01-17-25 - BR - FRI - Fun Facts On Zanzibar War And Alternate Steve Guttenbergs - Parents Post Their 13yo's Bucket List - SciNews On China's Moon Flag Plans And The Great English Debate On Feeding Squirrels Nuts

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona Episode: January 17, 2025 Host: John Holmberg Co-Hosts: Brady Bogan, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo

---

1. Core Institute and Personal Health Stories

Timestamp: [00:31] - [01:08]

Brady Bogan opens the episode by highlighting the Core Institute's role in helping individuals overcome unexpected health challenges. He shares a listener's story where a dog caused a severe knee injury, which was successfully treated by the Core Institute, allowing the listener's wife to regain her mobility after two years.

Brady Bogan: "One day you're trucking along, feeling great. Next day your dog smashes into your head and knocks you cold."
[00:31]

2. Music: Band Lineup Changes and Singer Replacements

Timestamp: [01:11] - [07:18]

Brady delves into the dynamics of bands replacing lead singers, using Alice in Chains as a primary example. He expresses curiosity about how bands adapt when losing iconic members, questioning why some fans resist these changes.

Brady Bogan: "Everybody always yelled at Alice in Chains and bands that replaced their singer with another singer."
[01:11]

The discussion extends to imagining alternate career paths for actors, particularly Steve Guttenberg being cast in iconic roles like Forrest Gump instead of Tom Hanks.

Brady Bogan: "Does that mean in an alternate universe, Guttenberg was Forrest Gump and Tom Hanks got the job?"
[06:20]

3. Celebrating Customer Service Day

Timestamp: [02:19] - [04:06]

During Customer Service Day, Brady emphasizes the importance of appreciating customer service representatives. The conversation revolves around extending kindness to those handling customer interactions, especially in challenging situations.

Brady Bogan: "Be nice to the customer service people."
[02:56]

4. Fun Facts Segment

Timestamp: [04:25] - [07:08]

Brady shares intriguing historical and cultural facts:

• Mahalo Telotos: A 19th-century Greek Orthodox monk who lived 82 years entirely within the Mount Athos monastery without ever seeing a woman.

  Brady Bogan: "He lived all 82 years of his life in the Mount Athos monastery where women were forbidden."
  [04:25]

• Shortest War in History: The Anglo-Zanzibar War of 1896, which lasted only 38 minutes, resulting in Zanzibar's surrender.

  Brady Bogan: "I can pretty much guess the winner of that one. Zanzibar is a country."
  [05:18]

• Alternate Careers for Actors: Speculation about Steve Guttenberg taking on roles typically held by actors like Tom Hanks, imagining a different trajectory for Hollywood stars.

  Dick Toledo: "I love that movie."
  [07:29]

5. Parents Posting Their 13-Year-Old's Bucket List

Timestamp: [08:51] - [11:35]

The hosts discuss a viral story where parents anonymously shared their 13-year-old son's bucket list. The list includes ambitious and quirky goals such as:

1. Get a full taxidermy alligator
2. Travel to New Zealand
3. Become a published author
4. Discover a new species
5. Eat an octopus
6. Befriend a binturong (a bear-cat hybrid)

Brady Bogan: "At 13 years old he's already thinking about things he's gonna have to do before he dies."
[08:51]

The conversation humorously explores the uniqueness of each item, especially the inclusion of a binturong, prompting curiosity among the hosts.

Brady Bogan: "Binturong. It's a bear cat itself."
[09:17]

6. Science News: China's Moon Flag Plans

Timestamp: [16:08] - [19:07]

Brady transitions to science news, focusing on China's ambitions to plant a flag on the moon in 2026. The flag is engineered to flutter using electromagnetic fields despite the absence of wind on the lunar surface. This advancement aims to establish a more permanent Chinese presence on the moon.

Brady Bogan: "China wants to plant a flag on the moon next year and figure out how to make it flutter even with no wind."
[17:30]

The discussion includes a humorous yet critical take on space competition, highlighting concerns over preserving historical lunar landmarks like Neil Armstrong's boot print amidst increasing tourism and international interest.

Brady Bogan: "As we send more landers up in space, tourism takes off. They want to start talking about how to preserve things like Neil Armstrong's boot print."
[16:10]

7. The Great English Debate: Dangling Modifiers in Science Reporting

Timestamp: [18:18] - [24:56]

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to a lively debate over the grammatical structure of a science news sentence: "A study found humans feeding peanuts to squirrels makes their jaws weaker." The discussion centers on whether the sentence incorrectly implies that humans' jaws are weakened by feeding squirrels, rather than the squirrels' jaws being affected.

Brady Bogan: "The subject of the sentence is humans. When you go to there it references back to the subject."
[19:27]

Larry McFeely and Dick Toledo join Brady in dissecting the sentence, emphasizing the importance of clear subject-reference to avoid misleading listeners.

Larry McFeely: "Please English teachers, please email."
[19:55]

Brady acknowledges the confusion caused by the sentence structure and underscores the need for precise language in scientific reporting to ensure accurate communication.

Brady Bogan: "Science says that when humans feed squirrels nuts, their heads get squished."
[20:06]

The segment humorously illustrates the challenges of language clarity, especially when conveying scientific information to a general audience.

8. Record-Breaking Table Tennis Rally

Timestamp: [26:00] - [27:07]

The hosts celebrate a new record set by Swedish table tennis players Emil Olson and Frederik Nielsen, who engaged in the longest table tennis rally ever, lasting 13 hours, 37 minutes, and 6 seconds for a single point.

Brady Bogan: "They set a new record for the longest table tennis rally."
[26:33]

The conversation highlights the endurance and dedication required for such an achievement, with playful ribbing from the hosts.

Dick Toledo: "Get a life."
[26:42]

9. Viewer-Submitted Videos and Reactions

Timestamp: [27:07] - [33:39]

In a humorous and somewhat edgy segment, the hosts react to viewer-submitted videos depicting bizarre and exaggerated scenarios involving animals and humans. This portion of the episode is filled with comedic banter and exaggerated reactions, maintaining the show's entertainment-centric theme.

Brady Bogan: "They give him a enema of some sort of just water."
[31:34]

While the content is intended for humor, it aligns with the show's goal to "entertain, question, and disturb" listeners as described in the podcast information.

Conclusion:

Throughout the episode, John Holmberg and his co-hosts deliver a mix of informative segments, humorous discussions, and engaging debates. From historical fun facts and scientific advancements to language intricacies and light-hearted banter, the show encapsulates its mission to entertain and provoke thought among Arizona's morning radio listeners.

---

Notable Quotes:

• Brady Bogan: "Be nice to the customer service people."
  [02:56]

• Brady Bogan: "Everybody always yelled at Alice in Chains and bands that replaced their singer with another singer."
  [01:11]

• Brady Bogan: "A study found humans feeding peanuts to squirrels makes their jaws weaker."
  [19:27]

• Brady Bogan: "China wants to plant a flag on the moon next year and figure out how to make it flutter even with no wind."
  [17:30]

---

This comprehensive summary captures the essence of the January 17, 2025 episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona, highlighting key discussions, insights, and the hosts' dynamic interactions.

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Get out to the Tempe Improv on the east side to see Paul Versey on Thursday and Beth Stelling Friday, Saturday and Sunday. The Desert Ridge Improv up North features Sarah Weinschenk this Thursday and Joe DeRosa on Friday and Saturday. And downtown at Stand Up Live, check out the very funny Lil Rel performing Friday, Saturday and Sunday for the complete lineups. And for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com it's John Holberg here for.

[Brady Bogan]

The amazing people at the Core Institute, life can throw you a curveball now and again. One day you're trucking along, feeling great. Next day your dog smashes into your head and knocks you cold. Or like a KUPD listener told me this week, his dog did a sprint across the backyard directly into the side of his wife's leg and blew her knee up. She needed that need to get fixed and fixed right. Two years later, she's running like she used to again. And it's all thanks to the Core Institute. I went through it too. And you can get rid of your pain and start saying yes, I can to all the things you want to do. And. And all you have to do is trust the experts at the Core Institute head there right now. The Core Institute.com.

[Brady]

Sickness.

[Brady Bogan]

Tell you what, not only did it wear on me, it's a fantastic song. Song of 2024 if you ask me in the rock world. And I've gotten where I really like her voice with that band and it's made me curious. And again, I've always said that. I'm like, ah. Everybody always yelled at Alice in Chains and bands that replaced their singer with another singer. It's not their fault the dude died. Why can't they keep going? And initially I was wrong because I always said why they should just change the name to the Shinoda Machine or something like that. Don't keep linking. Why not let Linkin park live? That song's great and they sound good doing it. I'm. I'm all about it. So Lincoln Stinking lives and that's all right. Makes me curious for the show, to be honest with you. And I'm not a girl singer fan. Like, for the most part with rock music, I always think it ends up sounding the same. It ends up going Evanescence on you. Within three songs, you got some weird angelic ballad being puked at you and I'm not interested. Maybe they won't curious 7:58 that means it's time for Brady to give you all the news that only Brady knows. We call this the Brady Report. Then we say Brady Report it.

[Brady]

Good Friday morning to you Phoenix. Hello world.

[Brady Bogan]

We've made it. Hi.

[Brady]

Happy Customer service day.

[Brady Bogan]

Does that mean they give it or that they just admit it exists?

[Brady]

I think it's more like an appreciation.

[Brady Bogan]

For a good customer service.

[Brady]

Be nice to the customer service people. Here's a way to be more tolerant or more.

[Brady Bogan]

That's what I'm saying. Customer service people or the people providing customer service. Which day is it? Is it my job as the customer or is it their job as the people who provide customer service? You don't know.

[Brady]

I think it's just be nice to the customer service person today.

[Brady Bogan]

So the guy behind the desk that does take backs at Fry's or Safeway or whatever.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Not the biggest thing they not customer service itself.

[Larry McFeely]

No. Be nice to Kevin Day.

[Brady Bogan]

Kevin.

[Dick Toledo]

He already serviced.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah he's different.

[Brady]

He's basically all also instructing. Here's how to get your next issue solved more efficiently. Like don't resist the urge to DM to what? Oh if it gets lost in the shuffle. Calling or sending an email has a better chance of being seen and responded to.

[Larry McFeely]

Wait, you can DM with us now. Dropped into your DMs with.

[Brady Bogan]

So customer service is about. You're about to at least do it kindly today.

[Brady]

They also say come prepared like have your order number and have that information.

[Brady Bogan]

So this is about returns and problems. This isn't about the people who give you customer service that make you go review and go the customer service was fantastic.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Which is the initial transaction.

[Brady]

Try your best to stay calm.

[Brady Bogan]

So basically it's just be nice. Don't be a dick to people who are in the, you know, in the industry.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Well that's everything that's like restaurants that's I consider customer service the entire thing and then the customer service representative is when we've got real problems. You very rarely go to the customer service rep desk and say everything was great.

[Brady]

Couple of basis fun facts. There was a 19th century Greek Orthodox monk named Mahalo Telotos who died without ever seeing a woman. His mother died shortly after his birth. He lived all 82 years of his life in the Mount Athos monastery where women were forbidden. He never left at all in the monastery the whole time.

[Brady Bogan]

No kidding. Never once saw what's the record? How many years?

[Brady]

82.

[Brady Bogan]

He lived to be 82. Larry can't break the record, but he can try.

[Brady]

The shortest war in history was the UK versus Zanzibar. On August 27, 1896, Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.

[Brady Bogan]

I can pretty much guess the winner of that one. Zanzibar is a country. I thought it was a city.

[Brady]

Well, they're saying the shortest war in history, so whatever.

[Brady Bogan]

But Zanzibar, if it's a country, I don't even know if it is or not. To the is. It was Zanzibar. I thought Zanzibar was a place. I didn't think it was a country. You don't know either.

[Brady]

I don't know.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. So if you've got the entire United Kingdom mad at, like, Scottsdale, I can tell you who's gonna win that real fast. But I don't know what we're gonna take them off. Is Zanzibar a country? And how did the rest of the country like. Hey, hey, Zanzibar, knock it off. You're in us. You're gonna get us all into this pickle. Zanzibar is your drunk Irish friend. I can take him. Hey, asshole. There's a community here. All you other cities with me. Are you a bunch of pussies? Like, we're a country. It's against this. Zanzibar, knock it off. In my country, no one knows. It's impossible to find out the last one.

[Brady]

Steve Guttenberg beat out huge competition to be the star of Police Academy. Other actors who auditioned for the role, Bruce Willis, Michael Keaton, Tom Hanks, Judge Reinhold.

[Brady Bogan]

Wow. Does that mean in an alternate universe, Gutenberg was Forrest Gump and Tom Hanks got the job?

[Brady]

Marvel get on that.

[Brady Bogan]

That's pretty good. In the. That horrible universe of if roles switched and Hank's got the gig on Police Academy and it wrecked everything and Gutenberg didn't and then goes on to do, you know, all those. I mean, he's. He's in everything. Amazing. He's Philadelphia. He's. He just takes Tom's career. Wow.

[Brady]

Between the others, could you see Michael Keaton playing that role? Yes.

[Brady Bogan]

Michael Keaton in Police Academy. Oh, yeah.

[Brady]

Everybody could have done that one there.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, Bruce. That wasn't one. That was going to be too much to bear. Fair.

[Larry McFeely]

That was Billy Blaze, Kowski and the.

[Brady Bogan]

One Night Shift with Henry. That was great.

[Dick Toledo]

I love that movie.

[Brady Bogan]

Michael Keaton was a. He was great. He would have been awesome in Police.

[Larry McFeely]

Chuck, I'm coming.

[Brady Bogan]

What was his name in Police Academy? What was Gutenberg's name? Oh, I Can't remember. It's a. I think it's tipping my tongue, but either way.

[Larry McFeely]

Hi, Hightower.

[Brady Bogan]

No, no, no, Hightower. That was the other guy from the Cowboys. Bubba Smith.

[Brady]

You got Tackleberry was the shooting guy.

[Brady Bogan]

Pretty good. Well done. Brady. I can't remember his name. That's on the tip of my. Mahoney.

[Brady]

Mahoney.

[Brady Bogan]

How do we not remember that? Because we've changed Mahoney's name here.

[Brady]

1% of Americans say they usually fall asleep in under a minute.

[Brady Bogan]

Geez. That's narcolepsy.

[Brady]

Six percent said it takes over an hour. And phones might be the blame for some of that. One in seven people say avoiding screens at least an hour before bed helps them fall asleep quicker.

[Brady Bogan]

Huh. Vince needs to make sure that whatever spawns growing inside his horror wife never sees that woman either. You can't let his first sighting of a woman do that. Slut. Man. Hoover that thing out.

[Champ]

Wow.

[Brady Bogan]

The baby's fault. But it can't be more than a month and a half. So you're gonna do it. Get on it. Too sweet.

[Brady]

His parents posted their 13 year old son's bucket list and it's going viral online. The kids parents posted it anonymously on the kids bucket list. At 13 years old he's already thinking.

[Brady Bogan]

About things he's gonna have to do before he dies.

[Brady]

Get a full taxidermy. Alligator. Number two, Go to New Zealand.

[Larry McFeely]

He said taxidermy.

[Brady Bogan]

Sure.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Thirteen. You know, taxidermy. You think? Yeah. Or you're Vince Young.

[Brady]

Number three. Become a published author. Number four. Discover a new species. Number five. Eat an octopus. Number six. Befriend a bintura. Binturong. It's a bear cat itself.

[Brady Bogan]

You had to look that up?

[Brady]

Yeah. It looks like a cross between a bear kind of a body with a cat's head. But it's really related to a mongoose.

[Brady Bogan]

Is it real?

[Brady]

And. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

It's a bear with a cat's head.

[Brady]

Yeah. The body kind of looks like. That's why they call it a bear cat.

[Brady Bogan]

They call it a bento, but it's. You called it a bearcat because you're from. They get Cincinnati on the mind.

[Brady]

Where do they live in South East Asia?

[Dick Toledo]

South Central.

[Brady]

Get a cool jeep.

[David Koechner]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Have a YouTube channel. Prove the existence of goblins.

[Brady Bogan]

All right.

[Dick Toledo]

None of this has ever crossed my mind in the least.

[Brady Bogan]

This kid is high as a kite. Other than the cool jeep thing that was. That's the only. That's easy though.

[Brady]

Legally change my name.

[Brady Bogan]

How is that a cat's head. She's got big ears. You got one ugly ass cat. If that's what your cat looks like.

[Larry McFeely]

Eat your face off.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't know what that thing is.

[Brady]

It's related to a mongoose and a meat.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay.

[Dick Toledo]

The research.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. The only thing he's done is find out what that one. Research it up.

[Champ]

Treated pumpkins at the zoo with Christy.

[Brady Bogan]

Does it eat pumpkins? Does it eat pumpkins? Oh, it would.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah. It'll give it a talent. Pumpkin.

[Brady Bogan]

It's native to his land.

[Brady]

He wants to legally change his name.

[Brady Bogan]

Really interesting stories. Like, what was that, Brady? I don't know. What's a Benturon?

[Champ]

Well, it's a hybrid of a meerkat.

[Brady]

And a. I knew you'd ask about.

[Brady Bogan]

The least interesting research ever. Visit Holmberg's morning sickness [e-mail] College hoops.

[Diane Fisher]

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[Larry McFeely]

Hey, it's Larry McFeely here with Wayne from Amco.

[Brady Bogan]

And Wayne, now that it's getting warmer, I turned on the AC in my car and the air's blowing kind of cool. But it really smells like a basement. What can I do about that, Larry? Your car's AC system should be checked and serviced every year. Plus, replacing the cabin air filter helps.

[Wayne]

The air blow strong and takes away any nasty smell.

[Brady Bogan]

Nice.

[Larry McFeely]

Is that a big deal to get done?

[Brady Bogan]

Not at all. It takes about an hour and in most cases, we can do it while you wait.

[Brady]

That's awesome.

[Brady Bogan]

I'll say. We're Amco.

[Larry McFeely]

Google Amco for your nearest location. That's Amco MCO transmissions and a whole lot more.

[Wayne]

Hi, I'm Diane Fisher from Fisher Tools. From our humble beginnings in 1964 at the Phoenix park and swap to our 4 acre campus located just south of Tempe Marketplace off the 202 and McClintock. Fisher Tools has been building the valley for over 60 years. Come check us out and browse our huge selection of tools and anything you need to do the job right. We carry Milwaukee Dewalt Makita, Proto and so much more. We're also [e-mail] KUPD listeners will receive 10% off their order when you mention this ad Fish or tools. If we don't have it, we can't sell it.

[Larry McFeely]

It's Dick Toledo and new customers right now on FanDuel get $150 in bonus bets when your first $5 wager wins. Just visit FanDuel.com KUPD to grab $150 in college hoops bonus bets with a winning $5 bet and prepare for March on FanDuel, America's number one sportsbook 21 plus in President Arizona first online real money wager only $5 first deposit require bonus issued as non withdrawable bonus bets which expire seven days after receipt. Restrictions apply. See [e-mail] Call 1-800-Next Step or text Next Step to 533-42-HOLMBERG'S MORNING SICKNESS. That phrase after every story. I knew you'd ask that.

[Brady Bogan]

Take that. Exactly. Because you knew I'd ask about the other stuff too.

[Champ]

I don't care about that.

[Brady Bogan]

The Bentirong. I'm 52. I'm today years old finding out whether Benturong was even a word and it will never affect me again. No, I will never go.

[Dick Toledo]

I was bitten as soon as we.

[Brady Bogan]

Walked by binturong trying to feed it pumpkins with Brady once I got one.

[Brady]

Coming in a couple weeks.

[Brady Bogan]

Benturong?

[Dick Toledo]

Sure.

[Brady]

According to baby names websites. Aggressive baby names are trending big time. Names like Wesson Caliber Shooter trigger. Wesson like Blade Cannon, Remington, Colt, Ruger.

[Brady Bogan]

All right.

[Brady]

Winchester. Larson.

[Champ]

Hey, what's up? I just heard something. I thought that was funny. I was just going through. I was ghosting around haunting Brady's house back home. I went through your family stuff and I found Brady's 13 year old bucket list. Six original six crispy six original recipe. His bucket was full of chicken. Bucket list. Something else to burn. You got some tots. You got some mashed potatoes with honey sauce? Anyway, if you get 13 year old with a bucket list, you got a creepy little kid on your head. That kid's thinking about dying too much. Get some. Get some news. What's a Benturong? And how do they taste?

[Brady]

Delicious.

[Champ]

I bet you they're pretty good. Meaty little cat bear. I want some of that. The combination of everything in the gay community they hate. You combine bears with pussy.

[Brady]

Toledo Answer your question. The not the oil. The Smith and Wesson.

[Larry McFeely]

Okay, gotcha.

[Brady]

Boone Stetson and from the reboot, Maverick has increased. And Dutton.

[Brady Bogan]

These are the top names of people in Gilbert with their white kids.

[David Koechner]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Not a single.

[Brady]

I'm not sure about our center of that.

[Dick Toledo]

No DeAndre in there?

[Brady Bogan]

No. Nothing with a D or an apostrophe. No dudton. That was just annoying. White people naming their kids new things because they watch Yellowstone too much. We should name our children after these characters. This Sheridan fella has some ideas.

[Dick Toledo]

I hate Gilbert.

[Brady Bogan]

Everyone hates Gilbert. It's an awful place.

[Brady]

And now it's time for some science news.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay. Hello, my friends.

[Brady]

Professor Brady Bogan here with your science news in billionaire news. Jeff Bezos news.

[Brady Bogan]

You just.

[Larry McFeely]

How do you switch to that in billionaire news?

[Brady Bogan]

You can't say in science news and then start with in billionaire news.

[Brady]

Well, it's part of science. Jeff Bezos. Then it's his company, Blue Origin.

[Brady Bogan]

You're a ridiculous little man.

[Dick Toledo]

It is Friday.

[Brady]

Blue Origin launched their new Glenn rocket for the first time yesterday. They're trying to re land their boosters and use them again so they can take on SpaceX. They got their payload into orbit but lost the booster. They still said they were thrilled with the result.

[Brady Bogan]

Right.

[Brady]

Whereas Elon Musk's SpaceX. The boosters were caught by the chopsticks.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Brady]

But they lost the space. The starship.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. Blew up. Neat, too. It rained down cool colors. Looks like a meteor ship.

[Brady]

I have a buddy there in Padre island and he sent me a couple of videos of both to take off in them.

[Brady Bogan]

And very reminiscent of what you would do is you gotta get out here, bro, like it's happening every day. You missed it.

[Brady]

China wants to plant a flag on the moon next year and figure out how to make it flutter even with no wind.

[David Koechner]

Over my dead body. China. China will not own the moon that is ours. We took it.

[Brady]

They engineered a special flag that flutters when it interacts with the electromagnetic fields.

[David Koechner]

It's gonna give the moon Covid. We already know what they're doing. They're fluttering. They're bad. It's like when you fart and you wave it. They're taking their Covid germs. They're putting them on our moon.

[Brady]

We have currently six flags on the moon.

[David Koechner]

That's right, Six Flags. We're building an amusement park on the moon. Trump Land.

[Brady Bogan]

They're gonna call it Great America.

[David Koechner]

Great America Great. Even greater. We make Great America great again.

[Brady]

The World Monuments Fund just listed the moon as a threatened cultural site.

[David Koechner]

That's right. The Chinese are coming. That's why? It's been China free for so long. So many, so many years of a China free moon. And they're about to ruin that and about to wreck it.

[Brady]

As we send more landers up in space, tourism takes off. They want to start talking about how to preserve things like Neil Armstrong's boot print.

[David Koechner]

You got to keep that boot print there. That's ours. China will go up there of the moon. The last thing we need to do is when Mexico starts saying they're going to go up there, they'll start sweeping. We'll lose the boot print.

[Larry McFeely]

Build a bubble like wall kind of.

[David Koechner]

We got to build a wall around the moon. Keep the Chinese out. China, you stay put. One thing those people do is overpopulate. Get over that moon, start seeing Chinese people all over the place. Next thing you know, moon will be. The man in the moon will have different eyes. That's what we'll say.

[Brady Bogan]

Can't say that right now.

[David Koechner]

Moon has round eye. It's American. You get those Chinese people up there, they'll start kicking that dirt around. Next thing you know, man of the moon's gonna look like the sun's in his eyes.

[Dick Toledo]

It's gonna be Chinaman black colored.

[David Koechner]

And his hair will have that big. Every eclipse it'll look like an eclipse. He's got that Chinaman black hair. Nobody. Not a natural color for us.

[Brady]

A study found humans feeding peanuts to squirrels makes their jaws weaker. Their heads flatter. Makes the squirrels.

[Brady Bogan]

I was gonna be more specific.

[Brady]

And heads flattered.

[Brady Bogan]

The grammatical error in that was that humans would shrink their heads if they fed the squirrel.

[Brady]

Really?

[Brady Bogan]

Say it again.

[Brady]

A study found humans feeding peanuts to squirrels. Makes their jaws weaker.

[Brady Bogan]

Yep.

[Brady]

And their heads.

[Brady Bogan]

The subject of the sentence is humans. When you go to there it references back to the subject. Oh God.

[Larry McFeely]

Please English teachers, please email.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm right.

[Larry McFeely]

I just want confirmation.

[Brady Bogan]

Science says that when humans feed squirrels, their heads get squished.

[Brady]

When they feed penis to squirrels.

[Brady Bogan]

Their heads. Whose heads?

[Brady]

They should say the squirrel's heads.

[Brady Bogan]

Yes.

[Brady]

All right.

[Brady Bogan]

Don't get mad at me because English is a thing.

[Dick Toledo]

Boy, what a dick.

[Brady]

Oh, what English dick.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, him. That's what I'm saying. I was not. I was trying to make you know, I was keeping you friend. It's impossible. My job's impossible. I was trying to keep you from looking like a dip. But it's impossible. My job.

[Brady]

Why try then?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, it's impossible because I don't want to be associated with with that type of diplomat. Science says when humans feed squirrels nuts, their Heads shrink. Well, no, it doesn't.

[Larry McFeely]

We should rename the show the jaws are weaker.

[Brady Bogan]

No, the squirrel's jaws. Squirrels are affected when you. So let me tell you.

[Brady]

The humans are feeding squirrels.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Brady]

And it weakens whose jaws? The ways eating the peanuts.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay, here comes your dip. Squirrels. You delivered the news that humans heads and jaws get weaker when they feed squirrels. That's what you said.

[Brady]

No, I did not.

[Brady Bogan]

Yes, you did. But you want everybody else to do the math at home because you're.

[Brady]

When I'm feeding a squirrel.

[Brady Bogan]

No, no, that's not what you said. You said whose jaw science is gonna get weaker. I don't know. According to you. The human. The way you said that sentence. The human's jaw and its head are affected when you feed it a squirrel. A peanut.

[Brady]

All right, well, I'm glad we cleared it up.

[Brady Bogan]

Of course we did. Because you mucked it up. I had to clear it up because you sounded like an idiot.

[Brady]

But you know why the peanuts make their jaws weaker?

[Brady Bogan]

Who? The human Softer?

[Brady]

No, the squirrels.

[Larry McFeely]

See, that's also information that could have.

[Brady Bogan]

Been done in the next.

[John Holmberg]

I was trying to get there.

[Brady Bogan]

You couldn't get there. Cuz you mucked up the information so badly. Whose hands were there? Look, if I was in school and the teacher said when humans feed squirrels peanuts, their heads and jaws get weaker, I'd be like, all right, take that note. I didn't know that. Don't feed squirrels. Nuts.

[Larry McFeely]

You're going to fail that test because.

[Brady Bogan]

The way that is said the human is the there to human. You can be mad, but both are correct.

[Brady]

Don't feed the squirrels.

[Brady Bogan]

Why? Humans don't feed squirrels because your head will shrink.

[Brady]

Their heads square and their jaws weaker. The squirrels.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay, you got to be clear with that. The way you said that both times made it seem like the humans were weakened by the peanut feeding.

[Brady]

That's your science news.

[Brady Bogan]

Now, I understand what you're saying. It's less likely to be true. Yeah, but when you sound like you've got an IQ of 11. I'm gonna help out with that. Ouch. I don't want you to be the dumb one because you do it all the time to the news.

[Brady]

Do you hear what that guy said?

[Brady Bogan]

It's been 20 years and you won't let George Lopez off the New England thing.

[Champ]

New England Patriots.

[Brady Bogan]

And so when you sound like a dipstick, people in the car going, moron. I don't want him to think that of you.

[Dick Toledo]

Well, Travis just said, I'm going to.

[Brady]

I'm Going to go forward this to the person who did the article.

[Brady Bogan]

You can if you'd like.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, Travis just said, thanks, Brady, I lost 69 IQ points listening to Satan.

[Brady Bogan]

To this slop fest.

[Larry McFeely]

And another one says, I regret to say that I was questioning whether it was human nuts or.

[Brady Bogan]

Because when you say it, you're like, what? It's a bad science thing. Visit Holmberg's morning sickness [e-mail] Holmberg's Morning Sickness. Science said your sentence sucked, Brady.

[Larry McFeely]

I don't know if you'll know.

[Brady]

Well, it didn't throw me off the first time I read it.

[Brady Bogan]

Right. And that's why I have to help.

[Brady]

Talking about squirrels? No, I'm talking about this morning.

[Brady Bogan]

You assumed I know and you assumed.

[Brady]

That I assume they're talking about the squirrels.

[Brady Bogan]

But when you read it out loud, what you said was, the human's heads and jaws are affected when they feed squirrels nuts.

[Brady]

You had a choice between.

[Brady Bogan]

The way sentences work are very clear. What you said was, technically, the humans were affected when they fed squirrels peanuts, which makes you seem kind of silly.

[Larry McFeely]

The guy says, brady, I don't know if you know this, but you are the human embodiment of the dangling modifier.

[John Holmberg]

There it is.

[Larry McFeely]

You do this all the time.

[Brady Bogan]

Yes. The dangling modifier brings you back to the subject with the wrong thing and it makes you say that the thing you were first talking about is what you're actually being is being affected. But what you mean is, I gotta.

[Brady]

Catch that next time.

[Larry McFeely]

Yeah, another one. Suspended modifier. Don't leave it hanging.

[Brady Bogan]

Yep. I don't remember that. I don't remember that's what it was called. But that's what it is when you bring two things to the party. But you made one clearly the subject. You can't bring it back to that.

[Brady]

Scientists better get it straight next.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, it's. Whoever wrote that, if you're reading it word for word, it's not your fault. But you have to catch that. It sounds crazy. That's not being an English dick. That's just speaking English. That's your Science News and Billionaire. Don't get mad at me.

[Brady]

Too late.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, mop it up then.

[Brady]

We got Princess. The New York subway.

[Dick Toledo]

I bet Vince's wife's baby daddy can.

[Brady Bogan]

Speak better English than Brady with the dangling modifier.

[Dick Toledo]

David Vasquez.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, of course it is. Get Brady a Snickers, he turns into an R word when he's hungry.

[Brady]

The MTA. The controls of New York subway lose 500 million a year. On people jumping over the turnstiles. So they now are implementing. Putting spikes on the handle.

[Brady Bogan]

Just low ceilings. I've. I've been able. You've been able to solve this for ages.

[Larry McFeely]

You can't jump over.

[Brady Bogan]

You bang your head. If you try to bounce over. Just. You gotta duck in.

[Brady]

So they. They didn't lower the ceilings. They put spikes on the handrails. They'll figure around that it's on basically one set. They're testing them out to see how much it will cut down in that area and if it works, more spikes.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm all for more spikes. More spikes for people who do dumb stuff.

[Brady]

Progresso is selling cough drops that taste like chicken noodle soup. They immediately sold out online when they announced it. Now they're selling two more batches next Thursday and the Thursday after that. And finally, congratulations to a couple of Swedish table tennis enthusiasts. Emil Olson and Frederik Nielsen, known as the spin duo, set a new record for the longest table tennis rally. You ready for this?

[Brady Bogan]

Sure.

[Brady]

13 hours, 37 minutes, and 6 seconds for one point.

[Brady Bogan]

A lot.

[Brady]

Yep.

[Brady Bogan]

And they're just. They're not doing, like, real.

[Larry McFeely]

They're not trying.

[Dick Toledo]

Get a life.

[Brady]

Sure. Crazy. It's just hitting it back and forth.

[Brady Bogan]

That's pretty good.

[Dick Toledo]

Get a life.

[Brady Bogan]

But get a life. And if that impresses you, you also need to get a life.

[Dick Toledo]

Hang yourself if that impresses you.

[Brady Bogan]

Go feed some squirrels, Flathead.

[Brady]

Weak jawed. Flathead.

[Brady Bogan]

Weak John. Flathead. You know what else will weaken your jaw? These nuts.

[Brady]

Brett's got the videos.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, you don't have any today.

[Brady]

He said he's gonna be loaded.

[Dick Toledo]

I'm not real loaded, but I should have some decent ones.

[Brady Bogan]

Here we go. Brett's Friday.

[Dick Toledo]

Hang on a second.

[David Koechner]

We won't even be able to call the moon moon face anymore because the Chinese will be mad at us. Can't even use that phrase. Keep them off my moon.

[Brady Bogan]

All right, here we go.

[Brady]

I didn't know we had six flags up there.

[Brady Bogan]

I didn't either. We're gonna put one every time. What? We're dropping something into a weird little. Is that a poop box? It's a middle Eastern poop box. It's a hole in the ground. They've got, like, a ladle. For some reason, their poop looks like the inside of a pumpkin.

[Dick Toledo]

It's curry.

[Brady Bogan]

Yes. Essentially, that's just a porta John. In the middle east, it's always got a bowl. I don't like this at all. Oh, he's coming out of the rice no, this is a bad Middle Eastern Tony Romas. He just went to the bathroom with a meal and he's coming out with a bowl. Oh, is it feces? Is this dude about to eat that? Brad, I don't like that. There's so much bar left on this. It's like a four minute video.

[David Koechner]

Oh, he put a spoon in it.

[Brady]

Got a ladle.

[Brady Bogan]

There's rice and whatever. He. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

[Brady]

There's a guy that's pretty rich.

[Larry McFeely]

That's peanut butter.

[Brady Bogan]

Looks like refried beans and.

[Larry McFeely]

Oh, no, I think it's rice.

[Brady Bogan]

No, don't. Oh, there's a guy with his back turns. He's walking up to him with the spoon.

[Brady]

No idea.

[Brady Bogan]

That's a wife. It's his wife.

[David Koechner]

And it smells.

[Brady]

I think she does know, but that's all.

[Brady Bogan]

Their food smells like that, to be fair. Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

I don't know what the problem is.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, this is just like walking into an Indian restaurant. So it doesn't really matter. You're going to smell the same things. Half time. I think you're eating out of a Porta John. Oh, God. Yeah, she. She knows that this is.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, she's already puking.

[Brady Bogan]

This is sew ladle. Is she being punished?

[Brady]

If you want to stay here.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, if you want to live in this house, you have to eat my cooking. Oh, she just threw up. Put that in the mix. Throw that in the bowl. She's Chinese or something. Okay, this has taken forever, and it's just the suspense is killing me. Does she eventually choke this down? She's got brand new pumas on.

[Brady]

Those are nice.

[Brady Bogan]

She just made them. Brett says she just made them. I don't even care about the poop anymore. Her handmade pumas. She just made them. And you know what? She made them wrong. And that's why she's got to eat this. Oh, she's pretty, too. Like, this is. She's choking that down. Come on, Big vomit after, of course, because it's not natural. This video's half over.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, here's quick.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, he's feeding another. Another one who made bad pumas. He takes a quick bite. That's punishment for making those Marshalls irregulars.

[Brady]

Look how square his head is from eating that.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, he's feeding those squirrels. He's got a flathead. You make another Irigger. Now I have to make a tag of, say, irregular Marshall. All right, he's happy about this. There's too many people eating. Yeah, sewer poop.

[Brady]

I'm not buying it.

[Brady Bogan]

Go ahead. And don't buy it.

[Larry McFeely]

You're not buying it.

[David Koechner]

And that's why those people can't go to our moon now.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, you know, some of the. Some of the ladies out there, they're always like, no, size doesn't matter. I think in this case, it does.

[Larry McFeely]

Oh, no.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay, so we got one girl performing an oral favor on another and their butts in the air. And across the way, some dude sitting on the couch masturbating with something he's injected into his genitals that makes it look human zucchini. Like a. Like double Pringles can. And now he's trying to do things to her. And while you can't go in that one, you gotta at least go in the baby maker. You can't start there. Oh, this looks like a. This looks like a human centipede with. Oh, my goodness. That is.

[Larry McFeely]

That looks like. That's looks like he's carrying a rose.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, it looks like a pink air duct. Like a. Like, AC work. And he is trying real hard to get that in there. It's about the size of. Oh, my God. Oh, he's putting it in the baby makers. Uncle, my dick. I'm not comfortable with that. All right, turn that off. That's.

[Brady]

It's not working.

[Brady Bogan]

Does he get it in there? He doesn't seem affected at all. The other one seems to still be enjoying it.

[Larry McFeely]

Yeah, that does seem.

[Brady Bogan]

All right. I don't know what that was. What is he injecting in there? Silica? He made it?

[Dick Toledo]

I think so. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

It was pretty well rounded out. It wasn't lumpy or anything fat.

[Dick Toledo]

Now, remember last year when the. The thing of the year was snorting the stuff up? Bailey thinks we might have found the next one.

[Brady Bogan]

The trend for 2025.

[Dick Toledo]

Possibly, yes.

[Brady Bogan]

All right. Okay. All right. This guy's got his.

[David Koechner]

Oh, wow.

[Brady Bogan]

All right. I've never seen that before. Where. All right. I don't even know how to describe that. Your scrotum. Your scrotum goes in someone's behind.

[Dick Toledo]

Yes.

[Brady Bogan]

And then she kind of ping pongs them out, makes a weird noise.

[Dick Toledo]

All right, so here you go. Here's the.

[Brady Bogan]

All right. Here's the full. Here's the diy.

[David Koechner]

All right.

[Brady Bogan]

He takes those d. This makes her head flatter because she's getting fed nuts. Oh, it's in German or Russian or something. And he manages to get both of them. And then.

[Dick Toledo]

But now he's going to town.

[Brady Bogan]

And then watch. Oh, wow. He's working. Okay. All right. And then she's got to work the other thing.

[Dick Toledo]

She's putting in some work.

[Brady Bogan]

He says, push. And they came out. That's how they come out.

[Dick Toledo]

And then here was the.

[Brady Bogan]

And again, like a Pringles can. It's the same noise when you stick it into the bottom too far and you gott.

[Dick Toledo]

And then here's the. Here's the other one.

[Brady Bogan]

Whoa. Okay. Oh, here's a guy with explosive water in his butt, and he's hitting a lady.

[Brady]

Kid's.

[Brady Bogan]

They gave him a enema of some sort of just water and.

[Larry McFeely]

Got to protect that par floor, John.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, it's like being at the old Boston Garden. Man, he's just peeing on her from the behind. Oh. Who raised these people? What in the world? Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh. All right, I'll do it.

[Larry McFeely]

But don't show my face.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, yeah. No face, boy. Is that it? That's it. Thanks for that. Well, we'll show. We'll show Champ these videos. Champ, will come in here from anchorman. David Koechner's coming in. Todd Packer from the office would like those videos. I'm not so. Champ might like those, too.

[Larry McFeely]

You think?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, I don't think David will. David Koechner joins us in just a little bit. There goes your Brady report, everybody. Don't feed the squirrels. It's 98. It's Anakin troll now.