01-16-26 - FULL SHOW - FRIDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness: January 16, 2026 – Full Show Summary

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Main Theme & Purpose

This episode of "Holmberg’s Morning Sickness" on 98KUPD delivers a classic mix of irreverent banter, dark humor, and candid discussion among John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo. The crew dives into morality, crime (petty and not-so-petty), youth sports delusions, and social conventions around weddings, all while lacing everything with the razor-sharp, self-deprecating tone that defines their Arizona morning staple. The episode’s touchstone is an anonymous listener confession involving a $120k theft, setting off wide-ranging debates about honesty, justification, and human nature.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

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1. Confession Time: Statute of Limitations & Crime Pays?

(00:00 - 08:30)

• John reads an email from a listener (KJ) who proudly admits to having stolen $120,000—now safe by the statute of limitations.
  • John: “Dreams come true and crime does pay. I’ll try to give more details later. I just wanted to get this off my chest.”
• The group breaks down whether it’s admirable, shameful, or just human nature to take what isn’t yours if you can get away with it.
• They check Arizona’s timeline for prosecution and muse on how “getting away with it” may simply be a matter of waiting out the legal clock.
• Notable quote (John, 01:09): "In a way, I’m proud of you. … Crime can pay."

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2. Morality in Petty Theft: The $50 Windfall

(02:38 - 15:00)

• Brady tells a story about finding $50 at a pet store during a dog-training session. He and his trainer waited for the owner; no one came, so they split it.
  • Brett: “Turn it into the register? Like they’re gonna… you know they’re just gonna keep that.”
• The group debates whether turning found money into employees is any more "moral" than just keeping it, especially when you assume the employees would pocket it anyway.
• They discuss ethical thresholds—how much would you have to find before you'd try to return it?
  • John: “You’re not a bad man for this. You’re just not a good man either.”
  • The “finders keepers” mindset gets put under the microscope as everyone admits to similar rationalizations.
• Morality flexes with the incentive; everyone agrees they'd behave differently if it was $120,000 instead of $50.
  • Brady (13:01): “I guess that’s my threshold, you know—$50 okay, $100… probably, yeah. But if it was $120 grand on the floor…”

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3. Where Did That Money Come From? Hypotheses & Sports Tangent

(08:57 - 16:37)

• The crew hypothesizes how the emailer stole $120k, guessing "club sports" or "charity funds"—both ripe with loose oversight and parents' delusions about their kids’ athletic futures.
• John hits parents' unwavering investments in their kids' activities, even when pro prospects are virtually nonexistent.
  • John: “13% of parents think their kids under 12 will go pro... There have been only 28,000 pro baseball players, ever.”

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4. Personal Stories: Wallets, Gasoline, & Rationalization

(16:47 - 32:40)

• John and others share stories of finding wallets, money, and cards—and their varying degrees of honesty in returning them (or not).
  • "Statute of limitations" is jokingly cited for youthful misdeeds.
• John recounts coworkers who swiped credit cards left at restaurants and used them for communal gas.
  • John: “If you left your card at Tony Roma’s, you had 24 hours, then the staff would run gas on it until it was canceled.”

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5. Weddings, Elopements, and Relationship Economics

(54:18 - 81:19)

• The show pivots to weddings: the folly of modern wedding spending, how women’s expectations differ from men’s, and the fleeting value given the cost.
• Stories include a woman divorcing her husband days after a "wedding prank," and men’s romanticism versus women's (allegedly more pragmatic) approach.
  • John: "Every woman's 'special day' is the same as every other woman."
  • Brady: "If you can’t afford your own wedding, you shouldn’t get married."
• They riff about the need for “wedding insurance,” given how short some unions last.

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6. Dark Humor: The $50 and the Starving Baby

(20:02, 21:09, 23:26, recurring gags)

• John runs a recurring, darkly comic fantasy about the poor soul who “needed that $50 for baby formula” and what might have happened after Brady found it—ending in jokes about babies, guns, and Raising Cane’s.
• John, after a fake baby tragedy: “Way to go, Brady. That man shot a baby. … Not a single baby was harmed in the $50 fantasy I am having. … Extra cane sauce on me!”

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7. Australian Dangers, Animals, and Morbidity

(48:18 - 54:18)

• John discusses a "model eaten by a crocodile" and subsequent search algorithm dives into Australian wildlife, box jellyfish, and why he’d never swim there.
• John: “Everything in Australia is trying to kill you. Don’t let anybody tell you it’s just the outback.”

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8. Science, Taxes, and AI

(88:59 - 98:34)

• Science news interlude: new instant coffee facts, AI tax help, and a conceptual South Korean spray-on wound sealant.
• John considers using AI for his taxes and legal issues, showing faith in new tech.
• John: “I think I can do this. … If not, the IRS will call me and go, ‘What were you thinking?’”

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9. Entertainment: Castings, Baywatch & Becoming Uncancelled

(133:46 - 139:26)

• Entertainment news covers a Baywatch reboot (producers request ‘no overly revealing outfits’—irony noted), and a new E! show where canceled celebrities live together hoping to be "uncanceled."
• Brainstormed "uncanceled" roster: Kevin Spacey, Roseanne, Michael Richards, Jussie Smollett, and more.

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10. Guadalupe Squares & Comedy Segments

(147:26 - End)

• The show wraps with a special MLK-themed “Guadalupe Squares” (98KUPD’s local take on Hollywood Squares) with satirical impressions of Obama, Trump, Morgan Freeman, Michelle Obama, and others, riffing on race, Arizona heat, holiday meaning, and morning show tropes.
• This part is an extended comedy improv, filled with offbeat characters and listener participation.
  • Notable impressions:
    • Obama and “Big Mike” Michelle
    • Morgan Freeman’s take on "white" producer Corey
    • Trump’s "the Blacks love me" braggadocio
    • Black Lady Brady joking about the Arizona heat

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Memorable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• John (00:49): “Dreams come true and crime does pay.”
• Brady (03:35): “So I go to the dog trainer, Carlos. ... Should I go to the register and turn it in?”
• John (04:12): “Your logic was, I found 50 bucks. I did my part. It’s mine now.”
• John (08:26): “I’m curious what this dude did to steal $120,000. ... The wise thing is, evidently, he stored it.”
• John (13:10): “If I find $120,000, I look around like there’s something...”
• John (20:02): “Brady, if that $50 ... the guy who had it needed that money...”
• John (22:11): “I put one in his leg as a warning, and then I finished it. ... You did the right thing, if only someone would have trusted the losers at the dollar store.”
• John (56:10): “Every woman’s special day is the same as every other woman. Absolutely. It’s remarkably cookie cutter.”
• John (134:45): “AI Baywatch is the future. ... I don’t want to see modern day social issues dealt with by real people on Baywatch.”
• Guadalupe Squares, Big Mike (148:29): “Somebody getting pegged this weekend—that’s me. That’s right. My wife’s going to probably peg me all weekend long in honor of her birthday. She’s like that.”

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Statute of Limitations/Listener Crime Confession: 00:00 – 08:30
• Brady’s $50 and Discussion of Petty Theft: 02:38 – 15:00
• Youth Sports Parental Delusions: 08:57 –16:37
• Personal Wallet/Found Money Stories: 16:47 – 32:40
• Weddings/Economy of Relationships: 54:18 – 81:19
• Australian Animal Tangents: 48:18 – 54:18
• Science, AI, Taxes: 88:59 – 98:34
• Entertainment (Baywatch, Cancelled Celebs): 133:46 – 139:26
• Guadalupe Squares / Comedy Improv: 147:26 – End

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Original Tone

The banter is raw, fast, and unfiltered—balancing self-deprecating admissions, deadpan delivery, and low-key Arizona sarcasm. The show’s humor leans dark, often spinning hypotheticals to the absurd or even grotesque, but the crew always circle back to self-awareness, poking fun at their own choices and the audience’s likely moral gray zones.

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Conclusion

This episode is an expansive, laugh-heavy ride through the crew’s collective conscience and Arizona’s civic zeitgeist. Grounded by themes of morality, self-justification, and everyday ethical dilemmas, the show remains entertainingly caustic and down-to-earth—skewering everything from petty theft to wedding traditions, all with a healthy serving of irreverence and well-timed, if occasionally controversial, comedic bits. It’s classic Holmberg’s Morning Sickness: unfiltered, unapologetic, and razor-sharp.

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For fans or newcomers, this episode is a perfect example of why "Holmberg’s Morning Sickness" remains one of Arizona’s essential morning listens.

Transcript

[A]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP guns.com your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. Good morning, everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Friday. Looking at a three day weekend. We've earned it. We've been at work for almost a week and a half now. Come on. The holidays broke us down. We get a week and a half back, we get a three day weekend. That's the way it should work. My name's John. There's Brady. There's Brett. There's Big Dick Toledo. This is the morning sickness. And we are off and running for another perfect day here in paradise. And I start today with an email I'm pretty proud that I got again two days in a row. Yesterday we changed a girl's life. Today this guy changes ours if we take his advice. Good morning, boys. It starts. I just wanted to say out loud for the first time that the statute of limitations is now beyond the 10 years from the time I stole $120,000. God damn, that's right. I have stored the money in a very safe place and can now brag that I got away with it. I'm not ready to name names or states or places. I do not live in Arizona anymore. And I will say that the money has never left the place that originally started it. But it is mine now because dreams come true and crime does pay. I'll try to give more details later. I just wanted to get this off my chest. You guys are my favorite show. Huge weekend for me. Signed K.J.

[B]

Kevin Johnson.

[A]

Kevin Johnson. The Phoenix Suns has stolen 120,000American dollars. My guess is that's not even the right amount. He probably lied. It's probably more. But I looked. And if it's 10 years, because I looked when I read this, it's seven years in Arizona for felony theft of massive amounts of money. But it depends on how you stole it. So you can't go up to 10. But if it's 11 years like he says, he got away with it. So congratulations. In a way, I'm proud of you. Brent would know you guys keep it together for a certain amount of time and then you can start like, I don't know nothing, but I know it's mine. He's running his mouth now. He's running his mouth mouth, though. There's the dangerous thing. And I knew Brett would say something along those lines. I didn't realize it was going to be running his mouth. Well, you know, he's singing, he's got some words to say. He's been bottled up for. That's pretty good, though, Sammy. The bulls running his mouth, you know, 11 years, but he didn't say. He's got 120k sitting somewhere. That's. He didn't see. That's true, but bull's not anything.

[B]

I guess I shouldn't feel bad about the. The quandary I had yesterday.

[A]

What's that? I was stat your limitations up on something. You did.

[B]

I. I don't think so. Because it's not like.

[A]

Well, a couple extra fingers.

[B]

What would you do? So I was having a dog lesson with catch.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

And the lesson took place at a retail store.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

To get them acclimated.

[A]

Petsmart Public.

[B]

No, I won't say the name. That's gone until you.

[A]

That's what I think.

[B]

Nope. And anyway, we're teaching him. We're in this one aisle, and we've been in this aisle the whole time doing stuff, different drills. And I would have him sit, leave, go around the corner, wait a couple seconds, come back, and he still. He maintains the sit.

[A]

Stay.

[B]

Yeah. So all of a sudden, I look to the side, and on the floor is cash folded up.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, it looked like. Look like trash.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

50 bucks.

[A]

Nice job.

[B]

So I go to the dog trainer, Carlos. I'm like, hey, what do you think? Should I go to the register and turn it in? He's like. And we're like. Like they're gonna. You know what we'll do is we'll wait here. And the. I will. Because we still got about 45 minutes. Yes. And that's what we did. No one came back on the parking lot. He's like.

[A]

I go, what would you do with Carlos?

[B]

Split it with Carlos. All right.

[A]

Well, see, finders keepers is a different.

[B]

Situation because I came down my. My logic on it was, well, if I had dropped 50 bucks shopping. I'm chalking up. And I didn't go logic.

[A]

Your logic was, I found 50 bucks. I did my part. It's mine now. Radiocean. That's right. It's finders keepers. You did an immoral finders keepers weighs on you a little bit. Because it's wrong. You should have turned it in. But more than likely, you looked at the employees of the Petco that Brett said you were in and said, these losers are just going to keep this anyway. You assessed the situation by looking at the employees of the place and said, well, they're gonna keep it anyway. And then you did exactly what you accused them of being dirty for.

[B]

You know, I didn't Mention the place.

[A]

I know why.

[B]

Just in case the guy's like, hey.

[A]

I lost 50 bucks. Yeah, you can't. Everybody's gonna say that. Yeah, exactly. So now it's yours. But the odd thing. And I've done this. You're not a bad man for this. You're just not a good man either. It's. You looked at the people and said, they're not trustworthy. They'll just keep it, more or less. Yeah. And then you did exactly that.

[B]

Who. Who deserves it?

[A]

Well, nobody deserves it. If you don't deserve it, who does? That's exactly right. If they're gonna go down those roads. Maybe that's what that douche was talking about. All right, buddy, if you don't deserve it, who does? Yeah, I've. I've been in that same quandary where you. I found a hundred bucks once, and I looked at the people at the place that had lost, and, like, these deadbeats will just pocket this money. And then I did that. So maybe they weren't deadbeats, but I certainly was. And I walked away feeling like I'd made the right choice because I knew if I'd have given it to someone else, they'd have just kept it. At least I thought about not keeping it. And that was where my justification rolled in. Did you spend it on anything yet? Did you have, like, a. Your little windfall turn into an extra raising canes?

[B]

I got coffee this morning.

[A]

Okay. And you didn't buy anything at the. At the store for the dog?

[B]

Not yet.

[A]

Good job for catch.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I find those things, those moments where you don't really think about your immorality because you. You made a choice and justified it with something ridiculous. I've done that. The hundred bucks that I found was a very hard one. And I got so judgmental of who I would leave it with because they wouldn't do the right thing. And then I just kept it.

[B]

Which would you feel better about turning it into the register? Say, hey, if someone comes by, said they dropped a hundred bucks.

[A]

Yeah. Now you're in out of sight, out of mind mode, because now you're like, I've done the right thing, and you just forget it. And now that guy's probably like, nobody's coming in for that. What an idiot. Into my pocket. And then you feel morally superior. But the problem is, our moral superiority is usually just our thoughts justifying what someone else would do that we would never do. And in turn, we don't even realize we're doing the exact Same thing. Nice job, Brady. And it's only 50 bucks. I mean, that's a nice. That's a chunk of change to find. That's a nice one. That's a good. Was it all in a ball or was it.

[B]

It was folded. Yeah.

[A]

Two twenties and a ten kind of thing.

[B]

Yeah. It looked old.

[A]

Well, I mean, like, it's been there for a minute.

[B]

Yeah. Because it had to been. You know, it might not have been there for a minute.

[A]

The way you're describing the losers at this facility you were at, they. They just scooped that right up. Maybe the loser. You know what? Maybe the losers at the store you were at were like, someone dropped this, and I'm not going to move it because if they come back, they'll know where they were and I'll leave it in their path. And you were like, hey, hey. And I like that Carlos is your partner, which also lessened your moral guilt.

[B]

Yeah, I consulted him.

[A]

Yet another guy.

[B]

I don't think it really will do much. I don't. I think they'll look at you weird.

[A]

Like, hey, here's. Why would they look at the register?

[B]

Like, yeah, we'll take care of that.

[A]

Why would they look at you weird, though?

[B]

Because. What's this idiot doing?

[A]

No, no, that's not what it is. No. So you can blame the Mexican with it. That's exactly right. That's right. You had a Mexican you made. That's right. And then you. You took some guilt off of you because you didn't take the whole 50. And some other guy was in on it, too. And he'll take the heat because he's a Mexican guy in Gilbert. Raul told me. My name is Carlos, you son of a bitch. He's been.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So, yeah. That's a good move, though.

[B]

I feel good about it.

[A]

But if you're asking questions and you want to break it down, the breakdown is that you were as big a loser as the people you were pointing your finger at. And there's nothing wrong with that.

[B]

I wasn't trying to point the finger.

[A]

Yeah, you were. You didn'.

[B]

Maybe a little.

[A]

You did point the finger, though you may not have been trying.

[B]

Yeah, you did.

[A]

Most certainly. It's human nature. It ain't 120 grand. And I'm curious, more so on what this dude did to steal 120. And the wise thing, evidently, is he stored was a savings account for 10 years. Now, he couldn't put it in a bank, so it got no interest. So when he stole it, it was worth more than it Is today. But it's still. And I, yeah, I looked. It's. It's seven years for that. That's not too bad. I remember we used to steal.

[B]

It's probably onto a new church now.

[A]

That could be. That's what I'm wondering if it was like a. I, I, the first thing I thought was like a fundraiser or Little League came to mind for some reason. Like those club leagues and they, they are always skimming off the top of that stuff. There's no way. I know people who run. We know people who run a. Softball charities. No, not even a charity. Like a kid softball league.

[B]

Yeah, those loose youth soccer leagues.

[A]

Mansions. No, it's a club league. It's like beautiful homes. Just amazing. Like toy haulers. Toy haulers. Vacations every week. And I'm like, wife doesn't work. What the hell? What are we doing wrong? They're scamming because there's so much money that comes in for people blindly handing money over because they think their kids are going to go pro. I thought I saw a story the other day about how, what was it? 13% of parents think that their kids under the age of 12 will go professional in sports. And it jumps up to 17 for people with kids in high school sports. And then you have to tell them, do you realize, here's a stat that will blow your mind. Baseball was essentially kind of invented in the stadium age in the 1870s. Really older than that. But the 1860s and 70s when we actually had stadiums. Right. From that day to today, Parks, Parks. Right. But from that day to today, there have only been, I think, the numbers. 28,000 professional baseball players. You couldn't currently fill a baseball stadium with every player that's ever played pro ball.

[B]

How about that?

[A]

Yeah. In 150 something years. Yeah.

[B]

It's half.

[A]

In the Chase Field right downtown, here's 50,000. So you'd be a little over half. It would look like a regular Pirates game with the Diamondbacks. That stat blows my mind. Right. Blows my mind.

[B]

How many people would attempt or dreamt about being in the.

[A]

You get into the fact that at any given time there's like, what's the number? It's like I forgot what it was. It was like 164,000 kids playing little league sports in the. In. I think that was right. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong, but it makes the point. And a percentage of which ones would go Pro is below 0.03. Thirteen percent of parents have this pipe dream that think their kid's Gonna go pro. They think they're in high school once they're in high. And the percentage of them playing low level College Baseball is 2.7 from all the kids that play in, you know, youth sports. Yeah, it's incredible.

[B]

Imagine, I wonder that number of, you know, the double A and aaa.

[A]

Oh, the percentage of getting into professional baseball, beyond not even the big bigs like just paid for playing baseball is so low. But parents throw money at this stuff. And that's what I thought, my first thought, because I've just got some ties to people who run, you know, club sports, and they're like, oh, yeah, the hockey. Club sports, hockey. Hundreds of thousands of dollars to run a club sport. And it's because parents are like, if I invest in this kid and he is special, I don't want to be the one that didn't give, you know, and they do it. The equipment's incredibly expensive. They travel, all this stuff. So that was my first thought, that KJ stole from one of those things. Charity was second. Charity was another because it's easy. Look, you got to think of, if you get 120k, that's probably because there was about 7 or 800,000 donated. And he's nibbling at that 700 because nobody's gonna say we raised $500,000 and go, where's the other 120? He can nibble at it over a year, put it in like a safe in his house and just lock it up. But crime can pay. There's plenty. I wonder how many people we run into like Brady every day who are crooked thieves. And you don't even know that. They just swipe money right out and don't even care about the poor family that needed.

[B]

I guess that's my threshold, you know, 50 bucks. Okay, 100 bucks, probably, yeah. But like, if it was 120 grand on the floor.

[A]

That's where you and I are different. If I find $120,000, I look around like there's something.

[B]

I don't know. It's got to be watching this.

[A]

If it's cash.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Pick it up. And I take my chances and say, I was going to report this to the FBI the second I get caught. And if I can, if I can return all 120,000, you're pretty good if they, you know, once they get you out of it. But if it's 50 bucks, I'd probably turn it in to one of the, as Brady called them, losers at the facility that he didn't, like, give it to. I Give it to one of them. Because I'd be like, yeah, if they keep it, they've got a menial job. They probably deserve it more than I do. But if it was 120,000, I'd go.

[B]

To the front counter and go, I found $50,000.

[A]

Exactly. Yeah, if it was, I would maybe go, Hey, 20 grand over. But then, then you get in trouble. So I keep the whole thing. The bigger the amount, the more I'm probably gonna keep it. The less, the more I'm probably gonna hand it over to one of Brady's loser people that works at those little crappy jobs that he looks down on. He had an accomplice with him. He had somebody to blame. Hola. Blame the brown guy. Carlos. Look what I found. It's a pretty good haul. I hope it's not a single mother with babies that need the milk. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, give you 25 to keep your trap shut. You got it, Brady. Because we both know that these deadbeats here would just spend it on drugs. Yeah, that's what I think. Now, does Catch eat money? Because we could funnel it through him and launder it and then dig it out of his feces. Good idea. 50 bucks.

[B]

Catch learned to make tamales yesterday.

[A]

You got a new little company started or you can rob people for that too. How much for the tamale? $5. That's worse than finding $50, taking it right out of my pocket. Five bucks for a tamale? Those things are worth a penny. Ordered some doordash the other day from a Mexican place and they screwed up and gave us someone else's order. And the third box had tamales in it. And I'm like, you know what? I've been pretty rough on the tamale for a while. I make fun of the fact that nobody ever gets them outside of, you know, Christmas. So I took a bite. Worse than I remember. Terrible mush ball of nothing with nothing. And you know what was worse? I didn't even know they made these. It was a meat free one. It was cheese. It's more mush than you could ever. There's nothing in that. Terrible. What kind of self respecting Mexican is a vegetarian? Come on. Exactly. Put a pepper in it or something. I bit it and I'm like, where's the meat? And I peeled the mush off the. The top layer of wet sock that they call masa. And I. And I goop that dough up and I'm like, what the hell? There's nothing in here. It was just cheese and it wasn't Even like a. It's the same as when they put meat in a tamale. It's a thin, tiny. We're saving all the cheese in the world. You're not getting much cheese. Cheese.

[B]

You're dumb. You know, you don't know how to eat tamales. You open it up, peel off, and then put food on top of it.

[A]

Yeah. And then pile real delicious food. So when you're eating it like it's good until you get to the bottom where the wet sock is. That's a tamale like you. People are ruining food with tamales. This person says, my teenage daughter did dance for two years. We're paying $1,000 a month on lessons and outfits. I love her to death, but she's not Paula Abdul. I finally told her mom that unless she's gonna be a pro dancer and make money, spending that kind of dough for her to have a hobby is ridiculous. Oh, cheerleading.

[B]

That's a big thing about it. You know, kids still in the league? I don't think. I think majority of them are like, well, the. He likes playing or she likes playing it. Let's continue.

[A]

You are in a sunk cost relationship with their future. You've already poured in 10 grand. They're okay. But if I throw in another 10, maybe that. Maybe it'll spark. What, 98. No way. Homeberg's morning sickness. This one says, John. I found a wallet on the floor at Walmart yesterday. I returned the wallet to the person after I rewarded myself all the cash in it. That's a good move. That's kind of what Brady would have done. I found a wallet in the parking lot of a. When I. When I did the night of the singing Debt a couple years ago that we did the makeup in a hotel across the street from the club. And when I went back to my car, there was a wallet. Here's my justification of it. I think I told the story. I looked at him like, there's a wallet right next to my car and no car parked next to me. And I'm like, huh? And I opened it, and I'm like. In my brain, I'm like, this is my chance to be a good citizen. And I opened it, and there was an ID in there. And there was a. Like, I was like, I don't remember how much. Like 117 bucks. Something like, I don't remember even if that's. It was that high. And I see the id and then there was a woman's id, Then another woman's id Then another of this guy's ID that had different names. And I'm like, this crooked son of a bitch, I'm keeping all of this. And I didn't take it back in at all. And because I thought he's a criminal. Why would you have multiple IDs? He's a 48 year old man with like multiple IDs. He's different names and then he's got a woman's ID in there a couple of times. Like he's got loads of different identifications and all the male ones were his picture. So I'm like, well, I think I stopped a crime rather than kept his money.

[B]

For sure.

[A]

I still have the wallet. I was. Yeah, but I think that that's a couple years ago. That's not stealing, that's finding. That's different. Hey, the 50 bucks that that guy like took out of the wallet and turned in. Yeah, that's worth it. Not having to go get new credit cards, a new id. Hey, yeah, that's on you. Your issue. Yeah. What's your limit? What do you pick up? When do you. When do you say, I'll give it to the losers that Brady wouldn't talk to before? What, like, what is your, like now? I'm keeping this. We all have that number. No, I'm always keeping it. Yeah, it doesn't. $. Yeah, $100 doesn't matter. Yeah. Threw it on the floor, right? Yeah. It's a lesson my dad would have taught me. If you want to leave stuff laying around, it's for everybody to pick up. It's like me, I mean, pairs of shoes I lost from dogs and stuff like that because, well, it's my fault. I left it around. And I admit it, I have a pissed. I have a puppy and I left stuff on the ground. That stuff goes away. You can't be upset about it. My dad used to get mad at me when I would put something of value in the center of my car, like a dollar. And he goes, people look in there and they see that you got a buck in there, they probably think you got more money laying around. You're gonna get your windows busted and somebody's gonna break. And he hated when I had CDs in the car. Oh, yeah, he hated it. It's just a target. I'm like, nobody's gonna do that. And he goes, you'll see. And then, of course, in our driveway, somebody cut the top off my jeep and God damn it stole that book of poems about vaginas. The Vagina Diaries. The Vagina Diaries. I don't Even know if they got money. They got my speakers and all that.

[B]

That one you turn back in.

[A]

I mean, yeah, you leave the Vagina Diaries back to the kid who wrote the Vagina Diaries. Anyway, congratulations to KJ And Brady for their giant thieving halls yesterday. Nice job. And if you're down 50 bucks, wouldn't it. Wouldn't it be just the worst? Brady, if. If that 50. Here's a scenario for you. The guy who had the $50, like, needed that money, and he's like, this is the best. I've got $20 right now for my dog. I'm gonna go get him some food at the dog store. And he went and did that, and he dropped the 50 bucks where you're trading. Catch gets the dog food. His dogs haven't eaten in days. He's like, Now I've got $50 to go get formula for my baby for the first time to take care of all this and make these. Make my family just whole. We can get a hotel room and get showers tonight. It's gonna be great. And then he reaches in his pocket, and he's like, the money. And right after you and Ramon, you know, bang champagne glasses and like, what a day. You're leaving. He's going in, sliding door serendipity. And he goes in, and he looks at every aisle he was in. He's like, I can't. Somebody picked it up. Son of a.

[B]

If. If that's the case, that story's real. That person calls in today, and then he. 50 bucks back.

[A]

Everybody call.

[B]

Yeah, good luck.

[A]

He comes home starving. Baby unzips the tent they've been staying in. Honey, I lost the $50. You need to do the right thing. I probably should have done that to myself, but we didn't need that baby anyway. He shot a baby because you and Ramon. Way to go. Way to go, Brady. That man shot a baby. Do you like how I silen crying? Oh, I'm gonna pay for this one. I'm gonna do it again. Get your checkbook out. Yeah, it sounded a little like this.

[B]

Brady.

[A]

I love you so much. I know you're hungry, but your daddy is careless with money. I did two just in case.

[B]

50 bucks.

[A]

I ended his life just in case. I put one in his leg as a warning, and then I finished it. You have done the right thing. If only someone would have trusted the losers at the dollar store. I could have asked one of the patrons. Did you see $50? I. I know a dead baby to clean up. Hey, Ramon, you want to get some Raising canes? Heck yeah. Brady, this is great. At least no babies were harmed in the $50 fantasy that I am having. Me too. Not a single baby was hurt. Extra cane sauce on me. Yeah, get the extra if you want. What was that? I know. It just was a baby. I thought it was still moving. Need a pen? Look at you. I just get my checkbook. I. I thought. I thought the baby, it jiggled a little. You saw it. Hey, I gotta go get another batch of canes. We got some money left over. Ramon, I'm going to the Walgreens and I'm going to grab a bottle of mums. We're going to leave high tonight. What was that?

[B]

Well, thank you for making me feel good about the situation.

[A]

Thanks for sharing. I woke up and I thought the baby was. I thought it was a trap. Put you in the crib. Brady nestled his little head in, slapped that CPAP on last night. What a day.

[B]

Little bonus.

[A]

Nothing bad happened. What was that? Guys just firing wildly. Yeah, I'm gonna like hearing about that one. That's fun for me. But ah, what are you gonna do? Anyway, good for you. Bradium glass. You still have any of it in your pocket? Yeah, yeah, my brain. Because I. I always wonder like, if it's. And I would keep a bigger amount. I always wonder if it's like a test, if that John quinones guy from 2020 is going to come around the corner. And what would you do? Remember that show? And people would just put you in terrible scenarios. And then it was like Candid Camera, only for being an. And then you roll in and he's standing there going, hi, I'm John Quinones from 20 20. I'm like, crap. I kept it. They just watched me. I just start running. Screw you. And then I would. You know what? The funny thing about that? What would you do? Show is you have to agree afterwards. Well, no, afterwards, because you have to agree to ABC airing that.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

And they're like, but you committed a crime. So then it also becomes like a thing. Well, you didn't necessarily commit a crime. Not in all of them. You did something, you know, socially unacceptable. I would just tell them, like, you absolutely do not have permission to use my voice, my face, my body. You can blur me out like crazy. That won't bother me at all. But. No, but people agree to it.

[B]

When did that happen? Like, how long ago?

[A]

What. What would you do? Show. Yeah, it's. It was. It pops up now and again. They still show it on one of those crime shows. But it was probably eight years ago. Maybe they would run in that pretty.

[B]

Heavy with the way social media and everything works now.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think some of those people will be like, you're saying canceled?

[A]

Oh, sure.

[B]

Like if. Why find out. You know, one thing happens.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like the person that mocked the president got suspended.

[A]

Oh, the guy. Ford. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, he was just, he was chanting some horrible things. And yeah. It's at work. If, if our boss decided to have Trump walk through.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And we lost our minds. Our boss could go, hey, this is a pretty big deal for the company. And we got jackasses. Like, you're done and you just have, you can keep. You got to keep that to yourself. It hurts sometimes. Or just say, I, I, you know, I respectfully decline work that day because this goes against everything. But that's fine too. But yeah, I remember Taxicab Confessions at the end, they would sometimes show people, like with the producers going, you told a lot of like bad stories about yourself. You want. This is a TV show. Like, oh, great. Immediately get. Because they got paid. They'd sign the papers and they're like, we'll give you like $200 or whatever the fee is. Like 1200 bucks to be on TV. It's like a fee. No. Here you go. And people would suck that up. And like you. Do you realize what you just told that cab driver is going to go on HBO now? But at the end of the show, they're signing the releases going, you can use everything, all of it. That's great. And I would have been like, absolutely not. And first off, I'm not telling a cabbie all my dirty secrets. 30 dirty enough in that cab. So, you know, but we get it a lot. I can look at, you know, the email from KJ this morning is, we're an outlet, We're a safe place that he doesn't know us. We don't know him. Although I have a feeling at a concert in the future. Okay. Remember that. That's me. All right, DB Cooper, keep it down. Give me half from tattling. You can't. Statute limitations is up. By the way, this email came in from David Vasquez. Trust me, if that was a true cheese tamale, it was made by a Chinaman or something. No self respecting beer makes cheese tamales. That is from David Vasquez. I didn't say those words. Honey, the $50 is really weighing on my head that we have to eliminate our baby. I know, but it was the right thing to do. You're not exactly cheap.

[B]

I.

[A]

How did I afford all these bullets?

[B]

Yeah, he spent more.

[A]

Yeah, he spent more firing into the. I was a little. Well, again, I'm bad with money. I, I. It falls out of my pocket. I. I just buy weaponry. Well, I'm on my own now anyway. And then he turns the radio on this morning. I found 50 bucks yesterday and had a hell of a day. It was good stuff. He is my next. He is his next. You never know what road that's going to take. But if it was more, I'd. I'm telling you right now, my friend, I'd have done the same thing. And the best part of it is, I don't know if you looked at any of the employees before you made the judgment. I think you probably did.

[B]

No, we were too deep in the aisle. You couldn't see.

[A]

Yeah, but you. You peeked around, like. And then you remembered the one you saw when you came in.

[B]

And when I left the store, I looked around, sure.

[A]

Yeah. And none of these people were any good. I'm better than them.

[B]

What do you think?

[A]

It was a good move. Very smart. Very smart. This one says I was about nine years old, crawling through the tubes at Discovery Zone like a member. Discovery Zone. Dirty, diseased co. I think Covid started there. We blame the Chinese, but pretty sure it was one of those fun ballparks or kids playing while you eat. Says it was like being a Chuck E. Cheese. I came across a purse. First thing I do is look for cash. Found 60 bucks. And then I found the lady it belonged to and returned it to her. And she thanked me profusely. And I stood there with a wad of her cash in my pocket. Jim. Well, I can retell the story of the worst one I ever saw when it realized I'll never be as immoral as another man named Jim that I used to know. When he gave me a ride from Tony Romas to my house, and I looked in the back seat of his car and there were several purses. And I said, what do you got going on back there? And he just started laughing. And that girl. There was a girl named Deidre who had, like, after parties at Tony Roma's all the time. Is he a troll? No, he knew the trolls. Okay.

[B]

Front of the house.

[A]

I think he ended up working there later, but I don't. Yeah, he was a front house. He was a busser, I think. I don't know if I worked at the same time here, but I knew him through all the. And he says he was funny. I remember him being very Funny. And I said, what's that? He said, oh, you know, like the parties after, when our friends from other restaurants show up. And I'm like, yeah. And he goes, at the end of the night, I take the fattest one and I give her all the attention. A lot of times, I close that deal, and then I get up and I steal their purses. Like, what? And he goes, they're grateful. It cost him a purse to have somebody give him some attention. He goes, because they're pigs. And I'm like, well, that's. You're a real humanitarian. There might have been seven purses there. And you know what I did? This isn't better. One of the girls had a Discover card, if I remember right. We got gas. It was a different time.

[B]

Statute of limitations.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, that's way up. I can talk. We used to get gas if you left your credit card at Tony Roma's. We'd give you 24 hours to come looking for it, and then the whole staff would run gas on it. Everybody'd come back with it till somebody canceled the card. And they'd call and be like, did you find a. You find an American Express? I'm like, nope, it's the last time I remember him. Nope. And then just. And then. Of course, that was the smart thing to do, because the paper trail on that. We'd always have to go to a different gas station. It looks like somebody swiped their card and just used it until it was canceled. Yeah, usually at 48 hours, but we did that a lot. Statute of limitations on that. I never was the first one in on that, but I definitely participated. But we'd fill up the Jeep, come back, hand it over. My buddy Adam. Adam would drive his car, go get gas, take that car home, go get his mom's car and fill that up, too, on the way back, and just use his mom's car for the day. So we were. Every credit card probably got hit for about seven to 10 full tanks of gas before we're like, it's not working anymore. It was good stuff. Deep down, we're old dicks. Well, he ruined the credit of some pigs out there. Oh, Jim wrecked some. Those poor pigs. I felt so bad for the pigs. But, you know, when you're getting a free tank of gas, your brain kind of says, you know, no one was gonna have sex with that pig. Jim did a service to that lady. And he would tell me the girls that he was doing. And you'd look at. We'd look at their IDs. He was doing some. He was doing some work. Guys, this was. This was. This was for the benefit of man. These girls weren't getting attention otherwise. I mean, we're talking some bad looking ladies. And he managed to make them feel good for a day. And all it cost him was a person, an ID and whatever was in that purse. And the one that had the Discover card, I apologize. Her name was Kim. I remember that from her ID and she was probably pushing about 210, 215, which back in 1992, 3. That's a big girl. Nowadays it's pretty normal, but back then that was rare.

[B]

She's average.

[A]

Yeah. Now she's an average girl. I was like, how dare you? 210 pound. She was my size, except for she might have been like 5:2. Oh yeah, we stole her. Well, Jim stole her Discover card. I just used it. But I was the Ramon in this story where I'm like, yes. And then Jim's like, John used it too. So it was. Yeah, I think there were about seven purses back there. And the idea. I laughed and I felt terrible all the same. I didn't want to be in the car anymore until the free gas. I don't know if I've ever told the free gas part of that, but we used to get a lot of free gas. Yeah, Roma's all the time. People would drop their wallets, they'd leave money. Restaurants are a. You know, you get in the booth and you're like, hey, in the crease of the booth. And you teach the bus boys. Get in there, get all the crumbs out of there. And you'd swipe out 10 bucks. You didn't go chase. Even if they were still in the lobby, you didn't go chase them. What a bunch of jerks. Well, at least that baby doesn't have to live in squalor anymore. Brady, he's in a better place because you didn't cuz you didn't give that money back.

[B]

Just in case. He said, I feel much better now.

[A]

Yeah, I thought he's a little eye opened, it was dark. I loved every second of it, by the way. Go ahead. All your calls can go directly to Larry McFeely. I'm fine with that. Oh, he's losing. It's hilarious. At 6:19. Let's get a wake up song. 5, 8, 5, 9, 800. A good one. We'll scream it together. It's 98k, but he wake up. It's out of control now. 98K. You PT Holmberg's morning sickness. Morning sickness. 98. Walker told me I had eight. There we go. And we're running. I'm getting better at adding my little clips in Thomas James band, leaving me plenty of spaces to make my own little quilt out of the song that starts each and every show. I like it. It's. Yeah, it's Friday already. This is awesome. I get all your stories about everybody who's stolen, like Brady did yesterday, and they're all bad. All of you. You know who's not? Shane Orlando. Shane's. Shane's big, uh. Oh, I did a bad thing was said as a young boy around Halloween, I used to go to King Supers, which was a grocery store where I live, and they gave all the kids free cookies during Halloween. You go in in a Halloween mask, you get a cookie, then you and your friends would go switch masks, go back in, he said, and get all the cookies. That's what we would do for like an hour. I was 8 and it was fun. Everybody loves cookies. I'm like, oh, you should. You waited for your statute of limitations to be up on that one. Shane, turn yourself. Yeah, everybody's got a story. Lee says this. Oh, this is a good one, Brady. You could go back and do this. If your morality is tested by your. Your theft yesterday says the moral way to find and keep money is to leave your phone number with the employees. Don't tell them how much you found. But if somebody comes in looking for lost money to contact you, they know the amount before you turn it over. Your. Your playing with that one as a moral boundary, a moral guardrail. Because think about it right now. If I asked you, how much money do you have loose in your pocket? Because yesterday I didn't even know it. But laundry. You've seen me, Brett. I'm like, hey, look, a hundred bucks just fell. I had a wadded up hundred. I reached my other pocket the other day and there was like 400 bucks. I don't know when I had that cash. I hadn't worn those pants in probably a year.

[B]

Maybe.

[A]

I went to the casino, but it was a wad of washed money. I would have not known if I'd have reached into my pocket. And hey, I had 100 bucks in there. That 400 fell out. So I would have been back and go, hey, I dropped 100 bucks in here. And somebody find it. Like it's not the amount he found. Liar. I'm going to hear a cha ching cha. Yeah, well, that was. Trust me, I work hard and then I don't Go through my pocket. It just goes in. If you wanted to do my laundry night, you could make a decent living off of me. With my pocket washed money, I go find things that I'm like, when.

[B]

That's what you found. Oh, Megan's got a great retirement, maybe.

[A]

Oh, she should. Yeah, she's covered. The. If I. If you go open the top drawer. My sock drawer. I was digging through my sock drawer the other day, and I found four casino slips worth 1700 bucks. And I'm like, what? And they were wrapped around 20s. So evidently, I came back from the casino, and that was 11 months old. I have, like, a month to redeem these. I'm like, yikes. And I felt like, I gotta get to that casino. And there was probably another 200 bucks in cash. I just wrapped it up and put it in the sock drawer and then covered it with socks. Like, don't forget that's there. And completely forgot. Like, $2,000 sitting in a sock drawer. Like, what did I do that for? One of the finer. Hey, we found it. But it was. It's tracked. I dropped $8,000 in a gaming ticket at the Aria in Vegas. Oh, man. Fell out of my shorts. I was playing a game. I was waiting, and I went back, and I went up to the next place I needed to be, and I reached my pocket, and I'm like, I won eight grand. And it was on a ticket, and I don't have it. So I ran back down to the casino, and it wasn't on the floor. The guy that was sitting next to me was still there. And I'm like, hey, did you see a ticket? And he goes, no. Somebody did pick one up, though. I'm like, oh. And I went over to the security thing, and I'm like, dropped it. I know I'm not gonna see this. This is my ass. And he goes, oh, no, we'll find it. And he goes, how much was it? And I said, it was eight even. 8,000. And he looked at me, and he's just staring at me. I'm like. And he goes back, and he comes back and hands it to me. He goes, somebody dropped this off. You're lucky. But you can't play those tickets because had that person put it in a machine. It comes registers as mine. Yeah. So they.

[B]

That's why it's important to put your card in, right?

[A]

I always play with a card.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because it came up, like, barcoded as mine. But he's like, you know.

[B]

Well, he gave it to me.

[A]

Yeah. And he told Me. And when I told him the amount, he's like, here you go. And that made me realize that there's an awful lot of those tickets. Because the way that guy looked at me like, how much was it? Like he had a bunch of them back there. That wasn't the only one someone found. How much? Because I could have said 25, 000. He might have had a $25,000 ticket back there and growing this one. But they can code it. It was. Or I wonder if it's a case of like, even if it is, you know, even if the guy didn't turn it in, they already know it's on your card. They just give it to you. And then when Knob tries to play it, then that could be. But they didn't know I lost it and they didn't turn it in and that guy's playing it and I had not come just voids the original ticket. But if that guy had already bet at all, it didn't matter anymore. Oh, yeah, because. Because if I didn't realize it for like four hours and came back and said, hey, I lost eight grand and that guy's already spent it, it's over.

[B]

I mean, imagine how many they have that. That are not to that amount, but like 102.

[A]

Oh, tons of those.

[B]

And you're just. They're hammered. They never knew it dropped out.

[A]

Yeah. Horrifying. Yeah. This guy says the balls on that KJ guy emailing you. Haven't we learned that these so called laws don't really apply? Guys are being locked up and paying the price for making women feel unsafe or used for stuff that happened in the 80s. This idiot couldn't wait to tell people about his heist. And he thinks he's untouchable. Good luck, dude. The people who brag are the ones the system finds a way to grab. That's true. The dangerous thing about getting nabbed with a woman and the sexual harassment things are like, oh, he touched me in the 80s. Is they can. They made repressed memories. The restart button, that was the Cosby argument. It's like this happened when, like, even if statute limitations are up. And she goes, yeah, but she didn't have some of these memories up until a few years ago. So the statute of limitation starts over the second she starts remembering it. I'm like, ooh, loop. Don't, don't do that. On top of the fact you shouldn't sexually assault women by drugging them and sucking their feet. I mean, he was wrong twice. But Bill Cosby probably sat him time is up on 17 years. And I can tell you that I raped the chart of that lady looked like John McEnroe. Like, wait a minute. She didn't remember all the details that started over what to see. But you can't bring back the past and the things with the rape and the sucking. And the sucking and the rape. He's still alive. Never would have guessed with all the stress and pressure he went through going blind and everybody hating him.

[B]

He never went to jail, right?

[A]

He did go to jail. He got bounced out, though, recently. But he. Yeah, he. He did go sit in jail for a while, teaching all the kids how to be better people. That's what he did there in jail. Brett, the first thing you learn is how to read and write. Be a better reader, be a better writer. Second thing you learn is not rape. But I lost those battles. But I could read. Hey, hey, hey. I raped somebody today. See, Fat Albert didn't know the rules.

[B]

He just might bone something today.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, look at you and your Seahawks jersey by super bowl tickets yet. No. Okay. But I do have a connection, actually. That would be a smart thing to do.

[B]

What?

[A]

Yeah. No. Now buy super bowl tickets, because the resale on those, no matter who's in it, is huge. When you tried to buy this, the World Series tickets, when the Mariners were going to. Then it became regional. Right. Then you had. I mean, you still sold World Series tickets, but it wouldn't have been like super bowl tickets. You buy them. Yeah. Anyway, I believe Cosby got out of prison because of COVID if you remember. Right. Was it Covet that got him out? Either he didn't go because of COVID or they let him out because of.

[B]

COVID Yeah, that's right. I was thinking. I don't know if he actually went in.

[A]

Oh, he went to jail. I know he went to jail. He was in a jail cell for a while, and. Pretty awesome. Just every night you go to bed, if you. If your brain would go, hey, Bill Cosby's asleep right now in a jail cot. And really, wow, my life. I would have never guessed. But there's a. Another thing where, like, Brady brought this up and KJ did it, too. We got to stop acting like we believe people when they say that they're trying to get away with one. There's a tech billionaire who has a.

[B]

Yacht just building the new yacht. Is I.

[A]

He is a co founder of Oracle. His name is Larry Ellison. Right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

His firstborn, David Ellison in particular, has been following in his foot. Father's Footsteps. And they're billionaire people. They're, you know, so they've got a, you know, a lot of stuff. And one of the things they have is a yacht. So they got a new yacht and on the back of it they named the boat Izanami. I saw this. Did you? Yeah. And then people immediately saw it written on the back of the boat and went, you son of a. Like immediately. And he thought he was going to get away with this. Right. Spelled backward Izanami is I'm a Nazi because it's I Z A N, am I? I'm a Nazi backwards. And like. Oh, I didn't realize. Well, what is Izanami? It's a word in Japan. It means fruitful, bountiful, tree, bull, you liar. And you did it. I'm a Nazi backwards.

[B]

And it's hilarious.

[A]

You thought it was hilarious? Just. Yeah, I'm getting tired of that when people just, just get punched in the gut and say, I got punched in the gut. You got me. Like, just do it. It's not against the law to say I'm a Nazi. Oracle's worth billions. You're right. You're going to be just fine. You can't lose your. Nobody at Oracle is going to make you go away. And if they do, your daddy's gotcha.

[B]

Do we need to look into him to clarify that he's not a Nazi?

[A]

Yeah, people will look in, but in the end it's not going to matter that much. But Izanami, you've got some eagle eyed racists out there that can see. When we're kids we're taught this. I think that's what that weird game where you circle the letters diagonally or backwards. You know those, they're not training. It's good training for when somebody's trying to search. Word search. Yeah, word searches. Like for when you can see stuff backwards, you find words where they're not supposed to be. And Nazi backwards is Nazi. Like you. Oh, forward, front, up and down, sideways, diagonal, you're gonna find Nazi. If in fact you're doing a word search and one of the words is Nazi, it's jumping off the page. It's going to be the first one you circle.

[B]

And if the whole crowd that he's running with, a lot of times, at least there's five or six buddies that he's talking about. Yeah, I'm building my, you know, my boat. What are you naming it? He had to throw that out there a couple of times.

[A]

Here's the problem. That's hilarious. Well, if you Wrote it down like, oh, that's interesting. Then. And then you just. What does it mean? Bountiful fruit tree, Japan. Like, and nobody would. It's like, you keep telling people that the second it was on the boat, people knew. Now, here's the crazy twist in this. He's good friends with Benjamin Netanyahu and, like, a super Israeli supporter. Like, he loves that. So he thought, well, I love the Jews. They'll get it. Like, he threw the little Mel Brooks at him. Throws the I'm a Nazi out there. Not a word you want to toy with on your billionaire yacht. Yeah. It's just. Come on, just admit it. Yeah. I didn't think anybody'd see it, but I guess the word Nazi in print, even backwards, just screams. And when you've got a yacht, Brett, you and I walking around the seashore there, we're gonna see a yacht go, whoa. And what's the first thing you say? I wonder what it. I wonder what its name is. I'm looking at every square inch of this thing. Like, that's beautiful. I'm a Nazi. Oh, my God. Do you see what I see? Movie hilarious, but also wrong. Very wrong. People want me to keep shooting the baby also, by the way, which I'm not going to do. But I think it's. I put enough, and I put enough lead in that dark joke. You never know. I am going to do this for three days because I read the Bible. It could come back. I got into an algorithm, too, of. Because I clicked on this story, and the headline made me laugh. Because you've never seen a headline the opposite. It says, fashion model eaten by crocodile in front of tourists. No, if it wasn't a fashion model, it wouldn't be a story. And it certainly wouldn't say, fat pig eaten by crocodile in front of Taurus or disgusting ugly person. The fact that it was a model led the headline. And she's very pretty. Or was before the crocodile got her. Look at that pretty lady swimming around Crockby. Yeah. And an estuary. And crocodile in the Australian outback nabbed her. And evidently, death roll beyond, like, just smashing and turn and cutting her in half, going back, eating her head. And all the tourists just stood back like, what? And just mangled her. She's 24. She was at a ski resort and couldn't be. You know, it's the opposite of, like, what most people think of Australia is just. Just a desolate outback, and they have, like, other stuff. But she said it was they. She got eaten there, and was she.

[B]

Taking A photo or anything. I mean, she.

[A]

I would imagine near the water. Yeah, she was down there messing around in the water and grabbed her and pulled her in and then just started to, like, fillet her.

[B]

So then.

[A]

The next story I get is that a mom on an Australia. Australian beach. This one's horrible. Got. Didn't her. Her kids see her out there and looks like she's laying on a surfboard. And they swim out there and realize that a great white shark bit off everything but her head and her head stayed on the board.

[B]

Oh, my. That's a big shark.

[A]

Kids go swimming out there, it's like, oh, there's no more. Like, just her. Like, her shoulders and stuff. So don't click on stories that start with model eaten alive by crocodile, because the next four stories, you're not gonna be eating that night. It's pretty good, though. But yeah, just stay out of there.

[B]

Just.

[A]

You know, they have signs in Australian beaches if you ever make the flight. Let's say beware of box jellyfish and estuarian crocodiles. And that is enough to keep me out of the water. It's. It's like Dorothy in the wizard of Oz, beware. Like, the minute you see that sign, you're like, this isn't good. There's nothing good after beware. And then they tell you what to beware of. That means they've had incidents. East Youarian crocodiles. What's that? And there's salt water and fresh water. They can do both. And they also live on land. Like, I'm going in. Why? Enjoy the outdoors, mate. You're out of your mind. The sign says beware the trees throw apples here. I'm. I'm in a bad place. What's a box jelly? Ah, it's a invisible machine that lives in the water. If it touches you, you get 12 seconds to live.

[B]

Tiny.

[A]

Hop in. I'll teach you to surf. I'm like, nope, go to my room. Why did God invent the box jelly? Eh? He's a prankster, that guy. What's its function in this? In the sea? Doesn't really have one other than to just kind of be a jellyfish. Do other things eat it? No.

[B]

Nar.

[A]

So it just stings people and then you die. Yep. And keep in mind, mate, it's only one of 30 different varieties of jellyfish we have floating around in our waters. Shallow. Have a great time here at the beach. Nope. Going in. Might as well stand on the freeway. It's safer. Australia is a great place, but city. Stay in the City. Don't wander often. You're gonna. People try to teach you to surf and kayak. And we went kayaking, scuba diving, the Great Barrier. Oh, scuba diving at the Great Barrier Reef was great. But I was told German tourists a few months ago, everything went dark. Like, huh? Yeah. We were scuba diving and everything went dark. Like, what is. Why? Well, he was swallowed up by. It's a harmless toothless whale. Like what?

[B]

The whale shark.

[A]

I don't know what it was, but it has no. It was like a giant whale with a three car garage mouth and they just swallow up everything. And then their tongues or whatever just determines what food is nearing rubber. Mate, he's spitting you out. So I'm Jonah for a few seconds. Yeah, you just. It all goes dark, relax. And then you projectile vomited out of the whale. Like, this is. I paid for. I paid 75 yellow dollars for this. Right. Anyway, don't worry about. The German guy was fine. And talk about a story. Yep. And we went scuba diving without any training or anything else. And I just worried the entire time that it was about to all go dark. And that's how the Sopranos ended. Don't worry about it. And I'm like, you ever heard a story from a guy who didn't get thrown up? You wouldn't hear that story, would you, mate? He's in that whale. I'm like, okay, so the only guy that you know that had this happen, that lived, he's not going to. He made a rubber. Mate. What if this particular whale has a penchant for rubbers? You won't. Don't worry about it. Then don't bring it up. But evidently these things just swim along and you're just like, look, it's Nemo. And then you're like, what happened to the light? Why is everything so wet? He just opens his mouth and swims and everything goes in, gathering all the plankton, whatever's there. And then you realize as you're scuba diving, because they do it, the silverfish and all the other ones, you get millions of like tons of food following you around. They just like motion. So as you're, you know, they're never in front of you. And then as you turn around, this incredible cascading amount of fish that are like, well, that's just shark food. Don't worry about it. Might. And he gives you the A okay sign, points to the top. Let's go. Up you go to the surface and. What the hell was that? Oh, I forgot to tell you. Little silverfish gonna follow You. They love the tourists and, like, they don't know where. Tourists. Yeah, but they lock it. Oh, but it's beautiful. Like, you're blinded by the glorious. The colors. It's colors you've never seen. You're on a different planet. But. But you have the constant fear of a giant whale swallowing you. He's not around, mate. It's too low. We were in deeper water, which is about eight feet from here. Then you'd have to worry. So if I drift off course a little bit. Yeah, that's where trouble is, mate. Sharks, whales, box jellies.

[B]

Watch the current over here.

[A]

And then I ended up swimming around by myself. This is amazing. That was an idiot. But, yeah, Everything in Australia is trying to kill you. So get me started on the cassowaries. And then I saw a headline I liked a lot says, woman divorces man two days after he pulls a wedding prank on her. And they're. They're giving this woman all the praise in the world for standing up.

[B]

Good for you.

[A]

Can't believe his wedding prank was smashing her face into the cake. It ruined the photographs and she's out. She divorced him some time. Yeah, exactly. And now he doesn't have to pay. Like you're gonna know that. So he's not out anything. He. This is proof weddings need to end.

[B]

Stop.

[A]

They're don't have the guy there. We don't need to be there. You don't want us there.

[B]

Photographer or the groom? The groom.

[A]

Just go have your day. Cause you know what? You were marrying a prankster who thought it would be fun and playful to smash your face into cake. I don't like that joke. It's, you know, it's the vaudevillian joke of physical comedy into cake. But he thought it was funny. And you knew that about him. You know when you're with a cake to the face guy? Right? And I've always thought it was funny, like you do a lot of weddings, Brett, that they act like it's so crazy that we're gonna feed each other cake. We're really just gonna smear it all over. It's like, oh, this old G again. So he took what was going to happen anyway. Hey. They kept it clean. You have to say that. Yeah, exactly. You know the lines, Brett, because no weddings are different. Every woman's special day is the same as every other woman. Absolutely. It's remarkably cookie cutter. And each one thinks they're getting some sort of a special treatment because you know why? They're selfish. And they look in the mirror that day and go, this day is for me because I look so beautiful. They treat themselves like princesses. They look in that mirror, they have their hair and their makeup and everything else, and then they just go down the line of the most mundane, repeated thing in human history. There has not been one wedding I've been to that I'm like, wow, they really took chances. That was different.

[B]

Never.

[A]

They're all the same. Boring, but women confuse it because they've pampered themselves so much for the most spectacular day that's ever happened to any woman ever. And it's different because it's theirs. So don't have the guy go. Because if he wanted to, hey, I want to do a prank in the middle of it. We're not taking any pranks. Am I not involved in this? I mean, it would be kind of fun for people to see us kind of goofing around, right? It's not about that. We cut the cake and we get the pictures, and then after, we feed each other cake, and then we smear like everyone else has done. Why don't I just smash your face into the cake? Don't you dare do that. I did my makeup for hours. Oh, God. This dude was a gift. I watched the video the other day.

[B]

So he put her head first in the cake.

[A]

Yeah. While she was. She cut it like she did the stupid smile. It was about me today. Just hire a guy to stand next to you, and then the real groom, who didn't want to be there in the first place, will just sign the papers, and we'll. And he'll be like, I'm the real husband, but that guy looks great. And just make the pictures look better. You don't want us there because you don't ever. And then if we don't participate in weddings. You didn't even care about what color the napkins were. No. Really, I didn't. No. No man ever has. Why do you think that any man would ever be different and planning. You know, if you've got a guy and you're about to get married, and he's really involved in the wedding planning, you're gonna find out in about six years. He's got a gay lover. No straight man plans a wedding with glee ever. No straight man's got a picture of grooms in his hope chest waiting to. Oh, I'm gonna wear that tux. We wear the same thing as every other dude, because it's like, what's the easiest. What do you wear? What's the uniform for? This Just a tuxedo. Cool. Okay. Powder blue, the color. Maybe you'll mix it up a little bit. Doubtful. And you're not getting a choice on that. I'm gonna wear this. Dumb and dumber. No, you are not. And then she goes and picks your outfit. It's just dress em ups. I watched a thing online the other day and congratulations. This lady. All the comments are like, you stand up for yourself. A man who'd treat you like that at your wedding would probably abuse you later. Like, right, That's. He's fun. So you don't like fun people. That's. He wasn't right to do it, but come on. No rings on any of those fingers. Nope. All those chubby little fingers are full of cake because they're never missing their mouth with that. There was a guy who, who was online and he said something about he had a group of women in front of him and he was trying to prove that women are not romantic. Men are the romantic gender. And he said, I can prove it with one example. Would any of you in this room ever marry a guy who worked at Burger King? And all the girls were like, well, no. I need a man who's like, self sufficient and provides. Oh, he's. He lives on his own. But no, he can't. Like. And prior to that, he had asked them all, what's the minimum for a man to date you? Like, he has to make how much a year? None of them were below $120,000. And they weren't like supermodels. They were just decent, average. It's like, 120 is about right. And he said, now ask me that question. He goes, because no matter what I find with a woman, if I love her, I don't care how much she makes. None of you feel the same way. We're the romantic ones. You're the ones who are the takers. Damn. And I'm like, oh. And I'm sitting at home, I'm laughing quietly at home because I'm like, I shouldn't be laughing at this. I don't think I'm supposed to like this, but I. It was dead on the money. And it's true. No woman would ever meet the guy at Burger King taking her order and think he's the one. But a dude might. If a hot girl who just kind of winks and smiles at you at the Burger King, you're like, you're incredible. Think about, I would like to provide for. Yeah, yeah. That's what we. They got us snowed. The Nicholas Cage married his waitress from Sushiroku in Santa Monica, and people thought it was her romantic story was the.

[B]

Trap of the Burger King.

[A]

Question that the guy owned the Burger King. Huh? No, no, no.

[B]

Work.

[A]

That. No, he just worked. They understood it. Like, he's just the guy who's taking. But what if you said that to them and then said, well, he owns the Burger King. Right. Or that would have been a nice twist. That would have been. Oh, that's different.

[B]

Oh, there.

[A]

Yeah. But it was weird because he set him up by saying just, you know, random question and answer it how you feel. It's nothing wrong. No bad answers. How much minimum would it take for a man to. To be someone that you would consider dating? None of them were. One girl said $13 million.

[B]

Yeah. So we know what she would have said, because it would be interesting saying, could you fall in love with someone that's making $45,000 a year, but they.

[A]

Fool themselves with shows like Beauty and the Beast? Like, you know, if you fell in the sewer and met an animal and you fell in love and he didn't have any, but then it turned out, yeah, you watched that Beauty and the Beast, he had collected some really nice stuff. He was kind of a millionaire of the sewer. Like, he'd really done a nice job decorating. He had some gold candlesticks. He dressed nice. He had some stuff. 98. What? 98. No way. Holmberg's morning sickness. Vincent. And they were like, ah, so why can't I ever meet a man like that? It's because you're looking for money first. Most of them, yeah.

[B]

I mean, it's hilarious because you'd ask a man, could you ever fall in love? It's just by the picture. With a woman that would look like this. Or this.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Makes no money. This one doesn't make any money. This one is actually in debt. Yeah, a little bit.

[A]

Dudes will pick them up.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

What's her ass and cans look like? Yeah, exactly. There's where our. Absolutely. There's where our standards left. But it was a great little. But we admit it, though. Yeah, we own it. But that dude, his family got mad at him for smashing the face. She said, no pranks. He goes, it's not a prank. We were gonna do this in a minute anyway. I beat her to the punch. It was part of the criteria that in a couple of hours or a couple of minutes, we're gonna be smearing cake on each. I thought I'd just jump it. That's not what the schedule Said, like, I thought this was our special day. I didn't realize I was.

[B]

Don't even have a. Ruining the schedule. Well, you know what? At least she got it done early.

[A]

You just so happened to be there. Yeah, that's. And you see those weddings you go to, the dudes are most just working the tuxedo. They're kind of like, I operate the suit for a couple hours, and then I say words. Nobody really cares. It's all about her.

[B]

And what's one thing you tell. Like, when I can remember hearing this multiple times, and then afterwards, like, they were right. You're like, you won't remember much about nothing.

[A]

No. And you. And then you realize, like, this is the one you're 30, 40 grand in. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Somebody spent 25 to $50,000 on this thing. And you're like, we could have used that. Oh, I had a friend, I thought he was going to punch his wife once they had an elaborate wedding, and this is 10, 12 years later. And she sat back and she goes, if I had it to do all over again, I probably would have just eloped or something. And then we could have used that money for the house back then. And I remember when they were going to get married, it was. They traveled to site location. I mean, airplane travel. Like, let's go see if San Luis Obispo's right. No, I don't want this. They spent a fortune looking for the place. Then the wedding they had was just this gigantic mess of people. Nobody could hear anything. It was dumb. And then she had the nerve to say that. And I remember he was, you know, he was probably 27. It was breaking his balls to make sure that she got everything she wanted. And then 15 years later, to have her sit there and go, probably would have just eloped. I suggested that about 30 times. He didn't punch her in the face. I wasn't gonna stop him. I think his fists balled up. I don't think. I think he's. He's a decent man. He put a hole through the drywall in the bathroom, probably. Yeah. Yeah. I bet you there was a hole in the. In his punching room at home that night. That had to stink. But, yeah, we are the romantic ones. Men are the romantic ones. Because we could meet you at Circle K. We're the only we. And women will do that with them like that. Remember the. The Hotel Felon? Yeah, and Luigi Mangione and stuff like that. They stand up, but it's because he's famous. You wouldn't see the hot Felon. Like this dude at the bus stop that's just making a mess up here in 52nd McDowell. Hey, by the way, dude, clean up your room. Have you seen the bus stop up here on 52nd, McDowell?

[B]

No.

[A]

He's got like 18 bikes all taken apart, closed every. He's got more stuff than I do all over this. But this bus stop is destroyed. 52nd street, just south of McDowell. Do yourself a favor and drive by the messiest homeless person I've ever seen in my life. But he could be. If he was hot and committed a crime, got a mugshot, he'd become a model. Right, because that's what happened to the hot felon years ago when he was Travis Meeks. Jeremy. Jeremy Meeks. Yeah. But he. Yeah, so this dude. But you don't meet him until they get famous. That ain't happening. But we had the heroin addict that was gorgeous that we used to drive around. And dudes, every time I saw that hot homeless girl that was begging for money at the Circle K or the Quick Stop, there was always a guy pulling up going, can I help? Can I help? Like we were the nurturers. Excuse me. We were going to try to get that little angel to a shower quick. Too sweet. Get rid of these Circle K feet.

[B]

Boy, that went south quick.

[A]

Oh, boy. It was not, not too much. After we discovered the beautiful model, like a month later, the method kicked in. She looked terrible. She had her little sweats and she'd fold down the waistband and pull them up like she's. And Larry, I. I came back from getting gas, we had something to do. And I said, hey, I just saw the prettiest homeless person I've ever seen in my life. And he goes, the dark haired one. I'm like, yeah, we got, we skipped half of a meeting, got in the car and drove back there just to circle that area. Just look at her. She's amazing. Her sign. People are just throwing money at her. She's all, you're just buying her loads of meth and she was using it. But I bet you she got a proposal or two. We'll date waitresses or busboy people or kitchen trolls. Female kitchen trolls. But women won't do that. We could find the love of our life servant drink somewhere. I did. I just gonna say, there it is. I mean, she's a bad example because now she owns the place. She married down. Oh, that's absolutely. She found the Burger King kid. That just tells you how good you are. Excellent work. Anyway, so when you smash, it's A good test. If your wife divorces you because you mashed her face into the cake at the wedding, you got out of there. We need to make that the tradition. And now the annual or the marital tradition of wife face smashing into the cake as we get. And just make it another thing. All right, everybody, who's ready for the wife to get mashed into the cake? That cake cost us $4200, and you ruined it. Yeah. I can tell you right now, if you can't hand a pie to the face, you're not going to make it through any marriage. It's going to get worse. There's. There's going to be days that are worse. Or you wish you had pie to lick off your face. Like Scooby Doo. This one says John. It sounds like that broad at her wedding would have rather had that guy smash your face into his crotch like Brady did to you. Yeah, but Brady and I weren't the ones getting married. Brady and I didn't get divorced after. In fact, I shook his hand. A hearty handshake after. Excellent work, my friend. You didn't get mad at him and yell at him like a frog with the cake. I could still feel the weird kind of fossilized burning of his ball sack somewhere in the side of my chin and cheek. It was an excellent move. Hilarious. It's good stuff, but, yeah, if you're. If you smash. If you do a joke and she doesn't like it, well, there's not a lot you can do.

[B]

You're g. Yeah, sure. She said not to do it. He's dumb for doing it.

[A]

No, you just found a humorless broad. Yeah, look, this didn't come out of the blue. This dude's been a. Again. You know, when you're marrying somebody who finds pie to the face funny. So cake to the face. It's like, you might not have liked it, but really what it did was embarrass her. And if she can't be embarrassed a little bit by a dude, she shouldn't be with dudes, because we're going to embarrass you here and there.

[B]

For sure.

[A]

For sure.

[B]

It wasn't meant to be. It's a good. A good non mix either way.

[A]

Oh, yeah, they should be, because he.

[B]

Was told not to do that.

[A]

But think of.

[B]

And he did it. But. But she's gonna break up over that.

[A]

Yeah, she's gonna divorce him. She was. She wasn't marrying that guy. She wanted a day for herself. It had nothing to. If she was willing to leave him for that. She wasn't in it for the long haul. She wanted her. Her friends probably have all been married in the last couple years. She's sick of being a bridesmaid. Exactly. So she's like, I'm locking this down and I don't even care with who. You better behave. And then at 48 hours, she wasn't willing to put up with that. She, prior to that, was telling some priest, forever, all, forever, through everything. Anything that comes our way, I will. Forever pushes her face in the cake. She's like, that's it, it's over. She wasn't sticking around. She wanted a day and he ruined her day.

[B]

A parent should have stepped up if they were paying for.

[A]

Yeah, no, no, you're staying in that, divorcing anybody. This is not happening. I get some sort of 90 day money back guarantee on this, right?

[B]

You will stay in this for two years and get half of his Burger King money.

[A]

You imagine, Brady, you spend the average of a wedding, which is about $35,000 now. It's insane. Crazy Kirby gets married and then sits you down two days later. It didn't work out. You gotta give it a week. Didn't work out, man. Sorry. I'm out 35 grand. Kerbert Herbs. I don't love him, man. You better learn to love him for $35,000 worth.

[B]

Okay, honey, I'll take care of it.

[A]

Now. You put a buyback on that.

[B]

Why don't you just move back home?

[A]

Would you ever move back in in 48 hours and eat the 35 grand? You would.

[B]

I'd be. Daddy loves you.

[A]

He would. You would. She would marry a guy.

[B]

We can always try again.

[A]

We'll do another one. Well, I did meet a guy at the divorce lawyers, man. We're getting married Saturday. I need another 35k, man. You got it. Kirby Herbs. I found 50 bucks at the store.

[B]

What was that now?

[A]

You put a buyback on the wedding. You don't make it a year, you're paying back. There should be an insurance policy. Parents should be. I don't know if that's true or not, but there should be a wedding insurance for parents.

[B]

Well, some parents plan.

[A]

No, I. No, no, no. But I'm saying they do a separate.

[B]

Account, just like a college fund.

[A]

It should be protected somehow. A wedding insurance plan should exist. We should start that company today where it's like, look, you give us for the first two years that we give us $80 a month and we'll refund you 80% of whatever it costs. And what if it doesn't go past 24 months? And they do it with flights, they do it with concerts. I mean, everything has insurance. You should insure your parents wedding money because if it doesn't work, I mean, we had our friend.

[B]

I did hear something refresh over the break. There was a couple that's getting married. And you know what? We changed up. We had money that our parents were going to give me for when we decided we're using this for the house. Yes.

[A]

And what you should do if somebody's going to give you a ton of money.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Use it on something good. Weddings are stupid, but women get mad at that. Every dude would be like, yeah, I could do without it. Like, we're 50. 50. And if she wants it, that's fine. If she doesn't, that's fine too. That's Matthiah. I asked her, what do you want? I mean, you know, I'm in the industry, so I can probably get, you know, decent deals and stuff. And she's like, why? Yeah, let's entertain our friends for a couple hours. Let's just, let's go on vacation. And I'm like, all right, let's do that. That keeper. Glorious.

[B]

And doing it, you know, a little later helps. Well, because you have your own younger. You are you. You're still in the.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Fairy tale phase.

[A]

You can't afford a wedding, you shouldn't get married. No, if you can't afford your own wedding, you should not get married.

[B]

You definitely don't want to go in debt because no wedding.

[A]

But if you. If you don't have the money to pay for your own wedding, you should not get married. Now, people can step up and say, we're going to help with this, that's fine. But if you don't, it's like the Marshawn lynch rule. If you don't have enough money to buy the thing you want twice, you can't afford it. Oh, the broads and the weddings. That. That one made me mad because that dude sounds like, yeah, you're kind of a. For doing the cake thing. But it was funny. Yeah, she got real mad. We're divorced already. Like, well, congratulations. There's no way Brady would have wasted cake to smash it in Ronnie's grill. That's right. If anything.

[B]

Besides, those cakes are expensive.

[A]

Oh, I know. Brady would have reached behind his head and SM his own face into that cake. It's all mine. Looks like I ruined it. Was spit in there.

[B]

Smashed my face in a 700 cake.

[A]

700. You're getting off cheap. Yeah, that's a Safeway wedding cake these days.

[B]

That was 19 years ago.

[A]

They're like $5,000 for a fondant cake that never tastes that good. Fondant is the most overrated thing in the planet. Fondant cakes look pretty. You eat them. It's drywall mud.

[B]

It just preserves a cake for a year later when you're supposed to eat that frozen piece.

[A]

By the way, the word. Supposed to eat that already. I'm kind of checking out. And it's a year old. I'm gone. Now we're supposed to eat the rest of our cake for a one year anniversary. I'm smashing your face into that too. Fondant. Boy, did those chefs get away with that one. They put plaster on a cake and pretended it has flavor. It is disgusting. It's $5,000 because fond. It's. It's just like really good sugar, isn't it? Yes. And excellent eggs. It's the same thing as frosting cake. This is the same thing inside. She don't like cake in her face. What else doesn't she like in her face? Exactly. That's a noo, right? She's not taking a facial on her wedding day. Be grateful that I'm surprised it lasted 48 hours.

[B]

Or have. Have you seen where they. You know, they do it to the groom, but you can't do it to the bride.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, you can. Well, he's your toy there.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You can do whatever you want to him because we're cool. Yeah, yeah. She wanted it. He's just a ventriloquist.

[B]

He's like.

[A]

He's like Jeff Dunham's dolls and stuff like that. You know, dummies. Yeah, yeah. He's a dumb. What do you want me to say? Somebody pointed out that if at Kirby's wedding, the cake got ruined. You just heard. The bride and groom wouldn't be upset at all. But that cake getting wrecked would piss off one daddy. That's for sure. One piece. This guy's enough. He's not worth your future. He put his. God dang. I wanted some of that. Son of a. I've been scrounging the floors at the Petco for years to afford a cake like that.

[B]

If you're gonna shove cake in your mouth, here's some cupcakes. Here's the joke cake.

[A]

Don't miss.

[B]

Just.

[A]

We'll put some whipped cream in it. We'll make it look right. But that's the joke, stupid. Bring out the real cake for us to eat. Yeah, I. My favorite Wedding moment in the history of weddings for me, because I made it my own moment was when the Brett DJ at the wedding I was at was running around, and he made. He's running around doing games, and he made fun of me for being bald. And he ran by because, hey, you ready to go? I love your hair. And he's rubbed my head, and I'm like, that's it for you. Come back to me one more time. I dare you. And he comes back, and he says to me, he goes, I need all the single fellas to get up and play the game. It wasn't single fellas. It was not married yet. Let's see if you and your date know each other, right? And then I said, I don't want to play. And he puts the mic in my face. I'm. I don't want to play. So you hear it real loud at the wedding. Come on, get up, buddy. He did a little elbow shine on the top of my head while sitting down. I'm like, I can't get up. Why can't you get up, huh? I've got cancer. Oh, okay. And he just runs off, and everybody's like, why did you do that? Because I wanted that dick to feel the pain of his life choices. It was awesome. Ryan wants to know if Brady's gonna wait his standard six months to give Kirby her wedding present.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

Yeah. He's gonna buy that. Wedding's gonna be on layaway. This guy says, I have a friend who spent $93,000 on a wedding three years ago. It sucked for him because he got divorced a year and a half later, and I make fun of him all the time because I've never been married or had kids. He did have a hell of a prenup, though, but he was still almost at 100k and it didn't even include their honeymoon. Yeah, we need wedding. We need marriage wedding insurance. Not marriage insurance. Wedding insurance. They do have a form of insurance. Like, if you know something happens at the venue or whether or weather. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they'll, like. If they get divorced in a certain amount of time, like, if it's within 48 hours, it's a hundred, 100%. If it's a month, you get like, 95. And every month that goes by is another 5% off what the insurance company will pay you. But if they don't last two years, insurance will at least give you some back, because that's just. They're get. You're getting killed. And that's another racket, though, because A lot of them will make it two years. So the insurance company, he's getting, you know. You know, 12, 1200 bucks a month. Yeah, something like that. You make 2500 bucks off everybody and, you know, you kick back a couple of them, you insure it up to a certain amount. It's easy. That's a good idea. That's a really good idea. Or just not doing it. We have buybacks on bachelor parties, so when the boys get. One of the boys gets married or something. A bachelor party. You got a year. If you don't make it a year, you're buying back the whole bachelor party for everybody that was there. That's genius. Yeah. Or like our friend Chris, who milked us all dry except Brady for Amazon gift cards and cash and stuff like that. You know what? All the money I talked to him about, he got divorced six months later. And Brady hadn't bought him a present yet because I don't even know why you were at that wedding. Like you just lost cash in that, too. Barely know the guy.

[B]

Big whoop. I got at.

[A]

So six months later, Brady got away with not getting him a present, which is great. And I sat down at lunch and I'm like, what happened to all the money and the gifts and stuff? And he goes, we took most of it and paid my mom back for. So we paid his mom back. I would have just scratched her a check. Well, yeah, but that would have been. He didn't.

[B]

It's a difference.

[A]

It's a way to say, I'm not giving your money back. So she got paid in Amazon gift cards and Walmart gift cards and stuff. And the wife took a lot of it herself and just kind of ran off. This is a story, man. It's a good story, though. Both sweet people. Just didn't work out real fast. And if you're gonna not work out, do it real fast. It was your last wedding, too. It's the very last wedding I'll ever go to. Ever.

[B]

He's got another one coming up.

[A]

Yeah, he's talking about doing it again. Are you going to that one? No, I'm not going to anymore. I already gone to one of his weddings. I've already heard that guy say the word forever. No, when you say forever and I'm at your wedding, that means for me, you're supposed to be with that last one for the rest of your life. It's not my fault. Nobody's. I'm not going on no more weddings ever again. Never, ever again. I'll give you some Money after for doing it as a gift.

[B]

Six bones.

[A]

Yeah. I gave Cary's daughter. I handed them a check. Actually, Apple paid them a gift at a dinner later because I hadn't done it yet. Did you wait six months?

[B]

No.

[A]

Actually, probably. They'd probably better. No, I didn't. We got that done. But I'm no good. I'm no. And luckily, I did have something going on that night. But I can't tell people I don't go to weddings anymore. I just can't. I don't do it no more. I've gone to enough of them. I've seen them. I've seen that movie. It's like watching, you know, dream a little. Dream multiple times. It's not very good. And I know I don't want to see it again. But if you're gonna put it in front of me, I'll probably veg on it a minute. But it's a very average performance. And it just makes people nuts. Funerals. I'm all in on funerals from here on out. I'll go to a bunch of those. That's it. That's it. If Kirby gets married, that's great. Here's her Apple Pay gift. She's getting some cash. That's all they want anyway. Why put on the show not going to any weddings? Brady can't say no. You don't want to go to any of them. But you can't say no to them. You have to go to a bunch of weddings.

[B]

Things he's gotta check out the end of February.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Well, who? My nephew Charlie.

[A]

You don't have to go to that. You really don't. And you know what?

[B]

Kind of feel obligated.

[A]

No, you don't. Here's the fun thing about that. And nobody says this. They won't care if you're there or not. It won't matter.

[B]

I do because. Well, I do. I feel obligated because it's my sister's.

[A]

That's great.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or not. She wouldn't care if you went either. Just say, hey, I can't make it. I'm gonna give a bunch of money. I'll do a phone. Six months. Yeah. You don't want to go to a wedding. You want to go see people. Yeah, you don't want to go to the wedding. Nobody wants to go to a wedding ever. You tell me. If I told you this weekend.

[B]

It's a little part of the here.

[A]

I know it isn't, because otherwise there's plenty of weddings going on. Why don't you just go to them during the week. Nobody wants to go to a wedding. They'd sell tickets, especially the ceremony. Oh, it's terrible. You go see friends and family. Haven't seen for a while, that's fine. But yeah, it's a timeshare. You have to sit through this presentation in order to see your friends. It's awful. If you want to pay for if you liked weddings, there's like 60 of them every weekend. Brett could tell you, hey, going to a wedding, you want to come? You'd be like, no, I'm there because I'm getting paid. Right. Maybe there should be a little nil money for guests of weddings, too. It's like, we really want you there. I'm like, prove it. Show my value. We really would like you to support us like I will, for a fee. You're an asshole. Right? You know that? You know, that's why you like me. If we gave you $500, would you come to our wedding? Nobody's ever gonna say that because you're not. That. They don't want you there that bad, Charlie. And that bride of his, you hardly even know her. They don't care if you're there. Deep down, afterwards, they like to spend time. But you can do that another time.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what they'd rather have? Uncle Brady couldn't make it, but he sent us two anywhere plane tickets that we want to go and. And he'll meet us there. They'd be like, whoa.

[B]

They probably would have liked that better.

[A]

Of course, they'd like it better than you just sitting in row seven.

[B]

Cheaper for me.

[A]

Yeah, right. Give it a try, Charlie. Nobody wants to sit through your stupid ginger wedding. So here's what I suggest. I take you and that beautiful bride of yours to beautiful Branson, Missouri, later this year. What do you say? You have a nice time together? I think that would be better.

[B]

I'd rather go to the wedding.

[A]

No, you wouldn't. But then Branson.

[B]

Than spend the weekend with him.

[A]

See, there's the other thing that's probably true also.

[B]

Why turn around? Just give them the tickets to go.

[A]

That's probably true. I don't.

[B]

Spend the weekend with me.

[A]

Well, you know, it's the offer. If they say, oh, we'd love it, like, I don't have to go. We'd love to see you. Or use the tickets to fly them here.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then to have a big difference. Yeah. That way it's easy.

[B]

Too late now. Nah.

[A]

No, it's not. There's always refunds. Brady when is it? End of February. You can get it. Oh, you can get money back on that. Yeah. Taking the whole family.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Disaster. And they're. And they're going to whisk themselves away. You'll barely even see the. The couple. You just saw your sister a couple weeks ago. You're good for at least a year. You can bail on this. I'm going to save you some money. He's scrounging for it right now. He's picking it up off the ground.

[B]

My sister's the one that's.

[A]

He's putting it towards his trip. You're scared of her.

[B]

She'd really like to see me there.

[A]

You were just.

[B]

You.

[A]

Why?

[B]

I want to be there for that.

[A]

Yeah. That's dumb. You're. You're indoctrinated. That's brainwashed. You don't really want to be there if you wanted to just fly out and see him now.

[B]

Thought about it. Yeah. Just go say hey.

[A]

I just. I want to spend so much time with you.

[B]

This is a special day for them.

[A]

For them. You're not important to this. Quit. Quit giving yourself so much credit. Nobody cares. Do you remember everybody that was at your wedding?

[B]

Supposed to be a really good dj.

[A]

Do you remember everyone at your wedding?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

No. You don't. There's people. You're like, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I forgot. Didn't say a word to you the whole time. Me. In fact. We barely spoke. Yeah. I did a little.

[B]

We spoke.

[A]

John.

[B]

Out of beer.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, that was true. There was some of that. Okay. I'll go help you out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I ran an errand. That's a thing? What?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You had to work at his wedding. Anything to get me out of there. I needed more beer to eat some of that dry ass chicken. What do you got on the big board of musical treats there, Bert? I wake up so long time and we got tons of stuff on here. We'll just start off with Alice Cooper. Dead babies is on the list.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

So that was a dark. Very dark joke earlier. Megadeth. And then everything goes towards Brady Ice Cube. Today was a good day for Brady's big haul. Money talks For Brady's five finger paycheck. Yeah. Been caught stealing for kj. Running with the devil because Brady's going down the wrong path.

[B]

Now I'm going back to the store and giving the 50 bucks.

[A]

You don't have 50 bucks. You got to get Ramon back in on the next.

[B]

I gotta make some calls.

[A]

Dire Straits. Money for nothing. For Brady. Money from Pink Floyd. Thieves from Ministry for Brady. Midlife Crisis for Brady. The OJs for the love of Money for Brady and Jay Z. Money ain't a thing. I like Thieves by ministry on that one. I haven't. I haven't heard that in a long time. I don't know, Brett. You pick one. It's Friday. It's your day. I'm a ministry kind of guy. All right, let's do a little ministry. Thieves for Brady. Since he took that hard earned cash and infants died, Toledo's got it in the system. Or not. I don't either. Do you have it? I can get it. I have to watch this one. Oh, there, he's got it. Yeah, we're good. It's a good one, too. For Brady and the $50 he and did not return yesterday. We've all done it. It's Ministry. It's 98. KUPD. Wake him up. It's out of control now. 98. Okay, you PD. Morning sickness. 98. I love that one. 32 years old, too. How about that? Corrosion of conformity. Do my little John math. Listening to that song today is the equivalent of listening to something from 1962 when that song came out. Enjoy your liver spots for breakfast. It's time now for Brady to give you all the news. And yes, I've gotten several emails that I have to. I have to say, I do enjoy reading them, but it is not right. Brian Walbourn, who wrote simply the words yes, followed by three exclamation points. Never stop killing that baby. Thirty years on the air, I've never once read that phrase. But this one's for you, kid. There you go. We got him again. All right, it's time for break. It was. I'm so proud of that one this morning. Gonna be off all next week at this rate. You know what? Not just Monday. It's a nice thing. It was a very funny moment. I enjoyed the hell out of it. I like dark humor. Sue me. You might. It's time now for Brady to give you all the news only Brady knows. We call this the Brady Report. It's brought to you by all Pro shade. 80 degrees yesterday, 80 again today. It's beautiful outside. It's perfect sitting outside weather. But you don't need that sun glaring in your eyes. So you get all pro shade out there to build you a nice little area in your backyard, your front yard, any spot you got that needs awnings, shades, blinds, those blockers. It's. They got it all. And they can figure out your space. And they'll do a Beautiful job. And make it like they're doing an addition to your home. They've been at this for over 20 years for a reason. If you've got that area in your backyard does you no harm going. You know what? Let's beautify this sucker. All pro shade dot com. That's where you go. Brady reporting.

[B]

Good Friday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello, world. We've made it.

[A]

Hi.

[B]

Happy National Nothing Day.

[A]

I'm into that. Does that mean there's nothing to celebrate or. We're celebrating nothing.

[B]

They're saying it's a day to do nothing.

[A]

Okay, so you're celebrating nothingness.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Not that you are not celebrating anything. So your celebration is absolute laziness.

[B]

Nothing.

[A]

Sedentary behavior.

[B]

Doing them basically accomplishes nothing.

[A]

Not Nihilism Day, where everything means nothing.

[B]

Yeah. Literally spend the day doing absolutely nothing and loving it.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. I'm great at that. I'm excellent. I might be the best in the world. I might be the Michael Jordan of that.

[B]

But then they suggested things to do. Aren't you doing something to do?

[A]

Nothing? Yeah. That's where the. That's where the real.

[B]

Because you're still doing something.

[A]

Quantum meta kind of thing comes from that. It's like if you're not doing anything and you're enjoying it, you're actually doing something.

[B]

They're like, go get your palm red.

[A]

That's not nothing. That's actually still doing something. Getting your palm read. Stare at a wall. You're still doing something. But I mean, literally, do nothing.

[B]

Couple of basis fun facts. Instant coffee was invented by a guy named George Washington. He came to America for Belgium in the late 1800s. Started manufacturing instant coffee in 1910.

[A]

Hmm.

[B]

It's a federal crime for someone who's not a postal worker to wear a US Postal Service uniform. Unless you're acting in a play, a.

[A]

TV show or movie about Halloween.

[B]

Halloween party costume isn't good enough of.

[A]

An excuse because you could technically go through people's mailboxes and no one would know. Right.

[B]

You can get a fine or six.

[A]

Months in prison wearing the uniform.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

You have to be careful. So if I wandered around today dressed up like a mailman, I could go to jail.

[B]

Meanwhile, I wonder if you would if you went around.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Dressed up as a mailman and someone's filming you.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

You're an actor.

[A]

The other person, right? Oh, yeah. Technically, yeah. I thought you meant like somebody in their house was filming. They're. They're the ones breaking the law.

[B]

Unless you're acting in a play. A TV show or a movie. So the. So would that include social media?

[A]

Because now that is a. Yeah, you could argue that I was doing a bit. You're paying tribute to Cliff Clavin. That's right. That's right. But I would like to see the person.

[B]

So let me understand this. You were dressed up as a postal service man shooting babies.

[A]

No, no, I wasn't. I was in a. I was in a play. No, no, I. You're right. I should be fine. For the postal service, the baby shooting was a necessity. Brady stole $50. The baby, it had to go. It was for the best. I'm gonna listen to that again. I never listen to the show. I'm gonna. Really.

[B]

If you haven't heard about this trend yet. Ad mid. Nights.

[A]

Admin. Admin. Like administrative night.

[B]

Yes. Your friends show up up with bills that need to be paid, taxes that need to be done, or job resumes that need to be worked on. You all get together at a coffee shop, little communal, someone's home for pizza and drinks.

[A]

It's communal adulting. Yeah, you just go be adults for a day and have a little party. Out of bill paying, Not a new idea.

[B]

It started gaining traction last year after the Wall Street Journal did a big story on it.

[A]

Nobody pays bills like that anymore. It's all online most of the time, so you couldn't really have a bill. Like taxes. That makes some sense. I'm going to try it this year. I'm going to do them myself.

[B]

Turbo. You're going to be Turbo?

[A]

I don't know. I'm going to ask AI. I'm going to. I'm embracing AI.

[B]

Well, I think it's. It's still pretty simple.

[A]

Don't know. It hasn't been too simple the last few years. And my guy's retired. Bret and I went to the same dude, Steven, he's retired. And so I've gotten suggestions from other friends and I've thought about it. I'm like, you know what I'll take? I'm going to try it this year. I think I'm going to start my world of AI embracing with my own taxes. I think it can do it for me or at least walk me through. Right. Plus, worst case scenario, just the same way I got out of high school and a lot of college classes, I just find the same. I did this last year. Right. It's the same papers.

[B]

Yeah, just copy and paste.

[A]

I had pretty much a carbon copy year. I think I can do this. I'm almost positive I can. And if not The IRS will call me and go, what were you thinking? I'm like, I don't know, how much do I owe? And they'll hit me and I'll pay the fine and the next year I'll do something else. But I'm pretty sure I can do this because I'm, it's. I'm going to do it. AI and I are going to. You'll see when I'm in jail next. By April 17, if Brent keeps shaking his head. Wasn't for shooting either. You think I'm crazy, but I think this is. I think this is the future and it's time to eliminate the people that say they're going to lose their jobs. I want to be first. Online lawyers, you know, sort of doctors and accountants. I can do this now. I just, I told you I had a friend who had a legal question and he's asking me stuff. He goes, did you have a lawyer for this? That? And I'm like, you know, have you tried chat GPT yet? And he goes, no, I haven't. I'm like, I had a legal issue last year and it walked me through an awful lot. And then when I went to the lawyers, I could ask all the right questions. And I'm like, it. And he tried it and he goes, I don't need a lawyer anymore. I found something. I'm like, there you go. And about the irs, there's a number of different people on online that are telling you these are the prompts you.

[B]

Need to use if you're going to try and have chat GPT go over your taxes.

[A]

Okay, fantastic. It starts here and it goes through all of your stuff. I don't trust the irs. That's who I'm fighting against for this. It's like asking your. From the irs, the chat. These are the prompts you give chat GPT to give all your. Oh, I thought the IRS was. No, no. What to put in. I'm like, no, no, no. That's like letting the boxing component, right, Tell you which jabs to throw. Like, you only hit me from here down. Like, okay, no, no, irs. I don't listen to you during tax time. We're enemies.

[B]

A student that lives in the town of Rutland, New York is lucky to be alive. He fell asleep in his living room. 70 year old skip Cunningham was asleep in the living room. And midnight, crashing through a window comes a car. And he wakes up and the car is on top of a. Whoa. He fell asleep on a sofa.

[A]

Car's rolling.

[B]

Guy gets out of the car and he's running around all panic. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. He's like, well, call 91 1. Yeah.

[A]

You ran over my house.

[B]

So he calls 911 and skip on the way there, asks the ambulance drivers if they could stop by the convenience store.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So he get a snack on the way there.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

But minor injuries. He's out.

[A]

Just landed.

[B]

Cars trashed. I mean, the.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Car's trashed and his car is. Houses.

[A]

Oh, it's. Yeah. Damage. Yeah. Carson. Houses don't usually meet each other very cleanly. I don't build mobile homes like they used to. No, they don't. I'll never not live in a cul de sac. The odds of somebody blazing through and smashing into me is limited.

[B]

And now it's time for some science news. Hello, my friends. Professor Brady Bogan here with your science news. The four astronauts. Astronauts from the space station splashed down near San Diego yesterday morning.

[A]

I'm right about this. This is an std.

[B]

Medical emergency. Yeah.

[A]

They're not saying they won't say anything. So it's an std. So they got social up there. They started boning in the space station. One of them had the found out. The other ones were worried. Everybody's got a rash.

[B]

NASA shared a video of the crew handing over a key to the space station to the new commander. But they really don't use keys up there.

[A]

I was gonna say they don't have my cue.

[B]

Just a symbolic key.

[A]

I get into my house without a cat. It's like a skeleton.

[B]

So they do a symbolic key. Handing it over.

[A]

Stupid.

[B]

It is dumb.

[A]

That's performative. And don't touch those keys either, because the guys leave and have warts. You don't there. Something's terrible going on that they won't even say. Like, they didn't even say. Say what? And why are you bringing them back to Earth? If it's a virus or something, leave them up there. Did you see? All of our listeners are like, they're bringing back the alien.

[B]

Right.

[A]

The two healthy ones should come back and the sick ones should have stayed up there and we. And then we fire up some medicine. It's your own fault for being in space if you get sick up there. That's. That's the cost of doing business if you didn't have the right medicine. They've got warts.

[B]

Shammy. They've got the space crazy.

[A]

Yeah. They have a social disease because why bring four back and it's not passing through them? They wouldn't bring them back if it was just like something that was gonna easily cure itself. They're coming back to investigate whatever space aids they've got, and it's gonna get loose and then Dustin Hoffman's gonna be in the city in a big white suit. We'll all wonder what happened. Space aids band name? No, no, it's weird. Album name, maybe.

[B]

AI News. Google announced Gemini can now talk to other Google apps like Gmail, YouTube, Google Photos and use that info to answer questions. It's a new feature called personal intelligence. The VP of Google Labs says he used it last month at a tire shop. He asked Gemini what size tires he needed and it gave him the correct size. Then it suggested all weather tires because based on his photos, he knows he goes on road trips to Oklahoma a lot.

[A]

Gemini knew that. Yep, that's a lot. I like how you say Google Labs, by the way. It sounds like Google Labs.

[B]

Google Labs.

[A]

Like you've got your computer. Your computer.

[B]

Six pack Band aid News. A team of scientists in South Korea came up with a spray on powder that seals wounds and stops bleeding in one second.

[A]

Like, how big are the wounds?

[B]

Sealed.

[A]

Women. You could use that every 28 days. Lock it up. Then it all collects behind the gate. And then you take an X acto knife and you cut the powdery band aid off and it falls all out in one day. Your period's over. You don't make messes anymore. I wonder if they would be up for that. What, blocking it up? Yeah, sealing it with a Japanese spray. South Korea, Come on. So it's like some flex seal you just throw in there. Yeah. And then it creates a barrier, like a band aid, only it's really good. And it locks that hole up.

[B]

You're building up, that flow has to come out.

[A]

No, it doesn't. It waits. And then. And then you cut it open like. Like a cow abscess.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it falls out in one chunk.

[B]

That's what I'm saying.

[A]

That's safer. Still ruined vacations, though. Oh, well, the period, you can't get rid of that. Well, you can. They're just not willing to get the hysterectomy. But the. They just sit over the can and like, you know, like you're gutting a salmon. Open it up, it all tumbles out and then it. Flush it. And there's no need for hygiene. I bet you women would be for that. Because I wouldn't like that. That to me, is a terrible thing they have to go through with all the extra carrying stuff. And Putting it in, taking it out, throwing it out. We get to see it sometimes it's disgusting. And then. But if you just had it like it would look like when there's a leak in your ceiling and the paint droops. In order to paint sweat and then you got to cut it and the water falls out, it all goes back to normal. Those South Koreans should invent a little thing that kind of wipes it away and then it all tumbles out into the. Like a bunch of smashed tomatoes. I'm thinking, I'm thinking happening in AI.

[B]

This journalism professor in Canada got all his news from AI bots for a full month. And he says the news it fed him was fully accurate just 47% of the time. Partially accurate 45% of the time. And the other 8% was total BS.

[A]

So better than our normal stuff. Yeah.

[B]

Scientists think they finally figured out something about the solar system in our planets, in our galaxy. They finally figured out what's inside Uranus.

[A]

All right, we're done with you. If you say creamy nougat, I'm gonna kick you out. They say you do this once a month. Yep.

[B]

They say it's a weird substance that both. That's both solid and liquid at the same time.

[A]

Space diarrhea. Go ahead.

[B]

I'm not saying it.

[A]

Four day work.

[B]

Finally, there's a study.

[A]

It seems like he only does it on Fridays.

[B]

Oh, you nailed it.

[A]

Yeah, it's a Friday thing. He goes to the Uranus jokes.

[B]

There's a study that found that one thing that reliably makes men live longer. It applies to males of other species too. That one thing. Castration.

[A]

Well, actually the testosterone can be a little bit bad for you after a while. So they castrate you. Your balls don't make bad decisions.

[B]

You live long.

[A]

You live longer because you're calm, Homer. Yeah, probably.

[B]

That's your science news.

[A]

Look funny. Your body would look funny without like a set hanging down. I'm not against that idea. I'll cut these off. They're uncomfortable. I sit funny because of my balls. I don't need them anymore.

[B]

Got a guy in Pueblo, Colorado. He's in trouble because he was calling the emergency dispatch line more than 150 times last week. 52 year old James Taylor made over.

[A]

Man the good night moonlight lady. The worst. Oh, Mexico.

[B]

Here's what James Taylor looks like.

[A]

Well, there's also James Taylor from Cool in the gang, right?

[B]

Yeah. James J.T.

[A]

Is this James J.T. taylor or no? Oh geez, it's a mountain man. It's a guy from Kurt Russell mixed with William H. Macy. Yeah, yeah, from Shameless. That's the new James Taylor. I seen fire and I seen rain But I ain't never seen a shower to get me clean. 98. What? 98. No way. Holmberg's morning sickness.

[B]

Lastly, we got a 72 year old guy in Canada facing charges after attacking someone on a frozen lake Wednesday afternoon. They're both ice fishing. Grumpy old men.

[A]

Yeah, it's kind of. It's Walter Mass out Jack Lemon again.

[B]

And Michael Armstrong told the Mounties that he attacked the man because he was fishing too close to me.

[A]

Yeah, that's. You don't want people. Like, if you're standing on the banks of a thing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And a guy stands next to you like, well, you're. This is where my fish are gonna.

[B]

Be cutting my hole right here. What are you doing?

[A]

Yeah, like the fish. I want this space. You don't get a guy right next to you. Or you know what I bet you don't do either is two poles in one hole. Don't Google that.

[B]

He just says he makes his space.

[A]

Right? But if. If we went ice fishing. That's why they make those little cabins individual, you know, double thing. Some dude drilling another hole. Yeah, I know. Morning, dickhead. I don't like fishing anymore. I liked it when I was a little kid. I don't feel a need for it. And it's kind of. It's. It's nice, but I don't really want to catch in filet and so there's no point to it. Like. But I do want to try ice fishing because I think the isolation of that little cabin, I think it looks great. And especially now because there's, you know, Internet and you can take a TV out there and watch a Netflix movie. Like, it's clean now. It used to be those old TVs.

[B]

Good setups.

[A]

Yeah. The snowy TV and a generator. And I think you can do it now with just your phone or an iPad. Quiet. It sounds nice.

[B]

I got a couple of Brady videos.

[A]

Before we get to that. Everybody's asking about if we know about Kirsten Cinema. Former Arizona politician Kristen Sinema, who, by the way, ran on like, my brain just said something terrible. I can't say it, but it was licking and then a T word. That's what she was like. A big. Like, I'm a pig. I love licking the ladies. I'm a big lady licker. Like. All right, all right. Calm down. Remember her?

[B]

Bye. I thought she was.

[A]

Yeah, but her Commercials were all like, she's the first one that's ever like licked ladies and admitted it. Like, she's talking about licking ladies. We didn't care that she had sex with dudes. She was really pandering to the idea that if there's a good lady to lick, she'll do it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like she was big on it. She just got. She's getting sued by the wife of her bodyguard for banging him.

[B]

They broke up. It broke up their marriage.

[A]

Yeah. So. And she lives in another state. So in that state you can sue the person that seduced your husband.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

For. And she wants 75. It's a pretty good chunk of change. Not, you know, for. It makes it right that she lost her family and her marriage and stuff.

[B]

That was worth 75k.

[A]

But don't you think that that dude was the bodyguard of Kyrsten Cinema? And the wife's like, I don't like this at all. Like, you're with her a lot. It's like she's a lesbian. She loves licking the ladies.

[B]

It's clear.

[A]

Yeah. It's like, look at the commercials. Like, I love licking ladies and law. Like that was the two things she liked the most. You were one of the first ones to point out the star. No, she went through the star because you look at her before. Oh, when she showed up to Congress a couple times in the knee high boots and the white skirts. And I'm like, she's gonna lick ladies tonight. She's gonna aoc lick ladies. Like, she's gonna be all over it. So maybe that's why she left the.

[B]

Party that she was in.

[A]

Clearly that's why the went to the taint. The bodyguard. That could be she. Yeah. She never made decisions. The bodyguard took her to go see U2 at Sphere. I was reading about it and the wife was like part of the. Yeah. And he's like, well, I gotta protect her up there at Sphere. And that's where she treated him like a lady and started spirit. She started licking him instead. Oh, man. Star wash is worn off. No, she don't look good again. She's going through a lot.

[B]

Stressful too.

[A]

Oh, yes. It might just be.

[B]

Look at those hips and stuff.

[A]

Brett's not wrong. I think that's a big dress. But yeah, it has to be. She's. She's eating out of the trough. They have a spear trough. Of course she found it. Patties need it.

[B]

Yeah. That's not a good pick.

[A]

No. But I think this has to be a little bit upsetting to all the ladies that wanted her to, because she did go through the star wash and then started to tell everybody. I think a lot of guys voted for her. Like, she's kind of hot now, and she likes licking ladies.

[B]

A challenge for the ladies now to bring her back. Yeah.

[A]

Because, you know, the guys are celebrating a little bit, like, ah, still couldn't put the dick down. She had to go back every once in a while at the U2 show. Not all those people at Sphere. She chose a man's wiener over all the lady licking. And everybody was fair game that day. But she's getting sued for 75 grand. So I guess, lesson is, if you're gonna seduce a guy and he's married, make sure that she lives in a state that she can't have to pay for that. Try to. Try to follow the laws of seduction. But. Because, yeah, I mean, if. If some beautiful woman from South Carolina starts to try to blow Brady.

[B]

And you'd think she could have that news, you know? Like, the lady's like, look, I'm gonna sue you. What if you're $75,000? Yeah. What if I write you a check right now?

[A]

Right.

[B]

Or she's like, no, I'm not.

[A]

Oh, she's gonna write a book and be on Dr. Phil and do all that kind of stuff. There's a lot. There's a lot that goes into that because she. Yeah, the celebrity part of it. I just thought she was a lesbian. Like, mostly I thought she leaned heavy. I'd go 66. Lesbian. 66. 34. Cut on that.

[B]

Maybe she was into that Morse, because.

[A]

Remember, she was part of the squad, and she was in that white girl outfit. I don't know if that was their calling, but they all wore white because they were the new breed of senators and they dressed sexy, and they were all, they look like they're going to Wimbledon. And then I thought they were all licking each other, too. I thought the AOC for sure dabbled in the devil's pantry. I think so. Oh, yeah. As mad as she is at men.

[B]

There'S some limo orgy school.

[A]

That lady probably can't walk through a crack in a wall without giving it just one big swipe.

[B]

AOC parties.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. They'll come out the lickoffs instead. Yeah, there's some lickoffs at the.

[B]

First radio video is a frog kebab.

[A]

Oh, this is gonna be sad. Yeah.

[B]

In Toledo's vacation land.

[A]

It's. It's more Brady because you say you can't watch Asians eat. Oh, no. Is this gonna make me puke watching an Asian eat something bad. Oh, boy.

[B]

I'll get some frog legs.

[A]

Are they alive? Frogs? Oh, man. I'll get the bucket.

[B]

Kind of.

[A]

Kind of.

[B]

They're either alive or dead. I couldn't determine.

[A]

I think like that. Oh, God. It is skewered raw frogs.

[B]

They can still live with that spear film.

[A]

Is she wearing a WNBA jersey? All right, go ahead, Toledo. Hit play. Oh, God. These frogs are still alive. Oh, no. Oh. Oh, the noise. I don't think they're alive. No, they're dead. They're either dead or stunned at what they just watched. Either dead or stunned at watching what their friend just went through. And some giant Asian just grabbed Toledo and started eating. We'd all be quiet for a second too. Oh, my God. See what she just did to Gary. Shut up. Just. I can't believe this is happening. What the hell is that thing? Second ago I was sitting there singing Rainbow Connection, and now this. Remain absolutely still. Why are there. Hey, ho, everybody.

[B]

Hello, my baby. Hello, my.

[A]

Somebody needs to make AI Kermit like being racist towards Asians. Hey, ho, everybody. Kermit the frog here.

[B]

Amputated.

[A]

Yeah, Amputee's missing an arm. It's these Asians. Oh, Kermit, don't be mad at them. They don't eat you. I've turned them into Bullwinkle. I don't know why I haven't heard Kermit for a while.

[B]

Next one's a fight. You pull this one up. Or is that from. This is you? Huh? Oh, all right, cuz. I got a different one.

[A]

Brain. He's. He's looking at something else. I don't know what you've got here. Well, whatever you gave me, this is what pulled up.

[B]

We'll try and push it up. I'm doing it. I mean, I've seen this one. I. I think we may have done this one.

[A]

This been Toledoed on the. I don't even know how he did that. Is this it? Is it a woman fighting a man? Yeah. All right, here we go. So a couple of. Look at how excited he got. Very excited. So looks like two ladies are square. No. Dude squared up with a girl. Oh. And he takes a swing at the girl. She swings back. This is a. This is an inner city battle. I'm not gonna say any more than that. Oh, he hits her twice. He's landing all the lefts. She's still moving forward, though. He's controlling the pace of this Bruce Lee. First shot is pretty. Pretty solid. She misses with a wild Right. Then throws another wild right. He's ducking it. Great footwork. This is excellent work. He's using his height advantage. And smacks her again. She comes in. No, she's just not disciplined. She's not disciplined. She's. She's running. You never chase a puncher. And this guy's got good defensive skills. Great head work. Good bob. Friday night, Maryville. Always keep your head moving. Yeah, this is. This is the day they closed the mall over there at Metro Center. Oh, that fell. He's, you know, and I love it. He does a little. He does a little shoe shine thing at the beginning. He does his hands. It's great. This guy's a tactician and he's just knocking her all over the place. Look, she can take a shot. Yeah, she's got a Jerry Cooney chin. She's like Tex Cobb, the inner city. She takes a punch, though. Look at that. That guy's all over. I could watch this for hours. Look at her friend, though. Just walks away. Because I have a feeling this again is running through her head, by the way. She does not go down. And he's open handing. He's keeping it classy because if he'd close that fist, she's going to sleep. Yeah, I mean, he lands the same punch. She just got to learn to keep that right hand up. That left is landing. The first ones are right. She didn't see that.

[B]

She's not defending.

[A]

But from here he just goes to the left and I mean defend yourself at all times. Got a good hairdresser. Weave is holding on strong. Is that what Mills Lane says?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We ring that? Yeah. Let's get it on. And then you come back to the side and Freddie Roach is there. If you don't keep your right hand up, he's gonna keep landing that left. And I don't like how you're attacking three rounds in a row. You just keep going in on the same thing. You're walking into the same punch and you choose your footwork. Move to the right. I ain't seeing it. I ain't seeing it. Exactly. Just stop chasing the punch. You don't chase a puncher. If he's backing up, let him back up. All right, Brett Brennan tell you Friday light.

[B]

You light on Friday, or we'll start.

[A]

Off light and then we'll just. We'll work our way up. Here we go. Yeah. Hello, Is this you? All right. Oh, there's a girl sucking a condom through her nostril and out her throat. She snorts a full condom not full like that. It looks like she's in, like a. She's in high school, it says. Yeah, in high school. Like a copy room. Yeah. They got a copier back there and a fridge.

[B]

What the teachers do in the. That's a teacher's lounge.

[A]

Oh, is that one of the teachers you think I do? Maybe? I think so. That teacher just snorted a magnum. She just snorted a magnum through her nose. Nothing like it meant, like, she had to practice and fail and practice and fail a lot till she got it right and then break it out for friends. Watch this. Could you imagine, like, if Jen Gardner downstairs was like, come here for a second. I want to show you something. And then she snorted a condom and pulled it out her mouth. And we'd all laugh and everybody be like, that's crazy. And my mind would be like, how many times have you tried this before you finally decided this is for public consumption? Now I'm going to show people this. That's amazing. I love that lady.

[B]

It's a skill.

[A]

It's a skill that you've. How did she figure out she could do a boyfriend? Told her. Is Jen here? Let's go. Yeah, let's see if Gardner will do it. Anybody have a condom?

[B]

She's probably doing noodles and stuff.

[A]

I'm like, why would you build yourself up? What's next then? Yeah, she's taking some big loads in that nose. And the future's bright for the kids. Class of 2025. All right. Future's not bright for this guy. But also, all these videos are safe. Okay. Sound wise. Okay. Clean. Okay, here's a giant fat woman. Oh, just throwing her ass on. Guinea fella. Oh, no. She's gonna try to sit on his face again. Oh, God. That is a huge woman. Yeah, that's his. She is 500 pounds sitting on a man's face and facing the other way. That's butthole to nose. Oh, my Lord. And he's trying to fight her off, but it's just not working. He's getting a little air here. There's no way you'd get a 700.

[B]

Pound sack off your face.

[A]

Oh, my Lord. Okay, that's enough of her.

[B]

And you're hoping she can get.

[A]

And then, of course, Brett likes it because. Okay, she's going in for a third drop. She's coming in from the front. Now he's on his back. His head's laying off the edge of the bed. She lifts. She lifts her fupa and puts it on top of his face. And now she's. Oh, she's bouncing on the guys. He's gonna break his neck. This isn't right. Poor Todd Bridges. He's just getting crushed. By the way, can we talk about Todd Bridges wife? Did you see the pictures of what's going on there?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Todd Bridges is getting divorced. And everybody saw the pictures. I think we all said it like, todd Bridges could have done better. That's how bad this woman is that we thought Todd Bridges underachieved. And that guy's life's been a disaster. All right, time for.

[B]

That was real.

[A]

That's real. All right. Time for some breakfast. Okay. Oh, there's a lady performing a mouth hug on a fella. Hands behind her head in a very comfortable position, although her eyes are telling me she's not a big fan of it. And then. Oh, he's pouring Kellogg's. Kellogg's Fruit Loops into her armpit. And he's finishing with his man milk onto the Fruit Loops of her armpit. And they're making a little man cereal. And it's. She looks at the camera as if to say, hi, dad. He takes a spoon, scoops up some of the. The brown Fruit Loops, and there's Cheerios and Froot Loops mixed. And he's scooping it out of her armpit. Which John is that name brand Fruit Loops? I don't know. There's no. There's toucan Sam. Poor Toucan Sam had to see that. And then he scoops it up with a spoon and feeds. Oh, dad. Dad doesn't exist. Dad was never in the picture. All right, here's a naked lady standing next to a hay bale. Brady makes the pun that everybody goos. And now she's spreading her butt. And here comes little tiny novelty soccer balls. Two basketballs, three basketballs there. She's also peeing. Now a third and fourth basketball are struggling. Fifth basketball. Wow. All coming out of her butt. And now the grand finale. It is a Nerf football one. Not just. Here comes a second Nerf football out of her butt. Yes. Strings out. Nice leather there. That's a real football? Yeah. Wow. The first one, I'm pretty sure. Brett, go back. We have to analyze that last football being an actual high school quality football. There's. That one's. That one's Nerf. You can tell because it's just smaller. And here's one is.

[B]

I'm gonna say it's a flag.

[A]

That is a real football. That's a what? I'm not even sure. That's a junior football ball. She likes sports and she kept a tight spiral. Want to play catch? Sure. I don't have a ball. Don't worry about it.

[B]

I do.

[A]

We'll just end with a jelly donut. I don't know what that means, and I don't want to, but here we are. Holy. Oh, my God. All right, we've got a huge rosebud hanging out of a lady's butt, and she's in high heels. All right. Jelly donut, sir? A jelly donut, sir, yes, sir. Are you allowed to eat jelly donuts, Private pie?

[B]

Sir, no, sir.

[A]

And why not? Private pie? Oh, she hasn't shaved in months. Oh, now she's showing us the front thing. She's using it for evil. Oh, she put something in it and she's using it for that. George Lucas couldn't even imagine something like that. It's like Cohaagen's coming out. Oh, man. Give it a dildo. Give it a dildo. Cohaagen coming out. Oh, God.

[B]

You see the streak on the side there?

[A]

Of what?

[B]

Poo.

[A]

Oh, they thought it was poo.

[B]

Right on her skin.

[A]

That's not poo. That's just a little zit. Maybe it's. That might be a little poo. Ah, you're dabbling in the poo area.

[B]

You're in. Yeah, you're in the Mecca.

[A]

It's like milk at a dairy farm. It's inevitable. Then she uses the rosebud for. For. Terrible thing. And we'll finish that. Yikes. Kevin Nealon was supposed to come in here today, but his travel plans got screwed up. Yeah, I wish we could have shown Kevin that. He'd have done it. He just shown us that. Anyway, there you go. All right. Reset. There you go, everybody. That's your Brady Report. It's 98 KUPD. It's out of control now. 98 KUPD. Morning sickness cruising through. And all we're talking about off here. Here is the NFL playoffs for this weekend. Painfully. Each of our teams kind of bouncing out Brady. But you got the Seahawks for Toledo and the Bears for Brett. The weather. This is going to be an awesome spot. And I do love that people have the nerve in Phoenix to say that's football weather. We can say it because that football weather is on our TVs and we're sitting in 80 degrees watching football weather. I'd much rather be in this. Ask anybody playing football. Would you rather play in Chicago? The wind's whipping. It's 18 degrees. It's snowing. Or 77. They'd be like, are you Sending me to Sofi. I'm going to la. That's football weather. That's the most pinheaded, insensitive thing you can say to anybody. You're not doing that. We have it. We have it made here. Why this Cardinal sucks so bad. Not only is it always nice here in a resort so you can relax. They play indoors anyway, so even if it does have any sort of weather, they'll just block it.

[B]

They took away any element advantage by doming the totally.

[A]

You could have been from the beginning of September to the middle of October off to a great start annually because you're gassing. The reason that they don't take advantage of that is because fans would hate it. You saw Sun Devil Stadium even when the Cardinals were good. It was like, I'm not sitting outside in 120 degrees. But there's ways around that. They had a design for Sun Devil Stadium before they built that thing over there in Glendale to put canopies up that were the initial. Like they had misters over the people who would have. And they. 20 degree drops like that would have been great. And plus the players on the field don't get affected by that. So Frank Kush used to say it all the time, if you're hot, the guys across the sidelines are 10 times hotter because at least you're used to it. And Mark Malone came into that one time, said, we beat usc. They were like the number one team in the country. And Frank made sure the game started at one, it was August. And he said, and we were out of gas. And the first quarter or in the first week of practices, he killed us outside. Said just, you'll see when USC comes to town. And he said by the time the game rolled around, first quarter was hot. We looked over and there were guys laying down. They're pouring water on people. They didn't know what to do with this. They beat him. The city has never taken advantage of the heat, ever. You know who I blame? Women. It's true, because you have one, one angel. My, my baby dropped like you can't have anybody, you know, have heat exhaustion. We had it at Dobson High that one time and a kid passed out during a practice and like, I gotta stop everything. And then, you know, they'll have a couple of them where they died. But that was just because the coaches weren't hydrating them and filling them up. Take advantage of that. I think in high school it's a little different because everybody's playing in the heat. But why do we care about the Pros, we don't care about high school kids. They play in August. It's hot as hell here in August. And they play outside. Those pros can do it. The college guys can do it. Take advantage of it. Dobson High used to play Mountain View right there in 105 degrees. And showed up. The sun wasn't on you. Game started at 7:30. We were fine. Little League. I played in July. They'd stuff us out on a field. Nobody complained. But one little precious angel drops and there's no dad at home. Suddenly nobody's allowed outside anymore and more.

[B]

Of those angels started dropping.

[A]

Well, because there were no dads at home. Dads make you walk off a heat stroke. I probably had 20 of them growing up here. Didn't even know it. Log it off, pour some water in his mouth. He's fine. My dad's big rule was, as a kid, if you got dizzy, don't put ice on his neck. It'll make it worse. Huh. That sounds great, though. Nope. Cool water at best. You'll go into shock. He was not a doctor. He didn't know what he was talking about. Probably right, though. So he would pour tepid hose water on anybody that looked like they were about to go out, get him a glass of Gatorade, and we were back on the field. That dizzy little guy was standing there at third base. I don't remember my mom's name. I don't care. Crouch down. If the ball comes to you, you're not ready. Okay. Mr. Holmberg. That's right. Jesus Christ. This kid out here. Oh, well. Did you wake up this morning expecting to be in Tahiti? It's hot here. You're right, Dr. Holmberg. He's right. Didn't have any dead kids, but we had a lot of. I'll say this, we had a lot of wet kids. My dad was a big one for pouring water on my friend. Pour water on him. I thought we were all grass. Water it.

[B]

I remember in football that you earned water. You weren't getting the plays right or whatever. No water break until you get it right.

[A]

Yeah, the coach tried that here, he'd have dead kids everywhere. And try the Dan Holberg method. Just drench them. Get a Home Depot bucket. He looks. Garth looks bad out there. Just see the bubbles over the kid's head. Go out and pour water on him and he's like, he's fine. Can't dump hose water over those angels. You need to get at least a Brita or some, you know, Dasani or something.

[B]

It's true.

[A]

But. But we have the nerve here to go, that's football weather, you people. No, it's not. That's just bad weather. But I think the Bears take advantage of that this weekend. The Rams going up there, spending time in 17 degrees before the wind chill kicks in, 40% chance of snow. That's a Bears win. Then you move over to the Broncos and Bills. I don't know what the weather's gonna be like in Denver. That's an interesting game. But I'm after watching a little bit more last week and this week of that Jacksonville Jaguars team. I think they're the most complete team in the afc. I think they've got a good defense and a good offense. Neither are great.

[B]

They're playing.

[A]

Yeah, neither are great, but they're sound on both sides and that's pretty amazing. That Texans defense is definitely real. And then you go to the NFC and you're like, man niner Seahawks. That's a. I think the Seahawks will win it. But Denver Saturday or Sunday, I don't know. It's a rivalry game. We got good football this week, 41 degrees. And I announce it now because it's a three day weekend. We get football. And I think that Monday you should reflect on a couple things. You know, the life and times of Martin Luther King, obviously, but also all that football's given us for the past 20 weeks because it's going away in a couple of weeks. I know. And we don't really. We get all excited about the playoffs, but. But yesterday was the first Thursday night we haven't had a football game for 20 weeks.

[B]

In April. Draft.

[A]

Oh, that's all you got to look forward to. So you're a couple weeks away from letting this glorious thing disappear. Mine went away Monday and I'm still in mourning. But at least I've got a couple of games to kind of follow until it all goes away completely. Football, it's glorious. So thank you MLK and football. It's very nice of you. It's lovely. I got an entertainment drill coming up next. It's 98. It's out of control now. 98 K U P D Morning sickness. Morning sickness. 98 KUPD Our friend Sanjay just brought burritos to us this morning. What a lovely thing. And he smells like fresh baked cookies.

[B]

He's a sugar cookie.

[A]

He smells like a sugar cookie is not what you were expecting or what he said? Well, no, I know it's wrong for me to say that a man of his descent smells good because that's I acted shocked. You actually smell good, were my words. I'm like, oh, geez. That came across.

[B]

Brett says he's a good one.

[A]

Yeah, I know. I heard that, too. And Brady swiped 50 bucks off of him. Anyway. Yeah, thanks, Sanjay. Reckless Eden is the band. You want to pay attention to that? He's the guitar player for. We should play them. We'll give them a little one before we get out of here. It's a great band. Great band. And he's. The smell is still here. And it's good. Smells fantastic. All right, now I'm shocked, too. I was at Tactical Black on Wednesday, and one of the trainers, Tony, is there, and we're going through a couple drills, and Tony kept walking behind me, and I'm sweating. I smell like sort of fish and dog hair. I don't know what the hell's coming out of me. Working hard and Josh is going. I didn't really get a whiff off of him. Tony goes by, and I'm like, sandalwood and oranges. That's nice. And I actually said while I'm hitting him, I'm like, you smell great. And he just starts laughing. He smelled good, but I think Sanjay just topped it. That man smells like cookies. You know what? Go see the band Reckless Eden, just to smell them. Yeah, absolutely. It's still in here. Imagine how good Copper blues would have smelled that night. God, had they made it. Damn it. Well, they would have.

[B]

But Kirby wears it perfume.

[A]

He mixes it. Mix it with his Kirby wears fresh baked cookies perfume, kind of. I bet you bought that for her. I want my daughter to smell like this. Anyway, it's time for the entertainment drill. It's brought to you by our friends at the Schwartz Laser Eye Center. The team document for the Arizona or. Yeah, the Diamondbacks almost said Phoenix Diamondbacks, Arizona Diamondbacks, and your Phoenix Suns. They are trusted by the professionals in sports, and those are some expensive eyes. So if the teams are expecting the eyes to be treated properly, they're going to put them in the right spot and they give them to Dr. Jay Schwartz. I went there and again, I got an email from a guy yesterday. I was like, I had LASIK a few years ago and it's batting a lot of times. The old LASIK surgeries went away and starts to go. I highly recommend, highly recommend looking into the lens exchange. It is unbelievable. And here's the thing. When you get it done, you can never get cataracts. It's like an organic thing that goes. And it adapts with your eye over time. You can't. It's impervious to cataracts. Incredible. And the vivid colors and brightness of the world. You will see a different skin the second you open your eyes after the procedure is over. I can tell you from experience, I couldn't believe the difference. I had Lasik, God, 15 years ago, and I remember opening my eyes after Lasik and, like, oh, my God. I could see the. The details of a leaf on a plant next to my bed. I remember looking at that, going, have I. And then multiply that by 10 after I had the lens exchange. It was incredible. So if you're squinting and dealing with glasses, you want to get rid of them, There are options plenty of. And Dr. Jay Schwartz will walk you right through them with your complimentary consultation, see what's right for you. There's plenty of options. You do not need to squint. And you can start seeing the world a lot clearer. My left eye didn't get the lens exchange. My right eye did. And I always say my right eye is like an LED light and my left eyes like a standard old bulb. That's the difference in lighting. It's incredible. Check them out. Teamidoc.com As a Schwartz laser Eye Center. Brady Entertainment.

[B]

This is kind of baffling. Open casting call has been announced for the Baywatch reboot.

[A]

TV or movie?

[B]

Tv.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And the applicants are encouraged to avoid overly revealing styles and costumes. Have you seen Baywatch?

[A]

Baywatch reboot needs to be the first AI TV show, I guess. And you get that girl we've been looking at? Yeah. They want them all. That Brady sent us. Yeah. Yeah. What was the name of that girl? This. Everybody go look at this. We're going to do you a favor and kind of wreck your day.

[B]

Higgins.

[A]

Yeah, something. Higgins. Something with a G. Higgins. Higgins. Higgins. I'll find her. Here she is. Gracie Higgins. She's AI Based off of a. And she does, like, things with her mom, too, which is not necessarily so. You can go to. I think it's Instagram. Is Grayson Higgs. It's just not human, man. Literally.

[B]

That's why I said. I'm like, I. I sent it to you. Like, is this real?

[A]

Yeah. And it's in her face. Is kind of. As far as I'm understanding, it's kind of real. But she does these. This will be the. If you're a woman and you hear this in the bathroom a lot, she plays paging doctor Beats on all of her dances. She needs to be the AI Baywatch girl. She does all the basketball teams too. Oh, she does a lot. Yeah. Trust me.

[B]

It's got to be AI because after the wardrobe that's going on there with those outfits. Yeah, but I'm sure they're sending them to her now. If that were.

[A]

No, that's just not human. A couple of them are like, that's not a human being. But that's the thing. If you're going to do Baywatch again, let's make it the first ever AI television show. And let's. Let's see how it goes. Because you want to make AI your friend fast. If I'm Elon Musk, I'm calling immediately the Schwartz family, who were the owners of Baywatch and say, let's do this my way. And then you have AI awesome Baywatch. And people be like, have you seen AI Baywatch? Because it would be everything Baywatch was times 10. They got one with her, with Leo. Yeah, I saw that. Where? But none of those are real. They wind up in bed together at the end. Yep. And he bangs her. Yeah. AI Baywatch is the future. I don't want to see. I don't want to see modern day social issues dealt with by real people on Baywatch. Because what they'll do is have a fat one and a flat chested one and a gay one. And like, they'll. They'll go down that thing you have to do to make for sure AI doesn't have to do that. And the dudes would be great too, for all the ladies are upset and you could still have a lesbian one. Or do imagine that to make the lesbians happy, a couple of the Baywatch lifeguards that look like Gracie Higgins are lesbians. Oh, the lesbians would be like, this one's okay, we're good here. We don't mind the. The beauty standard. The beauty standard that every woman.

[B]

You'll have the Hoffman, you know, and then you'll have the. Yeah.

[A]

And put classy Hoff back in there. AI him back in. That whole thing. When women are like, it's not fair. Magazine covers and all this other stuff. It's just the beauty standards too high. You weren't wrong, but you needed to pretend like it was plenty good enough. Because what men did was invent something that now no one can attain at all. You go through pornhub and see the fourth. It's always the fourth one down. When you're looking at your videos, you're like, no, no, no, whoa. And you click it and then you're like, oh, it's an AI ad. It's the most perfect human being you've ever seen. That looks like she can't find the right mouth hole for milk. She's coated. And you're like, I'll show you later, Brady. But when you go to pornhub, it's the fourth one down, and I've learned that the. The click on it is blue. If it's blue, it's AI. Oh, really? Yeah. It's a little lesson for all you out there. If it's blue, it's AI. But she's perfect. Like the girl. Like, oh, my God. I can't believe I'm even looking at that. The future is bad. Baywatch. I'm excited for my idea. That won't happen. What? 98. No way. Holmberg's morning sickness.

[B]

There's another new series. E is creating a new series where canceled celebrities will live together in a house and seek redemption. It's called Becoming uncanceled.

[A]

Great idea.

[B]

Who would celebrity?

[A]

Kevin Spacey. Feldman. Roseanne.

[B]

Ezra Miller. Amber Heard. Juicy Smollet.

[A]

Oh, they're all in. Or just wish lists. Army hammers in there.

[B]

CeeLo Green.

[A]

Bill Cosby.

[B]

Roseanne Barr.

[A]

Yeah, I mentioned Michael Richards. Michael. He's old.

[B]

J.K. rowling.

[A]

I forgot. She got canceled. Yeah. Oh, the Gina Carana for no reason. Canceled.

[B]

Blake Lively.

[A]

All good. Has she canceled or just people got tired of her? I don't think she did anything.

[B]

She went through a period of time. People.

[A]

Yeah, but that's just people not liking it. Being canceled and being unliked are different.

[B]

She's on the bubble because she kind of won it back.

[A]

Harvey Weinstein. He's in jail. Kanye. He kind of canceled himself, though. He didn't do very well with that whole Jew thing, I'll be honest with you. Did he?

[B]

When he gets out.

[A]

Tom Brennaman. Talk about a guy that would win the redemption levels. Yeah. Oh, he can narrate it. He can voice the thing. Jesus, we are perfect. Well, we're starting a network. I'm telling you. I won't say anything about a British cigarette again.

[B]

More info came out on the Jackass movie. Bam Margera says he'll only appear in older, unused footage in the new Jackass movie. So basically, they're going through all the footage. There's a lot of extra footage that never was put in these movies. Okay, and he'll be in that? He says yes. Even if he was asked to film something new, he's not interested.

[A]

I don't like Bam Margera. He's got so much going on. Totally. Yeah. I'm totally fine with him not being around. He just. I don't care for bamboo emojier. All the rest of them ended up loving Stevo. Like, when he's here. He's one of my favorite visits when he comes by. And then actually really like Pontius too. Even though I think he may be brain dead. I'm not sure Pontius has.

[B]

I don't want to survive some of the stuff that they're doing.

[A]

Chris Pontius is one of the blankest guests we've ever had in a fun way. Like, he's the reason they picked him to do the things he did is because he's a puppy. But he was. He was fun. They were great dudes. I liked hanging out with them.

[B]

Okay, you ready to go through this one? The most traumatizing moments in Disney movies.

[A]

Bambi.

[B]

I was in at number three.

[A]

Old Yeller's Terrifying the Abortion and Up. Or the miscarriage.

[B]

There you go. That was old. Yellow is six. Up was fifth.

[A]

There's a bunch of deaths. And up.

[B]

Yeah. Ellie passing away is the one.

[A]

Miscarriage. Yeah, there's a miscarriage in Up. Up. It's bad.

[B]

Let's see.

[A]

There's tears. Pixar tears at the obstetrician's office in that cartoon. Watch it again. And you're like, oh, my God, she glopped out a baby. She had a stillborn.

[B]

Number 10 was when the older brother dies in Big Hero 6.

[A]

Didn't see it.

[B]

Number 9's the Evil Queen's transformation in Snow White.

[A]

How is Bambi's mother getting killed in the first three minutes of. Of Bambi not the most traumatizing thing?

[B]

It's dated. That's why what's fresher in their mind is 1 above. It is Miguel singing to Mama Coco in the Coco. And number one was Mufasa's death in the last.

[A]

Yeah, that's pretty bad. Yeah, but it. But it was necessary for the movie. That's very Bambi ish. The idea of Mufasa dying early in the Stampede and Lion King comes from Bambi. It's the same storyline.

[B]

The toy monkey scene in Toy Story 3.

[A]

Oh, yeah, that's creepy. That's pretty good.

[B]

And this one I forgot about, but it is when all the kids turned into donkeys in Pinocchio.

[A]

I forgot about that. Pinocchio's got some stuff. Yeah, you get it. Thriller just came in nodding like that he's been raped by Pinocchio or something. He was. You were way too adamant about that. But don't they go to, like. Doesn't Pinocchio have the two evil guys kind of following him around a little bit? And you go ahead and tell me, come over here, Thriller. Take your time. All day, Thriller. All day. Make the walk.

[B]

There we go.

[A]

All the way across the room. Trying to climb into the chair with that one good side. Eventually.

[B]

Full of chicken today. Jump on the floor. He kept his chicken today.

[A]

All right, Thrillers at the mic. Go ahead. Sorry, I know too much about Pinocchio. Yeah, yeah. You have John and his other little buddy and that's before he goes to Pleasure Island. Yeah. Oh, I forgot about Pleasure Island. Yeah, I forgot about that. Or they smoke with the billiards and the cigars and it turns into the donkey.

[B]

I gotta watch.

[A]

I totally forgot about. That's how it happened. Yeah. I a year or two ago, went through and did like one Disney movie a week each week and did the whole discography or whatever you want to call it. Jesus. Took a while.

[B]

What was your favorite?

[A]

This is me showing my age. Newer stuff. Emperor's New Groove or Atlantis? Emperor's New Groups. Very fun. Very fun. Very funny movie. Atlantis. I think it's got a good cast. I don't even remember Atlantis. No one does. What's that? That was, I think 2002. That was them like, oh, we have a secret book that helps you find Atlantis and they go into, like underwater again. That one at all. It's not one of Disney's best, but I like it a lot. You like that one? Toy Story is the best. There's no question. Oh, for sure. That's amazing. Yeah.

[B]

Thriller. Will you be excited for Dunes Day later this year? You got Dune three. Oh, also with premiering at the same time as Avengers. Doomsday. Calling it Doomsday.

[A]

Oh, no. All right, that's enough.

[B]

Bruno Mars set a Ticketmaster record for the most tickets sold in a single day.

[A]

Across the nation.

[B]

Just 2.1 million tickets.

[A]

Hadn't shows in Phoenix already. That is second show. That is a great cheap either. That's a great show. Do you have a residency though?

[B]

What happened to that?

[A]

We had that little one at the park. But it was then it was more in and out kind of. And he put no effort into that. We've. I've seen it. You've seen it. The Bruno Marshall at the park was just him singing. It's great. But he didn't try. Okay. And then they did Silk Sonic, which was spectacular for sure. But he's got Anderson Paak with him. So they're going to do some Silk Sonic stuff. I told my buddies wanted to go to Vegas in April. Anthony and Stebbings and Brink. And we're like, let's go to Planet. I'm like, hey, April. That I made the gayest remark to dude planning we could get tickets to Bruno Mars. And they're like, think I'd rather not go with three dudes to Bruno Mars. I'm like, hey, you've done that. I said, yeah, you and me and Billy went once. I think we'll. I think we'll go anyway. But it's at Allegiant Stadium. You. It's awesome.

[B]

This was just announced a music festival. This might be a reason for you to go to Ohio.

[A]

Nope. Oh, go ahead.

[B]

The Incarceration festival.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It's July 17th through the 19th. It's happening at the Ohio State Reformatory, which is the Shawshank. Shawshank Redemption.

[A]

Oh, is that the one on tv, right?

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Yeah, the one they filmed. Not Shawshanks.

[B]

And where they filmed.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Yeah. Three day festival. You got Limp Bizkit, Disturbed, Bad Omens. Friday Disturbed kicks it off with Papa Roach, Cypress Hill, Hollywood Undead.

[A]

You think I'd fly to Ohio for this Saturday?

[B]

Bad Omens. Gojira, Sleeping With Sirens.

[A]

It's a good show.

[B]

Lacuna Coil, Sleep Theory. And then Sunday is Limp Bizkit with A Day to Remember. Motionless and White. Ice nine Kills.

[A]

Okay, I've seen them all here. Yeah, I was gonna say they'll come by. Yeah, they're gonna fly to Ohio and stand in a prison yard for that.

[B]

Go there and rock with Andy Dufresne and the boys.

[A]

Yeah, that would be fun. Have Morgan and Andy host it. And now Here comes Ice 9 kills. The sisters will be there. You've been waiting for Ice nine Kills all night. But your wait is over.

[B]

Waiting for you in the Port of Johnson.

[A]

I would do it if everybody had to wear the Shawshank uniform. If we all had to dress as prisoners, it would be great. I think it would be apropos as well. All right, there you go. Nice work. All right, there's your entertainment draw. We got a Guadalupe Squares coming up. We didn't do one last week because Marlon Wayans was in here drinking away. We had a blast drinking says rack and going nuts. We'll do a Squares next. We get a girl, we get a guy. That's how we do it. 5 8-5-9800. Do you know what we're playing for, Brett? Do you have any idea? I don't either. Something good. I'M sure we'll have tickets to something. We'll find out what's coming up. The Guadalupe Squares are next. It's 98. It's out of control now. 98. KUPD. Goldberg's morning stubbornness, morning sickness. 98. All right, here we go. Are you ready, Corey? Yeah. It's time now for the. It's the first one of the year because we skipped it last year. It's your Guadalupe Squares and it's the MLK version.

[B]

All right.

[A]

No. What? Yes. I'm excited for the holiday. Excited. I know. Love civil rights. I don't trust his excitement. He does love civil rights. That's right. Trust. Why he's excited. No, is what I say to you. It is time for your MLK weekend, Guadalupe Squares. And here is your host, Kid Thriller, Corey Walsh. Take it away, son. Thank you, Chancellor. Let's begin with a top of the square presidential player here. Obama starting things off. That's exactly right. What's up, player? It's Obama here. Happy MLK Day. You're by yourself, though. Not for long he's not. How y' all doing? Happy birthday. It's Big Mike, everybody. It's my wife, Big Mike. Somebody getting pegged this weekend. That's me. That's right. My wife's going to probably peg me all weekend long in honor of her birthday. She's like that. That's a big thing. It's a big thing, all right. Ain't it? You're going to love having that. Oh, man. Hey, Brady. How you doing, player?

[B]

Good.

[A]

Oh, I love it.

[B]

Big Mike, Happy birthday.

[A]

Hey, thanks, brother. Thank you, brother. It's good to have you around, man. It's good to have you around. Yeah. We're going to have a big party this weekend, bro. You coming by my birthday, bro? Oh, yeah. She would love to have you, Brett. She would love to have you. Oh, I'd love to have your ass. You tell me, baby. All right.

[B]

The First Lady Bash is awesome.

[A]

First Lady Bash is happening at 11 o' clock tonight. Last year I woke up with a bottle of Old English in my ass. That's right. You liked it. Oh, man. All right, now over to the top of the square. Another player here, Ice T. How you doing, man? I'm fine. How are you doing, mister? Fine. Good. Fine. Morning.

[B]

What's up, Blair?

[A]

Doing all good right here. Ice B is in the house. What's up, Brady? How you doing? It's good to see you all here. Let's take it seriously, okay? Do a little number for you guys. No from the week. Colors, colors, colors, colors, colors, colors, colors. You've seen this movie, you gonna live it. I'm a nightmare walking psychopath talking king of the jungle just a gangster stalking like a cracker Quick is my fuse Vendettas of death back the colors I choose red or blue cuz blood, it don't matter Suck a dive for your life when the shotgun scatter. Colors, you heard me. That's how that goes right there. Cory, happy MLK weekend. Of course, I'll be performing live this weekend. Where? Coco's ass. Oh, damn, that's me too. Got me a Coco ass too. That's my ass. All right now, as per usual, one thing doesn't change. Top ranchman, President Trump always. The blacks love me. The blacks love me. The blacks, they. I wouldn't be president if it wasn't for the blacks. So I want to thank the blacks. They hated Joe Biden. Oh, everyone, Joe Biden said, you ain't black if you don't vote for me. Well, a lot of black guys turn white that day, so thank you, black.

[B]

I want to throw down a little colors.

[A]

I'll do a little. Let's do a little bit of that. I know that very well. If you want to. I like it a lot. You know, my favorite color is right now Greenland. You don't know me, fool. You disown me, fool. Cool. I don't need your assistance. Social persistence. Any problem I got, I put my fist in. My life is violent, but violent is life. Peace is a dream, reality's a knife. My colors, my honor, my colors, my all. With my colors upon me. One soldier standstill. Thank you very much. Very good. What do you mean, not bad. A lot of people say I did it better than iced tea. Wow. I think I did. I did. Wonder if he feels that way. I'm making any comments about that right now. I thought it was pretty good. I liked it a lot. Very good. All right, now over to the middle left square. Morgan Freeman. How are you, sir? I think I'm all right.

[B]

How are you?

[A]

Sorry. Doing okay. You? Hyped for the week. Hyped for the weekend? I'm not gonna do anything this weekend.

[B]

Say hyped. Yeah, it's a big deal.

[A]

I don't like that Martin Luther King's weekend is only three days and then everybody goes back to being racist. I like to celebrate civil rights every single day. Oh, okay. Unlike you crackers who just notice it when you get a three day weekend. I'm sure you, you. I can't say It. I'm sure you're kinfolk.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Suddenly be having African flags in your front yard if we gave you Juneteenth off. So I know you're not taking it seriously, but it probably should be. And you, Cory. What did I do? You're the worst of them all. How? You're walking around wider than anything I've ever seen in my life.

[B]

That pimp walk.

[A]

This man's so white that he actually bragged about a Disney cartoon marathon he did by himself. There's no brother alive who's ever sat through a whole weekend of Pixar one after the other. And I'm sure you had a little white notebook as well, writing down your favorites. It's ridiculous. Keeping notes. No, no, it's all up here.

[B]

It's all up there.

[A]

Yeah. Everything Corey does, he stores in his.

[B]

Head.

[A]

Like a good little cracker. Corey's so white, the saltine people are suing him.

[B]

He would have been a real treat at Shawshank.

[A]

Oh, you'd have been taken care of several times at Shawshank. I would have been passed around. Fix the limp sisters. Sisters would have had at you every day in the laundry room. The worst part about it is the sisters would have probably let you try to run away for a little bit and then slowly walked after you and captured you anyway. My God, you'd be raped in prison. It wouldn't be fair. That's why I behave myself. Now, There should be two reasons you behave yourself. One, because it's morally right to do. Unlike Brady, stealing $50. I like that Brady kicked off MLK weekend wiping money from somebody and giving it to a Mexican. But, oh, Corey, please don't slip up with the law. No, no, please, never let anyone see in your laptop all those gorgeous young boys that you like to look at before bed. I'll have a laptop just in case. You don't have a laptop. Oh, I guess you'd have to have a lap for a laptop. It all makes sense now. Happy MLK Day, Cory. Oh, thank you. Happy MLK as well. All right, now, over to the middle square. Black Lady Brady. Oh, Lord. How you doing, player? I'm doing fine, player. How you doing? Everything good?

[B]

Hi.

[A]

How y' all doing? It's been a minute since Black Lady Brady been up in town.

[B]

Little sweet tea?

[A]

Oh, no, I don't need no sweet tea. I'll take some limonade, though. What is going on in your town? Well, there's the marathon outside on the weekend. What is happening here? How do I show up? Here on January 16th. Okay? And I'm in a sweater thinking because of January. I got a wear one. I have got the vapors. And I am sweating.

[B]

I told you.

[A]

Sweating like a hoe in church. I can't believe what's going on. Nobody told me how hot this was. I tell you what. Scummy Dick Douglas and I tried to have relations last night in our hotel room. Oh, Lord. It was impossible. 80 degrees is like being in the Sub Saharan. It's like living in a sub Saharan. Kept slipping out. Yes, that's exactly right. Too detailed, Cory. Yes, it kept slipping out. And that's a lot of slipping, too. I'm thinking even. Even me gonna move up to Minnesota just to cool off and become black ice. You call me black ice up there. I don't care what side I'm on. Just cool my ass off. My nether regions is growing rice. Oh, God.

[B]

How's Scummy Dick?

[A]

Scummy Dick's fine, but he found two Vietnam veterans living inside my vagina. Cause it's so humid down there. Was lost in wool looking for Charlie. Oh, man, there was tons of. They popped out and said where? Charlie said you come to the wrong place. You and Scummy Dick Douglas Tunnel. Oh, Lord. Where's my luminar?

[B]

Hold me down.

[A]

What's it gonna be like this summer? 200 degrees? What you guys going for the world's records? You won't be back in July. I ain't coming back here. No. July, that's fine. Oh, you got Juneteenth or you're gonna be melting. I'll tell you what I might do. Stop taking that Ozempic and move back here in June and just melt away.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

A little bit cheaper.

[B]

Get the bottom.

[A]

My sugar. My toes hurt. Sugars. Put the lemonade down again. Lemonade's too delicious.

[B]

I take just cut one off for.

[A]

A delicious glass of sugar and sweet lemonade. I give you four of my toes. I don't care. I don't need all 10 of these.

[B]

I need a balance.

[A]

I just need the big one. Does that count as hush puppies? The toes? Yeah, I guess if you deep fried them, probably. Dogs will eat them, man. Dogs will eat them. Okay. All right. So long, sir Akilah. I'm staying away from that young man. Just saying. That's good. I know what you like, dog. I know how he's feeding his victims. They're giving away their body parts to puppies. What? 98. No way. Holmberg's morning sickness. All right, now over to the middle right square. We got Tracy Morgan. How you feeling? I've been better. How are you doing, Corey? I have no complaints. Hey everybody. Happy weekend. I'm gonna tell. I'm gonna spend my entire weekend and drinking and walking around the freeway by the Walmart waiting for those delivery trucks. Never gonna do it, Brady. Biggest payday I ever had wasn't some movie I did with Kevin Smith that bomb. But I got trucked over by a Walmart truck and I'm a billionaire. What? You went from Walmart? Cuz I can walk right into a Walmart right now. I'm the only black man in the world. Walk into Walmart? Just take what I want off the shelf and leave. And nobody says a thing. They said. That's Tracy Morgan. He's allowed to have anything in here he wants. I'm running into a Walmart every day. They used to run into me. So why not turn about fair play, Brady. What are you grabbing when you're in there? Anything. I want Oreo cookies. You want some? Yeah. You want some mayonnaise? I bet you're out. No, no, no, no. You probably love mayonnaise. I really don't. That surprises me. I would assume that you would like shower. Yeah, I think so too. I think he's got a tap like his shampoo is mayonnaise. He doesn't eat it. No. It's actually hot chocolate. Hot chocolate shampoo. It was a Christmas thing. Your shampoo is hot chocolate scented? Yes. Are you trying to attract children?

[B]

Tracy, he's got coco head.

[A]

I think I know you call me coco head. Is that what you just said to me? He's trying to fit in. I guess so. But your head smell like hot chocolate is gonna land you in jail like we talked about earlier. And you ain't gonna like it. You got marshmallows too. Yeah, it smells like hot chocolate. Brett, smell his head. Do it. Toledo. Smell that boy's chocolate head. Smell his head right now. It's hot chocolate. Tracy, are you sure? I am sure. Who in the world makes hot chocolate flavored shampoo? It was for the holidays.

[B]

That's again, that's not answering.

[A]

Not an answer to a question. It's still creepy.

[B]

Bath and Body works maybe.

[A]

Yeah, I thought it would smell good. You bought it for yourself? Yeah. That's the creepiest I've ever seen. I can't wait to smell you. Do you wash your pimps with it? Yeah. This is the weirdest thing I've ever talked to. You got hot chocolate. Dick. I gotta get myself that's what?

[B]

That's Swiss dick.

[A]

It was my Swiss dick. Does it yodel?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Store stir it in for a few minutes. That's weird, but I want to send him a big mic. All right. It's not chocolate, but it looks like chocolate. That hurts. All right, now over to the bottom left square. Brittany's secrets right now. What's up, fellas?

[B]

55 years old. I'm from Michigan. I'm an entertainer. I'm a rapper. First named Bob. I'm a cowboy, baby.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, we got it. That's enough.

[B]

Who's this guy again?

[A]

Yeah. All right.

[B]

You shut your mouth, partner.

[A]

Let's full on here. Bottom of the square. Get to appropriation. Cultural appropriation. What you say? Oh, I'm sorry. I thought MLK was supposed to be here. I replaced him. I'm Michael Jackson. Oh, hey, Michael. I just wanted to be part of MLK weekend. That's fine. Yeah, I'm sure you're still kind of black. No, I want to celebrate the African American culture with my son.

[B]

Come on in here.

[A]

Prince and Prince Jackson. Why is he always with you? African American man. Prince Jackson Players. Well, they are father and son. Can't you tell the resemblance? I'm the one on the right. I'm the one on the left. Father, he's my daddy. He's Pappy. A lot of kids.

[B]

So much in common.

[A]

So much in common. Singing, dancing, very rhythmic. I'm sure with AI, you guys could do a song together now. Sure we could. It would be great. Ebony and Ivory Shamoy live together in perfect. That's me. That's not Prince. That was me. Michael. It's hard to tell us apart because we're related.

[B]

So clearly.

[A]

That's right. Me.

[B]

He. You're looking at the man in the mirror.

[A]

Lay it on me. All right. Is it black or white? Oh, it don't matter. I hear. Oh, wow, how cool. 2, 3, 4. Your butt is mine, don't pay the price. What are the words, dad? Show your face in broad daylight. That's right. That's my father. I'm telling you, baby. Who I feel. This doesn't make sense. Shut your mind. For you to kill Timon. Lay it on me. All right. Nice.

[B]

Nails it.

[A]

That's right. It's Prince Jackson. I was named after another African American singing hero. Prince. Is that the compensate. Oh, I mean, compensate for what? I mean, someone turn the lights on. I can barely see Prince. I'm just kidding. He's opaque. I look a lot like my grandfather Joseph. Very similar hair, features Prince Jackson.

[B]

You've seen a picture of your dad in a while.

[A]

Oh, I've seen it. Him. I see him every day. I look in the mirror and like the man in the mirror is true. Anyway. All right then, what's wrapping things up here? Bottom right square. Our Lord and Savior, Tripp Reap. How are you, sir? Yeah, how are you doing, Corey? Good, good. How's the golf going? It's good. Colors, colors, colors.

[B]

Are you golfing with colors?

[A]

Yeah, I was on the golf course. I'm gonna dip Brady in some stuff and we're gonna wander around the country club and make everyone nervous. Did you bring that stuff I told you to bring Brady to paint? Yeah, yeah. Guitar. What are you doing? I'm going to body paint Brady and make everyone at the country club scared. We're golfing today, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Brady. Yeah, that's what I'm doing. Ooh, Debrady. I like it. Got any chocolate shampoo? Yeah, I smell like cocoa. Better not smell like the cocoa that belongs to me. Yeah, well, I'm not saying another word. She's got a nice ass. All right, go for it. Alrighty. Let's see, we got today anonymous and wireless caller. You got Lori and Paul. Lori, are you there? I'm here. All right. Paul, are you there? I am. All right, Lori, you're a girl. Pick a square. Go. I'll take black lady. Brady, it's the middle square. All right, lady. But it is so hot, in case we forgot. Yeah, well, we know. Hey, look, let her play the game the way she plays. I need your judgment running around down here. I'm trying to help Mr. Do It all wrong and suddenly you had suggestions. Jesus Christmas. You know you've had a bad day. When Toledo goes. That ain't right. Cause 99% of the time he's talking about himself. All right, go ahead. Got a question here for you, sweet little white boy. You should ask me a question. Okay. I'm so sad for your ailment. Oh, thank you very much. That's all right. If I lay hands on it, perhaps.

[B]

It would feel better.

[A]

Heal you like a shaman of some. Some sort. Be like a. All right, here we go.

[B]

Witchcraft.

[A]

Women are more receptive to romance on a full stomach. True or false? Oh, sometimes I like to lay down on scummy Dick Douglas's full stomach and have some romance. I like my stomach to look like it's covered in romance. That means we know they got the job done. I like when scummy Dick Douglas puts all that white romance on my belly. Ooh, I love a full stomach. That's nice. You like a tender little catfish. I just want to tickle you under the chin, stick my thumb in your gill and carry you home. Oh, thank you.

[B]

You're pretty. I like that.

[A]

Yeah, I like a big full belly.

[B]

I like that.

[A]

You look like James Earl Ray sometimes. What? You have that look about you.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

I don't know if it's appropriate to have you hooked up this weekend because you just. You made a turn and I could. You probably related to him. No. I bet you if you 23 and meet it. No. You'd have all sorts of that popping up. I think all it was show is Irish. I think you'd have that guy in the clock tower in Texas. You'd have the dude what shot Kennedy. You have James Earl Ray, and they probably all had babies with some racist white lady and then you come tumbling out. Actually, my dad is from Chicago, so you can probably get a connection there. He probably had see a hand. See a hand Betty. Shooting people like crazy. Your family. I can tell. All right, so you're saying true to a full stomach, is that right? Oh, everybody loves a romance. Nothing better than that noise juggling around in your gut. You hear the laminate sloshing around with the greens in the food. Oh, my God. And then you get down on them pubes and you start smelling hot coco. I'm sorry. I go too far. No, that's all right. See? Okay. Obama agree. Oh, Obama. No, I would have. I would have joined in if my mouth wasn't full. Back to work, player. Sorry, Big Mike. All right, there. So you're saying true now. Lori, do you agree or disagree with true? You know, I really. I can't hear him at all, but. Oh, really? Yeah, me either. I really don't hear him at all. Oh, my goodness. How'd you not hear me, though? I didn't make no senior. I hear John fantastically, but I really can't hear Thriller. Oh, but you can't hear Thriller for that. Don't make no sense. All right, your mic's not on. It's. It is out. Okay. Weird.

[B]

Is it?

[A]

Oh, knocking. It was off the whole time. Test, test. Anybody here? Okay, I just need to know the question and then. Oh, that's all right. I'll do it. Yeah, women are more receptive to romance on a full tummy. True or false? True or false. I see. It's true. Well, that's correct. So I got it right. Do you hear Matt? Hey, I Don't know if you can hear now. Now Rex gets a square. You want me to take over Holston? Dudes, you know what? If it makes it work. All right, fella, pick a squire. Okay. What's his name? Anthony. Paul. Paul, pick a squire. Top right trump. Top right of trump. We take you down the trump. Pull the top right side. By now, Corey, you've been usurped, apparently, President Trump. What is Black Lady Brady, who I love deep down and I'd love to make a belly full of romance with you. Oh, Lord, he's getting me all bossed. I can tell if it's sweat or if it's excitement or if it's some sort of discharge I should go see the doctor for anyway. No, no, no. An appreciation of dark humor indicates you are an emotion emotionally unstable person. Do you agree or disagree, Dr. Trump?

[B]

Doctor.

[A]

I'm not a doctor, but I like that you said that. I like. I like. I like dark humor. I like dark people.

[B]

Dark chocolate.

[A]

I like. I like my ladies so dark that their nickname is under the bed. I like my ladies so dark that when they lean on a wall, the roadrunner laughs and a coyote smashes into them, thinks they're a tunnel. I like the flavor is your champagne. I like my ladies acme dark is what I'm saying. I like my humor. My ladies the same. I would very much, Black Lady Brady, love to give you a little orange cream. Oh, here we go. Now, Creamsicle, I'd like you to be my midnight mistress. Sneak into the White House after dark, and I'll find you with the lightning bugs. They'll be all around you. Oh, sir, no. Answer the question, Dr. Trump. I'm going crazy. I'll say that's false. I don't know. I don't know for sure, but I'll say that's false.

[B]

False. All right.

[A]

Boy on the phone, he say false. Well, repeat the question. Oh, my God. Appreciation of dark humor means you're emotionally unstable. He say false, say false. You agree with the president? Correct. All right, we got that one.

[B]

Circle.

[A]

Get the square.

[B]

He's a smart boy.

[A]

Holy moly. Cory, move over to his bank. All right, I'm going to go with. I'm going to go with Obama. Okay, Obama. Now. Now. Can you hear Corey? Test. Test.

[B]

Hello?

[A]

Speak up, Cory. Okay, I'll be sure to do that. Cory. Like a vampire. I can hear him now. Okay, great. Oh, my good. I'm going to take a break. Lord, I'm swampy. Now, let's go check in on. Wait who she say? Obama. Obama. That's what I thought. I was like, she chose me. I was busy. But that's all right. She still has you on there, huh? Big Mike and Little O, we're gonna open up for Bruno Mars this fall, summer and spring. Not in that order. All right, go ahead. Question for you. Here it is. Let's see. To be considered a true and real friend, it means you've invested 200 plus hours into the relationship. True or false? I would have to say. Yeah. Let me have this. Big Obama. Come on. I have a rule. Yep. As a woman. Okay. That you have to Invest at least 200 inches.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

To become a good friend. Oh. Oh, God. Not this. Oh, there we go. Is this how you know it's over? This is how we know it's my birthday weekend. That's the romance song.

[B]

Give it to me, Barry.

[A]

That's right. Oh, you know it, Brady. All right, I'll assume the position. And here we go. I came home last night, you wouldn't make love to me. You weren't fast asleep. Oh, boy, here we go. You wouldn't even talk to me. You say I'm so crazy. Oh, God. Coming home intoxicated. Get to a burnout. I won't love you. Yes. That's why I'm so elated. Come on, Bird. Give it to me, Barry. On my ass. You know it. Give it to Barry. Oh, Mike. Oh, sorry, we got distracted. That's okay. It's a birthday. It's worth. I'll say it's true. You have to spend at least 200 hours to be somebody's friend. All right, then. Lori, they are saying true. Do you agree or disagree with true? I agree. Correct. Next one wins. You can pick anyone. Next one wins. All right, Paul, what are you thinking? Middle right, square, middle right. Tracy Morgan. I'm closing it up. I like when I'm the winner. I like when I'm the champion of all of them. That's how I. Paul, you ever been hit by a truck? No. No. You should try it out sometime. It's financially incredible. I went to Trades and wealth. They had a plan to make me rich in 10 years. I said, I'll be right back. Next thing you know, I'm like, I want to invest this. How much is it? $300 million. I found it in the road. All right, go ahead. All right, there. The largest gold vault in the world is in New York City worth $850 billion. True or false, by the way? I was just wandering around the squares and I ran Into Prince Jackson and his mother. I'm not his mother. I'm his father. What that white lady is. I don't understand what's going on down there. They told me it was like being in Africa. And I said, what are you talking about? South Africa? And they started laughing, and then they sang some sort of a ritual from, like, the Book of Mormon. And I was like, what's going on in this White House square? He he. Tracy Morgan. I love our people's humor. Ah, Shamroin. Largest gold vault in the world. It's the New York City with $850 billion. Do they ever haul that around in a truck? Because the day I find out, I'm gonna stand in front of it. Maybe not all at once. Okay, I'll say that that's probably true. There's probably a billion dollars in a vault in New York. All right, so you're saying true now. Paul for the wind. You agree or disagree with true? I agree with true. Correct. Stackman. Right. He wins. You go see Motley Crue. Both win. I gotcha. Everybody's the winner on Martin Luther King.

[B]

Winka.

[A]

Can I just say a few words about the black experience as Prince Jackson, please. Hehe to mon me. All right. Do that for hours. What do you mean? Just saying you're very happy to perform all the time. No, I'm a performer by nature. It comes from my family heritage. Oh. I was my. You know, my uncle's Tito.

[B]

Marlon.

[A]

Marlon. Jermaine, Brandy. Don't forget about Janet. Janet was an aunt. Latoya wasn't. Is also an ant. That's right. He's naming off all of his. His aunts and auntie first family.

[B]

Which one?

[A]

Rebbe. We forgot about Rebbe. I didn't. Aunt or uncle Rebbie were very important to me anyway. Like the Jacksons always say, keep it black. That's right. He's lived such a rich life. Oh, it hasn't been easy. The names I've been called are not something I want to repeat. Wait, can you nod? You know how the pass. I have it. I just won't use it. All right. Can you imagine if Prince Jackson called you the N word? How confusing that would be? Well, he.

[B]

He.

[A]

Sir Shaman. I don't really. Look, I. I support our boys in blue, but I've been harassed so many times. They get one look at you and they just know. Can't a man like me, Prince Jackson, drive around in his Monte Carlo without getting hassled by the man? He, he. Someday, yes, we shall overcome you have a dream I've had dreams yes familiar with a dream? I'm off to get alone which seems to be not a problem I don't know what everyone's complaining about it's fairly easy but I am privileged that's right because people think you're me that's right it's hard to escape it Come on, get out. The Jacksons forgot they were coming in he's off to title Max right now get your effects at title Max they were very polite yeah they're very nice people the Jacksons they're just a little delusional that's it three day weekend's upon us Corey, I'm sure you're going to be listening to lots of ladies basketball this week yeah we got lady on Saturday have oh I believe oh yeah and then NAU on Sunday no so exciting you remember this stuff too so exciting man. Anyway we're done you guys have yourselves a fantastic three day and we'll see you Tuesday I guess right here in the morning sickness. It's out of control now 98 can you PD.