01-15-26 - Thursdays w/Former Dallas Cowboy OLineman Dale Hellestrae - Dale Brings In Some Of His Fan Mail And John Sees Through It

Summary

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Holmberg's Morning Sickness (98KUPD):

01-15-26 – Thursdays w/Former Dallas Cowboy O-Lineman Dale Hellestrae

“Dale Brings In Some Of His Fan Mail and John Sees Through It”

Date: January 15, 2026

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Overview

This episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness features the show’s regular and friend, former Dallas Cowboy offensive lineman Dale Hellestrae. The big focus is Dale sharing recent fan mail and John Holmberg’s deep skepticism about the sincerity and authenticity of said fan letters. The morning show crew (John, Brady, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo) comedically dissects the earnestness (or lack thereof) behind fan letters, jokes about Dale’s football legacy, and trades personal stories about autographs, with humorous sidetracks including Dallas Cowboys locker room traditions and playful ribbing around childhood nostalgia.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Dale’s “Fan Mail” and John’s Skepticism

• Dale shares a letter—purportedly from a young offensive lineman fan named Michael from Grove City College, asking for an autograph and reminiscing about Dale’s “dominant” career.
  • John immediately suspects the letter is a school assignment or even a juvenile probation requirement:

    “This is when kids who are trying to avoid juvie have to do a pick a hero and write him a letter and see if he writes back.” (03:07)

• John reads the fan letter aloud, scrutinizing details that don’t sound sincere or deeply informed:

  “You were one of the best and most dominant players in the league… You’re a long snapper.” (03:14)

• John and Bret look up the sender’s return address online, assessing the house’s worth and riffing on the fan’s (supposed) poverty for comedic effect:

  “This kid is dead broke. He lives in like the Appalachian…” (05:23)

• Dale admits he didn’t get any fan mail for a decade, but recently started receiving about five letters a month. John suggests there’s a trend of “kids going to juvie” who are required to write such letters.

2. The Ritual of Player Autographs and Super Bowl Memories

• Dale answers the fan’s question about his career highlight:

  “Probably my most dominant memory is the Super Bowl out here… Never dreamed of playing the Super Bowl here because we didn’t have an NFL team.” (04:14)

• Revisits how the 1992 Super Bowl was supposed to be in Arizona but was moved due to Arizona not honoring MLK Day.

3. The Roast: Being a “Dominant” Player and Second String Stories

• John teases Dale over being a backup:

  “If you’re second string on your own team, you’re not one of the most dominant players at your position.” (03:36)

• Dale fires back, joking about his impact:

  “Because when I came in, things opened up, John. Yeah.” (03:45)

4. Childhood Autographs—Nostalgia & Regret

• Dale’s only autograph story:

  • Rode his bike against his parents’ wishes to a parade to meet James Caan, the actor, and got his autograph—then ended up in the local newspaper the next day.

  “Literally the next day… open it up… there you are. Front page.” (17:01)

• John shares his own boyhood letter to NFL coach Forrest Gregg—who ended up sending him a large package of team memorabilia.

5. Locker Room Antics and Superstitions

• Dale reminisces about Cowboys traditions:
  • The offensive line would “grade” the outfits of skill players and coaches as they entered, with Michael Irvin (wide receiver) always wearing a tie and matching underwear, and occasionally dropping his pants to reveal the match.

    “Michael… always had underwear that matched his tie… he would stop at our row… and (drop trou) to show us.” (23:10)

  • John jokes about how “suppressed homosexuality” made the Cowboys aggressive on the field.

6. The Fame Contest: Old Players & Fan Letters

• The crew imagines a “race” between two obscure former players (like Dale and Saints RB Guido Merkens) to see who sends fan mail responses fastest.

7. Meta-Humor: The Podcast’s Real Star

• Dale and the others joke about the hierarchy of the show—who is really the star, and how Dale’s appearances have helped bolster his “Google” and “podcast” presence.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On fan mail authenticity:
  • John: “This is when kids who are trying to avoid juvie have to do a pick a hero and write him a letter and see if he writes back.” (03:07)
• On Dale’s career:
  • John: “You were one of the best and most dominant players in the league… You’re a long snapper.” (03:22)
• On the poverty of the fan’s address:
  • John: "This kid is dead broke… The $250,000 was land nearby, like 86 acres. And then his dump of a house where he masturbates to cards of Dale..." (05:31)
• Dale on locker room rituals:
  • “You had to… grade their outfit. Michael… always had underwear that matched his tie. So then it turned into… he would drop trou to show us.” (23:10)
• Childhood autograph regret:
  • Dale: “The only one I asked for… James Caan’s the grand marshal… Literally the next day, open up [the newspaper]… there you are. Front page.” (17:01)
• John on being ignored by priests:
  • “No, the priest wouldn’t touch me… All I asked for was the opportunity to turn him down. Show a little interest.” (14:01)

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Timestamps of Important Segments

• [02:24] – John reads fan letter to Dale aloud
• [03:07] – John expresses skepticism about the authenticity (“avoid juvie” letter)
• [04:14] – Dale shares his career highlight: Super Bowl memory
• [05:23] – Zillow investigation of fan’s house
• [13:19] – John’s story about autograph from coach Forrest Gregg
• [15:50] – Dale’s James Caan autograph and newspaper story
• [22:03] – Dale’s story about Michael Irvin’s matching underwear tradition in Cowboys locker room
• [23:10] – More details on Cowboys locker room rituals
• [24:06] – Scottsdale newspaper story “Local Meets Icon”
• [25:03] – Childhood appreciation of James Caan (“Brian’s Song,” “The Godfather”)

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Concluding Tone and Takeaways

The episode is fast-paced, irreverent, and heavy on sarcasm. John rarely misses an opportunity to gently mock Dale’s playing days, and Dale gives as good as he gets. The show blends sports nostalgia, playful self-deprecation, and a distinctly “locker room” sensibility. The mock-analysis of Dale’s fan mail carries through the episode as a running joke, with a subtle undertone about the realities of fame for second-string NFLers versus legends.
Perfect for listeners who enjoy funny, unfiltered banter about sports, fame, and the weirdness of fan interactions.

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Transcript

[A]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

[B]

This is Michael with Restore My Civil Rights. It's still over 110 degrees outside and the political climate is just as hot. If you've lost your right to possess a firearm due to a criminal conviction, we can help at Restore My Civil Rights. We help Arizonans restore all of their rights because constitutional rights shouldn't depend on the next election results. To book a free consultation, call 855-gun- rights or visit restoremycivilrights.com today. That's Restore My Civil Rights.com.

[A]

It'S John Holmberg here, seeing clear as a bell, thanks to my friends at the Schwartz Laser Eye Center. Well, here we are looking at a brand new year. Can you see yourself in 2026? Can you see it all? I mean, really, maybe in 2026 you should see yourself seeing. Fix those eyes. Vision changes are gradual. You might not even know how bad it's gotten. I know. That was my story. So start the new year by seeing clearly. Visit Doct Schwartz and his team at the Schwartz Laser Eye Center, 480-483-Eyes Schwartz Laser Eye center, the official eye center for your Diamondbacks and sons. They're Canadian. Dale, there's nickelback for you stuff. 912 Nickelback. That's Nickelback.

[C]

I like some of Nickelback.

[A]

Well, you like that, too. That's a good one. No, I know that's a good one. Dale Hellray, three time world champion from your Dallas Cowboys. Remember when they. Akash Singh was just in here. As a Cowboys fan, he probably would have loved to have met you. You were pro. You were on the teams that made him a Cowboy fan.

[C]

How old was he?

[A]

42.

[C]

42.

[A]

9 years old, he'd have been wearing the.

[C]

He probably had a hell of straight jersey.

[A]

Nobody had that Michael Irvin jersey. Maybe a sweater.

[C]

It would have been.

[A]

Yeah, a little cowboy helmet. And he never once said, I'm hella stray.

[C]

I still get fan mail. I sent one to you.

[A]

You did?

[C]

And you couldn't just say, hey, that's cool.

[A]

What'd I do?

[C]

Told me to blank off.

[A]

No, every day.

[C]

You said the guy's a special needs kid.

[A]

Well, of course. He's writing you love letters 35 years after you retired and you were a center.

[C]

I was a thing.

[A]

Okay? You were right. You're still a thing, Dale. Don't worry about that. But he. Dale sent me the envelope and the letter from this. Make a Wish kid. That said you were always. I don't remember what it said. Let me read it.

[C]

I know it was a nice letter.

[A]

Yeah. But I wish he thought you were someone else. He thought you were someone else. Here's the. Here's the letter. Dale sends it to me, says I'll read it like he wrote it. My name is Michael and I am riding. Says, could you sign a card for me? I would greatly appreciate that. You were a phenomenal lineman and long snapper your entire career, especially with the Cowboys, where you were a key part of their great teams. Now, right here, hold on. Right here. I realized this is when kids who are trying to avoid juvie have to do a.

[C]

All right.

[A]

Pick a hero and write him a letter and see if he writes back. So we did a little research. He just read the back of your car.

[C]

Oh, geez.

[A]

You were also one of the. This is where I know he doesn't. You were one of the best and most dominant players in the league.

[C]

Thank you.

[A]

You're a long snapper.

[D]

You gotta write stuff like that in order to get something back.

[C]

Back when I played you, you had to play offensive line.

[A]

And I'm not taking away.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, you're taking away everything.

[D]

I'm saying.

[A]

If you're second string on your own team, you're not one of the most dominant players at your position.

[C]

I'll back up Nate Newton and Larry.

[A]

Allen, of course, but. But how is anybody know you're one of the more dominant?

[C]

Because when I came in, things opened up, John. Yeah.

[A]

I enjoy writing to offensive lineman because I am alignment myself and I play college ball for the Grove City College. See, I have a tremendous amount of respect for the men up front that do the work.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

That goes unnoticed.

[C]

And where's it from, Johnny?

[A]

Hold on. It says, I have one question for you. What is your favorite moment from your career?

[C]

Yeah. What is it?

[A]

Did you write him back, by the way?

[C]

I did. And I signed the card.

[A]

Come on.

[C]

I signed the card, said best wishes. And I. Probably my most dominant memory is the super bowl out here.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

That's because. Cowboy fan. Yeah. No dreams of playing the super bowl here because we didn't have an NFL team.

[A]

True.

[C]

And. And then what most people don't realize is the 1992 Super bowl was supposed to be out here.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Sun Devil Stadium. Yep.

[A]

But the mark mlk, ironically, his birthday today.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

So that ruined our Super Bowl.

[C]

So I. So we played in that Super Bowl. I'm like, I could have played.

[A]

That's right.

[C]

It was out in Pasadena. They moved to the Rose Bowl.

[A]

That's right.

[C]

Which is pretty cool. Yeah. Not thinking I'd ever have a chance to do it here.

[A]

And they moved it to 95. And you got it again. How about that?

[C]

Yes. That is kind of pretty cool.

[A]

While you were playing, you signed it dominated.

[C]

It's also the biggest ring our brains got progressively.

[A]

The third one is. Should be so then. But on this letter it says Dale included the envelope with this kid. The return address envelope. So is Brazil oed his house.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

This kid is dead broke. He lives in like the. The Appalachian.

[C]

He's in the250,000 estate.

[A]

It was first off.

[C]

That's the Paradise Valley.

[D]

That's a nice house.

[A]

Like 11 acres. It's a ramshackled hut. I. I looked up the actual address. The. The250,000 was land nearby, like 86 acres. And then his dump of a house where he masturbates. The cards of Dale for kids probably listening now. So you can hear Dale.

[C]

So this is John saying, I gave you credit.

[A]

I did give him credit. But the second.

[C]

The kid said you were the most.

[A]

Dominant, you were second.

[D]

But, you know, he's got to write stuff like that to get stuff signed back.

[C]

John, have you ever been hit by me?

[A]

Yeah. I didn't feel it.

[C]

No.

[A]

I only hit the first string.

[C]

Yeah. I can tell you what's really weird about this. Yeah. Is the fact that over the last two to three years, I'm averaging getting like five of those.

[A]

There's a lot of kids going to juvie a month. Yeah. They have to write.

[C]

They have these for about 10 years. I got nothing. And now all of a sudden, it's like. I don't know.

[D]

You're welcome.

[C]

I came up on. Yeah. Google. Or is it our podcast?

[A]

I think it's.

[C]

It's a sports thing, this show. Right. John. John Holmer production.

[D]

Sure.

[A]

A John Holmes pod.

[C]

It went from him being a guest host. Oh, I'll. I'll show up.

[A]

I am the star of the show.

[C]

So now he's the star of the show. And not only the star of the show. Now it's a John Holberg.

[A]

Podcast. And. Yeah, and you're welcome. Because now people. And here's the other thing. When these young prisoners write you letters, it's handwritten. I think. I think this.

[D]

I think you're gonna find that's the same house on every letter. Yeah.

[A]

Here's the other thing.

[D]

And always go back to that when you. When you. When you're Googling.

[A]

The Zillow house had no furniture in it. All the pictures like it had just been sold. This letter is handwritten and sent to Dale. I think this just got lost in the mail for the last 30 years and finally found him. Because nobody hand writes letters. No 17 year old.

[C]

Next week I'll bring in all my.

[A]

Right. And they're all like.

[C]

They're all handwritten.

[A]

Make a wish.

[C]

Educated.

[A]

No.

[C]

Yes. They're all Ivy League students.

[A]

No, no, other than this.

[D]

From Grove City.

[A]

Grove City.

[C]

Grove City, Pennsylvania.

[A]

Yeah. Grove City College in Brownsville, Pennsylv. Yeah, I don't even know where that is, but I looked at on Zillow and I'm like, oof. This kid is better. Hope she's a good lineman.

[C]

Now one. Hey, Dale. That's pretty cool.

[A]

It was cool.

[C]

Hey, Dale. What? I know the first thing you said back was, what a loser. What a loser.

[A]

I said, special ed kids get assignments to write to heroes. You give them the hope that despite the mental deficiencies, they still have, they still have hope. And that's beautiful. Brownsville, Pennsylvania. That shouldn't even be allowed to be a town in pa. I hope it gets flooded. That's what I wrote back, because it's very nice. Browns is in a Pennsylvania town.

[C]

And I'm sorry, at what point was that? Hey, that's pretty cool.

[D]

That's pretty cool. Yeah.

[A]

Then I fired back. The house, by the way, was 218,000 for the land. And I said, this kid is poor as f. And he. And then Dale goes, happy weekend, buddy. And then I found his actual home. And I said, this is his house. He goes, $210,000.

[C]

And then what did I say?

[A]

He goes, it's in Pittsburgh.

[C]

It's.

[A]

It's paradise valley to you.

[C]

210.

[D]

210.

[A]

1. Look at this dump. Oh, you know what it looks like? It looks like the house from Silence of the Land. Like Jane Gumb's got Hopkins just hand over five grand. Hopkins would drive by. I couldn't find it, knock on the.

[C]

Door, and it's like Mrs. Lippman had a son.

[A]

Oh, it's Gene Gunn from Silence of the Land.

[C]

And then this weekend, I brought another sacrifice over to your house.

[A]

Didn't work. Did not work. Seven to six.

[C]

It worked for three quarters.

[A]

Yeah, seven to six. And then Dale left and I said, if this falls apart, it's your ass. And boom, it's gone.

[C]

It's a 15 minute drive, basically from my house to John's house. I left as the third quarter ended get home. I see 31 to 6.

[A]

I'm like, it happened quite.

[C]

What the hell happened?

[A]

I said, if you leave, it's on you because you're actually bringing us a decent amount of luck here.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And then it all went to crap. That was all on you.

[D]

That happened again. That. That happened the first time, didn't it?

[A]

No, he did it once with a Chargers game, and we were up 17 and lost the game, and he left. I'm not saying Dale has anything to do with it. He had to get home and pen a letter to one of the R words. Let me write.

[C]

What was my sacrifice.

[A]

Oh, yeah, he brought over a picture. Well, it was a printed picture of Dale and it was autographed, but it was a print.

[C]

Well, yeah, because I made copies.

[A]

Right, you made copies. Which is. You didn't send that to the kid in Grove City, did you?

[C]

No, he sent me a bunch of my cars, John. Oh, yeah. A bunch of football.

[A]

Bunch of cards. His. His uncle passed away and left him the worst dowry ever. And anyway, so let me have. Oh, it was a picture. Dale playing the Houston Oilers.

[C]

Yeah. And they were playing the Houston Texans. So that's as close as.

[A]

And I think when it. I think we. Right as you. Before you left. We burned it.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

His suggestion.

[C]

7 6.

[A]

It was 7 6. I'm like, I think we did this. We burned the old.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Here's the thing.

[C]

Man, oh, man.

[A]

That did the opposite. Opposite.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Texans.

[C]

The.

[A]

The Oilers. Revenge happened right then and there. Let me have your fan letters. You sign all the cards, and I'll write a nice letter back.

[C]

I'm not gonna have you tarnish.

[A]

The hell it would be.

[C]

It would be.

[A]

They'd be nice.

[C]

You would be the biggest douche.

[A]

It would be a nice thing.

[C]

It's the same reason I won't let you meet Brooke. Because I know you'd be the biggest douche ever.

[A]

I would do. You're being the biggest douche to this little poor cripple boy.

[C]

I signed the card.

[A]

And then write him a letter. He had questions.

[C]

I don't. I don't write letters back, John. I know my time is really valuable.

[A]

Couldn't find his crayons, Just type it, can you? Oh, that was a good one, Brett. That was a good one. You got him. You got him.

[C]

And first of all, your heart wasn't in there. Yeah, it's hard.

[A]

I heard. I just sung that one right in there. That one came from the heart. Dale Hellistry is upon us and he's bragging about having these special ed. Special needs. I'm just recapping your visit. His special needs kids writing them letters? No one. There's a. There's a. I'm convinced because you do send me like I got another letter. Like who's writing letters to Dale? There's a movement of some sort of strange. They did it in fourth grade. It's like right to it. I wrote Forrest Greg a letter in fourth grade. Oh, I like Forrest Forrest Greg was the coach of the Bengals.

[D]

Did you put anything like he's the most dominating coach?

[A]

No, I didn't write that.

[C]

Do you realize he was the. The other first team all hundred year team at smu?

[A]

Yeah, he was number one, wasn't he?

[C]

And who was number two?

[A]

Eric Dickerson.

[C]

Probably no tackle. Oh, I don't know.

[A]

Nobody cares.

[D]

Force dominating Dale Hellester.

[A]

Was it you?

[C]

There's argument. I should have been better than Forest.

[A]

Greg, who's the other tackle on your team when you were there?

[C]

Who knows?

[A]

You don't even. They're like even guys who played with them.

[C]

He's on the other side a lot.

[A]

Who has that kind of time? But yeah, I had to write a letter to write a letter to a person in the news.

[C]

Right?

[A]

And if they respond to you, let's. We'll read them and then force Greg Dale.

[C]

Hell straight.

[A]

Kind of rolls off the tongue, but force gre. And I was a Steelers fan, but I wrote and told him, I'm like, look, as a Steelers fan, I was very classy for a kid in the. It was 1981, so I was in like first or second grade. I wrote the letter and I said, hey, I'm a Steelers fan, so I don't root for the Bengals, but I want to, you know, tip my cap and say congratulations on your super bowl run. Because they had just not been in super. The Bengals sent me a team photo autograph. Force Greg picture a letter. A bunch of stickers.

[C]

He didn't sign it personally.

[B]

He did.

[A]

He signed the. He's a picture of just him. Signed a team photo. Like tons of stuff.

[C]

What, 98?

[A]

No way.

[C]

Holmberg's morning sickness.

[A]

Cause you know why the Bengals aren't used to anybody being nice.

[C]

No, it's because football players are nice guys.

[A]

Well, then you should have written this kid a letter because I got a letter from Forrest Gregg too that basically said it was a form letter. You're an individual.

[D]

It said dear Jim.

[A]

Yeah, it let me. Dear queer boy.

[C]

What?

[A]

Nobody writes for us Greg letters.

[C]

Even your father doesn't. Yeah, no, it was. It was your priest. I'm sorry.

[A]

No, the priest wouldn't touch me.

[C]

That's still got.

[A]

I could do it all over, but the.

[C]

It does.

[A]

It stings. It's not. Yeah, just one. All I asked for was.

[C]

All those years you thought, you know what? Hey, I'm a lucky one.

[A]

No, I never thought.

[C]

And then as you got older, you go, why didn't he. Well, I watched him.

[A]

I watched Father Dale talk to other kids in my school about sex and stuff, like, right in front of me. And he never asked me a question. All I asked for Dale.

[C]

He knew is the.

[A]

All I asked for was the opportunity.

[C]

To turn him down, show a little interest.

[A]

Yeah. Now, I made jokes. Later, I'm like. He knew I was all man, and I wouldn't do any of that gay.

[C]

Stuff, but that was just to placate yourself.

[A]

I think he thought I might have been a girl. That might have been true. I want all your letters now.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

And I will write back and I'll get final approval. I have this kid's address. I could write one right now, say, hi, I'm Dale.

[C]

Hel.

[A]

Yeah, he would know. This kid's IQ is about 8. He would need frame it. I could misspell KUPD.

[C]

Why can't you just say Dale? That's pretty cool. And just pretty cool.

[A]

It is cool, except for there's more to it than what you're.

[D]

I bet she has the whole team, you know, like you're.

[C]

There are people who want to do that.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't buy it, but I.

[C]

To me that. I guess that's their hobby. That to me that I. I have one autograph that I've ever asked for in my entire life. Yeah. And do you know what happened to me ever? Ever? I don't autographs.

[A]

When you were little, you didn't.

[C]

The only one I asked for. Scottsdale Parado, Prada Del Sol parade.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

James Kahn's the grand marshal.

[A]

That's a good one.

[C]

That's cool. And I'm Whatever. Eight, nine. It was during. Is on school day. I asked my mom and dad, hey, can I ride my bike down there at school day? No, absolutely not. Okay, well, I rode my bike down.

[A]

Did it anyway.

[C]

And wouldn't you know, there's a Scottsdale Progress, which is Scottsdale newspaper, and it has me full blown. What piece of paper?

[A]

I mean.

[C]

I mean, just.

[A]

You can't.

[C]

You can't go.

[A]

James Kahn.

[C]

No, no, you can't go.

[A]

That's the story.

[C]

I'm not sure who that is. I mean, it's.

[A]

It's your big film day at the.

[C]

Parade, and I'm handing a piece of paper to James Caan. He's up on a horse to autograph my piece.

[A]

So let me ask you this, because you didn't think this through anyway. You being on the paper was secondary to the idea of you coming home with the James Kahn autograph.

[C]

I wanted to tell my mom and dad you were gonna know that.

[A]

Nope, until later. You just slipped up until later.

[D]

But his dad took it away and burnt it.

[C]

You'd have told your brother, but literally the next day, you know, my brother wasn't around there. He's 10 years younger.

[A]

Oh, I didn't know that. Okay.

[C]

But good. I know. He. I look good.

[A]

No, I thought he was much younger.

[C]

You were adopted.

[A]

All right, I fell for it. Yeah, he doesn't look great either.

[C]

But get up the next day, open up, because everybody in Scottsdale got to Scottsdale. Progress.

[A]

Sure.

[C]

Open it up.

[A]

There you are.

[C]

Front page.

[A]

Oh, were you sitting on your bike, too, like a dude?

[C]

I think I was standing at that point, but it was not like, oh, I. No, I don't think that's me. It's.

[A]

No, it was you.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Color?

[C]

Old.

[A]

Black and white, black and white, Black and white.

[C]

But there's Dale.

[A]

Still got the newspaper article.

[C]

Yeah. Yes, you do. You gotta bring that in.

[A]

You gotta see this.

[C]

Really nice job of keeping all my.

[A]

That's great.

[C]

Memorabilia.

[A]

Even the ones where you were jackassing.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I think that the letter from the kid in Bull Run, Pennsylvania, or wherever.

[C]

The hell he's from. No, there's reasons.

[A]

Browns, Brownstown.

[D]

I think the Christmas gift that Eli Manning gave to Peyton was pretty cool.

[A]

I didn't see that.

[D]

He gave him a picture frame of the 23 interceptions he threw each rookie.

[A]

Card of the guys that picked him off. That's pretty. I like that. I think the kid in. In Browntown, Pennsylvania, has written you. And then he's got a friend who found another player no one's heard of and wrote, and they have a bet on who emails back. They found two old cards. Who the hell is this?

[C]

We don't. It's not emails. Obviously. You don't get pictures.

[A]

That's right. The U.S. knows. So they're like, I. Let's see if he's a. First off, let's see if this guy's still alive. So he had Dale Hellistray, and then the other guy drew out of a hat and goes, I've never heard of him either. And they found another like punt like I don't know what was it? Does it make Guido Merkins from the.

[C]

Same feel better to put other people down?

[A]

So Guido Merkins, you don't like Tim.

[C]

Tebow for crying out.

[A]

Whoever emails back faster. The kid gets emails. Yeah, I keep saying it because whoever, whoever mails back faster with the, you know, stamped and it's such a classic.

[C]

If you don't now if you don't send it with a self addressed stamped envelope.

[D]

Yeah, because you, you didn't have to pay for the postage.

[A]

So these two poor kids spent their last 48 cents on a stamp and a dream and fired that off.

[D]

Imagine that when they get stiff they don't send them.

[A]

They're sitting. No, because that's the fun of the game, Brady. That's when if Guido Merkins beats Dale Hellis trader the mailbox one kid owes the other kid a dollar and that's like a week's salary where they live.

[C]

Hold on, is that that his brother?

[A]

Guido Merkins is a real player. Guido Merkins is one of the original dominance.

[C]

To a group 100 people you say Guido Martin Merkins. Merkins.

[A]

Look him up 100 people at one point he was the leader of everything Saints.

[C]

That's Guido.

[A]

Well the middle one is Kenny Stabler but yeah, that's Guido Merkins.

[C]

Yeah. Okay.

[D]

Yeah, it was a good looking dude.

[A]

Guido was the kick returner. He was a running back. He was the leading receiver. He was amazing.

[C]

How many years did he play, John?

[A]

15 full years. I think he's in the hall of fame. He's 70. He's 70. So yeah, he's a little bit older than me. Guido. So Guido Merkins versus Dale Hell on the who will mail back first thing is going on. Played 10 years.

[C]

10 years.

[A]

Yeah. Good career for Guido.

[C]

I can still walk at a 10 years.

[A]

That's it. Well, Guido couldn't because he was playing 40 positions and he was like 108 pounds. Just a dude.

[C]

Why can't you just say Dale? That's pretty cool.

[A]

Because it's just not adding up. Dale. I would say it if it was legitimate. This just doesn't add up. There's two kids and Bull Brown, Pennsylvania having contests and actually I gotta tell.

[C]

You, I only started saving them the last year because my wife said hey, save those for.

[A]

Here's the fun thing. Here's what I think happened. Michael and his friend in Brownsville said hey I'll. I'll email this guy and you mail, you mail that guy because it's Just emails, because that's what kids would say. And then they said, wait a minute, we can't email him. He's old. He probably works his mailbox still. And then they laughed. And then they smoked a bunch of weed and said, write him a nice letter and see if he writes you one back.

[C]

How do they afford weed? And then, whoever.

[A]

This is how it works.

[D]

This wasn't a sweet little Amish kid.

[A]

It could be because they're bored in Pennsylvania and they get nothing. And then he goes, all right, loser blows the other one. And then they shake on it.

[C]

Wow. By the way, do you see Michael Irvin, we're gonna get on this subject. You can't bow down because it's too real.

[A]

It hurts because it's real.

[C]

Do you see Michael Irvin's gonna do a new podcast.

[A]

Oh, is he?

[C]

I almost thought that'd be the entertainment drill with us. Yeah, no. Oh, yeah.

[D]

He's gonna start one up.

[A]

Well, hold on a second.

[C]

It's called the White House.

[A]

You. Oh, is that real?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Is that a real thing? I don't want to do a podcast with you anymore. Why don't you call Michael and say.

[C]

I would once I understand whether you're going to be okay or not. We're still. Dave and I are still wondering if we're going to replace you.

[A]

Was his show.

[C]

He went from part time to your show.

[A]

This is. This is like Journey kicking Steve Perry out. Good luck.

[C]

But I was golfing yesterday at Moon Valley and a couple of car guys came up and said, you play with Michael Irvin? I said, yeah, I was there in the 90s. And. And evidently Michael was on the Rich Eisen podcast starting to ask about superstitions.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And most athletes have, oh, yeah, stupid stations like, you know, hey, I drive. Oh, I drove down the 101.

[A]

You go different routes, quarter in your shoe.

[C]

I had a really good game. I'm gonna drive down the 101 again.

[D]

The way you dress again.

[C]

And that was Michael. So the offensive lineman, especially for home games, we had rows of lockers and offensive linemen faced each other. Mark two and a Nate Newton, myself, Mark Stepnoski, Larry Allen. And you had to. Somehow it started that all the coaches would dress up in coats and ties. Yeah. And then a lot of the superstars. Superstars, the skill guys would dress up in coats and ties and they would walk through us as we come in our jeans. And what they. They. They walk through the middle of the Rephrase.

[D]

They did that. They did that.

[C]

They walked through the Middle of the row. And then we would grade their outfit.

[A]

Oh, this sounds straight as an arrow.

[C]

And. And if. If we gave them a good grade, the coach would come back around for one more saunter. Well, Michael was always the last one.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

What we had not realized until we started Buses chomps was Michael. You know, he'd always wear flamboyant. Sure. With flamboyant ties. Yeah. Didn't realize his. He always had underwear that matched his tie.

[A]

Really?

[C]

So then it turned into. He would stop. He would stop at our row and he'd start. Start. They played music then. Yeah. That start.

[A]

Unfreshing ripper music.

[C]

Yes.

[D]

And it dropped trial.

[C]

Yeah. It shows that. We see if the underwear matched the tie.

[A]

What the hell kind of gay stuff was going on in Cowboys locker.

[C]

Hey, guess what? Then we go out and kick somebody's ass.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You know what I'm saying, Johnny?

[A]

Suppressed. Suppressed homosexuality. Angry.

[C]

We did it. We did it in 1995 at Sun Devil Stadium, right before we marched out and kicked the crap out of the Pittsburgh field. All right, all right. That was close.

[D]

All right.

[A]

Somebody found the article from the Scottsdale Trooper or whatever. Oh, that's right. It says the headline says local meets icon. And in the 70s you were allowed to say that. I mean, Jimmy Cohen was an icon back then.

[C]

He was. Yeah.

[A]

It's legitimate. That's great. I didn't know. So when Michael Irvin gets going on his podcast, just have him join us and we'll change it to the White House, a John Holberg podcast.

[C]

We. We will get Michael on. We'll get him on.

[D]

All right, so you're around 10 years old when that happened.

[C]

Eight. Eight to 10.

[D]

Eight to 10.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And what. Where did you see James Khan or how did he become.

[C]

Well, because they have a parade. Oh, no, no.

[A]

But why did you like James?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Brian's song.

[C]

Yes. I didn't know that he was going to be in Casino and he wasn't. Oh, he wasn't.

[A]

No, he's in Godfather.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Which he was for Brian. He was the catalyst for the Godfather. Well, that was before Brian's Song. Yeah, that was. Yeah. Brian song was like 73. He was in Godfather 1.

[C]

1. You died in the free.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Spoiler alert. All right, all right. We'll talk some sports insights. Larry's allowed to eat the food. Yeah. Calm down.

[C]

Sweating.

[A]

They make him a special meal. They make Larry a kosher.

[C]

It's Jewish.

[A]

The bottom one. Why is that bad? You're not going to talk to him anymore?

[C]

No.

[A]

Okay. Dale's brought to you by Ranch House Grill. Then they brought us all that food. If you want a great breakfast or lunch, they're open till, like, two. Right there. On 56th street in Thomas, right?

[D]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah, right there. Ranch House Grill. Thank you. For breakfast, Dale will talk sports for the first time in his Life. Next. It's 98. It's out of control now.