01-15-26 - Tiring Of All The Political Distraction Bombs Being Thrown Like Male Pregnancy Question In House Hearing - Emailer Says She Worked w/John At Romas And He Gave Her Best Advice Of Her Life To Protect Her Vagina

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Holmberg’s Morning Sickness (98KUPD)

Episode Title: Tiring Of All The Political Distraction Bombs Being Thrown Like Male Pregnancy Question In House Hearing
Air Date: January 15, 2026
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo

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Overview

This episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness dives headfirst into the absurdity of modern political discourse — most notably the viral and contentious “Can men get pregnant?” debate erupting in political hearings. John laments how such conversations have hijacked public attention, blurring real issues and breeding tribalism. The show also features a hilarious and touching email from a former acquaintance crediting John’s offhanded youthful advice for her lifelong sexual choices. Throughout, the crew keeps things brisk, sardonic, and unapologetically irreverent.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Existential Reflections on Age and Crime

Timestamps: 01:15–05:45

• John opens up about seeing news stories where people his own age “snap,” leading him to reflect on his own life path and mortality.
  • "You just think at a certain point, like, if I haven’t killed anybody by now, I’m probably not going to. But then you see a guy who’s, like, 53, and he’s sitting there in his mug shot, and I’m like, something got him." (John, 01:38)
• He muses on how aging shifts your perspective, especially as people around your age group die or make grave mistakes.

2. Why Political Conversations Feel Impossible Now

Timestamps: 05:45–16:00

• John confesses to profound fatigue over politicized “distraction bombs,” using the recent male pregnancy hearing as a prime example.
• The team plays extended audio from a political hearing, where a senator relentlessly badgers a medical expert with the question, “Can men get pregnant?”—a conversation John considers “political theater at its worst.”
  • "How do we live in a world where this is happening in our politics and anybody takes a side?" (John, 08:24)
  • "I don’t want to be on either team that would even entertain that discussion." (John, 10:57)
• The hosts lampoon the hearing’s circular logic, questioning the utility of even engaging with such arguments.

3. The Email that “Changed a Life”

Timestamps: 22:50–27:06

• John reads an email from a woman who says his teenage advice made her “respect her vagina,” likening overuse to reducing the value of an action figure.
  • "You told me I didn’t respect my vagina... treating it like a kid on Christmas morning ripping open a new Star Wars action figure and playing with it too much... Because of that talk, for some reason, I’m 53 years old and I just started dating a 24 year old guy who is blown away at how pristine I am." (Emailer, 23:48)
• The group discusses the odd satisfaction (and comedy) of such unforeseen influence.
  • "If you’re giving me credit for keeping your vagina intact and I don’t even know you... I should get like a finder’s fee on this!" (John, 25:26)

4. Restaurant “Kitchen Troll” Lore

Timestamps: 26:45–35:00

• John and the crew reminisce (savagely) about their restaurant youth, where “kitchen trolls” (the grungy, mysterious kitchen staff) inexplicably hooked up with attractive front-of-house employees.
• An extended riff follows on how associating with a “troll” was a one-way ticket to social exile in the staff pecking order.
  • "Once you went into the troll world, you couldn’t come back to us. You were damaged." (John, 30:58)

5. The Economic Value of “Mint Condition”

Timestamps: 40:00–42:00

• Holmberg doubles down on his “Star Wars Action Figure” analogy, beseeching listeners (with comic sincerity) to cherish what they’ve got — and noting how treating oneself like a rare collectible can pay unexpected dividends.
  • "Always treat your vagina like a 1977 Kenner Darth Vader. If it comes out of the box, it only gets played with by a couple of good people... because in 30 years, it might be worth millions." (John, 40:51)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On pointless political debate:

  • "How do you defend what she’s—she's an expert doctor, and I’m sitting there going, yeah, I’m supposed to Take a side here, people." (John, 08:33)
  • "The simulation is shattered, completely broken. Yeah, I want to open my eyes to my own crap." (John, 14:48)

• On refusing tribalism:

  • "I don’t want to be on either team that would even entertain that discussion, let alone try to make up new rules. It’s crazy." (John, 10:57)

• On being “life changing” to others:

  • "I was Socrates when I was 22 and told that lady life-changing, life-altering advice." (John, 31:57)

• On “kitchen trolls”:

  • "Kitchen trolls are scary... I can't imagine the diseases trolls give you. They're not even named yet." (John, 36:42)

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Topic Highlights with Timestamps

• Reflection on Aging & Criminality — 01:15–05:45
• Frustration with Political Distraction Tactics — 05:45–16:00
  • [Hearing audio: Male pregnancy question] 07:21–14:30
• John’s Impactful Advice / Email Story — 22:50–27:06
• Restaurant “Kitchen Troll” Stories — 26:45–35:00
• Collectibles Analogy: Treasuring Value — 40:00–42:00

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Tone & Style

• Signature blend of sarcasm, exasperation, and self-deprecation.
• Willing to follow tangents to wild places, but always looping back to the main theme: the lunacy of our times.
• Playful insults and in-jokes abound—especially within the “kitchen troll” saga.

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For New Listeners

If you haven’t tuned in before, expect rapid-fire banter, topical rants, and recurring characters/patterns (e.g., restaurant lore, self-deprecating humor). The show joyfully tiptoes the line between hard-hitting social commentary and adolescent irreverence, often in the same breath.

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Final Thought

As John summarizes (40:52), the theme of the episode is about recognizing what truly matters amidst the noise:
"You want to wrap that thing up, store it. Only break it out for special occasions… it might be worth millions."

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Advertisements, intros & outros omitted for clarity. For questions, photos (seriously), or to change your life with John’s advice, email [e-mail].

Transcript

[Producer/Host]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

[John Holmberg]

It's John Holmberg here, seeing clear as a bell, thanks to my friends at the Schwartz Laser Eye Center. Well, here we are looking at a brand new year. Can you see yourself in 2026? Can you see it all? I mean really. Maybe in 2026 you should see yourself seeing. Fix those eyes. Vision changes are gradual. You might not even know how bad it's gotten. I know. That was my story. So start the new year by seeing clearly. Visit Dr. Jay Schwartz and his team, Schwartz Laser Eye Center, 480-483-Eyes Schwartz Laser Eye center, the official eye center for your diamondbacks and sons.

[Michael from Restore My Civil Rights]

This is Michael with Restore My Civil Rights. It's still over 110 degrees outside and the political climate is just as hot. If you've lost your right to possess a firearm due to a criminal conviction, we can help at Restore My Civil Rights. We help Arizonans restore all of their rights because constitutional rights shouldn't depend on the next election results. To book a free consultation, call 855-gun- rights or visit restoremycivilrights.com today. That's restore my civil rights.com.

[John Holmberg]

Good morning everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Thursday. It is 5:45. My name's John Holmberg. How are you? There's Brady, there's Brett, there's Toledo. This is the morning sickness and off and running on another 80 degree day in January. I love it. I woke up this morning and I said this is the way it needs to be. And I grabbed an aerosol can and I just sprayed it in the air. I'm like come on global warming, let's keep it going. I put plastic in the black bin and trash in the blue bin. I'm screwing it all up. Bring on that oceanfront property and let's flood California because this is the way January should feel. I don't care about those ice caps. That's for your kids to solve. Just you know what I do. We're in Arizona. Put them in the pool early, get them swimming, get them used to having water clothes because it's good. So what? I like it. I did have like a weird like last night I was struggling with. I don't know if you guys do this too and you see like a news stories. One that I saw was a, a guy got arrested for. It was a cold case for like a decade and then they said 53 year old man and I'm like, oh. And for some reason, I always put my age on top of like, the age of the person that got arrested. And I start to wonder. I'm not past that time when I could snap. Like, you just think at a certain point, like, if I haven't killed anybody by now, I'm probably not going to. But then you see a guy who's like 53, and he's sitting there in his mug shot, and I'm like, something got him something. He went his whole 53 years without probably killing anybody. And then all of a sudden he's like, nascar. And I'm throwing it all away.

[Brady]

It's falling down.

[John Holmberg]

Seems. It seems like right now my brain's like, nah, you would never. But then he probably thought the same thing. I can't watch the news anymore because age comes into play now. It's like when you start seeing people a few years around you dying of natural stuff. Like a friend of yours, like, his heart explodes. You have like, geez, they were same age. It's not. It's not surprising anymore when someone around.

[Brady]

Younger help at all.

[John Holmberg]

What do you mean? When they.

[Brady]

I mean, like, they, like. For me, it's like in the 50s or 48.

[John Holmberg]

You like it because you. It's almost like passing like, well, I made that, right.

[Brady]

I passed that stage.

[John Holmberg]

You beat him. It's almost like you're. I. I did better than him. He lost it at 55. You know, you're older than that, so it's like, ah, okay, if I lose it.

[Brady]

That happened to him. The odds of.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brady]

I passed it.

[John Holmberg]

I just don't. I don't feel like I could murder anybody. But he probably didn't either. And it's the mug shot that got me because he's like, but again, he did this possibly like 10 years ago. So I do feel like I've. I've beaten him in the keep it cool kind of measured approach to living. It's a very strange way to live your life. And I do everything by numbers and age and things like that.

[Producer/Host]

Who'd he kill? Is it his wife or.

[John Holmberg]

See, that's the other thing. It's like those men are a little more forgiving. It's like, well, I can see why you'd go there. He's with the.

[Producer/Host]

For that.

[Brady]

Never think about that.

[John Holmberg]

But men. And we don't like ladies. You may not do it. I think you do. But we have. We. We are more. I guess we're more empathetic to those things. When he's like, all right, what happened. We don't think he snapped. And she. It's a terrible tragedy. But then you're like, it's what Aries Spears said. I don't condone what OJ did, but I understand it.

[Producer/Host]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It says they found him in a. In his den, just watching. Oh. His wife and kids heard a commotion outside, and they got close. They said that the people came in and got him. He stabbed someone to death. I don't know. I don't even know what it was. The whole story didn't even matter to me. It was just that we're the same exact age. And I thought, oh, man, I'm not out of the woods yet as far as potentially losing my. My cool. But I still feel really pretty good about my not going to jail thing. I think that outweighs any anger I could have, is fear of jail. Nobody's worth that to me. No one. Like, no, nothing's worth that to me. I don't. I don't have that. So at least currently. But I'm, you know, and with all.

[Brady]

The training you're doing, you know, you. You had the potential to be affliction man. You know, with all the tactical black.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. But I don't wear the out.

[Brady]

Like, I want to try this on the street.

[John Holmberg]

I'm going to beat somebody for those types. 20 plus years I've been in. Yeah, maybe I get it out of my system.

[Brady]

Been that guy necessarily.

[John Holmberg]

No, No. I don't want to fight anybody. I really don't want to fight anybody. I just like the training part.

[Producer/Host]

He's afraid to meet the sisters in jail.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, horrified. Horrified. I can be trained all I want. Eventually, four or five sisters gonna get you because they'll get you when you're sleeping. Like, oh, no, this is why I shouldn't. That's. But I see the age of the guy on the news, and I think, oh, we're the same. And then I start to place, like, where I am in life on it. I don't watch the news for what goes on. I watch to see how I react. It's. It's strange. Oh, the other. I pulled the clip up of this. The other thing, people. I got an email yesterday. I got into a little back and forth with a guy that said, and Tripp and I have had this conversation. It's like, do you think if you started a podcast, just you. Do you think you could. It's possible to do it without politics nowadays? And, like, you know what? I don't know. Because, like, Joe Rogan wouldn't be as big a deal as he is if he hadn't dabbled in the world of politics. And that mostly comes from the people who don't like him. Like, it cemented him as a spokesperson for one side. Even though he drifts out of it sometimes. The hate from the left made the right dig in on Joe Rogan, right? The MAGA boys, the, you know, the MMA guys and all that. When he started to out loud say, hey, I kind of like, he had Trump on the show and all that, it made the people who hate him loudly hate him. So the people who liked him liked him a little more. And it wasn't about being political. It was about, you know, getting tribal with the. With the audience. So I didn't know. But then I have these moments where I'm like, I don't know that I can be political because of stuff like this. This.

[Senator Moody]

Thank you, Mr. Chairman. Since you bring it up, why don't we just start there? Dr. Verma, I wasn't sure I understood your answer to Senator Moody a moment ago. Do you think that men can get pregnant?

[Dr. Verma]

I hesitated there because I wasn't sure where the conversation was going or what the goal was. I mean, I do take care of patients with different identities. I take care of many women. I take care of people with different identities. And so that's where I paused. I think. I wasn't sure where you were going with that.

[Senator Moody]

Well, the goal is. It's the truth. So can men get pregnant?

[Dr. Verma]

Again, the reason I paused there is I'm not really sure what the goal of the question.

[Senator Moody]

The goal is just to establish a biological reality. You just said a moment ago that science and evidence should control, not politics. So let's just test that proposition. Can men get pregnant?

[Dr. Verma]

I take care of people with many identities, but can men get pregnant? Women, Seriously, women can get pregnant. I do take care of people that don't identify as women.

[Senator Moody]

Can men get pregnant?

[Dr. Verma]

Again, as I'm saying, how do we.

[John Holmberg]

Live in a world where this is happening in our politics and anybody takes a side. Broads. What are they even arguing about?

[Brady]

She's getting her credibility shot. It's not even her.

[John Holmberg]

Because it is him, too. He should shut up and immediately say, you're a moron. Get out. You're wasting everyone's time. This is political theater. That. Which is why I hate it. I hate both sides for even having this argument. How do you defend what she's. She's an expert doctor, and I'm sitting there going, yeah, I'm supposed to Take a side here, people. The argument I got in with the guy yesterday, email. He's like, you clearly live on the left. And I'm like, I. I don't know how you think I live on one side or the other. How in the world do I make it so I. Because I don't. There was a topic he had that I did not agree with, that he was going crazy, that just automatically put me in a thing. And then this happened yesterday. Did you ever get in an argument with your wife, your girlfriend, a friend or whatever, and midway through, you're arguing about something weird that had nothing to do with why you started arguing? And you're in the middle of it, you're like, I'm in a weird loop of like, this is never gonna end. We're arguing about, like, popcorn in the microwave or something. It started off as a. Like a real discussion, a little thing. And then it just devolved into this weird thing, and you can't get out of it. And now that's gonna be the thing that lives through. You're not gonna solve a problem that probably. You went into the argument thinking, we need to solve a problem, and then something happens. Somebody mentioned something dumb, and you're like, are we really talking about dinner seven years ago?

[Brady]

You're really. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

What?

[Brady]

A lot of times, what is the problem? It's bringing out that bigger problem.

[John Holmberg]

But nobody knows how to have the discussion without just going, this is pointless. You need to go somewhere else. I can't talk to you. And he didn't do that. He antagonized it to win a side, to make the other side look better. I'm like, how do you do this? So I don't want to. But that's the world we live in. The simulation shattered. You have to be able to answer the question, can men get pregnant with one thing? Nobody can defend that and just say, yeah, I understand what you're saying. No, of course a biological man can't get pregnant. But gender is, you know, it's a construct. So I treat biological women who are identifying as men, who, yes, they can't get pregnant. It's an easy answer. But we don't live in that world. We live in an insane world. Insanity. I watched that yesterday. We were up, and she's nuts, and he's crazy for even continuing the argument. And I don't know how anybody sides with one side or the other, but I was in this argument with a guy yesterday. He was like, you gotta pick a side and get on it. People would respect you.

[Brady]

More.

[John Holmberg]

And I'm like, I don't want to be on either team that would even entertain that discussion, let alone try to make up new rules. It's crazy. What? 98 no way home. Bloomberg's morning sickness. Of course men can't get pregnant. And I don't want to be friends or continue moving on with and I'll discuss anything with anybody. I like a discussion where somebody says something loopy. But that's one where you're like, we're just. You're. You're. You're one of those broads that's like, hey, honey, I think we've got a problem. Well, maybe it started that time back in when we were at Frank's house and, oh, what? You've been hanging on to this for years and you're. You're throwing out a distraction.

[Brady]

There we go.

[John Holmberg]

You're. You're gonna make me mad about something that I was mad about six years ago. To avoid talking about what really happened. I come to you and say, hey, something's wrong. And you tell me that Frank's house was weird a few years ago. And you know that's going to make me go, well, what are you talking about? And now we're going to argue about something completely different. Nothing's ever going to get done again. So my advice to everyone.

[Brady]

It was so simple that yes man can't get pregnant.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it seems like it, right? She's a doctor. This is why my advice to everyone is stop it. Be super selfish. Take care of your own house, and then that will trickle around you. Stop worrying about all the other stuff.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Just do like Brett. You do you. And if I asked you for help, you'd be like, hey, you're my friend. We'll help each other. But I'm not worried about anything that's going on outside of my home anymore, because that's where it goes. I can't sit and have a decent conversation with anybody. Just a simple email yesterday. I'm a stewing on it for. For 12 hours, 15 hours.

[Producer/Host]

I bet she has a ring on her finger either.

[John Holmberg]

Let's take a look. I don't know if that's right or not. Let me see. This went on for 10 minutes.

[Senator Moody]

Can they get pregnant?

[Dr. Verma]

I also think, yes. No questions like this are a political tool.

[Senator Moody]

No. Yes. No questions are about the truth. Doctor. Let's not make a mockery of this proceeding. This is about science and evidence. And I'm looking at her hand. I'm trying to find the United States Supreme Court just heard Arguments yesterday at great length on this question. This is not a hypothetical question. This is not theoretical. People in their real lives. And you're here as an expert, called by the other side as an expert. And you've been telling us that you. That you follow. Right? You're a doctor and you follow the science and the evidence. So I just want to know the science. Can men get pregnant?

[John Holmberg]

No ring. No ring, Brad.

[Dr. Verma]

Trying to reduce the complexity of the.

[Senator Moody]

I'm not.

[John Holmberg]

Can you imagine being married to her?

[Senator Moody]

I'm trying to. Frankly, your veracity as a medical professional and as a scientist. Can men get pregnant?

[Dr. Verma]

I think you're also conflating. How do you know?

[Senator Moody]

No, I'm not conflating. Male and female, they're two different things. There's biological men, there's biological women. And I want to know, can men get pregnant?

[Dr. Verma]

Well, you were talking about is biological.

[Senator Moody]

You're not going to answer my question.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's an argument, too. That's been on that they say that that's racist to say that it's always for.

[Dr. Verma]

I would be more than happy to have a conversation with you.

[John Holmberg]

That I think she could be. She's not trying.

[Dr. Verma]

Trying to be polarized and.

[John Holmberg]

Well, now, wait a minute. She just moved her hand. There might be a small ring.

[Senator Moody]

Extraordinary.

[John Holmberg]

She might have married a teacher.

[Senator Moody]

We are here and hearing about science and about women. And for the record, it's women who get pregnant, not men. Oh, we are here about this.

[John Holmberg]

I can't be part of this anymore. I can't. I can't. People watch the news and get stirred up. But I got stirred up about it because I'm like, I can't believe this is actually happening. Like, nobody stepped in not. There's 100 people in that room and nobody said, all right, that's enough. Shut the up.

[Brady]

I. I've heard that two plus two.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's racist.

[Brady]

But what about one plus one?

[John Holmberg]

Is that racist? Okay, if it's always two, you're just making. I don't know how that. And that was the argument. And I'm like, I need to stop paying attention to the world. The simulation is shattered, completely broken. Yeah, I want to open my eyes to my own crap. I also have feelings that there's something going on in Minnesota that we don't know because it's awfully peculiar that they're in, like, a massive financial scandal and suddenly all we care about is, like, social issues there. That seems so, like, drummed up Wag the Dog. It's ridiculous. Another dude got Shot last night, but they hit him in the leg. And people are still complaining. A few days ago they were saying, why don't you just shoot her in the leg or her tires? I'm like, just stop shooting.

[Brady]

Should all be fist fights in Chicago.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's brutal. Anyway, I don't know.

[Brady]

I know it's tough to talk.

[John Holmberg]

Just real quick. So I know. Can men get pregnant?

[Brady]

No.

[Producer/Host]

There you even ask me that question's wrong with you?

[John Holmberg]

Because I'll tell you right now, my neighbors and I've been to. I was at their house for New Year's Eve and there were. It was all twinks. And if men could get pregnant, it would happen in that house. If men get. It's not from a lack of trying between Troy and Michael. So I'm going to say that's the ones that are more than likely.

[Producer/Host]

If you do you. You have fun, you do your things. Not my thing. But that is one way they are.

[John Holmberg]

Lucky they don't ever have to worry about that look like. Yeah, no doctor. The whole point of being gay, right, Is that you. It's a free for all kids.

[Producer/Host]

It's a free for all.

[Senator Moody]

Yeah, sure.

[John Holmberg]

You get a little hankering along the way and the. The bottom usually says to the top about six years in, we should adopt a Chinese girl. And they end up doing it. I told Michael and Troy that when they moved in, my only fear of having gay neighbors in my cul de sac of two homes was that you guys were adopters. And Michael goes, ugh, never. It's the whole point. And I'm like, you are my favorite people. Neighbors with no kids in my cul de sac. My biggest fear was there'd be Asian kids running all over. They adopt little girls and run them all over and they'd be dressed like it was prom. Every. Everybody looked like little agent JonBenet in my cul de sac running around because the gays dress them up real good, but they didn't want them. And I'm like, this is going to the property value soaring like American Family.

[Producer/Host]

With Cameron and whatever.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, that was so. That was the reason that was funny is because it was so accurate. I have lived my entire adult life without once having to dry over chalk in my cul de sacs of some stupidly drawn out hopscotch or like, welcome home.

[Brady]

You're missing out.

[John Holmberg]

No, I'm not. No, I. The neighborhoods to avoid. You look for chalk residue on the road because eventually kids will make themselves known by putting graffiti in a driveway. Somewhere and doing something.

[Brady]

Turn your tires and it gets on your car.

[John Holmberg]

Don't care about that. I care that they will get in my way. The chalk doesn't bother me. It's what it announces is close by.

[Producer/Host]

There's no little or green guy out there with the flag saying slow down and stuff like that in your color.

[John Holmberg]

I want to mash. Those little neon kids, you get shocked.

[Brady]

At all when you. Because they have that little green guy at the Video west next door right at the gate.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's just so the truck drivers know. It's like, I know not to hit the walls. No, that. That doesn't bother me because I know. I know that no kids are at Video West. I see kids in the neighborhood and I'm like a 1950s white. Well, there goes that neighborhood. We got to move. Can men have kids?

[Brady]

Yeah, I just thought about the men have kids thing. An exception. If a guy says, well, do you believe in God or a creator?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

So what about divine intervention?

[Producer/Host]

Could God.

[John Holmberg]

Would you believe that? You think God would put a baby in a man with no womb?

[Brady]

I don't. Right off the bat.

[John Holmberg]

Anyone can do it. No. So long. He's done for even bringing it up. You're worse than her for that one. Nope, nope. The immaculate. You can't.

[Brady]

He can't. Right?

[John Holmberg]

He hasn't a womb. There's no. No.

[Brady]

I would say he wouldn't, of course.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you for clearing that up. No, and if. If he did that, he'd be a real dick because. How's that coming out? It was bad enough he did it to a 13 year old girl once to do it to a man next. Come on. Now he's just raping everybody around here. You got no boundaries. No. If a creator decided to impregnate a man as a sign, but he won't show up and get rid of childhood cancer, I hate him a little more. Yeah, that argument yesterday had me laughing. We were at Tactical Black. I'm. Jay's talking to me. So did you see this? And we looked and I'm like, I can't. It's like an episode of the Office. Like, this is so easy to fix. They're going to go 30 minutes on it. It's nuts.

[Brady]

They went at it before. Or is this. They're going at it again.

[John Holmberg]

They won't stop. A couple days ago in the Supreme Court, they were talking about it and then this went on to the Senate floor. And you're like, how? What are they.

[Producer/Host]

What?

[John Holmberg]

And then I was like, why are they talking about this, and it's all about broads and men's sports and, like, I don't get it. I can't get on either side. I want to start my own. My own party of. And just call it you guys. And anytime anybody says something, I'm just like, all right, that's it. As a leader of you guys, I can say, you guys. How do you even entertain that argument for two minutes? It's crazy. Guy says, bro, haven't you seen the movie Junior? That is true. Arnold Schwartz. He did get knocked up. You haven't a. Woo. Yeah. No, there's no. Even if God decided to impregnate a man, Brady, he would have to first start by adding parts to him aftermarket to put in. You know, he's the designer, John. All right, that's. That argument is circular and more dumb than this one.

[Brady]

Absolutely. Because he already made a design. Here are the designs.

[John Holmberg]

All right, don't get into that either. Now we're even. Now it's even worse. Anyway, remember I told you at the gas station the other night after the Steelers game? I went to the gas station. That guy yelled at me, his Steelers suck and homeburg, you suck. He emailed me, his name is Justin Huckleberry. And he says fake. No. That's what I thought at first. He goes, hey, I'm the guy yelled at the gas station. I live in the apartments behind that dealership that you were close to. I've listened since I was 12. I'm 34 now. I love you so much, dude. I was starstruck. And that's all it came to mind. Thanks. Blow. Never retire. And then he just signed it effing homo. F word. Oh, look at the bottom of that. This is just. That's how he signed it. Sure enough, it says, effing British smokes. What? 98? No way. Homeberg's morning sickness in its own way. And then it says. Also, my mom from Boston said she noticed how big your head was, but I still love you. Don't be sad. This. This is praise. This is how you're nice to me. Wow. I love you, bro. Never retire.

[Producer/Host]

Jeff Toledo was in the car.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my. Wow. Toledo's the car. It would look like I'm driving. I just stole the jack in the box from the drive through. Yeah. How about that? It's insanity. Yeah. The simulation shattered. It's just not right. But thank you, Justin Huckleberry. What a great name. You're my Huckleberry. Just so happened I was getting gas while this jackass is staring at me across the Circle K parking lot. And the only thing he had to say was, and he likes me. Steelers suck. Hey, Holmberg, you suck. Have, like, have a good night. Your friend has a massive head. Yeah, he's kind of weird looking. I love that guy. I love you, you. Thank you. What a wonderful legacy. I'm leaving. And then I have this email.

[Brady]

This.

[John Holmberg]

This boy screams pride. For the record, still, Brady's wrong. Even God slapped his forehead when you started talking about that nonsense. Men can't have babies. And anybody that tries to argue with me, go away, please. If you're on the other side of that, go away. This one says, hey, Holmberg, I'm actually friends with somebody you worked with at Tony Roma's when you were younger. We used to hang out back in the day. I don't know if you remember, but for that reason, I'm not going to tell you my name. I am the same age as you, and in fact, you and I have the same birthday. Still not ringing any bells for me. I wanted to let you know that something you said to me when I was 22 actually changed my life.

[Producer/Host]

Look at you.

[John Holmberg]

How about that? We were at a party and you told me I didn't respect my vagina. I don't remember this. Normally I would remember a conversation like this. Says I was treating it like a kid on Christmas morning. She put this in quotes. Ripping open a new Star wars action figure and playing with it too much. And in 30 years you wish you hadn't done that. Because those things are valuable now and yours is ruined. Well, because of that talk, for some reason, I'm 53 years old and I just started dating a 24 year old guy who is blown away at how pristine I am. Because from that day forward, I treated it with respect. He comes from a family worth hundreds of millions of dollars. And I thought of you when he told me how good it was. You were right. I've been a quiet fan of yours the whole time you've been on the air. You have no idea that you did this. I moved to Texas on Friday and I wanted to tell you. I know it's weird, but thank you. You showed me that some guys weren't interested in just sex with me and I was being an absolute slut. So you saved a slut. Signed friend of Brandon. And we remember Brandon. I don't remember Brandon. I remember a kid named Brandon, but I don't remember much about him.

[Producer/Host]

Well, she needs some pictures of d. Toledo at 98.

[John Holmberg]

I agree now if you're gonna go to these lengths, just body shots, no faces, you can keep it anonymous. Let's take a look at this 53 year old body. That's fooling a 24 year old boy. That's crazy.

[Producer/Host]

Especially he's worth hundreds of millions of dollars. Or his family is.

[John Holmberg]

Frankly, taxes showing a 53 year old. I mean, well, not. No, she won. She's got a family of 100 million. She's moving to, you know, South Fork. She's going to oil ranch. She's sticking around. She's going to listen to that kid forever.

[Producer/Host]

Say hi to JR And Bobby for us.

[John Holmberg]

She. If he breaks up with her, she's still going to be in the mix. Now. No, if she's got pristine body to hold 24, she's going to Texas for two reasons. Milk this as long as it lasts and hobnob with the other oil men. She'll be married to Billy Bob eventually, but right now, this is her foot in the door. And you know what? I think I should get like a finder's fee on this. If you're giving me credit for keeping your vagina intact and I don't even know you.

[Brady]

Gift. A little gift.

[John Holmberg]

Yes. Pass some down to the guy who got you there. Because otherwise you'd. Evidently you were slinging that thing around like, you know, pizza dough at an Italian restaurant. I didn't know. You're welcome. And I. Look, I'm usually all for the slutty behavior, but if you were being so bad that I actually sat down and said, you're disgusting. You were doing some stuff.

[Producer/Host]

No clue who this is, huh?

[John Holmberg]

My guess is, if I had to guess, and I don't remember this at all in detail, she was having sex with one of the guys in the kitchen. And if she's having sex with one of the kitchen guys, I'm looking at her just going, what in the hell? You're just throwing that thing to anybody. And then that dude, that's. It's good enough for him. And also, she must have been fairly attractive or I wouldn't have wasted my time with it. Like I was seeing some disparity there. Where, like at your restaurant when you're.

[Brady]

A little blocking, like selling yourself.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no, no. Evidently. Well, no, from if I know me.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I looked at her and said, you're banging that guy. You're immediately off the table. You. You have lowered your standards too. Like the dishwasher. That might be it.

[Producer/Host]

Who was the guy?

[John Holmberg]

The. That might be it.

[Producer/Host]

Who was the Chippendales dancer or whatever he was.

[John Holmberg]

No, that was Brad.

[Producer/Host]

Could he been with. She'd been with him.

[John Holmberg]

That would have made sense though. Brad was a handsome Chippendales dancer who worked with us. So a lot of the girls were. Would have taken Brad. And then when I went to the river with Brad and he had that song and that he wore his Chippendales down the river. Well we didn't. We were just off the. Onto the side. We were skimboarding so we didn't. We weren't floating. So we took the jeeps to the. We had a couple people with four wheel drives and we take them to the edge and we tie it. The most dangerous thing in the world. We tie a string to a tree on the side and then surf against the tide of like a. Like a rapid on the river. And we'd surf and then we'd fall in and get stuck. I mean somebody should have drowned. But Brad went with us one time because the hot weight. The hostesses were going and was me and Mark and a couple other people and we're. We're at the river and we took the hot hostesses and Brad's like I'd like to go. And the hostess is like Brad wants to come with like crap. Because we knew it was over at that point. Brad brought one of his Chippendales buddies. Oh but he wasn't as good as Brad. He was like weird. And then Brad dropped his board shorts and he was in a red. I'll never forget her. A red thong. You know those Chippendales dancer shorts where the dong is like a foot for like I think there's a. There's like sand in it or something. Like it's weighed down. It stayed that way all day in the cold water even. It stayed that way all day. And then we had to deal with Brad all day. It would have made sense if she was one of the Brad bangers because I think a lot of those girls fell under his spell. Okay, from what I'm hearing from her email friend of Brandon, you were hosing something that was disgusting and I'm like you're gross. Like you're. You'll give that to anyone. I'd like a follow up and tell me who it is because I've got a couple guesses. I've got a couple guesses, but I'm glad. Look. But again now you're with some. That is. I got questions about the 24 year old guy with $100 million. It's aiming his wang at a 53 year old woman. That dude, if he's from hundred million dollar family, you better look like Kate Beckinsevo.

[Producer/Host]

I was just gonna say her too.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, she's gotta be pretty great. But I saved. I actually didn't even try to be Captain Sabaho and I Captain save a ho. So I'm sorry to one of the Chris Valenzuela's in the kitchen at Tony Romas. That inevitably was. We called them the trolls. You're banging a kitchen troll. Like that was immediately out. Brady, your restaurant, you had that gorgeous waitress got knocked up by a kitchen troll. That's what they do. Kitchen trolls knock you up. And for some reason some of them swing hot chicks. And they're all trolls. Kitchen trolls are scary. So that's more than likely what I saw. She banged a kitchen troll. I saw it. And she was probably like having a bad night with the troll. Like she was sad or something saying, well, he's just not calling me. I'm like, he's a kitchen troll. You just throw your vagina around. And that is a pretty good analogy. I'm pretty proud of myself for comparing her vagina to a Star wars action figure. You play with it too much. 20 years, you'd be like, what that Darth Vader's worth? How much? Geez, I had one of those, I ruined it.

[Brady]

Maybe it's because the kitchen trolls provide for the other staff and they come in when they're hungry. I don't know why they need cigarettes.

[John Holmberg]

It's inevitable.

[Brady]

They always have all this supplies.

[John Holmberg]

One of the hot girls bangs a kitchen troll. I've since seen the guy, this guy Aaron that worked in our kitchen. And back in the day he was a troll. His life is now normal. But while he was a kitchen troll, he hammered one of the cocktail waitresses. And she was beautiful. And you're like, what? And then it was over. That girl, you couldn't look at her ever again.

[Producer/Host]

Just wrecked it.

[John Holmberg]

Just like she did.

[Senator Moody]

A troll.

[John Holmberg]

Once you went into the troll world, you couldn't come back to us. You were damaged. The trolls, and they didn't clean up. They'd go to like, they'd show up smelling like grease and onions. They didn't care. They go home to shower first before they came to the after party.

[Producer/Host]

Stained shirts.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they just showed up and then scored. Yeah. So friend of Brandon, you're welcome. I should get a little. I should get a little action off of that, I think. And I'm not talking like a percentage. I'm Talking like a one time royalty. Like a payment, like a, you know, a buyout. Because evidently you were on the path of getting knocked up by one of the Valenzuelas in our kitchen. And how much would your life have been different had it not been for John stopping those ovaries from taking troll seat? You know what? You're welcome. I don't know if I've done that with anyone else. It's interesting to wake up and realize that.

[Brady]

You'll hear, you'll get another letter.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but I was Socrates when I was 22 and told that lady life changing, life altering advice. What? 98. No way. Holmberg's morning sickness. She broke up with that troll and she got in her. Probably her Honda Accord that night, looked down at her goods and said, you know what? From here on out, I'm gonna treat you with respect. And they looked back up and went, thanks. So grateful for you not putting troll dick in me anymore. Yeah, no more troll dick for you. Billionaires only. Okay, I'll do some exercise and get back in shape because. Yeah, that's not good. Send pictures, friend of Brandon, because that is impressive. If you're 53 and you got. I root for that for all the. All ladies. Ladies get mad at men. They're like, oh my God, he likes some 25 year old girl.

[Producer/Host]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

You should do it too. Nothing good happening in this room to these bodies as we get older.

[Producer/Host]

Nope.

[John Holmberg]

If I was a woman and I kept it together, I'd be like, what am I? Why am I laying on Brady? Ever, ever, ever. I'm right behind you, buddy. No one should want to get on top of this thing. It's gross. If I look at someone and I can't picture them having sex without getting like a chill. Their wives, and they should all, you know, find their new value and go. Go get that. Although I do think it's weird when a. When a young man goes for an old. She's got to be. She's got to be special.

[Producer/Host]

Like you said, Kate Beckinsale, it's got.

[John Holmberg]

To be that good without the crazy. But good luck. And there's a reason why you're 53 and still available too.

[Producer/Host]

So is Kate Beckinsale too.

[John Holmberg]

As hot as she is, still can't land anybody because something outweighs that eventually.

[Producer/Host]

Well, she took Davidson seed, so.

[John Holmberg]

Davidson, Matt Rife. She's been. She's been through it. And all of them say the same thing. That was fun. Until it wasn't. Now I want to see her. Is there any Way to Google search. Friend of Brandon. Yeah.

[Producer/Host]

We don't even get a name. I have a first name, right?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, no, she didn't give me. And her email address was like one of those Google X1 9. She just did a quick burner. It's not fair. Changing lives. Changing lives. I'm proud of myself. I don't know that he sounds like.

[Producer/Host]

You would have a conversation about this with him like afterwards, like, believe me, look at this.

[John Holmberg]

This would happen. Well, I think all of us would have remembered, like, but there were several who you're like, oh my God, she's banging a troll. Heidi's banging a troll. She's out. Like we would say it out loud. Like, that one's done.

[Producer/Host]

I never really did the restaurant thing.

[John Holmberg]

So I, you know, Ellen's banging a troll. Oh, brutal. You could go busboy. You could not go troll.

[Producer/Host]

People are asking. Troll Seed. Good band name.

[John Holmberg]

Troll Seeds, a great man name. Friend of Brandon's a pretty good like an alternative, like one of those Fountains of Wayne type bands. Friend of Brandon and Trollseed, both quality band names.

[Brady]

God.

[John Holmberg]

Changing Lives was tender young. I wasn't. I didn't even have. I hadn't even developed my own thoughts yet. I just knew when I watched a troll abuse a good looking girl's vagina that that was going to haunt her for years on end.

[Brady]

And before you go the troll route, look at me.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, I didn't. I don't think. No, I'll tell you this right now. If I found out you banged a troll, there was no more look at me.

[Brady]

No, you're. Don't go there. You'll lose.

[John Holmberg]

Sure. But if she'd already gone troll, because that's what it sounds like had happened, I wouldn't have said that to her if she was still troll free. She was. My guess would be she's probably sad that the troll and her were having trouble. Like, what'd you expect? You're banging a troll. The kitchen trolls called themselves.

[Brady]

Stop now. Stop now.

[John Holmberg]

You know what? Start over. Move somewhere new.

[Brady]

You have time to recover.

[John Holmberg]

She's sort of like the girl in high school back in the 80s and 90s that would get pregnant and have to go to a new high school that no one knew her her past. That's sort of probably what I told this girl. Like if you're hitting a troll. But it sounds like we didn't work together. She was even worse. She was friends with someone I worked with and would show up at the parties and didn't even recognize that Trolls were in her. I thought he was just one of your friends. He's a troll lady. Yeah, kitchen trolls at medium restaurants. No.

[Producer/Host]

So Applebee's and Chilies.

[John Holmberg]

If you've had sex with. If you were. You are. I would have sex with somebody. I would have some sex with somebody who took Biktarvey in front of me and said, you ready to have sex? I'm like, have you ever had sex with a cook at a mid level restaurant? They'd be like, nope, we're still good. AIDS over trolls. I can't imagine the diseases trolls give you. They're not even named yet. This guy says, john, I've been a kitchen troll for 36 years and I only knocked up one server, so I thought I knocked her up. Turned out it wasn't me that knocked her up. It was one of the bosses. By the way, she got fat. Yeah, because she didn't respect herself. She was banging trolls, Sean.

[Producer/Host]

She was trying to move up to the.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but the boss look again.

[Brady]

You kept putting that swirl in her.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. If you're hot and you bang a restaurant troll, this one says, john Brady is right. The kitchen staff is the provider for the rest of the crew. And it's the forbidden fruit. No hostess wants a big nose bald twink that rides shirtless in their best friend's car and looks like their dad. That ain't true. I nailed the hottest hostess. She was. She was better than. Yeah, she wouldn't go troll. She did. Look, she made a lot of mistakes. You go back and tell that girl at an early age, hey, if you're hammering a Tony Roma's Manager at age 18, you've started poorly and this might haunt you for years. No. What is she? She's a drug addict. Lives in $100,000 condo in Tucson. It's not my fault, but she certainly wasn't making good decisions off the diving board. Trolls. God damn it. I need to know who this girl is.

[Producer/Host]

And one of the broads texting, have you seen Kate beckinsale? She weighs 90 pounds, right?

[John Holmberg]

She's keeping it together. Thanks, lady. That's nice. That's right. Yeah, well, you can do it, too.

[Producer/Host]

Your other leg probably weighs that, too.

[John Holmberg]

Francis taking swings? You might be changing lives. £90? If that's accurate, not so great. But let's see. Women get mad that we brought up Kate Beckinsale as a standard of hot. All right.

[Producer/Host]

For old broads.

[Senator Moody]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I mean, all right, then. Halle Berry, Jennifer Lopez, Sofia Vergara. One of those they never nailed It.

[Producer/Host]

Robbie.

[John Holmberg]

She's not in her 50s yet, but she'll be good when she's 50 because she's. She's kept it together. Is that current? Pictures of Kate Beckinsale. Okay, I'm not seeing 90 pounds. I'm seeing no maybe in that one she might have gotten. It looks pretty darn good. Elizabeth Hurley. And there's a. There's some. Keep it together. Go get yourself some.

[Brady]

Yeah, that doesn't look 90.

[John Holmberg]

No, she looks good. I like her blonde. Yeah. All right. I think Brett might be right about this lady's thighs. She's got Beckinsale and Alba for legs. Okay, Is that her now? Are you pulling up pictures of that? That's her right now. Yeah, we're good here. That's the best £90 I've ever seen. Okay, sign me up. We're good. We're good here. Anyway, so if anybody has a current troll boyfriend and you're questioning your life, remember the words. Always treat your vagina like a 1977 Kenner Darth Vader. If it comes out of the box, it only gets played with by a couple of good people and usually assessed only by someone who sees its value and recognizes. We can't abuse this because in 30 years, it might be worth millions. Treating your vagina like a baseball card and spokes. I didn't realize that was a rookie Ricky Henderson. No, when you have a rookie Barry Bonds in your pants and treat, don't put it in the spokes. That's all I'm saying. Ken Griffey Jr. Oh, my God. Down the road in your Schwinn. Come on.

[Brady]

Mint. You want to.

[John Holmberg]

You want to. You want to wrap that thing up, store it. Only break it out for special occasions. It's like wine, champagne. Anyway, life changer. That's what I am. Not only with the loans. I'll loan you some advice. And you got to send D. [e-mail] Friend of Brandon. And then also get a little bit more open about the troll you were banging. And if I'm right about that, it has to be what it was. And I can. I think I know which. There was one troll that was hitting them all, wrecking everything. The golden troll. The dude was like, you know when Coral Reef gets hit by the bottom of the boat and it kills? Like there's that section that just dies? That's what trolls did to the girls at Tony Romas. You'd see, like, this lush, beautiful, colorful landscape with all sorts of life, and then a troll would touch it. And that would just turn gray forever. It would forever be gone. That that particular part is no longer pretty. Trolls ruin it. Scorched earth.

[Brady]

Like dog spots on the lawn.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, exactly. But, yeah, it takes forever for it to come back normal. Yeah. Good talk, guys.

[Brady]

Yeah. You're changing lives.

[John Holmberg]

I'm changing lives. Yeah. And Brady's creator's trying to put babies in the bellies of men because just in case he wanted to cover that. Don't do it.

[Brady]

God.

[John Holmberg]

Pascal's wager. Let's get a wake up song, shall we? 5, 8, 5, 9800. A good one. We'll scream it together. It's 98KP. Wake up. It's out of control now. Can you pd.