Holmberg]

So you just watch.

[Akash Singh]

So now I have an interest every game. If I had to choose a team right now, I'd be the Bills. I hope they Win it.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Akash Singh]

But I wouldn't be mad. The only thing I know is I hate the Eagles.

[John Holmberg]

Yep.

[Akash Singh]

And that's.

[John Holmberg]

And that's your Cowboys love.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah, that's my Cowboys love. And I married a girl from Philly whose whole family is Eagles fans. So both Super Bowls, day one, I've had to watch with them, and it was just like, I can't do that again, dude.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Akash Singh]

Can't do it.

[John Holmberg]

They can't. Yeah.

[Akash Singh]

And my nieces are so cute, but they're, like, in evil cheerleading outfits, and it's like, this is a nightmare.

[John Holmberg]

They sound. They sound inbred to me. See, that's how much I hate the other teams, and that's too much love for one team. I wish I could pull back a little.

[Akash Singh]

Dude, I was in Pittsburgh last week.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Oh.

[Akash Singh]

They really thought they were gonna go. Somebody in the Uber for my. My feature was in an Uber to the club, and the guy was like, it's written. People don't realize it's written for the script to win the super bowl. It's like, it's destined. It's destiny. And then they got trounced.

[John Holmberg]

The Texans didn't read the script. They had something else happen.

[Akash Singh]

They had a different destiny in mind.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. So I am, my love. I tell people, as I've mentioned this a million times, my hate for the Ravens, Lamar Jackson, things like that. My hate breeds my happiness.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah. I'm like that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. So if I see the. I get so much more of the Ravens losing than I do the Steelers winning.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah. Well, the Cowboys don't win, so I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

So you don't have that anymore.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So.

[Akash Singh]

But now Eagles hate. I hate Niners, but I hate the Eagles so much. I'm fine with the Niners.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but your hate becomes your joy.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It can't live without the other.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It's so great.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Hate is the answer. We have had this lie told to us by John Lennon and everybody else that love is the only way. It's never worked.

[Akash Singh]

Hate is so entertaining.

[John Holmberg]

Hate is funnier, and it's more fun, and it actually makes you happier. Without hate, you can't find happiness.

[Akash Singh]

That's why you don't like Tim Tebows. Too much love.

[John Holmberg]

He's way too much love. Like, I just don't believe it.

[Akash Singh]

Maybe he's. He's actually hateful. And then you guys can. You can find your.

[John Holmberg]

Find out what he hates if he's on the show, and he'll say, human trafficking.

[Dale Hellestrae]

All right.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Besides, that, like, what about like mundane life that you could tell me that he hates and if he said nothing, I'm like, you're not real. Everybody hates someone.

[Akash Singh]

Oh man, I don't know. Beautiful wives seem. They seem very in love.

[John Holmberg]

I don't buy it.

[Brady]

He doesn't want. He doesn't want that to be true.

[John Holmberg]

He's a human trafficking homosexual. That's what I think. That's just me though. And you're married, you don't have kids yet?

[Akash Singh]

No. We're hoping soon.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. What's holding you up?

[Akash Singh]

We tried for a while. It wasn't really happening. I think both of us have maybe some stuff.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding?

[Akash Singh]

Yeah, I got checked a year ago and it was good. Then I got checked again recently and it was not as good.

[John Holmberg]

Really?

[Akash Singh]

It was fine, but like the motility or something was a little low. But I had also been in a sauna a bunch and they said that could affect it.

[John Holmberg]

Really?

[Akash Singh]

Oh, yeah, dude. I don't like working, lifting weights or running. Obviously you can tell by looking at the sauna. It's just nice relaxing.

[John Holmberg]

And that makes your sperms go away.

[Akash Singh]

Apparently.

[John Holmberg]

I thought that was an old wives tale.

[Brady]

Sauna.

[Akash Singh]

The doctor told us. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So you can't do that. You gotta ice them up.

[Brady]

If you're trying to have a kid.

[Akash Singh]

Stay away from the sauna.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Akash Singh]

For this little time, I liked how.

[John Holmberg]

You kind of low keyed. Blamed your wife a little too well.

[Akash Singh]

She had issues too. But this is what I was. And I put this. I'm working on my new hour. This is in there. She was like, break. This is where I was like, we need to take a break. After like three or four months. We. It wasn't happening. I got my sperm checked, numbers were good. And then she goes, am I even a woman if I can't do the one thing. Oh, that was so sad.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Akash Singh]

Like, sorry. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. My bad. That was so sad. I was like, we can't do.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you can't keep putting her through that.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's take a break.

[John Holmberg]

And then you got to take all the blame.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

My God, am I even a woman if I can't do that?

[Akash Singh]

It's rare as a man that you're like, I wish this is my fault. I wish my sperm didn't work. But I wish in that moment my sperm didn't work.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, because you gotta like have lazy, awful sperm. Have the doctor tell you you're useless.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Come back and go, it's me.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah, exactly.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So you guys will get back on it soon.

[Akash Singh]

So. Yeah. Maybe we'll do IVF or whatever. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Get one of those deals. No. Or not have kids, which is also a path to happiness.

[Akash Singh]

It is a path, but I. I genuinely think kids are the best.

[John Holmberg]

They're just really.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah. Yeah. I'm a little Tim Tebow.

[John Holmberg]

But Tim would say they're the best. Best to move from A to B for financial reasons. Yeah.

[Akash Singh]

Now what. He thinks Tim Tebow is what I believe Tim Tebow is, which is a nice guy.

[John Holmberg]

Do you find your. Are you conspiratorial? Do you have.

[Akash Singh]

You could get me with a conspiracy. So I try not to even go down that. Because I'm. I fear that it's endless.

[John Holmberg]

It is.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Over Christmas break, I realized I no longer believe in the moon landing. Oh. And I used to all the time. I just don't anymore.

[Akash Singh]

Why?

[John Holmberg]

Because the dudes going to the moon now. The new crew. Out loud, the captain said twice, people will be on the moon. Can you believe this? Humans will be on the moon. And I'm like, why are you so excited about that? Like, you will be on the moon. I'd understand that.

[Brady]

Today they announced a hotel.

[Larry]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

They're still talking about building hotels in 10, 20, 32.

[Brady]

Oh, no. 36.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

That. It's 250,000 per person. Just for the room. For the room. And then there's, you know, it's a million bucks for the travel or something like that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It's a little heavy.

[Akash Singh]

I don't understand how you build with no gravity.

[Brady]

They're gonna do inflatable. They're saying the first. The temporary stay is like an inflatable place that you can.

[Akash Singh]

I'm not doing that.

[Brady]

They say activities that you could do is you can drive on the moon on a cart. You can golf.

[Akash Singh]

I'm not doing any of that. That's insane.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Akash Singh]

There's no gravity. No. I don't know where I'm gonna stop. What is it tethered on some strings.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

How do you keep those down?

[Akash Singh]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You gotta anchor it to Earth.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah. Thank you.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

The room 16 is evacuated.

[John Holmberg]

The new thing that's going to happen in August is we're going to get two black holes too close to each other. And scientists say that there's a chance someday in August we'll have 6 to 10 seconds of no gravity.

[Akash Singh]

That'd be sick.

[John Holmberg]

That's what.

[Akash Singh]

That'd be sick.

[John Holmberg]

But listen. Awesome. It's going to rain cars.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

This would be.

[Brady]

You said how Many million.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I remember the number, but we'll go up. We'll go up 30 meters. If you're outside, you'll go up 30 meters.

[Brady]

So it's like 60 million deaths.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Akash Singh]

Oh, that. Okay, that's not as cool as I.

[John Holmberg]

Thought it would be. What did you think was going to happen?

[Akash Singh]

I'm thinking indoors.

[Brady]

Switches off.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah, I'm just standing.

[John Holmberg]

You're in the air.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah, dude.

[John Holmberg]

It's like being at the, the trampoline place for a minute. This is great. Yeah, Burp and I, I kind of root for it. I think it'll be cool.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah, dude. Hey, listen, if you're here, you just, you'd be in the studio. It's what a ten foot drop gets.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You know, it's fizzy lifting drink from Willy Wonka. We float a little bit, we burp, we come back down, everything's fine.

[Akash Singh]

Wraps and pillows around your body. You're good.

[John Holmberg]

All through August.

[Brady]

A week. So I can tether down.

[John Holmberg]

You know, what is your. What is the one thing in your life that you're like? This makes me a little crazy, but I think this.

[Akash Singh]

Oh, conspiratorial or just general? I'll tell you what. This actually had just happened to me last week. I was doing a corporate gig out of the country. I get a call from or text, three in the morning. This is not related to conspiracies, but I think it's kind of funny and awful and just a little, whatever, stressful. But I had a camera guy, my lead camera guy, my lead editor. I brought him on a year and a half ago. He called me like a month and a half ago and he was like, hey, just want to come clean. I had a gambling addiction. I had some debt. I'm working through it, but I just wanted to come clean with you. And I said, hey, appreciate you coming clean.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, cool.

[Akash Singh]

And then all of a sudden, the work kind of wasn't there and I get a little worried. I call his friend who works with him a lot, and I was like, hey, man, I need you to get my camera equipment back. This guy has all of my equipment, all of my hard drives, all of my lenses, everything, like a lot of money. And all of my shows that I pull clips from, I watch down for the special, whatever. And he's like, yeah, let me see what I can do. And I get a text message from my cameraman. He said, dog, I would never steal your equipment. That's crazy, right? Ten days later, I get a text, hey, man, I don't Know how to tell you this. Your equipment is all in pawn shops. It's gonna cost X amount to get it back. I'm lean, like, a lot, like, tens of thousands of dollars to get it back. I don't know. I'm very embarrassed by this. I'm so sorry. Blah, blah, blah. I call him. I go, do you know how insulting that is, how, like, disgusting that is that you made me feel bad saying I would never steal your camera equipment? I felt guilty about thinking you would.

[John Holmberg]

Even when it was gone.

[Akash Singh]

And then he goes. And he goes, I didn't steal it. I pawned it.

[John Holmberg]

I was like, what? Oh, oh, yeah, you're right. I'm the ass.

[Akash Singh]

That's on me. I'm the one. You're right, dude.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, you were a little pushy. You were kind of being a dick about it. He was going to get it back.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That is horrible.

[Akash Singh]

Unbelievable.

[John Holmberg]

And he got it all back.

[Akash Singh]

I think I'm getting it back today. I think I'm getting most of it back today.

[John Holmberg]

Did you tell Tim Tebow about that? And have Tim go, what a dick, because that's all I need. Did you say, I'm sorry.

[Akash Singh]

I'm praying for you.

[John Holmberg]

Press charges.

[Akash Singh]

But that's the thing. First of all, he's in Canada. He's a Toronto kid.

[John Holmberg]

Okay?

[Akash Singh]

So they said you could press. The only way to get it back from the pawn shop without him is call the cops, but then the cops will confiscate it. And I don't know what I'm getting back from Toronto police officers, so I just have to kind of let it slide, I guess.

[John Holmberg]

You have to eat this.

[Akash Singh]

I think so.

[Brady]

And what happens with the interviewing process for the next guy? Yeah, yeah, the next guy.

[Akash Singh]

He got his own equipment.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. He brings his own stuff. And you keep, like, one of. You keep your phone on one of those casino gambling things.

[Akash Singh]

Here's how lazy I am. I'm probably gonna still bring in my own cameras and stuff, but, like, the reason I have them take it is I don't want to lug it around.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's heavy.

[Akash Singh]

So I'm probably just gonna be like, hey, man, please don't pawn this.

[Brady]

Put.

[John Holmberg]

Get one of those sticky things and put your name on everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah, man, that sucks.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah. It was a wild three in the morning. I get that text, and I was just trying to sort through it, like, what's going on here?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. That's insane.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

What do you want to happen with the podcast next? Where are you guys when I have to ask you this. When Trump left the room. Room, what did you guys say? Like, did you. It almost probably feels like we got to button it up.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Like, what are we doing?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Akash Singh]

We, we. So we don't often, like, go eat. Go out and eat after, like an episode and chop it up for like an hour or two. We all. We were at Trump Tower, so we just went and got lunch and just talked about, like, what a crazy experience that was.

[Brady]

Was it one of the best lunches you've ever had?

[John Holmberg]

It was best food.

[Brady]

It was incredible.

[Akash Singh]

It was good food. And it was like, yo, whether. And you know, I didn't necessarily want him to win or whatever, but like, I didn't like the other option either. Yeah. But it was like, that's so cool. And we were trying to get her on the podcast too. I would have loved to have both of them. She. Yeah. Her team ducked us. I didn't have direct contact to her at all, but we were like, that's so cool. What a cool.

[John Holmberg]

It's incredible.

[Akash Singh]

Like, whatever you think. Who cares? You got to talk to this guy as a human being who was president.

[John Holmberg]

Of the United States and insert yourself into the world.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah. That I don't like.

[John Holmberg]

You were, though.

[Akash Singh]

There's a cost to that, that you think about these things. You're just like some. I don't say bright eyed, bushy tailed, whatever, but like, you just, you're excited to be a part of this thing. So you don't think about getting involved in the politics world.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Akash Singh]

Now you become a target. Now there's articles written about you. The brocaster was, whatever they're calling us the pod bros, Whatever they call us. And it's like, I don't even use the word bro. And I'm not saying I don't align with like some of that stuff, but, like, it's a little douchey.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Akash Singh]

Just to see how there's deciding who you are and then you, you're the reason this guy got elected or you love him or you're. You're Maggie.

[John Holmberg]

You're a line that.

[Akash Singh]

And it's like, I'm not either. I truly don't really like either party and I don't want to be that. So I, I would love. I think we're as a pod. We're not trying to be as involved in that because we're like, at the end of the day, we want to be stand ups.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. That's the thing. It's stand up comedy. And the danger is like, it becomes that. The voice of reason.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And then people lean to you to go, oh, what is he thinking? And it's like it becomes a. Like it can manipulate you. Yeah.

[Akash Singh]

Intoxicating. We're the voice of reason. We're this, we're that. And then at the end of the day, it's like, dude, I'm a human being who's just as flawed as anybody else. So, like, I don't want to be the voice of reason or. That was cool to hear for a while, but now I'm like, there was a cost to that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Isn't it weird, too, though, that when in the room with somebody who's about to potentially take that position and he. Did you. I don't know if you did, but what did you realize at any point, oh, my God, we're not that far apart. You know what I mean? Like, there's no extraordinary humanity to what you were with. As far as, like, in my mind, I would want the president to make.

[Brady]

Me feel like superhero.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. I can't. I can't even barely have a conversation.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

But he. He's. It humanized him probably a little. Yeah.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah. No, it. Definitely. And again, he's like a.

[John Holmberg]

In.

[Akash Singh]

In person. He is one.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Akash Singh]

He's not like a. I mean, maybe. And again, these guys are. They're chameleons. There's a reason successful politicians, so they can be whatever they want.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Akash Singh]

But in the room with us, he was a warm guy.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah.

[Akash Singh]

Oh, this is a human being. And then you're like, oh, everyone is a human being. I guess. But then some of us are wired very differently.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Akash Singh]

Because the stuff that you got to go through as an imagination. I don't want it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Akash Singh]

I don't want it.

[John Holmberg]

I had a lunch once with a quantum physicist.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And at first we were talking about hamburgers and normal stuff, and then he broke into some sort of laser talk.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It was another language. And I'm like, oh, I'm the dumbest person in the room. And you realize at that moment, oh, this is extraordinary.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Like. And I don't. I'm not in this regard.

[Brady]

This again.

[John Holmberg]

So I found since I met a couple politicians, and most of the time they're, like, interested, like you said. They want you to like them. They're more interested in you than you are in them.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And Bernie was probably that way. I'm fascinated by your world.

[Akash Singh]

Bernie was not. Bernie's like an old man. He's like, look, I care about what I care About. Let's talk about that. He wasn't interested in us. And I don't mean that like he's rude. I mean, he cares about. He's the most authentic to me in terms of. I care about the things I care about.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Akash Singh]

I want. This is a problem. Let's talk about that. Everything else is.

[Brady]

And that's his life.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah. And everything else is noise. I don't care about the noise. I. And like.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Like a dog with a tennis ball.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah. He didn't ask us any questions about us. He wasn't. He didn't care if we liked him.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah.

[Akash Singh]

He didn't. He liked us enough.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Akash Singh]

But I don't think he was, like, trying to win us over in that.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

Did you have anything where he was like that? You found his sense of humor?

[Akash Singh]

We. Yo, Andrew had a great opening thing where, like, he opened up because we talked to him about him really liking the Brooklyn Dodgers and the team getting sold. And that was like, he was really upset about it. XYZ and like that. The thread. That's where you became this anti billionaire guy.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Really?

[John Holmberg]

Your.

[Akash Singh]

It wasn't real.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Oh, no.

[John Holmberg]

I know.

[Dale Hellestrae]

But.

[Akash Singh]

Interesting way. And then he kind of opened up and laughed and then talked about, like, old baseball stuff. And, like, you saw that. Oh, yeah. This was a kid who grew up whenever.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Akash Singh]

Early 1900s or whatever. You know, I mean, was it 1940? He was born.

[John Holmberg]

It had to be before that. Maybe not.

[Brady]

That's about.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Right.

[Akash Singh]

It's 2020.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Because the Dodgers. I don't know. He's like, I think people live to be a thousand.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know.

[Akash Singh]

And I forget. It's 2025 and I'm 42.

[John Holmberg]

It's 2026.

[Akash Singh]

2026. And I'm 42 in May. So, like, I'm still living on a timeline where it's the 90s.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Akash Singh]

That's when I was a kid.

[John Holmberg]

Because it stops.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It's the weirdest thing, man. You're. I'm loving what's happening. The success is all good.

[Akash Singh]

Thank you so much.

[John Holmberg]

Everything's great. We're rooting for you. It's been awesome. Leave us with words of wisdom. All you've been through. Tell us something that will change the world.

[Akash Singh]

Change the world. Come to Stand Up Live. Thursday, Friday, Saturday. You lobbed it up. I dunked.

[John Holmberg]

You learned that. That from Bernie.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah, I did.

[John Holmberg]

I don't want anybody to know, but just listen to me. I only have one thing to do. Stand up live. That's all we are.

[Akash Singh]

That's phenomenal.

[John Holmberg]

I know.

[Akash Singh]

Phenomenal.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you. I do.

[Akash Singh]

I'm so impressed that I've been here three times. It's the first time you've done it.

[John Holmberg]

That's. I do loads of impressions. I just don't do it with guests. That's. It's your time to.

[Akash Singh]

I would.

[John Holmberg]

If it's like I do the whole time, if it were to just be.

[Akash Singh]

I mean, I would. I'm just saying. I would be so obnoxious if I had that time. I would never stop doing it.

[John Holmberg]

It is obnoxious.

[Akash Singh]

No, no, no.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Akash Singh]

You don't need the validation that we need. Because I would always want to do an impression to impress the people.

[John Holmberg]

You know what I mean? It's a magic trick.

[Brady]

And you just ask you to, you know, dance like a monkey.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And then they start hitting you with stuff, and then they're like, caliento does a better one. I'm like, God damn it. Then you're into that world, and I just don't make everybody happy.

[Akash Singh]

But that was really good.

[John Holmberg]

Well, thank you. Is there anything you want to ask Bernie?

[Akash Singh]

What do you think, aoc?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I think she's got a great set of cans. First of all, that's the first you knew I was going to go down that road. You know me.

[Akash Singh]

You ally with me.

[John Holmberg]

I alley of you, baby. Akash Singh, stand up live tonight, tomorrow and Saturday. Always a pleasure, man.

[Akash Singh]

Thank you so much, man. Great to be here. Y' all are my favorite.

[John Holmberg]

All right. The best. Thank you. It's out of control now. Canadian Dale, there's Nickelback for you, stuff. 9:12 Nickelback. That's Nickelback back.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I like some of Nickelback.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you like that, too. That's a good one. That's a good one. Dale Hel, three time world champion from your Dallas Cowboys. Remember when they. Akash Singh was just in. Here's a Cowboys fan. He probably would have loved to have met you. You were pro. You were on the teams that made him a Cowboy fan.

[Dale Hellestrae]

How old was he?

[John Holmberg]

42.

[Dale Hellestrae]

42 would have been right in the wheel.

[John Holmberg]

9 years old. He wearing the.

[Dale Hellestrae]

He probably had hell of straight jersey.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody had that Michael Irvin jersey. Maybe a sweater. It would have been. Yeah, a little cowboy helmet. And he never once said, I'm hella stray.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I still get fan mail. I sent one to you.

[John Holmberg]

You did.

[Dale Hellestrae]

And you couldn't just say, hey, that's cool.

[John Holmberg]

What'd I do?

[Dale Hellestrae]

Told me to blank off. No, you said, the guy's a special needs Kid. Well, of course is.

[John Holmberg]

He's writing you love letters 35 years after you retired and you were a center.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I was a thing.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, you were right. You're still a thing. Dale. Don't worry about it. About that, but he. Dale sent me the envelope and the letter from this. Make a wish, kid. That said you were always. I don't remember what it said. Let me read it.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah, I know it was a nice letter.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but he thought you were someone else. He thought you were someone else. Here's the. Here's the letter. Dale sends it to me. It says I'll read it like he wrote it. My name is Michael and I'm riding says, could you sign a card for me? I would greatly appreciate that. You were a phenomenal lineman and long snapper your entire career, especially with the Cowboys, where you were a key part of their great teams. Now, right here, hold on. Right here. I realized this is when kids who are trying to avoid juvie have to do a.

[Brady]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

Pick a hero and write him a letter and see if he writes back. So we did a little research. He just read the back of your car.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Oh, geez.

[John Holmberg]

You were also one of the. This is where I know he does. You're one of the best and most dominant players in the league.

[Brady]

You gotta write stuff like that in order to get something back.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Back when I played you, you had to play offensive line.

[John Holmberg]

I agree. And I'm not taking away you.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah, you're taking away everything I'm saying.

[John Holmberg]

If you're second string on your own team, you're not one of the most dominant players that you. Your position.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I'll back up Nate Newton and Larry Allen, of course. But.

[John Holmberg]

But how is anybody know you're one of the more dominant?

[Dale Hellestrae]

Because when I came in, things opened up, John.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I enjoy writing to offensive linemen because I am a lineman myself and I play college ball for the Grove City College. See, I have a tremendous amount of respect for the men up front that do the work.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

That goes unnoticed.

[Dale Hellestrae]

And where's it from, Johnny?

[John Holmberg]

Hold on. It says, I have one question for you. You. What is your favorite moment from your career? Yeah, what is it? Did you write him back, by the way?

[Dale Hellestrae]

I did. And I signed the card.

[John Holmberg]

Come on.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I signed the card, said bed wish best wishes. And I. Probably my most dominant memory is the super bowl out here.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Dale Hellestrae]

That's because. Cowboy fan. Yeah. No dreams of playing the super bowl here because we didn't have an NFL team.

[John Holmberg]

True.

[Dale Hellestrae]

And. And then. And what most people don't realize is the 1992 Super bowl was supposed to be out here at Sun Devil Stadium. Yep.

[John Holmberg]

But the mark mlk ironically his birthday today.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

So that ruined our Super Bowl.

[Dale Hellestrae]

So I. So we played in that Super Bowl. I'm like, I could have played.

[John Holmberg]

That's right.

[Dale Hellestrae]

It was out in Pasadena. They moved to the Rose Bowl.

[John Holmberg]

That's right.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Which is pretty cool.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Not thinking I'd ever have a chance to do it here.

[John Holmberg]

And they moved it to 95. And you got it again. How about that?

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

That is kind of pretty cool. While you were playing, he signed it dominating.

[Dale Hellestrae]

It's. It's also the biggest ring. Our rings got progressively big.

[John Holmberg]

The third one is. Should be so then. But on this letter it says Dale included the envelope.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

With this kid. The return address envelope. So I zillowed his house. This kid is dead broke. He lives in like the, the Appalachian $250,000 state.

[Dale Hellestrae]

It was first off, I said, that's the Paradise Valley.

[Brady]

That's a nice house.

[John Holmberg]

Like 11 acres. It's a ramshackled hut. I looked up the actual address. The 250,000 was land nearby. Like 86 acres. And then his dump of a house where he masturbates. The cards of Dale.

[Larry]

Poor kid's probably listening now, so he can hear Dale.

[Dale Hellestrae]

So this is John saying, I gave you credit.

[John Holmberg]

I did give him credit. But the second the kid.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Kid said you were the most dominant.

[John Holmberg]

You were second.

[Brady]

But you know, you. He's got to write stuff like that to get stuff signed back.

[Dale Hellestrae]

John, have you ever been hit by me?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I didn't feel it. No, I only hit the first string guy.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah. I, I can tell you what's really weird about this.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Is the fact that over the last two to three years, I'm averaging getting like five of those.

[John Holmberg]

There's a lot of kids going to juvie a month. Yeah. They have to write.

[Dale Hellestrae]

They have these for about 10 years. I got nothing. And now all of a sudden it's like, I, I, I don't know.

[Brady]

You're welcome.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I came up on Google. Or is it our podcast? It's a sports thing, this show.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Dale Hellestrae]

John, John Hol production.

[Brady]

Sure.

[Dale Hellestrae]

John Hole from him being a guest host. Oh, I'll, I'll show up.

[John Holmberg]

I am the star of the show.

[Dale Hellestrae]

So now he's the star of the show. And not only the star of the show.

[John Holmberg]

Show.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Now it's a John Holberg.

[John Holmberg]

He's getting John Hol podcast. And. Yeah. And you're welcome because now People. And here's the other thing. When these young prisoners write you letters, it's handwritten. I think. I think this.

[Brady]

I think you're going to find. That's the same house on every letter.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Here's the other thing.

[Brady]

It always go back to that one when you. When you're Googling.

[John Holmberg]

The Zillow house had no furniture in it. All the pictures like it had just been sold. This letter is handwritten and sent to Dale. I think this just got lost in the mail for the last 30 years and finally found him. Because nobody hand writes letters. No 17 year old.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Next week I'll bring in all my. Right.

[John Holmberg]

And they're all like.

[Dale Hellestrae]

They're all handwritten.

[John Holmberg]

Make a wish.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Educated.

[John Holmberg]

No. Yes.

[Dale Hellestrae]

They're all Ivy League students.

[John Holmberg]

No, no.

[Brady]

Other than this. From Grove City.

[John Holmberg]

Grove City.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Grove City, Pa. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Grove City College in Brownsville, Pennsylvania.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I don't even know where that is, but I looked it on Zillow and I'm like, oof. This kid is better. Hope she's a good lineman.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Not one. Hey, Dale. That's pretty cool.

[John Holmberg]

It was cool.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Hey, Dale. What? I know the first thing you said back was, what a loser. What a loser.

[Brady]

Look at his house.

[John Holmberg]

I said, special ed kids get assignments to write to heroes. You give them the hope that despite the mental deficiencies, they still have, they still have hope. And that's beautiful. Brownsville, Pennsylvania. That shouldn't even be allowed to be a town in pa. I hope it gets flooded. That's what I wrote back, because it's very nice. The word Browns is in a Pennsylvania town.

[Dale Hellestrae]

And I'm sorry, at what point was that? Hey, that's pretty cool.

[Brady]

That's pretty cool.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Then I fired back. The house, by the way, was 218,000 for the land. And I said, this kid is poor as f. And he. And then Dale goes, happy weekend, buddy. And then I found his actual home. And I said, this is his house.

[Brady]

House.

[John Holmberg]

He goes, $210,000.

[Dale Hellestrae]

And then what did I say?

[John Holmberg]

He goes, it's in Pittsburgh. It's. It's paradise valley to you.

[Dale Hellestrae]

210.

[John Holmberg]

210 1. Look at this dump. Oh, you know what it looks like? It looks like the house from Silence of the Land. Like Jane Gumb's got Hopkins just hand over five grand. Hopkins would drive by. I couldn't find it. A knock on the door, And I.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Said, Mrs. Lippman had a son.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's Gene Gunn from Science of the Wind.

[Dale Hellestrae]

And then this weekend, I brought another sacrifice over to your house.

[John Holmberg]

Didn't work. Did not work. Seven to six.

[Dale Hellestrae]

It worked for three quarters.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, seven to six. And then Dale left and I said, if this falls apart, it's your ass. And boom, it's gone.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I. It's a 15 minute drive basically from my house to John's house. Yeah, I left as the third. Third quarter ended. Get home. I see 31 to 6.

[John Holmberg]

I'm like, it happened quite.

[Dale Hellestrae]

What the hell happened?

[John Holmberg]

I said, if you leave, it's on you. Cuz you're actually bringing us a decent amount of. Of luck here.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And then it all went to crap. That was all on you.

[Brady]

That happened again, that, that happened the first time, didn't it?

[John Holmberg]

No, he did it once with a Chargers game and we were up 17 and lost the game and he left. I'm not saying Dale has anything to do with it. He had to get home and pen a letter to one of the R words.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Let me write what was my sacrifice.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, he brought over a picture. Well, it was a printed picture of Dale and it was autographed, but it was a print.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Well, yeah, because I made copies.

[John Holmberg]

All right, you made copies. Which is. You didn't send that to the kid in Grove City, did you?

[Dale Hellestrae]

No, he sent me a bunch of my cars, John. Oh, yeah. A bunch of football, a bunch of cards.

[John Holmberg]

He. His. His uncle passed away and left him the worst dowry ever. And anyway, so let me have. Oh, yeah, it was a picture. Dale playing the Houston Oilers.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah. And they were playing the Houston Texans. So that's as close as.

[John Holmberg]

And I think when it. I think again, we. Right as you. Before you left, we burned it.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

His suggestion.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Seven, six.

[John Holmberg]

It was seven six. I'm like, I think we did this. We burned the old.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

He used to think, man, oh man, that did the opposite. Opposite. Yeah, the Texans.

[Dale Hellestrae]

The.

[John Holmberg]

The Oilers. Revenge happened right then and there. Let me have your fan letters. You sign all the cards and I'll write a nice letter back.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I'm not gonna have you tarnish. The hell.

[John Holmberg]

It would be. It would be. They'd be nice.

[Dale Hellestrae]

You would be the biggest, biggest douche.

[John Holmberg]

It would be a nice thing.

[Dale Hellestrae]

It's the same reason I won't let you meet Brooke. Because I know you'd be the biggest douche ever.

[John Holmberg]

I would do. You're being the biggest douche to this little poor cripple boy. I signed the car and then write him a letter. He had questions.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I don't. I don't write letters back, John. I know my time is really Valuable.

[Larry]

Couldn't find his crayons.

[John Holmberg]

Just type it it can you? Oh, that was a good one, Brett. That was a good one. You got him.

[Dale Hellestrae]

You got him. And first of all, your heart wasn't in there. It's hard.

[Akash Singh]

I heard.

[John Holmberg]

I just sung that one right in there. That one came from the heart. Dale Hry is upon us and he's bragging about having these special ed special needs kids. I'm just recapping your visit. They special needs kids writing him letters? No one. There's a. There's a. I'm convinced because you do send me like I got another letter. Like who's writing letters to Dale? There's a movement of some sort of strange. They did it in fourth grade. It's like right to it. I wrote Forrest Greg a letter in fourth grade.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Oh, I like Forrest.

[John Holmberg]

Forrest Gregg was a coach of the Bengals.

[Brady]

Did you put anything like he's the most dominating coach?

[John Holmberg]

No, I didn't write that.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Do you realize he was the. The other first team all hundred year team at smu?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he was number one, wasn't he?

[Dale Hellestrae]

And who was number two?

[John Holmberg]

Eric Dickerson. Probably no tap tackle. Oh, I don't know. Nobody cares for dominating Dale Hellister was it.

[Dale Hellestrae]

You know, there's argument I should have.

[John Holmberg]

Been better than forest. Greg, who's the other tackle on your team when you were there?

[Dale Hellestrae]

Who knows?

[John Holmberg]

You don't even.

[Dale Hellestrae]

They're like three guys.

[John Holmberg]

Even guys who played with them.

[Dale Hellestrae]

He's on the other side of the line.

[John Holmberg]

Who has that kind of time? But yeah, I had to write a letter to write a letter to a person in the news. Right? And if they respond to you, let's. We'll read them in the force Greg.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Dale hell string kind of rolls off.

[John Holmberg]

The tongue, but force gre. And I was a Steelers fan, but I wrote and told him I'm like, look, as a Steelers fan, it was very classy for a kid in the. It was 1981. So I was in like first or second grade. I wrote the letter and I said, hey, I'm a Steelers fan, so I don't root for the Bengals. But I want to, you know, tip my cap and say congratulations on your super bowl run. Because they had just not been in super. The Bengals sent me a team photo autograph. Force Greg picture. A letter, a bunch of stickers.

[Dale Hellestrae]

He didn't sign it personally.

[John Holmberg]

He did. He signed the. He's a picture of just him signed a team photo. Like tons of stuff. Because you know why the Bengals aren't used to anybody being nice.

[Dale Hellestrae]

No, it's because football players are nice guys.

[John Holmberg]

Well, then you should have written this kid a letter. Because I got a letter from Forrest Greg, too, that basically said, it was a form letter. You're an individual.

[Brady]

It said, Dear Jim.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It let me. Dear Queer Boy.

[Dale Hellestrae]

What?

[John Holmberg]

Nobody writes for us, Craig.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Even your father doesn't.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

No, it was.

[Dale Hellestrae]

It was your priest. I'm sorry.

[John Holmberg]

No, the priest wouldn't touch me.

[Dale Hellestrae]

That's still got.

[John Holmberg]

I could do it all over, but the. It does. It stings. It's not. Yeah. Just one. All I asked for was.

[Dale Hellestrae]

All those years, you thought, you know what? I'm a lucky one.

[John Holmberg]

No, I never thought.

[Dale Hellestrae]

And then you got older, you go, why didn't he. Well, I watched him.

[John Holmberg]

I watched Father Dale talk to other kids in my school about sex and stuff, like, right in front of me. And he never asked me a question. All I asked for Dale. He knew is the. All I asked for was the opportunity.

[Dale Hellestrae]

To turn him down, show a little in.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Now I made jokes. Later, I'm like. He knew I was all man, and I wouldn't do any of that gay.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Stuff, but that was just to placate yourself.

[John Holmberg]

I think he thought I might have been a girl. That might have been true. I want all your letters now.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

And I will write back and I'll.

[Dale Hellestrae]

No, you get.

[John Holmberg]

You get final approval. I have this kid's address. I could write one right now, say, hi, I'm Dale.

[Brady]

Hel.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. He would know. This kid's IQ is about eight. He would. He'd frame it. I could misspell. Kupd.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Why can't you just say Dale? That's pretty cool. And just.

[John Holmberg]

It's pretty cool. It is cool, except for there's more to it than what you're letting.

[Brady]

I bet she has a whole team, you know, like, you're.

[Dale Hellestrae]

There are people who want to do that.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I don't buy it, but I. To me that. I guess that's their hobby. That. To me that I. I have one autograph that I've ever asked for in my entire life. Yeah. And do you know what happened to me every.

[John Holmberg]

Ever.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I don't. Autographs.

[John Holmberg]

When you were little, you didn't.

[Dale Hellestrae]

The only one I asked for. Scottsdale, Prada, Del Sol Parade.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Dale Hellestrae]

James Kahn's the grand marshal.

[John Holmberg]

That's a good one.

[Dale Hellestrae]

That's cool. And I'm. Whatever. Eight, nine. It was during. Is on school day. I asked my mom and dad, hey, can I ride my bike down there? School day. No, absolutely not. Okay. While I rode my bike down, did it anyway. And wouldn't you know, there's a Scottsdale Progress, which is Scottsdale newspaper, and it has me full blown. What piece of paper? I mean, just. No, no, you can't go.

[John Holmberg]

That's a story.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I'm not sure who that is. I mean, it's.

[John Holmberg]

It's your big film day at the.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Parade, and I'm handing piece of paper to James Kahn. He's up on a horse to autograph my piece.

[John Holmberg]

So let me ask you this, because you didn't think this through anyway. You being on the paper was secondary to the idea of you coming home with the James Kahn autograph.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I was gonna tell my mom and dad. I'm smart not to know that until later.

[John Holmberg]

You'd have slipped up until later.

[Brady]

But his dad took it away and burnt it.

[John Holmberg]

You'd have told your brother.

[Dale Hellestrae]

But literally the next day, my brother wasn't around there. He's 10 years younger.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I didn't know that. Oh, okay.

[Dale Hellestrae]

But I know he. I look good.

[John Holmberg]

No, I thought he was much younger.

[Dale Hellestrae]

You were adopted.

[John Holmberg]

All right, I fell for it. Yeah, he doesn't look great either, but.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Get up the next day, open up, cuz Scott. Everybody in Scottsdale got to Scottdale. Progress.

[John Holmberg]

Sure.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Open it up.

[John Holmberg]

There you are.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Front page.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, were you sitting on your bike too, like a dummy?

[Dale Hellestrae]

I think I was standing at that point, but it was not like, oh, I. No, I don't think that's.

[John Holmberg]

It's. No, it was you color.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Old.

[John Holmberg]

Black and white, black and white, black and white. But there's Dale still got the newspaper article.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yes, you do. You got to bring that in.

[Larry]

You got to see this.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Really, really nice job of keeping all my.

[John Holmberg]

That's great Memorabil. Even the ones where you were jackassing.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I like that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I think that the letter from the kid in Bull Run, Pennsylvania, or wherever the hell he's from.

[Dale Hellestrae]

No, there's some reason Brown.

[John Holmberg]

Brown's town.

[Brady]

I think the pr. The Christmas gift that Eli Manning gave to Payton was pretty cool.

[John Holmberg]

I didn't see that.

[Brady]

He gave him a. A picture frame of the 23 interceptions he threw each rookie card of the.

[John Holmberg]

Guys that picked him off. That's pretty. I like that. I think the kid in. In. In Browntown, Pennsylvania has written you. And then he's got a friend who found another player no one's heard of and wrote. And they have a bet on who emails back. They found two old cards.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Who the hell is this? We don't it's not emails. He's obviously you don't get pictures.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. The US knows so they're like I let's see if he's a first off let's see if this guy's still alive. So he had Dale hell Australia and then the other guy drew out of a head and goes I've never heard of him either. And they found another like punt like I don't know what was it? Does it make Guido Merkins from the.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Same does it make you feel better to put other people down?

[John Holmberg]

So Guido Merkins you don't like to Tim Tebow for crying out whoever emails back faster. The kid gets emails. Yeah, I keep saying it because man whoever. Whoever mails back faster with the you know stamped and it's such a classic.

[Dale Hellestrae]

If you don't now if you don't send it with a self addressed stamped envelope.

[Brady]

Yeah because you you didn't have to pay for the postage.

[John Holmberg]

So these two poor kids spent their last 48 cents on a stamp and a dream and fired that off.

[Brady]

And imagine that when they get stiff they don't send them.

[John Holmberg]

They're sitting. No because that's the fun of the game. Brady. That's when if Guido Merkin's be eats Dale Hellis traded the mailbox. One kid owes the other kid a dollar and that's like a week's salary where they live. Hold on. Is that that his brother Guido Merkins is a real player. Guido Merkins is one of the original.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Dominant to a group 100 people. You say Guido Martin Merkins. Merkins. Look him up 100 people.

[John Holmberg]

At one point he was the leader of everything Saints.

[Dale Hellestrae]

That's Guido.

[John Holmberg]

Well the middle one is Kenny Stabler but yeah, that's Guido Merkin.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Okay.

[Brady]

Yeah it was a good looking dude.

[John Holmberg]

We do was the kick returner. He was a running back. He was the leading receiver. He was amazing.

[Dale Hellestrae]

How many years did he play John?

[John Holmberg]

15 full years. I think he's in the hall of fame.

[Larry]

He's 70.

[John Holmberg]

He's 70. So yeah he's a little a little.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Bit older than me.

[John Holmberg]

Guido. So Guido Merkins versus Dale Hell straight on the who will mail back first thing is going on like 10 years.

[Dale Hellestrae]

10 years.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Good career for Guido.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I can still walk good at 10 years.

[John Holmberg]

That's it. Well Guido couldn't because he was playing 40 positions and he was like 108 pounds. Just a dude.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Why can't you just say Dale?

[John Holmberg]

That's pretty cool because it's just not adding up Dale, it was not. I would say it if it was legitimate. This just doesn't add up. There's two kids and Bull Brown, Pennsylvania having contests.

[Dale Hellestrae]

And actually, I gotta tell you, I only started saving them the last year because my wife said, hey, save those for grandkids.

[John Holmberg]

Here's the fun one thing. Here's what I think happened. Michael and his friend in Brownsville said, hey, I'll. I'll email this guy. And you mail, you mail that. Because it's just emails because that's what kids would say. And then they said, wait a minute, we can't email him. He's old. He probably works his mailbox still. And then they laughed. And then they smoked a bunch of weed and said, write him a nice letter and see if he writes you one back.

[Dale Hellestrae]

How do they afford weed?

[John Holmberg]

And then, whoever. This is how it works.

[Brady]

This wasn't a sweet little Amish kid.

[John Holmberg]

Cuz I could be. Cuz they're bored in Pennsylvania and they get nothing. And then he goes, all right, loser blows the other one. And then they shake on him. Wow.

[Dale Hellestrae]

By the way, do you see Michael Irvin. We're going to get off this subject.

[John Holmberg]

Because you just can't.

[Dale Hellestrae]

You can't bow down because it's too real.

[John Holmberg]

It hurts because it's real.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Do you see Michael Irvin's going to do a new podcast?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, is he?

[Dale Hellestrae]

I. I would. Thought that'd be the entertainment drill with us.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestrae]

No. Oh, yeah.

[Brady]

He's gonna start one up.

[John Holmberg]

Well, hold on a second.

[Akash Singh]

Second.

[Dale Hellestrae]

It's called the White House.

[John Holmberg]

You. Oh, is that real?

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Is that a real thing? I don't want to do a podcast with you anymore. Why don't you call Michael and say.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I would once I understand whether you're going to be okay or not. We're still. Dave and I are still wondering if we're going to replace you.

[John Holmberg]

We are not. I thought it was his show.

[Dale Hellestrae]

He went from part time to your show.

[John Holmberg]

This is. This is like Journey kicking Steve Perry out. Good luck.

[Dale Hellestrae]

But I was golfing yesterday at Moon Valley and a couple of car guys came up and said, you play with Michael Irvin? I said, yeah, they're in the 90s. And. And evidently Michael was on the Rich Eisen podcast starting to ask about superstitions.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestrae]

And most athletes have, oh, yeah, stupid stations like, you know, hey, I drive. Oh, I drove down the 101.

[John Holmberg]

You go different rounds, quarter in your shoe.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I had a really good game. I'm gonna drive down the 101 again.

[Brady]

The way you dress for the game.

[Dale Hellestrae]

And that was Michael. So the offensive lineman. Especially for home games, we had rows of lockers and offensive linemen faced each other. Mark two and eight.

[Akash Singh]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Nate Newton, myself, Mark Stepnowski, Larry Allen. And you had to. Somehow it started that all the coaches would dress up in coats and ties.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestrae]

And then a lot of the superstars. Superstars. The skill guys would dress up in coats and ties and they would walk through us as we come in our jeans. And what they. They. They walk through the.

[John Holmberg]

Rephrase.

[Brady]

They did that. They did that.

[Dale Hellestrae]

They walked through the middle of the row. And then we would grade their outfit.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, this sounds straight as an arrow.

[Dale Hellestrae]

And. And if. If we gave them a good grade, the coach would come back around for one more saunter. Well, Michael was always the last one. Yeah. What we had not realized until we started busting his chomps was Michael, you know, he'd always wear flamboyant.

[John Holmberg]

Sure.

[Dale Hellestrae]

With flamboyant ties. Yeah. Didn't realize his. He always had underwear that matched his tie.

[John Holmberg]

Really?

[Dale Hellestrae]

So then it turned into. He would stop. He would stop at our row and he'd start. Start. They played music then that start. Un.

[John Holmberg]

Ripper music.

[Brady]

And it dropped. Trial show you the.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah, it shows. Had to see if the underwear matched the tie.

[John Holmberg]

What the hell kind of gay stuff was going on in Cowboys locker.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Hey, guess what? Then we go out and kick somebody's ass.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestrae]

You know what I'm saying?

[John Holmberg]

Johnny suppressed. The suppressed homosexual.

[Dale Hellestrae]

We did it in 1995 at Sun Devil Stadium. Right before we marched out and kicked the crap out of the Pittsburgh.

[John Holmberg]

All right, all right.

[Dale Hellestrae]

That was close.

[Brady]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

Somebody found the article from the Scottsdale Trooper or whatever. Oh, that's right. It says the headline says, local retard meets icon. And in the 70s you were allowed to say that. I mean, Jimmy Khan was an icon back then.

[Dale Hellestrae]

He was.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It's legitimate. That's great. I didn't know. So when Michael Irvin gets going on his podcast, just have him join us. We'll change it to the White House, a John Holmberg podcast.

[Dale Hellestrae]

We. We will get Michael on. We'll get him on.

[John Holmberg]

Done.

[Dale Hellestrae]

All right.

[Brady]

So you're around 10 years old when that happened.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Eight. Eight to 10.

[Brady]

Eight to 10.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

And what. Where did you see James Khan or how did he become.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Well, because they have a parade.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no, no. But why did you like James Brian's song.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yes. I didn't know that he was going to be in Casino and all.

[John Holmberg]

He wasn't no, he's in father.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Which is for Brian. He was the catalyst for the Godfather.

[Larry]

Well, that was before Brian's Song.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that was.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Brian song was like 73. He was in Godfather 1 1.

[Dale Hellestrae]

He died in the first.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Okay. Spoiler alert.

[Dale Hellestrae]

All right. All right.

[John Holmberg]

We'll talk some sports. Larry's allowed to eat the food. Yeah. Calm down.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Sweating.

[John Holmberg]

They make him a special meal. They make Larry a coach.

[Dale Hellestrae]

He's Jewish.

[Larry]

The bottom one.

[John Holmberg]

What's it. Why is that bad? You're not going to talk to him anymore?

[Dale Hellestrae]

No.

[Brady]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Dale's brought to you by Ranch House Grill. Then they brought us all that food. If you want a great breakfast or lunch, they're open till like, 2. Right there on 56th street in Thomas, right?

[Brady]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Right there. Ranch House Grill. Thank you for breakfast. Dale will talk sports for the first time in his Life. Next, it's 98, Arizona's most honorable rock nav station. It's out of control now. 98.

[Akash Singh]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

You PD.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Kohlberg's morning sickness. Kohlberg's morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

Solid stuff there. Linkin park, heavy as the crown.

[Dale Hellestrae]

That's not solid.

[John Holmberg]

It's great. That's a good one right there. That's a fun one.

[Brady]

You're kind of tapping your toe to that.

[John Holmberg]

That would have been a. A monster. As you guys kind of leave for the stadium. That's a good one. I like this guy. Emails. He says you managed to tailor that whole segment to autograph nerds like me. There's a website out there that essentially serves as a white pages where all sport and celebrity mail addresses are saved and shared for collectors. We pay a fee. I'm going to keep the name quiet since I don't want the moderators of the website to have bigger nerds than me even ruin it. It'll penalize us. But he sent over. I can find Dale's addresses for the last 20 years. How many people he signed for.

[Dale Hellestrae]

What?

[John Holmberg]

And it says Dale hasn't signed all his mail, by the way. I said if you want John. If you want Dave Kingman's address, I'd be happy to share that as well. Can you get all your addresses?

[Brady]

I want to write Guido Merkins.

[John Holmberg]

We'll get Guido. Yeah, yeah. I've got all your addresses. Addresses.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Really?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestrae]

That is.

[John Holmberg]

Do you live on a street currently named after a sandwich? Yes, I know what it is.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah. That's crazy.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestrae]

One of my favorites, by the way.

[John Holmberg]

Sundays back in 2021, there was a Circle K Super bowl replica ticket signed Both perfectly. Thank you, Mr. Hell. Straight in 97, you signed a card or not 97. In 2021, you signed a 97 card with a black shirt. Sharpie 2020, you signed a card with a black. They've got it all.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

Back to 2001.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

And you used to live on 8618 Valley Ranch Parkway. Is that real? Is that right?

[Dale Hellestrae]

I lived in probably seven different places in Dallas because we always ran one.

[John Holmberg]

Cowboys Parkway.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah, well, that's where Valley Ranch was.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, okay. So they were E monitors.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I did live there.

[John Holmberg]

That's what you were in.

[Dale Hellestrae]

We were winning Super Bowls.

[John Holmberg]

You were in your apartment. 1044 was the number of the apartment.

[Dale Hellestrae]

That's.

[John Holmberg]

Isn't that weird?

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah. No, that's crazy.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And here your fans are just writing you letters asking the mailman to get it there in a week. But.

[Brady]

But he has a 3.5 star rating on stuff getting signed back.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's true.

[Dale Hellestrae]

They're going to. They're going to rate.

[John Holmberg]

Your Signage says, here's one in 2013, you signed something said signed 296. Pinnacle cards. They came back in horrible condition. Black Sharpie with number. Envelope was perfect. Not sure sure why there was an issue. You wrecked the car.

[Brady]

USPS problem.

[John Holmberg]

That's. Well, maybe we don't know. This one's. There's a bunch of them that say waiting, failure, failure, failure. You didn't do it. Status. This one took 12 days.

[Dale Hellestrae]

They're still say how long.

[John Holmberg]

A guy in March 8th sent you something. He's still waiting. March 8th, 2024. This is a great site.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Anything that I get, I sign and send back.

[John Holmberg]

Failure. This guy waited 11 days.

[Dale Hellestrae]

11 days.

[John Holmberg]

You signed the card. Two cards that he sent, and you answered one of his questions.

[Dale Hellestrae]

See? Oh, wow. Good guy.

[Brady]

Five stars.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Hold on. You're going down a wormhole, man.

[John Holmberg]

It's like Yelp of autographs.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And it's got a lot of people on it. Yeah.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Is Holmberg on there?

[John Holmberg]

I have my own site.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Celebrity.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I just have a. I have a kissing booth outside the house. They just show up. There's nothing I can do.

[Dale Hellestrae]

All the dogs come walking around.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody's. Yeah, everybody's out there. There's greetings I get with cookies. It's all good. Let's talk about the Cardinals real quick. Nine coaching vacancies. It looks like this morning John Harbaugh will be a Giants coach that's pretty much locked in. I like that for the Giants, and I love it for me because I can still see A sad Harbaugh, but it never affects, affects me. So I will root for them to lose. A lot I like.

[Dale Hellestrae]

So I would think that once he leaves Baltimore that he's of non issue.

[John Holmberg]

He's a Harbaugh. I hate them all.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Oh, I, I hate Jim.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I don't like any Harbaughs. Mouth breather losers. Don't like them at all. Don't like them like when they fail. But it doesn't bother me and it won't affect me. It won't bring me as much joy and it won't hurt me anymore that he's in New York. Okay, so that at least that's off the table for local radio and local media to say that John Harbaugh ever had interest.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

When a third of the league has coaching open openings and they're not done yet. When a third of the league has coaching openings and the Cardinals are eighth or ninth on that list, you can get rid of the Harbaughs and everything else. And now that the Steelers job's open, everybody's gonna be like quit calling me for a minute. Arizona, we'll get to you in it. They are going to get the last choice.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Well, here's probably the one thing. And by the way, I have gone public and said I like your idea of John Gruden.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's great.

[Dale Hellestrae]

He's off the radar. My goodness, would he make a difference? Having said that, the most disappointing thing to me is Robert Salah as announced. He's got two interviews on Sunday and.

[John Holmberg]

Neither one of them the Cardinals one's Pittsburgh.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Why on God's green earth are you not saying we'll give you the moon sky?

[John Holmberg]

I'll tell you exactly. He told them don't bother before they even could give them.

[Dale Hellestrae]

So you'd rather right now you'd rather take, take the Pittsburgh job over the Arizona.

[John Holmberg]

Oh my God.

[Dale Hellestrae]

You don't have a quarterback.

[John Holmberg]

I don't need it. As Arizona.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah, yeah. Salary cap issues.

[John Holmberg]

Arizona has seller cap issues because they don't know how to spend money.

[Dale Hellestrae]

By the way, I did hear another local sports talk show this morning throughout the idea to get Mendoza with the number one pick for the number three. Maybe we could trade Kyler Murray in the number three pick and still pay for that stuff.

[John Holmberg]

The, the, the Cardinals job is bad compared to the roster of the Steelers. Steelers because one is a gold star franchise and the other is the Cardinals. The phone rang off the hook for the Steelers once Tomlin dropped out. Nobody called the Cardinals?

[Dale Hellestrae]

No. Oh no. They're making calls. And. Yeah. And I think John. John Harbaugh didn't even do zoom. He just did.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestrae]

He ain't coming around the cell phone.

[John Holmberg]

He didn't have any interest. And nobody does. So they're going to get somebody. They're going to get it.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Never heard of.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Jim Moore Jr. Might come back. Vance Joseph. I don't know who they're going to have nobody. And that's. And that's the problem.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Brady.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Joe Brady, who everyone in Buffalo wanted out. They couldn't wait to get.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Whenever you hire a guy and. And the team he's leaving, the fan base is happy. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Arthur Smith. Arthur Smith is now going to interview here. And the Steelers couldn't wait for him.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Are you kidding me?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Philadelphia fans was gone. They were applauding.

[John Holmberg]

They love.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Thank you. Get out of here.

[John Holmberg]

So I don't know what they're gonna do. But again, until. Until the Bidwell curses off this team, there's nothing about. There's no reason to cheer.

[Dale Hellestrae]

No.

[John Holmberg]

There's no reason to get.

[Dale Hellestrae]

And by the way, we're gonna raise. Take the season, take a prize and.

[John Holmberg]

Get you every time. Yeah. And then now you got the College Football Playoff. We talked about this on the wildly successful podcast that we're doing. The.

[Dale Hellestrae]

What's it called, that sports thing.

[John Holmberg]

A John Holmberg podcast.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

With special guest Dale Hell, Australia and friends.

[Dale Hellestrae]

By the way, I did hear you talking earlier. Earlier. Nash is getting in your head. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Nash is getting into your head.

[John Holmberg]

No, because Nash doesn't make sense. I've always.

[Dale Hellestrae]

He's bringing up the same stuff that you're talking about.

[John Holmberg]

Always had conspiratorial thoughts.

[Dale Hellestrae]

But you thought the moon landing. You were Neil Armstrong. You had a poster of it.

[John Holmberg]

That was. I. I thought we did it. I've always said we didn't do it as much as we said. I thought maybe we got up there and then. The new crew has made me realize we never went like it was. I was teetering on the idea like you could convince me we didn't go. But as of now. Now you have to give me some solid.

[Dale Hellestrae]

You don't believe 911 was a terrorist?

[John Holmberg]

Well, I believe. Oh, I completely believe that was a terrorist thing. I just think that the after effects were manipulated. The news we got after it happened was not the truth. That I believe. And I've always thought that. And again, I met it. No, Nash is not. Doesn't make any sense. That just goes. I don't have any answers. But I know this was bad.

[Dale Hellestrae]

You got Trump. Yeah, Trump syndrome. You got nasty.

[John Holmberg]

No, I've got. No, I've got. I've always had that. But like right now, I don't. I'm not believing anything I see. They went to the same play too many times in a row and I'm like, well, this is now a movie studio, right? It doesn't make sense. I don't know. What the hell are we talking about there? You ruined it. Oh, college. College football. Give me your winner on the Miami and Indiana.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Boy, oh boy. I think it's gonna be a great game. I. I just, I don't see even a. A hairline fracture in the Indiana football.

[John Holmberg]

There's not much wrong with them.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Offense, defense, special teams and the, the way they've been coached. Incredible. Nothing then nothing phases them. They don't have the best at Miami has better athletes. But you never find Indiana out of position. No, they'll knock the bejesus out of you. They'll hit you like no other other. If my, my. I could see Miami winning if a couple things go their way.

[Brady]

Ball.

[Dale Hellestrae]

You know, maybe a fumble. But hey, I love me some Fernando Mendoza and I, I love Kurt Signetti. Give me more.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I told you this on the podcast, but there's nobody who can make you not like him faster than Fernando Mendoza in a press conference. Because I'm like, oh, it's almost AI. He's so corny. Yeah, I don't like that. I don't like. I like a guy with.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Oh, your guy did like Tim Tebow. Oh, hated him because he beat. He beat your Steelers once.

[John Holmberg]

But prior I hated him before that.

[Dale Hellestrae]

He wins.

[John Holmberg]

I hated him before that. In fairness, I didn't like him way before.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I'm sorry, but I'm not going to do my moral compass on who I like. And not by John Holmberg.

[John Holmberg]

He doesn't win. He won once.

[Dale Hellestrae]

He won three Super Bowl.

[John Holmberg]

I mean national championships, 20 professional players in front of him. And when he went to the pros, he was horrible. He's throwing Velveeta cheese bricks.

[Dale Hellestrae]

The Steelers Ryan Mundy beat the.

[John Holmberg]

Was the backup safety in Denver. Cuz Ryan Clark has sickle cell and kid playing high elevation. It wasn't a dime.

[Dale Hellestrae]

You got. Suck it up.

[John Holmberg]

Ryan Mundy was supposed. It was not a dime. Ryan Mundy was supposed to play deep safety in cover two and he took a step forward and bit on something and. And Ryan Clark would have never done it.

[Dale Hellestrae]

That's been. It could have been young Rogers.

[John Holmberg]

He couldn't even be an up back in a punt formation in the pros because they're like he's terrible at football. How did Denver do this? He had a magic year.

[Dale Hellestrae]

It's okay for you not to like somebody. I'm just not, I'm just not going to go by your recommendation.

[John Holmberg]

He traffics kids because your moral compass.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Is so off guilt.

[John Holmberg]

He traffic's children.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I don't know what.

[John Holmberg]

He's a human trafficker.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah, I heard you trying to.

[John Holmberg]

But that's not trying for the you. Yeah, yeah.

[Brady]

I think, well, ASU can learn a lesson decisive.

[John Holmberg]

I think ASU can learn a lesson because they can't keep up financially with what's going on in football. But do it Indiana did and go get 25 three stars that are easily coach all 22 years old.

[Brady]

Get a couple years at another school.

[John Holmberg]

They're veterans. It's a team. It's a team of good.

[Brady]

It's.

[John Holmberg]

My buddy's kid just graduated from Stanford last year. He's done. Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. His other kid graduated from Columbia.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Okay, so. And he's your buddy.

[John Holmberg]

He's a good friend.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I'm sorry.

[John Holmberg]

Talking yesterday.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I'm sorry.

[John Holmberg]

His son just transferred after he graduated. This is how college football works now. And he's going to play it New.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Mexico State next year and get another year of nil. And he's got some money coming.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. Like you say he left Stanford. I'm like, he's done it. He graduated a year and a half ago. He's going to play two years in college.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Anybody who has kids that go to Columbia.

[John Holmberg]

Yep.

[Dale Hellestrae]

And Stafford literature picking up their dog poop.

[John Holmberg]

I would, I'd pick up Joe's kids. I'd pick up the dog poop at Joe's place.

[Dale Hellestrae]

He'd sit in that living room and go.

[John Holmberg]

Joe and his wife hooker are wonderful people.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Are you diddling somebody?

[John Holmberg]

That is true. I would ask that, but yeah. So I found it fascinating in New Mexico State's recruiting guys who are graduates.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yes. It's. You can, you can stay. I, I, I coached a kid who went to different high school but in the off season worked with the offensive lineman. He's, he's going into his seventh year.

[John Holmberg]

That's where ASU needs to go play five years of college football. Get him for a year.

[Dale Hellestrae]

He had, he had a Covid year. He had a medical red shirt. He had a red shirt. He had a well, whatever. And he's in his seventh year. He's getting paid 500 grand at TCU to play football.

[Brady]

Good gig.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That's awesome.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah. Congratulations. Yeah. More power.

[John Holmberg]

ASU needs to solve this problem by doing that exact blueprint in the Indiana did.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Hey, I take it we weren't a Pittsburgh win away from winning our bet.

[Brady]

You're too deep.

[Larry]

You were the first one to go out.

[John Holmberg]

You picked against the Bills.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I couldn't remember who I. It's the Bills.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You picked the Patriots.

[Larry]

You're Panthers.

[John Holmberg]

Panthers. I'm sorry. Dumb. Yeah, you were bad.

[Brady]

66.

[Dale Hellestrae]

66, huh?

[Brady]

You got. You haven't done the last round.

[John Holmberg]

Well, he didn't know us for that.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Just sit over there and eat your hash browns up. He came up from his Denver omelette.

[John Holmberg]

And then he bragged about has less meat in it. It's not a Denver omelette.

[Dale Hellestrae]

It's his poured salt for both hands.

[John Holmberg]

No salt.

[Brady]

I put a pillar on it.

[John Holmberg]

That's all right. We got you. Yeah. Anything else?

[Dale Hellestrae]

Are we doing anything this week?

[John Holmberg]

You want to.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Oh, there's only two games, aren't there?

[John Holmberg]

There's four games down to the.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah, there's four of us. Right.

[John Holmberg]

Who's in the final four or the last two? Who. Who are you picking for?

[Dale Hellestrae]

You mean for the.

[John Holmberg]

It would be the final four.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Asc, nfc, I would say in the nfc, Seattle for sure. And then I think Chicago, it's going to be 10 below zero.

[Larry]

Seattle and Chicago, well, they're going against the Rams.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah, but the Rams didn't look like world. But I. If I have to bet right now, I would say Seattle, Chicago, asc, Bills played Denver.

[John Holmberg]

Now Jags play the Patriots.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I would say the Patriots.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Oh, I think it's making some money.

[Brady]

Dale. Come on now.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Why am I picking them all?

[John Holmberg]

I think sports experts people write you.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I don't want to pick and it's the Bills, but I can't pick the Bills. They have one player and I just think that Denver will shut him down down. So it's Jimmy Denver, New England.

[John Holmberg]

All right, I'll put that down. I will put the hundred bucks on the bet.

[Brady]

Okay?

[John Holmberg]

If it doesn't hit, you owe all of us a hundred dollars each.

[Dale Hellestrae]

No, no, no, no.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, because I've. I've spent a lot of money on.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Your expertise this year. I'll do 30. I'll do $33 each. If it doesn't.

[John Holmberg]

But I don't get.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I still lose. 67 does hit. All my fines are waived.

[John Holmberg]

No, you give eight. You don't give them any Money.

[Brady]

Money.

[John Holmberg]

They're not putting anything in there. Unless you guys want to. And then I'll do it.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Would you. Would you?

[Larry]

Last couple records here.

[Brady]

I'm out.

[John Holmberg]

You give me. I'm saving my money. Wow. You give me the money back and give them 33 bucks you still owe.

[Larry]

From, like, two weeks ago.

[Dale Hellestrae]

If you show me how to send.

[John Holmberg]

It to you, we're never gonna see that anyway.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I can't move it to my bank account either.

[John Holmberg]

100 bucks. Netherlands, I'm 180 in. And you give me 100 back. And 33 to Brady and Brett.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Well, what's. What?

[John Holmberg]

That's perfect. Sounds good, huh? We would win a lot.

[Dale Hellestrae]

We.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And they win 33 bucks. I would win a lot of money. If you hit, I'll give you a percentage.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Like 95%.

[John Holmberg]

No, we'll get it.

[Dale Hellestrae]

We'll.

[John Holmberg]

We'll talk about it after. We'll see how much the money. I haven't put the bet in yet. I haven't done it. We'll get it. It'll be good. It's time now for the entertainment drill. And that is brought to you by. By my friends at the Schwarz Laser Eye Center. Schwarz Laser Eye center will take care of you. Get your. If you're Lasik, if you're blurry, you're seeing that Lasik's an option. The lens replacement is amazing. People always ask me, what's the best thing about what happened to you, John. At the Schwarz Laser Eye Center? And it's that a. My vision got clearer. But what you don't know is how much more vivid your vision can be. The lens replacement is amazing. You see colors differently. Brightness isn't. It's so different.

[Larry]

Different.

[John Holmberg]

And they'll do a little consultation for you. All you got to do is check it out. All of their locations are close to you. They got three of them. Phoenix, Scottsdale or Mesa. Scottsdale, Glendale. And we'll get you all covered up. Teamidoc.com because they're the Suns and Diamondbacks official eye center. It's the Schwartz Laser Ice and a Brady Entertainment.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Do I look better to you?

[John Holmberg]

No. You make me wish I never met Jay Schwartz. You make me wish Jay Schwartz stabbed my eyes out. You make me wish. I'd have heard doctor. Yeah. You make me wish. Jay Schwartz said, oops, right in the middle of the procedure.

[Brady]

We got more information on the Ker Sutherland arrest.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady]

For his Uber, he ordered an Uber black. And the driver said, you know, he got a death threat from him from K. Kefer. Yeah.

[Dale Hellestrae]

How?

[Brady]

Yelled out at him. Kiefer gets in the car, yells at the guy, and he says. Then he threatened to kill me because he asked. Asked to be let out twice. And the driver didn't do it. Well, you find out that the driver is either Russian or Armenian, and he didn't speak English.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Brady]

So.

[Dale Hellestrae]

So how did he know?

[Akash Singh]

How?

[Brady]

He had to translate.

[John Holmberg]

How did he know that Kiefer was threatened?

[Brady]

Exactly.

[John Holmberg]

He's a liar.

[Brady]

So they got his story, and then they brought in another one from the LAPD to. As a translator to say get his.

[John Holmberg]

Was this in or around Glendale, California?

[Brady]

Didn't say.

[Dale Hellestrae]

What does that happen?

[John Holmberg]

Well, because Glendale Armenian, it's the second highest concentration of Armenians.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Oh, really? World.

[John Holmberg]

And when I lived there, it's even. Back then it was 2001.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Oh, yeah, it is.

[Brady]

And isn't. Isn't there a Russian section too, as well?

[John Holmberg]

Well, they have and there, but not in Glendale.

[Dale Hellestrae]

The Russians and Armenians get of a lot along a little.

[John Holmberg]

The Armenians are very mob feeling. It's very Italian. It's tight. And so whenever they're in situations like this, they have each other's back. So if it's in Glendale, Kiefer's gonna. They're gonna believe that guy. Glendale is. I. It was strange. I used to play a bocce ball with a bunch of old Armenian men, and it was like being with an Italian mob group, the Sopranos. And these Armenians were almost the exact same.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Same vibe. Were you diddled?

[John Holmberg]

I didn't know. And I asked him, too. I'm like, come on, guys. A bunch of old men.

[Larry]

Shout out again.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody else.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Father Dale once.

[John Holmberg]

No one's ever tried to. And it's pristine. That thing back there, it's gorgeous.

[Brady]

Dale finally has a good story.

[John Holmberg]

All right, well.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Well, Matthew McConaughey trademarked his catchphrase. All right, I'll riot. All right. An effort to protect his voice and light from unauthorized AI misuse. Yeah, first syllable. The last word is at a higher pitch than the same.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. If you can. If you can change, you can't trademark a voice. Okay. You got to just say it's not him.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Can you do. All right, all right.

[John Holmberg]

Everyone can. That's an impression I don't do.

[Brady]

He's been trying to get that since.

[John Holmberg]

2023 to get free. That. Yeah, everybody does the same one. Those are the impressions you do, and you get a good one, and it doesn't matter because the second you do it. Six Jackasses room. I'll go. All right, all right. All right, like, well, this is pointless. It's like if you did a magic trick and then Brett did it and you did. Everybody knew how to do it, you'd be like, this is a dumb one, Right? Yeah. And it's the catchphrase ones that.

[Dale Hellestrae]

What's your best impression?

[John Holmberg]

I got a few bests, but.

[Dale Hellestrae]

No, your best. You only have one best. But if you have to. If you. If you're fighting for your life. If I'm fighting, they got a gun pointed at you and they say, Johnny, if you don't wow us with.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, Tommy Lee Jones would be the one that probably wows people. But it's unexpected.

[Larry]

I don't know. I think OJ.

[John Holmberg]

OJ's pretty damn good. Yeah.

[Dale Hellestrae]

OJ sounds like Michael.

[John Holmberg]

No, they're different. Let's do a comparison. Well, if you had to ask me one thing, Dale. O.J.

[Larry]

Simpson.

[John Holmberg]

And if you went off of that, you knew who it was.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Michael south down here. I'm going beast mode on you.

[John Holmberg]

His mouth is always more full of.

[Dale Hellestrae]

P, you know, D you. They sound the same.

[John Holmberg]

Got to listen closer, Dale. Cuz one of them is a little.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Happier, the other one was angry. They're very similar.

[John Holmberg]

A lot of them are twofers. They're in the same area.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

There's some good ones.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I don't know. All right.

[Brady]

That'd be a good podcast.

[Dale Hellestrae]

What?

[John Holmberg]

Me and Michael.

[Brady]

Oj.

[John Holmberg]

OJ and Michael.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, welcome to Cutting Lines with OJ and Michael. I'm just saying, go beef mode on that cookie. And then Ray Lewis lives in that same thing. He's always up here, though. He's in the nose. Yeah, he can get you. I'll tell you right now, Brady. Not on my watch. He's like a Baptist preacher.

[Larry]

Stephen A.

[Senator Moody]

In there too.

[John Holmberg]

No, Stephen A. Is way down in the lower part of your throat. That's an egregious way to look at all these things. I can't believe we would even put that in the same K. I would.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Say that might be your best one right there.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. No way. The other three are much better. I like Rome. Rome's a great one, too. We'll go through all.

[Brady]

I like Dale.

[John Holmberg]

We have a Guadalupe squares tomorrow. You can tune in, put me to work. This is what I'm talking about. You do impressions. Bernie's good. I like that one. People like that.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Your worst is Dale.

[John Holmberg]

Dale. Dale is people's favorite accurate. Johnny, Johnny, Johnny.

[Brady]

That's up there. It gives me chills.

[John Holmberg]

If I walked him into a wall right after you wouldn't know it wasn't him. All right, close it up, Brady. Let's get done.

[Brady]

Two things. I mean, Sting owes 800 grand in royalties to his two bandmates, Stuart Copeland and Andy Summers. But they're not settling for that. They're saying it's more like 10 million. It's been happening since 1995 at these rates. But during the trial, you found out one of the songs. What? Every Breath youh Take, this thing gets 700 grand a year in royalties. Just off that.

[John Holmberg]

Just off that.

[Larry]

Well, yeah. Diddy was paying him too.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Larry]

Because of that?

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah, he's got. Yeah.

[Brady]

Every time that line said or something.

[John Holmberg]

They hated each other. The Police just hate each other. It's weird how they can have so much success together and not like it. Unlike Hades.

[Brady]

But that had been going on for years.

[John Holmberg]

For years.

[Larry]

Did they tour together? A couple years back, Brady and I.

[John Holmberg]

Went, it was like 10 or 15 years ago, and two gay guys started to make out in front of us. And Brady just goes, yuck. Like he couldn't take it. It was, it was a.

[Dale Hellestrae]

You and Brady went to see a Police concert.

[John Holmberg]

Who's this? Good show.

[Larry]

Where they good?

[John Holmberg]

No, they weren't. No, no. It's a little disappointing. They didn't like each other. They didn't. There was no preparation on stage, so.

[Larry]

You could tell they didn't like each other.

[John Holmberg]

They did not care for it. They wouldn't get, they got through it. There was no stage anything. Nothing extra. Not much of a screen behind them. It was just them singing.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Brady, did you stab him on the shoulder and say, please don't do that while I'm here at the concert?

[John Holmberg]

No, he, he might as well have.

[Brady]

He just.

[John Holmberg]

From me to you, Dale, he's just come on. Like. He could not watch two guys kissing and the one dude's hands sliding in and out of the waistband.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I, I, I think I would have said, thanks. Knock it off.

[John Holmberg]

No, he, he did in every way, but those words get a damn. This is against God.

[Brady]

No, kid, that was Grouse. Every breath you take.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, there. Yeah, you could hear it. He was like Marky Mark behind him. Feel it, Feel it. Come on. It was hilarious. That was the entertainment of the show to me. Once those two started to tongues, they were, I mean, it was some hardcore.

[Larry]

They were more entertaining than the Police.

[John Holmberg]

I haven't used this word since eighth grade. But they were Frenching and it looked like it was their first day. And their, their tongues were made of French toast. They were thick and heavy.

[Brady]

And those were like. And then a 300 ticket.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And they were expensive.

[Brady]

Metallica.

[John Holmberg]

Come on.

[Dale Hellestrae]

It's. It's okay if there's $75.

[John Holmberg]

I can tolerate some homemade.

[Brady]

75.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

But I'm paying 300.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

300 bucks at the Queer free Zone. Swap and spit with a fella and get their beards glued together. It was gross. I'll admit it.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Even you watched every moment.

[John Holmberg]

Not only that, I was. I was pushing on the one guy's hand to start to finger the other one to get Brady to pass out. You try. You try to push me into oh yeah thing. And we were close enough I could give him a nudge and he could hit the.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Hit the gaze Brady's face in the.

[John Holmberg]

Middle and he be right. He was close. Cuz I push real hard and there was no balance. Cuz you're.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Come on.

[John Holmberg]

Come on. It was like an inch from their faces where they're. That I did love. I wanted them to keep going.

[Brady]

It looks like Metallica is going to do a residency at the Sphere.

[John Holmberg]

Oh my gosh.

[Brady]

Almost done. Said finalizing the deal.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that'll be huge.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

They could do that for six or seven months. Wow. All right.

[Brady]

But. But it might be a year away.

[John Holmberg]

But still though, because I got to prep all the video and all the things of that. John, do you know about that? Yeah, you already got tickets. Probably with your fan. John Gordon is a fan. Oh, that's co. Crazy. Yeah, I'd go see that. That's it. We're done. Nice job. Ranch House Grill. Thanks for breakfast this morning. They dropped it off for us. That was really good. We're done. You're getting nothing? Nothing. Nothing. Dale's got his. When does your other. You do yours? Did you do it already? The podcast? You did it this morning?

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yes. All right.

[John Holmberg]

He's got the main event with Steve McCollum. I like Steve. He's a nice man.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah. Well, he's going to give you a free room.

[John Holmberg]

Well, he may give me free. I'm willing to pay for it.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Thousand guys stick together.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. And we should.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Should both bald father.

[John Holmberg]

Dale didn't touch anything?

[Dale Hellestrae]

No. He never mentioned diddle?

[John Holmberg]

No. Dale was gone by the time he was in there. They've caught him.

[Brady]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

By the time that was going on. So he didn't get a chance to get fingered. God, it was close. I was close. I was in the vicinity.

[Brady]

We can make it happen, though.

[Dale Hellestrae]

You tried to get yourself diddled and he wouldn't do.

[John Holmberg]

I was finger adjacent. I think there was dirt on the finger when I was close. Like, I think he had.

[Brady]

Just pull up those op shorts.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Little dolphin shorts.

[John Holmberg]

All I wanted was a chance to say no.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Just wanted that. Never got it.

[Dale Hellestrae]

We're done.

[John Holmberg]

Larry's coming up next. You guys have yourselves a good Thursday. We'll see you tomorrow in the morning. Sickness. It's out of control now. 98, can you PD?