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John Holmberg
All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Get out to the Tempe Improv on the east side to see Paul Versey on Thursday and Beth Stelling Friday, Saturday and Sunday. The Desert Ridge Improv up North features Sarah Weinschenk this Thursday and Joe DeRosa.
Brady Bogan
On Friday and Saturday. And downtown at Stand Up Live, check.
John Holmberg
Out the very funny Lil Rel performing Friday, Saturday and Sunday. For the complete lineups. And for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com it's John Holberg here for the amazing people at the Core Institute, life can throw you a curveball now and again. One day you're trucking along, feeling great. Next day your dog smashes into your head and knocks you cold. Or like a KUPD listener told me this week, his dog did a sprint across the backyard directly into the side of his wife's leg and blew her knee up. She needed that need to get fixed and fixed right. Two years later, she's running like she used to again. And it's all thanks to the Core Institute. I went through it, too, and you can get rid of your pain and start saying yes, I can to all the things you want to do. And and all you have to do is trust the experts at the Core Institute. Head there right now. The Core Institute.com it is time now for Brady to give you all the news that Brady knows. Before that, I think Billy Line Weber has put a exclamation point on the Eagles packers battle. Says wearing a Packers jersey inside an Eagles game is like putting a white hood on and going to the Boom Boom Room. Expect trouble. He's exactly right. God, I want to go in that Boom Boom Room so bad. Rah Rah room. Different than Boom Boom. Oh, yeah, the Boom Boom Room. 16th street in McDowell and I am scared to death to put it do.
Brady Bogan
You even know how to get there?
John Holmberg
I know how to get there. I know how to drive by. I mean, you avoid it. I'm sure every chance you get at 16th and McDonald's I know how to speed by. But look at it online. Inside, it's awesome. Big old Matt Cracker inside. Big old. Nope, not big old pictures of Biggie Smalls and Kobe Bryant and I'm not kidding, like Miles Davis and it's cool. Everybody in there is beautiful. And then you want to. Just want to see what it's like. The music seems awesome. I don't have the courage. I just don't. It's tough. Boom Boom Room got a great name. It just sounds fun. Anyway, Brady Reports, brought to you by the Boom Boom Room. Brady Report it.
Brady Bogan
Good Thursday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello, world.
John Holmberg
Hi.
Brady Bogan
Happy National Nothing Day.
John Holmberg
Love it. Love it. Celebrate nothing. It's the old Winnie the Pooh line. Brought me to tears. One of the greatest things he ever said. People say nothing is impossible, but I do it every day. Winnie Eugenius.
Brady Bogan
Got a couple of baseless fun facts. Scottish actor David McCollum passed away in 2023. He played Ducky, the OG medical examiner on NCIS and a Russian secret agent. And the man from uncle back in the day.
John Holmberg
You have to be 80 to know this guy.
Brady Bogan
Yeah. He also wrote the hook. Sampled by Dr. Dre's the next episode. It's predominantly throughout. You can hear it. I'll get it in the beginning before Snoop swoops in with the. Yeah.
John Holmberg
Or he wrote the lyrics.
Brady Bogan
There you go. The original track was called the Edge Safe One.
John Holmberg
Well, you don't want to go too far, but this is the part. This is the part. It's like the boom boom. You don't want to go too far into this. Maybe a step in.
Brady Bogan
Okay.
John Holmberg
Because it's another effing.
Brady Bogan
Player that was about to get really good.
John Holmberg
Sizzle dizzle. Brady finally gave me some interesting new. You got trouble with erections. I don't love that commercial.
Brady Bogan
Facebook uses blue because Mark Zuckerberg is red. Green. Colorblind. Blue is the richest color for me. He says. I can see all of blue.
John Holmberg
Was he a crip? Yep.
Brady Bogan
You'll probably know this last one, Three Men and a Baby, was directed by.
John Holmberg
I do know this. Hang on. It's a good one, too. I don't remember who. Spock? Leonard Nimoy. That's right. That's a weird one. That movie, when you go back, is just ridiculously bad. And it was a smash hit. I mean, a huge. You want to punch all three dudes in Three Men and a Baby for being the dumbest people on the planet.
Brady Bogan
And girls just.
John Holmberg
Just ate it a lot.
Brady Bogan
The greatest guys.
John Holmberg
Gutenberg. Ted Danson. Who was the third one? Zelica. Tom Selleck. That's right. And they were just borderline the whole movie trying to take care of a baby.
Brady Bogan
Students at the Boulder County Colorado elementary School were placed on secure status for over an hour today because they thought they heard gunshots.
John Holmberg
Oh.
Brady Bogan
So school went on lockdown. They finally figured out what it was. A couple of squirrels got into the electric. Basically Ran the electric lines, started shooting.
John Holmberg
Oh, Chippendale brought an AR15 to the school.
Brady Bogan
Yep.
John Holmberg
That's it, Dale.
Brady Bogan
I've had it.
John Holmberg
Meanwhile, Maryvale High School is going. You was hiding from a couple of squirrels.
Brady Bogan
This kid, Tyler Strack, he's 22 years old, works at Chipotle. And he went to Best Buy, purchased a Cube brand tracker, was banging this girl a year ago, and they broke up. What? What?
John Holmberg
It's a little aggressive for Brady, wasn't it?
Brady Bogan
What?
John Holmberg
A transition. A little off brand for Brady.
Brady Bogan
Smooth.
John Holmberg
Sounds like that would have been like if Mark Curtis said that that was a little off brand.
Brady Bogan
Kind of says how he really feels about this.
John Holmberg
Yeah.
Brady Bogan
He had a sexual relationship with this girl.
John Holmberg
That's not what you said. Hooked up.
Brady Bogan
And he bought the tracker and put it on her car without her knowing.
John Holmberg
It only did it once for.
Brady Bogan
For. It was on the car for about a year.
John Holmberg
But he only banged her one time.
Brady Bogan
A couple of times.
John Holmberg
So they had a little. It wasn't a relationship.
Brady Bogan
Ended it.
John Holmberg
Got it.
Brady Bogan
But he put it on there so he could conveniently run into her.
John Holmberg
Hey. And see her places.
Brady Bogan
Yes. Would track her down. She figured out when she went under the car, it's like, what's this?
John Holmberg
Yeah.
Brady Bogan
So then called the police. They had to track it down by the numbers and everything.
John Holmberg
Brought it right back to his.
Brady Bogan
This was purchased at the Best Buy. And they finally got caught up with him. It's a felony.
John Holmberg
Well, yeah. It's like a grappling hook, just dragging you around behind.
Brady Bogan
Tractor beam.
John Holmberg
Wow. It's a felony for somebody to put a tractor in your car without you knowing it.
Brady Bogan
Yeah.
John Holmberg
Huh.
Brady Bogan
Before that, the only thing he, you know, he was cited for traffic violations. Careless. For careless driving. Operating a vehicle without insurance. Driving a car with an expired registration.
John Holmberg
I have. I put air tags in the car and then took them out just in case. Well, in case they got stolen. I put them on my bike. I started to put. I got a little weird with air tags.
Brady Bogan
I did them. My luggage.
John Holmberg
Sure. That's the first place I thought. Luggage. That's a great idea. And then John Lovitz has one tied to his dog's collar. Because not just a chip, but a tracking device, which is smart. And then you put it in your car in case it gets stolen. I have it on my bike. I actually made a little pouch for it. It's tied to my bike, but I don't have it in there anymore because it beeps all the time. It needs a new battery. I know that's Why I just. No. Does those things. I thought they were just charged. No, no. You gotta change the batteries. You do the Apple Air tags.
Brady Bogan
You do? Yeah.
John Holmberg
Even when the ones where you put the plug in them, because that's what I have. You put a little plug in the bottom of them, you charge them like a phone. I've never seen those.
Brady Bogan
That's pretty cool.
John Holmberg
But all the Apple Air tags are like a battery life. They're like one year. I think that ain't enough.
Brady Bogan
Not for the price they charge.
John Holmberg
I'm just looking at this kid. The cool thing about the Meta sunglasses from Ray ban is the. The sunglass case is the charger. You just put them back in the case and it charges them. I got AirPods that are cool and.
Brady Bogan
You don't eventually have charge.
John Holmberg
You have to do that. Yeah, but I mean, when you've got.
Brady Bogan
When you put them in, it can.
John Holmberg
It's charged.
Brady Bogan
Yeah.
John Holmberg
So, like, if you keep that thing at 100%, you take your glasses off and put it in there and it goes in your, you know, your glove box or whatever.
Brady Bogan
Have you been wearing them?
John Holmberg
I accidentally ordered two. Got another one. Of course you did. I did. So it showed. It showed up on my thing. Said, your delivery from it. I'm like, I already got that. I'm like, oh, right. I was looking at two different styles and evidently I hit buy. Now that Apple pay gets me in trouble because it's just. I don't have to put any information in. So I got another. I got another pair coming.
Brady Bogan
This can be cabana wear all over again. Just different styles of Ray Bans Harry Carry frames.
John Holmberg
The ones I got are a little feminine. I got the. The next ones are going to be a little bit different. The Wayfarers. This guy says, john, when you said that, you sound like you have a tractor you need to remove. I caught myself when I said it's. It's a felony to have one of those in there. Huh? And when I said that, I realized that sounds like you did. I don't. I was thinking about the air tags, though. Visit Home Birds morning sickness online@98kupd.com College.
Brady Bogan
Hoops are here, and there's no better.
John Holmberg
Place to catch the action than Hooters.
Brady Bogan
Fuel up with the baller bundle. 10 boneless wings, crispy fries, dressing, and a fountain drink starting at just 9.99. Want to level up your game day experience? Swap the fountain drink for a Beat the Buzzer special featuring your choice of Beatbox or buzz balls for a low price. This offer is for game days only, so grab your crew, enjoy the action, and feast on the flavors you love. Only at Hooters, the original wing joined since 1983. Hey, it's Larry McFeely here with Wayne from Amco. And Wayne, now that it's getting warmer, I turned on the AC in my.
John Holmberg
Car and the air is blowing kind.
Brady Bogan
Of cool, but it really smells like a basement. What can I do about that?
John Holmberg
Larry? Your car's AC system should be checked and serviced. Plus, replacing the cabin air filter helps the air blow strong and takes away any nasty smell. Nice.
Brady Bogan
Is that a big deal to get done?
John Holmberg
Not at all. It takes about an hour and in most cases we can do it while you wait. That's awesome. I'll say. We're Amco.
Brady Bogan
Google Amco for your nearest location. That's Amco, Double A, MCO transmissions and.
John Holmberg
A whole lot more. Hi, I'm Diane Fisher from Fisher Tools. From our humble beginnings in 1964 at the Phoenix park and swap to our 4 acre campus located just south of Tempe Marketplace off the 202Emmett Clintock, Fisher Tools has been building the valley for over 60 years. Come check us out and browse our huge selection of tools and anything you need to do the job right. We carry Milwaukee, Dewalt, Makita, Proto and so much more. We're also online@fishertools.com cup KUPD listeners will receive 10% off their order when you mention this ad. Fisher Tools. If we don't have it, we can't sell it. This is Michael with Restore My Civil Rights. I made a lot of poor decisions in my past that had lifelong consequences. After I was released from prison for the last time in 2014, I discovered the process to have my convictions dismissed and all of my rights restored, including my Second Amendment rights. Since achieving this for myself in 2018, our attorney has assisted over 3,000 others in doing the same. If you are still living under the consequences of past mistakes and would like to restore your rights as I have, visit restore my civil rights.com and book a free consultation today. Holmberg's morning sickness.
Brady Bogan
This chick from Hamilton, Ohio. Oh, her name's Jana Bama. On Tick Tock, she posted a little Tick Tock that showed when she went to Burger King and picked up some chicken fries for her kids. The bottom of the bag, there's some good amount of weed left there. She was thinking, that's the supply thing. So the police went over to that Burger King. So far they haven't seen any commonality. Well, she thought that was the. You order chicken fries over there and you'll get some weed.
John Holmberg
Oh, you get a code.
Brady Bogan
Oh, I see what you're saying, but they're not. They said no, nothing. That could be just an accident.
John Holmberg
It could be a goof. Or it could be. You say the key word, we get.
Brady Bogan
A little either way. Then she got weed for the price of the chicken fries.
John Holmberg
Not mistaken. This is just for us, Brady. You can talk about yourself. Both of these stories started. Hey, guys. Both of these stories started with, like, a fast food restaurant for no reason at all. The one like I was tracking, there was a Chipotle mentioned. I really wasn't sure. Yeah, okay. It's kind of superfluous to the story, but why would it matter that a Chipotle employee did the air tags? Unless Brady's doing the news. Very important part of the story, apparently. 2.
Brady Bogan
Toledo School's not working out for Alex.
John Holmberg
That's the second job.
Brady Bogan
Like I was saying, a job opportunity.
John Holmberg
There's an opening in Chipotle where that air tag guy doesn't work and a DEI opening.
Brady Bogan
Planters Peanuts. They're looking to hire three new people to tool around the country in the nut mobile. It's like the wiener mobile.
John Holmberg
I'll tell you this. Also, kid named Gulp cannot drive the Nutmobile.
Brady Bogan
There's no way. Sup?
John Holmberg
Jesus.
Brady Bogan
Starting this June, you'll be the brand ambassador for a year, driving it around the country. There's different events. As part of the Peanutter squad, you also manage event planning. It starts pay. It starts at 45,000 a year, plus benefits. There's also a travel stipend.
John Holmberg
That's pretty good. Alex should think about that. It's better than what he's doing. To pay the rent, you can apply.
Brady Bogan
Between now and February 14th@plantersnutmobile.com.
John Holmberg
Now, it's not as embarrassing for Alex to say, I'm the nut man and I want my money. Poor kid. Day two of school.
Brady Bogan
Yep. Back as far as, you know, about 45 minutes. We'll find out.
John Holmberg
All right. If he's gonna keep going.
Brady Bogan
If he's made it.
John Holmberg
By the way, Chipotle Burger King, Peanuts. Next story.
Brady Bogan
Coors Light.
John Holmberg
That's a. There's the Nutmobile. There's that nutmobile. It's just a Wienermobile with a shell with veins. Yeah, it does look good. It's a little veiny. The peanut shell is too veiny.
Brady Bogan
That's all. I see.
John Holmberg
Now, did you guys notice, by the way, I saw this last night that Ted Cruz's nose is a penis resting on a scrotum. No, I can't unsee it. Now, he was on the news talking and he had some sort of a nose thing done. When it's straight up, it is a penis. And once you see it, it reveals itself. Do that. Straight on, shot down, bottom right.
Brady Bogan
That one has got the split.
John Holmberg
I don't know if that's before. Yeah, he had something done, a procedure that's sunk in the middle. And now it's a penis on scrotum that might not show it because that's a filtered photo, because it's a little blurry, but when you see it, you can't unsee it. Go down a little more. That might be the one that.
Brady Bogan
Yeah.
John Holmberg
It'S the strangest thing.
Brady Bogan
Yep, I see it.
John Holmberg
Once you see it, you'll never unsee it.
Brady Bogan
That's cool.
John Holmberg
It is sort of neat, but you see it, Brad. Yeah, it's like one of those Magic eye photos, only it's Ted Cruz's nose and it is a. It's literally.
Brady Bogan
Now, that puts a different thing. When that thing was on his.
John Holmberg
The booger. Yeah, that wasn't a booger, but. But when you look at.
Brady Bogan
You also ate the fly. Isn't he the one that ate the fly?
John Holmberg
No, that was. Was it Marco Rubio that. No, Mike Pence had the fly crawling around in his white hair.
Brady Bogan
But the one that ate it, someone.
John Holmberg
Did eat a fly.
Brady Bogan
But I don't know if that was Cruz or not. Like, it just went in and he ate. Doesn't Giuliani have something going on besides sweating hair?
John Holmberg
No, I remember Giuliani sweating hair. But look at that. Like, you can't not see penis resting on scrotum. Now, I caught up the other day and I'm like, man, it's just you. And then he was on again yesterday. I'm like, nope. Owen Wilson has the same problem. Oh, yeah. Like this weird thing in the middle of the. It makes his tip of his nose look like the head, but he's got peyronies on that nose. It's a little crooked, but. But then it makes your nostrils look like it's resting on a scrotum. And that's all I see. Now look at that. It's grotesque. It should have to wear a thing of underwear over that. Sorry, Go ahead with your Coors Light.
Brady Bogan
Got made fun of this week for an ad with obvious misspelling. It was a print ad, full page, and it was on the big screen in Times Square. It was. It said mountain Cold refreshment. But they spelled refreshment. So it looks like a typo was a clever marketing campaign because they're saying you know what? It was just a case of Mondays. The guy that put it up, we didn't catch it.
John Holmberg
Does Fred work?
Brady Bogan
So now you can buy a 12 pack case of Mondays there.
John Holmberg
Okay. They turn lemons into lemonade.
Brady Bogan
Yeah. It's part of a little super bowl genius.
John Holmberg
Yeah. Is it?
Brady Bogan
It'll be available for a limited time because the worst Monday is the one. The Monday after the Super Bowl. It's the Mondays.
John Holmberg
In case of a Monday's. How about you get some quality control in your marketing department. Spell the words right.
Brady Bogan
This woman in Indonesia is going viral. She got her nose ring stuck in the back of her office chair. She was joking around sticking her nose through the holes of the back of the chair when the piercing got caught on the mesh. A couple of co workers came in, tried to help other. None of them could get her unsnagged. So the fire department came in and she fallen. There's a video she followed with the chair. They put her in the chair in the ambulance basically and brought her down to the fire and the chair came with it.
John Holmberg
Was that locked up?
Brady Bogan
Yep.
John Holmberg
What did she have a fishing hook for a nose?
Brady Bogan
Well, they just didn't want to pull or rip her nose or I guess so. What a dumb bro.
John Holmberg
I'm with that on this one.
Brady Bogan
They're laughing at jerk. And some of the guys, the. The firemen joked around. They put her in the out front and the one guy comes out with the jaws of life.
John Holmberg
Yeah.
Brady Bogan
With a chainsaw. But wouldn't you just need an exacto.
John Holmberg
Knife and just cut the patch of chair out and take that little bit with you?
Brady Bogan
They unhooked it.
John Holmberg
I could have come up with a better plan here. You just. They didn't want to ruin the chair.
Brady Bogan
Expensive chair.
John Holmberg
And was she just smelling people's seats? What was the judge.
Brady Bogan
Somehow she got it stuck in there that no one could get it unsnagged.
John Holmberg
She have a nose like mine where people are like I bet you can't get that big honker through that hole in the back of the chair. She had to squeeze it in there because what kind of hole was.
Brady Bogan
Just looked like a mesh.
John Holmberg
Pictures of it.
Brady Bogan
Yeah. Oh, there's a little video. They decided to have some fun with it and it's about a minute long but you can speed through it. Where they picked her up at the office. They made her sit in the chair as they took her back to the department to get the proper tools.
John Holmberg
Okay, that just seems excessive. Just put your foot on the chair and kick. It'll come off or rip it. She loses her piercing, she probably looks stupid. Yeah, well, it'll heal. And it'll teach you a lesson that most of the time, those look dumb anyway. You have to not notice the nose piercing for it to be cool. The second I see it, I'm like just a booger collector.
Brady Bogan
Yeah. I mean, looking at the video when she's in the office at first and the show, not that you can't really tell because her face is buried in her, but it looks like something that you could have solved at the office.
John Holmberg
Yeah. Everybody wants extra attention, Visit homework's morning sickness online@98kupd.com hey, everybody, it's John Holberg from the morning Sickness talking to Shane Orlando from Orlando Auto Body. Now, Shane, I take great pride in saying I stand with someone when I tell a listener to go to their shop. I know why. You tell me what's different for a KUPD listener to go to Orlando Auto Body than anywhere else? Well, first of all, we've been in valley here for over 34 years. We do a quality job. We work for you, not the insurance companies, so that we can work together to make sure your listeners are getting the customer service they deserve. If your car's been wrecked and you need that thing fixed the right way, get on over there now. Orlandoautobody.com It's Dick Toledo.
Brady Bogan
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John Holmberg
Homeburg's morning sickness.
Brady Bogan
I got. We go on to the next radio video. This is the the first recorded audio of a meteorite hitting the ground.
John Holmberg
Oh. Ever.
Brady Bogan
Yes.
John Holmberg
We've never recorded this huge.
Brady Bogan
John, wait until you hear this.
John Holmberg
Isn't it all right?
Brady Bogan
It's the actual sound.
John Holmberg
Is this a dad joke?
Brady Bogan
No, no, but he's. He already spoiled it.
John Holmberg
Oh, here we go. Just looking at somebody's porch. Sounds like somebody broke a glass.
Brady Bogan
A little pebble.
John Holmberg
Riveting. Delete. Mazel tov.
Brady Bogan
Thanks, Lars. You know what? At least you heard it.
John Holmberg
What does that mean?
Brady Bogan
I'll sleep better tonight.
John Holmberg
Yeah, at least I heard it. I wasn't.
Brady Bogan
Because you'll be around a water cooler. Hey, did you hear the meter?
John Holmberg
Will I?
Brady Bogan
How many water coolers you got around here?
John Holmberg
Oh, am I trying to kill people with boring things? Is that what my goal will be later at the water cooler? Hey, you guys look wide awake. Listen to me, everyone in the office avoid today.
Brady Bogan
I got it for you. You want to hear it?
John Holmberg
Homework's making my knees weak with his meteorite story. Hey, I'm trying to kill you with the most boring story of all time. Want to hear it? If you can stay awake, I'll give you a hundred bucks. Undefeated. Brett.
Brady Bogan
I got a couple more burrito videos.
John Holmberg
Oh, good. Oh, we can't wait. Hopefully it's a baby's rattle. Let me get off the edge of my seat here. Hang on. Tire deflating.
Brady Bogan
This is a baby eating. No, it's a car that the person was changed. It looks like changing a flat. Okay, this is a advice to always make sure you put blocks under the wheels if you're working on a car.
John Holmberg
Because they're on a hill. Oh, geez. Oh, it's rolling.
Brady Bogan
So there's no flat tire.
John Holmberg
Yeah, that's. Well, they can still roll. It's on a jack. He's doing something. Oh, there goes the jack. Yeah. Brett's a true mechanic. He was worried about the jack. The car was not his. That was a good jab. Was one of them air powered ones.
Brady Bogan
The second one, I'm not sure she was in it. Yeah.
John Holmberg
Oh, that's probably her. I was gonna say it's a woman playing around with the jack. Of course this was gonna happen. Hey, you gotta put those triangulated those little stoppers under the tires for those hills like that. That.
Brady Bogan
This one's a. A lady walks out of the yard with a bobcat on her back. No, no, it's not.
John Holmberg
It's attacking her for sure. Check out the tail now. Now there's a bobcat.
Brady Bogan
It's a bobcat.
John Holmberg
Oh, and then doesn't it come back? I think I've seen that.
Brady Bogan
Yeah, I.
John Holmberg
And then it comes back and. Oh, no. That's the end of it. All right, that was a different one. It was a bobcat just attacked some lady in a garage.
Brady Bogan
Trying to figure out how. Yeah, it must have Been waiting in the garage. Or maybe it had a hold of the comment, that neighbor in the pink shirt drinks Paul Mason straight from the bottle. She has no fear.
John Holmberg
Is that a woman? She came running from across the road. You got a bobcat problem? I got two hands and an idea.
Brady Bogan
That's it. The other one's not coming up, Brady.
John Holmberg
I'll solve your bobcat issues in one swoop.
Brady Bogan
Bomber had a good prison fight.
John Holmberg
That is the last thing I would do if I see my neighbor wrestling a bobcat. Trouble at Michael and Troy's house. At least I'm inside. Yeah. Please help us, John. We could see you in the window.
Brady Bogan
More gin and tonic, please.
John Holmberg
I would help you if it wasn't for that bobcat out there. That looks dangerous. Whatever you were trying to do was grossly thwarted by a bobcat attack.
Brady Bogan
We haven't gotten to that part of Tactical Black yet.
John Holmberg
Oh, my God. Michael and Troy with a pussy on their back. Eventually. Eventually, the pussy finds you. Our buddy Chris Catero was walking in his neighborhood the other day, and a German shepherd shot out of a bush tried to attack him. And he's like, I don't know why it didn't. And he. Cars were pulling by, going, do you need help? Get in. And he's like, I'm not moving. And he was just. It was. I told him, I said it had to be puppies nearby or something. And, like, it got out and was nervous and guarding that fence line. Somebody that looks out of a bush. Well, I don't know if it was identifying by picture, but it just. The next person that came by was too close to the abandoned puppies, which she knew she couldn't get back to. So Hare stood up on the haunches, charged him. He said, chris a big dude, too, and sits. Bang. Puts his hands up. He's like, no, no, no. He's like, trying to be nice. And I said, like three or four times. It made jumps at him. He goes, any. He said if it was a kid, it would have been dead because the kid would have run. He goes, for some reason, I kept my cool.
Brady Bogan
If you turn your back.
John Holmberg
Yeah, if you turn. My cousin Danny in Pennsylvania was playing football in his yard. He was probably like, 13. Ball went into the neighbor's yard. They don't have fences in Pennsylvania. It's just all fields and stuff. Goes into the. And goes over by the porch. And the neighbor's German shepherd was there. And he always knew the German shepherd. I forgot her name. They were buddies. They played all the time. She Just had a litter of puppies. They were under the porch patio, and Danny went by and ran up, and she raised up. It's like, hi, blah, blah, blah. Grabs his football and starts running back to his yard. Next thing you know, he's missing a kidney. Oh, it took him in, like, one move. Bit his back so hard his kidney came out. Like, just flew by, chunked him down. Got too close to those puppies. But I ain't running out of the house for that.
Brady Bogan
I got my heel bit. Same thing. German shepherd with puppies.
John Holmberg
Yeah, you don't want to get too.
Brady Bogan
Close, and it's fine right next to it. And then turned away. Yeah, she lunged out. You don't want wearing high tops. It would have gotten my Achilles.
John Holmberg
Yeesh. That would have been no good. All right, Bert, what do you got? I've only got two today. We'll keep it. Keep it quick, but I've been warned for tomorrow. So did Brady get the girl with her nose stuck in a chair from pornhub? Because I've seen firefighters gang bang chicks stuck in office equipment.
Brady Bogan
Well, that one I want to see. That's how they got around.
John Holmberg
Maybe what you were watching and you just didn't finish the video. Then we took it back to the hospital. Chair attached. There's only one way to loosen her up.
Brady Bogan
Didn't finish it because there wasn't a fast food chain mentioned in it.
John Holmberg
Where does she work? Is this an office supply house or, like, Chipotle Management? Yeah, Girls nose stuck in a chair. I think the end of that is a fireman gang bang. I think you're right, Trent. All right, go ahead. All right, here's a. Here's a nice police chase for us right on his tail. Here we go.
Brady Bogan
Bumping him.
John Holmberg
They're doing a PIT maneuver.
Brady Bogan
Can't believe he did that. But he bumped the rear of the vehicle on the sidewalk.
John Holmberg
He's taking out street signs. This is Vermont at Sepulveda. Oh, this is la. Oh, there's people.
Brady Bogan
We are. We are here in Carson.
John Holmberg
I'm gonna keep it wide.
Brady Bogan
That was a crazy turn of events here on Vermont.
John Holmberg
Oh, but here's the slow mo. Just somebody walking down the street, somebody going home with their Quintanera dress.
Brady Bogan
That is a large bank.
John Holmberg
Oh. Into the curb. Hey, how about this? When there's sirens and such and you hear that, Walk a little faster. Step on the gas in the crosswalk. Don't get all that's tough guy on that one. They don't have anything disgusting today. But this one.
Brady Bogan
This One.
John Holmberg
This is some talent here. All right. No rosebuds today. No unpixelated talent. Oh, Asian. Oh, wow. We're in Japan and there's no pixels when she's on a unicycle. There's another Asian in the back masturbating. Why is he on stiletto knee high boots? That's talented. Yes, it is. Performing oral. And she's going back and forth on the unicycle between Asians. This is like the worst squid game ever. Oh, going back and forth with red light, green light. And then the other agent stands and waits with his erection. It is pixelated, Brett. It's blurred out. It's not a very good job. It is blurred out. The penises are still. This is authentic. That is not blurred out when we get close. I gotta say, though, I'd be more impressed if she wasn't holding his legs while she did that on the unicycle. She's definitely. Now she's gonna ride a little out of breath back over to the other small Asian. Now, we would say that they look large for Asians, but we have to keep in mind that both these guys are 4ft 4. There she is working the wheel back and forth. Not even bobbing around this. No. Yeah. Well, he's balancing her, but she is working the wheel back and forth as her propulsion. This is fantastic. Wives, take note. You have a new goal. Look at her legs too. She's in great shape. I'm not sure I'm a big fan of the outfit, but my God, I could watch this for days. I mean, the balance on this very impressive. Taps. She taps out. She taps out of the depth of the talent. I agree with that. Rolls over to the other guy. Can we get this on a loop at the Christmas party, I think. Wow. And then Kim Jong Un over there with his hands on his hips, just loving every second of this Japan. Is there anything they don't think of? And look at all the technology. And they're lighting that room. Yeah, it's amazing.
Brady Bogan
Color it up a little bit.
John Holmberg
The lighting' beautiful. Okay, one more time. Okay, I'll get the unicyker and the bro. That's awesome. Excellent work, man. Japan. Excellent work. How is their birth rate getting lower with those tricks? They should be knocking those girls up like, like crazy. Good work, Japan.
Brady Bogan
And again, even if it is size appropriate, those wangs, they should be doing well.
John Holmberg
Oh, the wings look nice. Yeah. For their tiny little bodies, it was very proportional.
Brady Bogan
Or not.
John Holmberg
They are. I mean, if I had one of those, I'd be like, oh, no, I gotta hang myself. But on a little, tiny Japanese body like that, they look pretty reasonable, proportionate. Yeah, and she looks small, too.
Brady Bogan
She did.
John Holmberg
And how you know, Like, I got a unicycle, Like. I have an idea. Call Kim. Which one? You gotta say that's a tough one in Japan. Call Kim. You gotta be more specific. Kim. Yang again. I'm gonna need. Can you draw him? Oh, geez. This isn't helping. Just go knock on the neighbor's door and have him come over. We need two people for this. I think you can do it. He's got a bowl haircut. Bowl haircut. Dark hair, about 5, 4, 112 pounds. Really good at math. Just. I found what I think you were asking for. His name's Kim. And then take his pants off and have him stand on a pedestal. And that's no.
Brady Bogan
You're looking for Dong Wang.
John Holmberg
That's gonna be. That's gonna be at the circus someday. Cause they're getting rid of the animals. That's a halftime show. You're right. That was Red Panda. I'm impressed. If you've got a unicycle at home and a lady with a couple hours to kill, let's start the training today. There goes your Brady report. Arizona's most powerful rocket. It's out of control now, PJ.
Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona: Episode Summary (January 16, 2025)
Hosted by John Holmberg with Brady Bogan, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo on 98 KUPD | Hubbard Radio
In the January 16, 2025 episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness on Arizona's top morning radio show, hosts John Holmberg and Brady Bogan delve into a series of entertaining and bizarre news stories. From technological mishaps to unusual job opportunities and unexpected personal accidents, the episode is packed with humor, insightful commentary, and memorable moments that keep listeners engaged throughout the early morning hours.
The episode kicks off with a gripping story about a 22-year-old man’s misuse of Apple AirTags.
Incident Overview: Tyler Strack, a Chipotle employee, purchased an Apple AirTag from Best Buy to secretly track his ex-girlfriend after their breakup. Unbeknownst to her, the AirTag was placed on her car, leading to an unnerving situation where she began receiving unintentional deliveries of weed to her Burger King drive-thru.
Key Details:
Notable Quotes:
Discussion: Holmberg and Bogan discuss the implications of privacy invasion through technology, emphasizing the legal consequences faced by Strack. They humorously compare the AirTag to a "tractor beam," illustrating the intrusive nature of such devices when used maliciously.
Next, the hosts explore a quirky job opportunity presented by Planters Peanuts.
Job Opportunity Overview: Planters is seeking three individuals to drive the "NutMobile" across the country, akin to the famous Wienermobile.
Job Details:
Notable Quotes:
Discussion: Holmberg and Bogan humorously discuss the role, speculating on the unconventional nature of the job. They joke about the challenges of driving a peanut-themed vehicle and encourage potential applicants to consider this unique opportunity.
A bizarre accident from Indonesia makes headlines, sparking laughter and concern among the hosts.
Accident Overview: Jana Bama, a woman from Hamilton, Ohio, inadvertently got her nose ring stuck in the mesh back of an office chair while joking around. The situation escalated as coworkers struggled to free her, ultimately requiring fire department intervention.
Key Details:
Notable Quotes:
Discussion: The hosts dissect the absurdity of the situation with a blend of humor and disbelief. They ponder over Jana’s actions and the fire department’s response, debating simpler solutions like using an X-Acto knife versus the more invasive approach taken. Their playful banter underscores the importance of handling such accidents safely and responsibly.
Beyond the main stories, Holmberg and Bogan touch on several other intriguing and humorous news snippets:
Ted Cruz’s Nose Appearance: John humorously points out that Ted Cruz's nose resembles male genitalia, sparking a lighthearted debate about celebrity appearances.
John Holmberg [15:24]: "Ted Cruz's nose is a penis resting on a scrotum. Do that. Straight on, shot down, bottom right."
Planters' Innovative Marketing: Brady shares a clever advertising mishap where Coors Light's typo, "mountain Cold refreshment," was rebranded into a limited-time beer called "Mondays."
Brady Bogan [17:34]: "Now you can buy a 12-pack case of Mondays there."
Animal Encounters: The hosts recount violent encounters with pets and wildlife, such as German Shepherds attacking unsuspecting individuals, highlighting the unpredictable nature of animal behavior.
John Holmberg [26:31]: "He bites his back so hard his kidney came out. Like, just flew by, chunks him down."
Throughout the episode, Holmberg and Bogan maintain an engaging and humorous dynamic, often riffing off each other's comments and reacting comically to the stories they discuss. Their natural chemistry and quick-witted exchanges keep the listeners entertained, making complex or strange topics accessible and amusing.
Notable Banter:
Discussing the technical limitations of Apple AirTags and sharing personal anecdotes about device usage.
John Holmberg [07:33]: "I put AirTags in the car and then took them out just in case."
Mocking the complexity of solving the nose ring incident and suggesting over-the-top solutions.
Brady Bogan [19:32]: "They could have used a chainsaw, but an X-Acto would have been better."
The January 16, 2025 episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness offers a blend of intriguing news stories, comedic insights, and relatable anecdotes. From the misuse of tracking technology and unconventional job offers to unexpected personal accidents, John Holmberg and Brady Bogan provide an entertaining and thought-provoking morning experience. Their ability to dissect bizarre events with humor and intelligence ensures that listeners are both informed and thoroughly entertained.
For more engaging content, tune in or visit 98KUPD.com weekdays from 5:30 AM to 10 AM.
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